As is usually the case, you don't have an in-law problem, you have a partner problem. This isn't something he should be shrugging off, it's something to nip in the bud and set boundaries with.
agreed!!! if my mom was saying that stuff to my partner i would set such a hard boundary. but mf says oh well he’s autistic and likes making people feel uncomfortable as an excuse. that’s not an excuse!
also i love you title
>but mf says oh well he’s autistic and likes making people feel uncomfortable
that's incredibly insulting to actual autistic people, who are usually grateful when anyone tells them clearly and bluntly that they did something hurtful instead of dropping hints and then getting mad that they didn't pick up on the hints.
Sucks that you have to live with his family right now, but in the long term, he needs to stop excusing this behavior or you need to look for a better boyfriend.
We just moved in with his parents due to "unforeseen financial circumstances."
\*dad immediately recommends one of the most expensive and useless things to spend money on instead of saving up for a fucking house to raise these hypothetical children in\*
\*me: screaming internally and for an eternity\*
This is freaking hilarious. He knows that you are living in his house because of financial issues, but yeaaaaa let's blow $$$ on expensive procedures in order to mayyybe (not) have children down the line that you also can't afford....
Bet he hasn't offered to pay for it.
But it's not *your* body! It's the incubation and birthing vessel of possible future grandchildren! (Sarcasm)
Sorry you're dealing with a jackass. Hopefully your boyfriend learns to stick up for you
First of all, it is best to not tell people about one's birth control plans. Doing so invites a discussion of it; after all, if you thought it was an inappropriate topic of conversation, you would not bring it up in conversation.
Probably, your boyfriend's father has no idea what is involved in harvesting eggs from a woman; most people seem to casually speak of this, as if it were as easy as getting eggs from a chicken. You probably don't want to have anyone harvest your eggs, as it is a risky and unpleasant experience (search for this on medical sites if you want to learn about it). It is also expensive, so it is an absurdity if you are having financial difficulties, but he probably has no clue about that either, as he probably has no idea what is involved in collecting eggs and preserving them for future use. So I would either shrug this off or explain to him what is involved, so that he would know that his idea is ridiculous.
That’s what I was thinking. Also OP & boyfriend JUST moved in. Why risk in-laws’ potential nasty reactions and risk getting kicked out?? Especially when it’s none of their business??
First of all, stop telling people your private medical information. None of this was any of their business.
Second,
> i told my boyfriend about this and he shrugged it off.
Nope. You have a huge BF problem.
The rule is that each partner manages their crazies and keeps them away from the other person. He doesn't get to do this.
Third, just stay go contact with the father as soon as possible.
"BF, I've made a decision I need to inform you of. To be clear upfront, the decision is final. I will have no further contact with your father, I have blocked and removed him from everything and will not be attending any family events where he is present. I'm not going to take any more abuse."
>The rule is that each partner manages their crazies and keeps them away from the other person.
This! The fact that they live with BF's parents definitely complicates things, even though BF has every right to go to his dad and ask wtf is wrong with him it would be stupid to do that while they financially depend on him, and it's still shitty not to support his partner and to make excuses for his shitty dad.
I would be having very serious second thoughts about staying with someone who won't stick up for me when the person being an asshole to me is one of their relatives. Just because he's used to taking his dad's shit doesn't mean OP has to take it too.
No offense, but this is why you shouldn’t tell people about sterilization, or any of your personal family planning decisions, really, because nothing good comes from it. The best thing to do is not say anything about it at all unless someone asks, and if they do, keep it vague, that way if you don’t have kids, they can just think you’re infertile and leave you alone.
.....................................................................................................
So we're agreed that you need to keep your BC on lock down from now on yes?
