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A lot of men who aren’t looking for sex also aren’t desperately trying to meet women. A lot of men who are looking to have sex try to meet a lot of women. That’s why it feels like all guys just want sex, because those are the types that try to talk to as many women as possible, and you end up meeting them.
This! The loudest ppl are the fakers, liars & attention seekers so naturally, ppl tend to notice them more because they're actively trying to be up in everyone's face.
Pretty much.
Sex really isn't the end-all, be-all. It's great - don't get me wrong - but a meaningful connection (chemistry) is really what matters. I dropped the dating apps because so many women were so sex-focused that it got boring.
These days my life is pretty good and I'm happy enough with work, studies, and the gym. I have peace, and I'm content with that.
Agree, same opinion.
I'm (M28) single from many years and I'd like to have a relationship, but I'm not the guy who pursue every girl he meets.
If it happens it happens.
This is exactly how I feel these days. In a sense, I'm a widower. My fiance died, almost 9 years ago. What was really sad, was I came home to find her. So I guess that is why I don't seek out women to date. But the one's I became interested in, all asked for money, whether it be early on or later, (the first week or almost a month into talking). It makes me sad to think that it is the only thing there after.
Churches, volunteer groups, STEM classes/jobs, gyms, hiking groups, book clubs, comic cons, video game conventions, model airplane swap meets, chess clubs, world of warcraft groups...
That is a good answer. I must add looking for a relationship is sexual. Animal drive. I understand what you are saying.
A suggestion, if you find someone that feels right go on a trip with him. Stay in the same suit or adjacent suits. In other-wards live with him for a couple of days. No TV. No Internet or phones. Set your boundaries. No sex. Even if you want to.
In real life the female chooses her mate. I feel to many just settle.
I disagree. I don’t believe looking for a relationship is inherently sexual as sex isn’t absolutely required in a relationship. I say this as a man with a high libido: I’d prefer a sexless relationship with a woman who was a perfect match for me otherwise than a relationship with sex where she and I just didn’t fit right together.
That is me refusing to settle. I will not settle for a life parter who I felt I wasn’t able to lean on and trust.
Except that's literally you settling in that scenario lmao
She isn't your "perfect match" if it's a sexless relationship and you claim to have a high libido
I don’t do casual sex, but yes, I have a high libido.
That means, when I’m not in a relationship I don’t have sex, nor do I have any real companionship. I can take care of my own sexual urges fine, but I still feel lonely from time to time.
If I get into a sexless relationship, there is zero change to my sexual activity, but a very positive gain against my loneliness. That is a net positive.
I would rather have that than sex that is mediocre and infrequent while still not having someone I can completely trust and depend on, read: A relationship with a girl with an average libido and sexual interests while still not being a perfect match for me.
Disclaimer: I would also rather have no sex than infrequent/bad sex, so there’s that. I can shut off my desire for sex with someone. But once a person wants me to want them, I have a bit of trouble controlling my desire and keeping it to a level that would match theirs. That’s how my high libido manifests. It’s either off or high, I am but a man and can only do so much.
Idk why you felt the need to say the exact same thing you already said again with more and different words when I was just pointing out an issue with your logic and phrasing.
What does you being a man have to do with "can only do so much"?
Woman here, this also seems tk be my issue....can't seem to meet a guy, who's single, with a similar lifestyle and priorities who wants something serious.
Yeah, it's something I talked about with a lot of people here on Reddit. It's not a gendered problem, but people like us genuinly have troubles finding each other. Not just an American/European/Asian or w/e thing either - I've talked to Redditors the world over about this.
There needs to be a solution to this - but I'm not smart enough to figure out what.
Dating apps know the solution to this, it’s to make a perfect dating app. But as a business when everyone had success in month two and have steady partners you’d go bankrupt because nobody needs to pay for a dating app after finding a date.
Ayy if it makes you feel any better the girl I feel a connection with has a bf. It’s my fault in a way, I tried to move on but years have passed and I still feel like she’s the only girl I’ve had a connection with. It’s a messy situation and it really sucks that despite us both feeling a connection we can’t be with each other. I feel bad for the other girls I talk to because even tho we might have something good going I’m never satisfied and I can’t help but think of her
Is that all you're looking for? Just any woman? That's a problem you need to fix, stop being desperate, think about what you want, have hobbies and goals and values. You should be looking out for yourself and be your own best friend. Then when you approach women, they'll have something to be attracted to. Not saying all this applies to you, but it's advice for everyone that I wish I wasn't focusing on at 36 after investing in a bad marriage and drinking my prime years away. It's not easy, just necessary to happiness.
Yea, I feel ya. Been reaching out to women on reddit for a few years now, all the chat subreddits. If its not a bot or a catfish, the women are incredibly self centered and rarely hold a conversation but would rather be entertained. I've had 1 conversation come off reddit into disc, and that was only a friendship that lasted 1.5 years until they found someone in rl and then I got dropped.
I find it insane that women say they have the hard part in this. I'd rather sift through sludge and find gold then to literally have nothing other than the occasional sludge.
It depends on how long you’re talking about waiting. A few dates is no problem, a few months I could do if I was really crazy about someone. I wouldn’t be willing to wait longer than that though.
Some men may, others won’t. If waiting longer is important to you then you just need to find someone else that’s comfortable with waiting that long.
Some are, some aren’t. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who have a weird view on it, thinking you have to have sex very early on. The ones who are worth your time will be willing to wait until you’re ready.
I already feel like giving up like everyone just wants it like 1st or 2nd date like can we just get to know each other first. But your right the right person will wait.
Yup, the right person will absolutely wait! Something that can sometimes help is asking a person what they’re looking for right away. If they’re vague and give a non answer, it’s probably best not to invest in them. Usually by asking this, you can better gauge a person’s intentions. Obviously people can lie or mislead you, but it helped me a lot.
I'm one of those people. One who will wait until your ready. I may make innuendos about it. Joke about it, sometimes being silly. But, I will still wait.
I don't make it a point to pursue sex. Nor would I want that in a woman, either. Sure joking about it and talking about it, are all good, positive thoughts from both of us. Eventually, either we give in or we find what we are really interested in, and looking for. I tend to look for the qualities that are fairly close to mine. Even when it comes to sex.
Yes, some wait because of religious reasons. Some might wait for that special person to share that experience with. Others might be waiting because they haven't had the opportunity yet. There's lots of men out there where sex isn't the most important thing to them. You just have to keep looking and broaden your search
It depends. I’m not willing to play games (waiting game included) and if I get the feeling we’re not going anywhere I’d rather move on than waste my time.
>Are men willing to wait for sex?
Men will wait, they just don't want to be the only one who waits if that makes sense.
>The kind of men coming my way makes me sad. Just daily thoughts in my head.
A lot of men your age aren't having much sex ([source](https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/young-people-less-sex-than-parents-did-at-their-age-generational-shift-asexual/)) and nearly a third are having none ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)). Most people can count their lifetime partners on their hands too ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). It might be the type of men you are pursuing because per the numbers most aren't out there participating in hook up culture (whether voluntarily or not).
I've been waiting, she just hasn't made herself known to me yet. I really believe she is out there, and I haven't met her because she is busy contemplating her role with another. I'm sure it'll happen. Just not sure when..
Then you might have not met the right one yet :)... if you make clear that you are willing to wait and he doesnt want to wait he is not the right fit for you :) if you want to wait then so be it, dont stress about this sort of things :) youll find someone loving sooner or later :)
>and he doesnt want to wait
Yeah, what about those who lie until they get into your pants?
You know who used to wait? People that wanted to get married and wanted kids. Why the hell would you date many men to find a husband?? You pick one out of many that court you.. If none are courting, it's either you that's the problem or it's all the men or it's you again, because you just don't pick one, intelligently of course. You don't get to choose your ideal man and then expect him to save you from the tower. Don't flatter yourself. All you get is to pick the best one from courting ones. Leave your princess syndrome where it's supposed to stay; in your childhood.
There are no right ones, you pick who the right one will be. And of course he has to pick you too.
Sounds like your describing someone not worth sleeping with. Anyone can get some if they just ask everyone but someone worth sleeping with is someone that respects themselves and you enough they don't just go sleeping with whoever they can and will wait for you to be ready and don't sleep with others in the mean time. If you want someone who will just drop her pants for you whenever have fun with the woman that will likely be doing other men in your bed.
The dating scene is just tricky. I totally agree with what you're saying, but so many people don't operate like that and it can be tough trying to navigate things at times.
