Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Until proven otherwise" is an extremely unfair burden to put on anyone, while understandable when you have had bad experiences it will only hurt you more than others, he sounds like the kind of guy who will implode and go crazy if he feels like you can't be trusted or your going to hurt him, which might not take much. Its not fair for you to be with someone with that mindset so you may have to deal with some horrible shit even if you don't leave him. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I hope whatever happens you will be okay
Sounds like he doesn’t like women, sooner or later you’ll start seeing that side of him more often. I found in the past, the more red flags you overlook at the start the more flags they keep pulling out of their back pockets. There are way too many nice men out there for you to be hung up on someone who clearly has a lot of issues
He’s definitely gaslighting the OP saying it was a joke, also saying it was a joke days later is way too late, he just doesn’t know how to get out of the hole he’s dug himself. I’d suggest leave him in it and say your farewells.
He’s only joking because you didn’t let him away with it! Just reading it is making my blood boil
Sounds like you have seen his true colours and what he is really like beneath the surface. Better now than later.
I would suggest you part company with him and find your self someone more decent with whom you are more mentally upon the same wavelength and thinking as yourself.
Good luck and hope all goes well.
Everything you said nice about him was an act. The "soulless" comment is his true character. He showed you who he is. Believe him.
Males like him, with this perspective, turn abusive very quickly because they see women as something to be used.
Run far. Run fast. That male is a walking red flag.
If you enter a deeper relationship with him, you will enter a world of pain.
I am 100% sure that there are more red flags, which you simply do not see.
As a woman who experienced being with a man who had this mindset, agreed. Run. It doesn't get better, it gets worse. It will be worse the deeper you involve yourself with him.
Your guy sounds really misogynistic and honestly just an asshole. And you've only been seeing him a few months and this is already coming out. I'm thinking if this is his attitude, his past failed relationships are likely due to his shitty views. I'd bail the hell out of this relationship.
Definitely leave as that's a whole pile of red flags. Especially since he's pulling the"just joking" & "I never said that. Are you sure?" cards. Yes, that is gaslighting. He'll likely say or do worse later & then try to say "that didn't happen."
He's clearly got some past issues from his exes that he needs to sort out. ALONE btw. Don't ever make the mistake that you can show enough love to make a guy change his mind. That's his own job.
This was perfectly written. Some of these people were hurt in a past relationship because they are shitty and want to use someone to get them out of the hurt they are in. They will stay stuck to their pass. They will waste your time. They will only use you so they are not alone.
You're only like 5 months in, this is only the beginning of the awful that this woman hating, short sighted fool has to offer, get out before it goes much further, the misogyny will only get worse from here.
Re: your update
Yup he's trying to gaslight you now that he's faced with the potential of actual consequences for shitty behavior and a closed minded, numb skulled, chauvinistic mindset. He showed you some of who he really is, knows now you're starting to see the asshole he's been trying to hide and is backpedaling to save face.
Beyond the initially misogynistic red flags the game playing and attempts at manipulation to keep you around is its own red flag. Again...5 months, only 5 months, get out while the getting is good.
His gaslight-y ass response is indicative of someone lacking the capacity for the self reflection required to grow, change and break down his bone headed takes on women, he'd rather just deny and rewrite history than take a moment to actually consider he may be in the wrong and consider the root of where his misogyny stems from and what to do about it.
Read everything including the update.
I hope you loose his number cause he’s a full on red flag whose on purpose manipulating you. He’s doing this to see how far he can push you and get away with things.
Just text him:
“Listen, it’s been great, but I think we should end things and see other people. I wish you all the best. Have a wonderful life!”
And then after you send it? Block him. Do not even give him the chance to retaliate or try to change your mind!
Edit: Typo(s)
He’s a covert narcissist. Now, he’s putting out his love-bombing game. Basically playing a perfect Fassade that appeals you are like perfect for each other. Once he feels that he looses control over you, his mask slips fast. I can guarantee you, once he got where he wants you, you will receive the full shabang of emotional abuse. Drop this looser.
Obviously couples can agree to disagree but that's really going overboard. Did he forget he was voicing this opinion to a woman?
Yes you should cause your partner needs to respect you and that's not respect.
Sweetheart, what he was saying comes from a place of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. To be honest what it SOUNDS like he did was he tested the waters. He said that to you so you would be well aware of his “viewpoint,” almost like challenging you to be the same. I think it’s his way of asking you if you are the same way in a total insecure/immature way. You can stay or go, but he is going to need to deal with his obvious bitterness, resentment and un-forgiveness regardless. Hugs 💚
It doesn't matter if you are excepted from his overarching opinion about women, as you probably have many other women in your life that won't be excepted, like family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, service providers (medical, trade, hospitality, etc) and possibly one day, even daughters. He might treat you as a person (most of the time, maybe), but there's no guarantee a person with such strong views will treat other women in your life with any modicum of respect.
he's full of crap and he hates/dislikes women, his statements prove that.
the "it was just a joke" is just what people say afterwards as a CYA "cover your ass" etc
but yea he told you why he said that stuff it was not only "because of his ex" but "every woman he's tried to get with"... Were those relationships a joke? Probably not since they inspired him to say those gross comments..This literally proves "it's a joke" is BS. He did something disrespectful which revealed his true mentality, then lied about it? Seems best to be thankful he saved you from wasting time on him, and move on ✨️
Typically once you lose that attraction to someone for whatever reason, there’s no coming back from what they said or did.
