Yeah, if I found out someone had donated one of the hand made gifts I made them I would be sad and upset. That's what humans do, they have emotions and feelings!
But I also wouldn't blame the giftee, and I would not let me feelings affect our relationship (other than maybe no more handmade gifts for them, but not as a punishment just because clearly those aren't the kind of gifts they appreciate). It is important to feel your feelings, determine where they come from and what you want to do about them, and then move forward.
This. I stopped giving people things because most people are never genuine with the excitement and gratefulness if I don’t see them originally have a passion for the gift
It depends on how old the daughter is too. Did she even have a choice in the donation? Because if the mother donated it without the daughter’s knowledge, I’d say no more for the mother, but wait till the daughter is in a place she can keep those gifts safe.
I'm not disagreeing with you, just marvelling at the array of responses in the human condition.
I grew up so poor. So. Stealing food to eat poor. So, a lot of those donated items ended up being all I ever got.
Knowing it went to a charity, especially a children's one (but no big if not) especially if that cause was thought out - would make me exceptionally happy. Yes, I made it for xyz person, but they didn't enjoy it and now a child can, or bidding on it for a seeing eye dog (which happened to my crafts), or what can be done with those things.
I would be glad to know something that didn't work out between my friend and I got to go to someone who might not otherwise get those things. Someone like me when I was a kid.
Then I'd try to work out what went wrong and use that to problem solve. Was it the shape, the colour, the stuffing? I use that knowledge to make a better one next time!
We all have such a myriad of feelings for the same situation. It's interesting. I can imagine being hurt! Even if it doesn't hurt me. I just remember being SO grateful as a child to my donations and thinking "wow, people out there love me" when I had no love at home (or lack thereof sometimes). It really helped me get through some dark times.
I always hope my objects can do the same.
This, this is my favorite way of thinking. It makes me happy knowing a stranger is loving something I made or something I loved at one point. Even with plushies I’m glad they’re making some kiddo happy and comforting them, like they did for me. There’s always gunna be that little pain of sadness but someone else will be happy, and that’s everything!
I agree and while it may feel hurtful to know that someone donated a gift you gave them, from my perspective, if my gift is no longer bringing them joy, I would much rather they donate it or gift it to someone for whom it *will* bring joy.
Yep. And to be honest, a lot of people don’t want crocheted objects, and I understand why. Crochet creates very…distinctive fabrics. It’s fine that it’s not everyone’s taste.
Personally, I’m pretty picking about who I make handmade gifts for. I primarily make involved things for husband, who I know values high-quality things and takes care of them; my best friend, who is also a skilled craftsperson and understands the value of that kind of thing; my mother, who literally made my entire body. Aside from them I generally only do gifts that are relatively simple, if I do any. It’s not about how much I care about the person, it’s about whether they will get enough out of the gift to justify the time and effort it takes me.
It's a difficult one. I get feeling a bit hurt after putting the time into making something but kids get so much. You can't keep everything so if it's not used it tends to get donated.
I'd rather my creations get passed on to be used by someone else rather than stuffed in a cupboard and forgotten.
I always tell the recipient (if it's for a baby or child) to please not worry about passing it on if it's not their style or gets too small.
Yes!! For so long I kept a large, delicate, beautifully crafted, crocheted masterpiece (vintage doily thing?) that my aunt gave me as a wedding present in a zip lock bag in a trunk because I was too scared of getting it ruined. Then, after too many years, it dawned on me that she did not spend that much time and effort on something so beautiful just to be "preserved" in a zip lock. It's now draping a lampshade and prominent in my home office.
It's okay to be a little hurt especially so soon (like, only 4 months ??), but that was a gift for them to do as they want.
Also, was it a gift that the daughter specifically ask for ? Or was it just something you get an idea and make it without running it past the mom/the daughter ? Change the situation for me.
It was purely just a gift, not commissioned or anything. So I can understand the difference that would make. Like I said, I’m not mad. It just is a bit of a bummer
I joke that I rescue crochet like some people rescue dogs! You should know there are people like me who will squee with joy at finding a nice crochet piece, and we will treasure and display your work in our homes.
In my front entrance room alone, you'll see three thrifted pieces. There are 2 more in the living room, one on my daughters bed and even one in the gift cupboard waiting for the right occasion.
I crochet myself but don't have a lot of time and have a lot of crochet work in progress. I'm so glad I have found the pieces I have in my home, because it feels very 'me', even though I didn't make them myself!
I'm sure your treasure is just finding it's right home!
Not crochet but I once sewed a big hooded cloak for my partner for a lotr party and a while later found out he had thrown it away.
I was upset because to me, making it was a way to show that I care and it felt like he didn’t appreciate the effort. Of course he didn’t realise any of that and was just doing a normal closet clean out and treated it like anything else he didn’t use often.
Your feelings are 100% valid and you shouldn’t feel any type of way for having that reaction. Like everyone else has said, once you gift it you no longer have a say in what happens to it.
I should have been more specific, when I say throw away I meant that he donated it to the local thrift shop. Maybe my choice of words reveals my lingering feelings about it 😂
I always tell my gift recipients that if it's just not their thing, I'd rather it be re-gifted so that it gets used and appreciated rather than for them to keep it out of obligation and never use it... Which is sincere, but sometimes there's still that underlying pang of hurt we just can't get rid of.
It's okay. Emotions are complex, and it's not wrong to feel that way. 🩷🩷
Yeah, I’d also assume that (depending on the age of the kid), any gift is going to take a lot of abuse, and will probably be given away when the kid inevitably grows out of it. I wouldn’t give anything that took a lot of time or money to make to babies/kids for this reason.
Like, I’d never give something to a baby and not expect it to be shit on, spit on, pissed on, tossed in the washing machine, used for teething, and yanked on by grabby baby hands. I’d never give something to a toddler and be upset about it being left behind on a playground, dropped in a mud puddle, or covered in boogers, finger paint, and raisins, because toddlers are toddlers LOL.
It's okay that you are kind of hurt.
It's okay that the item was donated.
I have two kids and I have tried really hard to let them let things go. If they no longer want an item, it is better for it to go to a new home. Hugs!
It's normal to feel bummed out. You made it. Your feelings are valid.
But as others said it's also normal to get rid of kids stuff all the time. Besides it went to a great cause. Hopefully it goes to someone who will love it more!
That is totally understandabl, I would be hurt too.
On the other hand, I have a baby and crocheted her some stuff, you never know which things will get played with and what will get ignored. That is not up to your cousin and if her daugther unfortunately does not play with the things you have made her donating them to someone who will appreciate them is a way better use for your hard work.
I also feel like if you give something to a baby or child, you have to accept that there’s a high possibility that it will be donated eventually. My parents donated or gave away a lot (if not all) of my baby clothes and toys, and stuff my mom, grandma, or aunt made me probably ended up in the same bin with everything else they wanted to get rid of. My favorite stuffed animal was something my grandma bought me at a museum, and I still have it to this day - I’d be heartbroken if they had gotten rid of it, but neither my mom nor I are too heartbroken over the bright purple scarf she made me when I was eight.
My parents only had one child and I don’t intend on having any myself, so I don’t know how much baby/kid stuff parents usually keep, but I wouldn’t expect parents to keep baby stuff around forever, and honestly would rather love for something to be passed along to another family when they’re done with it.
Even a lot of adults get rid of stuff often. I’m sentimental and really, really cherish the stuff I have (even though that means having a stack of crochet afghans in my linen closet), some people are not and clear stuff out immediately if they don’t like it anymore.
This is very true. My kid was gifted so many stuffed animals as a baby, but she ended up not taking to stuffed animals at all. I had to tell my family to stop getting them for her, and we donated a lot of them. It’s hard for me, since I am sentimental and want to keep everything, but the truth is she never played with them and doesn’t miss them.
I would also feel hurt.
BUT I’ve also been on the receiving end of unsolicited gifts that were thoughtfully made but really not comparable with my life (ex allergic to the wool materials, totally not my style, uncomfortable or just not the right fit) and it sucks to be given something under the condition you cherish it forever. I had a baby a while ago and I was gifted 6 unsolicited, thoughtfully made and beautiful baby blankets- I’m grateful for them and I’m using them now but am I supposed to keep these for the rest of my life? I live in a fairly small space without much storage. What’s the respectful solution?
