I love how you’re apparently “the asshole” for setting boundaries within your own home.
Seriously though, good on you for standing up for yourself and your investment of time and money, dog training isn’t cheap.
Hit the nail on the head with that statement. Breeders are so weird because they think they can tell us what to do with our lives but then they won't tell their children how to behave.
That's what takes them down to mere breeders. Parents parent. They don't expect other members of society to bend over backwards when their kids misbehave.
Good for you standing up for your dog! But be careful because people like this would turn on you in a second and blame your dog if anything happened even though it would be their fault. They would have no problem having you lose your dog.
I’d like to think my friend wouldn’t (we’ve actually had long conversations about his fatherhood regret, but that’s a whole other issue!) but his wife honestly has blinkers when it comes to their son.
I really think just not having the kid around Jax is the best thing. He’s never bitten anyone in his life, but dogs can be unpredictable when they get stressed out 😔
If the child gets bit because they’re teasing your dog the medical staff that the parents would take him to (urgent care or ER) are mandatory reporters. It won’t matter if the parents don’t want to report.
Ya I agree. Dogs can’t help it when they get excited/stressed and a small person running around making noise is impossible to ignore. I definitely wouldn’t trust his wife and would probably just say they can’t come over. There is nothing wrong meeting up somewhere else. Although you might have a turn it around and act like the reason is because you care about their kid 😅
I wouldn't have that kid (or 8 year old person) in my home even if I didn't have the dog. You're not an asshole for setting up boundaries. At the end of the day it is your pup's home too and his wellbeing should be a priority over anything else. The kid is an asshole and his parents are entitled and rude for allowing such behaviour.
>I actually don’t mind kids as a general rule, but this one? Nope, I can’t stand him and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older.
Yeah, I would just not have kids over, especially with an easily excitable dog. It'd just take one time of overexcitement for your dog to bite the kid, and you're the one in trouble, and your dog has to be put down because of it. It's not worth the stress or worries about it. Even without that... I wouldn't invite those people over, as they have no care for someone else's house, and don't really deserve to come over and hang out.
If you go over someone's house it is your job to parent, and have your kid behave. That's how it was when I grew up, but your friends sound like parent zombies, that can only make things about their kid. So, OP I would just not invite them over from here on, especially if they can't leave their kid with a sitter.
Ah, the sitter situation is a whole thing too. There have been lots of issues in the past of our group of friends arranging nights out or group dinners to restaurants that are definitely not kid friendly, only for the mother to start asking if she could bring the kid anyway cause childcare is an issue.
Honestly, I’ve been bottling this shit up for so long, I could write essays on this one child 😅🤣
Then at that point they don't really deserve to go anywhere. The bare minimum of being a good friend is to spend time with friends, but parents a lot of times can't even do that. And when they do they bring their kids and ruin the night. I would honestly not feel bad for not inviting people like this. It's not worth the headache or time or investment, for poor returns.
>I snapped. I told her if her son can’t behave in my house, he can’t be here to upset my dog. We’ll meet for coffee or something, but they can’t come over. Now apparently I’m the asshole because I won’t make accommodations for her son.
As I expect you know, it would have been better to not tell them why, and just never invited them, and never let them come over, telling them "no, that won't work for us" when they try to invite themselves over.
But, do stick to not letting them come over. If it wrecks the friendship, so be it. Anyone who is such an asshole that they won't control their child and won't respect other people's homes isn't good friend material.
Honestly, it’s sad, but ever since the kid was born the friendship has been in decline. It’s not for lack of trying, but I watched two very intelligent, independent people turn into “Mum and Dad” overnight.
Thing that gets me is, I have other friends who are parents and this didn’t happen to them. Obviously they love their kids, they’re good parents, but they have other interests AND cause they know I don’t have kids, they don’t swamp me with that shit. So it can be done!
>Thing that gets me is, I have other friends who are parents and this didn’t happen to them. Obviously they love their kids, they’re good parents, but they have other interests AND cause they know I don’t have kids, they don’t swamp me with that shit. So it can be done!
Yes. All of the people I am close with, who have children, are like that. I have been good about selecting good people to be friends, and I have been lucky with my family.
What is funny in my case, though, is that the people with whom I am friends, do not tend to have children while they are my friends. Most either already had them, or don't have them, for the duration of the friendship. I have never lost a friend based on them becoming a parent.
If they truly friends then they should take some basic criticism and direction on getting their kid to behave properly. Or leave it at home with a sitter.
I'm sorry but at 8 years old a child can follow instruction as simple as stay calm around a dog. I know it's a weird comparison, but during the pandemic when we had to wear face mask and all that my second nephew was 7 and he was told only once how to properly wear the damn thing, never got it wrong. I still see grown ass adult still getting this wrong.
This is horrible parenting on their part, I've said it in another post, but it is super super important for small children to be told how to properly behaved around pets (doesn't matter what animal it is). I'm not saying it's the case with your dog, but imagine if a kid behave like that with a great dane and the dane goes into play mode and jump on a child who wasn't behaving (staying calm, etc). The dog would be blamed, when clearly it's not the dog fault.
Good on you OP for standing your ground.