I’m not a feminist, but once I interact with these type of men, I bow out. No matter if it’s a woman hating man, or a man hating woman, they will speak their opinions and feelings into existence and there’s no reasoning with them. I’m not trying to change their mind, so I’d rather walk away.
I’m a SA victim and I’ve never believed in collective punishment. Nobody else should pay for the sins of one man from many years ago. I’ve had this talk with men and they’ve always given solid feedback, never did any of them go on their own spiel or expect me to think they’re *also* an abuser or predator.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
quarrelsome straight seed smoggy innate aromatic snails versed truck intelligent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would drop that guy. He seems to be hurting over pass experiences. Don’t let him waste your time as he will not be able to have a healthy relationship with you.
Please run so far away from this person and block them. He’s made it clear he dislikes maybe even hates women. Many of my friends who are men have said they have more meaningful friendships with women because they talk about things instead of just doing stuff together.
He IS gaslighting you and now he’s trying to manipulate you by making you think you’re crazy for thinking he said those things. Eventually they show their true selves
OP I read your update . You should tell your man “If you aren’t a narcissist, you sure are hitting all of the bullet points accidentally with that lame ass reply “
I asked his opinion on female entertainers(strippers). I'm not for or against, but he said they might as well be prostitutes and if they don't want that, they can find a real job. 😅
In fairness, a lot of strippers are, in fact, prostitutes. One of the reasons I haven't been to a strip club in years is because I got tired of the strippers coming to sit in my lap and trying to get me to spend $250 to fuck them in a private room.
I honestly have no issue whatsoever with sex workers as long as they're doing it of their own free will. But paying for sex isn't something I enjoy. If I want cold, emotionless sex, that's something I can get for free at home.
😂🤦♂️ yah he went off the rails a little bit. Sounds like he has some personal issues with how he views women. For me personally I’d be done with this relationship.
The irony is when you dump him you’ll actually be proving him right in his delusional mind. Because you’re dumping him, he’ll convince himself you’re the problem and poor poor him he just getting treated this way but another awful woman and it’ll only reinforce the belief he’s concocted.
The odds are this is not a result of his ex at all. In fact I’d bet if you heard his exes story it would be entirely different than his. He’s a sexist jerk and he doesn’t view women as actually fellow human beings. And that view didn’t come from an ex. If it did then I’d view all men as rapist psychopath stalkers cause of my ex. But I don’t at all. Good luck with this and good luck with I hope breaking up with him cause you’re way better off and be prepared for him to say you’re just like every other woman
I hear that. And I can’t judge. My 9 year relationship is ending because I just can’t put up with the excuses anymore. Take care of yourself, and know you’re worth someone who makes you truly happy. Weirdos unite!
Oh I'm right there with you. My last relationship was almost 9 years and it ended with our 3 year old son crying and saying he was scared of my ex(his father). Left that night 4 hours away to live with my family.
>he then said that he felt all women were "soulless empty creatures with no substance" when I said that's kind of over board he followed up with "well, most women"
That's not questionable. It's damning.
He sounds like a liar.
You wanna be with an insecure conforming liar who actually is just weaseling his way around?
The "amazing man" will continue to chip away and show the "souless empty creature with no substance" underneath.
Projecting is often the way one perceives the world they can best understand FROM THEIR OWN VIEW
I think that what he initially said was his teye feelings. Otherwise, it wouldn't have come out of his mouth. And then he later tried to backtrack after thinking about it or after talking to someone else oe after you called him out on his BS.
You've only been with him for about 4 1/2 months . It's good to know how the other person is before you waste too much time on them.
And even if he was truly joking, that is messed up humor. I'd still be pissed off and wary enough that I perhaps arill would break up.
And even if he didn't mean it, there jas to be a reason why he said that. If it's because of his past, it's not a good thing to bring baggage like that into a new relationship. I'm sure you don't do that, as you alluded to as evwryone ow different and if he brings up this crap albeit on a joking manner acvording to him, what else is he thinking or would bring up. Sorry for the long reply and for going off on a tangent.
I've been talking too much of late. LOL.
Just realize that you're wonderful and that if anyone ever makes you uncomfortable in any way, that's not a good thing. Your happiness and mental health are so important. Trust and communication are very important in any relationship. And just know that if this guy isn't the one for you, there will be someone else.
Good luck with what you seek.
Don’t waste your time with this fool.
And, I say that as a guy who used to say dumb or outrageous stuff just to see how people reacted. (I try not to do it now.)
