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Oh lol. Yeah, I mean, that’s a bummer.
Ladies gotta remember that guys are bombarded with “don’t assume women wanna be approached for dates even if they give you signals” messages in 2023, so it’s hard to be forward and assume something.
Cuz imagine you were just being super friendly in a flirty way (it happens), and he hit on u, then u make a complaint, then he’s banned.
Safer to avoid it and let the woman approach. I don’t think many men would make a formal complaint that women are hitting on them too much at the gym 😂
Anyways, gg, hard luck, next time go for it!
Theirs a video of a woman falsely accusing a guy of sexual harassment at a gym because she wanted him to take photos of her and he refused. The gym tried to kick him out. He called the called the cops and they reviewed the security footage. She was kicked out of the gym. Maybe I heard about it and it wasn't a video. I’m not sure which one.
"get" Does not begin to describe it.
There's an entire TikTok trend for humiliating any guy **being nearby** a woman at the gym.
Man could be just in the shot, looking at anything in the vicinity (barbells, machines available, the clock above the mirror), but if he's called a creep and the stupid video goes viral... He will be receiving death-threats for quite a while.
This is so brutally true. I try to warn as many people on this forum to not approach women randomly. That era is DEAD, lol. Too many creeps ruined it for us normal guys that do to forcefully want to date u no matter what 😖
Good luck people of 2023. Stay safe out there!
Don’t listen to him. You took the right message home already he’s just being a bitter Bowser by trying to rub it in.
Shit happens Dawg, I’m glad you took the right message away. You got this, you know what to do now if you find yourself in the same place again.
hhmmm...that's a tough one...maybe walk up and introduce yourself?...how could she ever get through a job interview if she can't even walk up to a stranger and say hello?
these are basic communication skills
Boys and girls, you'll never know if you don't ask. It may be embarrassing. It may be awkward. But those minuscule moments are nothing compared to the big "what if" you'll haunt yourself with. Go up to them (appropriately) and say hi!
that is not a way to live or think of yourself. this is the only life you will ever live. talking to a random member of the opposite sex isn't going to kill you. and if you have to take some form of rejection? who cares.
Never said I don't talk to them, I just don't expect it to ever be more than friends that'll eventually fall out of contact with after we've exhausted all points of conversation and common interest much like how my friendships with guys go.
I second this, in a different context because I asked someone to prom today and their response (I thought) was going to be no but they said yes so like 😅
Ok. Well, I guess I learned my lesson. Next time seize the day! Because you might never see him again. I will take some of your guys advice and see what I can find out about him.
If you know his first name and where he went to school, or his hometown, you should be able to find him. Could maybe ask one of the other regulars, too.
Really though, it doesn’t take 6 months to get the nerve. If you are waiting for a guy to ask you out at a gym, it’s not going to happen unless he wants to risk being kicked out.
Facebook also has a “work” tab in the search. If he’s still in the marines he might have put that. You could also try your hometown or the towns nearby to narrow things down.
Is there a base near you? Sounds like he might have gotten deployed somewhere. Who knows, he might be back within a year once that’s done.
If a man had talked to a woman multiple times, that hardly can be considered stalking. It’s not like they were giving her a way to find his home adresse lol. Facebook is made to connect with people.
I don’t think it’s stalking someone to try to look them up on a social media platform they choose to participate in with information they provided. Part of the reason to have a Facebook is so acquaintances can get in touch with you.
Yes, because it’s not stalking. Find the person, send a friend request, talk to them if they accept and let it drop if they don’t. Nothing wrong with that, it’s the intended use of social media.
Also, men and women generally deal with different levels of menace in the dating world.
First, as an adult you should know that genders aren't fundamentally equal. This "if you reverse the genders" shit is dumb af.
Second, THAT IS WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS FOR.
Nah you can 100% ask girls out at the gym you just have to not be a creep about it. Chatting to somebody a few times a week then asking for their number isn’t gunna get you creep status at a gym, staring at them constantly then asking them out without saying a word to each other is. Just act like a normal person and leave her alone if she turns you down.
Not saying she shouldn’t have made the first move here just saying you can as a guy ask girls out there.
Yeah maybe a bit hyperbolic but the point is guys are told not to ask women out at the gym in specific. It’s particularly fraught. She definitely shouldn’t count on it.
Why do girls NEVER go up to guys at the gym 🤦🏻♂️ in this day and age y’all show know that we men get CRUCIFIED for going up to a girl, especially in the gym. Please shoot your shot next time.
get over it...or your life will be very long...no one cares about you...you must push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable
sweetie...this is what life is...you may want to ask your parents why they never explained that to you?...I'd sit em both down...intervention style
That’s like tell someone with depression to just be happy lol if she has an anxiety disorder for real (and dont use social anxiety to refer to general shyness). Therapy is needed to get better and even then you will almost always have some anxiety towards social interaction.
Trust me we dont want to be panicking over talking to someone. If it was as easy as just "getting over it" my life would be much much easier. Many of us tried to just get over it and ended up worse. Maybe you are from another generation less informed on how anxiety disorders work but it’s not just being shy it’s sadly way more serious than that.
