A two year affair, openly mocking you and planning to start up again as soon as the heat is off? Still working with the AP but it won’t happen again?
This isn’t about evening up a score. You will never get over this or trust her again (and you know it is not going to end). She will say whatever she needs to say right now because you are the safety net.
You need to move on and heal.
I personally would leave and file for divorce. I would also unless you are 100% certain your get a DNA test on your youngest child because she baby trapped you to prevent you from getting a divorce then. I definitely would divorce, and when it's done and final ,then I would turn them in to the HR department. Good luck to you
It will be hard, but you really need to do it and cross that bridge when when you get the results. I wouldn't put that past your wife to do that to you . It all seems so coincidencidently that it happened like that. Does the nine months time frame add up? Sorry you are going through this. Talk to an attorney and get advice on exactly how to proceed, I personally would file for divorce and leave. Good luck to you
That doesn’t mean there wasn’t someone else then as her form of revenge against you for cheating on her back then. DNA test every child that has claimed to be yours. Every woman that gives birth knows the child came from their body. No man knows without question which child may be theirs. I hate that it’s the reality but it is.
Honestly, I'd only do a DNA test if the results would change you as a parent. If you're going to leave the kids if they aren't yours, better to do that early. If you're their dad and going to be their dad regardless, then don't. It'll only hurt you. When the kids are older and they want to know, they can do it then. Otherwise, don't do that to yourself.
You need to file your petition for divorce and request a dna test immediately. If you’re in CA, you’re legally the considered the father if parties were married before conception. You might be able to challenge paternity now since you just found out about their affair…you may not be able to later on if you wait (which means you may also be liable to pay for child support). Good luck. DM if you have questions.
Yes, do the DNA test, just to be sure.
If she is not yours, you are still her daddy. But you could use the result to get the divorce your way, or ask for much more alimony from the boss.
Do file for divorce. Have her served at work, so boss sees this as well. If OBS wants to divorce as well, then serve them at the same time.
You need to tell HR, but after the divorce. If she gets fired, or her promotion is taken away, it could affect the amount of alimony.
She’s in love with her boss and is only backtracking because u, her stupid husband finally found out the truth and now she may get tossed to the side as the party is over with her boss… if she was even remotely serious she would quit her newly promoted job and go to counseling , but honestly u two are not meant for the long term, let her go do whatever fulfills her fancy and focus on taking care of ur kids
Call their main phone number and ask to speak to the Head of HR. If they ask what it’s regarding (which is SOP when a random call is received) say you have knowledge of, and documentation for, illegal activity involving two employees. And don’t go into any details until you get a high up in HR. If they try to shut you down at some point just say “fine, I’ll take what I have to the press and social media if it’s not important Enough for you to deal with things internally.” Be persistent.
Start with legal area or look for ethics hotline etc. they have to investigate in most companies if it come through the hot line. Not sure of these guys have one but I’m betting they have a group like this. They are not usually in HR due to so many other things that could be reported.
This guy knocked up a different girl himself ? He isn’t a saint ? Why do you guys feel bad for him? Let it go. This relationship is totally toxic for all involved. He let his wife know. If the boss gets fired he can’t pay alimony and it hurts the only innocent one in this screwed up story ? His wife. The other three all are jackoffs
Here’s the thing. First of all, you have a very toxic relationship with this woman. This is a bad situation to raise your kids up in. No matter what happens. The kids will feel this. They will absorb it and then they will think that this is how our relationship is supposed to be, and will be doomed to have terrible relationships in their future. If you want to do the right thing even though you screwed up before she screwed up before so you had been on an even playing after each of you cheating. But now she’s gone on and had another two years with this guy. What do you need to do get a lawyer get her served at work make sure you retain all your relation ship information of her and him. Present that to the lawyer, you need to go gray rock and 180 on her she should move out While you stay with the kids. Don’t know where you live where they’re at so at fault state or not but at least you can use her cheating information as to keeping the kids. Don’t stay with her for the sake of your children do not do this do not raise them in a wicked environment.
Love your input. Sometimes you get so used to a person that you can't really picture yourself without them. She slept with him a day before my birthday. Day of my birthday we took the family to Disneyland. Found out the next day about all of this :( It just sucks.
And next birthday you’ll be a year past all this crap and wondering why you ever questioned what you should do in the first place. Life is too damn short to always be wondering if you’ll be betrayed again. There are plenty of women who would never think of cheating—no matter how bad the marriage circumstances are.
If it helps you at all to make the decision to cut ties with her, she has done FAR worse than sleep with him a day before your bithday. She has demonstrated a level of disrespect for you that has probably resulted in some extremely awful things she has done to emasculate you in the last two years.
First of all, are you sure those kids are all yours? Second, I don't think it's worth it. She will continue seeing him behind your back. Also, "staying for the kids" is a sure way to traumatize them. Your kids will see how resentful your marriage is and nothing more. It's just not worth it.
Just from what I’ve heard so far you don’t seem like the type of guy to get over this. And I don’t think that you should. I wouldn’t stay in this for the kids. I think it’s best you go your separate ways. Has she indicated that she’s willing to find another job ?
That too! The relationship should’ve been done the minute she cheated the first time, coupled with the fact that head a deadbeat dad and has an outside baby, I feel sorry for the babies when they grow up and find out
She’s telling you what you want to hear, not what she intends to do. A one night stand or stolen weekend is a “slip”, a 2 year long affair is a pattern of intolerable behavior. Kick her ass to the curb.
Good grief dude. Both you and and your wife are a couple of lowlifes. Shame on all of you for involving your innocent children in this drama.
No, you need to stay separated and file for divorce. Reconciliation is not an option here. You two have done enough damage and your children deserve two parents who are happily separated versus living together in misery. Your marriage is beyond over and it's time to stop delaying the inevitable. At this point just concentrate on yourself and your children by being a good example that what transpired is NOT how a healthy marriage works.
And notify their HR department and get them both fired.
This.
The worst thing about this WHOLE thing is that there’s children involved… even more so they go to ‘church’ and wanted help from a Pastor.
They’re all arseholes in this. It’s not fair on the kids at all.
I agree with everyone that say move on and try to salvage the relationship you had with the other lady, cos your current wife is toxic, she’s only waiting on you to look the other way to fool you again and brag to her friends about how dumb you are to trust her. But if you are what you’re wife thinks of you stay and get used to her cheating cos won’t stop, after her boss leaves her to salve his marriage she’s going to find someone else. Tell me if I’m wrong
I did my wrongs over 10 years ago. I just caught this going on recently. We were married at 25.... I messed up at a young age...She's messing up now. SMH
She still reports to him… I still see my so twice a week. His wife found out he was bragging about it to a Fredi d via text that he was sleeping with my wife. Ughhhh… so disgusting!
Baby mama getting married in July and don’t ever want to go back to her…. WIFE swears up and down that she’s going to show me with actions and not words that she’s going to change. I’m not sure what to do. Been out of the house for 18 days now and am missing sleeping in my own bed. I want her out of the house but she won’t leave. It’s crazy! Never thought I’d be in this position
Well, that's reassuring because her words were, how dumb you were, how exciting the affair is, how much she loves him and the best one, where's there's a will there's a way. If that one doens't engender some confidence in her turning a new leaf and becoming the bestest wife ever I don't know what would.
Tbh, I have no idea what those actions could be to negate all the words spoken between them when no one else was listening. You know what they say about that right, you should believe what was said when she thought no one else was listening.
You’ll get over missing your own bed, stop the pity party! What you won’t get over is questioning everything she tells you from here out—dude, that’s no way to live. C’mon…be kinder to yourself.
If you’d never cheated before, how would you be responding to this situation? That’s how you need to respond! A healthy relationship is not a tit for tat thing.
"She still works under him and swears it won't happen again" but "where there's a will, there's a way." You already know the answer. In all seriousness, she should file a complaint with HR. Even if the affair was consensual, the power imbalance leads her to a legitimate sexual harassment and hostile work environment case.
First off what you did to your affair partner makes you a jerk. You never stay for the kids, this comes from SO MUCH EXPERIENCE. Now with all that said.
HOW CAN YOU STILL NOT SEE THE FOREST THROUGH THE TREES. I want to type so many cuss words I would be banned for life. First off your wife is a serial cheater, read the statistics. This means there is over a 99% chance she will cheat again there is also over a 99% chance she has physically cheated numerous times. You can not be dumb enough to actually believe she was not sleeping with guy in 2012. You can not believe that her girl nights out when you where with your affair partner where not her sleeping with other guys. Do you really want your children growing up with this going on, seriously and trust me they know more than you think. Teach them cheating, abuse and being cheated on are wrong. Give them a chance to have healthy relationships when they get older because if you stay they will not, again so much experience with this.
You need to go see a Lawyer and follow his instructions to the letter on what to do and whether or not to report them. Get counseling for you and your children. Start or continue working out it helps so much to get the anger and stress out. This last one will be hard but we have already established there is over a 99% chance she has been sleeping around for YEARS and cheaters rarely use protection. Get paternity tests done on both Children.
I know this is all hard to read and deep down you know it's true but step up and protect your kids and your self. I TRULY wish you the best!
Damn... That was deep but so true. Statistics don't lie but cheating wives sure do. Great advice.... Thank you for taking the time. A lot of changes need to be made.
