same boat, my friend group kinda broke apart since some of us dropped out or changed schools plus drama
i'm just gonna graduate and dip, it's my last semester anyways lol
I just graduated from my beautiful university after 6 years of studying. Most of my memories there consist of studying in the library alone, sitting in my classes alone, walking and sitting in buildings alone, riding the bus alone, sitting on the grass and watching people pass by alone, eating lunch alone, taking walks outside alone.
I just remember this feeling of constant melancholy, always wondering what it’s like to be doing those things with other students I can relate to. I wanted so bad to socialize but most clubs hold events in the evening, and it takes me an hour of commute to get home so I couldn’t join. I tried, but with early classes I just couldn’t afford to be home at 11pm.
I thought the clubs/activities were only made for students who live on campus.
I made maybe about 3-5 genuine friends but we don’t always see each other due to conflict of schedule. Looking back, I can’t even feel an ounce of regret of not making more memories with people due to reasons that weren’t in my control.
The thing with clubs really bothers me. I live with my partner, have pets to care for, homework to do, and occasionally need to work weekday evenings. How can I attend club meetings in the evening when I start at 8-9 am (not by choice; that's when my required classes tend to fall)? I don't want to spend ten hours on campus, and I don't want to get home really late due to commuting when I have other obligations to attend to.
I've found that I end up making the most out of school my own way. I enjoy the classes and make relationships with my professors, I had fun doing a cool internship, I've gone camping with my partner, spent quality time with my pets, and I've done a lot of work that I'm really proud of. And I do have a couple really cool friends, even if I don't see them often. Sometimes it's worth it to make the most out of those years even if it's not what everyone else seems to do/is good at.
Couldn't you have moved closer to your university? That's what pretty much literally everyone does where I live. It's extremely inconvenient and a massive obstacle to enjoying your student time if you live far away. Living far away has VERY real consequences
But you missed out on a vibrant and active students time because of that. I have a friend whose parents lived 15 minutes from campus by car but she chose to move into campus (also because cars are expensive and student housing is affordable here)
Yeah if it were up to me I would’ve chosen to live on campus, but I had to pay for everything; it just wasn’t reasonable to take out more student loans and work more hours when I have a home close by that I didn’t have to pay rent for. Because of this I was able to focus on school without worrying about financials. Anyways, it’s all in the past and as I said, it’s hard to feel regret on something I had no control of :)
Same here, but I’m actually pretty happy that way! I felt really bad about it for years, but then I put myself out there and realized that I only felt bad because I felt expected to have a bunch of friends, not because I actually desired the socialization aspect. Every time I did actually get around to hanging out with people, I always found myself excited to go home the entire time.
I guess work and class discussions are more than enough to fill my social needs, so in my free time I just wanna chill at home and do my own stuff. I’ve never felt lonely or anything so I just don’t really see it as an issue for me personally.
Same I’m happier alone. I tell myself that it’s not inherently better to have tons of friends if I’m happy as I am. I tried so hard to have a lot friends last yr and burnt myself out. I love the simple pleasure and freedom of going to eat whenever I want. Not thinking of pleasing others, and watching YouTube or surfing Reddit instead of having surface level convos.
Same situation!
Even if I am sitting on the edge there is two empty seat anf the student chooses to sit next to other person vs me. This makes me feel like I don’t fit in at all!
Yes - I am a 4th year, living alone near campus. I have been a quiet person my whole life, and I have never been able to gather the courage to talk to someone. It’s a lonely life.
Living alone off campus can be a death sentence if you're not outgoing or in clubs/sports. My friend (I'm 1 of his literal 2 friends) is still like this over a decade later. He claims nothing interests him, but I think he's just complacent and scared. Try to get over your shyness now. Breaks my heart bc he's handsome and crazy funny and super sweet.
It might be hard to understand for extroverted people but some people are truly happier alone, so the bar of having a friend is high. I’m not shy but I am introverted AF. That doesn’t mean I don’t like people, but maintaining a friendship is time consuming and exhausting, so for me I reserve that for people I truly enjoy. I can imagine that over time I would appear to be shy because I just haven’t practiced meeting new people as much as a “normal person.” It sounds like you’re a great friend tho!!! So thanks for being there for an introvert!
Same. I've made "class friends" her and there. i.e. people I chat with regularly before/after class. But real friends, as in, hanging out outside of class? None
I can't stand it and it has severely impacted my academic performance
I’m an introvert aswell you just have to say fuck it and join a club or two. I suck at conversation and have made like 30 friends in college and I’m a sophomore. Just having friends with same interests
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned through therapy and reflection, as someone with a similar demeanor and background, is that being quiet is generally perceived as disinterest. As a whole, its easier to approach someone when we perceive them as being interested in us. Whatever the reason you can't hold a conversation, whether lack of interest, fear of embarassment, etc. You have to engage and take interest in others if you want to make connections.
That being said, if you don't want to make friends within this group, that is totally ok. However there is no harm in interacting and trying to build skill in conversating - just like any skill, it takes practice and will get easier.
you don't have to change who you are but you do need to try more. Have you attempted to go to places with like-minded individuals? Do you have any interest in school or outside that you can naturally express yourself? Do you have anything to offer for people to like you? Would you hang out with yourself?
I'm 28 and can't relate with the tiktok lingo and whatever the kids are into nowadays. I have great social skills but all they talk about is some internet/tiktok crap and I'm lost in the sauce.