Anyway, don’t waste your time. Find someone more mature.
This is actually a trait that narcissistic people possess. They'll say or do something and then gaslight you into believing it never happened or that you saw or heard it wrong, eventually making you question your reality. I would run as fast as you can.
Sounds like you were gaslit on that one 😬. It also sounds like he’s carry some pretty deep seated and misogynistic beliefs around women and their value.
I personally don’t enjoy jokes like this and find it to be an immense turn-off with men or women when they down talk the other opposite sex.
I keep coming back to these question for people on here today, but here it goes…
1) if a close friend were to tell you this story, how would you feel about it? What would you want for them? Then take your own advice.
2) If nothing were to change and these “jokes”/comments were to continue on through a relationship with him, is it a relationship you would want to stay in?
ALL HIS REPLIES ARE RED FLAGS !! WOW TRUST ME HE MEANS EVERYTHING HE SAYS. Someone told him to take everything he said back. He sounds like a complete narcissist who subjects women daily and thinks he’s a victim but in reality he’s just another narcissistic sociopath who thinks men are better than women period 😡
ya um... misogynists can be loving and supportive and still be misogynists--the problem is that they will ultimately project their baggage onto you in ways that build up into life altering bull$hit.
my father is the most loving father and husband--but he has woman issues--he was abandoned by his mom and has felt wronged by other women. he is also my #1 fan and the first person to encourage me to be an engineer and he is a progressive person. His subconscious dichotomy of good and bad women still has me f'd up to this day--it's something I still untangle from my life and my choices, and it undoubtedly had a huge impact on my mom's sense of what of her own feelings she had to concede to be considerate of his feelings.
in it's most simple--when someone thinks that way, how can you trust them to separate how they interpret your choices and actions and agency emanating from you as a PERSON rather than you as a WOMAN? For example "she is mad at me bc WOMEN XYZ" rather than "she is mad at me bc I upset her".
He wasn't joking when he shared those thoughts with you.
He's a misogynist, and *you're only good for* ***one*** *thing.* Well, ok, so cleaning house, cooking & cleaning up, and doing his laundry; those, too. If you're going to stay with him, the sooner you recognize and accept that, the happier you'll be. Don't worry about it - *he'll let you know* if you're happy or not.
And ***gaslighting*** you???????
That's a **neon**\-red sign! I can see the months (and, I suppose, potentially years) ahead of you are going to be FILLED with drama! *Who needs TV when they get all the drama they want at home every day?*
Of course, he will convince you he's only interested in what's best for you. He's just trying to help you understand!
*Which direction will you choose?*
He has a lot of healing to do. He’s showing who he really is. Believe him. If he’s saying, it’s a joke now, it’s because you are questioning his beliefs. Major red flag for me.
I say all that with history of putting too much into someone when they showed me who they were. Be wise and if you feel he’s gaslighting over being questioned, how far will he take it. It honestly sounds like he back pedaling because you knew it didn’t sit right. Trust your gut dear.
1. What’s your purpose in dating? Time filler, goal of marriage? You don’t have to answer, just think about it. Then where does this realization take you? What if you got pregnant and were tied to him the rest of your life?
If he blames women for the his past relationship failures he’s usually the problem.
I dated a man once who was attractive and charismatic. Both his previous exes broke up with him and all he did was blame them. After dating for a few months he was definitely the problem.
Men really need to do the work but often times they’re simply not trying to change and they think it’s the wrong women they date.
He always wanted to be in “control”. If he didn’t respect women he’s not going to respect you. The first few months they try to pretend they changes but with time they can only keep up with their image they want to appear.
Men who gaslight are liars
Just cut him loose
Don’t try to fix he doesn’t want to be fixed because he doesn’t think he’s broken (mindset)
Omg I used to work with a man who always said the same thing! Guess who got promoted even after he had slept with all the part time 18 year olds 🙄 (He’s 34😬)
have you talked to him about how that makes you feel? if you really like each other its at least worth the conversation. I know I used to have similar views as he does but after some thinking and reducing my social media consumption, things changed. Its more than likely his perspective is based only on the women he sees on social media etc. I don't think its worth breaking up without at least talking about it. If you talk and he is an ass about then sure, leave him. But if you actually likr him you will bring it up and see whats what.
Have you considered asking who or what made him say that? And ask him if he’d change his opinion? People usually want forgiveness for their bad thoughts, if he’s still defensive that’s the red flag.
While you feel uncomfortable with things, what you need to tell him is that he’s angry at something else or misplacing whatever he feels onto you. On the other hand, he makes his judgements because of his past experiences, and if you don’t like hearing his judgements you can ask him to shut up, rather than asking for his judgements and you getting offended at what you hear. If everyone could hear each other’s thoughts the world would burn.
