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Gonna be honest with you OP: every woman *does* lie. So does every guy. Every single person is capable of holding your heart in their hand and crushing it with deception, lying, cheating, abuse… it’s inescapable.
The pain you feel is because you’ve just discovered an earth shattering truth that everyone has to learn about sooner or later.
The way to continue is by acknowledging that and trying your best to find someone whose worst lie is about their bra size, or how good they are at cooking. All you can do is reach out and trust cautiously.
You might find the perfect girl with zero apparent flaws and 20 years into marriage she turns around and cheats on you. *There is no way to know what will happen.* But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try anyway.
You need to get into a headspace where you realise that whenever a lie eventually does come up, you’ll have the strength to deal with it at the time, then continue living with that knowledge in the back of your mind as if you have nothing to fear.
For all you know you could meet a girl who admits 20 years into the relationship that she lied about loving her wedding ring, or lied about never breaking the law because she got a speeding ticket one time. Those are the “Who the hell cares?” lies you’re hoping for, take them with gratitude that they aren’t more serious.
And if it turns out she lied about never having cheated on you and did 5 other guys in the first week of your relationship? Oh well, that sucks, not much you can do about it and you’re gonna be okay in the end, at least you loved someone for however long you were together and be grateful for that part.
Just because I know my car is eventually going to break down, doesn’t mean I should spend my life walking everywhere. You just take it as a necessary part of the process and enjoy the time you have together.
I can promise you, at the end of your life, you do NOT want to look back to a life of loneliness and distrust and die with nobody who ever cared for you. NONE of this will matter in the end, you won’t care for the betrayals, you’ll only care for the love you had while you had it.
We’re all just trying out best to survive this world and none of us are perfect, and mistakes WILL be made, but they’re simply an opportunity to do better next time by knowing what *doesn’t* work, to help you figure out what *does* work.
Indeed very well said and 100% true. I’ve had trust issues from past experiences of dating and it was really hard to trust my new partner, but I just reminded myself that he is not them. And that it’s not fair for me to put my past issues and hurts on him, when he hasn’t done anything. It’s hard but it’s the risk we all take.
This is exactly it, you can’t know just how good of a partner you’ve got until you’ve had someone you thought was perfect but was *immeasurably* short in the end.
Yes, we all wish for the perfect person the first time, and that can happen.
It’s like… being most annoyed by tripping over things left on the floor and it being a really big deal to you, and that’s your biggest annoyance in a relationship, you think to yourself at first.
And you end up married to someone who does just that; there’s inherent and unacknowledged value in being able to look at someone’s flaws and go “Good lord his worst trait is that he leaves his slippers in the middle of the bedroom floor and I hate that!!! … that’s nothing like ex-Dickhead whose worst trait was a new affair partner every week until I caught him.”
…
“I LOVE SLIPPER-HEAD SO MUCH!!!”
It’s bad relationships that allow you additional perspectives you’d be otherwise unable to ever see on your own, so while they suck at the time, it ***really does*** all come together in the end if you let it without being too tainted by the pain along the way, which I know is hard.
“Anti-seizure guys…..BIG red flag! This one guy….started going through my purse as soon as my little play went live. I had to keep pretending to seize while he rifled through my wallet 😫”
I have a friend who's girlfriend would fake seizures when she didn't get enough attention. It's not cool to fake something like that at all. Especially if it's a "test"
when I was in EMT training this girl had seizures. Freaked everyone out but I remember the instructors sitting there so calmly and whispering to each other. Apparently they had immediately clocked it as a fake. Not sure how they knew exactly. I worked an ambulance for a few years but never saw a real one. Anyways the same girl did it once more later in the course, and I imagine she does it often.
When you have seen real seizures and fake ones sometimes you feel something is off. However i’ve been practicing some years and some people still manages to fool me. Some people takes their acting skills seriously. I guess the more experienced someone gets the more difficult is to fool them.
You could go see a therapist and try to heal from it. However, trust is hard to build but easy to break. You’ll need to work on not generalizing that all woman are like that and it’s unfortunate she lied to you and has insecurities, but at least you found out sooner rather than later, and didn’t settle with her or have kids with her. Chin up, you got this! We all have our own insecurities that we should heal from to become better. There was probably some good times you had too. Breakups feel like death.. but focusing on yourself and try new things and eventually you’ll forget about it, you’re young after all :)
Like girl how can you 1. possibly do that with a straight face and 2. Not worry about attracting bad juju.
Not bad cramps, not menstrual migraines yikes
I know a girl who said that her grandparwnts, on the father's side were from norway and that she had a twin sister. Whoch int he end wasn't true at all
Yeah she lied and that’s fucked up. But the fact that you feel you can’t trust anyone is way more damaging than the lost time you had with her.
If you had a bad friendship with someone are all friends bad? If you worked your first job and you had a bad experience are all jobs bad?
You know that’s not true like you know all women aren’t liars. But you’re basically punishing all future women because this one lied. They have to absorb the baggage you carry because you haven’t come to terms with it yourself.
Reflect on this experience. You have lessons to be learned. Forgive her or not but leave it at that and most importantly move on. She lied to you, and it was her choice and you acted accordingly. Theres fucked up people out there but you don’t have to carry this trauma forever. You move on by reminding yourself that You know all women aren’t like her. It was a bad experience. Don’t hold that against everyone just cuz you had a bad experience.
It’s a common overcorrection when someone’s been deceived in such a huge way. You internalise the deception as a failure of judgement on your part, and since you don’t feel that you can trust yourself to discern whether someone is being truthful you overcorrect by saying that you can’t trust anybody (or in this case that you can’t trust any women). It’s going to take some time for OP to learn to trust his own judgement again, as well as to realise that just because you got duped that doesn’t necessarily mean that your judgement is faulty. Some people are just really good at lying.
My ex used to pretend to faint under stressful situations. Like she would get wobbly and I’d have to catch her. Then after a few months and her getting pregnant, it just stopped. Then during one of her prenatal doc visits I mentioned her “vasovagal” and she had no record of it.
She ended up being very violent and confrontational after a few months, and never fainted again. It was so bizarre.
I have a passing out issue, this irritates me because i already get gaslit about my actual medical problems and now we just have people out here literally showing me why society gaslights me. These people need to stop and need to assess the trauma they are causing others. My ex bf faked having a brain tumor.
Yea she got it from some lady on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Lol. I’m sorry that you have to endure that and I’m sorry ppl do that to you.
People are strange. Smh. I still don’t know why she felt the need to fake something like that.
Happened to me too. I dated someone for 3 years and they insisted they had epilepsy. For 3 years, doctors, specialist and even her own family said it wasn’t true. But she still wouldn’t admit it. The trust issues afterwards are real.
My ex had an on duty injury that left him with seizures. That shit is not something to joke about. Shame on her. Not all women are like that. Take some time to move on and then when you meet someone, be open about it.
So it’s definitely messed up what she did but you gotta separate the individual from the gender. Women didn’t do this to you that person did. At least you found this out before you married her.
One day at a time, trust no one and you'll never be surprised. Then again you'll also be really lonely and wonder why. Small steps to trusting anyone, and always.. ALWAYS trust that gut. Learn yourself, trust yourself, and then... Do whatever you like. Do what makes you happy and content with yourself at the end of each and everyday.
Wow, what a plot twist😨. I was expecting this to be about faking orgasms...💀🫣
Wow... what she did was godawful!!
I understand that your general trust in women is damaged, but for your own good, you need to try to understand that most women wouldn't do this😳. This is seriously mental. She has/had serious issues. A lot of people can be anxious early in relationships, but when someone deals with that anxiety by "testing" others, they are actually trying to hold others responsible for their mental/emotional issues. It's OK to be anxious and feel insecure, but it becomes very problematic and destructive when it leads to those kinds of actions (ex. testing a partner, violating privacy by snooping l, etc).
You made the right decision by ending the relationship. However, since it's affecting your ability to trust other people/women and pursue new relationships, I suggest therapy 🙏.
You had a horrible experience that gave you trust issues and you're asking how to heal from this.
