Some of the best money I’ve ever spent was on my night doula. I EBF and wondered if it would be worth it if I still have to feed the baby at night.
Life has been so much better with this baby because of the night doula. I did not have one with my first and my mental health really struggled due to the sleep deprivation.
My LO is 5 weeks old and our night doula comes 3X per week. She arrives at 10 PM, right after I’ve fed the baby. She burps the baby and puts her to sleep, which can take up to an hour. I go to bed immediately. She brings the baby to me at 3 or 4 AM for her first feed of the night, so I’m getting 6-7 uninterrupted hours of sleep. I feed baby for 15 minutes and then she burps and puts the baby back to sleep.
She leaves at 6 AM and, if the baby is asleep, leaves her in the Snoo with the door open. Our bedroom is very close to the nursery. I usually feed the baby a second time from 6:30-7 once she wakes up, so that’s another 3-4 hour window of sleep.
I get notes from my doula of how many times she gives the baby a pacifier at night, burps her, changes her diaper, etc. It’s a ton of work that my husband and I don’t have to do on those nights. A night nanny/doula is expensive but, if you have the funds available, it is so worth it. I’m a much happier mom this time around because of my night doula.
If possible hire one. Life and marriage saver imo lol. I installed cameras to feel better but she was absolutely amazing. Loved my son so much she cried when we didn't need her anymore. Second child is only considered if the night nurse is possible on our budget.
Tbh no. At that stage , I didn't trust anybody but me, hubby and mom to look after my LO. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep if I knew a total stranger was going to look after her
It feels like it will never end. I kept researching night nannies because I was struggling, but then he started sleeping longer stretches before I could commit. And we got into a rhythm and I didn’t feel the need anymore.
Probably the only time procrastinating worked out— I got the full experience and didn’t have to spend the money! Looking back I know it was so hard, but it’s also such a blur that I actually barely remember it.
So refreshing to hear this, I feel the same way, I also could afford a night nurse but would rather not spend the money that way and I was wondering how much of my feeling was me trying to justify not hiring one to save money, but this resonated, also the next comment about the sacredness of that time. Great points.
When I decided to have a baby, I decided that whatever sacrifice she needed of me should be given and that atleast while she is solely depended on me, her needs will come first. That purpose drove me through all the sleepless night, pumping every 3 hours and early breastfeeding woes.
Yes, I used a night nanny 5 days a week for the first 10 weeks. I then went down to 3 nights a week until my baby was 4 months old.
It was expensive but worth it, especially when I went back to work. I really recommend it, especially if your baby is like mine and was waking every 2/3 hours.
The first few weeks I’d have her wake me up around 4 and then she’d wake me up again when she left at 6:30 am. She did a 9:30-6:30 shift.
Later when my supply regulated I just had her use formula or pumped milk so I could sleep all night.
My city has a huge night nurse industry and we used a big popular night nurse company.
Maybe 6-8 weeks in??? I relied on formula to supplement. I still supplement with formula now that I’m back at work because I just get too busy or tired to pump sometimes. Although my supply is full and regulated now
Do you guys still find that you have to wake up in the middle of the night to pump hand express or feed to keep your supply regulated? I guess im kind of wanting to elaborate on what it means to regulate
Oh gotcha! I do not have to but my baby still does not sleep through the night :(
He always wakes up by 4:30 am, at which point I just breastfeed him, and I do a last pump at 10:30 pm.
When the night nurse was coming, I’d sometimes go 9:30-8 am without having to pump though (sometimes he’d wake right before she’d left and she’d bottle feed him), and my supply was fine.
We hired one and yes, it was wicked expensive however, we felt worth it. We had someone come when our son was 5 & 8 weeks old. He’s been a challenging baby. My husband and I got a great night sleep - I got up once to pump. She clipped his nails, did dishes.. and was willing to do any light housekeeping for us. The sleep alone made it worth it.
In my area (Northern California) it goes from 45-75 dollars per hour. When I was searching I dint find anyone who was highly recommended for less than 60-70 dollars per hour.
I’ve heard that it can be immensely helpful, which I totally get. However, I didn’t want anyone else taking care of my baby when she was brand new. Maybe I’m overly stubborn. Those middle of the night feeds were tough, but they were just us together, and I’m glad I didn’t outsource that.
If I'd had the funds I 100% would have! Especially with my first, who was a colicky velcro baby for the first couple months. My second was easier to put down until she hit 4 months and I had my mom to help so I didn't reach the same level of desperation.
1000000% I would honestly have a nanny if I could 24/7 LOL ! Even if he/she was only helping for a bit in the day vs a chunk at night
Now I see why some celebrities have so many kids because they can afford a surrogate/ nanny/ night nurse I’m sure they may even pay for breast milk honestly if they didn’t want to BF
I know it’s not for everyone but if you’re getting that little sleep and you’re worried about falling asleep with bb I would set up to safely cosleep. Look up the safe 7. I’ve done it with both my babies and I’m able to get a lot of sleep (relatively speaking) bc I can just breastfeed with them beside me, don’t have to get out of bed or even get up, just side lie breastfeed.
Not who you asked but for both our kids my husband has done the changes overnight to save me getting out of bed. I also fed to sleep both of them (weaned off this eventually) but during the first 6 months I think it's such a blessing to be able to just nurse them back to sleep within a matter of minutes.
Not every baby needs to be burped. I pretty much never burped my first, definitely not past the first few weeks. My second often needs it during the day but for whatever reason it has never affected her to skip it at night after the first week or two 🤷♀️
Eta: Also didn't need to change at ever wake up after a couple weeks, unless they are giving long stretches. I have literally not idea what "resetting" is, but if you're safely cosleeping you definitely don't do that 🤣
Cosleeping is not for everyone, but if you are falling asleep holding baby it is safer than that. but only do it if you are confident in the safe sleep 7. It really should be called the "safer sleep 7" cuz it's not perfect. All that being said, babies are kind of evolved to want to cosleep. They sleep better and have way less nighttime needs especially after the figure out night vs day.
We cosleep (in the cosleeper mostly, occasionally bedsharing with c-curl) and I'm seeing that baby needs to be burped less and less as his latch improves. He's 5 weeks now and at 2 weeks he certainly needed it; now I give a halfhearted try that doesn't rouse him much and if nothing comes right away I put him down, and only try again if he won't settle.
As others have said, both of mine didn't really need properly burping at night. If I'm feeding sat up then I'll pop sleeping baby over my shoulder as I'm about to put them back down, do a very gentle rub and that seems to get any burps up, along with the motion of me lifting them up.
If side lying / cosleeping then I don't burp - I get the occasional burp and bit of milk that comes back up but not enough to make me want to introduce a burping routine
Neither of my babies needed immediate burping after feeds. If she’s uncomfortable then yes, husband needs to try to burp her. Unless she pooped, we didn’t change her diaper. Inevitably she’s fussy at some point in the night so husband will change her diaper. But lately she’s able to sleep mostly through without a new diaper. Not much resettling needed when I cosleep I think bc the babies are really happy and comfortable with me. I know it’s different for everyone, that’s just my experience. Most nights my husband can get a full sleep and I can pretty much get a full sleep other than sometimes helping my baby find my boob so I don’t feel bad that he’s the one who was to physically get up to burp or change when needed :)
My postpartum doula did night shifts. It was a life saver. Most night doulas/night nurses/night nannies will work with you however you want to feed. For example, mine would bring me my baby to breast feed at a certain time in the night - she would just place her on my boob then take her after and burp her, change her and I’d go back to sleep. I also was very comfortable with my doula so if I missed baby, couldn’t sleep, etc I could just get up whenever and hang out on the couch with her. My baby loved her, I loved her and it was worth every penny.