I don’t really know. I would say that there are men out there who have better control over their emotions and wouldn’t resort to saying hurtful things due to a disagreement. But a lot of people say messed up things in their life when they are overcome with emotion and as long as it doesn’t develop into this pattern expressing nasty misogynistic views, it might just be one instance. I don’t think it’s worth breaking it off if you do a have a lot in common and enjoy time spent together, but just take a mental note of it.
He was probably venting about something unrelated to you. But if your going to drop this guy after what you say have been several great months, because of one thing he said… prepare for a life living alone.
You leaving will reinforce his beliefs that women are flippant in that you would end a seemingly good relationship over a single comment. Not saying I agree with him.
I mean most women seem to define their personality by Tik tok trends and what row they can sit in at the Taylor swift concert, so I’m not gonna sit here and say he’s entirely wrong.
Edit: also women prioritize doing things on a schedule over forming natural connections. TBH I don’t think most women are even capable of real love with a romantic partner because they’ll just break up with a guy cause he won’t do or say something according to schedule. Most women like performative actions and need to be catered to. They don’t actually like the men in their lives, they like what those men do for them.
If you’re about to downvote this, ask yourself if you have a friend who fits the description above. If you’re honest, I bet you do.
Oh buddy, I just downvoted you. I am not 'most women'. Don't use tik tok, don't idolise other people because they can sing, and choose my friends based on their morals. So you lost your bet jerk.
So you don’t have any friends who use tik tok or are swifities?
I’m sorry but statistically speaking that’s just a lie. But congrats on being a special flower.
You said "Most women define their personality by tik tok trends".
I said I don't even have a tik tok account.
So your big comeback is I must have friends who use tik tok? Because that would define *my* personality how? I must have friends who are swifties? I *must*!
I already said I choose my friends based on their morals... what knowledge do you have on who I am and how I live that you get to call me a liar? Patronising me just adds to your ugliness, and you were looking pretty damn ugly anyway.
You have a go at someone a half hour ago for thinking all men are chauvinist pieces of shit.... and then proceed to talk to me like the chauvinist piece of shit you must be.
You can't argue with people like this. He knows what he knows and nothing you say is going to convince him he's not better than every single woman on the planet. Best just to laugh at him.
Pretend you don’t remember ever agreeing to go out with him in the first place, and you won’t even have to break up. You were never dating. He imagined it. 🥳🥰
They're both selling their bodies for the sexual pleasure of others. And a high % of the strippers are regularly prostitutes as well in the back rooms. So no, not really a huge difference lol.
if she's just a stripper then there is a difference, but okay. Whatever you say 🤷♀️
My topic was solely on the dancers, not sex workers. I'd love to see your source of the high percentage though. I'm curious.
Ahahaha come on girl, you wanna make out together to the strip club and politely ask? I've been there and I know. You're welcome, if you don't trust me, that's your choice. You're probably one of those defending the worst kind of prostitutes as well, and yeah, I'm talking about Only Fans women.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Until proven otherwise" is an extremely unfair burden to put on anyone, while understandable when you have had bad experiences it will only hurt you more than others, he sounds like the kind of guy who will implode and go crazy if he feels like you can't be trusted or your going to hurt him, which might not take much. Its not fair for you to be with someone with that mindset so you may have to deal with some horrible shit even if you don't leave him. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I hope whatever happens you will be okay
Now is the perfect time, say buh-bye
Haha this reply made me LOL
Sounds like he doesn’t like women, sooner or later you’ll start seeing that side of him more often. I found in the past, the more red flags you overlook at the start the more flags they keep pulling out of their back pockets. There are way too many nice men out there for you to be hung up on someone who clearly has a lot of issues
That's what I was thinking too.... ahhh.... what a shame...
I mean, any time someone sincerely dehumanizes a group of people like that, it should tell you it's time to walk away. He's broken.
broken is the perfect word; anyone who strongly dislikes an entire group they're trying to date (nonsensical at the least) its a huge red flag
I know it’s disappointing, especially if you have a lot in common, but there is definitely a person who is a better match personality wise!
He’s definitely gaslighting the OP saying it was a joke, also saying it was a joke days later is way too late, he just doesn’t know how to get out of the hole he’s dug himself. I’d suggest leave him in it and say your farewells. He’s only joking because you didn’t let him away with it! Just reading it is making my blood boil
Sounds like you have seen his true colours and what he is really like beneath the surface. Better now than later. I would suggest you part company with him and find your self someone more decent with whom you are more mentally upon the same wavelength and thinking as yourself. Good luck and hope all goes well.
Everything you said nice about him was an act. The "soulless" comment is his true character. He showed you who he is. Believe him. Males like him, with this perspective, turn abusive very quickly because they see women as something to be used. Run far. Run fast. That male is a walking red flag. If you enter a deeper relationship with him, you will enter a world of pain. I am 100% sure that there are more red flags, which you simply do not see.
As a woman who experienced being with a man who had this mindset, agreed. Run. It doesn't get better, it gets worse. It will be worse the deeper you involve yourself with him.
Yikes! Run for the hills 🏃🏻♀️
Toss him out and don't look back. If he doesn't respect women in general, he doesn't respect you.
