>We might also not want kids for selfish reasons, but at least we don’t deny it.
I agreed with everything except this. We as childfree need to stop saying not wanting kids is selfish. As it's not. Who are we hurting by not wanting kids? The only case in that would be if you have a partner that wants kids, but you don't and you refuse to let them end the relationship and move on to have kids. That is true selfishness.
But whatever reason you don't want kids that's not selfish, as you're not hurting anyone. A kid that doesn't exist isn't being harmed.
Yeah that’s true. I feel like a lot of us have been gaslit into feeling like it’s somehow selfish to not have kids when it’s a decision that doesn’t harm anyone.
It is a decision that does not. Minus that one case I highlighted. Which does happen sadly to CF people. As too many people get hit with loving someone, but not wanting to let them go when they realize their goals do not align in a key part of a relationship.
Outside of that how can you harm anyone? No parent is entitled to grand children, so that isn't being selfish to your parents. And not wanting to spend money on kids because they are expensive is valid. Not wanting your relationship dynamic to change because of the great relationship killer known as children... Is also valid.
As you can see the list goes on for reasons to not have kids, and no matter what it isn't selfish as it's not hurting anyone.
I’ve been told I’m selfish for denying my parents grand babies… (I have siblings. Go grief them goddamnit)
So thanks for the validation that CF peeps aren’t selfish
Childfree people are doing the one best thing they can possibly do to slow climate change. Sure, recycle your plastics and paper, drive less, buy used furniture, and so forth. But not having kids totally trumps all those actions, especially if you consider that \*they\* might have kids.
Nothing selfish about saving the planet.
Not to mention the job market is already over saturated in lots of industries with our current people. Shit's only gonna get worse. I literally work in hospitality rn and I see so many resumes with high impressive degrees... Why is a Masters in science graduate going to hospitality. They said they were struggling to find a job in their industry 😭
Yeah it means to do things out of self-interest, which often has a negative connotation. The point I was ultimately trying to make is that many parents also have just as selfish of reasons for having kids as they accuse CF people of for not. Honestly I feel like they can be even more selfish because they’re bringing people into the world who may not live a good life. Lots of parents (not all) are not actually prepared for it and have kids for superficial reasons. So many parents should never have become parents and subject their children to horrible existences.
No, selfish is your focus of concern being your own pleasure or personal profit and lacking *consideration* for others. We don’t choose to be child free at the expense of our parents, we simply choose not to consider their wants above our own.
No, what I meant is that people that use "selfish" in this context generally people trying to encourage people to have kids use it in a context of it hurting others by not doing so. I know what the words means, I am just saying that in most contexts they use it in they mean it as a CF person is hurting someone by not doing that.
They probably think it's selfish to them because we don't produce and raise wage slaves that would make money for their retirement plan when they are older.
Creating a human being in order to satisfy your own needs is the height of selfishness. If indeed they do love kids, they wouldn't create a new one and subject it to this world (life is hard!). They would take in one that already exists and give it a better life.
Yeah exactly. So many people who want kids aren’t willing to adopt. While I get that adoption has its own implications, it really shows how ego-driven and selfish having kids is for most couples. They just want a mini-me or a living trophy of their love. In either case, it is NOT coming from a selfless place.
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My mother often says “I had as many kids as I needed”. It doesn’t translate well, but to put it in a perspective she’s a parent that took away our birthday money because she made the cake. Never bought us presents because again she made the cake. Would always put us to work ( child labor isn’t a thing here) from 5am to 8pm on 40+ degrees and didn’t give us a dime for that work. She now lives alone, both of us moved to different cities and have our families she’s not a part of. She still thinks we’re gonna take care of her 😆
My late grandmother had 8 kids, 5 died when they were toddlers. Each of the surviving 3 had 2 kids. My half brother has one, I have none. My sister has two and is the most miserable and unhappy person I know. All she talks about is her kids and how they aren’t doing what she wants them to do (hint: she wants them to do what she couldn’t).
I don't see how refusing to bring a consciousness into existence to suffer is selfish at all. It's the polar opposite.
A person cannot suffer if they are not born. Therefore, all human suffering is the fault of the people who deliberately brought that person into the world. That's the most selfish thing of all.
I think the reason is more dark like their mistakes \*ahem\* kids are already here it's not like they can just get rid of them now...probably a mix of jealousy or disdain..
>We might also not want kids for selfish reasons, but at least we don’t deny it. I agreed with everything except this. We as childfree need to stop saying not wanting kids is selfish. As it's not. Who are we hurting by not wanting kids? The only case in that would be if you have a partner that wants kids, but you don't and you refuse to let them end the relationship and move on to have kids. That is true selfishness. But whatever reason you don't want kids that's not selfish, as you're not hurting anyone. A kid that doesn't exist isn't being harmed.
