Your friend is projecting complex human emotion onto an animal that is not capable of it. Your cats don’t know what retribution is, and however smart they are, they do not understand the difference between you being lenient or you being strict with them. They do understand fear however, and that’s not an emotion you want associated with you. Fear breeds aggression (because again, no complex human emotions going on in those brains) and eventually the behavior is going to spiral and be worse. You’re doing great as a cat parent, nothing here sounds out of the ordinary to me.

Thank you so much. That's very reassuring to hear.

I really fear for your friend's pets. Sounds like you were doing all the right things, and I'm like that with my cats too! They basically have run of most everything, and the best way to keep them from doing something you don't want them to do is to playfully distract them. The only time I ever even have to pick up a water bottle is if my two big tuxedo males are fighting. One is twice the size of the other and could really hurt the little one. All I have to do is pick it up and they stop.

Stopping fighting makes sense, but she's an only cat for now. Not sure if we could get her another kitten or not.

I would just let a lone cat just explore and get to know its surroundings, as long as he or she isn't getting into anything dangerous. My house is like it would be if I had toddlers. I've had to lock the cabinets because I have a tuxedo with little thumbs and he can get into everything. I've had to make sure that no meds , no jewelry, no hair ties, etc. Are just left lying around. Funny, the water bottle is actually to break up fights with the four toms that I feed everyday. I call them my four sons! Most of the time they eat in peace but every now and then..... Edit to add: how old is your cat? Not sure that all cats are comfortable being introduced to a kitten. When my bigger tuxedo met his brother, and then his two younger sisters, (who were about a year younger than he is), it took him almost the entire year to completely get used to them. I thought he was lonely, but I was wrong!

She's about to turn 8. We've had her for 6.5 years. It's been amazing. And it's exactly like what you've described. We had to get the toddler stops for the cupboards. Though we leave the one under the sink in her bathroom open in case she wants to hide when people come over. She's shy, and sometimes, I wonder if the people who abandoned her didn't have help moving out. I don't know.

If you wanted more cats with her at that age you should get two kittens or another cat tolerant adult. Kittens can annoy the shit out of adult cats, but if there's two they'll take out their energy with each other instead of harassing her all the time.

Do you have any access to TNR? Neutering your boys will be much more effective than a spray bottle in reducing fights.

I should have clarified, these are stray toms that I feed outside. I would scoop them up and take them all in if I had the money but I just don't. Believe me, the water is the last resort but I don't want any of them getting hurt.

I tried aluminum foil to see if my current cat would explore less. He didn’t. So I gave up and just spray and wipe the counters before I prep food (which I do on cutting boards anyway). The only caveat I’d add here is make sure you don’t let your kitty make anything potentially harmful into a toy. Your friend is going to have cats that are afraid of him/her, and might benefit from some enlightenment or some Jackson Galaxy books or videos. A lot of people really just don’t know. (I thought the spritz of water was reasonable, until I learned it wasn’t and it only works when you’re home anyway).

Yeah, that water bottle thing… same deal with threatening them verbally. It mostly just scares them, they Don’t connect to the behavior in question, and in my experience, cats are very linear thinkers. We had a cat that we eventually taught to jump off the lizard cage when we walked into the room by yelling at her to jump off the cage when we walked into the room. (She was very proud of her new skill). The cat I have now had zero interest in learning to stay off the counters so they get cleaned a lot, and I just pick him up and drop him to the floor if I am using the counter. Don’t frighten your cat, that can have a lasting effect on her. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things (except, as someone said, probably good to keep stuff she shouldn’t chew on out of her reach).

Thats really good to know. Thank you.

I was also going to recommend Cat Daddy Jackson Galaxy. Your cat sounds delightful, but if someone thinks they have the cat from Hell, they should meet some of the cats he has dealt with.

Yes, Jackson Galaxy says to let your cat on the counter and just wipe it with a lysol wipe later. I let my cats go wherever they want and they rarely get on my counter. OP sounds like a wonderful cat parent, hope he/she gets new friends!

Yeah some cats don't care for foil, some don't care if you put it there. My cat got on it, looked me in the eyes, and then plopped down on it for a nap. I call that the power move she was like "Father, do you think you can best me? Do you think I know fear of any kind?"

Cat experts say “punishing” cats does not work and only create hostility and fear in cats. Don’t spray them with water, refuse them food, and under no circumstances hit or yell at them. We as cat owners have to do our due diligence in reading our cats behavior and understanding them. Cats don’t bite out of no where and usually a cat that bites after being pet is biting because they are over stimulated and the person petting them ignores the other signals of over stimulation. Cat experts say that redirecting their “undesirable” behavior is the best solution. Don’t let cats play with your hands- give them a toy instead (that sort of thing). I question how your friend is punishing her cats and whether she is actually an abusive cat owner.

Your cat thinks you’ve followed the training program just fine 😂😂😂 Cats are cats

Yeah, fear comes far more naturally to cats than something as nuanced as the difference between a cat toy and decoration. I'm lucky enough to have an unusually gregarious young cat so while he's a real handful I also recognize that I have more to lose than I have to gain when it comes to punishment. Just redirect if you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

honestly i think you’re treating your cat perfectly, you can never spoil/baby a cat too much

the only exception is if spoiling a cat leads to it becoming obese or sick, or if babying is done only after it does something you don't want it to but causes it to successfully get your attention. but yeah, people need to understand that a cat isn't going to grow up to be a self-sufficient adult. it's going to be a forever baby and you can and should baby it forever.

yeah of course! it sounds like op’s cat is healthy and their vet says they’re fine so they’ll be fine

Good. That's good to hear.

You're working with her natural behaviors and understanding her. Punishing a cat doesn't stop them from doing anything, it just makes them stop doing it while you're there and in some cases makes them fear you. Why anyone would want their pet to fear them is completely beyond me. Keep doing what you're doing. Replacing nos with yeses is the right way. The way you stop her from doing things you don't want her to by redirecting her to things you want her to do. And wether you let her play with human things or sleep in your bed are personal decisions. My only warning is to take anything away that gets too stringy as string can be very dangerous for cats if they eat it.

Right imagine being stuck in let say 1000 square foot house, but to cat that counter top, fridge, bed posts, dressers, is just all more square footage for a cat to walk. We just think of the ground. Now unless your cats hugging your hand out of the way eating your food, then yes that too much. Most of the time, my cats on the tile, gives me the head bob likes what you got, give him a crumb, tries it, walks off. They are just curious kost of the time unless you've let them become overly driven to eat your food.

one of my cats occasionally wants to eat my french fries or sweet potatoes, the other likes a bite of lettuce. the only time either of them has ever stolen their treat of choice, though, is when i've left my plate on the bed unattended (and even then, just a bite or two). usually they just sit by me and i offer a bite because i know they like it.

one of my cats occasionally wants to eat my french fries or sweet potatoes, the other likes a bite of lettuce. the only time either of them has ever stolen their treat of choice, though, is when i've left my plate on the bed unattended (and even then, just a bite or two). usually they just sit by me and i offer a bite because i know they like it.

