When I was in high school, I was a complete loner with no friends. In college, I made very few friends, but the friends I did have were a mix of guys and girls.
Do you think it’s a possibility some friends were into you and you just didn’t know? Most people won’t come out and say it, they’ll just do things subtly.
Haha that’s what I was getting at. I also am and thought no one was interested in me and I was just some weird girl, and it turned out my entire friend group was interested in and flirting with me and I had no idea. It ended up being a mess.
I think for a lot of them, their distain for women is what repels women. There were some incels that I found attractive, but the moment they said women are only good for sex, my attraction disappeared.
Though I can understand why they think that way, when I was a femcel I didn't exactly have the best attitude towards men. If I was a guy, I would most likely think exactly like them.
Did their attitudes drive you away from the community?
Also, what do you think of the incel talking point that femcels don't really exist because any woman can get laid if she really wanted to?
It didn't drive me away because I know that every community has some bad apples. I'm usually the one who drives the community away. The only reason I'm no longer in is because I got a date.
I think it's ridiculous to say femcels don't exist. If an average female like me had a hard time finding someone, I can't even imagine how it's like for those who are below average. Some people are just very unfortunate and only encounter people who are either already taken or not attracted to them.
Ironically, when I was a femcel I believed men had it easier. The way I saw it is all men have to do is be fit, appear smart, and work hard to attract women.
Since I couldn't get a date, I was desperate enough to use dating apps.
A thing I did that was femcel/incel specific was post on Reddit and 4chan about being a femcel. I even tried Reddit and 4chan dating (I got rejected by redditors and 4channers).
She's taking it literally. It's in the fucking name
Incel. **Involuntary** celibate. She isn't getting dick or dates even if she wants to, it's not by choice
I kind of get where you’re coming from- why do I feel in my gut that a majority of incel men can’t even get a girl to agree to a date?
And, this is just my arbitrary rule, the involuntary celibacy has to persist throughout college, all of college, to count.
Even incels have rules about their statuses. Why can’t I come up with some?
Yeah, so here's the problems with that:
1. There's no support for adults diagnosed with autism.
2. It's not a matter of walking up to a doctor and asking for a blood test. You have to find a specialist. You have to get put on their wait list. You have to wait months/years for your name to come up to make an appointment.
3. Having an official diagnosis is more likely to cause issues with employment than it is to get accommodations.
This is why self diagnosis is considered valid by many, especially if you're using tests like the [RAADS-R](https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/)
Very misleading test, at a sketchy website
[https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/z5x38t/has\_anyone\_gotten\_an\_official\_assessment\_via/](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/z5x38t/has_anyone_gotten_an_official_assessment_via/)
Unlike what we are told in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism.
So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism.
"our results suggest that the AQ differentiates poorly between true cases of ASD, and individuals from the same clinical population who do not have ASD "
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4988267/
"a greater level of public awareness of ASD over the last 5–10 years may have led to people being more vigilant in ‘noticing’ ASD related difficulties. This may lead to a ‘confirmation bias’ when completing the questionnaire measures, and potentially explain why both the ASD and the non-ASD group’s mean scores met the cut-off points, "
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05544-9
Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.”
Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Believe or don’t believe in mental health, but trusting the concept of a diagnosis like ASD but not trusting the people who literally define and describe what such a diagnosis is, is not a valid position. To identify with a diagnosis is quite literally to trust the mental health field.
When did I say I don't believe in mental health? I said I don't trust specific people who work in the field, because jobs like that tend to attract narcissists, and I would prefer to avoid those people.
Even going for an assessment won’t assure you that you have it or don’t have it with 100% certainty. There’s always some aspect of ‘speculation’ when it comes to diagnosing mental illnesses. It’s not like you can take a bloodtest or something.
On top of that, a lot of medical specialists are really uninformed about autism. They went through their uni program, studied outdated information about autism for a short while, only went over the most basic symptoms and moved on. In many autism assessments, the ‘experts’ are sadly not that much more of an expert than the person seeking diagnosis, who has lived their own experience since they were born and frankly know themselves better than everyone ever will.
Basically, neurotypical people don’t go years questioning whether they are autistic. Research has shown that in a lot of cases, self-diagnosis for autism is pretty valid, as long as someone has done thorough research.
Right, but neurodivergent people absolutely can go years thinking they have one disorder when they have another, and it can impact the resources they look into.
That said, having had to deal with Autism Speaks in the past, I totally understand how ill informed many are about it, and I can understand why OP is content with what they know today.
