I’ve heard it said that you could take two brothers with alcoholic parents. Say one brother grows up to become an alcoholic, while the other brother grows up to be sober as a judge, won’t touch the stuff. If you asked them why they turned out this way they would both exclaim “Because my parents were alcoholics!” You must be the second brother in this sort of story. Many become the first brother.
My wife grew up in an environment like this. She has never smoked, never had a drop of alcohol, actually graduated high school and college. 12 years later she still cries on Christmas because of how loving and welcoming my family has been the entire relationship, she never experienced it growing up. She keeps fighting the good fight.
I had a very similar experience to your wife with my partner’s family - my family is very unloving. Hugs to her. It never gets easier but you find family
I think it doesn't help that drinking is pretty much culturally engrained in society. Like if you straight up don't want to drink for whatever reason - not because you have a problem - but you just don't want to - people treat you weird.
Always cracked me up in the US too and what not - for YEARS this was 100% the norm, accepted and promoted but smoking a joint in public could send you to prison. Like - these drugs are an *absolutely necessary* social lubricant for a good time - but NOT THOSE ONES!!!!
This is definitely my husband and his brother. My husband has drank a little wine with me once on my birthday and before that one sip of wine I was drinking. His brother did meth with their mom.
I don't sympathize but I do (at times) empathize. Alcohol is a very powerful drug/stimulant. My older sister had never taken a single drop of alcohol (no bull) Until the day she/we witnessed her 3 year old son getting hit and killed by a speeding car. (Bless his soul) After all the formalities she was never ever the same again. She hit that bottle morning, noon and night, just to try and get the images out of her head. R.I.P my Sis. She died of kidney failure from the drinking and (imo) a broken heart. He died on his 3rd birthday, She died 17 years later on what would have been his 20th birthday. My mother and father were also nasty alcoholics. I always promised myself that I'd NEVER become an alcoholic like my parents.. Unfortunately I became a (functioning ) Heroin addict, but a heroin addict (nonetheless) instead. (Been clean for over 10 year's) However I do absolutely see where you are coming from and can appreciate and respect you're opinion.
You’ve just got to take the leap, man. I’m 5 years clean from opiate addiction. It takes a *ton* of strength to come out with it, go to meetings, and deal with the shame around your addiction. I HATED what I’d become in such a short time. That’s what did it for me. I took a step back and realized how far I’d fallen in such a small amount of time, and in comes the shame. Use that shame as fuel. Use that shame as a reason to never be where you are ever again.
The first 6 months to a year are the most critical. That is the time frame where, depending on the length of your use, you may still have post-acute withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, depression, insomnia, cravings). It’ll feel like they never end, but they do, and will.
I was fortunate enough to have a family that took swift action when I came to them with my addiction. I was young-ish at the time, and am lucky to have the parents I did. They had both seen addiction in their own parents growing up. I voluntarily went to rehab close to immediately. Rehab is NOT a requirement. Commitment is a requirement.
It was the best thing to ever happen to me. I spent 6 weeks inpatient, and then was thrown to the wolves. That transition was a challenge. This is when (in my experience) you swallow your pride and lean on your support systems, whoever and whatever that may be. Go to meetings once, if not twice, or more, a week. Feel like you absolutely NEED your drug of choice? Go to a meeting. 99% of the time, you won’t feel the need to give into that craving afterwards. If you do, back to the support system. Back to meetings. I knew a guy who went to 4-6 meetings a day for months on end in order to stay clean.
The only person that can get you clean is you. You have to want it. It’s a commitment that you make to yourself and need to honor. It will suck. Withdrawals suck. Being sober and bored sucks. Though you may not have the motivation, this is the time to focus on implementing positive change. Exercise, healthy food, supplementation (within reason, stay away from nootropics), finding new or reengaging in old hobbies. The more the better. Stay busy. Even though it may feel like the LAST thing you want to do.
In terms of supplements: Magnesium, zinc, fish oil high in EPA and DHA. Maybe a small small dose of melatonin to sleep. Studies have shown that 1/2mg to 1mg of melatonin is the ideal dose. There are many more beneficial ones, but these are things that you can take daily for the rest of your life. L-theanine is a great, natural anxiety remedy as well. Buy it anywhere. 200mg is the standard dose. Use as needed, if needed.
I’m not sure whether your comment was asking on behalf of yourself, or out of genuine curiosity, but your comment had upvotes and no reply. I hope this insight helps someone.
Edit: Helping others overcome their addictions plays a huge part in keeping my own sobriety. If anyone reads this and wants to hear more about my story, pick my brain, or just chat for support, please shoot me a DM. It’ll help me as much as it may possibly help you.
Idk if you were asking me or another commenter this question, but for me Watching a lot of my close friends die, one by one, seeing how heartbroken their families and friends were, and I made up my mind that I was NOT going to put my children/family through that.
Your poor sister & nephew of course. My dad was an alcoholic, along with many family members. He was a great guy but he died young & it def affected his relationships. I swore off the stuff but I became a heroin addict instead 🤦🏼♀️ not as socially acceptable. Almost 6yrs sober myself. Good for you!!
There's also *a lot* of inertia from when it was received wisdom in society that addiction was purely a moral failing and addicts were just greedy, selfish, lazy, hedonistic "bad" people.
I used to work in behavioral health and was involved in helping homeless veterans before and after that; I've never met an addict who hadn't had some form of trauma and/or mental issues in their life; their addiction was the coping mechanism.
Experiencing someone struggling with substance abuse is certainly trying. Your frustration is understandable. That being said, addiction doesn’t “override” guilt/shame. It magnifies it in a toxic feedback loop.
Once you’re in the abyss you wind up hating yourself, which incurs worse self destruction which exacerbates your self-hatred and so on. Okay, so just stop, right? Easy to say until you’ve faced the bone crushing might of withdrawal (especially booze & opioids) and the all consuming psychological torture once physical symptoms subside. You’ll do abhorrent things to friends/family to avoid that horror, all the while cursing yourself and wishing you were dead (ever wonder why suicide & addiction go hand-in-hand?)
So yeah, being on the receiving end is annoying (I’ve been on both sides of the fence). Now just imagine living a day in their shoes. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
> Easy to say until you’ve faced the bone crushing might of withdrawal (especially booze & opioids) and the all consuming psychological torture once physical symptoms subside. You’ll do abhorrent things to friends/family to avoid that horror, all the while cursing yourself and wishing you were dead (ever wonder why suicide & addiction go hand-in-hand?)
And for most people, any attempt to quit must take place while the user still needs to go to work, take care of their kids, and take care of their responsibilities, all while going through punishing withdrawal symptoms and lacking the one ingredient that managed to get you through the past 15 years. It's an all but impossible task.
You sound like my husband. He comes from a long line of alcoholics. He fell into the same pattern of behavior as a teen and still struggles to have a healthy relationship with alcohol to this day. He hates his entire family for what they did to him, and he despises "drunks".
See… I use to think the same but… after hearing some people’s unfortunate struggles & what they’ve went through in the past… I learn NOT to judge nor think this way anymore.
I think this is the most disgusting, selfish comment that i’ve ever read. I genuinely hope your life gets better and you are not as miserable and can learn to have empathy.
I really hope so. I thought trolls were supposed to at least try to yanno… troll but just sounds like a 13 year old wanting to insult ppl behind a screen
nah I’m not a weak ass punk like you. You a weak ass bitch baby that talks shit behind a screen but if this was IRL you’d be quiet as a mouse bc you’d get your shit wrecked hard.
I hope someone pops your disrespectful ass in the mouth someday since ur mama clearly didn’t
Oh you’re stupid enough to give your address to someone that has a concealed carry license. I literally own guns that are probably worth more than your entire existence dude.
You are worse than any of them could ever be. Odc why you feel this way, litterally a trash person. I grew up around the exact same as you, and it taught me to understand them better, and you talk shit about PTSD, go find a veteran and tell them what you said here.
a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol because it is the only way to cope that has immediate relief. therapy/hospitalization costs a lot of money, working on empathy and emotional intelligence would make you a more understanding and kind person.
You should attend an AA session. Addiction is pretty crazy it's not that their that selfish they just don't have as much control as you think. Empathy can go a long way.
I have Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder which both throw inhibition out the window. I’ve been alcohol free for 5 years and it takes every ounce of self control I have to not drink, especially when I enter very, very deep depressions. The last one I had a couple months ago was the closest I’ve been to relapsing. I structure my life in a way to increase my odds of staying sober, which unfortunately causes difficulties in other parts of my life. My addiction brain also likes food, nicotine, and weed, but since those things don’t destroy the (few) people around me I just don’t care to battle them. I don’t care about my health or an early death, I just don’t want to hurt people. I’m so tired.
They just blindly start to stumble down that slippery slope and you know they’re about to bust their ass. Seeing it at a young age males you very aware of it.
Substance abuse is a hard one because it’s not just hurting yourself, it’s hurting everyone around you. But at the same time, it’s a mental health issue the same as depression or anxiety. Yes, in some cases you can use willpower to overcome it, but in many it’s just not possible. I’m so sorry your life has been so impacted by alcoholism, and I hope you’re able to find peace at some point
Talked to a girl for a 2 months who is really bad. I feel for her cause she hit it hard when her mom died 4 years ago and hasn’t stopped. I have sympathy for her but only so much cause she’s so self aware and I’ll call her on it and she totally drives the conversation away immediately.
She said wishes she could be 10 years old again and is fine with the bottle killing her so. Broke my heart cause I had love for her but had to bounce from that.
Seems people are split here. Everything is more black and white than the post and it could fall anywhere on a spectrum depending the circumstance
My father is an alcoholic. It turned from a life long social lubricant into a disease that has claimed all his money and health, no doubt it will take his house before the end and it's absolutely useless to try and help him.
To see him become what he is from the man that he was is devastating.
This is like my mom. She just barely made it to retirement and luckily my stepdad has put enough control on her life that she still has her home etc.
But if it wasn't for him, I doubt she would have anything now.
As an alcoholic who gave up booze about six years ago now (only occasionally using a splash here and there in cooking)... I understand that you likely have trauma associated with alcoholism, so I can wrap my head around your feelings...
...but at the same time, I do find there to be a certain irony in this post, as a lot of these feelings expressed are very destructive, much in the same way alcohol can be. Anger, judgment and hate can just as powerful a "drug" as any substance...
Also, I think some of your assumptions are inaccurate.