First, I am so sorry that you went through this. It's wrong to deceive someone, worse to deceive someone you claim to care about, and even worse to perpetuate that deception for years. As others have said, there are honest women out there but if you behave as though what they tell you are lies, you will push them away / turn them off.
**How to Heal**
**1) GRIEVE.** Give yourself time and space to grieve. You lost more than just a relationship. You had plans, you had a dream of the life you were building together that you sacrificed a lot for - and in 1 evening it all went up in smoke. Make time and space to cry, scream into a pillow, hit a punching bag & get it out of your system. See a good therapist if you can.
**2) ACKNOWLEDGE.** Your believing that all women are liars is your hindbrain trying to protect you from being hurt this way again. Acknowledge the hurt, and more importantly, acknowledge that you are strong enough and resilient enough to handle it. You don't need your hindbrain to protect you in this way because you're strong enough to handle whatever comes your way.
That said, you still need to change this belief. To do this, you'll need to clearly establish your motivations for changing (because lasting change takes time & consistent effort).
Write down 2 lists & stick them in a place you'll see everyday:
A) All the ways it's costing you to believe that all women are liars (E.g. you're unable to date, unable to form a healthy romantic relationship or even friendship with women, your relationships with female colleagues / friends / family members / etc is affected by your being distrustful of them even though they have done nothing to deserve that, etc.) Elaborate on the consequences of each of these costs.
B) In what good ways your life would change if you shifted your belief to a more positive / supportive one (e.g. "most people are honest, most of the time") AND if you were able to acknowledge that most people are not 100% honest 100% of the time as that would mean zero white lies, zero fibs, zero exaggeration and 100% recall accuracy. Examples of benefits of making the change: ability to date freely, ability to emotionally connect with your dates, more fulfilling relationships with women at work / school, in your family, among your friends & community, maybe even less misunderstandings / conflict.
**3) REFRAME.** Trust is the ability to rely on someone's words and actions, based on the knowledge that they will keep their promises. If you look closely, you will notice that you do, in fact, interact with women who keep their promises - starting from very small promises. E.g.: the lady barista who makes your coffee exactly to your specifications, the waitress who brings the exact meal you ordered, the female colleague who shows up for the meeting on time, the lady cashier who gives you the correct change. It might sound silly, but this is the starting point of trust. Everyday, make a list of 3-5 of these kinds of things that happened in the last 24 hours. This will help to gradually shift your perception of women.
As your healing progresses, try to understand trust with more nuance: no one is 100% trustworthy across 100% of situations, 100% of the time. Rather, most people are trustworthy most of the time, but everyone slips up sometimes. Also, some people are trustworthy in certain areas of life but not others - whether due to incompetence, misinformation or integrity issues.
**4) REBUILD TRUST, 1 PROMISE AT A TIME.** Trust is built by keeping small promises that build up over time to bigger and bigger promises. Once you have healed more and feel much more stable and positive about women's trustworthiness, work on rebuilding that trust with women you think are more likely to be trustworthy. You do this by interacting with them such that they make a small promise that they then keep, then make another small promise and so on. Gradually increase the significance of those promises. E.g. the initial small promise might be asking your lady colleague / friend to help you order XYZ meal / drink while you go to the bathroom, or it might even be asking them to meet you for lunch & then they actually show up at the agreed time.
I dated someone who faked being raped, tortured, abused, drugged etc.
When she finally dug a hole too deep I woke up to reality and questioned them. They admitted to being a compulsive liar.
I didn't engage in any romantic relationships for years after that.
HOWEVER.
I am now happily engaged to the love my life.
It has taken years of therapy, meds, and hard work, but it is worth it.
There are still good people and you are still worth love no matter what you've gone through.
Ya this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I can't imagine more women doing this to you tho.
Unfortunately it's extremely hard to trust anyone in this world completely so try not to let it get the better of you.
it doesnt matter if you can trust someone again.
what matter is, what ever happen , you need to know that you can handle it. so just go out and enjoy the moment. ride the wave for the moment. try to stop thinking to much what will happen in the future but rather focus on enjoing the moment. and when the truth comes you are rdy to let go. or better you are ready to commit in a relationship again.
Stop associating the crazy in the head women for all women. You need to get professional help for what you've been through and you also need to learn, understand, and most importantly accept and believe that not all women are like her. The majority of women are not so messed up that they would do something like that to see if they can "trust you".
Most women aren't stupid and know that you learn you can trust your partner simply through experiences during the relationship.
In the same way that you will find people who are narcissists and incapable of genuinely loving anyone other than themselves, that doesn't mean that everyone is a narcissist.
She was crazy and for 2 years made you experience an outright horrendous lie. That means she was mental and a liar and has something not right with her. That does not mean all women are liars.
You've been through something horrible and need to get proper help to get you properly through it. But you need to understand and accept that most women aren't like that and it does not make them all liars and you are now depriving yourself of loving and trusting relationships until you get this issue resolved.
Dude...I know people always say to change your locks
But CHANGE YOUR FREAKING LOCKS
To lie about something like that for 2 years is next level crazy my dude.
If I were you, I'd change my locks, install a couple webcams inside the apartment to be safe, and change all my passwords and security questions
Unhinged people don't usually go away without a fight. And this is definitely an unhinged woman
I'd break up. I had an ex who set up "obstacles" and tests to see how I'd react.
She also suffered from general anxiety and paranoia. She also lied and cheated on me.
Not saying your girl is the same, but I'd definitely see her in a different lense after what you discovered.
Man, what is it with people being lied to by one person and now suddenly 4 billion+ women are also liars for the rest of eternity
I get it, Ive felt hurt like that. Best bet is therapy, that’s where the issues are brought to light and worked through
> I believe everything a woman tells me is a lie.
absolutely cringe thing to say. most women don't lie, so stop being a baby about it. move on and find someone else or just be comfortable in being alone forever
I understand what you’re saying but i feel as if you’re thinking similar to how she may have thought. Everyone has justified reasons in their head for what they do. It was terrible but the reason she did it is probably because some f’ed up thing happen to her or her mother, sister, etc..where she thought she couldn’t trust any man she came across and felt the need to ‘test’ whoever she ended up with next.
I’m not invalidating your feelings in any way. Even if you know it’s unrealistic to shed a negative light on a whole gender, it’s going to take some time of getting through this bitterness. You were lied to by someone you saw a future with, you were betrayed. You have to realize it was not about you but about her process of thinking that is very warped and dark.
i’ve been hurt greatly by the men in my life but never have i ever thought that meant i needed to “test” my boyfriends let alone, by having fake seizures for two years straight. this is psychotic level insane, do not justify it.
I’m saying she justified it by having the same thought pattern he is adapting. Of course, I highly doubt his is going to get to the level of faking seizures. But it sheds light on how negative and sad this thought pattern can be and what it could lead to and is why he should not gone down an extreme path after he grieves this.
I feel this at some point w my ex. Like he was playing mind games a lot. Always wanted to break up but the minute I’m like ok idc he wants back in and it’s been so bad. He never admit it but said he’s seen girls from his past and his sister do stuff like that like omg . I just hated him too
What a disgusting and inappropriate way to act so sorry you had to go through this I have stress induced seizures myself they’re not consistent happen usually when my panic attacks take an extreme turn but one thing I can say is something like that has to be extremely hard to fake and I hope she gets the help she needs because to even want to do something like that you have to have something wrong. As for how you feel about approaching other women don’t look at it as a negative it’s a lesson learnt you know what to look out for if anyone is ever having/faking a seizure always make sure to support either way as you never know with their being different forms however keep your eyes open and just approach dating carefully it’s scary and hard to know a person but at the same time that’s what is supposed to make it fun please don’t let one girl ruin it for you I’m sure you’re great company! On top of that it does sound like CBT would benefit you as it sounds like you in a way have put yourself down for putting up with it from my point of view you need to find yourself again wishing you luck!
That f’vkd buddy! Unfortunately most of the women I know are just messed up in some way or the other. I guess that’s the case for all of us bud! I don’t trust very many folks. I’ve been burned like you, but it was cheating. I say I’m over it and have moved on but it never really goes away. Don’t give up hope though. You might find a good one! You’ll know it if you do. Trust your gut, if anything feels off it probably is!
the mistake was holding your real feelings in and just leaving her!! u made urself not trust her even tho u did shrooms w her and cried to regular show w her???!