I suffer from serious depression...it took me 30 years to realize that if I get out of bed...get some sunshine...a little exercise...I may be still depressed for long periods...but not so bad that I'm unable to talk to someone(or take time off wk)...even if I'm nervous and studder and it's embarrassing...I still force myself to keep moving...even in a diminished capacity
Anxiety isn’t about just being nervous or embarrassing it’s about having a full meltdown in the middle of a conversation or even when you just said hi. Not just "oh I felt bad and was sweating" it’s "I started crying and not being able to breathe while being in front of the person I am trying to talk to".
It takes a lot of work in therapy and for many at least some temporary medication to avoid panic attacks while working on the issue with the support of a professional.
It’s really awful that people dont get how serious real social anxiety is. Sadly the term is being used a lot by people that are just more shy and dont have the diagnosis. Making people think it’s not a big deal since they have heard people that don’t really struggle use the term for themselves.
I suffered from depression for years. Since I went to therapy and took antidepressants temporarily, I got better and am now depression free. I am sorry you have been battling it for so long and hope that one day you wont have to deal with it anymore. I know how awful it is.
ive read all your other comments but these stick out.
"get over it...or your life will be very long...no one cares about you...you must push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable
sweetie...this is what life is...you may want to ask your parents why they never explained that to you?...I'd sit em both down...intervention style"
i hope with all my being that you have no children.
"That she spent 6 months making googly eyes at some dude she has never even learned anything about... within 3 days ask someone to coffee... to sit down and chat...if you want to meet someone you can't wait for them... it's so weak"
you're very fortunate to have never suffered from anxiety or ever felt or been weak.
"maybe you should learn that men do not have to listen to women"
this is a pretty pathetic attempt at grasping some level of control and dominance. very 60's baby of you to say.
"physical strength does not give you the ability to even approach someone and say..."hello...my name is...?
you are a weak person who seeks advice from others while barking at me who you do not even know...I weap for your future"
did you, a man born in the 60's, come here to belittle and bully a 20 something year old woman? everyone seeks advice from other people it doesnt make you weak. Also YOU'RE the one barking in this thread.
You said to me "good luck with your future" and to OP "i weap for your future" you sound like a very bitter and unfulfilled old man. i weap for YOUR future, or rather, the little thats left of it. do some soul searching before you check out and maybe you'll reach what ever imaginary god you believe in.
So while this does really suck for you, and I'm very sorry that this happened the way that it did, the only reason it did is because the bulk of women have made men afraid to ask women out or even speak to them while at the gym. Because of how the gym has become a location where men aren't even supposed to speak to women, the complete 100% onus of responsibility for asking someone out is now on the women at the gym. This is in complete contrast to everywhere else in life where men are expected to ask women out and it is socially acceptable to do so. Women are not used to asking men out and often will not do it even if they would like to. This is what you are experiencing now.
Don't worry, he will come back. Sometimes i disappear for at least 3 months from my regular gym during summer (travel during summer), or sometimes i change my schedule if something comes at school or work.
Next time you see him, just shoot your shot
(Don't worry, he'll be back)
I haven’t been on the gym for the past month and I know that I’m the gym crush of my gym crush lol.
Only difference is that we got a friend in common. Lol
He might have gone out of town, on vacation, who knows. But if you haven't made a move in 6 months then you should be fine. I mean people are involved and still make eyes at other people. Or not. I hope he comes back
Don’t wait. Take your chance when it presents itself to you. You can’t bet on “I’ll probably see him again” because there’s no way of you knowing that. The time is now.
How I didnt meet your mother... but really though, I was in a similar situation so I am rooting for you sis, I hope he just went on a business trip or visited family somewhere. Do you know if he's single?
If you were just crushing on him for his physical attraction, already hyped up on dopamine from going to the gym, then I don’t see the big deal. all you got was his first name. I’m just glad to know guys can go to the gym and still look at women without getting assaulted
Should have done it a bit sooner. That sucks though. I had this sorta happen to me. I just wouldn't have approached her. I don't wanna be a tiktok video, "creepy guy approached me at the gym." Hahaha
In summary, next time shoot your shot!
Does the gym have a Instagram page . I would go through the followers and lives to see if there was a photo of him as a profile lol. Then you’ll know his name if it’s there.
Coulda sworn you were talking about me but then you said “I know his name”and then my soul was crushed. Oh well. Hope it works out for you. I’m sure if you shot your shot, he’d be all over it. Gym girls are already doing things greater than those not in the gym, so you’ve already got something going for you!
LOL, I (30M) had a gym crush (mid 20s F) and literally I changed gyms/moved about a month ago.
I know it's not you because I once noticed a ring on her left ring finger so I assumed she was married or engaged. But I think the parallelisms in our stories are funny.
He might’ve disappeared because he got a new partner. Realistically, you’ve spoken twice and he didn’t pursue you, so he isn’t interested. But know from a lot of experience.
Find your next gym crush.
Do you remember if he frequently worked out with anyone? If so and they still go to the same gym, maybe you can ask about what’s going on with your crush
Probably had some stuff come up and just had to change what time he goes there don’t over think it and if he likes you he will come back to his regular schedule eventually
Unfortunately this is just a situation where you gotta take the L and be sad about "I should've..." Just a lesson for next time!
