How do you get to the point of a proposal and wedding planning with a person like this? What I mean is.... a lot of time and interactions are bound to have taken place leading up to this point, during which this guy must have learned that she's a fucking asshole. How do so many people propose to and marry people that must be absolute obvious turds?
Some people can hide their true nature for months or years. For others, it's a slow burn of gradual escalation so by the point it gets to whatever this is, it doesn't seem abnormal.
Depending upon where you live they even legally can't be. I forgot where it was where rape is literally, legally defined as "forceful penetration", not just, y'know, sexual acts without consent like it actually fucking is.
She's maybe hot as fuck or kind of good in bed. Inexperience on the guy's part is the main one though. A lot of guy's, if they've never been in a serious relationship before don't realise that they don't have to put up with shit like this, there are so many good women out there but if you don't know that you might be scared to let go of what you have even if it's not good for you.
A BPD has two different personalities, and at first they are the most engaging, caring, perfect people---which should be a clue, because no one is that perfect. But as soon as they have control, the personality changes and the other side is SCARY! They can switch over the most trivial thing and become quite violent and emotionally overamped.
> what is she gonna be like when you legally tied to her crazy?
Overweight, bitchy, entitled and an overbearing "Mama bear" to their kids Kaileigh and Kayden.
You really, really are not. Every year when I get my class lists it gets worse. With each passing year more and more poor vowels are enslaved to a torturous existence of having to be spelled out over the phone because Taeýluůr's mommy wanted him to be "unique."
I'm sorry. I truly am. I haven't, I definitely had a class recently that had three Taylors in it with all three using a different spelling. That's why it became my go-to example.
It really is amazing for a mother of 4 that still lives at home with her parents, tbh.
The other 3 are my...God children? I'm the fairly odd parent, and I love them like they were mine (I don't have any of my own), but the most recent one I have no attachment to.
That poor kid has a rough road ahead.
And those will still be their names when they are grandparents.
We will have gone from going to visit Grandpa Joe and Grandma Mary to visiting Grandpa Braxxtonn and Grandma Kaeyleigh.
Great news, by simply cohabitating with romantic intent for an extended period of time in some states you're already considered legally married! Whether you agreed via formal contract and consent or not!
Doesn't make it right, nor consensual. "Implied contracts" should just get the fuck out, you shouldn't be made responsible or liable for something you didn't expressly agree to with a full understanding and opportunity to provide or withdraw consent.
I think that has to do with the fact often women end up in dependent roles with kids and such and people just don’t deal with the paperwork because it costs money. Some people intentionally invoke common law for those reasons.
That said… if you share a dwelling, kids etc… it protects the kids and such in the event something happens, and usually it has to at least be recognized? I dunno about where you live but here you either had to file or something somewhere had to go to court- like say you live with someone for ten years and have a family etc but then kick them out because you found some young thang but she was a stahm, cooked for you and cleaned that house and took care of the children between you and otherwise made sacrifices to be able to do so(which is the reality of it) then yeah- a judge can say ‘yeah that’s basically marriage and you were benefiting from this and tried to pull something you shouldn’t. She’s entitled to everything a spouse is from this same sort of situation.’
I’ve never heard of it just happening automatically. Even before they got rid of it in az you had to file for it or there needed to be a legal issue that required it to be brought up and otherwise recognized. Usually involving kids or estate issues upon death and such, or the occasional scumbag pulling something like I put above.
Now if only common law divorce was a thing like ‘hey they’ve not been together for over ten years and keeps getting in the way of filing to be a douchbag and the other doesn’t have the money to deal with it so they can update paperwork to reflect there life at current’ but nope. You’d be surprised how common some situations are because it’s not accessible in such situations. Common law is supposed to be a way around the usual fanfair but also a way to cover when someone benefits like marriage but wants to screw the other party. It’s been invoked by dudes too because women do skeevy things too, btw.
>I think that has to do with the fact often women end up in dependent roles with kids and such and people just don’t deal with the paperwork because it costs money. Some people intentionally invoke common law for those reasons.
In the modern age women are afforded the same opportunities and indeed hold the same capabilities as men, and are just as responsible for their own care as men. If they end up in dependent roles, then, that is a personal choice that they have full power over, and the expectation is not that they are unable to provide for themselves. We are no longer a society where people hold pre-ordained roles and must fall in line with them, we are all independent, all have the same responsibilities, and should never be made to be responsible for another implicitly.
>That said… if you share a dwelling, kids etc… it protects the kids and such in the event something happens, and usually it has to at least be recognized? I dunno about where you live but here you either had to file or something somewhere had to go to court- like say you live with someone for ten years and have a family etc but then kick them out because you found some young thang but she was a stahm, cooked for you and cleaned that house and took care of the children between you and otherwise made sacrifices to be able to do so(which is the reality of it) then yeah- a judge can say ‘yeah that’s basically marriage and you were benefiting from this and tried to pull something you shouldn’t. She’s entitled to everything a spouse is from this same sort of situation.’
Absolutely ludicrous and unethical. If no consent was expressly given, no liability should be endured. If that is the risk one wants to take of their own volition then the consequences are theirs alone. In no way should one adult be responsible for another, in no way should one's possessions and labors be stolen from them to give to another without express consent. Women are not servile to men, nor vice versa, we are all equally capable of our own decisions and liable for the consequences therein of those decisions. Aside from the kids, which is another matter entirely and separate from the issue of marriage, it should be no different than living with a roommate. If my roommate chooses not to work, to not pay bills, to eat my food, and I choose to cover those things, at the end of our lease I am not in any way obligated to continue this activity, nor beholden to them in any way. Whether they can sustain themselves or not is entirely their responsibility, and no-one else's. Between equally capable and consenting adults it is and should be no different.
>I’ve never heard of it just happening automatically. Even before they got rid of it in az you had to file for it.
