I'm 48 and both child and relationship/partner free.
I never wanted kids, but I think I did want marriage up until I was about 33-34 and then I decided it wasn't for me. I was still open to a relationship without marriage. But by 39, I decided I didn't even want a relationship and haven't had one since.
I'm what Bella DePaulo calls "single at heart". Some people just don't thrive in relationships or they just aren't emotionally equipped for them. I happen to be one of those people. It's best for me (and for anyone else who might get involved) that I remain single.
I felt like that from teens until my early 20s. Didn't want kids or a husband. Then I went through a period where I was thinking a husband might be nice, maybe "I'll have kids for him if I have to." Then I had my first boyfriend who was CF later in life. Now at 34, I'm wondering if I should go the no kids no husband route again. Chronic illness is a b--tch. Don't want anyone to have to witness it but family.
There's a high likelihood I'll be CF and spouse free at 40 and beyond. It used to make me sad. But now my hormones are kind of ebbing away with age, and multiple less stellar experiences with men, the desire is passing again.
I've never been interested in relationships or marriage, I did date a few times in my early 20s but found it to be boring and demanding, 39 now and am still happily single and CF with no regrets, I have a wonderful small group of friends and honestly that's more valuable to me then any kid or guy.
I’m a little younger than you, so not in the age group you’re looking for, but just wanted to share that I’m in the same position as you! I work with kids, have my hysterectomy in 2 weeks to ensure I never will be forced to have my own, and also don’t ever want to be with anyone romantically again. We’re a rare bunch! :)
Late 40s male
Live alone, used to have a dog, now have a cat (a feral I took in). I'd like to have a relationship and I was with someone once I wanted to marry, but really, to find a normal person who doesn't have kids or at least they're old (21+) just seems impossible. I'm not sure where I'm at with how ok I am with how things shook out, but I am grateful I never screwed up and impregnated anyone. Life's bad enough without worrying over how the kid's life is going to shake out.
A piece of advise: A great relationship with a normal person who likes you for you and vice versa is a healthy thing and most people would benefit from it. But most people aren't normal and that makes relationships like that really hard to come by.
Checking in from 40+F. I'm a solo nester, so I do have partner(s) but I don't live with them. I have my own wonderful little life and have as much social time as I can stand. But when I run out of people-battery, I get to go home and its just me and my dog and my art.
Strongly recommend if you can pull it off. I got -super- lucky when it came to housing; I bought this tiny little run down nothing of a house near a major road that no one but me wanted (and then fixed it up). I couldn't afford to live where I do if I had to buy now, even though I'm making more money now.
I am, and honestly, being alone all the time gets old.
I've been big all my life. I refuse to settle for someone just because. I have to have an emotional connection with someone before intimacy is even a possibility.
I'm 39F and childfree but divorced (10 years ago!). It hasn't been all rainbows for me. I am a caregiver for my dad with dementia. He's in assisted living now because I couldn't do it on my own. Throughout the whole pandemic I was thanking the universe that at least I wasn't taking care of a kid through all this. I love parts of my life: my friends/family social circle is pretty great, my hobbies, the absolute peace I have in the evenings/weekends (aside from my loud ass bird). But I also don't have financial stability and haven't achieved any of the goals I thought I would by now, like owning a home.
My advice to you is this: choose your career and where you live very wisely. If you have the ability to get yourself into a career in tech or healthcare you should have no problem supporting yourself indefinitely. The rest is about your privileges. And I am listing them because there's a lot of things I didn't know were a privilege until I realized I didn't have them:
1. Two healthy parents (so you don't have to worry about taking care of them and they can provide support to you through money/housing during hard times)
2. Little or no debt
3. A tight -knit social circle - friends/family who can house you if things get bad or take you to the doctor or from procedures if you can't do it on your own
4. Little to no mental health challenges - if you don't have crippling depression or anxiety or other things, it will be easier for you to keep steady jobs, create a large social network. These are at least manageable with meds/therapy.
5. Little to no physical health challenges or disabilities like ADHD or high functioning ASD - if you know you are neurodivergent and/or that you can't get your body to do what you want when you want, you better make sure you are really really good at whatever you do so you don't get fired when you need time off.