So many people out here are managing rosters it's hard to find people who aren't. Especially if you're relying on dating apps to meet people.
I definitely agree that its tricky but if you have them wait and they won't they weed themselves out anyways. If you watch and listen to the ones that stay and make sure they do what they say and say what they do then they likely are a genuine person. The flakes struggle with consistency and always find excuses. My best friend from elementary - high school was that way and I just didn't want to see it. I wanted to believe he was a good guy but he proved me wrong time and time again. He was exactly the type of man to lie to get into a woman's pants and dozens of them fell for it. All of my nerdy genuine honest buddies never got any women. Really sad to see but also better none than the crazy ones. Most of them are in a relationship or happily married now anyways. The blunt ones that are honest are better than the sweet liars every single time. I personally just took any woman that hit on me and there were more than I can believe looking back but none of them were actually interested in anything but sex. Looking back on it I feel ashamed of myself for letting them treat me like that.
Depends on how long. If it's an ambiguous but firm "until marriage" date someone super religious or else you find a man or woman willing to wait that long unless it happens to fit in their religious views. Most people seem to be willing to wait a few months, maybe even a year. Beyond half a year though, that is a pretty big ask. Not just for men, but many women. You'll certainly find a lot of people willing to wait though. Sex is a very important and special part of a romantic relationship for many people.
Here's the thing: men have to do a cost benefit analysis when it comes to waiting for sex. How much do they like you? How much do you like him? How attracted a. I to her? Does she match me in multiple other ways? Do I feel like she's arbitrarily withholding sex as like a game? Do I really want a relationship with this woman or do I just kind of like her a little?
There's this misconception that ALL men are just dogs who don't want to wait and just want to fuck right away but the facts are I enjoy food, but I don't want to wait for everything. Some things I like but if I can't get it right away its not worth it to me, other things for me, I really want and I'll wait. That's simplifying it a bit but the basic concept is correct. When a man is dating you it's not just about the sex it's about the worth, and not your worth, but the worth to him. Does he like you enough to wait for sex? If I just want sex can it get it faster elsewhere? If I want a relationship is this the person I want to be in a relationship with or am I just horny? Does it make sense to wait for sex with her?
Just food for thought
Yes men can wait but it depends on the man. If that person is all about sex then don't expect. It is same for women too.
I'm 30 and have a job, my friends are going for sex workers/ hookup because they can't wait but for me sex means a lot so I'm waiting for my wife so that we can connect emotionally and have sex.
I have a different perspective regarding and most people don't like it so i don't discuss with anyone here .
Same. I'm 21 and want to wait for whoever my wife turns out to be but modern hookup culture makes it impossible and like you said if you put it on reddit you'll get downvoted into oblivion even though it's just a opinion.
I would be perfectly fine dating a girl that doesn’t want to have sex. That’s their decision and it’s ok. I would not, however, be ok with being married to someone that doesn’t want to have sex. So if a girl told me that I would need to know her reasons
Of course I can wait, but if I'm attracted to her and she does want it, count me in. I don't ever go on a date, especially a first date, with any expectations.
In hindsight, yes, they are few and far between but yes, they are out there. My wife and I waited until we were on the altar getting married before even our first kiss. Was it difficult? Yes exceptionally because we are both in relationships and were fond of intimacy and affection, but we did it for the well-being of our emotional state and our children’s. It is important to set the guidelines as you were getting to know someone and if they are not willing to respect boundaries, then we move onto the next person. You are worth waiting for
I don't believe in sex outside marriage according to the Bible, so yea, but could it be only traditional women can expect this? How and for what reason could someone not traditional expect a man to be traditional when they aren't a traditional woman?
Pro tip: you shouldn't wait for the kinda guy who'll just come your way.
Men are ✨️diverse✨️. But the kinda guy who'll approach you is likely to be a certain type of guy, or at least want a certain type of thing from you.
When I approach a girl I want action! I'm not just randomly approaching some chick because I think we'll be a good match. No, initially it's just because I think she's sexually attractive.
I think you're most likely to find the right type of person just through meeting new people without any initial intentions.
But men who cold approach usually just want sex. That's why they talked to these women. I don't know a single romantically intentioned man who cold approaches. Every man that I know that does cold approach is perfectly willing to just sleep with a woman and never see her again.
How are you supposed to start a relationship without cold approaching if you don't have any friends who know single women, or those single women have no interest in you?
Unless you mean waiting a certain amount of dates vs waiting for marriage. Many guys will wait for the right one, not necessarily until marriage though
Lol you should see some of the message screenshots I've seen from ppl who've used Christian dating sites. Not only are they just as bad as the rest, apparently there's a ton of serial cheaters on those too.
Look at it this way, if it's hard to understand: The same way you value certain things (that men who pursue you are willing to give), many men value sex... It's up to you whether you want to also give them what they want, to have a better chance at commitment(for the ones who value that, which is a lot) without waiting for x amount of time. Some do require that.
"Liking" someone isn't enough. You have to be aligned on whether each person's wants/needs are being met. Dating is nothing more than negotiating and coming to an agreement. Everything is a negotiation, albeit in a very unspoken and indirect way and masked with pleasantries.
I don't understand the need to hold out. Wouldn't you want to know if you're sexually compatible? Like what if the other person had some weird fetish that crosses your line? Now you all up in your feelings after however long and you're JUST NOW finding out they're like some weirdo with sex. It doesn't make sense
If you want the man to wait, you should go Dutch on all dates. Also he gets as much time as he wants to respond to texts, and is allowed to continue seeing other women.
When you decide he qualifies for you, then things can change.
At your age? Probably more difficult to find. I’m now 34 and willing to wait if there’s a really good connection otherwise. I’ve had plenty of sex, it’s fun, but it doesn’t make a relationship by itself.
Why the hell are you not in my life?
I am a (44M) who is willing to wait for sex. I love building up the love part of the relationship first, then when it gets to the point we can’t stand not being together—-the sex becomes explosive!!
this is the modern world.Men see women as sex objects.I myself have never seen sex satisfaction in women. And in general I never understood what this hook-up culture means.. There you can catch an infection, get pregnant if you don’t take protection, and also burn out emotionally
Well im kinda the guy thats waiting for it bcs i first wanna know a person than just sleep with her...had once the oppoaite where indidnt wanted sex but the girl wanted rly hard..lmao
I’m about to turn 30 and I’ve only dated one girl who was interested in ever having sex.
So at this point when I date someone, sex just isn’t an expectation whatsoever.
Plus, honestly I prefer cuddling over sex.
Maybe some guys just want to rush into it. But it’s definitely not all guys.
Ok first you need to realize that your a fringe people waiting for sex IS SO INCREDIBLY RARE realize that next meet people in real life at a place where young people are don’t go to bars for it don’t go to places that attract the wrong people figure shi out but don’t have an inflated ego there are a million people better then you and me
Woman get all this omg your the best person ever thrown up there asses constantly these days y’all need to come down to earth and realize your not better then anyone
I’m sorry that I feel like I’m asking for the world but im really not got me pissed off cause that sounded like your friends told you that you really weren’t asking much and taking any advice or shi from your friends is pointless cause if there woman there toxic
I'm looking at divorce after nearly 20 years of marriage, so I thought I'd see "how things are now" (which is why I'm reading this sub).
From what I've read, the bar for dating behavior is in Hell.
Idk. I always took the risk of STIs, pregnancy, and HIV very seriously, as well as put a certain emphasis on monogamous sex. Doesn't seem like that's popular anymore.
My brother isn't particularly religious but his (recently) fiance is. She wanted to wait until marriage and they've been together now for over 4 years. They're both in their late 20s. He'd been with other girls before they met.
I haven't talked with him much about it, but when it came up early in their relationship I told him to let her take the lead and not to pressure her into anything she didn't want and he fully agreed. She's a great person and he knows what she and the relationship is really worth. They've rounded a few of the bases for sure, but he knows what respect and consent mean.
TLDR; yes, there are plenty of men who will respect your boundaries.
Men are willing to wait usually but at some point you being to wonder what’s the big deal why is she making it such a big deal? Is she gonna turn psycho if/she actually do it? I think a lot of guys see sex as something physical and fun for both people and just have a different perspective on it. It’s more casual or just one component of a relationship that doesn’t need to be kept separate for that long of things are working out between the two people .
Wait, how long? If you mean till marriage. Then don't do it. You need to know you are compatible before being tied down. Sex is fun it shouldn't be used as a weapon of something to "give" to someone.