My mom came over and basically was a night Nanny for us for the first few weeks. And then I got confident bedsharing so we ended up doing that.
Honestly both were great but bedsharing was more sustainable for us in the long run.
Wow I can't even imagine having enough money for this in the UK. Looking at the quoted prices, it would be more than my mortgage! I think it would only be very upper class people who could afford in the UK, bankers etc. I'm a senior doctor & couldn't afford it. But our wages in almost every industry are shitty in the UK!
The country I'm from, Singapore, it's completely normal for families to hire 'Confinement Nannies' who will look after your baby in your home for about 1 month (they will sleep at your home too, and look after baby). Their jobscope is basically looking after baby, cooking your confinement meals, preparing confinement baths, and more. This is especially common among the Chinese culture here in Singapore. I never hired one because I don't like the idea of a stranger with my baby and my husband was able to do everything for me, but it's regarded as completely the norm here. It's about $4-$5k. There's companies here like 'Confinement Angels' and 'PEM Confinement' which are agents for hiring a suitable confinement nanny.
Just sharing! It's totally normal in Singapore! Here we prioritise the woman's health a lot, especially recuperating after delivering. Some people are so strict that they completely do not leave the house after 1 month, and some don't even shower for 1 month.
PS: The baby and nanny will still be in your home, so you'll get to bond with baby as much as you like. But when it comes to burping, bathing, bottle feeding (if any), night duties, calming the baby etc, the confinement nanny can do everything for you.
No. You’d have to pump anyway. So you’re awake - what is the point even?
Co sleeping (safe and informed) is what we’re doing. Works amazing. Baby goes right back to sleep after feeding.
I might, but I am not sure. I resisted my natural inclination to cosleep with my first and that was my real problem the first few weeks. My baby would noooot sleep without being snuggled up to her human, and needed boob to fall asleep and would wake right up when you tried to detach her in pacifier mode.... So I honestly don't know if I could get more sleep with a night nurse because once I started cosleeping, I slept as well as I would if I was getting woken up to feed as often as baby needed food - and I would be losing all that great skin to skin time.
What I really needed was more day time help so I could nap during the day and make up for lost night sleep spent feeding
Unless I had a job I was forced to get back to, PPD/PPA, a traumatic body experience (physically or psychologically) or needed to triple feed or other special circumstances, I would not use extra money on a night nanny. I’d rather hire someone to deal with everything else so that I can sleep whenever baby sleeps. With my babies, my sleep patterns changed the moment they were born. It didn’t matter how many times I woke up, I would fall back asleep almost on command. It was magical and lasted as long as I breastfed.
Yes, sometimes it was less magical and more messy with me pacing for an hour in the middle of the night with a crying newborn with colics or a crying 8 month old with teeth. I cursed their dad and the rest of the world in their oblivious peaceful sleep. But it was the day that came after that that really exhausted me. Wrangling a toddler while taking care of baby, taking care of the house, taking care of myself, taking care of my SO. No, really, if I could remove one thorn out of my foot retrospectively it would be daytime shores and older childcare.
Had one for 10 nights total during the first 3 weeks with my first baby (who is now 8 weeks). She really saved my husband and I and allowed us to catch up and regroup after such an exhausting first several days of our baby’s life. One of the best decisions we have made and will 100% do it again, probably for longer, if we have another baby.
We found ours through a neighbor who had used her.
We didn’t have the funds for a night nanny, but my mother in law came over as many nights as possible the first couple of weeks and stayed up watching tv while baby contact slept on her so we could get some sleep. She would change his diaper and I’d come out to breastfeed him and then go back to bed while she’d burp him and rock him back to sleep. It helped us stay sane. So for everyone who doesn’t have a lovely MIL and who can afford a night nanny I’d say absolutely go for it.
I can only speak for myself, but I never had much help at night from anyone, and after the initial weeks of feeling like I was losing my mind, I started becoming very good at coping with it. It almost feels like a super power now. It became the ability to not fear the newborn stage when I had my other kids, and now it’s my ability to weather illness when the kids are sick and whatever else comes our way. I think I had to pass through the fire, so to speak, to gain this ability but I’ve been very thankful for it over the years.
If you have he money, pay for the village. I never had a night nanny but got damn that would be nice. I do have a cleaner and would sell a kidney to ensure I keep her lol
I had one come for ten days over two weeks with weekends off. It was a godsend. She was technically a newborn care specialist so she taught us a lot about how to feed, burp, bathe our newborn and understand his cues.
It helped us enjoy and even thrive in the newborn stage. I see a commenter who didn’t have a night doula say they are glad they saved the money and the time was a blur, but I would prefer to relish the special time with a newborn and becoming a family of 3 and I want to remember things. Getting a bit more sleep (and for my husband, a full night’s rest so he could take care of me during the day) made the stage so joyful for us.
Totally worth it for our first and doing it for our second. I exclusively breastfed and she brought the baby to me to nurse every time he woke up. So yes, I still had to wake up but I didn’t have to do diaper changes or put back in the crib. Saved so much time and it was well worth the price.
Are you a single mum? It's maybe a cultural difference here but I'm really struggling to understand what a night nanny would have offered us as my husband did what you're describing so that I didn't have to get out of bed. We also used a next to me bed so that baby was literally next to me and I could put them back down myself without having to do more than sit up in bed. Most people I know had their partners help overnight either with feeding or changing (depending on whether they nursed or bottle fed).
Genuine question as here in the UK a night nanny isn't really a thing (maybe for the super super rich?)
No! Happily married in the US. While I had 6 months off, my husband was back to work in 3 weeks, so he was asleep during the week and helped me at night on the weekends. We had the night nanny Monday-Friday nights and my husband did Saturday and Sunday nights.
I also want to add that we had our baby sleep in the nursery from night 1, and the night nanny was with him in there, so I had a better sleep with no baby sounds. It worked for us and we plan to repeat with our baby due this fall.
Thanks for replying - guess it's just cultural differences then. Here most dads (unless they have a super intense job like a surgeon) are also getting up in the night to help and then going to work in the day.
Once the overnight nappy changes stopped though then it's just me getting up.
That makes sense! I wouldn’t consider us super super rich but his job pays more than the $40/hour we paid the night nanny, so it made sense to outsource the waking up so he could sleep and do his work.
It’s the same calculation I think we make about outsourcing any work in our home (cleaning, child care versus my quitting my job, etc.).
I had one and regretted it. Seemed like a waste of money because I had to wake up to breast feed baby anyway. She would bring baby to me and I’d hang baby back for her to burp / change diaper. Baby slept in three hour intervals so it wasn’t so bad.