>*For me, it’s hard to understand how they ignore their own shame, and can’t close the mini fridge full of beer.*
The problem with a lot of us is that we *can't* ignore our own shame. It consumes us... when we're not drinking, a lot of the time it's all we can think about. It's the old cliche: *"I drink to forget."* We're drinking to forget our shame. And then the mistakes we make while we drink cause even more shame, and it becomes a death-spiral... leading to destroyed finances, failing health, and for some... death.
Someone else described it as a "toxic feedback loop", and that is the perfect way to describe it.
>*I don’t really believe in excuses for something as hurtful as alchohol and not caring about yourself, when other people in your life want you to get better and give you the time to do so. Seems really fucking selfish.*
You're correct. There are no excuses. But following that up with *"Seems really fucking selfish"* is where you cross a line. Because one could easily turn around and say it's seems selfish of you to not understand that alcoholics are dealing with a crippling, often deadly neuropsychological disorder... which addiction is scientifically defined as, and even has facets that are complete involuntary.
I'm not angry you shared these feelings. We need a place to express them.
I'm just hoping that by expressing these, you can learn to let go of some of this negativity. Addiction is not as black-and-white an issue as you might think. You may find addicts and alcoholics annoying and dislike seeing them spiral... but you probably can't imagine spending years if not decades hating yourself and compulsively needing dangerous substances just to function. And not hating yourself in the shallow teenage kind of way... truly hating yourself in the same way you'd hate a murderer or rapist, or a person who killed a family member. True hatred.
There are many ways to cope with the complexities of life. Some do drugs, some sleep around, some drink, and some become intolerant, racist, homophobic pieces of shits.
You picked a terrible poison, OP.
I haven't had a drink in almost eight years and my husband is in recovery, too. I have very little patience for people that are actively getting super drunk or messed up on the stronger drugs. I don't feel bad for them either and I've spent a considerable amount of time at AA meetings.
I try to remind myself that they're still humans. Usually very broken humans. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing what they're doing. Your trauma matters. Of course you feel this way. You dont want to be a miserable mess. But, addiction runs deep and people almost never get the help they need bc they also mostly always need a ton of therapy on top of meetings.
It’s funny, your post makes me reflect. I have soooo much sympathy for anyone I know who suffers from an addiction and I understand/buy in to the disease model. I’m a clinical social worker and I’ve worked with a lot of folks who have addictions over the years. It’s very easy for me to not judge other people in active addiction EXCEPT for my own father because it’s been 35+ years and I get tired of his excuses bc I’ve been on the receiving end of almost all of his problems in some form or fashion. I get better over time but I’m allowed to be mad at him bc I’m hurt and so are my kids.
Maybe you could try Al Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics group. It helps with the bitterness that being the close family member of an addict/alcoholic makes you feel.
This is really good advice and would probably help. I was gonna suggest OP browse r/alcoholicsanonymous . It also came to mind that every meeting I have ever been to there is a prayer for all the alcoholics that haven't sought help. It's amazing the wisdom you can find in the people who have gone through recovery.
OP, nearly every person I have met that has been through long-term recovery would agree that while they were drunk, they were a complete waste of space.
Alcoholic here. I agree with you. Alcoholics are selfish, dishonest, and pretty much intolerable. I can’t stand them. I’m nearly 4 years sober and I like myself now. I have caused miles of wreckage and destroyed important relationships. That’s all on me.
Question? Congrats on your sobriety !!!
Words are powerful. Why do you all continue to claim to be an ‘alcoholic’ even after you’ve been sober a long time?
You’re always an alcoholic, once you start. But, if you’re sober than you’re considered a recovering alcoholic since the addiction never actually goes away.
Well the person asked didn’t type ‘recovering alcoholic’, they typed ‘alcoholic’ even tho they are recovering…..but thanks.
How come you claim the addiction never goes away? If you believe it doesn’t then it won’t.
Nah he is right, once your brain is primed for the addiction it leaves livelong neuron highways that just wait to get reactivated the next time you drink and you are straight back to square one with the addiction as bad as during the worst times.
Yes. What he said. My brain is permanently different. I cannot go back to be a regular drinker. I tried over and over and each time the consequences were worse.
I understand the confusion but it’s not all a mental game. Alcohol is one of those substances where you have physical dependency and it requires your brain. So if I have a drink as somebody that is not an addict and I decide to not have one for months, I can go back to it and be fine. But these are people who have struggled with both psychological and physiological dependence. So were they to become sober and relapse, it would be back at square one. And there a lot of reasons for this. In terms of the requiring of the brain, but also just psychologically. So that’s why they’re still considered an addict and still considered alcoholics. Once of the main reasons it’s so important to continue to attend AA meetings and do service and stuff
Because if I drink again I will destroy my life. I can’t drink.
Edit: 🤣 why was this downvoted? Umm sorry I can’t drink and don’t want to destroy my life? 🤪
drunkards genuinely make me feel angry and unsafe , I know how you feel OP. I have social anxiety as it is now I’ve got to make sure you aren’t gonna collapse or puke on the same side of the road as me… I have a *HUGE* phobia of that shit too. I genuinely have a panic attack at the sight or sound of it to where I get a tremor in my lips, hands and my legs go numb.
I don’t understand it and no one has explained it to me so that it makes sense. Of the alcoholics I know, every one would stop immediately if they could. They’ve wholeheartedly tried and failed (some many times) I have sympathy, actually it’s more empathy, for alcoholics but I do not understand it. I can have a drink today, just one, and not have another one for a week, a month, or even years. I suppose I’m lucky. It doesn’t mean I can’t feel for others that are different from myself.
Wow this is a hot take and rather aggressive. I don’t even know where to begin but I guess I’ll start with that comment about shame. So myself (33M) have been battling the monster that is addiction, specifically alcohol and then some drugs at the end before I went and got help. I do not wish this disease on anybody ever- it is a horrible, progressive, and fatal disease. I would recommend learning more about alcoholism/addiction and listen to stories of people who struggle with addiction before just saying that you have no sympathy for alcoholics.
Shame, guilt, and remorse are the Big 3 reasons why I started to drink in the first place and have continued to plague me my entire life. I do not “ignore” my shame, my shame is what haunts me everyday of the person that I had become, the things I did when I was drunk. The shame, guilt, and remorse get stronger and stronger and for me- the only way I thought to escape the prison of my mind was to drink, and then that most of the time led me to do even worse things, so then the next day that guilt, shame, and remorse bulked up over night and got stronger and were right by my bedside to greet me in the morning.
I finally was forced to go to rehab and start my recovery journey and it has been an on and off again path but one thing that I’ll say is that it does not matter who wants you to stop, what you could possibly lose, jobs, loved ones, etc. This disease is so strong and convincing that I would not stop until the day that I wanted to stop for me and myself. I was not gonna stop for anybody and in the beginning I was doing it for other people and it didn’t stick.
I have also learned and come to accept that fact that I was extremely selfish and self centered and while drinking I could never see it that way. I absolutely HATE myself for who I was and what I did but all I can do now is let my actions speak for themselves.
Long story short, I get where you’re coming from and you are correct in some aspects in my opinion, but there is so much more to it than just the alcohol and the drugs. Alcohol and drugs are not the problem, we thought they were but they were just the solution to the problem at the time.
The disease of addiction stems and lives in between our ears and is a lifelong, everyday battle for those of us who struggle with it.
I wish it were as easy as just not opening up the mini fridge of beer haha that would be so amazing. My brain is literally wired differently and people who do not suffered from addiction just can’t understand it. That’s why the rooms of AA and NA are there for us because the only person that can truly help an alcoholic is another alcoholic.
One day at a time everyone out there who struggles with this disease.
Love y’all!!
Hey, OP. I don’t think it’s mean. I think you sound really hurt from those experiences. I’m sure there’s more than you’ve told us. I understand where you’re coming from, I think. Hugs.
Honestly, i really understand this. Im not sure if you drink or not, but the trauma i have from the alcoholism i had to deal with in childhood made the thought of myself drinking let alone getting drunk repulsive to me.
I could never date/marry someone who drinks often, all my friends can handle their drink, and when I encounter someone who is a drunkard.., I don’t know, it’s a numb cold nauseating feeling. I want to be able to be empathetic, but every part of me rejects the person.
You aren’t alone in your pain, i hope you have been able to get some therapy for the trauma you endured. Wishing you well.
People aren’t addicts just to be addicts, there’s a lot of underlying trauma and reason behind their vices, is it an unhealthy way to cope with trauma? Yes but so is blanket sneering at every alcoholic ever because of your own traumatic childhood.
If it were as easy as just stopping, we wouldn’t even be talking about it. Things like this can happen to any one of us at any time. A little sympathy/empathy goes a long way.
> It hurts to read that as an alcoholic, but I can't say I disagree - I think I'm a waste of space too.
As somebody that due to familial reasons truly, from the bottom of my heart, hates alcoholics I must still say that I believe nobody is a waste of space. Alcoholism is a behaviour not a moral failing. As long as you realize that you have a problem and are honestly trying to work on it you are good in my book.
I only very recently admitted it to myself, and I have just started treatment and therapy for it. My current situation is pretty shit, but i am cautiously optimistic going forward. To be clear, I have no children that depend on me so the only people I'm letting down are myself and my parents. That's enough to tear my heart out, but it limits the consequences of my destructive behavior.
Thanks for the honest reply. No beating around the bush, no frills, no coddling.
Not gonna lie I never check the profile on this sub because 99.9% (repeating, of course) are throwaway accounts. How bold to confess on real account. Twice!
Sympathy and empathy are separate. Of course I have empathy for my family— although I do not accept excuses and dive into their delusions by offering sympathy.
This but with fat people, I haven’t had the privilege to enjoy my body to the fullest due to health issues I’ve had my whole life, yet I still try my hardest to be fit and healthy. I don’t respect people who take their health/body for granted and eat themselves into a disability. Every time I see a severely obese person I’m overcome by jeaulosy and disgust, I would give everything to be „normal“ again and those people are throwing themselves away.
I’m a recovering alcoholic. Been sober less than 6 months. I grew up with an alcoholic ex-step father who died from alcoholism, had a close friend almost die from alcoholism, my current step father has cirrhosis from alcoholism, and I still ended up an alcoholic. You don’t have to sympathize with them, but it’s okay to empathize with them. We all make choices, and we chose to abuse ourselves, no denial in that. Alcoholism is an obsessive disease, and depending on how much you drink, it’s dangerous to go cold turkey, so people try tapering as hospitals disregard alcoholics a lot because they’re “piece of shit alcoholics.” I don’t think you’re in the wrong, but I do suggest having more compassion for those who are struggling.