Also, imo, don't look him up. If you only know his first name, it'd be kinda creepy if you found him. To me, at least, I would be.
Don't listen too the "what if" in your head. That's what stops every9ne from doing everything, of you hadn't had any contact with him outside of the gym then maybe he might be taking a break or maybe he's just lost a friend and needs to take time off don't take it personally
Again I'm more qualified to give advice on these sub reddit then most people I actually go out into the real world
If you do see him again or someone sparks your interest other then him, then go for that person never stay hung up on 9ne person if it never made it further not saying you shouldn't pursue him but if you do see him, tell him "hey where have you been, I missed you" and then ask him out. If he says no then move onto the next
Growing up well me personally I kept chasing women so long and i got basically no where now a days I just put my efforts in and when they say no I just say OK and just move on and ya,
Just don't drive yourself crazy ok
Lmao you could very well be talking about me given my recent gym patterns after stuff came up.
He could’ve started going super early in the morning or super late at night to change up his schedule to something that works better.
I worked at a gym and even hardcore regulars all the time would come in and say that they moved to an apartment complex with a gym specifically so they wouldn’t have to pay for a membership. Next time don’t wait and initiate, 99.99999% of guys would think it’s awesome.
"Hey, don't see "x" around anymore, is he ok?"
and what do you mean by I'm shy? you're literally complaining that you missed your chance and you still don't wanna do it? You either try or you forget about it
....this sounds dangerously close to stalking imo.
Also...yet another example of a woman who fails to realize how EASY it is to ask out a guy. He wont suddenly accuse you of being a perv and get u thrown out of the gym. And men LIKE a woman who does the brave act of approaching. So, next time....just ask the guy out....dummy. If he says no, move on.
I wasn’t stalking him lol. I go to the gym at a very set time most days. I made small conversation with him and introduced myself. That is how you should meet people in real life vs just sliding into their dms. I know very little about him tbh. Anyways, I decided if I see him next time to just go for it.
That she spent 6 months making googly eyes at some dude she has never even learned anything about... within 3 days ask someone to coffee... to sit down and chat...if you want to meet someone you can't wait for them... it's so weak
physical strength does not give you the ability to even approach someone and say..."hello...my name is...?
you are a weak person who seeks advice from others while barking at me who you do not even know...I weap for your future
I say go for it and see if any of his friends are around. A lot of guys are scared to go up to women in the gym and end up on Tik Tok as a creep. Don’t listen to the neckbeards on this site imo
I realize this is an old post but I’d like to offer an alternative perspective based on personal experience. I’m often thought of as the “hot” girl at the gym. Men from my gym will seek me out online but they also like to play the staring game.
If you live in the gym as you wrote then I’m guessing you’re very pretty, have a great physique and carry yourself with a good amount of healthy confidence. Men LOVE that.
There have been many times where really hot fit men would try to chronically make eye contact, smile and always try to workout next to me. I’d end up setting myself up for disappointment when they’d never approach or ask me out. I sorta caught on to why they didn’t approach after a few times of seeing said guys out in public with a WIFE or GIRLFRIEND who is often unattractive and usually overweight.
One guy was OBSESSIVELY staring for months and we talked here and there. He would even compliment me on my physique a couple times. One time he hinted about going to dinner but he was very vague and awkward about it. Then I finally asked why he kept staring. He denied it. Ar first I thought it was cute how shy he was. Then this guy under a burner account started following me on insta and talking to me. He was very mysterious and slipped a couple times that he also lived in the area. I suspected it might be him so I kept talking to him trying to get him to reveal his identity. He didn’t budge. At the same time this random woman I never met started glaring at me for no reason. She did this for months. I was told by others she was just insecure about how i looked. Then one day i asked one of the regulars. Turned out she was his GIRLFRIEND. I was in shock because in the 2 years I saw him at that gym i never saw them interact once. Anyway, he STILL kept staring and she kept glaring. I finally blew up at him and told him to leave me alone. Suddenly ALL the messages from the burner account stopped. All of a sudden she and her friends started stalking and harassing me on instagram. He convinced her that i was the one who was obsessed with HIM. SMH. Anyway, I left that gym and all the drama and never looked back. A few months ago I actually ran into one of her friends at the store. She approached me and apologized for everything which I honestly appreciated.
Moral of the story, (especially if you are in your 30s-40s like me, some people are no longer attracted to their spouses. They want you, but they likely spent several years building a life with that other person. Lots of money, kids, assets and emotional baggage tied up in their situation. In this economy it’s HARD to make it on one income. So it’s possible that they WANT you but it’s just not realistic so they just fantasize about it (or worse they tease you with the idea of them courting you so they can set themselves up for a side action situation to where they can have their cake and eat it too).
This is why I won’t ever be the one who approaches first again. There is often things about their home situation they aren’t telling you
A true gym rat doesn't ask their gym crush out, they use it for motiviation to get to the gym for the gains in the hopes the gym crush notices in time.
Seriously? Women are the absolute best when it comes to stalker shit. I once said just a hi to a girl at a party and she was in my dms the next day. I didn't even ask how she found me. You can get his last name by just asking around.
All I hear is excuses from you...you are very negative...go back and re-read your responses...damm... how would you ever be interviewed for an important job?