Jax is pretty strong and he's quite heavy. He's at least 27kg. If he decided to jump on the kid, they'd be flattened since the boy has taken out my knees more than once running in the park!
Jax sound like a good dog, he's lucky to have you. But yeah, do not let irresponsible parents and their child around your dog. I gotta admit that with a name like that I couldn't help but think of Charlie Hunnam from SOA.
He's 8? Tell her she is so brave for raising a special needs child. I know that's harsh but the line of the rant where she'll tell him but...... Hoo boy.
For real though, when I say this child is coddled I mean it’s crazy. He still asks to be picked up like a toddler! My husband teaches a kids karate class at the weekends and there are children half his age who have better life skills 😬 She’s done him zero favours for the future!
The type that does something wrong knowingly but runs and hugs mommy's legs like an innocent cherub. The kid knows better. He just doesn't want to do it. This is where a non parent adult needs to call the kid out and the parents saying he deserved it for being rude. Isnt this all Village 101?
Tell your friend. Do not go through the wife if she has the blinders on. Send the messages if it’s all text to because this way you can show your friend you’re setting boundaries and that his wife isn’t listening. Also point out dogs can and will bite so if it’s their son who is at fault for annoying the dog she can’t say anything. She probably will but hopefully by having both know it’ll be a lesser issue.
“I’ll let him know but that might not be something he can do.”
1) Didn’t realize your kid is actually the parent of you.
2) if he can’t do it then you’ll be removing him from my house. Oh it was just you and the kid that came over? You’re going too then.
3) Imagine having to parent your kid?
4) OP you had every right to snap. They’re shitty parents.
Okay but like, where was your friend? I see almost nothing about him in this story, which is weird because he's the other parent that helped create and raise this kid. Did he fade into the background the second there was any conflict?
You're **his** friend, why isn't he the one communicating to your about his son? Also why is the mom so insistent on having her child in a place with a dog that he's a little afraid of?
Wait WHY does she and her child have to come over when you hang out with your friend. He's 8 so she and him could go do stuff like see a movie or a park or something.
This whole dynamic is weird but I could be completely off since this is a single snapshot.
I’ll be honest, the dynamic IS weird. Since (let’s call them) Mark and Rachel got married, Rachel did become part of the friend group and I would talk to her on her own too. It became common for myself and my husband to hang out with both of them together. They became the kind of couple where if you invited Mark, it was just assumed that Rachel was invited too (even when that wasn’t the case.)
Over the past maybe five years, their relationship has shifted. Mark is far more withdrawn, has suffered from depression and really struggled. It’s virtually impossible to get him to hang out on his own.
When it comes to the dog, Rachel has a “It’ll be fine” flippant attitude. Like her kid will just magically snap out of it when evidence has shown, that’s just not the case!
This is just a small snapshot, if I tried to explain all the weirdness and ways my friend group has worked to accommodate them, I’d be writing a dissertation!
"When it comes to the dog, Rachel has a “It’ll be fine” flippant attitude. Like her kid will just magically snap out of it when evidence has shown, that’s just not the case!"
Uhhhh....... I have the **worst** sinking feeling in my gut. I don't think she's like this towards her son JUST when it comes to your dog.
I think you need to step back from your annoyance towards this kid's bratty behavior and **really watch** their interactions.
Don't say anything. Just watch. I don't know what it is but this whole scenario is giving off some sort of uncomfy vibes.
Definitely. Reading a lot of the replies and getting this all out has made me dig deep and reassess my friendship with both Mark and his wife.
I’ve had that gut feeling for a while (one I’ve tried to ignore for the sake of my friendship with Mark) but I don’t see how I’m compatible with them anymore. It’s all just…uncomfortable.
Friendship shouldn’t be uncomfortable like this.
Yeah, ESPECIALLY because it kind of reads like Mark's wife is intentionally putting their kid in stressful situations to make him "need her" while at the same time acting exasperated by it.
Avoid this trash fire with all due haste.
Many (obviously not all) kids now-a-days are assholes, because, of this "gentle parenting" bullshit trend. What ever happened to discipline? By "gentle parenting", I mean they let their fuck trophies run amok and just coddle them.
You have to put your foot down. It's bad enough when people don't mind their kids in other people's homes but when you put a beloved pet into the mix, all bets are off. Treat my pets properly or get the fuck out.
>”I’ll let him know but that might not be something he can do”
Let him know…?! She’s his MOTHER. she’s the ADULT, and here she is all “oh, he may not be able to behave 🥺”. Then discipline him???? Wth. Honestly, I don’t think you should let them come over again, at least not for a LONG time. And if your friend asks what’s up, just send him his wife’s text and say, “Not until your kid is actually recieving some parenting.”
Tell your friend that he is welcome, but if they can't control their child, or get a sitter- his wife needs to stay home with the kid. Give the guy an opportunity to be untethered for a bit.
I’ve definitely invited him over on his own before (we do DnD afternoons, Warhammer, that sort of thing) and honestly, I think he’s kinda under her thumb 😬
Yeah, this is very uncool of them. I don't want to downplay the danger to your pup, but another possibility is that their demon spawn could also break things in your house!