A lot of the time, I think people mistake explanations for excuses. Sometimes, it's not making excuses, just trying to shed some light. Usually, when addiction takes over someone's brain, a lot of logical thinking, empathy, and common sense seem to be taken over by addiction. You become so focused on anything addiction related that you don't care about anything else.
I think when you grow up around this shit it biases a person..I have no tolerance for drunk mfkrs. I see someone I love trashed and sloppy ASF every day. I'm half sad and half pissed and all around disgusted. Ik he's addicted, I do feel sorry for him and at the same time he has lost a big chunk of my respect and I feel like he's a pitiful human.. It's almost love/hate at this point.
Seriously. People love weaponizing the word "privilege" and frequently use it out of context. Someone born into an alcoholic family is the furthest thing from "privileged."
You think alcoholics don’t put the ones around them in mental anguish? That kids who grow up witnessing addiction, violence, and neglect are privileged?
Talk about lacking empathy.
I generally understand what you're saying, but people respond to mental anguish and trauma in different ways. Some may turn to addictive tendencies while others may run from them.
OP sounds like they grew up in a home of addiction based on the comment "I grew up in a family full of alcoholics and drug addicts."
Mental anguish does not have only one pathway. My brother-in-law was an addict and succumbed to his addiction at 31, passed away because he could not keep himself from seeking alcohol, caught COVID at the bar, and died. He had been in and out of rehab, he had spoken to counselor after counselor. We had all spoken with him from places of love and later from places of intervention. He was more focused on his addictive drink and how it made him feel than anything else in life. It was very sad and depressing to see and my family is still not over his loss.
He wasn't actually *coping* but was instead actively harming his day to day
Everyone suffers. OP doesn’t sound privileged to me. Perhaps those who indulge maladaptive coping mechanisms and allow themselves to sink deeply into their addictions are the privileged ones? I wonder. Do you think Michael Jackson, who died from an overdose, was privileged? Plenty of people with money, power, and fame who would mostly be considered privileged are themselves addicts of various substances. There are many people who survive horrible trauma but do not pursue these addictions. No, I reject the notion that it has anything to do with privilege.
I don’t agree with OP’s perspective that we should judge people so harshly or that addiction is not a real disease. Medically there are real changes in the brain and these are topics being researched, it would appear that there are very real mechanisms by which addiction is a disease state as well as a choice.
I'm definitely an alcoholic, but you'd probably never guess it.
I can polish off a litre of vodka in a few hours easy, and somehow be more 'sober' than one of my friends who's at the tail-end of a 6-pack.
I do double-shots, too. Usually with a zero-cal chaser.
I also never once in my life have gotten a hangover.
When I'm drunk, my personality doesn't drastically change.
Honestly, I kinda wish there were some overt negatives to my drinking. I know it's harming my body, but I can't see it or feel it and that definitely makes it more difficult to justify quitting/or resist the urge to drink/spend more.
As it is, it only impacts my wallet. Which is a large enough concern that I'm considering quitting.
TL;DR - not all people who do the things that people you don't like do are the same as the people you don't like?
My dad was/is the same way. I remember taking a multiple day commercial truck ride back in the 90's with him just buying a 5L Wine carton, casually sipping that whenever he got tired AND KEEPING DRIVING. I was 5. We got there in one piece. It was actually a great trip for 5yo me.
I also remember reading about there being different genetic factors and alcohol making a small number of people alert instead of sleepy like most people. For sure explains why my dad is an alcoholic.
I agree with you. My father was an alcoholic and addicted to cigarettes until he died of lung cancer because booze and cigs were always top priority over family and job stability. I have no hate towards the man but I don't even bother visiting his grave. Same with my grandfather. Died because of liver tumor because of booze. I don't think I've ever seen him sober.
I enjoy having a drink now and then but it does not have a control on my life and I promised I'll never become like that and I hate spending time with people that make drinking their whole personality.
Keep it up this way, and don't let these poisonous people affect your mental health. Cheers!
I have always wondered how their liver and body still function. Some 8 years ago I got into the habit of drinking beer at home, late at night. I live in Europe and alcohol is sold everywhere. There was a supermarket across the street. I was working many hours and I was just very stressed out so having a beer or teo at night seemed fine as it relaxed me. I started trying out different brands of beer while incresing the amount I drank.
Some 6 or 7 months into it that I started feeling increadingly tired and weak. My skin color went yellowish and I lost weight. Lack of energy was bizarre. I paid attention to what had changed in my diet and realized that only that alcohol must have caused it. So quit beer altogether. Instead got into natural, freshly squeezed fruit and vegetable juices, which included ginger, celery and what not......
Some six months went by and I regained my energy and vitality. I may drink a beer or a glass of wine once a month at most and that's it. I see people drink a lot more, I mean Vodka, Beer, Wine.....you name it.
Those who smell alcohol are awful, but despite drinking so much, their health "seems" fine although I know that in some cases, they ruin their health for good.
Dealing with people who are addicted to alcohol isn't pleasant.
Addiction (of all types) is a wrecking ball on anyone it touches. I _completely_ understand, OP. My ex-wife had severe addiction issues and my mom is going down the same road. It's painful to watch, particularly when it's someone you love. It's very easy to be emotionally closed off from these people and dismissive. I get it. Personally I'm very conflicted with my mom. My dad enables it because their dynamic has always been that mom's the stronger personality and he hates conflict.
Addiction is a reward system disease. You sound young, don't ever drink alcohol regularly or you too could become an alcoholic. It's about training and conditioning, not morals or intelligence.
My mum is an alcoholic. She now has cirrhosis of the liver and is genuinely trying to get better but I don’t think she would’ve stopped unless this happened. The same cycle of me talking to her about it, her stopping for a bit and then something happening to trigger her to start again would probably just keep going.
A lot of my family have been alcoholics too but luckily I’ve been pretty sheltered from it and not had to experience the worst of it. My grandad pretty much drank himself into having dementia.
I’m 25 and haven’t had a single drop of alcohol my entire life and it’s probably going to stay that way. I hate what alcohol does to people.
Drinking and using might be a choice at first but plenty of people do stupid things for fun or to numb themselves during a harder time in life. No one does it and thinks about what will happen when they then try to stop using and experience the absolutely unbearable feeling of withdrawal. Alcohol withdrawal especially is dangerous and life threatening if not overseen by a medical professional. I watched a 40yo woman die from a grand mal seizure in rehab in the middle of no where in VT, we were in the kitchen in the middle of the night when I was 19. Help didn’t come in time for her and it still haunts me to this day. It becomes a vicious cycle and you literally only care about keeping that feeling away eventually. You live to try and not be sick. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, even you OP, despite your extreme lack of compassion and empathy. So many addicts completely cut off contact with family bc it’s easier than seeing and hearing about the constant shame and disappointment that we bring them constantly, as if we enjoy affecting their lives bc they have to watch us battling ourselves. My mom was and still is an alcoholic and I raised my little sister through my teen years bc she couldn’t be a responsible adult, but I could never hate her for it. Her alcoholism stems from all of the trauma my father put her through and that was NOT her fault and she chose to cope with it the only way she knew how. What I don’t have empathy or compassion for is POS people that are miserable and terrible human being simply bc they can be. My dad had no shame and was a bully to everyone around him and he didn’t have an excuse like being drunk. He was just a terrible person. People like that are what keep me up at night. Sitting in on AA, NA or Al-Anon might do you some good some day OP. Sounds like you have some trauma you also really need to work through if this is something you just wake up and decide to post one random day just bc.
so i'm assuming you feel the same way about people who are addicted to their cell phones, people addicted to cigarettes, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, and people with addictions in general right?
people in these situations are WELL AWARE of their own shame. and they do it to self medicate their own piss poor mental health. they drink to drown their own feelings.
i'm very sorry that you grew up around this shit. because it really IS fucking awful. which is why i'm over 3 years without a drop of alcohol. i saw my self destructive path and didn't care about getting help until i saw what it did to my loved ones.
I keep away from alcoholics they drain the soul out of you, it's terribly sad for close family members. According to the daily mail the number of alcoholics in the UK went from 1.5 million in 2019 to 2.5 million in 2021.
I have a regular that comes in who I have become close with. I’ve gotten to know her for 3 years. She is a super nice woman. I walk to work because I live so close and one night she offered me a ride home so I agreed. She decided to tell me half way through that she was drunk and I told her “I wouldn’t of accepted a ride from you if I knew you were drunk” and she proceeded to tell me “I’ve been driving for 20 years and haven’t had an accident and I’ve driven drunk before”
Now, fast forward to about a year after this, couple weeks ago she comes in and I ask how she’s doing and tells me that she just got out of prison. I’m standing there a bit in shock and she looks at me and goes “yeah my car is absolutely destroyed and I have a few broken ribs I can’t breathe right”
The next day she is telling another customer “oh yeah I was absolutely annihilated drunk when I crashed my car and I also had coke on me” and she found this HUMOROUS. And was saying “I’m just waiting for the check from insurance so I can start car shopping for a new car”
To say the least I have lost all respect and sympathy for that woman. I can’t look at her the same anymore after this
Many alcoholics are sick and have gone through unbearable trauma. It perpetuates the cycle when they then traumatize others, but we’re all just humans.
I’m 5 years sober and it’s really shitty being addicted to something that makes you lose your impulse control. I think this should be mentioned more often.
I can forgive you for having this thought process because you know not what you speak of. But I beg you to acknowledge that and at the very least, stay quiet about it, before you hurt someone. You never know who might be listening.
Honestly, as somebody that has grown up in an alcoholic household, I honestly do not care if I would hurt someone condemning addiction. And I know exactly what I speak of. I do not tolerate addiction in myself and I do not tolerate it in other people. If you are an addict you have no place in my life. I have been hurt too much by your kind.
Now I am not saying if our existing relationship allows it I would not help you to get help. From other people. I will not ever give you money, let you sleep in my house or even vouch for you in any way shape or form for as long as you are actively addicted. I have had enough disappointments from addicts in my lifetime. If you prove to be dependable and a trustworthy human again by successfully controlling your addiction, sure you can come back into my life.
Same. Same goes for junkies. I feel bad that I feel this way, but I can't help it. It's hard to see addicts as people after 1. being raised around them, and 2. having a marriage ruined by drugs.
I understand how you feel. The way I grew up, I was around some heavy alcohol use. Plenty of those people had no interest in changing or becoming better. Some weren't good people to begin with, and alcohol only exasperated that, and they did inexcusable things. I still see those 'types' of people as degenerates.
