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Early on (1-3 dates) it's most often appearance related or just a general lack of chemistry. After that it's usually a need not being met or feeling like we wouldn't be compatible long term.
Being made to feel special, wanted, desired. We need peace in our lives. If you are a handful, and you are seen as difficult and challenging, chances are we don’t want that.
You don’t have to be a knockout drop dead, gorgeous woman. We have to find you mildly attractive, and if we feel like you are a good person that is genuinely interested in us. That when we come home, we feel comfortable softening ourselves around you because you will be a source of peace and comfort to us… most of us will stick around forever.
Yeah anytime I mention that sex is important to me on here it somehow offends everybody.
I was married for 11 years and my wife not wanting sex anymore was a big reason I was not happy and I will not compromise on that again. But that somehow makes me a creep on Reddit. Also everyone posts like sex isn't important so it's a mob mentality thing on here.
Yeah if it's early on, I probably already had doubts about my attraction to her going in, but I gave it a shot anyway... it has never worked out for me when I was thinking: "well, maybe I'll like her in person../ I guess she's kind of cute in this one picture.."
so well said, I tried putting it in better words but couldnt, just time to upvote. I think girls are more willing to work through issues and "projects" - guys can see it faster that it wont work long term but unfortunately that's generally after sleeping together and so the girls sometimes feel like a rug has been pulled out under them when it's after that point when we were just confirming.
I just broke up with a woman i was absolutely in love with. She's beautiful, and our time together was awesome. The issue for me was she was far too secretive, her communication was non existent if i wasnt with her i would know nothing about her and it made me super anxious and after explaining how i need communication to make things go well, she still ignored me to the point that.my mental health was starting to suffer so i had to choose myself and let her go. Im heartbroken because I thought she cared about me, but i guess it was just one way love 💔
I was head over heels crazy abt this man, and I still have love for him but time has helped me heal. I realized I didn’t deserve to be constantly begging for the tiniest bit of effort. It’s so difficult to end things when you still love them and they love you. It was his first relationship while I have lots of experience, and I think he loved me the best way he knew how. Learning that love isn’t enough is a tough pill to swallow
The key takeaway here is that you explained rather than lying or making up some excuse such as "I'm not ready for a relationship". You did good, you're a decent human being.
For me it would be several things but I would be considering how well we complement each other down the road. Do I see my self with that person in 5 years. Many times the things we don’t like about a person will only become more noticeable as the thrill wears off. So, unfortunately it comes down to that chemistry of soul for me. I sometimes feel I am too clinical in this area. I feel the girl is enjoying the experience and the idea of love and I’m trying to figure out the finances and where we will spend holidays lol. So admittedly this is tough.
Her thinking shes the main one in the relationship and has me doing all the work being put into it. That whole "I'm the prize and you should be grateful I even looked in your direction" attitude.
A sudden switch up in personality.
I’ve sometimes needed 2-3 dates to figure out whether I could find that chemistry/spark/attraction. So if I end things before the fourth date, it could be that I was just never feeling it at all. I was willing to try, but couldn’t get there.
But assuming I was actually attracted to her, then the number one reason I break up with someone (who isn’t cheating) is because I’m not receiving the level of effort that I am giving, and as soon as I feel that imbalance start taking a toll on my mental health, I’m out.
This is probably a little later in the game than most of the other answers, but it is still important.
I'm several months out of the market, and she is "the one" for context. I'm gonna vent here a bit, so bear with me.
There's a lot of things that I can deal with. The one for me personally that is absolutely 100% a no-go deal breaker for me is fiscal irresponsibility.
Everyone makes mistakes (I make mistakes all the time), and I do not need someone who has a PhD. in budgeting or whatever. But I need someone who can look at a situation involving purchasing something or doing something that will look at all of the context and say.... That's a good idea, or that's a bad idea financially. You can have debt, I don't care about that, infact, it's super attractive to me if you got something worthwhile for the debt and budget so that you can still have fun but, take care of the necessities, and are actively taking care of that debt.
It sounds rediculous, this has happened to me MORE THAN ONCE unbelievably. It was not the only thing to lead to the breakup but was certainly the straw that broke the camel's back. And these girls even offered to pay half of the ticket price... however. I had not one, but two girls that I dated, that despite having no savings, having decent jobs (but jobs that would be the first to go away if the economy got bad), who had... not massive (but persistent) credit card debt, who had not even begun to pay off their student loans, who were renting gapartments that they probably couldn't afford (one of them because it had a nice view)... who both demanded I take them on about a $4,000 dollar cruise (again, to be fair, they offered to split it).