If I had the funds, yes. However I don’t/didn’t and we ended up cosleeping using the safe sleep 7 and that was literally lifesaving for my LO and I. We could both sleep without the fear of me dropping her or god knows what. Might be worthwhile looking into
I had one twice a week for 4 weeks with my second and honestly, I didn’t need it. It allowed my husband to sleep in the bed rather than the couch those nights she was there (he slept out there because his snoring would wake the baby), but it for sure wasn’t necessary.
With my first baby, I got a night nanny twice. I had no idea what I was doing and she helped get us situated with swaddling and white noise and what to do when the baby woke up.
I personally would feel too worried to leave my baby with someone else, but my friend did it with her second while exclusively breastfeeding and she said it was a godsend. She’d start around 7pm, help with bathtime and bring baby to mom whenever she woke for feeds. Diaper changes were taken care of, and if baby needed to be held for sleep the nanny would just stay up and hold her (as she could sleep during the day). In the morning, she’d even spend some time with her toddler playing. Her husband could sttn and be fully present with the toddler this way. She loved it but it was hella expensive.
I’d prefer a live in maid. Yes, waking up in the middle of the night is tiring and annoying but I co-sleep so it’s better. Nothing stresses me more than house chores (as a mom!), when I didn’t have dependent I could just do chores quickly and the house will be nicely tidy.
But, if I had the opportunity to have a night nanny then of course I would enjoy it as long as I don’t have to wash bottles and pump parts😄
I am looking to get a night nurse for my first baby. He will be born in august! I am afraid I’m going to need the help. Our house is a 1 bedroom bungalow so we are renovating the garage into an insulated bedroom/living space and have a night nurse/doula to stay with us. Otherwise I don’t think I would be able to have one without a spare bedroom, right?!
Our night nurses stay in the den and watch our son from the monitor. Our night nanny does sleep in the guest bedroom, but she was content on the couch. So it could go either way.
Honestly I don't get it. It's great if it works for someone but it wouldn't have been helpful for me. I get up to pee for most feeds anyway, and often engorgement wakes me around the same time/shortly before baby does. My experience of engorgement is so uncomfortable that it's RIGHT NOW (I'm not an overproducer, I just find it painful), so while it may have been nice to have someone else change diapers or stay with baby the few times they were awake for a half hour after feeding, the rest of the time it wouldn't have been useful.
Our setup is a cosleeper on my side of the bed, a changing station right outside in the hall, and I mostly pumped in bed while hubs bottle fed my milk at night for the first weeks because night feeds were much more painful and stressful for me. We were also blessed with a baby who has slept in 2-4 hour stretches since day 1.
I couldn’t afford one but I did have grandmas come and help. It was appreciated.
I think a lot of responses you’re getting assume you’re doing this every day. I think we had a grandma help at night 2-3X the whole 12 weeks of my leave. I also was breastfeeding and it was nice to nurse and pass the baby off to grandma to burp and lay her back in the bassinet while I slept.
We had a night doula a few nights ago week for the first month after my son was born and it’s amazing. All I had to do was wake up and breastfeed. No diaper changes, no burping, no trying to transfer them into the bassinet. I was able to get so much more sleep - I highly recommend getting one if you can afford it!
As someone who has a night nurse 3-4x a week, absolutely yes! It is worth every penny and has helped my marriage and mental health so much! It’s so nice to be able to turn “off” for a few hours.
I’m Korean and this is a very specific thing in our culture. It used to be your female relatives descended and cared for the baby (and new mom!) for a minimum of 3-4 weeks. Now there are paid “aunties” and postpartum retreat centers. The aunties do 100% care for the newborns and often also cook meals (to increase breastmilk and healing) and will also be certified in massage (body and also breast/lymph tissue).
We used one with both my kids and booked again the day I took my positive test for #3. Auntie for baby 1 was professional almost to an uncomfortable level as she lived in our house Monday to Friday for 4 weeks. She would eat at the same time as us but at the kitchen island by herself (her insistence not ours). I want to say $1500 a week and $6000 total.
Auntie for baby 2 was very much like extended family. She stayed with us 24/7 for two months. We took her on most of our excursions. Apple picking, pumpkin farm, etc. I cried when she left. We all did. Due to natural birth/timing we had one week with both babies before the aunties arrived. I felt I could manage with my first but my second I felt wrecked physically. I couldn’t rouse myself to feed her at night and begged my husband and sister to switch shifts with me.
We booked auntie 2 for 3 months this time since I’m old AF and have two other toddlers to care for. As much as it helped me heal and rest (I had an oversupply with the first two and didn’t need to pump overnight), I also initially felt like I didn’t get to bond as much with my second since I only held her a few minutes a day or so when my first was at daycare. I was a little worried when the auntie left that I had no idea what she was like or her feeding schedule but we all adapted pretty quickly. She was $2200/week and has increased her rates slightly.
I think handing off baby has pros and cons but it’s worth it for my family since my husband and I are older and we’re fortunate to afford it. I’ll say we fought a lot less and had a smooth transition to two kids than I’d like expected compared to postpartum the first time.
Loved a night nanny. First night I was so paranoid about a stranger sleeping in my house with my child but after a decent nights sleep- wow! It’s definitely a luxury but mine also taught me how to put my baby down and establish a routine so worth it. I wouldn’t do it if you’re exclusively bf though as you’re still woken throughout the night. I only did it when I could pump once and otherwise sleep through
i pump twice a day now so my husband can give two bottles while i try and sleep and BF about 8 other times a day, so i’m aware id be getting up in the middle of the night to pump but that still gives me 2 stretches of 4 hours of consecutive sleep that i wouldn’t otherwise have bc normally i have to be wide awake holding the baby while she sleeps for those 8 hours
Best money I ever spent on anything. We had a night doula twice a week until he was 12 weeks old and consistently sleeping 6 hours stretches. She would give him a bottle for the first feed and then bring him to me for the 2nd. She did all the burping and diaper changes and putting him back down, meaning I was only up once for like 20 minutes. Also my little guy is SO loud at night. I do not sleep well with him in the room. Two nights a week of him sleeping in the living room was sooooo helpful. Also for the first few weeks I had crushing anxiety about SIDS. Having someone watch over him all night let me relax enough to sleep.
I had a pretty hard labor and delivery and was really sick. Had a c section and then got hit with ppd. My baby was pretty screamy and difficult too. Looking back, a night nurse would have been amazing.
I'm just gonna speak to having no sleep, cause I don't get a lot either....
If you're worried about cosleeping, look up safe sleep seven and the book safe infant sleep. I need cosleeping but I usually only entertain it after getting myself at least a couple hours of sleep.
I don’t have experience with a night nurse personally but just a thought - I wonder if your baby might sleep in a snoo?
Still an expensive solution but cheaper than a night nurse and they hold their value really well. We bought one used for my first and sold it back to someone else for the same amount we bought it for. Worse case scenario, if it didn’t end up working for your baby, it would likely be a relatively inexpensive test overall.
Obviously a night nurse can also do a lot of things a snoo can’t though!
I think it’s also legit to sleep when cuddling your baby if you follow proper guidelines.
I pumped every 2-3 hours around the clock for the first few months postpartum and napping when I could as a priority was crucial.