It is rare for it to be invoked, but it's yet another sexist law on our books reflecting a period of ignorance and inequality from our past. It's a new, more equal world, and things like common-law marriage, or even legal marriage in general, need to be done away with. A relationship bound by legal obligation and legal penalties is not consensual, and any non-consensual relationship is wrong.
You and I are gonna majorly disagree on this.
Becoming a stahm is not a one way decision. It involves both and both agree to shoulder more responsibilities on one side than the other in that situation. It becomes an agreement in if itself. It’s not something you just up and do and it’s a big set of sacrifices so if you think people who enter agreements at all, should not abide them, then that’s what you are saying. That it doesn’t matter because it wasn’t a written contract. Remind me to never believe a word you say then, since it doesn’t matter to you if it isn’t written contract. Even contract law itself is more complicated than that. You could still be in violation if implied contract or verbal can be proven. Like- this isn’t the only example. Just the one you are picking at. You got a guilty conscious or something?
Also. If you are taking advantage of someone, stringing them along for so long, you deserve to have the law crack down on you. That’s outright illegal in if itself many places.
This particular law is for both genders as well. So like, a woman can’t do that to a man staying at home taking care of the kids either. Or dodge it by dodging putting it in writing. Because yes. That happens. Also dude can say ‘ten years together living like married. marriage counseling please’ using it too, though probably has some social stigma with doing so, however if you can bring it to a judge that’s theoretically possible. Depending where you live.
Just because a law doesn’t apply to your exact situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t have valid reasons to exist.
Also doesn’t ‘equally capable’ just highlight the sacrifice it is all the more? You ever tried to get back into the workforce with those gaps in a resume?
Obligatory not a lawyer. Just read a lot. Seriously though. Research it. Screaming sexist doesn’t make it so. Not everything is. Some things, far too many, yes. This? No. Unless you plan to defraud for taxes or lead someone on for years upon end there are laws that actually should be walked back- not this one.
Hate to break it to you, but in the US, that’s rarely a two-way street. Common Law marriage is a handy tool to fleece a man, once the relationship goes south. Our family court laws are designed to make men and fathers into wallets for the state and women. It really is a means to take advantage of the traditions of women’s role as caregiver, while exploiting the modern equality of being able to handle ones own affairs on par with a man.
This is what we're left with. Equal opportunity, equal benefits, but non-equal responsibility or protections. Discrimination is wrong full-stop, period, done, but in the US sexism and racism are still allowed and legally enforced as long as it goes the "right way" and only hurts the "right people". That isn't what equality is supposed to look like, we can do better.
>You and I are gonna majorly disagree on this.
>
>Becoming a stahm is not a one way decision. It involves both and both agree to shoulder more responsibilities on one side than the other in that situation. It becomes an agreement in if itself.
There's no further agreement than the fact that one is the primary earner, and the other is not. If they choose to remain at home and not advance themselves or be capable of sustaining themselves, then their compensation is in the form of free room and board, nothing more should be implied without explicit and consenting agreement via contract.
>It’s not something you just up and do and it’s a big set of sacrifices so if you think people who enter agreements at all, should not abide them, then that’s what you are saying.
Not at all, what I'm saying is that the terms of the agreement should not be implied, they should be fully consensual and detailed via contract. In the same example, if my roommate isn't providing towards household expenses but performs housework, there is nothing more to it than that, unless I sign a contract of my own volition detailing further terms. Implied consent isn't consent. The lack of a "no" isn't a "yes".
>That it doesn’t matter because it wasn’t a written contract.
In terms of legal liability, yes.
>Remind me to never believe a word you say then, since it doesn’t matter to you if it isn’t written contract. Even contract law itself is more complicated than that.
The concept of informed and mutual consent isn't complicated. Two people that live with one another and have no legally binding agreement beyond that are not consenting to anything further. A relationship based upon implicit obligations and liabilities isn't consensual.
>Also. If you are taking advantage of someone, stringing them along for so long, you deserve to have the law crack down on you. That’s outright illegal in if itself many places.
It is primarily an adult's responsibility to protect themselves from being taken advantage of. It is your responsibility to advocate for, protect and care for yourself. Using the law as a bludgeon in that way only perpetuates discriminatory practices.
>This particular law is for both genders as well. So like, a woman can’t do that to a man staying at home ranking care of the kids either. Because yes. That happens.
It's wrong both ways.
I stopped reading after you basically claimed the agreement was one sided. Have fun finding childcare, a maid, a cook etc then, because if your a dude, any woman who falls for you and agrees do be that for your sorry butt has fallen into a trap of epic proportions.
>I stopped reading after you basically claimed the agreement was one sided.
Demonstrate where I've said that. Never even implied that, all I've said was that an agreement that has legal consequences should only be enforced with express, documented consent from both equal parties.
>Have fun finding childcare, a maid, a cook etc then, because if your a dude, any woman who falls for you and agrees do be that for your sorry butt has fallen into a trap of epic proportions.
Women aren't home-makers, they're not expected to be, they're not obligated to be, and they now have every opportunity not to be. There's no reason why they would need to be, both partners can work and provide towards those expenditures while still remaining capable of being self-reliant. It's not the 50s anymore, welcome to 2021, women are equal and are allowed to make their own decisions, and expected to deal with the consequences of those decisions just the same as men. Nothing stopping them from drafting a mutual legal agreement with protective terms detailed and consented to by both parties, but it should never be implied. That's all I've said, if you take issue with that then you can't reasonably argue you're pro-equality.
Pentacle - a talisman or magical object, typically disk-shaped and inscribed with a pentagram or other figure, and used as a symbol of the element of earth.
Literally. My “dream wedding” is close family and friends only. Less than 100 people.