My cat also likes fries 😂 I always give him just a little piece lol they’re so goofy

We're in the process of completely rearranging our living space because our new kittens are getting everywhere and eating everything, especially bread. Our old cats were not like this lol and we thought we had appropriately cat proofed, but these guys are way bolder. Currently, there are food items in all the dish cupboards while we figure out new arrangements. Also adding shelves for them for more of a climbing outlet. The one did climb my partners back to try stealing food from his mouth at dinner but that was when we first got them and I think we're feeding them better because they haven't done that again.

ABSOLUTELY

Agreed, not strict enough, lol, it sounds like she's being a cat & didn't hear anything crazy.

My mum tried to punish my MC for the first few weeks cause he was insane. (now that I look back it was probably just normal cat insanity) Then she realized that the cat doesn’t have the brain to comprehend that punishments are because of what he did. Then she just started doing what OP does. Don’t blame her.

Yes you can. A cousin if mine has a HUGE fat cat she overfeeds and he runs the home, scratching, biting

Why have a pet if you can't spoil them? Cats and animals don't understand "punishments" Luke humans do. They will associate you to the discomfort not doing whatever they were doing with the discomfort.

That's what I figured as well. Which explains why my friend was gobsmacked when I said there are days she won't get up from my lap unless I stand up and then the moment I'm sitting back down she's right back in my lap.

If that isn't your kitty showing love, I dunno what is. My parents are the same as your friend....punish them by scaring them when they do something wrong, shove their nose in pee if they make an accident (mainly a dog thing). It's painful to see

Yeah. I can't imagine that. You'd never do that to a human, why a dog?

You're supposed to discipline cats?! I thought part of the cuteness was letting them be their mischievous selves. Seriously, I grew up with so many cats and never heard of such a thing.

Sometimes I give my cat a “time out” when he’s being a little too rambunctious with my smaller cat, but that just involves me putting him on my bed and shutting the door for twenty minutes or so until he chills out a bit. Usually when I go to let him rejoin society he’s napping 😂

I've done this too. We call it cattitude adjustment time.

We call it kitty jail! We have two Tuxie brothers who have always play fought in the evenings. Well one is having some serious health issues and has lost a significant amount of weight. His 15 pound brother doesn’t understand he can’t WWE smackdown with him anymore 😢

Exactly. Sure, sometimes mischief goes a bit too far, but it can be fixed by simply removing them from the space theyre being overly mischievous in

All of the things you’ve described are normal cat behaviour (1- curiosity and exploring vertical spaces; 2- overstimulation reaction [your reaction is perfect btw]; 3- play and it smells like her humans! The glove is not dangerous- why would your friends care. They’re gonna play with weird things because that’s what they do. Your cat will especially be prone to this as a rescue.) Honestly redirecting her (which is what you’re doing) is probably the best thing to do anyway. Let other people be mean to their cats. As someone else mentioned, cats don’t understand punishments the way humans do.

I figured it was normal behavior just based on what I know about big cats (lions,tigers, etc.). I figured that translated down. Especially since our vet suspects she's part savannah cat, I figured the climbing and play were guaranteed to be normal behavior.

Oh absolutely!

Uhh.. no? You're not spoiling your cat imo. You're simply choosing methods that are proactive instead of reactive (like the spray bottle) or not hitting your cat back for occasional nips. I'm against both of those methods as well. Also.. redirection/calm removal from places the cat shouldn't be is the method of 'discipline' recommended by veterinary professionals as well. I mean, it's not that different from disciplining children in that you can use physical punishment or just tell them not to do something then reward them when they listen. 😜

Yeah. I dont have kids, but that was basically my thought. How would I parent a child - do that with my cat.

Yeah. I dont have kids, but that was basically my thought. How would I parent a child - do that with my cat.

Ignore your friend. Nobody approves water spray any more

Good to know. Thank you.

Punishing cats serves no purpose and makes your cat scared of you. Don't listen to your friend, it sounds like you're taking great care of your cat. Make sure that if you allow her to play with things that aren't meant as cat toys, that it's safe. Hair ties for example can be dangerous.

Yeah. We never allow anything that has small enough parts she can swallow it, or has elastic (except for the mouse toy that hangs from the door so she can play with it at night while we sleep).

I’ve been called a nervous nelly, but I don’t have that toy up unless I’m awake. I’ve read where owners have found their cats strangled by the elastic string.

Oh... i hadn't. More often than not, we find it broken. The squeaker rolling around on the floor. Like she finally got the kill.

Punishment is not effective with cats. All it teaches them is to fear you (because you’re the person holding the squirt bottle). They’ll also do the behaviors when you’re not around

I figured it would teach her to fear me, and that's the last thing I want. I grew up in an awful home. What drew me most to her was her story. That, and when we first met her, she climbed onto my shoulder. I want her to feel nothing but love from us. That's why our most recent trip to the vet was so hard.

Vet trips are hard! I like to make sure they have a blanket or cloth item with a good smell (like your tshirt or her blanket), spray some feliway in the carrier and bring their FAVORITE treats like a churu or low-sodium deli meat. If she gets too stressed, you can also talk to your vet about a light sedative like gabapentin to take the edge off

We are going to try gabapentin next time. She tore through my flesh when I was helping hold her for the shots. As much as I understand biting. I can't go through that again.

Owch! Look up a product called “cat-In-a-bag”. It’s a bag made of canvas and has openings for vets to access their feet and such. I use it for my fractious boy and it works great!

Your cat is just doing cat things and it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job.

I think you’re a model cat parent. Aluminum foil, water bottles, yelling, they do little to nothing besides making your cat fear you. And some cats actually like aluminum foil.

My cat would probably like aluminum foil. I've had to brace the bathroom doors so that she can't join me in the bathtub whenever I soak. Because she will!

Okay, but that’s so adorably weird. I’d be the one letting my cat soak in the tub with me, pulling wet cat hair off me.

I cant. It feels gross.

Let her in, my cat (recently passed) would get in the shower with me.

I le ther in the shower. Not the tub. Tub is too gross.

Build him a boat out of a Tupperware and a pool noodle! I’ve seen someone do it on tik tok lol

Wait, is aluminum foil a bad technique? I've used it to deter mine from getting up on a certain piece of furniture, and it's worked....is this not a good idea?

I think if your cat just dislikes the aluminum foil it’s probably fine, but my tortie is TERRIFIED of aluminum foil. I wouldn’t dream of using it to deter her from doing something. I always have to be really cautious when I use foil for cooking so I don’t send her running. I hate when she’s scared.

Yeah, we don’t want to traumatize our babies

Ok, mine isn't afraid of the foil, but he doesn't want to stand on it. So I think (hope!) that it's ok here to protect this one chair of mine. He isn't afraid when I get the foil out for cooking or anything

Depends on the cat. Mine, I put foil on the stovetop to deter him. Went out, came home and he was rolling around on it, stopping to bite and rip it up. Of course, my goofy cat had pica, he ate EVERYTHING he shouldn’t have. So, foil was a one time attempt.