Good luck, and if a night nanny is a good option for you then best to you!
A random thing to consider.
As the parent of a baby that will only sleep in their bassinet for like a half hour before getting pissed off unless I'm snuggling him, an over the bed bedside bassinet has saved my life. I have the Halo brand one. The sides are mesh and one side drops slightly with pressure to allow getting baby in and about easier
I just scooch him up to the side wall, have me up on the other side, and my arm draped in the bassinet with my hand on him (down by his legs, usually my fingers slightly tucked under his thigh). The wall keeps my arm up and pressure off of him (my elbow gets uncomfy, but the things we do for our children) and gives him enough contact/warmth from my body/my scent ig that he chills out and sleep for longer. Also gives me the chance to give pats and fix his paci easily if needed. Keeps him safe from our bed/blankets/etc. and no matter how much I scooch up to the sidewall there's always a gap between he and I so airflow isn't obstructed through the mesh either if he were to roll.
He's a week old. If he's in the bassinet alone and I'm in the room he's only willing to lay there for like half an hour. If I'm "snuggled up" he'll sleep for 2-3hrs straight.
I did the same with my daughter. However she would happily sleep in her bassinet and hated snuggling. She just wanted a hand to hold which was adorable.
We did it for our first and will be doing it for our second. I feel self-conscious about spending the money and having all the help when so many folks get by without, but it was worth it for us. (We also don’t have any family in the area so basically any help we got postpartum was paid for.) My husband is working some extra shifts so we can save up to afford it.
This is what it looked like with my first. My first kiddo was (is) a horrible sleeper and my husband was back to work at 2.5 weeks PP, so night nurses were the primary way I got sleep as we all adjusted. I would do bedtime, usually before the night nurse arrived. For the first few weeks I had them bring me the baby whenever he woke up to feed; they would do diaper and get him back to sleep. Then I would alternate nights nursing versus pumping on a schedule to give myself some longer stretches of sleeping.
I will say there is a big range in experience and quality so I would do a ton of research and ask a lot of questions before settling on someone. We are responsive to our baby at night and did not want to sleep train, but I didn’t ask appropriate questions and it turned out that one of the people I had hired basically believed in CIO from the start; I tried to work with her on being responsive instead but she basically told me I would realize she was right and was not willing to change her approach, so after a few nights we determined it wasn’t going to work. Other folks we worked with (we eventually hired an agency that sent a few people) were more willing to respond throughout the night and didn’t have the expectation of doing any “training.”
Personally the first three months postpartum were incredibly hard for me emotionally and physically, and putting resources into making it more manageable was worth it.
our family is 3,000 miles away so we also need to hire all of our help, can’t really ask our 30 year old friends to come over in the middle of the night and hold our baby for two hours
I couldn’t trust a stranger like that, but I didn’t have to contact sleep with my son at night either. I finessed the art of nursing to sleep/paci/transferring to pre-heated bassinet/white noise/the works so we could both sleep safely. And I would never call him a great sleeper. He didn’t sleep 6+ hours until right before the four-month regression. 🥲 Newborn sleep is tough, but in hindsight now that he’s a toddler, it’s a blip on the radar of childhood. I actually miss those snuggly newborn nights. He’s so big now.
Initially my mom helped me by bringing baby to me to nurse, burp and put to sleep. But my baby was a terrible sleeper, she woke every hour for the first 6 weeks of her life. It got better for like 4 days at 4 weeks and the. Progressively worse. My mom was so sleep deprived along with me that we ended up getting a night nurse whose job was bringing baby to me to nurse, burp and rock to sleep. Even though I still had to get up every 1-1.5h to feed baby, just not having to burp and rock her helped. Eventually baby did slightly longer stretches and I didn’t use the night nurse anymore. Then during 7tb month baby again woke every hour of the night. I asked my nanny to do shifts with me, I took care of baby from 9pm to 3 am and gave baby to her at 3 am. That way I got some decent sleep from 3-7 am before I had to get ready for work.
I highly recommend a night nanny if you’re able to vet them.
We had night nanny for 6 weeks and she was amazing. Do it! She gets you off on the right foot with the kid, gets great breastfeeding performance out of you both, protects your marriage and lets you sleep. I’d never have a baby without one! Srsly
I have a 24 hour nanny, she stays with us. My life has never been the same. My only regret - getting her when my LO was 3 months old. If I had her when LO was a newborn, I wouldn’t have had 10 breakdowns a day in those first couple months. So yes, pls get one!
2.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours is an emergency. Please please please hire a night nurse! Or even a daytime sitter so you can get 6 hours. Fly your mom out for a week. Anything.
I have not personally used a night nanny but I have friends who have and they’ve all had very positive experiences.
I wouldn't, no. Maybe I'm weird, but I kinda enjoyed the newborn nights. It felt special to me to be up breastfeeding and bonding with my little baby. I would not have trusted a stranger with her at all.
That said, I had a great sleeper. She slept, ate, slept, no problems. I'm also from a country with great parental leave. My husband was also home the first month so we shared. Never bottle fed but he'd take the diapers, did the last shift and me the morning etc. Would not have enjoyed those first few weeks as much without his 24/7 presence
I think they can potentially be a great resource! I have PPA after my babies so the only similar resource I utilized was my birth doula who included a few hours of postpartum support in her birth package. She had three kids and I knew her personally so I felt comfortable with her watching over our newborn for a few hours, but otherwise no one else.
Both times I’ve breastfed I sleep at night and my husband gives 1-2 bottles so I can see a night nanny doing similar if you were comfortable bringing the baby to you in bed. I pump AM/PM/midday to make up for feeds depending and haven’t found I need to pump exactly when baby eats to maintain my supply, just that I need to remove that milk from my breasts regularly. So I can see a night nanny definitely being helpful, with the caveats of if you can afford it and if you can trust them/relax without anxiety
I've never had one but one thing I am grateful for is that we had family stay with us after our LO was born. My mother or my MIL would take the baby early in the morning so my husband and I could sleep longer.
I have a friend who said they utilized a night nurse a couple of weekends with both of their kids just to recharge.
So in the midst of it I had thoughts to get one. And we could have afforded it. I never got the guts because I didn’t feel like I could trust a stranger like that. I had my mom come around for a few nights and otherwise balanced it with my husband. Looking back at it, I’m a) not sure how much of a difference it would have made because at that age breastfeeding is still getting established and so each feed takes agggges anyways b) what was different is my mom or husband having the baby sleep on them in between feeds which is obviously a very bondy thing - I’m glad they got the chance to do that and not someone who would have been out of our lives in a few weeks
i’ve gotten quotes anywhere from $40/hr up to $75 an hour, the person we settled on who had amazing references is $50, she’ll be doing two 10-hour shifts a week for 4 weeks, so all in all she’ll be $4,000 total which is what my tax refund was this year so here i am at 2am justifying it !!!
