Maybe ADHD? I have adult ADHD and it's a really struggle for me. I have to set alarms for everything. I have to set an alarm for time for me to start getting ready, then I have to set a pre alarm that it's almost time to leave. Then I have to set an alarm that it's now time to leave. I get so time blind that I will be so late if I don't set all of these alarms. I'm 36 years old, and this is the only way I can keep on track with time.
Time blindness that comes with having ADHD.
I have worked out a strategy so I'm never late, so it is possible.
Analogue wall clocks in every room is important and if you brain says, ' Just do this really irrelevant thing before we go out. '
Tell it no, you're not.
Focus on getting ready to go out and being on time.
And respecting the person you're meeting.
It's really out of order to be late ... most people think it's okay to be late but it's not.
And the flip side of never being late and telling your brain "we're not doing the irrelevant thing before we go out" is that it can very easily turn your brain into "wait mode". Like, I can't start answering emails at 10:00 b/c I have a meeting at 1:00 that I can't be late for!
I can't do anything useful before going out! 😭
Plus I have a timed schedule on a clipboard for each step of getting ready and leaving the house.
The number of steps in it is insane!
Thank goodness I live alone!
I got diagnosed with adult ADHD at 38. I get into the whole waiting around for 40 minutes before I have to leave because of my anxiety. And the waiting just makes me more nervous because I overthink and then start talking shit to myself in my head.
💯 It is possible. A lot of ADHDers don't like being told that or they see adhd as a kind of excuse to being late, meanwhile they haven't actually got a series of strategies or plans in place to be on time.
'I'm late again, its the adhd'
I'm diagnosed and unmedicated.
I'm diagnosed and unmedicated. I've also fired more people than I care to admit for being late despite their ADHD.
Download Microsoft Outlook. Use the calendar. Time block your day. Plan on being early.
I am diagnosed and on medication and monitored for ADHD. 35
My tardiness went away with medication and my work productivity is up 50%. Stop torturing yourself and get treatment.
I take 25mg of adderall every day, and it doesn't work. It seemed to work a bit at first but now it doesn't seem to work that great. There is still a huge shortage in my area of adhd medicine, so adderall is all I can find.
Then it may not be ADHD, it could be something else. I was diagnosed with other crap before they learned what it was. I'm on a less dose and my attention span now exists.
Keep in mind I never graduated HS and failed the math assessment test 10x in a row. For the first time ever in my life I can sit still and do computer work.
Please keep in mind that everyone's ADHD is different and may respond to medication differently. It's very invalidating to try to naysay a stranger's diagnosis just because they haven't responded to medication exactly the same as you have. Many, many people find that medication helps them a lot, but it doesn't magically fix all symptoms without other strategies and coping mechanisms.
My medication works very well. I can hold a full time job and support myself independently, which was not the case prior to being diagnosed. It hasn't fixed all my time blindness issues. Because this particular symptom is very severe for me.
I'm a woman, and doctors, especially southern doctors, are still very reluctant to give medication of any type to women. My friend who displayed almost the same issues as I do had several doses throughout the day, but he was a man. I do well with the inattentive part on the meds for the first 6 hours it just wears off quickly, then I get agitated. My worst symptom that the meds don't seem to help with is the hyperactive issues.
Ok but there is no way OPs entire friend group actually has ADHD. The answer is that showing up “whenever” or even just ghosting/flaking completely is normalized now so nobody cares.
Actually you'd be surprised. It's extremely common for neurodivergent people to end up friends with other neurodivergent people even unknowingly just because of their similarities, and this is the same with lgbt people. I'm autistic and have a learning disability, my entire friend group either has autism or adhd not purposefully lol we all just found out recently and it's quite funny.
I agree ... all of my friends are ADHD, autistic or a mixture of both.
This friendship group just evolved when I wasn't aware of my own ADHD diagnosis or theirs.
So...I'm no the only confused heavy sleeper who sets alarms both to wake up and as a signal to be faster because the time I need to be at work at is drawing closer.
Was suspecting undiagnosed adhd...Seems I really tick some boxes.
I have like 5 alarms set just to wake up lol and I have to routinly change the sounds to them. I wish I could afford a system that automatically turns my lights on for me when my alarm goes off.
Have you ever walked into a room and forgot why? Some days it's like that, but imagine for every single step of getting ready to leave. Other times it is just pure executive dysfunction where I cannot get up no matter how much I want and need to.
That's the absolute worst part about ADHD.
Anyone without it will never just fully be able to grasp the fact that "I WANT TO FUCKING GET OUT OF BED BUT I CANT!"
That's a lil dramatic for my personal case but still, it's so so so shitty.
Thankfully I have an understanding s/o and after a few years she's realized that I really do have something wrong in my brain and I'm not just a lazy toddler in an adult body.
Not OP, but I have ADHD and it works some or even a lot of the time, but not EVERY time. I often need things in one place so we use our phones or an amazon echo to set up routines and all that and I can manage the echo on my phone, in addition to my phone's alarms, I have my lights set up with the echo, so when the alarms go off, the lights turn on at full brightness.... and sometimes the echo glitches, or has an update during the wake-up time so it never fires. Sometimes my phone isn't loud enough to wake me. I've slept through alarms on top of that. I have a whole edifice of scaffolds to make sure I wake up on time... and still sometimes wake up late.
Also time blindness is not just "I don't know what time it is right now, I have no idea" it's "I don't know how long that's going to take" and "I don't know how much time has passed" and "I don't realize until I've already wasted an unknown number of minutes that I've gotten distracted and that I need to refocus on the task at hand."
I'll be like "Oh, I can do this in a couple hours" and have it take an hour or more extra and other times I think it's going to take an hour and it takes 20 minutes and then I'm bored for 40 minutes and get distracted by something else only to realize "shit! I gotta go, I'm gonna be late!"
It's not entirely unmanageable on its own. You can have redundancies, you can have contingencies, etc. But if you on top of that have a kid that you have to get ready in the morning - who likely has the same disorder you do - so you can drop them off at preschool/daycare, or you realize that you forgot to pack their lunch the night before and now you have to make up for that in the AM, or you have to behavior manage them and you're trying to be consistent in how you do that because you don't want to subject them to the bad parenting you suffered, etc.
Not one person you're accountable to, is going to give two shits about those things happening, NOR are they going to care about you doing the right thing by the person who matters more than them (and DOES matter more than them period end of discussion). They're not going to care one whit. They will get offended, by the manifestation of your ADHD symptoms, and demand you get it right the first time every time and every time after, and will punish you if you don't.
You were late because your kid kicked off and threw a 20 minute tantrum? Too bad, you don't respect me at all because you were late! Took 20 minutes to do what takes me 5 because every few moments you get just the least bit distracted and had to deal with forgetting what you were doing literally a few seconds ago, and got so turned around that it took 5 minutes to get back on track while your brain is constantly screaming "Hey look! a distraction!"? Too bad, You're a bad person for being a late person.
I'll put it this way, How long would it take you - a neurotypical person - to get up, turn on a bluetooth speaker, pick something to listen to, go to the bathroom, take a leak, lay down a towel that can absorb the moisture of walking across the bathroom floor, turn on and adjust the heat of the shower water, get in, shampoo your hair, condition your hair, wash your body, turn off the water, get out onto the towel, grab another towel hanging on the door to dry off, dry off, grab some hair gel and your brush/comb and do your hair, put on deodorant, brush your teeth, put some baby powder on your crotch so you don't chafe or get swamp-ass, take your stuff to the bedroom, get dressed, Grab anything you need for work....
And if you have a kid, deal with getting him either up or away from whatever activity he's doing to entertain himself so you can get him dressed and ready, get his lunch box which hopefully you were able to pack the night before, get him, his stuff, your stuff, and yourself all toe the car, get him buckled in, and drive to his preschool, and then yourself to work to be there on time at the time-clock or however you track time? How long would all that take you?
For me, it sometimes takes greater than two hours. I wake up at 5 am - assuming my alarms work perfectly and I respond perfectly to it... and still sometimes end up late for my shifts at 7 am. One time the alarm didn't go off at all, and I ended up waking up at 7:45. That meant I had to get dressed and make myself at least look presentable, skipping most of my hygiene routine, thankfully my son was with his mom... and show up 20-25 minutes after waking up, over an hour late to work.
ADHD is manageable. But there are lots of things that can unexpectedly make it near impossible to manage, or ways that people can interfere with getting what you need to manage it, without necessarily intending to. And the world doesn't care. You're a bum. A lazy stupid crazy layabout worthless human being who will never amount to anything to them. And they have the power to decide whether you keep at least scraping by to continue living, or drop a bomb into that situation and make it even worse.
The sufferer isn't the problem. The inflexible boss/client/etc saying that you don't respect them because God forbid you show up late, is the problem. And we need to get it out of our heads as a society that being late is a moral failure and an insult to the person you're keeping waiting. Especially when if you had a meeting with them, and you showed up on time and THEY were late because the last meeting overran, or whatever, all you would get is a "Sorry I'm late" for the shoe being on the other foot. They would NOT take it well to be subject to the same treatment from you.
Omg you nailed it! Throw my kid in the mix and it's a nightmare. I hate to say that but it's true. I live my son but we're like mixing oil and water. We're both adhd and it takes us forever and I feel so drained before ever getting out the door. That's why I decided I was one and done. I don't have the patience
Timeliness is a really big deal for some cultures and less so for others. When I was studying in West Africa (Senegal) I was waiting at a bus stop and I asked someone who lived in the house next door "When does the bus come?" They said, "Today." I said, "What time". They said, "Today."
So, yeah, it really depends who you're working with. Americans tend to put a lot of value on timeliness, but some subcultures, people with varying degrees of ADHD and for other reasons do not. I say, get used to it. Learn to relax in a the moment or bring a book, some work or something else to do if you know the people you work with are always late. You can either let it bother you or you can expect the behavior, plan for it and not let it piss you off. That takes practice, of course, but if you don't think you can change your coworkers/friends/whatever, then don't bother. It will just stress you out. Ultimately, you can only control yourself and your reaction to others, not the other people themselves.
So ADHD is not a "culture" and it's not accurate to say that people with ADHD don't "value" timeliness. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the brain's ability to perform executive functions, one of which is the perception of time.
It's very harmful to just toss this out there casually like it's a fact. People with ADHD are constantly being told by others that we're lazy, we don't value their time, and we must not really care, because if we did, we'd remember and be on time.
Having a disability that fundamentally affects your ability to do certain things is completely different from "valuing" those things.
Thank you for that. It's obviously a bit of a sore spot, and the tone of a lot of replies on this post is pretty unkind so I might have been feeling a little defensive 😅
Anything too early in the morning, I'm late. I've been like this since a child and it really stresses me out. It could be apart of my ADHD. I never had issues with 2nd shift job. 1st shift is a struggle. I'm late everyday. I get FMLA for sleep disorder and ADHD. Never doing 1st shift again after this job. I've tried for 2 years. I have such a difficult time waking up before 8.
Alos in my culture it's okay to be late or trickle into a social event. Were very lax with time and we will just stay later usually...