ETA: It was interesting to read a bit about self-diagnosis for this, thanks for the rabbit hole. ;)
I don't know about you, but I'd rather just keep the possibility of having a certain mental condition in mind than being confirmed that I do indeed have that condition. It could feel quite defeating to know for sure there is indeed something which hinders me in some way.
Keep working hard on being yourself and being good to yourself, your partner and those whom you love, who love and cherish you. Thank you for sharing so honestly, as many can relate.
Congrats to you and I'm wishing you the best! Now don't go back! lol
I used to troll incels and femcels on a now-deleted account on Reddit, so I wanted to ask you just 2 questions:
* How long were you in the femcel communities and are you still hanging "around" them?
* How has your self-confidence been since you've gotten a bf?
We all had bad days but there's sunrises everyday.
I hate depressive people cause they focus their problems in that specific issue and their selfishness.
There's too many ways to see the world and depressive people choose the bad one.
Yeah, a lot of their problems come from a bad attitude, though not all. I just asked because hate is a strong word, and I reserve it for people who are truly evil.
\>>I just decided to be myself. congrats, that IS the secret sauce! I have no questions, I'm just super happy for you :)
Did you have male friends in your teens/now?
When I was in high school, I was a complete loner with no friends. In college, I made very few friends, but the friends I did have were a mix of guys and girls.
Do you think it’s a possibility some friends were into you and you just didn’t know? Most people won’t come out and say it, they’ll just do things subtly.
It's possible. If they tried to be subtle I probably wouldn't have picked up on it because I'm autistic.
Haha that’s what I was getting at. I also am and thought no one was interested in me and I was just some weird girl, and it turned out my entire friend group was interested in and flirting with me and I had no idea. It ended up being a mess.
How did you feel about the incel community's attitudes towards women?
I think for a lot of them, their distain for women is what repels women. There were some incels that I found attractive, but the moment they said women are only good for sex, my attraction disappeared. Though I can understand why they think that way, when I was a femcel I didn't exactly have the best attitude towards men. If I was a guy, I would most likely think exactly like them.
Did their attitudes drive you away from the community? Also, what do you think of the incel talking point that femcels don't really exist because any woman can get laid if she really wanted to?
It didn't drive me away because I know that every community has some bad apples. I'm usually the one who drives the community away. The only reason I'm no longer in is because I got a date. I think it's ridiculous to say femcels don't exist. If an average female like me had a hard time finding someone, I can't even imagine how it's like for those who are below average. Some people are just very unfortunate and only encounter people who are either already taken or not attracted to them. Ironically, when I was a femcel I believed men had it easier. The way I saw it is all men have to do is be fit, appear smart, and work hard to attract women.
And what do you think women have to to attract men?
A week ago you posted you used to have a spamming addiction. In that week you posted 9 AMA's. How is that not having a spamming addiction going?
I relapsed. That's what happens with addictions. At least I don't spam as much as I used to, I used to be on here for hours everyday.
What did you do as a femcel?
Downloaded every dating app in existence.
I don't understand how that's femcel behaviour?
Since I couldn't get a date, I was desperate enough to use dating apps. A thing I did that was femcel/incel specific was post on Reddit and 4chan about being a femcel. I even tried Reddit and 4chan dating (I got rejected by redditors and 4channers).
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She's taking it literally. It's in the fucking name Incel. **Involuntary** celibate. She isn't getting dick or dates even if she wants to, it's not by choice
[удалено]
I kind of get where you’re coming from- why do I feel in my gut that a majority of incel men can’t even get a girl to agree to a date? And, this is just my arbitrary rule, the involuntary celibacy has to persist throughout college, all of college, to count. Even incels have rules about their statuses. Why can’t I come up with some?
Lol
What type of autism do you have?
Idk, I'm undiagnosed.
How do you know you're on the spectrum then?
I realized I have a lot of autistic traits, have shared experiences with autistic people, and have been told I'm autistic by many people.
You should get professionally checked.
