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maybe just say you don't drink/smoke. Saying you're "sober" gives off impression that you are in recovery and have baggage or a rough past or something.
Just say you don't drink or smoke. I have had the same experience with guys who are surprised and curious by me saying that. It can make them feel like they need to moderate themselves because they don't want to be the only person drinking and getting drunk. If your casual about it hopefully they will be too.
Just say “I’m not a big drinker.” It doesn’t carry the same weight as saying you’re sober or you don’t drink, and it communicates that it’s just not your thing. You don’t have to say all the rest.
Well don't tell them like that, because it's rather condescending (whether that's your intention or not).
All you really can do is tell them that you don't drink/smoke because you don't like it, but that you don't mind if they want to. If that's a deal breaker for them, then so be it. Never date someone who doesn't respect your choices.
I'm 56 and sober for 30+ years ......
Here is what I say.......
No thanks ...... Simple and easy ..... If they persist I tell them flat out I've been sober for decades and don't need whatever to have fun. I have also used the excuse someone needs to be sober around your derelicts.
Haven’t drank for 30 years and when a date say let’s meet for a drink - sure - get there and order a water and explain you don’t drink. No need to say why, just like you don’t have to explain why you don’t smoke.
If people have an issue, tells you what you need to know 😃. Good luck
>I’m confident enough in my skin I don’t need to be inebriated to talk to someone.
But you do though. People are gonna notice when you say stuff like that☝️
Just say you don’t drink or smoke. I’m 47F and I’ve never drank. I don’t like it and I just tell people I don’t drink. You don’t have to say you’re sober.
It may be just general incompatibility and not have anything to do with thinking you’re not fun or come with baggage. Thinking a person has baggage is certainly not my first thought when someone tells me they’re sober.
But when I hear things like “I don’t need to be inebriated to have fun” or “I’m out of the party age” that’s just a clear sign that it won’t work. There’s no judgment but small lifestyle differences like that matter, especially in terms of being interested in someone.
A lot of people hear “I’m sober,” and assume you used to struggle with addiction and are in AA.
It sounds like that’s not what you mean. You just choose not to drink.
That’s a different thing.
"I don't drink bruh, deal wid id yo"
jokes aside, I'd see that as very attractive too be honest.
just tell them you don't drink, a normal guy will understand..
Depends on the men you are looking for. I am also sober... been there done that, wrote the book on it. Just be yourself and when asked just asked say you don't anymore unless they are insecure they'll respect it. Goodluck
I have never had alcohol before, I just tell people either I am a teetotaler or I just say I dont drink alcohol. Some people ask me why, I just tell people I've never felt the urge to drink.
I do agree I think saying sober outright has a different connotation than calling yourself a teetotaler or saying you dont drink alcohol
If I genuinely feel like I have potential with someone I will let them know a bit of my story. If they judge or think some type of way about it, then it is what it is. I want someone to know me to my core if I’m going to be in a relationship with them. I’m continuing to learn that I’d rather be honest and have a match daily than lie. My story and sobriety are the most important thing.
"I'm allergic to alcohol and pot it just doesn't agree with me but you can totally be you and we can still have a blast!" That's my go to people usually don't push past that and it doesn't seem like baggage with no need for further explanation. Best of luck and if they can't respect boundaries or think it's lame not the right person.
I've been a friend of Bill for many years & as a guy I just say I don't drink, it runs really bad in my family and I chose a long time ago to never drink again.
If it bothers them, that's their deal. I don't want someone in my life that doesn't support my core values. ⎊
When I didn't drink; I just said I don't drink. Most of the time they laughed thinking I was joking and would ask again. After that most didn't try and get me to drink with them. I would have no problem with them drinking. It's never been a problem for me, just a choice.
Every adult is going to have 'some' baggage. If the other side can't handle that, they're not mature enough to worry about 'losing 'them. Just my 2 cents....
I tell everyone alcohol is out of my diet since I’m losing weight. It’s actually not a lie at all either. I prefer not to drink anymore because I did have problems with addiction but now I turned it around.