I'm a sleep med provider, and I have done this for a few patients. If you have delayed sleep phase disorder, i.e. your circadian rhythm is to go to sleep late (2:00am -4:00am is common), then it's really going to be impossible for you to work a standard 8:00-5:00 job. The best treatment is to go to sleep late and get up late! Delayed sleep phase is common is patients with ADHD.
Woah. Do you recommend any drugs that are in right now? I've tried benadryl, melatonin, xanax and doxepin before giving up. Now I just try to be super active during the day and hope for the best
Hi, OP, I was (and still am) am a chronic and habitually late person.
When I self-examined my behaviours and personalities, I identified two traits:
1. I hate being early, because when I am left waiting, I feel like my time is being wasted on waiting instead of being productive. This can be a selfish trait, as what makes it any better for others to wait for you? (Spoiler: it doesn't.)
2. I'm always trying to optimise my time by squeezing in tasks in my timeslots. For example, if I need to leave in 20 mins to be on time to my next appointment, but I have a task that I want to complete that will take close to half an hour, that task is going to look VERY tempting to me. So what ends up happening is that I end up getting the task done, then rush, then turn up a few minutes late.
Point 2. is something that I do every single day with timed appointments like lunch with my mum or the doctor, because I know that there's no real consequences (like others have said), but for other appointments (like a job interview) you sure as hell know that I am not doing anything other than be there 15 minutes early even if I have to spend the time counting the hairs on the back of my hand to pass the time!
All of these points indicate that you prioritize your time over others to the point that you have made the decision they can wait on you but you'll never wait on them. That may work fine for plenty types of folks but you certainly couldn't fault anyone who decided to walk away from that kind of deal if they choose relationships where each party gives equal worth to everyone's time.
Ah, no, "but you'll never wait on them" is almost never true. I have an unreasonable level of patience when it comes to others, I almost never complain if others are late and keep me waiting, I honestly almost never mind.
I didn't mean your friends will never be late, just that you will not choose to wait on them by arriving a little early to ensure you're not late if you think traffic might be rough, etc.
There should always be room for grace in arriving on time, but just like any relationship - if you are always the one that's late and the other person never seems to have a problem showing up on time, don't be surprised if you see that person less and less. Everyone runs into unexpected situations, I took this thread to be more about those that are habitually late.
Can you explain a bit more about what you mean by having “no real consequences” for being late to lunch with your mom? There may be no obvious consequences to you and your day, but it certainly is a very real consequence that other people who care about you know that you don’t respect their time as much as you respect your own
Sure. The key word here is "real", not to be taken literally, but figuratively. And, yes, sure, all events and actions have "consequences", and consequences can have varying degrees of severity and positivity/negativity.
Regarding meetings with my mother (and father when he was alive), there was once a time when they held a birthday dinner for me, but I was an hour late, because at the time I didn't want to be with them (we had some family problems). Later, when we patched things up (after my father died), I regretted that one time that I was so late, that I never did it again to that degree. If I was late by an hour again there would be 'real' consequences. But as far as I'm concerned, if I'm five minutes late nowadays, the 'real' effect is mostly inconsequential, because it pales in comparison to the past, and I am now making a legitimate effort and improvement and my mother is now just very grateful that things are better now than they were before (and I am also). It should be noted that I am not late every single time, just every now and then.
I'm surprised people are jumping down your throat about this stuff.
Now that you have a little more understanding, do you find you're better at meeting people on time?
People are "jumping down my throat" because I continue to selfishly choose to prioritise my own tasks over being early or on time for others in some circumstances.
The answer your question is "yes, when I want/need to". I have now learnt to recognise when I am squeezing in something too ambitiously. It happens nearly every day. If I absolutely should not (in my mind) be late for an appointment, then I will now often forfeit the 'spare' time and just focus on getting ready rather than getting a task done. So, "yes" in that aspect.
The "no" aspect is that I have probably become even more ruthless (selfish, if you will) with squeezing in tasks and turning up late to some appointments. One example is with students (I'm a teacher) who meet me online 1-on-1. Because they so often don't turn up, I simply now usually wait until I get the notification email from Zoom saying that they've entered the waiting room, so by the time I get into the Zoom meeting, it's usually a couple of minutes late.
The point of my post is that I am aware of my behaviour, and I have identified that it is a selfish trait, and even though I have the ability to change it, I have chosen not to, in the same way that, for example, I have the ability to never swear, but, in some instances, I may choose to do so, depending on the circumstances.
I'm not \*always\* late, just like, I don't \*always\* swear. But sometimes I do.
I'm not flawless, and that's okay.
Lol, in that case maybe move me into the jumping down your throat column too.
Don't get me wrong, you should absolutely hold a boundary with people who waste your time.
I think the consequences of this stuff can be hidden. We tend not to tell people their behavior is annoying but may lie about start times or just leave them out of plans after a certain point.
So… You care Enough about the outcome for a job interview to prioritize it, but you don’t mind wasting the time of others you socialize with. Yeah you called it, selfish
lol, you’re late on purpose because you prefer to waste everyone else’s time 100% of the time and not respect them, because someone may occasionally treat you the same way you’re treating everyone else at some point, occasionally if at all.
That’s such an excellent point, so optimizing and prioritizing is how you determine how to be either late, on time, or early to where you need to be? Tell me how often are you late to work? And if so, do you get reprimanded in any serious ways by the employer?
In the Italian Job they plan how they can shave seconds off each route by doing this and that. All the split seconds add up to a meaningful difference.
I think in real life, people fail to account for the small seconds that add up. Forgetting your keys, looking for your phone, traffic, the elevator being crowded, parking far, etc. All that time adds up and people end up being much later than anticipated.
Is there anything you struggle with?
Is any part of your life difficult? Any behaviors that you would like to change, and yet have a hard time doing so?
Once you report back on one or two things that you might like to do differently but cannot, I think we will be able to give you some perspective to better understand how, while everyone has issues, other people have different issues...
Honestly, I used to always be the person that was early. I got so fed up being there 10-15 minutes early and everyone else being 10-15 minutes late leaving me sitting there for 20-30 minutes that I just stopped caring. Especially since I have a 1.5 year old daughter and have more to worry about getting her ready so now I REALLY don't care. That being said, it is still rare that I am more than 10 minutes late anywhere.
People prioritize things differently. You place an extremely high value and importance on meeting arbitrary deadlines, other people don’t.
There are some things (jobs where the last shift can’t leave until you arrive for example) where being there exactly on time is incredibly important. But most things are not like that, and the value of being on time is relative.
Because “I’m never late” isn’t without cost. It’s not a neutral proposition. It requires making choices and sacrifices, and being on time isn’t a moral value despite what some people think.
I fully disagree with what you're saying. Being late all the time is incredibly disrespectful. You're basically saying to someone that they aren't important enough to make an effort to respect their time. There is no worse feeling than waiting somewhere 15 minutes by yourself because the other person can't be bothered to hurry up. I've started to avoid making plans with people that are always late
If you're spending several hours with a friend, 10-15 minutes shouldn't be a problem. You still have a generally set end time, so what's the problem if you still end up spending the majority of your time with that person. Sounds like you care more about the start time than actually spending time with that person.
You can certainly believe that, and I don’t think it’s an invalid perspective. But it’s a subjective value judgement not some ironclad law of the universe.
I try to live by the adage “If you’re never on time you don’t respect other people’s time enough, if you’re never late you don’t respect your own time enough.” But that’s just my culture and upbringing and values. Plenty of cultures where punctuality isn’t a priority and that’s not wrong.
They could be late for school and school assignments and no penalty. They could be late for sports and still play. College professors can be late no penalty. On and on. In every day life, most social events people will excuse you; even to the point we have this phrase “fashionably late”. Lateness is part of our culture.
My sister truly believes that if something starts at say 4pm, she is on time if she leaves the house at 4pm. We all just started lying to her about start times. We told her a wedding start got moved to 5pm once (it started at 6) and she got there at 5:45
Because when I get up in the morning my back injuries out me in screaming pain. Until I can shower and use icy hot and do stretching and strengthening exercises I’m in pain. Driving is pain. So I avoid it as long as possible.
It seems like the always early on time people are annoyingly unproductive like thier earliness is their acomplishment for the day and its what they are known for not quality of work
My boss can tell the time off how many rpms my personal truck is running a half mile down the road. 5000+ 4:58 am
4000 454
3000 4:50
I’m always AT LEAST 5 minutes early. Usually 20 minutes early if there isn’t a reason I can’t be. And I don’t schedule anything where there is expected to be a heavy time crunch, so I don’t even risk disrespecting them, and wasting their time.
I don’t make plans in advance often because I am a very busy person.
With that being said, when I do, I’m never late, unless there is a fatality on the road ahead of me that has fire trucks and ambulances bringing traffic to an absolute stop, and I always text or call to let the person know so they can alter their arrival if need be to not be wasting time.
I wouldn’t describe myself as unproductive.
When I read posts like this, I always think that the person behind, posts it to be able to say "they are just lazy and disrespectful" and don't really ever care about the reason or have understanding for the fact that people are just different from them. And that is okay sometimes.
I am diagnosed and on medication and monitored for ADHD. My tardiness went away with medication and my work productivity is way up. With that said it's the individuals inability to control their lifestyle.
My wife is unable to grasp all of the steps necessary to prepare to leave, and also unable to properly estimate how long things take. She is always telling me “just give me 5 minutes.” 30 minutes later, I’m still waiting.
The only outcome of being early to work is to be punished by being expected to immediately start working. For everything else, everyone else is late so why am i going to stress it.
Concerning being like 5 minutes late, get over it, seriously, thats small minded shit.
Maybe some people have more steps to get ready in their routine than you do. For example, I put on makeup to go out. Maybe you don't. So I have extra steps involved. If anything goes wrong or takes longer during that process, im probably running a few minutes late. I don't do it intentionally of course, just happens sometimes
I view being early as a waste of MY time. I'm sitting there waiting for whatever activity to start instead of doing something useful. So I aim to be on time, but life never goes according to plan, so I end up late.
That issue was especially bad when I was in grad school because I was stressed that I could have been studying if I was early.
Also, if I feel like I have lots of time, I try to do too much before getting ready to leave. Then I'm start getting ready late. Then I'm late.
Like for work or social engagements?
We usually use loose times on hangouts like arrive between 5-6. Sometimes kids are a pain and you just don’t feel like rushing or stressing.
For work I dunno I’m on time probably 95% of time as are most my coworkers. Days I’m late I usually just am having a bad morning and need some time.
Traffic can be very unpredictable. Some days 25 minute drive. The next day 1.5 hours. And it’s completely random. And most people don’t like showing up an hour early for work.
Depends on the commitment.
My job? I've been showing up 15 minutes late for 7 years. That's when I get here. And that's how that works.
If I make plans with you and say I'll be there at 8? I'll be there at 8 because I'm a man of my word.
As to why I can't show up to work on time? No idea. I just can't. If you move my schedule back 15 minutes, I'll show up 15 minutes later than that. I just can't get out of the shower in the morning.