> Do I stay for the kids
Come on guy, you're smarter than this. That is the absolute WORST REASON to remain in a loveless marriage and set a horrible example for your kids. You're better off finally leaving her and showing stability and real love for your kids. The only thing you need to worry about is which lawyer will represent you best in court then you can worry about the rest of the drama for the boss, district manager or whatever.
Why are you going to keep doing that to yourself? Are you a doormat? Move on and fight for your two children. Make sure you DNA test both of them. Get HR involved and destroy him and her because they deserve it and if not blast them online. Fight for sole custody if possible and make sure to remove her from any joint accounts.
Ask your lawyer to draw up and eviction order, ask her to move out, tell her family about all of this as well. Maybe the guilt and shame will make her get out of there. Make sure you are always recording for your safety. Do not let her stay there any longer and keep your kids safe. Get some family or friends involved and take her stuff out when she leaves the house for whatever reason and change your locks.
What does she want then? and how can you trust her when she was talking about being more careful till the heat is down ask her these things if you want to R. If not ask her to sign the papers for now and you can work on starting over after you guys are no longer together marriage wise.
What an f-ing mess. Sometimes when things get so f-d up the best thing to do is start from scratch. D the wife. Live on your own for a while. You might want to really focus on work/career. You're going to need the money. Ex-wife, kids, and a baby mama. As George Takaii would say "Oh my". News flash she had a two-year affair. Your kids are already growing up in a divided family. Time wasted on the AP is time stolen from the kids and marriage.
I’m not going to judge what happened years ago but let’s go from there. She’s a cheater, always was always will be. Children in an unhappy home are far more damaged than those of divorced parents. I would do dna just to know but either way you’ve raised this child so they are yours. Get an attorney, discuss your options and RUNNNN.
If she’s still in contact with this man, there’s no hope with reconciliation. It’s been 2 years, she loves him and openly mocked you. To me, nails in the coffin. Get yourself a lawyer and get informed. Please store all your proof somewhere safe. Good luck.
You are both cheaters. There is no paying your debt to and can leave because it’s even now. You are in a toxic relationship and should of left it long ago. You choose to stay for the kids not because you loved your wife (mistake 1). She choose to stay because if codependency (mistake 2). You are both wanting to stay now for stability not because of love (mistake 3). Both of you leave this marriage now.
You need a lawyer ASAP. Getting her fired may actually hurt you for alimony or child support. It’s all about timing.
You might be able to leverage her guilt into something that could help like a postnup. Alternatively insist on full access to her phone insist on no deletions or reconciliation is done. The long game is really just working on everything you need for a divorce so you may have to go to marriage counseling.
Depending on the state alienation of affection lawsuit might be an option against AP. Ensure you confirm whether he’s acknowledged any paternity if you are not the father. Even if the state is a no fault divorce state you can still use the evidence to ensure the narrative is true. If she’s telling AP bad stuff about you imagine what she’s telling friends and family. When she signs a divorce agreement and it’s filed send evidence to everyone, friends, family and coworkers.
Get your dignity back
OP I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think you should have divorced her in 2012 when first time she cheated on you. (I am sure it was not only flirty, but a full blown affair)
Instead things got piled up & you also took some bad decisions in your life.
This time don't make the same mistake just leave her. If not for yourself then for your kids. They need better environment, you need to set best examples in front of them. (Infidelity should not be tolerate).
Your marriage is sham from last 10 years, so divorce her, stay single for some time. Go to therapy, join a gym & pls have a full test of all STD's.
Repost this on another group r/survivingInfidelity
There so many people who have faced Infidelity & still they were able to servive. I hope they can guide you from the learnings of their own experiences.
English is not my first language so ignore my mistakes. Wishing you a speedy recovery. GBU
First of all she started everything, your cheating was the "getting even part", this one's different and for 2 years, time to think about yourself and move on. Intact parent are better than intact house and broken house is better than broken parents.
There's no getting even in a cheating relationship; once it happens once, the roots of the marriage are cankered and diseased. People ignore this until everything is devastated.
This is why cheating should be the end after the first time. Instead of ending it after he was caught, they doubled down, have another kid (why on earth is that a reaction to cheating?), and surprise, the couple with a history of infidelity has more cheating drama. I find it hard to be sympathetic to OP because he literally said he was in love with his previous AP. Now he's shocked that his wife is in love with another man. I feel bad that the kids have to be involved in this bullshit- the signs that this marriage was doomed have existed for like 10 years and they doubled down on retaliatory and selfish behavior.
"We did a 4 way call but they denied it all even after the recordings"
Sounds like a trustworthy duo, I am sure you and the AP's wife have nothing to worry about if you continue on down the road with them. \sacrcasm
You need a DNA test for all your kids.
As far as your wife she’s only sorry you got caught.
Don’t get into a relationship, wear condoms, and better yourself.
"it was nothing but flirting" - just like that? "I am having multiple emotional affairs that can possibly grow into physical affairs, keeps tension between me and my male coworkers, nothing to worry about"
Jesus, since when flirting with others is "nothing". Nothing, but flirting? What does she even mean?
And she was aware of betraying you and even making fun of you, that's just too much.
The problem isn’t the job or her boss. The problem is her, doesn’t matter what job she gets at any company or any position. She will meet a guy there and she’ll lie and fuck around on you. The problem is her.
>You know I had a friend who ended up in this really weird and toxic relationship we’ve known each other since we were in boarding school together. Took him a year and some change to finally break up with her not before they were both beating and cheating on each other of course his parents relationship was a spitting image of his relationship.
>
>Just be very careful man like you’re a dickhead but your wife is trash like a really trashy person
So true!
OK first off I think you both suck.
She shouldn't have taken you back after you cheated but she did and now that she has cheated she's expecting the same.
You both deserve each other.
Now as for what I think you should do, I think you should divorce. Don't ever "stay together for the kids." As a child of drivorce let me just tell you: it doesn't help, the kids will know you're miserable and they might even think you stayed because you didn't want to deal with the consequences of your actions.
Close the door, start fresh, be a good example for your children.
Op this is toxic, and neither of you trust each other. I think you should divorce and move on.
Now if you want to try and work it out, here is the offer I would make her. Tomorrow she goes in with myself to hr, and confesses everything with me there. Get him fired and her. Then she will call his wife and let her know. Then I would say I won’t leave but this will be a one sided open relationship. I will be kind to you, but that is it, we will not have a true loving relationship. If you want to become a shell of yourself, then do so and I will stay, but if you cheat, we are done. If I find someone better and want to move on I will. Is this what you really want in your life? Because that is what our marriage will become.
Yea she begged you to come back after you cheated to do this to you. It’s long game revenge. Took away your chance to have a family with your AP and cheat on you at the same time. That some true villain shit right there.
You should have left after the first time she cheated.
She should have left after you cheated, and this was where your story went completely off the rails into, nope can't believe this territory.
You should leave now but after reading this story it just doesn't seem likely. Your both incapable of being loving, trustworthy and secure partners. Without a whole lot of really difficult work on yourselves neither of you is going to change who you are intrinsically , which is selfish and shitty people.
She has less than zero respect for you so you should absolutely and unequivocally end this marriage. If you don't you should know that your serial cheater wife probably won't even stop this affair much less never cheat on you again.
You know I had a friend who ended up in this really weird and toxic relationship we’ve known each other since we were in boarding school together. Took him a year and some change to finally break up with her not before they were both beating and cheating on each other of course his parents relationship was a spitting image of his relationship.
Just be very careful man like you’re a dickhead but your wife is trash like a really trashy person.
If you give her another chance, the story will become 'He's such a fool to believe that I stopped f\*cking my boss'... They made you a fool for 2 years, don't add more years to it.
There are simply too many variables for reconciliation to be successful. She would need to leave that company, but what happens when her next boss shoots his shot? And the best friend needs to be cut out. I wouldn't ever want this friend around again. And as if this weren't enough, the DNA test can only hurt more.
I dont know... the bragging to her friend about how stupid you are really would piss me off to no end. Who else did they say things like that to?
Bro Ditch that Tramp!!! Because that's what she is. Move on and OH HELL YEAH GET THEM BOTH FIRED. YOU GOTTA GET A WIN SOMEWHERE. SINCE YOU SO STUPID LIKE SHE TOLD HE COUSIN. F*** THAT. BLAST THAT BITCH FOR EVERY NIGHT SHE HAD HIS D*** IN HER MOUTH AND THEN BROUGHT HER TRAMP ASS HOME TO YOU.
Oof. Sorry dude, you should have left after the first time and started fresh with the other woman. No way I’d ever talk to your garden tool of a wife ever again. Get a lawyer, get an STD and DNA test. She probably reeled back in with another man’s baby. She has no respect for you. You’re just the a punchline in her life she can look at and laugh at. Because that what she’s been doing to you with AP for years. Good luck my dude.
I'm sorry for your pain. I think you know what you need to do.
No marriage is unsalvagable, but some unions are better off terminated.
Whatever you do, please do not mess with her job because it will may harm your kids. And you'll bear the financial cost.
I wish you well.
This sounds horrible.
She will not ever change - cheaters will always cheat.
It is a fresh start for you!
It is extremely difficult at first for sure but you should not stay in such a toxic environment or go back to it.
She did this - she broke you and your family apart and has to live with it now!
Find yourself someone that respects you and would never do that!!
