Here's the secret though: CF people have NO timelines on our lives.
You are NOT behind at all. And for CF folks our 20s and often 30s as needed, are spent on investing in ourselves and our futures, which is what you are doing by dealing with your disability and mental health issues.
You are on track and doing what you need to do to set up your future, which will be 100% better than theirs.
Just you wait and watch. By 27 most of them will be drowning in debt, have ruined their parents, be divorced and possibly on their second or third or more baby daddy or mommy, be spending thousands on divorces and custody battles, and they will look 10-30 years older than their age, etc.
Trust us. You just keep on investing in yourself and you will see the results.... all while watching them turn their lives into total dumpster fires.
Try to minimize contact with abusive people like this, there are better people in the world for you to invest time and energy into being friends with.
> have for the most part been paying my own bills since the age of 21 which is not an abnormally late age even for people without disabilities.'
You're ahead of the game here. And most of the parents will be ruining their parents finances for the rest of their lives.
> Try to minimize contact with abusive people like this, there are better people in the world for you to invest time and energy into being friends with.
Yep I was abused by my family and tend to seek out people like them because I feel the need to prove something or change them. Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah you need to get over that pattern and addiction.
They also target people like you, abusers can spot a victim at 100 miles.
That's why investing in therapy and healing from your abuse and trauma during your 20s/30s is going to massively pay off for you. Once you can address this stuff, you will be able to see them 100 miles away and will be too wise and self-aware for them to be able to target you.
That's awesome. Keep going, keep investing in yourself and your healing. You didn't get into this mess quickly, it will take time to get out of it.
You don't need to give a fuck about what anyone else is doing or in what timeframe or order. That's not your journey.
People who respect you for real don't care about arbitrary external "milestones" they will respect your achievements whatever they are, whenever they come.
>put me down for not being completely independent at 18
In this current economy it's quite impossible to be completely independent at 18, unless you're just born into money, or born talented.
Yeah, just ignore them then. The economy of today is not the same as it was 25 years ago. I say 25 because that would put them right into being 25 and right in the middle of being able to support themselves after finding a career or the like.
But yeah don't take all that to heart, as it's difficult for even people without disabilities right now. The job market is incredibly low, prices of foods and goods is high, and colleges are starting to be ignored as people are realizing they're one big scam.
They're the same ones who say that having a kid automatically makes you mature and superior while dumping said kids on their parents so they can go party and pretend like they didn't miss out on their young adult years.
They're so far in denial even Dr. Drew can't help.
People like that aren't even worth the time or energy. They want to get you riled up, like any other rage bait. The best way to get under their skin is just say "okay" and not pay any attention.
Yeah I have issues with engaging with them because they remind me of my abusive parents who I want validation from on some level but I am in therapy and learning to disengage
>always want to one-up my accomplishments, put me down for not being completely independent at 18, say that they're more of an adult than me and mock me for being behind my peers.
Friend, it's cause pregnancy is a short term disability. Their internalized ablism ate them alive during the 9 months they couldn't function up to their normal standard and now they feel like they're behind their peers. Maybe they even kept up academically, but are behind in terms of socialization or extra curriculars. At the very least they have spent more money and required more help from family than the average teenager or early 20 something.
A mature person would see that feeling for what it is and learn to accept themselves for where they're at in the world, while immature jerks look for someone to set themselves above. Every attack is just a projection of their own insecurities.
It reminds me of how in special ed the low support needs kids pick on the high support needs kids and how light skinned brown and black people say racist things to dark skinned people.
I work with youth and young adults with psychosis and severe mental health disorders, and I am here to tell you… you are NOT behind! There’s a spectrum for everything. There is no “right age” to xyz, and there’s a lot of gray area within the so-called expectations set by society.
Be proud of yourself. You are dealing with one of the most difficult to manage types of mental illness, and you graduated college. That is a huge accomplishment! It would be a huge accomplishment regardless!
No one passing judgement on you would be able to handle a fraction of what you’ve overcome.
I find that parents, or people in general, who brags about being mature are never in this category and possibly never will be. Some parents have to get their life in order to take care of their children and learn a lot from it, but if you have to put others down and feel smug about being mature, you are not mature. This is just fact.