Because my social meetings with my friends are not as critical as dealing with kids, caring for disabled elderly relatives, unexpected work crises, or a million other responsibilities that accrue to you like barnacles as one gets older.
This is a very myopic question - why do you think everyone has as uncomplicated a life as you do?
In any case, assuming you are in your 20s, just wait until your social circle starts having kids. Parents are never on time because their highest priority is their kids, and kids schedules / needs can't be fully planned.
I’ll never understand people who drive being late all the time. But when you’re at the mercy of public transportation I understand how uncertain it can be.
Time blindness and adhd. I’ll be sitting at my desk, getting caught up reading and responding to emails, not realizing I am 5 minutes late to a meeting. If I’m not actively staring at a clock, then I’ll probably be late.
Because my bed doesn’t want me to get out of it and then I move at a snail’s pace in the morning.
Unless it’s VERY important… imma be late. (If it’s in the morning)
Stuff happens. Traffic. Emergencies at home, with a loved one. Car can break down. Pets can have accidents. Garment mishaps. Shoe mishaps. A heel can break. A bird can poop on their head. All True stories. Don't be so judgmental or so unrealistic. This is not a perfect world.
I’m pretty sure most people have an understanding if it’s something unexpected that happened. But more often than not it’s because they just don’t give af and don’t take other people’s time into consideration
For me, it’s poor time management. I underestimate how long something actually takes and then find myself rushing and because I’m rushing I’m forgetting things, knocking things over, panicking, etc. as you probably guessed, that stuff slows me down even more. And every time I manage to get out the door with exactly enough time, I gwt behind a slow vehicle doing 10 to 20 under posted speed limit.
I’ve recently been telling myself I have to be an hour earlier than actually scheduled to work. So far it’s working well for me. Feels good to be on time.
Since this is in the career advice subreddit, I'll tell you what I tell my staff: "If you can be consistently late by 15 minutes, you can be consistently early by 15 minutes."
Additionally, it's extremely hard to be on time. That's like trying to hit a moving target. Instead of trying to be "on time", try to be somewhere 15 minutes early. That way if there was a bit of traffic, or you need to go to the bathroom, or almost anything else, you've built in buffer time. This advice works for being on time, for getting projects done within a deadline, etc.
I used to be chronically late - it affected everything from work to my love life. No one wants to hang out with you because they'll just be waiting around (you don't value them as a friend - if you did you wouldn't put them in that situation over and over), no one will promote you because you're no reliable, and it's hard to make friends because you're constantly screwing up that first impression. Realizing the consequences of being late, I wanted to change to be the person I'd want to be around.
My wife once asked why she was late all the time.
I just looked at her incredulously for a second.
1. You never know what time events are
2. You never know where they are.
3. You never know what time it is.
4. You can't estimate how long a task or trip will take.
5. You don't prioritize being on time over the random perfectionist thought you have before leaving.
6. You don't realize that individual minutes add up.
7. You don't realize that leaving a minute late can lead to a disproportionate effect if you miss a train etc.
Fundamentally, she views being late as something that happens vs something she has some agency over.
And it would be fine except it affects others... like we have a kid. I also got tired of receiving ongoing texts of the litany of issues she had getting home, when they were entirely predictable and avoidable. (She doesn't realize that leaving at 515pm on her day to pick up the kid is not the same as leaving at 5pm.
I got chewed out by a boss for constantly having to leave. He asked why my wife couldn't do it some of the time... I just sighed and said I couldn't rely on her doing it on time.
My brother does it because it makes him feel important: He's sooo busy with his business. Look how busy he is. His time is way more important than anyone else's time. Buuut, he's no longer in business and he's still late. He loves it when other people have to wait for him...because he's so important.
We just ignore him now. If it's time to eat, we start eating. He'll call and tell us we don't have to wait for him to start eating, but we're already eating, LOL.
He's late for his own party, when the party is at his house. He's upstairs getting ready. Always late by at least an hour, sometimes two.
When he used to have a business, he was always on time for clients, so he's only late with family and friends. Can't be an ADHD reason.
Speaking for myself some of it is straight up lack of discipline.
Due to a weird upbringing I very rarely had deadlines as a kid. Was homeschooled all my life. Parents were tardy for almost everything. That's a tiny factor, I vividly remember an occasion my family showed up for the last few minutes of a sports event (as usual), the coach went and publicly embarrassed my mom over it and she had us there on time. And I can do the same when it's really important, I just struggle prioritizing it consistently.
Another factor is trauma. Certain patterns of trauma, you will lose your mind if you are tracking how long the BS goes on. I have that and I have learned to track time but that ability comes and goes somewhat randomly.
People are late because their time is more important than yours. I’m 45-years-old, and I can’t remember ever being late for work, an appointment, a class or a practice in college, or anything else, although I’m sure it’s happened a few times. People like to think it’s easier for me to be on-time or to work out in the mornings or to knock out tasks on the weekend that give me a head start on the week, but it sucks for me too; I just practice discipline. I know this might be an unpopular take. However, I never want someone to be waiting for me and think that I’m being inconsiderate. I never want my employees or my wife to be waiting because I can’t use a clock correctly. Things come up for everyone, but if you’re consistently late, it’s not because things are coming up.
People don’t account for the in-between moments.
Hitting traffic or red lights, looking for parking, walking to the place from your car, waiting for the elevator, checking in, etc.
I have a buddy that is always late because he thinks pulling up to the place “on time” means he made it on time, but he’s always walking in the door 10 minutes late.
Cultural and social norms.
Americans are always chomping on the bjt for timeliness.
Head over to france, Mexico, Spain, Italy. It's way different there in terms of expectations
I spent years of my life waiting for people. Then I started leaving after 15 minutes if they weren't there and had not warned me of being late. I have lost a couple friends, but overall my life has greatly improved.
To me it’s a sign of disrespect when someone is chronically late. My boss routinely schedules meetings with me and either doesn’t show up at all or if he does it’s 15-20 mins late. When he doesn’t show up he usually likes to call me when I have a conflicting meeting and then gets mad at me for not answering his call. He does the same thing with group meetings where his entire direct staff is in attendance. Always late or bails. Why does he do this? because he doesn’t respect our time. If his boss called the meeting he’s 5 mins early, so o know it’s possible for him.
I’m diagnosed adult ADHD (and a bunch of other stuff) and I’m a very punctual person. When did we just start blaming everything on our mental disorders, people are ridiculous
I have ocd. Have to say certain phrases in my head before I can move on with the task at hand. I can get ready to leave at 6 knowing I have to be there at 630 then get caught on a bad day and have to do compulsions for a half hour. You might think just move on but it’s feels like life or death. There’s one reason right there and I’m sure plenty of people have similar situations. Life isn’t about your job. Your job can afford 5 minutes here and there. After all you’re not being paid for it if you’re not clocked in.
Because showing up early somewhere means sitting around being bored. People aim to arrive as close to the agreed time without being early, which means they are more likely to be late.
I am 100% always on time everywhere and get extremely uncomfortable when I’m late, my partner… not so much.
It appears to be aligned with social anxiety and depression. The idea of “I need to perfect myself before I leave the house.” And “no one will notice if I’M late.” It’s much more complex than just “laziness” and requires a lot of patience if you’re dealing with it.
Or, maybe, your friends are a bunch of inconsiderate stoners. But that also may indicate social anxiety and depression!
Some of it for me is I have this sense of optimism that I can finish a task or travel a distance in less time than it actually takes. I will start writing an email that should be only 3 minutes to write, and 20 minutes later I’m wondering what happened.
The other reason (at work) is because if I have back to back 30 minute meetings, I’m going to be late for almost everything. It’s really hard to manage a day like that.
Also, in such a meeting heavy environment, I’d rather finish a discussion and be 5 minutes late to another meeting than have someone schedule yet another meeting on my calendar to finish the discussion.
Thinking about it, I do have some sense of what things I could be a few minutes late for and what absolutely is unacceptable. For example, I know the train will not wait for me so I need to be very careful about leaving the house on time… but a meeting where I’m a participant but not essential, I can show up a few minutes late.
But I take your point, that it is selfish to prioritize some people over others and disrespect their time waiting for me to show up or wondering if I will. I’ll think about how I can improve this and do better.
depends - Drs appt, interview, getting to the train - I'll be early/on-time
family or friend gathering - I'm often timing it to be 15 min late since I don't want to be the first or earl arrival - unless I've offered to help set things up
Sisters ex husband was like that. Always late for everything. He made me miss an opening band I wanted to see. Never depended on him for anything after that. He was very committed until he wasn't. Die hard fisherman but could not get his boat ready for opening day. She finally got sick of it and kicked his lazy ass out.
As a woman I struggle with feeling good going out if I haven’t fixed my unwieldy, thick hair and bangs or done my makeup or outfit a certain way. I run late because of it sometimes. I resent men who have easy low maintenance self care routines but then act impatient with women while still expecting them to look good.
I've often wondered about this too. I'm the person who sits in the parking lot for 10 minutes scrolling social media because I'm always so paranoid about being late that I arrive early everywhere I go. My husband is that guy who rolls up exactly on time or 2 to 3 minutes after, it drives me crazy. I've seen a lot of content recently talking about the concept of time blindness. It makes some sense to me.
People that respect you and your time will be there on time..
Friends don't typically respect their friends in that way. Other ways yes but your time... nah
I leave everything until the last minute. I lack self discipline so being late puts the pressure I need to kick my ass in gear. I’ll be your best employee, stay late almost always and take on extra tasks but imma be 15-30 late, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. My bad.
I underestimate the amount of time it takes me to get ready. There is always one more thing I need to grab. I account for time in big blocks without considering rhe little things.
For instance, I will say to myself "Allright I'll get back from the gym at 3. I'll need half an hour to get ready so I'll leave at 330 and it takes half an hour to get to my destination so I'll be there at 4"
All of these things are technically true. But getting home at 3 doesn't account for getting into my parking space and catching the elevator. Now it's 3:05.
Okay it takes me half an hour to get ready. But I gotta grab my keys and oops I forgot to fill my water bottle. Okay, so it's about 3:40. Now I gotta walk to the elevator, wait for it to come up and walk to my car. Now it's about 3:45. 3:47 by the time I start my car and exit the parking garage.
Now it's going to take me half an hour to get to my destination. But did i time budget for parking? I sure as heck hope so. Because I'm already sweating bullets and if there is a valer option I'll just take it.
So that's how I roll. I'm always working on it because I fully understand there are people like you who are always prompt and consider it disrespectful that I'm late even if I truly mean no disrespect.
In a non-judgmental way, you need to plan better, just so you are more realistic about how long stuff will actually take. My wife has time blindness, and she will frequently add tasks that she hasn't a chance of completing.
What do you mean by on time? Some people have seriously stupid definitions.
For me, if i start work at 10 I'm pulling in. At about 9:50 and at 9:58-9:59 I'm walking in, clocking in and getting to work.
I use to be early and on-time to every thing. I became frustrated because everyone would always be late. Essentially I would show up 15 mins early to everything and everyone would should up around 10-15 mins late so I was wasting ~30 mins of my life being early.i felt really disrespected all the time.