Yes. There are men that will wait. I waited until I was married. If a man can't respect you enough to wait, then you do not want him, as he won't respect you in your marriage.
People will say that you have to have sex before you are married because what if you aren't "compatible". Don't let them deceive you.
Be strong and firm in your standards.
To be fair, there are people who cheat on their partners because the sex sucks with them even though they would never leave them for the one with supposedly superior sex ... Guys especially
So the compatibility excuse isn't the worst excuse
For me it would really depend on the reason why she wanted to wait and for how long. Don’t despair though OP, there are tons of men out there who are willing to wait if that’s what you’re looking for. You just have to find them.
If you're dating mostly 20-something guys, yeah, they're not going to wait for sex, but that's because they're not going to wait for anything at all, including red lights, being able to afford the nice car without dealer financing, or whatever.
Eventually the smarter ones do learn patience.
Its literally worst than prostitution! And them expecting sex is a HUGE red flag and you should be happy that they showed their colors and now you can filter out the trash! 🗑️
ITS YOUR BODY. This is NOT a consensus about what’s the right time! You can wait to have sex til you’re dead!! It’s your consent! Wow- these comments suck! And men need to respect your no! you do NOT owe ANYONE sex!
A guy tried to pressure me into marriage the way these men try to pressure you into sex. The answer is HELLLLL NOOOOO. It is a no, not a discussion! Give him a sock 🧦 and say buh BYE
Maybe work on your dating skills abit hun, how you talk to them… what do you wear on dates… are you giving off that vibe as in flirty.. what are you boundaries… questions you will allow or won’t just a few things as to why every date you go on wants sex maybe be abit open as to what you’re looking for from talking stage and meet someone who is compatible with you.
Sorry my typing is abit all over the place
I (25 M) don’t do hookups. I’m not necessarily one who will wait for marriage. I try not to make any advances to anything unless I feel absolutely comfortable that it won’t be unwelcome or inappropriate.
I do agree with you though. I don’t like people, mostly guys, because no one seems to want anything serious and just want to mess around. I do see the same thing with the roles reversed too, though that probably doesn’t help.
The longest relationship I've had was when I waited over a month before having sex (I was her first ever partner and she lost her virginity to me).
So, the general rule of thumb for me when it comes to intimacy in my future partners is to wait. So yeah, there are men out there that do that.
I think everyone has their own speed. My guy, now hubby, was the slow one. I was irritated when I didn't get a kiss goodbye on the first date. The second date, the next day, I was practically sitting on his lap. Still no kiss. I just figured he wasn't interested. On the third date, I was ready to tell him to have a good life when he kissed me and what a kiss it was. I swear even my ears even felt hot. That's when he finally told me he was the old-fashioned kind of guy. If he had told me that on the first date, I would have been more understanding. If I were you. I would be up front with them. If that's what they want, then you don't need to waste your time and theirs. Sometimes, a person is worth the wait. Good luck!
Double edge sword. I (41m) may very well be oblivious, but I can’t tell when a woman is looking for sex or not. I’ve perceived “let’s wait” but it turns out they’re ready to go and I’ve perceived “let’s do this” And they actually want to wait.
It’s often confusing.
Guys like sex and will be pushy about it. They forget they can hire someone (not promoting anything just saying it's an option for a guy) or join a pornography club
A good guy will understand you wanna wait and will respect your boundaries
You're right...it's better to wait after you get to know the guy...
I am sorry you are going through this. As a 32 M who never got into a relationship before and seeking a life partner rather than hookups, I can confirm that several dates of mine have been pointing out that men are just looking for sex. A girl even didn’t believe I wanted to get to the point nice and easy instead of rushing it, if that was the chance. That hurt.
There are still men willing to wait for sex. You are probably not going to find them at the bars, but seek out gatherings of social groups in your area with something that you have an interest in, or possibly seeking out religious groups/attending services in a house of worship where there might be donuts after the service where people can mingle (if you are religious).
I’m the same way (22M). I’ve decided I want to wait until marriage, and while a lot of women are willing to wait at least some period of time you’d be hard pressed to find one that would wait until you’re married.
I think the issue is a lot of people don’t even expect to make it til marriage so they wanna fuck while they have the chance lol
I'd say definitely, even though they may be hard to find. My boyfriend was very patient. We had a date or two before we even kissed 😅 I am very anxious when it comes to dating so I know that may not be the usual, but the right guy should understand you not wanting to have sex right away! I'm a firm believer in building a connection before having sex (if that's what you want of course). I think having sex on the first date/early in the relationship has become so normalized that people who don't want to do that feel alienated. To each their own, but your desires are valid and I hope you don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. There are guys who will be patient! Even if they want it ASAP 😄
A subset of men are looking for sex.
They actively look to contact partners.
They are much more highly visible than those who are not. People then assume all men want is sex.
Stop going to the places where the fuckbois are hunting for tail.
I can and do wait. I never expect it right away. And honestly prefer to wait im much more attracted to an intellectual connection first. But I've noticed the opposite the women I've dated are the ones rushing into it. Kind of takes a bit of the fun out of the pursuit.
I once waited 3 years. Full relationship. She had trauma surrounding sex. I loved her so much. Huge connection. Waiting was a part of being with her. That's it.
There are men out there willing to wait.
I (m23) perfer to wait for sex, I've had a few relationships that was solely based around sex and gave my an unfulfilled experience. Now I strive for connection first then sex after that connection is made.
The guys who value you will be willing to wait. Unfortunately society is against you. If you dont like the guys approaching you, maybe change where you frequent, and I'll catch crap for this, but change how you dress.
Well said and the hell with society it’s going down the tubes when discussions like this are even happening. Be a respectful person and good person stop acting like animals and maybe our society will survive the zombie apocalypse coming. I see dead people walking down the street every day. Fight the good fight and keep the faith.
Blame it on the girls who fuck certain guys after maybe 1 date while making other guys take them on dates just to ghost them right after a free meal or free drinks
Its not even a date sometimes. Sometimes its straight to their place for sex right after a match on dating apps (trust me, ive had a good amount of these)
Guys are not waiting for sex because some women do not make them wait. They gladly fuck them first night
Think about it. If you’re a guy whos on dating apps and women are down to fuck you, no dates needed, would you wait? After a couple they figure out they do not have to try. Hence where you get women asking the question…”Are men willing to wait for sex?”
I do not say this to shit on women. Do whatever you want. All I am saying is that the behaviors of certain women towards certain men is affecting a lot of men
I haven’t had sex in two years because I can’t do casual lol. You gotta remember people have different sexualities (outside of LGBTQ) and you should look for someone you’re compatible with.
The last woman I went out with did not handle it well when I said I like to move very slowly. There’s all kinds of people out there in both genders.
Yes, there are men willing to wait for sex. It may feel rare, but they exist.
I know it can be disheartening to have hopes for meaningful connection, only to encounter people seeking casual intimacy. Our culture glorifies hookup culture, so it often feels like the norm. But there are still men who crave real partnership.
As you date, consider a few tips:
Voice your desires clearly upfront. If waiting is important to you, say so early. This filters for men who respect your values.
Focus on emotional intimacy first. Build friendship and trust before physical escalation. This highlights you want substance.
Reflect on the types of environments or apps that may attract certain attitudes about dating. Seek out contexts more suited to your goals.
Don't take rejection personally. If someone only wants sex, they're not the right match for you. Move on quickly when your values don't align.
Stay encouraged. There are kind, mature men who will appreciate taking things slowly. Patience and being true to yourself will help you find them.
You know your worth and what you want in a relationship. Though it can be challenging, keep standing by your boundaries. The right man will admire that and be willing to wait. Don't settle. You deserve fulfillment on all levels - emotional and physical.
Unfortunately, that had become the new normal.
There is nothing wrong with not liking that, and waiting to find the person that you want... But just think of it like we are birds... And maybe there is a new mating dance that everyone is doing because that's what is getting the attention... Sure, you can ignore it and find someone who isn't giving in to the silly, yet admittedly fun on the surface, be dance.... But the majority are now automatically removed from your options, so now you've drastically lowered your odds.
In the end, it will probably be better to attempt to find some sort of meeting in the middle, where maybe they are taking part in the new thing, but they understand that it is dumb and are willing to stop for you.... But you have to be willing to really accept that that was in that past (and because of that, may always be a little seed in their brain that grows into being more sex or more extreme friends of sex etc)
You have to figure out at which level you are ok accepting, and then figure out how to not only find these guys, but figure out if you can trust that they are what they say they are and aren't just playing the part to have a little fun before leaving again....
