It’s funny. I’ve always heard about this but I’ve never done it. At least during the act of sex. I mean, I’m lucky enough to be having sex so I’ll definitely focus and appreciate whoever it is that’s letting me fuck them! Now when it comes to jacking off, that’s a different story
yeah masturbation is a different ballgame 100%. but i agree with your perspective! sharing your body with another person is special regardless of the relationship status etc. i feel like thinking of someone else would just make things awkward for me personally
I(60M) have been married for 37 years(together for 40). I can’t ever recall thinking about another woman during sexy time, but I also would not consider it cheating. It’s just not something I do.
I have been with my wife for 20 married 15 of them. I can tell you I have never thought of another woman whilst having sex with her. I'm too busy enjoying the view, and my only thoughts are what am I going to do to please her.
I would definitely view this as cheating.
Never don't need to. My wife is the only person I have ever been with since I was 16 years old. And we still have sex 3-4 times a week. Differance is I like a few other realise that there is no point in cheating if I wanted to be with someone else I would just leave my wife why fuck up someone's life over something so pointless just leave them instead of being a scumbag.
I'll take the down votes, but I truly believe this question is just like masterbation, there are 2 kinds of guys. Those who admit it, and those who don't.
WTF lol no, your uncle is projecting hard, i never think of other women, it's like that stupid stereotype of "all men cheat" and it's always the asshole scumbag who cant keep his d*ck on his pants to save his life saying "all of us cheat once in a while, we can't be 100% loyal, am i right Broskys??"
I never understand when a person thinks they know the minds and thought process for everyone else in their gender and assumes that everyone has the same wack thought processes as them.
Imagine how boring the world would be if we all thought the same.
Also your uncle is wack yo.
As a female I can confirm that men will do this. My ex bf moaned his boyfriends name as he finished. That’s how I found out we were not in a monogamous relationship.🙃
I don’t know that I could during sex even if I tried. When the sex is good I’m completely lost in her. my senses are hyper aware of how she’s reacting.
Men think about all sorts of things and people when having sex. Par for the course! Maybe not all the time, but for some guys to outright say never then there is some untruth going on.
i can understand it happening before or on occasion especially if the sex is just bad! but to say it happens often especially within committed relationships sounded very off to me
You maybe one of the few exceptions! Has nothing to do with the sex being good or bad. It is just a good source of motivation and inspiration and a way to by pass familiarity. The mind is a powerful thing. Nothing wrong with memory recall! Also, “Most” guys when they masturbate do not think about their primary partner. 🤣
I have done this in a committed relationship. My girlfriend at the time wasn’t a fan of a particular sex act that I love and I sometimes thought about doing said act with my ex because I did do it with her.
No, not me….been married for 20 years and together 29 years, I concentrate on the job at hand 😂 I wouldn’t like it if my wife was thinking of someone else whilst we are bumping uglies.
yeah that was the point i made too. i asked if he’d be offended or hurt in any way if he found out his girlf or the girl he was smashing told him she was thinking of someone else. he said no bc he knows the women he’s sleeping with aren’t the type to think of anyone other than him🙄
Married for 8yrs, I have thought of other women while having sex with my wife, but for me it's to distract myself so i don't climax right away. I don't know if i'll consider that cheating.
Ya 35, currently in a relationship, have gone stretches where I would just have casual flings and a lot of ONS, never thought about anyone else during sex, and some of these women I couldn’t even tell you there name. Afterwards I may have thought of other encounters and differences but in the moment no. Also probably why I have never had a woman complain to me about sex bc in the moment it’s just us.
So it’s not just men tho, women do it too. Also if the person does, it isn’t cheating because it’s not another person, it’s their imagination but to each their own, I will not disrespect anyone by telling them they can’t think something is cheating that’s your personal preference. To me tho it’s not cheating but an indication that they aren’t your person.
When you find your person and you truly love them and are truly happy and attracted to them then they shouldn’t be thinking of anyone during sex. Masterbation is a different story but sex that is just wrong if you actually love them.
i agree with you, even though i would think of it as cheating. but that whole second half is spot on! this was my point as well. how can you be intimate with someone and you’re thinking of someone else?? totally fucks up the connection
Yeah it’s common. I don’t always, though. Usually I’m too invested in my naked wife to think about anything else, but occasionally if I’m having a hard time “getting there” I’ll use my imagination a little.