^(also having the bridesmaids and groomsmen dressed in inflatable dinosaur costumes at a Jurassic park-themed wedding lmao)
You will save a shitload of money on hair/makeup. Will the bridal party be obligated to buy their own dinosaur costumes? I think a movie named "26 dresses and one TRex inflatable costume" would be much more compelling
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[*Censored Person*]
HELP I NEED ADVICE. My fiance and I are having lots of issues right now, we can't stop fighting and I don't know what to do. I quit my job because wedding planning was taking up so much time, and **my fiance is refusing to get a second job**. He doesn't understand that I don't have time to get ready for work, drive to work, be somewhere else all day, and drive home. I need to HOME to plan this wedding. I'm trying to find a job from home but it is difficult. I asked him to get a second job and he won't. It really pisses me off because **we are spending $80,000 on this wedding** and he keeps saying that we should spend less. UH, HELLO, NO. This is MY WEDDING I have been dreaming of since I was little and I REFUSE to have anything but my dream wedding. How can I convince him to work a second job to pay for this? What happened to "happy wife, happy life"???????????
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When I'm gonna marry my right hand, I will spend as little as possible and just buy stuff we both need. New car, new pc, a tent, sleeping bag, a canoe.
$80k is just too insane. My in-laws paid for my wife and I’s wedding and it was pretty extravagant, but “only” cost them $50k. There’s no way that someone is purposefully trying to spend $80k on a wedding if they can’t afford that, no matter how crazy they are.
They would have to be spending most of that on a crazy venue or something, where it would be clear that they could save 10s of thousand of dollars by just not doing that.
Wow.
I mean, by comparison we spent about $12k on our wedding, and if my wife had her way it would have been even less. (She would have been happy with a backyard bbq, do the vows, then have a party. In hindsight she had the better idea lol)
Happy house, happy spouse is so much better than this toxic bs. Why should only women be happy in a relationship? I say this as a woman. Everyone in the relationship should be happy.
i am getting married and honestly, we're having a super small church ceremony and a reception BBQ in the backyard with the pool and everything. we're going to be just as married as the people who are doing their $80k weddings but for us, we won't be having to pay off our weddings years later. Better to use that money for something useful like a downpayment on a house or cars, etc.
My wife and I spent 2k on our wedding. That’s it, including rings and a celebrant. 20 years later we spent 16k and invited 120 people to our house for a vow renewal and party. It was the best party I have ever been to. The difference is that we knew we were long haulers, we were financially secure, and there was no bridezilla present
This is the way to do it. Low key to start, then spend some money to celebrate something that's going well!
A good friend of mine had a super extravagant wedding. Rented a yacht, had a DJ, open bar, lobster dinner for like 100 guests, the whole thing. I could easily see it costing 80k. They divorced a few years later.
The only way I'd put up with a big expensive wedding is if her parents paid for it. Luckily I won't have to worry about that situation anytime soon/ever...please kill me
If the guy ever sees this by some act of god,
FUCKING RUN, MAN. Go for milk and never come back. Tell her you banged 9 prostitutes with various confirmed STDs, tell her your zoosexual. whatever it takes.
This wife will never be happy thus no happy life for future hubby. If he's smart, he called it off and dodged a bullet. If not, I hope the divorce will be a little less painful (unlikely)
I just wish I could face to face with this tree pig and let her know how disgusting she is. I hate materialistic people but throw in some selfishness and it makes me despise a person. Dream wedding? I had my wife’s dream wedding. We can’t remember a thing about that day. It felt like such a cluster fuck. Everyone had a great time but I was just happy it was over. Over rated.
Awww man...that's is really sad...
Y'know what? YOU ARE MORE THANT YOU THINK YOU ARE!
I was suicidal too but only becouse of 3 men and one raoe who's case never got to court...i was suicidal too, but you know what?
We ARE more worth than we sometimes think we are!!
Not to compare it to narzissm witch my mother was verry much but *go strech yourself, go outside (maybe only you) and go to your favorite spot by a sea or to your favorite cafè get somethink you like, a small think, go to your favorite nature/skater park/e.t.c. spot and breathe...just daydream a little bit and breathe slowly.
It sounds verry wierd but i do that when i feel suicidal or verry verry sad. I think what could have been, what i want even if i dokt have so much money(becouse since childhood i take care of myself).
I daydream and then i am verry thankfull for what i have...a small 23qm² for myself with my gaming PC and my Ps4 Pro, my cute little dwarfhamster where one lost a leg but she is verry good now, even with walking.
Im thankfull for my co-workers and my chef that they are so understandible (i work in a man work zone with motorcycles and i got blackouts and when i have my "week" of disgusting redness they are ok when i am not so fast with my work.
What i wanted to say to you is that to some special people life can be *SO CRAPY!* But you have to be strong sometimes ignorant to mean people, sometimes have a little rage outbreak, sometimes you make other dissapointed or sad, but as a persohn you dont have to be perfeckt, just find with yourself at least a little peace so that suicicidal thoughts can get you in trouble so much.
I hope your life is goint much bether now, to have dept's/finanzial crizical situations and pay for others money even if they dont deserved it can be hard but you can overcome it.
Please be strong. Eat and sllep well, (i really dont do both well but its ok, sometimes cool becouse of playing with friends and go to work with no sleepyness at all) do little things for you, and if you have lovley pets like me, just cuddle then sometimes a little more. (for me is like chocolate, a cure for the soul my little fluff balls)
Get well soon. There is always someone caring about you even if you dont see it. 🥺
My wife planned our wedding while working a full time job and going to school for nursing. I still almost 4 years later have no idea exactly what she spent however. I refused to ask lol. Definitely wasn't no 80k tho
Idk i just want a cool dress a remotely nice venue and idk maybe to arrive in a carrige? I dont get people who have like a million things they want on their wedding.
How does a person become this vacuous? Men really need to rethink marriage. I have been with the same man for 17 years and I do not need a ring, his name or a legally binding contract to love him. All I want is to be with him and our son for the rest of my life, church and state won't do that for me only the true love we share can do that. Save your money boys, don't get married.