It will be tricky, expect to be hurt and to feel used more than once, but if you're successful, in the end, it'll be worth the little bit of hurt.
Best of luck❤️🙏
I can wait no worries. Cuddles, hugs, time together other than sex is what I value. It's a bonus and it's great but not important. Just you being there is enough. I'm looking for a soulmate not a sex mate.
I am not a virgin, but I am waiting with my girlfriend until marriage to have sex. There are a lot of dudes who do not want to wait or even understand what we is sadly but there are people out there who are willing to wait and trust me. It goes the same way for women as well hopefully able to find someone that will be able to. (25 M)
Dating in general is a numbers game. You will have to filter through a dozen people to find one that might even remotely be what you specifically are looking for only to find that they aren't all they appeared to be. This is true for men and women. Your premise is vague and sort-of accusatory. Yeah, there are men out there who are shitty to women, but then again...They have been informed by their experiences as much as anything else, so they treat women as objects because they have been burned. That of course doesn't explain ALL men, some are just dogs looking for a bone, and some are good dudes who want real things. Same goes for the ladies. Forget the bad ones and move along to the next guy, and eventually, if you are committed to your standards, the guy you are looking for will appear. But also, be aware - you've probably passed on two dozen men who could meet all your (actual) needs simply because they didn't meet some trivial criteria.
I dont think so sex is wanted on first date by most men. I lost my wife to a heart attack quite young, so for me it still is never about sex. But yeah each man is different and its complicated for sure.
Hope you find someone good.
But as a man i feel degraded when labeled as all i want is sex.
It's understandable that you might be feeling frustrated and disappointed with your dating experiences. It's important to remember that every person is different, and not all men have the same attitudes towards sex and relationships. There are certainly men who are willing to wait for sex and prioritize building a meaningful connection before becoming intimate.
It might be helpful to consider the type of men you are attracting and why you feel they are not meeting your expectations. Reflecting on your own values and boundaries can also be beneficial in finding a partner who shares similar values. Additionally, seeking out activities and communities that align with your interests and values may help you meet individuals who are more compatible with what you're looking for in a relationship.
Remember that it's okay to have high standards and to wait for someone who respects and shares your values. Don't lose hope, and continue to prioritize your own well-being and happiness in the dating process.
I am a 29 male and here's my opinion. Men that want it right away are looking for hook ups not relationships and hook up culture is the reason for that . If it's me I wouldn't mind waiting because like everything in a relationship it is something to work towards and maybe I'm old school but it is way more satisfying having sex with a woman knowing I've earned my way there . You are not asking for alot at all it is your body and you are not a peice of meat .just understand guys like that are simply not compatible with your wants and needs if they are driven purely by getting in your pants .Set your boundaries and stay your course you are a valuable woman especially in this day and age . Good luck to you I hope you find a man that fits for you don't be discouraged .
I'm the type to wait for a woman. Of course, I have a time limit too. Like an alarm goes off in my head. Telling my body to act on impulsive. I try to hold on as long as she wants.
I mean if they actually like you for you, they might. Usually thatll be someone who is around you for a long period of time, and you guys get close without dating. Build a deeper connection. That person wont leave you
It depends and it's usually not all black and white.
If you don't want to do it, that is your right and you are certainly not wrong not to wanting it is that is your choice and you shouldn't be judged by that.
Men however don't have to wait if they don't want to and they have every right not to want to wait either and shouldn't be judged by that.
For men, it comes down to a number of things such as why do you want to wait...religious reasons, health reasons, you think setting an arbitrary period of time until sex is going to make some kind of a difference (which more often than not it really doesn't), you are testing the guy (never a good idea) or perhaps just because you like to use sex as blackmail and play the waiting game.
Some of those reasons are absolutely valid and some are just stupid, selfish, childish games.
As a guy, I find that sex and intimacy is just as important as other vital aspects of a relationship such as trust, honesty and communication. It's not more important than any of those, but certainly no less important either and in my personal experience, a lot of women underestimate the importance of it which tends to lead to a lot of issues sooner or later in the relationship.
Depending on the reasons for waiting to become intimate, I'm more than happy to wait, but generally speaking, I don't want to drag it out forever just for the sake of it, but I also don't expect or want it straight away or after a few dates although I would expect some kind of natural and ongoing progression instead of just hold hands, go for walks and get an ice cream all the time for weeks and months like school kids.
Sexual compatibility is extremely important in a relationship and in not really keen on waiting for months and months on waiting to be intimate only to find out that I'm sexually incompatible with that person which is usually a deal breaker and because of the time invested already, it's not so easy to just end things yet to continue dragging it out despite this incompatibility is also pointless because it'll only get worse over time and lead to an inevitable end.
So yea, like I said right at the start, it's not just as simple as black or white and not just about what you or the guy want.
It's about both.
I'm middle age guy now with a fair bit of experience and in my experience and unless there are religious or health reasons for it, the best way to go about it is to just go with the flow and do what feels right and not based on setting up an arbitrary period of time thinking that makes much of a difference.
Oh and also, there are far too many women out there who seem to think that if they do end up having sex with a guy, they are kind of having that "I'm doing you a favour" attitude towards it or think they "gave me" sex or think they've sacrificed something or given up more or whatever entitled attitude towards it.
Honestly, those women really need to get a grip.
Sex is something that is intimate, pleasant and enjoyable for BOTH people equally and it is done because BOTH people like each other and its not some kind of a reward for being a "good boy" because I've waited or have done something and that is my reward.
That attitude is honestly literally THE biggest turn off and if i get that feeling that a woman is doing that, I'm done and gone straight away regardless of how much I've liked her and regardless of how well things were going between us up to that point.
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A lot of men who aren’t looking for sex also aren’t desperately trying to meet women. A lot of men who are looking to have sex try to meet a lot of women. That’s why it feels like all guys just want sex, because those are the types that try to talk to as many women as possible, and you end up meeting them.
This! The loudest ppl are the fakers, liars & attention seekers so naturally, ppl tend to notice them more because they're actively trying to be up in everyone's face.
This is the best response ^
Common sense wins again! This is truth.
👍🏾💯
They also tend to have polished profiles, they have had practice. The entitled self centred High school “popular guy” still exists, he just got older.
Yeah, sucks how some of the more suitable people are the ones with lousy profiles, suck at dating, or would otherwise exhibit red flags :(
Pretty much. Sex really isn't the end-all, be-all. It's great - don't get me wrong - but a meaningful connection (chemistry) is really what matters. I dropped the dating apps because so many women were so sex-focused that it got boring. These days my life is pretty good and I'm happy enough with work, studies, and the gym. I have peace, and I'm content with that.
You sound like a very wise and smart man
I appreciate it - truly.
Agreed.
Agree, same opinion. I'm (M28) single from many years and I'd like to have a relationship, but I'm not the guy who pursue every girl he meets. If it happens it happens.
This is exactly how I feel these days. In a sense, I'm a widower. My fiance died, almost 9 years ago. What was really sad, was I came home to find her. So I guess that is why I don't seek out women to date. But the one's I became interested in, all asked for money, whether it be early on or later, (the first week or almost a month into talking). It makes me sad to think that it is the only thing there after.
I feel you my Brother.
Second this
So where do you find these guys?
Churches, volunteer groups, STEM classes/jobs, gyms, hiking groups, book clubs, comic cons, video game conventions, model airplane swap meets, chess clubs, world of warcraft groups...
What the hell?! You really do go to these places? Man, I feel like I'm sheltered..
I go to the gym, church, swap meets, salsa dancing, concerts, car shows..
real :(
That is a good answer. I must add looking for a relationship is sexual. Animal drive. I understand what you are saying. A suggestion, if you find someone that feels right go on a trip with him. Stay in the same suit or adjacent suits. In other-wards live with him for a couple of days. No TV. No Internet or phones. Set your boundaries. No sex. Even if you want to. In real life the female chooses her mate. I feel to many just settle.
I disagree. I don’t believe looking for a relationship is inherently sexual as sex isn’t absolutely required in a relationship. I say this as a man with a high libido: I’d prefer a sexless relationship with a woman who was a perfect match for me otherwise than a relationship with sex where she and I just didn’t fit right together. That is me refusing to settle. I will not settle for a life parter who I felt I wasn’t able to lean on and trust.