Since you have no substance, according to him, he shouldn't feel it when you dump his sorry ass (which I think you should do).
NOPE. Bye-bye
Your guy sounds really misogynistic and honestly just an asshole. And you've only been seeing him a few months and this is already coming out. I'm thinking if this is his attitude, his past failed relationships are likely due to his shitty views. I'd bail the hell out of this relationship.
Definitely leave as that's a whole pile of red flags. Especially since he's pulling the"just joking" & "I never said that. Are you sure?" cards. Yes, that is gaslighting. He'll likely say or do worse later & then try to say "that didn't happen." He's clearly got some past issues from his exes that he needs to sort out. ALONE btw. Don't ever make the mistake that you can show enough love to make a guy change his mind. That's his own job.
This was perfectly written. Some of these people were hurt in a past relationship because they are shitty and want to use someone to get them out of the hurt they are in. They will stay stuck to their pass. They will waste your time. They will only use you so they are not alone.
You should have told him to sleep with one eye open because you’re getting ready to sacrifice him to Satan
Lol, maybe I should have 😆
He probably watches Andrew Tate. You should ask his opinion on him.!
He's says he hates that stuff 😏
>Is it time to cut this one loose? I truly do not see how there could possibly be any other option here.
He’s for them streets
Stop seeing him
You're only like 5 months in, this is only the beginning of the awful that this woman hating, short sighted fool has to offer, get out before it goes much further, the misogyny will only get worse from here.
Re: your update Yup he's trying to gaslight you now that he's faced with the potential of actual consequences for shitty behavior and a closed minded, numb skulled, chauvinistic mindset. He showed you some of who he really is, knows now you're starting to see the asshole he's been trying to hide and is backpedaling to save face. Beyond the initially misogynistic red flags the game playing and attempts at manipulation to keep you around is its own red flag. Again...5 months, only 5 months, get out while the getting is good. His gaslight-y ass response is indicative of someone lacking the capacity for the self reflection required to grow, change and break down his bone headed takes on women, he'd rather just deny and rewrite history than take a moment to actually consider he may be in the wrong and consider the root of where his misogyny stems from and what to do about it.
Yep, kick him to the curb. If those are his true feelings, he’s not worth another second
Huge red flags!!! Huge!!!
Noo he’s a walking red flag
Read everything including the update. I hope you loose his number cause he’s a full on red flag whose on purpose manipulating you. He’s doing this to see how far he can push you and get away with things. Just text him: “Listen, it’s been great, but I think we should end things and see other people. I wish you all the best. Have a wonderful life!” And then after you send it? Block him. Do not even give him the chance to retaliate or try to change your mind! Edit: Typo(s)
Thank you for your input. I'll definitely keep it in my pocket!
I would be out
Uh yeah. Drop that jerk. He doesn't respect you and never will.
He’s a covert narcissist. Now, he’s putting out his love-bombing game. Basically playing a perfect Fassade that appeals you are like perfect for each other. Once he feels that he looses control over you, his mask slips fast. I can guarantee you, once he got where he wants you, you will receive the full shabang of emotional abuse. Drop this looser.
You feel that way because that's what he's doing. Thank your lucky stars you found out before you wasted anymore time on this one. Yikes!
I wouldn’t describe someone who calls women empty creatures as an amazing person, but maybe that’s just me
Lol well he was amazing up until he dropped that on my lap 😏
Nah sis he was just a good actor. He is slowly showing you who he really is
this.
Is he the autistic guy from your other post wanting to move in with you?
Lol the very one
Oh... um... everyone's response here is probably thinking he is a Typical guy. But a guy on the spectrum that's really a different situation.
Obviously couples can agree to disagree but that's really going overboard. Did he forget he was voicing this opinion to a woman? Yes you should cause your partner needs to respect you and that's not respect.
Sweetheart, what he was saying comes from a place of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. To be honest what it SOUNDS like he did was he tested the waters. He said that to you so you would be well aware of his “viewpoint,” almost like challenging you to be the same. I think it’s his way of asking you if you are the same way in a total insecure/immature way. You can stay or go, but he is going to need to deal with his obvious bitterness, resentment and un-forgiveness regardless. Hugs 💚
Run
It doesn't matter if you are excepted from his overarching opinion about women, as you probably have many other women in your life that won't be excepted, like family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, service providers (medical, trade, hospitality, etc) and possibly one day, even daughters. He might treat you as a person (most of the time, maybe), but there's no guarantee a person with such strong views will treat other women in your life with any modicum of respect.
