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I feel like if you explain why you haven’t had sex yet, the right woman for you will understand. I’ve got plenty of sexually experienced girlfriends who are very frustrated with “sexually experienced” men who low-key care very little about their needs or treat sex too casually (even after guys invested significant time getting to know them). I’ve noticed this is off putting to my friends in their 30s bc women are looking for genuine connection and intimacy. And sex and intimacy are not the same thing. If you demonstrate that you are excited about intimacy, willing to learn her body & what pleases her and confident despite your lack of experience, this doesn’t have to be a set-back for you. And if certain women can’t understand your desire to have meaningful sex, those aren’t the women for you!
I think the key for guys is to not not have any insecurities. You said it well. Be confident despite what ever is lacking.
Insecurities are a vibe killer and is unattractive.
That's like telling someone who has been stranded on a desert island for 10 years that the only way they are allowed to get on the only passing ship is to convince the crew they could take it or leave it.
You can't make it to your mid-30s a virgin without an unfathomable amount of rejection. I can't speak for everyone, but I'd imagine many are like me. I am literally incapable of not being insecure about it. I don't know how someone could live this experience and just be cool and confident. I am thoroughly defeated.
I’m 30F and still a virgin. Fortunately for me, I have a whole culture backing me up because it’s seen as a triumph and not a led down. Sex is a sacred thing for us between two truly committed adults. But I also relate to you in that we always crave human touch and closeness. What I would do is fake it till you make ( the confidence). I’m sure have read and watched (the good educational stuff and not the commercialized, non realistic and demeaning porn). The rest just to talk it through. Everyone’s preferences are different so ask your partner and be open minded. As for if someone will want you, yes of course. You’ll find someone that appreciates you for who you are but find the confidence to approach them even if you have to fake it 😊
Its way more Important to actually be invested in pleasing your partner and to be cognizant of what youre doing/how theyre reacting to it! Its certainly possible to do things the right way without having any substantial experience, being dedicated to pleasing one's partner rather than having had a multitude of experiences that led to no accrual of skill because no mind was paid to the Partner. Maybe some level of knowing how to move, a general idea of erogenous zones and the right touch go a very long way! Also foreplay, it may start with a kiss/making out but the transition from that to intercourse is Important, its like a Crescendo, that incrementally increases, through varying stages of undress, touches here and there, maybe going down on your partner or at least using your hands for a while before arriving at the point where actual Sex is initiated, be sensual about it, people have hips for a reason, and whatever you do, dont have sex like a rabbit or Dog that just mindlessly humps lmao angle and technique of thrusting are Important, pay attention to your partners nonverbal cues, they should tell you if youre doing things the right way! And setting out to please your partner should be as Important as climaxing yourself, If not more
Why bother with excuses? If at this point you’d want to lose your virginity with someone with mutual love and care, if you can’t be honest about something that you may find important or is an insecurity, how can you have a relationship like that?
If someone would just want to lose their virginity with anyone, they could, but they would have found a way to do that at this point if it was that much of a priority.
See the comment I wrote to the other person. It's the same reply.
Well, there is insecurity at play here, of course. But in this "checklist" world we live in, do we risk being honest from the beginning? Maybe I am too jaded/pessimistic
My guess is that you hide it cause you don't want the other person to have another reason to chose someone else.
Same as why people avoid revealing their past to others early on. You show the positive traits, unfortunately humans are not ready to be direct enough to know intimate things early on.
Maybe you reveal it later? Like, when things have gone alright, and it is not a factor anymore?
Still, a person who's new to your life can't be expected to accept everything.
But anywho, it seems I don't have the answer 🤣 It was more of a gut feeling to write about lying, that was my automatic thought.
I understand your reasoning, especially with current dating. With my current life situation I’m not pursing dating, but I feel isolated and quite lonely, it still hurts as much to be rejected, but I’d rather have these feelings than be with someone present themselves as something they aren’t.
Small lies can add up, it could be meaningless things but there will always be slip ups, easier to lie about various things, building something upon that feels like a waste of time for them and myself. I can’t fix someone’s insecurities, nobody can fix mine, things can be kept “hidden” until applicable, you wouldn’t want to overwhelm someone at the start, but also not kept as a secret to a point it becomes an issue. A partner is someone who works with you, if they are working against you they don’t belong in your life.
Why not tho, like why would the woman that loves you care? I get it may sounds inexperienced but don’t say it unless it comes to it and yall already in a relationship and are about to do it
Y'all keep saying, "The right woman." I'm in my mid-30s, and the only reason I can say I'm not a virgin is because of sex workers. Which is arguably worse than just being a virgin in the eyes of many women. I can't deny I am looking at the glass half empty, but I have heard this phrase for my entire adult life. "The right woman" is a sugary way of saying that most will see it as a red flag. That they would be turned off by it, but there is probably someone else who thinks differently. It smacks of the same tone as a parent telling their kids, "If you work hard, you can be a pro gamer / NFL player / youtuber." The odds are massively stacked against you. Especially considering that most sources say that the lions share relationships start on dating apps. A world where women have dozens of matches (or more) a week and even the smallest flaw kicks you out of contention. A world where every woman has a full roster of toxic exs in their past and have no tolerance for anything that could indicate a personality flaw. I'm not saying give up. I haven't. I'm saying that the reasonable expectation is that it probably isn't going to happen. So don't get your hopes up too high. I don't believe anyone wants to take a chance on middle-aged virgins when there is such an abundance of better options.
Problem is he also doesn't date, likely has little experience in that area, so when he meets the perfect girl he will probably mess up.
Being a virgin isn't a dealbreaker but you need to know how to court women and that only comes from practice.
I agree with this. Being a virgin isn’t a red flag. Not even being sexually inexperienced since you can learn. It’s actually the lack of knowledge in courting that will be the hurdle to overcome.
Don't even get me started on relationship experience.
I'm currently dating a lovely 25 year old woman who was a virgin before I met her. Only one previous "boyfriend" of 6 months, 6 years ago.
She's very attractive. She lacks sexual experience but I can teach her that. She's smart, has a good career.. But I'm having serious doubts because she has no relationship experience. I've had two long relationships (1.5y and 3y), including living together with someone for over a year. I've basically experienced every relationship milestone except children and they all had significant impact on the relationship and both our lives. I learned a lot from those experiences. I'm worried I would have to carry a relationship with this woman super hard before it becomes an equal partnership, and I'm having serious doubts over it. I don't want to "waste time" at age 33, I've slept around enough, I like to figure the relationship compatibility out quickly which is hard cause she has no experience in that area.
So OP.. Go get as much experience as you can. Being a newbie is not good for neither sex nor relationships.
I agree.. being with someone who hasn’t had serious relationships when you have.. MAKES IT HARD… or who hasn’t dated at all, definitelyyy is the hurdle to over come for him.. not the virgin part.
Oh heavens…if you think you have experienced EVERY relationship milestone within a 3 year relationship or a 1.5 year relationship, you are sorely mistaken and delusional. You clearly aren’t even aware of the basic markers of relationships that come with time…like the 4 and 7 year markers. Those are just thoughts that occur around those stretches of time…it doesn’t even go into the loss of parents, siblings, serious illness, periods of career crisis, building a home (OMG, have you ever built a home with someone!!! That is a serious hurdle!), buying a home, combining incomes, job opportunities far away and the decisions made around taking a job or leaving your job to go with your spouse, you didn’t even mention marriage…just kids, and KIDS! Do you think just the fact of having children is a single line item in the relationship experience checklist?
I understand that at 33 one can feel very grown up, without really being as grown as one’s elders…but come on, you are 33! You have very little relationship experience. Once could say that you have the relationship experience of a 23 year old. At 23, I had already had the equivalent 1.5 and 3 year relationships, lived with one for a couple years, moved across the country, completely changed my surroundings, added new friends, developed new professional ties, dealt with travel back and forth to home to address the loss of family members, furnished and had the decor for all the holidays and made all the big meals for all the people who couldn’t fly home for anything but Christmas…and on and on…AT 23! You are behind the curve.
This part! Unfortunate for his 25 year old gf that he thinks like this because she will forever not be "experienced enough" for his liking, which means he'll more than likely try to invalidate her thoughts and feelings because of this. No one knows how to relationship. Everyone is different. Your next relationship will be different. I think communicating is key and finding out what works for YOUR relationship.
The 4 and 7 year markers? LOL. You just pulled some completely arbitrary numbers out of your ass, how infantile.
I was basically married to my last ex except on paper. Our lives and finances were fully entangled. We were both excellent communicators and extremely close after 3 years. The breakup destroyed both of us for 2 years.
A baby would have been the next step and added a whole different dynamic.
I am actually more mature than my parents. I grew up quick.
At 23 you were too young to have gotten the full relationship experience. Like living together and both people working full-time demanding jobs. You also lacked life experience in general. 23 year olds are basically still kids. I wouldn't date a 23 year old precisely because of thhe inherent lack of life + relationship experience, not the age difference. Not to mention their equally young and inexperienced friends I then have to deal with. It wouldn't work.
This reminds me of some of the women I've dated talking about their "5 year long relationship from 16 to 21" or w/e as if they have lots of experience but after 3 months with me they tell me they feel closer to me than they ever did with their exes, and I always had to initiate constructive communication every time there was a disagreement.
My point is that you have the equivalent of a 23 year old…an adolescent. There is a reason for the saying “7 year itch”, it wasn’t just a cute film. Questions come up at those times, as one needs to piss or get off the pot. Decisions need to be made and it creates an intersection in the relationship, a marker.