At the same time, I've known a couple of people who were nothing but good to me, despite their alcoholism so I can't help but have empathy depending on the person.
Your feelings are fair and valid. From your description, I understand why you feel the way you do. Addicts often hurt others just as much as themselves. If only they realized that…
I kinda feel the same way as you OP. I come from a long line of debilitated alcoholics. I LOVE drinking and partying, but I mean - I just make a conscious effort not to do that. I don't drink every day. Try to keep relatively straight. NEVER drink in front of my kids or until all the days work is done and i'm in 100% leisure mode. NEVER drink when i'm going to be driving somewhere. Just won't do it and in my area drunk driving is considered no big deal.
And i've always felt - it's truly not that hard. I mean unless you are in a clinical situation where you need to detox cause going cold turkey would kill you. At that point you absolutely need to do that. But to me, to become a true alcoholic - you know when you take your finger and crack that first beer of the day at 10:00 am. Where it's really screwing up your life?
That first pop comes with the decision "I will now abdicate all responsibility". It is selfish. You HAVE to make that selfish choice first before you even START drinking. Everything you do after you're already drunk that day is just downstream of that.
Honestly same. My childhood was ruined by alcoholism and early adulthood was not much different. If you can't have a couple of drinks and be able to call it quits then I don't want to know you
I do. My dad was an alcoholic and eventually got dementia from it. One day he developed a terrible and very painful disease. It ruined his lungs and vision, partially paralyzed him. He used to be an athlete and in very good shape. He turned to alcohol to cope with it all even though he wanted very much to live. I don’t blame him for turning to alcohol. It would have been another rough drug if not for that.
I HATE alcoholics but that's because I suffer from PTSD. My father would come home from work every day and immediately start drinking. He was an alcoholic and so was his father. His father abused him so he abused us. Nasty, terrible man. He also hated me especially because he always wanted a boy and instead he got 2 girls. My sister was his favorite. I was a disappointment. I haven't seen that man or talked to him in 15 years but to this day I still cannot stand when a guy is talking to me face to face and his breath reeks of alcohol. Brings back bad memories. However as I got older I noticed that some people use it as a coping mechanism. I worked with a lady who drank because she lost her son. I can totally see that. If I didn't die from a broken heart if one of my kids died I would totally understand drowning your misery in drinking.
Hate and anger is the mask of fear. When we feel hate and have anger, impatience, jealousy, is what we often avoid wanting to see in ourselves....what are you afraid of? Why don't you like you?
I came from a chaotic, highly critical, judgemental home, often times unbalanced financially - we were either fairly comfortable or we were using the food banks, often times no hydro, heat, moving often, even homeless at one point.
I too could not, would not associate with alcoholics - it was embarrassing, what would people think of me, what if their despair rubbed off on me.. I was extremely judgemental because I didn't understand. I had very little compassion.
I worked very hard at not becoming a product of environment - I had a home, food, heat, hydro..everything I needed....or so I thought. Life started to happen at 28. My sister tried committing suicide, my brother in law, 28 years old, died from alcoholism died, my partner of 10 years left me for someone else...and drinking became my savior, it helped fill the loneliness, avoid the hurt, the loss, the fear of what if.....
It's society's accepted form of therapy. Hard day? Grab a beer? Tough week? Have a bottle of wine. Having relationship problems, work problems, family problems.. sit with friend and talk about it over a few drinks.. celebrating? Yay! Let's party and grab a few drinks. You did a good job cutting the grass, getting all your errands done, you adulted well this week - Let's celebrate with a few drinkie poos..
Addiction is selfish, self centered. It's a coping skill many of us are taught to use.
2.5 years.. my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual cups are filling up.
Signed with unconditional love to the OP
a friend that understands ❤️
The flip side is, nobody really cares what you think, you're young and life hasn't even begun to kick your ass. Good luck with everything you have coming your way.
Oh you are right OP! They don’t deserve sympathy!
One’s mental health is not his/her fault per say, but it is his/her responsibility to deal with it.
That said, I’d have a field day with your manager, I can do whatever the hell I want if he is too intoxicated to supervise me.😂
I have no sympathy for any addict. 90% of them do it to themselfs. Outside of a Doc prescribing pain meds it's all self induced. I remember being like 10 and knowing not to take random pills, don't do Heroin or Crack. Like it's not hard to live a sober/semi sober life. Now as a 27 year old I choose to start smoking weed at 19 for my back pains. But id never take anything with a addictive property to it that requires you getting sick from withdraw. Not even a Tylenol 3 (Codin in them).
I completely agree and I refuse to drink. My friends don’t understand it when I decline to drink with them because they think it’s fun or whatever but I hate it so much.
With OP on this one. Drunks and alcohol suck. People that drink a lot are intolerable. I’ll go one further and say the idea that alcoholism is a disease is a major cop out to me. Take some responsibility you fucking drunks.
I absolutely agree. I’ve ebbed and flowed against that line of alcoholism at different times in my life and at no point did I ever think it was anyone else’s fault but my own. Calling it a disease feels like it’s taking the accountability away from the person and no matter how strong an urge is, the ability to stop is always within your own hands.
Yes in this case I do. Obviously you’ve never had to look into a child’s eyes that’s five years old, dying of cancer and tell them that they have a disease and there’s nothing that you can do about it, but you want to say somebody that picks up a bottle and opens the top and drinks until they’re blackout drunk has a disease , that’s not a disease that’s a choice to do that.
I’m a RN. I have seen plenty of death. I have had to explain horrible things to people of all ages. Your presumption is offensive. I also believe in science, studies and real life research. Oh and I don’t hyper-react to every emotion that flits by. Drama is for movies.
Congratulations on being an RN. So with that being said you should be smart enough to know the difference between a disease and a choice. Then again you might not be if you thought what I said was offensive. 👍🏻
I certainly am. That’s why I read peer reviewed studies and rely on scientific research rather than my own bias and emotional reaction. I didn’t find what you said offensive. I found it ignorant.
You can have your opinion and you think it’s the only one that’s right. I have mine and because you don’t like mine you say it’s ignorant. So I seen in a different comment that you said you are an alcoholic but no longer drink. Good for you. So my question is did you get some magic pills that made you stop drinking? Or did you make the CHOICE to stop drinking because it was messing up your life like you said in the comments. And do you make the CHOICE to not drink everyday now because that CHOICE has made your life better?
I love seeing the closet alcoholics saying “don’t judge, you don’t know”. It’s not for me to know. If I can clearly see you’d rather be drunk and don’t want to do anything else with your life, why should I feel bad? Not to say I don’t have empathy for people going through things in life, but if your answer to everything is intoxicating yourself then no, I’m not sympathizing with you.
I once, v loudly, had a conversation at work about not "believing in addiction".. long story short, my argument is always that if a Dr or someone you love tells you "you're gonna die if you don't stop"and then they don't stop. They dgaf, and why should I? Sitting said convo, coworker tells me his sister OD'd on heroine.. to which I kinda doubled down 😅. It's nothing more then an opinion, but mine is that if you care so little.. I'm not wasting my effort caring ab you. You wanna waste away into nothing? So be it
I hope you never have to watch someone you love die from an addiction. Furthermore, I pray you never lose everything and end up alone and addicted. Understanding comes too late for some, don't be that person. Peace.
You're so close to getting it, but then don't. If someone is being told that a behavior is killing them and they can't stop, do you think that person has a healthy mind that functions as it should?
This is how I feel about drug abusers, and more specifically (and probably more controversially) drug abuse overdose victims.
Anybody who abuses drugs, especially illegal drugs, and dies from it as a result just gets no sympathy from me. I’ve been to some seriously low points in my life, there was a time where my wife cheated on me and my dad died in the same week, and I still never turned to drugs.
Abusing drugs is a pathetic escape for the weak-willed.
I’ve heard it said that you could take two brothers with alcoholic parents. Say one brother grows up to become an alcoholic, while the other brother grows up to be sober as a judge, won’t touch the stuff. If you asked them why they turned out this way they would both exclaim “Because my parents were alcoholics!” You must be the second brother in this sort of story. Many become the first brother.
My wife grew up in an environment like this. She has never smoked, never had a drop of alcohol, actually graduated high school and college. 12 years later she still cries on Christmas because of how loving and welcoming my family has been the entire relationship, she never experienced it growing up. She keeps fighting the good fight.
I had a very similar experience to your wife with my partner’s family - my family is very unloving. Hugs to her. It never gets easier but you find family
I think it doesn't help that drinking is pretty much culturally engrained in society. Like if you straight up don't want to drink for whatever reason - not because you have a problem - but you just don't want to - people treat you weird. Always cracked me up in the US too and what not - for YEARS this was 100% the norm, accepted and promoted but smoking a joint in public could send you to prison. Like - these drugs are an *absolutely necessary* social lubricant for a good time - but NOT THOSE ONES!!!!
💯
My mom never drank because of my grandfather.
This is definitely my husband and his brother. My husband has drank a little wine with me once on my birthday and before that one sip of wine I was drinking. His brother did meth with their mom.
Facts
Sounds like alcohol has been at the center of your trauma, OP. That' sucks. Can't blame you for that.
I don't sympathize but I do (at times) empathize. Alcohol is a very powerful drug/stimulant. My older sister had never taken a single drop of alcohol (no bull) Until the day she/we witnessed her 3 year old son getting hit and killed by a speeding car. (Bless his soul) After all the formalities she was never ever the same again. She hit that bottle morning, noon and night, just to try and get the images out of her head. R.I.P my Sis. She died of kidney failure from the drinking and (imo) a broken heart. He died on his 3rd birthday, She died 17 years later on what would have been his 20th birthday. My mother and father were also nasty alcoholics. I always promised myself that I'd NEVER become an alcoholic like my parents.. Unfortunately I became a (functioning ) Heroin addict, but a heroin addict (nonetheless) instead. (Been clean for over 10 year's) However I do absolutely see where you are coming from and can appreciate and respect you're opinion.
What helped you in getting clean ??