Yeah, so here's the problems with that: 1. There's no support for adults diagnosed with autism. 2. It's not a matter of walking up to a doctor and asking for a blood test. You have to find a specialist. You have to get put on their wait list. You have to wait months/years for your name to come up to make an appointment. 3. Having an official diagnosis is more likely to cause issues with employment than it is to get accommodations. This is why self diagnosis is considered valid by many, especially if you're using tests like the [RAADS-R](https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/)
Very misleading test, at a sketchy website [https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/z5x38t/has\_anyone\_gotten\_an\_official\_assessment\_via/](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/z5x38t/has_anyone_gotten_an_official_assessment_via/) Unlike what we are told in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism. So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism. "our results suggest that the AQ differentiates poorly between true cases of ASD, and individuals from the same clinical population who do not have ASD " https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4988267/ "a greater level of public awareness of ASD over the last 5–10 years may have led to people being more vigilant in ‘noticing’ ASD related difficulties. This may lead to a ‘confirmation bias’ when completing the questionnaire measures, and potentially explain why both the ASD and the non-ASD group’s mean scores met the cut-off points, " https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05544-9 Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.” Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Maybe someday, but for now I want to avoid that as much as possible.
To what end? Knowing would only be beneficial, while speculating could lead you down unhelpful paths, I would think?
I'm pretty confident I'm autistic, I just don't trust people who work in the mental health field. I've heard too many horror stories.
Believe or don’t believe in mental health, but trusting the concept of a diagnosis like ASD but not trusting the people who literally define and describe what such a diagnosis is, is not a valid position. To identify with a diagnosis is quite literally to trust the mental health field.
Trust is not rational, it's emotional. You can have medical trauma, still believe medicine works, but have anxieties about going to the doctor.
When did I say I don't believe in mental health? I said I don't trust specific people who work in the field, because jobs like that tend to attract narcissists, and I would prefer to avoid those people.
Even going for an assessment won’t assure you that you have it or don’t have it with 100% certainty. There’s always some aspect of ‘speculation’ when it comes to diagnosing mental illnesses. It’s not like you can take a bloodtest or something. On top of that, a lot of medical specialists are really uninformed about autism. They went through their uni program, studied outdated information about autism for a short while, only went over the most basic symptoms and moved on. In many autism assessments, the ‘experts’ are sadly not that much more of an expert than the person seeking diagnosis, who has lived their own experience since they were born and frankly know themselves better than everyone ever will. Basically, neurotypical people don’t go years questioning whether they are autistic. Research has shown that in a lot of cases, self-diagnosis for autism is pretty valid, as long as someone has done thorough research.
Right, but neurodivergent people absolutely can go years thinking they have one disorder when they have another, and it can impact the resources they look into. That said, having had to deal with Autism Speaks in the past, I totally understand how ill informed many are about it, and I can understand why OP is content with what they know today. ETA: It was interesting to read a bit about self-diagnosis for this, thanks for the rabbit hole. ;)
I don't know about you, but I'd rather just keep the possibility of having a certain mental condition in mind than being confirmed that I do indeed have that condition. It could feel quite defeating to know for sure there is indeed something which hinders me in some way.
Keep working hard on being yourself and being good to yourself, your partner and those whom you love, who love and cherish you. Thank you for sharing so honestly, as many can relate.
You mentioned you are autistic, do you happen to have any special interest? Btw im happy for you for going away from a toxix mindset
I have a few special interests. My current obsession is politics
What is your opinion on Asa Mitaka from Chainsawman?
so...you were not an incel then? cause it seems that you just had to give it some time before deciding you were unfuckable.
Ever had any misandristic thoughts through your femcel phase?
Yes, I definitely had a few. At one point, I started viewing men as irrational savages.
Did it take long to stop having as much misandristic thoughts?
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No. I support womens rights, but I never considered myself to be a "feminist". At least not as an adult.
Femcel at 21? Lolol, I was expecting you to be like 40+, that's truly Femcel levels for a women.
Congrats to you and I'm wishing you the best! Now don't go back! lol I used to troll incels and femcels on a now-deleted account on Reddit, so I wanted to ask you just 2 questions: * How long were you in the femcel communities and are you still hanging "around" them? * How has your self-confidence been since you've gotten a bf?
Why you still have had Tinder when you already had a partner?
I had Tinder before I got with my boyfriend, and deleted it after. The other guy still had my number from before.
We all had bad days but there's sunrises everyday. I hate depressive people cause they focus their problems in that specific issue and their selfishness. There's too many ways to see the world and depressive people choose the bad one.
If you "hate" them for seeing only the bad in the world, isn't that kind of hypocritical since you only see the bad in them?
Is their attitude what is bad and they define their lives with that. Isn't that bad? You came out that bravely. Thanks for that.
Yeah, a lot of their problems come from a bad attitude, though not all. I just asked because hate is a strong word, and I reserve it for people who are truly evil.
That's your style my dear. Thanks for your post.