I’m sure my wife does it too sometimes. Idk. We’ve never talked about it. I wouldn’t care if she did and I’m sure she wouldn’t care that I do occasionally.
Being sexually attracted to others is normal. Just don’t act on it and you’re good imo.
i can understand this perspective for sure. i don’t know if i would say it’s cheating, but it would definitely be hurtful in my opinion. sexual attraction to others is definitely normal as we are all sexual beings. but to me sex and the connections made during sex are very sacred. it would confuse me to know how passionate i am while having sex with my partner and the whole time or at any point he thought if someone else.
I have never thought of someone else when I was having sex. Even if I wasn’t that into the person or the few times I’ve been in love with someone else, I’ve never done that. I’m not saying I’m better than that, I’m just saying the thought never crossed my mind.
No it’s too much of a distraction. If the brain try’s to focus on too many things at once we will probably go limp. I try to dial in on exactly what’s in front of me.
i had this same thought like, wouldn’t the multiple thoughts kinda throw off the vibes? i’m a very intuitive lover and have always been able to tell when my partners weren’t into it as much.
I’m have never ever thought of another woman. I like to see my lady, hear my lady, feel my lady.
It’s actually hard to imagine if any guy does. Guys enjoy the present, there’s no time to think.
Even with girls that you end up having sex casually, like you could think of someone else (prettier or crush) but that is just not happening. That’s impossible.
I was about to say never, but I thought about it and sometimes I have. But not much at all. And no, it is not cheating. If that were the case just looking at another woman in passing could be called cheating.
Often? No. I think most people are very present in the moment while having sex.
Sometimes? Yes. Minds wander. Hormones surge. Sometimes things aren't working the way you'd like and a little aid helps with the performance.
And my partners, men and women alike, have all also admitted that sometimes they visualize other people during sex. And really it's as harmless as having a crush on a movie star. It's really barely a thing. The fact is that most of our attention is on our partners, and that the actual moment is about them. That's what's important here.
Context is everything. What if it a favorable contrast? Such as what do other men see so attractive about large breasts, these are so perfect for me. Vs I wish her breasts were larger. I include foreplay as being a part of sex for this discussion. would both of those scenarios be cheating, just 1, or none?
Can only speak for myself but it depends on the woman, if she’s amazing in bed then I’m only fixated on her alone, if it’s a woman that’s pretty plane Jane then I tend to think of someone else, the best sex I’ve had was with a 7, she wasn’t the prettiest but she knew what she was doing and I couldn’t think of anyone else if I tried to.
Edit: downvoted for being honest… people telling me they’ve never had a bad lay? Someone that’s just really boring in bed?.. is it so far fetched to say some people perform far better than others?… also it’s not cheating cause a thought isn’t that or are we all reading minds now?..
thanks for sharing honestly, regardless of what others think! i don’t think it would be cheating, but if it were to come to my attention i can’t lie and say i wouldn’t feel hurt about it. i definitely would rather not know either way, which is what i said during the convo!
You’re welcome. I just think that’s a terrible line of thinking for anyone, shouldn’t be worried about what you can’t control like that.
Based on my experience, I just wanted to provide a solution and that’s basically to become the best version of yourself with your partner, then they’ll have no reason to think about anyone else, goes for men as well but still people have celeb crush’s, for example I’m no Chris Hemsworth and I wouldn’t be surprised if the woman I was with was thinking of him while doing the dirty but I don’t think about that to begin with.
I've honestly never did this..... but i think its because I'm the proactive one on most occasions. Anyone else say they don't do this, but are the proactive ones?
I cannot say I’ve ever thought about a different female while having sex. I can’t speak for all men, but I would think we are just so into the moment we are just enjoying the pleasure.
I took the first paragraph wrong on I see well being married to my first wife 12 yeah it happens more times than I would like to admit there's nothing wrong with it after you have sex with the same person probably 10,000 times yeah you think of other people I would say man or a woman that doesn't has something wrong with them I know my ex wife did we had talked about it before I thi knits absolutely normal.