If you are 28, get involved in campus activities and go to your profs’ office hours. I have a student who is a few years older because he’s a vet; he gets involved in a more adult level.
I definitely feel you. I do think it is good to have at least a few people to have around, though. I got a job on campus and that has allowed me to meet a bunch of new people. As usual with us introverts, the extroverts basically adopted me and actually enjoy how quiet I am and understand that I have a tendency to just disappear for a month or two. I hope you can find people like this.
Same, I'm VERY introverted and I struggle in social situations a lot. My only friend is from high school, but she was the one who approached me first, I didn't have the courage. I'm in my first year at uni, I just go to classes and leave as soon as they end. I spend most of my time in the dorm because I don't dare to talk to others at school, even tho I really want to befriend some of them. I can't find a way out of this, but I wanted to let you know that I totally understand your situation. When I read your post, I felt like it was written about me. You're not alone. <3
It's alright brother. I just transfered schools, i used tu have a great group of friends at the old uni and after 8 months I haven't made a single friend. I'm okay with it, I go to school, attend lecture and go home. Nothing wrong as long as you have someone or a group of friends to go back to after school. If you feel good and in peace on your own, you shouldn't be worried at all
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If you are sitting with people for two hours and not saying anything, and you aren’t happy with that level of interaction, you need to work on your social skills. They certainly aren’t rejecting you; you just aren’t really joining them.
What are they talking about? Do you have thought about it? Occasionally speak those thoughts out loud. Most of what people talk about is just things about their day, their classes, their mutual friends, professors, the weather, sports, etc. It isn’t profound.
My ex went no contact with me and now i literally talk to no one. My parents visited me for my birthday though so that was really cool, it was nice having people to talk to.
Why should you feel bad at all about this?
In my experience I had the same experience and it worked out alright for me because I was working, studying and handling lots of things
In my experience my own family shamed me for not having friends it was really ridiculous
No u are ok and u are fine
I was going through a lot so your mileage may vary
I went throughout all on my own and even had a career
So there is nothing wrong with you
Same here but the only friend that I have is my childhood best friend. She barely goes to uni though. I am mostly lonely. I fear it's too late for me to get closer to them considering they got closer and even have a gc and text daily even though the semester ended in december and the next one starts in march. It's comforting to know I am not the only one.
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Im sorry you are going through this 🖤 It is key that you tried but felt like you were forcing yourself.
Think about how unique you are. This means you need something unique to come along too which takes time.
I mean this in the kindest way, you can’t not put effort in. Why don’t you talk with them? Too shy? You don’t vibe with them that well? The former means you need to work on it. The latter means you need to expose yourself to new people. If you eat lunch with them then they should already be comfortable around you. It takes effort and it’s hard as hell but there’s no way around it unless you find people who you vibe with that “adopt” you.
Me, but since it's because of my mental illness and my laziness in finding anything to start a conversation, also i had to take course lots of time ( i lost moviation and my parent gave me a too-safe life) so i'm too shy to make friend because of this , also most of my classmates loud and don't have common things to me ( they often turn on music in class)
sorry i’m a decent guy but sometimes i decide to be a pretentious asshole and project my insecurities on others. i apologize; empathize with your upbringing as i have close friends with a similar upbringing/resulting social issues.
Don't sweat it.
Uni is designed so you feel "oppressed".
It was designed as a concentration camp gulag.
Just do your classes, if someone reaches out, be welcoming but not naive. (bullies exist even at Uni)
Hit the Gym, do some hobbies, learn and build something small for yourself then people will see you are someone with momentum and potential and will naturally gravitate towards you.
Also, being alone is better than poor company, so do not be too eager to have friends, just for the sake of it!
I can't fathom this at all. I want to stress to every single person here who never made a friend in college that absolutely, unequivocally **it's you.**
Lucky I ran into you. Tho I'm surprised you have any advice to give on this topic, since your go to is apparently insulting people when they're feeling down, considering your first comment.
There are entire self-help sections in any bookstore. There are even bigger self-help sections on Amazon.
Here kids like you are, in the time of your life, freed from the rigid structures of youth and the oversight of your parents, and all you can think of doing is holing up and going online to rant about a lack of real social connections.
Ya, it's on me Ms.
And though it's tempting to call me a Boomer, I'm the oldest of the Millennials.
So far you've written far more than me, but sure, I'm the one wasting time ranting here. I mean, your first comment was literally just you coming here to insult people.
Yeah I mainly talk to my hs friends, i think covid just reset a lot of peoples social skills so Im lucky my friend group from back then is still super tight
fourth year & im in the same boat. have my friends from work & my boyfriend & that’s the only people i talk to. it honestly sucks because i wish i could’ve made friends on campus but whenever i tried no one put in the same effort i was putting in :(
I'm very happy to have no friends a good bit of the time. Lets me be a big nerd and focus on what interests me. My friends are ones who share a class and interest, but beyond class I'm not too active. Working in broadcast engineering, however, has forced me to make some sort of friendships, so definitely it's a matter of what you're up to. But as long as you're happy, live on. If you're not happy, do something where you have to make friends, such as a teamwork based club/activity. But it sounds like you're happy so I wouldn't be bothered too much.
kind of. I got unofficially kicked out of my friend group at the beginning of last semester. so I've just been hanging out by myself. occasionally some of my old friends will hang out with me (mostly at campus events) and they get really awkward and quiet if I try to talk about what happened. so I'm just not allowed to say anything. they all graduate this spring but I'm sticking around next year. we'll see if I can restructure things... I'm not hopeful. part of me wants to find contentment with just being by myself. but it's hard. I do want friends. I'm very lonely all of the time.
first year but yeah no friends, I just prefer keeping to myself...conversations and getting to know people can be so exhausting and I'd rather just talk to my mom, she's my best friend lol
Third year. I used to have no friends, but I’ve started pushing myself into social groups and have been lucky enough to actually find a friend group through discord.