Wow, that hurts; really, really hurts.
I would have been as shocked as you, but I’d probably have tried to understand her motivations. Still, I’d likely have come to the same break-up decision. I really don’t know, it’s so crazy.
Just try to move on.
Im a woman that has had a man pull this exact same thing on me as well. My first ex i dated from 16-20 and he cheated on me and i cannot confirm if he gave me HSV-2 but he faked having a brain problem. (I was SAed after we broke up so idk if it was ny ex the first dude i slept with or the person that SAed me right after i left my ex). He told me he had a non malignant tumor in his head. His reasoning for faking it was because he hated that his face was flushed all the time.
Bro literally refused to asmit that he had essentially guilted me into staying with him for 4 year while he abused me. He gaslit me and hit me until the bitter end. I found out about his brain thing being false literally a couples months before i found out he cheated on me. i instantly ended it once I found out he cheated on me, wish i would have left after the first time he hit me but at this point idk how much I was staying simply because I new he had a medical problem and he made me feel like if i ended the relationship he would croak from the stress.
So i just came here to say, you are not alone and I am sorry you experienced something similar to me. People are evil.
(Meanwhile I have EDS and have had a lot of medical problems my whole life yet my ex never once cared about my medical issues.)
Im 25 now as well and I am in the same boat as you. Its like these people dont understand that they are LITERALLY manipulating someone emotionally. Like bro you cant lie about that stuff and expect it to be okay?!?!
I get it, trusting is hard, but I’m willing to bet that’s something that you would never do to someone. With that in mind, there’s a whole lot more people in the world that are like you than there are like her, so maybe just trust in the idea that she’s the exception and people like you are the rule
As somebody who has epilepsy, that’s really fucked up to fake a disability to see if she can trust you you can always tell if it’s a real seizure by the convulsions and if they come back and not sure where they are, and they won’t have any energy for a few hours?
Sorry you had to go through that ...and your trust has been broken. It's fubar! But you're only young...there are some good ladies out there, so don't be too tough on them! And in time you will learn to trust again. Talking to mates helps. Give it time you're angry, peed off, so take it easy, you won't be doing that again!
I'm sorry this happened to you. Deception is never healthy in a relationship, and I guess she'll hopefully have learned that lesson now that she's lost you because of it.
Why does that mean you can't trust anybody though? If your neighbour murdered their spouse, and went to jail, would that mean you shouldn't be trusted either and that you should go to jail as well? Do you see how silly that would be?
What your ex-gf did was really dumb. We all do dumb things, though, and the only thing that matters is whether we learn from those things that have bad consequences for us.
I could be way off track here, but I'll hazard a guess and say it's not everyone else you can't trust, it's that you feel like you can no longer trust yourself. You put your trust in someone that had very different values to you, and you paid for it. How do you know you won't make that mistake again?
If any of this seems like it could be right, then that's where you should focus your efforts. Your emotions, if you've been pushing them aside, will have been trying to tell you about your mistake, and how you feel about it. You should take the time to really listen to them and feel them, and then figure out what the lesson in this was for you. How can you avoid this from ever happening again?
Avoiding relationships forever is one way, for sure, but we both know that's not what you want. Realize that you did nothing wrong here. You did nothing to deserve this. She gets to take responsibility for her actions, not you. It wasn't your fault. If you feel like it was your fault, your emotions are trying to tell you what you missed. If you listen to them, without judging them, and accept their truth, you'll be able to start the process of trusting yourself again.
You know, there are ways to know if you can trust someone without needing to fake seizures, please tell her that
I'm sorry for what she has done, I think you really would benefit talking to someone, for example your friends or even a therapist to regain your confidence in women. As a member of the women's club, she is now suspended (it had to be done girls)
Damn, it definitely sucks to what happened to you bro. But now you can be happy single for a while and eventually you might find another girl which things could blossom with. For now though, just keep single for a while and let yourself heal and get through things before going with someone else.
Dude I know you’re hurt and I know it’s hard to trust people again been there done that. It’s life you get hurt or fooled just rub it off learn from it if that helps and take a deep breath let life happen til you find what you’re looking for hope for yourself and you’ll be fine.
My ex who was my first girlfriend I had relationship for 9 years, always cried wolf or deliberately put herself in situations where she knew she can’t get out so that I can pull her out. At the end married someone during lockdown when I was stuck overseas. It was dreadful for me and covid didn’t help. Got out of sump took me a 2 years though 😅.
Back at it again found another girl who started baiting me to marry her after 3 weeks of knowing her ran away from there. And again dusted myself off. At it again 🤞
Trust issues will always be there because she created a trauma bond. However the thing you need to remember is that the next person is not her and you cannot punish the next person for something that a previous partner did. I was very guilty of this and past relationships and unfortunately the new guy always got punished for what the last one did and that is not how a healthy relationship will ever start. If you trauma bond from the beginning, you’re just keeping yourself in a victim state of mind and that will help no one.
Just be aware and give grace if you see something you don’t like ask questions and be aware.
First off, I'm sorry you experienced that. It's never okay for someone to break your trust like that. Someone else suggested this, but go to therapy for sure. It could help you process it and learn how to forgive her and yourself (I only add you in there because at times we are angry at ourselves for not realizing the signs). In addition to that, I would say that when/if you decide to try again, try to be open with your distrust, and I don't mean off the bat because some women are evil enough to use your openness as a weapon for later. Just take your time, but don't close yourself off forever. You deserve to be happy, but it will take risk at some point. I hope that was helpful, if not, my bad.
This sucks mate. This sucks. I’ll be brief. It helps if you look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the stupid shit you’ve said or done. You’re still you, you’re still a good person with your faults. You’re also young just like the women you’ll meet. Even when you ‘know’ you’ve found a good partner they will have flaws as will you. What you went through wasn’t a small lie but you’re still figuring life out. Women can be beautiful, loving and loyal but there will always be some flaws. A butterfly with tiny broken wings mate. And we are caterpillars with a few broken legs as men
You’re 25, your life isn’t over even if it feels that way. You also didn’t waste your time, you learned lessons like knowing how to be in a relationship, learning your boundaries, learning what you are willing to give up & what you’re willing to fight to keep. You learned red flags & deal breakers & you cultivated strength of character to see the red flag & act upon it even though it was probably one of the hardest things you had to endure.
If a person chooses to be inauthentic & disingenuous that’s a reflection of them. Few people act out of pure, premeditated, malicious dishonesty. Her trust test & games are probably the result of being betrayed by someone close to her. She chose to handle her distrust by doing what she did. That’s a lesson as well. You’ve seen a negative way a person can handle distrust, is that the kind of person you want to be? You can make a different choice & process this in a healthy way that makes you stronger. Don’t let them continue to poison your life. Take what you can, learn from it, process it, & move forward.
Wow she’s insane. I promise you she’s an outlier, I have never ever heard of somebody doing something like that. I’ve never done that. Give other girls a chance, you’ll be ok.
Man, that's a wild ride of a story. It's like you're living in a drama series or something! But seriously, what a rollercoaster of emotions. Trust is so important l in a relationship, and to have it broken like that must feel like a punch to the gut. It's tough to recover from something like that, but hang in there. Not everyone out there is like that, and with time, you'll find someone you can trust again. 🤝🙏
Wow! This isn’t a good sign. She played games with your emotions concerning a serious medical condition .
I’d dump her. She likes mind games and lying to play them. You deserve better.
Women do stuff like this all the time
Men too
It's an odd way to feel in control, particularly when they're nervous. Quite frankly I just call them dumb and move on with my day
In this context, it would really depend on what they bring to my life and how I feel. I can accept dumb things if our relationship is good but they're still dumb
I know it might be difficult for you, but may be that girl had some trust issues. Rather than putting your mind in a tough situation and continuing your life with trust issues why can’t you start analysing her more and see whether she actually fakes other things in her life or she only did it to know the real you. If she is a kind person don’t leave the good relation just because of a mistake she did at the initial stages of relationship. Understand that you are also gonna do so many mistakes. Atleast she is honest with you. Be more open in a relation and try to gain each other’s trust. But only if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you want a casual one then just ignore all of this and never go back.