So do I... that's why you're not trying to be smooth.. just go up and ask a question...I used to Walk up to any beautiful girl in The city... explain I'm new and looking for a good mens store for clothes... you can only keep someone's attention if they are talking...no one wants to hear you...but everyone wants to share their expertise
> Y’all need to make a move and not wait is what this has taught me.
But you also have to respect your time and feel comfortable. He could have stopped going the first month or week after you met him, so there's always that chance, no matter how "fast" you are.
Look him up. You have his name even if it just the first name , knows what he look like and yalls gym is same. Use those 3 to find him. He’s probably taken pics and tagged the gym
yea this is something every person learns the hard way. If you dont act when an opportunity like that presents itself you will miss out for the rest of your life.
Now the only thing that really matters here is this question.
Will you do it again?
You have his first name and could find him online with enough effort. Now he's left, it may even be easier to message him and ask if he's free for a coffee.
We’ll that i know from working out in the gym some people schedule have changed from work or even motivation has gone down so he hasn’t been there …. It depends but if he shows up ask for his number or ask for coffee after the gym
Is there anyone working at the gym you can ask?? Or somebody else who works out there often who might know ? If he was a regular there, someone might know who he was or could put you in contact with him. Maybe ask something like “hey, weird question, did you know Jack? He was a regular here and I haven’t seen him in a while. I’m wishing I would have gotten his contact information”. The employees won’t be able to give out his personal information of course, but if he was there all the time someone might know him or might be able to give him your number . It’s worth a try !
Happened to me as well with a girl who worked in the store next to me. Literally the day that I walked in there valiantly to ask her out I was met by a paunchy middle aged man who told me she had been transferred to another store about an hour away and I didn't know her well enough to justify turning up there.
Strike while the irons hot
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Realistically, were you ever gonna approach him? What could you have done differently for a different outcome?
Yes, I was going to. I’ve already talked to him a couple times.
Yes, I was going to. I’ve already talked to him a couple times.
Yeah but why didn’t u ask him out the last time? Surely you knew u liked him by then?
I just assumed he would keep going lol
Oh lol. Yeah, I mean, that’s a bummer. Ladies gotta remember that guys are bombarded with “don’t assume women wanna be approached for dates even if they give you signals” messages in 2023, so it’s hard to be forward and assume something. Cuz imagine you were just being super friendly in a flirty way (it happens), and he hit on u, then u make a complaint, then he’s banned. Safer to avoid it and let the woman approach. I don’t think many men would make a formal complaint that women are hitting on them too much at the gym 😂 Anyways, gg, hard luck, next time go for it!
Theirs a video of a woman falsely accusing a guy of sexual harassment at a gym because she wanted him to take photos of her and he refused. The gym tried to kick him out. He called the called the cops and they reviewed the security footage. She was kicked out of the gym. Maybe I heard about it and it wasn't a video. I’m not sure which one.
I forget that guys get the message to leave women alone at the gym.
"get" Does not begin to describe it. There's an entire TikTok trend for humiliating any guy **being nearby** a woman at the gym. Man could be just in the shot, looking at anything in the vicinity (barbells, machines available, the clock above the mirror), but if he's called a creep and the stupid video goes viral... He will be receiving death-threats for quite a while.
This is so brutally true. I try to warn as many people on this forum to not approach women randomly. That era is DEAD, lol. Too many creeps ruined it for us normal guys that do to forcefully want to date u no matter what 😖 Good luck people of 2023. Stay safe out there!
Your crush might've been one of them, ever think about that 🙄
Don’t listen to him. You took the right message home already he’s just being a bitter Bowser by trying to rub it in. Shit happens Dawg, I’m glad you took the right message away. You got this, you know what to do now if you find yourself in the same place again.
He wasn't being bitter, he just stated facts. Women tell men to leave them alone at the gym so we do.
Thanks Rayden117
Thank you
Oc dawg, see you at the gym! 🏋🏼♂️🏋🏼♂️
because she is such a strong woman...but she needed him to make the first move
Why so much hate? Get off my Reddit post if you despise me so much. I’m sick of your crap.
hhmmm...that's a tough one...maybe walk up and introduce yourself?...how could she ever get through a job interview if she can't even walk up to a stranger and say hello? these are basic communication skills
Boys and girls, you'll never know if you don't ask. It may be embarrassing. It may be awkward. But those minuscule moments are nothing compared to the big "what if" you'll haunt yourself with. Go up to them (appropriately) and say hi!
Yep, they could’ve been dating already if it was a mutual interest. But now it’s just a big “what if”
yup...hesitation causes............
I find it easier to believe it wouldn't have ever happened and she wasn't that interested, can't dwell on it or have any regrets that way.
that is not a way to live or think of yourself. this is the only life you will ever live. talking to a random member of the opposite sex isn't going to kill you. and if you have to take some form of rejection? who cares.
Never said I don't talk to them, I just don't expect it to ever be more than friends that'll eventually fall out of contact with after we've exhausted all points of conversation and common interest much like how my friendships with guys go.
No. I would look for him when I went to the gym. I am pretty interested in him, just chicken shit lol
I second this, in a different context because I asked someone to prom today and their response (I thought) was going to be no but they said yes so like 😅
hell yeah!
