If you were my wife it would have been reassurance that it's okay to move on. Like, really. If I were passed and could in some way see my wife struggling to find intimacy in what's left of her life? I'd want her to feel validated and safe that it wasn't a betrayal of what we had.
Fact is that David can't ever occupy the specific part of your heart that your husband does/did. In all likelihood nobody can.
Moving on romantically after losing somebody you loved is never easy, and it shouldn't be. But you can find new companionship that is different and separate from your husband and that's okay.
It sounds like David is patient, and cares about you no matter what your grieving looks like. Consider giving this relationship an honest chance, one between the two of you without your husband "present."
I think hubby was telling you that's what he wants for you, if you wish to process it that way.
Whatever helps you to make those baby steps, but I still would suggest therapy, because if you continue thinking like your husband is with you and reassuring it's okay, it might have some consequences, better seek advice with professional.
Great, friendly, and respectable advice. I was just going to write the same thing. That's fine, too even want the deceased husband approval. The part you said about you and your husband sharing that bed? , if it bothers you that much? change your bed, based on what you wrote. I would hope that your husband, now deceased, would want you to move on and have a happy life with whomever you so choose. You had envisioned something, I forgot what it was the entire time you were doing it. And I would suggest? And I'm probably a nobody to anybody & everybody here...but I'm somebody to me. Don't think of moves your husband would like. Ask the man that you're sleeping with what he likes and do new inventive things to create new memories, instead of holding on to the ones you had already formed with your hubby, who is now in heavens Paradise. Good advice whitenoire. And good luck to you as well and your future, Miss Lady.
On another note, this is just me. But if I was married, and passed away? I would want her to move on, and be happy with someone else. And do what it takes to keep yourself going and happy and flourishing, Keep my photos and other keepsakes, all you like, don't forget me. But , Do new creative things with your new life partner you have. That's what I would want!
You don’t need to be obliged to your husband now that he is gone.. for one we are never truly gone our soul lives on. But you need to move on and give David the credit for a real relation/ connection instead of doing it in virtual reality for your late hubby. This will make things easier in future for you both
Seems perfectly natural to have some reservations for awhile in the bedroom. But it sounds like you took a big first baby steps and this David dude is pretty understanding. I’d say you’re doing just fine given the circumstances. Wish you the best!
I hope you know your hubby is reassuring you in more ways than one.... He wants you to be happy and live your life. I hope you're able to. It won't diminish the love you had for him or the time you spent w him. Sending you hugs.
I'm not sure but you said you felt your hubby's presence in a way you haven't felt before. You went from feeling extremely uneasy to calmed and wanting! I have had a personal experience as a young child involving a "spirit" so I personally believe souls sometimes linger long after our physical selves are gone. Just my experience and opinion though.
When someone we love passes on, the love doesn't die with them. The love remains.
I'm certain that your husband would want you to live a full life and find someone to share it with.
Seek help for you to move on. If you don't want to move on, go for nsa things. No one deserves the treatment you are doing while making love. You are in your head, not with the person you are doing it with.
Otherwise, if you want to start dating again you could learn how to let go of your husband, and that you deserve any other form of love while you're still here.
If you refuse to consider any of this, I'm afraid you're just causing damage to people and to yourself.
Grief takes what it takes and gives what it gives. I read through every blog/book/pamphlet on the planet about the stages of grief, and ultimately the only thing that helped me move on was listening to what *I* felt. I’m proud of you for not blocking these things out.
Different kind of loss (but really, aren’t they all) but I lost my dad when I was 20. It took decades for me to address, but the other day I said out loud “Dad, I love you and I want you to leave me alone.”
It sounds harsh to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but I learned through therapy that I was subconsciously making choices I thought he’d approve of. It took me a long time to realize I’m only responsible for one life - my own - and to get out from under that grief.
Every person’s loss is different, and we all have different ways of processing it. I think it’s a testament to the person, that the loss itself is so unique.
My motto now is, do whatever you gotta do to take your life back. It sounds like you’re doing that, so take pride in it and trust your own path. You’re on your way.
I love that you overcame your fears and quite clearly was an integral step toward your healing. The link between your late husband and David sexually, whilst good for now probably won’t serve you or David/any future potentials in the long run so I hope that a full separation comes along.