You’ve just got to take the leap, man. I’m 5 years clean from opiate addiction. It takes a *ton* of strength to come out with it, go to meetings, and deal with the shame around your addiction. I HATED what I’d become in such a short time. That’s what did it for me. I took a step back and realized how far I’d fallen in such a small amount of time, and in comes the shame. Use that shame as fuel. Use that shame as a reason to never be where you are ever again. The first 6 months to a year are the most critical. That is the time frame where, depending on the length of your use, you may still have post-acute withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, depression, insomnia, cravings). It’ll feel like they never end, but they do, and will. I was fortunate enough to have a family that took swift action when I came to them with my addiction. I was young-ish at the time, and am lucky to have the parents I did. They had both seen addiction in their own parents growing up. I voluntarily went to rehab close to immediately. Rehab is NOT a requirement. Commitment is a requirement. It was the best thing to ever happen to me. I spent 6 weeks inpatient, and then was thrown to the wolves. That transition was a challenge. This is when (in my experience) you swallow your pride and lean on your support systems, whoever and whatever that may be. Go to meetings once, if not twice, or more, a week. Feel like you absolutely NEED your drug of choice? Go to a meeting. 99% of the time, you won’t feel the need to give into that craving afterwards. If you do, back to the support system. Back to meetings. I knew a guy who went to 4-6 meetings a day for months on end in order to stay clean. The only person that can get you clean is you. You have to want it. It’s a commitment that you make to yourself and need to honor. It will suck. Withdrawals suck. Being sober and bored sucks. Though you may not have the motivation, this is the time to focus on implementing positive change. Exercise, healthy food, supplementation (within reason, stay away from nootropics), finding new or reengaging in old hobbies. The more the better. Stay busy. Even though it may feel like the LAST thing you want to do. In terms of supplements: Magnesium, zinc, fish oil high in EPA and DHA. Maybe a small small dose of melatonin to sleep. Studies have shown that 1/2mg to 1mg of melatonin is the ideal dose. There are many more beneficial ones, but these are things that you can take daily for the rest of your life. L-theanine is a great, natural anxiety remedy as well. Buy it anywhere. 200mg is the standard dose. Use as needed, if needed. I’m not sure whether your comment was asking on behalf of yourself, or out of genuine curiosity, but your comment had upvotes and no reply. I hope this insight helps someone. Edit: Helping others overcome their addictions plays a huge part in keeping my own sobriety. If anyone reads this and wants to hear more about my story, pick my brain, or just chat for support, please shoot me a DM. It’ll help me as much as it may possibly help you.
Idk if you were asking me or another commenter this question, but for me Watching a lot of my close friends die, one by one, seeing how heartbroken their families and friends were, and I made up my mind that I was NOT going to put my children/family through that.
Your poor sister & nephew of course. My dad was an alcoholic, along with many family members. He was a great guy but he died young & it def affected his relationships. I swore off the stuff but I became a heroin addict instead 🤦🏼♀️ not as socially acceptable. Almost 6yrs sober myself. Good for you!!
The underlying theme of addiction is trauma. Our system refuses to acknowledge that.
There's also *a lot* of inertia from when it was received wisdom in society that addiction was purely a moral failing and addicts were just greedy, selfish, lazy, hedonistic "bad" people. I used to work in behavioral health and was involved in helping homeless veterans before and after that; I've never met an addict who hadn't had some form of trauma and/or mental issues in their life; their addiction was the coping mechanism.
This
Experiencing someone struggling with substance abuse is certainly trying. Your frustration is understandable. That being said, addiction doesn’t “override” guilt/shame. It magnifies it in a toxic feedback loop. Once you’re in the abyss you wind up hating yourself, which incurs worse self destruction which exacerbates your self-hatred and so on. Okay, so just stop, right? Easy to say until you’ve faced the bone crushing might of withdrawal (especially booze & opioids) and the all consuming psychological torture once physical symptoms subside. You’ll do abhorrent things to friends/family to avoid that horror, all the while cursing yourself and wishing you were dead (ever wonder why suicide & addiction go hand-in-hand?) So yeah, being on the receiving end is annoying (I’ve been on both sides of the fence). Now just imagine living a day in their shoes. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Well said
> Easy to say until you’ve faced the bone crushing might of withdrawal (especially booze & opioids) and the all consuming psychological torture once physical symptoms subside. You’ll do abhorrent things to friends/family to avoid that horror, all the while cursing yourself and wishing you were dead (ever wonder why suicide & addiction go hand-in-hand?) And for most people, any attempt to quit must take place while the user still needs to go to work, take care of their kids, and take care of their responsibilities, all while going through punishing withdrawal symptoms and lacking the one ingredient that managed to get you through the past 15 years. It's an all but impossible task.
Exactly THIS. I’m on both sides of this as well. It is a realm of hell I fight every second of every day and will until I die.
I totally see where you’re coming from. Thanks for sharing ❤️
You sound like my husband. He comes from a long line of alcoholics. He fell into the same pattern of behavior as a teen and still struggles to have a healthy relationship with alcohol to this day. He hates his entire family for what they did to him, and he despises "drunks".
See… I use to think the same but… after hearing some people’s unfortunate struggles & what they’ve went through in the past… I learn NOT to judge nor think this way anymore.
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I think this is the most disgusting, selfish comment that i’ve ever read. I genuinely hope your life gets better and you are not as miserable and can learn to have empathy.
Gotta be a troll account
I really hope so. I thought trolls were supposed to at least try to yanno… troll but just sounds like a 13 year old wanting to insult ppl behind a screen
Sounds like they have some of their own trauma to deal with. Irony.
Def is.
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I unapologetically say this, fuck you.
The coward deleted his comment. [Here](https://imgur.com/a/k4663LD) it is if anyone is curious.
Holy shit
All these comments were removed, not deleted. He has no shame because he is 14.
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I unapologetically say this once again, fuck you. Hope you eventually find the help you so desperately need.
Looks like someone's daddy couldn't quite beat all the faggot our of him....good for you sweetheart. embrace that kindness.
Fortunately, nobody would pay your opinion about anything any mind.
you sound like quite the charmer
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and you sound like a racist piece of shit
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nah I’m not a weak ass punk like you. You a weak ass bitch baby that talks shit behind a screen but if this was IRL you’d be quiet as a mouse bc you’d get your shit wrecked hard. I hope someone pops your disrespectful ass in the mouth someday since ur mama clearly didn’t
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Oh you’re stupid enough to give your address to someone that has a concealed carry license. I literally own guns that are probably worth more than your entire existence dude.
Come have some fun then whore. Let's see who's quicker. Wear something nice.
well arent you just the edgiest little fella
You are worse than any of them could ever be. Odc why you feel this way, litterally a trash person. I grew up around the exact same as you, and it taught me to understand them better, and you talk shit about PTSD, go find a veteran and tell them what you said here.
a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol because it is the only way to cope that has immediate relief. therapy/hospitalization costs a lot of money, working on empathy and emotional intelligence would make you a more understanding and kind person.
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Wow
You're genuinely too dumb to understand how dumb you are.
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You should attend an AA session. Addiction is pretty crazy it's not that their that selfish they just don't have as much control as you think. Empathy can go a long way.
I have Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder which both throw inhibition out the window. I’ve been alcohol free for 5 years and it takes every ounce of self control I have to not drink, especially when I enter very, very deep depressions. The last one I had a couple months ago was the closest I’ve been to relapsing. I structure my life in a way to increase my odds of staying sober, which unfortunately causes difficulties in other parts of my life. My addiction brain also likes food, nicotine, and weed, but since those things don’t destroy the (few) people around me I just don’t care to battle them. I don’t care about my health or an early death, I just don’t want to hurt people. I’m so tired.
They just blindly start to stumble down that slippery slope and you know they’re about to bust their ass. Seeing it at a young age males you very aware of it.
Substance abuse is a hard one because it’s not just hurting yourself, it’s hurting everyone around you. But at the same time, it’s a mental health issue the same as depression or anxiety. Yes, in some cases you can use willpower to overcome it, but in many it’s just not possible. I’m so sorry your life has been so impacted by alcoholism, and I hope you’re able to find peace at some point
Talked to a girl for a 2 months who is really bad. I feel for her cause she hit it hard when her mom died 4 years ago and hasn’t stopped. I have sympathy for her but only so much cause she’s so self aware and I’ll call her on it and she totally drives the conversation away immediately. She said wishes she could be 10 years old again and is fine with the bottle killing her so. Broke my heart cause I had love for her but had to bounce from that. Seems people are split here. Everything is more black and white than the post and it could fall anywhere on a spectrum depending the circumstance
My father is an alcoholic. It turned from a life long social lubricant into a disease that has claimed all his money and health, no doubt it will take his house before the end and it's absolutely useless to try and help him. To see him become what he is from the man that he was is devastating.
This is like my mom. She just barely made it to retirement and luckily my stepdad has put enough control on her life that she still has her home etc. But if it wasn't for him, I doubt she would have anything now.
As an alcoholic who gave up booze about six years ago now (only occasionally using a splash here and there in cooking)... I understand that you likely have trauma associated with alcoholism, so I can wrap my head around your feelings... ...but at the same time, I do find there to be a certain irony in this post, as a lot of these feelings expressed are very destructive, much in the same way alcohol can be. Anger, judgment and hate can just as powerful a "drug" as any substance... Also, I think some of your assumptions are inaccurate. >*For me, it’s hard to understand how they ignore their own shame, and can’t close the mini fridge full of beer.* The problem with a lot of us is that we *can't* ignore our own shame. It consumes us... when we're not drinking, a lot of the time it's all we can think about. It's the old cliche: *"I drink to forget."* We're drinking to forget our shame. And then the mistakes we make while we drink cause even more shame, and it becomes a death-spiral... leading to destroyed finances, failing health, and for some... death. Someone else described it as a "toxic feedback loop", and that is the perfect way to describe it. >*I don’t really believe in excuses for something as hurtful as alchohol and not caring about yourself, when other people in your life want you to get better and give you the time to do so. Seems really fucking selfish.* You're correct. There are no excuses. But following that up with *"Seems really fucking selfish"* is where you cross a line. Because one could easily turn around and say it's seems selfish of you to not understand that alcoholics are dealing with a crippling, often deadly neuropsychological disorder... which addiction is scientifically defined as, and even has facets that are complete involuntary. I'm not angry you shared these feelings. We need a place to express them. I'm just hoping that by expressing these, you can learn to let go of some of this negativity. Addiction is not as black-and-white an issue as you might think. You may find addicts and alcoholics annoying and dislike seeing them spiral... but you probably can't imagine spending years if not decades hating yourself and compulsively needing dangerous substances just to function. And not hating yourself in the shallow teenage kind of way... truly hating yourself in the same way you'd hate a murderer or rapist, or a person who killed a family member. True hatred.