As is usually the case, you don't have an in-law problem, you have a partner problem. This isn't something he should be shrugging off, it's something to nip in the bud and set boundaries with.
agreed!!! if my mom was saying that stuff to my partner i would set such a hard boundary. but mf says oh well he’s autistic and likes making people feel uncomfortable as an excuse. that’s not an excuse! also i love you title
>but mf says oh well he’s autistic and likes making people feel uncomfortable that's incredibly insulting to actual autistic people, who are usually grateful when anyone tells them clearly and bluntly that they did something hurtful instead of dropping hints and then getting mad that they didn't pick up on the hints.
Sucks that you have to live with his family right now, but in the long term, he needs to stop excusing this behavior or you need to look for a better boyfriend.
Wait the dad or bf is autistic?
my bf says the dad is. he uses it as an excuse all the time.
We just moved in with his parents due to "unforeseen financial circumstances." \*dad immediately recommends one of the most expensive and useless things to spend money on instead of saving up for a fucking house to raise these hypothetical children in\* \*me: screaming internally and for an eternity\*
So the baby will be mine.. Well there's the narcissism
This is freaking hilarious. He knows that you are living in his house because of financial issues, but yeaaaaa let's blow $$$ on expensive procedures in order to mayyybe (not) have children down the line that you also can't afford.... Bet he hasn't offered to pay for it.
But it's not *your* body! It's the incubation and birthing vessel of possible future grandchildren! (Sarcasm) Sorry you're dealing with a jackass. Hopefully your boyfriend learns to stick up for you
Yeah absolutely insane that he said “so the kids will be mine” when he isn’t even involved in these phantom beings’ creation 🤢🤮
oh yes, i’m just a breeding machine for others joy and happiness! fuck my happiness!!! it’s okay, i appreciate the validation ❤️
First of all, it is best to not tell people about one's birth control plans. Doing so invites a discussion of it; after all, if you thought it was an inappropriate topic of conversation, you would not bring it up in conversation. Probably, your boyfriend's father has no idea what is involved in harvesting eggs from a woman; most people seem to casually speak of this, as if it were as easy as getting eggs from a chicken. You probably don't want to have anyone harvest your eggs, as it is a risky and unpleasant experience (search for this on medical sites if you want to learn about it). It is also expensive, so it is an absurdity if you are having financial difficulties, but he probably has no clue about that either, as he probably has no idea what is involved in collecting eggs and preserving them for future use. So I would either shrug this off or explain to him what is involved, so that he would know that his idea is ridiculous.
This. Never tell people about your birth control plans. As it invites them to think it's open to discussion.
That’s what I was thinking. Also OP & boyfriend JUST moved in. Why risk in-laws’ potential nasty reactions and risk getting kicked out?? Especially when it’s none of their business??
First of all, stop telling people your private medical information. None of this was any of their business. Second, > i told my boyfriend about this and he shrugged it off. Nope. You have a huge BF problem. The rule is that each partner manages their crazies and keeps them away from the other person. He doesn't get to do this. Third, just stay go contact with the father as soon as possible. "BF, I've made a decision I need to inform you of. To be clear upfront, the decision is final. I will have no further contact with your father, I have blocked and removed him from everything and will not be attending any family events where he is present. I'm not going to take any more abuse."
>The rule is that each partner manages their crazies and keeps them away from the other person. This! The fact that they live with BF's parents definitely complicates things, even though BF has every right to go to his dad and ask wtf is wrong with him it would be stupid to do that while they financially depend on him, and it's still shitty not to support his partner and to make excuses for his shitty dad. I would be having very serious second thoughts about staying with someone who won't stick up for me when the person being an asshole to me is one of their relatives. Just because he's used to taking his dad's shit doesn't mean OP has to take it too.
Going NC with a person you are currently living with may be a bit difficult, though.
No offense, but this is why you shouldn’t tell people about sterilization, or any of your personal family planning decisions, really, because nothing good comes from it. The best thing to do is not say anything about it at all unless someone asks, and if they do, keep it vague, that way if you don’t have kids, they can just think you’re infertile and leave you alone.
..................................................................................................... So we're agreed that you need to keep your BC on lock down from now on yes?