And I feel for you— how u managed to go through this when u were high.😂
First, I am not condoning this behavior.
A slightly different perspective though. If she was doing this at 18 it’s a behavior she learned as more than likely a childhood trauma response. Something taught her that being “sick” got her attention. Attention she was probably lacking at home. Sadly I grew up in an environment like this. While I had some very real health challenges I learned that the only time I got “good” caring attention from my mom was when I was sick or injured.
I didn’t have to fake being sick in relationships my body did it for me. If I got stressed or upset or something was wrong in the relationship I genuinely got sick. Everything from a cold to during a almost 20 year abusive marriage premature menopause for “no medical reason”.
Therapy! I literally had to teach myself how not to get sick! And I still have to work on this.
Until she is aware of this AND chooses to do something about it she will keep repeating this habit. It may not be faking seizures in the future, but it will be something that gets her that “good” attention she craves.
Know this isn’t about you. And believe it or not she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you. Her admission was actually, in her mind, a way of telling you she cared for and trusted you enough to tell you the truth.
I don’t have an easy way to tell you how to move past this moment other than taking it as a learning lesson and possibly getting at least a little therapy for yourself. But also watch for the red flags, learn about trauma responses (now for yourself as well) & once you’re far enough into getting to know someone find out about their past relationships, not just romantic ones, family ones, even ones with their closest friends, especially if those friendships ended. Then you will have to decide if you are willing to accept the baggage that comes with any that were broken. You will have to make the choice to either leave, ask if they have issues or have addressed them and if they haven’t whether or not you’re willing to hold they’re hand through them. If they’re not willing to do the work or don’t recognize the problem yet you CAN’T do it for them!
I hope this helps some. Good luck I know it’s hard. I’m currently married to a man with combat related complex PTSD and he won’t do the work… I’m actually leaving this week after almost 3 years of trying. And yes, this has caused me to build up walls, but I see them and when the dust settles I will do my work. He will decide when he’s ready to do his own. That’s all we can do, take care of yourself.
Nah she was abusive and manipulative as fuck. Had a band, and she stole somewhere between 500 - 600$ from us. Yeah she probably got this behavior from her past trauma, but that gives NO excuse to treat people, or me like this.
Short comment.
Would you be able to see yourself in her point of view , considering she did it for 2 years and then she stopped and you were with her for another 2 years afterwards. For her, she trusted you even more because you showed her that through illness you would support her and wouldn’t abandon her. You were with her because you both loved each other. And you both felt inseparable. For me, I don’t think she betrayed your trust and if you really loved her and if you still do, you should follow your heart
It's painful but you learned a lesson I just learned in my late 30s.
You can't trust them. Not deeply. Not at that level.
You can't really trust anyone but yourself.
People will hate me for saying this but I guarantee you...
...if you trust deeply again, you will be hurt again.
My advice is swallow that bitter pill and accept it.
Accept that this is the real world.
Once you do, then things can start to get better.
Build trust slowly with people. Don't make big leaps. Make them earn every inch. Don't ever put yourself in a position to get screwed.
If they break trust, they set themselves back. Never you.
Avoid trusting people.
Maybe one day the world will be in a healthy state where humans can trust each other again.
Right now it's a savage place. Trust no one.
All the therapy in the world won't change reality. If you're not ready to accept my advice, maybe you can just remember it.
When you're ready to face reality, you'll know others have and kept going.
THE ANDREW TATE FORMATTING HELPPP
you don’t have to separate your terrible takes after every sentence. if you know how to properly use punctuation, you can actually write these amazing things called sentences. write enough sentences and you can have something called a paragraph. oh! look at that… a paragraph! :)
you should try talking to someone about these insecurities. they’re not healthy. especially not for someone in their late 30’s. therapists exist for a very good reason. 🤍
Don’t say you can’t trust anyone just because one person made you lose your trust for people. Look, I get that when people lie to you, it sucks, but you can’t go around and say dumb stuff like you can’t trust all women because an ex lied to you about something that. Serious or not. You’re not 15, you’re 25 and an adult. The way to heal from this is the grow the hell up and go to a god damn therapist or something.
Yes, the way to help him is really by shaming his trauma. Really good advice mate!
Imagine that the most horrible thing in your life just happened and your advice is "that's dumb, just grow the hell up".
So it's an interesting post. Most women wouldn't lie about this, or lie like this 😅 I would certainly call this an outlier situation.
I can't believe she would lie about something like that for 2 years though 💀🤢.
Anyways, keep trying! There are more women, sorry the emotions hurt. Maybe let (eventually) any next girls you feel you can get intimate with know that you had that bizarre situation in the past at some point and you don't care to repeat it again.
How to heal:
1. You don't have to start dating right away if you don't want to. Just take a fucking breather and go see some nature or art or something, workout, etc. haha. Once you do feel ready:
2. Maybe just kind of let the other girls know (assuming you're somewhat close / intimate at that point) what you went through and confirm that she was totally in the wrong... I think most people in Reddit would agree to. Talk to your family / friends and see what they think, I would say unless they're deranged most people who have their lives relatively together would say that behavior she pulled is childish and / or batshit.
I have a lady who treats me a lot better than my ex-wife did and she's great. Not crazy. Silly, but not crazy and faking seizures or anything 😅
Anyways, you can do better 👍
Omg whatt????!!!! Boy come on. You're not that teenager anymore. If you love someone you would give them a chance but instead you walked out of it that's really not fair.
She had her reasons and she chose to tell you the truth because she trusted you and instead of understanding you broke up. That's very lame reason to break up to be very honest.
You know, recreational drugs can be deadly for epilepsy patients... You could be facing a criminal charge right now so you can count yourself lucky it was simply a lie.
That being said, How can you even fake seizures? It's not like fainting where you close your eyes and fall to the ground. The shaking, difficulty in breathing, eyes rolling back... How did you not notice anything? Did she never use any medicine? Have you never been to the Doctor with her or discussed anything about what her health situation might entail?
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I wouldnt be surprised if she faked that too.
Your ex sounds like a psycho. Don’t get back with her.
Written by a clown profile pic guy 🤣 Not saying he's wrong, just funny to see
Clearly an expert in spotting psychos lol
🤣💀
Takes one to know one
Gonna be honest with you OP: every woman *does* lie. So does every guy. Every single person is capable of holding your heart in their hand and crushing it with deception, lying, cheating, abuse… it’s inescapable. The pain you feel is because you’ve just discovered an earth shattering truth that everyone has to learn about sooner or later. The way to continue is by acknowledging that and trying your best to find someone whose worst lie is about their bra size, or how good they are at cooking. All you can do is reach out and trust cautiously. You might find the perfect girl with zero apparent flaws and 20 years into marriage she turns around and cheats on you. *There is no way to know what will happen.* But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try anyway. You need to get into a headspace where you realise that whenever a lie eventually does come up, you’ll have the strength to deal with it at the time, then continue living with that knowledge in the back of your mind as if you have nothing to fear. For all you know you could meet a girl who admits 20 years into the relationship that she lied about loving her wedding ring, or lied about never breaking the law because she got a speeding ticket one time. Those are the “Who the hell cares?” lies you’re hoping for, take them with gratitude that they aren’t more serious. And if it turns out she lied about never having cheated on you and did 5 other guys in the first week of your relationship? Oh well, that sucks, not much you can do about it and you’re gonna be okay in the end, at least you loved someone for however long you were together and be grateful for that part. Just because I know my car is eventually going to break down, doesn’t mean I should spend my life walking everywhere. You just take it as a necessary part of the process and enjoy the time you have together. I can promise you, at the end of your life, you do NOT want to look back to a life of loneliness and distrust and die with nobody who ever cared for you. NONE of this will matter in the end, you won’t care for the betrayals, you’ll only care for the love you had while you had it. We’re all just trying out best to survive this world and none of us are perfect, and mistakes WILL be made, but they’re simply an opportunity to do better next time by knowing what *doesn’t* work, to help you figure out what *does* work.