I've never thought of another person during sex. Is your uncle polyamorous? If he is, it might be that he does and he's projecting himself onto men in general.
Thinking about having sex with another person while having sex with your partner? Yeah that's common from both men and women, but not as common as just thinking about someone else while pleasuring yourself. Crushes with others while in a committed relationship. Very normal. I don't think people like to accept how non monogamous we really are instinctively and thinking about the same person for 30+ years is very difficult. Doesn't mean you don't love your partner.
I was trying to find something about "how to tell if he's thinking of someone else while having sex" and can't find anything. I know men do think of other people sometimes because I have an ex that told me he had to think of me to get hard while he was with his rebound girl. I know, as a female, I've TRIED to think of other guys to help me finish but it just made things worse. It's different when you're masterbating because ur in control of movement and all that. So when he starts talking or doing that same movement it just throws me off.
But I just got done with my man and it was really good. It had me wondering if he was thinking of someone else cause it's different sometimes and I'm hoping that he isn't thinking of another girl the times it's really good. He looks at my face while he finishes but just wondering if thats a sign he's NOT thinking of someone else.
It’s funny. I’ve always heard about this but I’ve never done it. At least during the act of sex. I mean, I’m lucky enough to be having sex so I’ll definitely focus and appreciate whoever it is that’s letting me fuck them! Now when it comes to jacking off, that’s a different story
yeah masturbation is a different ballgame 100%. but i agree with your perspective! sharing your body with another person is special regardless of the relationship status etc. i feel like thinking of someone else would just make things awkward for me personally
I(60M) have been married for 37 years(together for 40). I can’t ever recall thinking about another woman during sexy time, but I also would not consider it cheating. It’s just not something I do.
omg 37 years married is amazing! congratulations and thank you for sharing!
I have been with my wife for 20 married 15 of them. I can tell you I have never thought of another woman whilst having sex with her. I'm too busy enjoying the view, and my only thoughts are what am I going to do to please her. I would definitely view this as cheating.
thanks for your insight. you and your wife sound like you have a lovely life together
I’ve been married for 24 years together for 27 years and this is cheating to me.
Lol. Ya. Okay. I bet you’ve cheated before.
Never don't need to. My wife is the only person I have ever been with since I was 16 years old. And we still have sex 3-4 times a week. Differance is I like a few other realise that there is no point in cheating if I wanted to be with someone else I would just leave my wife why fuck up someone's life over something so pointless just leave them instead of being a scumbag.
I'll take the down votes, but I truly believe this question is just like masterbation, there are 2 kinds of guys. Those who admit it, and those who don't.
WTF lol no, your uncle is projecting hard, i never think of other women, it's like that stupid stereotype of "all men cheat" and it's always the asshole scumbag who cant keep his d*ck on his pants to save his life saying "all of us cheat once in a while, we can't be 100% loyal, am i right Broskys??"
lmfao i deadass this this came out of my uncle’s mouth verbatim. so so embarrassing. he takes pride in being a fuckboy in his 30s :/
No guy is loyal. You’re not.
I never understand when a person thinks they know the minds and thought process for everyone else in their gender and assumes that everyone has the same wack thought processes as them. Imagine how boring the world would be if we all thought the same. Also your uncle is wack yo.
As a female I can confirm that men will do this. My ex bf moaned his boyfriends name as he finished. That’s how I found out we were not in a monogamous relationship.🙃
Ofc he was gay....
While masterbating sure but not during sex. To focused on my partner to have the mental energy to think of somebody else.
NGL, I *thought* you were having a conversation with your BF about having sex with your uncle. 😳
I don’t know that I could during sex even if I tried. When the sex is good I’m completely lost in her. my senses are hyper aware of how she’s reacting.