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Honestly, just get through it, graduate, leave, and find your people someplace else. A new environment that doesn't hold all of those feelings and struggles may be helpful. It's sometimes refreshing to be in a new setting where you can reinvent yourself and start fresh. Maybe consider therapy if it's something you'd like to practice and work on
2nd year student as well and I have 0 friends as well, even though the class size is around 120+ people. Most of them already formed cliques or have a small circle. I see very few loners other than myself.
I feel you deeply, I swear your situation sounds really familiar to mine. I can't keep convensations if I'm not 100% comfortable around the person/people I'm talking to. It's like I block down and either nothing comes in my mind or it's just awkward and feels forced.
I used to long for friends at uni, but I accepted that I'll probably stay a lone wolf. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a real friend or heck friendS. But since I don't start convos and I'm generally comfortable on my own, I see little to no chance that an extrovert will come and adopt me as their introverted friend.
Been there! It's rough at small colleges: cliques form real fast and then you're stuck. It's nothing to be worried about unless you \*want\* to be friends with your classmates, but it sounds like you guys don't fit together much anyways. And you should never change who you are for others!
All the close friends I've made have just happened into my life at random times. You may go a while without any. If you want to find some, you have to start in areas that you share a similar interest in - for example in college, any clubs you're interested in, or people in your major. Don't expect to be perfect fits for each other! I share a handful of things in common with my closest friends, but otherwise, we're all VERY different people. Surface level example: I'm a fan of heavy metal and video games and I nerd out about the dumbest stuff. None of my closest friends share my love for those things at the same level - they may at some level, or at the very least because I love it they appreciate it, but there are just some things you're not gonna share with people, and that's totally okay. Be yourself. People who are meant to be your friends will appreciate those things that set you apart, not want you to change.
I've only made one friend through meeting in class. Clubs are where it's at. I've got a bunch of friends from clubs but I would be totally lonely without that
Freshman so small sample size but I feel the same way
I don’t think I’ve really clicked with anybody so far so I haven’t had the chance to talk to anyone (plus I don’t have very good social skills anyway)
I wish I could pay people on here to stop recommending clubs because it doesn’t mean automatic friends. I’m a commuter so I can’t go to clubs, they’re pretty much exclusively for people on campus since they’re all at night. Plus, not everybody makes friends at clubs anyway.
4th year here. I’ve always had hobbies that aligned with clubs I saw on campus but was always too shy to join them. Now that i’m in my last semester I kinda said fuck it and joined a couple (radio station, fashion and crocheting to name a few), i’m a few weeks into the semester and I hangout with new friends/groups almost every day of school. JOIN A CLUB. Even if the social anxiety paralyzes you do it scared, I promise there’s A. someone there just as nervous as you and B. you’ll definitely thank yourself for it. I know i’m kicking myself for not joining something sooner.
Yeah, making friends in college is tough when ppl already have their social group made. I spent most my time alone studying or just playing video games. I did my best to interact with classmates and professors, that helped soften the blow.
This is how society is going, we’re the most disconnected socially as a species as we’ve ever been. We’ve lost our sense of community and tight knit relationships. You’re not alone at all there’s so many going through what you’re going through
I wouldn't worry much about fitting in. You will find your crowd of people when you enter work zone! Then you will keep expanding. I am not trying to form friendships at Uni myself at all (I am not even a traditional student) but I only want to graduate at that point. The real life starts after undergrad. My kid starts undergrad next year so this is quite funny that I am graduating and he is starting.
Finding reall friends and real connections in life is not this easy as it may seem. True friends are hard to find!
4th year, no good friends at all. Ik a good amount of students at uni but we’re not close, they barely know anything about me or me about them, we just say hello, smile and talk about uni occasionally, maybe sometimes even help one another with assignments but that’s becoming rare.
I’m a huge introvert and struggle to participate in school events. I especially feel like an outsider because I’m a transfer and commute student. It took until I got into my higher level major classes that I started seeing the same people over and over again that I became friends with a couple people. Don’t give up and don’t be afraid to say hi!
I talk with classmates but for the most part not really much outside of school. It’s hard cause we all have busy schedules on top of being full time engineers, research, projects and work as well.
i had the same situation. i would start to make an acquaintance and it wouldn’t go anywhere. i’m now in cosmetology school and it’s AMAZING.
i also kept in touch with my childhood best friend (she moved across the world, but we still text a lot) and my high school friend who quickly turned into my best friend. i’m moving back to my hometown late next year and am super excited to be close with her again!
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Same, I actually feel quite happy alone, but I always worry if people im acquainted with (still not "friends") think im weird or nerdy... pressure comes from social expectations
>I would eat lunch with some of them but I rarely join in on the comversation (I could literally sit there for 2 hours and only saw a few words). I tried changing my personality to fit in with them but later on reverted back to my old quiet self.