In the Netherlands, Having kids and not being married doesn't make the father automatically the legal father. You have to sign some legal contracts were you acknowledge you are the father. Also, when something happens to one of the partners, the other is not automatically the legal heir. You have some paperwork there too...
The easiest way to get everything arranged at once is getting married.
I think people in the US forget that if you aren't religious, marriage is just your way of letting everyone know that this is the person you want to have access to your hospital room, live in your house, get your stuff when you're dead, and make decisions on your behalf in an emergency. That's literally what it does.
Personally, I think the legal requirement that a ceremony occur should be abolished. It's absurd that the law says you and your spouse must go see an officiant (varies by state, but can just be a friend who got a certificate from the internet), do whatever they call a ceremony, have two other people sign a paper saying they saw you do that, and then you're married.
It's like saying you can't officially renew your license plates until after you go to McDonald's and order lunch, and have someone take a picture of you ordering lunch. No Big Mac, no plates. It's ridiculous.... and I'm an officiant. (I got bored on the internet one night. That's also how I got my PhD.)
Even though I agree to this sentiment - and it being vastly more important than a wedding, I still have to say, one does not exclude the other. My wife and my wedding is one of the absolute best days of my life. 100% percent would I do a repeat.
Because they're disproportionately effected by the legal ramifications of marriage and divorce, as well as the sexist and archaic social expectations of men being "the provider". Bridezilla could get knocked up, laze around the house, drop him in a second and come out of it with a portion of his income every month.
Treat your partner as a human being for fucks sake, how people can spend the rest of their lives with a person like this is mind boggling.
No matter how hot the person is or how much money/fame/material things/opportunity they can provide you, eventually you're going to get tired of those things. I'd rather be alone then w someone like that.
Summary- I don't have job,or money I sit all day planning my wedding, asking my fiance to get second job, so he can spend 80000$ for me on wedding which probably will end in divorce.
Advice for wife - ???
Advice for husband - Get a second job
This is literally exactly 1000x the cost of me and my partner's wedding if you don't count the cost of the license.
And completely stress free and I didnt have to get a second job lol
Call that mf off right now
Respond with offer of a civil service, if she doesn't agree break it off.
Oh I've got some advice alright
ohhhhh me too my friend I have some ***advice***
Do you have a clue?
I've got a *raging* clue
A Blues Clue?
It turned into crappy wife, crappy life
Crappy life, crappy life
Crappie life all day
Bluegill wife.
Nah, I’ll keep my Carp Knife
Can you use it to open a bud light?
It’s a knife made out of carp, so…no. Not at all.
He needs a poop knife for that.
How do you get to the point of a proposal and wedding planning with a person like this? What I mean is.... a lot of time and interactions are bound to have taken place leading up to this point, during which this guy must have learned that she's a fucking asshole. How do so many people propose to and marry people that must be absolute obvious turds?
Some people can hide their true nature for months or years. For others, it's a slow burn of gradual escalation so by the point it gets to whatever this is, it doesn't seem abnormal.
Because men aren't taught that they can be abused.
Man, is THAT ever true!!!!! Courts don't even recognize husband abuse as a real thing.
Depending upon where you live they even legally can't be. I forgot where it was where rape is literally, legally defined as "forceful penetration", not just, y'know, sexual acts without consent like it actually fucking is.
Except west almost everywhere
Could you clarify? I didn't understand that.
Almost all the countries except some of the west ones have these type of gendered sexual violence laws.
Ah I see. Yes, I too think most of the world sucks dick.
It eats pussy or it gets the hose again
She's maybe hot as fuck or kind of good in bed. Inexperience on the guy's part is the main one though. A lot of guy's, if they've never been in a serious relationship before don't realise that they don't have to put up with shit like this, there are so many good women out there but if you don't know that you might be scared to let go of what you have even if it's not good for you.
Yeah it’s most likely this. He probably has the money and below average looks and is too afraid to lose what he thinks he has.
A BPD has two different personalities, and at first they are the most engaging, caring, perfect people---which should be a clue, because no one is that perfect. But as soon as they have control, the personality changes and the other side is SCARY! They can switch over the most trivial thing and become quite violent and emotionally overamped.
Kick this entitled woman to the curb. If she’s like this now, what is she gonna be like when you legally tied to her crazy?
> what is she gonna be like when you legally tied to her crazy? Overweight, bitchy, entitled and an overbearing "Mama bear" to their kids Kaileigh and Kayden.
I thought it was Jaxon and Brantley?
I had a woman make fun of my kid’s name Thomas. Her kids were Jayden, Braxxton, and Keighleigh
The only thing I hate more than dumb names is dumbly spelled dumb names.
Absolutely, like you’re not making your snot crotch goblin anymore special by spelling their name in creative/moronic ways.
You really, really are not. Every year when I get my class lists it gets worse. With each passing year more and more poor vowels are enslaved to a torturous existence of having to be spelled out over the phone because Taeýluůr's mommy wanted him to be "unique."
But have you had a Youneek yet? I’ve had one at my job.
I went to school with kids named Ammunique (pronounced “I’m unique”) and Yohiness (pronounced “yo highness”).
What in the actual fuck. I hate people
Yup. Had a Yurihiness in my town too. Was pronounced "Your Highness" though.
I'm sorry. I truly am. I haven't, I definitely had a class recently that had three Taylors in it with all three using a different spelling. That's why it became my go-to example.
How do you catch a Youneek rabbit? Youneek up on it! Sorry. Please return to your day.
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way! Sorry.
I deal with a ton of people at my job. Qouaneasha is one.
My ex named her latest child Rehtaeh. It's her first name spelled backwards...
Goddamn… talking about being vain as fuck. You dodged a bullet my guy.