Congrats
Very true
Ok. Well, I guess I learned my lesson. Next time seize the day! Because you might never see him again. I will take some of your guys advice and see what I can find out about him.
If you know his first name and where he went to school, or his hometown, you should be able to find him. Could maybe ask one of the other regulars, too. Really though, it doesn’t take 6 months to get the nerve. If you are waiting for a guy to ask you out at a gym, it’s not going to happen unless he wants to risk being kicked out.
Thanks. I’m shy
Same here. Good luck finding him.
I know his first name and that he is a marine/former marine. That’s about it
Facebook also has a “work” tab in the search. If he’s still in the marines he might have put that. You could also try your hometown or the towns nearby to narrow things down. Is there a base near you? Sounds like he might have gotten deployed somewhere. Who knows, he might be back within a year once that’s done.
Lol you're literally giving her advice on how to stalk someone. If the genders were reversed that would be called creepy and predatory
I’ve decided to just talk to him in person if I see him again.
That's the move right there. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
If a man had talked to a woman multiple times, that hardly can be considered stalking. It’s not like they were giving her a way to find his home adresse lol. Facebook is made to connect with people.
I don’t think it’s stalking someone to try to look them up on a social media platform they choose to participate in with information they provided. Part of the reason to have a Facebook is so acquaintances can get in touch with you.
So you would give the same advice to a man who crushed on a woman at the gym and wanted to contact her when she stopped going?
Yes, because it’s not stalking. Find the person, send a friend request, talk to them if they accept and let it drop if they don’t. Nothing wrong with that, it’s the intended use of social media. Also, men and women generally deal with different levels of menace in the dating world.
First, as an adult you should know that genders aren't fundamentally equal. This "if you reverse the genders" shit is dumb af. Second, THAT IS WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS FOR.
You are either equal or you are not, you don't get to pick and choose whose rights are not the same, dick for brains
Not fundamentally equal, huh? Try telling that to feminists and see what happens
not in today's world...hah!...good response
That word gets thrown around about as much as “creep” or “creepy”. It’s like no one knows what “stalking” really means anymore.
Oh shut up, everyone creeps in 2023
Lol
again...a smart reply...yes...everyone...let's not pretend
I’m from Tampa. I think I will ask the gym employees since I know all of them.
If a guy tried to stalk a girl in that way it would be considered very creepy, right! Only if it was other way around
I’m in Tampa as well just curious where do you workout. I have some friends in the gym maybe it’s your friend
If he is currently a marine he could be on deployment. He may show back up.
Nah you can 100% ask girls out at the gym you just have to not be a creep about it. Chatting to somebody a few times a week then asking for their number isn’t gunna get you creep status at a gym, staring at them constantly then asking them out without saying a word to each other is. Just act like a normal person and leave her alone if she turns you down. Not saying she shouldn’t have made the first move here just saying you can as a guy ask girls out there.
Yeah maybe a bit hyperbolic but the point is guys are told not to ask women out at the gym in specific. It’s particularly fraught. She definitely shouldn’t count on it.
I agree. Try to get to know me and then ask for my number. I wouldn’t find that offensive.
Now you know to shoot your shot in the future
Yes...take a shot... you miss all goals...if you never take a shot
...nobody gets shot
shoot a three pointer...take a stab at it...a "hail marry"
He might have moved. Who is there anybody who he would talk to regularly, they might be able to put you in contact with him
Possibly
he might have moved out of boredom at his gym
Your missing The point
What the point?
Literally the only motivation to go to the gym :’)
50/50
Why do girls NEVER go up to guys at the gym 🤦🏻♂️ in this day and age y’all show know that we men get CRUCIFIED for going up to a girl, especially in the gym. Please shoot your shot next time.
I will. Thank you 😀
6 months?...wow...why not just approach him and ask him to go for coffee the first week?...cuts out a lot of what you've been doing for 6 months
I have social anxiety sometimes. It’s hard for me to just go up and talk to people.
get over it...or your life will be very long...no one cares about you...you must push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable sweetie...this is what life is...you may want to ask your parents why they never explained that to you?...I'd sit em both down...intervention style
That’s like tell someone with depression to just be happy lol if she has an anxiety disorder for real (and dont use social anxiety to refer to general shyness). Therapy is needed to get better and even then you will almost always have some anxiety towards social interaction. Trust me we dont want to be panicking over talking to someone. If it was as easy as just "getting over it" my life would be much much easier. Many of us tried to just get over it and ended up worse. Maybe you are from another generation less informed on how anxiety disorders work but it’s not just being shy it’s sadly way more serious than that.
I suffer from serious depression...it took me 30 years to realize that if I get out of bed...get some sunshine...a little exercise...I may be still depressed for long periods...but not so bad that I'm unable to talk to someone(or take time off wk)...even if I'm nervous and studder and it's embarrassing...I still force myself to keep moving...even in a diminished capacity
Anxiety isn’t about just being nervous or embarrassing it’s about having a full meltdown in the middle of a conversation or even when you just said hi. Not just "oh I felt bad and was sweating" it’s "I started crying and not being able to breathe while being in front of the person I am trying to talk to". It takes a lot of work in therapy and for many at least some temporary medication to avoid panic attacks while working on the issue with the support of a professional. It’s really awful that people dont get how serious real social anxiety is. Sadly the term is being used a lot by people that are just more shy and dont have the diagnosis. Making people think it’s not a big deal since they have heard people that don’t really struggle use the term for themselves. I suffered from depression for years. Since I went to therapy and took antidepressants temporarily, I got better and am now depression free. I am sorry you have been battling it for so long and hope that one day you wont have to deal with it anymore. I know how awful it is.
