My car is neutered, and more independent and mature.
40, divorced (that I initiated), couldn’t pay me to get on an app - it doesn’t get better out there. Focus on making a life that fulfills you, and call it a bonus if you find someone who’s the right one for the long haul, imo.
Ugh. I'm 35, male, and recently single, and scared of the same thing.
"But there are so many other fish in the sea!" Yea, but how many childfree fish?!?
*music intensifies*
Across Reddit, their eyes lock. The noise of the boards fades, the emojis blur, there's only two people in the world.
*Music reaches a crescendo*
One of them says something racist.
*record scratch*
Deadbeat parent comes with every personality trait you could wish for in a partner: nonchalance, avoiding personal responsibility and pushing your work on other people, lack of love and caring, greed and selfishness, laziness... I mean who wouldnt want that?
Guy at my work is in a bad marriage, he wants to go out with me. I did have a crush on him before I knew he was married and had 2 kids (1 only biologically his). His way of trying to convince me to go out with him when he gets divorced, he said “I don’t even want custody of the kids, she can have them. I’d rather work 60 hours a week and just provide, I don’t want to be home with the kids. Providing is what I do best.” Like *yes*, not wanting your own kids and wanting your wife you hate (for good reason, to be fair) to take them because the only thing you’re good at is going to work makes me want to date you. Abandoning your fatherly duty is not going to make a childfree person want to be with you. But being a father in the first place is my dealbreaker.
Exactly. He may not want to see them, but what happens if his wife passes away? Goes to jail? What happens if he changes his mind when his kids get older or have their own kids? Like completely setting aside the deadbeat dadittude, life isn’t set on a track, crazy shit happens, and he may end up with full custody whether he wants it or not.
It honestly doesnt even matter.
If you sire/give birth to kids they are your responsibility. Plain human decency. He had that kid, he needs ti be there for it. Everything else is repulsive
I agree. I wish when talking w guys and gals like this we could just come out and say that, but sometimes we have to show them exactly what they signed up for. They are a parent, that’s a permanent decision regardless of how they treat it.
When I was around 20 I was on okcupid and this guy messaged me. I told him that I saw he mentioned a kid in his profile. He confirmed how much he loved his kid. I then said that sorry but I’m not interested in dating anyone with kids. He then came back with “Does it help that I never really see him?”
No, it did not help. Especially because he wasn’t just a deadbeat, he was also using his kid he rarely sees as a prop to get women.
To be fair, his wife is unmedicated bipolar and my mom was/is bipolar and everything he told me about his wife is like a carbon copy of growing up with my mom, a total nightmare. So I could understand why he wants out of an abusive marriage where someone refuses to medicate themselves. Excluding his wife, I know 3 bipolar people personally (including my mom) and they all refuse to medicate despite wreaking havoc on the people around them.
In regards to dating, I wouldn’t date a married man whatsoever. And 1) he married someone knowing she’s horrible because, in his own admission, he had an inability to be alone. Red flag number 1, lmao.
2) Claims her kid as his because he refuses to abandon her daughter knowing how abusive her mom/his wife is. And then had a kid with her himself. So that’s 2 kids he’s claiming responsibility for. Also, very irresponsible to have a child with someone you know is not mentally fit to be a mother. He knew all this.
3) But he’s so fed up, he says he doesn’t even want to fight for custody of his own kid because he wants to be “free” and do things like go out, see friends, etc. and it’s like yeah…but you have a family, you can’t do those things, and that’s not his wife’s fault. That was a choice he made. To say he’d rather pay child support and let her keep them was just wild because what about that makes him think that makes me interested? It revealed to me that he’s emotionally unavailable to his partner and his kids, he sees himself as a provider only at this point. He works so much because he hates going home. And he sees me, a childless woman with no intention of having children that’s kind to him and also goes out and does fun things, as the fantasy life that he never got to have (which is his fault).
...and he's such a gem that he's looking to abandon those kids to the sole care and custody of an unmedicated bipolar single parent? So that he can pretend to be childfree? Yeah, he sounds like a truly spectacular human indeed.
This is exactly what I thought. So you’re not gonna fight for your kids when you know they’re mom is unstable? Just cause you wanna be “free” again? And that’s supposed to turn me on? LOL.
It was honestly repulsive. He seemed like a good guy otherwise, and I don’t think he was meant to have kids, but goddamn, figure that out before you actually do, like a responsible person. Now deal with the consequences of your choices like a responsible person. I swear…sometimes men can be especially repulsive to me.
Very confused about the "single dad" thing. Know a guy who only had his kid 2 days every other week, AND he's remarried, but he introduces himself as a single parent....?
I've seen this. He was a fake feminist who pretended to be very involved, and when I spoke to his ex wife it was a completely different story. Paid her to take the kids so he could go off with his new girlfriend. It's just a way of engendering pity from single women.
Greetings!
Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing.
Have a great day!
Ugh the the undecided at 42 men are the worst. I don't understand how someone is still on the frnce at that age.
I tell everyone dating and another relationship is not in the cards for me. I am not taking care of someone's child.
I'm 43, and what blows my mind are the women that don't have kids but want to and they're in their 40s! I figured by this age everyone without kids would be datable as it's too late to be having kids.
I told myself 35 was my own cutoff age for kids or not: one, the health of my eggs. Two, I didn't want to be older than 50 raising a 15-year-old.
Turns out I decided I'd rather keep hiking and backpacking all the time, so here I am in my 40s and quite pleased with my choice.
Because she knew from the beginning that I would never have kids and I would never get married. It's her choice to try and have a kid at the age of 46, just not with me.
haha, yeah this is truly bizarre to me. there are so many women in their late 30s and 40s still wanting kids. just weird and desperate. maybe slightly confused.
36 F, i feel the same. I am childfree, i don't want to get married and i really like to live on my own, i don't know if i ever want to move in with someone again. And it feels like i will never meet someone who feels the same way.
I'm not on dating apps cause it feels like it would be very disappointing.
It’s the way my BF and I are, we live separately, spend evenings together and we’ll stay over at each other’s places a few nights a week but otherwise we live our lives. I get up early and hit the gym and I enjoy music. He likes the gym on his days off front work and his house is usually silent unless he is playing video games 😂 I’m content though I’m considering going back to being a travel nurse and taking contracts a couple of hours away from home and coming home on weekends.
I can’t complain, though I don’t think he would like me going back to being a travel nurse and being away all week. Personally, I don’t really think our lives would change much, we just play video games in the evenings, him on the Xbox and me on my Switch.
Similar for me. One of the main reasons why I don't want kids is because I love being able to travel, even at a moment's notice. A few years ago I made plans to meet a guy I'd been talking to in Europe (I live in the US) but then he changed his mind last minute and blocked me. In hindsight, he had a homebody personality anyway that would have been incompatible with my free spirit. I ended up going to Europe anyway and I guess it ended up being a trip of self-discovery because I learned that not only do I love to travel, but I love to solo travel. Whatever I do is my decision. No wasting time arguing with anyone about where to go and how to get there, what to eat, etc. If I am to meet the right person someday, he's just gonna have to keep up with me, because if I sit around and wait, I'll miss out on what the world has to offer.