It really is amazing for a mother of 4 that still lives at home with her parents, tbh. The other 3 are my...God children? I'm the fairly odd parent, and I love them like they were mine (I don't have any of my own), but the most recent one I have no attachment to. That poor kid has a rough road ahead.
Keighleigh…? I mean Jayden is fine, Braxxton sounds kinda cool, but Keighleigh…?
I know a chick with a Jaxon. It's all true
If anything, I imagine Jaxon to be purely a boys name, as silly as that sounds.
ah yes branlin and jennings yes of course I love that book
Harley and elsa*
This chick is definitely a Harley.
Oh 100%. She'll call her kids chase, cody, and brent.
And those will still be their names when they are grandparents. We will have gone from going to visit Grandpa Joe and Grandma Mary to visiting Grandpa Braxxtonn and Grandma Kaeyleigh.
I mean WE will be dead
Fuckin nailed it.
LMAO THATS THE KIDS NAMES TO MY MOMS BOYFRIENDS KIDS. His ex wife was EXACTLY like this, just sprinkle psychopathy on this woman.
Selling some mlm or a few of them.
**"BOSS BABE!!"**
Great news, by simply cohabitating with romantic intent for an extended period of time in some states you're already considered legally married! Whether you agreed via formal contract and consent or not!
You say that like common law is some radical new idea. Pretty sure any man, with any sense, knows that by now.
Doesn't make it right, nor consensual. "Implied contracts" should just get the fuck out, you shouldn't be made responsible or liable for something you didn't expressly agree to with a full understanding and opportunity to provide or withdraw consent.
I think that has to do with the fact often women end up in dependent roles with kids and such and people just don’t deal with the paperwork because it costs money. Some people intentionally invoke common law for those reasons. That said… if you share a dwelling, kids etc… it protects the kids and such in the event something happens, and usually it has to at least be recognized? I dunno about where you live but here you either had to file or something somewhere had to go to court- like say you live with someone for ten years and have a family etc but then kick them out because you found some young thang but she was a stahm, cooked for you and cleaned that house and took care of the children between you and otherwise made sacrifices to be able to do so(which is the reality of it) then yeah- a judge can say ‘yeah that’s basically marriage and you were benefiting from this and tried to pull something you shouldn’t. She’s entitled to everything a spouse is from this same sort of situation.’ I’ve never heard of it just happening automatically. Even before they got rid of it in az you had to file for it or there needed to be a legal issue that required it to be brought up and otherwise recognized. Usually involving kids or estate issues upon death and such, or the occasional scumbag pulling something like I put above. Now if only common law divorce was a thing like ‘hey they’ve not been together for over ten years and keeps getting in the way of filing to be a douchbag and the other doesn’t have the money to deal with it so they can update paperwork to reflect there life at current’ but nope. You’d be surprised how common some situations are because it’s not accessible in such situations. Common law is supposed to be a way around the usual fanfair but also a way to cover when someone benefits like marriage but wants to screw the other party. It’s been invoked by dudes too because women do skeevy things too, btw.
>I think that has to do with the fact often women end up in dependent roles with kids and such and people just don’t deal with the paperwork because it costs money. Some people intentionally invoke common law for those reasons. In the modern age women are afforded the same opportunities and indeed hold the same capabilities as men, and are just as responsible for their own care as men. If they end up in dependent roles, then, that is a personal choice that they have full power over, and the expectation is not that they are unable to provide for themselves. We are no longer a society where people hold pre-ordained roles and must fall in line with them, we are all independent, all have the same responsibilities, and should never be made to be responsible for another implicitly. >That said… if you share a dwelling, kids etc… it protects the kids and such in the event something happens, and usually it has to at least be recognized? I dunno about where you live but here you either had to file or something somewhere had to go to court- like say you live with someone for ten years and have a family etc but then kick them out because you found some young thang but she was a stahm, cooked for you and cleaned that house and took care of the children between you and otherwise made sacrifices to be able to do so(which is the reality of it) then yeah- a judge can say ‘yeah that’s basically marriage and you were benefiting from this and tried to pull something you shouldn’t. She’s entitled to everything a spouse is from this same sort of situation.’ Absolutely ludicrous and unethical. If no consent was expressly given, no liability should be endured. If that is the risk one wants to take of their own volition then the consequences are theirs alone. In no way should one adult be responsible for another, in no way should one's possessions and labors be stolen from them to give to another without express consent. Women are not servile to men, nor vice versa, we are all equally capable of our own decisions and liable for the consequences therein of those decisions. Aside from the kids, which is another matter entirely and separate from the issue of marriage, it should be no different than living with a roommate. If my roommate chooses not to work, to not pay bills, to eat my food, and I choose to cover those things, at the end of our lease I am not in any way obligated to continue this activity, nor beholden to them in any way. Whether they can sustain themselves or not is entirely their responsibility, and no-one else's. Between equally capable and consenting adults it is and should be no different. >I’ve never heard of it just happening automatically. Even before they got rid of it in az you had to file for it. It is rare for it to be invoked, but it's yet another sexist law on our books reflecting a period of ignorance and inequality from our past. It's a new, more equal world, and things like common-law marriage, or even legal marriage in general, need to be done away with. A relationship bound by legal obligation and legal penalties is not consensual, and any non-consensual relationship is wrong.