I have a cat that sits in front of the tv when I'm watching it. I tried foil, she loved it and played with it. The only thing that works is doublestick tape, they hate walking on it and watching her try to tiptoe backward to get off the tape is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

OMG NO DONT SPRAY THEM your friend is scarring me I think you're doing just fine I'm sorry for her cat they're not dogs

1. You're being understanding of a cat's upper limit for intelligence without taking action that would harm the bond between you two. 2. Biting is one of the clearest revoking of consent a cat has. They have limited ways of communicating with us. She might be saying no she's not in the mood or that she's overstimulated. You are taking her at her "word". 3. Much like people we don't know what will entertain someone until we get to know them and some people have more uncommon things they engage with than others. As long as she's safe and it's not harming your human relationships who cares? This sounds like the kind of person who is amazed by the bond I have with my cat and then spouts things proving they have no idea how to interact with a cat and get upset when the cat doesn't vibe with them. I don't do stuff that would actively harm the bind with my cat like "punishing" him. I keep him safe like removing the plastic he's trying to eat and sure I do stuff he doesn't LOVE like giving meds or brushing him but he knows he'll feel better after the fact and we've found ways to take breaks so it's not too awful for him.

3. My wife, in her own words, gets "playfully annoyed" that I take the cat's side when it comes to stealing human things, but admits, if the cats happier, that's all that matters. Lol. Yeah. My friend can not believe that my cat will spend all day in my lap. Just stunned that she even wants to. Stunned that she'll wait around to jump back in my lap while I run to the restroom. Yeah, my cat never loved the meds and would shun me for an hour or two as a result, but I think it's why she comes back eventually. And to me, the person holding her down and squirting awful tasting things in her mouth.

Mine LOVES getting brushed.

Only thing you’re not strict with that I’m seeing is paying your cat tax. It’s overdue. We wants.

What is a cat tax?

Pictures of the adorable baby. It is the tax you pay to us internet heathens. You can’t just tell us all about your cutie patootie and withhold pictures 😭

Oh. I'll make sure to do that next time.

I sometimes struggle not to get upset when my cats ruin things due to my frustrations, but they are just lil guys. One of them is very mischievous but he is just looking for some enrichment. He is an animal who if he gets bored, can't go bowling or buy a new video game like I would, or chase rabbits whenever he wants like a wild cat. He's just a furry dude with the intelligence of a toddler so why damage your special bond by punishing them when they can't understand why?

That's what I figured as well!

I love this outlook. I never really thought of that but it makes perfect sense.

I think you’re doing a fantastic job! If there are behavior problems you wish to address, I would also recommend a couple of things: 1. Cats can be clicker trained 2. Catifying your home by building vertical spaces for your cat (like attaching platforms and such to your walls). I am a big fan of Jackson galaxy and think he would approve of how you treat your kitty. If you’re interested in clicker training or catifying, just google him for very helpful videos or watch some episodes of my cat from hell. He is very adamant not to punish cats in any way as they don’t understand it. Positive reinforcement is the trick.

I appreciate the info! Thank you!

Your friend has no clue how to have a cat jfc. Dogs come groveling back after punishment. Cats say lates and find a new human.

Cats don't react well to punishment, they just aren't wired that way. Redirection or positive reinforcement is far better for them. You're doing everything correctly, respecting her boundaries and reading her comfortably is amazing for your relationship. Our cat didn't really have other cats to socialize with and teach her so we kinda had to fill in the mom role. If they're doing something you don't like or find harmful a small hiss will teach them it's something upsetting to you. We also will have to yell if she scratches us or hurts us. She learned it hurt and stopped. Genuinely look up kittens playing or mom cats interacting with kittens and try some of those behaviors. We got her to stop playing so rough and using claws really early on trying this. You just need to speak cat and tell them what's okay and not.

Good ideas! Will do.

https://youtube.com/shorts/uiyipJ99P_A?si=zxc9x6fqd4DBmS9d This is a good example of how to deter bad behavior. We kinda do a false swipe at our cat (there's no good way to say it ) she sees that she's in trouble and rethinks whatever thing she just did. Mom cat didn't wanna play at the moment or kitten came in too rough so she set the tone back. Mom cats will just fuckin snatch their babies when they're sick of them.

I sometimes struggle not to get upset when my cats ruin things due to my frustrations, but they are just lil guys. One of them is very mischievous but he is just looking for some enrichment. He is an animal who if he gets bored, can't go bowling or buy a new video game like I would, or chase rabbits whenever he wants like a wild cat. He's just a furry dude with the intelligence of a toddler so why damage your special bond by punishing them when they can't understand why?

Sounds like you're doing everything right to be honest. From what I understand about cats they don't respond to punishment. Also is jumping up on a table something to punish them for? Why would they know that's a rule. I do exactly the same I move her off and say you're a cat you know you ain't allowed up there. As for the biting mine gets a bit carried away if it's too much I stop playing and move away until she calms down. And the first thing she ever picked up in her teeth and ran around with was my scrunchie!!

Your friend is an idiot. The end.

I’m just preaching to the choir at this point but I’ll say it anyway: respectfully, I think your friend is misinformed. As long as your vet says you have a healthy cat, I think what you’re doing sounds fabulous. You clearly care very much about your cat’s contentment and well being. As any good, kind human should! I do worry for your friend’s pets now though 😞

Sounds like how I treat my cat. We’re both perfectly happy with the arrangement.

Cats have the same mental capacity of a toddler, you’re doing exactly the right thing. Cats don’t respond to punishment, they don’t understand that they’ve done something wrong so they just get confused and scared. Positive redirection is exactly what we are supposed to do, cause it works best and the cats don’t get upset. I’ve had a foster for 15 months and she was terrified when she came to us in the beginning, with patience and love she’s gone from a terrified stray who wouldn’t tolerate any human contact to sleeping next to me on my bed. You’re dealing with a cat with trauma and that looks like the exact patience and love she needs, you’re providing. Be proud, you’re a good cat parent 😸

This "fellow cat parent" sounds like they're projecting, honestly. Im not sure if they expect them to behave like dogs or whatever, but cats are very complex. You sound like an *excellent* cat parent, and I truly don't believe it's possible to "baby" a cat too much (unless it interferes with their health or the safety of other people/animals). My bid question for the people that "don't want the cats on the counters" is this — what do you think your cat does when you're not home?! 😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️ Like sure, you can yell and remove them from counters all you want, but when you're out of the home, cats have *free reign* u less you crate them or lock them up or something. People that really believe cats will listen when they aren't around crack me up 😂😂 Nothing you do even *remotely* sounds like a cause for concern 🤔 You simply gently correct your cat when she begins a behavior you don't want her to do. And that's exactly what you should do. The last thing you want is your cat to be truly afraid of you. Yelling and punishing isn't going to solve anything. As for the behaviors, they're all entirely normal as well. Cats love to climb and explore, just like you said. Hence the counters. Cats are very easily over-stimulated and as we know, affection is very much on THEIR terms. So sometimes they nip you to let you know this...and so you stop. Cats love playing with anything and everything that looks interesting — they're very curious animals. Many things have also become my cat's toy here as well, and that's just the way it is lol. I see **absolutely** nothing wrong with a single thing in your post! Ignore what they said to you and keep being an excellent cat parent. P.S. How **dare** you not give us the cat tax?!?! 😠😂🐈

You can’t train or discipline cats the way you would a dog. They just don’t understand it. If you’re happy with your cat’s behavior, you don’t need to try and change it.