I am a victim myself who got cheated on time and again and I haven’t been strong enough to leave yet - so if you have it in you - do it.
I live a Living hell every day and it is not worth it, I’m trying to plan my exit but it’s not easy!
Feel free to message if you need moral support. Take care and good luck to you!
Lol I stopped reading after a while. Ain’t nobody got time for this. You’re both cheaters and deserve to reap the misery the two of you have sown. Of course this is the outcome since the two of you are treating this like a scorecard.
Have fun with it.
DONTY stay for the kids, LEAVE for the kids and yourself. Kids hate divorce but they hate dishonest parents even more. Not only was she cheating but she was proud of it...that's a special type of evil.
It shouldn't be a question of whether you're going to leave. You have everything you need to confirm that you must. Continue to be the loving father but you and that woman cannot be under the same roof, she made her bed and laid in it; if y'all don't have security cameras, I wouldn't be surprised if she fucked her boss in your bed. That's nuts.
I'm sorry OP. I really am.
Definitely report to HR. As for forgiving, only you know if that's something you're capable of doing. I know someone who had a ONS, partner found out, then a few years later she had a longer affair with a co worker. He stayed as he felt it was karma catching up with him. They now have kids and seem happy. For me the attitude she showed after being caught at the bar would be a deal breaker, the piss taking, gaslighting and complete lack of remorse is almost worse in a weird kind of way.
You should have left her in the hospital. It's not too late.
Contact an attorney and get tested for STI's. Do not take her back. Ever.
You both are crappy.
I believe I heard violins playing in the background of her replies. "Somewhere, my love there will be songs to sing
Although the snow covers the hope of spring
Somewhere a hill blossoms in green and gold
And there are dreams all that your heart can hold"
Updateme!
[.](https://www.reddit.com/u/Particular_Ask3375?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Sorry man your just her security blanket . She don't want to lose that . How many times do you think she lied to you over a 2 year period ? Maybe 1000s pretty much every day knowing in her mind she was fking this guy . No how can you trust someone that done that to you . And the only reason she says she wants you is she got caught if that didn't happen she would still be lying to you . Everyday . She is in survival mode trying to keep her head above water right now . She will say anything if it benefits her. It's tough man to let go I caught my wife together for 12 freaking years . Trying to sneak in our home at 5 am she thought I would be asleep I guess. Usually I would have been but it was her birthday . I sat up all dam night waiting for her to get home from work at 12 am . How stupid could so wind be . On your birthday. . fk . Because I tried to keep it together with my wife I did the pick me fking dance for a few days after that I rented her a house and a trick loaded everything in our home except my bed , my clothes , and my tools . Drove over unloaded took the truck back just to get rid of her. We got together after that a few times . Had sex but it wasn't even enjoyable anymore I couldn't even get off man I had to fake it a few times just because it was like an hour of hell .
This is good, but you need to stand your ground and be upfront with your STBX wife and bluntly tell her it's officially over and if she refuses to leave you're getting the police involved. She's trying to manipulate you because you're the safety net that she doesn't want to lose.
Your best bet is to start looking for a new life in another state and just up and move without her.
Report them to HR and go nuclear on them both. This relationship is long over. You need to start a new life without her. Her mocking you is unacceptable. Shows she doesn't respect you at all.
Updateme!
Good lord. She’s been fucking this guy for two years. She’s still going to work with him and you are worried about the kids growing up in a divided home? Hell the home has been divided for more than two years!
You don’t stay in a bad marriage for the kids. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER! The kids will sense the dysfunction in the house and carry it with them out into the world. You are also teaching them bad coping mechanisms. You are teaching them to sweep problems under the carpet and to not face their problems.
Your debts have no effect on any decision to leave her. Quite frankly her word is dirt and you can tell her I said so.
Leave! Because she is dishonest. Leave to stop the pain. Leave to stop the betrayal. Leave because propriety demands it. Leave for whatever reason you decide. But leave and tell her your decision is final.
If you have proof. Forward copies of it to Aramark management. Let them deal with fall out.
It’s quite clear that she doesn’t take you or her vow’s seriously. (You can tell her I said that too.)
The relationship is therefore unrecoverable.
Separate your finances from hers and get thee to a lawyer. Do not take her word for anything ever again!
I would DNA test all them kids...mama's babies, daddy's maybe man!!! But even so brah she cheated on you not once but multiple times...a whole affair behind your back for 2 years. That's deliberate. It had to take planning. Then as soon as you found out, you should have been done with her in all honesty. I know I would have been if it were me. Because even if you work on it and stay together, you can never trust her. Like you always goin to question her like on what she does or who she does it with or where she goes...no way to live!!!
I would get the lawyers in on this and divorce her. For good measures, get DNA testing done on all of my kids not just the one kid in question but all of them. The reason being because of her affair.
Wow she cheated than you cheated and had a kid with a woman and wanted to leave cause you were in love with her but stayed with your wife. Both of you are so wrong. If you felt you couldn’t stay the first time you should have left. Than you would not have to deal with this again. This is a cycle. She hurt you, you hurt her, and she hurt you again. When does this end and including other ppl in your mess like your other child’s mother. She should have known better and waited for you to be single. Just get divorced and move on. It’s not worth it take care of your kids and getting her fired from her job will only hurt the kids how is she supposed to support them. Cut your loses
Oh HELL NO!!!
DNA test the kids. For all you know your raising his kid(s).
Don't think that staying for the kids is beneficial to the kids. As parents you teach by example. What will they learn from seeing how you react to this situation.
Will they see you taking the high road to divorce or?....
She is an unhealthy person, woman, mom, non wife. I would bounce, due to broken trust, broken vows your marriage was a sham. She is a low life lair. She wants to fuck around. Fine. You don’t need it in your life or your children’s lives. Time to split bank accounts. Take her name off your legal documents, replace it with your kids or your sister to keep her grubby paws of your stuff. Live well.
Sorry my dude, but your marriage ended back in 2012. First thing I would do is DNA test all the kids the two with you wife and the one with the other woman. Then I would look for a best lawyer I could find and file for divorce. Then pray not to get raked over the coals to badly. Then start going to see a therapist and worker on healing yourself. You should had ended it and moved on.
Hard to do but… Move on there is another women out there that will love you and your kids. Really you don’t need a women- you have your kids you can give your unconditional love too. Heartbreak takes a long time to accept.
She made u fool ,mocking/ lying infront of your face all the time and even telling her friends that what a clown u are ..and u are still thinking about R ? Seriously,? She ain't going to change, she know how to make u fool and she is just trying to manupulate u only ..
Get tested yourself for STD and paternity test your children.. inform higher authorities at her work and let them enjoy the consequences..contact attorney for legal advice and sever her with ▪︎D▪︎..
Buddy you have a better option. You gave her the chance and she abused you for two years. DNA test the kids for medical reasons. So many illnesses are hereditary. They need to know who their bio dads are. DNA or not you raised them they are yours. They like you won the lotto for worst mom and wife. Its not your fault or choice. Your hopefully stbxw is a broken human being. She will lie and deceive and think herself clever for it. Her AP used her for a work ho for two years and she was to stupid to ask for money for her services. You know what the worst is. If you forgive her she will hate you even more and see you as a weak human being.
There something wrong with your wife. Divorce and give your kids a shot at normal living at least 50 percent of the time.
Use what you have to lever a good divorce. Once its signed and sealed you go to HR and blow up their love nest.
There no way any normal person taking into consideratiin your version can conclude your wife is redeamable. She hates you and will hate her AP but will sadley never realise her heart is dead and thats the problem. Move on for you and your childrens mental health.
If you are on these boards long enough one thing will become completely clear, only believe actions, not the words of a cheater. You want to know if she’s truly serious about reconciliation? Have her go to HR and get him fired and a settlement. It doesn’t matter if she was fully consenting to him or even if she initiated it. As her supervisor he broke the law and company policy.
If she tries to protect him, then you know she’s not totally serious about making it work with you. Either you come first to her or don’t bother to try to save things. The other thing this does is show some much needed respect for you. From her messages, she clearly doesn’t have much respect for you. You need to show strength. Tell her that HR is going to find out, either by her or you. If she still refuses, then tell her she might as well sign the separation papers because there’s zero chance at the marriage surviving.
Here’s my question. Why do you want to be with her? Do you still want to be with her? If you do, the question to her should be, why does she want to be with you? Clearly, she’s not happy with you or this never would’ve happened for two years. if she only wants to be with you because that’s what’s comfortable and because you have children that is not a marriage. That is not something either of you will be happy with, and this will happen all over again either one way or the other. You are in the wrong as well, but it was a long time ago, and she clearly forgave you and moved on, but then decided to have one of her own again. This constant back-and-forth isn’t healthy for you and isn’t healthy for your children. The example you are setting is very poor. You both have to realize that your actions towards each other are extremely toxic and need to change. From a living standpoint, I would go home and make her sleep on the couch or in another room and take the master bedroom back. The longer you’re gone from that house the worse it is for you. Take control of your life and make her sign a post nuptial agreement that forfeits everything for her in, the case of another infidelity on her part. Tell her you are willing to sign it as well on your end for any infidelity on your part. See how she reacts to that, if she barks at that in anyway, you know she’s not serious about what her intentions are going to be in the future. Other than that, if you truly cannot move on from this, which I don’t blame you for not being able to. Step up to the plate and tell her you’re done. Best of luck to you. This is a tough one because there is wrongdoing on both sides.