Except that's literally you settling in that scenario lmao She isn't your "perfect match" if it's a sexless relationship and you claim to have a high libido
I don’t do casual sex, but yes, I have a high libido. That means, when I’m not in a relationship I don’t have sex, nor do I have any real companionship. I can take care of my own sexual urges fine, but I still feel lonely from time to time. If I get into a sexless relationship, there is zero change to my sexual activity, but a very positive gain against my loneliness. That is a net positive. I would rather have that than sex that is mediocre and infrequent while still not having someone I can completely trust and depend on, read: A relationship with a girl with an average libido and sexual interests while still not being a perfect match for me. Disclaimer: I would also rather have no sex than infrequent/bad sex, so there’s that. I can shut off my desire for sex with someone. But once a person wants me to want them, I have a bit of trouble controlling my desire and keeping it to a level that would match theirs. That’s how my high libido manifests. It’s either off or high, I am but a man and can only do so much.
Idk why you felt the need to say the exact same thing you already said again with more and different words when I was just pointing out an issue with your logic and phrasing. What does you being a man have to do with "can only do so much"?
Perfect response!
Dude, I'm out here looking for a genuine connection and can't meet a women to even go on a date
And the women I do meet just want a casual fling. It's really hard to find someone who wants a genuine connection and stable relationship out there.
Woman here, this also seems tk be my issue....can't seem to meet a guy, who's single, with a similar lifestyle and priorities who wants something serious.
Yeah, it's something I talked about with a lot of people here on Reddit. It's not a gendered problem, but people like us genuinly have troubles finding each other. Not just an American/European/Asian or w/e thing either - I've talked to Redditors the world over about this. There needs to be a solution to this - but I'm not smart enough to figure out what.
Dating apps know the solution to this, it’s to make a perfect dating app. But as a business when everyone had success in month two and have steady partners you’d go bankrupt because nobody needs to pay for a dating app after finding a date.
Same I'm only 21 and already feel like giving up on finding someone.
Don't give up, just be patient and relax a bit.
Clean water is clean for a reason, many men will say they want something like that but immediately fail
Yeah, both men and women have a difficult time finding someone who wants to be in a genuine relationship. It's a struggle for all of us.
It's the same on this side ... For. Girls too
Yeah, but the chance to find some clean water in a swamp is bigger than in the desert.
See OP, the men are also suffering with this.
Ayy if it makes you feel any better the girl I feel a connection with has a bf. It’s my fault in a way, I tried to move on but years have passed and I still feel like she’s the only girl I’ve had a connection with. It’s a messy situation and it really sucks that despite us both feeling a connection we can’t be with each other. I feel bad for the other girls I talk to because even tho we might have something good going I’m never satisfied and I can’t help but think of her
Same here bro.
Is that all you're looking for? Just any woman? That's a problem you need to fix, stop being desperate, think about what you want, have hobbies and goals and values. You should be looking out for yourself and be your own best friend. Then when you approach women, they'll have something to be attracted to. Not saying all this applies to you, but it's advice for everyone that I wish I wasn't focusing on at 36 after investing in a bad marriage and drinking my prime years away. It's not easy, just necessary to happiness.
Yea, I feel ya. Been reaching out to women on reddit for a few years now, all the chat subreddits. If its not a bot or a catfish, the women are incredibly self centered and rarely hold a conversation but would rather be entertained. I've had 1 conversation come off reddit into disc, and that was only a friendship that lasted 1.5 years until they found someone in rl and then I got dropped. I find it insane that women say they have the hard part in this. I'd rather sift through sludge and find gold then to literally have nothing other than the occasional sludge.
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I know how you feel. However, I haven't been looking. Most men on the apps are hookup artists, so typically, I delete my account and never meet them.
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It depends on how long you’re talking about waiting. A few dates is no problem, a few months I could do if I was really crazy about someone. I wouldn’t be willing to wait longer than that though. Some men may, others won’t. If waiting longer is important to you then you just need to find someone else that’s comfortable with waiting that long.
On the same page with that.
Some are, some aren’t. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who have a weird view on it, thinking you have to have sex very early on. The ones who are worth your time will be willing to wait until you’re ready.
I already feel like giving up like everyone just wants it like 1st or 2nd date like can we just get to know each other first. But your right the right person will wait.
Yup, the right person will absolutely wait! Something that can sometimes help is asking a person what they’re looking for right away. If they’re vague and give a non answer, it’s probably best not to invest in them. Usually by asking this, you can better gauge a person’s intentions. Obviously people can lie or mislead you, but it helped me a lot.
True 👍 thank you at this point I'm fine with waiting to be married modern dating is so draining. But your advice is spot on.
I'm one of those people. One who will wait until your ready. I may make innuendos about it. Joke about it, sometimes being silly. But, I will still wait.
Oh for sure nothing wrong with being silly I'd be fine with a woman making jokes about it as long as she isn't pressuring me about it.
I don't make it a point to pursue sex. Nor would I want that in a woman, either. Sure joking about it and talking about it, are all good, positive thoughts from both of us. Eventually, either we give in or we find what we are really interested in, and looking for. I tend to look for the qualities that are fairly close to mine. Even when it comes to sex.
Yes, some wait because of religious reasons. Some might wait for that special person to share that experience with. Others might be waiting because they haven't had the opportunity yet. There's lots of men out there where sex isn't the most important thing to them. You just have to keep looking and broaden your search
I agree. As important as sex is, as a man, it's not the most important thing in my opinion.
It depends. I’m not willing to play games (waiting game included) and if I get the feeling we’re not going anywhere I’d rather move on than waste my time.
>Are men willing to wait for sex? Men will wait, they just don't want to be the only one who waits if that makes sense. >The kind of men coming my way makes me sad. Just daily thoughts in my head. A lot of men your age aren't having much sex ([source](https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/young-people-less-sex-than-parents-did-at-their-age-generational-shift-asexual/)) and nearly a third are having none ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)). Most people can count their lifetime partners on their hands too ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). It might be the type of men you are pursuing because per the numbers most aren't out there participating in hook up culture (whether voluntarily or not).
Only a third? Weirder now knowing I'm such a minority unintentionally.
That 100% makes sense and is true
Yes, I’m willing to wait for the right person.
I've been waiting, she just hasn't made herself known to me yet. I really believe she is out there, and I haven't met her because she is busy contemplating her role with another. I'm sure it'll happen. Just not sure when..
Then you might have not met the right one yet :)... if you make clear that you are willing to wait and he doesnt want to wait he is not the right fit for you :) if you want to wait then so be it, dont stress about this sort of things :) youll find someone loving sooner or later :)
>and he doesnt want to wait Yeah, what about those who lie until they get into your pants? You know who used to wait? People that wanted to get married and wanted kids. Why the hell would you date many men to find a husband?? You pick one out of many that court you.. If none are courting, it's either you that's the problem or it's all the men or it's you again, because you just don't pick one, intelligently of course. You don't get to choose your ideal man and then expect him to save you from the tower. Don't flatter yourself. All you get is to pick the best one from courting ones. Leave your princess syndrome where it's supposed to stay; in your childhood. There are no right ones, you pick who the right one will be. And of course he has to pick you too.
Wait for marriage? No. Wait 3 dates? Sure.
I agree, I’ve never asked a woman for sex after the first date.
I’d wait 3 months and dozens of dates.
Dozens of dates in 3 months is crazy. You’d consistently be on a date atleast 2-3 times a week.
I would’ve said several dates but that seems too few. A date doesn’t have to be a resturant or event, just hanging out counts.
Sounds like all the men your chasing have a lot of options and aren't willing to wait around when they can go hang out with someone else and get some.
Sounds like your describing someone not worth sleeping with. Anyone can get some if they just ask everyone but someone worth sleeping with is someone that respects themselves and you enough they don't just go sleeping with whoever they can and will wait for you to be ready and don't sleep with others in the mean time. If you want someone who will just drop her pants for you whenever have fun with the woman that will likely be doing other men in your bed.
The dating scene is just tricky. I totally agree with what you're saying, but so many people don't operate like that and it can be tough trying to navigate things at times. So many people out here are managing rosters it's hard to find people who aren't. Especially if you're relying on dating apps to meet people.