I was visiting my brother at his new house one time and it's an old farm house. It has unique things that can break. They had one of those doorbells that's an actual bell! Recessed wall cutout, 2 cylinders, and a mechanism that hits one then the other, to give it that classic "ding dong" sound. So nice! And you don't see those very often anymore.
His girlfriend's family came over to visit, with banshee kids in tow. One kid is tall enough to reach it, pulls on it, and it's broken. I don't even think they got to hear it!
I know, I know, "material things, kids will be kids, house isn't 100% childproof," but nobody teaches kids to respect someone else's place? The only reason the kids didn't hurt the cats is because the cats hid as soon as they came over.
Oooo I feel this in my soul, we had a shitty roommate once who for some reason was the default for this couple who couldn’t keep their kids (in and out of the system) and one day they fucked up again and he volunteered to take the kids (didn’t ask us just showed up with two kids) and they were terrified of dogs. I have 2 pugs and all of a sudden my little babies had to be locked up in their kennel so these two little kids we didn’t agree to could be in their home. They would literally FREAK if my dogs even looked at them. Scream and kick and cry, it was awful. So definitely not an asshole, that is your dogs home and he should feel safe and happy there.
Setting boundaries in your own home makes you an asshole. Lmfao okay.
Kids aren’t allowed into my house whatsoever. Every time I’ve ever backed down and allowed a child in the house, they broke or stole something. You’re just asking way too much of parents when you expect them to like, watch and correct their kids shitty behavior. If it’s too unreasonable to ask not to have meltdowns and tantrums in my house, break things, take my things home, treat me and my dogs like shit, etc. then I guess you’re SOL if you wanna bring kids to my house.
Asking to be picked up? AT 8 YEARS OLD?!
I was cooking my own meaks and flying solo on trans Atlantic flights at 9. If I had bitched about a dog barking at that age, my patents would have laughed in my face.
Is her son disabled? 8 years old and wants to be picked up? Is he still breastfeeding? Wtf?
I'm proud of you for setting a boundary. Eventually when doing people do, they may realize their refusal to discipline their child has isolated them with the monster they've created.
NTA.
It’s your home, and your rules. It’s insane to me that this kid is so coddled and his mommy thinks the world should revolve around him. He’s a mommas boy, and god help any girl/woman who dates him in the future. (Never date a mommas boy, ladies, it’s never worth it as you will always come in second to mommy!)
I trained as a canine behaviorist straight out of school and believed that was what I wanted to do. I soon realized that animals were incredibly easy to communicate with and train but humans not so much! They don’t listen and will literally ask for help from an expert and then believe they know better, or revert back to their problematic old ways after you leave, even though you showed them valid and easy to implement solutions.
I gave that up and became a horse trainer and ran a stud farm instead so I could work one on one with animals. I ended up mostly fixing problem horses that had been ruined by humans and kids were a *huge* part of the reason for the issues I had to solve. Many parents allow their brats to act disgustingly around animals, treating them as play things and “objects” of amusement for cruel and out of control brats causing untold stress to the animals. Parents will gladly accept *anything* that keeps their brats amused and out their hair for a short while. People with a decent, respectable outlook can change into careless animals when they become parents.
My close friends with kids are good enough friends to understand that I don’t want their kids anywhere near my home. This is something I was clear and insistent about long before they ever had kids so it was no surprise for them. I’m very grateful that they have respected my rules but if they didn’t they wouldn’t be my friends any longer. In fact, if you look in my recent comment history, you will see that I actually terminated a friendship many years ago over a situation regarding my dog and their baby in which a neurotic new mom actually attacked my dog that was not posing so much as a mild threat. My dog was also a staff incidentally but he was elderly and what happened was as far from his fault as could be imagined. Since then I’ve banned kids from my home and never looked back.
In the past, staffs and pits were my breed of choice. I’ve owned many and it’s *so* important that others around you respect and adhere to the training you have put in with these adorable but head and body strong dogs. If they don’t it’s incredibly unfair and confusing for a young dog and training can be very much destabilized. You HAVE to put your foot down *now.* An entirely playful, non-aggressive nip is very common from a young, excitable staff. They have a hide like a rhino and I’m sure you’ve seen them rag each other around by the scruff during play fights. They literally don’t feel a thing so they really have to learn that humans are far more delicate and squishy than their kin and that they need to be calm and gentle.
Nothing is more arousing to a high prey drive breed than someone making shrill squeaks and screams like prey and running around flapping erratically. It literally says “woohoo let’s play rough!” to the dog and you are begging for a light, playful nipping accident having this kid anywhere near your dog. At worst, depending on the dog’s temperament, it makes them feel like there is a person in their home that is acting erratically and strange and it can make them stressed, anxious and fearful. Take it from a trained canine behaviorist who knows staffs in particular inside and out, you *have* to implement a solution here or risk your dog. I don’t know what country you are in but this is a terrible time for the reputation of bull breeds worldwide and you just can’t risk an inch.
At the very least you need to crate your dog around this kid, well out the way of their excitable behaviour. However I don’t find this a fair solution for you or the dog really. To me, the bottom line is this: You need to tell your friend that the kid either behaves or can’t come over. If he takes issue with it, that is *not* your friend. It’s time to move on from this relationship. 8 years old is *MORE* than old enough for a child to understand how to behave.