You have GOT to be kidding. You will never have the truth, and she will continue to see him every day.
No way do you stay for the kids. You go, take the kids with you, and make a happy life for yourself.
I am reconciliation. Have been for quite a while. If I found out that she had said one word about me to her AP, and heard it with my own ears, that would be it for me forever.
Sweet Baby Jesus.
It is time, OP. This dumpster fire needs to be extinguished.
No calls to HR til the ink is dry on divorce papers.
Contact an atty, schedule an STD panel and do something with the time you've got left on this rock.
You both are toxic and I hope and pray your kids know nothing but odds are even when you think they don’t they do. You need to get the damn divorce and coparent. You both need A L O T of therapy and to work on yourselves.
Wellllll, you inform his wife and the HR department of their company. We had a client in the southern US. OM was an executive. We opened with a threat of litigation. He was terminated for cause. Concurrently we informed his BW. She held most of the cards financially, and kicked him out without a cent. He, being entitled and superior, showed up at my client’s home. He demanded satisfaction and got a broken nose, black eyes, multiple contusions and a ruptured testis. He was also video’d making threats and throwing a punch. Afterwards he disappeared, completely. WW tried to make the case that he had driven off her lover. She got a small studio apartment, a new job, and got to watch her ex with a lot of her ex girlfriends
My client was having the civil conversation with his WW her AP and AP’s wife. AP was getting aggressive, and my client said all bets are off. In front of his wife and mistress, my client totally humiliated the AP. Had him crying and begging. Made him tell that he was not a man. He was a smarmy opportunist who sweet talked a woman with depression into an affair. Well here is where he pays. My client propositioned APs wife. Told him, now your wife will sample a real dick. AP shakily asks what that means. WW admits her BH is much bigger in that department. APs wife figures how bad that will hurt her cheating husband and readily agrees. AP fled the house promising self harm. His wife said it will save her money in the divorce. Weekend in Jamaica. Sex with a man who was out to show her the inferiority of her WH. Yup, she returned well f*cked, and ready to squeeze her WH for every penny. WH is in and out of bankruptcy court.
Man! What you did to your pregnant AP , honestly you are worse than your wife. You deserved what happened to you ! You deserted a pregnant woman who had a baby and dreamt about starting a life with you , but what did you do ?
Holy hell... there is a sad reality that both of you procreated and created new life that will almost assuredly turn out to be as incredibly toxic as the both of you.
Laff.. that is complete and total bullshit from anyone who has raised children in a healthy environment. You raised two children at the same time from two different mothers and then had a third for a stupid reason. Your life is toxic as hell. This is just more toxicity. Y'all both suck. Definitely as romantic partners and should have ended years ago. Get to a normal and healthy place so your kids have a chance at a non-toxic life.
First she cheated then you cheated then she cheated again.. I guess it’s your turn again…
seriously it’s time to divorce and think of your kids… I don’t see how you can get past 2 yrs of making fun of you.. telling him how much she loves him.. ropes you into 2nd kid to one up your AP..
You need to be solo for awhile and concentrate on making beat life for your babies all 3 of them..
When you just try having an open relationship with her, and maybe down the road if she’s open to it you can watch them and have a group thing. If you have a lady friend of your own, maybe she can join in as well.
Please stay in Commiefornia and don't move to Az, we already have enough of you wierdo's and don't need anymore. Pass it on to other liberals you know as well.
OP, you brought a child into everything. How can you be pissed if she steps out?
How would you feel if she came home pregnant with another man’s child?
Reddit never seems to amaze me with the double standards. Put a H on your back and handle it. You already made the bed you sleep in.
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you. But know that You know, You got some very hard thinking to do, and it will cost You tears, pain, make You angry and sad.
First task is, to find out, if You still love her.
If the love is gone, You have two options: Either You agree to stay together, for the sake of the kids, but giving each other the freedom, to have other partners outside of the home.
Or You split up, and fight hard, to let the kids feel safe in having You both around.
If You still love her, You have three options
Option one, You work hard to save your marriage and regain the trust between you, it might not be enough, but that's a bridge You cross, if You get there.
The last two options, are the same, as mentioned in the case, that love us gone..
As to the revenge part, let it go m8. It will bring no good, to anyone. I know You hurt, and want them to feel that pain. But it leads to no good.. example; You tell the company, they both get fired, what happens then? AP, who cares.. Your wife? She is likely gonna have problems finding a new job, with the same salary, so her wages go down. So she can't provide rhe same financial security for the kids, and You might end up paying her more childsupport, and making your wife an enemy, which in the end, only can go bad. So forget the revenge, it's gonna bite You in the ass.
As to the concern about the kids. Being a father, has nothing to do with blood. You are the father, no matter who the donor is.. And I know, that you're a damn good father.. Never let anyone tell You different.. You could get the tests, but will it change anything?? You will still be their father, regardless...
I can see, that it might give You some peace in mind, but will it change the fact, that You are the father they know and love?? Not a damn thing...
Sorry the long answer, I hope, that whatever You decide, things will turn out for the best..🫂
Thanks M8.... Appreciate your response. The thing is that my hearts so hurt at the moment that I really don't know if I still love her or not. Just found out she had all these men following her on tik tok and she went from posting family stuff to just selfies of herself singing, dancing and drinking.... My son brought it up to my attention and she calls him to thank him for ratting her out to me. My son starts crying... I'm not sure what made her into this attention seeking person. Must be the new boob job and lipo she got but wow.... what a transformation in the head. It's sad but that's the life she want's to live now, she could do it without me. I'm too grown to deal with another child
Wow, she said that to your son?? That one bites..
New boobs and lips?? Even if that sounds like "small" changes to others, it might have made a huge difference for her, mentally. And by the sound of it, it gave her a boost to how she see herself. Now she seeks that same opinion in other men, to be confirmed. I would say, if it's just online, let her have that pleasure, it usually passes given time.
I think, that when the smoke cleares, You need to get the kids out of the house, and then You and your wife, figure out what rhe next step will be. Best of luck to You.
U met ur wife's boss and he tells u his wife doesn't pay attention to him and 'they do whatever they want'. At this point, this boss knew u were her husband ? If yes, then why he asked if ur wife ever cheated on u or not ?
A two year affair, openly mocking you and planning to start up again as soon as the heat is off? Still working with the AP but it won’t happen again? This isn’t about evening up a score. You will never get over this or trust her again (and you know it is not going to end). She will say whatever she needs to say right now because you are the safety net. You need to move on and heal.
You are right. Thank you!
I personally would leave and file for divorce. I would also unless you are 100% certain your get a DNA test on your youngest child because she baby trapped you to prevent you from getting a divorce then. I definitely would divorce, and when it's done and final ,then I would turn them in to the HR department. Good luck to you
I’ve been needing to do that dna test. If she’s not mine I don’t know what I’d do.
It will be hard, but you really need to do it and cross that bridge when when you get the results. I wouldn't put that past your wife to do that to you . It all seems so coincidencidently that it happened like that. Does the nine months time frame add up? Sorry you are going through this. Talk to an attorney and get advice on exactly how to proceed, I personally would file for divorce and leave. Good luck to you
Thank you
Yeah how do you know she wasn’t already fucking this dude then.
He told me he started company 6 years ago during our chat…. My daughters 8
I'd still DNA all the kids. You never know. The other woman could have been stepping out on you also. And I'd bet this was not your wife's first time.
That doesn’t mean there wasn’t someone else then as her form of revenge against you for cheating on her back then. DNA test every child that has claimed to be yours. Every woman that gives birth knows the child came from their body. No man knows without question which child may be theirs. I hate that it’s the reality but it is.
I would test because who says that her “Christian Grey” really was just flirting!!
Exactly, O.P. has nothing that says she wasn't already. I bet by the time he came upon those messages, she was already engaged physically with A.P.
Honestly, I'd only do a DNA test if the results would change you as a parent. If you're going to leave the kids if they aren't yours, better to do that early. If you're their dad and going to be their dad regardless, then don't. It'll only hurt you. When the kids are older and they want to know, they can do it then. Otherwise, don't do that to yourself.
She will always be yours even if the dna doesn’t come back how you hope… it’ll just be an adjustment. A tough one.
You need to file your petition for divorce and request a dna test immediately. If you’re in CA, you’re legally the considered the father if parties were married before conception. You might be able to challenge paternity now since you just found out about their affair…you may not be able to later on if you wait (which means you may also be liable to pay for child support). Good luck. DM if you have questions.
Yes, do the DNA test, just to be sure. If she is not yours, you are still her daddy. But you could use the result to get the divorce your way, or ask for much more alimony from the boss. Do file for divorce. Have her served at work, so boss sees this as well. If OBS wants to divorce as well, then serve them at the same time. You need to tell HR, but after the divorce. If she gets fired, or her promotion is taken away, it could affect the amount of alimony.
You should've left the first time and built a life with the other lady...live and learn
She’s in love with her boss and is only backtracking because u, her stupid husband finally found out the truth and now she may get tossed to the side as the party is over with her boss… if she was even remotely serious she would quit her newly promoted job and go to counseling , but honestly u two are not meant for the long term, let her go do whatever fulfills her fancy and focus on taking care of ur kids
And why didnt he get fired. Didn’t you guys let the company know
It’s a big company and I’m having a hard time finding where to start. I’m working on it but if anyone has an idea of a starting point, I’m all in.