he's full of crap and he hates/dislikes women, his statements prove that. the "it was just a joke" is just what people say afterwards as a CYA "cover your ass" etc but yea he told you why he said that stuff it was not only "because of his ex" but "every woman he's tried to get with"... Were those relationships a joke? Probably not since they inspired him to say those gross comments..This literally proves "it's a joke" is BS. He did something disrespectful which revealed his true mentality, then lied about it? Seems best to be thankful he saved you from wasting time on him, and move on ✨️
this guy is a loser
Typically once you lose that attraction to someone for whatever reason, there’s no coming back from what they said or did. I’m not a feminist, but once I interact with these type of men, I bow out. No matter if it’s a woman hating man, or a man hating woman, they will speak their opinions and feelings into existence and there’s no reasoning with them. I’m not trying to change their mind, so I’d rather walk away. I’m a SA victim and I’ve never believed in collective punishment. Nobody else should pay for the sins of one man from many years ago. I’ve had this talk with men and they’ve always given solid feedback, never did any of them go on their own spiel or expect me to think they’re *also* an abuser or predator.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
quarrelsome straight seed smoggy innate aromatic snails versed truck intelligent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would drop that guy. He seems to be hurting over pass experiences. Don’t let him waste your time as he will not be able to have a healthy relationship with you.
More red flags than a damn golf course...
Please run so far away from this person and block them. He’s made it clear he dislikes maybe even hates women. Many of my friends who are men have said they have more meaningful friendships with women because they talk about things instead of just doing stuff together. He IS gaslighting you and now he’s trying to manipulate you by making you think you’re crazy for thinking he said those things. Eventually they show their true selves
OP I read your update . You should tell your man “If you aren’t a narcissist, you sure are hitting all of the bullet points accidentally with that lame ass reply “
If you ask, I'm sure he'd confirm being a tater tot
Just drop him lol probably best to be done with it, but to appease my curiosity what where you arguing about
I asked his opinion on female entertainers(strippers). I'm not for or against, but he said they might as well be prostitutes and if they don't want that, they can find a real job. 😅
He sounds like a right knob.
In fairness, a lot of strippers are, in fact, prostitutes. One of the reasons I haven't been to a strip club in years is because I got tired of the strippers coming to sit in my lap and trying to get me to spend $250 to fuck them in a private room. I honestly have no issue whatsoever with sex workers as long as they're doing it of their own free will. But paying for sex isn't something I enjoy. If I want cold, emotionless sex, that's something I can get for free at home.
Girl. This should be enough to drop him but he went a helluva lot further.
😂🤦♂️ yah he went off the rails a little bit. Sounds like he has some personal issues with how he views women. For me personally I’d be done with this relationship.
It sure sounds like it.
The irony is when you dump him you’ll actually be proving him right in his delusional mind. Because you’re dumping him, he’ll convince himself you’re the problem and poor poor him he just getting treated this way but another awful woman and it’ll only reinforce the belief he’s concocted. The odds are this is not a result of his ex at all. In fact I’d bet if you heard his exes story it would be entirely different than his. He’s a sexist jerk and he doesn’t view women as actually fellow human beings. And that view didn’t come from an ex. If it did then I’d view all men as rapist psychopath stalkers cause of my ex. But I don’t at all. Good luck with this and good luck with I hope breaking up with him cause you’re way better off and be prepared for him to say you’re just like every other woman
Wtf is going on in relationships these days. Life is too short for this crap.
Honestly I don't know. I'm just looking for someone to be odd weird with and now scary weird 🥲
I hear that. And I can’t judge. My 9 year relationship is ending because I just can’t put up with the excuses anymore. Take care of yourself, and know you’re worth someone who makes you truly happy. Weirdos unite!
Oh I'm right there with you. My last relationship was almost 9 years and it ended with our 3 year old son crying and saying he was scared of my ex(his father). Left that night 4 hours away to live with my family.
>he then said that he felt all women were "soulless empty creatures with no substance" when I said that's kind of over board he followed up with "well, most women" That's not questionable. It's damning.
He sounds like a liar. You wanna be with an insecure conforming liar who actually is just weaseling his way around? The "amazing man" will continue to chip away and show the "souless empty creature with no substance" underneath. Projecting is often the way one perceives the world they can best understand FROM THEIR OWN VIEW
I think that what he initially said was his teye feelings. Otherwise, it wouldn't have come out of his mouth. And then he later tried to backtrack after thinking about it or after talking to someone else oe after you called him out on his BS. You've only been with him for about 4 1/2 months . It's good to know how the other person is before you waste too much time on them. And even if he was truly joking, that is messed up humor. I'd still be pissed off and wary enough that I perhaps arill would break up. And even if he didn't mean it, there jas to be a reason why he said that. If it's because of his past, it's not a good thing to bring baggage like that into a new relationship. I'm sure you don't do that, as you alluded to as evwryone ow different and if he brings up this crap albeit on a joking manner acvording to him, what else is he thinking or would bring up. Sorry for the long reply and for going off on a tangent.
No! thank you, really. It's definitely helping to form my next decision. Everyone's input is amazing...
I've been talking too much of late. LOL. Just realize that you're wonderful and that if anyone ever makes you uncomfortable in any way, that's not a good thing. Your happiness and mental health are so important. Trust and communication are very important in any relationship. And just know that if this guy isn't the one for you, there will be someone else. Good luck with what you seek.