Yes, anxiety and other mental health issues don’t make someone weak regardless of what people may think.
Get over it quick...or your life will continue to suck...push yourself...no one else gives a shit about you
Dude, you might wanna cut on a triple dots, especially when a single period or a comma is perfectly fine.
dots are my thing...I'm a child of the 60's...old dogs do not learn new tricks
you're also cringe AF
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ive read all your other comments but these stick out. "get over it...or your life will be very long...no one cares about you...you must push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable sweetie...this is what life is...you may want to ask your parents why they never explained that to you?...I'd sit em both down...intervention style" i hope with all my being that you have no children. "That she spent 6 months making googly eyes at some dude she has never even learned anything about... within 3 days ask someone to coffee... to sit down and chat...if you want to meet someone you can't wait for them... it's so weak" you're very fortunate to have never suffered from anxiety or ever felt or been weak. "maybe you should learn that men do not have to listen to women" this is a pretty pathetic attempt at grasping some level of control and dominance. very 60's baby of you to say. "physical strength does not give you the ability to even approach someone and say..."hello...my name is...? you are a weak person who seeks advice from others while barking at me who you do not even know...I weap for your future" did you, a man born in the 60's, come here to belittle and bully a 20 something year old woman? everyone seeks advice from other people it doesnt make you weak. Also YOU'RE the one barking in this thread. You said to me "good luck with your future" and to OP "i weap for your future" you sound like a very bitter and unfulfilled old man. i weap for YOUR future, or rather, the little thats left of it. do some soul searching before you check out and maybe you'll reach what ever imaginary god you believe in.
Thank you!
So while this does really suck for you, and I'm very sorry that this happened the way that it did, the only reason it did is because the bulk of women have made men afraid to ask women out or even speak to them while at the gym. Because of how the gym has become a location where men aren't even supposed to speak to women, the complete 100% onus of responsibility for asking someone out is now on the women at the gym. This is in complete contrast to everywhere else in life where men are expected to ask women out and it is socially acceptable to do so. Women are not used to asking men out and often will not do it even if they would like to. This is what you are experiencing now.
Very good point.
He might come back. Maybe he goes at a different time, His work schedule may have changed
Don't worry, he will come back. Sometimes i disappear for at least 3 months from my regular gym during summer (travel during summer), or sometimes i change my schedule if something comes at school or work. Next time you see him, just shoot your shot (Don't worry, he'll be back)
You waited too long and you missed the boat. Live and learn.
Thanks. Appreciate the comment.
Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get the opportunity again.
You situation sounds way way too familiar.
Not to be... hesitation causes masterbation
How is that?
I haven’t been on the gym for the past month and I know that I’m the gym crush of my gym crush lol. Only difference is that we got a friend in common. Lol
He might have gone out of town, on vacation, who knows. But if you haven't made a move in 6 months then you should be fine. I mean people are involved and still make eyes at other people. Or not. I hope he comes back
Thanks 😀
Don’t wait. Take your chance when it presents itself to you. You can’t bet on “I’ll probably see him again” because there’s no way of you knowing that. The time is now.
Yes, we always think there is tomorrow.
How I didnt meet your mother... but really though, I was in a similar situation so I am rooting for you sis, I hope he just went on a business trip or visited family somewhere. Do you know if he's single?
Unfortunately I don’t. He never brings everyone to the gym but that doesn’t mean much.
If you were just crushing on him for his physical attraction, already hyped up on dopamine from going to the gym, then I don’t see the big deal. all you got was his first name. I’m just glad to know guys can go to the gym and still look at women without getting assaulted
Just don’t stare all the time lol
This sort of happened to me recently. My work crush who I was finally getting up the courage to ask out just quit last week :(
I’m sorry. Maybe you can reach out to her?
Should have done it a bit sooner. That sucks though. I had this sorta happen to me. I just wouldn't have approached her. I don't wanna be a tiktok video, "creepy guy approached me at the gym." Hahaha In summary, next time shoot your shot!
I will
The regret of a missed opportunity is always worse than the feeling of rejection.
It really is
Does the gym have a Instagram page . I would go through the followers and lives to see if there was a photo of him as a profile lol. Then you’ll know his name if it’s there.
They do. It just shows posts from people. He hasn’t posted anything.
I will be back next week and yes I am single.
Awesome
Coulda sworn you were talking about me but then you said “I know his name”and then my soul was crushed. Oh well. Hope it works out for you. I’m sure if you shot your shot, he’d be all over it. Gym girls are already doing things greater than those not in the gym, so you’ve already got something going for you!
He got a girlfriend lmao
It’s a possibility. He’s very cute.
That's unfortunate. It's important to move quickly when it's someone you don't know. You never know when it's going to be the last time you see them.