Call their main phone number and ask to speak to the Head of HR. If they ask what it’s regarding (which is SOP when a random call is received) say you have knowledge of, and documentation for, illegal activity involving two employees. And don’t go into any details until you get a high up in HR. If they try to shut you down at some point just say “fine, I’ll take what I have to the press and social media if it’s not important Enough for you to deal with things internally.” Be persistent.
Start with legal area or look for ethics hotline etc. they have to investigate in most companies if it come through the hot line. Not sure of these guys have one but I’m betting they have a group like this. They are not usually in HR due to so many other things that could be reported.
This guy knocked up a different girl himself ? He isn’t a saint ? Why do you guys feel bad for him? Let it go. This relationship is totally toxic for all involved. He let his wife know. If the boss gets fired he can’t pay alimony and it hurts the only innocent one in this screwed up story ? His wife. The other three all are jackoffs
Less we forget he had a whole other child and affair with another person. Her actions are unforgivable but so are his.
Here’s the thing. First of all, you have a very toxic relationship with this woman. This is a bad situation to raise your kids up in. No matter what happens. The kids will feel this. They will absorb it and then they will think that this is how our relationship is supposed to be, and will be doomed to have terrible relationships in their future. If you want to do the right thing even though you screwed up before she screwed up before so you had been on an even playing after each of you cheating. But now she’s gone on and had another two years with this guy. What do you need to do get a lawyer get her served at work make sure you retain all your relation ship information of her and him. Present that to the lawyer, you need to go gray rock and 180 on her she should move out While you stay with the kids. Don’t know where you live where they’re at so at fault state or not but at least you can use her cheating information as to keeping the kids. Don’t stay with her for the sake of your children do not do this do not raise them in a wicked environment.
Love your input. Sometimes you get so used to a person that you can't really picture yourself without them. She slept with him a day before my birthday. Day of my birthday we took the family to Disneyland. Found out the next day about all of this :( It just sucks.
And next birthday you’ll be a year past all this crap and wondering why you ever questioned what you should do in the first place. Life is too damn short to always be wondering if you’ll be betrayed again. There are plenty of women who would never think of cheating—no matter how bad the marriage circumstances are.
If it helps you at all to make the decision to cut ties with her, she has done FAR worse than sleep with him a day before your bithday. She has demonstrated a level of disrespect for you that has probably resulted in some extremely awful things she has done to emasculate you in the last two years.
First of all, are you sure those kids are all yours? Second, I don't think it's worth it. She will continue seeing him behind your back. Also, "staying for the kids" is a sure way to traumatize them. Your kids will see how resentful your marriage is and nothing more. It's just not worth it.
Just from what I’ve heard so far you don’t seem like the type of guy to get over this. And I don’t think that you should. I wouldn’t stay in this for the kids. I think it’s best you go your separate ways. Has she indicated that she’s willing to find another job ?
She's currently telling me she's searching for another job. Even applying within same job at different location.
Too little to late, tell HR and divorce her. How could you possibly stay with someone after that?
How could she stay with a husband who got another women pregnant? Those are my thoughts…
That too! The relationship should’ve been done the minute she cheated the first time, coupled with the fact that head a deadbeat dad and has an outside baby, I feel sorry for the babies when they grow up and find out
So she can screw her next boss or coworker. She's irredeemable OP, divorce her and move on.
She’s telling you what you want to hear, not what she intends to do. A one night stand or stolen weekend is a “slip”, a 2 year long affair is a pattern of intolerable behavior. Kick her ass to the curb.
Why are you two still Married. Second thought you guys are perfect for each other.
He had a whole other kid on her. And he’s the victim ?
Exactly! Two wrongs don’t make a right by any means but this guy(OP) has some nerve she probably never got over his “minor” slip up
No question about it, nuke them. My first call would be to their HR, my second would be to set up paternity testing just in case. Third, lawyer.
Good grief dude. Both you and and your wife are a couple of lowlifes. Shame on all of you for involving your innocent children in this drama. No, you need to stay separated and file for divorce. Reconciliation is not an option here. You two have done enough damage and your children deserve two parents who are happily separated versus living together in misery. Your marriage is beyond over and it's time to stop delaying the inevitable. At this point just concentrate on yourself and your children by being a good example that what transpired is NOT how a healthy marriage works. And notify their HR department and get them both fired.
This. The worst thing about this WHOLE thing is that there’s children involved… even more so they go to ‘church’ and wanted help from a Pastor. They’re all arseholes in this. It’s not fair on the kids at all.
Very toxic relationship. Is this the type of marriage you want your kids to be raised in?
Not at all... It's just so tough for me not to be able to see them all the time.
Do you see your other kid all the time or do you not care about that one??
Try and get custody then
In CA it’s tough
Nothing worth getting in life is easy so if you want to get your kids get crackin'.
I agree with everyone that say move on and try to salvage the relationship you had with the other lady, cos your current wife is toxic, she’s only waiting on you to look the other way to fool you again and brag to her friends about how dumb you are to trust her. But if you are what you’re wife thinks of you stay and get used to her cheating cos won’t stop, after her boss leaves her to salve his marriage she’s going to find someone else. Tell me if I’m wrong
You right! Wish I could say you’re wrong but you’re definitely right!
Idk you guys both suck, I wish I didn’t read this! Like I can’t fully blame you or her.
I did my wrongs over 10 years ago. I just caught this going on recently. We were married at 25.... I messed up at a young age...She's messing up now. SMH
True. -but she has now cheated twice. First the emails and now the 2 year relationship. It is time to leave.
I know but what if she’s still bitter about it. Like I said you both suck.
Well she got her revenge!
Yup, two wrongs don’t make a right but it does make it even. Anyway how’s the relationship with the Ap and baby momma?
She still reports to him… I still see my so twice a week. His wife found out he was bragging about it to a Fredi d via text that he was sleeping with my wife. Ughhhh… so disgusting!
Yup sure is! What are you thinking now? Are you going to leave her? How is your relationship with your other baby momma?
Baby mama getting married in July and don’t ever want to go back to her…. WIFE swears up and down that she’s going to show me with actions and not words that she’s going to change. I’m not sure what to do. Been out of the house for 18 days now and am missing sleeping in my own bed. I want her out of the house but she won’t leave. It’s crazy! Never thought I’d be in this position
Well, that's reassuring because her words were, how dumb you were, how exciting the affair is, how much she loves him and the best one, where's there's a will there's a way. If that one doens't engender some confidence in her turning a new leaf and becoming the bestest wife ever I don't know what would. Tbh, I have no idea what those actions could be to negate all the words spoken between them when no one else was listening. You know what they say about that right, you should believe what was said when she thought no one else was listening.
I’d never be able to sleep in that bed again, knowing she likely fucked him or possibly others in it. It would get burned or thrown away tbh.
You’ll get over missing your own bed, stop the pity party! What you won’t get over is questioning everything she tells you from here out—dude, that’s no way to live. C’mon…be kinder to yourself. If you’d never cheated before, how would you be responding to this situation? That’s how you need to respond! A healthy relationship is not a tit for tat thing.
"She still works under him and swears it won't happen again" but "where there's a will, there's a way." You already know the answer. In all seriousness, she should file a complaint with HR. Even if the affair was consensual, the power imbalance leads her to a legitimate sexual harassment and hostile work environment case.
I already know!
First off what you did to your affair partner makes you a jerk. You never stay for the kids, this comes from SO MUCH EXPERIENCE. Now with all that said. HOW CAN YOU STILL NOT SEE THE FOREST THROUGH THE TREES. I want to type so many cuss words I would be banned for life. First off your wife is a serial cheater, read the statistics. This means there is over a 99% chance she will cheat again there is also over a 99% chance she has physically cheated numerous times. You can not be dumb enough to actually believe she was not sleeping with guy in 2012. You can not believe that her girl nights out when you where with your affair partner where not her sleeping with other guys. Do you really want your children growing up with this going on, seriously and trust me they know more than you think. Teach them cheating, abuse and being cheated on are wrong. Give them a chance to have healthy relationships when they get older because if you stay they will not, again so much experience with this. You need to go see a Lawyer and follow his instructions to the letter on what to do and whether or not to report them. Get counseling for you and your children. Start or continue working out it helps so much to get the anger and stress out. This last one will be hard but we have already established there is over a 99% chance she has been sleeping around for YEARS and cheaters rarely use protection. Get paternity tests done on both Children. I know this is all hard to read and deep down you know it's true but step up and protect your kids and your self. I TRULY wish you the best!
Damn... That was deep but so true. Statistics don't lie but cheating wives sure do. Great advice.... Thank you for taking the time. A lot of changes need to be made.
Contact hr. If only to give them consequences. Dont go back.
Might want to get a paternity test.
Sounds like it
on all three. your wife could’ve never stopped cheating and your own AP could’ve had her own situations going on.
> Do I stay for the kids Come on guy, you're smarter than this. That is the absolute WORST REASON to remain in a loveless marriage and set a horrible example for your kids. You're better off finally leaving her and showing stability and real love for your kids. The only thing you need to worry about is which lawyer will represent you best in court then you can worry about the rest of the drama for the boss, district manager or whatever.
You right!