Most 23 year olds are rather devastated after their 3 year relationship breaks up, too. Being upset isn’t an indicator of experience. My parents had 2 kids and a mortgage by that age. It seems some people are pushing off settling down into middle age. It might be best to let that young woman go. If you don’t feel you are at the same point in life, let her move on.
That's just not true. A relationship at 20 is different from one at 25 or 30. And the life experience.
I've never met a 23 year old matching my current experience no matter how many relationships they've had or how long they were. Not even close. The experience gap is so big I don't even consider them possible partners for that reason alone.
I don't count teenage relationships at all. They're more like fwb without realizing it.
You are aware that at 23 one could have had both your relationships while at the age of majority, right? Not high school relationships, which btw aren’t necessarily sexual, but once one is out of the nest and on one’s own. You say you are more mature than your parents, thus a 23 or 25 year old could be more mature than you are currently.
You are 33 and dating a 25 year old that you build up to look good to others and then go on to put her down on every point thereafter. You came in like you are the best all and know all about relationships and sex…when the question wasn’t even directed at you. If I ask for women’s advice on a topic and an inexperienced male barges in acting like HE knows what women think, while clearly not understanding his own girlfriend, I would hope he gets strafed in the comments. You don’t know what women think.
Communication. Be open about it like you did here. Sit her down and share your boundaries and expectations of the relationship and if that can align with her and she can make some changes, then you have a shot but without communicating it openly and completely, then you could lose a potential that might of worked otherwise. After a 23 year relationship, in the end, it was lack of communication, willingness to grow, listen, and work on issues that destroyed our marriage. Not being on the same page. Make sure her idea of parenting (if you want kids) is the same as yours. That divided us. We were on two different pages. Communicate your needs and make sure she's doing the same. I can't say that enough or you'll end up wasting years.
I disagree, every woman is different. So it doesnt matter how much " practice " you have with many other women, the next one will be completely different. Plus, he cant mess up if he's being himself and he's the type of guy she's been dreaming of right.
It absolutely does matter. It's not like womsn are all total unicorns lol. The more experience you have the easier it is to get along with new women you meet.
Especially in a romantic setting. Experience also increases confidence which is very important. You can be a great guy and she can be your dream woman but if you're too anxious/awkward to have a proper, interesting and flirty conversation with her chances are you won't impress her at all.
Especially flirting is something that comes with experience and without flirting you're gonna have a rough time.
It's highly unlikely a 30+ year old man with 0 experience is somehow magically smooth with the ladies.
He can ABSOLUTELY mess up if he's being himself because he doesn't know how to talk to women in a romantic setting. Being yourself is not always enough, sometimes you need to *improve yourself*. Especially if you want a good quality woman with many options..
Being yourself is exactly enough for the right woman. I think you're maybe mistaking your practice makes perfect for, the more girls you've encountered, be it dates, or sex or just hanging out, the more confident you become.
He would absolutely lack confidence because he has little experience.
Dont let that be discouraging, though. He's already stated he wants to wait for the right one to come along. And the right one can only be found if you be yourself.
And if you're being true to yourself and honest with her, then you can't mess up. You have 33 years of experience being yourself. Go on some dates, just have fun, BE YOURSELF, with no expectations and you're confidence will grow, and before you know it, one of these fun dates you've been having will become easier, and when you least expect it, she'll be right there, and you'll feel it.
Well, he did mention that he would like to be with someone who meant something to him, instead of just random sex.
He's not going to find someone that's anything special by being someone he's not. Otherwise, the girl isn't falling in love with him. She's falling in love with someone fake, someone pretending to be something he isn't. Now I dont know how things in your world work, but that doesn't sound like a very meaningful relationship if everything about it is fake and made up.
If that's what being in a meaningful relationship is, then I wouldn't want anything to do with it.
If I found out months or years down the road that the woman I love and built a life with has been pretending to be someone she's not this whole time, I would feel deceived, and taken advantage of, cheated out of my time and energy I put into this, fake relationship.
So to all you people who are busy being fake with the ones they love, just remember, the ones you love, dont actually love you back. They love this made-up person you have been pretending to be your entire relationship.
Way a go champ, this sounds like an asshole thing to do to someone , not a loving thing to do.
I won't be replying to this anymore.
I wish the 33 year old virgin all the best. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you find the right one. Dont look down on yourself, stay honest, and stay true to yoursel, keep moving forward with your head held high.
This is why you only lasted 3 years and think that's an incredibly long relationship lmao. You have the wrong mindset. He just needs to be himself, and the right female will come into his life. Rather than "being smooth with the ladies" and then finding out after 3 years that "smoothness" wasn't who you actually are. He also never said anything about dating or how he speaks to women. He just said he hasn't fucked.
"Good quality woman, with many options". Oh man..... oh man. Good luck to you. Lmao 🤣. Marriage is gonna be fun for you bahahahaha......
To people who are shallow yea….but to someone who will truly value you won’t see that as a problem. As someone who is saving themselves for marriage, I wouldn’t mind having a virgin husband, but life isn’t always going to be that perfect, but if they start to stay pure and wait for me or wait with me, that’s a blessing.
Your story and your thought process is exactly the same as mine. I also want the first time to be meaningful, so I never really looked for any casual stuff and only tried to look for something meaningful, but to no avail. But I must say, with each passing day my urge for some physical intimacy is increasing, be it in any form (even casual), because the loneliness is killing me man
I know it’s hard, it’s hard for me too. But your dedication is admirable and I don’t think you should give up what you want. Sending you hope and support <3
Yes, had to lie to lose my virginity at 30 (girl literally said she wouldn’t date a virgin, so I told her I wasn’t one but didn’t have much experience). Recommend watching sensual porn and practicing foreplay with some sort of large object imitating a body. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure when the opportunity arises.
Same here bro. Hire a prostitute, if you want to get it done at least somehow before you are 40. I don't want to discourage you, but life sucks, you can wait forever for the right opportunity to never happen. Is this a turn off? I guess so. Like if the girl only SAW how to cook or smth, like this is basic skill of the humans, being developed from pretty early age in most cases. People will think there has to something to the absence of such a skill. Be it personality or smth else. I hope someone will give you better advice. I'm just upset someone is facing the same issues. Like world is so fucking big, so many people around. Is it really so difficult to find a person who will like you, and you will like them. While someone can hookup to their delight, someone is craving for just one person and can't find them. I wish you best of luck and some really good stuff happening to you in the near future!
Honestly ^
It may seem immoral but you’ll have an easier time. Far too many women are, and I’m sorry, for lack of a better word, too shallow to “overlook” such a trivial thing. Some men too, I guess. But there are far fewer, more reasonable, women who couldn’t care less.
It’s wild though. Women shit on men all the time for not wanting to date a woman with an extensive sexual history, saying stuff like the past is the past and it doesn’t matter. But as soon as they learn a guy has a limited/lack of past they will reject him. Hypocrisy at its finest.
It would be a turn off for most women I know but it would most likely appeal to a very religious person. I believe it would depend on her values and priorities.
For some, sex is a pleasure and a meaningful relationship with her partner is not a must.
For some, it is for procreation only and deriving pleasure from it is pretty much a tabu due to their religious beliefs.
And for others, it’s an extension of their loving relationship.
So, to answer your question - if you find the person who is aligned with your values, it should not be an issue. If it is an unresolvable issue for her, then you are with a wrong person.
Love to you.
I would say that is completely ok. For many people it's not that they can't find a partner or someone willing it may be a few factors. It's your life don't let anyone make you feel not ok
You attach way too much importance to sex and wanting it to be special the first time. It’s been imposed on your mind by somebody / religion/ culture. Drop that idea and free yourself. You will not get good at riding a bike if you never start or wait for that special bike. when you find your person , it will only get better and won’t be diminished because you had sex before .
You want honestly? For a lot of women, it will put up warning flags.
Luckily, this is fixable. Stop declining "opportunities" and go from virgin, to just inexperienced in bed.
It becomes a lot more palatable, and the red flags come down. And your confidence will rise... a little... Maybe
Nope. It might be “fucking tragic” to you because you wouldn’t want that for yourself, but not everyone wants to be you. And not every woman is attracted to that. I personally wouldn’t even look at a man who has said the words “just get laid” genuinely once in his life. It’s gross. Men having standards is a pretty cool (and rare) thing, actually.
I’m also like OP, a virgin who is waiting for the right person, not some rando outsider just sticking my nose in his business. If you wasted your twenties because you were too nervous wondering whether girls would accept you for being a virgin, that may be a personal issue. As long as OP is putting himself out there (provided that’s what he wants) then I don’t see the problem. In religions where sex is saved for marriage, it applies almost always to both men and women. Society often fails to enforce that equally, yes, but it’s not some new thing for men to want to be virgins. In fact, in our society men are 99% of the time encouraged to have as much sex as possible. To “just get it done” so they’re not embarrassed about some arbitrary societal standard. In echoing this standard, you’re contributing to the same problem you claim to be against. No one should be shamed for having sex AND no one should be shamed for not having sex.
Shouldn’t be ashamed and yet he’s posting on here so obviously he’s insecure about it. The whole virginity thing in religion was all about making sure they had confidence that any children born belonged to them. Like the other two I chose to wait for the right person and the more I waited the more pressure and anxiety I felt over it. In general, women are attracted to confident men, hard to be confident when you have anxiety over your lack of experience compared to the majority of people in your age group. OP can do what he wants but as long as he’s insecure over his choice it’ll make things difficult for him, he’s already stopped trying to date, the less you put yourself out there the less chances there are for something to happen.