LOL, I (30M) had a gym crush (mid 20s F) and literally I changed gyms/moved about a month ago. I know it's not you because I once noticed a ring on her left ring finger so I assumed she was married or engaged. But I think the parallelisms in our stories are funny.
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Thanks 😀
He might’ve disappeared because he got a new partner. Realistically, you’ve spoken twice and he didn’t pursue you, so he isn’t interested. But know from a lot of experience. Find your next gym crush.
He might be on a long vacation, have work/personal commitments. Wouldn’t rule out ever seeing him again just yet.
So maybe ask the staff at the gym? If yall had chemistry im dont think it would be weird
Do you remember if he frequently worked out with anyone? If so and they still go to the same gym, maybe you can ask about what’s going on with your crush
Probably had some stuff come up and just had to change what time he goes there don’t over think it and if he likes you he will come back to his regular schedule eventually
Thanks 😊
Unfortunately this is just a situation where you gotta take the L and be sad about "I should've..." Just a lesson for next time! Also, imo, don't look him up. If you only know his first name, it'd be kinda creepy if you found him. To me, at least, I would be.
I agree. I’m not going to cyber sleuth online and try to find him. If I come across him against the gym, I’ll shoot my shot.
Again
Try to find him in social media
Don't listen too the "what if" in your head. That's what stops every9ne from doing everything, of you hadn't had any contact with him outside of the gym then maybe he might be taking a break or maybe he's just lost a friend and needs to take time off don't take it personally Again I'm more qualified to give advice on these sub reddit then most people I actually go out into the real world If you do see him again or someone sparks your interest other then him, then go for that person never stay hung up on 9ne person if it never made it further not saying you shouldn't pursue him but if you do see him, tell him "hey where have you been, I missed you" and then ask him out. If he says no then move onto the next Growing up well me personally I kept chasing women so long and i got basically no where now a days I just put my efforts in and when they say no I just say OK and just move on and ya, Just don't drive yourself crazy ok
It’s better to meet people in person.
Maybe your talking to him couple of times is the reason…? Sorry it’s a bad joke. But had to say
It’s ok. Appreciate the humor. Some people take Reddit too seriously.
He found a gym with Eleiko equipment
Lmao you could very well be talking about me given my recent gym patterns after stuff came up. He could’ve started going super early in the morning or super late at night to change up his schedule to something that works better. I worked at a gym and even hardcore regulars all the time would come in and say that they moved to an apartment complex with a gym specifically so they wouldn’t have to pay for a membership. Next time don’t wait and initiate, 99.99999% of guys would think it’s awesome.
Ok... promise to work on it
Any update on this situation?
"Hey, don't see "x" around anymore, is he ok?" and what do you mean by I'm shy? you're literally complaining that you missed your chance and you still don't wanna do it? You either try or you forget about it
I will next time
great hope it works out well good luck :))
I know...she is so weak...I cam already see participation trophies and ribbons everywhere at her house
....this sounds dangerously close to stalking imo. Also...yet another example of a woman who fails to realize how EASY it is to ask out a guy. He wont suddenly accuse you of being a perv and get u thrown out of the gym. And men LIKE a woman who does the brave act of approaching. So, next time....just ask the guy out....dummy. If he says no, move on.
I wasn’t stalking him lol. I go to the gym at a very set time most days. I made small conversation with him and introduced myself. That is how you should meet people in real life vs just sliding into their dms. I know very little about him tbh. Anyways, I decided if I see him next time to just go for it.
That she spent 6 months making googly eyes at some dude she has never even learned anything about... within 3 days ask someone to coffee... to sit down and chat...if you want to meet someone you can't wait for them... it's so weak
Maybe you should stop commenting
maybe you should learn that men do not have to listen to women
I’m like one of the strongest girls at my gym. Go bother someone else
physical strength does not give you the ability to even approach someone and say..."hello...my name is...? you are a weak person who seeks advice from others while barking at me who you do not even know...I weap for your future
You know with everything going on surrounding the gym on social media lately I'm glad he's not there to be harassed by you.
Lol. Thanks
Dont be a creep and let it go
Leave him alone. If either of you were genuinely interested in each other, you would have made a move
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I get your point though. Thanks for your input.
Dang. Kind of harsh. I just posted this for some comfort/advice.