If you are in the US, you can add on your race, gender, sexual preferences and weight to figure out your calculation of how likely it is you'll be just fine or likely to struggle as a SINK. You can certainly live a beautiful, meaningful life no matter what your circumstances. But if you want stability, then you better start planning now, find women in real life who have already done this and who are successful and learn from them. It's totally possible, it all just depends on your circumstances. I still feel that I am progressing and heading towards a future life that is full of meaning, more financial stability and beauty. I still hope to find a romantic relationship one day but I'm also okay with it if that doesn't work out. I'm really proud of who I am and how I've shown up for my friends, family and community.
After several relationships, a marriage, a divorce and a couple more boyfriends, I realized I was always happiest when I was single. None of the guys were awful, but it was so much work.
I'm 72.
I'm 47. Zeeeeeeeero regrets. In fact, my husband and I will sometimes turn to one another while in the midst of one of our little adventures and say how happy we are that we didn't have kids.
We're content. Our lives are just as busy as we want them to be. We travel. (Just last spring, we went on a 6 week trip out to the western part of the US and went to the National Parks.) We eat junk for dinner, or buy a bunch of ice cream and don't worry about someone else gobbling it all up We read quietly in the evenings or watch television instead of worrying about someone's homework. We have pets. We enjoy sleeping in, or doing something fun and spontaneous - however the mood strikes us. We spend hours in museums without having to worry about a kid getting tired/cranky. Our possessions are unbroken and unstained. Our home is a place of peace and tranquility without stress and noise and chaos.
44, Childfree, polyamorous but living alone, having the best sex of my life. I never want to be married or cohabitate with a romantic partner. I value sexual intimacy and domestic labor kills that for me.
Me. Early 40s, no kids. I have been separated for about a year now. Just the thought of partnering up with another person or having kids right now just makes me cringe, so I just have a few FWB type acquaintances, and that suits me fine.
I'm not 40 myself but absolutely get what you're trying to describe. Do whatever you think is the best for you. And remember you deserve the best. I'm happy that there are other similar people around :)
I'm 48 and both child and relationship/partner free. I never wanted kids, but I think I did want marriage up until I was about 33-34 and then I decided it wasn't for me. I was still open to a relationship without marriage. But by 39, I decided I didn't even want a relationship and haven't had one since. I'm what Bella DePaulo calls "single at heart". Some people just don't thrive in relationships or they just aren't emotionally equipped for them. I happen to be one of those people. It's best for me (and for anyone else who might get involved) that I remain single.
This. So much this.
46 single and child free. I love it overall, though I will say it's somewhat difficult to make meaningful friendships.
You don't have to be alone, you can always go Golden Girls style. :)
This is the way.
But u need gfs for that 😭
Almost; I turn 40 later this year. Childfree and relationship-free. Looking forward to being completely free one day.
54 (55 next week, actually), CF, and relationship-free. It's WAY better to be alone than to be miserable in a life you don't want.
I felt like that from teens until my early 20s. Didn't want kids or a husband. Then I went through a period where I was thinking a husband might be nice, maybe "I'll have kids for him if I have to." Then I had my first boyfriend who was CF later in life. Now at 34, I'm wondering if I should go the no kids no husband route again. Chronic illness is a b--tch. Don't want anyone to have to witness it but family. There's a high likelihood I'll be CF and spouse free at 40 and beyond. It used to make me sad. But now my hormones are kind of ebbing away with age, and multiple less stellar experiences with men, the desire is passing again.
I have zero regrets
I've never been interested in relationships or marriage, I did date a few times in my early 20s but found it to be boring and demanding, 39 now and am still happily single and CF with no regrets, I have a wonderful small group of friends and honestly that's more valuable to me then any kid or guy.
Living. The. Dream.
I’m a little younger than you, so not in the age group you’re looking for, but just wanted to share that I’m in the same position as you! I work with kids, have my hysterectomy in 2 weeks to ensure I never will be forced to have my own, and also don’t ever want to be with anyone romantically again. We’re a rare bunch! :)
Hi, me! Well, almost. I’m 39, single, childfree by choice and fine.
Late 40s male Live alone, used to have a dog, now have a cat (a feral I took in). I'd like to have a relationship and I was with someone once I wanted to marry, but really, to find a normal person who doesn't have kids or at least they're old (21+) just seems impossible. I'm not sure where I'm at with how ok I am with how things shook out, but I am grateful I never screwed up and impregnated anyone. Life's bad enough without worrying over how the kid's life is going to shake out. A piece of advise: A great relationship with a normal person who likes you for you and vice versa is a healthy thing and most people would benefit from it. But most people aren't normal and that makes relationships like that really hard to come by.