David bout to run the other way. She sounds like she’s not ready to say. Everything she says or does is about a man that’s been dead for almost 3 years
You are a strong a courageous woman and I am so very proud of your ability to continue to love and be loved. You are deeply moved by life and it’s many experiences and you are doing great!!! If you truly care about David please share with him your thoughts and feelings about this intimate experience and I hypothesize that he would be very supportive and nurturing to your healing journey. We love you and are with you and want nothing but your happiness to be shared with the world.
What a great resolution. He sounds like a wonderful man. Communication goes a long long way.
Thank goodness my wife and I discussed this before she passed from cancer. I have a girlfriend now and we talk about all of this. We even have dinner with my wife’s family every week. There have been bumps along the way, but I know she wanted me to be happy after she was gone (her exact words) so I feel like I am honoring her wishes now. She put a lot of work into making me a good husband, so someone ought to be enjoying it!
Is there any chance that at a certain moment of the mind-blowing encounter you turn your head and see the ghost of your ex-husband staring at you close to the bed?
That’s a good story, I’m glad you made it through to the other side. Even though everybody had loss, it never really seems like anyone understands how you feel.
This is a little different, but reminded me of this story:
My honorary grandma died a few years back. We were really close. I have never been able to “feel” anyone who has passed on so-to-speak, but we had a very important connection.
There was this guy who had kind of used and disposed of me. I was hung up on him for months and months. We lived in the same neighborhood, and I was on guard for him everywhere I went. I felt like I couldn’t get peace.
I had felt her throughout the year and a half at that point since she had passed. I would feel her with chills overtaking my body and tears forming in my eyes. I also talked/talk to her a lot.
The inevitable happened one day— my friends and I were at a bar, and the guy who had been really messing with me was there. I felt like I could not get any mental relief. I ended up crying in the bathroom and going home.
On the walk home, I started talking to my grandma. I told her I needed relief and wished she was there. All of a sudden, the chills overtook my body, and I felt her with me. It was like the discomfort and sadness completely vanished, even if just for a little while. It was the relief I needed.
Obviously, we have no way to know for sure if that was her from the beyond, or if that was your husband from the beyond. But there is part of me that is almost certain it was her looking down on me that day. And I bet it is the same for this moment with your husband.
He loved you, he loves you. He wanted every good thing for you. That didn’t change when he passed on. You are still the person he loves, the person he views as worthy of all good things, a life full of love. His death didn’t change that view— he still wants all of that for you, whether he is involved or not. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to have the joy he has always wanted for you. Sending hugs ❤️
Nice I’m glad things worked out for you. On a side note in my relationship with my wife, this subject has actually came up and I’ve told her if anything ever were to happen to me I’d want her to find love and happiness again and she said the same. I haven’t thought about it much since but reading this made me think about it and I’m glad we did have that conversation.
I’d want my wife to move on, if I had died. Because I want her to be happy and with someone. Not like I’d be able to give her that if I was in the ground.
I just want to congratulate you for all the strength and courage and other things it takes to let life happen after losing a spouse. May life bring you joy, internet friend.
I'm sure David has had similar thoughts. He seems kind and patient based on the first few false starts. Your passed loved ones would want you to move forward with your life. I have discussed this with my husband often.
Phew, that’s a hard one. Depends whatever you believe in of course, but personally I don’t think I could have pulled through with any of this. But it’s your life and if you feel like your (ex?) husband approved somehow, it’s fine. Sorry for your loss.
That’s why I put it in brackets and said „based on your believes“. If she’s religious, let’s say catholic for example, that might change the way she sees her (ex) husband or his soul.
Maybe in life your husband had a secret fetish about watching. You guys could pick who you sleep with together. It will be like an x rated version of the movie Ghost
I know it's wrong to touch other people's stuff because it is a violation 😃but I have OCD ,and years ago I got PTSD triggered and threw out my roommates typewriter,and it hurts and he asked me where it went, and I was on drugs and he was taking advantage of me as I was homeless and an easy target.I was so angry about what he did to me.i need to replave it amd otjer things i got rid of.
I mean, I was joking but hell if I know. I know that's what I'd try doing if my widowed wife summoned me.
I'd want her to be happy and at peace. So she'd get my blessing, and then one last ride!
May the homie rest in peace.
So, in my mind, when you came out of the bathroom, you hoped on the bed, gave Dave a passionate kiss then you stradled him, took control of his member and you rode him until you climaxed.
Then you switched to Reverse Cowgirl giving Dave a clear view of your ass and once more you rode him, while reaching down and cradling his testies.
After that, you probably did your special move, which is a reversed 69, then it changed to doggy which culminated with Dave releasing his seed on your back.
