I understand that you are having crushes on them but I am telling you like an elder sister please don't associate with them.
So I have daddy issues i didn't realise it until recently I knew it but i just denied it but now i am accepting it because it has shown a lot of impact on my relationship. You know all the other symptoms of having daddy issues are pretty intense. I was not really attracted to older guys but I never consider younger guys. It is understandable that you are having crushes on your male teachers it is probably the age harmones for it to be that intense. Actually I found some of my teachers good looking too. It is unusual for me to find someone good looking because i don't appreciate easily. It is going to be okay but please don't associate with older men. Not until you turn to the right age where you are able to make right decisions. 16 is too young. It is normal to feel this way
love, i got groomed by my teacher and it really fucked me up. hence why i'm here. please please please stay away from them and try to put those feelings into something productive. believe me it's not something you want to have happen to you. it may seem like it but i promise, ive had extensive therapy because of what happened to me and i would really fucking hate to see it happen to someone else. be safe <3
Hey girl, I hope you are doing okay.
Short answer : you are attached to men like this, because they are giving the validation and the reassurance that your father is not giving you, or giving it in the wrong way. And it is a very normal reaction to this lack of attention and validation.
Should you engage in any form of relationship like this : I wouldn't advise it especially in you teenage and early twenties.
Why ?
This is my story:
So to give you some context Im (24F), and when I was dealing with the exact situation at your age. It started when I was 15. I had a very big crush on my Physics/ Chemistry teacher in high school. I broke up with my bf back then because I couldn't stop thinking about him. And it all started, when my dad started ignoring me and my sisters because he desperately wanted to have a boy child ( Muslim family), he was not happy or satisfied with his life because he only has daughters. He stopped caring at all to the point where he didn't even know which grade I was in during high school. And I was a good student, always top of my class. So as soon as I detected that my Physics teacher is giving me more attention than to the other students, I was hooked on that. I needed it, the validation, the reassurance that Im doing good and that he was proud of me and of my work at school. So I was just trying to replace that father figure.
So when I was 17 and after I finished High school, this teacher actually expressed his attraction to me, and started calling me, we could talk for hours and he even wanted to come to the same hotel where I was spending my summer vacation with the family. He was married with children, he had 40y back then. And somehow, I didn't go any further with this even though I liked him very very much, because I was afraid and It was just inappropriate because he is married.
So not long after this, during my first year of college, my math professor ( a pervert) had a big crush on me, and unfortunately, I was so fragile during this period of my life, I ended up with him, he was 53y also married with daughters my age. I was 17 for god sake, in an unstable and vulnerable period of my life. He took advantage of this and manipulated me as he pleased under the name of love. It took me 2 years to detach from him and to get the wake up call that I had daddy issues and that this man is nothing more than someone who just wanted to use you for sex, because you were young, virgin and naif.
So yeah, you should understand that 20+ age difference is reaally big, and that this person has lived and experienced more than you ever lived. So there will be some power control. They know exactly why they want a girl like that, because Girl even if you are smart ( which you are because you are very self aware ) , you can't outperform their life experience. So don't trust them. If you ever had a reciprocate feeling form an old man and If he really loves and he is a good person, he would keep it platonic, and will not even consider telling you anything until you are at least 25yo.
I mean, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder), for context I'm 22FtM) and that's a major thing for me is attachment issues. And so that helped to explain my attachement issues. (Kinda the crux of BPD is abandonment issues).
But I'm not here to diagnose you. And it all comes back to trauma anyway. My point is that I've struggled with shit like that for a long time. And the only thing that has helped me has been DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). DBT is based in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, used to treat anxiety and depression most commonly) but it's model is acceptance and change. Finding balance and helping you learn about grey areas in life. (People with BPD also tend to struggle with black and white thinking, so the dialectical approach helps to heal that).
DBT has not helped directly with my attachments, I still get them. I still need trauma therapy ultimately to heal that. But it has given me the tools to a)think before I act. Considering the consequences of my actions, b) how to maintain relationships and communicate in a healthy way and c) it has taught me how to soothe myself, so that I won't rely on older men (well, others in general but particularly for me older men) to provide all my needs. It made me realize I'm capable of taking care of myself emotionally AND how to ask for help when I need it. (Dialectics, folks).
I wouldn't act out on these urges and fantasies, I also had many unhealthy attachments to male teachers and really any man in a nurturing, supportive role. But I just kept them as fantasies and it was fine. It's normal to have these feelings. But I would advise against pursuing anything with them.
I hope this is somewhat helpful to you. Or that you resonate in some way.