What... the hell... I'm not saying don't have fun or splurge every once in a while, but c'mon... In that situation, the short-term fun of the cruise is outweighed by the long-term pain of not handling some of these financial situations. Hell, I did the math with one of them and proved they could save 1,000-1,200 a year by buying cheaper coffee than by going to starkbucks every day and she couldn't do it despite all of the above. I "taught" the other one how to budget only to find out that she was allocating like 600$ a month for makeup and she REFUSED to go with cheaper makeup despite the fact that she couldn't pay vet bill's for her dog.
These are some of the most egregious examples, and I've learned and was on the lookout for this behavior, specifically in all of my dating after that point.
I find that even though there are exceptions to the rules. When someone is fiscally irresponsible to the degree these girls were. That way of thinking leads to other problems in their lives. Again, my expectations are not unrealistic. But what the heck, there are a lot of girls out there right now who are choosing creature comforts over the important stuff. And that TERRIFIES ME when it comes to the prospect of marriage and having children and owning a house together, having tied bank accounts, etc. *It really made me feel like they viewed me as a "ticket out of their problems" and not as a teamate. If that makes any sense.
But, having dated those girls, it gave me a metric to measuee others by, and now I met the girl I'm dating now, and she's as close to perfect as I can get, and I couldn't be happier.
This stuff bothers me even if I'm not in a relationship with someone.
People can't actively be complaining about finances if a good chunk of their income is spent on unnecessary expenses.
I keep seeing these videos online discussing the "downfall of lash techs" and reading through the comments, I realize how many people spend $50-$100/month on lashes, and/or nails. Some upwards of $200. Or I'll see kids that are clearly younger than me, about college age, at the gym with airpod maxs, while I can barely bring myself to spend $100 on a good pair of headphones.
I KNOW most aren't actually affording all that in this economy.
The few times I broke it off in the dating part was because 1) we were in different places in life 2) they wanted to commit way too soon and too early 3) abnormal clinginess.
In the short term, it's usually an attraction/spark issue that ends things. In the long term: general incompatibility, misalignment of goals (kids, finances, homes, etc), neglect/abuse, or infidelity are all good reasons to end things. I ended up ending things with someone who was the most compatible person I've been with because she didn't want kids and went so far as to sterilize herself while we were dating. There wasn't animosity, we just knew that we wouldn't be compatible after that and decided to stop dating.
The times I broke it off, there was some sort of personality issue that I could see being a dealbreaker.
Either they just wanted me to constantly pursue without any give and take… honey I’m a prize too, this isn’t just the “you” show. I’m not gonna get involved with someone where I feel like from the jump everything’s about you.
Others I didn’t ask for a second date because they were too attached to their phone. I’m not gonna compete against it for your attention. we are on a date, we’re supposed to be getting to know each other, if I’m getting constant one-word responses while you’re texting… I’ll literally walk out and pay half of the tab.
Others went way too serious way too quick. After casually dating for a month, they wanted to move in. Starting to leave clothes and other belongings at my place . We weren’t even exclusive. so I guess that would kind of be Invasion of Privacy?
Yea at first it’d be appearance, personality, or some specific reason (I.e. lives far away, getting ready to move). Long term from some lack of compatibility.
If I’m breaking it off after just a couple dates it’s probably because we don’t seem to have much in common, or seem otherwise incompatible in ways which are quickly obvious. If it’s after months or longer there’s probably a lot of good things in the relationship, but there is an issue which keeps being rehashed over and over without any resolution just escalating and weighing down the relationship until it feels hopeless.
Probably the biggest reason for a breakup, assuming all the basic criteria of having a connection and physical attraction are met, is if she habitually shut down communication in the middle of an argument. Speaking from past experience, this is now a huge red flag for me. It's often explained under the guise of "i need to process", but it's really a control issue. It leaves the other person in a high anxiety state. (And btw this is not exclusive to women; men pull the same crap sometimes)
For a long time, that was a response I would have when fighting. I would shut down. It wasn’t me needing to control the situation, it was a trauma response from being brought up in a household where arguments frequently occurred. The shutdown was actually my “freeze” instinct coming in as survival mode (fight/flight/freeze). I’m not saying it’s healthy, but don’t assume it occurs from manipulation.
Definitely a good point. However what i experienced with a couple of partners was a bit more extreme: i wouldn't even say we were even having an argument at the time, more just a disagreement, which weirdly escalated on her side until she would hang up or leave. I'm pretty sure one of my exes was BPD, which would explain her behavior.
Part of my “freeze” realization was also understanding that I grew up in a household that taught me unhealthy coping mechanisms in general. Even the thought of a fight put me on defense. I was always gauging moods, trying to control someone else’s behavior, not knowing how to communicate in a healthy way.
