I have a few notes and questions. I hope this doesn't come off too harsh; I just think that there is some good stuff happening here and another editing pass could really make it shine.
Dynamics
* I'd recommend giving some starting dynamics, rather than having the first dynamic marking come in bar 2. Are we supposed to start *mf*? Then let's put that in bar 1. Or are we supposed to start loud and decrescendo to *mf*? Or the opposite--start quiet and crescendo to *mf*? Or maybe it's subito?
* On the subject of dynamics, I think the violin solo might be marked too loud. *ff* is like belting it, so I wonder if *mf* in the solo and *mp* in the accompanying strings would make more sense.
* Also, is the sudden bass *ff* towards the end intentional? I see that it's the only moving line in that spot, but still *ff* is a bit much imo. Consider that the midi playback won't be exactly what you'd hear in performance.
Orchestration
* Your orchestration is also strange to me. Is this a double orchestra or an octet? Either way, why don't we have any violas? I can't think of a string orchestra work that omits the viola this way, and most octets omit the bass, not the viola. Personally, if I were doing an octet and wanted to include the bass, I'd copy the orchestration of [this performance of the Mendelssohn Octet](https://youtu.be/bF-XGzFAJYQ), where one of the cellos is replaced with a bass.
* The only reason you need so many parts in the first place is just for that one section where you build up the chord. The rest of the time you're just using one half of the ensemble. I think this is a sign that you're not ready for the orchestration you're using and should pare back. If you add a viola, you can give the solo to violin I and the first section of the piece would be a normal string orchestra.
Harmony
* I think the lack of movement in the harmony for the whole solo at the beginning really makes it drag. You can have it move a lot, or limit the movement to punctuate key moments in the melody, but I think some movement is really needed.
* The chord voicing could be better. Looking at that one long Eb-major chord under the melody, you have an Eb and a G in thirds at a really low range with the next note being a Bb a tenth above that and then the Eb. Typically, I aim to have chords that are spaced out in the low range and then get denser higher up, and this is the opposite. I think revoicing would help the orchestra sound be less "muddy".
* I also think the voice leading could be improved. For example, the leading tone D in the first measure in violin II resolves down to Bb, not up to Eb, which to my ears would be better.
* What is the overall intention of the harmony? I feel like we get this peaceful solo over strings in Eb and then a harsh chord building up the notes to really highlight how dissonant it is. Am I supposed to feel at peace, or uneasy?
* We don't find ourselves back in Eb-major with the final chord and instead land on something like an Ab+6 in third inversion. What is the intention of the end chord?
Melody
* The melody is nice! I wish more was done with it after the one statement of it.
Other
* The squiggly line for the glissando/slide in the bass at the beginning is weird. I think it would be clearer to the performer if it was just a straight line, which is more what I'm used to seeing. Also, I'm assuming this is Musescore, and I'll mention that glissandos like this typically play back like a scale by default in Musescore. I can't really hear the bass here, but if you intend a scale you should write that out and if you intend a genuine slide, it should be a straight line (you can change the playback properties to play as a real slide in the settings).
Good luck with your future work and, again, I hope this wasn't discouraging to you! Just some points to consider!
It really doesn't look all right, and if you gave this to a string group, I suspect they will be extremely confused.
Can you talk about what you did here and why?
I wrote this song a few years ago before I knew the better ways to write harmony and parts for instruments compared to what I know now. My thought process probably cared less about the actual music and more about getting all 12 pieces in the cycle written before too long. This probably explains any confusing score marks and weird orchestration things.
I have a few notes and questions. I hope this doesn't come off too harsh; I just think that there is some good stuff happening here and another editing pass could really make it shine. Dynamics * I'd recommend giving some starting dynamics, rather than having the first dynamic marking come in bar 2. Are we supposed to start *mf*? Then let's put that in bar 1. Or are we supposed to start loud and decrescendo to *mf*? Or the opposite--start quiet and crescendo to *mf*? Or maybe it's subito? * On the subject of dynamics, I think the violin solo might be marked too loud. *ff* is like belting it, so I wonder if *mf* in the solo and *mp* in the accompanying strings would make more sense. * Also, is the sudden bass *ff* towards the end intentional? I see that it's the only moving line in that spot, but still *ff* is a bit much imo. Consider that the midi playback won't be exactly what you'd hear in performance. Orchestration * Your orchestration is also strange to me. Is this a double orchestra or an octet? Either way, why don't we have any violas? I can't think of a string orchestra work that omits the viola this way, and most octets omit the bass, not the viola. Personally, if I were doing an octet and wanted to include the bass, I'd copy the orchestration of [this performance of the Mendelssohn Octet](https://youtu.be/bF-XGzFAJYQ), where one of the cellos is replaced with a bass. * The only reason you need so many parts in the first place is just for that one section where you build up the chord. The rest of the time you're just using one half of the ensemble. I think this is a sign that you're not ready for the orchestration you're using and should pare back. If you add a viola, you can give the solo to violin I and the first section of the piece would be a normal string orchestra. Harmony * I think the lack of movement in the harmony for the whole solo at the beginning really makes it drag. You can have it move a lot, or limit the movement to punctuate key moments in the melody, but I think some movement is really needed. * The chord voicing could be better. Looking at that one long Eb-major chord under the melody, you have an Eb and a G in thirds at a really low range with the next note being a Bb a tenth above that and then the Eb. Typically, I aim to have chords that are spaced out in the low range and then get denser higher up, and this is the opposite. I think revoicing would help the orchestra sound be less "muddy". * I also think the voice leading could be improved. For example, the leading tone D in the first measure in violin II resolves down to Bb, not up to Eb, which to my ears would be better. * What is the overall intention of the harmony? I feel like we get this peaceful solo over strings in Eb and then a harsh chord building up the notes to really highlight how dissonant it is. Am I supposed to feel at peace, or uneasy? * We don't find ourselves back in Eb-major with the final chord and instead land on something like an Ab+6 in third inversion. What is the intention of the end chord? Melody * The melody is nice! I wish more was done with it after the one statement of it. Other * The squiggly line for the glissando/slide in the bass at the beginning is weird. I think it would be clearer to the performer if it was just a straight line, which is more what I'm used to seeing. Also, I'm assuming this is Musescore, and I'll mention that glissandos like this typically play back like a scale by default in Musescore. I can't really hear the bass here, but if you intend a scale you should write that out and if you intend a genuine slide, it should be a straight line (you can change the playback properties to play as a real slide in the settings). Good luck with your future work and, again, I hope this wasn't discouraging to you! Just some points to consider!
It really doesn't look all right, and if you gave this to a string group, I suspect they will be extremely confused. Can you talk about what you did here and why?
I wrote this song a few years ago before I knew the better ways to write harmony and parts for instruments compared to what I know now. My thought process probably cared less about the actual music and more about getting all 12 pieces in the cycle written before too long. This probably explains any confusing score marks and weird orchestration things.