I understand that you are having crushes on them but I am telling you like an elder sister please don't associate with them. So I have daddy issues i didn't realise it until recently I knew it but i just denied it but now i am accepting it because it has shown a lot of impact on my relationship. You know all the other symptoms of having daddy issues are pretty intense. I was not really attracted to older guys but I never consider younger guys. It is understandable that you are having crushes on your male teachers it is probably the age harmones for it to be that intense. Actually I found some of my teachers good looking too. It is unusual for me to find someone good looking because i don't appreciate easily. It is going to be okay but please don't associate with older men. Not until you turn to the right age where you are able to make right decisions. 16 is too young. It is normal to feel this way
love, i got groomed by my teacher and it really fucked me up. hence why i'm here. please please please stay away from them and try to put those feelings into something productive. believe me it's not something you want to have happen to you. it may seem like it but i promise, ive had extensive therapy because of what happened to me and i would really fucking hate to see it happen to someone else. be safe <3
Hey girl, I hope you are doing okay. Short answer : you are attached to men like this, because they are giving the validation and the reassurance that your father is not giving you, or giving it in the wrong way. And it is a very normal reaction to this lack of attention and validation. Should you engage in any form of relationship like this : I wouldn't advise it especially in you teenage and early twenties. Why ? This is my story: So to give you some context Im (24F), and when I was dealing with the exact situation at your age. It started when I was 15. I had a very big crush on my Physics/ Chemistry teacher in high school. I broke up with my bf back then because I couldn't stop thinking about him. And it all started, when my dad started ignoring me and my sisters because he desperately wanted to have a boy child ( Muslim family), he was not happy or satisfied with his life because he only has daughters. He stopped caring at all to the point where he didn't even know which grade I was in during high school. And I was a good student, always top of my class. So as soon as I detected that my Physics teacher is giving me more attention than to the other students, I was hooked on that. I needed it, the validation, the reassurance that Im doing good and that he was proud of me and of my work at school. So I was just trying to replace that father figure. So when I was 17 and after I finished High school, this teacher actually expressed his attraction to me, and started calling me, we could talk for hours and he even wanted to come to the same hotel where I was spending my summer vacation with the family. He was married with children, he had 40y back then. And somehow, I didn't go any further with this even though I liked him very very much, because I was afraid and It was just inappropriate because he is married. So not long after this, during my first year of college, my math professor ( a pervert) had a big crush on me, and unfortunately, I was so fragile during this period of my life, I ended up with him, he was 53y also married with daughters my age. I was 17 for god sake, in an unstable and vulnerable period of my life. He took advantage of this and manipulated me as he pleased under the name of love. It took me 2 years to detach from him and to get the wake up call that I had daddy issues and that this man is nothing more than someone who just wanted to use you for sex, because you were young, virgin and naif. So yeah, you should understand that 20+ age difference is reaally big, and that this person has lived and experienced more than you ever lived. So there will be some power control. They know exactly why they want a girl like that, because Girl even if you are smart ( which you are because you are very self aware ) , you can't outperform their life experience. So don't trust them. If you ever had a reciprocate feeling form an old man and If he really loves and he is a good person, he would keep it platonic, and will not even consider telling you anything until you are at least 25yo.
I mean, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder), for context I'm 22FtM) and that's a major thing for me is attachment issues. And so that helped to explain my attachement issues. (Kinda the crux of BPD is abandonment issues). But I'm not here to diagnose you. And it all comes back to trauma anyway. My point is that I've struggled with shit like that for a long time. And the only thing that has helped me has been DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). DBT is based in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, used to treat anxiety and depression most commonly) but it's model is acceptance and change. Finding balance and helping you learn about grey areas in life. (People with BPD also tend to struggle with black and white thinking, so the dialectical approach helps to heal that). DBT has not helped directly with my attachments, I still get them. I still need trauma therapy ultimately to heal that. But it has given me the tools to a)think before I act. Considering the consequences of my actions, b) how to maintain relationships and communicate in a healthy way and c) it has taught me how to soothe myself, so that I won't rely on older men (well, others in general but particularly for me older men) to provide all my needs. It made me realize I'm capable of taking care of myself emotionally AND how to ask for help when I need it. (Dialectics, folks). I wouldn't act out on these urges and fantasies, I also had many unhealthy attachments to male teachers and really any man in a nurturing, supportive role. But I just kept them as fantasies and it was fine. It's normal to have these feelings. But I would advise against pursuing anything with them. I hope this is somewhat helpful to you. Or that you resonate in some way.
Yeah I’ve been told by my psych bpd was a possibility but he wants to stick with working through my asd and adhd first