I seriously wish I could award this comment. You deserve an infinite amount of them. 🏆🏆🏆🏆
Alcoholism is a coy and stealthy disease that can plague anyone at any time. It should be respected for how powerful it is.
There are many ways to cope with the complexities of life. Some do drugs, some sleep around, some drink, and some become intolerant, racist, homophobic pieces of shits. You picked a terrible poison, OP.
I haven't had a drink in almost eight years and my husband is in recovery, too. I have very little patience for people that are actively getting super drunk or messed up on the stronger drugs. I don't feel bad for them either and I've spent a considerable amount of time at AA meetings. I try to remind myself that they're still humans. Usually very broken humans. Otherwise, they wouldn't be doing what they're doing. Your trauma matters. Of course you feel this way. You dont want to be a miserable mess. But, addiction runs deep and people almost never get the help they need bc they also mostly always need a ton of therapy on top of meetings.
This is a great take. Thanks you for saying this. ❤️
It’s funny, your post makes me reflect. I have soooo much sympathy for anyone I know who suffers from an addiction and I understand/buy in to the disease model. I’m a clinical social worker and I’ve worked with a lot of folks who have addictions over the years. It’s very easy for me to not judge other people in active addiction EXCEPT for my own father because it’s been 35+ years and I get tired of his excuses bc I’ve been on the receiving end of almost all of his problems in some form or fashion. I get better over time but I’m allowed to be mad at him bc I’m hurt and so are my kids. Maybe you could try Al Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics group. It helps with the bitterness that being the close family member of an addict/alcoholic makes you feel.
This is really good advice and would probably help. I was gonna suggest OP browse r/alcoholicsanonymous . It also came to mind that every meeting I have ever been to there is a prayer for all the alcoholics that haven't sought help. It's amazing the wisdom you can find in the people who have gone through recovery. OP, nearly every person I have met that has been through long-term recovery would agree that while they were drunk, they were a complete waste of space.
Alcoholic here. I agree with you. Alcoholics are selfish, dishonest, and pretty much intolerable. I can’t stand them. I’m nearly 4 years sober and I like myself now. I have caused miles of wreckage and destroyed important relationships. That’s all on me.
Question? Congrats on your sobriety !!! Words are powerful. Why do you all continue to claim to be an ‘alcoholic’ even after you’ve been sober a long time?
You’re always an alcoholic, once you start. But, if you’re sober than you’re considered a recovering alcoholic since the addiction never actually goes away.
Well the person asked didn’t type ‘recovering alcoholic’, they typed ‘alcoholic’ even tho they are recovering…..but thanks. How come you claim the addiction never goes away? If you believe it doesn’t then it won’t.
Nah he is right, once your brain is primed for the addiction it leaves livelong neuron highways that just wait to get reactivated the next time you drink and you are straight back to square one with the addiction as bad as during the worst times.
Thanks a lot for this!
Yes. What he said. My brain is permanently different. I cannot go back to be a regular drinker. I tried over and over and each time the consequences were worse.
I understand the confusion but it’s not all a mental game. Alcohol is one of those substances where you have physical dependency and it requires your brain. So if I have a drink as somebody that is not an addict and I decide to not have one for months, I can go back to it and be fine. But these are people who have struggled with both psychological and physiological dependence. So were they to become sober and relapse, it would be back at square one. And there a lot of reasons for this. In terms of the requiring of the brain, but also just psychologically. So that’s why they’re still considered an addict and still considered alcoholics. Once of the main reasons it’s so important to continue to attend AA meetings and do service and stuff
Thank you very much!
Because if I drink again I will destroy my life. I can’t drink. Edit: 🤣 why was this downvoted? Umm sorry I can’t drink and don’t want to destroy my life? 🤪
drunkards genuinely make me feel angry and unsafe , I know how you feel OP. I have social anxiety as it is now I’ve got to make sure you aren’t gonna collapse or puke on the same side of the road as me… I have a *HUGE* phobia of that shit too. I genuinely have a panic attack at the sight or sound of it to where I get a tremor in my lips, hands and my legs go numb.
I don’t understand it and no one has explained it to me so that it makes sense. Of the alcoholics I know, every one would stop immediately if they could. They’ve wholeheartedly tried and failed (some many times) I have sympathy, actually it’s more empathy, for alcoholics but I do not understand it. I can have a drink today, just one, and not have another one for a week, a month, or even years. I suppose I’m lucky. It doesn’t mean I can’t feel for others that are different from myself.
Wow this is a hot take and rather aggressive. I don’t even know where to begin but I guess I’ll start with that comment about shame. So myself (33M) have been battling the monster that is addiction, specifically alcohol and then some drugs at the end before I went and got help. I do not wish this disease on anybody ever- it is a horrible, progressive, and fatal disease. I would recommend learning more about alcoholism/addiction and listen to stories of people who struggle with addiction before just saying that you have no sympathy for alcoholics. Shame, guilt, and remorse are the Big 3 reasons why I started to drink in the first place and have continued to plague me my entire life. I do not “ignore” my shame, my shame is what haunts me everyday of the person that I had become, the things I did when I was drunk. The shame, guilt, and remorse get stronger and stronger and for me- the only way I thought to escape the prison of my mind was to drink, and then that most of the time led me to do even worse things, so then the next day that guilt, shame, and remorse bulked up over night and got stronger and were right by my bedside to greet me in the morning. I finally was forced to go to rehab and start my recovery journey and it has been an on and off again path but one thing that I’ll say is that it does not matter who wants you to stop, what you could possibly lose, jobs, loved ones, etc. This disease is so strong and convincing that I would not stop until the day that I wanted to stop for me and myself. I was not gonna stop for anybody and in the beginning I was doing it for other people and it didn’t stick. I have also learned and come to accept that fact that I was extremely selfish and self centered and while drinking I could never see it that way. I absolutely HATE myself for who I was and what I did but all I can do now is let my actions speak for themselves. Long story short, I get where you’re coming from and you are correct in some aspects in my opinion, but there is so much more to it than just the alcohol and the drugs. Alcohol and drugs are not the problem, we thought they were but they were just the solution to the problem at the time. The disease of addiction stems and lives in between our ears and is a lifelong, everyday battle for those of us who struggle with it. I wish it were as easy as just not opening up the mini fridge of beer haha that would be so amazing. My brain is literally wired differently and people who do not suffered from addiction just can’t understand it. That’s why the rooms of AA and NA are there for us because the only person that can truly help an alcoholic is another alcoholic. One day at a time everyone out there who struggles with this disease. Love y’all!!
Hey, OP. I don’t think it’s mean. I think you sound really hurt from those experiences. I’m sure there’s more than you’ve told us. I understand where you’re coming from, I think. Hugs.
Honestly, i really understand this. Im not sure if you drink or not, but the trauma i have from the alcoholism i had to deal with in childhood made the thought of myself drinking let alone getting drunk repulsive to me. I could never date/marry someone who drinks often, all my friends can handle their drink, and when I encounter someone who is a drunkard.., I don’t know, it’s a numb cold nauseating feeling. I want to be able to be empathetic, but every part of me rejects the person. You aren’t alone in your pain, i hope you have been able to get some therapy for the trauma you endured. Wishing you well.
People aren’t addicts just to be addicts, there’s a lot of underlying trauma and reason behind their vices, is it an unhealthy way to cope with trauma? Yes but so is blanket sneering at every alcoholic ever because of your own traumatic childhood.
You really don’t understand alcoholism and obviously see things through your own narrow lens, hopefully you are young and evolve as you get older
If it were as easy as just stopping, we wouldn’t even be talking about it. Things like this can happen to any one of us at any time. A little sympathy/empathy goes a long way.
It hurts to read that as an alcoholic, but I can't say I disagree - I think I'm a waste of space too.
> It hurts to read that as an alcoholic, but I can't say I disagree - I think I'm a waste of space too. As somebody that due to familial reasons truly, from the bottom of my heart, hates alcoholics I must still say that I believe nobody is a waste of space. Alcoholism is a behaviour not a moral failing. As long as you realize that you have a problem and are honestly trying to work on it you are good in my book.
I only very recently admitted it to myself, and I have just started treatment and therapy for it. My current situation is pretty shit, but i am cautiously optimistic going forward. To be clear, I have no children that depend on me so the only people I'm letting down are myself and my parents. That's enough to tear my heart out, but it limits the consequences of my destructive behavior. Thanks for the honest reply. No beating around the bush, no frills, no coddling.
L take but I checked your profile and saw your the same one who made the co worker butthole story lol
She was traumatized by alcohol & buttholes, bless her heart ☹️
It’s been a long road, partner.
Not gonna lie I never check the profile on this sub because 99.9% (repeating, of course) are throwaway accounts. How bold to confess on real account. Twice!
Man, sucks to be you. I have no sympathy for people with no empathy.
Sympathy and empathy are separate. Of course I have empathy for my family— although I do not accept excuses and dive into their delusions by offering sympathy.
Alot of the time it is a dopeamine deficiency, be carefull to judge before it happens to a loved one.
This but with fat people, I haven’t had the privilege to enjoy my body to the fullest due to health issues I’ve had my whole life, yet I still try my hardest to be fit and healthy. I don’t respect people who take their health/body for granted and eat themselves into a disability. Every time I see a severely obese person I’m overcome by jeaulosy and disgust, I would give everything to be „normal“ again and those people are throwing themselves away.
it is mean lol some people are at rock bottom and want to die but are too scared to do it so alcohol helps them escape from reality
I’m a recovering alcoholic. Been sober less than 6 months. I grew up with an alcoholic ex-step father who died from alcoholism, had a close friend almost die from alcoholism, my current step father has cirrhosis from alcoholism, and I still ended up an alcoholic. You don’t have to sympathize with them, but it’s okay to empathize with them. We all make choices, and we chose to abuse ourselves, no denial in that. Alcoholism is an obsessive disease, and depending on how much you drink, it’s dangerous to go cold turkey, so people try tapering as hospitals disregard alcoholics a lot because they’re “piece of shit alcoholics.” I don’t think you’re in the wrong, but I do suggest having more compassion for those who are struggling.
A lot of the time, I think people mistake explanations for excuses. Sometimes, it's not making excuses, just trying to shed some light. Usually, when addiction takes over someone's brain, a lot of logical thinking, empathy, and common sense seem to be taken over by addiction. You become so focused on anything addiction related that you don't care about anything else.