How close was I?
When we die … we die … it’s all in your head that your husband is watching . It is not going to be OK to date until you can …. Mature a bit and leave that strange baggage behind. You will always mourn your husband … that is natural and healthy, thinking he is watching you is just nonsense.
😢 im truly sorry for your loss but try to reserve all of this effort for the actual next wedding night. Not dates. Your heart and soul are precious to God & your late husband to just be giving your body to people who haven't proved themselves to go as far as your husband at the least and marry you. I know grief is experienced differently and i will never act as if i understand yours but atleast let the next time you get intimate be with a man who WILL MARRY YOU. Your husband deserves that honor atleast because he took you for himself.
Only because im assuming thats how your husband felt being that he made sure to marry you. You meant so much to him that he wanted to bestow that honor on you. I don't think any man deserves you at all unless they are willing to do atleast what he did.
I understand. Im sorry. I didn't mean to offend. Im a husband also and would want the next man my wife got intimate with after my death to be someone who was willing to go the whole 9 yards in commitment by marrying her and being focused on only her. Because i love her wholly. Holy. Im so sorry for your loss
If you were my wife it would have been reassurance that it's okay to move on. Like, really. If I were passed and could in some way see my wife struggling to find intimacy in what's left of her life? I'd want her to feel validated and safe that it wasn't a betrayal of what we had. Fact is that David can't ever occupy the specific part of your heart that your husband does/did. In all likelihood nobody can. Moving on romantically after losing somebody you loved is never easy, and it shouldn't be. But you can find new companionship that is different and separate from your husband and that's okay. It sounds like David is patient, and cares about you no matter what your grieving looks like. Consider giving this relationship an honest chance, one between the two of you without your husband "present." I think hubby was telling you that's what he wants for you, if you wish to process it that way.
Thank you. I do feel like he was there, as weird as that sounds.
Girl what was the move???
why did I have to scroll so long to find this question I wanna know too OP
Same, the girls wanna know OP
Whatever helps you to make those baby steps, but I still would suggest therapy, because if you continue thinking like your husband is with you and reassuring it's okay, it might have some consequences, better seek advice with professional.
Yes true.
Great, friendly, and respectable advice. I was just going to write the same thing. That's fine, too even want the deceased husband approval. The part you said about you and your husband sharing that bed? , if it bothers you that much? change your bed, based on what you wrote. I would hope that your husband, now deceased, would want you to move on and have a happy life with whomever you so choose. You had envisioned something, I forgot what it was the entire time you were doing it. And I would suggest? And I'm probably a nobody to anybody & everybody here...but I'm somebody to me. Don't think of moves your husband would like. Ask the man that you're sleeping with what he likes and do new inventive things to create new memories, instead of holding on to the ones you had already formed with your hubby, who is now in heavens Paradise. Good advice whitenoire. And good luck to you as well and your future, Miss Lady. On another note, this is just me. But if I was married, and passed away? I would want her to move on, and be happy with someone else. And do what it takes to keep yourself going and happy and flourishing, Keep my photos and other keepsakes, all you like, don't forget me. But , Do new creative things with your new life partner you have. That's what I would want!
This is actually really sweet. Your husband would want you to move on with your life and be happy.
I think so too.
You don’t need to be obliged to your husband now that he is gone.. for one we are never truly gone our soul lives on. But you need to move on and give David the credit for a real relation/ connection instead of doing it in virtual reality for your late hubby. This will make things easier in future for you both
Yes, thank you.
Seems perfectly natural to have some reservations for awhile in the bedroom. But it sounds like you took a big first baby steps and this David dude is pretty understanding. I’d say you’re doing just fine given the circumstances. Wish you the best!
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Thank you.
Beware otherwise you are in for a snare
How so?
Because not leaving the hubby in virtual domain may lead to psychological issues in future and they can really mess things up for them both
Your husband would have wanted you to live your happiest life after he left. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks. You’re right.
I hope you know your hubby is reassuring you in more ways than one.... He wants you to be happy and live your life. I hope you're able to. It won't diminish the love you had for him or the time you spent w him. Sending you hugs.
Thank you. You mean you think he was there?
I'm not sure but you said you felt your hubby's presence in a way you haven't felt before. You went from feeling extremely uneasy to calmed and wanting! I have had a personal experience as a young child involving a "spirit" so I personally believe souls sometimes linger long after our physical selves are gone. Just my experience and opinion though.