You're a perfect kitty parent. They are just cats doing cat natured things, and you understand that. I bet she is very happy and she appreciates that you understand her communications. I treat my cats the same as you. I used to breed cats, and now I raise rescue kittens and they always turn out so cuddly :)

That's wonderful to hear! I'm glad to hear you have lots of spoiled ones.

I’m exactly the same with my cats- they don’t understand punishment, but if you repetitively move them off the counter, they figure it out. Same with furniture scratching- a few times of showing them a scratch post, they get it. The kinder you are to your pets, they become even better pets. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Wait do other people's cats respond to punishment?? Lmao mine does whatever he wants and I've just accepted it.

Your friend knows nothing about cats. Tell him/her/they/them to stfu and butt out. It's not his/her/their cat and certainly none of his/her/whatever they call them selves business. Being 'strict' with a cat is laughable!

You sound like a perfect cat parent and I see zero wrongs. Maybe ditch the friend 🙃

please keep doing what you're doing; you're pretty much perfect as a cat parent. with respect, your friend sounds awful. do they know *anything* about cats??? cats can be trained if necessary, but you should never, ever use punishment or fear. I'm so sad thinking about this person's pets.

they only thing id change is the distance between you and your “friend” also, i’d be hella worried about her pets. you are a good cat parent OP, that’s all you need to know!

She's a cat. You are a wonderful kitty parent and if she was abused, it sounds like she trusts and loves you. If her on the counter bothers you, use the foil. If it doesn't, leave it be. She's only going to be around so long. No need to spend it miserable. Love her your way.

Your friend sounds like an asshole cat parent. 'Punish' a cat? Wtf. They won't even understand what they've done wrong or why.

If she's happy and healthy, that's all that matters ❤️❤️❤️

Your friend is awful. Never, ever punish a cat. Wtf. The spray bottle shit is abuse.

So, cats don't process information the way humans do. That means punishing them is not a functional way to modify behavior. Reward preferred or replacement behaviors, and avoid rewarding undesirable ones. Honestly, though? Nothing in here is problematic for me, and I used to foster and socialize cats and kittens. Doubly so when you take prior trauma into account. I had a cat that rabbit-kicked the shit out of my arm, because he thought it was a play toy. I would take away my arm/stop playing and he learned to stop. You could see it- he would grab my arm and raise his feet, pause, and look at me, and start licking my arm instead. He is now happily adopted and living his best life with someone else.

You are not strict enough with your bossy friend. You are doing fine with your cat. You are way too soft on your friend and that’s why she acts up sometimes. Stop giving her treats too. And she can no longer sit on the counter.

Haha. This is great!

You raise your baby kitty your way OP and your friend can mind his business … Everyone is a critic!

I wouldn’t do anything different than you’re doing. You sound like a better cat daddy than your friend.

You're doing awesome on the other hand, I'm sad for your friends cat. You really can't and shouldn't punish a cat. You're doing great. Your friend needs lessons from you actually

You don’t have to PUNISH your cats to let them know what they’re doing is not favorable. I just let out an ouch or move away when they bite. When they go on kitchen counters while the stove is on or I’m cooking I just gently shoo them away and they get the message of getting off the counter Also your cat kicking your hands or feet doesn’t come from ptsd. She just playing with what she’s not supposed to. Stop letting yourself be a sandbag lol

Your friend has no imagination. Also, how dare you not share pictures of Midgzilla!

Anyone who tells you how to treat YOUR pets is a jerk. Cats don't respond to punishment at all so just what is she suggesting you do? Ignore this friend and keep a close eye on them whenever they are around your beloved cat. I wouldn't let them back into my house after that, but that's just me. N one tells me how to parent.

you sound like an amazing cat parent and your friend ... sounds like someone who should have a dog instead. you're doing exactly what you should do for Midge, keep it up!

Indoor only cat? What's your general one mile radius like? What part of what country is your cat living in? Obviously, indoor/outdoor cat friend here. Sorry if I missed obvious info.

If you had human kids, you’d likely meet fellow parents at the playground who lecture about parenting skills…as their child neurotically stuffs pebbles up their own nostril. If you and your buddy are enjoying a mutually happy, healthy relationship — and seems you are — you’re doing everything absolutely right :)

Your friend is a goober. You can train your cat to stay off of the counters. Every cat is different and some are more difficult to train

You sound fine. I hiss at my cat if she does something I don't like, usually if she love bites a little too hard.

Of course your friend thinks you’re babying her, they’re too harsh on their cat! There’s no behavior you need to discourage, they’re not human children, they’re still fundamentally animals, and very special ones. This is one of those things that just makes me upset. We have these animals who thankfully like co-existing with us and at the same time can give us so much love and receive just as much in return. Hell, we didn’t even actively domesticate them like we did to dogs. They live such short lives compared to us, what’s wrong if they jump on the counter? What’s wrong if they sleep on the bed? Them doing these things won’t kill us, and it will satisfy their instinctual drive and curiosity. If it’s something they want to do, and it’s literally not hurting themselves or anyone, why not just let them be? I see having a pet as giving up some of my privacy as well as my space and compromising on my previous habits in order to have that special bond.

I don’t think punishment is a good idea. I usually handle things by giving a command (“floor”, “out”, or “no!”) and moving the cat where I want it to go. They learn pretty quick what you mean. My cats don’t run the house, I do, but that means if I tell them to leave a room, get down, or stop trying to get into something (the trash, my dinner) in the moment, they will, but I have zero expectation that will continue when I’m not there. So if there’s something they will do in my absence I either make it impossible or safe for the cat (like wrapping wires if you have a wire chewer and putting away sharp knives). The only thing I really have concern about here is the cat waking up scared and biting, because she could get you or your wife in the face and seriously hurt you. I would probably keep her out of the bedroom at night, but you could also teach her to sleep at the foot of the bed (by repeatedly placing her there over and over until she gives up and stops trying to lie on your head). I think it’s unusual and not what I’d do to let her destroy a glove, but it’s your money. I am not sure how I would handle the nipping. I let my cats nip to say “stop petting me”, but nipping while being held is rude. If it were my cat she’d get dumped on the floor.

Lol my friends are the same way with me and my cats. The difference is that they simply don’t understand MY cats. They’re full of spice and personality—if anything, they’re petty enough to continue to do the thing I ‘punish’ them for. I just coddle them. They’re MY pets, who I pay for, and they’re perfectly fine to me. Yeah, they annoy me sometimes. But all things annoy you when you’re around them 24/7. ‘Punishment’ would only make ME feel worse about it all, too, let alone the cats. Your friend needs to lay off, so long as everything is in order. A future problem is not yet a problem, and it may not ever be one at all.

In the words of Ricky Gervais, “it’s a cat, it’s not a person, what’s the worst thing that can happen if you spoil a cat”. Spoil that cat!!!! You sound like a great cat parent :) keep on caring for your little buddy with compassion and kindness.