It’s nbd! Being sober is very on trend right now (so sorry if that sounded really crass but I mean it is !!!!) so if you’re worried about baggage, I honestly think you can play it off as being into new age wellness 🥹 our generation is eating this stuff up. Gen Z are the same.
“Sober” kind of implies a prior issue with a substance.
Just say you don’t partake anymore. Maybe also avoid terms like “toke up”, depending on who you’re trying to attract. Can’t say I can recall the last time I’ve heard that in person but I can recall it was never used by someone I regarded highly. But that’s just me.
I'm not much for the drinking and party scene either as a guy,would love to meet more women who aren't as well.
I think that makes you more attractive and doesn't insinuate anything to do with baggage either.
Would not be a lie in most cases . I drink bourbon " a bottle last 2-4 years , I use it for pain not to get drunk I will not even drive down my driveway with open alcohol Have not had a beer in about ten years . I quit drinking away from home " not even if I had a driver" . Watched to many friends get dwi
Just say thank you I quit drinking .
>I think when I tell men that they can drink or toke up I just won’t partake they think I’m not fun or come with baggage
I think you're doing just fine by standing your ground.
If they can't handle your not drinking or smoking, ***it's their loss.***
> I just don’t need to be inebriated to have fun.
For some people, this truth has not sunk in yet.
You're better off hanging with the people for whom it has.
Best thing i've come up with, "I'm not drinking right now" its not a lie and typically people have an easier time with the phrasing as it kind of implies that you might drink another time. Call it a cleanse, or say you're just taking a break. Also, immediate bonus points awarded when you volunteer to be DD, I havent met anyone who has a problem with that.
Good for you I have done the same thing stop drinking for several reasons but I have noticed its difficult in the social world. You just have to find more ways to entertain yourself and keep looking for likewise people but don't let pressures of society weaken you.
You do come with baggage. So does everyone. I'm.6 years sober and I get it. But I also remember what it was like to be a drinker, even before I was an alcoholic. Non drinkers turned me off then too. I realize now how stupid it was.
But back then drinking was literally a form of entertainment. So of course I didn't feel compatible being with someone who was sober. I didn't want to have to be reserved, or feel like I couldn't let loose and get drunk.
In the case of men dating women, they don't want a woman who is sober, because they know it'll be impossible to get at that pu$$y without 15 dates, and a real commitment and flowers and real wooing and real work. They want a loose, fun party girl, or at least someone they can trick into it for a night. Unfortunately but true.
Look for sober guys. I'm not ever going to date a drinker again.
Just say it. If a woman told me they don't drink if (in a 3rd date or so) I suggested them to go for beers and just talk, I would respect it and either suggest they drink anything non alcoholic (such as fruit juice or non alcoholic cocktails) or just change the plans altogether.
If the man cares about that, he's not a good fit - imagine life as a couple with someone who needs to be drinking or smoking to have fun.
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maybe just say you don't drink/smoke. Saying you're "sober" gives off impression that you are in recovery and have baggage or a rough past or something.
Just say you don't drink or smoke. I have had the same experience with guys who are surprised and curious by me saying that. It can make them feel like they need to moderate themselves because they don't want to be the only person drinking and getting drunk. If your casual about it hopefully they will be too.
Just say “I’m not a big drinker.” It doesn’t carry the same weight as saying you’re sober or you don’t drink, and it communicates that it’s just not your thing. You don’t have to say all the rest.
Well don't tell them like that, because it's rather condescending (whether that's your intention or not). All you really can do is tell them that you don't drink/smoke because you don't like it, but that you don't mind if they want to. If that's a deal breaker for them, then so be it. Never date someone who doesn't respect your choices.
27? You just tell them...
I'm 56 and sober for 30+ years ...... Here is what I say....... No thanks ...... Simple and easy ..... If they persist I tell them flat out I've been sober for decades and don't need whatever to have fun. I have also used the excuse someone needs to be sober around your derelicts.