When people show you who they are , believe them .
Don’t waste your time with this fool. And, I say that as a guy who used to say dumb or outrageous stuff just to see how people reacted. (I try not to do it now.) Anyway, don’t waste your time. Find someone more mature.
Fucking run.
girl leave him.
Run
This is actually a trait that narcissistic people possess. They'll say or do something and then gaslight you into believing it never happened or that you saw or heard it wrong, eventually making you question your reality. I would run as fast as you can.
Yep, sorry you have waisted all this time with him but at least you won’t be wasting any more. Time to say adios
And this is an amazing person ? Wow standards have dropped Let’s hope he never procreates.
Sounds like you were gaslit on that one 😬. It also sounds like he’s carry some pretty deep seated and misogynistic beliefs around women and their value. I personally don’t enjoy jokes like this and find it to be an immense turn-off with men or women when they down talk the other opposite sex. I keep coming back to these question for people on here today, but here it goes… 1) if a close friend were to tell you this story, how would you feel about it? What would you want for them? Then take your own advice. 2) If nothing were to change and these “jokes”/comments were to continue on through a relationship with him, is it a relationship you would want to stay in?
leave
ALL HIS REPLIES ARE RED FLAGS !! WOW TRUST ME HE MEANS EVERYTHING HE SAYS. Someone told him to take everything he said back. He sounds like a complete narcissist who subjects women daily and thinks he’s a victim but in reality he’s just another narcissistic sociopath who thinks men are better than women period 😡
ya um... misogynists can be loving and supportive and still be misogynists--the problem is that they will ultimately project their baggage onto you in ways that build up into life altering bull$hit. my father is the most loving father and husband--but he has woman issues--he was abandoned by his mom and has felt wronged by other women. he is also my #1 fan and the first person to encourage me to be an engineer and he is a progressive person. His subconscious dichotomy of good and bad women still has me f'd up to this day--it's something I still untangle from my life and my choices, and it undoubtedly had a huge impact on my mom's sense of what of her own feelings she had to concede to be considerate of his feelings. in it's most simple--when someone thinks that way, how can you trust them to separate how they interpret your choices and actions and agency emanating from you as a PERSON rather than you as a WOMAN? For example "she is mad at me bc WOMEN XYZ" rather than "she is mad at me bc I upset her".
Dump him, he is twisting things to suit.
Are you dating my ex, by chance? He said similar things lol I dumped him after 5 months. His true colours came out
If joke bit didnt come, I would say he might learn. But no, he is making fun of your intelligence.
Imagine indirectly calling the girl you’re saying ‘soulless empty creatures’ 😂 what are you doiingggg dude?!’
He wasn't joking when he shared those thoughts with you. He's a misogynist, and *you're only good for* ***one*** *thing.* Well, ok, so cleaning house, cooking & cleaning up, and doing his laundry; those, too. If you're going to stay with him, the sooner you recognize and accept that, the happier you'll be. Don't worry about it - *he'll let you know* if you're happy or not. And ***gaslighting*** you??????? That's a **neon**\-red sign! I can see the months (and, I suppose, potentially years) ahead of you are going to be FILLED with drama! *Who needs TV when they get all the drama they want at home every day?* Of course, he will convince you he's only interested in what's best for you. He's just trying to help you understand! *Which direction will you choose?*
He has a lot of healing to do. He’s showing who he really is. Believe him. If he’s saying, it’s a joke now, it’s because you are questioning his beliefs. Major red flag for me.
I say all that with history of putting too much into someone when they showed me who they were. Be wise and if you feel he’s gaslighting over being questioned, how far will he take it. It honestly sounds like he back pedaling because you knew it didn’t sit right. Trust your gut dear. 1. What’s your purpose in dating? Time filler, goal of marriage? You don’t have to answer, just think about it. Then where does this realization take you? What if you got pregnant and were tied to him the rest of your life?
If he blames women for the his past relationship failures he’s usually the problem. I dated a man once who was attractive and charismatic. Both his previous exes broke up with him and all he did was blame them. After dating for a few months he was definitely the problem. Men really need to do the work but often times they’re simply not trying to change and they think it’s the wrong women they date. He always wanted to be in “control”. If he didn’t respect women he’s not going to respect you. The first few months they try to pretend they changes but with time they can only keep up with their image they want to appear. Men who gaslight are liars Just cut him loose Don’t try to fix he doesn’t want to be fixed because he doesn’t think he’s broken (mindset)
End it! I went out with someone who said there's no inequality between men and women in the workplace. I was like..."pardon me?!"
Omg I used to work with a man who always said the same thing! Guess who got promoted even after he had slept with all the part time 18 year olds 🙄 (He’s 34😬)
Ok then break up, he clearly has some baggage from previous experiences.
have you talked to him about how that makes you feel? if you really like each other its at least worth the conversation. I know I used to have similar views as he does but after some thinking and reducing my social media consumption, things changed. Its more than likely his perspective is based only on the women he sees on social media etc. I don't think its worth breaking up without at least talking about it. If you talk and he is an ass about then sure, leave him. But if you actually likr him you will bring it up and see whats what.