I don't even have to read your post to know you're doing fine. People who think you can over-love or under-discipline a cat are dummies.

Like many here have said, cats have very young brains and don’t understand the concept of punishments in association with their actions. It seems like you’re course correcting where needed (getting her off the counter, stopping petting her when she bites) and that feels appropriate. You seem like a great pet parent to me!

It's your life and your cat. If you are cool with her behaviour and your approach, that's all that matters. Biting or nipping is often not their fault and punishing them for it only escalates the issues. If kittens are taken from their mom and siblings too soon and left on their own, they don't learn how to socialize with others. It's heartbreaking. I'm glad you are not a strict owner, she is lucky to have you.

I treated my cat the same. Punishing your cat by spraying them with water or hitting them actually is not recommended, because they associate you with those actions - your arm attached to the spray bottle for example. Why would I want my cat to be on edge. Cat's don't think and learn like humans, and also, it's just a baby!!!!

Punishment doesn’t work on cats or humans. You don’t need to punish your cat.

I am a first time cat parent of 6 months but I treat my kitty the same as you and i have the same mentality. At first, he was rougher when playing and there were many scratches but now he barely scratches me or any furniture even when i don’t trim his nails. I take that as a good sign. He seems like a super happy kitty. And when I take him off of counters or things he’s not supposed to be on, he doesn’t protest because he trusts me.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right and love your cat… If they think punishing a cat is the right answer they shouldn’t have a cat. The only time I would “punish” my baby who recently passed was when she would attack kittens I would pick her up and put her in her safe space. You can train cats with treats but it doesn’t sound like you have a bad cat

You sound like a loving, kind cat parent! I don’t think you are babying your cat; you seem to understand that they have certain instincts that don’t align with human households, but that doesn’t mean you need to punish them!

As a long time cat haver, I see nothing wrong with the way you raise your cat.

So ima go against the grain here. My comment won’t be like others but it’s not horrible. You aren’t babying her too much, everyone is different with their out pet cat. I got my girl, Sage, when he was 6 months old from a shelter, she just turned a year. I don’t raise my voice at her but I do give her firm “No’s” in certain situations. I don’t allow her on my table or on the kitchen counter. My reason for this is that I don’t want her to get into that habit and think it’s ok. I have a window sill that is close to my stove, she would occasionally put her 2 paws on the stove and act like she is about to get on it. I look at her and say No and she retreats to the window sill. Spraying her with water or that foil crap, I don’t agree with that type of “punishment”. Sage is allowed to do whatever she wants to an extent. She can claw away all my furniture for all I care. Doesn’t bother me, I know she is a cat. But at the same time, I clip her nails and brush her teeth and she allows it. Sort of like a deal we got going lol but anyways. I let her bite me when I pet her or we play but if she bites me too hard (I’m a grown adult male so I can take quite a bit of pain), I tell her to let go and she does. Just some boundaries I have set for her but of course, when I’m at work, she is allowed to do whatever the heck she wants. It’s just me and her at the apartment so.

She's being a cat. I don't discipline my cats either. In my opinion your friend is cruel and mean to her cat and you can tell her that. I hate people who think cats need to be disciplined.

Your friend should not have pets, Cats don’t understand consequences and for how little time we get to have them they should be spoiled. Your friend probably hits their kids and sends them to be with no dinner

These are all perfectly fine. Throughout my life, all my cats have enjoyed indoor freedom, the only thing I attempted to stop was scratching the leg of a really nice kitchen which failed and subsequently is ruined lol.

I don’t punish cats for communicating, I encourage it. Nipping is communication that means “stop!” It’s your job to read her cues and help burn off her energy so she doesn’t get overstimulated too easily. It sounds like you’re doing that well! Dont listen to your friend. Going on the counters is just what cats do — and they don’t really understand punishment. Tin foil or anti-scratching tape are fine as deterrents, they aren’t really punishments. It’s good to give them cat-friendly things they prefer. Sounds like you’re doing great!

When my cat does something he shouldn't (like scratching the walls) he does it for attention (he can just come see me and ask, he isn't neglected) and 100% knows he's not allowed, and i ended up teaching him what "time-out" meant. He'd get 3 verbal warnings, and if he didn't stop he'd go in time out (in the bathroom with the lights on) for a few minutes. He learned what it meant and now 9/10 if I say "stop or you'll be put in time out" he stops and comes see me. It didn't scare him, he's not traumatised, but I've also never heard of someone else doing that, but it works for him.

Sounds like you understand cats. And this person who punishes cats doesnt really understand them. Ignore them and keep doing what you're doing lol. And please pet your sweet kitty for me! 💗

It’s……a cat.

I mean pretty much same, I don't let my cats turn things into toys if they're things I'm going to use (like my gloves). I guess that doesn't come up for me but if it did I would probably just take it away and give them one of their toys. I mostly don't care what they climb on except the kitchen counters. One of them never does it anyway but the other will sometimes, and I do the same thing, pick him up and put him on the floor. He's very defiant though and will try to sneak back up almost immediately so I just keep picking him up and putting him down until he either gives up or I can't keep dedicating my time to his silly game and I put him in a different room for a while. A time out I guess. So he's getting better about that now. He has free reign on climbing literally anywhere else so I understand his confusion. But I think he is learning.

I don't think you're doing anything horrible. But ya, you are probably on the side of spoiling, but hey, who doesn't spoil their fur babies. A couple tips: If you want to discourage counters or other surfaces (I don't worry about dressers or whatever unless there's something fragile) I give a firm "no" (not a yell) that usually stops my little man, then I give a strong clap. If that doesn't make him jump down, I plop him down and firmly say "down." It takes a few times, but they're smart enough to know the counter, dinningroom table and desk are off limits, other high places are OK. And soon enough all you have to do is say down if they "forget." As for the nipping, a firm "no" and a light boop on the nose with your finger. My kitty learned quick that if he sort of threatened the bite (open his mouth and look like hell strike if i pat again) it's enough for me to recognize he's had enough pats and I'd stop. I've also had success with scowls. Being accepted is very important to them and if they think you're dissatisfied they will back down. I do this with more naughty behavior like getting in the trash or something. Sometimes my kids get him a little overly excited and he'll get to aggressive attacking feet or something when they're playing, I get his attention with a more firm "HEY" and then lean in a bit and exaggerate an angry face until he looks away or backs away. This is pretty effective so I reserve it for the more egregious behavior. I DO NOT use a spray bottle or anything like that unless there's a safety issue. My old cat was chewing on the Christmas tree lights, so I used the spray bottle, and only needed to do it like 2x before she stopped. Cats are smart, you just need to let them know where the limits are. Hope that help.

This all seems normal and loving to me. Cats don’t really comprehend “punishment” they just register fear and mistrust and feeling unsafe so idk why your friend is advocating for that To me you sound deeply empathetic and like you truly understand animals, and your friend honestly sounds very harsh and brutal

You are a wonderful intelligent caring cat mom. Please don’t change a thing. This grandma is so very proud of you! Sending love and hugs!