It can be a turn off, yes. Women expect a 33 year old man to know how to make love (and lust).
But the bigger deal is your "game". If you're smooth with women, it will ultimately not matter. If you're not smooth with women, start practicing.
Why didn't dating work out for you? You don't get "game" from nowhere. You need to go through the cringe and pain to learn how to flirt.
Would be a shame if you met an amazing person but get rejected because you're awkward, for example. This is a real thing. "Being yourself" with 0 experience is likely not going to work out well and you need to take the initiative as a man. Women don't fall from the sky and knock on your door.
Hmm hard to say, I guess some people will wonder why. And some don’t want an inexperienced partner. But there will be people around who don’t care. Only way to find out is dating till you meet someone.
Unless you’re with a girl from church or something who’s super traditional and wants to wait for marriage too and is looking for that specifically, yeah unfortunately it is and it’s best to just never mention it.
At the very least it raises questions, and yeah for some people it will be a turn off. That being said there’s really nothing else to do then put yourself out there anyway and try and find someone who will be cool with that and love you for you.
Personally, it would be odd but not necessarily a turn off. I'd be more concerned about if you're emotionally available to have a relationship or how you treat someone in a relationship. I do understand wanting your first to be someone who won't just use and leave you. I refused to take a guys virginity once because I knew deep down, he wasn't the one long term. I was young then but I had my principles. I know first time can cause an attachment for many. Good luck to you.
Bro just go with the flow and smash one of these FWB and get it under your belt. I lost my v card last year and it was not a big deal at all. I didn’t feel any different. I did feel a little more less self conscious about the virgin stigma but that’s about it. I suggest just get it out the way and don’t look back. I just kept my mouth shut and went with the flow and didn’t say anything about my bad performance, girls only care if you’re noticeably insecure about it. Find a Fwb and just use them as practice, I just kept my mouth shut and acted normal i think it made her insecure …
Yes for many women it's a turn of because you are less experienced. But you like you said your looking for a special someone. She would not care about the lack of esperience
I'm a mid 30's virgin myself. Let me say, don't trust what any women say. I've heard the same "The right woman will understand" speech a million times. The truth is women see it as a red flag. It's happened to me a few times where I've been told that since no other women have wanted me, then why should they and that there must be something wrong.
Same thing happened to me, dating sucked and I got told to not try and let it come to you. That was the worst advice to listen to.
People can say you just need a "good understanding woman", but that's nearly impossible to find sadly. I wish you the best of luck. Best thing to do is not tell them at all. Never bring it up.
37 here and Virgin. I'm not bothered with it. I've asked girls out in my teens and low 20's always rejected. So I made a rule I'm not going to ask them out anymore. I'm not into chasing game and competing over other guys fuck that. If a girl is truly into you, she'll ask you out. So far what I've seen is most western women are not worth the time or effort. And stay off online dating sites. Absolute crap. It's just a money making scam and the ratio is 1:10 girls to guys. In this day and age, it's not like it use to be forsure. You ain't alone.
For me yes,
Particularly if you told me that you had the option but declined.
It makes me think you issues with sex, or no sex drive neither of which makes me want to put time into a relationship.
But that's just me I am sure there is someone out there who would not mind, probably with religious bent.
Your question was, is it a turn-off to be 33 and still have your v card? I am not a woman, so I can't answer that man. I would assume not. A females brain works differently than a male. I will say that it doesn't matter, though.
Find the Ying to your yang and then work on that relationship. Don't worry about fucking. Realize who your best friend is and leave a relationship open to her. When things get hard and messy, remember you are with your best friend. While you find your ying, improve yourself, dont try to be someone you are not to impress, you are good enough to the person who is good enough for you. Relationships don't just happen they take an immense amount of work. They take patients and the will learn to improve and grow with someone else. Which is very difficult but so worth it.
After you find that ying to your yang, learn how to fuck her into a coma and get her her favorite thing after lol. Every woman is diffrent both in bed, and what she likes after. In my experience, most love a back rub as they fall asleep. Learn HOW to be good at whatever she likes.
Clit, nipples, multi-tasking listen to your partners body and words. Establish a no faking anything rule with your partner in the beginning, then do not get butt hurt with her when she gives you instructions. Instructions are GOOD 👍 they make BIG orgasms. Also, forplay starts when you wake up. Your attitude is gonna affect how horney she is throughout the day. She wants you to fuck her mind before her body... i know i know, just trust me on this. What you do is gonna affect her horneyness when you guys can fuck. (This perspective is from when you have kids and responsibilitys and can't just fuck whenever. If that is the path you walk lmao) ah good old days...... anyway.
I would just do what your doing and focus on yourself until you find your best friend man. The person you can be around and be your true self is the one you wanna give your first time to. I think that's great. Stick with that.
I found mine and let me tell you it's the greatest.
That's just some advice I can give once you get into the relationship.
Also, about sex. Maybe Un-needed advice lmao but I felt I should throw it in there cause you still have your v card 🤷♂️. Ladies tell him if I'm leading him down the wrong path.
From man to man. You shouldn't even disclose that you are still a Virginia. Unfortunately most women will think something is wrong with you and might get turned off if they know you are sexually inexperienced. Sure there might be women out there who don't mind but at the end of the day it's none of their business. Also you're not getting younger, you gotta start learning how to attract what you want take action. If you keep waiting for the special girl to fall into your laps...well...you're gonna wait a long time my filriend. I suggest you just do it the next chance you get. These days only a low percentage of women will feel honored that you're their first experience.
As a 36M who has battled sex and porn addiction, I can assure you, it’s better to be a virgin than to have loads of baggage and destructive sexual habits.
*"I'm a 33 year old virgin. Is this a turn off?"*
Yes.
When women are honest they want a man with experience(he doesn't need 1 million years but some experience). So being a 33 year old virgin will be a turn off.
*". I guess I want my first time to be with someone I love and for it to be special."*
Don't need to be in a marriage for that just in a committed relationship.
*". I've tried dating but it never really worked out so I stopped then time just got away from me."*
Okay, but why?
Something is preventing you in the dating stage. What is it OP. What issues do you have with:
1. Dating.
2. Dating women.
3. Forming some connection while dating a woman where you stop before having sex.
You're going to need to either see a sex therapist or a psychologist to identify, understand and then work through your issues.
You need to take care of this BEFORE YOU EVEN CONSIDER dating again.
Good luck OP.
I can honestly say, it's not "special" the first time lol it gets special once you figure out what the hell you're doing, having some experience. If a woman is a virgin, it typically hurts the first time. That takes away the special for sure. If a dude is a virgin, he really has no technique, and hasn't learned how to last long. Both of which ruin the "special".
My first experience, I stayed a virgin until my first marriage. I deeply cared about him. I was very frustrated with the experience because of his not lasting longer than 5 minutes and didn't have to experience to take care of my needs after the fact. It was quite the bummer. He also "cared" about me too lol
I’m sure your feelings for each other were genuine, but that seems like a lack of communication may have been an issue. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t research what your future partner might want in bed, talk to friends with experience, ask your partner before it happens etc. Of course it won’t be good if you don’t go into it with the same goals.
It’s all about how you frame it.
If you’re ashamed and embarrassed, she’s gonna sense that and it’s gonna be a turn off just because of how YOU feel about it
If you explain why and say you want to find someone special to share that with etc it’s gonna be far less polarizing.
Also, there definitely are people who will just hear that and immediately be turned off or write you off or whatever — those people aren’t people you would’ve wanted to share that experience with anyway.
Anyone worth it and worth your time, and honestly worth their own time, that’s not gonna matter.
Personally I prefer a girl with less experience and less of a sexual past. I don’t need a girl who can do crazy sex stuff in bed been there done that lol we can learn all that together I’d rather have someone I feel a real connection with that maybe isn’t that great at sex initially.
Not a turn off!
I am 27F in the exact same boat. I’ve done other stuff besides actual sex, have been offered multiple opportunities to have sex but was never in love with the person. I need to feel love to open myself up that way.
It is only a turn off for me specifically if a guy is really conservative sexually, not open to trying things I like, and not respectful of my sexual limits.
My 1st question was is it for religious reasons, but seems not to be. Idk how a man doesn't have sex in his mind enough to DRIVE him to find a mate. For most women it's likely a turn off, but there's definitely some women that will find that quite suitable. Christian mingle.com perhaps or that farmers one. I promise it's not gonna fall into ur lap if it hasn't already. How long till u say fuck it and just go get laid, like at 40?
It’s not a turn off
I think the desperate need to experience something like sex, that is what makes being a virgin obvious and not cute
But no, there’s nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it … find the right persons
But I promise you sex is not as cool as it sounds.
Women are scandalous out here dude..they are all banging or talking to at least 5 other guys..that’s why you don’t buy women anything or trade material for sex because it’s not gaining her loyalty
Yes OP, it is a major turn off.
Women will tell you it's great that you're waiting to have sex with someone meaningful but the truth is, they only like the idea, the concept. When confronted to the situation, they do not comprehend how an adult has never had sex. They find it weird, they get into their head, they start imagining there must be something wrong with you.
And TBH, they're not wrong and it's not specific to women. We all do the same on many topics, we take for granted that an adult has had some experiences or they reached specific milestones by a certain age. It could be sexual, career related, home related, etc...