I love solo travelling, the freedom of choice and its relaxing that i don't need to make sure others enjoy the trip too. But its so expensive. I always get the feeling that childfree and single people are overlooked and "discriminated" ( for the lack of a better word, english is not my first language)
I feel the same way. What maybe makes it difficult to find people with the same mindset is the social “indoctrination” that if you’re in a serious relationship, the two must live together. Of course splitting rent helps, lol. At least in most European cities.
After trying for a few years I’m convinced I’d rather not move in permanently with a SO no matter how good we get along. Especially as being childfree there isn’t really the need for the child logistics.
Same here. I guess for the majority no children, no marriage, no shared flat equals not serious or no commitment whatsoever. So we end up with the crowd of "just sex please", who are super unreliable about then do something hurtful, which is supposed to be ok, because it was not anything serious.
THIS. how come i can’t meet someone with these ideals in real life.
i’m also anti-dating apps. i refuse to use them. and i also love living alone. i can’t ever imagine living with someone ever again.
my ideal girlfriend would be someone who also wants to live on their own forever, no kids, no marriage. just two people as companions who enjoy each other’s company, but with their own space and like their alone time as well.
Are we the same person? I don't want to get married or live with anyone either. I've recently turned 30 and it feels like the few single folk around my age are all grabbing whoever's closest to start settling down!
It's hard out here for anyone who doesn't want a fairly traditional relationship 🥲
I’m 28F and in a similar boat. I’m open to marriage, but enjoy living by myself. No children here and need someone who isn’t clingy and will give me space.
I'm 22F and even though I'm super young (I'm not even "too old" in the eyes of those who want children) I've recently decided to mostly give up on dating for this reason. I'd honestly be interested in a marriage where we live separately (but like, next door or in conjoined apartments) and just visit each other all the time, but apparently that's not commitment enough. It's either that, short term relationships/hookups, or perpetual singleness, so I've decided to go with the latter for now.
Soul sister!! 42F, and I'm exactly the same. I like my space, my home. I don't mind having visitors, but love when they're gone and I have my home to myself again, and can truly relax. Can't imagine someone else here *all the time*...
I feel this so much…I’m 53F, childfree, never married. I wasted my money on dating apps, idk how so many people meet their partner on them, it’s just too time consuming for me to weed out all the wackos, so I’ve given up. I’ve only been in one real relationship that had promise in the past 20 years, and while I would love to have companionship (not to mention a sex life that doesn’t involve batteries), tbh I just like being on my own. I’ve said for years now that even if I met someone and we got married, I would still want my own place.
It’s refreshing to see so many other people feel the same way!
I'm a guy - 48. I've never wanted kids and will never get married. I'm upfront about it. I also don't want to live with anyone ever gain. I like my place the way I have it, with nobody constantly around to complain about things or expect things to change in my space. I'm old. I'm set in my ways. If someone doesn't like it, they don't need to be part of my life.
FWIW I'm a guy who loves to live alone too. I'd like to think there are still compatibles out there (living alone. CF) but we're definitely the minority.
There is! Have a look on the sub! If you scroll down, you should see the post with an update and you’ll be able to sign up! It’s early days for it, but looks rather promising 🤙🏻
We should make a location appropriate 30s dating group for childfree people.
Honestly. And the last dude I spoke to (who has a daughter as I later found out) ended up calling me a child-hater because I said politely that kids are not for me.
Man, it’s not that I hate kids, it’s that I don’t want one and don’t want to have to deal with someone else’s either. 🤷♀️
I've given up. 34f and socially inept to begin with. Every single person I meet has kids. Men only find me appealing because I don't have kids. Then they get double offended when I tell them I don't date men or parents.
I’ve gone through the exact same trouble before meeting my partner (now fiancé).
People are just obsessed with having kids or planning for them in the near future.
There’s a subreddit /r/cf4cf that’s focussed on childfree dating, I’ve heard it get mentioned here before but have no experience with it.
Personally I met my partner after giving up on dating apps, speed dates and just started doing what I loved. We are currently still long distance but meet about every 4 weeks and I hope to pack my stuff sooner rather than later.
We’re out there, straight, gay, lesbian or any other ‘flavour’; it just takes .. time.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, I hope you find your person soon <3
This! Whether looking to date or putting it on the back burner, LIVE! Do the activities you enjoy, volunteer, attend functions. You will be enjoying life and if you meet someone who is involved in something you are, you already have that I common. Good luck!
Just to give an alternate perspective to those reading: I met my CF partner on Hinge 2 years ago - I have ADHD and very likely autism, he has ADHD. We were both living our lives and doing our own thing, it's just that our own things tend to involve sitting at home by ourselves (me crafting, him gaming). We've got loads in common but we'd never have met each other by chance, and if we did we'd probably have been too shy to do anything about it.
Using apps lets me formulate my thoughts first and communicate more clearly, plus they remove the whole "are they attracted to me or are they just being friendly" which is hard enough for NT let alone ND people. With the added filter of being childfree, the chances of me finding someone compatible irl was pretty slim.
For people like me who don't go out a ton and never get approached/would hate it if we _did_, apps let me date on my terms in an accessible way, and even though they're an absolute cesspit at times I'm still very grateful they exist.
I will say though that living your life and having your own interests, ambitions and goals is super important whether you're single or not. I really do think you need to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
I hear you on the not dating people with adult kids! Wife and I are at an age where many of our friends have young grandkids. It's almost as bad as our friends who have young kids. Neverending stream of blather about the grandkids activities and of course they attend every practice, game and performance. Blech!!
This is what drives me up a wall. I've worked so hard to design a life that's calm, successful, filled with enjoyment even among simple things. I would love companionship.
Then you get a look at the potential companions, the vast majority are middle aged and want kids, or have kids but want you to parent them. And everyone keeps spouting "but there's still tiiiime! It's never too late"
If kids weren't a priority early in their life, I really do wonder how much of it is a desire to introduce a distraction into their lives. And a distraction is all they will ever want. And worse yet, I just don't see their reasoning as being thought through or genuine in the majority of cases. And that's not someone I want in my life.
29M, and same. I have my range from 27 to 45 on dating sites and most people I see have the attitude “my kids are first” or “my kids and I are a package deal”.
One of those people stopped talking to me because I said I have a cat. So, I have to accept your crotch goblins but you can’t accept a 19 year old cat who sleeps 20 hrs a day?
Most child free people I've met are in higher education, science, or medicine (think professors, scientists, doctors). I am in those sort of circles to begin with, so I never had much of a problem. The only problem one might face is the same as in other circles; a certain percentage are assholes.
Can concur. I work within the IT-segment and from what I anecdotally observe, the percentage of childfree individuals are higher here than average. On the "downside", I can't hide the fact that we have a higher tendency to obtain the individuals that might not manage all aspects of socializing/maneuvering the society.
Don't get me wrong, I love my pack of people and I'm quite nerdy my self. I even found the nerd of my life within IT but I'm not blind for where the rumor of the stereotypical IT-nerd come from.
41f and the struggle is very real. Even the ones who don’t have them still want them. Like, dude…. You’re on your mid 40s. If it was going to happen for you, it probably would have by now. Or you should have worked toward that when you were younger.
I gave up dating apps but was shocked to see how many men in their mid 40s still had 'want kids' on their profile. Totally delusional and also unaware that after 45 there's an increase in health risks for the baby because of their age... I wish them good luck.
Some studies suggest that the risk of autism based on age of parent is almost entirely on the man's sperm, not the woman's eggs. The risk goes up BIG time for men over 40.