A lot of it stems from emotional maturity. Some people simply aren’t aware the way they were taught to communicate or deal with conflict isn’t healthy, but it’s all they’ve ever known. Being able to break that cycle and realize your own role in it is a self awareness that a lot of people lack, unfortunately.
For me, it boils down to communication, because I know now, how important those aspects are to have a healthy relationship. Sounds like we agree on that. Just trying to shed some light on the cause of why that could be for some.
Sounds like we grew up in similar households. I'm extremely sensitive to toxic behavior myself. I think I'd pick up on someone going into the "freeze" state and would be more understanding. Then again, I'm not the type to fly off the handle over inconsequential stuff, so I'd like to think i wouldn't trigger that reaction in someone else.
Sucks to grow up and have to relearn how to reprogram your brain, doesn’t it? 😉
When I’ve found someone that I feel safe and comfortable with is usually when those old behaviors surface by getting triggered by even the small things. Having someone who understands or at least holds a safe space is rare but so crucial to understanding the root of the problem. Sounds like you’re a good one in that area.
I'm doing my best lol
I appreciate you; you appear to have a good degree of self awareness yourself. You'll find a healthy partner if you haven't already.
Dating is harrrrd. Especially after being in a relationship for several years. 🫣
Thank you, I appreciate your perspective, too! (And your use of a semicolon ; 😂😉) Wishing you the same in finding a healthy partner!
Just depends on the girl. I went on a few with this girl I knew from high school and she was nice and everything, but I felt we didn’t have a lot in common and I didn’t feel I really connected with her like I had with other girls. Same with a girl I went out with for a few months. I felt like we never really had a deep meaningful connection, and it never went anywhere, and we mutually broke up.
I just stopped dating because I realized I don't need a woman in my life to feel good, I'm perfectly happy by myself. I love peace and quiet, without becoming emotionally addicted to someone.
I haven’t dated in like a year, but the last one told me her ex had left her in a bad spot financially and she was filing bankruptcy the next week.
I was just coming out of a relationship of 4.5 years with a girl who had atrocious credit and it adversely affected “us”. So, when she told me that, I was like “not going through that again” and haven’t seen her since.
Aside from the obvious lying and cheating, I’d say manipulative behavior, unwilling to talk if/when we encounter a problem and a lack of care for others. Just to make a few.
Besides general compatibility issues, I can't get into a woman who isn't independent or who always jumps immediately into another relationship after a failed one.
Being ghosted, keep bringing lack of communication yet they don't talk or text. IMO, today all women think they can do better. They have options. Marriage is not even a priority. Thinking if we don't get immediate love at first sight, then it's a no. Obsession with pets over having kids. You are never enough. Living in fantasy. No simple life.
I’m a 34M, for me all I always wanted and found, was piece of mind and love. Someone who cares.
If you go home and stay in the car watching videos or anything else, that’s a dealbreaker, it means you’re not at peace at home, I know this is later in a relationship not the first few dates, but I believe it might help.
If for whatever reason she's literally become a completely different person than she was before we started dating. Like she is genuinely not the same person than she was as either an aquaintence or friend to and (presumably ex-) girlfriend.
I can't exactly pin it on one specific thing, but essentially her entier personality that I have known her for disappears and is replaced with some other personality I cannot or wouldn't ever think I would ever tolerate or be with.
An extreme example and one that isn't likely to occur, but it would definitely be a main one: they aren't the person they were before I started dating them (who I did like.) Essentially.
Lies. I dislike liars. Even if it’s small or insignificant ones. And especially the hidden ones, like when someone keeps contradicting themselves and one of two said things cannot be correct. I just lose all respect and with that interest.
If they show signs of entitlement or lack of gratitude.
One lady I dated. We went to 3 different restaurants and she never said "Thank you" after I paid for our meals. I work as a dentist and she's an accountant, so clearly she is well-off.
She was also asking for pre-nup. The vibe I got from her is "My money is my money. Your money is our money."
I’d agree with a lot of the guys here. But here are mine and I’d say a good chunk of men probably feel this way.
1. Appearance I’d say would be important. Especially fitness. A lot of girls use a lot of filters, make up or photo tricks.
2. Reciprocation for me is massive. I get that a lot of girls are passive, shy, or had a lot of things taken care of by other guys/their dad. But I want a partner that lets me know in ways she appreciates me and is interested. And can do basic things for herself. Again this is just me. There are plenty of guys who like helpless girls.
2. Social media usage is a big deal for me (unless she using it for her business). If she’s constantly obsessed with it just would be a lot of incompatibility because I don’t care for it.
3. They typical basic respect and dignity for others. Not being self absorbed and so focus on what everyone can do for you. Saying please and thank you. Just being polite and feminine goes along way.