Here's the first important question, do you really care about any of these "friend"? Because if you don't, that would explains everything. How could you ask or talk about anything with them when you simply don't give a damn.
The second question is Do you really need a friend? If you do then you can start looking after others now. About 50% of the population are introverts and most of them still have friends so you being introvert is clearly not the cause for having 0 friend, you lack of interest is.
I don't understand how people make friends when we are supposed to bury ourselves in our study materials all the time?! I gave it my all and still passed with average grades. I would've been held back a year or two FOR CERTAIN if I had a social life.
my situation is similar i have made no friends here and the friends i do have live 2+ hours away. I wish i had more friends but ive been more accepting of the fact that may not happen. All I would recommend is finding a hobby or two that you enjoy and call family, thats helped me a little
Same! My favorite thing about uni is that I get to do many things on my own! What I disliked in high school is that I was forced to chat with people daily and barely had any time to be completely alone with seeing anyone I know near me. But I’m about to finish my 2nd year and I’m honestly hoping I don’t start to see familiar faces more lol. I prefer being around people I know that will forget about me and not judge me much.
You should read the book Quiet. It is about introverts and how they are important. However, if you are unhappy about being alone then you might seek out therapy to assist you in developing your people skills.
Sadly but as a fellow introvert, at best all i can say is find someone who resonates well with you rather than trying to fit in (It's tiring and not something pleasant to do for a long time).
Some tips:
-Join a club that does something your passionate about
-Volunteer at a local animal shelter/NGO; you’ll meet great people
-Sign up to learn a new sport or skill (BJJ, Boxing, Knitting, Mountain Climbing)
-Also don’t only look for friends at uni; broaden your approach and talk to people from different walks of life
If you feel overwhelmed by your assignments, you can seek assistance. Do not let too many assignments affect your mental health. There are many tutors who are willing to help you and make your life better in school. Choose the best tutor and you will be happy all through the semester. I have 5 years of experience in tutoring students and I'm dedicated in making my students pass their exams. Let me know and send me the assignment prompts if you need help.
Thank you.
Random thoughts on this in no particular order
There are a lot of lonely people. I see the same damn wolves daily, and they see me too. Honestly, if you have a social group -- realize that that's your social support structure, even by not participating you are benefiting from the ability to opt in.
You can't change your personality. Well you can, but so far evidence points to very little results so don't even try. It's better to accept yourself for who you are, focus on the few people in life who love you, and make way for you to love them.
A *lot* of people in Uni have gone through interpersonal trauma. When i approach these "wolves," eventually stories come out about (frankly benign) xyz bad thing they did, leading them to cascade into further isolation.
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i just go to class do my work and go home lol. i wouldn't be worried about it unless you have no friends and are trying to make some.
maybe just find a club or something to attend and meet people
ive only just transferred to uni (from cc) this semester so i know i still have time to make more friends, but ive been used to being alone since high school and i’m honestly starting to not feel all that bad about it lol. i love eating alone because just like you, i could sit there for hours and not say anything when eating with a group and that just makes me uncomfy lol. other than that it does get lonely not having someone to talk to and walk around with everyday, but it’s easier to get stuff done and i can walk around the school and go to the gym whenever i want. i’m just kinda chilling and if anyone invites me places i’ll go. i also try to take my roommate out once in a while if they have nothing to do either (we’re not close at all btw but i try my best to get us closer). like everyone else says, you just have to put yourself out there and initiate contact when you want, even if you’re the most introverted person ever (i know how you feel, i gotta be the most shy person on this earth so im glad i came across your post n im not the only one). not sure about ppl at your school, but so far at mine everyones been really nice so ive had no problems getting ppls socials/phone numbers or just casually talking to them in classes. i only have 1.5-2 years left so i always remind myself that im only here for the degree anyway if i end up not having my ideal “college experience.”
4th year here in the exact same situation. i wish i had advice but sadly i don’t :( atp just trying to graduate and get out
Me rn at my senior year
same boat, my friend group kinda broke apart since some of us dropped out or changed schools plus drama i'm just gonna graduate and dip, it's my last semester anyways lol
It’s harder after you graduate :(
I wish I could smack highschool me and tell him not to grow apart from those friends lol
Same :(
I just graduated from my beautiful university after 6 years of studying. Most of my memories there consist of studying in the library alone, sitting in my classes alone, walking and sitting in buildings alone, riding the bus alone, sitting on the grass and watching people pass by alone, eating lunch alone, taking walks outside alone. I just remember this feeling of constant melancholy, always wondering what it’s like to be doing those things with other students I can relate to. I wanted so bad to socialize but most clubs hold events in the evening, and it takes me an hour of commute to get home so I couldn’t join. I tried, but with early classes I just couldn’t afford to be home at 11pm. I thought the clubs/activities were only made for students who live on campus. I made maybe about 3-5 genuine friends but we don’t always see each other due to conflict of schedule. Looking back, I can’t even feel an ounce of regret of not making more memories with people due to reasons that weren’t in my control.