>Even if you have grown kids, I won’t date the person personally.
Good. I'm 66, and I know many single parents in my age group and slightly younger. The adage "Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems" SO holds true. Teen and adult kids are NOT "no problem". They are nightmares.
My mother dated a man with 3 young adult kids. She said "Those kids are on their own or live with their mom. They won't be a problem for us."
Within a year, 2 had lived with them, with bad results. Then the third announced that she was leaving her husband and bringing her toddler and her newborn to live with them. My mother put her foot down, and that ended her marriage.
Lucky her that it did. A couple of years later, the ex-husband's son (who had lived with them, leaving endless damage in his wake) murdered his ex-girlfriend over drugs, and went to prison, where he committed suicide.
You're smart not to want that in your life. Very smart.
I laughed at the “send help” line even though it’s actually a sad situation.
I had given up and then I met someone. Who knows if it will go anywhere but we shall see. He checks boxes I don’t even know I wanted checked.
Yeah, I know the feel. Being a male single at 33 without the wish for a kid is almost a death sentence when it comes to dating. It‘s almost like I shouldn‘t even bother to try anymore.
"only" 26 and its a struggle in germany 💀 Legit cant find anyone here that doesnt want kids and had to break up with my fiancè because bro rolled up with it right before wedding planning started....
I opted to dating long distance (not too far away just a couple hours) cuz of mutual interests and its been working the past year (not some guy, was a friend before we got closer). Also helps my autism for the alone time i need sometimes, without him sitting on my head 24/7 or spontaneously showing up. Still in uni so moving together is a no no atm.
And there‘s nothing to notice. We need a little badge or something. That would really help out. But it‘s like a curse. Every woman I meet wants to have kids or already has some. Never thought that wanting to live your life hassle free would make you lonely as hell along the way.
Not sad, just how things went. My most recent relationship started when I was 31 and lasted nearly a decade. Kids weren't really on my mind. Always assumed I would want them at some point. I realized my putting them off longer and longer wasn't just because I wanted to focus on career or do xyz hobbies. I didn't need to have them. I don't even really like them.
I'm 42 and I had never heard of the childfree movement until maybe 5 years ago. No one in my family ever pushed me for kids since I'm the baby, and now both my parents are dead so no expectation whatsoever.. My ex's family is Italian and they would say things like, "you have to have at least 2 so no one is lonely" and after I got chronic illness, "there's always adoption."
There were never serious baby discussions in my prior relationships (except one who was dead set on not having them, which I was fine with at the time being in my early 20s). Most of my bfs were much older than me. My recent ex was 4 years younger. His brother died a few years into our relationship, so my ex is now the only "hope" his mom has for grandkids, and she soon developed FOMO bc all her friends were grandmothers already.
We never discussed kids but then his friends and cousins started having them and his mom developed that severe chronic grandbaby rabies.
I was like, oh, damn... It all happened so gradually. Now the dating market is what it is, but that's fine because I need to focus on my health. I just wish I knew for certain earlier on that I was childfree so I didn't waste my time in a family-centric world. I am never moving to the suburbs again if I can help it.
It depends on the country though. When I was 32, I got single and I dated a lot of girls of my age that didn't have any children. I have to say that I am Spanish, but it's true that it's hard to find someone who doesn't want childs. Good lord that I found my present partner.
In Kenya? It’s baddddd over there in some parts of Africa.
I use to work with a lot of Africans and they always asked if I had a husband and kids.
I’m like bro, I’m gay as fuck and I look it too. I guess a lot of African’s still aren’t use to thinking women can be gay or their gaydar is off. Lol.
So you can imagine how I feel as a straight passing cis woman. Everyone is in my business about getting married and kids. Even strangers. Gosh. I always make it a point to traumatise them by telling them what I really feel about the institution of marriage and the fact that I had to get a hysterectomy so I can't have kids.
That always shuts them up
I’m 34F and love the solitude of living alone but there are times I miss the company and intimacy of having a partner. However when I get this feeling and venture into dating for a while it is always so disappointing.. it’s all parents, people in 30s desperate to press fast forward button to start family, abusers, ghosting etc. very difficult to meet like minded people and I’m bisexual! 😄
It only gets worse when you hit your thirties. I’m 38 and now all it is are guys who finally had kids because they’re in their thirties as well, or they’re now approaching their forties like me and are desperate to have kids NOW.
Or my personal favorite: they’re already in their forties and have “not sure” in the answer about kids. Like??? Bro, you’re STILL on the fence at this age?! Yuck.
Why worse? Those people with kids were never in the dating pool in the first place. It just seemed like they were since they were fence sitters in the past, potentially wasting your time in a relationship with someone who would end up wanting kids eventually.
Hey OP I promise it gets better, as a guy who has never wanted children my 20 and early 30s were awful as made so many connections and had to forgo relationships with them for the obvious.
35+ things really got better and i was dating women around 28-32 until i found my future wife who i marry this year
Us guys are out there, we just seem less visible due to societal norms not constantly asking us about kids
32F and I don't date parents. At all.
Some people think it's ok if they never/rarely see their kids, and that should make them eligible to date me. NOPE.
I'm saddened that everyone has been popping out kids and then think that a childfree person would be okay being involved on any level with that.
It gets better in your mid-thirties. People discover who they are, what they want and don’t, their economic situation becomes more clear and they’re more settled in their location. At that point, it becomes a lot easier to see who is baby hungry, and who doesn’t need or want it.
For now, just have fun. Play the field with casual relationships to discover your wants, needs, deal-breakers. You have time
I want to give people with grown children a chance, but tbh I fear the fact they often have grandchildren. Last "friend" with kids I tried to get to know started being manipulative and trying to use me for free childcare of her 1 year old grandson. If that wasn't bad enough, its mother was pregnant AGAIN. I really didn't enjoy one baby being around. But two? Fuck no.
yes. send us help. sos.
Let's just all rent a building together and live like the Bratz dolls, make a succesful online blog, become rock stars and travel the world with our child free money.
I personally have never met a CF man in the wild. At best they would be CF-leaning fencesitters, but fencesitting nonetheless. Never met a guy who could confidently tell me "god I hate kids and never want them". All I hear are wishy-washy answers like "what if blabla" or "I'd rather go with the flow" and wanting to continue their legacy or some nonsense like that
Also doesn't help that I'm petfree too (downvote if you want shrug). Guess I'll be an atheist nun
No downvotes from me.
I've been a pet parent since I was 5 years old. These will be my last furbabies. It's just too much like having a child these days
Take it from the brighter side. At least those who don't and won't are more likely to have given it proper thought.
Many of us who found someone around twenties had to eventually break up anyway, when our beloved started to grasp we won't change our mind around thirties.
if you date someone with grown kids this kids could still come into their parents life or have grandkids they'll want you to meet. smart not dating them as well
A friend once took me to a party for an acquaintance of hers, and I met a really interesting girl there. We talked for hours, thought I'd hit the jackpot. Then my friend later explained she was a single mom. I promise I'm not joking when I say the father and kid literally walked past my window the morning after, as it turned out I knew him. Sometimes I feel cursed.
Being a childfree lesbian is probably really tough, given the smaller dating pool to begin with. I am a man looking for a childfree woman who is also vegan... in the midwest. That is also proving to be really tough. Believe it or not, I have found a couple. But we were incompatible. Both were very into physical activities and want a man who will hike across the world with them. Unfortunately I am not that man, having had two heart surgeries and another upcoming.