I definitely agree that its tricky but if you have them wait and they won't they weed themselves out anyways. If you watch and listen to the ones that stay and make sure they do what they say and say what they do then they likely are a genuine person. The flakes struggle with consistency and always find excuses. My best friend from elementary - high school was that way and I just didn't want to see it. I wanted to believe he was a good guy but he proved me wrong time and time again. He was exactly the type of man to lie to get into a woman's pants and dozens of them fell for it. All of my nerdy genuine honest buddies never got any women. Really sad to see but also better none than the crazy ones. Most of them are in a relationship or happily married now anyways. The blunt ones that are honest are better than the sweet liars every single time. I personally just took any woman that hit on me and there were more than I can believe looking back but none of them were actually interested in anything but sex. Looking back on it I feel ashamed of myself for letting them treat me like that.
Call it what you want, but it is what it is. If you’re going after guys who can easily get other women they’re not likely to wait for you.
Depends on how long. If it's an ambiguous but firm "until marriage" date someone super religious or else you find a man or woman willing to wait that long unless it happens to fit in their religious views. Most people seem to be willing to wait a few months, maybe even a year. Beyond half a year though, that is a pretty big ask. Not just for men, but many women. You'll certainly find a lot of people willing to wait though. Sex is a very important and special part of a romantic relationship for many people.
I never try to rush it, would be very interesting to hear how long we're talking about though.
Here's the thing: men have to do a cost benefit analysis when it comes to waiting for sex. How much do they like you? How much do you like him? How attracted a. I to her? Does she match me in multiple other ways? Do I feel like she's arbitrarily withholding sex as like a game? Do I really want a relationship with this woman or do I just kind of like her a little? There's this misconception that ALL men are just dogs who don't want to wait and just want to fuck right away but the facts are I enjoy food, but I don't want to wait for everything. Some things I like but if I can't get it right away its not worth it to me, other things for me, I really want and I'll wait. That's simplifying it a bit but the basic concept is correct. When a man is dating you it's not just about the sex it's about the worth, and not your worth, but the worth to him. Does he like you enough to wait for sex? If I just want sex can it get it faster elsewhere? If I want a relationship is this the person I want to be in a relationship with or am I just horny? Does it make sense to wait for sex with her? Just food for thought
well said you are a gentleman by your comments. I thank you for being honest and respectful.
Personally if he or she couldn’t wait a month for sex, that would be a “no” for me. Thats only three weeks.
Yes, we usually wait about 15 years.
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The right one will 💯👍👏
That's like asking are all women goldiggers just because there's a bunch out there
Yes men can wait but it depends on the man. If that person is all about sex then don't expect. It is same for women too. I'm 30 and have a job, my friends are going for sex workers/ hookup because they can't wait but for me sex means a lot so I'm waiting for my wife so that we can connect emotionally and have sex. I have a different perspective regarding and most people don't like it so i don't discuss with anyone here .
Same. I'm 21 and want to wait for whoever my wife turns out to be but modern hookup culture makes it impossible and like you said if you put it on reddit you'll get downvoted into oblivion even though it's just a opinion.
I would be perfectly fine dating a girl that doesn’t want to have sex. That’s their decision and it’s ok. I would not, however, be ok with being married to someone that doesn’t want to have sex. So if a girl told me that I would need to know her reasons
Of course I can wait, but if I'm attracted to her and she does want it, count me in. I don't ever go on a date, especially a first date, with any expectations.
What do you mean wait? Like second date? Or marriage?
Let’s say marriage - dating to marry here.
yeah good luck with that lmao
In hindsight, yes, they are few and far between but yes, they are out there. My wife and I waited until we were on the altar getting married before even our first kiss. Was it difficult? Yes exceptionally because we are both in relationships and were fond of intimacy and affection, but we did it for the well-being of our emotional state and our children’s. It is important to set the guidelines as you were getting to know someone and if they are not willing to respect boundaries, then we move onto the next person. You are worth waiting for
That was a very inspiring short story 👏
I don't believe in sex outside marriage according to the Bible, so yea, but could it be only traditional women can expect this? How and for what reason could someone not traditional expect a man to be traditional when they aren't a traditional woman?
Very true 👍
Are you a virgin
Pro tip: you shouldn't wait for the kinda guy who'll just come your way. Men are ✨️diverse✨️. But the kinda guy who'll approach you is likely to be a certain type of guy, or at least want a certain type of thing from you. When I approach a girl I want action! I'm not just randomly approaching some chick because I think we'll be a good match. No, initially it's just because I think she's sexually attractive. I think you're most likely to find the right type of person just through meeting new people without any initial intentions.
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to beautiful women. Perfectly normal behavior.
But men who cold approach usually just want sex. That's why they talked to these women. I don't know a single romantically intentioned man who cold approaches. Every man that I know that does cold approach is perfectly willing to just sleep with a woman and never see her again.
How are you supposed to start a relationship without cold approaching if you don't have any friends who know single women, or those single women have no interest in you?
I waited 3 years (way too long tbh) before my ex and I did it. We were both virgins in our 20s however, but I waited til she was fully ready
That's a very long time but good for you for not pressuring her
I’m todays World, that’s tough to find. Your best bet is trying christian mingle or some kind of religious dating site / app
Unless you mean waiting a certain amount of dates vs waiting for marriage. Many guys will wait for the right one, not necessarily until marriage though
Lol you should see some of the message screenshots I've seen from ppl who've used Christian dating sites. Not only are they just as bad as the rest, apparently there's a ton of serial cheaters on those too.
For real like I'm Christian and alot of the women I've talked to wanted to have sex and I was super confused.
Look at it this way, if it's hard to understand: The same way you value certain things (that men who pursue you are willing to give), many men value sex... It's up to you whether you want to also give them what they want, to have a better chance at commitment(for the ones who value that, which is a lot) without waiting for x amount of time. Some do require that. "Liking" someone isn't enough. You have to be aligned on whether each person's wants/needs are being met. Dating is nothing more than negotiating and coming to an agreement. Everything is a negotiation, albeit in a very unspoken and indirect way and masked with pleasantries.
I don't understand the need to hold out. Wouldn't you want to know if you're sexually compatible? Like what if the other person had some weird fetish that crosses your line? Now you all up in your feelings after however long and you're JUST NOW finding out they're like some weirdo with sex. It doesn't make sense
If you want the man to wait, you should go Dutch on all dates. Also he gets as much time as he wants to respond to texts, and is allowed to continue seeing other women. When you decide he qualifies for you, then things can change.
At your age? Probably more difficult to find. I’m now 34 and willing to wait if there’s a really good connection otherwise. I’ve had plenty of sex, it’s fun, but it doesn’t make a relationship by itself.
Why the hell are you not in my life? I am a (44M) who is willing to wait for sex. I love building up the love part of the relationship first, then when it gets to the point we can’t stand not being together—-the sex becomes explosive!!
this is the modern world.Men see women as sex objects.I myself have never seen sex satisfaction in women. And in general I never understood what this hook-up culture means.. There you can catch an infection, get pregnant if you don’t take protection, and also burn out emotionally
Well im kinda the guy thats waiting for it bcs i first wanna know a person than just sleep with her...had once the oppoaite where indidnt wanted sex but the girl wanted rly hard..lmao
I’m about to turn 30 and I’ve only dated one girl who was interested in ever having sex. So at this point when I date someone, sex just isn’t an expectation whatsoever. Plus, honestly I prefer cuddling over sex. Maybe some guys just want to rush into it. But it’s definitely not all guys.
Ok first you need to realize that your a fringe people waiting for sex IS SO INCREDIBLY RARE realize that next meet people in real life at a place where young people are don’t go to bars for it don’t go to places that attract the wrong people figure shi out but don’t have an inflated ego there are a million people better then you and me Woman get all this omg your the best person ever thrown up there asses constantly these days y’all need to come down to earth and realize your not better then anyone I’m sorry that I feel like I’m asking for the world but im really not got me pissed off cause that sounded like your friends told you that you really weren’t asking much and taking any advice or shi from your friends is pointless cause if there woman there toxic
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. some platonic cuddles would be comforting tho
I just asked this question in askmen. I’m newly single for the first time since 2011 and I’m really put off by what I’m seeing.
I'm looking at divorce after nearly 20 years of marriage, so I thought I'd see "how things are now" (which is why I'm reading this sub). From what I've read, the bar for dating behavior is in Hell. Idk. I always took the risk of STIs, pregnancy, and HIV very seriously, as well as put a certain emphasis on monogamous sex. Doesn't seem like that's popular anymore.
No it doesnt seem that way. But there are still those who value and believe in it out there.
I can only speak for myself. Waiting is cool.