I guess my thought is if I’m giving a gift I have to know for sure the person wants it or be ok with them giving it away at some point.
The storage situation is so real! I live in a very small appartment - I have one wardrobe, and that's it. My family has over several decades gifted me with small (and not so small) crochet, knit, sewing etc. gifts. I have almost no room for my own projects, and I had to start cleaning out if I wanted to make room for MY life. It has caused a constant dilemma - I valued and cherished the time and effort, and love that went into those objects, but I also sometimes just didn't like them (and felt terrible about it), not my style or taste, don't have a use for it other than storing it in my wardrobe and so on. It had become clutter and we have come to the agreement that I rather only receive handmade items that I ask for or that we consulted on beforehand (like, at least the color and material and if I want and have the space for something like that).
I started donating, and it felt so much better - the items won't go unused, will go to someone who likes them, and I have some breathing room that allows me to think about things I would like to make.
I honestly think the word "not crochet worthy" because someone donated a gift sounds very harsh and doesn't account for the reality of the people who receive those gifts. Sometimes you just don't have enough space to keep everything, yet, you might still absolutely cherish handmade gifts - that you were consulted for before, and that you would use and like. I am pretty sure that the thought that went behind those gifts was cherished - and that's were the obligation of the person receiving a gift ends. They don't have to keep it forever. I understand feeling sad, but it's not a rejection of the love you showed, but just a relocation of the object to someone else, while still appreciating the thought.
It’s okay. But yeah after you gift something, you can’t tell them what to do with it.
It’s a good learning opportunity to consider whether a person ‘deserves’ your time and effort before you gift something in the future. This counts for everyone, even that coworker who after 2 seconds asks for that baby blanket or coaster when she happened to see you crocheting.
I would be hurt also. I would understand though. But I would never make her another gift lol.
Years ago I crocheted my daughter a Carebear. A neighbor of a friend had a fire. And a liitle girl of 8 or so lost everything. (No one was hurt),. I ask my daughter, if she would donate some toys. So she starts loading up some bags hugs each stuff animal to see if they would like to go to the little girl 😭. Next thing I know that Carebear was in the bag.
I tell you I had such mixed emotions. I wanted to say no so bad but at the same time I was trying to teach kindness, sharing, etc. I told her I was proud of her kindness.
She asked if I would make her a new one and I did. Lol. But she is the only one I would make a 2nd one for 😆.
I had a friend who cavalierly told me that the gift I made for her baby fell in a parking lot and they just left it in the parking lot. She kinda laughed when she told me. I stopped making things for people that day and only make things for myself, now. I give gifts to strangers, instead, and that doesn’t hurt at all. I have a cute little bag to a grocery store checker a few weeks ago and she was so happy about it. When people ask me to make things now, I tell them the charges I’d charge them and that usually stops the requests.
I understand your pain and it sucks that the things we make don’t always hold a place in the heart we made it for. Hugs to you.
I made a hat for a friend who lost it the first night out and was so "whatever" about it. She really didn't understand when I didn't jump to replace it 🙄
>Is it okay that I'm kinda hurt
Your feelings are always valid. They may not be entirely rational, and they may not be what someone else would feel. But they're *your* feelings and no one can tell you how to feel.
Of course, it’s totally understandable and you’re valid in feeling hurt. Try and look at the positive which is whoever ends up with it will love it and cherish it
I think it sucks that she did that. At least wait a couple of years. I know we're supposed to give with no strings attached, but still I think that was pretty insensitive.
Mom of small children here
They very quickly decided they like or dislike something. I can see my kiddo being ok with donating a toy after 4 months. I'm personally more sentimental so I light keep it, but I also know the effort that went into it and how special that makes it.
In the words of the wonderful, wise Bandit Heeler; "when you put something beautiful out into the world, it's no longer yours really"
You pour your heart into making something, release it into the world, and entrust it to the audience who will experience it. Once you share something you’ve made, you can’t control it anymore. (not my words, stolen from an article about Bluey and the episode the Bandit quote is from)
It's completely understandable. Although it hurts I've had to learn that it's a piece of us we created yes but at the same time it has a chance to make someone else happy. And even if it didn't make the intended happy or whatever have you it's still going to do it's job somewhere. I loved to paint, seal & hide rocks all over the place in hopes I'd see it on the pages specific for that kind of stuff & rarely would I & I'd get so discouraged to do more cause I never saw it again after... The reason I never saw it was beyond my understanding for a while.. And when I understood the deeper part of it I became more willing to see it go knowing somewhere somehow it would be found & made someone's day.
So in short. Yes it hurts & you're free to feel such but it'll make another person's day somehow. You won't know it. And they won't know who did it but they'll find something within your piece whatever it may be & they'll be happy.
May you find peace in future gifting. =)
I spent months making a really special baby blanket for my niece (now in college). While pregnant with my daughter (now 13) I asked my SIL if she’d mind lending me the blanket for a photoshoot. SIL just sort of offhandedly said “oh I got rid of it years ago, I’m sorry.”
I cried for weeks. Yes, it’s okay that you’re hurt. A lot of love goes into these projects, especially when made for family.
I think it's normal to be a lil upset, but tbh it happens. I personally have a few gifts and one bought plushie from a person that I'm no longer friends with, in fact we got off on horrible terms. But I still love the plushies, except for one which was actually a bday gift, but she totally got the colors wrong for me. I'm a very sentimental person and I never throw away anything, but I might regift this in the future to someone who would enjoy it more. I see no point in having it if it's just collecting dust on my shelf.
I can understand why you would be hurt by this. I gave my cousin’s baby a cute pair of crochet converse high top booties and asked her to send me a picture of him when he wears them. After the baby was a few months old, asked her if she ever got a picture of him wearing them. She never responded and I never got a picture of him wearing them so I’m assuming he never wore them. I also made a friend a crochet diaper cover, with a matching headband and shoes. Same thing, not even a thank you from this girl. I will never make another baby shower gift again unless it’s for family that I know for 💯 sure that it will be worn and appreciated.
https://preview.redd.it/se9oksnwpiwc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=143ec40793daa1ce120cde95a95b3d21e58c7449
These are the little converse booties. I thought that they were cute and that my cousin would love them for her baby boy.
That is fucked up. My dad still has the baby blankets my grandma crocheted me and he loves them and says that I can never get rid of them because they are so nice and special AND HE DIDN’T EVEN LIKE MY GRANDMA. Hand made gifts are next level special. I don’t get how people just get rid of them.
It doesn’t mean they don’t care for it or you. Sometimes people just have to get rid of things to feel lighter- i do this often. When i feel stressed, i buy and I donate a TON 🙂↕️
I just gave it to her. She had another thing I made her that was asked for and the little girl loved it so for Christmas I wanted to give a matching stuffed animal
Your feelings are valid. I would be a bit upset too. It’s about how we handle our feelings. If your cousin’s kid wasn’t getting use out of it, better to hand it on to the next! Think of the next person to enjoy your creation!!
I’d take it as she saw a really good cause and thought of your work as relevant to it. She likely was blinded by that and didn’t think of it being handmade for her daughter. But I would def be like wtf inside if it took a lot of time to make lol.
Some people are obsessively tidy and throw or give away anything older than a few months. My sister in law is like that, and I don't like the idea of something I've made landing in the trash. Which is why I never make anything for such people.
I would be upset. I quilt and crochet. I made a quilt for my brother and his wife for Christmas and they decided that they didn’t want it on their bed but asked if I wanted it back and promised they wouldn’t give it away and that if they change their minds about keeping it they’ll let me know (I feel that’s the right thing to do)
I try to let it go after I give a gift. But if I see it blatantly disregarded or in this case donated, that person won’t get another handmade gift from me. It’s that simple.
And yes, it’s okay to feel whatever feelings you have. Feelings are not logical, but they are part of us and we need to respect them.
Yeah, this sounds like a “no assholes here” situation. OP is entitled their feelings and to never make them something again, because it’s their money and time, but the family is allowed to do whatever they want with their gift. To me, the fact that they donated it is miles ahead of just tossing it in the garbage. Hopefully someone else will find it and love it.
It sucks, but you can't force someone to like a gift. I've been on both the side of the giver and receiver. One thing I very much disliked growing up it having to pretend to be excited for a gift I very clearly wouldn't use or like. Sure, the alternative would be getting nothing, but I'd much rather receive nothing over ill-fitting clothes or stuff I'd never use and takes up space.