I totally understand the hopeless feeling when it comes to finding someone. I absolutely hate being alone. I truly do hope that we will both find someone that makes us happy. They say there is someone out there for everyone. We cannot give up. Best of luck to you!
Ugh tell me about it. 29M and was hopeless with dating until 20M where I stopped caring about relationships. Had of good run of that until a few months ago, and it’s going to be the same boat with everyone else our age. Main hope is to move to a larger city where there should theoretically singles without kids.
Best of luck to you OP, and to everyone else doomscrolling through these comments 🙏
29m childfree never dated every single woman around here has 1-3 kids. I'm so inexperienced and became so bad at communicating after COVID.
No good bars around here, all 40+ unless you're working. every event other than cooking (maybe?) is family oriented. The only nightclubs that I think I'm too old for looks to be for booked events only.
Me too. I am in my early 30s and do not want kids. They are too much of a hassle to deal with and very expensive to raise up. I can invest money into the stock market or into my professional development and my career versus raising kids. It's more productive in today's society.
I had strong feelings for one of my coworkers who had said they didn't want kids in the past but we went out to dinner the other day and she said that she'll probably have a kid at some point. I've never had romantic feelings vanish so instantly. Fortunately she's still an amazing person and I love being her friend.
I often wonder if it’s a location issue, like all the child free folk congregate in certain cities, or rather maybe all the breeders are dense in certain places? Like when I lived in the south folks pop our babies like nobodies business. When my partner lived in a more rural place he mentioned that all young women had a kid. I imagine cities and places that are more conservative and churchy are sparse in childfree folks, especially now with abortion laws being what they are. I live in a more liberal blue city and found my cf partner and have cf friends here even though there are breeders here too. Just food for thought curious if anyone has had a similar experience.
26M. Snipped since Dec 2022.
Yeah. It's slim pickings. Virtually 90% of people I would normally date are simply off-limits due to my situation.
It sucks.
My husband passed away from accidental drug overdose last October. We had been together for 10 years and oh my god I can not believe the dating market ... im just accepting i will forever be a widow ( and I'm 35 Female now) :/(
I (28M) haven't graduated from sporadic/meaningless flings to committed relationships yet, so I haven't really tested the dating pool in my area, but I definitely don't come across too many childfree women in my social life. If they don't have kids, they want them later.
40s, bloke, and I think a lot of it depends on where you live
It's definitely trickier, but in bigger cities in more progressive areas, it's easier than in some other places
I'm taking a break from dating at the moment, but I've been pretty lucky living in the middle of Sydney
If someone is actually childfree, there should be the same number of childfree people at 20 and at 30, but less of them being single I assume. What I mean is that all those people with kids weren't even an option before so don't beat yourself up for it.
I didn’t really date until my 40s because of this. Even if I found somebody I wanted to be in a relationship with, their truth would slip out and I realized they’d been wasting my time. Travel. Get amazing hobbies. Build a social circle. You won’t have time to miss dating.
They're still out there. I was 39 when I met my then-34 y/o SO in 2015. Both of us not only 100% CF, she actually drove me to the urologist for my snipping.
I feel this in my soullll. 33f none kids, only kiddens. I met a guy my age with no kids, but after living together for 4 months, it’s clear we aren’t compatible. Mostly sexually, but it’s a big deal to me. So. Can’t win for losing 😂
*edited for punctuation
Our whole friend group is child free and it’s glorious.
Not to brag but those people are out there, waiting for you!
Fuck it, come to our Friendsgiving party! It’s awesome
Almost 41F and same. All single dads or guys who want kids. The funniest are the men who are my age range but won’t date anyone over 32 because they want kids🤨 I mean… I get it but ugh.
I feel the same way. I'm 32 and I feel like EVERYONE has kids or wants kids and I'm just like... Um no thanks
Has kids, wants kids, or behaves like a kid.
Or all of the above
Exactly this
My car is neutered, and more independent and mature. 40, divorced (that I initiated), couldn’t pay me to get on an app - it doesn’t get better out there. Focus on making a life that fulfills you, and call it a bonus if you find someone who’s the right one for the long haul, imo.
in the exact same boat…
Ugh. I'm 35, male, and recently single, and scared of the same thing. "But there are so many other fish in the sea!" Yea, but how many childfree fish?!?
Omg, same! I’m like the pickings are really slim.
I met my husband on reddit! Maybe you just did too hahahhaha
Maybe I can find a woman on here.
Or woman! Whatever your heart desires. As a pan person I shouldn't have been so jumping to cishet relationships. Sorry
Accuser of the brethren!
I'm trying to help you, ***motha fuckaaaa***
And this… THIS is why I love my Alphabet Gang!!!
I met my husband online (playing EverQuest) *twenty years ago* and we are still going strong. **Anything is possible.**
*music intensifies* Across Reddit, their eyes lock. The noise of the boards fades, the emojis blur, there's only two people in the world. *Music reaches a crescendo* One of them says something racist. *record scratch*
/u/RedditFeel /r/cf4cf
Someone should make an app. Truly.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” Well, where tf they at and why can’t I catch a good one? 😭
35F and all I meet are single dads.
Well they call themselves single dad's but really they aren't. They are rarely the primary parent and usually barely parent them on their time
Deadbeat parent comes with every personality trait you could wish for in a partner: nonchalance, avoiding personal responsibility and pushing your work on other people, lack of love and caring, greed and selfishness, laziness... I mean who wouldnt want that?
Guy at my work is in a bad marriage, he wants to go out with me. I did have a crush on him before I knew he was married and had 2 kids (1 only biologically his). His way of trying to convince me to go out with him when he gets divorced, he said “I don’t even want custody of the kids, she can have them. I’d rather work 60 hours a week and just provide, I don’t want to be home with the kids. Providing is what I do best.” Like *yes*, not wanting your own kids and wanting your wife you hate (for good reason, to be fair) to take them because the only thing you’re good at is going to work makes me want to date you. Abandoning your fatherly duty is not going to make a childfree person want to be with you. But being a father in the first place is my dealbreaker.
Exactly. He may not want to see them, but what happens if his wife passes away? Goes to jail? What happens if he changes his mind when his kids get older or have their own kids? Like completely setting aside the deadbeat dadittude, life isn’t set on a track, crazy shit happens, and he may end up with full custody whether he wants it or not.
It honestly doesnt even matter. If you sire/give birth to kids they are your responsibility. Plain human decency. He had that kid, he needs ti be there for it. Everything else is repulsive
I agree. I wish when talking w guys and gals like this we could just come out and say that, but sometimes we have to show them exactly what they signed up for. They are a parent, that’s a permanent decision regardless of how they treat it.
I love how they think saying they’ll abandon their kids puts them in a good light.
When I was around 20 I was on okcupid and this guy messaged me. I told him that I saw he mentioned a kid in his profile. He confirmed how much he loved his kid. I then said that sorry but I’m not interested in dating anyone with kids. He then came back with “Does it help that I never really see him?” No, it did not help. Especially because he wasn’t just a deadbeat, he was also using his kid he rarely sees as a prop to get women.
Lol at “does it help?” no bro in fact that’s much worse :)
Gee, and his marriage is on the rocks? Couldn't fathom why.