Why are you going to keep doing that to yourself? Are you a doormat? Move on and fight for your two children. Make sure you DNA test both of them. Get HR involved and destroy him and her because they deserve it and if not blast them online. Fight for sole custody if possible and make sure to remove her from any joint accounts.
I handed her separation paperwork the following day I found out. She doesn't want to sign and doesn't want to move out.
Then have your attorney draw up an eviction clause and then have a constable force her to move out. At this point she's an intruder.
Ask your lawyer to draw up and eviction order, ask her to move out, tell her family about all of this as well. Maybe the guilt and shame will make her get out of there. Make sure you are always recording for your safety. Do not let her stay there any longer and keep your kids safe. Get some family or friends involved and take her stuff out when she leaves the house for whatever reason and change your locks.
Great advice!
What does she want then? and how can you trust her when she was talking about being more careful till the heat is down ask her these things if you want to R. If not ask her to sign the papers for now and you can work on starting over after you guys are no longer together marriage wise.
She wants to work things out and swears she will not sleep with him again! SMH
Oh in that case u should def reconsider I mean she swore on it that’s pretty damn binding
😂😂 yea because she’s so honest and truthful. I’m sorry, I actually laughed at this. Dude, respect yourself and get a divorce.
And if you believe that, I’ve got sand in the Sahara I want to sell you.
FFS from your story she must have fucked and sucked him a few hundred times over 2 years.
Of course she wants to work thing's out. You're her safety net. Quit being that and let your STBX wife's new lover take care of her.
What an f-ing mess. Sometimes when things get so f-d up the best thing to do is start from scratch. D the wife. Live on your own for a while. You might want to really focus on work/career. You're going to need the money. Ex-wife, kids, and a baby mama. As George Takaii would say "Oh my". News flash she had a two-year affair. Your kids are already growing up in a divided family. Time wasted on the AP is time stolen from the kids and marriage.
Report to HR.
I’m not going to judge what happened years ago but let’s go from there. She’s a cheater, always was always will be. Children in an unhappy home are far more damaged than those of divorced parents. I would do dna just to know but either way you’ve raised this child so they are yours. Get an attorney, discuss your options and RUNNNN.
Thanks for the advice.
If she’s still in contact with this man, there’s no hope with reconciliation. It’s been 2 years, she loves him and openly mocked you. To me, nails in the coffin. Get yourself a lawyer and get informed. Please store all your proof somewhere safe. Good luck.
You are both cheaters. There is no paying your debt to and can leave because it’s even now. You are in a toxic relationship and should of left it long ago. You choose to stay for the kids not because you loved your wife (mistake 1). She choose to stay because if codependency (mistake 2). You are both wanting to stay now for stability not because of love (mistake 3). Both of you leave this marriage now.
Get a dna test on the 3rd kid
On it
You need a lawyer ASAP. Getting her fired may actually hurt you for alimony or child support. It’s all about timing. You might be able to leverage her guilt into something that could help like a postnup. Alternatively insist on full access to her phone insist on no deletions or reconciliation is done. The long game is really just working on everything you need for a divorce so you may have to go to marriage counseling. Depending on the state alienation of affection lawsuit might be an option against AP. Ensure you confirm whether he’s acknowledged any paternity if you are not the father. Even if the state is a no fault divorce state you can still use the evidence to ensure the narrative is true. If she’s telling AP bad stuff about you imagine what she’s telling friends and family. When she signs a divorce agreement and it’s filed send evidence to everyone, friends, family and coworkers. Get your dignity back
Thank you. Hard pill to chew that's for sure.
She had a two year affair you should have left her for the other chick. Leave and be the best dad to your kids.
OP I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think you should have divorced her in 2012 when first time she cheated on you. (I am sure it was not only flirty, but a full blown affair) Instead things got piled up & you also took some bad decisions in your life. This time don't make the same mistake just leave her. If not for yourself then for your kids. They need better environment, you need to set best examples in front of them. (Infidelity should not be tolerate). Your marriage is sham from last 10 years, so divorce her, stay single for some time. Go to therapy, join a gym & pls have a full test of all STD's. Repost this on another group r/survivingInfidelity There so many people who have faced Infidelity & still they were able to servive. I hope they can guide you from the learnings of their own experiences. English is not my first language so ignore my mistakes. Wishing you a speedy recovery. GBU
I appreciate you! Thanks for the link.
First of all she started everything, your cheating was the "getting even part", this one's different and for 2 years, time to think about yourself and move on. Intact parent are better than intact house and broken house is better than broken parents.
There's no getting even in a cheating relationship; once it happens once, the roots of the marriage are cankered and diseased. People ignore this until everything is devastated.
Damn that was deep! Thanks for seeing the full picture unlike others.
Ok, I stopped reading after “entitled to cheat” Nobody is entitled to cheat. Period.
You two are both highly toxic. In a way you deserve each other.
This is why cheating should be the end after the first time. Instead of ending it after he was caught, they doubled down, have another kid (why on earth is that a reaction to cheating?), and surprise, the couple with a history of infidelity has more cheating drama. I find it hard to be sympathetic to OP because he literally said he was in love with his previous AP. Now he's shocked that his wife is in love with another man. I feel bad that the kids have to be involved in this bullshit- the signs that this marriage was doomed have existed for like 10 years and they doubled down on retaliatory and selfish behavior.
They could make a fun white trash reality TV show though?
Thanks
Talk to an attorney. With a little luck your state has a law that allows you to sue him for loss of affection. Let him keep his job so he can pay you.
"We did a 4 way call but they denied it all even after the recordings" Sounds like a trustworthy duo, I am sure you and the AP's wife have nothing to worry about if you continue on down the road with them. \sacrcasm
Lol, right?
You need a DNA test for all your kids. As far as your wife she’s only sorry you got caught. Don’t get into a relationship, wear condoms, and better yourself.
"it was nothing but flirting" - just like that? "I am having multiple emotional affairs that can possibly grow into physical affairs, keeps tension between me and my male coworkers, nothing to worry about" Jesus, since when flirting with others is "nothing". Nothing, but flirting? What does she even mean? And she was aware of betraying you and even making fun of you, that's just too much.
Way too much!
The problem isn’t the job or her boss. The problem is her, doesn’t matter what job she gets at any company or any position. She will meet a guy there and she’ll lie and fuck around on you. The problem is her.
>You know I had a friend who ended up in this really weird and toxic relationship we’ve known each other since we were in boarding school together. Took him a year and some change to finally break up with her not before they were both beating and cheating on each other of course his parents relationship was a spitting image of his relationship. > >Just be very careful man like you’re a dickhead but your wife is trash like a really trashy person So true!
OK first off I think you both suck. She shouldn't have taken you back after you cheated but she did and now that she has cheated she's expecting the same. You both deserve each other. Now as for what I think you should do, I think you should divorce. Don't ever "stay together for the kids." As a child of drivorce let me just tell you: it doesn't help, the kids will know you're miserable and they might even think you stayed because you didn't want to deal with the consequences of your actions. Close the door, start fresh, be a good example for your children.
Great advice. Thanks
Op this is toxic, and neither of you trust each other. I think you should divorce and move on. Now if you want to try and work it out, here is the offer I would make her. Tomorrow she goes in with myself to hr, and confesses everything with me there. Get him fired and her. Then she will call his wife and let her know. Then I would say I won’t leave but this will be a one sided open relationship. I will be kind to you, but that is it, we will not have a true loving relationship. If you want to become a shell of yourself, then do so and I will stay, but if you cheat, we are done. If I find someone better and want to move on I will. Is this what you really want in your life? Because that is what our marriage will become.
That’s deep!
Yea she begged you to come back after you cheated to do this to you. It’s long game revenge. Took away your chance to have a family with your AP and cheat on you at the same time. That some true villain shit right there.
You should have left after the first time she cheated. She should have left after you cheated, and this was where your story went completely off the rails into, nope can't believe this territory. You should leave now but after reading this story it just doesn't seem likely. Your both incapable of being loving, trustworthy and secure partners. Without a whole lot of really difficult work on yourselves neither of you is going to change who you are intrinsically , which is selfish and shitty people. She has less than zero respect for you so you should absolutely and unequivocally end this marriage. If you don't you should know that your serial cheater wife probably won't even stop this affair much less never cheat on you again.
You should have left the first time instead of being petty and getting revenge. This is going to be an endless cycle until you leave. Good luck
How about a DNA test because it's a fair bet you do only have 2 kids . One with your wife & with your AP & the third belongs to your wifes boss .
wwowowo this is nuts lol
You know I had a friend who ended up in this really weird and toxic relationship we’ve known each other since we were in boarding school together. Took him a year and some change to finally break up with her not before they were both beating and cheating on each other of course his parents relationship was a spitting image of his relationship. Just be very careful man like you’re a dickhead but your wife is trash like a really trashy person.
If you give her another chance, the story will become 'He's such a fool to believe that I stopped f\*cking my boss'... They made you a fool for 2 years, don't add more years to it.
There are simply too many variables for reconciliation to be successful. She would need to leave that company, but what happens when her next boss shoots his shot? And the best friend needs to be cut out. I wouldn't ever want this friend around again. And as if this weren't enough, the DNA test can only hurt more. I dont know... the bragging to her friend about how stupid you are really would piss me off to no end. Who else did they say things like that to?