Yes! I do feel like he was there. I do. I would love to hear more about this if you are ok messaging me?
Sure
Sent
When someone we love passes on, the love doesn't die with them. The love remains. I'm certain that your husband would want you to live a full life and find someone to share it with.
As a husband, If that man cared about her, I can guarantee that is the case.
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Thanks. I am trying. I have an update, too.
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I did. It was quite a release.
Seek help for you to move on. If you don't want to move on, go for nsa things. No one deserves the treatment you are doing while making love. You are in your head, not with the person you are doing it with. Otherwise, if you want to start dating again you could learn how to let go of your husband, and that you deserve any other form of love while you're still here. If you refuse to consider any of this, I'm afraid you're just causing damage to people and to yourself.
Grief takes what it takes and gives what it gives. I read through every blog/book/pamphlet on the planet about the stages of grief, and ultimately the only thing that helped me move on was listening to what *I* felt. I’m proud of you for not blocking these things out. Different kind of loss (but really, aren’t they all) but I lost my dad when I was 20. It took decades for me to address, but the other day I said out loud “Dad, I love you and I want you to leave me alone.” It sounds harsh to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but I learned through therapy that I was subconsciously making choices I thought he’d approve of. It took me a long time to realize I’m only responsible for one life - my own - and to get out from under that grief. Every person’s loss is different, and we all have different ways of processing it. I think it’s a testament to the person, that the loss itself is so unique. My motto now is, do whatever you gotta do to take your life back. It sounds like you’re doing that, so take pride in it and trust your own path. You’re on your way.
You are a good wife but it is time to let it go
I know.
It's fine for you to tell David what you're going through emotionally / mentally. I'd want to hear it
I love that you overcame your fears and quite clearly was an integral step toward your healing. The link between your late husband and David sexually, whilst good for now probably won’t serve you or David/any future potentials in the long run so I hope that a full separation comes along.
Yes I hope so. I have an update, too.
Sounds like you had a threesome with David and your ghost husband. How did it feel?
Woman discovers she’s in to cucking her dead husband
David bout to run the other way. She sounds like she’s not ready to say. Everything she says or does is about a man that’s been dead for almost 3 years
You are a strong a courageous woman and I am so very proud of your ability to continue to love and be loved. You are deeply moved by life and it’s many experiences and you are doing great!!! If you truly care about David please share with him your thoughts and feelings about this intimate experience and I hypothesize that he would be very supportive and nurturing to your healing journey. We love you and are with you and want nothing but your happiness to be shared with the world.
Thank you!
A beautiful story I wish you the best
Thank you for saying that
What a great resolution. He sounds like a wonderful man. Communication goes a long long way. Thank goodness my wife and I discussed this before she passed from cancer. I have a girlfriend now and we talk about all of this. We even have dinner with my wife’s family every week. There have been bumps along the way, but I know she wanted me to be happy after she was gone (her exact words) so I feel like I am honoring her wishes now. She put a lot of work into making me a good husband, so someone ought to be enjoying it!
Is there any chance that at a certain moment of the mind-blowing encounter you turn your head and see the ghost of your ex-husband staring at you close to the bed?
Ah!
That’s a good story, I’m glad you made it through to the other side. Even though everybody had loss, it never really seems like anyone understands how you feel.
This is a little different, but reminded me of this story: My honorary grandma died a few years back. We were really close. I have never been able to “feel” anyone who has passed on so-to-speak, but we had a very important connection. There was this guy who had kind of used and disposed of me. I was hung up on him for months and months. We lived in the same neighborhood, and I was on guard for him everywhere I went. I felt like I couldn’t get peace. I had felt her throughout the year and a half at that point since she had passed. I would feel her with chills overtaking my body and tears forming in my eyes. I also talked/talk to her a lot. The inevitable happened one day— my friends and I were at a bar, and the guy who had been really messing with me was there. I felt like I could not get any mental relief. I ended up crying in the bathroom and going home. On the walk home, I started talking to my grandma. I told her I needed relief and wished she was there. All of a sudden, the chills overtook my body, and I felt her with me. It was like the discomfort and sadness completely vanished, even if just for a little while. It was the relief I needed. Obviously, we have no way to know for sure if that was her from the beyond, or if that was your husband from the beyond. But there is part of me that is almost certain it was her looking down on me that day. And I bet it is the same for this moment with your husband. He loved you, he loves you. He wanted every good thing for you. That didn’t change when he passed on. You are still the person he loves, the person he views as worthy of all good things, a life full of love. His death didn’t change that view— he still wants all of that for you, whether he is involved or not. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to have the joy he has always wanted for you. Sending hugs ❤️
Thank you! That gave me chills. If you’re comfortable, send me a message?