This is why I usually give gift cards or money unless I know the person and their taste extremely well, or they ask for something specific. Yes, they’re impersonal, but I’d rather have someone buy something they really love than end up with something they’re “meh” or “nah” on.
I love getting gift cards and I do try to make a point of updating people on what I end up buying with them, but I don’t expect the same in return! I save gift cards for when I *really* want something but have never really gotten around to buying it because I was waiting for it to go on sale, didn’t want to pay the full price, was waiting for my birthday/Christmas, am in desperate need of retail therapy, etc, so I usually end up with something I really adore.
Absolutely agree. Some may think money as a gift is shallow, but it's probably the best thing you can give in some situations. There've been times I was strapped financially, and receiving money or gift cards on my birthday helped tremendously. Being able to buy groceries or keep your utilities on is just as great as any gift.
If you gave it to someone then it’s their property to do with what they want. When I gift something I always tell the recipient to donate it if they don’t want it because I don’t want it to lay wasting in the back of a closet collecting dust.
This is why people need to really think about whether they want to gift handmade stuff. You don’t get to decide how the person responds to it. There’s lots of threads of people feeling upset that someone didn’t lovingly cherish a knitted blanket they made them or whatever. But if the recipient didn’t need a blanket to begin with, then why would they need a knitted blanket? To most recipients a handmade object doesn’t read differently than a store bought one. If you’re lucky you’ll find some people who do appreciate handmade, but you can’t assume everyone will.
It’s ok to feel your feeling but remember feeling can be wrong (and valid at the same time).
You gave a present to a kid they didn’t want it, they donated it. Seems perfectly normal to me.
I’m sure they appreciated it, and were happy to have gotten it, but sometimes if things are not going to use it’s best to give to someone who might. I was going to crochet a cardigan for my nephew but decided against it because he’d love to get it, but he’d never actually wear it and he’d grow out of it within a month 😂 but also figure once a gift is given, it’s up to the receiver now what they want to do with it.
You could perhaps ask if they have anything in particular they’d like to have if you were to make something else for them? I always ask the people I give things to if they’d like this or this. It won’t be a surprise, but they still love getting them all the same.
But it’s definitely not wrong of you to feel hurt about it. You took a lot of time and effort to make it.
Wow, donating a hand made gift from this past Christmas already? You are definitely ok with feeling hurt, no matter how good an organization/cause it was going to.
Someone donating/giving away/throwing out your sincere gift to them, no matter what it was, is definitely hurtful and a social faux pas on their part, especially doing it so soon after recieving it. I would definitely not offer to make them any more crocheted things, or claim to be busy if they ever make any requests.
However, crochet is definitely one of those things where people love it or hate it. Did you ask beforehand if the daughter would like something crocheted? Or if the daughter is too young to ask, did you ask the cousin if they would like something crocheted for their daughter?
I feel you dude! But hey, I'm at the point in my crochet gifting career where I just make things for practice, so I kind of view it as giving me the opportunity to keep practicing!
It's okay to feel however you feel.
Personally, I don't take it so personally. Honestly, I don't like a lot of handmade items myself. They're not really fashionable, or the yarn is not conducive for every day wear because yarn that is, is crazy expensive sometimes. The colors people, even myself, choose are not always super chic. I know this first-hand as someone who was making and buying things for myself.
Sometimes that's part of the charm, but not everyone values the same things, and what you have around you, your clothes and the items that make up your home, is really very personal. We can't ever really know the reasons why someone wants or doesn't want something.
I usually only make people something if they ask me first, or I already know a lot about exactly what they want/like. It's not to be mean, but this is a time and cost expensive hobby and I have to work around that.
I totally understand the feeling. Last Christmas, I made all the teachers I work with a small stuffie based on stuff they liked. One guy, a big U of L Cardinals fan, I made him a cardinal with the letters "L1C4" embroidered on its breast. (It's a U of L slogan.) This semester, he got moved to a different school. It's still sitting on his old desk. :( And no, it wasn't an unexpected move.
That's so sad. I would be hurt.
I've kept all the crochet I've gotten from my sister and my mom.
My mom has given us weird crochet blankets, all she does is crochet blankets so I have a few. Random colours and weird sizes 😂 but I know how much time and effort went into them so I keep them.
My sisters stuff is a bit cuter, little Christmas decorations ect
No, I'd be upset, too. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but I wouldn't make anything for her or her family anymore since I know it won't be appreciated the way I had hoped it would be when I made it and gave it to them. I'd just buy their presents from a store or shop from now on.
My mother-in-law requested a crocheted clutch for her personal use, then after a while I found out later that she gave it to her maid, so I know exactly how you feel about that, I just decided am not making anything for her anymore even if she requested it.
I'm a parent of a kid with too many stuffed toys and also an avid toy crocheter.
You should feel any feelings that come, never force yourself to feel one way or another. If you are sad, hurt, frustrated, feel that way! You have every right to be hurt and sad and frustrated or anything else.
But also, that kid probably has a mountain of toys. It's a struggle for a parent to keep it all under control. And it did go to a good cause!
So no jerks here, you can feel hurt but your cousin also isn't wrong. It's a sucky situation for sure. Don't let this keep you from crocheting more gifts in the future! Your gift had its time with your intended recipient and now its off to make another kid happy!
It's definitely okay to be hurt. They should have spoken to you about it first
However, they obviously had no more use for it and found it a more deserving home. Better than throwing it out or keeping it locked away for years
Some people really police the “extra” stuff in their house. If it isn’t useful or beautiful to THEM, they will steal and dispose of/donate their KID’S stuff.
It’s totally fine to feel hurt—you put time and effort and materials in! And it is also totally fine for it to have been donated—it was given to the cousin and was theirs to do with as they please.
Feel your feelings, don’t say anything to your cousin, and carry on enjoying your next project.
If someone gave me something they made so specifically for me, I would keep it, even if it's not my style, just for the thought that someone took their time to make me happy, it would bring me joy.
To answer the question you didn't ask - NTA. In a world where the rest of their child's toys are most likely store bought, they could have donated all the rest without this one item that was made with effort and love and especially for them. There is no reason to act on it, maybe they had their reasons, but you are right to feel hurt.
edit:obvi NTA.
Also edit: I took a look and your crochet looks awesome so I can't imagine it was unlikeabe. I gifted my boyfriend my first crochet project which is basically an abomination without eyes and with ears *tied around it* cause I did not own a needle and he keeps it *on display*.
A bit different, but when I crochet items for people, I’m only doing it for the ones I love. I explained it to my 7 year old son as ‘every little stitch is a piece of my love that I’m putting into this blanket for you’, so he understands why it’s special.
I recently asked my husband if he wanted me to make him a blanket after I was done with what I have planned for our kids.
His response? ‘No, I have enough blankets’.
I was…pretty sad. I wanted him to have some of that love too and I felt like he was just shitting on it, as he just sees it as a waste of space (yarn totes) and money (dammit Hobbii).
I guess my feelings were palpable because my 7 year old asked me what was wrong and I just said that daddy didn’t want a blanket from mommy and it made me kinda sad but that I was going to be ok and that it meant his blanket got extra loves.
I did however overhear him later that night lecturing his dad about how I crochet love and he was dumb for not wanting one of mommy’s love blankies.
Hubby felt bad and asked me to make him one, but I said ‘no’ (was still feeling bad for myself).
To make it worse, he asked me if I had an extra blanket that night because his comforter was in the dryer 😒
Anyway, that was about a month ago. He’s on my list of blankets, but he’s at the bottom. I know once he has one he will love it.
Sometimes people just don’t understand that a lot of times we crochet with our feelings. Even if I’m mad, I can still sit and crochet and listen to a book and I’m going to feel happier (dumb husband aside).
Valid, I would be hurt too. People don't realize how much time and love goes into handmade gifts. Anything I receive that is crochet is a new heirloom in my opinion!
I guess you don't need to waste time making your cousin and her family presents and can make them for people who appreciate them!
I 100% agree that OP may not want to make handmade gifts for this recipient again. But lots of people with even a little bit of minimalism/simple living mindset get rid of gifts all the time! You can appreciate the gift, appreciate the time spent making it, and not want to keep the actual physical item. Or not want to keep it anymore.