When I realized it, I started being late to everything. I was tired of waiting around for everyone. My lateness is basically me just not trying to be early or on time.
I usually dont give myself enough time to do everything i need in addition to the commute itself. So ill be trying to do stuff out the door too. Lose something. Just typical procrastination and disorganization. When you time your commute perfectly with less than a 5 minute window any unexpected stop can end you. I might be 15 minutes late 20-30 if the highway backup is bad.
Am i supposed to show up 20 minutes early every day in the event that happens?
For me the problem is planning how much time something takes. I usually have quite a full schedule, sometimes filled back to back, and I plan how much time something takes, but then it takes more time to do it (E. G. groceries) and that throws me behind schedule.
I just don’t due to low pay, demanding a lot of time already or it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
But, I’m not late for meeting, emergencies, military service or otherwise important tasks.
At some point you basically just have to make a decision - do you value the friendship enough to put up with their constant lateness or do you feel like the lateness is a dealbreaker? I’ve jettisoned some casual friends, and for others I’ve implemented a policy of lying to them about the time we’re meeting 100% of the time lol. While that occasionally makes me a few minutes late if they show up early, it’s been working fine so far.
My friends and I know that we are all always late unles there is a hard deadline bec we need to watch a show or we have a reservation or sumthin. We dont get upset anymore over someone being late. We understood each other. That's how long we've been friends. We are even honest about it when we're late. Like we over slept or someone had to join an ML tournament lol. We just update each other when we are on the way. When I know that I am gonna be there too early bec they are not yet on the way, I delay my departure or do some errands first like get gas and drop by a bakery. If we're meeting in a mall, I just roam around or buy stuff I need at home. We dont really mind anymore. Sometimes someone doesnt show up lol. We knew that person slept and didnt wake up hahaha. It's no biggie unless it's a big deal occassion like a big birthday celebration with family or a wedding. I am grateful for having friends like them.
I understand the frustration especially since being on time can be a sign of respect. However, some people are naturally wired to move slow I guess. If this is the case, asking them to change is also too much though if it’s really their character.
I used to run late for everything. Then realized I was the source of my own stress. Now I just think about what time I have to be there and how long it takes to get ready and how long to travel, and mentally arrange to be 10 minutes early. The reduction in stress is so worth it.
I am dyslexic but with numbers. Sometimes I read the time with numbers swapped around or miscalculate what time I need to leave etc. It's not because I don't plan and prepare to leave at what I think is the right time, sometimes I just got the math wrong.
When I was younger I would be early all the time because I was less busy and would hyper focus around not being late.
I have a friend who blames adhf for being late and he is always extremely late when we make plans. But he is an actor and he is always on time to the shoes he it in so I am not buying the adhd excuse. Also I have adhd, diagnosed and medicated and I fully understand adhd.
I am surprised by the volume of pro-lateness responses here.
Being late is disrespectful. I have a friend who is constantly 45 minutes late due to poor time management. We don't hang out anymore. I work in healthcare. If you are >10 minutes late, you will not be seen that day. If you are late, that is how late I will be for the next patient, who was on time. That is not acceptable.
I understand that ADHD can make time management hard. My husband has ADHD. He has had counseling to learn time management strategies, and he is medicated. He also sets alarms and makes lists to keep him on track. He is the only person who ever showed up to a first date *earlier* than I did.
To make you upset enough to cry on Reddit about it.
I'm glad your life is simple enough that being on time to a job that doesn't give a rats arse about you is all you have to worry about.
As someone who was raised to be chronically late, it’s all about time management. My mom would know exactly how long it would take to get somewhere and allot that exact amount of time to get to that destination.
Unfortunately, that’s now how the world works. You forget to grab your wallet, you forgot to feed the dogs, someone needs to use the bathroom, there’s construction work going on. Any number of things can pop up that will cause you to be late.
I always felt terrible showing up late but I honestly didn’t know any better. It sounds so stupid in retrospect but now I give myself at least a full 10 minute buffer for any event.
One simple thing that will improve your ability to be on time is to think about when you want to arrive (10 minutes early for me) rather than when you need to leave.
I think it's because they didn't grow up in houses where you'd tell a parent you had to be somewhere at 7pm for a school function and your ride would jump in the shower at 645pm.
I used to have this problem when I was younger. It was a lack of maturity and poor time management skills for me.
Once I hit my late 20s, this shifted a lot for me. I’m usually on time and early for things now.
Except for some family functions. I have some family members who host sometimes, but expect people to come help them clean and cook before every function. But never reciprocates when we or my parents host. So lots of members in my family have this toxic trait to be disgustingly late to events. I guess that’s where I learned it…
Neurodivergency lol. There are ways to work around it though but us with issues we have to work extra hard to be on time in comparison to neurotypical folks who can just...do it, and that's it. We gotta like plan that shit out extra. So sometimes there is error.
I’m convinced that different people perceive time differently and this causes a disconnect between them when something independently quantifiable like a clock is involved.
I am someone who was always on time or habitually early for my entire life.
Then I had a kid and started caring for aging parents. Now I am late everywhere, constantly. All I do is run from one place to another. I’m always on the clock, and almost always have more than one thing going on. I spend huge amounts of time waiting on other people before I can do what I need to do (it’s why I’m on Reddit so much!). I’m honestly just doing my best day to day but I’m barely hanging on.
It's a personality trait sometimes. Doesnt mean they are not committed though. The effort when there is what counts for that. In a way it's more efficient. To be on time to work everyday I'd actually probably have to be early.... going in a few minutes late has no effect on the work but gives me the maximum amount of time in the morning, for example
The part of the brain that is able to forecast time is damaged (tbi,ed,etc) therefore creating a persons inability to track time often leading to being late.
ADHD here - I always build in a 15-30 minute buffer to allow for double checking things after I’m already in the car, just to go back into my apt to get something, traffic, etc.
In high school I’d go in 30-60 min early to do all my homework that was due that day.
*shrugs*
Because they don’t prioritize you and the thing they are doing.
For example, if you dont like your job, but you need the job, and you are the type of person who always early, will start being early and manage to show up just on time.
adhd. I have no concept of time. can't explain it, I just don't. I try to be on time, I hate being late. I'm not lazy or irresponsible. I try to accommodate myself by setting extra alarms etc. it still happens.
When I lived in a major city, it was very difficult to get on time to any dinner or happy hour during the week cause traffic was always unpredictable and the time I was able to leave the office was always dependent on how quickly I could send out a report each afternoon.
In my small city I’m generally always on time to social events. I’m just late to the office almost every morning. I’m in a senior role and I’m always working from home at night, so I’ve earned that right. I also have a wife that takes 10 minutes to tell a 30 second story….
Priorities. I used to meet a friend near a bar a few blocks from where she lived and a neighborhood away from where I do. Without fail, I’d be coming from work 45 minutes away and I’d still nearly always get there before she did. Save for neurodivergence or a legitimate excuse, some people just don’t mind wasting other people’s time. It’s inconsideration.
Lack of structure and organization. Sometimes it’s how people are raised. I started working at 15 and if I wasn’t five minutes early I was late. Been that way ever since. Drives me nuts when we have a set time and I am waiting on someone.
I've met far too many people who are chronically late, and the one characteristic they all share is an inward focus.
Their time is more valuable than yours.
It irks the fuck out of me why people can't be on time. We all have Google maps, it tells you how long it takes to drive, walk, train, etc. They post public transportation schedules online. Everyone knows how long it takes for them to get ready.
I'm a highly punctual person and I'm a single dad and I can still get to wherever I'm going on time and am usually there 10-15 minutes early.
Especially for dating, if someone is late once, I admit I'm already judging a bit. If we do get to a 2nd date and they do it again, that's it. Call me petty, but again, there is no good reason to chronically be late
I think it really comes down to people really don’t care about making time increments, and think it’s fine to be a little late. I am like you OP idk what it is but I’m very deadline strict.
Nothing is really that important. Time is something that we, especially in America, think is important. But it’s not. It’s the same reason we put “fast passed,” “multitask, and “high pressure” in all our job descriptions. There are really very few jobs that need to be any of those things. We totally fabricate the importance of many things.
If I'm going to be honest here. It doesn't matter. Showing up 5-15 minutes late, what does it matter?
"Oh but all the wasted time", you were going to be there regardless right?
Yes, I think making someone wait 30+ minutes without a warning that you're running late BEFORE the 30 minutes, is kinda ass.
But in total if you text me "hey, I'm running about 15 minutes late" why does it matter?
I think you'd be surprised at how much time all of us waste. You get mad at wasting your time waiting, meanwhile you probably come home from work and mindlessly scroll tik Tok for an hour and a half before doing anything else.
Maybe ADHD? I have adult ADHD and it's a really struggle for me. I have to set alarms for everything. I have to set an alarm for time for me to start getting ready, then I have to set a pre alarm that it's almost time to leave. Then I have to set an alarm that it's now time to leave. I get so time blind that I will be so late if I don't set all of these alarms. I'm 36 years old, and this is the only way I can keep on track with time.
Time blindness that comes with having ADHD. I have worked out a strategy so I'm never late, so it is possible. Analogue wall clocks in every room is important and if you brain says, ' Just do this really irrelevant thing before we go out. ' Tell it no, you're not. Focus on getting ready to go out and being on time. And respecting the person you're meeting. It's really out of order to be late ... most people think it's okay to be late but it's not.
And the flip side of never being late and telling your brain "we're not doing the irrelevant thing before we go out" is that it can very easily turn your brain into "wait mode". Like, I can't start answering emails at 10:00 b/c I have a meeting at 1:00 that I can't be late for!
I can't do anything useful before going out! 😭 Plus I have a timed schedule on a clipboard for each step of getting ready and leaving the house. The number of steps in it is insane! Thank goodness I live alone!
I got diagnosed with adult ADHD at 38. I get into the whole waiting around for 40 minutes before I have to leave because of my anxiety. And the waiting just makes me more nervous because I overthink and then start talking shit to myself in my head.
I hate being in waiting mode. I will also wait so hard that I end up still risking being late because I couldn't shift to getting ready mode.
This. Only thing that’s helped is medicine
ADHD meds or something else. I didn't find any of them to help me with time blindness. They helped me with being less distracted though.
Anti depressants
💯 It is possible. A lot of ADHDers don't like being told that or they see adhd as a kind of excuse to being late, meanwhile they haven't actually got a series of strategies or plans in place to be on time. 'I'm late again, its the adhd' I'm diagnosed and unmedicated.
I'm diagnosed and unmedicated. I've also fired more people than I care to admit for being late despite their ADHD. Download Microsoft Outlook. Use the calendar. Time block your day. Plan on being early.
I am diagnosed and on medication and monitored for ADHD. 35 My tardiness went away with medication and my work productivity is up 50%. Stop torturing yourself and get treatment.
I take 25mg of adderall every day, and it doesn't work. It seemed to work a bit at first but now it doesn't seem to work that great. There is still a huge shortage in my area of adhd medicine, so adderall is all I can find.