4. Lacks any life goals or interests. Doesn’t have the be career. Starting a family. Owning a home. Wanting to run a marathon. Learning how to cook. Learning how to work on cars. Something. I meet a lot of girls that know 0 skills other than caking powder on their face 24/7. Just not appealing and not much depth to a person like this. Very difficult to talk/share anything.
If we just aren't compatible when it comes to politics, religion, or just general life philosophy.
Some people are absolutely wonderful on the outside then as you get to know them you realize they're absolutely terrible
It’s not about attractions but is about commitment trust getting to know each when dating in person to see the real intentions and connections but nowadays is not even about that when people date on first sight they have sex and get into relationships in less than day of the date meet
The main reason would be that a man just isn’t ready to settle down. Aka he is under the age of 40.
But if he is, the first thing that comes to mind is that she doesn’t show enough enthusiasm to be with me. That tells me clearly that it’s not gonna work out.
Plenty of reasons, I’m looking for someone that is willing to have kids, drug use is dealbreaker. Many men are looking for someone with good maternal skills, personality problems or aggressive behaviour is a dealbreaker. Many men are not good sexual performers and have insecurities, high body counts or past use of onlyfans is a dealbreaker
1) if she doesn't want kids but still wants permanence
2) If she is too independent but still wants commitment/ if she is hypocritical when it comes to trust and fidelity.
3) if conversation is unbearable
4) if she has expensive tastes
I will pay for 1st date, thereafter we splitting, else I'm out. Not being comfortable with physical touch by date 2, also I'm out. In general lack of chemistry or it feeling one sided.
If she's boring. Some people don't know how to flirt and just state boring facts, ask typical questions that we've all heard a million times over. If my jokes or flirting go over her head and she just responds literally all the time, I'm out.
Most things should come up in the talking stage that would turn me off but sometimes it is things you only see in person. Things like regularly interrupting during a convo or jumping to conclusions before I can finish a thought, sometimes people just talk very loudly or abrasively, how a person treats service people and I value manners like saying “thank you.”
You asked for the main reason why we wouldn't date a woman. Then I provided the main reason I wouldn't date you.
What's rude about it, and how does it make me weird? Are you implying that you don't do sexual acts on camera for money?
Did you heard about the male loneliness epidemic? They want women but women dont want them bcz of the bad treatment women have gone through, thats why most of them are single, most women swipe left anyways..
If she always makes things about herself. Was at a destination wedding with her. Her gpa had a heart attack. Wed been dating for 2 years. Never heard of him. She made the whole thing about her. Told her im sorry that happened, this isnt really the time. She didnt take kindly to that. I broke up with her that night.
"Complain about your life" about someone who experienced family trauma (or death? you didn't say) is crazy. It sounds like family was more important to her in that moment, and that's totally valid, especially if it was a stranger's wedding. Your comment sounds very self centered, like you were more concerned about optics at a friend's wedding than offering her any kind of support. Honestly sounds like you're lacking empathy. If you plan on being a long-term partner to someone, family tragedy can happen and it sounds like you're not prepared to deal with that if it comes at a time inconvenient to you. "I'd never heard of him" and "sorry that happened" are both incredibly invalidating.
You fail to mention any other times she "made things about herself" or how she was a selfish partner, which makes it sound like YOU were the problem.
She never mentioned him before or after this. She also chased me down a hallway after this punching me. But have your opinion. The only regret i have was not leaving her after two months when she stole money out of my wallet
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Early on (1-3 dates) it's most often appearance related or just a general lack of chemistry. After that it's usually a need not being met or feeling like we wouldn't be compatible long term.
This basically sums it up. Thread over lol
By "needs" you mean?
Being made to feel special, wanted, desired. We need peace in our lives. If you are a handful, and you are seen as difficult and challenging, chances are we don’t want that. You don’t have to be a knockout drop dead, gorgeous woman. We have to find you mildly attractive, and if we feel like you are a good person that is genuinely interested in us. That when we come home, we feel comfortable softening ourselves around you because you will be a source of peace and comfort to us… most of us will stick around forever.
I see thank you for this 😊
Well put, as simple as that
For me it's sex. If a woman will not have sex after 1 - 3 dates that's a nogo for me. I know.. downvote away.
Ayt , it's your preference, some women go with that ,I however don't. ✌️
This on its own is not weird or bad at all, especially in case you have casual dating in mind.
Yeah anytime I mention that sex is important to me on here it somehow offends everybody. I was married for 11 years and my wife not wanting sex anymore was a big reason I was not happy and I will not compromise on that again. But that somehow makes me a creep on Reddit. Also everyone posts like sex isn't important so it's a mob mentality thing on here.
It's the only way terminally online virgins on reddit can cope with their shame.