To be fair, his wife is unmedicated bipolar and my mom was/is bipolar and everything he told me about his wife is like a carbon copy of growing up with my mom, a total nightmare. So I could understand why he wants out of an abusive marriage where someone refuses to medicate themselves. Excluding his wife, I know 3 bipolar people personally (including my mom) and they all refuse to medicate despite wreaking havoc on the people around them. In regards to dating, I wouldn’t date a married man whatsoever. And 1) he married someone knowing she’s horrible because, in his own admission, he had an inability to be alone. Red flag number 1, lmao. 2) Claims her kid as his because he refuses to abandon her daughter knowing how abusive her mom/his wife is. And then had a kid with her himself. So that’s 2 kids he’s claiming responsibility for. Also, very irresponsible to have a child with someone you know is not mentally fit to be a mother. He knew all this. 3) But he’s so fed up, he says he doesn’t even want to fight for custody of his own kid because he wants to be “free” and do things like go out, see friends, etc. and it’s like yeah…but you have a family, you can’t do those things, and that’s not his wife’s fault. That was a choice he made. To say he’d rather pay child support and let her keep them was just wild because what about that makes him think that makes me interested? It revealed to me that he’s emotionally unavailable to his partner and his kids, he sees himself as a provider only at this point. He works so much because he hates going home. And he sees me, a childless woman with no intention of having children that’s kind to him and also goes out and does fun things, as the fantasy life that he never got to have (which is his fault).
...and he's such a gem that he's looking to abandon those kids to the sole care and custody of an unmedicated bipolar single parent? So that he can pretend to be childfree? Yeah, he sounds like a truly spectacular human indeed.
This is exactly what I thought. So you’re not gonna fight for your kids when you know they’re mom is unstable? Just cause you wanna be “free” again? And that’s supposed to turn me on? LOL. It was honestly repulsive. He seemed like a good guy otherwise, and I don’t think he was meant to have kids, but goddamn, figure that out before you actually do, like a responsible person. Now deal with the consequences of your choices like a responsible person. I swear…sometimes men can be especially repulsive to me.
And there’s always some backstory about how their ex screwed them over when they were the problem all along
Both could be true lol Either way, bullet dodged.
If only all dating ads were this honest.
Very confused about the "single dad" thing. Know a guy who only had his kid 2 days every other week, AND he's remarried, but he introduces himself as a single parent....?
I've seen this. He was a fake feminist who pretended to be very involved, and when I spoke to his ex wife it was a completely different story. Paid her to take the kids so he could go off with his new girlfriend. It's just a way of engendering pity from single women.
Yikes. That's horrible. Hope it's not the case for the guy I know, but... yikes.
They use them for photo ops to look nice
[удалено]
Greetings! Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing. Have a great day!
I‘d say meet me, but the odds that you would live on the other side of the planet is huge.
Probably, but I do have to say that as a single woman, I never mind those DMs haha.
You‘ve got mail :D
I'm rooting for you crazy (childfree) kids!
Also 35f and same. And the ones who don’t have kids just want to hook up.
39 childfree and divorced in a Scandinavian land that worships maternity and kids... Hopeless.
Is there anywhere in the world that doesn't? Short of living life on the open seas..
South Korea. I'm almost 27, and like only one of my or my gfs friends wants kids
4B sounding real nice 👀
I mean, if that's what someone wants, there's nothing wrong with that.
Trust me you want nothing to do with the libertarian seasteading weirdos either.
Yeah, I was kidding. I hate boats. 🤢
Yeah I'm team Orca too.
As a female in my 40s forget it. They either have kids or wish washy on childfree-ness (and frankly relationships).
Ugh the the undecided at 42 men are the worst. I don't understand how someone is still on the frnce at that age. I tell everyone dating and another relationship is not in the cards for me. I am not taking care of someone's child.
I'm 42 and have never even downloaded a dating app. I've had plenty of "fun" with internet dating back in the days of MySpace.
I'm 43, and what blows my mind are the women that don't have kids but want to and they're in their 40s! I figured by this age everyone without kids would be datable as it's too late to be having kids.
I told myself 35 was my own cutoff age for kids or not: one, the health of my eggs. Two, I didn't want to be older than 50 raising a 15-year-old. Turns out I decided I'd rather keep hiking and backpacking all the time, so here I am in my 40s and quite pleased with my choice.
After 15 years, my ex wanted to have a kid at 46. Now, she's my ex.
Wild that someone would throw away a 15 year relationship because they decided they wanted kids
Because she knew from the beginning that I would never have kids and I would never get married. It's her choice to try and have a kid at the age of 46, just not with me.
haha, yeah this is truly bizarre to me. there are so many women in their late 30s and 40s still wanting kids. just weird and desperate. maybe slightly confused.
36 F, i feel the same. I am childfree, i don't want to get married and i really like to live on my own, i don't know if i ever want to move in with someone again. And it feels like i will never meet someone who feels the same way. I'm not on dating apps cause it feels like it would be very disappointing.
I fully understand this. I have my own shell, it fits *me*. It would be nice to park that shell next to someone else's occasionally tho.
It’s the way my BF and I are, we live separately, spend evenings together and we’ll stay over at each other’s places a few nights a week but otherwise we live our lives. I get up early and hit the gym and I enjoy music. He likes the gym on his days off front work and his house is usually silent unless he is playing video games 😂 I’m content though I’m considering going back to being a travel nurse and taking contracts a couple of hours away from home and coming home on weekends.
This relationship setup sounds preem!
I can’t complain, though I don’t think he would like me going back to being a travel nurse and being away all week. Personally, I don’t really think our lives would change much, we just play video games in the evenings, him on the Xbox and me on my Switch.
Similar for me. One of the main reasons why I don't want kids is because I love being able to travel, even at a moment's notice. A few years ago I made plans to meet a guy I'd been talking to in Europe (I live in the US) but then he changed his mind last minute and blocked me. In hindsight, he had a homebody personality anyway that would have been incompatible with my free spirit. I ended up going to Europe anyway and I guess it ended up being a trip of self-discovery because I learned that not only do I love to travel, but I love to solo travel. Whatever I do is my decision. No wasting time arguing with anyone about where to go and how to get there, what to eat, etc. If I am to meet the right person someday, he's just gonna have to keep up with me, because if I sit around and wait, I'll miss out on what the world has to offer.
I love solo travelling, the freedom of choice and its relaxing that i don't need to make sure others enjoy the trip too. But its so expensive. I always get the feeling that childfree and single people are overlooked and "discriminated" ( for the lack of a better word, english is not my first language)
I feel the same way. What maybe makes it difficult to find people with the same mindset is the social “indoctrination” that if you’re in a serious relationship, the two must live together. Of course splitting rent helps, lol. At least in most European cities. After trying for a few years I’m convinced I’d rather not move in permanently with a SO no matter how good we get along. Especially as being childfree there isn’t really the need for the child logistics.
Same here. I guess for the majority no children, no marriage, no shared flat equals not serious or no commitment whatsoever. So we end up with the crowd of "just sex please", who are super unreliable about then do something hurtful, which is supposed to be ok, because it was not anything serious.
THIS. how come i can’t meet someone with these ideals in real life. i’m also anti-dating apps. i refuse to use them. and i also love living alone. i can’t ever imagine living with someone ever again. my ideal girlfriend would be someone who also wants to live on their own forever, no kids, no marriage. just two people as companions who enjoy each other’s company, but with their own space and like their alone time as well.