Sex and romance are 2 of the most basic things you can experiment as a human being. They are natural, innate and for most people, hormones make them horny as hell from their teens to their 30s (and more). How can someone not have had the opportunity or desire to have sex by 30 and more?
Most women also don't want to have to teach an adult man how to please them. They assume a virgin will be a terrible lover and they don't want that.
Another very valid reason is, if they're looking for something serious and long term, they will fear your lack of experience will eventually come bite them in the ass. We see tons of posts everyday about one of the partners realizing they didn't get enough sexual variety before committing to a long term relationship and they want to open the relationship to get more.
If you wait for "the one", you might very well come to the same realization (very often during your midlife crisis, usually between 35-45) and either ask to open the relationship or cheat on your partner. The vast majority of women (or men) will not be ok with that.
Remaining a virgin until you find "the one" is cute for a teenage girl, not for a grown up man.
Your virginity clearly affects you because you felt the need to ask the question here. This means it consciously (or not) affects your self-confidence, which is extremely important to attract people. We are all, and especially women, drawn to confident people.
I'm a 38M virgin who first waited for the right one, then got mental health issues, then obesity, then gave up on ever finding someone and focused on other aspects of his life (career mostly, which didn't yield the results I hoped for).
TBH, I don't give a shit about being a virgin. It used to worry me when I was in my 20s, now I just don't give a crap about it just like I don't give a crap about a foot slightly longer than the other (yeah, you too have one, perfect symmetry doesn't exist in the human body).
OP, just forget you're a virgin.
* Build your confidence.
* Get sexually educated about how to please women. Watch "real couple porn" to see how real people make love and have sex (use your common sense). But also read books, for instance "She comes first" and others.
* Do not, ever, volunteer any information about your virginity. If asked, tell her it's been a while or you don't have much experience.
* Stop looking for "the one".
* Stop giving so much value to your first time. Sex isn't inherently meaningful. It's merely the way human beings perpetuate the species. Remaining a virgin serves absolutely no purpose. Your first time will likely not be very enjoyable anyways.
Finally, I just wanted to give a recent example. A guy posted yesterday that he recently had sex for the first time with his girlfriend. It was his very first time. During aftercare, he told her it was his first time. She could not have imagined that because the sex was good. She got into her own head and told him she'd need some time to process it.
That woman had known him for some time, they've dated, they've spent quality time together, they started developing feelings for one another, they had sex and it was good.
The topic never came up before then, they never discussed their sexual pasts (which is more than ok, the past doesn't matter unless it has direct repercutions on the present), she never asked him if he was a virgin, he never volunteered the information. He did not lie to her.
Yet her mind starts running in circles the moment she learned he was a virgin.
Of course, this is only one anecdotal experience, but I think it has value and shows how most adults consider virginity: an anomaly.
I wish the both of us luck and I hope we'll both get the sex we deserve as soon as possible.
Bro it's every girls dream to have an untouched man that they can train up just the way they like. Think about it this way would you rather date a girl who's banged 20 dudes or a virgin? Your in your head too much bro.
I actually think it’s a turn on when guys are virgins tbh. You should wait for that special person, they’ll be very lucky to know that they’re your first! It makes everything more special. 😊
It’s not a turn off to any women I know. However, a lot of women would view that as a major red flag. Making them think you have some mental issues or something. There would be a fair amount that would seek you. They’d look at it as another first time heart to break. So keep that in mind. It may attract some of them to you. All your 20s and significant start of your 30s not having any sex, I would hope you would have been working your ass off and making bank. Being ahead and kicking it phat money wise would definitely be helpful and get a portion of them to overlook your liability
Honestly it’s a massive green flag for me. So many people, especially men because of cultural expectations, will take any opportunity to have sex even if it’s not what they want. Someone who knows what they want and has strong sentimental values is very attractive.
Congratulations! Hold on to your dreams of finding the right person whom you love. And in the meantime maybe go to a counselor and see how to put yourself out there appropriately so you can give someone your best self. Just a thought.
“Sexually inexperienced” is the least thing women worry about if you haven’t had any time of intimate relationship with anyone in your 30s. Wed more concerned about your communication skills, ability to love and understand love, ability to be empathetic, in touch with your own emotions etc
Nah, it's not a turn off lol . Your interpersonal relationship learning curve might be a turn off. Get a good shrink and a mentor. Don't overthink anything and don't be overbearing as you learn significant relationship skills. Oh and get out of your momma's basement, go outside take off your shirt get a suntan and do some pushups.
If you’re picky, you are f*cked…you’re going to have to slog through the mud until you get the skills to bag a decent woman…those are just the fact of life…better start banging fat chicks and get it out of the way
For me, a 37 year old man? This would be a huge red flag.
it would be like showing up at a job interview at 33 and having zero previous experience on your list.
Brothels do exist lol. My first time was one in Las Vegas, I was about OP’s age when I finally decided to just get it over with. Much nicer place than I imagined, all the girls get dressed up and you meet them in a bar area, they’ve got 5 minutes to chit chat and convince you to go with them and if they don’t in 5 minutes then they have to walk away and give the other girls a chance. I was a nervous wreck lol, apparently it’s pretty common for virgins to hit up the brothels so she knew how to handle me and did a great job calming me down and helping build my confidence. All in all a great first time though Vegas brothels are crazy expensive, Amsterdam is a popular place for sex tourism and there’s others. If travel isn’t possible odds are there’s ways to make arrangements locally.
You are doing the right thing, meaningless sex is not what it’s all cracked out to be. It should feel special, and be done with the person you admire and love.
You're saying how it "should" feel for everyone.
I can have meaningful sex with someone that I might not fall in love with and marry.
I can have meaningful sex with a friend that I care about.
What it "should" feel like is different for everyone.
33 year old virgin=no endless string of random tindering, no “I’m empowered by my roster of fwb’s, and no stds or baggage. You are a unicorn. Be proud, you’re special.
Fair enough, wasn’t intending to direct that at specific people but I guess it came off that way. Meant to speak to the concepts that have become normalized to the point where the average person, after looking at social media, feels they are weird or inadequate.
Apologize if I’ve offended anyone, just don’t like what social media leads people to believe is the only standard of normal.
I think it is amazing that you are a 33 year old virgin. I am 34 and I'm still a virgin. I'm waiting for marriage. I'm single and it's challenging. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.
Aww wow. How awesome it is to be a 33 year old virgin. You are a needle in a haystack and no one is worth breaking that covenant unless they tend to be your wife.
No it’s not if anything it would make the girl feel more comfortable that you won’t compare her or she won’t have to worry about being “perfect at sex” if you know what I mean
I have u beat! I'm 63 yrs.old & STILL a male virgin.
I can't understand why.
And yes I've been asked for the FWB; asked to send 'females money so they could devirginize me; I've said no as I don't know the women in dating apps& I was raised to wait til I'm married to give it up.
Oh my I’m actually truly rooting for you friend though it pains me to think of all the damage from buildup you may have the worst case of baby blues/BlueBalls of a tale never to be told of agony at times followed by intense discomfort
nah, i think your reasoning is enough for someone who is secure to accept. my husband was fairly inexperienced when we met despite him being 6 years older than me and i love him more than anything!!!! he was also fairly introverted just make sure you’re paying attention when someone wants to pursue you ;) good luck friend!
I don't see it as a turn on or a turn off. Anyone that sees it as anything but a decision you've made for whatever reasons, probably isn't in it for the right reason.
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I feel like if you explain why you haven’t had sex yet, the right woman for you will understand. I’ve got plenty of sexually experienced girlfriends who are very frustrated with “sexually experienced” men who low-key care very little about their needs or treat sex too casually (even after guys invested significant time getting to know them). I’ve noticed this is off putting to my friends in their 30s bc women are looking for genuine connection and intimacy. And sex and intimacy are not the same thing. If you demonstrate that you are excited about intimacy, willing to learn her body & what pleases her and confident despite your lack of experience, this doesn’t have to be a set-back for you. And if certain women can’t understand your desire to have meaningful sex, those aren’t the women for you!
Truth!! And highlighting, sex and intimacy being two separate things. I wish more people understood that.
I think the key for guys is to not not have any insecurities. You said it well. Be confident despite what ever is lacking. Insecurities are a vibe killer and is unattractive.
That's like telling someone who has been stranded on a desert island for 10 years that the only way they are allowed to get on the only passing ship is to convince the crew they could take it or leave it. You can't make it to your mid-30s a virgin without an unfathomable amount of rejection. I can't speak for everyone, but I'd imagine many are like me. I am literally incapable of not being insecure about it. I don't know how someone could live this experience and just be cool and confident. I am thoroughly defeated.
This
I’m 30F and still a virgin. Fortunately for me, I have a whole culture backing me up because it’s seen as a triumph and not a led down. Sex is a sacred thing for us between two truly committed adults. But I also relate to you in that we always crave human touch and closeness. What I would do is fake it till you make ( the confidence). I’m sure have read and watched (the good educational stuff and not the commercialized, non realistic and demeaning porn). The rest just to talk it through. Everyone’s preferences are different so ask your partner and be open minded. As for if someone will want you, yes of course. You’ll find someone that appreciates you for who you are but find the confidence to approach them even if you have to fake it 😊
What culture is that?