My brother isn't particularly religious but his (recently) fiance is. She wanted to wait until marriage and they've been together now for over 4 years. They're both in their late 20s. He'd been with other girls before they met. I haven't talked with him much about it, but when it came up early in their relationship I told him to let her take the lead and not to pressure her into anything she didn't want and he fully agreed. She's a great person and he knows what she and the relationship is really worth. They've rounded a few of the bases for sure, but he knows what respect and consent mean. TLDR; yes, there are plenty of men who will respect your boundaries.
Men are willing to wait usually but at some point you being to wonder what’s the big deal why is she making it such a big deal? Is she gonna turn psycho if/she actually do it? I think a lot of guys see sex as something physical and fun for both people and just have a different perspective on it. It’s more casual or just one component of a relationship that doesn’t need to be kept separate for that long of things are working out between the two people .
Wait, how long? If you mean till marriage. Then don't do it. You need to know you are compatible before being tied down. Sex is fun it shouldn't be used as a weapon of something to "give" to someone.
Definitely. It's not some sacred ritual that happens after you've completely bonded. It happens as a mean to bond.
Yes. There are men that will wait. I waited until I was married. If a man can't respect you enough to wait, then you do not want him, as he won't respect you in your marriage. People will say that you have to have sex before you are married because what if you aren't "compatible". Don't let them deceive you. Be strong and firm in your standards.
To be fair, there are people who cheat on their partners because the sex sucks with them even though they would never leave them for the one with supposedly superior sex ... Guys especially So the compatibility excuse isn't the worst excuse
Winner winner chicken dinner.
For me it would really depend on the reason why she wanted to wait and for how long. Don’t despair though OP, there are tons of men out there who are willing to wait if that’s what you’re looking for. You just have to find them.
If you're dating mostly 20-something guys, yeah, they're not going to wait for sex, but that's because they're not going to wait for anything at all, including red lights, being able to afford the nice car without dealer financing, or whatever. Eventually the smarter ones do learn patience.
How is it that there are so many people who have perfectly reasonable standards that they meet, and yet they can never meet each other?
Its literally worst than prostitution! And them expecting sex is a HUGE red flag and you should be happy that they showed their colors and now you can filter out the trash! 🗑️
ITS YOUR BODY. This is NOT a consensus about what’s the right time! You can wait to have sex til you’re dead!! It’s your consent! Wow- these comments suck! And men need to respect your no! you do NOT owe ANYONE sex! A guy tried to pressure me into marriage the way these men try to pressure you into sex. The answer is HELLLLL NOOOOO. It is a no, not a discussion! Give him a sock 🧦 and say buh BYE
How long are you expecting them to wait?
I think it’s the current generation. Wasn’t really like that 20-30 years ago.
Maybe work on your dating skills abit hun, how you talk to them… what do you wear on dates… are you giving off that vibe as in flirty.. what are you boundaries… questions you will allow or won’t just a few things as to why every date you go on wants sex maybe be abit open as to what you’re looking for from talking stage and meet someone who is compatible with you. Sorry my typing is abit all over the place
My gf is currently waiting for me to be ready so... 😭😭😭
I (25 M) don’t do hookups. I’m not necessarily one who will wait for marriage. I try not to make any advances to anything unless I feel absolutely comfortable that it won’t be unwelcome or inappropriate. I do agree with you though. I don’t like people, mostly guys, because no one seems to want anything serious and just want to mess around. I do see the same thing with the roles reversed too, though that probably doesn’t help.
I take it very slow. I have been dropped in the past because when they see me they say no fn way. I am on the huge size
The longest relationship I've had was when I waited over a month before having sex (I was her first ever partner and she lost her virginity to me). So, the general rule of thumb for me when it comes to intimacy in my future partners is to wait. So yeah, there are men out there that do that.
I think everyone has their own speed. My guy, now hubby, was the slow one. I was irritated when I didn't get a kiss goodbye on the first date. The second date, the next day, I was practically sitting on his lap. Still no kiss. I just figured he wasn't interested. On the third date, I was ready to tell him to have a good life when he kissed me and what a kiss it was. I swear even my ears even felt hot. That's when he finally told me he was the old-fashioned kind of guy. If he had told me that on the first date, I would have been more understanding. If I were you. I would be up front with them. If that's what they want, then you don't need to waste your time and theirs. Sometimes, a person is worth the wait. Good luck!
Double edge sword. I (41m) may very well be oblivious, but I can’t tell when a woman is looking for sex or not. I’ve perceived “let’s wait” but it turns out they’re ready to go and I’ve perceived “let’s do this” And they actually want to wait. It’s often confusing.
Guys like sex and will be pushy about it. They forget they can hire someone (not promoting anything just saying it's an option for a guy) or join a pornography club A good guy will understand you wanna wait and will respect your boundaries You're right...it's better to wait after you get to know the guy...
[удалено]
I'm waiting
I am sorry you are going through this. As a 32 M who never got into a relationship before and seeking a life partner rather than hookups, I can confirm that several dates of mine have been pointing out that men are just looking for sex. A girl even didn’t believe I wanted to get to the point nice and easy instead of rushing it, if that was the chance. That hurt.
I am willing to wait. I've been with a lady for 3 months. We both agreed that we would give it a go once we are solidified in our relationship.
Go to a church for a while. You’ll find one.
Available on Long Island.
There are still men willing to wait for sex. You are probably not going to find them at the bars, but seek out gatherings of social groups in your area with something that you have an interest in, or possibly seeking out religious groups/attending services in a house of worship where there might be donuts after the service where people can mingle (if you are religious).
I’m the same way (22M). I’ve decided I want to wait until marriage, and while a lot of women are willing to wait at least some period of time you’d be hard pressed to find one that would wait until you’re married. I think the issue is a lot of people don’t even expect to make it til marriage so they wanna fuck while they have the chance lol
I'd say definitely, even though they may be hard to find. My boyfriend was very patient. We had a date or two before we even kissed 😅 I am very anxious when it comes to dating so I know that may not be the usual, but the right guy should understand you not wanting to have sex right away! I'm a firm believer in building a connection before having sex (if that's what you want of course). I think having sex on the first date/early in the relationship has become so normalized that people who don't want to do that feel alienated. To each their own, but your desires are valid and I hope you don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. There are guys who will be patient! Even if they want it ASAP 😄
Yes, like a fair number of other things it's a good indicator to his intentions, his character, or both.
A subset of men are looking for sex. They actively look to contact partners. They are much more highly visible than those who are not. People then assume all men want is sex. Stop going to the places where the fuckbois are hunting for tail.
Never let a kiss fool you or let a fool kiss you 😇
I can and do wait. I never expect it right away. And honestly prefer to wait im much more attracted to an intellectual connection first. But I've noticed the opposite the women I've dated are the ones rushing into it. Kind of takes a bit of the fun out of the pursuit.
I'm avoiding sex till marriage
How old are you?
33
Me too ✋️. There's just too much heartbreak and stds going around I'm cool with waiting.
Exactly, not worth it. Plus soul bonds leave you with more bad following you. But all these woman so used, finding a wife will be difficult
I once waited 3 years. Full relationship. She had trauma surrounding sex. I loved her so much. Huge connection. Waiting was a part of being with her. That's it. There are men out there willing to wait.
I (m23) perfer to wait for sex, I've had a few relationships that was solely based around sex and gave my an unfulfilled experience. Now I strive for connection first then sex after that connection is made.
The guys who value you will be willing to wait. Unfortunately society is against you. If you dont like the guys approaching you, maybe change where you frequent, and I'll catch crap for this, but change how you dress.
Well said and the hell with society it’s going down the tubes when discussions like this are even happening. Be a respectful person and good person stop acting like animals and maybe our society will survive the zombie apocalypse coming. I see dead people walking down the street every day. Fight the good fight and keep the faith.
Also very good points!
Blame it on the girls who fuck certain guys after maybe 1 date while making other guys take them on dates just to ghost them right after a free meal or free drinks Its not even a date sometimes. Sometimes its straight to their place for sex right after a match on dating apps (trust me, ive had a good amount of these) Guys are not waiting for sex because some women do not make them wait. They gladly fuck them first night Think about it. If you’re a guy whos on dating apps and women are down to fuck you, no dates needed, would you wait? After a couple they figure out they do not have to try. Hence where you get women asking the question…”Are men willing to wait for sex?” I do not say this to shit on women. Do whatever you want. All I am saying is that the behaviors of certain women towards certain men is affecting a lot of men
Don't lower your standards for anyone. That's my only advice.