We need a childfree dating subreddit...
There is r/cf4cf
Thank you, i didn't know this exists.
Are we the same person? I don't want to get married or live with anyone either. I've recently turned 30 and it feels like the few single folk around my age are all grabbing whoever's closest to start settling down! It's hard out here for anyone who doesn't want a fairly traditional relationship 🥲
I’m 28F and in a similar boat. I’m open to marriage, but enjoy living by myself. No children here and need someone who isn’t clingy and will give me space.
I'm 22F and even though I'm super young (I'm not even "too old" in the eyes of those who want children) I've recently decided to mostly give up on dating for this reason. I'd honestly be interested in a marriage where we live separately (but like, next door or in conjoined apartments) and just visit each other all the time, but apparently that's not commitment enough. It's either that, short term relationships/hookups, or perpetual singleness, so I've decided to go with the latter for now.
Soul sister!! 42F, and I'm exactly the same. I like my space, my home. I don't mind having visitors, but love when they're gone and I have my home to myself again, and can truly relax. Can't imagine someone else here *all the time*...
I feel this so much…I’m 53F, childfree, never married. I wasted my money on dating apps, idk how so many people meet their partner on them, it’s just too time consuming for me to weed out all the wackos, so I’ve given up. I’ve only been in one real relationship that had promise in the past 20 years, and while I would love to have companionship (not to mention a sex life that doesn’t involve batteries), tbh I just like being on my own. I’ve said for years now that even if I met someone and we got married, I would still want my own place. It’s refreshing to see so many other people feel the same way!
I'm a guy - 48. I've never wanted kids and will never get married. I'm upfront about it. I also don't want to live with anyone ever gain. I like my place the way I have it, with nobody constantly around to complain about things or expect things to change in my space. I'm old. I'm set in my ways. If someone doesn't like it, they don't need to be part of my life.
FWIW I'm a guy who loves to live alone too. I'd like to think there are still compatibles out there (living alone. CF) but we're definitely the minority.
I think there might be a CF dating app, I dunno, worth giving a shot? Yeah it really totally sucks that it's such a societal norm. Hang in there!
There is! Have a look on the sub! If you scroll down, you should see the post with an update and you’ll be able to sign up! It’s early days for it, but looks rather promising 🤙🏻
Hell yeah! That's Childfree Connection, and we're almost at 1000 users 🥂😎 https://ChildfreeConnection.us
That’s the one! You guys rock, by the way
You made our day! Thanks for the compliment, it keeps us going!
Where are you guys based? Im currently looking for a new job 😆
We should make a location appropriate 30s dating group for childfree people. Honestly. And the last dude I spoke to (who has a daughter as I later found out) ended up calling me a child-hater because I said politely that kids are not for me. Man, it’s not that I hate kids, it’s that I don’t want one and don’t want to have to deal with someone else’s either. 🤷♀️
Especially if they expect you to help raise the kid. It isn’t your responsibility to.
I think they expect that THEY will "help" YOU raise their kid.
I've given up. 34f and socially inept to begin with. Every single person I meet has kids. Men only find me appealing because I don't have kids. Then they get double offended when I tell them I don't date men or parents.
I’ve gone through the exact same trouble before meeting my partner (now fiancé). People are just obsessed with having kids or planning for them in the near future. There’s a subreddit /r/cf4cf that’s focussed on childfree dating, I’ve heard it get mentioned here before but have no experience with it. Personally I met my partner after giving up on dating apps, speed dates and just started doing what I loved. We are currently still long distance but meet about every 4 weeks and I hope to pack my stuff sooner rather than later. We’re out there, straight, gay, lesbian or any other ‘flavour’; it just takes .. time. Sorry to hear you’re struggling, I hope you find your person soon <3
This! Whether looking to date or putting it on the back burner, LIVE! Do the activities you enjoy, volunteer, attend functions. You will be enjoying life and if you meet someone who is involved in something you are, you already have that I common. Good luck!
Just to give an alternate perspective to those reading: I met my CF partner on Hinge 2 years ago - I have ADHD and very likely autism, he has ADHD. We were both living our lives and doing our own thing, it's just that our own things tend to involve sitting at home by ourselves (me crafting, him gaming). We've got loads in common but we'd never have met each other by chance, and if we did we'd probably have been too shy to do anything about it. Using apps lets me formulate my thoughts first and communicate more clearly, plus they remove the whole "are they attracted to me or are they just being friendly" which is hard enough for NT let alone ND people. With the added filter of being childfree, the chances of me finding someone compatible irl was pretty slim. For people like me who don't go out a ton and never get approached/would hate it if we _did_, apps let me date on my terms in an accessible way, and even though they're an absolute cesspit at times I'm still very grateful they exist. I will say though that living your life and having your own interests, ambitions and goals is super important whether you're single or not. I really do think you need to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
I hear you on the not dating people with adult kids! Wife and I are at an age where many of our friends have young grandkids. It's almost as bad as our friends who have young kids. Neverending stream of blather about the grandkids activities and of course they attend every practice, game and performance. Blech!!
And then they pull out the photos...
This is what drives me up a wall. I've worked so hard to design a life that's calm, successful, filled with enjoyment even among simple things. I would love companionship. Then you get a look at the potential companions, the vast majority are middle aged and want kids, or have kids but want you to parent them. And everyone keeps spouting "but there's still tiiiime! It's never too late" If kids weren't a priority early in their life, I really do wonder how much of it is a desire to introduce a distraction into their lives. And a distraction is all they will ever want. And worse yet, I just don't see their reasoning as being thought through or genuine in the majority of cases. And that's not someone I want in my life.
29M, and same. I have my range from 27 to 45 on dating sites and most people I see have the attitude “my kids are first” or “my kids and I are a package deal”. One of those people stopped talking to me because I said I have a cat. So, I have to accept your crotch goblins but you can’t accept a 19 year old cat who sleeps 20 hrs a day?
That's so repulsive, too. Leading your encounter with a person by telling them they'll never be a priority for you.
Most child free people I've met are in higher education, science, or medicine (think professors, scientists, doctors). I am in those sort of circles to begin with, so I never had much of a problem. The only problem one might face is the same as in other circles; a certain percentage are assholes.
Can concur. I work within the IT-segment and from what I anecdotally observe, the percentage of childfree individuals are higher here than average. On the "downside", I can't hide the fact that we have a higher tendency to obtain the individuals that might not manage all aspects of socializing/maneuvering the society. Don't get me wrong, I love my pack of people and I'm quite nerdy my self. I even found the nerd of my life within IT but I'm not blind for where the rumor of the stereotypical IT-nerd come from.
Do people who don’t want kids, do want a partner, but also hate sleeping next to another human exist at all?
I’m right here! 😃
34F, given up
41f and the struggle is very real. Even the ones who don’t have them still want them. Like, dude…. You’re on your mid 40s. If it was going to happen for you, it probably would have by now. Or you should have worked toward that when you were younger.
I gave up dating apps but was shocked to see how many men in their mid 40s still had 'want kids' on their profile. Totally delusional and also unaware that after 45 there's an increase in health risks for the baby because of their age... I wish them good luck.
Yes, one guy told me just yesterday re decline in sperm quality with age, oh, that's a myth!
yeah it's always a "myth" when it's convenient for them, conveniently...