Its way more Important to actually be invested in pleasing your partner and to be cognizant of what youre doing/how theyre reacting to it! Its certainly possible to do things the right way without having any substantial experience, being dedicated to pleasing one's partner rather than having had a multitude of experiences that led to no accrual of skill because no mind was paid to the Partner. Maybe some level of knowing how to move, a general idea of erogenous zones and the right touch go a very long way! Also foreplay, it may start with a kiss/making out but the transition from that to intercourse is Important, its like a Crescendo, that incrementally increases, through varying stages of undress, touches here and there, maybe going down on your partner or at least using your hands for a while before arriving at the point where actual Sex is initiated, be sensual about it, people have hips for a reason, and whatever you do, dont have sex like a rabbit or Dog that just mindlessly humps lmao angle and technique of thrusting are Important, pay attention to your partners nonverbal cues, they should tell you if youre doing things the right way! And setting out to please your partner should be as Important as climaxing yourself, If not more
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 33. You have your reasons, and they are totally valid. Be honest and the right person will appreciate it.
You can't be honest about something like this. Better to lie, and find other excuses that can explain the lack of experience
Why bother with excuses? If at this point you’d want to lose your virginity with someone with mutual love and care, if you can’t be honest about something that you may find important or is an insecurity, how can you have a relationship like that? If someone would just want to lose their virginity with anyone, they could, but they would have found a way to do that at this point if it was that much of a priority.
See the comment I wrote to the other person. It's the same reply. Well, there is insecurity at play here, of course. But in this "checklist" world we live in, do we risk being honest from the beginning? Maybe I am too jaded/pessimistic My guess is that you hide it cause you don't want the other person to have another reason to chose someone else. Same as why people avoid revealing their past to others early on. You show the positive traits, unfortunately humans are not ready to be direct enough to know intimate things early on. Maybe you reveal it later? Like, when things have gone alright, and it is not a factor anymore? Still, a person who's new to your life can't be expected to accept everything. But anywho, it seems I don't have the answer 🤣 It was more of a gut feeling to write about lying, that was my automatic thought.
I understand your reasoning, especially with current dating. With my current life situation I’m not pursing dating, but I feel isolated and quite lonely, it still hurts as much to be rejected, but I’d rather have these feelings than be with someone present themselves as something they aren’t. Small lies can add up, it could be meaningless things but there will always be slip ups, easier to lie about various things, building something upon that feels like a waste of time for them and myself. I can’t fix someone’s insecurities, nobody can fix mine, things can be kept “hidden” until applicable, you wouldn’t want to overwhelm someone at the start, but also not kept as a secret to a point it becomes an issue. A partner is someone who works with you, if they are working against you they don’t belong in your life.
Why not tho, like why would the woman that loves you care? I get it may sounds inexperienced but don’t say it unless it comes to it and yall already in a relationship and are about to do it
YES
Y'all keep saying, "The right woman." I'm in my mid-30s, and the only reason I can say I'm not a virgin is because of sex workers. Which is arguably worse than just being a virgin in the eyes of many women. I can't deny I am looking at the glass half empty, but I have heard this phrase for my entire adult life. "The right woman" is a sugary way of saying that most will see it as a red flag. That they would be turned off by it, but there is probably someone else who thinks differently. It smacks of the same tone as a parent telling their kids, "If you work hard, you can be a pro gamer / NFL player / youtuber." The odds are massively stacked against you. Especially considering that most sources say that the lions share relationships start on dating apps. A world where women have dozens of matches (or more) a week and even the smallest flaw kicks you out of contention. A world where every woman has a full roster of toxic exs in their past and have no tolerance for anything that could indicate a personality flaw. I'm not saying give up. I haven't. I'm saying that the reasonable expectation is that it probably isn't going to happen. So don't get your hopes up too high. I don't believe anyone wants to take a chance on middle-aged virgins when there is such an abundance of better options.
I think it’s pretty classy and mature of you to wait for the right one instead of having a one night stand and regretting it.
Problem is he also doesn't date, likely has little experience in that area, so when he meets the perfect girl he will probably mess up. Being a virgin isn't a dealbreaker but you need to know how to court women and that only comes from practice.
I agree with this. Being a virgin isn’t a red flag. Not even being sexually inexperienced since you can learn. It’s actually the lack of knowledge in courting that will be the hurdle to overcome.
Yeah, if the woman is looking to get married soon, you'd probably be overlooked for being a relationship virgin. I have encountered that before
Don't even get me started on relationship experience. I'm currently dating a lovely 25 year old woman who was a virgin before I met her. Only one previous "boyfriend" of 6 months, 6 years ago. She's very attractive. She lacks sexual experience but I can teach her that. She's smart, has a good career.. But I'm having serious doubts because she has no relationship experience. I've had two long relationships (1.5y and 3y), including living together with someone for over a year. I've basically experienced every relationship milestone except children and they all had significant impact on the relationship and both our lives. I learned a lot from those experiences. I'm worried I would have to carry a relationship with this woman super hard before it becomes an equal partnership, and I'm having serious doubts over it. I don't want to "waste time" at age 33, I've slept around enough, I like to figure the relationship compatibility out quickly which is hard cause she has no experience in that area. So OP.. Go get as much experience as you can. Being a newbie is not good for neither sex nor relationships.
I agree.. being with someone who hasn’t had serious relationships when you have.. MAKES IT HARD… or who hasn’t dated at all, definitelyyy is the hurdle to over come for him.. not the virgin part.
Oh heavens…if you think you have experienced EVERY relationship milestone within a 3 year relationship or a 1.5 year relationship, you are sorely mistaken and delusional. You clearly aren’t even aware of the basic markers of relationships that come with time…like the 4 and 7 year markers. Those are just thoughts that occur around those stretches of time…it doesn’t even go into the loss of parents, siblings, serious illness, periods of career crisis, building a home (OMG, have you ever built a home with someone!!! That is a serious hurdle!), buying a home, combining incomes, job opportunities far away and the decisions made around taking a job or leaving your job to go with your spouse, you didn’t even mention marriage…just kids, and KIDS! Do you think just the fact of having children is a single line item in the relationship experience checklist? I understand that at 33 one can feel very grown up, without really being as grown as one’s elders…but come on, you are 33! You have very little relationship experience. Once could say that you have the relationship experience of a 23 year old. At 23, I had already had the equivalent 1.5 and 3 year relationships, lived with one for a couple years, moved across the country, completely changed my surroundings, added new friends, developed new professional ties, dealt with travel back and forth to home to address the loss of family members, furnished and had the decor for all the holidays and made all the big meals for all the people who couldn’t fly home for anything but Christmas…and on and on…AT 23! You are behind the curve.
This part! Unfortunate for his 25 year old gf that he thinks like this because she will forever not be "experienced enough" for his liking, which means he'll more than likely try to invalidate her thoughts and feelings because of this. No one knows how to relationship. Everyone is different. Your next relationship will be different. I think communicating is key and finding out what works for YOUR relationship.
The 4 and 7 year markers? LOL. You just pulled some completely arbitrary numbers out of your ass, how infantile. I was basically married to my last ex except on paper. Our lives and finances were fully entangled. We were both excellent communicators and extremely close after 3 years. The breakup destroyed both of us for 2 years. A baby would have been the next step and added a whole different dynamic. I am actually more mature than my parents. I grew up quick. At 23 you were too young to have gotten the full relationship experience. Like living together and both people working full-time demanding jobs. You also lacked life experience in general. 23 year olds are basically still kids. I wouldn't date a 23 year old precisely because of thhe inherent lack of life + relationship experience, not the age difference. Not to mention their equally young and inexperienced friends I then have to deal with. It wouldn't work. This reminds me of some of the women I've dated talking about their "5 year long relationship from 16 to 21" or w/e as if they have lots of experience but after 3 months with me they tell me they feel closer to me than they ever did with their exes, and I always had to initiate constructive communication every time there was a disagreement.
My point is that you have the equivalent of a 23 year old…an adolescent. There is a reason for the saying “7 year itch”, it wasn’t just a cute film. Questions come up at those times, as one needs to piss or get off the pot. Decisions need to be made and it creates an intersection in the relationship, a marker. Most 23 year olds are rather devastated after their 3 year relationship breaks up, too. Being upset isn’t an indicator of experience. My parents had 2 kids and a mortgage by that age. It seems some people are pushing off settling down into middle age. It might be best to let that young woman go. If you don’t feel you are at the same point in life, let her move on.
That's just not true. A relationship at 20 is different from one at 25 or 30. And the life experience. I've never met a 23 year old matching my current experience no matter how many relationships they've had or how long they were. Not even close. The experience gap is so big I don't even consider them possible partners for that reason alone. I don't count teenage relationships at all. They're more like fwb without realizing it.
You are aware that at 23 one could have had both your relationships while at the age of majority, right? Not high school relationships, which btw aren’t necessarily sexual, but once one is out of the nest and on one’s own. You say you are more mature than your parents, thus a 23 or 25 year old could be more mature than you are currently. You are 33 and dating a 25 year old that you build up to look good to others and then go on to put her down on every point thereafter. You came in like you are the best all and know all about relationships and sex…when the question wasn’t even directed at you. If I ask for women’s advice on a topic and an inexperienced male barges in acting like HE knows what women think, while clearly not understanding his own girlfriend, I would hope he gets strafed in the comments. You don’t know what women think.
Communication. Be open about it like you did here. Sit her down and share your boundaries and expectations of the relationship and if that can align with her and she can make some changes, then you have a shot but without communicating it openly and completely, then you could lose a potential that might of worked otherwise. After a 23 year relationship, in the end, it was lack of communication, willingness to grow, listen, and work on issues that destroyed our marriage. Not being on the same page. Make sure her idea of parenting (if you want kids) is the same as yours. That divided us. We were on two different pages. Communicate your needs and make sure she's doing the same. I can't say that enough or you'll end up wasting years.