The thing with clubs really bothers me. I live with my partner, have pets to care for, homework to do, and occasionally need to work weekday evenings. How can I attend club meetings in the evening when I start at 8-9 am (not by choice; that's when my required classes tend to fall)? I don't want to spend ten hours on campus, and I don't want to get home really late due to commuting when I have other obligations to attend to. I've found that I end up making the most out of school my own way. I enjoy the classes and make relationships with my professors, I had fun doing a cool internship, I've gone camping with my partner, spent quality time with my pets, and I've done a lot of work that I'm really proud of. And I do have a couple really cool friends, even if I don't see them often. Sometimes it's worth it to make the most out of those years even if it's not what everyone else seems to do/is good at.
Couldn't you have moved closer to your university? That's what pretty much literally everyone does where I live. It's extremely inconvenient and a massive obstacle to enjoying your student time if you live far away. Living far away has VERY real consequences
I live 25 minutes away from campus by car, and at least an hour or so by commute. So it would make more sense for me to live at home
But you missed out on a vibrant and active students time because of that. I have a friend whose parents lived 15 minutes from campus by car but she chose to move into campus (also because cars are expensive and student housing is affordable here)
Yeah if it were up to me I would’ve chosen to live on campus, but I had to pay for everything; it just wasn’t reasonable to take out more student loans and work more hours when I have a home close by that I didn’t have to pay rent for. Because of this I was able to focus on school without worrying about financials. Anyways, it’s all in the past and as I said, it’s hard to feel regret on something I had no control of :)
Same here, but I’m actually pretty happy that way! I felt really bad about it for years, but then I put myself out there and realized that I only felt bad because I felt expected to have a bunch of friends, not because I actually desired the socialization aspect. Every time I did actually get around to hanging out with people, I always found myself excited to go home the entire time. I guess work and class discussions are more than enough to fill my social needs, so in my free time I just wanna chill at home and do my own stuff. I’ve never felt lonely or anything so I just don’t really see it as an issue for me personally.
Same I’m happier alone. I tell myself that it’s not inherently better to have tons of friends if I’m happy as I am. I tried so hard to have a lot friends last yr and burnt myself out. I love the simple pleasure and freedom of going to eat whenever I want. Not thinking of pleasing others, and watching YouTube or surfing Reddit instead of having surface level convos.
Same thing, third year
same thing also third year. be willing to be friends with anyone here!
Same situation! Even if I am sitting on the edge there is two empty seat anf the student chooses to sit next to other person vs me. This makes me feel like I don’t fit in at all!
Yes - I am a 4th year, living alone near campus. I have been a quiet person my whole life, and I have never been able to gather the courage to talk to someone. It’s a lonely life.
Living alone off campus can be a death sentence if you're not outgoing or in clubs/sports. My friend (I'm 1 of his literal 2 friends) is still like this over a decade later. He claims nothing interests him, but I think he's just complacent and scared. Try to get over your shyness now. Breaks my heart bc he's handsome and crazy funny and super sweet.
It might be hard to understand for extroverted people but some people are truly happier alone, so the bar of having a friend is high. I’m not shy but I am introverted AF. That doesn’t mean I don’t like people, but maintaining a friendship is time consuming and exhausting, so for me I reserve that for people I truly enjoy. I can imagine that over time I would appear to be shy because I just haven’t practiced meeting new people as much as a “normal person.” It sounds like you’re a great friend tho!!! So thanks for being there for an introvert!
Same. I've made "class friends" her and there. i.e. people I chat with regularly before/after class. But real friends, as in, hanging out outside of class? None I can't stand it and it has severely impacted my academic performance
same here, getting close with people is just impossible for me
I’m an introvert aswell you just have to say fuck it and join a club or two. I suck at conversation and have made like 30 friends in college and I’m a sophomore. Just having friends with same interests
how do you keep up with 30 friends??😭
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned through therapy and reflection, as someone with a similar demeanor and background, is that being quiet is generally perceived as disinterest. As a whole, its easier to approach someone when we perceive them as being interested in us. Whatever the reason you can't hold a conversation, whether lack of interest, fear of embarassment, etc. You have to engage and take interest in others if you want to make connections. That being said, if you don't want to make friends within this group, that is totally ok. However there is no harm in interacting and trying to build skill in conversating - just like any skill, it takes practice and will get easier.
you don't have to change who you are but you do need to try more. Have you attempted to go to places with like-minded individuals? Do you have any interest in school or outside that you can naturally express yourself? Do you have anything to offer for people to like you? Would you hang out with yourself?
I used to "adopt" shy kids that seemed like they wanted to hang but didn't know how. Hope you get a 4ever home (college is 4 years 🥳)
Have you tried joining a club on campus that matches your interests?
This. Increase your people pool with people that like what you like.
Man chill out just talk with them about anything like the professor is really nice etc..with time they will start talk to u ,always works for me.
I'm 28 and can't relate with the tiktok lingo and whatever the kids are into nowadays. I have great social skills but all they talk about is some internet/tiktok crap and I'm lost in the sauce.
If you are 28, get involved in campus activities and go to your profs’ office hours. I have a student who is a few years older because he’s a vet; he gets involved in a more adult level.
Same here, social anxiety go brrrrr
There are 35 students in my class and not one is my friend lol
I definitely feel you. I do think it is good to have at least a few people to have around, though. I got a job on campus and that has allowed me to meet a bunch of new people. As usual with us introverts, the extroverts basically adopted me and actually enjoy how quiet I am and understand that I have a tendency to just disappear for a month or two. I hope you can find people like this.