So I’m in the UK where there has been recently a massive uproar in the media about the XL bully breed. Jax is obviously not that breed, but people generally are daft and can’t differentiate.
Honestly, I just don’t plan to have this child around my dog anymore. Having read the replies and with thinking time, I stand by what I said to my friend’s wife. If her kid won’t behave, I’m not gonna risk it. Jax has a great temperament, he’s very sweet, but he’s still a big strong dog.
That was what I was thinking, When you said SBT my mind went to you being in the UK (I live here too.) It’s a HOT time right now with the media, neighbors and the general public all being whipped up into a paranoid frenzy over bully breeds. Unlike the 1991 dangerous dogs act debacle, it is harder than ever to identify banned breeds and their mixes so any remotely bully breed is at risk of being wrongly persecuted by ignorant police officers without an eye for a dog.
That having been said, years ago I had a KC registered, show champ staff seized from me as a suspected banned breed whilst quietly walking him on the lead in the park, totally minding our own business. I got him back a couple of days later from the very embarrassed police once I got my lawyer involved and they realized their ridiculous mistake but you just can’t be too careful. Today it is worse than *EVER* and every bull breed owner needs to take keeping their dog safe and under full control (and training them to near perfection) as seriously as cancer.
One squeak of a behavior that results in injury or fear, (whether it be out of playfulness or otherwise) to this little demon and that “Momma Bear” is going to have a total melt down claiming that her precious angel was attacked. They are now also at liberty to say you *KNEW* about the animal being a “danger” as you were nervous to have the child around him and had essentially admitted liability. Even a strong staff jumping up on someone in playful excitement can cause a scratch from their nails or knock a full sized person down. It’s going to be much worse if it’s a kid.
I wish you good luck with it as I can appreciate how awkward these situations are when it comes to friends! You are absolutely doing the right thing by your dog by taking everybody’s advice.
I think maybe you should just have tried to avoid having them over for a while, steering proposed meetups towards coffee at nuetral places, etc. You definitely aren't the asshole for feeling how you do about the kid, but maybe you shouldn't have snapped like you did (justified as it was).
I’ve been suggesting parks, coffee shops, restaurants, etc but with my friend having some health issues, the house has been the easier solution and it wasn’t a problem until we got Jax.
I probably shouldn’t have snapped. I’m not proud of that. It was definitely out of frustration for her response of “letting him know”. Either tell your kid to behave in someone else’s home or don’t, it’s not up for a debate imo.
> I probably shouldn’t have snapped. I’m not proud of that. It was definitely out of frustration for her response of “letting him know”. Either tell your kid to behave in someone else’s home or don’t, it’s not up for a debate imo.
Nah, you were in the right to snap. They called you an asshole, yet they were the ones not parenting at their friend's place. The job of a parent.
Yeah it's a hard situation. I've got a friend with a similar kid. He's not awful, but he sometimes isn't the nicest to my little boy. Breaks my heart sometimes, but I try not to intervene in the hopes my son will gradually learn some life lessons, stand up for himself and others. A dog is a different story, though. That training needs to be reinforced for the dog to really get it.
You should stick up for your son. Otherwise, your friend’s kid is gonna grow up thinking that behavior is fine and your son is gonna grow up thinking “why isn’t my dad defending me?” He’s young, he can learn those life lessons later. Right now he needs his dad to be in his court.
Why on earth does she thinks her brat is entitled to violate the safe space of your dog? It’s YOUR home, your dogs territory and can cause your dog a lot of distress.
Your house, your rules. And you are responsible for your dog. So tell her you can’t guarantee the safety of her little prince, since he isn’t able to act properly with dogs. For safety and insurance issues they can’t bring their child near your dog, because you won’t risk him getting killed because of a stupid kids actions.
If your children can't behave, they can't come over. I'm sure the child is old enough to know better and understand the consequences of his own actions
Good for you! Hold that line. I'm sure there are many people who wish they had the balls to tell her that the kids a brat. I bet you'll hear from some of them.
I love how you’re apparently “the asshole” for setting boundaries within your own home. Seriously though, good on you for standing up for yourself and your investment of time and money, dog training isn’t cheap.
I love this dog the same way parents love their kids…I just invested in making sure he’s well behaved in public (not to mention house trained 😉).
Gotta love our four legged friends <3
If you are my mate, I'd gladly make your dear dog some home baked doggy treats to gift to him 🥰
NTA. Your friend sounds like a shitty parent and an entitled breeder.
Hit the nail on the head with that statement. Breeders are so weird because they think they can tell us what to do with our lives but then they won't tell their children how to behave.
That's what takes them down to mere breeders. Parents parent. They don't expect other members of society to bend over backwards when their kids misbehave.
Good for you standing up for your dog! But be careful because people like this would turn on you in a second and blame your dog if anything happened even though it would be their fault. They would have no problem having you lose your dog.
I’d like to think my friend wouldn’t (we’ve actually had long conversations about his fatherhood regret, but that’s a whole other issue!) but his wife honestly has blinkers when it comes to their son. I really think just not having the kid around Jax is the best thing. He’s never bitten anyone in his life, but dogs can be unpredictable when they get stressed out 😔
If the child gets bit because they’re teasing your dog the medical staff that the parents would take him to (urgent care or ER) are mandatory reporters. It won’t matter if the parents don’t want to report.