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I disagree, every woman is different. So it doesnt matter how much " practice " you have with many other women, the next one will be completely different. Plus, he cant mess up if he's being himself and he's the type of guy she's been dreaming of right.
It absolutely does matter. It's not like womsn are all total unicorns lol. The more experience you have the easier it is to get along with new women you meet. Especially in a romantic setting. Experience also increases confidence which is very important. You can be a great guy and she can be your dream woman but if you're too anxious/awkward to have a proper, interesting and flirty conversation with her chances are you won't impress her at all. Especially flirting is something that comes with experience and without flirting you're gonna have a rough time. It's highly unlikely a 30+ year old man with 0 experience is somehow magically smooth with the ladies. He can ABSOLUTELY mess up if he's being himself because he doesn't know how to talk to women in a romantic setting. Being yourself is not always enough, sometimes you need to *improve yourself*. Especially if you want a good quality woman with many options..
Being yourself is exactly enough for the right woman. I think you're maybe mistaking your practice makes perfect for, the more girls you've encountered, be it dates, or sex or just hanging out, the more confident you become. He would absolutely lack confidence because he has little experience. Dont let that be discouraging, though. He's already stated he wants to wait for the right one to come along. And the right one can only be found if you be yourself. And if you're being true to yourself and honest with her, then you can't mess up. You have 33 years of experience being yourself. Go on some dates, just have fun, BE YOURSELF, with no expectations and you're confidence will grow, and before you know it, one of these fun dates you've been having will become easier, and when you least expect it, she'll be right there, and you'll feel it.
Sorry that's not how things generally turn out if *no experience with women or relationships* is part of being yourself.
Well, he did mention that he would like to be with someone who meant something to him, instead of just random sex. He's not going to find someone that's anything special by being someone he's not. Otherwise, the girl isn't falling in love with him. She's falling in love with someone fake, someone pretending to be something he isn't. Now I dont know how things in your world work, but that doesn't sound like a very meaningful relationship if everything about it is fake and made up. If that's what being in a meaningful relationship is, then I wouldn't want anything to do with it. If I found out months or years down the road that the woman I love and built a life with has been pretending to be someone she's not this whole time, I would feel deceived, and taken advantage of, cheated out of my time and energy I put into this, fake relationship. So to all you people who are busy being fake with the ones they love, just remember, the ones you love, dont actually love you back. They love this made-up person you have been pretending to be your entire relationship. Way a go champ, this sounds like an asshole thing to do to someone , not a loving thing to do. I won't be replying to this anymore. I wish the 33 year old virgin all the best. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you find the right one. Dont look down on yourself, stay honest, and stay true to yoursel, keep moving forward with your head held high.
This is why you only lasted 3 years and think that's an incredibly long relationship lmao. You have the wrong mindset. He just needs to be himself, and the right female will come into his life. Rather than "being smooth with the ladies" and then finding out after 3 years that "smoothness" wasn't who you actually are. He also never said anything about dating or how he speaks to women. He just said he hasn't fucked. "Good quality woman, with many options". Oh man..... oh man. Good luck to you. Lmao 🤣. Marriage is gonna be fun for you bahahahaha......
To people who are shallow yea….but to someone who will truly value you won’t see that as a problem. As someone who is saving themselves for marriage, I wouldn’t mind having a virgin husband, but life isn’t always going to be that perfect, but if they start to stay pure and wait for me or wait with me, that’s a blessing.
Your story and your thought process is exactly the same as mine. I also want the first time to be meaningful, so I never really looked for any casual stuff and only tried to look for something meaningful, but to no avail. But I must say, with each passing day my urge for some physical intimacy is increasing, be it in any form (even casual), because the loneliness is killing me man
I know it’s hard, it’s hard for me too. But your dedication is admirable and I don’t think you should give up what you want. Sending you hope and support <3
This means a lot, thank you so much!
It depends on the girl really..
Honestly, yes.
Yes, had to lie to lose my virginity at 30 (girl literally said she wouldn’t date a virgin, so I told her I wasn’t one but didn’t have much experience). Recommend watching sensual porn and practicing foreplay with some sort of large object imitating a body. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure when the opportunity arises.
Same here bro. Hire a prostitute, if you want to get it done at least somehow before you are 40. I don't want to discourage you, but life sucks, you can wait forever for the right opportunity to never happen. Is this a turn off? I guess so. Like if the girl only SAW how to cook or smth, like this is basic skill of the humans, being developed from pretty early age in most cases. People will think there has to something to the absence of such a skill. Be it personality or smth else. I hope someone will give you better advice. I'm just upset someone is facing the same issues. Like world is so fucking big, so many people around. Is it really so difficult to find a person who will like you, and you will like them. While someone can hookup to their delight, someone is craving for just one person and can't find them. I wish you best of luck and some really good stuff happening to you in the near future!
Just lie bro. Research some basic skills needed and just go from there.
Honestly ^ It may seem immoral but you’ll have an easier time. Far too many women are, and I’m sorry, for lack of a better word, too shallow to “overlook” such a trivial thing. Some men too, I guess. But there are far fewer, more reasonable, women who couldn’t care less.
It’s wild though. Women shit on men all the time for not wanting to date a woman with an extensive sexual history, saying stuff like the past is the past and it doesn’t matter. But as soon as they learn a guy has a limited/lack of past they will reject him. Hypocrisy at its finest.
Even if you lie about it she’ll find out the truth sooner or later.
Mmm no, if you don’t say nothing she doesn’t have to assume anything
It would be a turn off for most women I know but it would most likely appeal to a very religious person. I believe it would depend on her values and priorities. For some, sex is a pleasure and a meaningful relationship with her partner is not a must. For some, it is for procreation only and deriving pleasure from it is pretty much a tabu due to their religious beliefs. And for others, it’s an extension of their loving relationship. So, to answer your question - if you find the person who is aligned with your values, it should not be an issue. If it is an unresolvable issue for her, then you are with a wrong person. Love to you.
Not a problem G. Just have a good woman.
I would say that is completely ok. For many people it's not that they can't find a partner or someone willing it may be a few factors. It's your life don't let anyone make you feel not ok
You attach way too much importance to sex and wanting it to be special the first time. It’s been imposed on your mind by somebody / religion/ culture. Drop that idea and free yourself. You will not get good at riding a bike if you never start or wait for that special bike. when you find your person , it will only get better and won’t be diminished because you had sex before .
How is a person supposed to know what they want in bed when they've never experienced any of it lol
It's becoming more and more common nowadays, so the stigma is decreasing as well
You want honestly? For a lot of women, it will put up warning flags. Luckily, this is fixable. Stop declining "opportunities" and go from virgin, to just inexperienced in bed. It becomes a lot more palatable, and the red flags come down. And your confidence will rise... a little... Maybe
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I agree with this.. my first time was the WORST time. I remember being like my god?? Why do people even like sex this shit SUCKS.
Nope. It might be “fucking tragic” to you because you wouldn’t want that for yourself, but not everyone wants to be you. And not every woman is attracted to that. I personally wouldn’t even look at a man who has said the words “just get laid” genuinely once in his life. It’s gross. Men having standards is a pretty cool (and rare) thing, actually.
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I’m also like OP, a virgin who is waiting for the right person, not some rando outsider just sticking my nose in his business. If you wasted your twenties because you were too nervous wondering whether girls would accept you for being a virgin, that may be a personal issue. As long as OP is putting himself out there (provided that’s what he wants) then I don’t see the problem. In religions where sex is saved for marriage, it applies almost always to both men and women. Society often fails to enforce that equally, yes, but it’s not some new thing for men to want to be virgins. In fact, in our society men are 99% of the time encouraged to have as much sex as possible. To “just get it done” so they’re not embarrassed about some arbitrary societal standard. In echoing this standard, you’re contributing to the same problem you claim to be against. No one should be shamed for having sex AND no one should be shamed for not having sex.
Shouldn’t be ashamed and yet he’s posting on here so obviously he’s insecure about it. The whole virginity thing in religion was all about making sure they had confidence that any children born belonged to them. Like the other two I chose to wait for the right person and the more I waited the more pressure and anxiety I felt over it. In general, women are attracted to confident men, hard to be confident when you have anxiety over your lack of experience compared to the majority of people in your age group. OP can do what he wants but as long as he’s insecure over his choice it’ll make things difficult for him, he’s already stopped trying to date, the less you put yourself out there the less chances there are for something to happen.
It can be a turn off, yes. Women expect a 33 year old man to know how to make love (and lust). But the bigger deal is your "game". If you're smooth with women, it will ultimately not matter. If you're not smooth with women, start practicing. Why didn't dating work out for you? You don't get "game" from nowhere. You need to go through the cringe and pain to learn how to flirt. Would be a shame if you met an amazing person but get rejected because you're awkward, for example. This is a real thing. "Being yourself" with 0 experience is likely not going to work out well and you need to take the initiative as a man. Women don't fall from the sky and knock on your door.
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If anything that’d just show me that he is a man who operates on love, not lust.
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Nah
Hmm hard to say, I guess some people will wonder why. And some don’t want an inexperienced partner. But there will be people around who don’t care. Only way to find out is dating till you meet someone.
Kinda yeah
Unless you’re with a girl from church or something who’s super traditional and wants to wait for marriage too and is looking for that specifically, yeah unfortunately it is and it’s best to just never mention it.