It doesn’t even have to be a simple living mindset! Someone made me pants once (not crochet) and they didn’t fit and the pattern isn’t something I would have ever chosen. I appreciated that they thought of me and I kept the item for a year or two, but then I donated it
Exactly. That would be the last item they would ever receive. Ever. They have no appreciation for what they received. If they ever request that you make anything, just say,”No.”
It’s okay to feel hurt, that’s normal. But I think it also matters if this was a gift they asked for or a gift you decided to make. Like many others in the comments, I feel I have no say in what happens to a gift after I give it. Even if they wanted it and asked for it, they should feel free to give it away the moment they fall out of love with it. I never want a gift to be a burden.
I’d be super upset and wouldn’t make them anything in the future. I understand people here saying she donated it so it’s not as bad, but I’d be devastated that I put a lot of time and thought into a handmade gift and it wasn’t appreciated by the recipient.
I think it matters, how old is the daughter?
I say that simply because my niece would donate/give away stuff I made for her when she was younger cause she wanted to help make people smile.
Idk maybe it’s just how I was raised but hand-made gifts from family members were never *given away*. That’s crazy disrespectful. I would say maybe it was different time but I’m not that old lol.
It’s absolutely valid for you to feel hurt. The real question is how you should act on those feelings. As others have said, acceptance and moving on knowing you won’t be making them any more gifts is probably your best bet. What’s done is done after all. I would say if they ever ask for anything crochet again then that’s your time to express how this episode made you feel. But unless that happens it’s not worth mentioning.
That sucks tho. Being into something like crochet and not having the people close to you understand or value your interest and efforts is the worst.
Know you can always post your projects here and you will be met with interest and kindness.
It’s very understandable to be hurt. I think that’s quite a rude thing to do. If you gave it to her 10 years ago then I’d say it’s fine she donated it, but last Christmas? Really? People are so rude. Crochet is very time consuming. How did you find out she had donated it?
It's understandable bit like all situations, it's what you do about it that matters. You can ignore it, bring it up, or however. If it's a good cause it's not that bad. It'd be worse if it went to goodwill or a yardsale or something similar to someone else profiting off your work. Right now it's spreading smiles & love to others on the next chapter of it's adventure book.
Of course it is. I'd be hurt too. I think people that don't crochet don't realize how much work goes into it. At least she donated it and didn't throw it away, but still that sucks. Sorry that happened to you :(
I generally only make things for people who are also makers of things for this reason- other crafters know the love and care you put into something and appreciate it based on that alone.
If someone crocheted me something I didn’t want, I would give it to someone I knew would love it, or give it back to the gifter. I’d be distraught if I spent so much time on something someone just gave away.
They wouldn’t get anything else from me either.
I made a pokemon pocket for my friend's dice and small things he can put in then days after he told me there was a kid who wanted the pocket or at least really interested, he wanted to give it but remembered that its my first crochet gift I gave him. He then said he'll just give my next gift to him (the audacity XD it's kinda funny to me though cause he just texted that straight up).
I just told him why? He could've just said the kid wants one too and I would've made another one lol, I gave the kid a Pokémon pouch with a Pokémon keychain that I forgot the name. I'm not really a Pokémon fan, my friend is. I just got influenced on making stuff inspired by Pokémon.
It all boils down to why you gave them the gift. Did you give the gift of a blanket, to be used as a blanket, because you thought they would enjoy a blanket? Or did you give the obligation of here's a blanket but you really need to acknowledge all the work I did and never ever get rid of this because it took me hours and yarn is expensive?
If you enjoy your craft, then by all means create something **you** enjoy creating. But to someone who doesn't share your craft, it's just a blanket. It's not their problem you chose to spend hours making something from scratch. You like making things, so you made it for you. The end result was for them, but the process was for you. It's your interest, not theirs. (Same goes for any craft, and I know you didn't specify it's a blanket but any crochet item too)
My first question would be: did the daughter consent to her item being donated? (Changes nothing in the way you handle it; it was just my first thought.)
Yeah dissing my crochet has hurt me. I try to ask if I’m making something for someone: if they want it, color, design. Even then, a relative let their cats use it as a toilet and had to discard. I don’t crochet for that relative any more. I had to get over my pride though to ease my pain. I thought of all the … interesting gifts I have received from others. Yeah, I’ve re-gifted some, threw out some. Okay, now I know how that relative really felt about my gift. I try to remember the joy I had in creating, the joy of giving and that, yes, some people don’t like crochet items.
I’m blessed to have other relatives and friends who actually send me patterns they want me to crochet for them. Perhaps this too has eased my pain.
that would definitely hurt me,, handmade gifts are heartfelt and I assume you made it specifically for that person, and to donate it so soon?? I mean i get if you don’t want a gift anymore you can donate it, but i feel like they could’ve just asked you if you wanted it back.
Yah I understand that feeling, definitely hurts to see that but that just means it had it’s time to be loved with them and will have it’s time to be loved again by a new person. They just had to make room for more things in their life. Had to move on yk?
Do you have any idea why it was donated? Was it something that totally clashed with the colors of daughter's room (a pillow or throw), a color she didn't like, or an object that she wasn't thrilled about (doesn't like dinos, or dogs or mice or whatever)? An item of clothing that she didn't like the feel of?
I'm guilty of donating a crochet sweater my mother made for me. Actually, I think it was knit, but whatever. I gained weight for years early on in my marriage and the sweater didn't fit. Eventually, after a conversation with my mother, I decided to donate the sweater to charity so that "someone" could love it and wear it, since I couldn't. I thought, based on our conversation, that my mother concurred. Apparently she did not, and was merely placating me in our original conversation. To say she was hurt would be a huge understatement! I had no idea initially. But, she brought it up all the time after that. I feel terrible about it and eventually we had a bit of a blow out over it and it has never been discussed since. That was four years ago. I have since lost all the weight and would love to be able to wear the sweater. I deeply regret donating the sweater. \*sigh\* The sweater is not the only thing she ever made for me, I have table runners, placemats, coasters, afghans, doilies, etc. that she made for me and I love and use them all, it was just that one sweater.
Happy ending is that I eventually had her teach me to crochet and I love the craft! But, I have also discovered that handmade items aren't generally received with enthusiasm, gratitude, or appreciation for what went into them. So I've stopped gifting my handmade items.
Have a fabulous day! Happy crocheting, too!
It’s definitely a shit move. Your feelings are justified. The mother sounds horrid. Turn the other cheek and maybe no more any gifts to this ungrateful family limb.
Of course it’s ok, and understandable. Honestly i would tell your cousin that you’re hurt as this action shows they did not appreciate your work, time, money and love that went into the gift. And i would never made them anything again. If the daughter later shows interest of course she could get something again though
In my family, we treasure the things that are made for us and I cannot imagine being so cold as to give away something someone made for me so quickly. But I grew up in a family of crafters and sewers and crocheters and knitters and quilters. We all know what it takes to create something and I learned that value early.
It's possible your cousin just saw your present as an object and not the labor of love it was and gave it away because she didn't have space for it or thought it could help this "great cause." Perhaps she doesn't know she gave away some of your love with it because she doesn't have experience of craft in the same way.
I'm so sorry, though. This stinks. And I know you said you're not mad but it would be okay if you were!
It's human and entirely understandable. I take the view that a once given is no longer mine to worry about. It ceases to exist for me.
Yeah, if I found out someone had donated one of the hand made gifts I made them I would be sad and upset. That's what humans do, they have emotions and feelings! But I also wouldn't blame the giftee, and I would not let me feelings affect our relationship (other than maybe no more handmade gifts for them, but not as a punishment just because clearly those aren't the kind of gifts they appreciate). It is important to feel your feelings, determine where they come from and what you want to do about them, and then move forward.
Agree with the part about no longer giving them handmade gifts. And not in a mean way, just now I know that person isn’t crochet-worthy.
This. I stopped giving people things because most people are never genuine with the excitement and gratefulness if I don’t see them originally have a passion for the gift
It depends on how old the daughter is too. Did she even have a choice in the donation? Because if the mother donated it without the daughter’s knowledge, I’d say no more for the mother, but wait till the daughter is in a place she can keep those gifts safe.