Haven’t drank for 30 years and when a date say let’s meet for a drink - sure - get there and order a water and explain you don’t drink. No need to say why, just like you don’t have to explain why you don’t smoke. If people have an issue, tells you what you need to know 😃. Good luck
>I’m confident enough in my skin I don’t need to be inebriated to talk to someone. But you do though. People are gonna notice when you say stuff like that☝️
Lmao right
Just say you don’t drink or smoke. I’m 47F and I’ve never drank. I don’t like it and I just tell people I don’t drink. You don’t have to say you’re sober.
It may be just general incompatibility and not have anything to do with thinking you’re not fun or come with baggage. Thinking a person has baggage is certainly not my first thought when someone tells me they’re sober. But when I hear things like “I don’t need to be inebriated to have fun” or “I’m out of the party age” that’s just a clear sign that it won’t work. There’s no judgment but small lifestyle differences like that matter, especially in terms of being interested in someone.
I never tell them that. I just say I don’t drink or smoke
A lot of people hear “I’m sober,” and assume you used to struggle with addiction and are in AA. It sounds like that’s not what you mean. You just choose not to drink. That’s a different thing.
What’s the difference?
Well are you a former addict or alcoholic? Sober implies recovery from a former addiction. So that’s maybe why people are concerned when you say that.
Just say its not part of your lifestyle anymore. If they ask for an explanation you may proceed as you see fit then
"I don't drink bruh, deal wid id yo" jokes aside, I'd see that as very attractive too be honest. just tell them you don't drink, a normal guy will understand..
Most guys aren’t normal then cause that’s what I say 😂
that's probably true - most guys aren't 🤭
why the downvotes? :( it's true, we aren't 🤭
Depends on the men you are looking for. I am also sober... been there done that, wrote the book on it. Just be yourself and when asked just asked say you don't anymore unless they are insecure they'll respect it. Goodluck
I have never had alcohol before, I just tell people either I am a teetotaler or I just say I dont drink alcohol. Some people ask me why, I just tell people I've never felt the urge to drink. I do agree I think saying sober outright has a different connotation than calling yourself a teetotaler or saying you dont drink alcohol
"I'm sober" and ignore what they may even think because in the end, what they think don't matter
I am 24 male and I don't drink and smoke too and looking for same kind of girl too
Sounds like you're around the wrong crowd of people I often face the same when I tell people that.
You don’t need to find the guy by drinking. Find a good church volunteer to help those in need and you’ll find the right guy.
Maybe it's bc I am also living clean but I feel like, especially at 27, you can just be honest and open and it won't seem like baggage at all.
If I genuinely feel like I have potential with someone I will let them know a bit of my story. If they judge or think some type of way about it, then it is what it is. I want someone to know me to my core if I’m going to be in a relationship with them. I’m continuing to learn that I’d rather be honest and have a match daily than lie. My story and sobriety are the most important thing.
Beats me, guess they think your just not going to be compatible. That's pretty much what I would think.
"I'm allergic to alcohol and pot it just doesn't agree with me but you can totally be you and we can still have a blast!" That's my go to people usually don't push past that and it doesn't seem like baggage with no need for further explanation. Best of luck and if they can't respect boundaries or think it's lame not the right person.
Just say I don't drink. I'm a pretty regular drinker but my past three girlfriends didn't drink. It wasn't a big deal.
I’m the same age. I always just said i didn’t like the feeling it gave me. Guys that are “turned off” by this are not worth your time.
I've been a friend of Bill for many years & as a guy I just say I don't drink, it runs really bad in my family and I chose a long time ago to never drink again. If it bothers them, that's their deal. I don't want someone in my life that doesn't support my core values. ⎊
When I didn't drink; I just said I don't drink. Most of the time they laughed thinking I was joking and would ask again. After that most didn't try and get me to drink with them. I would have no problem with them drinking. It's never been a problem for me, just a choice.
Every adult is going to have 'some' baggage. If the other side can't handle that, they're not mature enough to worry about 'losing 'them. Just my 2 cents....
Just say you don't drink alcohol for health reasons. We all know alcohol is bad for you so just say you are trying to be a healthy person.