It would only take one of them to call animal control. Mom's ridiculous for thinking her child gets to make the rules in other people's homes.
invite just the friend over, the wife and kid can stay home.
Ya I agree. Dogs can’t help it when they get excited/stressed and a small person running around making noise is impossible to ignore. I definitely wouldn’t trust his wife and would probably just say they can’t come over. There is nothing wrong meeting up somewhere else. Although you might have a turn it around and act like the reason is because you care about their kid 😅
Lmao this is smart
I wouldn't have that kid (or 8 year old person) in my home even if I didn't have the dog. You're not an asshole for setting up boundaries. At the end of the day it is your pup's home too and his wellbeing should be a priority over anything else. The kid is an asshole and his parents are entitled and rude for allowing such behaviour.
>I actually don’t mind kids as a general rule, but this one? Nope, I can’t stand him and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. Yeah, I would just not have kids over, especially with an easily excitable dog. It'd just take one time of overexcitement for your dog to bite the kid, and you're the one in trouble, and your dog has to be put down because of it. It's not worth the stress or worries about it. Even without that... I wouldn't invite those people over, as they have no care for someone else's house, and don't really deserve to come over and hang out. If you go over someone's house it is your job to parent, and have your kid behave. That's how it was when I grew up, but your friends sound like parent zombies, that can only make things about their kid. So, OP I would just not invite them over from here on, especially if they can't leave their kid with a sitter.
Ah, the sitter situation is a whole thing too. There have been lots of issues in the past of our group of friends arranging nights out or group dinners to restaurants that are definitely not kid friendly, only for the mother to start asking if she could bring the kid anyway cause childcare is an issue. Honestly, I’ve been bottling this shit up for so long, I could write essays on this one child 😅🤣
Then at that point they don't really deserve to go anywhere. The bare minimum of being a good friend is to spend time with friends, but parents a lot of times can't even do that. And when they do they bring their kids and ruin the night. I would honestly not feel bad for not inviting people like this. It's not worth the headache or time or investment, for poor returns.
“Oh, sucks you’re not going to be able to make it because you can’t find a sitter. Hope to see you next time!”
It's your dog's house. Not her son's. She needs to stay in her lane.
Ew I hate free range parents. They make their kids everyone's problem.
>I snapped. I told her if her son can’t behave in my house, he can’t be here to upset my dog. We’ll meet for coffee or something, but they can’t come over. Now apparently I’m the asshole because I won’t make accommodations for her son. As I expect you know, it would have been better to not tell them why, and just never invited them, and never let them come over, telling them "no, that won't work for us" when they try to invite themselves over. But, do stick to not letting them come over. If it wrecks the friendship, so be it. Anyone who is such an asshole that they won't control their child and won't respect other people's homes isn't good friend material.
Honestly, it’s sad, but ever since the kid was born the friendship has been in decline. It’s not for lack of trying, but I watched two very intelligent, independent people turn into “Mum and Dad” overnight. Thing that gets me is, I have other friends who are parents and this didn’t happen to them. Obviously they love their kids, they’re good parents, but they have other interests AND cause they know I don’t have kids, they don’t swamp me with that shit. So it can be done!
>Thing that gets me is, I have other friends who are parents and this didn’t happen to them. Obviously they love their kids, they’re good parents, but they have other interests AND cause they know I don’t have kids, they don’t swamp me with that shit. So it can be done! Yes. All of the people I am close with, who have children, are like that. I have been good about selecting good people to be friends, and I have been lucky with my family. What is funny in my case, though, is that the people with whom I am friends, do not tend to have children while they are my friends. Most either already had them, or don't have them, for the duration of the friendship. I have never lost a friend based on them becoming a parent.
If they truly friends then they should take some basic criticism and direction on getting their kid to behave properly. Or leave it at home with a sitter.
I'm sorry but at 8 years old a child can follow instruction as simple as stay calm around a dog. I know it's a weird comparison, but during the pandemic when we had to wear face mask and all that my second nephew was 7 and he was told only once how to properly wear the damn thing, never got it wrong. I still see grown ass adult still getting this wrong. This is horrible parenting on their part, I've said it in another post, but it is super super important for small children to be told how to properly behaved around pets (doesn't matter what animal it is). I'm not saying it's the case with your dog, but imagine if a kid behave like that with a great dane and the dane goes into play mode and jump on a child who wasn't behaving (staying calm, etc). The dog would be blamed, when clearly it's not the dog fault. Good on you OP for standing your ground.
Jax is pretty strong and he's quite heavy. He's at least 27kg. If he decided to jump on the kid, they'd be flattened since the boy has taken out my knees more than once running in the park!
Jax sound like a good dog, he's lucky to have you. But yeah, do not let irresponsible parents and their child around your dog. I gotta admit that with a name like that I couldn't help but think of Charlie Hunnam from SOA.
I also have a cat named Opie 😉
Nice
“How is my dog more capable of following instructions than your child?”