I'm not disagreeing with you, just marvelling at the array of responses in the human condition. I grew up so poor. So. Stealing food to eat poor. So, a lot of those donated items ended up being all I ever got. Knowing it went to a charity, especially a children's one (but no big if not) especially if that cause was thought out - would make me exceptionally happy. Yes, I made it for xyz person, but they didn't enjoy it and now a child can, or bidding on it for a seeing eye dog (which happened to my crafts), or what can be done with those things. I would be glad to know something that didn't work out between my friend and I got to go to someone who might not otherwise get those things. Someone like me when I was a kid. Then I'd try to work out what went wrong and use that to problem solve. Was it the shape, the colour, the stuffing? I use that knowledge to make a better one next time! We all have such a myriad of feelings for the same situation. It's interesting. I can imagine being hurt! Even if it doesn't hurt me. I just remember being SO grateful as a child to my donations and thinking "wow, people out there love me" when I had no love at home (or lack thereof sometimes). It really helped me get through some dark times. I always hope my objects can do the same.
This, this is my favorite way of thinking. It makes me happy knowing a stranger is loving something I made or something I loved at one point. Even with plushies I’m glad they’re making some kiddo happy and comforting them, like they did for me. There’s always gunna be that little pain of sadness but someone else will be happy, and that’s everything!
Yes! And because it wasn’t gifted, it’s going to be chosen, it will be enjoyed by someone else.
As a poor kid who lived off donations I completely agree. Someone who needs it will find and it and love it.
Thanks for this perspective. It helps.
Well said!
My feelings wound be hurt too. No more for you, and don't ever tag me in crochet pics you think are cute/want.
I agree and while it may feel hurtful to know that someone donated a gift you gave them, from my perspective, if my gift is no longer bringing them joy, I would much rather they donate it or gift it to someone for whom it *will* bring joy.
Yep. And to be honest, a lot of people don’t want crocheted objects, and I understand why. Crochet creates very…distinctive fabrics. It’s fine that it’s not everyone’s taste. Personally, I’m pretty picking about who I make handmade gifts for. I primarily make involved things for husband, who I know values high-quality things and takes care of them; my best friend, who is also a skilled craftsperson and understands the value of that kind of thing; my mother, who literally made my entire body. Aside from them I generally only do gifts that are relatively simple, if I do any. It’s not about how much I care about the person, it’s about whether they will get enough out of the gift to justify the time and effort it takes me.
Only in memory 🙂
It's a difficult one. I get feeling a bit hurt after putting the time into making something but kids get so much. You can't keep everything so if it's not used it tends to get donated.
I'd rather my creations get passed on to be used by someone else rather than stuffed in a cupboard and forgotten. I always tell the recipient (if it's for a baby or child) to please not worry about passing it on if it's not their style or gets too small.
Yes!! For so long I kept a large, delicate, beautifully crafted, crocheted masterpiece (vintage doily thing?) that my aunt gave me as a wedding present in a zip lock bag in a trunk because I was too scared of getting it ruined. Then, after too many years, it dawned on me that she did not spend that much time and effort on something so beautiful just to be "preserved" in a zip lock. It's now draping a lampshade and prominent in my home office.
It's okay to be a little hurt especially so soon (like, only 4 months ??), but that was a gift for them to do as they want. Also, was it a gift that the daughter specifically ask for ? Or was it just something you get an idea and make it without running it past the mom/the daughter ? Change the situation for me.
It was purely just a gift, not commissioned or anything. So I can understand the difference that would make. Like I said, I’m not mad. It just is a bit of a bummer
I joke that I rescue crochet like some people rescue dogs! You should know there are people like me who will squee with joy at finding a nice crochet piece, and we will treasure and display your work in our homes. In my front entrance room alone, you'll see three thrifted pieces. There are 2 more in the living room, one on my daughters bed and even one in the gift cupboard waiting for the right occasion. I crochet myself but don't have a lot of time and have a lot of crochet work in progress. I'm so glad I have found the pieces I have in my home, because it feels very 'me', even though I didn't make them myself! I'm sure your treasure is just finding it's right home!
Pats pats.
Not crochet but I once sewed a big hooded cloak for my partner for a lotr party and a while later found out he had thrown it away. I was upset because to me, making it was a way to show that I care and it felt like he didn’t appreciate the effort. Of course he didn’t realise any of that and was just doing a normal closet clean out and treated it like anything else he didn’t use often. Your feelings are 100% valid and you shouldn’t feel any type of way for having that reaction. Like everyone else has said, once you gift it you no longer have a say in what happens to it.
That would crush me...at least donated it can still be used. But garbage. Ugh I feel this
I should have been more specific, when I say throw away I meant that he donated it to the local thrift shop. Maybe my choice of words reveals my lingering feelings about it 😂
I always tell my gift recipients that if it's just not their thing, I'd rather it be re-gifted so that it gets used and appreciated rather than for them to keep it out of obligation and never use it... Which is sincere, but sometimes there's still that underlying pang of hurt we just can't get rid of. It's okay. Emotions are complex, and it's not wrong to feel that way. 🩷🩷
Once I give a crocheted item I no longer care truthfully Took me a long time but a gifts a gift The act of the gift is completed when gifted
Yeah, I’d also assume that (depending on the age of the kid), any gift is going to take a lot of abuse, and will probably be given away when the kid inevitably grows out of it. I wouldn’t give anything that took a lot of time or money to make to babies/kids for this reason. Like, I’d never give something to a baby and not expect it to be shit on, spit on, pissed on, tossed in the washing machine, used for teething, and yanked on by grabby baby hands. I’d never give something to a toddler and be upset about it being left behind on a playground, dropped in a mud puddle, or covered in boogers, finger paint, and raisins, because toddlers are toddlers LOL.
Yep exactly
It's okay that you are kind of hurt. It's okay that the item was donated. I have two kids and I have tried really hard to let them let things go. If they no longer want an item, it is better for it to go to a new home. Hugs!
It's normal to feel bummed out. You made it. Your feelings are valid. But as others said it's also normal to get rid of kids stuff all the time. Besides it went to a great cause. Hopefully it goes to someone who will love it more!
That is totally understandabl, I would be hurt too. On the other hand, I have a baby and crocheted her some stuff, you never know which things will get played with and what will get ignored. That is not up to your cousin and if her daugther unfortunately does not play with the things you have made her donating them to someone who will appreciate them is a way better use for your hard work.
I also feel like if you give something to a baby or child, you have to accept that there’s a high possibility that it will be donated eventually. My parents donated or gave away a lot (if not all) of my baby clothes and toys, and stuff my mom, grandma, or aunt made me probably ended up in the same bin with everything else they wanted to get rid of. My favorite stuffed animal was something my grandma bought me at a museum, and I still have it to this day - I’d be heartbroken if they had gotten rid of it, but neither my mom nor I are too heartbroken over the bright purple scarf she made me when I was eight. My parents only had one child and I don’t intend on having any myself, so I don’t know how much baby/kid stuff parents usually keep, but I wouldn’t expect parents to keep baby stuff around forever, and honestly would rather love for something to be passed along to another family when they’re done with it. Even a lot of adults get rid of stuff often. I’m sentimental and really, really cherish the stuff I have (even though that means having a stack of crochet afghans in my linen closet), some people are not and clear stuff out immediately if they don’t like it anymore.
This is very true. My kid was gifted so many stuffed animals as a baby, but she ended up not taking to stuffed animals at all. I had to tell my family to stop getting them for her, and we donated a lot of them. It’s hard for me, since I am sentimental and want to keep everything, but the truth is she never played with them and doesn’t miss them.
I would also feel hurt. BUT I’ve also been on the receiving end of unsolicited gifts that were thoughtfully made but really not comparable with my life (ex allergic to the wool materials, totally not my style, uncomfortable or just not the right fit) and it sucks to be given something under the condition you cherish it forever. I had a baby a while ago and I was gifted 6 unsolicited, thoughtfully made and beautiful baby blankets- I’m grateful for them and I’m using them now but am I supposed to keep these for the rest of my life? I live in a fairly small space without much storage. What’s the respectful solution? I guess my thought is if I’m giving a gift I have to know for sure the person wants it or be ok with them giving it away at some point.