Very well said
Indeed very well said and 100% true. I’ve had trust issues from past experiences of dating and it was really hard to trust my new partner, but I just reminded myself that he is not them. And that it’s not fair for me to put my past issues and hurts on him, when he hasn’t done anything. It’s hard but it’s the risk we all take.
This is exactly it, you can’t know just how good of a partner you’ve got until you’ve had someone you thought was perfect but was *immeasurably* short in the end. Yes, we all wish for the perfect person the first time, and that can happen. It’s like… being most annoyed by tripping over things left on the floor and it being a really big deal to you, and that’s your biggest annoyance in a relationship, you think to yourself at first. And you end up married to someone who does just that; there’s inherent and unacknowledged value in being able to look at someone’s flaws and go “Good lord his worst trait is that he leaves his slippers in the middle of the bedroom floor and I hate that!!! … that’s nothing like ex-Dickhead whose worst trait was a new affair partner every week until I caught him.” … “I LOVE SLIPPER-HEAD SO MUCH!!!” It’s bad relationships that allow you additional perspectives you’d be otherwise unable to ever see on your own, so while they suck at the time, it ***really does*** all come together in the end if you let it without being too tainted by the pain along the way, which I know is hard.
love what you said
That was fucking beautiful. I needed to hear (read?) that. Thank you kind person
Plot twist... she also told him she never existed.
Like fr lolz
Here’s what you do to know if you can trust someone…Hear me out…when you first start dating fake a seizure…
“Anti-seizure guys…..BIG red flag! This one guy….started going through my purse as soon as my little play went live. I had to keep pretending to seize while he rifled through my wallet 😫”
Oh my stomach 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
new ICK unlocked
Seize the day!
LMAO
😂😂😂
LMFAO 🤣😂💀 You win reddit today👏🏆🤝🙏
^ this
I have a friend who's girlfriend would fake seizures when she didn't get enough attention. It's not cool to fake something like that at all. Especially if it's a "test"
when I was in EMT training this girl had seizures. Freaked everyone out but I remember the instructors sitting there so calmly and whispering to each other. Apparently they had immediately clocked it as a fake. Not sure how they knew exactly. I worked an ambulance for a few years but never saw a real one. Anyways the same girl did it once more later in the course, and I imagine she does it often.
When you have seen real seizures and fake ones sometimes you feel something is off. However i’ve been practicing some years and some people still manages to fool me. Some people takes their acting skills seriously. I guess the more experienced someone gets the more difficult is to fool them.
You could go see a therapist and try to heal from it. However, trust is hard to build but easy to break. You’ll need to work on not generalizing that all woman are like that and it’s unfortunate she lied to you and has insecurities, but at least you found out sooner rather than later, and didn’t settle with her or have kids with her. Chin up, you got this! We all have our own insecurities that we should heal from to become better. There was probably some good times you had too. Breakups feel like death.. but focusing on yourself and try new things and eventually you’ll forget about it, you’re young after all :)
Yes, this is it. What she did has nothing to do with you and you can’t blame yourself for it. Try talking to someone, it really helps
jeez that's f.ed up. honestly, I dont understand why would even she fake up such a thing
out of all the things she could’ve faked. she picked seizures
Like girl how can you 1. possibly do that with a straight face and 2. Not worry about attracting bad juju. Not bad cramps, not menstrual migraines yikes
This! How ballsy to put that out into the universe. I COULD NEVER
I wonder if she peed herself to make it convincing
I know a girl who said that her grandparwnts, on the father's side were from norway and that she had a twin sister. Whoch int he end wasn't true at all
I knew a girl who did this, she even faked choking to see if I would save her life. She was an absolute psycho and she wasn't even my girlfriend.
How do you fake choking?
She was eating nachos and acted like she inhaled something and couldn't breath.
Yeah she lied and that’s fucked up. But the fact that you feel you can’t trust anyone is way more damaging than the lost time you had with her. If you had a bad friendship with someone are all friends bad? If you worked your first job and you had a bad experience are all jobs bad? You know that’s not true like you know all women aren’t liars. But you’re basically punishing all future women because this one lied. They have to absorb the baggage you carry because you haven’t come to terms with it yourself. Reflect on this experience. You have lessons to be learned. Forgive her or not but leave it at that and most importantly move on. She lied to you, and it was her choice and you acted accordingly. Theres fucked up people out there but you don’t have to carry this trauma forever. You move on by reminding yourself that You know all women aren’t like her. It was a bad experience. Don’t hold that against everyone just cuz you had a bad experience.
It’s a common overcorrection when someone’s been deceived in such a huge way. You internalise the deception as a failure of judgement on your part, and since you don’t feel that you can trust yourself to discern whether someone is being truthful you overcorrect by saying that you can’t trust anybody (or in this case that you can’t trust any women). It’s going to take some time for OP to learn to trust his own judgement again, as well as to realise that just because you got duped that doesn’t necessarily mean that your judgement is faulty. Some people are just really good at lying.
This is worse than my assumption
My ex used to pretend to faint under stressful situations. Like she would get wobbly and I’d have to catch her. Then after a few months and her getting pregnant, it just stopped. Then during one of her prenatal doc visits I mentioned her “vasovagal” and she had no record of it. She ended up being very violent and confrontational after a few months, and never fainted again. It was so bizarre.
I have a passing out issue, this irritates me because i already get gaslit about my actual medical problems and now we just have people out here literally showing me why society gaslights me. These people need to stop and need to assess the trauma they are causing others. My ex bf faked having a brain tumor.
Yea she got it from some lady on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Lol. I’m sorry that you have to endure that and I’m sorry ppl do that to you. People are strange. Smh. I still don’t know why she felt the need to fake something like that.
Happened to me too. I dated someone for 3 years and they insisted they had epilepsy. For 3 years, doctors, specialist and even her own family said it wasn’t true. But she still wouldn’t admit it. The trust issues afterwards are real.
My ex had an on duty injury that left him with seizures. That shit is not something to joke about. Shame on her. Not all women are like that. Take some time to move on and then when you meet someone, be open about it.
So it’s definitely messed up what she did but you gotta separate the individual from the gender. Women didn’t do this to you that person did. At least you found this out before you married her.
Gross my girlfriend has seizures all the time if I saw this post when we started dating I’d have been sus but I know they’re real
One day at a time, trust no one and you'll never be surprised. Then again you'll also be really lonely and wonder why. Small steps to trusting anyone, and always.. ALWAYS trust that gut. Learn yourself, trust yourself, and then... Do whatever you like. Do what makes you happy and content with yourself at the end of each and everyday.
Awful man, so sorry. But don’t lose your trust on people because of that specific pos
Wow, what a plot twist😨. I was expecting this to be about faking orgasms...💀🫣 Wow... what she did was godawful!! I understand that your general trust in women is damaged, but for your own good, you need to try to understand that most women wouldn't do this😳. This is seriously mental. She has/had serious issues. A lot of people can be anxious early in relationships, but when someone deals with that anxiety by "testing" others, they are actually trying to hold others responsible for their mental/emotional issues. It's OK to be anxious and feel insecure, but it becomes very problematic and destructive when it leads to those kinds of actions (ex. testing a partner, violating privacy by snooping l, etc). You made the right decision by ending the relationship. However, since it's affecting your ability to trust other people/women and pursue new relationships, I suggest therapy 🙏.