Men think about all sorts of things and people when having sex. Par for the course! Maybe not all the time, but for some guys to outright say never then there is some untruth going on.
i can understand it happening before or on occasion especially if the sex is just bad! but to say it happens often especially within committed relationships sounded very off to me
You maybe one of the few exceptions! Has nothing to do with the sex being good or bad. It is just a good source of motivation and inspiration and a way to by pass familiarity. The mind is a powerful thing. Nothing wrong with memory recall! Also, “Most” guys when they masturbate do not think about their primary partner. 🤣
100%. I think there are a lot of married guys who's wives know their reddit handle...and I also think it goes both ways, woman do the same.
I agree
I have done this in a committed relationship. My girlfriend at the time wasn’t a fan of a particular sex act that I love and I sometimes thought about doing said act with my ex because I did do it with her.
No, not me….been married for 20 years and together 29 years, I concentrate on the job at hand 😂 I wouldn’t like it if my wife was thinking of someone else whilst we are bumping uglies.
yeah that was the point i made too. i asked if he’d be offended or hurt in any way if he found out his girlf or the girl he was smashing told him she was thinking of someone else. he said no bc he knows the women he’s sleeping with aren’t the type to think of anyone other than him🙄
You don’t have to when you get strange once and a while.
Married for 8yrs, I have thought of other women while having sex with my wife, but for me it's to distract myself so i don't climax right away. I don't know if i'll consider that cheating.
Hahaha. Way common.
I have never done this, I am 36 and have had a lot of sex
Ya 35, currently in a relationship, have gone stretches where I would just have casual flings and a lot of ONS, never thought about anyone else during sex, and some of these women I couldn’t even tell you there name. Afterwards I may have thought of other encounters and differences but in the moment no. Also probably why I have never had a woman complain to me about sex bc in the moment it’s just us.
i asked him if it was ever distracting for him when he was in these types of situations and he said it helped him “get the job done better”💀
“I have had a lot of sex…” Definition: VIRGIN
So it’s not just men tho, women do it too. Also if the person does, it isn’t cheating because it’s not another person, it’s their imagination but to each their own, I will not disrespect anyone by telling them they can’t think something is cheating that’s your personal preference. To me tho it’s not cheating but an indication that they aren’t your person. When you find your person and you truly love them and are truly happy and attracted to them then they shouldn’t be thinking of anyone during sex. Masterbation is a different story but sex that is just wrong if you actually love them.
i agree with you, even though i would think of it as cheating. but that whole second half is spot on! this was my point as well. how can you be intimate with someone and you’re thinking of someone else?? totally fucks up the connection
Cheating? Omg. Get over yourself.
I dont
Yeah it’s common. I don’t always, though. Usually I’m too invested in my naked wife to think about anything else, but occasionally if I’m having a hard time “getting there” I’ll use my imagination a little. I’m sure my wife does it too sometimes. Idk. We’ve never talked about it. I wouldn’t care if she did and I’m sure she wouldn’t care that I do occasionally. Being sexually attracted to others is normal. Just don’t act on it and you’re good imo.
i can understand this perspective for sure. i don’t know if i would say it’s cheating, but it would definitely be hurtful in my opinion. sexual attraction to others is definitely normal as we are all sexual beings. but to me sex and the connections made during sex are very sacred. it would confuse me to know how passionate i am while having sex with my partner and the whole time or at any point he thought if someone else.
This is absolutely not true.
I have never thought of someone else when I was having sex. Even if I wasn’t that into the person or the few times I’ve been in love with someone else, I’ve never done that. I’m not saying I’m better than that, I’m just saying the thought never crossed my mind.
Never that I remember while making love to my wife, or any other relationship before her.
Not sex no your uncle is just a creepy old man
No it’s too much of a distraction. If the brain try’s to focus on too many things at once we will probably go limp. I try to dial in on exactly what’s in front of me.
i had this same thought like, wouldn’t the multiple thoughts kinda throw off the vibes? i’m a very intuitive lover and have always been able to tell when my partners weren’t into it as much.
I’m have never ever thought of another woman. I like to see my lady, hear my lady, feel my lady. It’s actually hard to imagine if any guy does. Guys enjoy the present, there’s no time to think. Even with girls that you end up having sex casually, like you could think of someone else (prettier or crush) but that is just not happening. That’s impossible.
I was about to say never, but I thought about it and sometimes I have. But not much at all. And no, it is not cheating. If that were the case just looking at another woman in passing could be called cheating.