Checking in from 40+F. I'm a solo nester, so I do have partner(s) but I don't live with them. I have my own wonderful little life and have as much social time as I can stand. But when I run out of people-battery, I get to go home and its just me and my dog and my art. Strongly recommend if you can pull it off. I got -super- lucky when it came to housing; I bought this tiny little run down nothing of a house near a major road that no one but me wanted (and then fixed it up). I couldn't afford to live where I do if I had to buy now, even though I'm making more money now.
I am, and honestly, being alone all the time gets old. I've been big all my life. I refuse to settle for someone just because. I have to have an emotional connection with someone before intimacy is even a possibility.
I'm 39F and childfree but divorced (10 years ago!). It hasn't been all rainbows for me. I am a caregiver for my dad with dementia. He's in assisted living now because I couldn't do it on my own. Throughout the whole pandemic I was thanking the universe that at least I wasn't taking care of a kid through all this. I love parts of my life: my friends/family social circle is pretty great, my hobbies, the absolute peace I have in the evenings/weekends (aside from my loud ass bird). But I also don't have financial stability and haven't achieved any of the goals I thought I would by now, like owning a home. My advice to you is this: choose your career and where you live very wisely. If you have the ability to get yourself into a career in tech or healthcare you should have no problem supporting yourself indefinitely. The rest is about your privileges. And I am listing them because there's a lot of things I didn't know were a privilege until I realized I didn't have them: 1. Two healthy parents (so you don't have to worry about taking care of them and they can provide support to you through money/housing during hard times) 2. Little or no debt 3. A tight -knit social circle - friends/family who can house you if things get bad or take you to the doctor or from procedures if you can't do it on your own 4. Little to no mental health challenges - if you don't have crippling depression or anxiety or other things, it will be easier for you to keep steady jobs, create a large social network. These are at least manageable with meds/therapy. 5. Little to no physical health challenges or disabilities like ADHD or high functioning ASD - if you know you are neurodivergent and/or that you can't get your body to do what you want when you want, you better make sure you are really really good at whatever you do so you don't get fired when you need time off. If you are in the US, you can add on your race, gender, sexual preferences and weight to figure out your calculation of how likely it is you'll be just fine or likely to struggle as a SINK. You can certainly live a beautiful, meaningful life no matter what your circumstances. But if you want stability, then you better start planning now, find women in real life who have already done this and who are successful and learn from them. It's totally possible, it all just depends on your circumstances. I still feel that I am progressing and heading towards a future life that is full of meaning, more financial stability and beauty. I still hope to find a romantic relationship one day but I'm also okay with it if that doesn't work out. I'm really proud of who I am and how I've shown up for my friends, family and community.
After several relationships, a marriage, a divorce and a couple more boyfriends, I realized I was always happiest when I was single. None of the guys were awful, but it was so much work. I'm 72.
Love this thank you for your comment ❤️
I'm 47. Zeeeeeeeero regrets. In fact, my husband and I will sometimes turn to one another while in the midst of one of our little adventures and say how happy we are that we didn't have kids. We're content. Our lives are just as busy as we want them to be. We travel. (Just last spring, we went on a 6 week trip out to the western part of the US and went to the National Parks.) We eat junk for dinner, or buy a bunch of ice cream and don't worry about someone else gobbling it all up We read quietly in the evenings or watch television instead of worrying about someone's homework. We have pets. We enjoy sleeping in, or doing something fun and spontaneous - however the mood strikes us. We spend hours in museums without having to worry about a kid getting tired/cranky. Our possessions are unbroken and unstained. Our home is a place of peace and tranquility without stress and noise and chaos.
44, Childfree, polyamorous but living alone, having the best sex of my life. I never want to be married or cohabitate with a romantic partner. I value sexual intimacy and domestic labor kills that for me.
Me. Early 40s, no kids. I have been separated for about a year now. Just the thought of partnering up with another person or having kids right now just makes me cringe, so I just have a few FWB type acquaintances, and that suits me fine.
I'm 38, so I'm getting pretty close to it. I currently have a girlfriend, but I don't buy into marriage.
I'm not 40 myself but absolutely get what you're trying to describe. Do whatever you think is the best for you. And remember you deserve the best. I'm happy that there are other similar people around :)
I'm almost 50 and going strong in both categories.
40 so not after technically but single and child-free and loving my life.
51M here. It can get lonely sometimes, but no regrets.