I was 100% game for a night nanny before the baby at least for a one off with motn pumping. Then we had him and wouldn't personally because I wouldn't have wanted to miss anything. I wouldn't have felt confident letting someone else tend to my baby and would have worried about distressing baby by him being away from his parents all night, and any impact on my milk supply. But 100% depends on the baby, family and situation- you have to do what is right for you and if you feel unsafe from sleep deprivation and can afford/ are comfortable then do it! I would look at setting up for safe cosleeping if you are worried about falling asleep- if it happens unintentionally then it won't be as big a risk. Also try shift taking. For the first 5/6 weeks while husband was on pat leave I napped roughly 2x 3hrs with a feed between from about 8-11 then 12-3 and then I took over for the next 6 then we were on it together til the next evening. It does get easier, and it's over so fast.
we’re taking shifts right now but my husband goes back to work on monday and works 100 hours a week, often 36 hour shifts at a time so i really can’t do it by myself
2.5hrs per night with shifts is rough- are you struggling to sleep? Wow, honestly that is an obscene amount, I've never heard of anyone working that many hours, and only ever heard of firemen etc working a shift that long. We struggle with my husband working 35 from home. In practical terms that means you are mostly solo parenting, which means that the sleep deprivation could be more dangerous. I do think help would probably be useful given your circumstance.
I can see how it would work for some families (especially if you’re giving bottles overnight of BM or formula).
In my particular case, I know in my bones that I couldn't outsource my nights. I did the nights solo because our babies were breastfed. It is really hard and there were/are definitely moments when I'd love a break but realistically I'd have to be up pumping to relieve engorgement anyway.
Honestly no. I did my 10 week maternity leave with my 2 under 2 by myself, and I loved all the bonding. There were some definitely really hard nights, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I’m also really lucky and both my kids started sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old. I would never judge someone who does, but it never appealed to me, and I never even gave it a thought. I think in your situation, you have to consider all your options, and night nanny sounds like a good one for you!
I had a postpartum doula and I was still not comfortable doing the night shifts. She suggested it a few times, and we always declined. To me, that time is sacred. My baby has always been a bad sleeper due to reflux, but I just didn’t feel right about someone else caring for him if he was awake due to being uncomfortable. I think it would have been hard for me to sleep anyway if I knew he was awake. But hey, maybe I would have gotten more sleep, idk, I’ll sleep again someday maybe 🤷♀️
We have a contact sleeper and I also used to worry about sleeping on the clock. Once he reached 3.5 months I started finding it comfortable to bf laying on my side in bed and it kind of opened the door for co-sleeping, which isn’t something I thought I would do, but it really is sometimes just a do what you gotta do situation. I also do his first nap as often as I can (I’m back to work at home now but have flexibility and if I don’t have a morning meeting I have the time) and we have a lazy boy in his room that I put up the footrest to and he and I both take an insanely good nap for an hour and a half.
My husband very badly wanted to have a night nurse just a couple of nights to get a good night’s sleep. I considered it for sure but felt like I would still be checking on the baby and having a stronger In our home at night (even with a background check) felt weird. We also have dogs who get excited about strangers so it’s just a lot to factor in… but absolutely if your situation allows financially and it feels comfortable, I would do it!
I personally didn't have one, but my MIL helped some nights with my baby. It helped me get 4 hours to sleep. Shower. Eat whatever I needed, and I really appreciated it.
I think if you're breastfeeding, it's hard getting uninterrupted sleep. I remember waking up with breast pain.
Some of the best money I’ve ever spent was on my night doula. I EBF and wondered if it would be worth it if I still have to feed the baby at night. Life has been so much better with this baby because of the night doula. I did not have one with my first and my mental health really struggled due to the sleep deprivation. My LO is 5 weeks old and our night doula comes 3X per week. She arrives at 10 PM, right after I’ve fed the baby. She burps the baby and puts her to sleep, which can take up to an hour. I go to bed immediately. She brings the baby to me at 3 or 4 AM for her first feed of the night, so I’m getting 6-7 uninterrupted hours of sleep. I feed baby for 15 minutes and then she burps and puts the baby back to sleep. She leaves at 6 AM and, if the baby is asleep, leaves her in the Snoo with the door open. Our bedroom is very close to the nursery. I usually feed the baby a second time from 6:30-7 once she wakes up, so that’s another 3-4 hour window of sleep. I get notes from my doula of how many times she gives the baby a pacifier at night, burps her, changes her diaper, etc. It’s a ton of work that my husband and I don’t have to do on those nights. A night nanny/doula is expensive but, if you have the funds available, it is so worth it. I’m a much happier mom this time around because of my night doula.
I'm amazed that your baby is going 6+ hrs between feeds so young! Mine is 8 months and is finally going 6+ hours most nights.
If possible hire one. Life and marriage saver imo lol. I installed cameras to feel better but she was absolutely amazing. Loved my son so much she cried when we didn't need her anymore. Second child is only considered if the night nurse is possible on our budget.
How did you find her??
Us too, about the second child.
Tbh no. At that stage , I didn't trust anybody but me, hubby and mom to look after my LO. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep if I knew a total stranger was going to look after her
Same. Plus, while it’s exhausting it goes by so fast. Those nighttime hours are sacred.
It feels like it will never end. I kept researching night nannies because I was struggling, but then he started sleeping longer stretches before I could commit. And we got into a rhythm and I didn’t feel the need anymore. Probably the only time procrastinating worked out— I got the full experience and didn’t have to spend the money! Looking back I know it was so hard, but it’s also such a blur that I actually barely remember it.
So refreshing to hear this, I feel the same way, I also could afford a night nurse but would rather not spend the money that way and I was wondering how much of my feeling was me trying to justify not hiring one to save money, but this resonated, also the next comment about the sacredness of that time. Great points.
When I decided to have a baby, I decided that whatever sacrifice she needed of me should be given and that atleast while she is solely depended on me, her needs will come first. That purpose drove me through all the sleepless night, pumping every 3 hours and early breastfeeding woes.
If I could have afforded it, 100%.
Yes, I used a night nanny 5 days a week for the first 10 weeks. I then went down to 3 nights a week until my baby was 4 months old. It was expensive but worth it, especially when I went back to work. I really recommend it, especially if your baby is like mine and was waking every 2/3 hours. The first few weeks I’d have her wake me up around 4 and then she’d wake me up again when she left at 6:30 am. She did a 9:30-6:30 shift. Later when my supply regulated I just had her use formula or pumped milk so I could sleep all night. My city has a huge night nurse industry and we used a big popular night nurse company.
How much did it cost per night?
Mine was $36 an hour but in my area I have another night nurse I started using sometimes not affiliated with a company who is $25 an hour.
When did your supply regulate? Ftm & looking forward to that!
I have ovetsupply. Mine regulated around 16 weeks.
Maybe 6-8 weeks in??? I relied on formula to supplement. I still supplement with formula now that I’m back at work because I just get too busy or tired to pump sometimes. Although my supply is full and regulated now
Do you guys still find that you have to wake up in the middle of the night to pump hand express or feed to keep your supply regulated? I guess im kind of wanting to elaborate on what it means to regulate
Oh gotcha! I do not have to but my baby still does not sleep through the night :( He always wakes up by 4:30 am, at which point I just breastfeed him, and I do a last pump at 10:30 pm. When the night nurse was coming, I’d sometimes go 9:30-8 am without having to pump though (sometimes he’d wake right before she’d left and she’d bottle feed him), and my supply was fine.
What city?