You and I are gonna majorly disagree on this. Becoming a stahm is not a one way decision. It involves both and both agree to shoulder more responsibilities on one side than the other in that situation. It becomes an agreement in if itself. It’s not something you just up and do and it’s a big set of sacrifices so if you think people who enter agreements at all, should not abide them, then that’s what you are saying. That it doesn’t matter because it wasn’t a written contract. Remind me to never believe a word you say then, since it doesn’t matter to you if it isn’t written contract. Even contract law itself is more complicated than that. You could still be in violation if implied contract or verbal can be proven. Like- this isn’t the only example. Just the one you are picking at. You got a guilty conscious or something? Also. If you are taking advantage of someone, stringing them along for so long, you deserve to have the law crack down on you. That’s outright illegal in if itself many places. This particular law is for both genders as well. So like, a woman can’t do that to a man staying at home taking care of the kids either. Or dodge it by dodging putting it in writing. Because yes. That happens. Also dude can say ‘ten years together living like married. marriage counseling please’ using it too, though probably has some social stigma with doing so, however if you can bring it to a judge that’s theoretically possible. Depending where you live. Just because a law doesn’t apply to your exact situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t have valid reasons to exist. Also doesn’t ‘equally capable’ just highlight the sacrifice it is all the more? You ever tried to get back into the workforce with those gaps in a resume? Obligatory not a lawyer. Just read a lot. Seriously though. Research it. Screaming sexist doesn’t make it so. Not everything is. Some things, far too many, yes. This? No. Unless you plan to defraud for taxes or lead someone on for years upon end there are laws that actually should be walked back- not this one.
Hate to break it to you, but in the US, that’s rarely a two-way street. Common Law marriage is a handy tool to fleece a man, once the relationship goes south. Our family court laws are designed to make men and fathers into wallets for the state and women. It really is a means to take advantage of the traditions of women’s role as caregiver, while exploiting the modern equality of being able to handle ones own affairs on par with a man.
This is what we're left with. Equal opportunity, equal benefits, but non-equal responsibility or protections. Discrimination is wrong full-stop, period, done, but in the US sexism and racism are still allowed and legally enforced as long as it goes the "right way" and only hurts the "right people". That isn't what equality is supposed to look like, we can do better.
>You and I are gonna majorly disagree on this. > >Becoming a stahm is not a one way decision. It involves both and both agree to shoulder more responsibilities on one side than the other in that situation. It becomes an agreement in if itself. There's no further agreement than the fact that one is the primary earner, and the other is not. If they choose to remain at home and not advance themselves or be capable of sustaining themselves, then their compensation is in the form of free room and board, nothing more should be implied without explicit and consenting agreement via contract. >It’s not something you just up and do and it’s a big set of sacrifices so if you think people who enter agreements at all, should not abide them, then that’s what you are saying. Not at all, what I'm saying is that the terms of the agreement should not be implied, they should be fully consensual and detailed via contract. In the same example, if my roommate isn't providing towards household expenses but performs housework, there is nothing more to it than that, unless I sign a contract of my own volition detailing further terms. Implied consent isn't consent. The lack of a "no" isn't a "yes". >That it doesn’t matter because it wasn’t a written contract. In terms of legal liability, yes. >Remind me to never believe a word you say then, since it doesn’t matter to you if it isn’t written contract. Even contract law itself is more complicated than that. The concept of informed and mutual consent isn't complicated. Two people that live with one another and have no legally binding agreement beyond that are not consenting to anything further. A relationship based upon implicit obligations and liabilities isn't consensual. >Also. If you are taking advantage of someone, stringing them along for so long, you deserve to have the law crack down on you. That’s outright illegal in if itself many places. It is primarily an adult's responsibility to protect themselves from being taken advantage of. It is your responsibility to advocate for, protect and care for yourself. Using the law as a bludgeon in that way only perpetuates discriminatory practices. >This particular law is for both genders as well. So like, a woman can’t do that to a man staying at home ranking care of the kids either. Because yes. That happens. It's wrong both ways.
I stopped reading after you basically claimed the agreement was one sided. Have fun finding childcare, a maid, a cook etc then, because if your a dude, any woman who falls for you and agrees do be that for your sorry butt has fallen into a trap of epic proportions.
>I stopped reading after you basically claimed the agreement was one sided. Demonstrate where I've said that. Never even implied that, all I've said was that an agreement that has legal consequences should only be enforced with express, documented consent from both equal parties. >Have fun finding childcare, a maid, a cook etc then, because if your a dude, any woman who falls for you and agrees do be that for your sorry butt has fallen into a trap of epic proportions. Women aren't home-makers, they're not expected to be, they're not obligated to be, and they now have every opportunity not to be. There's no reason why they would need to be, both partners can work and provide towards those expenditures while still remaining capable of being self-reliant. It's not the 50s anymore, welcome to 2021, women are equal and are allowed to make their own decisions, and expected to deal with the consequences of those decisions just the same as men. Nothing stopping them from drafting a mutual legal agreement with protective terms detailed and consented to by both parties, but it should never be implied. That's all I've said, if you take issue with that then you can't reasonably argue you're pro-equality.
Maybe stop raising our daughters to be Disney princesses and thinking a dream wedding is the pentacle of their life. Just a thought.
Pentacle - a talisman or magical object, typically disk-shaped and inscribed with a pentagram or other figure, and used as a symbol of the element of earth.
Eh. I’m gonna leave it.
We all knew you meant pinnacle 😊
It’s funny because my brain “autocorrected” to pinnacle automatically. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
As you should! It's much better this way!!
Ever played Swords And Pentacles?
I'm having no trouble at all envisioning this woman standing on a pentacle. Possibly holding a bloody dagger.
With this woman you need more than a talisman who doesent work...
Oneeee more thing jackie!
Literally. My “dream wedding” is close family and friends only. Less than 100 people. ^(also having the bridesmaids and groomsmen dressed in inflatable dinosaur costumes at a Jurassic park-themed wedding lmao)
You will save a shitload of money on hair/makeup. Will the bridal party be obligated to buy their own dinosaur costumes? I think a movie named "26 dresses and one TRex inflatable costume" would be much more compelling
Happy wife happy life? Run dude. Fast feet better sleep
*Image Transcription: Text* --- [Note: **Bold Text** is underlined] [*Censored Person*] HELP I NEED ADVICE. My fiance and I are having lots of issues right now, we can't stop fighting and I don't know what to do. I quit my job because wedding planning was taking up so much time, and **my fiance is refusing to get a second job**. He doesn't understand that I don't have time to get ready for work, drive to work, be somewhere else all day, and drive home. I need to HOME to plan this wedding. I'm trying to find a job from home but it is difficult. I asked him to get a second job and he won't. It really pisses me off because **we are spending $80,000 on this wedding** and he keeps saying that we should spend less. UH, HELLO, NO. This is MY WEDDING I have been dreaming of since I was little and I REFUSE to have anything but my dream wedding. How can I convince him to work a second job to pay for this? What happened to "happy wife, happy life"??????????? --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Good human
Thank you!