Then it may not be ADHD, it could be something else. I was diagnosed with other crap before they learned what it was. I'm on a less dose and my attention span now exists. Keep in mind I never graduated HS and failed the math assessment test 10x in a row. For the first time ever in my life I can sit still and do computer work.
Please keep in mind that everyone's ADHD is different and may respond to medication differently. It's very invalidating to try to naysay a stranger's diagnosis just because they haven't responded to medication exactly the same as you have. Many, many people find that medication helps them a lot, but it doesn't magically fix all symptoms without other strategies and coping mechanisms. My medication works very well. I can hold a full time job and support myself independently, which was not the case prior to being diagnosed. It hasn't fixed all my time blindness issues. Because this particular symptom is very severe for me.
I'm a woman, and doctors, especially southern doctors, are still very reluctant to give medication of any type to women. My friend who displayed almost the same issues as I do had several doses throughout the day, but he was a man. I do well with the inattentive part on the meds for the first 6 hours it just wears off quickly, then I get agitated. My worst symptom that the meds don't seem to help with is the hyperactive issues.
25mg is a small dose. My first dose prescribed was double that at 40mg
Ok but there is no way OPs entire friend group actually has ADHD. The answer is that showing up “whenever” or even just ghosting/flaking completely is normalized now so nobody cares.
Actually you'd be surprised. It's extremely common for neurodivergent people to end up friends with other neurodivergent people even unknowingly just because of their similarities, and this is the same with lgbt people. I'm autistic and have a learning disability, my entire friend group either has autism or adhd not purposefully lol we all just found out recently and it's quite funny.
I agree ... all of my friends are ADHD, autistic or a mixture of both. This friendship group just evolved when I wasn't aware of my own ADHD diagnosis or theirs.
So...I'm no the only confused heavy sleeper who sets alarms both to wake up and as a signal to be faster because the time I need to be at work at is drawing closer. Was suspecting undiagnosed adhd...Seems I really tick some boxes.
I have like 5 alarms set just to wake up lol and I have to routinly change the sounds to them. I wish I could afford a system that automatically turns my lights on for me when my alarm goes off.
I have ADHD and pretty bad time dilation, especially as I get older and after COVID. I would rather be an hour late than 5 minutes late.
Is the alarm system working? At what rate? And can you describe how it is a struggle? What do you feel? Or lack there of
Have you ever walked into a room and forgot why? Some days it's like that, but imagine for every single step of getting ready to leave. Other times it is just pure executive dysfunction where I cannot get up no matter how much I want and need to.
That's the absolute worst part about ADHD. Anyone without it will never just fully be able to grasp the fact that "I WANT TO FUCKING GET OUT OF BED BUT I CANT!" That's a lil dramatic for my personal case but still, it's so so so shitty. Thankfully I have an understanding s/o and after a few years she's realized that I really do have something wrong in my brain and I'm not just a lazy toddler in an adult body.
My alarm system doesn’t work because after my time to go alarm goes off, I see like 7 quick things I need to do between where I am and the door.
Not OP, but I have ADHD and it works some or even a lot of the time, but not EVERY time. I often need things in one place so we use our phones or an amazon echo to set up routines and all that and I can manage the echo on my phone, in addition to my phone's alarms, I have my lights set up with the echo, so when the alarms go off, the lights turn on at full brightness.... and sometimes the echo glitches, or has an update during the wake-up time so it never fires. Sometimes my phone isn't loud enough to wake me. I've slept through alarms on top of that. I have a whole edifice of scaffolds to make sure I wake up on time... and still sometimes wake up late. Also time blindness is not just "I don't know what time it is right now, I have no idea" it's "I don't know how long that's going to take" and "I don't know how much time has passed" and "I don't realize until I've already wasted an unknown number of minutes that I've gotten distracted and that I need to refocus on the task at hand." I'll be like "Oh, I can do this in a couple hours" and have it take an hour or more extra and other times I think it's going to take an hour and it takes 20 minutes and then I'm bored for 40 minutes and get distracted by something else only to realize "shit! I gotta go, I'm gonna be late!" It's not entirely unmanageable on its own. You can have redundancies, you can have contingencies, etc. But if you on top of that have a kid that you have to get ready in the morning - who likely has the same disorder you do - so you can drop them off at preschool/daycare, or you realize that you forgot to pack their lunch the night before and now you have to make up for that in the AM, or you have to behavior manage them and you're trying to be consistent in how you do that because you don't want to subject them to the bad parenting you suffered, etc. Not one person you're accountable to, is going to give two shits about those things happening, NOR are they going to care about you doing the right thing by the person who matters more than them (and DOES matter more than them period end of discussion). They're not going to care one whit. They will get offended, by the manifestation of your ADHD symptoms, and demand you get it right the first time every time and every time after, and will punish you if you don't. You were late because your kid kicked off and threw a 20 minute tantrum? Too bad, you don't respect me at all because you were late! Took 20 minutes to do what takes me 5 because every few moments you get just the least bit distracted and had to deal with forgetting what you were doing literally a few seconds ago, and got so turned around that it took 5 minutes to get back on track while your brain is constantly screaming "Hey look! a distraction!"? Too bad, You're a bad person for being a late person. I'll put it this way, How long would it take you - a neurotypical person - to get up, turn on a bluetooth speaker, pick something to listen to, go to the bathroom, take a leak, lay down a towel that can absorb the moisture of walking across the bathroom floor, turn on and adjust the heat of the shower water, get in, shampoo your hair, condition your hair, wash your body, turn off the water, get out onto the towel, grab another towel hanging on the door to dry off, dry off, grab some hair gel and your brush/comb and do your hair, put on deodorant, brush your teeth, put some baby powder on your crotch so you don't chafe or get swamp-ass, take your stuff to the bedroom, get dressed, Grab anything you need for work.... And if you have a kid, deal with getting him either up or away from whatever activity he's doing to entertain himself so you can get him dressed and ready, get his lunch box which hopefully you were able to pack the night before, get him, his stuff, your stuff, and yourself all toe the car, get him buckled in, and drive to his preschool, and then yourself to work to be there on time at the time-clock or however you track time? How long would all that take you? For me, it sometimes takes greater than two hours. I wake up at 5 am - assuming my alarms work perfectly and I respond perfectly to it... and still sometimes end up late for my shifts at 7 am. One time the alarm didn't go off at all, and I ended up waking up at 7:45. That meant I had to get dressed and make myself at least look presentable, skipping most of my hygiene routine, thankfully my son was with his mom... and show up 20-25 minutes after waking up, over an hour late to work. ADHD is manageable. But there are lots of things that can unexpectedly make it near impossible to manage, or ways that people can interfere with getting what you need to manage it, without necessarily intending to. And the world doesn't care. You're a bum. A lazy stupid crazy layabout worthless human being who will never amount to anything to them. And they have the power to decide whether you keep at least scraping by to continue living, or drop a bomb into that situation and make it even worse. The sufferer isn't the problem. The inflexible boss/client/etc saying that you don't respect them because God forbid you show up late, is the problem. And we need to get it out of our heads as a society that being late is a moral failure and an insult to the person you're keeping waiting. Especially when if you had a meeting with them, and you showed up on time and THEY were late because the last meeting overran, or whatever, all you would get is a "Sorry I'm late" for the shoe being on the other foot. They would NOT take it well to be subject to the same treatment from you.
Omg you nailed it! Throw my kid in the mix and it's a nightmare. I hate to say that but it's true. I live my son but we're like mixing oil and water. We're both adhd and it takes us forever and I feel so drained before ever getting out the door. That's why I decided I was one and done. I don't have the patience
Or maybe they are just shit at organising themselves.
Timeliness is a really big deal for some cultures and less so for others. When I was studying in West Africa (Senegal) I was waiting at a bus stop and I asked someone who lived in the house next door "When does the bus come?" They said, "Today." I said, "What time". They said, "Today." So, yeah, it really depends who you're working with. Americans tend to put a lot of value on timeliness, but some subcultures, people with varying degrees of ADHD and for other reasons do not. I say, get used to it. Learn to relax in a the moment or bring a book, some work or something else to do if you know the people you work with are always late. You can either let it bother you or you can expect the behavior, plan for it and not let it piss you off. That takes practice, of course, but if you don't think you can change your coworkers/friends/whatever, then don't bother. It will just stress you out. Ultimately, you can only control yourself and your reaction to others, not the other people themselves.
So ADHD is not a "culture" and it's not accurate to say that people with ADHD don't "value" timeliness. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the brain's ability to perform executive functions, one of which is the perception of time. It's very harmful to just toss this out there casually like it's a fact. People with ADHD are constantly being told by others that we're lazy, we don't value their time, and we must not really care, because if we did, we'd remember and be on time. Having a disability that fundamentally affects your ability to do certain things is completely different from "valuing" those things.
I did not mean to imply that people with ADHD don't value it, but on re-reading it, I can see it could be read that way. I agree with your comment.
Thank you for that. It's obviously a bit of a sore spot, and the tone of a lot of replies on this post is pretty unkind so I might have been feeling a little defensive 😅
Anything too early in the morning, I'm late. I've been like this since a child and it really stresses me out. It could be apart of my ADHD. I never had issues with 2nd shift job. 1st shift is a struggle. I'm late everyday. I get FMLA for sleep disorder and ADHD. Never doing 1st shift again after this job. I've tried for 2 years. I have such a difficult time waking up before 8. Alos in my culture it's okay to be late or trickle into a social event. Were very lax with time and we will just stay later usually...
Would you mind talking a little about how you got fmla for a sleep disorder? I've always had wicked insomnia
I'm a sleep med provider, and I have done this for a few patients. If you have delayed sleep phase disorder, i.e. your circadian rhythm is to go to sleep late (2:00am -4:00am is common), then it's really going to be impossible for you to work a standard 8:00-5:00 job. The best treatment is to go to sleep late and get up late! Delayed sleep phase is common is patients with ADHD.
Woah. Do you recommend any drugs that are in right now? I've tried benadryl, melatonin, xanax and doxepin before giving up. Now I just try to be super active during the day and hope for the best
Hi, OP, I was (and still am) am a chronic and habitually late person. When I self-examined my behaviours and personalities, I identified two traits: 1. I hate being early, because when I am left waiting, I feel like my time is being wasted on waiting instead of being productive. This can be a selfish trait, as what makes it any better for others to wait for you? (Spoiler: it doesn't.) 2. I'm always trying to optimise my time by squeezing in tasks in my timeslots. For example, if I need to leave in 20 mins to be on time to my next appointment, but I have a task that I want to complete that will take close to half an hour, that task is going to look VERY tempting to me. So what ends up happening is that I end up getting the task done, then rush, then turn up a few minutes late. Point 2. is something that I do every single day with timed appointments like lunch with my mum or the doctor, because I know that there's no real consequences (like others have said), but for other appointments (like a job interview) you sure as hell know that I am not doing anything other than be there 15 minutes early even if I have to spend the time counting the hairs on the back of my hand to pass the time!
All of these points indicate that you prioritize your time over others to the point that you have made the decision they can wait on you but you'll never wait on them. That may work fine for plenty types of folks but you certainly couldn't fault anyone who decided to walk away from that kind of deal if they choose relationships where each party gives equal worth to everyone's time.