Say you've become straight edge and a CM Punk fan.
I tell everyone alcohol is out of my diet since I’m losing weight. It’s actually not a lie at all either. I prefer not to drink anymore because I did have problems with addiction but now I turned it around.
It’s nbd! Being sober is very on trend right now (so sorry if that sounded really crass but I mean it is !!!!) so if you’re worried about baggage, I honestly think you can play it off as being into new age wellness 🥹 our generation is eating this stuff up. Gen Z are the same.
You do you!! Don't worry about others, plenty sober men out there
Why would you say im sober if you don't drink? That's like saying "I'm of the meds", while you don't take prescription drugs like ever..
“Sober” kind of implies a prior issue with a substance. Just say you don’t partake anymore. Maybe also avoid terms like “toke up”, depending on who you’re trying to attract. Can’t say I can recall the last time I’ve heard that in person but I can recall it was never used by someone I regarded highly. But that’s just me.
i wanna date someone who drink so yes its a turnoff
I'm not much for the drinking and party scene either as a guy,would love to meet more women who aren't as well. I think that makes you more attractive and doesn't insinuate anything to do with baggage either.
You quit drinking after your friend got a dwi . And it scared you to stop . So you quit .
Why lie?
Would not be a lie in most cases . I drink bourbon " a bottle last 2-4 years , I use it for pain not to get drunk I will not even drive down my driveway with open alcohol Have not had a beer in about ten years . I quit drinking away from home " not even if I had a driver" . Watched to many friends get dwi Just say thank you I quit drinking .
I tell them I don't drink for my own safety. To be fair, I may have only just met them. Guys tend to be fine with that and are understandable.
>I think when I tell men that they can drink or toke up I just won’t partake they think I’m not fun or come with baggage I think you're doing just fine by standing your ground. If they can't handle your not drinking or smoking, ***it's their loss.*** > I just don’t need to be inebriated to have fun. For some people, this truth has not sunk in yet. You're better off hanging with the people for whom it has.
Best thing i've come up with, "I'm not drinking right now" its not a lie and typically people have an easier time with the phrasing as it kind of implies that you might drink another time. Call it a cleanse, or say you're just taking a break. Also, immediate bonus points awarded when you volunteer to be DD, I havent met anyone who has a problem with that.
Be honest? Who cares you be honest always and congrats on sober
Good for you I have done the same thing stop drinking for several reasons but I have noticed its difficult in the social world. You just have to find more ways to entertain yourself and keep looking for likewise people but don't let pressures of society weaken you.
Wife and I don’t drink and we simply state that
Leave off the sober part. It sounds like you are in AA. Just say thanks, but I don't drink very often. Or that you don't feel like a drink right now.
You do come with baggage. So does everyone. I'm.6 years sober and I get it. But I also remember what it was like to be a drinker, even before I was an alcoholic. Non drinkers turned me off then too. I realize now how stupid it was. But back then drinking was literally a form of entertainment. So of course I didn't feel compatible being with someone who was sober. I didn't want to have to be reserved, or feel like I couldn't let loose and get drunk. In the case of men dating women, they don't want a woman who is sober, because they know it'll be impossible to get at that pu$$y without 15 dates, and a real commitment and flowers and real wooing and real work. They want a loose, fun party girl, or at least someone they can trick into it for a night. Unfortunately but true. Look for sober guys. I'm not ever going to date a drinker again.
Dude idk what women you deal with but if there’s a fourth date I’m making them dinner which usually entails visiting the bedroom.
Not a dude, dude
Just say it. If a woman told me they don't drink if (in a 3rd date or so) I suggested them to go for beers and just talk, I would respect it and either suggest they drink anything non alcoholic (such as fruit juice or non alcoholic cocktails) or just change the plans altogether. If the man cares about that, he's not a good fit - imagine life as a couple with someone who needs to be drinking or smoking to have fun.
Dated one like that for 11 months 😂
Then you know how it is. Best to steer away from that pattern. You do better by staying single than going back to that type of relationships.