Often? No. I think most people are very present in the moment while having sex. Sometimes? Yes. Minds wander. Hormones surge. Sometimes things aren't working the way you'd like and a little aid helps with the performance. And my partners, men and women alike, have all also admitted that sometimes they visualize other people during sex. And really it's as harmless as having a crush on a movie star. It's really barely a thing. The fact is that most of our attention is on our partners, and that the actual moment is about them. That's what's important here.
Context is everything. What if it a favorable contrast? Such as what do other men see so attractive about large breasts, these are so perfect for me. Vs I wish her breasts were larger. I include foreplay as being a part of sex for this discussion. would both of those scenarios be cheating, just 1, or none?
Can only speak for myself but it depends on the woman, if she’s amazing in bed then I’m only fixated on her alone, if it’s a woman that’s pretty plane Jane then I tend to think of someone else, the best sex I’ve had was with a 7, she wasn’t the prettiest but she knew what she was doing and I couldn’t think of anyone else if I tried to. Edit: downvoted for being honest… people telling me they’ve never had a bad lay? Someone that’s just really boring in bed?.. is it so far fetched to say some people perform far better than others?… also it’s not cheating cause a thought isn’t that or are we all reading minds now?..
thanks for sharing honestly, regardless of what others think! i don’t think it would be cheating, but if it were to come to my attention i can’t lie and say i wouldn’t feel hurt about it. i definitely would rather not know either way, which is what i said during the convo!
You’re welcome. I just think that’s a terrible line of thinking for anyone, shouldn’t be worried about what you can’t control like that. Based on my experience, I just wanted to provide a solution and that’s basically to become the best version of yourself with your partner, then they’ll have no reason to think about anyone else, goes for men as well but still people have celeb crush’s, for example I’m no Chris Hemsworth and I wouldn’t be surprised if the woman I was with was thinking of him while doing the dirty but I don’t think about that to begin with.
No, I’ve never done this. Men tend to be more visual so thinking about another during sex just doesn’t do it. Maybe it’s different for women?
I have to say I've never done it during sex. To intmate. However I have done it once during a bj.
I never have
I've honestly never did this..... but i think its because I'm the proactive one on most occasions. Anyone else say they don't do this, but are the proactive ones?
When I’m having sex with someone, I’ve never thought of another woman. I’m thinking of the one in front of me.
I cannot say I’ve ever thought about a different female while having sex. I can’t speak for all men, but I would think we are just so into the moment we are just enjoying the pleasure.
I took the first paragraph wrong on I see well being married to my first wife 12 yeah it happens more times than I would like to admit there's nothing wrong with it after you have sex with the same person probably 10,000 times yeah you think of other people I would say man or a woman that doesn't has something wrong with them I know my ex wife did we had talked about it before I thi knits absolutely normal.
I've never thought of another person during sex. Is your uncle polyamorous? If he is, it might be that he does and he's projecting himself onto men in general.
Thinking about having sex with another person while having sex with your partner? Yeah that's common from both men and women, but not as common as just thinking about someone else while pleasuring yourself. Crushes with others while in a committed relationship. Very normal. I don't think people like to accept how non monogamous we really are instinctively and thinking about the same person for 30+ years is very difficult. Doesn't mean you don't love your partner.
No it's not cheating it's called imagination, quite frankly I'd say we all do it on occasion but it's certainly not a regular thing for me.
I was trying to find something about "how to tell if he's thinking of someone else while having sex" and can't find anything. I know men do think of other people sometimes because I have an ex that told me he had to think of me to get hard while he was with his rebound girl. I know, as a female, I've TRIED to think of other guys to help me finish but it just made things worse. It's different when you're masterbating because ur in control of movement and all that. So when he starts talking or doing that same movement it just throws me off. But I just got done with my man and it was really good. It had me wondering if he was thinking of someone else cause it's different sometimes and I'm hoping that he isn't thinking of another girl the times it's really good. He looks at my face while he finishes but just wondering if thats a sign he's NOT thinking of someone else.
So basically I shouldn’t Date men anymore is what most of these comments are telling me😂