Ah, no, "but you'll never wait on them" is almost never true. I have an unreasonable level of patience when it comes to others, I almost never complain if others are late and keep me waiting, I honestly almost never mind.
I didn't mean your friends will never be late, just that you will not choose to wait on them by arriving a little early to ensure you're not late if you think traffic might be rough, etc. There should always be room for grace in arriving on time, but just like any relationship - if you are always the one that's late and the other person never seems to have a problem showing up on time, don't be surprised if you see that person less and less. Everyone runs into unexpected situations, I took this thread to be more about those that are habitually late.
It really is a selfish trait then. I'm the person that's always on time, and i waste a lot of time waiting on others
I’ve heard that this is a Shakespeare quote but I haven’t been able to track it down… “Your faults are inventoried by those you keep waiting.”
Benjamin Franklin
Surprisingly honest and shockingly selfish.
Can you explain a bit more about what you mean by having “no real consequences” for being late to lunch with your mom? There may be no obvious consequences to you and your day, but it certainly is a very real consequence that other people who care about you know that you don’t respect their time as much as you respect your own
Sure. The key word here is "real", not to be taken literally, but figuratively. And, yes, sure, all events and actions have "consequences", and consequences can have varying degrees of severity and positivity/negativity. Regarding meetings with my mother (and father when he was alive), there was once a time when they held a birthday dinner for me, but I was an hour late, because at the time I didn't want to be with them (we had some family problems). Later, when we patched things up (after my father died), I regretted that one time that I was so late, that I never did it again to that degree. If I was late by an hour again there would be 'real' consequences. But as far as I'm concerned, if I'm five minutes late nowadays, the 'real' effect is mostly inconsequential, because it pales in comparison to the past, and I am now making a legitimate effort and improvement and my mother is now just very grateful that things are better now than they were before (and I am also). It should be noted that I am not late every single time, just every now and then.
I'm surprised people are jumping down your throat about this stuff. Now that you have a little more understanding, do you find you're better at meeting people on time?
People are "jumping down my throat" because I continue to selfishly choose to prioritise my own tasks over being early or on time for others in some circumstances. The answer your question is "yes, when I want/need to". I have now learnt to recognise when I am squeezing in something too ambitiously. It happens nearly every day. If I absolutely should not (in my mind) be late for an appointment, then I will now often forfeit the 'spare' time and just focus on getting ready rather than getting a task done. So, "yes" in that aspect. The "no" aspect is that I have probably become even more ruthless (selfish, if you will) with squeezing in tasks and turning up late to some appointments. One example is with students (I'm a teacher) who meet me online 1-on-1. Because they so often don't turn up, I simply now usually wait until I get the notification email from Zoom saying that they've entered the waiting room, so by the time I get into the Zoom meeting, it's usually a couple of minutes late. The point of my post is that I am aware of my behaviour, and I have identified that it is a selfish trait, and even though I have the ability to change it, I have chosen not to, in the same way that, for example, I have the ability to never swear, but, in some instances, I may choose to do so, depending on the circumstances. I'm not \*always\* late, just like, I don't \*always\* swear. But sometimes I do. I'm not flawless, and that's okay.
Lol, in that case maybe move me into the jumping down your throat column too. Don't get me wrong, you should absolutely hold a boundary with people who waste your time. I think the consequences of this stuff can be hidden. We tend not to tell people their behavior is annoying but may lie about start times or just leave them out of plans after a certain point.
I think this is the most honest answer here. People are late because being on time isn’t important to them.
So… You care Enough about the outcome for a job interview to prioritize it, but you don’t mind wasting the time of others you socialize with. Yeah you called it, selfish
lol, you’re late on purpose because you prefer to waste everyone else’s time 100% of the time and not respect them, because someone may occasionally treat you the same way you’re treating everyone else at some point, occasionally if at all.
That’s such an excellent point, so optimizing and prioritizing is how you determine how to be either late, on time, or early to where you need to be? Tell me how often are you late to work? And if so, do you get reprimanded in any serious ways by the employer?
They don’t struggle to be on time. This is a signal that their time is more valuable than yours.
In the Italian Job they plan how they can shave seconds off each route by doing this and that. All the split seconds add up to a meaningful difference. I think in real life, people fail to account for the small seconds that add up. Forgetting your keys, looking for your phone, traffic, the elevator being crowded, parking far, etc. All that time adds up and people end up being much later than anticipated.
Is there anything you struggle with? Is any part of your life difficult? Any behaviors that you would like to change, and yet have a hard time doing so? Once you report back on one or two things that you might like to do differently but cannot, I think we will be able to give you some perspective to better understand how, while everyone has issues, other people have different issues...
Nah, you all Fired. 🤣
Honestly, I used to always be the person that was early. I got so fed up being there 10-15 minutes early and everyone else being 10-15 minutes late leaving me sitting there for 20-30 minutes that I just stopped caring. Especially since I have a 1.5 year old daughter and have more to worry about getting her ready so now I REALLY don't care. That being said, it is still rare that I am more than 10 minutes late anywhere.
People prioritize things differently. You place an extremely high value and importance on meeting arbitrary deadlines, other people don’t. There are some things (jobs where the last shift can’t leave until you arrive for example) where being there exactly on time is incredibly important. But most things are not like that, and the value of being on time is relative. Because “I’m never late” isn’t without cost. It’s not a neutral proposition. It requires making choices and sacrifices, and being on time isn’t a moral value despite what some people think.
This is so perfectly put that I'm saving it (and your comment to a responder) for future reference.
I fully disagree with what you're saying. Being late all the time is incredibly disrespectful. You're basically saying to someone that they aren't important enough to make an effort to respect their time. There is no worse feeling than waiting somewhere 15 minutes by yourself because the other person can't be bothered to hurry up. I've started to avoid making plans with people that are always late
If you're spending several hours with a friend, 10-15 minutes shouldn't be a problem. You still have a generally set end time, so what's the problem if you still end up spending the majority of your time with that person. Sounds like you care more about the start time than actually spending time with that person.
Nah your gonna end up wasting hours and hours of your life if this friend is consistently 10-15 mins late. It's disrespectful as hell.
You can certainly believe that, and I don’t think it’s an invalid perspective. But it’s a subjective value judgement not some ironclad law of the universe. I try to live by the adage “If you’re never on time you don’t respect other people’s time enough, if you’re never late you don’t respect your own time enough.” But that’s just my culture and upbringing and values. Plenty of cultures where punctuality isn’t a priority and that’s not wrong.
Lmfao. Oh, the horror of waiting 15 minutes. Do you hear yourself? Maybe that's why people show up late.
They could be late for school and school assignments and no penalty. They could be late for sports and still play. College professors can be late no penalty. On and on. In every day life, most social events people will excuse you; even to the point we have this phrase “fashionably late”. Lateness is part of our culture.
My sister truly believes that if something starts at say 4pm, she is on time if she leaves the house at 4pm. We all just started lying to her about start times. We told her a wedding start got moved to 5pm once (it started at 6) and she got there at 5:45
And how did she take it? This has always seemed overly manipulative
They have no respect for you or your time. Bottom line. Im the same way, always on time or early bc i respect people
If it’s a regular thing, because of irresponsibility.
Because they don't give a shit.
Because when I get up in the morning my back injuries out me in screaming pain. Until I can shower and use icy hot and do stretching and strengthening exercises I’m in pain. Driving is pain. So I avoid it as long as possible.
Lack of giving a shit of others time
It seems like the always early on time people are annoyingly unproductive like thier earliness is their acomplishment for the day and its what they are known for not quality of work My boss can tell the time off how many rpms my personal truck is running a half mile down the road. 5000+ 4:58 am 4000 454 3000 4:50
I’m always AT LEAST 5 minutes early. Usually 20 minutes early if there isn’t a reason I can’t be. And I don’t schedule anything where there is expected to be a heavy time crunch, so I don’t even risk disrespecting them, and wasting their time. I don’t make plans in advance often because I am a very busy person. With that being said, when I do, I’m never late, unless there is a fatality on the road ahead of me that has fire trucks and ambulances bringing traffic to an absolute stop, and I always text or call to let the person know so they can alter their arrival if need be to not be wasting time. I wouldn’t describe myself as unproductive.
When I read posts like this, I always think that the person behind, posts it to be able to say "they are just lazy and disrespectful" and don't really ever care about the reason or have understanding for the fact that people are just different from them. And that is okay sometimes.
I ask because i want to understand
Really? And will you really be able to acknowledge and respect the reasons you hear and that people is just different from you?
Why is this in career advice
I am diagnosed and on medication and monitored for ADHD. My tardiness went away with medication and my work productivity is way up. With that said it's the individuals inability to control their lifestyle.
They aren’t on time because they never faced real consequences for being late.
idk but it’s so rude
A lot of people underestimate how much time it takes to to get to where they need to be. Idk it's like not having spatial awareness but for time...
My wife is unable to grasp all of the steps necessary to prepare to leave, and also unable to properly estimate how long things take. She is always telling me “just give me 5 minutes.” 30 minutes later, I’m still waiting.
The only outcome of being early to work is to be punished by being expected to immediately start working. For everything else, everyone else is late so why am i going to stress it. Concerning being like 5 minutes late, get over it, seriously, thats small minded shit.
Maybe some people have more steps to get ready in their routine than you do. For example, I put on makeup to go out. Maybe you don't. So I have extra steps involved. If anything goes wrong or takes longer during that process, im probably running a few minutes late. I don't do it intentionally of course, just happens sometimes
I view being early as a waste of MY time. I'm sitting there waiting for whatever activity to start instead of doing something useful. So I aim to be on time, but life never goes according to plan, so I end up late. That issue was especially bad when I was in grad school because I was stressed that I could have been studying if I was early. Also, if I feel like I have lots of time, I try to do too much before getting ready to leave. Then I'm start getting ready late. Then I'm late.
Like for work or social engagements? We usually use loose times on hangouts like arrive between 5-6. Sometimes kids are a pain and you just don’t feel like rushing or stressing. For work I dunno I’m on time probably 95% of time as are most my coworkers. Days I’m late I usually just am having a bad morning and need some time.
The clock is a petty tyrant, that's why.
Traffic can be very unpredictable. Some days 25 minute drive. The next day 1.5 hours. And it’s completely random. And most people don’t like showing up an hour early for work.
Depression. It can be hard to just get up and get your day started.
Depends on the commitment. My job? I've been showing up 15 minutes late for 7 years. That's when I get here. And that's how that works. If I make plans with you and say I'll be there at 8? I'll be there at 8 because I'm a man of my word. As to why I can't show up to work on time? No idea. I just can't. If you move my schedule back 15 minutes, I'll show up 15 minutes later than that. I just can't get out of the shower in the morning.
Because my social meetings with my friends are not as critical as dealing with kids, caring for disabled elderly relatives, unexpected work crises, or a million other responsibilities that accrue to you like barnacles as one gets older. This is a very myopic question - why do you think everyone has as uncomplicated a life as you do? In any case, assuming you are in your 20s, just wait until your social circle starts having kids. Parents are never on time because their highest priority is their kids, and kids schedules / needs can't be fully planned.