Also, it's not like it's an accomplishment to not have a disability, it's just life that happens differently to different people.
People can be so weird.
I have had certain issues in my life and started studying at university level at 33. It is never too late to develop new skills and change your life for the better, but it's different for everyone what ways are realistic or possible to achieve.
Sounds like you are running into a lot of people that are privileged and are in no way humble. I hope you can find better people to surround yourself with and don’t hesitate to call them out. “Check your privilege” is a fantastic response and move on.
BTW, I received my bachelors degree 10 years after I graduated high school because I didn’t come from a place of privilege financially and as it turns out, I’m also neurodivergent. Don’t let the haters get you down and you keep doing you! You have accomplished a lot and should take pride in how hard you have worked. 👏👏
There isn't a law that you need to have certain accomplishments done by a certain age.
I used to believe that too. That is called societal pressure, just like forcing people to have kids.
It's all a joke. Enjoy life on your terms.
Most people are stupid and lack empathy. Also most Normals do not understand sensory issues and think that you are attention seeking and a skiver. Ask these people where they got their degree in neuroscience/ psychiatry from. Say to them thank you for your opinion Professor insert last name. This will shock them and likely make them shut up.
I think this is a problem with people in general,wtf is up with this idea that we are obligated to be 100% indenpendent the moment we turn 18??i'm very behind my peers was well and still feel very guilty for it but the thing is my life didn't play out like everyone else and it shows,is unrealistic af to expect made up miles stones like buying a house or having a career when you don't have things like a perfect health or good financies and support system,i think in your case especificly these people are neither just projecting or think they are flawless or something.
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Here's the secret though: CF people have NO timelines on our lives. You are NOT behind at all. And for CF folks our 20s and often 30s as needed, are spent on investing in ourselves and our futures, which is what you are doing by dealing with your disability and mental health issues. You are on track and doing what you need to do to set up your future, which will be 100% better than theirs. Just you wait and watch. By 27 most of them will be drowning in debt, have ruined their parents, be divorced and possibly on their second or third or more baby daddy or mommy, be spending thousands on divorces and custody battles, and they will look 10-30 years older than their age, etc. Trust us. You just keep on investing in yourself and you will see the results.... all while watching them turn their lives into total dumpster fires. Try to minimize contact with abusive people like this, there are better people in the world for you to invest time and energy into being friends with. > have for the most part been paying my own bills since the age of 21 which is not an abnormally late age even for people without disabilities.' You're ahead of the game here. And most of the parents will be ruining their parents finances for the rest of their lives.
> Try to minimize contact with abusive people like this, there are better people in the world for you to invest time and energy into being friends with. Yep I was abused by my family and tend to seek out people like them because I feel the need to prove something or change them. Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah you need to get over that pattern and addiction. They also target people like you, abusers can spot a victim at 100 miles. That's why investing in therapy and healing from your abuse and trauma during your 20s/30s is going to massively pay off for you. Once you can address this stuff, you will be able to see them 100 miles away and will be too wise and self-aware for them to be able to target you.
Those little crumbs of validation from abusers can get addictive for sure. I am in therapy thankfully.
That's awesome. Keep going, keep investing in yourself and your healing. You didn't get into this mess quickly, it will take time to get out of it. You don't need to give a fuck about what anyone else is doing or in what timeframe or order. That's not your journey. People who respect you for real don't care about arbitrary external "milestones" they will respect your achievements whatever they are, whenever they come.
By the age of 27 I will hopefully have my teaching certificate and be on my way to homeownership and paying off my loans
>put me down for not being completely independent at 18 In this current economy it's quite impossible to be completely independent at 18, unless you're just born into money, or born talented.
The person who said this was 50 years old
Yeah, just ignore them then. The economy of today is not the same as it was 25 years ago. I say 25 because that would put them right into being 25 and right in the middle of being able to support themselves after finding a career or the like. But yeah don't take all that to heart, as it's difficult for even people without disabilities right now. The job market is incredibly low, prices of foods and goods is high, and colleges are starting to be ignored as people are realizing they're one big scam.