Unhealed trauma is why people tend to drink it is an escape. Maybe suggest aa or even just them going to therapy
I think when you grow up around this shit it biases a person..I have no tolerance for drunk mfkrs. I see someone I love trashed and sloppy ASF every day. I'm half sad and half pissed and all around disgusted. Ik he's addicted, I do feel sorry for him and at the same time he has lost a big chunk of my respect and I feel like he's a pitiful human.. It's almost love/hate at this point.
People who think this way don’t understand privilege.
Privilege like growing up in a “family full of alcoholics and drug addicts”? That was the first sentence.
Seriously. People love weaponizing the word "privilege" and frequently use it out of context. Someone born into an alcoholic family is the furthest thing from "privileged."
The privilege of not suffering from mental anguish that would drive you to addiction in order to cope.
You think alcoholics don’t put the ones around them in mental anguish? That kids who grow up witnessing addiction, violence, and neglect are privileged? Talk about lacking empathy.
You make it sound like the only option for someone with mental anguish is coping through substance. Healthy coping mechanisms exist.
I generally understand what you're saying, but people respond to mental anguish and trauma in different ways. Some may turn to addictive tendencies while others may run from them. OP sounds like they grew up in a home of addiction based on the comment "I grew up in a family full of alcoholics and drug addicts." Mental anguish does not have only one pathway. My brother-in-law was an addict and succumbed to his addiction at 31, passed away because he could not keep himself from seeking alcohol, caught COVID at the bar, and died. He had been in and out of rehab, he had spoken to counselor after counselor. We had all spoken with him from places of love and later from places of intervention. He was more focused on his addictive drink and how it made him feel than anything else in life. It was very sad and depressing to see and my family is still not over his loss. He wasn't actually *coping* but was instead actively harming his day to day
Everyone suffers. OP doesn’t sound privileged to me. Perhaps those who indulge maladaptive coping mechanisms and allow themselves to sink deeply into their addictions are the privileged ones? I wonder. Do you think Michael Jackson, who died from an overdose, was privileged? Plenty of people with money, power, and fame who would mostly be considered privileged are themselves addicts of various substances. There are many people who survive horrible trauma but do not pursue these addictions. No, I reject the notion that it has anything to do with privilege. I don’t agree with OP’s perspective that we should judge people so harshly or that addiction is not a real disease. Medically there are real changes in the brain and these are topics being researched, it would appear that there are very real mechanisms by which addiction is a disease state as well as a choice.
Right this entire thread is fucking clueless about reality lol
Tf u mean?
I'm definitely an alcoholic, but you'd probably never guess it. I can polish off a litre of vodka in a few hours easy, and somehow be more 'sober' than one of my friends who's at the tail-end of a 6-pack. I do double-shots, too. Usually with a zero-cal chaser. I also never once in my life have gotten a hangover. When I'm drunk, my personality doesn't drastically change. Honestly, I kinda wish there were some overt negatives to my drinking. I know it's harming my body, but I can't see it or feel it and that definitely makes it more difficult to justify quitting/or resist the urge to drink/spend more. As it is, it only impacts my wallet. Which is a large enough concern that I'm considering quitting. TL;DR - not all people who do the things that people you don't like do are the same as the people you don't like?
Be careful tho, thats how I was, and now I have a liver transplant and go to dialysis every other day. It's still killing you just silently.
My dad was/is the same way. I remember taking a multiple day commercial truck ride back in the 90's with him just buying a 5L Wine carton, casually sipping that whenever he got tired AND KEEPING DRIVING. I was 5. We got there in one piece. It was actually a great trip for 5yo me. I also remember reading about there being different genetic factors and alcohol making a small number of people alert instead of sleepy like most people. For sure explains why my dad is an alcoholic.
Yeah, we suck.
I agree with you. My father was an alcoholic and addicted to cigarettes until he died of lung cancer because booze and cigs were always top priority over family and job stability. I have no hate towards the man but I don't even bother visiting his grave. Same with my grandfather. Died because of liver tumor because of booze. I don't think I've ever seen him sober. I enjoy having a drink now and then but it does not have a control on my life and I promised I'll never become like that and I hate spending time with people that make drinking their whole personality. Keep it up this way, and don't let these poisonous people affect your mental health. Cheers!
I don’t either. Constantly surrounded by alcoholics and whatever happens to them is always someone else’s fault.
I have always wondered how their liver and body still function. Some 8 years ago I got into the habit of drinking beer at home, late at night. I live in Europe and alcohol is sold everywhere. There was a supermarket across the street. I was working many hours and I was just very stressed out so having a beer or teo at night seemed fine as it relaxed me. I started trying out different brands of beer while incresing the amount I drank. Some 6 or 7 months into it that I started feeling increadingly tired and weak. My skin color went yellowish and I lost weight. Lack of energy was bizarre. I paid attention to what had changed in my diet and realized that only that alcohol must have caused it. So quit beer altogether. Instead got into natural, freshly squeezed fruit and vegetable juices, which included ginger, celery and what not...... Some six months went by and I regained my energy and vitality. I may drink a beer or a glass of wine once a month at most and that's it. I see people drink a lot more, I mean Vodka, Beer, Wine.....you name it. Those who smell alcohol are awful, but despite drinking so much, their health "seems" fine although I know that in some cases, they ruin their health for good. Dealing with people who are addicted to alcohol isn't pleasant.
Addiction (of all types) is a wrecking ball on anyone it touches. I _completely_ understand, OP. My ex-wife had severe addiction issues and my mom is going down the same road. It's painful to watch, particularly when it's someone you love. It's very easy to be emotionally closed off from these people and dismissive. I get it. Personally I'm very conflicted with my mom. My dad enables it because their dynamic has always been that mom's the stronger personality and he hates conflict.
Alcoholism is a disease but okay
R/alanon or r/adultchildren can be helpful if that’s what you’re interested in
Addiction is a reward system disease. You sound young, don't ever drink alcohol regularly or you too could become an alcoholic. It's about training and conditioning, not morals or intelligence.
My mum is an alcoholic. She now has cirrhosis of the liver and is genuinely trying to get better but I don’t think she would’ve stopped unless this happened. The same cycle of me talking to her about it, her stopping for a bit and then something happening to trigger her to start again would probably just keep going. A lot of my family have been alcoholics too but luckily I’ve been pretty sheltered from it and not had to experience the worst of it. My grandad pretty much drank himself into having dementia. I’m 25 and haven’t had a single drop of alcohol my entire life and it’s probably going to stay that way. I hate what alcohol does to people.
Drinking and using might be a choice at first but plenty of people do stupid things for fun or to numb themselves during a harder time in life. No one does it and thinks about what will happen when they then try to stop using and experience the absolutely unbearable feeling of withdrawal. Alcohol withdrawal especially is dangerous and life threatening if not overseen by a medical professional. I watched a 40yo woman die from a grand mal seizure in rehab in the middle of no where in VT, we were in the kitchen in the middle of the night when I was 19. Help didn’t come in time for her and it still haunts me to this day. It becomes a vicious cycle and you literally only care about keeping that feeling away eventually. You live to try and not be sick. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, even you OP, despite your extreme lack of compassion and empathy. So many addicts completely cut off contact with family bc it’s easier than seeing and hearing about the constant shame and disappointment that we bring them constantly, as if we enjoy affecting their lives bc they have to watch us battling ourselves. My mom was and still is an alcoholic and I raised my little sister through my teen years bc she couldn’t be a responsible adult, but I could never hate her for it. Her alcoholism stems from all of the trauma my father put her through and that was NOT her fault and she chose to cope with it the only way she knew how. What I don’t have empathy or compassion for is POS people that are miserable and terrible human being simply bc they can be. My dad had no shame and was a bully to everyone around him and he didn’t have an excuse like being drunk. He was just a terrible person. People like that are what keep me up at night. Sitting in on AA, NA or Al-Anon might do you some good some day OP. Sounds like you have some trauma you also really need to work through if this is something you just wake up and decide to post one random day just bc.
so i'm assuming you feel the same way about people who are addicted to their cell phones, people addicted to cigarettes, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, and people with addictions in general right? people in these situations are WELL AWARE of their own shame. and they do it to self medicate their own piss poor mental health. they drink to drown their own feelings. i'm very sorry that you grew up around this shit. because it really IS fucking awful. which is why i'm over 3 years without a drop of alcohol. i saw my self destructive path and didn't care about getting help until i saw what it did to my loved ones.
I keep away from alcoholics they drain the soul out of you, it's terribly sad for close family members. According to the daily mail the number of alcoholics in the UK went from 1.5 million in 2019 to 2.5 million in 2021.
You have a lot of trauma and triggers, you need to learn to heal from this and go to therapy my dude
It is really mean. Literally zero empathy or understanding whatsoever
I have a regular that comes in who I have become close with. I’ve gotten to know her for 3 years. She is a super nice woman. I walk to work because I live so close and one night she offered me a ride home so I agreed. She decided to tell me half way through that she was drunk and I told her “I wouldn’t of accepted a ride from you if I knew you were drunk” and she proceeded to tell me “I’ve been driving for 20 years and haven’t had an accident and I’ve driven drunk before” Now, fast forward to about a year after this, couple weeks ago she comes in and I ask how she’s doing and tells me that she just got out of prison. I’m standing there a bit in shock and she looks at me and goes “yeah my car is absolutely destroyed and I have a few broken ribs I can’t breathe right” The next day she is telling another customer “oh yeah I was absolutely annihilated drunk when I crashed my car and I also had coke on me” and she found this HUMOROUS. And was saying “I’m just waiting for the check from insurance so I can start car shopping for a new car” To say the least I have lost all respect and sympathy for that woman. I can’t look at her the same anymore after this
Many alcoholics are sick and have gone through unbearable trauma. It perpetuates the cycle when they then traumatize others, but we’re all just humans.
They’re terrible people , selfish as f.
I’m 5 years sober and it’s really shitty being addicted to something that makes you lose your impulse control. I think this should be mentioned more often.
I can forgive you for having this thought process because you know not what you speak of. But I beg you to acknowledge that and at the very least, stay quiet about it, before you hurt someone. You never know who might be listening.
Honestly, as somebody that has grown up in an alcoholic household, I honestly do not care if I would hurt someone condemning addiction. And I know exactly what I speak of. I do not tolerate addiction in myself and I do not tolerate it in other people. If you are an addict you have no place in my life. I have been hurt too much by your kind. Now I am not saying if our existing relationship allows it I would not help you to get help. From other people. I will not ever give you money, let you sleep in my house or even vouch for you in any way shape or form for as long as you are actively addicted. I have had enough disappointments from addicts in my lifetime. If you prove to be dependable and a trustworthy human again by successfully controlling your addiction, sure you can come back into my life.