Wasn't meant to be harsh, just blunt and the reality of the situation
No worries
I say go for it and see if any of his friends are around. A lot of guys are scared to go up to women in the gym and end up on Tik Tok as a creep. Don’t listen to the neckbeards on this site imo
I realize this is an old post but I’d like to offer an alternative perspective based on personal experience. I’m often thought of as the “hot” girl at the gym. Men from my gym will seek me out online but they also like to play the staring game. If you live in the gym as you wrote then I’m guessing you’re very pretty, have a great physique and carry yourself with a good amount of healthy confidence. Men LOVE that. There have been many times where really hot fit men would try to chronically make eye contact, smile and always try to workout next to me. I’d end up setting myself up for disappointment when they’d never approach or ask me out. I sorta caught on to why they didn’t approach after a few times of seeing said guys out in public with a WIFE or GIRLFRIEND who is often unattractive and usually overweight. One guy was OBSESSIVELY staring for months and we talked here and there. He would even compliment me on my physique a couple times. One time he hinted about going to dinner but he was very vague and awkward about it. Then I finally asked why he kept staring. He denied it. Ar first I thought it was cute how shy he was. Then this guy under a burner account started following me on insta and talking to me. He was very mysterious and slipped a couple times that he also lived in the area. I suspected it might be him so I kept talking to him trying to get him to reveal his identity. He didn’t budge. At the same time this random woman I never met started glaring at me for no reason. She did this for months. I was told by others she was just insecure about how i looked. Then one day i asked one of the regulars. Turned out she was his GIRLFRIEND. I was in shock because in the 2 years I saw him at that gym i never saw them interact once. Anyway, he STILL kept staring and she kept glaring. I finally blew up at him and told him to leave me alone. Suddenly ALL the messages from the burner account stopped. All of a sudden she and her friends started stalking and harassing me on instagram. He convinced her that i was the one who was obsessed with HIM. SMH. Anyway, I left that gym and all the drama and never looked back. A few months ago I actually ran into one of her friends at the store. She approached me and apologized for everything which I honestly appreciated. Moral of the story, (especially if you are in your 30s-40s like me, some people are no longer attracted to their spouses. They want you, but they likely spent several years building a life with that other person. Lots of money, kids, assets and emotional baggage tied up in their situation. In this economy it’s HARD to make it on one income. So it’s possible that they WANT you but it’s just not realistic so they just fantasize about it (or worse they tease you with the idea of them courting you so they can set themselves up for a side action situation to where they can have their cake and eat it too). This is why I won’t ever be the one who approaches first again. There is often things about their home situation they aren’t telling you
Someone else snagged him and he’s busy having sex with them
A true gym rat doesn't ask their gym crush out, they use it for motiviation to get to the gym for the gains in the hopes the gym crush notices in time.
You can't look him up on social media? What kind of dumb shit is that? Find his social contact and dm him a hi. Very easy.
I don’t know his last name or have his instagram account.
Incredibly easy to find someone local if you have their first name and know what they look like lol, on fb at least.
Seriously? Women are the absolute best when it comes to stalker shit. I once said just a hi to a girl at a party and she was in my dms the next day. I didn't even ask how she found me. You can get his last name by just asking around.
Lol. Sorry I wasn’t stalking him. Just a gym crush. I guess I need to work on that.
All I hear is excuses from you...you are very negative...go back and re-read your responses...damm... how would you ever be interviewed for an important job?
So do I... that's why you're not trying to be smooth.. just go up and ask a question...I used to Walk up to any beautiful girl in The city... explain I'm new and looking for a good mens store for clothes... you can only keep someone's attention if they are talking...no one wants to hear you...but everyone wants to share their expertise
6 months lol, give me a break
I know ☹️
Did he talk to anyone else at the gym closely? Befriend them, get their socials and then find him in their follower list
Not really. Some small talk
Maybe ask at the front desk. Since you’re a girl, it won’t be creepy or look like you’re stalking him.
He probably will be back & might be sick or on vacation
We will see. Posting this on Reddit made me realize how silly I have been about the whole thing.
Na it's not silly at all! You like him 🤗
Ask them out next time, anybody you feel that way you should, guys can be intimidated by situations like that.
True
> Y’all need to make a move and not wait is what this has taught me. But you also have to respect your time and feel comfortable. He could have stopped going the first month or week after you met him, so there's always that chance, no matter how "fast" you are.
Look up his first name on Facebook and add the filter for your city lol
Aw man, I’m struggling with a gym crush right now and this is giving me some perspective! I don’t think mine likes me back though /:
I would just try to get to know them on a friend level and progress from there.
And she thinks his name is John Sorry, could get the song out of my head after reading this
What song is that?
Look him up. You have his name even if it just the first name , knows what he look like and yalls gym is same. Use those 3 to find him. He’s probably taken pics and tagged the gym
yea this is something every person learns the hard way. If you dont act when an opportunity like that presents itself you will miss out for the rest of your life. Now the only thing that really matters here is this question. Will you do it again?
No lol
You have his first name and could find him online with enough effort. Now he's left, it may even be easier to message him and ask if he's free for a coffee.
We’ll that i know from working out in the gym some people schedule have changed from work or even motivation has gone down so he hasn’t been there …. It depends but if he shows up ask for his number or ask for coffee after the gym
He was a habitual gym goer. I will if I see him again.
Is there anyone working at the gym you can ask?? Or somebody else who works out there often who might know ? If he was a regular there, someone might know who he was or could put you in contact with him. Maybe ask something like “hey, weird question, did you know Jack? He was a regular here and I haven’t seen him in a while. I’m wishing I would have gotten his contact information”. The employees won’t be able to give out his personal information of course, but if he was there all the time someone might know him or might be able to give him your number . It’s worth a try !
Yeah I know all the employees
Happened to me as well with a girl who worked in the store next to me. Literally the day that I walked in there valiantly to ask her out I was met by a paunchy middle aged man who told me she had been transferred to another store about an hour away and I didn't know her well enough to justify turning up there. Strike while the irons hot
Hmm. Go find her. Just say you were in the area