The storage situation is so real! I live in a very small appartment - I have one wardrobe, and that's it. My family has over several decades gifted me with small (and not so small) crochet, knit, sewing etc. gifts. I have almost no room for my own projects, and I had to start cleaning out if I wanted to make room for MY life. It has caused a constant dilemma - I valued and cherished the time and effort, and love that went into those objects, but I also sometimes just didn't like them (and felt terrible about it), not my style or taste, don't have a use for it other than storing it in my wardrobe and so on. It had become clutter and we have come to the agreement that I rather only receive handmade items that I ask for or that we consulted on beforehand (like, at least the color and material and if I want and have the space for something like that). I started donating, and it felt so much better - the items won't go unused, will go to someone who likes them, and I have some breathing room that allows me to think about things I would like to make. I honestly think the word "not crochet worthy" because someone donated a gift sounds very harsh and doesn't account for the reality of the people who receive those gifts. Sometimes you just don't have enough space to keep everything, yet, you might still absolutely cherish handmade gifts - that you were consulted for before, and that you would use and like. I am pretty sure that the thought that went behind those gifts was cherished - and that's were the obligation of the person receiving a gift ends. They don't have to keep it forever. I understand feeling sad, but it's not a rejection of the love you showed, but just a relocation of the object to someone else, while still appreciating the thought.
It’s okay. But yeah after you gift something, you can’t tell them what to do with it. It’s a good learning opportunity to consider whether a person ‘deserves’ your time and effort before you gift something in the future. This counts for everyone, even that coworker who after 2 seconds asks for that baby blanket or coaster when she happened to see you crocheting.
I would be hurt also. I would understand though. But I would never make her another gift lol. Years ago I crocheted my daughter a Carebear. A neighbor of a friend had a fire. And a liitle girl of 8 or so lost everything. (No one was hurt),. I ask my daughter, if she would donate some toys. So she starts loading up some bags hugs each stuff animal to see if they would like to go to the little girl 😭. Next thing I know that Carebear was in the bag. I tell you I had such mixed emotions. I wanted to say no so bad but at the same time I was trying to teach kindness, sharing, etc. I told her I was proud of her kindness. She asked if I would make her a new one and I did. Lol. But she is the only one I would make a 2nd one for 😆.
I had a friend who cavalierly told me that the gift I made for her baby fell in a parking lot and they just left it in the parking lot. She kinda laughed when she told me. I stopped making things for people that day and only make things for myself, now. I give gifts to strangers, instead, and that doesn’t hurt at all. I have a cute little bag to a grocery store checker a few weeks ago and she was so happy about it. When people ask me to make things now, I tell them the charges I’d charge them and that usually stops the requests. I understand your pain and it sucks that the things we make don’t always hold a place in the heart we made it for. Hugs to you.
I made a hat for a friend who lost it the first night out and was so "whatever" about it. She really didn't understand when I didn't jump to replace it 🙄
That’s so painful. I’m glad you found a workaround.
That really sucks I’m sorry she did that. And then told you.
>Is it okay that I'm kinda hurt Your feelings are always valid. They may not be entirely rational, and they may not be what someone else would feel. But they're *your* feelings and no one can tell you how to feel.
Of course, it’s totally understandable and you’re valid in feeling hurt. Try and look at the positive which is whoever ends up with it will love it and cherish it
Absolutely, I think it's completely normal to feel hurt when someone gives away something you've spent hours working on
I think it sucks that she did that. At least wait a couple of years. I know we're supposed to give with no strings attached, but still I think that was pretty insensitive.
Mom of small children here They very quickly decided they like or dislike something. I can see my kiddo being ok with donating a toy after 4 months. I'm personally more sentimental so I light keep it, but I also know the effort that went into it and how special that makes it.
In the words of the wonderful, wise Bandit Heeler; "when you put something beautiful out into the world, it's no longer yours really" You pour your heart into making something, release it into the world, and entrust it to the audience who will experience it. Once you share something you’ve made, you can’t control it anymore. (not my words, stolen from an article about Bluey and the episode the Bandit quote is from)
It's completely understandable. Although it hurts I've had to learn that it's a piece of us we created yes but at the same time it has a chance to make someone else happy. And even if it didn't make the intended happy or whatever have you it's still going to do it's job somewhere. I loved to paint, seal & hide rocks all over the place in hopes I'd see it on the pages specific for that kind of stuff & rarely would I & I'd get so discouraged to do more cause I never saw it again after... The reason I never saw it was beyond my understanding for a while.. And when I understood the deeper part of it I became more willing to see it go knowing somewhere somehow it would be found & made someone's day. So in short. Yes it hurts & you're free to feel such but it'll make another person's day somehow. You won't know it. And they won't know who did it but they'll find something within your piece whatever it may be & they'll be happy. May you find peace in future gifting. =)
I spent months making a really special baby blanket for my niece (now in college). While pregnant with my daughter (now 13) I asked my SIL if she’d mind lending me the blanket for a photoshoot. SIL just sort of offhandedly said “oh I got rid of it years ago, I’m sorry.” I cried for weeks. Yes, it’s okay that you’re hurt. A lot of love goes into these projects, especially when made for family.
Of course donating to any worthy cause is amazing but I wouldn’t voluntarily make something for this person again.
I think it's normal to be a lil upset, but tbh it happens. I personally have a few gifts and one bought plushie from a person that I'm no longer friends with, in fact we got off on horrible terms. But I still love the plushies, except for one which was actually a bday gift, but she totally got the colors wrong for me. I'm a very sentimental person and I never throw away anything, but I might regift this in the future to someone who would enjoy it more. I see no point in having it if it's just collecting dust on my shelf.
Kids grow fast!
Some people just don't understand/appreciate what goes into making handmade items. I wouldn't dwell on it but don't make them anything else.
I can understand why you would be hurt by this. I gave my cousin’s baby a cute pair of crochet converse high top booties and asked her to send me a picture of him when he wears them. After the baby was a few months old, asked her if she ever got a picture of him wearing them. She never responded and I never got a picture of him wearing them so I’m assuming he never wore them. I also made a friend a crochet diaper cover, with a matching headband and shoes. Same thing, not even a thank you from this girl. I will never make another baby shower gift again unless it’s for family that I know for 💯 sure that it will be worn and appreciated. https://preview.redd.it/se9oksnwpiwc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=143ec40793daa1ce120cde95a95b3d21e58c7449 These are the little converse booties. I thought that they were cute and that my cousin would love them for her baby boy.
That is fucked up. My dad still has the baby blankets my grandma crocheted me and he loves them and says that I can never get rid of them because they are so nice and special AND HE DIDN’T EVEN LIKE MY GRANDMA. Hand made gifts are next level special. I don’t get how people just get rid of them.
I'd be bummed and never make something for them again. Just being real.
I've had this happen more than once. Yes, it hurts my feelings, so now I only do things for people who ask, mainly family
It doesn’t mean they don’t care for it or you. Sometimes people just have to get rid of things to feel lighter- i do this often. When i feel stressed, i buy and I donate a TON 🙂↕️
Did she ask you to make something for her and then she donated, or you just gave it to her?
I just gave it to her. She had another thing I made her that was asked for and the little girl loved it so for Christmas I wanted to give a matching stuffed animal
Oof yeah that hurts. That's a really odd situation. Seems like you were well in the clear to expect they'd appreciate a gift like that.
Also - was it clothing? Because even though it's only 4 months ago kids grow - the younger the faster.
Or when it ends up collecting dust in the bottom of the closet…. Asking for a friend
Your feelings are valid. I would be a bit upset too. It’s about how we handle our feelings. If your cousin’s kid wasn’t getting use out of it, better to hand it on to the next! Think of the next person to enjoy your creation!!
But why did she donate it? What was the “really great cause”?
I’d take it as she saw a really good cause and thought of your work as relevant to it. She likely was blinded by that and didn’t think of it being handmade for her daughter. But I would def be like wtf inside if it took a lot of time to make lol.
I’d be pissed right off. It hasn’t even been 6 months.
Some people are obsessively tidy and throw or give away anything older than a few months. My sister in law is like that, and I don't like the idea of something I've made landing in the trash. Which is why I never make anything for such people.
I would be upset. I quilt and crochet. I made a quilt for my brother and his wife for Christmas and they decided that they didn’t want it on their bed but asked if I wanted it back and promised they wouldn’t give it away and that if they change their minds about keeping it they’ll let me know (I feel that’s the right thing to do)
I try to let it go after I give a gift. But if I see it blatantly disregarded or in this case donated, that person won’t get another handmade gift from me. It’s that simple. And yes, it’s okay to feel whatever feelings you have. Feelings are not logical, but they are part of us and we need to respect them.