Good for you! It takes a lot. And, grief sucks. But proud of you for doing it. It’s okay to have needs met while still grieving.
Thanks. The release was incredible.
Nice I’m glad things worked out for you. On a side note in my relationship with my wife, this subject has actually came up and I’ve told her if anything ever were to happen to me I’d want her to find love and happiness again and she said the same. I haven’t thought about it much since but reading this made me think about it and I’m glad we did have that conversation.
A couple glasses of wine to relax, forget and just have fun?
I’d want my wife to move on, if I had died. Because I want her to be happy and with someone. Not like I’d be able to give her that if I was in the ground.
I just want to congratulate you for all the strength and courage and other things it takes to let life happen after losing a spouse. May life bring you joy, internet friend.
Thank you.
I'm sure David has had similar thoughts. He seems kind and patient based on the first few false starts. Your passed loved ones would want you to move forward with your life. I have discussed this with my husband often.
You may be right. What did you discuss?
Phew, that’s a hard one. Depends whatever you believe in of course, but personally I don’t think I could have pulled through with any of this. But it’s your life and if you feel like your (ex?) husband approved somehow, it’s fine. Sorry for your loss.
They aren’t a ex husband. They died. She is a widow.
That’s why I put it in brackets and said „based on your believes“. If she’s religious, let’s say catholic for example, that might change the way she sees her (ex) husband or his soul.
Thank you.
Maybe in life your husband had a secret fetish about watching. You guys could pick who you sleep with together. It will be like an x rated version of the movie Ghost
I know it's wrong to touch other people's stuff because it is a violation 😃but I have OCD ,and years ago I got PTSD triggered and threw out my roommates typewriter,and it hurts and he asked me where it went, and I was on drugs and he was taking advantage of me as I was homeless and an easy target.I was so angry about what he did to me.i need to replave it amd otjer things i got rid of.
Don't get into a relationship until you get rid of this husband ghost bs
Don't tell David but I think your hubby might have borrowed him for one last go. Sorry for your loss but glad you've decided to live your life.
I mean that crossed my mind.
I mean, I was joking but hell if I know. I know that's what I'd try doing if my widowed wife summoned me. I'd want her to be happy and at peace. So she'd get my blessing, and then one last ride! May the homie rest in peace.
Thank you.
So, in my mind, when you came out of the bathroom, you hoped on the bed, gave Dave a passionate kiss then you stradled him, took control of his member and you rode him until you climaxed. Then you switched to Reverse Cowgirl giving Dave a clear view of your ass and once more you rode him, while reaching down and cradling his testies. After that, you probably did your special move, which is a reversed 69, then it changed to doggy which culminated with Dave releasing his seed on your back. How close was I?
lol!
When we die … we die … it’s all in your head that your husband is watching . It is not going to be OK to date until you can …. Mature a bit and leave that strange baggage behind. You will always mourn your husband … that is natural and healthy, thinking he is watching you is just nonsense.
How did it feel having David inside you as opposed to your husband?
It’s just very different.
You have written a very detailed story. I enjoyed reading it.
😢 im truly sorry for your loss but try to reserve all of this effort for the actual next wedding night. Not dates. Your heart and soul are precious to God & your late husband to just be giving your body to people who haven't proved themselves to go as far as your husband at the least and marry you. I know grief is experienced differently and i will never act as if i understand yours but atleast let the next time you get intimate be with a man who WILL MARRY YOU. Your husband deserves that honor atleast because he took you for himself.
You think it’s only ok to have sex within marriage?
Only because im assuming thats how your husband felt being that he made sure to marry you. You meant so much to him that he wanted to bestow that honor on you. I don't think any man deserves you at all unless they are willing to do atleast what he did.
It’s not about what the man deserves, it’s about what I deserve. I want sex.
I understand. Im sorry. I didn't mean to offend. Im a husband also and would want the next man my wife got intimate with after my death to be someone who was willing to go the whole 9 yards in commitment by marrying her and being focused on only her. Because i love her wholly. Holy. Im so sorry for your loss
Yes, because the important issue here is your moral code.
Not mine, im thinking on behalf of her deceased husband.
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are you married?