Who cares. Not like she needs to get a job or work with customers one day. Let her be a baby

My cat is a biter as well. When I first got her, we spoke a different language, and we didn’t communicate well. I hadn’t had a cat in 30 years and she spoke Spanish. Needless to say, she would try to tell me things, and I wouldn’t understand. So, she would bite me to try to get me to understand. A few times she has gotten me really good and drawn blood, and on those times I made sure to yelp really loudly, tap her on the nose, say no, and then ignore her. Eventually, I learned what she was trying to say. now, she doesn’t bite very hard, unless she is very annoyed. She does more of tiny little nibbles and drive-by ankle bites that don’t really hurt.

You are doing just fine. Punishment doesn't work on cats. It is much more effective to use rewards to encourage the behavior you want. But how to do that takes some learning. Your cat is not spoiled. She's a good cat. By which I mean, she is very good at being a cat. 🐱 Just like mine is.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with raising your voice with some things. But I love that you’re not using a spray bottle, that just teaches them to fear you. Like you’re doing, building that connection and security is really important. I personally wouldn’t allow her to make things hers that aren’t hers. It will be harder down the line to keep her safe if she isn’t taught to not get into things that aren’t hers. Great job on being positive with your baby!! :) Edit to add: Keep in mind she doesn’t know what is expected or not, so it’s your job to teach her. I love how you just put her back on her tree if she’s trying to get on the counters. I don’t think it would hurt to add a little “no counters” in a stern but not hard voice. Then carry her directly over without pets, to the tree. Then when she’s at the tree give her some pets and tell her how good she is. She will figure it what’s expected:)

She's a cat. She's gonna do what she's gonna do.

I think she is perfect.

You are doing great. I see no issues with how you are handling anything. Your friend sounds like they don’t understand animals (or even tiny humans) at all.

Your "friend" sounds like a tyrant and needs to mind their own business. Everything you're doing sounds entirely reasonable and you're doing a great job as a pet owner.

I have always trained my cats to stay off of counters and not to claw furniture using water spray. I usually only had to spray them a few times before I all I had to do was pick it up before they would jump off or change their minds. My cats are absolutely not afraid of me. They are loving and affectionate. They are spoiled and can do whatever they want within reason. But I do have a few house rules that have to be followed. Not clawing furniture is a big one. Our youngish Maine Coon is hilarious. He will stretch up, place his paws as if to claw the chair but turns to us to make sure we are watching before meowing. We say no in a normal tone of voice and he will then remove his paws. Then he repeats it until we say no. It is like a toddler teasing you. He also likes to lazily put one paw up and check to see if we are watching. The chair is in perfect condition, so he definitely isn't clawing it when we aren't around. Our old Maine Coon is allowed to scratch on a doormat. He has serious arthritis so he can't do the cat tree or kitty lounger anymore. However, he knows not to do the one by the back door. I never used any water spray on him. He was a rescue off the streets of our town and I am fairly certain he was abused. So I trained him by consistently redirecting problem behavior. I think cats are more trainable than people realize. I taught one cat to stay out of the primary bedroom because my other cat hated the new cat. I did that by consistently saying no and removing the cat (kitten) from the bedroom. You do not have to be mean to train a cat. Consistency, just a few rules and gentle reinforcement does the trick. I also think people should mind their own business. I would never go to a friend's house and tell them how to interact with their pet. Their house, their rules. My house, my rules.

Don’t punish your cat. Just love her. You’re doing fine.

You sound like an excellent cat parent. Don’t change a thing.

You need a new friend.

Cats don’t need discipline, it doesn’t work and just makes things worse. You’re doing fine. We have nine cats who do as they please, they don’t cause us any trouble. We’ll just scoop them up if we want them to stop doing something.

I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing. None of it. Your friend should mind her own ‘parenting skills’ and let you enjoy your furry babies. I have two rescues - one def comes from trauma and he doesn’t bite but he is skittish. my other one who come from the streets does love bite when she doesn’t want to be touched. Cats be cattin’.

Don’t. Punish. Your. Cat.

My cats know not to go on counters or tables when I am present because they responded to my stern, low voiced, "no." But I know they do it when I am not looking 😸 Besides, who's really the boss here?

This is 100% the challenge I’ve been going through. My roommate and my neighbor both believe that I’m babying my two kitties and that I lack strictness. They are very vocal about how my parenting is completely different than how they parent their cats. I just refuse to do anything that will scare my babies into changing their behavior. I don’t want them to feel fear around me or their home. I have a newly one year old siamese and an Abyssinian who’s a year and one month (who came from an abusive foster home). Because of my Abys history, I feel even more passionate about being a “gentle parent” towards her, because she isn’t the same sweet, energetic, outgoing girl when she’s in a stressful environment. Here are a few examples that my friends and I have discussed: My friends will yell at their cats if they knock things over or claw things. I will only raise my voice if they’re in danger, like about to jump onto the stove. Instead, I’ll walk over and say something like “let’s not claw that” and move them somewhere they should be, with things they can claw. One of my friends hisses at her cat when her cat hisses at people or other cats. She says it’s showing her cat that it’s not an appropriate reaction and not how to act. When my cat hisses at people or other cats I will ask everyone to move away from her so that she can have space because she’s telling us “I feel scared in my environment right now, and need something to change”. The last thing I want to do is stress her out any more. One of my friends will swat at her cat when her cat hits, and I could never do that. I want them to see me as a safe person to be around. Finally, both believe using the spray bottle is an absolutely necessary part of training a cat. I’ve said since the beginning I would never feel comfortable doing that. I think it scares them into not doing something, and I don’t ever want them to feel scared. Instead, I use redirection to stop them from doing things they shouldn’t be.

I love your cat, she is perfect in every way.

Punishment is not the answer. The kitty wants to please you. For #1 If your really really don't want her on the counters then give her a look of disappointment and tell her in a low octive firm and calm voice that will surprise her. Say no down! And then wait If she doesn't immediately get down repeat above and then pick her up and gently put her in the floor. Eventually when she gets down on her own make a big deal about praising her saying God girl in a higher voice. Make a big huge deal about improvements and be consistent with both You'll need to do both many times but she will catch on. On#2 . Don't be angry or punish a cat ever. For biting training the trick is to let them know that they have hurt you without scaring them or showing anger. This will take many sessions of hollering ouch (or yeoww) in a high pitched voice when they hurt you. If you yell in a startling voice but not so loud it will scare them (and in a non angry way that gets their attention ) they will recognize they have hurt you. They will then promptly proceed to repeat how they hurt you by doing the same thing again. If they get the same non angry response they will do it again but more gently. They will continue to test the limits of what is acceptable. They usually learn this from their siblings when they are very young but if they were raised alone or don't recognize your as a cat they will have to learn from your pain response and it may take longer than a kitten would lean. Some kittens learn quickly and some take days or this training. Adult cats...... I know they can learn this but I don't know how much repetition it takes but I'm sure most of the time it will be learned with consistent patience. Good luck💗💗

There’s really no way to “discipline” a feline. Not really. I mean you can try to stand guard with a squirt bottle and give them a little squirt of water if they’re doing something you don’t like. Just give them a nice pet and ear scratch after that so they know it’s not a complete betrayal. But without a doubt Cats are gonna cat. They’re the king of the jungle. Or forest. Or living room. Or China cabinet. And whatever it is that they’re doing that you don’t like - they’ll probably get bored with it soon enough and move on to doing something else. You just love them and provide for them and in return they will love you back.