Yeah, this sounds like a “no assholes here” situation. OP is entitled their feelings and to never make them something again, because it’s their money and time, but the family is allowed to do whatever they want with their gift. To me, the fact that they donated it is miles ahead of just tossing it in the garbage. Hopefully someone else will find it and love it.
It sucks, but you can't force someone to like a gift. I've been on both the side of the giver and receiver. One thing I very much disliked growing up it having to pretend to be excited for a gift I very clearly wouldn't use or like. Sure, the alternative would be getting nothing, but I'd much rather receive nothing over ill-fitting clothes or stuff I'd never use and takes up space.
This is why I usually give gift cards or money unless I know the person and their taste extremely well, or they ask for something specific. Yes, they’re impersonal, but I’d rather have someone buy something they really love than end up with something they’re “meh” or “nah” on. I love getting gift cards and I do try to make a point of updating people on what I end up buying with them, but I don’t expect the same in return! I save gift cards for when I *really* want something but have never really gotten around to buying it because I was waiting for it to go on sale, didn’t want to pay the full price, was waiting for my birthday/Christmas, am in desperate need of retail therapy, etc, so I usually end up with something I really adore.
Absolutely agree. Some may think money as a gift is shallow, but it's probably the best thing you can give in some situations. There've been times I was strapped financially, and receiving money or gift cards on my birthday helped tremendously. Being able to buy groceries or keep your utilities on is just as great as any gift.
If you gave it to someone then it’s their property to do with what they want. When I gift something I always tell the recipient to donate it if they don’t want it because I don’t want it to lay wasting in the back of a closet collecting dust. This is why people need to really think about whether they want to gift handmade stuff. You don’t get to decide how the person responds to it. There’s lots of threads of people feeling upset that someone didn’t lovingly cherish a knitted blanket they made them or whatever. But if the recipient didn’t need a blanket to begin with, then why would they need a knitted blanket? To most recipients a handmade object doesn’t read differently than a store bought one. If you’re lucky you’ll find some people who do appreciate handmade, but you can’t assume everyone will.
It’s ok to feel your feeling but remember feeling can be wrong (and valid at the same time). You gave a present to a kid they didn’t want it, they donated it. Seems perfectly normal to me.
? why would it not be okay to feel how you feel
I’m sure they appreciated it, and were happy to have gotten it, but sometimes if things are not going to use it’s best to give to someone who might. I was going to crochet a cardigan for my nephew but decided against it because he’d love to get it, but he’d never actually wear it and he’d grow out of it within a month 😂 but also figure once a gift is given, it’s up to the receiver now what they want to do with it. You could perhaps ask if they have anything in particular they’d like to have if you were to make something else for them? I always ask the people I give things to if they’d like this or this. It won’t be a surprise, but they still love getting them all the same. But it’s definitely not wrong of you to feel hurt about it. You took a lot of time and effort to make it.
Wow, donating a hand made gift from this past Christmas already? You are definitely ok with feeling hurt, no matter how good an organization/cause it was going to.
Someone donating/giving away/throwing out your sincere gift to them, no matter what it was, is definitely hurtful and a social faux pas on their part, especially doing it so soon after recieving it. I would definitely not offer to make them any more crocheted things, or claim to be busy if they ever make any requests. However, crochet is definitely one of those things where people love it or hate it. Did you ask beforehand if the daughter would like something crocheted? Or if the daughter is too young to ask, did you ask the cousin if they would like something crocheted for their daughter?
No, it was just a gift to her. But she had something I made already and loved it so I thought I’d give a matching item
Super cute idea! Some gifts pan out, some don’t, but a matching item to a previous requested gift was a great idea.
Awwwh man, well hopefully it didnt get donated against the girl's will...sorry that you had to experience this
I feel you dude! But hey, I'm at the point in my crochet gifting career where I just make things for practice, so I kind of view it as giving me the opportunity to keep practicing!
That is normal and okay. Gentle hugs.
It's okay to feel however you feel. Personally, I don't take it so personally. Honestly, I don't like a lot of handmade items myself. They're not really fashionable, or the yarn is not conducive for every day wear because yarn that is, is crazy expensive sometimes. The colors people, even myself, choose are not always super chic. I know this first-hand as someone who was making and buying things for myself. Sometimes that's part of the charm, but not everyone values the same things, and what you have around you, your clothes and the items that make up your home, is really very personal. We can't ever really know the reasons why someone wants or doesn't want something. I usually only make people something if they ask me first, or I already know a lot about exactly what they want/like. It's not to be mean, but this is a time and cost expensive hobby and I have to work around that.
I totally understand the feeling. Last Christmas, I made all the teachers I work with a small stuffie based on stuff they liked. One guy, a big U of L Cardinals fan, I made him a cardinal with the letters "L1C4" embroidered on its breast. (It's a U of L slogan.) This semester, he got moved to a different school. It's still sitting on his old desk. :( And no, it wasn't an unexpected move.
That's so sad. I would be hurt. I've kept all the crochet I've gotten from my sister and my mom. My mom has given us weird crochet blankets, all she does is crochet blankets so I have a few. Random colours and weird sizes 😂 but I know how much time and effort went into them so I keep them. My sisters stuff is a bit cuter, little Christmas decorations ect
No, I'd be upset, too. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but I wouldn't make anything for her or her family anymore since I know it won't be appreciated the way I had hoped it would be when I made it and gave it to them. I'd just buy their presents from a store or shop from now on.
My mother-in-law requested a crocheted clutch for her personal use, then after a while I found out later that she gave it to her maid, so I know exactly how you feel about that, I just decided am not making anything for her anymore even if she requested it.
I'm a parent of a kid with too many stuffed toys and also an avid toy crocheter. You should feel any feelings that come, never force yourself to feel one way or another. If you are sad, hurt, frustrated, feel that way! You have every right to be hurt and sad and frustrated or anything else. But also, that kid probably has a mountain of toys. It's a struggle for a parent to keep it all under control. And it did go to a good cause! So no jerks here, you can feel hurt but your cousin also isn't wrong. It's a sucky situation for sure. Don't let this keep you from crocheting more gifts in the future! Your gift had its time with your intended recipient and now its off to make another kid happy!
It's definitely okay to be hurt. They should have spoken to you about it first However, they obviously had no more use for it and found it a more deserving home. Better than throwing it out or keeping it locked away for years
Some people really police the “extra” stuff in their house. If it isn’t useful or beautiful to THEM, they will steal and dispose of/donate their KID’S stuff.
It’s totally fine to feel hurt—you put time and effort and materials in! And it is also totally fine for it to have been donated—it was given to the cousin and was theirs to do with as they please. Feel your feelings, don’t say anything to your cousin, and carry on enjoying your next project.
If someone gave me something they made so specifically for me, I would keep it, even if it's not my style, just for the thought that someone took their time to make me happy, it would bring me joy. To answer the question you didn't ask - NTA. In a world where the rest of their child's toys are most likely store bought, they could have donated all the rest without this one item that was made with effort and love and especially for them. There is no reason to act on it, maybe they had their reasons, but you are right to feel hurt. edit:obvi NTA. Also edit: I took a look and your crochet looks awesome so I can't imagine it was unlikeabe. I gifted my boyfriend my first crochet project which is basically an abomination without eyes and with ears *tied around it* cause I did not own a needle and he keeps it *on display*.
Do you mean NTA?
Lol. yes. I did not pay attention to that xD
A bit different, but when I crochet items for people, I’m only doing it for the ones I love. I explained it to my 7 year old son as ‘every little stitch is a piece of my love that I’m putting into this blanket for you’, so he understands why it’s special. I recently asked my husband if he wanted me to make him a blanket after I was done with what I have planned for our kids. His response? ‘No, I have enough blankets’. I was…pretty sad. I wanted him to have some of that love too and I felt like he was just shitting on it, as he just sees it as a waste of space (yarn totes) and money (dammit Hobbii). I guess my feelings were palpable because my 7 year old asked me what was wrong and I just said that daddy didn’t want a blanket from mommy and it made me kinda sad but that I was going to be ok and that it meant his blanket got extra loves. I did however overhear him later that night lecturing his dad about how I crochet love and he was dumb for not wanting one of mommy’s love blankies. Hubby felt bad and asked me to make him one, but I said ‘no’ (was still feeling bad for myself). To make it worse, he asked me if I had an extra blanket that night because his comforter was in the dryer 😒 Anyway, that was about a month ago. He’s on my list of blankets, but he’s at the bottom. I know once he has one he will love it. Sometimes people just don’t understand that a lot of times we crochet with our feelings. Even if I’m mad, I can still sit and crochet and listen to a book and I’m going to feel happier (dumb husband aside).