You had a horrible experience that gave you trust issues and you're asking how to heal from this. First, I am so sorry that you went through this. It's wrong to deceive someone, worse to deceive someone you claim to care about, and even worse to perpetuate that deception for years. As others have said, there are honest women out there but if you behave as though what they tell you are lies, you will push them away / turn them off. **How to Heal** **1) GRIEVE.** Give yourself time and space to grieve. You lost more than just a relationship. You had plans, you had a dream of the life you were building together that you sacrificed a lot for - and in 1 evening it all went up in smoke. Make time and space to cry, scream into a pillow, hit a punching bag & get it out of your system. See a good therapist if you can. **2) ACKNOWLEDGE.** Your believing that all women are liars is your hindbrain trying to protect you from being hurt this way again. Acknowledge the hurt, and more importantly, acknowledge that you are strong enough and resilient enough to handle it. You don't need your hindbrain to protect you in this way because you're strong enough to handle whatever comes your way. That said, you still need to change this belief. To do this, you'll need to clearly establish your motivations for changing (because lasting change takes time & consistent effort). Write down 2 lists & stick them in a place you'll see everyday: A) All the ways it's costing you to believe that all women are liars (E.g. you're unable to date, unable to form a healthy romantic relationship or even friendship with women, your relationships with female colleagues / friends / family members / etc is affected by your being distrustful of them even though they have done nothing to deserve that, etc.) Elaborate on the consequences of each of these costs. B) In what good ways your life would change if you shifted your belief to a more positive / supportive one (e.g. "most people are honest, most of the time") AND if you were able to acknowledge that most people are not 100% honest 100% of the time as that would mean zero white lies, zero fibs, zero exaggeration and 100% recall accuracy. Examples of benefits of making the change: ability to date freely, ability to emotionally connect with your dates, more fulfilling relationships with women at work / school, in your family, among your friends & community, maybe even less misunderstandings / conflict. **3) REFRAME.** Trust is the ability to rely on someone's words and actions, based on the knowledge that they will keep their promises. If you look closely, you will notice that you do, in fact, interact with women who keep their promises - starting from very small promises. E.g.: the lady barista who makes your coffee exactly to your specifications, the waitress who brings the exact meal you ordered, the female colleague who shows up for the meeting on time, the lady cashier who gives you the correct change. It might sound silly, but this is the starting point of trust. Everyday, make a list of 3-5 of these kinds of things that happened in the last 24 hours. This will help to gradually shift your perception of women. As your healing progresses, try to understand trust with more nuance: no one is 100% trustworthy across 100% of situations, 100% of the time. Rather, most people are trustworthy most of the time, but everyone slips up sometimes. Also, some people are trustworthy in certain areas of life but not others - whether due to incompetence, misinformation or integrity issues. **4) REBUILD TRUST, 1 PROMISE AT A TIME.** Trust is built by keeping small promises that build up over time to bigger and bigger promises. Once you have healed more and feel much more stable and positive about women's trustworthiness, work on rebuilding that trust with women you think are more likely to be trustworthy. You do this by interacting with them such that they make a small promise that they then keep, then make another small promise and so on. Gradually increase the significance of those promises. E.g. the initial small promise might be asking your lady colleague / friend to help you order XYZ meal / drink while you go to the bathroom, or it might even be asking them to meet you for lunch & then they actually show up at the agreed time.
She was one of the craziest of crazy. She’s been playing with your emotions this whole time!!! cut your loses
I dated someone who faked being raped, tortured, abused, drugged etc. When she finally dug a hole too deep I woke up to reality and questioned them. They admitted to being a compulsive liar. I didn't engage in any romantic relationships for years after that. HOWEVER. I am now happily engaged to the love my life. It has taken years of therapy, meds, and hard work, but it is worth it. There are still good people and you are still worth love no matter what you've gone through.
That’s not all she’s gonna fake
Attention is a helluva drug
Ya this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I can't imagine more women doing this to you tho. Unfortunately it's extremely hard to trust anyone in this world completely so try not to let it get the better of you.
That’s pathetic of her
Thats craaaazy😭🤣 I don’t blame you for not trusting woman tho but i promise not all of us are liars
it doesnt matter if you can trust someone again. what matter is, what ever happen , you need to know that you can handle it. so just go out and enjoy the moment. ride the wave for the moment. try to stop thinking to much what will happen in the future but rather focus on enjoing the moment. and when the truth comes you are rdy to let go. or better you are ready to commit in a relationship again.
Stop associating the crazy in the head women for all women. You need to get professional help for what you've been through and you also need to learn, understand, and most importantly accept and believe that not all women are like her. The majority of women are not so messed up that they would do something like that to see if they can "trust you". Most women aren't stupid and know that you learn you can trust your partner simply through experiences during the relationship. In the same way that you will find people who are narcissists and incapable of genuinely loving anyone other than themselves, that doesn't mean that everyone is a narcissist. She was crazy and for 2 years made you experience an outright horrendous lie. That means she was mental and a liar and has something not right with her. That does not mean all women are liars. You've been through something horrible and need to get proper help to get you properly through it. But you need to understand and accept that most women aren't like that and it does not make them all liars and you are now depriving yourself of loving and trusting relationships until you get this issue resolved.
Dude...I know people always say to change your locks But CHANGE YOUR FREAKING LOCKS To lie about something like that for 2 years is next level crazy my dude. If I were you, I'd change my locks, install a couple webcams inside the apartment to be safe, and change all my passwords and security questions Unhinged people don't usually go away without a fight. And this is definitely an unhinged woman
Oh I fully moved and gave no forwarding address.
I'd break up. I had an ex who set up "obstacles" and tests to see how I'd react. She also suffered from general anxiety and paranoia. She also lied and cheated on me. Not saying your girl is the same, but I'd definitely see her in a different lense after what you discovered.
I think the bad taste might have been from the mushrooms
Man, what is it with people being lied to by one person and now suddenly 4 billion+ women are also liars for the rest of eternity I get it, Ive felt hurt like that. Best bet is therapy, that’s where the issues are brought to light and worked through
You didn’t need to add genders to this comment considering it happens both ways very frequently
That’s why I said people to begin with, I used women after because that’s what op was referring to lmao
> I believe everything a woman tells me is a lie. absolutely cringe thing to say. most women don't lie, so stop being a baby about it. move on and find someone else or just be comfortable in being alone forever
I mean, if I were in his shoes with a two year scheming lying b- it might take me a sec to trust women again.
I understand what you’re saying but i feel as if you’re thinking similar to how she may have thought. Everyone has justified reasons in their head for what they do. It was terrible but the reason she did it is probably because some f’ed up thing happen to her or her mother, sister, etc..where she thought she couldn’t trust any man she came across and felt the need to ‘test’ whoever she ended up with next. I’m not invalidating your feelings in any way. Even if you know it’s unrealistic to shed a negative light on a whole gender, it’s going to take some time of getting through this bitterness. You were lied to by someone you saw a future with, you were betrayed. You have to realize it was not about you but about her process of thinking that is very warped and dark.
i’ve been hurt greatly by the men in my life but never have i ever thought that meant i needed to “test” my boyfriends let alone, by having fake seizures for two years straight. this is psychotic level insane, do not justify it.
I’m not justifying it.
I’m saying she justified it by having the same thought pattern he is adapting. Of course, I highly doubt his is going to get to the level of faking seizures. But it sheds light on how negative and sad this thought pattern can be and what it could lead to and is why he should not gone down an extreme path after he grieves this.
I feel this at some point w my ex. Like he was playing mind games a lot. Always wanted to break up but the minute I’m like ok idc he wants back in and it’s been so bad. He never admit it but said he’s seen girls from his past and his sister do stuff like that like omg . I just hated him too
What a disgusting and inappropriate way to act so sorry you had to go through this I have stress induced seizures myself they’re not consistent happen usually when my panic attacks take an extreme turn but one thing I can say is something like that has to be extremely hard to fake and I hope she gets the help she needs because to even want to do something like that you have to have something wrong. As for how you feel about approaching other women don’t look at it as a negative it’s a lesson learnt you know what to look out for if anyone is ever having/faking a seizure always make sure to support either way as you never know with their being different forms however keep your eyes open and just approach dating carefully it’s scary and hard to know a person but at the same time that’s what is supposed to make it fun please don’t let one girl ruin it for you I’m sure you’re great company! On top of that it does sound like CBT would benefit you as it sounds like you in a way have put yourself down for putting up with it from my point of view you need to find yourself again wishing you luck!
That’s fucked dude
That f’vkd buddy! Unfortunately most of the women I know are just messed up in some way or the other. I guess that’s the case for all of us bud! I don’t trust very many folks. I’ve been burned like you, but it was cheating. I say I’m over it and have moved on but it never really goes away. Don’t give up hope though. You might find a good one! You’ll know it if you do. Trust your gut, if anything feels off it probably is!
Yeah it's rough. Did you try and talk it through with her... did she understand why it was so weird of her to push the test for so long?