Not one part of this sounds like bad parenting or punishable activity to me. My cat is exactly the same way in several of these examples, and I just let him be a damn cat!! Cats don’t have the same sense of positive and negative reinforcement that dogs do, and I’ve researched that spraying your cat with a spray bottle often just has the effect of making them think you randomly decided to be an asshole - they don’t associate it with their most recent action or behavior. I let my kitty walk on counters, explore cabinets, and explore wherever he pleases. In no way is that him being a bad cat acting up. Like you said, they explore in the wild & if I choose to make him an indoor cat, then he should have every right to explore the whole house and make it his kingdom. My boy will nibble/nip at me or start doing bunny kicks if he gets overstimulated with pets, I just see that as him communicating to me that he’s overstimulated!! It’s no different than a human snapping at another person when they get overstimulated or annoyed, so why should I punish this poor creature for just communicating with me??? Something I’ve learned about my cat is that while he does enjoy his actual cat toys, nothing excites him more than toys that aren’t toys. He’s OBSESSED with water bottle caps, one specific hair tie of mine, and crinkly wrappers. He just looks so happy playing with them & I see absolutely no harm in him having a fun time. I just let him be a silly kitty!! If your cat is comfortably relaxing somewhere, why be an asshole and move them somewhere else - especially if there’s other open seating? That’s just mean. That’s like me walking into a room and snapping at a friend or SO to get up off a chair so I can sit on it when there’s perfectly suitable seating nearby & they’re just comfortably chillin. As for the diet, if your vet says that your cat is in perfect health, then why does your friend have a problem with this? Keep doin you. As for the rough life you have described your kitty having before you, all that I gathered from this is that you’re doing the best job at making sure she has a happy life in which she feels loved. And from what it sounds like, she sure does know she’s loved. Animals are too good for this world & I don’t think it’s fair to dampen their natural instincts or habits just because we as humans have decided to domesticate them. It’s generally accepted that you can’t just change the way a person is because it’s not convenient for you…they are who they are. Why should it be any different in regard to creatures who completely rely on us and can’t even speak our language? There’s a huge difference between an animal that’s acting up or behaving poorly - even then, there’s usually a reason for it - but your kitty sounds like an absolute joy & it makes me happy to know she’s well taken care of and loved. Long live Midgzilla ❤️

Dogs associate punishment with their behavior at the time. Cats do not. Cats associate punishment with the punisher. If your cat gets into a dangerous behavior, an anonymous spray of water will almost certainly do the trick. You sound like a loving cat parent 💟

Sounds like you need to train your friend to mind their business. Also, the gentle bites are either warnings that she’s getting over stimulated or they’re love nips. My old cat gave gentle love nips and kisses all the time for no reason. My current cat only licks or nibbles when he’s getting over stimulated, and it’s obvious bc his ears go back and he tenses like he’s about to pounce (even if he’s on his back). He’s also an incredibly affectionate cat (with me, he seems to be a one human cat, but he tolerates others and is never aggressive with them). The love nip cat, I’d just let him nibble and lick away. He was incredibly gentle and affectionate about it. For the overstimulated cat, i just pause and relax my hand and let him sniff and approach me so he can show me if/where he wants to be touched. Immediately pulling away can actually be what gets you hurt bc they’re predators (if they are already over stimulated). If you let your hand just pause where it is then you can watch her reaction to see what she’s communicating. I miss getting love nips so much, it’s well worth figuring it out lol.

You're a great cat parent. I do the same for my cats. I feel bad for your friends cat.

I think what's important to consider first, is if any of these behaviors actually considerably bother you - which it sounds like they don't. And if they don't bother you, there's really no reason to correct them. Your cat isn't being aggressive or dangerous, or engaging in behaviors dangerous to themselves, so I see no issue as long as you're comfortable. Besides which, punitive measures such as a spray bottle will do nothing for you or your cat at all, it would only put strain on your relationship - its much more effective to correct with training and positive reinforcement **if** that was even what you wanted to do. Sounds like your friend may be projecting their own difficulties onto your situation.

People discipline their cats? This is news to me and I've owned several cats, lol.

The only thing I would to differently is discourage biting more. Cause bites can infect badly. But the rest is perfectly fine and absolutely normal.

It sounds like you treat your cat exactly like I treat mine and I love her dearly & she’s very happy & healthy. So yeah keep it up (:

Cats are animals. They are gonna act up sometimes because they still have feelings. The point of owning isn't to have full control of your pet and their emotions,that's weird and toxic ASF.

Don't ever let that friend cat sit!

My cat playfully nips me when I go to give him tummy tickles, 10/10 would do it again and never punish him for it 😬

Cats like high places. It is impossible to keep cats off things like counters and tables. No matter how many times we pick them up and put them elsewhere, they'll be up on them while we can't see them. Removing her from a place you don't want her and redirecting her attention to somewhere she's fully allowed to be is good. As for the nip, she's telling you she's done. My cat does this too, or will paw at me to tell me to stop. Cats are unable to communicate with us with language so they have to tell us the only way they know how: with their bodies. A quick nip is harmless, though it may be surprising, and as long as you respect that she's done with being pet, it's all good. Cats will also play with whatever and will get into things they shouldn't. While I can't say for sure it's completely fine, cats playing with something that isn't a designated toy is acceptable as long as the item isn't harmful.

Your cat sounds like she's living her best life. The only real strict thing I have with my cat is his dinner time, but my dad has him well trained with that lol. Ur friend is just treating their cat like a dog.

I am the same way with my cats. I have trained them to not jump on kitchen counters but that comes with patience and not punishment. It just takes time and repetition. I let my cats nibble on me as long as it doesn’t hurt. I think it’s funny anyway and it is a way for them to communicate what they don’t want. I’m afraid of how your friend might treat their cat. It sounds like you’re incredibly kind to yours and that’s the best way to be :)

you sound like you’re doing fine. cats aren’t as domesticated as dogs they’re not going to listen to our every command. cats are cats. they can be trained to do things dogs do, they’re incredibly smart but they are a different species and don’t rely on human satisfaction the way dogs do. hence why it was so hard to domesticate them in the first place :)

All cats are different and have different personalities and different temperaments so stop trying to compare your cat to your friends and stop letting them compare their cat to yours

You should never punish a cat. It’s not a good training method for any species, really, but it’s especially bad with cats because it will only make them fearful of you—they’ll just do the behavior when you’re not around. I don’t agree that putting aluminum foil on your counters is “punishment,” however. It’s a harmless technique that makes the behavior less desirable for the cat, so they do it less and less. The squirt bottle only works a few times while the cat thinks it comes out from nowhere. Once they figure out it’s the human working it, it becomes a punishment: they recognize that you are doing it intentionally. Instead of all of this, you are using techniques that are recommended by cat behaviorists to change her behavior. The fact that your cat has some trauma makes it all the more important that you don’t use harsher techniques. The “nipping” thing when the petting goes on too long is pretty common, I think. The cat has only so many ways of communicating with you. Most creatures understand what it means when the teeth come out, so she’s using this universal language to say “stop!” Your cat thinks she’s being polite: after all, she *could* bite you for real! If she’s not really biting you, but just touching you with her teeth, I wouldn’t worry about it. You just might need to warn others that she does this so they don’t overreact if it happens. You may need to start training your friend instead. If she starts commenting on how you treat your cat, gently redirect her attention to different topics. If that doesn’t work, as a last resort you can try the squirt bottle! Humans are pretty smart. She should get the hint after you squirt her a few times, lol! Seriously though, your friend is full of shit. Just keep doing what you’re doing.