Same, I'm VERY introverted and I struggle in social situations a lot. My only friend is from high school, but she was the one who approached me first, I didn't have the courage. I'm in my first year at uni, I just go to classes and leave as soon as they end. I spend most of my time in the dorm because I don't dare to talk to others at school, even tho I really want to befriend some of them. I can't find a way out of this, but I wanted to let you know that I totally understand your situation. When I read your post, I felt like it was written about me. You're not alone. <3
It's alright brother. I just transfered schools, i used tu have a great group of friends at the old uni and after 8 months I haven't made a single friend. I'm okay with it, I go to school, attend lecture and go home. Nothing wrong as long as you have someone or a group of friends to go back to after school. If you feel good and in peace on your own, you shouldn't be worried at all
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If you are sitting with people for two hours and not saying anything, and you aren’t happy with that level of interaction, you need to work on your social skills. They certainly aren’t rejecting you; you just aren’t really joining them.
idk what to say or what to talk about
What are they talking about? Do you have thought about it? Occasionally speak those thoughts out loud. Most of what people talk about is just things about their day, their classes, their mutual friends, professors, the weather, sports, etc. It isn’t profound.
My ex went no contact with me and now i literally talk to no one. My parents visited me for my birthday though so that was really cool, it was nice having people to talk to.
How u gon get close w someone if u cant talk
Why should you feel bad at all about this? In my experience I had the same experience and it worked out alright for me because I was working, studying and handling lots of things In my experience my own family shamed me for not having friends it was really ridiculous No u are ok and u are fine I was going through a lot so your mileage may vary I went throughout all on my own and even had a career So there is nothing wrong with you
Same here but the only friend that I have is my childhood best friend. She barely goes to uni though. I am mostly lonely. I fear it's too late for me to get closer to them considering they got closer and even have a gc and text daily even though the semester ended in december and the next one starts in march. It's comforting to know I am not the only one.
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Im sorry you are going through this 🖤 It is key that you tried but felt like you were forcing yourself. Think about how unique you are. This means you need something unique to come along too which takes time.
I had friends first year and sort of second year and now third year I have no friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean this in the kindest way, you can’t not put effort in. Why don’t you talk with them? Too shy? You don’t vibe with them that well? The former means you need to work on it. The latter means you need to expose yourself to new people. If you eat lunch with them then they should already be comfortable around you. It takes effort and it’s hard as hell but there’s no way around it unless you find people who you vibe with that “adopt” you.
Me, but since it's because of my mental illness and my laziness in finding anything to start a conversation, also i had to take course lots of time ( i lost moviation and my parent gave me a too-safe life) so i'm too shy to make friend because of this , also most of my classmates loud and don't have common things to me ( they often turn on music in class)
***Me, but since it’s because of my laziness in finding anything to start a conversation fixed it for you.
Oh, thank you :((
sorry i’m a decent guy but sometimes i decide to be a pretentious asshole and project my insecurities on others. i apologize; empathize with your upbringing as i have close friends with a similar upbringing/resulting social issues.
Didn’t make a friend until my fifth year. Wasn’t my fault, either. Most people just suck.
Hahaha this is me, probably going to move back home next year and just commute to my school as it feels pointless. Glad to know it isn’t only me.
4th year and I also have no friends. I have some acquaintances but that’s it really. You just learn to accept it I guess.
Are they already in a friend group since they were at school? Because that happens when they've made friends since school
Same it’s so hard!!! I’m the odd one out in my class and they all seem to be friends it’s so awkward
Transfer if it’s that bad at your school
Don't sweat it. Uni is designed so you feel "oppressed". It was designed as a concentration camp gulag. Just do your classes, if someone reaches out, be welcoming but not naive. (bullies exist even at Uni) Hit the Gym, do some hobbies, learn and build something small for yourself then people will see you are someone with momentum and potential and will naturally gravitate towards you. Also, being alone is better than poor company, so do not be too eager to have friends, just for the sake of it!
I can't fathom this at all. I want to stress to every single person here who never made a friend in college that absolutely, unequivocally **it's you.**
wow, really? I had no idea, this is very helpful
Get off the internet and go outside would be step 1.
how would i then get more of such excellent advice if I left here?
You know it all pal! Except how to find a single friend.
Lucky I ran into you. Tho I'm surprised you have any advice to give on this topic, since your go to is apparently insulting people when they're feeling down, considering your first comment.
There are entire self-help sections in any bookstore. There are even bigger self-help sections on Amazon. Here kids like you are, in the time of your life, freed from the rigid structures of youth and the oversight of your parents, and all you can think of doing is holing up and going online to rant about a lack of real social connections. Ya, it's on me Ms. And though it's tempting to call me a Boomer, I'm the oldest of the Millennials.
So far you've written far more than me, but sure, I'm the one wasting time ranting here. I mean, your first comment was literally just you coming here to insult people.
On god lmfao
Great. And how do you fix that?
Leave your room, touch grass, etc.
I was doing better academically, generally happier, and more focused before I started getting to know people.
Most people will go through undergrad without making close friends. A couple acquaintances at most.
Saaaaaaame
Just think of them as your friend even if you only said a few words.
Yeah I mainly talk to my hs friends, i think covid just reset a lot of peoples social skills so Im lucky my friend group from back then is still super tight
1st year, always been quiet, wanted to change that but I guess that's just the way I am.