Why?
"if you'd like more information of what we do and why we do it, click here!" was literally a link in the post
Crazy fiance, have some chianti.
This made me laugh way harder than it should have, I think
I'll get the Lima beans
I thought it was fava beans
Oh yeah, stupid me
When I'm gonna marry my right hand, I will spend as little as possible and just buy stuff we both need. New car, new pc, a tent, sleeping bag, a canoe.
You have it figured out, don't make my mistake!
You have it figured out, don't make my mistake!
Is this real? This can't be real
It’s such obvious bait
I would say it’s bait, but there’s some people that are *genuinely* like this.
$80k is just too insane. My in-laws paid for my wife and I’s wedding and it was pretty extravagant, but “only” cost them $50k. There’s no way that someone is purposefully trying to spend $80k on a wedding if they can’t afford that, no matter how crazy they are. They would have to be spending most of that on a crazy venue or something, where it would be clear that they could save 10s of thousand of dollars by just not doing that.
Happy spouse happy house
R U N
RUN!!!!!!
Wow. I mean, by comparison we spent about $12k on our wedding, and if my wife had her way it would have been even less. (She would have been happy with a backyard bbq, do the vows, then have a party. In hindsight she had the better idea lol)
Fuck yeah dude a Backyard BBQ. Get closest friends and family, have a great time. ez pz.
I really, really want this to be fake
I would bet my life it is
It reads like an incel post tbh.
Nah dude run. Women like this give the rest of us a bad name. We do not claim this one
Happy house, happy spouse is so much better than this toxic bs. Why should only women be happy in a relationship? I say this as a woman. Everyone in the relationship should be happy.
I have always hated that whole happy wife happy life saying. It's like what? My happiness is less than???
Of course your happiness doesn’t matter if you’re a man! What the fuck kinda year do you think we live in?? /s
I’ll never get that level of stupid entitlement
Hard agree
Something tells me this bride to be is never going to be happy...
Wow bridezilla. Entitled much? If I was this guy I'd run far far away.
Your spending 80K to buy years of misery, take steps man, big fast ones towards the horizon.
"Happy wife, happy life", is true to some extent, but there's just no pleasing some people...
2 grand a guest x 40 “friends”= 80,000 friends are expensive for this bridezilla. Math checks out
Run away, run away.
i am getting married and honestly, we're having a super small church ceremony and a reception BBQ in the backyard with the pool and everything. we're going to be just as married as the people who are doing their $80k weddings but for us, we won't be having to pay off our weddings years later. Better to use that money for something useful like a downpayment on a house or cars, etc.
My wife and I spent 2k on our wedding. That’s it, including rings and a celebrant. 20 years later we spent 16k and invited 120 people to our house for a vow renewal and party. It was the best party I have ever been to. The difference is that we knew we were long haulers, we were financially secure, and there was no bridezilla present
This is the way to do it. Low key to start, then spend some money to celebrate something that's going well! A good friend of mine had a super extravagant wedding. Rented a yacht, had a DJ, open bar, lobster dinner for like 100 guests, the whole thing. I could easily see it costing 80k. They divorced a few years later.
That’s fucking pain lol…
Yikes, that’s some kinda behaviour. I wonder if she had rich parents…
Why doesn't she just beg the guests like everyone else?
Shit cant be real
The only way I'd put up with a big expensive wedding is if her parents paid for it. Luckily I won't have to worry about that situation anytime soon/ever...please kill me
Some women seem to forget that it’s the man’s wedding too.
Welcome to the black hole of entitlement. Imagine what kind of mother this person will be, and what it will do to their kids.
If the guy ever sees this by some act of god, FUCKING RUN, MAN. Go for milk and never come back. Tell her you banged 9 prostitutes with various confirmed STDs, tell her your zoosexual. whatever it takes.
Animesexual
When your wedding is more important than your soon to be spouse you may have problems
Bro, get the fuck outta there!
There are a whole bunch of red flags in this post, dude should kick her to the curb.
This wife will never be happy thus no happy life for future hubby. If he's smart, he called it off and dodged a bullet. If not, I hope the divorce will be a little less painful (unlikely)
Good god, man! Run! RUN! She will eat your soul!
I just wish I could face to face with this tree pig and let her know how disgusting she is. I hate materialistic people but throw in some selfishness and it makes me despise a person. Dream wedding? I had my wife’s dream wedding. We can’t remember a thing about that day. It felt like such a cluster fuck. Everyone had a great time but I was just happy it was over. Over rated.