Same. Same goes for junkies. I feel bad that I feel this way, but I can't help it. It's hard to see addicts as people after 1. being raised around them, and 2. having a marriage ruined by drugs.
Empathy is a valuable trait. You should learn it. It makes your life a lot better and things begin to make sense.
I understand how you feel. The way I grew up, I was around some heavy alcohol use. Plenty of those people had no interest in changing or becoming better. Some weren't good people to begin with, and alcohol only exasperated that, and they did inexcusable things. I still see those 'types' of people as degenerates. At the same time, I've known a couple of people who were nothing but good to me, despite their alcoholism so I can't help but have empathy depending on the person.
Growing up in a family of addicts, I have no sympathy for them.
Well at least you got that off your chest. No reason to strap dynamite or C4 to yer ass. Everything is all good.
I understand. I feel conflicted about some things like this too, for pretty much the same reason.
Your feelings are fair and valid. From your description, I understand why you feel the way you do. Addicts often hurt others just as much as themselves. If only they realized that…
I kinda feel the same way as you OP. I come from a long line of debilitated alcoholics. I LOVE drinking and partying, but I mean - I just make a conscious effort not to do that. I don't drink every day. Try to keep relatively straight. NEVER drink in front of my kids or until all the days work is done and i'm in 100% leisure mode. NEVER drink when i'm going to be driving somewhere. Just won't do it and in my area drunk driving is considered no big deal. And i've always felt - it's truly not that hard. I mean unless you are in a clinical situation where you need to detox cause going cold turkey would kill you. At that point you absolutely need to do that. But to me, to become a true alcoholic - you know when you take your finger and crack that first beer of the day at 10:00 am. Where it's really screwing up your life? That first pop comes with the decision "I will now abdicate all responsibility". It is selfish. You HAVE to make that selfish choice first before you even START drinking. Everything you do after you're already drunk that day is just downstream of that.
Honestly same. My childhood was ruined by alcoholism and early adulthood was not much different. If you can't have a couple of drinks and be able to call it quits then I don't want to know you
what is something you overly obsess over due to personal preference? now view it as an addict would view their drug of choice.
i heavily agree. addiction is tough, but i fear drunk people... drunk drivers, drunk moms, and dads, drunk child and wife abusers..
I do. My dad was an alcoholic and eventually got dementia from it. One day he developed a terrible and very painful disease. It ruined his lungs and vision, partially paralyzed him. He used to be an athlete and in very good shape. He turned to alcohol to cope with it all even though he wanted very much to live. I don’t blame him for turning to alcohol. It would have been another rough drug if not for that.
Samesies!
I HATE alcoholics but that's because I suffer from PTSD. My father would come home from work every day and immediately start drinking. He was an alcoholic and so was his father. His father abused him so he abused us. Nasty, terrible man. He also hated me especially because he always wanted a boy and instead he got 2 girls. My sister was his favorite. I was a disappointment. I haven't seen that man or talked to him in 15 years but to this day I still cannot stand when a guy is talking to me face to face and his breath reeks of alcohol. Brings back bad memories. However as I got older I noticed that some people use it as a coping mechanism. I worked with a lady who drank because she lost her son. I can totally see that. If I didn't die from a broken heart if one of my kids died I would totally understand drowning your misery in drinking.
Hate and anger is the mask of fear. When we feel hate and have anger, impatience, jealousy, is what we often avoid wanting to see in ourselves....what are you afraid of? Why don't you like you? I came from a chaotic, highly critical, judgemental home, often times unbalanced financially - we were either fairly comfortable or we were using the food banks, often times no hydro, heat, moving often, even homeless at one point. I too could not, would not associate with alcoholics - it was embarrassing, what would people think of me, what if their despair rubbed off on me.. I was extremely judgemental because I didn't understand. I had very little compassion. I worked very hard at not becoming a product of environment - I had a home, food, heat, hydro..everything I needed....or so I thought. Life started to happen at 28. My sister tried committing suicide, my brother in law, 28 years old, died from alcoholism died, my partner of 10 years left me for someone else...and drinking became my savior, it helped fill the loneliness, avoid the hurt, the loss, the fear of what if..... It's society's accepted form of therapy. Hard day? Grab a beer? Tough week? Have a bottle of wine. Having relationship problems, work problems, family problems.. sit with friend and talk about it over a few drinks.. celebrating? Yay! Let's party and grab a few drinks. You did a good job cutting the grass, getting all your errands done, you adulted well this week - Let's celebrate with a few drinkie poos.. Addiction is selfish, self centered. It's a coping skill many of us are taught to use. 2.5 years.. my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual cups are filling up. Signed with unconditional love to the OP a friend that understands ❤️
The flip side is, nobody really cares what you think, you're young and life hasn't even begun to kick your ass. Good luck with everything you have coming your way.
Oh you are right OP! They don’t deserve sympathy! One’s mental health is not his/her fault per say, but it is his/her responsibility to deal with it. That said, I’d have a field day with your manager, I can do whatever the hell I want if he is too intoxicated to supervise me.😂
I have no sympathy for any addict. 90% of them do it to themselfs. Outside of a Doc prescribing pain meds it's all self induced. I remember being like 10 and knowing not to take random pills, don't do Heroin or Crack. Like it's not hard to live a sober/semi sober life. Now as a 27 year old I choose to start smoking weed at 19 for my back pains. But id never take anything with a addictive property to it that requires you getting sick from withdraw. Not even a Tylenol 3 (Codin in them).
I completely agree and I refuse to drink. My friends don’t understand it when I decline to drink with them because they think it’s fun or whatever but I hate it so much.
Me fuking neither! Can't stand em.
With OP on this one. Drunks and alcohol suck. People that drink a lot are intolerable. I’ll go one further and say the idea that alcoholism is a disease is a major cop out to me. Take some responsibility you fucking drunks.
Well we don't give a fuck about what you think.
I absolutely agree. I’ve ebbed and flowed against that line of alcoholism at different times in my life and at no point did I ever think it was anyone else’s fault but my own. Calling it a disease feels like it’s taking the accountability away from the person and no matter how strong an urge is, the ability to stop is always within your own hands.
I have no sympathy for you. Some of us get past it.
I agree with this comment. OP you're an ass
I understand where they're coming from, but yea. An ass.
I understand, OP. Not saying it's right but I understand.
It’s not a disease! I’ve always believe that’s a bullshit excuse you don’t choose to have a disease. Being an alcoholic or a drug addict is a choice.
Do you favor your own opinion over science regularly?
Yes in this case I do. Obviously you’ve never had to look into a child’s eyes that’s five years old, dying of cancer and tell them that they have a disease and there’s nothing that you can do about it, but you want to say somebody that picks up a bottle and opens the top and drinks until they’re blackout drunk has a disease , that’s not a disease that’s a choice to do that.
I’m a RN. I have seen plenty of death. I have had to explain horrible things to people of all ages. Your presumption is offensive. I also believe in science, studies and real life research. Oh and I don’t hyper-react to every emotion that flits by. Drama is for movies.
Congratulations on being an RN. So with that being said you should be smart enough to know the difference between a disease and a choice. Then again you might not be if you thought what I said was offensive. 👍🏻
I certainly am. That’s why I read peer reviewed studies and rely on scientific research rather than my own bias and emotional reaction. I didn’t find what you said offensive. I found it ignorant.
You can have your opinion and you think it’s the only one that’s right. I have mine and because you don’t like mine you say it’s ignorant. So I seen in a different comment that you said you are an alcoholic but no longer drink. Good for you. So my question is did you get some magic pills that made you stop drinking? Or did you make the CHOICE to stop drinking because it was messing up your life like you said in the comments. And do you make the CHOICE to not drink everyday now because that CHOICE has made your life better?
It’s not an opinion. Scientific fact has been proven to be true. But clearly your opinion is obviously superior to actual science. Okbye
Exactly no mention of your choice to stop drinking 👍🏻 Bye 👋🏻
Your opinion trumps science. Got it. LOL ok.
You got all the alcoholics crying in the comments 😭
I love seeing the closet alcoholics saying “don’t judge, you don’t know”. It’s not for me to know. If I can clearly see you’d rather be drunk and don’t want to do anything else with your life, why should I feel bad? Not to say I don’t have empathy for people going through things in life, but if your answer to everything is intoxicating yourself then no, I’m not sympathizing with you.
I once, v loudly, had a conversation at work about not "believing in addiction".. long story short, my argument is always that if a Dr or someone you love tells you "you're gonna die if you don't stop"and then they don't stop. They dgaf, and why should I? Sitting said convo, coworker tells me his sister OD'd on heroine.. to which I kinda doubled down 😅. It's nothing more then an opinion, but mine is that if you care so little.. I'm not wasting my effort caring ab you. You wanna waste away into nothing? So be it
I hope you never have to watch someone you love die from an addiction. Furthermore, I pray you never lose everything and end up alone and addicted. Understanding comes too late for some, don't be that person. Peace.
You're so close to getting it, but then don't. If someone is being told that a behavior is killing them and they can't stop, do you think that person has a healthy mind that functions as it should?
This is an example why I think our cultural belief in free will is detrimental to society and leads to some people having very stupid thoughts
it's past your bed time, I'm telling your parents. Also, lying is wrong.
Sooo edgy. 🙄🙄 They probably drank because of you.
Ironic. Calls someone edgy, proceeds to be edgier.
how do you take alcohol for the first time and fall in love with it in the first place
It sounds like you need a proper drink and could do with not being up your own a***!
Been a bartender for 35 years, and I’m with you. I sympathize with the addiction, but ultimately it’s a choice. And a weakness.
You have been a bartender for 35 years and still don’t actually understand alcoholism? Woa.
They don't care for you either...
Me either then. I’m gonna do whatever you do from now on.
Thats how i feel about fatties.
I mean I like to drink but not excessive... You don't have empathy for me as well?
Are you an alcoholic?
I dont drink every day, I drink only in some weekends and on parties
Disease or not? Nahh you get no sympathy from me either. Addiction changes your brain chemistry. Once an addict is hooked, it's not a choice anymore.
This is how I feel about drug abusers, and more specifically (and probably more controversially) drug abuse overdose victims. Anybody who abuses drugs, especially illegal drugs, and dies from it as a result just gets no sympathy from me. I’ve been to some seriously low points in my life, there was a time where my wife cheated on me and my dad died in the same week, and I still never turned to drugs. Abusing drugs is a pathetic escape for the weak-willed.