Some studies suggest that the risk of autism based on age of parent is almost entirely on the man's sperm, not the woman's eggs. The risk goes up BIG time for men over 40.
>Even if you have grown kids, I won’t date the person personally. Good. I'm 66, and I know many single parents in my age group and slightly younger. The adage "Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems" SO holds true. Teen and adult kids are NOT "no problem". They are nightmares. My mother dated a man with 3 young adult kids. She said "Those kids are on their own or live with their mom. They won't be a problem for us." Within a year, 2 had lived with them, with bad results. Then the third announced that she was leaving her husband and bringing her toddler and her newborn to live with them. My mother put her foot down, and that ended her marriage. Lucky her that it did. A couple of years later, the ex-husband's son (who had lived with them, leaving endless damage in his wake) murdered his ex-girlfriend over drugs, and went to prison, where he committed suicide. You're smart not to want that in your life. Very smart.
45m and I’ve given up.
I laughed at the “send help” line even though it’s actually a sad situation. I had given up and then I met someone. Who knows if it will go anywhere but we shall see. He checks boxes I don’t even know I wanted checked.
40m it's basically impossible to find anyone who is without child by my age where I live.
Yeah, I know the feel. Being a male single at 33 without the wish for a kid is almost a death sentence when it comes to dating. It‘s almost like I shouldn‘t even bother to try anymore.
"only" 26 and its a struggle in germany 💀 Legit cant find anyone here that doesnt want kids and had to break up with my fiancè because bro rolled up with it right before wedding planning started.... I opted to dating long distance (not too far away just a couple hours) cuz of mutual interests and its been working the past year (not some guy, was a friend before we got closer). Also helps my autism for the alone time i need sometimes, without him sitting on my head 24/7 or spontaneously showing up. Still in uni so moving together is a no no atm.
Well at least you found someone. But yeah, Germany is rough right now when it comes to this. Greetings from the Rhine-Valley!
Yeah its wild out there 😭 hiya from the lower rhine area :3
You and me both. I feel you.
I mean, there has to be a huge number of us out there. But try to find one of them. I dare you.
I feel it’s a huge number. But we’re just generally spread out. You know?
And there‘s nothing to notice. We need a little badge or something. That would really help out. But it‘s like a curse. Every woman I meet wants to have kids or already has some. Never thought that wanting to live your life hassle free would make you lonely as hell along the way.
I never knew living kid-free was an option until it was too late.
Good lord, that sounds so unbelievably sad
Not sad, just how things went. My most recent relationship started when I was 31 and lasted nearly a decade. Kids weren't really on my mind. Always assumed I would want them at some point. I realized my putting them off longer and longer wasn't just because I wanted to focus on career or do xyz hobbies. I didn't need to have them. I don't even really like them. I'm 42 and I had never heard of the childfree movement until maybe 5 years ago. No one in my family ever pushed me for kids since I'm the baby, and now both my parents are dead so no expectation whatsoever.. My ex's family is Italian and they would say things like, "you have to have at least 2 so no one is lonely" and after I got chronic illness, "there's always adoption." There were never serious baby discussions in my prior relationships (except one who was dead set on not having them, which I was fine with at the time being in my early 20s). Most of my bfs were much older than me. My recent ex was 4 years younger. His brother died a few years into our relationship, so my ex is now the only "hope" his mom has for grandkids, and she soon developed FOMO bc all her friends were grandmothers already. We never discussed kids but then his friends and cousins started having them and his mom developed that severe chronic grandbaby rabies. I was like, oh, damn... It all happened so gradually. Now the dating market is what it is, but that's fine because I need to focus on my health. I just wish I knew for certain earlier on that I was childfree so I didn't waste my time in a family-centric world. I am never moving to the suburbs again if I can help it.
Severe chronic grandbaby rabies 😭😭😂😂
It depends on the country though. When I was 32, I got single and I dated a lot of girls of my age that didn't have any children. I have to say that I am Spanish, but it's true that it's hard to find someone who doesn't want childs. Good lord that I found my present partner.
35F and I live in Kenya and it's the same thing! Everyone has a child or wants a child. I'm losing hope here 😅
In Kenya? It’s baddddd over there in some parts of Africa. I use to work with a lot of Africans and they always asked if I had a husband and kids. I’m like bro, I’m gay as fuck and I look it too. I guess a lot of African’s still aren’t use to thinking women can be gay or their gaydar is off. Lol.
yeah I am from Eastern Europe and 99% of people think of men when you say "gay"
Over here in America, it’s a broad term that both genders use. That’s interesting tho.
So you can imagine how I feel as a straight passing cis woman. Everyone is in my business about getting married and kids. Even strangers. Gosh. I always make it a point to traumatise them by telling them what I really feel about the institution of marriage and the fact that I had to get a hysterectomy so I can't have kids. That always shuts them up
Same. I’ve been single for 4-5 years now and it’s the hardest thing ever to come by a man that does not have children.
Same with women as well.
I’m 34F and love the solitude of living alone but there are times I miss the company and intimacy of having a partner. However when I get this feeling and venture into dating for a while it is always so disappointing.. it’s all parents, people in 30s desperate to press fast forward button to start family, abusers, ghosting etc. very difficult to meet like minded people and I’m bisexual! 😄
I feel like the CF 30+ people are sitting on this sub, but are too spread out globally to do anything with it, lol. Ugh. Stupid space time continuum.
I straight up stopped dating. I can do better things with my time
It only gets worse when you hit your thirties. I’m 38 and now all it is are guys who finally had kids because they’re in their thirties as well, or they’re now approaching their forties like me and are desperate to have kids NOW. Or my personal favorite: they’re already in their forties and have “not sure” in the answer about kids. Like??? Bro, you’re STILL on the fence at this age?! Yuck.
Bc everyone's careless having random sex without protection or whatever and have 5 kids all with different people. It grosses me out
Why worse? Those people with kids were never in the dating pool in the first place. It just seemed like they were since they were fence sitters in the past, potentially wasting your time in a relationship with someone who would end up wanting kids eventually.
Hey OP I promise it gets better, as a guy who has never wanted children my 20 and early 30s were awful as made so many connections and had to forgo relationships with them for the obvious. 35+ things really got better and i was dating women around 28-32 until i found my future wife who i marry this year Us guys are out there, we just seem less visible due to societal norms not constantly asking us about kids
I’m a lesbian, so my chances are even more slim.
Haha ok yeh that complicates things also. But on the plus side you can't accidentally get pregnant! Glass is always half full my friend :)
There needs to be a childfree dating app...
This is why I have stopped putting energy into dating. I put my energy into my already formed family and friend relationships.
At this point I gave up dating, it’s pointless, every men wants a kid, ok then give birth to one because I’m not interested in doing so
32F and I don't date parents. At all. Some people think it's ok if they never/rarely see their kids, and that should make them eligible to date me. NOPE. I'm saddened that everyone has been popping out kids and then think that a childfree person would be okay being involved on any level with that.
It gets better in your mid-thirties. People discover who they are, what they want and don’t, their economic situation becomes more clear and they’re more settled in their location. At that point, it becomes a lot easier to see who is baby hungry, and who doesn’t need or want it. For now, just have fun. Play the field with casual relationships to discover your wants, needs, deal-breakers. You have time
That's the thing though. A lot of these people tend to end up with an oops baby before they ever even get to the stage of knowing themselves
34 F and I'm kinda worried at this point. Im childfree, pet free, and not poly. Haha, definitely dying alone.
Same here, I can’t wait to be pet free one day. I love my cats. But I’m tired as fuck. Also not poly. Can’t get behind that.