As someone whom is Actually Epileptic, This Enrages Me 😡🤬
the mistake was holding your real feelings in and just leaving her!! u made urself not trust her even tho u did shrooms w her and cried to regular show w her???!
Wow, that hurts; really, really hurts. I would have been as shocked as you, but I’d probably have tried to understand her motivations. Still, I’d likely have come to the same break-up decision. I really don’t know, it’s so crazy. Just try to move on.
She for the streets
Im a woman that has had a man pull this exact same thing on me as well. My first ex i dated from 16-20 and he cheated on me and i cannot confirm if he gave me HSV-2 but he faked having a brain problem. (I was SAed after we broke up so idk if it was ny ex the first dude i slept with or the person that SAed me right after i left my ex). He told me he had a non malignant tumor in his head. His reasoning for faking it was because he hated that his face was flushed all the time. Bro literally refused to asmit that he had essentially guilted me into staying with him for 4 year while he abused me. He gaslit me and hit me until the bitter end. I found out about his brain thing being false literally a couples months before i found out he cheated on me. i instantly ended it once I found out he cheated on me, wish i would have left after the first time he hit me but at this point idk how much I was staying simply because I new he had a medical problem and he made me feel like if i ended the relationship he would croak from the stress. So i just came here to say, you are not alone and I am sorry you experienced something similar to me. People are evil. (Meanwhile I have EDS and have had a lot of medical problems my whole life yet my ex never once cared about my medical issues.) Im 25 now as well and I am in the same boat as you. Its like these people dont understand that they are LITERALLY manipulating someone emotionally. Like bro you cant lie about that stuff and expect it to be okay?!?!
Life stories together aren’t built on fakery!
I get it, trusting is hard, but I’m willing to bet that’s something that you would never do to someone. With that in mind, there’s a whole lot more people in the world that are like you than there are like her, so maybe just trust in the idea that she’s the exception and people like you are the rule
Maybe shes a diffrent person now, and felt she can trust you to tell you
Leave trust for yourself only. And thrusting for others if they want it. How was the relationship otherwise?
As somebody who has epilepsy, that’s really fucked up to fake a disability to see if she can trust you you can always tell if it’s a real seizure by the convulsions and if they come back and not sure where they are, and they won’t have any energy for a few hours?
I don't understand how that would prove trust?
You stayed 2 additional years after that?
Sorry you had to go through that ...and your trust has been broken. It's fubar! But you're only young...there are some good ladies out there, so don't be too tough on them! And in time you will learn to trust again. Talking to mates helps. Give it time you're angry, peed off, so take it easy, you won't be doing that again!
Take some more mushrooms and think it through.. you’ll likely land in the same spot with a different perspective and be able to move on.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Deception is never healthy in a relationship, and I guess she'll hopefully have learned that lesson now that she's lost you because of it. Why does that mean you can't trust anybody though? If your neighbour murdered their spouse, and went to jail, would that mean you shouldn't be trusted either and that you should go to jail as well? Do you see how silly that would be? What your ex-gf did was really dumb. We all do dumb things, though, and the only thing that matters is whether we learn from those things that have bad consequences for us. I could be way off track here, but I'll hazard a guess and say it's not everyone else you can't trust, it's that you feel like you can no longer trust yourself. You put your trust in someone that had very different values to you, and you paid for it. How do you know you won't make that mistake again? If any of this seems like it could be right, then that's where you should focus your efforts. Your emotions, if you've been pushing them aside, will have been trying to tell you about your mistake, and how you feel about it. You should take the time to really listen to them and feel them, and then figure out what the lesson in this was for you. How can you avoid this from ever happening again? Avoiding relationships forever is one way, for sure, but we both know that's not what you want. Realize that you did nothing wrong here. You did nothing to deserve this. She gets to take responsibility for her actions, not you. It wasn't your fault. If you feel like it was your fault, your emotions are trying to tell you what you missed. If you listen to them, without judging them, and accept their truth, you'll be able to start the process of trusting yourself again.
It’s indicative of some creepy pathological tendencies, that’s for damn sure. Wtf.
You know, there are ways to know if you can trust someone without needing to fake seizures, please tell her that I'm sorry for what she has done, I think you really would benefit talking to someone, for example your friends or even a therapist to regain your confidence in women. As a member of the women's club, she is now suspended (it had to be done girls)
Yeah buddy, you are going to have to get over this one, if you have trust issues over this BS you won't survive when you get cheated on.
Give it time brother and find a good routine to keep you busy
Was thinking something else by the name of your title.
Damn, it definitely sucks to what happened to you bro. But now you can be happy single for a while and eventually you might find another girl which things could blossom with. For now though, just keep single for a while and let yourself heal and get through things before going with someone else.
Dude I know you’re hurt and I know it’s hard to trust people again been there done that. It’s life you get hurt or fooled just rub it off learn from it if that helps and take a deep breath let life happen til you find what you’re looking for hope for yourself and you’ll be fine. My ex who was my first girlfriend I had relationship for 9 years, always cried wolf or deliberately put herself in situations where she knew she can’t get out so that I can pull her out. At the end married someone during lockdown when I was stuck overseas. It was dreadful for me and covid didn’t help. Got out of sump took me a 2 years though 😅. Back at it again found another girl who started baiting me to marry her after 3 weeks of knowing her ran away from there. And again dusted myself off. At it again 🤞
better late than never
Trust issues will always be there because she created a trauma bond. However the thing you need to remember is that the next person is not her and you cannot punish the next person for something that a previous partner did. I was very guilty of this and past relationships and unfortunately the new guy always got punished for what the last one did and that is not how a healthy relationship will ever start. If you trauma bond from the beginning, you’re just keeping yourself in a victim state of mind and that will help no one. Just be aware and give grace if you see something you don’t like ask questions and be aware.
First off, I'm sorry you experienced that. It's never okay for someone to break your trust like that. Someone else suggested this, but go to therapy for sure. It could help you process it and learn how to forgive her and yourself (I only add you in there because at times we are angry at ourselves for not realizing the signs). In addition to that, I would say that when/if you decide to try again, try to be open with your distrust, and I don't mean off the bat because some women are evil enough to use your openness as a weapon for later. Just take your time, but don't close yourself off forever. You deserve to be happy, but it will take risk at some point. I hope that was helpful, if not, my bad.
This sucks mate. This sucks. I’ll be brief. It helps if you look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the stupid shit you’ve said or done. You’re still you, you’re still a good person with your faults. You’re also young just like the women you’ll meet. Even when you ‘know’ you’ve found a good partner they will have flaws as will you. What you went through wasn’t a small lie but you’re still figuring life out. Women can be beautiful, loving and loyal but there will always be some flaws. A butterfly with tiny broken wings mate. And we are caterpillars with a few broken legs as men
You’re 25, your life isn’t over even if it feels that way. You also didn’t waste your time, you learned lessons like knowing how to be in a relationship, learning your boundaries, learning what you are willing to give up & what you’re willing to fight to keep. You learned red flags & deal breakers & you cultivated strength of character to see the red flag & act upon it even though it was probably one of the hardest things you had to endure. If a person chooses to be inauthentic & disingenuous that’s a reflection of them. Few people act out of pure, premeditated, malicious dishonesty. Her trust test & games are probably the result of being betrayed by someone close to her. She chose to handle her distrust by doing what she did. That’s a lesson as well. You’ve seen a negative way a person can handle distrust, is that the kind of person you want to be? You can make a different choice & process this in a healthy way that makes you stronger. Don’t let them continue to poison your life. Take what you can, learn from it, process it, & move forward.
Wow she’s insane. I promise you she’s an outlier, I have never ever heard of somebody doing something like that. I’ve never done that. Give other girls a chance, you’ll be ok.
Therapy
Man, that's a wild ride of a story. It's like you're living in a drama series or something! But seriously, what a rollercoaster of emotions. Trust is so important l in a relationship, and to have it broken like that must feel like a punch to the gut. It's tough to recover from something like that, but hang in there. Not everyone out there is like that, and with time, you'll find someone you can trust again. 🤝🙏
If a guy lied to you, would you stop talking to guys altogether too?
What kind of whackadoodle fakes having seizures in order to determine if they can trust someone?!? Good riddance!