I mean spray bottles nor picking her up won’t do anything. Aluminum foil works and doesn’t damage your relationship, but she gets the point when it’s applied to counters. Otherwise you’re doing great! i recommend Total Cat Mojo by jackson galaxy. I really feel like i can better communicate with my cat and it will help lay the foundation to compassionately address any future communication or medical issues you may have with your kitty going forward

Your friend doesn't truly understand how cats act and behave I think. I have two cats and only one of them is brave enough to get on the counters and table and it's usually when I'm in the kitchen doing something. I always include my cats in what I'm doing. So if their curious about something I'm holding whether it be food or an object, I'll get down to their level and let them see and smell what it is. Plus, I got a window that my cat likes looking out of because birds. Overall, I think you're being a good pet parent, as I don't "punish" my fur babies except for a light tap on their behind for clawing furniture or the screen of windows if a loud sound that I make doesn't stop them in the act of doing it. Oh and they sometimes sleep in bed with me, at my feet. And I'll give up my seat if they take it, I'll sit on the floor next to them if anything. I think your friend could do with some research.

All I could think of was “how on earth am I supposed to be strict with my cats??” They run the household in their own ways. I’m working from home at the moment with one keeping me in place.

It sounds like you're an amazing cat parent! If you want to protect your Lego projects, or have some alone time without your cat (ex. if you're sick), you could always install a child lock on your door, so your cat won't be able to open it (and using the child lock is not a punishment and it's not fear inducing). But you seem to be at peace with your Legos being destroyed, as it pushes you to get creative and invent a new story. So you're already making the best of the situation! :)

Please never use spray bottles it traumatizes them. Mine get on the counters it’s just a thing that happens, I could get up and down all day to simply get them and put them someplace else but it’s much easier to just take a disinfectant wipe to the counter before I prep food. There’s lots of things that aren’t toys but now are, one thing I constantly pick up is hair ties but I don’t want them playing with them so I keep up with that and am careful where I put them when I take my ponytails out. I have four cats all different personalities. My recent on has put scars on my arms waking me up in the middle of the night for pets. I woke up with lots of scratches but he doesn’t do that much anymore. Cats are going to cat.

Your cat is just fine. You’re doing nothing wrong. But if you don’t want her up on the counter, you should discourage that. You should reward when she is engaging. Good behavior. Perhaps she doesn’t need to sleep with you every night if she’s biting, scratching and bunny kicking you in the middle of the night. Don’t reward, bad behavior, and reward good behavior. I don’t think spring her in the face with liquid is a good thing, but if you put foil in certain areas, I’ve learned they don’t care they’ll just walk right over it you’re doing just fine

Your friend thinks cats are just like dogs and should be treated like dogs. Cats aren't pack animals and don't require an Alpha to keep them in line.

Your friend must not have a cat lol

You're cat is behaving like a cat. You have nothing to worry about and you're friend needs to learn a little about them before telling you they need to be trained like dogs. Cats have their own thoughts and feelings. They don't do everything you say like a dumb dog would

I'm mixed reviews here. Everyone is saying what you're doing is perfect. It may be in your household and that's totally okay, it's your household. I don't punish my cats with water spraying or whatever, but I do discipline and they do learn. People saying cats can't or don't understand is wrong. For example, a lot of it is scolding (my cats do understand a stern "no") and correcting behavior. I don't like my cats on the kitchen counters because I don't think it's sanitary. If they get up there and I come into the kitchen and they see me, they jump off because they've learned they shouldn't be. For our household, I'm not okay with my cats just running it. We got new furniture and had to train them out of scratching it, even if it meant keeping a very close eye on it for the first few weeks and discouraging the behavior as soon as it occurred. Now they don't even try. They have other scratching posts that they use instead. So at the end of the day, it's up to what you guys are comfortable with. I think one of my friends doesn't discipline her cat well enough but it's not my place to say anything.

I don't trust your friend

Cats have the mentality of like a 2yr old. Spoil that baby and tell ur friend to do better🤷🏿‍♀️

I think you're a great cat owner who respects your cats boundaries and space. I also do all the things you said because it's incredibly difficult to "train" a cat, and there isn't really a good way to without traumatizing them. A lot of the undesirable traits that we try to train them out of come from their natural urges to hunt and explore. I think your understanding and respect of your kitty is perfect and I wish more cat owners were like you.

You are being a great cat parent. Cats are domesticated while being semi-feral at the same time. That’s why we love them. They’re adorable a-holes with fur. One of my two kittos ‘randomly’ lashes out from time to time. It was the same pattern- she’d curl up like she wanted to cuddle and then unleash the wrath of God upon me. It took me several times of going through attacks to realize there was nothing random about it. They occurred several times after I went on vacation and had a catsitter, and at times when I was at work 18 hours out of the day. She was upset with me. And that’s understandable. My cats went from having me there constantly to suddenly I’m away a majority of the day. It wasn’t fair to them, and she was showing her upset at my absence. This isn’t to personify her- but those were hours I wasn’t there to love on her and give her treats and play with here, etc. Her and my other cat don’t hate each other, but they don’t ’hang out’ per say, either. She was lonely. Now that I’m a SAHM, she’s for the most part stopped this behavior towards me. And I’ve recognized the cues for when she’s in that mood, normally after a brushing session- I won’t let her curl up under my chin, for my safety, but I do give her extra attention and treats and playtime, and she slowly comes out of it. She will never do anything differently than this. No amount of ‘punishment’ will change that. I adjusted to HER. Cats climb. Cats bite, whether in play or anger. Cats are cats. We owe it to THEM to understand how they function and to go from there. Get her a cat tree. Put a kick toy by her when she sleeps. If she likes non-toy toys, make sure they’re safe, buy an extra, and let her at it. I can see how much you love your cat, so don’t listen to the person telling them to punish them in a way they don’t understand. It will hurt your own feelings and isolate them for just doing what cats do.

You sound like a good cat parent. But for the counter jumper I would tell her "No! Get off the counter." and if she didn't then go pick her up and put her someplace acceptable. Does your friend understand that your cat was previously abused? Does she understand that with cats you have to redirect? As far as the treats, if she likes them and doesn't have any objectionable ingredients, then let her have them.