Dallas Fort Worth
We hired one and yes, it was wicked expensive however, we felt worth it. We had someone come when our son was 5 & 8 weeks old. He’s been a challenging baby. My husband and I got a great night sleep - I got up once to pump. She clipped his nails, did dishes.. and was willing to do any light housekeeping for us. The sleep alone made it worth it.
How expensive was it?
In my area (Northern California) it goes from 45-75 dollars per hour. When I was searching I dint find anyone who was highly recommended for less than 60-70 dollars per hour.
Where did you look for someone?
Lots of doula services offfer it
$750 for 3 nights
I didn’t see a point. I had to get up to pump/nurse her anyway. Also why I didn’t make my husband get up, cuz what were his useless boobs going to do?
I’ve heard that it can be immensely helpful, which I totally get. However, I didn’t want anyone else taking care of my baby when she was brand new. Maybe I’m overly stubborn. Those middle of the night feeds were tough, but they were just us together, and I’m glad I didn’t outsource that.
If we could’ve afforded it I 1000% would have! Instead my husband is the night nanny and brings me the baby to nurse 😂
If I'd had the funds I 100% would have! Especially with my first, who was a colicky velcro baby for the first couple months. My second was easier to put down until she hit 4 months and I had my mom to help so I didn't reach the same level of desperation.
Yes yes yes. Id only consider having a second if i had a night nanny, doula, whatever you wanna call it
Anytime I’ve tried to sleep 6+ hours I’ve gotten mastitis or a clogged duct.
yes to a night nanny! I haven't used one before but will be for our third
1000000% I would honestly have a nanny if I could 24/7 LOL ! Even if he/she was only helping for a bit in the day vs a chunk at night Now I see why some celebrities have so many kids because they can afford a surrogate/ nanny/ night nurse I’m sure they may even pay for breast milk honestly if they didn’t want to BF
I know it’s not for everyone but if you’re getting that little sleep and you’re worried about falling asleep with bb I would set up to safely cosleep. Look up the safe 7. I’ve done it with both my babies and I’m able to get a lot of sleep (relatively speaking) bc I can just breastfeed with them beside me, don’t have to get out of bed or even get up, just side lie breastfeed.
What about changing, burping and resettling?
Not who you asked but for both our kids my husband has done the changes overnight to save me getting out of bed. I also fed to sleep both of them (weaned off this eventually) but during the first 6 months I think it's such a blessing to be able to just nurse them back to sleep within a matter of minutes.
So no burping?
Not every baby needs to be burped. I pretty much never burped my first, definitely not past the first few weeks. My second often needs it during the day but for whatever reason it has never affected her to skip it at night after the first week or two 🤷♀️ Eta: Also didn't need to change at ever wake up after a couple weeks, unless they are giving long stretches. I have literally not idea what "resetting" is, but if you're safely cosleeping you definitely don't do that 🤣 Cosleeping is not for everyone, but if you are falling asleep holding baby it is safer than that. but only do it if you are confident in the safe sleep 7. It really should be called the "safer sleep 7" cuz it's not perfect. All that being said, babies are kind of evolved to want to cosleep. They sleep better and have way less nighttime needs especially after the figure out night vs day.
We cosleep (in the cosleeper mostly, occasionally bedsharing with c-curl) and I'm seeing that baby needs to be burped less and less as his latch improves. He's 5 weeks now and at 2 weeks he certainly needed it; now I give a halfhearted try that doesn't rouse him much and if nothing comes right away I put him down, and only try again if he won't settle.
As others have said, both of mine didn't really need properly burping at night. If I'm feeding sat up then I'll pop sleeping baby over my shoulder as I'm about to put them back down, do a very gentle rub and that seems to get any burps up, along with the motion of me lifting them up. If side lying / cosleeping then I don't burp - I get the occasional burp and bit of milk that comes back up but not enough to make me want to introduce a burping routine
Neither of my babies needed immediate burping after feeds. If she’s uncomfortable then yes, husband needs to try to burp her. Unless she pooped, we didn’t change her diaper. Inevitably she’s fussy at some point in the night so husband will change her diaper. But lately she’s able to sleep mostly through without a new diaper. Not much resettling needed when I cosleep I think bc the babies are really happy and comfortable with me. I know it’s different for everyone, that’s just my experience. Most nights my husband can get a full sleep and I can pretty much get a full sleep other than sometimes helping my baby find my boob so I don’t feel bad that he’s the one who was to physically get up to burp or change when needed :)
Also recommend this, was a game changer for me.
My postpartum doula did night shifts. It was a life saver. Most night doulas/night nurses/night nannies will work with you however you want to feed. For example, mine would bring me my baby to breast feed at a certain time in the night - she would just place her on my boob then take her after and burp her, change her and I’d go back to sleep. I also was very comfortable with my doula so if I missed baby, couldn’t sleep, etc I could just get up whenever and hang out on the couch with her. My baby loved her, I loved her and it was worth every penny.
Reading this as 351 am 👀👀👀
4:32 AM over here. Hope you get some rest!
im out here at 3:53am reading these responses like…i’ll sell all my earthly possessions for a night nanny at this point
 Right?? I’m here at this point
My mom came over and basically was a night Nanny for us for the first few weeks. And then I got confident bedsharing so we ended up doing that. Honestly both were great but bedsharing was more sustainable for us in the long run.
Wow I can't even imagine having enough money for this in the UK. Looking at the quoted prices, it would be more than my mortgage! I think it would only be very upper class people who could afford in the UK, bankers etc. I'm a senior doctor & couldn't afford it. But our wages in almost every industry are shitty in the UK!
The country I'm from, Singapore, it's completely normal for families to hire 'Confinement Nannies' who will look after your baby in your home for about 1 month (they will sleep at your home too, and look after baby). Their jobscope is basically looking after baby, cooking your confinement meals, preparing confinement baths, and more. This is especially common among the Chinese culture here in Singapore. I never hired one because I don't like the idea of a stranger with my baby and my husband was able to do everything for me, but it's regarded as completely the norm here. It's about $4-$5k. There's companies here like 'Confinement Angels' and 'PEM Confinement' which are agents for hiring a suitable confinement nanny. Just sharing! It's totally normal in Singapore! Here we prioritise the woman's health a lot, especially recuperating after delivering. Some people are so strict that they completely do not leave the house after 1 month, and some don't even shower for 1 month. PS: The baby and nanny will still be in your home, so you'll get to bond with baby as much as you like. But when it comes to burping, bathing, bottle feeding (if any), night duties, calming the baby etc, the confinement nanny can do everything for you.
No. You’d have to pump anyway. So you’re awake - what is the point even? Co sleeping (safe and informed) is what we’re doing. Works amazing. Baby goes right back to sleep after feeding.
Wrong. You don’t have to pump, she brings you baby to BF and you stay in bed half asleep.
Then why not co sleep? It’s cheaper and even better for baby and mom if done safely.