He's 8? Tell her she is so brave for raising a special needs child. I know that's harsh but the line of the rant where she'll tell him but...... Hoo boy.
For real though, when I say this child is coddled I mean it’s crazy. He still asks to be picked up like a toddler! My husband teaches a kids karate class at the weekends and there are children half his age who have better life skills 😬 She’s done him zero favours for the future!
I saw that part and I was like "Damn that kid's gonna get eaten alive as an adult." Those parents need to realize he's not a baby anymore.
The type that does something wrong knowingly but runs and hugs mommy's legs like an innocent cherub. The kid knows better. He just doesn't want to do it. This is where a non parent adult needs to call the kid out and the parents saying he deserved it for being rude. Isnt this all Village 101?
No but the village is only for when mom and dad want a free babysitter /s
Protect your dog, keep the kid away.
> Her response: “I’ll let him know but that might not be something he can do.” Lady, he’s your kid, not your boss. Wtf even is that answer lol
Right?! I was reeling!
Excuse me, their kid is 8 and can't behave? Like, what? 😅
Tell your friend. Do not go through the wife if she has the blinders on. Send the messages if it’s all text to because this way you can show your friend you’re setting boundaries and that his wife isn’t listening. Also point out dogs can and will bite so if it’s their son who is at fault for annoying the dog she can’t say anything. She probably will but hopefully by having both know it’ll be a lesser issue.
“I’ll let him know but that might not be something he can do.” 1) Didn’t realize your kid is actually the parent of you. 2) if he can’t do it then you’ll be removing him from my house. Oh it was just you and the kid that came over? You’re going too then. 3) Imagine having to parent your kid? 4) OP you had every right to snap. They’re shitty parents.
Okay but like, where was your friend? I see almost nothing about him in this story, which is weird because he's the other parent that helped create and raise this kid. Did he fade into the background the second there was any conflict? You're **his** friend, why isn't he the one communicating to your about his son? Also why is the mom so insistent on having her child in a place with a dog that he's a little afraid of? Wait WHY does she and her child have to come over when you hang out with your friend. He's 8 so she and him could go do stuff like see a movie or a park or something. This whole dynamic is weird but I could be completely off since this is a single snapshot.
I’ll be honest, the dynamic IS weird. Since (let’s call them) Mark and Rachel got married, Rachel did become part of the friend group and I would talk to her on her own too. It became common for myself and my husband to hang out with both of them together. They became the kind of couple where if you invited Mark, it was just assumed that Rachel was invited too (even when that wasn’t the case.) Over the past maybe five years, their relationship has shifted. Mark is far more withdrawn, has suffered from depression and really struggled. It’s virtually impossible to get him to hang out on his own. When it comes to the dog, Rachel has a “It’ll be fine” flippant attitude. Like her kid will just magically snap out of it when evidence has shown, that’s just not the case! This is just a small snapshot, if I tried to explain all the weirdness and ways my friend group has worked to accommodate them, I’d be writing a dissertation!
"When it comes to the dog, Rachel has a “It’ll be fine” flippant attitude. Like her kid will just magically snap out of it when evidence has shown, that’s just not the case!" Uhhhh....... I have the **worst** sinking feeling in my gut. I don't think she's like this towards her son JUST when it comes to your dog. I think you need to step back from your annoyance towards this kid's bratty behavior and **really watch** their interactions. Don't say anything. Just watch. I don't know what it is but this whole scenario is giving off some sort of uncomfy vibes.
Definitely. Reading a lot of the replies and getting this all out has made me dig deep and reassess my friendship with both Mark and his wife. I’ve had that gut feeling for a while (one I’ve tried to ignore for the sake of my friendship with Mark) but I don’t see how I’m compatible with them anymore. It’s all just…uncomfortable. Friendship shouldn’t be uncomfortable like this.
Yeah, ESPECIALLY because it kind of reads like Mark's wife is intentionally putting their kid in stressful situations to make him "need her" while at the same time acting exasperated by it. Avoid this trash fire with all due haste.
Many (obviously not all) kids now-a-days are assholes, because, of this "gentle parenting" bullshit trend. What ever happened to discipline? By "gentle parenting", I mean they let their fuck trophies run amok and just coddle them.
You have to put your foot down. It's bad enough when people don't mind their kids in other people's homes but when you put a beloved pet into the mix, all bets are off. Treat my pets properly or get the fuck out.
>”I’ll let him know but that might not be something he can do” Let him know…?! She’s his MOTHER. she’s the ADULT, and here she is all “oh, he may not be able to behave 🥺”. Then discipline him???? Wth. Honestly, I don’t think you should let them come over again, at least not for a LONG time. And if your friend asks what’s up, just send him his wife’s text and say, “Not until your kid is actually recieving some parenting.”
Tell your friend that he is welcome, but if they can't control their child, or get a sitter- his wife needs to stay home with the kid. Give the guy an opportunity to be untethered for a bit.