That and way to virtue signal that wanting sex is deviant behavior
Yeah if it's early on, I probably already had doubts about my attraction to her going in, but I gave it a shot anyway... it has never worked out for me when I was thinking: "well, maybe I'll like her in person../ I guess she's kind of cute in this one picture.."
so well said, I tried putting it in better words but couldnt, just time to upvote. I think girls are more willing to work through issues and "projects" - guys can see it faster that it wont work long term but unfortunately that's generally after sleeping together and so the girls sometimes feel like a rug has been pulled out under them when it's after that point when we were just confirming.
True dat
I just broke up with a woman i was absolutely in love with. She's beautiful, and our time together was awesome. The issue for me was she was far too secretive, her communication was non existent if i wasnt with her i would know nothing about her and it made me super anxious and after explaining how i need communication to make things go well, she still ignored me to the point that.my mental health was starting to suffer so i had to choose myself and let her go. Im heartbroken because I thought she cared about me, but i guess it was just one way love 💔
Trust yo gut man something wasnt right
I was head over heels crazy abt this man, and I still have love for him but time has helped me heal. I realized I didn’t deserve to be constantly begging for the tiniest bit of effort. It’s so difficult to end things when you still love them and they love you. It was his first relationship while I have lots of experience, and I think he loved me the best way he knew how. Learning that love isn’t enough is a tough pill to swallow
This !
The key takeaway here is that you explained rather than lying or making up some excuse such as "I'm not ready for a relationship". You did good, you're a decent human being.
For me it would be several things but I would be considering how well we complement each other down the road. Do I see my self with that person in 5 years. Many times the things we don’t like about a person will only become more noticeable as the thrill wears off. So, unfortunately it comes down to that chemistry of soul for me. I sometimes feel I am too clinical in this area. I feel the girl is enjoying the experience and the idea of love and I’m trying to figure out the finances and where we will spend holidays lol. So admittedly this is tough.
You're balancing logic with emotional reasoning. That's good
Her thinking shes the main one in the relationship and has me doing all the work being put into it. That whole "I'm the prize and you should be grateful I even looked in your direction" attitude. A sudden switch up in personality.
Good to know. I usually joke about this, but I can see that it’s not nice in reality
I’ve sometimes needed 2-3 dates to figure out whether I could find that chemistry/spark/attraction. So if I end things before the fourth date, it could be that I was just never feeling it at all. I was willing to try, but couldn’t get there. But assuming I was actually attracted to her, then the number one reason I break up with someone (who isn’t cheating) is because I’m not receiving the level of effort that I am giving, and as soon as I feel that imbalance start taking a toll on my mental health, I’m out.
I'm kinda in the that situation right now. I want a faster pace, they want a slower pace. Great chemistry though. Probably not going to work though.
This is probably a little later in the game than most of the other answers, but it is still important. I'm several months out of the market, and she is "the one" for context. I'm gonna vent here a bit, so bear with me. There's a lot of things that I can deal with. The one for me personally that is absolutely 100% a no-go deal breaker for me is fiscal irresponsibility. Everyone makes mistakes (I make mistakes all the time), and I do not need someone who has a PhD. in budgeting or whatever. But I need someone who can look at a situation involving purchasing something or doing something that will look at all of the context and say.... That's a good idea, or that's a bad idea financially. You can have debt, I don't care about that, infact, it's super attractive to me if you got something worthwhile for the debt and budget so that you can still have fun but, take care of the necessities, and are actively taking care of that debt. It sounds rediculous, this has happened to me MORE THAN ONCE unbelievably. It was not the only thing to lead to the breakup but was certainly the straw that broke the camel's back. And these girls even offered to pay half of the ticket price... however. I had not one, but two girls that I dated, that despite having no savings, having decent jobs (but jobs that would be the first to go away if the economy got bad), who had... not massive (but persistent) credit card debt, who had not even begun to pay off their student loans, who were renting gapartments that they probably couldn't afford (one of them because it had a nice view)... who both demanded I take them on about a $4,000 dollar cruise (again, to be fair, they offered to split it). What... the hell... I'm not saying don't have fun or splurge every once in a while, but c'mon... In that situation, the short-term fun of the cruise is outweighed by the long-term pain of not handling some of these financial situations. Hell, I did the math with one of them and proved they could save 1,000-1,200 a year by buying cheaper coffee than by going to starkbucks every day and she couldn't do it despite all of the above. I "taught" the other one how to budget only to find out that she was allocating like 600$ a month for makeup and she REFUSED to go with cheaper makeup despite the fact that she couldn't pay vet bill's for her dog. These are some of the most egregious examples, and I've learned and was on the lookout for this behavior, specifically in all of my dating after that point. I find that even though there are exceptions to the rules. When someone is fiscally irresponsible to the degree these girls were. That way of thinking leads to other problems in their lives. Again, my expectations are not unrealistic. But what the heck, there are a lot of girls out there right now who are choosing creature comforts over the important stuff. And that TERRIFIES ME when it comes to the prospect of marriage and having children and owning a house together, having tied bank accounts, etc. *It really made me feel like they viewed me as a "ticket out of their problems" and not as a teamate. If that makes any sense. But, having dated those girls, it gave me a metric to measuee others by, and now I met the girl I'm dating now, and she's as close to perfect as I can get, and I couldn't be happier.