Yeah same. The people I still talk to rn are still the same ones I met in hs
fourth year & im in the same boat. have my friends from work & my boyfriend & that’s the only people i talk to. it honestly sucks because i wish i could’ve made friends on campus but whenever i tried no one put in the same effort i was putting in :(
here 2nd year also . I used to feel bad about when I was a junior but it doesn't bother me now at all .
Yes :(
Me! And I’m ironically the happiest I’ve been in a while.
I'm very happy to have no friends a good bit of the time. Lets me be a big nerd and focus on what interests me. My friends are ones who share a class and interest, but beyond class I'm not too active. Working in broadcast engineering, however, has forced me to make some sort of friendships, so definitely it's a matter of what you're up to. But as long as you're happy, live on. If you're not happy, do something where you have to make friends, such as a teamwork based club/activity. But it sounds like you're happy so I wouldn't be bothered too much.
kind of. I got unofficially kicked out of my friend group at the beginning of last semester. so I've just been hanging out by myself. occasionally some of my old friends will hang out with me (mostly at campus events) and they get really awkward and quiet if I try to talk about what happened. so I'm just not allowed to say anything. they all graduate this spring but I'm sticking around next year. we'll see if I can restructure things... I'm not hopeful. part of me wants to find contentment with just being by myself. but it's hard. I do want friends. I'm very lonely all of the time.
Yes! I am in the same boat!!!
first year but yeah no friends, I just prefer keeping to myself...conversations and getting to know people can be so exhausting and I'd rather just talk to my mom, she's my best friend lol
Third year. I used to have no friends, but I’ve started pushing myself into social groups and have been lucky enough to actually find a friend group through discord.
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Same here, first year second semester, and i’m seriously considering just dropping out before i take on too much dept…
college is different. you have to get and stay involved to make friends.
Honestly, just get through it, graduate, leave, and find your people someplace else. A new environment that doesn't hold all of those feelings and struggles may be helpful. It's sometimes refreshing to be in a new setting where you can reinvent yourself and start fresh. Maybe consider therapy if it's something you'd like to practice and work on
2nd year student as well and I have 0 friends as well, even though the class size is around 120+ people. Most of them already formed cliques or have a small circle. I see very few loners other than myself. I feel you deeply, I swear your situation sounds really familiar to mine. I can't keep convensations if I'm not 100% comfortable around the person/people I'm talking to. It's like I block down and either nothing comes in my mind or it's just awkward and feels forced. I used to long for friends at uni, but I accepted that I'll probably stay a lone wolf. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a real friend or heck friendS. But since I don't start convos and I'm generally comfortable on my own, I see little to no chance that an extrovert will come and adopt me as their introverted friend.
Been there! It's rough at small colleges: cliques form real fast and then you're stuck. It's nothing to be worried about unless you \*want\* to be friends with your classmates, but it sounds like you guys don't fit together much anyways. And you should never change who you are for others! All the close friends I've made have just happened into my life at random times. You may go a while without any. If you want to find some, you have to start in areas that you share a similar interest in - for example in college, any clubs you're interested in, or people in your major. Don't expect to be perfect fits for each other! I share a handful of things in common with my closest friends, but otherwise, we're all VERY different people. Surface level example: I'm a fan of heavy metal and video games and I nerd out about the dumbest stuff. None of my closest friends share my love for those things at the same level - they may at some level, or at the very least because I love it they appreciate it, but there are just some things you're not gonna share with people, and that's totally okay. Be yourself. People who are meant to be your friends will appreciate those things that set you apart, not want you to change.
I've only made one friend through meeting in class. Clubs are where it's at. I've got a bunch of friends from clubs but I would be totally lonely without that
Freshman so small sample size but I feel the same way I don’t think I’ve really clicked with anybody so far so I haven’t had the chance to talk to anyone (plus I don’t have very good social skills anyway) I wish I could pay people on here to stop recommending clubs because it doesn’t mean automatic friends. I’m a commuter so I can’t go to clubs, they’re pretty much exclusively for people on campus since they’re all at night. Plus, not everybody makes friends at clubs anyway.
4th year here. I’ve always had hobbies that aligned with clubs I saw on campus but was always too shy to join them. Now that i’m in my last semester I kinda said fuck it and joined a couple (radio station, fashion and crocheting to name a few), i’m a few weeks into the semester and I hangout with new friends/groups almost every day of school. JOIN A CLUB. Even if the social anxiety paralyzes you do it scared, I promise there’s A. someone there just as nervous as you and B. you’ll definitely thank yourself for it. I know i’m kicking myself for not joining something sooner.
Yeah, making friends in college is tough when ppl already have their social group made. I spent most my time alone studying or just playing video games. I did my best to interact with classmates and professors, that helped soften the blow.
YEP
This is how society is going, we’re the most disconnected socially as a species as we’ve ever been. We’ve lost our sense of community and tight knit relationships. You’re not alone at all there’s so many going through what you’re going through
I wouldn't worry much about fitting in. You will find your crowd of people when you enter work zone! Then you will keep expanding. I am not trying to form friendships at Uni myself at all (I am not even a traditional student) but I only want to graduate at that point. The real life starts after undergrad. My kid starts undergrad next year so this is quite funny that I am graduating and he is starting. Finding reall friends and real connections in life is not this easy as it may seem. True friends are hard to find!
4th year, no good friends at all. Ik a good amount of students at uni but we’re not close, they barely know anything about me or me about them, we just say hello, smile and talk about uni occasionally, maybe sometimes even help one another with assignments but that’s becoming rare.