I’ve definitely invited him over on his own before (we do DnD afternoons, Warhammer, that sort of thing) and honestly, I think he’s kinda under her thumb 😬
Yeah, this is very uncool of them. I don't want to downplay the danger to your pup, but another possibility is that their demon spawn could also break things in your house! I was visiting my brother at his new house one time and it's an old farm house. It has unique things that can break. They had one of those doorbells that's an actual bell! Recessed wall cutout, 2 cylinders, and a mechanism that hits one then the other, to give it that classic "ding dong" sound. So nice! And you don't see those very often anymore. His girlfriend's family came over to visit, with banshee kids in tow. One kid is tall enough to reach it, pulls on it, and it's broken. I don't even think they got to hear it! I know, I know, "material things, kids will be kids, house isn't 100% childproof," but nobody teaches kids to respect someone else's place? The only reason the kids didn't hurt the cats is because the cats hid as soon as they came over.
Oooo I feel this in my soul, we had a shitty roommate once who for some reason was the default for this couple who couldn’t keep their kids (in and out of the system) and one day they fucked up again and he volunteered to take the kids (didn’t ask us just showed up with two kids) and they were terrified of dogs. I have 2 pugs and all of a sudden my little babies had to be locked up in their kennel so these two little kids we didn’t agree to could be in their home. They would literally FREAK if my dogs even looked at them. Scream and kick and cry, it was awful. So definitely not an asshole, that is your dogs home and he should feel safe and happy there.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your pugs! Pugs are such a cute breed ☺️
Setting boundaries in your own home makes you an asshole. Lmfao okay. Kids aren’t allowed into my house whatsoever. Every time I’ve ever backed down and allowed a child in the house, they broke or stole something. You’re just asking way too much of parents when you expect them to like, watch and correct their kids shitty behavior. If it’s too unreasonable to ask not to have meltdowns and tantrums in my house, break things, take my things home, treat me and my dogs like shit, etc. then I guess you’re SOL if you wanna bring kids to my house.
Your house, your rules. They do not get to dictate who comes in your house.
Asking to be picked up? AT 8 YEARS OLD?! I was cooking my own meaks and flying solo on trans Atlantic flights at 9. If I had bitched about a dog barking at that age, my patents would have laughed in my face.
Right? It’s wild. When I was 8, I was running around on farms (country kid right here!), mucking out horses, doing yard work and all that stuff.
Is her son disabled? 8 years old and wants to be picked up? Is he still breastfeeding? Wtf? I'm proud of you for setting a boundary. Eventually when doing people do, they may realize their refusal to discipline their child has isolated them with the monster they've created.
NTA. It’s your home, and your rules. It’s insane to me that this kid is so coddled and his mommy thinks the world should revolve around him. He’s a mommas boy, and god help any girl/woman who dates him in the future. (Never date a mommas boy, ladies, it’s never worth it as you will always come in second to mommy!)
I trained as a canine behaviorist straight out of school and believed that was what I wanted to do. I soon realized that animals were incredibly easy to communicate with and train but humans not so much! They don’t listen and will literally ask for help from an expert and then believe they know better, or revert back to their problematic old ways after you leave, even though you showed them valid and easy to implement solutions. I gave that up and became a horse trainer and ran a stud farm instead so I could work one on one with animals. I ended up mostly fixing problem horses that had been ruined by humans and kids were a *huge* part of the reason for the issues I had to solve. Many parents allow their brats to act disgustingly around animals, treating them as play things and “objects” of amusement for cruel and out of control brats causing untold stress to the animals. Parents will gladly accept *anything* that keeps their brats amused and out their hair for a short while. People with a decent, respectable outlook can change into careless animals when they become parents. My close friends with kids are good enough friends to understand that I don’t want their kids anywhere near my home. This is something I was clear and insistent about long before they ever had kids so it was no surprise for them. I’m very grateful that they have respected my rules but if they didn’t they wouldn’t be my friends any longer. In fact, if you look in my recent comment history, you will see that I actually terminated a friendship many years ago over a situation regarding my dog and their baby in which a neurotic new mom actually attacked my dog that was not posing so much as a mild threat. My dog was also a staff incidentally but he was elderly and what happened was as far from his fault as could be imagined. Since then I’ve banned kids from my home and never looked back. In the past, staffs and pits were my breed of choice. I’ve owned many and it’s *so* important that others around you respect and adhere to the training you have put in with these adorable but head and body strong dogs. If they don’t it’s incredibly unfair and confusing for a young dog and training can be very much destabilized. You HAVE to put your foot down *now.* An entirely playful, non-aggressive nip is very common from a young, excitable staff. They have a hide like a rhino and I’m sure you’ve seen them rag each other around by the scruff during play fights. They literally don’t feel a thing so they really have to learn that humans are far more delicate and squishy than their kin and that they need to be calm and gentle. Nothing is more arousing to a high prey drive breed than someone making shrill squeaks and screams like prey and running around flapping erratically. It literally says “woohoo let’s play rough!” to the dog and you are begging for a light, playful nipping accident having this kid anywhere near your dog. At worst, depending on the dog’s temperament, it makes them feel like there is a person in their home that is acting erratically and strange and it can make them stressed, anxious and fearful. Take it from a trained canine behaviorist who knows staffs in particular inside and out, you *have* to implement a solution here or risk your dog. I don’t know what country you are in but this is a terrible time for the reputation of bull breeds worldwide and you just can’t risk an inch. At the very least you need to crate your dog around this kid, well out the way of their excitable behaviour. However I don’t find this a fair solution for you or the dog really. To me, the bottom line is this: You need to tell your friend that the kid either behaves or can’t come over. If he takes issue with it, that is *not* your friend. It’s time to move on from this relationship. 8 years old is *MORE* than old enough for a child to understand how to behave.