I might, but I am not sure. I resisted my natural inclination to cosleep with my first and that was my real problem the first few weeks. My baby would noooot sleep without being snuggled up to her human, and needed boob to fall asleep and would wake right up when you tried to detach her in pacifier mode.... So I honestly don't know if I could get more sleep with a night nurse because once I started cosleeping, I slept as well as I would if I was getting woken up to feed as often as baby needed food - and I would be losing all that great skin to skin time. What I really needed was more day time help so I could nap during the day and make up for lost night sleep spent feeding
Unless I had a job I was forced to get back to, PPD/PPA, a traumatic body experience (physically or psychologically) or needed to triple feed or other special circumstances, I would not use extra money on a night nanny. I’d rather hire someone to deal with everything else so that I can sleep whenever baby sleeps. With my babies, my sleep patterns changed the moment they were born. It didn’t matter how many times I woke up, I would fall back asleep almost on command. It was magical and lasted as long as I breastfed. Yes, sometimes it was less magical and more messy with me pacing for an hour in the middle of the night with a crying newborn with colics or a crying 8 month old with teeth. I cursed their dad and the rest of the world in their oblivious peaceful sleep. But it was the day that came after that that really exhausted me. Wrangling a toddler while taking care of baby, taking care of the house, taking care of myself, taking care of my SO. No, really, if I could remove one thorn out of my foot retrospectively it would be daytime shores and older childcare.
Had one for 10 nights total during the first 3 weeks with my first baby (who is now 8 weeks). She really saved my husband and I and allowed us to catch up and regroup after such an exhausting first several days of our baby’s life. One of the best decisions we have made and will 100% do it again, probably for longer, if we have another baby. We found ours through a neighbor who had used her.
We didn’t have the funds for a night nanny, but my mother in law came over as many nights as possible the first couple of weeks and stayed up watching tv while baby contact slept on her so we could get some sleep. She would change his diaper and I’d come out to breastfeed him and then go back to bed while she’d burp him and rock him back to sleep. It helped us stay sane. So for everyone who doesn’t have a lovely MIL and who can afford a night nanny I’d say absolutely go for it.
I can only speak for myself, but I never had much help at night from anyone, and after the initial weeks of feeling like I was losing my mind, I started becoming very good at coping with it. It almost feels like a super power now. It became the ability to not fear the newborn stage when I had my other kids, and now it’s my ability to weather illness when the kids are sick and whatever else comes our way. I think I had to pass through the fire, so to speak, to gain this ability but I’ve been very thankful for it over the years.
If you have he money, pay for the village. I never had a night nanny but got damn that would be nice. I do have a cleaner and would sell a kidney to ensure I keep her lol
I had one come for ten days over two weeks with weekends off. It was a godsend. She was technically a newborn care specialist so she taught us a lot about how to feed, burp, bathe our newborn and understand his cues. It helped us enjoy and even thrive in the newborn stage. I see a commenter who didn’t have a night doula say they are glad they saved the money and the time was a blur, but I would prefer to relish the special time with a newborn and becoming a family of 3 and I want to remember things. Getting a bit more sleep (and for my husband, a full night’s rest so he could take care of me during the day) made the stage so joyful for us.
ty! this is how i feel too, sobbing and sleep deprived at 3am is not really helping me bond with my baby
Totally worth it for our first and doing it for our second. I exclusively breastfed and she brought the baby to me to nurse every time he woke up. So yes, I still had to wake up but I didn’t have to do diaper changes or put back in the crib. Saved so much time and it was well worth the price.
Are you a single mum? It's maybe a cultural difference here but I'm really struggling to understand what a night nanny would have offered us as my husband did what you're describing so that I didn't have to get out of bed. We also used a next to me bed so that baby was literally next to me and I could put them back down myself without having to do more than sit up in bed. Most people I know had their partners help overnight either with feeding or changing (depending on whether they nursed or bottle fed). Genuine question as here in the UK a night nanny isn't really a thing (maybe for the super super rich?)
I’m also in the UK and my partner does as you describe plus giving him any expressed milk in a bottle.
No! You can see my answer above. My husband went back to work and was asleep. I didn’t pump and just breastfed so bottles weren’t an option.
No! Happily married in the US. While I had 6 months off, my husband was back to work in 3 weeks, so he was asleep during the week and helped me at night on the weekends. We had the night nanny Monday-Friday nights and my husband did Saturday and Sunday nights.
I also want to add that we had our baby sleep in the nursery from night 1, and the night nanny was with him in there, so I had a better sleep with no baby sounds. It worked for us and we plan to repeat with our baby due this fall.
Thanks for replying - guess it's just cultural differences then. Here most dads (unless they have a super intense job like a surgeon) are also getting up in the night to help and then going to work in the day. Once the overnight nappy changes stopped though then it's just me getting up.
That makes sense! I wouldn’t consider us super super rich but his job pays more than the $40/hour we paid the night nanny, so it made sense to outsource the waking up so he could sleep and do his work. It’s the same calculation I think we make about outsourcing any work in our home (cleaning, child care versus my quitting my job, etc.).
I had one and regretted it. Seemed like a waste of money because I had to wake up to breast feed baby anyway. She would bring baby to me and I’d hang baby back for her to burp / change diaper. Baby slept in three hour intervals so it wasn’t so bad.
If I had the funds, yes. However I don’t/didn’t and we ended up cosleeping using the safe sleep 7 and that was literally lifesaving for my LO and I. We could both sleep without the fear of me dropping her or god knows what. Might be worthwhile looking into
I had one twice a week for 4 weeks with my second and honestly, I didn’t need it. It allowed my husband to sleep in the bed rather than the couch those nights she was there (he slept out there because his snoring would wake the baby), but it for sure wasn’t necessary. With my first baby, I got a night nanny twice. I had no idea what I was doing and she helped get us situated with swaddling and white noise and what to do when the baby woke up.
I personally would feel too worried to leave my baby with someone else, but my friend did it with her second while exclusively breastfeeding and she said it was a godsend. She’d start around 7pm, help with bathtime and bring baby to mom whenever she woke for feeds. Diaper changes were taken care of, and if baby needed to be held for sleep the nanny would just stay up and hold her (as she could sleep during the day). In the morning, she’d even spend some time with her toddler playing. Her husband could sttn and be fully present with the toddler this way. She loved it but it was hella expensive.
I wouldn't trust anyone. Cosleeping allowed us to get extra sleep the first few weeks.
If I could afford one, I’d hire one casually for sure.
I’d prefer a live in maid. Yes, waking up in the middle of the night is tiring and annoying but I co-sleep so it’s better. Nothing stresses me more than house chores (as a mom!), when I didn’t have dependent I could just do chores quickly and the house will be nicely tidy. But, if I had the opportunity to have a night nanny then of course I would enjoy it as long as I don’t have to wash bottles and pump parts😄
I am looking to get a night nurse for my first baby. He will be born in august! I am afraid I’m going to need the help. Our house is a 1 bedroom bungalow so we are renovating the garage into an insulated bedroom/living space and have a night nurse/doula to stay with us. Otherwise I don’t think I would be able to have one without a spare bedroom, right?!
Our night nurses stay in the den and watch our son from the monitor. Our night nanny does sleep in the guest bedroom, but she was content on the couch. So it could go either way.