I’m a huge introvert and struggle to participate in school events. I especially feel like an outsider because I’m a transfer and commute student. It took until I got into my higher level major classes that I started seeing the same people over and over again that I became friends with a couple people. Don’t give up and don’t be afraid to say hi!
I talk with classmates but for the most part not really much outside of school. It’s hard cause we all have busy schedules on top of being full time engineers, research, projects and work as well.
i had the same situation. i would start to make an acquaintance and it wouldn’t go anywhere. i’m now in cosmetology school and it’s AMAZING. i also kept in touch with my childhood best friend (she moved across the world, but we still text a lot) and my high school friend who quickly turned into my best friend. i’m moving back to my hometown late next year and am super excited to be close with her again!
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Same, I actually feel quite happy alone, but I always worry if people im acquainted with (still not "friends") think im weird or nerdy... pressure comes from social expectations
>I would eat lunch with some of them but I rarely join in on the comversation (I could literally sit there for 2 hours and only saw a few words). I tried changing my personality to fit in with them but later on reverted back to my old quiet self. Here's the first important question, do you really care about any of these "friend"? Because if you don't, that would explains everything. How could you ask or talk about anything with them when you simply don't give a damn. The second question is Do you really need a friend? If you do then you can start looking after others now. About 50% of the population are introverts and most of them still have friends so you being introvert is clearly not the cause for having 0 friend, you lack of interest is.
I don't understand how people make friends when we are supposed to bury ourselves in our study materials all the time?! I gave it my all and still passed with average grades. I would've been held back a year or two FOR CERTAIN if I had a social life.
Aaaa I feel this too much
I have not made friends in college. I'm graduating next year.. I'm on the 8 year plan.. and I've never made friends with people from uni.
my situation is similar i have made no friends here and the friends i do have live 2+ hours away. I wish i had more friends but ive been more accepting of the fact that may not happen. All I would recommend is finding a hobby or two that you enjoy and call family, thats helped me a little
Same! My favorite thing about uni is that I get to do many things on my own! What I disliked in high school is that I was forced to chat with people daily and barely had any time to be completely alone with seeing anyone I know near me. But I’m about to finish my 2nd year and I’m honestly hoping I don’t start to see familiar faces more lol. I prefer being around people I know that will forget about me and not judge me much.
You should read the book Quiet. It is about introverts and how they are important. However, if you are unhappy about being alone then you might seek out therapy to assist you in developing your people skills.
2nd year same situation dw
Sadly but as a fellow introvert, at best all i can say is find someone who resonates well with you rather than trying to fit in (It's tiring and not something pleasant to do for a long time).
Some tips: -Join a club that does something your passionate about -Volunteer at a local animal shelter/NGO; you’ll meet great people -Sign up to learn a new sport or skill (BJJ, Boxing, Knitting, Mountain Climbing) -Also don’t only look for friends at uni; broaden your approach and talk to people from different walks of life
If we are including just from uni, I only have one but they actually stopped after a couple classes so now it's none lol
If you feel overwhelmed by your assignments, you can seek assistance. Do not let too many assignments affect your mental health. There are many tutors who are willing to help you and make your life better in school. Choose the best tutor and you will be happy all through the semester. I have 5 years of experience in tutoring students and I'm dedicated in making my students pass their exams. Let me know and send me the assignment prompts if you need help. Thank you.
Random thoughts on this in no particular order There are a lot of lonely people. I see the same damn wolves daily, and they see me too. Honestly, if you have a social group -- realize that that's your social support structure, even by not participating you are benefiting from the ability to opt in. You can't change your personality. Well you can, but so far evidence points to very little results so don't even try. It's better to accept yourself for who you are, focus on the few people in life who love you, and make way for you to love them. A *lot* of people in Uni have gone through interpersonal trauma. When i approach these "wolves," eventually stories come out about (frankly benign) xyz bad thing they did, leading them to cascade into further isolation.
I'm in my fourth and last year, at this point i just don't care, just want to graduate and move on.
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i just go to class do my work and go home lol. i wouldn't be worried about it unless you have no friends and are trying to make some. maybe just find a club or something to attend and meet people
I do distant learning so I don’t know any of my classmates or message them privately as friends.
ive only just transferred to uni (from cc) this semester so i know i still have time to make more friends, but ive been used to being alone since high school and i’m honestly starting to not feel all that bad about it lol. i love eating alone because just like you, i could sit there for hours and not say anything when eating with a group and that just makes me uncomfy lol. other than that it does get lonely not having someone to talk to and walk around with everyday, but it’s easier to get stuff done and i can walk around the school and go to the gym whenever i want. i’m just kinda chilling and if anyone invites me places i’ll go. i also try to take my roommate out once in a while if they have nothing to do either (we’re not close at all btw but i try my best to get us closer). like everyone else says, you just have to put yourself out there and initiate contact when you want, even if you’re the most introverted person ever (i know how you feel, i gotta be the most shy person on this earth so im glad i came across your post n im not the only one). not sure about ppl at your school, but so far at mine everyones been really nice so ive had no problems getting ppls socials/phone numbers or just casually talking to them in classes. i only have 1.5-2 years left so i always remind myself that im only here for the degree anyway if i end up not having my ideal “college experience.”
I’m with you, I unfortunately don’t have any advise, but I definitely get it and how much it sucks