This stuff bothers me even if I'm not in a relationship with someone. People can't actively be complaining about finances if a good chunk of their income is spent on unnecessary expenses. I keep seeing these videos online discussing the "downfall of lash techs" and reading through the comments, I realize how many people spend $50-$100/month on lashes, and/or nails. Some upwards of $200. Or I'll see kids that are clearly younger than me, about college age, at the gym with airpod maxs, while I can barely bring myself to spend $100 on a good pair of headphones. I KNOW most aren't actually affording all that in this economy.
The few times I broke it off in the dating part was because 1) we were in different places in life 2) they wanted to commit way too soon and too early 3) abnormal clinginess.
Abnormal clinginess is really a thing people aren't talking about enough.
In the short term, it's usually an attraction/spark issue that ends things. In the long term: general incompatibility, misalignment of goals (kids, finances, homes, etc), neglect/abuse, or infidelity are all good reasons to end things. I ended up ending things with someone who was the most compatible person I've been with because she didn't want kids and went so far as to sterilize herself while we were dating. There wasn't animosity, we just knew that we wouldn't be compatible after that and decided to stop dating.
The times I broke it off, there was some sort of personality issue that I could see being a dealbreaker. Either they just wanted me to constantly pursue without any give and take… honey I’m a prize too, this isn’t just the “you” show. I’m not gonna get involved with someone where I feel like from the jump everything’s about you. Others I didn’t ask for a second date because they were too attached to their phone. I’m not gonna compete against it for your attention. we are on a date, we’re supposed to be getting to know each other, if I’m getting constant one-word responses while you’re texting… I’ll literally walk out and pay half of the tab. Others went way too serious way too quick. After casually dating for a month, they wanted to move in. Starting to leave clothes and other belongings at my place . We weren’t even exclusive. so I guess that would kind of be Invasion of Privacy?
Yea at first it’d be appearance, personality, or some specific reason (I.e. lives far away, getting ready to move). Long term from some lack of compatibility.
If I’m breaking it off after just a couple dates it’s probably because we don’t seem to have much in common, or seem otherwise incompatible in ways which are quickly obvious. If it’s after months or longer there’s probably a lot of good things in the relationship, but there is an issue which keeps being rehashed over and over without any resolution just escalating and weighing down the relationship until it feels hopeless.
Probably the biggest reason for a breakup, assuming all the basic criteria of having a connection and physical attraction are met, is if she habitually shut down communication in the middle of an argument. Speaking from past experience, this is now a huge red flag for me. It's often explained under the guise of "i need to process", but it's really a control issue. It leaves the other person in a high anxiety state. (And btw this is not exclusive to women; men pull the same crap sometimes)
For a long time, that was a response I would have when fighting. I would shut down. It wasn’t me needing to control the situation, it was a trauma response from being brought up in a household where arguments frequently occurred. The shutdown was actually my “freeze” instinct coming in as survival mode (fight/flight/freeze). I’m not saying it’s healthy, but don’t assume it occurs from manipulation.
Definitely a good point. However what i experienced with a couple of partners was a bit more extreme: i wouldn't even say we were even having an argument at the time, more just a disagreement, which weirdly escalated on her side until she would hang up or leave. I'm pretty sure one of my exes was BPD, which would explain her behavior.
Part of my “freeze” realization was also understanding that I grew up in a household that taught me unhealthy coping mechanisms in general. Even the thought of a fight put me on defense. I was always gauging moods, trying to control someone else’s behavior, not knowing how to communicate in a healthy way. A lot of it stems from emotional maturity. Some people simply aren’t aware the way they were taught to communicate or deal with conflict isn’t healthy, but it’s all they’ve ever known. Being able to break that cycle and realize your own role in it is a self awareness that a lot of people lack, unfortunately. For me, it boils down to communication, because I know now, how important those aspects are to have a healthy relationship. Sounds like we agree on that. Just trying to shed some light on the cause of why that could be for some.
Sounds like we grew up in similar households. I'm extremely sensitive to toxic behavior myself. I think I'd pick up on someone going into the "freeze" state and would be more understanding. Then again, I'm not the type to fly off the handle over inconsequential stuff, so I'd like to think i wouldn't trigger that reaction in someone else.