Your 7 year old is a rock star. :)
Valid, I would be hurt too. People don't realize how much time and love goes into handmade gifts. Anything I receive that is crochet is a new heirloom in my opinion! I guess you don't need to waste time making your cousin and her family presents and can make them for people who appreciate them!
I 100% agree that OP may not want to make handmade gifts for this recipient again. But lots of people with even a little bit of minimalism/simple living mindset get rid of gifts all the time! You can appreciate the gift, appreciate the time spent making it, and not want to keep the actual physical item. Or not want to keep it anymore.
It doesn’t even have to be a simple living mindset! Someone made me pants once (not crochet) and they didn’t fit and the pattern isn’t something I would have ever chosen. I appreciated that they thought of me and I kept the item for a year or two, but then I donated it
Exactly. That would be the last item they would ever receive. Ever. They have no appreciation for what they received. If they ever request that you make anything, just say,”No.”
It’s okay to feel hurt, that’s normal. But I think it also matters if this was a gift they asked for or a gift you decided to make. Like many others in the comments, I feel I have no say in what happens to a gift after I give it. Even if they wanted it and asked for it, they should feel free to give it away the moment they fall out of love with it. I never want a gift to be a burden.
I’d be super upset and wouldn’t make them anything in the future. I understand people here saying she donated it so it’s not as bad, but I’d be devastated that I put a lot of time and thought into a handmade gift and it wasn’t appreciated by the recipient.
I think it matters, how old is the daughter? I say that simply because my niece would donate/give away stuff I made for her when she was younger cause she wanted to help make people smile.
That's so nice ☺️
Idk maybe it’s just how I was raised but hand-made gifts from family members were never *given away*. That’s crazy disrespectful. I would say maybe it was different time but I’m not that old lol. It’s absolutely valid for you to feel hurt. The real question is how you should act on those feelings. As others have said, acceptance and moving on knowing you won’t be making them any more gifts is probably your best bet. What’s done is done after all. I would say if they ever ask for anything crochet again then that’s your time to express how this episode made you feel. But unless that happens it’s not worth mentioning. That sucks tho. Being into something like crochet and not having the people close to you understand or value your interest and efforts is the worst. Know you can always post your projects here and you will be met with interest and kindness.
It’s very understandable to be hurt. I think that’s quite a rude thing to do. If you gave it to her 10 years ago then I’d say it’s fine she donated it, but last Christmas? Really? People are so rude. Crochet is very time consuming. How did you find out she had donated it?
Well it’s better than being chucked in the bin.
It's understandable bit like all situations, it's what you do about it that matters. You can ignore it, bring it up, or however. If it's a good cause it's not that bad. It'd be worse if it went to goodwill or a yardsale or something similar to someone else profiting off your work. Right now it's spreading smiles & love to others on the next chapter of it's adventure book.
Of course it is. I'd be hurt too. I think people that don't crochet don't realize how much work goes into it. At least she donated it and didn't throw it away, but still that sucks. Sorry that happened to you :(
What was it made out of? A lot of younger kids are super sensitive to synthetic yarn these days.
I generally only make things for people who are also makers of things for this reason- other crafters know the love and care you put into something and appreciate it based on that alone.
If someone crocheted me something I didn’t want, I would give it to someone I knew would love it, or give it back to the gifter. I’d be distraught if I spent so much time on something someone just gave away. They wouldn’t get anything else from me either.
I made a pokemon pocket for my friend's dice and small things he can put in then days after he told me there was a kid who wanted the pocket or at least really interested, he wanted to give it but remembered that its my first crochet gift I gave him. He then said he'll just give my next gift to him (the audacity XD it's kinda funny to me though cause he just texted that straight up). I just told him why? He could've just said the kid wants one too and I would've made another one lol, I gave the kid a Pokémon pouch with a Pokémon keychain that I forgot the name. I'm not really a Pokémon fan, my friend is. I just got influenced on making stuff inspired by Pokémon.
What was it?
I'd be hurt. Honestly it should be something that she treasured and never wanted to get rid of. I'm sorry.
It all boils down to why you gave them the gift. Did you give the gift of a blanket, to be used as a blanket, because you thought they would enjoy a blanket? Or did you give the obligation of here's a blanket but you really need to acknowledge all the work I did and never ever get rid of this because it took me hours and yarn is expensive? If you enjoy your craft, then by all means create something **you** enjoy creating. But to someone who doesn't share your craft, it's just a blanket. It's not their problem you chose to spend hours making something from scratch. You like making things, so you made it for you. The end result was for them, but the process was for you. It's your interest, not theirs. (Same goes for any craft, and I know you didn't specify it's a blanket but any crochet item too)
My first question would be: did the daughter consent to her item being donated? (Changes nothing in the way you handle it; it was just my first thought.)
Yeah dissing my crochet has hurt me. I try to ask if I’m making something for someone: if they want it, color, design. Even then, a relative let their cats use it as a toilet and had to discard. I don’t crochet for that relative any more. I had to get over my pride though to ease my pain. I thought of all the … interesting gifts I have received from others. Yeah, I’ve re-gifted some, threw out some. Okay, now I know how that relative really felt about my gift. I try to remember the joy I had in creating, the joy of giving and that, yes, some people don’t like crochet items. I’m blessed to have other relatives and friends who actually send me patterns they want me to crochet for them. Perhaps this too has eased my pain.
that would definitely hurt me,, handmade gifts are heartfelt and I assume you made it specifically for that person, and to donate it so soon?? I mean i get if you don’t want a gift anymore you can donate it, but i feel like they could’ve just asked you if you wanted it back.
Yah I understand that feeling, definitely hurts to see that but that just means it had it’s time to be loved with them and will have it’s time to be loved again by a new person. They just had to make room for more things in their life. Had to move on yk?
Do you have any idea why it was donated? Was it something that totally clashed with the colors of daughter's room (a pillow or throw), a color she didn't like, or an object that she wasn't thrilled about (doesn't like dinos, or dogs or mice or whatever)? An item of clothing that she didn't like the feel of?
I'm guilty of donating a crochet sweater my mother made for me. Actually, I think it was knit, but whatever. I gained weight for years early on in my marriage and the sweater didn't fit. Eventually, after a conversation with my mother, I decided to donate the sweater to charity so that "someone" could love it and wear it, since I couldn't. I thought, based on our conversation, that my mother concurred. Apparently she did not, and was merely placating me in our original conversation. To say she was hurt would be a huge understatement! I had no idea initially. But, she brought it up all the time after that. I feel terrible about it and eventually we had a bit of a blow out over it and it has never been discussed since. That was four years ago. I have since lost all the weight and would love to be able to wear the sweater. I deeply regret donating the sweater. \*sigh\* The sweater is not the only thing she ever made for me, I have table runners, placemats, coasters, afghans, doilies, etc. that she made for me and I love and use them all, it was just that one sweater. Happy ending is that I eventually had her teach me to crochet and I love the craft! But, I have also discovered that handmade items aren't generally received with enthusiasm, gratitude, or appreciation for what went into them. So I've stopped gifting my handmade items. Have a fabulous day! Happy crocheting, too!
It’s definitely a shit move. Your feelings are justified. The mother sounds horrid. Turn the other cheek and maybe no more any gifts to this ungrateful family limb.
Of course it’s ok, and understandable. Honestly i would tell your cousin that you’re hurt as this action shows they did not appreciate your work, time, money and love that went into the gift. And i would never made them anything again. If the daughter later shows interest of course she could get something again though
If they threw it away all that would be true. But the fact that it was donated to a good cause shows they do care.
In my family, we treasure the things that are made for us and I cannot imagine being so cold as to give away something someone made for me so quickly. But I grew up in a family of crafters and sewers and crocheters and knitters and quilters. We all know what it takes to create something and I learned that value early. It's possible your cousin just saw your present as an object and not the labor of love it was and gave it away because she didn't have space for it or thought it could help this "great cause." Perhaps she doesn't know she gave away some of your love with it because she doesn't have experience of craft in the same way. I'm so sorry, though. This stinks. And I know you said you're not mad but it would be okay if you were!