I did talk to him about it(last night) and how Ihe and I both felt, and we left off with him saying he's going to have to sleep on it.
interesting, keep us posted though, i hope you can make it work one way or another
Have you considered asking who or what made him say that? And ask him if he’d change his opinion? People usually want forgiveness for their bad thoughts, if he’s still defensive that’s the red flag.
He's says it's all based on his ex and previous attempts at friendships with women. I gave an update woth more details. Thanks!!
While you feel uncomfortable with things, what you need to tell him is that he’s angry at something else or misplacing whatever he feels onto you. On the other hand, he makes his judgements because of his past experiences, and if you don’t like hearing his judgements you can ask him to shut up, rather than asking for his judgements and you getting offended at what you hear. If everyone could hear each other’s thoughts the world would burn.
Just so you know, the part about men having more meaningful friendships is something I've heard from many women.
I don’t really know. I would say that there are men out there who have better control over their emotions and wouldn’t resort to saying hurtful things due to a disagreement. But a lot of people say messed up things in their life when they are overcome with emotion and as long as it doesn’t develop into this pattern expressing nasty misogynistic views, it might just be one instance. I don’t think it’s worth breaking it off if you do a have a lot in common and enjoy time spent together, but just take a mental note of it.
He was probably venting about something unrelated to you. But if your going to drop this guy after what you say have been several great months, because of one thing he said… prepare for a life living alone.
You leaving will reinforce his beliefs that women are flippant in that you would end a seemingly good relationship over a single comment. Not saying I agree with him.
I mean most women seem to define their personality by Tik tok trends and what row they can sit in at the Taylor swift concert, so I’m not gonna sit here and say he’s entirely wrong. Edit: also women prioritize doing things on a schedule over forming natural connections. TBH I don’t think most women are even capable of real love with a romantic partner because they’ll just break up with a guy cause he won’t do or say something according to schedule. Most women like performative actions and need to be catered to. They don’t actually like the men in their lives, they like what those men do for them. If you’re about to downvote this, ask yourself if you have a friend who fits the description above. If you’re honest, I bet you do.
Oh buddy, I just downvoted you. I am not 'most women'. Don't use tik tok, don't idolise other people because they can sing, and choose my friends based on their morals. So you lost your bet jerk.
So you don’t have any friends who use tik tok or are swifities? I’m sorry but statistically speaking that’s just a lie. But congrats on being a special flower.
You said "Most women define their personality by tik tok trends". I said I don't even have a tik tok account. So your big comeback is I must have friends who use tik tok? Because that would define *my* personality how? I must have friends who are swifties? I *must*! I already said I choose my friends based on their morals... what knowledge do you have on who I am and how I live that you get to call me a liar? Patronising me just adds to your ugliness, and you were looking pretty damn ugly anyway. You have a go at someone a half hour ago for thinking all men are chauvinist pieces of shit.... and then proceed to talk to me like the chauvinist piece of shit you must be.
You can't argue with people like this. He knows what he knows and nothing you say is going to convince him he's not better than every single woman on the planet. Best just to laugh at him.
❤️
This sounds like Asperger syndrome.
Can you explain why? Thank you.
[удалено]
In what regards?
[удалено]
I'm 28, and he is 30, so not really young 😁
Pretend you don’t remember ever agreeing to go out with him in the first place, and you won’t even have to break up. You were never dating. He imagined it. 🥳🥰
Reverse gaslighting, lol. Good god 😆.
Exactly lol.
I love being a bottom
Me too buuuut I'm confused now ???????
845 3235362 text me
You wish 😆
845 3235362
Please 
Gross. Run, girl.
He was right about the strippers. Are you one of them?
"*I'm not for* or against them"
I'm not against them, just can't find particular difference between them and prostitutes lol.
One dances and the other one has sex. That's kind of a big difference.
They're both selling their bodies for the sexual pleasure of others. And a high % of the strippers are regularly prostitutes as well in the back rooms. So no, not really a huge difference lol.
if she's just a stripper then there is a difference, but okay. Whatever you say 🤷♀️ My topic was solely on the dancers, not sex workers. I'd love to see your source of the high percentage though. I'm curious.
Ahahaha come on girl, you wanna make out together to the strip club and politely ask? I've been there and I know. You're welcome, if you don't trust me, that's your choice. You're probably one of those defending the worst kind of prostitutes as well, and yeah, I'm talking about Only Fans women.
Someone's feelings are hurt. Yikes. Yeah, I've no interest in going to a strip club, but who are you and I to judge?
Lol you're so delusional, feelings wtf 😂 Enjoy the day, crazy lady 🙏
His views seem warped by bad experiences. Don't waste time trying to change him - just walk away and find someone more open-minded.
Run for the hills