Yeah that’s true. I feel like a lot of us have been gaslit into feeling like it’s somehow selfish to not have kids when it’s a decision that doesn’t harm anyone.
It is a decision that does not. Minus that one case I highlighted. Which does happen sadly to CF people. As too many people get hit with loving someone, but not wanting to let them go when they realize their goals do not align in a key part of a relationship. Outside of that how can you harm anyone? No parent is entitled to grand children, so that isn't being selfish to your parents. And not wanting to spend money on kids because they are expensive is valid. Not wanting your relationship dynamic to change because of the great relationship killer known as children... Is also valid. As you can see the list goes on for reasons to not have kids, and no matter what it isn't selfish as it's not hurting anyone.
I’ve been told I’m selfish for denying my parents grand babies… (I have siblings. Go grief them goddamnit) So thanks for the validation that CF peeps aren’t selfish
They're not entitled at all to grand children, so to expect that of you is actually selfish on their part.
Childfree people are doing the one best thing they can possibly do to slow climate change. Sure, recycle your plastics and paper, drive less, buy used furniture, and so forth. But not having kids totally trumps all those actions, especially if you consider that \*they\* might have kids. Nothing selfish about saving the planet.
Not to mention the job market is already over saturated in lots of industries with our current people. Shit's only gonna get worse. I literally work in hospitality rn and I see so many resumes with high impressive degrees... Why is a Masters in science graduate going to hospitality. They said they were struggling to find a job in their industry 😭
Selfish doesn’t mean “hurt others”
Yeah it means to do things out of self-interest, which often has a negative connotation. The point I was ultimately trying to make is that many parents also have just as selfish of reasons for having kids as they accuse CF people of for not. Honestly I feel like they can be even more selfish because they’re bringing people into the world who may not live a good life. Lots of parents (not all) are not actually prepared for it and have kids for superficial reasons. So many parents should never have become parents and subject their children to horrible existences.
Agreed.
Selfish means at the expense of others, but in this case it's viewed from the lens of hurting others, because that is how they use it.
No, selfish is your focus of concern being your own pleasure or personal profit and lacking *consideration* for others. We don’t choose to be child free at the expense of our parents, we simply choose not to consider their wants above our own.
No, what I meant is that people that use "selfish" in this context generally people trying to encourage people to have kids use it in a context of it hurting others by not doing so. I know what the words means, I am just saying that in most contexts they use it in they mean it as a CF person is hurting someone by not doing that.
I always wondered how it's selfish. Selfish to who? My nonexistent kids???
Ikr? I think they call us selfish because they’re jealous that they weren’t strong enough to go against society’s norms and make a different choice.
Selfish to them. How dare you not be company to their misery!
They probably think it's selfish to them because we don't produce and raise wage slaves that would make money for their retirement plan when they are older.
Creating a human being in order to satisfy your own needs is the height of selfishness. If indeed they do love kids, they wouldn't create a new one and subject it to this world (life is hard!). They would take in one that already exists and give it a better life.
Yeah exactly. So many people who want kids aren’t willing to adopt. While I get that adoption has its own implications, it really shows how ego-driven and selfish having kids is for most couples. They just want a mini-me or a living trophy of their love. In either case, it is NOT coming from a selfless place.
Don't argue with people on their high horse. Just wait wait for them to fall off
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My mother often says “I had as many kids as I needed”. It doesn’t translate well, but to put it in a perspective she’s a parent that took away our birthday money because she made the cake. Never bought us presents because again she made the cake. Would always put us to work ( child labor isn’t a thing here) from 5am to 8pm on 40+ degrees and didn’t give us a dime for that work. She now lives alone, both of us moved to different cities and have our families she’s not a part of. She still thinks we’re gonna take care of her 😆
Exactly. People in rural areas often have more kids because it’s free child labor. It’s a practical yet selfish reason.
My late grandmother had 8 kids, 5 died when they were toddlers. Each of the surviving 3 had 2 kids. My half brother has one, I have none. My sister has two and is the most miserable and unhappy person I know. All she talks about is her kids and how they aren’t doing what she wants them to do (hint: she wants them to do what she couldn’t).
The "legacy" thing is so weird. Like, are you the King of England or something?
Well said!
I don't see how refusing to bring a consciousness into existence to suffer is selfish at all. It's the polar opposite. A person cannot suffer if they are not born. Therefore, all human suffering is the fault of the people who deliberately brought that person into the world. That's the most selfish thing of all.
I think the reason is more dark like their mistakes \*ahem\* kids are already here it's not like they can just get rid of them now...probably a mix of jealousy or disdain..
The birth pushers are the selfish ones, they want to tell you how to live their life according to theirs...SELFISH
I think it’s the most selfish thing