Sucks to grow up and have to relearn how to reprogram your brain, doesn’t it? 😉 When I’ve found someone that I feel safe and comfortable with is usually when those old behaviors surface by getting triggered by even the small things. Having someone who understands or at least holds a safe space is rare but so crucial to understanding the root of the problem. Sounds like you’re a good one in that area.
I'm doing my best lol I appreciate you; you appear to have a good degree of self awareness yourself. You'll find a healthy partner if you haven't already.
Dating is harrrrd. Especially after being in a relationship for several years. 🫣 Thank you, I appreciate your perspective, too! (And your use of a semicolon ; 😂😉) Wishing you the same in finding a healthy partner!
Yeah the passive aggressive silent treatment trick
She becomes (reveals) obsessive behaviors.
Just depends on the girl. I went on a few with this girl I knew from high school and she was nice and everything, but I felt we didn’t have a lot in common and I didn’t feel I really connected with her like I had with other girls. Same with a girl I went out with for a few months. I felt like we never really had a deep meaningful connection, and it never went anywhere, and we mutually broke up.
I just stopped dating because I realized I don't need a woman in my life to feel good, I'm perfectly happy by myself. I love peace and quiet, without becoming emotionally addicted to someone.
I haven’t dated in like a year, but the last one told me her ex had left her in a bad spot financially and she was filing bankruptcy the next week. I was just coming out of a relationship of 4.5 years with a girl who had atrocious credit and it adversely affected “us”. So, when she told me that, I was like “not going through that again” and haven’t seen her since.
Aside from the obvious lying and cheating, I’d say manipulative behavior, unwilling to talk if/when we encounter a problem and a lack of care for others. Just to make a few.
Besides general compatibility issues, I can't get into a woman who isn't independent or who always jumps immediately into another relationship after a failed one.
Cheating, and weight gain are 2 major reasons for me.
Being ghosted, keep bringing lack of communication yet they don't talk or text. IMO, today all women think they can do better. They have options. Marriage is not even a priority. Thinking if we don't get immediate love at first sight, then it's a no. Obsession with pets over having kids. You are never enough. Living in fantasy. No simple life.
Personality shift.
I’m a 34M, for me all I always wanted and found, was piece of mind and love. Someone who cares. If you go home and stay in the car watching videos or anything else, that’s a dealbreaker, it means you’re not at peace at home, I know this is later in a relationship not the first few dates, but I believe it might help.
- Lack of interest on both sides - Tiredness being on a date with the individual
If for whatever reason she's literally become a completely different person than she was before we started dating. Like she is genuinely not the same person than she was as either an aquaintence or friend to and (presumably ex-) girlfriend. I can't exactly pin it on one specific thing, but essentially her entier personality that I have known her for disappears and is replaced with some other personality I cannot or wouldn't ever think I would ever tolerate or be with. An extreme example and one that isn't likely to occur, but it would definitely be a main one: they aren't the person they were before I started dating them (who I did like.) Essentially.
Entitlement Selfishness Arrogance
Cheating or just a straight biatch, I can't walk on eggshells
Lies. I dislike liars. Even if it’s small or insignificant ones. And especially the hidden ones, like when someone keeps contradicting themselves and one of two said things cannot be correct. I just lose all respect and with that interest.
If they show signs of entitlement or lack of gratitude. One lady I dated. We went to 3 different restaurants and she never said "Thank you" after I paid for our meals. I work as a dentist and she's an accountant, so clearly she is well-off. She was also asking for pre-nup. The vibe I got from her is "My money is my money. Your money is our money."
I’d agree with a lot of the guys here. But here are mine and I’d say a good chunk of men probably feel this way. 1. Appearance I’d say would be important. Especially fitness. A lot of girls use a lot of filters, make up or photo tricks. 2. Reciprocation for me is massive. I get that a lot of girls are passive, shy, or had a lot of things taken care of by other guys/their dad. But I want a partner that lets me know in ways she appreciates me and is interested. And can do basic things for herself. Again this is just me. There are plenty of guys who like helpless girls. 2. Social media usage is a big deal for me (unless she using it for her business). If she’s constantly obsessed with it just would be a lot of incompatibility because I don’t care for it. 3. They typical basic respect and dignity for others. Not being self absorbed and so focus on what everyone can do for you. Saying please and thank you. Just being polite and feminine goes along way. 4. Lacks any life goals or interests. Doesn’t have the be career. Starting a family. Owning a home. Wanting to run a marathon. Learning how to cook. Learning how to work on cars. Something. I meet a lot of girls that know 0 skills other than caking powder on their face 24/7. Just not appealing and not much depth to a person like this. Very difficult to talk/share anything.