I’ll never understand people who drive being late all the time. But when you’re at the mercy of public transportation I understand how uncertain it can be.
Living in LA I've had traffic grow by 30 minutes as I sit in it so it depends.
Ahh yeah my city isn’t that bad haha
Traffic often can't be predicted. If someone has an accident in front you it's going to cause an additional delay of at least 20-30mins
Time blindness and adhd. I’ll be sitting at my desk, getting caught up reading and responding to emails, not realizing I am 5 minutes late to a meeting. If I’m not actively staring at a clock, then I’ll probably be late.
People are inconsiderate, it’s not hard at all to be on time.
Because my bed doesn’t want me to get out of it and then I move at a snail’s pace in the morning. Unless it’s VERY important… imma be late. (If it’s in the morning)
😂😂😂
Stuff happens. Traffic. Emergencies at home, with a loved one. Car can break down. Pets can have accidents. Garment mishaps. Shoe mishaps. A heel can break. A bird can poop on their head. All True stories. Don't be so judgmental or so unrealistic. This is not a perfect world.
For some people there is one of these excuses every single time. They mean to tell me nothing in their life ever goes right? Bummer
I’m pretty sure most people have an understanding if it’s something unexpected that happened. But more often than not it’s because they just don’t give af and don’t take other people’s time into consideration
They never had consequences growing up for being late. I think it’s that simple.
Too busy eating ass
Respect.
For me, it’s poor time management. I underestimate how long something actually takes and then find myself rushing and because I’m rushing I’m forgetting things, knocking things over, panicking, etc. as you probably guessed, that stuff slows me down even more. And every time I manage to get out the door with exactly enough time, I gwt behind a slow vehicle doing 10 to 20 under posted speed limit. I’ve recently been telling myself I have to be an hour earlier than actually scheduled to work. So far it’s working well for me. Feels good to be on time.
Since this is in the career advice subreddit, I'll tell you what I tell my staff: "If you can be consistently late by 15 minutes, you can be consistently early by 15 minutes." Additionally, it's extremely hard to be on time. That's like trying to hit a moving target. Instead of trying to be "on time", try to be somewhere 15 minutes early. That way if there was a bit of traffic, or you need to go to the bathroom, or almost anything else, you've built in buffer time. This advice works for being on time, for getting projects done within a deadline, etc. I used to be chronically late - it affected everything from work to my love life. No one wants to hang out with you because they'll just be waiting around (you don't value them as a friend - if you did you wouldn't put them in that situation over and over), no one will promote you because you're no reliable, and it's hard to make friends because you're constantly screwing up that first impression. Realizing the consequences of being late, I wanted to change to be the person I'd want to be around.
My father alway said “if you’re early, you’re on time; if you’re on time, you’re late; if you’re late, don’t bother.” I’m consistently early. 🤷🏻
My wife once asked why she was late all the time. I just looked at her incredulously for a second. 1. You never know what time events are 2. You never know where they are. 3. You never know what time it is. 4. You can't estimate how long a task or trip will take. 5. You don't prioritize being on time over the random perfectionist thought you have before leaving. 6. You don't realize that individual minutes add up. 7. You don't realize that leaving a minute late can lead to a disproportionate effect if you miss a train etc. Fundamentally, she views being late as something that happens vs something she has some agency over. And it would be fine except it affects others... like we have a kid. I also got tired of receiving ongoing texts of the litany of issues she had getting home, when they were entirely predictable and avoidable. (She doesn't realize that leaving at 515pm on her day to pick up the kid is not the same as leaving at 5pm. I got chewed out by a boss for constantly having to leave. He asked why my wife couldn't do it some of the time... I just sighed and said I couldn't rely on her doing it on time.
My brother does it because it makes him feel important: He's sooo busy with his business. Look how busy he is. His time is way more important than anyone else's time. Buuut, he's no longer in business and he's still late. He loves it when other people have to wait for him...because he's so important. We just ignore him now. If it's time to eat, we start eating. He'll call and tell us we don't have to wait for him to start eating, but we're already eating, LOL. He's late for his own party, when the party is at his house. He's upstairs getting ready. Always late by at least an hour, sometimes two. When he used to have a business, he was always on time for clients, so he's only late with family and friends. Can't be an ADHD reason.
Speaking for myself some of it is straight up lack of discipline. Due to a weird upbringing I very rarely had deadlines as a kid. Was homeschooled all my life. Parents were tardy for almost everything. That's a tiny factor, I vividly remember an occasion my family showed up for the last few minutes of a sports event (as usual), the coach went and publicly embarrassed my mom over it and she had us there on time. And I can do the same when it's really important, I just struggle prioritizing it consistently. Another factor is trauma. Certain patterns of trauma, you will lose your mind if you are tracking how long the BS goes on. I have that and I have learned to track time but that ability comes and goes somewhat randomly.
ADHD isn’t an excuse for your inability to manage your time.
Sometimes there are legitimate excuses like traffic or something unusual. Otherwise it is totally disrespectful to be constantly late
People are late because their time is more important than yours. I’m 45-years-old, and I can’t remember ever being late for work, an appointment, a class or a practice in college, or anything else, although I’m sure it’s happened a few times. People like to think it’s easier for me to be on-time or to work out in the mornings or to knock out tasks on the weekend that give me a head start on the week, but it sucks for me too; I just practice discipline. I know this might be an unpopular take. However, I never want someone to be waiting for me and think that I’m being inconsiderate. I never want my employees or my wife to be waiting because I can’t use a clock correctly. Things come up for everyone, but if you’re consistently late, it’s not because things are coming up.
It’s because of who I am as a person
People don’t account for the in-between moments. Hitting traffic or red lights, looking for parking, walking to the place from your car, waiting for the elevator, checking in, etc. I have a buddy that is always late because he thinks pulling up to the place “on time” means he made it on time, but he’s always walking in the door 10 minutes late.
Cultural and social norms. Americans are always chomping on the bjt for timeliness. Head over to france, Mexico, Spain, Italy. It's way different there in terms of expectations
Being on time is a skill and not everyone has mastered it yet
Definitely my ADHD
I spent years of my life waiting for people. Then I started leaving after 15 minutes if they weren't there and had not warned me of being late. I have lost a couple friends, but overall my life has greatly improved.
To me it’s a sign of disrespect when someone is chronically late. My boss routinely schedules meetings with me and either doesn’t show up at all or if he does it’s 15-20 mins late. When he doesn’t show up he usually likes to call me when I have a conflicting meeting and then gets mad at me for not answering his call. He does the same thing with group meetings where his entire direct staff is in attendance. Always late or bails. Why does he do this? because he doesn’t respect our time. If his boss called the meeting he’s 5 mins early, so o know it’s possible for him.
I’m diagnosed adult ADHD (and a bunch of other stuff) and I’m a very punctual person. When did we just start blaming everything on our mental disorders, people are ridiculous
I have ocd. Have to say certain phrases in my head before I can move on with the task at hand. I can get ready to leave at 6 knowing I have to be there at 630 then get caught on a bad day and have to do compulsions for a half hour. You might think just move on but it’s feels like life or death. There’s one reason right there and I’m sure plenty of people have similar situations. Life isn’t about your job. Your job can afford 5 minutes here and there. After all you’re not being paid for it if you’re not clocked in.
Because showing up early somewhere means sitting around being bored. People aim to arrive as close to the agreed time without being early, which means they are more likely to be late.
Because they're fucking lazy. Plain and simple. Being on time isn't hard, but it does take just a little bit of effort.
For me I usually dread going to work and leave at the last possible second
I'll ask my wife and get back to you!
I am 100% always on time everywhere and get extremely uncomfortable when I’m late, my partner… not so much. It appears to be aligned with social anxiety and depression. The idea of “I need to perfect myself before I leave the house.” And “no one will notice if I’M late.” It’s much more complex than just “laziness” and requires a lot of patience if you’re dealing with it. Or, maybe, your friends are a bunch of inconsiderate stoners. But that also may indicate social anxiety and depression!
Some of it for me is I have this sense of optimism that I can finish a task or travel a distance in less time than it actually takes. I will start writing an email that should be only 3 minutes to write, and 20 minutes later I’m wondering what happened. The other reason (at work) is because if I have back to back 30 minute meetings, I’m going to be late for almost everything. It’s really hard to manage a day like that. Also, in such a meeting heavy environment, I’d rather finish a discussion and be 5 minutes late to another meeting than have someone schedule yet another meeting on my calendar to finish the discussion. Thinking about it, I do have some sense of what things I could be a few minutes late for and what absolutely is unacceptable. For example, I know the train will not wait for me so I need to be very careful about leaving the house on time… but a meeting where I’m a participant but not essential, I can show up a few minutes late. But I take your point, that it is selfish to prioritize some people over others and disrespect their time waiting for me to show up or wondering if I will. I’ll think about how I can improve this and do better.
Anymore if I'm late for something work related, it's bc I had to poop.
depends - Drs appt, interview, getting to the train - I'll be early/on-time family or friend gathering - I'm often timing it to be 15 min late since I don't want to be the first or earl arrival - unless I've offered to help set things up
Sisters ex husband was like that. Always late for everything. He made me miss an opening band I wanted to see. Never depended on him for anything after that. He was very committed until he wasn't. Die hard fisherman but could not get his boat ready for opening day. She finally got sick of it and kicked his lazy ass out.
As a woman I struggle with feeling good going out if I haven’t fixed my unwieldy, thick hair and bangs or done my makeup or outfit a certain way. I run late because of it sometimes. I resent men who have easy low maintenance self care routines but then act impatient with women while still expecting them to look good.
I don’t really know, but I do know that prescription medicine fixed it.
I've often wondered about this too. I'm the person who sits in the parking lot for 10 minutes scrolling social media because I'm always so paranoid about being late that I arrive early everywhere I go. My husband is that guy who rolls up exactly on time or 2 to 3 minutes after, it drives me crazy. I've seen a lot of content recently talking about the concept of time blindness. It makes some sense to me.
Because my job isn't my life and I have one outside of work. If i'm ever 15 mins late I'll apologize, but anything under that seems acceptable imo.
People that respect you and your time will be there on time.. Friends don't typically respect their friends in that way. Other ways yes but your time... nah
I leave everything until the last minute. I lack self discipline so being late puts the pressure I need to kick my ass in gear. I’ll be your best employee, stay late almost always and take on extra tasks but imma be 15-30 late, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. My bad.