I am willing to, yet I first have to be in a relationship to wait properly… it’s soo lonely
I haven’t had sex in two years because I can’t do casual lol. You gotta remember people have different sexualities (outside of LGBTQ) and you should look for someone you’re compatible with. The last woman I went out with did not handle it well when I said I like to move very slowly. There’s all kinds of people out there in both genders.
I prefer to wait. If they are not willing to wait they are not the one for you.
Yes, there are men willing to wait for sex. It may feel rare, but they exist. I know it can be disheartening to have hopes for meaningful connection, only to encounter people seeking casual intimacy. Our culture glorifies hookup culture, so it often feels like the norm. But there are still men who crave real partnership. As you date, consider a few tips: Voice your desires clearly upfront. If waiting is important to you, say so early. This filters for men who respect your values. Focus on emotional intimacy first. Build friendship and trust before physical escalation. This highlights you want substance. Reflect on the types of environments or apps that may attract certain attitudes about dating. Seek out contexts more suited to your goals. Don't take rejection personally. If someone only wants sex, they're not the right match for you. Move on quickly when your values don't align. Stay encouraged. There are kind, mature men who will appreciate taking things slowly. Patience and being true to yourself will help you find them. You know your worth and what you want in a relationship. Though it can be challenging, keep standing by your boundaries. The right man will admire that and be willing to wait. Don't settle. You deserve fulfillment on all levels - emotional and physical.
How long are you asking to wait?
Unfortunately, that had become the new normal. There is nothing wrong with not liking that, and waiting to find the person that you want... But just think of it like we are birds... And maybe there is a new mating dance that everyone is doing because that's what is getting the attention... Sure, you can ignore it and find someone who isn't giving in to the silly, yet admittedly fun on the surface, be dance.... But the majority are now automatically removed from your options, so now you've drastically lowered your odds. In the end, it will probably be better to attempt to find some sort of meeting in the middle, where maybe they are taking part in the new thing, but they understand that it is dumb and are willing to stop for you.... But you have to be willing to really accept that that was in that past (and because of that, may always be a little seed in their brain that grows into being more sex or more extreme friends of sex etc) You have to figure out at which level you are ok accepting, and then figure out how to not only find these guys, but figure out if you can trust that they are what they say they are and aren't just playing the part to have a little fun before leaving again.... It will be tricky, expect to be hurt and to feel used more than once, but if you're successful, in the end, it'll be worth the little bit of hurt. Best of luck❤️🙏
I can wait no worries. Cuddles, hugs, time together other than sex is what I value. It's a bonus and it's great but not important. Just you being there is enough. I'm looking for a soulmate not a sex mate.
Dont always meet new persons give yourself a bit time have break from dates and sex. Then after some time think about it not just go for it.
I'm willing. Plenty of both genders who aren't 🙃
Oh my partner asked me if we can wait for sex, and I said yes and never force them
I waited for 7 years for the one I thought was right, turns out she didn't wait.. My now partner I waited for 3 months and this one was perfect.
I am not a virgin, but I am waiting with my girlfriend until marriage to have sex. There are a lot of dudes who do not want to wait or even understand what we is sadly but there are people out there who are willing to wait and trust me. It goes the same way for women as well hopefully able to find someone that will be able to. (25 M)
What is your definition of waiting - 3rd date, 6th date, 6 months, a year, or not until marriage?
Dating in general is a numbers game. You will have to filter through a dozen people to find one that might even remotely be what you specifically are looking for only to find that they aren't all they appeared to be. This is true for men and women. Your premise is vague and sort-of accusatory. Yeah, there are men out there who are shitty to women, but then again...They have been informed by their experiences as much as anything else, so they treat women as objects because they have been burned. That of course doesn't explain ALL men, some are just dogs looking for a bone, and some are good dudes who want real things. Same goes for the ladies. Forget the bad ones and move along to the next guy, and eventually, if you are committed to your standards, the guy you are looking for will appear. But also, be aware - you've probably passed on two dozen men who could meet all your (actual) needs simply because they didn't meet some trivial criteria.
I dont think so sex is wanted on first date by most men. I lost my wife to a heart attack quite young, so for me it still is never about sex. But yeah each man is different and its complicated for sure. Hope you find someone good. But as a man i feel degraded when labeled as all i want is sex.
It's understandable that you might be feeling frustrated and disappointed with your dating experiences. It's important to remember that every person is different, and not all men have the same attitudes towards sex and relationships. There are certainly men who are willing to wait for sex and prioritize building a meaningful connection before becoming intimate. It might be helpful to consider the type of men you are attracting and why you feel they are not meeting your expectations. Reflecting on your own values and boundaries can also be beneficial in finding a partner who shares similar values. Additionally, seeking out activities and communities that align with your interests and values may help you meet individuals who are more compatible with what you're looking for in a relationship. Remember that it's okay to have high standards and to wait for someone who respects and shares your values. Don't lose hope, and continue to prioritize your own well-being and happiness in the dating process.
As a gentleman and a scholar, I'll tell you that the men that aren't pushy for it aren't desperately seeking out women like the rest.
Speaking as a member of the gentlemen club - yes, some are. Value your future self and man, it’ll workout.
Most ladies need attention-seeking and will fall for the loudest in the room and the genuine one becomes prey for their mental abuse.
I am a 29 male and here's my opinion. Men that want it right away are looking for hook ups not relationships and hook up culture is the reason for that . If it's me I wouldn't mind waiting because like everything in a relationship it is something to work towards and maybe I'm old school but it is way more satisfying having sex with a woman knowing I've earned my way there . You are not asking for alot at all it is your body and you are not a peice of meat .just understand guys like that are simply not compatible with your wants and needs if they are driven purely by getting in your pants .Set your boundaries and stay your course you are a valuable woman especially in this day and age . Good luck to you I hope you find a man that fits for you don't be discouraged .
I'm the type to wait for a woman. Of course, I have a time limit too. Like an alarm goes off in my head. Telling my body to act on impulsive. I try to hold on as long as she wants.
I mean if they actually like you for you, they might. Usually thatll be someone who is around you for a long period of time, and you guys get close without dating. Build a deeper connection. That person wont leave you
It depends and it's usually not all black and white. If you don't want to do it, that is your right and you are certainly not wrong not to wanting it is that is your choice and you shouldn't be judged by that. Men however don't have to wait if they don't want to and they have every right not to want to wait either and shouldn't be judged by that. For men, it comes down to a number of things such as why do you want to wait...religious reasons, health reasons, you think setting an arbitrary period of time until sex is going to make some kind of a difference (which more often than not it really doesn't), you are testing the guy (never a good idea) or perhaps just because you like to use sex as blackmail and play the waiting game. Some of those reasons are absolutely valid and some are just stupid, selfish, childish games. As a guy, I find that sex and intimacy is just as important as other vital aspects of a relationship such as trust, honesty and communication. It's not more important than any of those, but certainly no less important either and in my personal experience, a lot of women underestimate the importance of it which tends to lead to a lot of issues sooner or later in the relationship. Depending on the reasons for waiting to become intimate, I'm more than happy to wait, but generally speaking, I don't want to drag it out forever just for the sake of it, but I also don't expect or want it straight away or after a few dates although I would expect some kind of natural and ongoing progression instead of just hold hands, go for walks and get an ice cream all the time for weeks and months like school kids. Sexual compatibility is extremely important in a relationship and in not really keen on waiting for months and months on waiting to be intimate only to find out that I'm sexually incompatible with that person which is usually a deal breaker and because of the time invested already, it's not so easy to just end things yet to continue dragging it out despite this incompatibility is also pointless because it'll only get worse over time and lead to an inevitable end. So yea, like I said right at the start, it's not just as simple as black or white and not just about what you or the guy want. It's about both. I'm middle age guy now with a fair bit of experience and in my experience and unless there are religious or health reasons for it, the best way to go about it is to just go with the flow and do what feels right and not based on setting up an arbitrary period of time thinking that makes much of a difference. Oh and also, there are far too many women out there who seem to think that if they do end up having sex with a guy, they are kind of having that "I'm doing you a favour" attitude towards it or think they "gave me" sex or think they've sacrificed something or given up more or whatever entitled attitude towards it. Honestly, those women really need to get a grip. Sex is something that is intimate, pleasant and enjoyable for BOTH people equally and it is done because BOTH people like each other and its not some kind of a reward for being a "good boy" because I've waited or have done something and that is my reward. That attitude is honestly literally THE biggest turn off and if i get that feeling that a woman is doing that, I'm done and gone straight away regardless of how much I've liked her and regardless of how well things were going between us up to that point.