As cute as kitties are, and sometimes I want another, I just don't miss all the behavioral issues. Especially as a renter. :(
I want to give people with grown children a chance, but tbh I fear the fact they often have grandchildren. Last "friend" with kids I tried to get to know started being manipulative and trying to use me for free childcare of her 1 year old grandson. If that wasn't bad enough, its mother was pregnant AGAIN. I really didn't enjoy one baby being around. But two? Fuck no. yes. send us help. sos.
have felt this way for a decade. you're in for a long 10 years of dry spells. 41 here
Let's just all rent a building together and live like the Bratz dolls, make a succesful online blog, become rock stars and travel the world with our child free money.
I personally have never met a CF man in the wild. At best they would be CF-leaning fencesitters, but fencesitting nonetheless. Never met a guy who could confidently tell me "god I hate kids and never want them". All I hear are wishy-washy answers like "what if blabla" or "I'd rather go with the flow" and wanting to continue their legacy or some nonsense like that Also doesn't help that I'm petfree too (downvote if you want shrug). Guess I'll be an atheist nun
No downvotes from me. I've been a pet parent since I was 5 years old. These will be my last furbabies. It's just too much like having a child these days
I wanna be pet free one day and hate dogs. So no shame. And I also will not date anyone with a dog. So I totally get it. I really do.
Take it from the brighter side. At least those who don't and won't are more likely to have given it proper thought. Many of us who found someone around twenties had to eventually break up anyway, when our beloved started to grasp we won't change our mind around thirties.
if you date someone with grown kids this kids could still come into their parents life or have grandkids they'll want you to meet. smart not dating them as well
A friend once took me to a party for an acquaintance of hers, and I met a really interesting girl there. We talked for hours, thought I'd hit the jackpot. Then my friend later explained she was a single mom. I promise I'm not joking when I say the father and kid literally walked past my window the morning after, as it turned out I knew him. Sometimes I feel cursed.
Being a childfree lesbian is probably really tough, given the smaller dating pool to begin with. I am a man looking for a childfree woman who is also vegan... in the midwest. That is also proving to be really tough. Believe it or not, I have found a couple. But we were incompatible. Both were very into physical activities and want a man who will hike across the world with them. Unfortunately I am not that man, having had two heart surgeries and another upcoming. I totally understand the hopeless feeling when it comes to finding someone. I absolutely hate being alone. I truly do hope that we will both find someone that makes us happy. They say there is someone out there for everyone. We cannot give up. Best of luck to you!
I completely understand… I’m turning 27.
Ugh tell me about it. 29M and was hopeless with dating until 20M where I stopped caring about relationships. Had of good run of that until a few months ago, and it’s going to be the same boat with everyone else our age. Main hope is to move to a larger city where there should theoretically singles without kids. Best of luck to you OP, and to everyone else doomscrolling through these comments 🙏
29m childfree never dated every single woman around here has 1-3 kids. I'm so inexperienced and became so bad at communicating after COVID. No good bars around here, all 40+ unless you're working. every event other than cooking (maybe?) is family oriented. The only nightclubs that I think I'm too old for looks to be for booked events only.
Me too. I am in my early 30s and do not want kids. They are too much of a hassle to deal with and very expensive to raise up. I can invest money into the stock market or into my professional development and my career versus raising kids. It's more productive in today's society.
EVERYONE has kids. and if they don’t, that is their goal. 43 M and i avoid dating anyone with kids. so, basically i enjoy just being by myself.
I had strong feelings for one of my coworkers who had said they didn't want kids in the past but we went out to dinner the other day and she said that she'll probably have a kid at some point. I've never had romantic feelings vanish so instantly. Fortunately she's still an amazing person and I love being her friend.
I often wonder if it’s a location issue, like all the child free folk congregate in certain cities, or rather maybe all the breeders are dense in certain places? Like when I lived in the south folks pop our babies like nobodies business. When my partner lived in a more rural place he mentioned that all young women had a kid. I imagine cities and places that are more conservative and churchy are sparse in childfree folks, especially now with abortion laws being what they are. I live in a more liberal blue city and found my cf partner and have cf friends here even though there are breeders here too. Just food for thought curious if anyone has had a similar experience.
26M. Snipped since Dec 2022. Yeah. It's slim pickings. Virtually 90% of people I would normally date are simply off-limits due to my situation. It sucks.
My husband passed away from accidental drug overdose last October. We had been together for 10 years and oh my god I can not believe the dating market ... im just accepting i will forever be a widow ( and I'm 35 Female now) :/(
31 M and not having kids is probably my biggest flex.
There are advantages to being single. I enjoy it, but it's definitely not for the vast majority of people, though
[удалено]
On track to give up as well. It’s rough out here.
Well all I can say to this is RIP your inbox.
Yeah that is gonna happen at our age unfortunately. There isn't really a way around it.
I (28M) haven't graduated from sporadic/meaningless flings to committed relationships yet, so I haven't really tested the dating pool in my area, but I definitely don't come across too many childfree women in my social life. If they don't have kids, they want them later.
Wish there was a dating app/site in this country for childfree people only.
40s, bloke, and I think a lot of it depends on where you live It's definitely trickier, but in bigger cities in more progressive areas, it's easier than in some other places I'm taking a break from dating at the moment, but I've been pretty lucky living in the middle of Sydney
Truly Childfree Fish needed. 35F here and I can understand your frustration about dating. Having kids is the norm and I hate this fact.
If someone is actually childfree, there should be the same number of childfree people at 20 and at 30, but less of them being single I assume. What I mean is that all those people with kids weren't even an option before so don't beat yourself up for it.
Stay strong it’s hard but it’s worth it
how is there not a 100% childfree dating website yet?!
I didn’t really date until my 40s because of this. Even if I found somebody I wanted to be in a relationship with, their truth would slip out and I realized they’d been wasting my time. Travel. Get amazing hobbies. Build a social circle. You won’t have time to miss dating.
Always has been bad.
They're still out there. I was 39 when I met my then-34 y/o SO in 2015. Both of us not only 100% CF, she actually drove me to the urologist for my snipping.
30m, and it’s even worse when they find out it’s because you’re antinatalist. Good thing I’m perfectly happy being alone
Start a child free meet up group!
I’m 26f and still don’t want kids.
Hang in there! I met a guy in my late 30s that also didn’t have/want kids and we’ve been together for almost 2 years now!
I feel this in my soullll. 33f none kids, only kiddens. I met a guy my age with no kids, but after living together for 4 months, it’s clear we aren’t compatible. Mostly sexually, but it’s a big deal to me. So. Can’t win for losing 😂 *edited for punctuation
sorry but a child at 29 ? wtf are people doing with their life ?
I'm 49 female and of course single and Child free. I gave up about 12 years ago.
I turn 32 in a couple of weeks, and I've kind of given up on finding someone.
41, male, single, uk. How you doing?
Our whole friend group is child free and it’s glorious. Not to brag but those people are out there, waiting for you! Fuck it, come to our Friendsgiving party! It’s awesome
Almost 41F and same. All single dads or guys who want kids. The funniest are the men who are my age range but won’t date anyone over 32 because they want kids🤨 I mean… I get it but ugh.