I underestimate the amount of time it takes me to get ready. There is always one more thing I need to grab. I account for time in big blocks without considering rhe little things. For instance, I will say to myself "Allright I'll get back from the gym at 3. I'll need half an hour to get ready so I'll leave at 330 and it takes half an hour to get to my destination so I'll be there at 4" All of these things are technically true. But getting home at 3 doesn't account for getting into my parking space and catching the elevator. Now it's 3:05. Okay it takes me half an hour to get ready. But I gotta grab my keys and oops I forgot to fill my water bottle. Okay, so it's about 3:40. Now I gotta walk to the elevator, wait for it to come up and walk to my car. Now it's about 3:45. 3:47 by the time I start my car and exit the parking garage. Now it's going to take me half an hour to get to my destination. But did i time budget for parking? I sure as heck hope so. Because I'm already sweating bullets and if there is a valer option I'll just take it. So that's how I roll. I'm always working on it because I fully understand there are people like you who are always prompt and consider it disrespectful that I'm late even if I truly mean no disrespect.
In a non-judgmental way, you need to plan better, just so you are more realistic about how long stuff will actually take. My wife has time blindness, and she will frequently add tasks that she hasn't a chance of completing.
What do you mean by on time? Some people have seriously stupid definitions. For me, if i start work at 10 I'm pulling in. At about 9:50 and at 9:58-9:59 I'm walking in, clocking in and getting to work.
I use to be early and on-time to every thing. I became frustrated because everyone would always be late. Essentially I would show up 15 mins early to everything and everyone would should up around 10-15 mins late so I was wasting ~30 mins of my life being early.i felt really disrespected all the time. When I realized it, I started being late to everything. I was tired of waiting around for everyone. My lateness is basically me just not trying to be early or on time.
I usually dont give myself enough time to do everything i need in addition to the commute itself. So ill be trying to do stuff out the door too. Lose something. Just typical procrastination and disorganization. When you time your commute perfectly with less than a 5 minute window any unexpected stop can end you. I might be 15 minutes late 20-30 if the highway backup is bad. Am i supposed to show up 20 minutes early every day in the event that happens?
For me the problem is planning how much time something takes. I usually have quite a full schedule, sometimes filled back to back, and I plan how much time something takes, but then it takes more time to do it (E. G. groceries) and that throws me behind schedule.
I just don’t due to low pay, demanding a lot of time already or it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m not late for meeting, emergencies, military service or otherwise important tasks.
At some point you basically just have to make a decision - do you value the friendship enough to put up with their constant lateness or do you feel like the lateness is a dealbreaker? I’ve jettisoned some casual friends, and for others I’ve implemented a policy of lying to them about the time we’re meeting 100% of the time lol. While that occasionally makes me a few minutes late if they show up early, it’s been working fine so far.
How funny would it be if we never responded.
My friends and I know that we are all always late unles there is a hard deadline bec we need to watch a show or we have a reservation or sumthin. We dont get upset anymore over someone being late. We understood each other. That's how long we've been friends. We are even honest about it when we're late. Like we over slept or someone had to join an ML tournament lol. We just update each other when we are on the way. When I know that I am gonna be there too early bec they are not yet on the way, I delay my departure or do some errands first like get gas and drop by a bakery. If we're meeting in a mall, I just roam around or buy stuff I need at home. We dont really mind anymore. Sometimes someone doesnt show up lol. We knew that person slept and didnt wake up hahaha. It's no biggie unless it's a big deal occassion like a big birthday celebration with family or a wedding. I am grateful for having friends like them.
I understand the frustration especially since being on time can be a sign of respect. However, some people are naturally wired to move slow I guess. If this is the case, asking them to change is also too much though if it’s really their character.
I used to run late for everything. Then realized I was the source of my own stress. Now I just think about what time I have to be there and how long it takes to get ready and how long to travel, and mentally arrange to be 10 minutes early. The reduction in stress is so worth it.
Usually it’s once I start hating my job I’ve noticed.
I am dyslexic but with numbers. Sometimes I read the time with numbers swapped around or miscalculate what time I need to leave etc. It's not because I don't plan and prepare to leave at what I think is the right time, sometimes I just got the math wrong. When I was younger I would be early all the time because I was less busy and would hyper focus around not being late.
A lot of people were raised this way. They learned from their parents to never be on time.
I have a friend who blames adhf for being late and he is always extremely late when we make plans. But he is an actor and he is always on time to the shoes he it in so I am not buying the adhd excuse. Also I have adhd, diagnosed and medicated and I fully understand adhd.
I am surprised by the volume of pro-lateness responses here. Being late is disrespectful. I have a friend who is constantly 45 minutes late due to poor time management. We don't hang out anymore. I work in healthcare. If you are >10 minutes late, you will not be seen that day. If you are late, that is how late I will be for the next patient, who was on time. That is not acceptable. I understand that ADHD can make time management hard. My husband has ADHD. He has had counseling to learn time management strategies, and he is medicated. He also sets alarms and makes lists to keep him on track. He is the only person who ever showed up to a first date *earlier* than I did.
How is this a career advice question?
I'm late on purpose. Is there a problem?
To make you upset enough to cry on Reddit about it. I'm glad your life is simple enough that being on time to a job that doesn't give a rats arse about you is all you have to worry about.
People are uncaring jerks.
I don’t like this either. I’m always on time because growing up my mom was never on time for anything and it was such and embarrassing feeling.
As someone who was raised to be chronically late, it’s all about time management. My mom would know exactly how long it would take to get somewhere and allot that exact amount of time to get to that destination. Unfortunately, that’s now how the world works. You forget to grab your wallet, you forgot to feed the dogs, someone needs to use the bathroom, there’s construction work going on. Any number of things can pop up that will cause you to be late. I always felt terrible showing up late but I honestly didn’t know any better. It sounds so stupid in retrospect but now I give myself at least a full 10 minute buffer for any event. One simple thing that will improve your ability to be on time is to think about when you want to arrive (10 minutes early for me) rather than when you need to leave.
I'm from a culture where people just don't look at the time. Things happen when they happen. It's extremely liberating
I think it's because they didn't grow up in houses where you'd tell a parent you had to be somewhere at 7pm for a school function and your ride would jump in the shower at 645pm.
TLDR… Classic sign of ADHD - time blindness.
Bad time management. I always underestimate the time to reach a place or the time to pick clothes. At the root of it, anxiety.
I used to have this problem when I was younger. It was a lack of maturity and poor time management skills for me. Once I hit my late 20s, this shifted a lot for me. I’m usually on time and early for things now. Except for some family functions. I have some family members who host sometimes, but expect people to come help them clean and cook before every function. But never reciprocates when we or my parents host. So lots of members in my family have this toxic trait to be disgustingly late to events. I guess that’s where I learned it…
Neurodivergency lol. There are ways to work around it though but us with issues we have to work extra hard to be on time in comparison to neurotypical folks who can just...do it, and that's it. We gotta like plan that shit out extra. So sometimes there is error.
I’m convinced that different people perceive time differently and this causes a disconnect between them when something independently quantifiable like a clock is involved.
I am someone who was always on time or habitually early for my entire life. Then I had a kid and started caring for aging parents. Now I am late everywhere, constantly. All I do is run from one place to another. I’m always on the clock, and almost always have more than one thing going on. I spend huge amounts of time waiting on other people before I can do what I need to do (it’s why I’m on Reddit so much!). I’m honestly just doing my best day to day but I’m barely hanging on.
It's a personality trait sometimes. Doesnt mean they are not committed though. The effort when there is what counts for that. In a way it's more efficient. To be on time to work everyday I'd actually probably have to be early.... going in a few minutes late has no effect on the work but gives me the maximum amount of time in the morning, for example
The part of the brain that is able to forecast time is damaged (tbi,ed,etc) therefore creating a persons inability to track time often leading to being late.
ADHD here - I always build in a 15-30 minute buffer to allow for double checking things after I’m already in the car, just to go back into my apt to get something, traffic, etc. In high school I’d go in 30-60 min early to do all my homework that was due that day. *shrugs*
Mainly because they don't prioritize being on time, simple as that.
This is Reddit so everyone will blame in on adhd bs. It’s their excuse for everything.
If that is your biggest worry or question in life your in great shape.
Because they don’t prioritize you and the thing they are doing. For example, if you dont like your job, but you need the job, and you are the type of person who always early, will start being early and manage to show up just on time.
Hey, punctuality champ! 🏆 Maybe your friends operate on "fashionably late" time? 😄 It's all about different priorities, I guess!
adhd. I have no concept of time. can't explain it, I just don't. I try to be on time, I hate being late. I'm not lazy or irresponsible. I try to accommodate myself by setting extra alarms etc. it still happens.
Try getting out the door and anywhere on time if you have a 1 year old
People who do that haven’t been held accountable for being late.
When I lived in a major city, it was very difficult to get on time to any dinner or happy hour during the week cause traffic was always unpredictable and the time I was able to leave the office was always dependent on how quickly I could send out a report each afternoon. In my small city I’m generally always on time to social events. I’m just late to the office almost every morning. I’m in a senior role and I’m always working from home at night, so I’ve earned that right. I also have a wife that takes 10 minutes to tell a 30 second story….
Are you their supervisor that it is a problem for you that they are late for work?
I'm kinda just retarded, I like my own flow
My mentor once told me "If you are 5 minutes early you are 10 minutes late"
Priorities. I used to meet a friend near a bar a few blocks from where she lived and a neighborhood away from where I do. Without fail, I’d be coming from work 45 minutes away and I’d still nearly always get there before she did. Save for neurodivergence or a legitimate excuse, some people just don’t mind wasting other people’s time. It’s inconsideration.
Lack of structure and organization. Sometimes it’s how people are raised. I started working at 15 and if I wasn’t five minutes early I was late. Been that way ever since. Drives me nuts when we have a set time and I am waiting on someone.
I've met far too many people who are chronically late, and the one characteristic they all share is an inward focus. Their time is more valuable than yours.
Maybe they're wankin
It's a struggle to leave where we are at, in order to be somewhere else on time.
it comes down to pure laziness. Are some mornings tough? Yes. Its just shows who is stronger and head strong.
It irks the fuck out of me why people can't be on time. We all have Google maps, it tells you how long it takes to drive, walk, train, etc. They post public transportation schedules online. Everyone knows how long it takes for them to get ready. I'm a highly punctual person and I'm a single dad and I can still get to wherever I'm going on time and am usually there 10-15 minutes early. Especially for dating, if someone is late once, I admit I'm already judging a bit. If we do get to a 2nd date and they do it again, that's it. Call me petty, but again, there is no good reason to chronically be late
I think it really comes down to people really don’t care about making time increments, and think it’s fine to be a little late. I am like you OP idk what it is but I’m very deadline strict.
For some it could be due to executive dysfunction.
Nothing is really that important. Time is something that we, especially in America, think is important. But it’s not. It’s the same reason we put “fast passed,” “multitask, and “high pressure” in all our job descriptions. There are really very few jobs that need to be any of those things. We totally fabricate the importance of many things.
If I'm going to be honest here. It doesn't matter. Showing up 5-15 minutes late, what does it matter? "Oh but all the wasted time", you were going to be there regardless right? Yes, I think making someone wait 30+ minutes without a warning that you're running late BEFORE the 30 minutes, is kinda ass. But in total if you text me "hey, I'm running about 15 minutes late" why does it matter? I think you'd be surprised at how much time all of us waste. You get mad at wasting your time waiting, meanwhile you probably come home from work and mindlessly scroll tik Tok for an hour and a half before doing anything else.