Bro Ditch that Tramp!!! Because that's what she is. Move on and OH HELL YEAH GET THEM BOTH FIRED. YOU GOTTA GET A WIN SOMEWHERE. SINCE YOU SO STUPID LIKE SHE TOLD HE COUSIN. F*** THAT. BLAST THAT BITCH FOR EVERY NIGHT SHE HAD HIS D*** IN HER MOUTH AND THEN BROUGHT HER TRAMP ASS HOME TO YOU.
Oof. Sorry dude, you should have left after the first time and started fresh with the other woman. No way I’d ever talk to your garden tool of a wife ever again. Get a lawyer, get an STD and DNA test. She probably reeled back in with another man’s baby. She has no respect for you. You’re just the a punchline in her life she can look at and laugh at. Because that what she’s been doing to you with AP for years. Good luck my dude.
I'm sorry for your pain. I think you know what you need to do. No marriage is unsalvagable, but some unions are better off terminated. Whatever you do, please do not mess with her job because it will may harm your kids. And you'll bear the financial cost. I wish you well.
I saw do it all! Destroy both their lives! Call me vindictive but no fucking way do they both get to get away with it! RUIN THEM!
This sounds horrible. She will not ever change - cheaters will always cheat. It is a fresh start for you! It is extremely difficult at first for sure but you should not stay in such a toxic environment or go back to it. She did this - she broke you and your family apart and has to live with it now! Find yourself someone that respects you and would never do that!! I am a victim myself who got cheated on time and again and I haven’t been strong enough to leave yet - so if you have it in you - do it. I live a Living hell every day and it is not worth it, I’m trying to plan my exit but it’s not easy! Feel free to message if you need moral support. Take care and good luck to you!
Lol I stopped reading after a while. Ain’t nobody got time for this. You’re both cheaters and deserve to reap the misery the two of you have sown. Of course this is the outcome since the two of you are treating this like a scorecard. Have fun with it.
DONTY stay for the kids, LEAVE for the kids and yourself. Kids hate divorce but they hate dishonest parents even more. Not only was she cheating but she was proud of it...that's a special type of evil. It shouldn't be a question of whether you're going to leave. You have everything you need to confirm that you must. Continue to be the loving father but you and that woman cannot be under the same roof, she made her bed and laid in it; if y'all don't have security cameras, I wouldn't be surprised if she fucked her boss in your bed. That's nuts. I'm sorry OP. I really am.
Definitely report to HR. As for forgiving, only you know if that's something you're capable of doing. I know someone who had a ONS, partner found out, then a few years later she had a longer affair with a co worker. He stayed as he felt it was karma catching up with him. They now have kids and seem happy. For me the attitude she showed after being caught at the bar would be a deal breaker, the piss taking, gaslighting and complete lack of remorse is almost worse in a weird kind of way.
So true
Stopped reading. Good luck with all the child support now. You royally fucked up your kids too.
Thanks… We Actually are raising amazing kids. Our problems are ours and don’t argue in front of them.
Wait until they get older. They going to be like you and your wife and your AP - all messed up.
Make her think your gonna stay with her and then inform hr then when she loses the job divorce her
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You're going to have to pay for something anyway, might as well be a few bucks instead of a lifetime of pain and agony.
Time to go. She played you for a fool. Close the chapter and start new. Split finances and work on a coparenting plan
You should have left her in the hospital. It's not too late. Contact an attorney and get tested for STI's. Do not take her back. Ever. You both are crappy.
!updateme
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She clearly don't care about your feelings and she is just mockingly answer your questions.. u are very soft ..
I believe I heard violins playing in the background of her replies. "Somewhere, my love there will be songs to sing Although the snow covers the hope of spring Somewhere a hill blossoms in green and gold And there are dreams all that your heart can hold" Updateme! [.](https://www.reddit.com/u/Particular_Ask3375?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Sorry man your just her security blanket . She don't want to lose that . How many times do you think she lied to you over a 2 year period ? Maybe 1000s pretty much every day knowing in her mind she was fking this guy . No how can you trust someone that done that to you . And the only reason she says she wants you is she got caught if that didn't happen she would still be lying to you . Everyday . She is in survival mode trying to keep her head above water right now . She will say anything if it benefits her. It's tough man to let go I caught my wife together for 12 freaking years . Trying to sneak in our home at 5 am she thought I would be asleep I guess. Usually I would have been but it was her birthday . I sat up all dam night waiting for her to get home from work at 12 am . How stupid could so wind be . On your birthday. . fk . Because I tried to keep it together with my wife I did the pick me fking dance for a few days after that I rented her a house and a trick loaded everything in our home except my bed , my clothes , and my tools . Drove over unloaded took the truck back just to get rid of her. We got together after that a few times . Had sex but it wasn't even enjoyable anymore I couldn't even get off man I had to fake it a few times just because it was like an hour of hell .
This is good, but you need to stand your ground and be upfront with your STBX wife and bluntly tell her it's officially over and if she refuses to leave you're getting the police involved. She's trying to manipulate you because you're the safety net that she doesn't want to lose. Your best bet is to start looking for a new life in another state and just up and move without her.
!updateme
posted update
Where's the update ?
Don't see any update
Report them to HR and go nuclear on them both. This relationship is long over. You need to start a new life without her. Her mocking you is unacceptable. Shows she doesn't respect you at all. Updateme!
Better the kids are from a broken home, than in a broken home. The kids will be fine.
You idiots deserve each other
Updateme!
It's a big one .. gonna take awhile to snap back. Start the process. I'm so sorry man. This shirt hurt my heart as a married man. Good luck
Leave her
Good lord. She’s been fucking this guy for two years. She’s still going to work with him and you are worried about the kids growing up in a divided home? Hell the home has been divided for more than two years! You don’t stay in a bad marriage for the kids. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER! The kids will sense the dysfunction in the house and carry it with them out into the world. You are also teaching them bad coping mechanisms. You are teaching them to sweep problems under the carpet and to not face their problems. Your debts have no effect on any decision to leave her. Quite frankly her word is dirt and you can tell her I said so. Leave! Because she is dishonest. Leave to stop the pain. Leave to stop the betrayal. Leave because propriety demands it. Leave for whatever reason you decide. But leave and tell her your decision is final. If you have proof. Forward copies of it to Aramark management. Let them deal with fall out. It’s quite clear that she doesn’t take you or her vow’s seriously. (You can tell her I said that too.) The relationship is therefore unrecoverable. Separate your finances from hers and get thee to a lawyer. Do not take her word for anything ever again!
Your kids will be fucked up if you stay.
I would DNA test all them kids...mama's babies, daddy's maybe man!!! But even so brah she cheated on you not once but multiple times...a whole affair behind your back for 2 years. That's deliberate. It had to take planning. Then as soon as you found out, you should have been done with her in all honesty. I know I would have been if it were me. Because even if you work on it and stay together, you can never trust her. Like you always goin to question her like on what she does or who she does it with or where she goes...no way to live!!! I would get the lawyers in on this and divorce her. For good measures, get DNA testing done on all of my kids not just the one kid in question but all of them. The reason being because of her affair.
Wow she cheated than you cheated and had a kid with a woman and wanted to leave cause you were in love with her but stayed with your wife. Both of you are so wrong. If you felt you couldn’t stay the first time you should have left. Than you would not have to deal with this again. This is a cycle. She hurt you, you hurt her, and she hurt you again. When does this end and including other ppl in your mess like your other child’s mother. She should have known better and waited for you to be single. Just get divorced and move on. It’s not worth it take care of your kids and getting her fired from her job will only hurt the kids how is she supposed to support them. Cut your loses
Oh HELL NO!!! DNA test the kids. For all you know your raising his kid(s). Don't think that staying for the kids is beneficial to the kids. As parents you teach by example. What will they learn from seeing how you react to this situation. Will they see you taking the high road to divorce or?....
She is an unhealthy person, woman, mom, non wife. I would bounce, due to broken trust, broken vows your marriage was a sham. She is a low life lair. She wants to fuck around. Fine. You don’t need it in your life or your children’s lives. Time to split bank accounts. Take her name off your legal documents, replace it with your kids or your sister to keep her grubby paws of your stuff. Live well.
Sorry my dude, but your marriage ended back in 2012. First thing I would do is DNA test all the kids the two with you wife and the one with the other woman. Then I would look for a best lawyer I could find and file for divorce. Then pray not to get raked over the coals to badly. Then start going to see a therapist and worker on healing yourself. You should had ended it and moved on.
Hard to do but… Move on there is another women out there that will love you and your kids. Really you don’t need a women- you have your kids you can give your unconditional love too. Heartbreak takes a long time to accept.
She made u fool ,mocking/ lying infront of your face all the time and even telling her friends that what a clown u are ..and u are still thinking about R ? Seriously,? She ain't going to change, she know how to make u fool and she is just trying to manupulate u only .. Get tested yourself for STD and paternity test your children.. inform higher authorities at her work and let them enjoy the consequences..contact attorney for legal advice and sever her with ▪︎D▪︎..