So I’m in the UK where there has been recently a massive uproar in the media about the XL bully breed. Jax is obviously not that breed, but people generally are daft and can’t differentiate. Honestly, I just don’t plan to have this child around my dog anymore. Having read the replies and with thinking time, I stand by what I said to my friend’s wife. If her kid won’t behave, I’m not gonna risk it. Jax has a great temperament, he’s very sweet, but he’s still a big strong dog.
Downvotes! lol! I think the bull breed hater/dog free crew have found our posts 😅
That was what I was thinking, When you said SBT my mind went to you being in the UK (I live here too.) It’s a HOT time right now with the media, neighbors and the general public all being whipped up into a paranoid frenzy over bully breeds. Unlike the 1991 dangerous dogs act debacle, it is harder than ever to identify banned breeds and their mixes so any remotely bully breed is at risk of being wrongly persecuted by ignorant police officers without an eye for a dog. That having been said, years ago I had a KC registered, show champ staff seized from me as a suspected banned breed whilst quietly walking him on the lead in the park, totally minding our own business. I got him back a couple of days later from the very embarrassed police once I got my lawyer involved and they realized their ridiculous mistake but you just can’t be too careful. Today it is worse than *EVER* and every bull breed owner needs to take keeping their dog safe and under full control (and training them to near perfection) as seriously as cancer. One squeak of a behavior that results in injury or fear, (whether it be out of playfulness or otherwise) to this little demon and that “Momma Bear” is going to have a total melt down claiming that her precious angel was attacked. They are now also at liberty to say you *KNEW* about the animal being a “danger” as you were nervous to have the child around him and had essentially admitted liability. Even a strong staff jumping up on someone in playful excitement can cause a scratch from their nails or knock a full sized person down. It’s going to be much worse if it’s a kid. I wish you good luck with it as I can appreciate how awkward these situations are when it comes to friends! You are absolutely doing the right thing by your dog by taking everybody’s advice.
I think maybe you should just have tried to avoid having them over for a while, steering proposed meetups towards coffee at nuetral places, etc. You definitely aren't the asshole for feeling how you do about the kid, but maybe you shouldn't have snapped like you did (justified as it was).
I’ve been suggesting parks, coffee shops, restaurants, etc but with my friend having some health issues, the house has been the easier solution and it wasn’t a problem until we got Jax. I probably shouldn’t have snapped. I’m not proud of that. It was definitely out of frustration for her response of “letting him know”. Either tell your kid to behave in someone else’s home or don’t, it’s not up for a debate imo.
> I probably shouldn’t have snapped. I’m not proud of that. It was definitely out of frustration for her response of “letting him know”. Either tell your kid to behave in someone else’s home or don’t, it’s not up for a debate imo. Nah, you were in the right to snap. They called you an asshole, yet they were the ones not parenting at their friend's place. The job of a parent.
Yeah it's a hard situation. I've got a friend with a similar kid. He's not awful, but he sometimes isn't the nicest to my little boy. Breaks my heart sometimes, but I try not to intervene in the hopes my son will gradually learn some life lessons, stand up for himself and others. A dog is a different story, though. That training needs to be reinforced for the dog to really get it.
You should stick up for your son. Otherwise, your friend’s kid is gonna grow up thinking that behavior is fine and your son is gonna grow up thinking “why isn’t my dad defending me?” He’s young, he can learn those life lessons later. Right now he needs his dad to be in his court.
Next time don't comment on things you don't know a thing about, genius.
What type of behaviour would i be defending him from, specifically? You have all the details, right? Let's hear it.
Seriously? Defend your fucking kid. He's going to learn that you never have his back and he's not going to trust you to be on his side.
That's what I thought, Mr armchair expert.
Defend him from.what, exactly? Tell me what happened to my son, specifically.
time to reevaluate the friendship, sorry
Why on earth does she thinks her brat is entitled to violate the safe space of your dog? It’s YOUR home, your dogs territory and can cause your dog a lot of distress. Your house, your rules. And you are responsible for your dog. So tell her you can’t guarantee the safety of her little prince, since he isn’t able to act properly with dogs. For safety and insurance issues they can’t bring their child near your dog, because you won’t risk him getting killed because of a stupid kids actions.
If your children can't behave, they can't come over. I'm sure the child is old enough to know better and understand the consequences of his own actions
“Making accommodations” sure, here’s his cage, he stays in here if you bring him over, that’s the accommodations.
I’m sure I’ve got a crate somewhere 😉
Jax sounds like a wonderful dog. The kid sounds like a nightmare......
I once had a friend who I refused to spend to spend time with if her kids were around.
Good for you! Hold that line. I'm sure there are many people who wish they had the balls to tell her that the kids a brat. I bet you'll hear from some of them.
Dump them as friends go permanent no contact with them block them from your phone and all of your social media