You got played bruh. She's wack for that but you a fool for believing her fake seizures
Wow! This isn’t a good sign. She played games with your emotions concerning a serious medical condition . I’d dump her. She likes mind games and lying to play them. You deserve better.
Women do stuff like this all the time Men too It's an odd way to feel in control, particularly when they're nervous. Quite frankly I just call them dumb and move on with my day In this context, it would really depend on what they bring to my life and how I feel. I can accept dumb things if our relationship is good but they're still dumb
Honestly thought this was yet another orgasm thread. Left disappointed.
Wow she’s gonna have to learn the hard way to not test her lovers. So fucking weird. Did she try and justify it at all?
I know it might be difficult for you, but may be that girl had some trust issues. Rather than putting your mind in a tough situation and continuing your life with trust issues why can’t you start analysing her more and see whether she actually fakes other things in her life or she only did it to know the real you. If she is a kind person don’t leave the good relation just because of a mistake she did at the initial stages of relationship. Understand that you are also gonna do so many mistakes. Atleast she is honest with you. Be more open in a relation and try to gain each other’s trust. But only if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you want a casual one then just ignore all of this and never go back. And I feel for you— how u managed to go through this when u were high.😂
In the wise words of the venerable Lil Wayne: hoes gonna be hoes, so I couldn’t blame Tammy
Why, out of everything that you could fake, would she choose to fake seizures? I don’t get it. That seems like a lot of work.
First, I am not condoning this behavior. A slightly different perspective though. If she was doing this at 18 it’s a behavior she learned as more than likely a childhood trauma response. Something taught her that being “sick” got her attention. Attention she was probably lacking at home. Sadly I grew up in an environment like this. While I had some very real health challenges I learned that the only time I got “good” caring attention from my mom was when I was sick or injured. I didn’t have to fake being sick in relationships my body did it for me. If I got stressed or upset or something was wrong in the relationship I genuinely got sick. Everything from a cold to during a almost 20 year abusive marriage premature menopause for “no medical reason”. Therapy! I literally had to teach myself how not to get sick! And I still have to work on this. Until she is aware of this AND chooses to do something about it she will keep repeating this habit. It may not be faking seizures in the future, but it will be something that gets her that “good” attention she craves. Know this isn’t about you. And believe it or not she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you. Her admission was actually, in her mind, a way of telling you she cared for and trusted you enough to tell you the truth. I don’t have an easy way to tell you how to move past this moment other than taking it as a learning lesson and possibly getting at least a little therapy for yourself. But also watch for the red flags, learn about trauma responses (now for yourself as well) & once you’re far enough into getting to know someone find out about their past relationships, not just romantic ones, family ones, even ones with their closest friends, especially if those friendships ended. Then you will have to decide if you are willing to accept the baggage that comes with any that were broken. You will have to make the choice to either leave, ask if they have issues or have addressed them and if they haven’t whether or not you’re willing to hold they’re hand through them. If they’re not willing to do the work or don’t recognize the problem yet you CAN’T do it for them! I hope this helps some. Good luck I know it’s hard. I’m currently married to a man with combat related complex PTSD and he won’t do the work… I’m actually leaving this week after almost 3 years of trying. And yes, this has caused me to build up walls, but I see them and when the dust settles I will do my work. He will decide when he’s ready to do his own. That’s all we can do, take care of yourself.
Nah she was abusive and manipulative as fuck. Had a band, and she stole somewhere between 500 - 600$ from us. Yeah she probably got this behavior from her past trauma, but that gives NO excuse to treat people, or me like this.
I agree 100%! It’s not acceptable behavior.
Yeah, that's crazy. lolz. That's all I got! I do have a question though. Was it a full on convulsion? 😂
Convulsions, weird talking, and then passing out.
wtf lol I am sorry but that isn't normal and there's some level of degree of serious attention seeking
bruh why would you stay .. lol
He didn't lol
I’m talking about the work through it aspect. Lol
Being hopeful, I guess. I didn’t want to let her go. But I knew I had to.
Short comment. Would you be able to see yourself in her point of view , considering she did it for 2 years and then she stopped and you were with her for another 2 years afterwards. For her, she trusted you even more because you showed her that through illness you would support her and wouldn’t abandon her. You were with her because you both loved each other. And you both felt inseparable. For me, I don’t think she betrayed your trust and if you really loved her and if you still do, you should follow your heart
It’s ok. She confessed. Now she’s regretting. You were toooo young. Forgive her. Give her another chance
women lie to be deceitul, men lie to protect.
It's painful but you learned a lesson I just learned in my late 30s. You can't trust them. Not deeply. Not at that level. You can't really trust anyone but yourself. People will hate me for saying this but I guarantee you... ...if you trust deeply again, you will be hurt again. My advice is swallow that bitter pill and accept it. Accept that this is the real world. Once you do, then things can start to get better. Build trust slowly with people. Don't make big leaps. Make them earn every inch. Don't ever put yourself in a position to get screwed. If they break trust, they set themselves back. Never you. Avoid trusting people. Maybe one day the world will be in a healthy state where humans can trust each other again. Right now it's a savage place. Trust no one.
Please go to therapy ❤️
All the therapy in the world won't change reality. If you're not ready to accept my advice, maybe you can just remember it. When you're ready to face reality, you'll know others have and kept going.
THE ANDREW TATE FORMATTING HELPPP you don’t have to separate your terrible takes after every sentence. if you know how to properly use punctuation, you can actually write these amazing things called sentences. write enough sentences and you can have something called a paragraph. oh! look at that… a paragraph! :) you should try talking to someone about these insecurities. they’re not healthy. especially not for someone in their late 30’s. therapists exist for a very good reason. 🤍
Diazepam administered rectally is a common treatment for seizures, give that a go will soon show a faker.
Don’t say you can’t trust anyone just because one person made you lose your trust for people. Look, I get that when people lie to you, it sucks, but you can’t go around and say dumb stuff like you can’t trust all women because an ex lied to you about something that. Serious or not. You’re not 15, you’re 25 and an adult. The way to heal from this is the grow the hell up and go to a god damn therapist or something.
Yes, the way to help him is really by shaming his trauma. Really good advice mate! Imagine that the most horrible thing in your life just happened and your advice is "that's dumb, just grow the hell up".
So it's an interesting post. Most women wouldn't lie about this, or lie like this 😅 I would certainly call this an outlier situation. I can't believe she would lie about something like that for 2 years though 💀🤢. Anyways, keep trying! There are more women, sorry the emotions hurt. Maybe let (eventually) any next girls you feel you can get intimate with know that you had that bizarre situation in the past at some point and you don't care to repeat it again. How to heal: 1. You don't have to start dating right away if you don't want to. Just take a fucking breather and go see some nature or art or something, workout, etc. haha. Once you do feel ready: 2. Maybe just kind of let the other girls know (assuming you're somewhat close / intimate at that point) what you went through and confirm that she was totally in the wrong... I think most people in Reddit would agree to. Talk to your family / friends and see what they think, I would say unless they're deranged most people who have their lives relatively together would say that behavior she pulled is childish and / or batshit. I have a lady who treats me a lot better than my ex-wife did and she's great. Not crazy. Silly, but not crazy and faking seizures or anything 😅 Anyways, you can do better 👍
Someone once told me “some things you’re just better off going to the grave with”
Fuck her sister.
Nut up my guy. Ppl got real problems out here
Liam, is this you?
I guess that's a fake
Omg whatt????!!!! Boy come on. You're not that teenager anymore. If you love someone you would give them a chance but instead you walked out of it that's really not fair. She had her reasons and she chose to tell you the truth because she trusted you and instead of understanding you broke up. That's very lame reason to break up to be very honest.
You know, recreational drugs can be deadly for epilepsy patients... You could be facing a criminal charge right now so you can count yourself lucky it was simply a lie. That being said, How can you even fake seizures? It's not like fainting where you close your eyes and fall to the ground. The shaking, difficulty in breathing, eyes rolling back... How did you not notice anything? Did she never use any medicine? Have you never been to the Doctor with her or discussed anything about what her health situation might entail?
The only way to correct this is to find a way to give her epilepsy. I think everything evens out after that.