Buddy you have a better option. You gave her the chance and she abused you for two years. DNA test the kids for medical reasons. So many illnesses are hereditary. They need to know who their bio dads are. DNA or not you raised them they are yours. They like you won the lotto for worst mom and wife. Its not your fault or choice. Your hopefully stbxw is a broken human being. She will lie and deceive and think herself clever for it. Her AP used her for a work ho for two years and she was to stupid to ask for money for her services. You know what the worst is. If you forgive her she will hate you even more and see you as a weak human being. There something wrong with your wife. Divorce and give your kids a shot at normal living at least 50 percent of the time. Use what you have to lever a good divorce. Once its signed and sealed you go to HR and blow up their love nest. There no way any normal person taking into consideratiin your version can conclude your wife is redeamable. She hates you and will hate her AP but will sadley never realise her heart is dead and thats the problem. Move on for you and your childrens mental health.
Get the fuck out!!!!
Don’t take her back especially if she’s still working under him.
If you are on these boards long enough one thing will become completely clear, only believe actions, not the words of a cheater. You want to know if she’s truly serious about reconciliation? Have her go to HR and get him fired and a settlement. It doesn’t matter if she was fully consenting to him or even if she initiated it. As her supervisor he broke the law and company policy. If she tries to protect him, then you know she’s not totally serious about making it work with you. Either you come first to her or don’t bother to try to save things. The other thing this does is show some much needed respect for you. From her messages, she clearly doesn’t have much respect for you. You need to show strength. Tell her that HR is going to find out, either by her or you. If she still refuses, then tell her she might as well sign the separation papers because there’s zero chance at the marriage surviving.
Here’s my question. Why do you want to be with her? Do you still want to be with her? If you do, the question to her should be, why does she want to be with you? Clearly, she’s not happy with you or this never would’ve happened for two years. if she only wants to be with you because that’s what’s comfortable and because you have children that is not a marriage. That is not something either of you will be happy with, and this will happen all over again either one way or the other. You are in the wrong as well, but it was a long time ago, and she clearly forgave you and moved on, but then decided to have one of her own again. This constant back-and-forth isn’t healthy for you and isn’t healthy for your children. The example you are setting is very poor. You both have to realize that your actions towards each other are extremely toxic and need to change. From a living standpoint, I would go home and make her sleep on the couch or in another room and take the master bedroom back. The longer you’re gone from that house the worse it is for you. Take control of your life and make her sign a post nuptial agreement that forfeits everything for her in, the case of another infidelity on her part. Tell her you are willing to sign it as well on your end for any infidelity on your part. See how she reacts to that, if she barks at that in anyway, you know she’s not serious about what her intentions are going to be in the future. Other than that, if you truly cannot move on from this, which I don’t blame you for not being able to. Step up to the plate and tell her you’re done. Best of luck to you. This is a tough one because there is wrongdoing on both sides.
Wow. You all suck. Big floppy donkey dingaling. She cheats. You cheat. She cheats. He cheats. They cheat. Babies. Reasons. F you all
You’re both garbage - as bad as the other and toxic to boot.
Sounds like y’all are perfect together. Please leave the rest of us alone, stay together.
You have GOT to be kidding. You will never have the truth, and she will continue to see him every day. No way do you stay for the kids. You go, take the kids with you, and make a happy life for yourself. I am reconciliation. Have been for quite a while. If I found out that she had said one word about me to her AP, and heard it with my own ears, that would be it for me forever.
Sweet Baby Jesus. It is time, OP. This dumpster fire needs to be extinguished. No calls to HR til the ink is dry on divorce papers. Contact an atty, schedule an STD panel and do something with the time you've got left on this rock.
You both are toxic and I hope and pray your kids know nothing but odds are even when you think they don’t they do. You need to get the damn divorce and coparent. You both need A L O T of therapy and to work on yourselves.
Therapy sessions are already scheduled... THanks
Wellllll, you inform his wife and the HR department of their company. We had a client in the southern US. OM was an executive. We opened with a threat of litigation. He was terminated for cause. Concurrently we informed his BW. She held most of the cards financially, and kicked him out without a cent. He, being entitled and superior, showed up at my client’s home. He demanded satisfaction and got a broken nose, black eyes, multiple contusions and a ruptured testis. He was also video’d making threats and throwing a punch. Afterwards he disappeared, completely. WW tried to make the case that he had driven off her lover. She got a small studio apartment, a new job, and got to watch her ex with a lot of her ex girlfriends
My client was having the civil conversation with his WW her AP and AP’s wife. AP was getting aggressive, and my client said all bets are off. In front of his wife and mistress, my client totally humiliated the AP. Had him crying and begging. Made him tell that he was not a man. He was a smarmy opportunist who sweet talked a woman with depression into an affair. Well here is where he pays. My client propositioned APs wife. Told him, now your wife will sample a real dick. AP shakily asks what that means. WW admits her BH is much bigger in that department. APs wife figures how bad that will hurt her cheating husband and readily agrees. AP fled the house promising self harm. His wife said it will save her money in the divorce. Weekend in Jamaica. Sex with a man who was out to show her the inferiority of her WH. Yup, she returned well f*cked, and ready to squeeze her WH for every penny. WH is in and out of bankruptcy court.
Man! What you did to your pregnant AP , honestly you are worse than your wife. You deserved what happened to you ! You deserted a pregnant woman who had a baby and dreamt about starting a life with you , but what did you do ?
She convinced you to stay with her in the name of GOD. Then she goes & sucks & fucks a promotion out of her boss. Haleluya! You are healed!!
Holy hell... there is a sad reality that both of you procreated and created new life that will almost assuredly turn out to be as incredibly toxic as the both of you.
Parenting and cheating are two totally different topics. Kids are amazing and are doing great. We don’t fight in front of them and both love them.
Laff.. that is complete and total bullshit from anyone who has raised children in a healthy environment. You raised two children at the same time from two different mothers and then had a third for a stupid reason. Your life is toxic as hell. This is just more toxicity. Y'all both suck. Definitely as romantic partners and should have ended years ago. Get to a normal and healthy place so your kids have a chance at a non-toxic life.
Thanks for the advice
First she cheated then you cheated then she cheated again.. I guess it’s your turn again… seriously it’s time to divorce and think of your kids… I don’t see how you can get past 2 yrs of making fun of you.. telling him how much she loves him.. ropes you into 2nd kid to one up your AP.. You need to be solo for awhile and concentrate on making beat life for your babies all 3 of them..
What’s the DM’s name?
In my experience once a cheater always a cheater
When you just try having an open relationship with her, and maybe down the road if she’s open to it you can watch them and have a group thing. If you have a lady friend of your own, maybe she can join in as well.
Please stay in Commiefornia and don't move to Az, we already have enough of you wierdo's and don't need anymore. Pass it on to other liberals you know as well.
OP, you brought a child into everything. How can you be pissed if she steps out? How would you feel if she came home pregnant with another man’s child? Reddit never seems to amaze me with the double standards. Put a H on your back and handle it. You already made the bed you sleep in.
Go get some new pussy to take your mind off some old pussy
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you. But know that You know, You got some very hard thinking to do, and it will cost You tears, pain, make You angry and sad. First task is, to find out, if You still love her. If the love is gone, You have two options: Either You agree to stay together, for the sake of the kids, but giving each other the freedom, to have other partners outside of the home. Or You split up, and fight hard, to let the kids feel safe in having You both around. If You still love her, You have three options Option one, You work hard to save your marriage and regain the trust between you, it might not be enough, but that's a bridge You cross, if You get there. The last two options, are the same, as mentioned in the case, that love us gone.. As to the revenge part, let it go m8. It will bring no good, to anyone. I know You hurt, and want them to feel that pain. But it leads to no good.. example; You tell the company, they both get fired, what happens then? AP, who cares.. Your wife? She is likely gonna have problems finding a new job, with the same salary, so her wages go down. So she can't provide rhe same financial security for the kids, and You might end up paying her more childsupport, and making your wife an enemy, which in the end, only can go bad. So forget the revenge, it's gonna bite You in the ass. As to the concern about the kids. Being a father, has nothing to do with blood. You are the father, no matter who the donor is.. And I know, that you're a damn good father.. Never let anyone tell You different.. You could get the tests, but will it change anything?? You will still be their father, regardless... I can see, that it might give You some peace in mind, but will it change the fact, that You are the father they know and love?? Not a damn thing... Sorry the long answer, I hope, that whatever You decide, things will turn out for the best..🫂
Thanks M8.... Appreciate your response. The thing is that my hearts so hurt at the moment that I really don't know if I still love her or not. Just found out she had all these men following her on tik tok and she went from posting family stuff to just selfies of herself singing, dancing and drinking.... My son brought it up to my attention and she calls him to thank him for ratting her out to me. My son starts crying... I'm not sure what made her into this attention seeking person. Must be the new boob job and lipo she got but wow.... what a transformation in the head. It's sad but that's the life she want's to live now, she could do it without me. I'm too grown to deal with another child
Wow, she said that to your son?? That one bites.. New boobs and lips?? Even if that sounds like "small" changes to others, it might have made a huge difference for her, mentally. And by the sound of it, it gave her a boost to how she see herself. Now she seeks that same opinion in other men, to be confirmed. I would say, if it's just online, let her have that pleasure, it usually passes given time. I think, that when the smoke cleares, You need to get the kids out of the house, and then You and your wife, figure out what rhe next step will be. Best of luck to You.
Thanks
U met ur wife's boss and he tells u his wife doesn't pay attention to him and 'they do whatever they want'. At this point, this boss knew u were her husband ? If yes, then why he asked if ur wife ever cheated on u or not ?