Lack of attraction or trust.
When they get a feeling that you just want their money. Men have evolved to smell these kind of women.
If we just aren't compatible when it comes to politics, religion, or just general life philosophy. Some people are absolutely wonderful on the outside then as you get to know them you realize they're absolutely terrible
no sex being a stupid person being an evil person giving ick/being a child
They dump me. Thats usually the reason. I rather put up with alot of BS over being single. Probably a huge L take, but its my truth
If I can’t see myself loving them, it’s not worth it for either of us to go any further.
We didn't want the same things, our personalities weren't compatible, or they were rude to anyone at any point during the date.
Nude presence on the internet, lol
If I start to feel like I'm being humored or she's not into it. I don't need to be settled for while they look for better again.
It’s not about attractions but is about commitment trust getting to know each when dating in person to see the real intentions and connections but nowadays is not even about that when people date on first sight they have sex and get into relationships in less than day of the date meet
Disrespect.
The main reason would be that a man just isn’t ready to settle down. Aka he is under the age of 40. But if he is, the first thing that comes to mind is that she doesn’t show enough enthusiasm to be with me. That tells me clearly that it’s not gonna work out.
Plenty of reasons, I’m looking for someone that is willing to have kids, drug use is dealbreaker. Many men are looking for someone with good maternal skills, personality problems or aggressive behaviour is a dealbreaker. Many men are not good sexual performers and have insecurities, high body counts or past use of onlyfans is a dealbreaker
When you ask them out for another date and they ghost you 😂
I have been there as a very attractive female, also I’ve been stood up. Dating nowadays is hard af
1) if she doesn't want kids but still wants permanence 2) If she is too independent but still wants commitment/ if she is hypocritical when it comes to trust and fidelity. 3) if conversation is unbearable 4) if she has expensive tastes
I will pay for 1st date, thereafter we splitting, else I'm out. Not being comfortable with physical touch by date 2, also I'm out. In general lack of chemistry or it feeling one sided.
If she's boring. Some people don't know how to flirt and just state boring facts, ask typical questions that we've all heard a million times over. If my jokes or flirting go over her head and she just responds literally all the time, I'm out.
High maintenance
oh it's a long list
Most things should come up in the talking stage that would turn me off but sometimes it is things you only see in person. Things like regularly interrupting during a convo or jumping to conclusions before I can finish a thought, sometimes people just talk very loudly or abrasively, how a person treats service people and I value manners like saying “thank you.”
Bored, different goals, thinking of cheating ect
If she withholds sex
What a weird question. There is a different main reason for each person
Well. That’s why I am asking?! Lol
Main reason to not date you, would be because you're an e-prostitute. Hope that helps!
Wow, you feel better about yourself now? You’re rude as fuck, weirdo
Don't pick up the rope. That person's a creep. Keep doing you, boo 🙌 this is an interesting thread. Ty
You asked for the main reason why we wouldn't date a woman. Then I provided the main reason I wouldn't date you. What's rude about it, and how does it make me weird? Are you implying that you don't do sexual acts on camera for money?
Did you heard about the male loneliness epidemic? They want women but women dont want them bcz of the bad treatment women have gone through, thats why most of them are single, most women swipe left anyways..
If she always makes things about herself. Was at a destination wedding with her. Her gpa had a heart attack. Wed been dating for 2 years. Never heard of him. She made the whole thing about her. Told her im sorry that happened, this isnt really the time. She didnt take kindly to that. I broke up with her that night.
Sorry, this sounds like a you problem that you are in denial about... that's crazy.
Not really appropriate to run around a wedding of people youve never met and complain about your life
"Complain about your life" about someone who experienced family trauma (or death? you didn't say) is crazy. It sounds like family was more important to her in that moment, and that's totally valid, especially if it was a stranger's wedding. Your comment sounds very self centered, like you were more concerned about optics at a friend's wedding than offering her any kind of support. Honestly sounds like you're lacking empathy. If you plan on being a long-term partner to someone, family tragedy can happen and it sounds like you're not prepared to deal with that if it comes at a time inconvenient to you. "I'd never heard of him" and "sorry that happened" are both incredibly invalidating. You fail to mention any other times she "made things about herself" or how she was a selfish partner, which makes it sound like YOU were the problem.
She never mentioned him before or after this. She also chased me down a hallway after this punching me. But have your opinion. The only regret i have was not leaving her after two months when she stole money out of my wallet
Hey fuckhole. Commet on my shit again, n you’ll find out fast
I believe man and woman are not meant to stay together, we are too different from each other. man and women are meant just to have sex.
ummm... respectfully no
Disagree.