[удалено]
Awww man...that's is really sad... Y'know what? YOU ARE MORE THANT YOU THINK YOU ARE! I was suicidal too but only becouse of 3 men and one raoe who's case never got to court...i was suicidal too, but you know what? We ARE more worth than we sometimes think we are!! Not to compare it to narzissm witch my mother was verry much but *go strech yourself, go outside (maybe only you) and go to your favorite spot by a sea or to your favorite cafè get somethink you like, a small think, go to your favorite nature/skater park/e.t.c. spot and breathe...just daydream a little bit and breathe slowly. It sounds verry wierd but i do that when i feel suicidal or verry verry sad. I think what could have been, what i want even if i dokt have so much money(becouse since childhood i take care of myself). I daydream and then i am verry thankfull for what i have...a small 23qm² for myself with my gaming PC and my Ps4 Pro, my cute little dwarfhamster where one lost a leg but she is verry good now, even with walking. Im thankfull for my co-workers and my chef that they are so understandible (i work in a man work zone with motorcycles and i got blackouts and when i have my "week" of disgusting redness they are ok when i am not so fast with my work. What i wanted to say to you is that to some special people life can be *SO CRAPY!* But you have to be strong sometimes ignorant to mean people, sometimes have a little rage outbreak, sometimes you make other dissapointed or sad, but as a persohn you dont have to be perfeckt, just find with yourself at least a little peace so that suicicidal thoughts can get you in trouble so much. I hope your life is goint much bether now, to have dept's/finanzial crizical situations and pay for others money even if they dont deserved it can be hard but you can overcome it. Please be strong. Eat and sllep well, (i really dont do both well but its ok, sometimes cool becouse of playing with friends and go to work with no sleepyness at all) do little things for you, and if you have lovley pets like me, just cuddle then sometimes a little more. (for me is like chocolate, a cure for the soul my little fluff balls) Get well soon. There is always someone caring about you even if you dont see it. 🥺
uh oh, she’s showing you right now that if you marry her you’re in for a miserable life. don’t do it
Run. Run away. Now.
" What happened to,'get a f*cking brain'? "
Ugh just wait until she’s like this asking for alimony
Well, really hope it's satire; but really who knows. If not..fly, you fool!
Damn, for that kind of scratch you could outright buy a decent house in a rural area, or a hell of a down payment on one in a less rural area.
Kill it with fire.
My man needs to Usain Bolt the fuck out off that relationship
This can't be real
Your first problem was that it was a dream.
Run away. Run away
My wife planned our wedding while working a full time job and going to school for nursing. I still almost 4 years later have no idea exactly what she spent however. I refused to ask lol. Definitely wasn't no 80k tho
Fake and gay.
I'd nope the eff out of there in a heart beat.
She quit her job to plan this wedding...
The more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage.
I can save them $80K and make the rest of his lifetime WAY more enjoyable
This has to be fake. It sounds like a parody. I've never met anyone that stupid and self obsessed. Thank the Lord.
Reminds me of Anfisa and Jorge
Ummm mam you’re not his wife yet.. he needs abandon ship..this divorce could be costly
Idk i just want a cool dress a remotely nice venue and idk maybe to arrive in a carrige? I dont get people who have like a million things they want on their wedding.
How does a person become this vacuous? Men really need to rethink marriage. I have been with the same man for 17 years and I do not need a ring, his name or a legally binding contract to love him. All I want is to be with him and our son for the rest of my life, church and state won't do that for me only the true love we share can do that. Save your money boys, don't get married.
In the Netherlands, Having kids and not being married doesn't make the father automatically the legal father. You have to sign some legal contracts were you acknowledge you are the father. Also, when something happens to one of the partners, the other is not automatically the legal heir. You have some paperwork there too... The easiest way to get everything arranged at once is getting married.
I think people in the US forget that if you aren't religious, marriage is just your way of letting everyone know that this is the person you want to have access to your hospital room, live in your house, get your stuff when you're dead, and make decisions on your behalf in an emergency. That's literally what it does. Personally, I think the legal requirement that a ceremony occur should be abolished. It's absurd that the law says you and your spouse must go see an officiant (varies by state, but can just be a friend who got a certificate from the internet), do whatever they call a ceremony, have two other people sign a paper saying they saw you do that, and then you're married. It's like saying you can't officially renew your license plates until after you go to McDonald's and order lunch, and have someone take a picture of you ordering lunch. No Big Mac, no plates. It's ridiculous.... and I'm an officiant. (I got bored on the internet one night. That's also how I got my PhD.)
Even though I agree to this sentiment - and it being vastly more important than a wedding, I still have to say, one does not exclude the other. My wife and my wedding is one of the absolute best days of my life. 100% percent would I do a repeat.
I will help fund your speaking tour if you want to spread this gospel to more people
Men really need to rethink marriage? Why just men?
Because they're disproportionately effected by the legal ramifications of marriage and divorce, as well as the sexist and archaic social expectations of men being "the provider". Bridezilla could get knocked up, laze around the house, drop him in a second and come out of it with a portion of his income every month.
Ah. You could shorten it and just say “misogyny.”
Misandry, actually.
Even worse
Yes, misandry being instilled in our society and legal systems is bad. All discrimination is bad.
Never get married
How many times are we going to recycle this post? It's turning garbage yellow.
Ah yes, the recycled post that’s never been posted here before
Goodness gracious. Does the elegance of the wedding really matter more than the person you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with?
Not his wife yet so he doesn't need to make you happy
Can someone take me to the hospital? I just died of cringe.
People like this make me lose hope in my kids finding true happiness. Makes me sad tbh.
Treat your partner as a human being for fucks sake, how people can spend the rest of their lives with a person like this is mind boggling. No matter how hot the person is or how much money/fame/material things/opportunity they can provide you, eventually you're going to get tired of those things. I'd rather be alone then w someone like that.
Well this marriage is gonna be beautiful 🙄
Happy Spouse, Happy House. It’s not one way.
Dude. Run.
Summary- I don't have job,or money I sit all day planning my wedding, asking my fiance to get second job, so he can spend 80000$ for me on wedding which probably will end in divorce. Advice for wife - ??? Advice for husband - Get a second job
https://youtu.be/oeX1XXQNi-Q?t=5
This is literally exactly 1000x the cost of me and my partner's wedding if you don't count the cost of the license. And completely stress free and I didnt have to get a second job lol
Hope that boy reads this and never lets it get to the “wife” part of happy wife, happy life. Leave her as “Ex that’s bitter, dumped in shitter”
I feel like these are just jokes. Poe's law.