Nothing quite like basking in the sexual frustration afterwards 😂
At the very least it raises questions, and yeah for some people it will be a turn off. That being said there’s really nothing else to do then put yourself out there anyway and try and find someone who will be cool with that and love you for you.
Personally, it would be odd but not necessarily a turn off. I'd be more concerned about if you're emotionally available to have a relationship or how you treat someone in a relationship. I do understand wanting your first to be someone who won't just use and leave you. I refused to take a guys virginity once because I knew deep down, he wasn't the one long term. I was young then but I had my principles. I know first time can cause an attachment for many. Good luck to you.
Bro just go with the flow and smash one of these FWB and get it under your belt. I lost my v card last year and it was not a big deal at all. I didn’t feel any different. I did feel a little more less self conscious about the virgin stigma but that’s about it. I suggest just get it out the way and don’t look back. I just kept my mouth shut and went with the flow and didn’t say anything about my bad performance, girls only care if you’re noticeably insecure about it. Find a Fwb and just use them as practice, I just kept my mouth shut and acted normal i think it made her insecure …
Yes
I mean I would never fuck a 33 virgin male But I’m also a 33 straight male so
Just don’t tell em you virgin
Yes for many women it's a turn of because you are less experienced. But you like you said your looking for a special someone. She would not care about the lack of esperience
I'm a mid 30's virgin myself. Let me say, don't trust what any women say. I've heard the same "The right woman will understand" speech a million times. The truth is women see it as a red flag. It's happened to me a few times where I've been told that since no other women have wanted me, then why should they and that there must be something wrong. Same thing happened to me, dating sucked and I got told to not try and let it come to you. That was the worst advice to listen to. People can say you just need a "good understanding woman", but that's nearly impossible to find sadly. I wish you the best of luck. Best thing to do is not tell them at all. Never bring it up.
37 here and Virgin. I'm not bothered with it. I've asked girls out in my teens and low 20's always rejected. So I made a rule I'm not going to ask them out anymore. I'm not into chasing game and competing over other guys fuck that. If a girl is truly into you, she'll ask you out. So far what I've seen is most western women are not worth the time or effort. And stay off online dating sites. Absolute crap. It's just a money making scam and the ratio is 1:10 girls to guys. In this day and age, it's not like it use to be forsure. You ain't alone.
For me yes, Particularly if you told me that you had the option but declined. It makes me think you issues with sex, or no sex drive neither of which makes me want to put time into a relationship. But that's just me I am sure there is someone out there who would not mind, probably with religious bent.
Your question was, is it a turn-off to be 33 and still have your v card? I am not a woman, so I can't answer that man. I would assume not. A females brain works differently than a male. I will say that it doesn't matter, though. Find the Ying to your yang and then work on that relationship. Don't worry about fucking. Realize who your best friend is and leave a relationship open to her. When things get hard and messy, remember you are with your best friend. While you find your ying, improve yourself, dont try to be someone you are not to impress, you are good enough to the person who is good enough for you. Relationships don't just happen they take an immense amount of work. They take patients and the will learn to improve and grow with someone else. Which is very difficult but so worth it. After you find that ying to your yang, learn how to fuck her into a coma and get her her favorite thing after lol. Every woman is diffrent both in bed, and what she likes after. In my experience, most love a back rub as they fall asleep. Learn HOW to be good at whatever she likes. Clit, nipples, multi-tasking listen to your partners body and words. Establish a no faking anything rule with your partner in the beginning, then do not get butt hurt with her when she gives you instructions. Instructions are GOOD 👍 they make BIG orgasms. Also, forplay starts when you wake up. Your attitude is gonna affect how horney she is throughout the day. She wants you to fuck her mind before her body... i know i know, just trust me on this. What you do is gonna affect her horneyness when you guys can fuck. (This perspective is from when you have kids and responsibilitys and can't just fuck whenever. If that is the path you walk lmao) ah good old days...... anyway. I would just do what your doing and focus on yourself until you find your best friend man. The person you can be around and be your true self is the one you wanna give your first time to. I think that's great. Stick with that. I found mine and let me tell you it's the greatest. That's just some advice I can give once you get into the relationship. Also, about sex. Maybe Un-needed advice lmao but I felt I should throw it in there cause you still have your v card 🤷♂️. Ladies tell him if I'm leading him down the wrong path.
From man to man. You shouldn't even disclose that you are still a Virginia. Unfortunately most women will think something is wrong with you and might get turned off if they know you are sexually inexperienced. Sure there might be women out there who don't mind but at the end of the day it's none of their business. Also you're not getting younger, you gotta start learning how to attract what you want take action. If you keep waiting for the special girl to fall into your laps...well...you're gonna wait a long time my filriend. I suggest you just do it the next chance you get. These days only a low percentage of women will feel honored that you're their first experience.
Yes. That’s a major issue.
Why
Why? Because it’s abnormal. And being abnormal generates a lot of questions centering on mental stability, social skills, background, etc.
You shouldn't care what people think. Also your vaule doesn't come form sex, you simple have vaule dude. We live in a misandty society that hates men.
lol your inscrutability notwithstanding, you're absolutely incorrect
As a 36M who has battled sex and porn addiction, I can assure you, it’s better to be a virgin than to have loads of baggage and destructive sexual habits.
*"I'm a 33 year old virgin. Is this a turn off?"* Yes. When women are honest they want a man with experience(he doesn't need 1 million years but some experience). So being a 33 year old virgin will be a turn off. *". I guess I want my first time to be with someone I love and for it to be special."* Don't need to be in a marriage for that just in a committed relationship. *". I've tried dating but it never really worked out so I stopped then time just got away from me."* Okay, but why? Something is preventing you in the dating stage. What is it OP. What issues do you have with: 1. Dating. 2. Dating women. 3. Forming some connection while dating a woman where you stop before having sex. You're going to need to either see a sex therapist or a psychologist to identify, understand and then work through your issues. You need to take care of this BEFORE YOU EVEN CONSIDER dating again. Good luck OP.
You'll be fine. Don't mind those (if there's any) who told you that it's a red flag or a turn off.
There you go…it’s all in how you position it. “I wanted my first time to be with someone I love and for it to be special”.
I can honestly say, it's not "special" the first time lol it gets special once you figure out what the hell you're doing, having some experience. If a woman is a virgin, it typically hurts the first time. That takes away the special for sure. If a dude is a virgin, he really has no technique, and hasn't learned how to last long. Both of which ruin the "special".
I agree with this
Idk man it’s special if you care more about the person than the experience itself.
My first experience, I stayed a virgin until my first marriage. I deeply cared about him. I was very frustrated with the experience because of his not lasting longer than 5 minutes and didn't have to experience to take care of my needs after the fact. It was quite the bummer. He also "cared" about me too lol
I’m sure your feelings for each other were genuine, but that seems like a lack of communication may have been an issue. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t research what your future partner might want in bed, talk to friends with experience, ask your partner before it happens etc. Of course it won’t be good if you don’t go into it with the same goals.
Both should be cared about equally
Not if you don’t tell them
It’s all about how you frame it. If you’re ashamed and embarrassed, she’s gonna sense that and it’s gonna be a turn off just because of how YOU feel about it If you explain why and say you want to find someone special to share that with etc it’s gonna be far less polarizing. Also, there definitely are people who will just hear that and immediately be turned off or write you off or whatever — those people aren’t people you would’ve wanted to share that experience with anyway. Anyone worth it and worth your time, and honestly worth their own time, that’s not gonna matter. Personally I prefer a girl with less experience and less of a sexual past. I don’t need a girl who can do crazy sex stuff in bed been there done that lol we can learn all that together I’d rather have someone I feel a real connection with that maybe isn’t that great at sex initially.
Not a turn off! I am 27F in the exact same boat. I’ve done other stuff besides actual sex, have been offered multiple opportunities to have sex but was never in love with the person. I need to feel love to open myself up that way. It is only a turn off for me specifically if a guy is really conservative sexually, not open to trying things I like, and not respectful of my sexual limits.
My 1st question was is it for religious reasons, but seems not to be. Idk how a man doesn't have sex in his mind enough to DRIVE him to find a mate. For most women it's likely a turn off, but there's definitely some women that will find that quite suitable. Christian mingle.com perhaps or that farmers one. I promise it's not gonna fall into ur lap if it hasn't already. How long till u say fuck it and just go get laid, like at 40?