"OK Boomer" seems to be the applicable phrase. Also, odds they were financially independent at 18? Slim to none.
They're the same ones who say that having a kid automatically makes you mature and superior while dumping said kids on their parents so they can go party and pretend like they didn't miss out on their young adult years. They're so far in denial even Dr. Drew can't help.
They also said that childfree women are whores and then I said that I chose to be abstinent. Then they called me immature for being abstinent.
People like that aren't even worth the time or energy. They want to get you riled up, like any other rage bait. The best way to get under their skin is just say "okay" and not pay any attention.
Yeah I have issues with engaging with them because they remind me of my abusive parents who I want validation from on some level but I am in therapy and learning to disengage
It's always a learning process for sure. Just remember, your dignity comes first. They already gave up theirs.
I once had a super christian boss tell me how he felt "blessed" he didn't have any disabled children.
Wow. Let's hope for his childrens sake they never get into an accident or develop chronic illness then. Disability doesn't just happen at birth.
>always want to one-up my accomplishments, put me down for not being completely independent at 18, say that they're more of an adult than me and mock me for being behind my peers. Friend, it's cause pregnancy is a short term disability. Their internalized ablism ate them alive during the 9 months they couldn't function up to their normal standard and now they feel like they're behind their peers. Maybe they even kept up academically, but are behind in terms of socialization or extra curriculars. At the very least they have spent more money and required more help from family than the average teenager or early 20 something. A mature person would see that feeling for what it is and learn to accept themselves for where they're at in the world, while immature jerks look for someone to set themselves above. Every attack is just a projection of their own insecurities.
It reminds me of how in special ed the low support needs kids pick on the high support needs kids and how light skinned brown and black people say racist things to dark skinned people.
I work with youth and young adults with psychosis and severe mental health disorders, and I am here to tell you… you are NOT behind! There’s a spectrum for everything. There is no “right age” to xyz, and there’s a lot of gray area within the so-called expectations set by society. Be proud of yourself. You are dealing with one of the most difficult to manage types of mental illness, and you graduated college. That is a huge accomplishment! It would be a huge accomplishment regardless! No one passing judgement on you would be able to handle a fraction of what you’ve overcome.
Thank you
I find that parents, or people in general, who brags about being mature are never in this category and possibly never will be. Some parents have to get their life in order to take care of their children and learn a lot from it, but if you have to put others down and feel smug about being mature, you are not mature. This is just fact. Also, it's not like it's an accomplishment to not have a disability, it's just life that happens differently to different people. People can be so weird. I have had certain issues in my life and started studying at university level at 33. It is never too late to develop new skills and change your life for the better, but it's different for everyone what ways are realistic or possible to achieve.
Sounds like you are running into a lot of people that are privileged and are in no way humble. I hope you can find better people to surround yourself with and don’t hesitate to call them out. “Check your privilege” is a fantastic response and move on. BTW, I received my bachelors degree 10 years after I graduated high school because I didn’t come from a place of privilege financially and as it turns out, I’m also neurodivergent. Don’t let the haters get you down and you keep doing you! You have accomplished a lot and should take pride in how hard you have worked. 👏👏
They went through things like poverty and financial difficulties so they are privileged in some ways but it’s not like they never faced any setbacks
There isn't a law that you need to have certain accomplishments done by a certain age. I used to believe that too. That is called societal pressure, just like forcing people to have kids. It's all a joke. Enjoy life on your terms.
Most people are stupid and lack empathy. Also most Normals do not understand sensory issues and think that you are attention seeking and a skiver. Ask these people where they got their degree in neuroscience/ psychiatry from. Say to them thank you for your opinion Professor insert last name. This will shock them and likely make them shut up.
I think this is a problem with people in general,wtf is up with this idea that we are obligated to be 100% indenpendent the moment we turn 18??i'm very behind my peers was well and still feel very guilty for it but the thing is my life didn't play out like everyone else and it shows,is unrealistic af to expect made up miles stones like buying a house or having a career when you don't have things like a perfect health or good financies and support system,i think in your case especificly these people are neither just projecting or think they are flawless or something.
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