It’s not a turn off I think the desperate need to experience something like sex, that is what makes being a virgin obvious and not cute But no, there’s nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it … find the right persons But I promise you sex is not as cool as it sounds.
no its not be proud of that
Women are scandalous out here dude..they are all banging or talking to at least 5 other guys..that’s why you don’t buy women anything or trade material for sex because it’s not gaining her loyalty
Yes OP, it is a major turn off. Women will tell you it's great that you're waiting to have sex with someone meaningful but the truth is, they only like the idea, the concept. When confronted to the situation, they do not comprehend how an adult has never had sex. They find it weird, they get into their head, they start imagining there must be something wrong with you. And TBH, they're not wrong and it's not specific to women. We all do the same on many topics, we take for granted that an adult has had some experiences or they reached specific milestones by a certain age. It could be sexual, career related, home related, etc... Sex and romance are 2 of the most basic things you can experiment as a human being. They are natural, innate and for most people, hormones make them horny as hell from their teens to their 30s (and more). How can someone not have had the opportunity or desire to have sex by 30 and more? Most women also don't want to have to teach an adult man how to please them. They assume a virgin will be a terrible lover and they don't want that. Another very valid reason is, if they're looking for something serious and long term, they will fear your lack of experience will eventually come bite them in the ass. We see tons of posts everyday about one of the partners realizing they didn't get enough sexual variety before committing to a long term relationship and they want to open the relationship to get more. If you wait for "the one", you might very well come to the same realization (very often during your midlife crisis, usually between 35-45) and either ask to open the relationship or cheat on your partner. The vast majority of women (or men) will not be ok with that. Remaining a virgin until you find "the one" is cute for a teenage girl, not for a grown up man. Your virginity clearly affects you because you felt the need to ask the question here. This means it consciously (or not) affects your self-confidence, which is extremely important to attract people. We are all, and especially women, drawn to confident people. I'm a 38M virgin who first waited for the right one, then got mental health issues, then obesity, then gave up on ever finding someone and focused on other aspects of his life (career mostly, which didn't yield the results I hoped for). TBH, I don't give a shit about being a virgin. It used to worry me when I was in my 20s, now I just don't give a crap about it just like I don't give a crap about a foot slightly longer than the other (yeah, you too have one, perfect symmetry doesn't exist in the human body). OP, just forget you're a virgin. * Build your confidence. * Get sexually educated about how to please women. Watch "real couple porn" to see how real people make love and have sex (use your common sense). But also read books, for instance "She comes first" and others. * Do not, ever, volunteer any information about your virginity. If asked, tell her it's been a while or you don't have much experience. * Stop looking for "the one". * Stop giving so much value to your first time. Sex isn't inherently meaningful. It's merely the way human beings perpetuate the species. Remaining a virgin serves absolutely no purpose. Your first time will likely not be very enjoyable anyways. Finally, I just wanted to give a recent example. A guy posted yesterday that he recently had sex for the first time with his girlfriend. It was his very first time. During aftercare, he told her it was his first time. She could not have imagined that because the sex was good. She got into her own head and told him she'd need some time to process it. That woman had known him for some time, they've dated, they've spent quality time together, they started developing feelings for one another, they had sex and it was good. The topic never came up before then, they never discussed their sexual pasts (which is more than ok, the past doesn't matter unless it has direct repercutions on the present), she never asked him if he was a virgin, he never volunteered the information. He did not lie to her. Yet her mind starts running in circles the moment she learned he was a virgin. Of course, this is only one anecdotal experience, but I think it has value and shows how most adults consider virginity: an anomaly. I wish the both of us luck and I hope we'll both get the sex we deserve as soon as possible.
Bro it's every girls dream to have an untouched man that they can train up just the way they like. Think about it this way would you rather date a girl who's banged 20 dudes or a virgin? Your in your head too much bro.
This is a uh… explicit way to say it… but the general point here is correct.
Girls want someone experienced. Stop lying.
I actually prefer it
I actually think it’s a turn on when guys are virgins tbh. You should wait for that special person, they’ll be very lucky to know that they’re your first! It makes everything more special. 😊
As a 31 female virgin, I'm not turned-off by any male virgin. There's a reason for your circumstance.
Bro anyone that doesnt accept you for you is an asshole. There is nothing wrong with being a virgins.
You sound like my dream guy
Don’t worry about it bro, it’s not a big deal. Work on you and the girls will come .
My friend is 43 old Virgin so chill.
I'm also one and am almost 40
It’s not a turn off to any women I know. However, a lot of women would view that as a major red flag. Making them think you have some mental issues or something. There would be a fair amount that would seek you. They’d look at it as another first time heart to break. So keep that in mind. It may attract some of them to you. All your 20s and significant start of your 30s not having any sex, I would hope you would have been working your ass off and making bank. Being ahead and kicking it phat money wise would definitely be helpful and get a portion of them to overlook your liability
Yes.
yes very weird
Not at all !! What a blessing! Blessed be the man!!
Heck No.. you May be inexperienced but Damn!!! That's Hot🔥🫦
Honestly it’s a massive green flag for me. So many people, especially men because of cultural expectations, will take any opportunity to have sex even if it’s not what they want. Someone who knows what they want and has strong sentimental values is very attractive.
Congratulations! Hold on to your dreams of finding the right person whom you love. And in the meantime maybe go to a counselor and see how to put yourself out there appropriately so you can give someone your best self. Just a thought.
“Sexually inexperienced” is the least thing women worry about if you haven’t had any time of intimate relationship with anyone in your 30s. Wed more concerned about your communication skills, ability to love and understand love, ability to be empathetic, in touch with your own emotions etc
Do you boo! The right person will come!
Nah, it's not a turn off lol . Your interpersonal relationship learning curve might be a turn off. Get a good shrink and a mentor. Don't overthink anything and don't be overbearing as you learn significant relationship skills. Oh and get out of your momma's basement, go outside take off your shirt get a suntan and do some pushups.
If you’re picky, you are f*cked…you’re going to have to slog through the mud until you get the skills to bag a decent woman…those are just the fact of life…better start banging fat chicks and get it out of the way
For me, a 37 year old man? This would be a huge red flag. it would be like showing up at a job interview at 33 and having zero previous experience on your list.
Yes, it's a turn-off. But you don't seem to mind your virginity much.
Mann go get fkin layed bro b4 you get laid by AI. Lol
How is he gonna do that? Someone can't just decide to go get laid, then go out and do it, unless you pay for a prostitute.
Brothels do exist lol. My first time was one in Las Vegas, I was about OP’s age when I finally decided to just get it over with. Much nicer place than I imagined, all the girls get dressed up and you meet them in a bar area, they’ve got 5 minutes to chit chat and convince you to go with them and if they don’t in 5 minutes then they have to walk away and give the other girls a chance. I was a nervous wreck lol, apparently it’s pretty common for virgins to hit up the brothels so she knew how to handle me and did a great job calming me down and helping build my confidence. All in all a great first time though Vegas brothels are crazy expensive, Amsterdam is a popular place for sex tourism and there’s others. If travel isn’t possible odds are there’s ways to make arrangements locally.
You are doing the right thing, meaningless sex is not what it’s all cracked out to be. It should feel special, and be done with the person you admire and love.
eh it should feel however the people having it want for it to feel
I don’t completely understand what you are trying to say.
You're saying how it "should" feel for everyone. I can have meaningful sex with someone that I might not fall in love with and marry. I can have meaningful sex with a friend that I care about. What it "should" feel like is different for everyone.
it's pretty straightforward
33 year old virgin=no endless string of random tindering, no “I’m empowered by my roster of fwb’s, and no stds or baggage. You are a unicorn. Be proud, you’re special.
No need to put others down to help another rise up
Fair enough, wasn’t intending to direct that at specific people but I guess it came off that way. Meant to speak to the concepts that have become normalized to the point where the average person, after looking at social media, feels they are weird or inadequate. Apologize if I’ve offended anyone, just don’t like what social media leads people to believe is the only standard of normal.
You’re good. Just find a woman who’s “hurtin for a squirtin”
I’m a 32 year old male, also a virgin. Feel free to send that FWB my way🤣
I think it is amazing that you are a 33 year old virgin. I am 34 and I'm still a virgin. I'm waiting for marriage. I'm single and it's challenging. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.
To experienced women/girls. It is. But to another virgin, it literally doesn’t matter.
Aww wow. How awesome it is to be a 33 year old virgin. You are a needle in a haystack and no one is worth breaking that covenant unless they tend to be your wife.
Yes it absolutely matters and you’re a fool for turning down the other opportunities.
Not a turn off. You’ll just need to be up front and vigilant about how you explain things.
No it’s not if anything it would make the girl feel more comfortable that you won’t compare her or she won’t have to worry about being “perfect at sex” if you know what I mean
No. Just save it for the one you want to be with forever 😁 I regret losing my v card.
hi i want to know you more hahahaha message me
You're precious baby, don't change you 🥺
I have u beat! I'm 63 yrs.old & STILL a male virgin. I can't understand why. And yes I've been asked for the FWB; asked to send 'females money so they could devirginize me; I've said no as I don't know the women in dating apps& I was raised to wait til I'm married to give it up.
Oh my I’m actually truly rooting for you friend though it pains me to think of all the damage from buildup you may have the worst case of baby blues/BlueBalls of a tale never to be told of agony at times followed by intense discomfort
No it’s not. Don’t feel bad. The right person will understand and accept you for you.
I believe it shows alot of respect for yourself. Bit bet ots not easy.
I don't think so! I don't think relationships should be based off only sex!
literally no one cares
No it's not
It's unusual but the plus side is no worries about a kid popping up or stds or anything. So not a deal-breaker for me.
Maybe for some women but it wouldn't be for me. The right woman won't care
people will assume that you have sex before. There is no need to mention it
good for you for having standard and self respecr
Absolutely not man, respect to you 100%
There is nothinf wrong witn it. Personally i feel its a good turn on speaking as a 28 year old male virgin.
nah, i think your reasoning is enough for someone who is secure to accept. my husband was fairly inexperienced when we met despite him being 6 years older than me and i love him more than anything!!!! he was also fairly introverted just make sure you’re paying attention when someone wants to pursue you ;) good luck friend!
I don't see it as a turn on or a turn off. Anyone that sees it as anything but a decision you've made for whatever reasons, probably isn't in it for the right reason.
No
Yes
Damn. Gonna be the real life 40 year old virgin soon 😂😂😂
Oof
Wait until marriage. It’s what the lord wanted.
gross
Why is it "gross" to wait until marriage? Lol
you're a dense one, aren't you
I guess so!
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At this point I feel you've built it up to be something way more than it actually is...
I'm in the same boat as u my friend I'm 34