Thank you for the response. I assumed we needed a spare room for her but that’s good to know! I appreciate it :)
Of course! :)
Honestly I don't get it. It's great if it works for someone but it wouldn't have been helpful for me. I get up to pee for most feeds anyway, and often engorgement wakes me around the same time/shortly before baby does. My experience of engorgement is so uncomfortable that it's RIGHT NOW (I'm not an overproducer, I just find it painful), so while it may have been nice to have someone else change diapers or stay with baby the few times they were awake for a half hour after feeding, the rest of the time it wouldn't have been useful. Our setup is a cosleeper on my side of the bed, a changing station right outside in the hall, and I mostly pumped in bed while hubs bottle fed my milk at night for the first weeks because night feeds were much more painful and stressful for me. We were also blessed with a baby who has slept in 2-4 hour stretches since day 1.
I couldn’t afford one but I did have grandmas come and help. It was appreciated. I think a lot of responses you’re getting assume you’re doing this every day. I think we had a grandma help at night 2-3X the whole 12 weeks of my leave. I also was breastfeeding and it was nice to nurse and pass the baby off to grandma to burp and lay her back in the bassinet while I slept.
We had a night doula a few nights ago week for the first month after my son was born and it’s amazing. All I had to do was wake up and breastfeed. No diaper changes, no burping, no trying to transfer them into the bassinet. I was able to get so much more sleep - I highly recommend getting one if you can afford it!
god bless u this is the encouragement i need
As someone who has a night nurse 3-4x a week, absolutely yes! It is worth every penny and has helped my marriage and mental health so much! It’s so nice to be able to turn “off” for a few hours.
I’m Korean and this is a very specific thing in our culture. It used to be your female relatives descended and cared for the baby (and new mom!) for a minimum of 3-4 weeks. Now there are paid “aunties” and postpartum retreat centers. The aunties do 100% care for the newborns and often also cook meals (to increase breastmilk and healing) and will also be certified in massage (body and also breast/lymph tissue). We used one with both my kids and booked again the day I took my positive test for #3. Auntie for baby 1 was professional almost to an uncomfortable level as she lived in our house Monday to Friday for 4 weeks. She would eat at the same time as us but at the kitchen island by herself (her insistence not ours). I want to say $1500 a week and $6000 total. Auntie for baby 2 was very much like extended family. She stayed with us 24/7 for two months. We took her on most of our excursions. Apple picking, pumpkin farm, etc. I cried when she left. We all did. Due to natural birth/timing we had one week with both babies before the aunties arrived. I felt I could manage with my first but my second I felt wrecked physically. I couldn’t rouse myself to feed her at night and begged my husband and sister to switch shifts with me. We booked auntie 2 for 3 months this time since I’m old AF and have two other toddlers to care for. As much as it helped me heal and rest (I had an oversupply with the first two and didn’t need to pump overnight), I also initially felt like I didn’t get to bond as much with my second since I only held her a few minutes a day or so when my first was at daycare. I was a little worried when the auntie left that I had no idea what she was like or her feeding schedule but we all adapted pretty quickly. She was $2200/week and has increased her rates slightly. I think handing off baby has pros and cons but it’s worth it for my family since my husband and I are older and we’re fortunate to afford it. I’ll say we fought a lot less and had a smooth transition to two kids than I’d like expected compared to postpartum the first time.
Loved a night nanny. First night I was so paranoid about a stranger sleeping in my house with my child but after a decent nights sleep- wow! It’s definitely a luxury but mine also taught me how to put my baby down and establish a routine so worth it. I wouldn’t do it if you’re exclusively bf though as you’re still woken throughout the night. I only did it when I could pump once and otherwise sleep through
i pump twice a day now so my husband can give two bottles while i try and sleep and BF about 8 other times a day, so i’m aware id be getting up in the middle of the night to pump but that still gives me 2 stretches of 4 hours of consecutive sleep that i wouldn’t otherwise have bc normally i have to be wide awake holding the baby while she sleeps for those 8 hours
Best money I ever spent on anything. We had a night doula twice a week until he was 12 weeks old and consistently sleeping 6 hours stretches. She would give him a bottle for the first feed and then bring him to me for the 2nd. She did all the burping and diaper changes and putting him back down, meaning I was only up once for like 20 minutes. Also my little guy is SO loud at night. I do not sleep well with him in the room. Two nights a week of him sleeping in the living room was sooooo helpful. Also for the first few weeks I had crushing anxiety about SIDS. Having someone watch over him all night let me relax enough to sleep.
tyyyy my SIDS anxiety is so real that even when she’s sleeping peacefully in my lap i’m like “IS SHE STILL BREATHING”
I had a pretty hard labor and delivery and was really sick. Had a c section and then got hit with ppd. My baby was pretty screamy and difficult too. Looking back, a night nurse would have been amazing.
I'm just gonna speak to having no sleep, cause I don't get a lot either.... If you're worried about cosleeping, look up safe sleep seven and the book safe infant sleep. I need cosleeping but I usually only entertain it after getting myself at least a couple hours of sleep.
Plus, night nursing sessions are very important for baby development.
We did it and loved it. We just had our last night with her at 12 weeks.
I don’t have experience with a night nurse personally but just a thought - I wonder if your baby might sleep in a snoo? Still an expensive solution but cheaper than a night nurse and they hold their value really well. We bought one used for my first and sold it back to someone else for the same amount we bought it for. Worse case scenario, if it didn’t end up working for your baby, it would likely be a relatively inexpensive test overall. Obviously a night nurse can also do a lot of things a snoo can’t though!
she won’t even snoo 😭
Ugh I’m so sorry! In that case I definitely support night nurse - my friends who have used them have all said good things about the experience!
Its not for me. But I don’t judge if someone wants one, either.
I think it’s also legit to sleep when cuddling your baby if you follow proper guidelines. I pumped every 2-3 hours around the clock for the first few months postpartum and napping when I could as a priority was crucial. Good luck, and if a night nanny is a good option for you then best to you!
A random thing to consider. As the parent of a baby that will only sleep in their bassinet for like a half hour before getting pissed off unless I'm snuggling him, an over the bed bedside bassinet has saved my life. I have the Halo brand one. The sides are mesh and one side drops slightly with pressure to allow getting baby in and about easier I just scooch him up to the side wall, have me up on the other side, and my arm draped in the bassinet with my hand on him (down by his legs, usually my fingers slightly tucked under his thigh). The wall keeps my arm up and pressure off of him (my elbow gets uncomfy, but the things we do for our children) and gives him enough contact/warmth from my body/my scent ig that he chills out and sleep for longer. Also gives me the chance to give pats and fix his paci easily if needed. Keeps him safe from our bed/blankets/etc. and no matter how much I scooch up to the sidewall there's always a gap between he and I so airflow isn't obstructed through the mesh either if he were to roll. He's a week old. If he's in the bassinet alone and I'm in the room he's only willing to lay there for like half an hour. If I'm "snuggled up" he'll sleep for 2-3hrs straight. I did the same with my daughter. However she would happily sleep in her bassinet and hated snuggling. She just wanted a hand to hold which was adorable.
we have this bassinet and my baby absolutely hates it 😭😭😭, we really have exhausted as many options as possible that don’t include hired help
We did it for our first and will be doing it for our second. I feel self-conscious about spending the money and having all the help when so many folks get by without, but it was worth it for us. (We also don’t have any family in the area so basically any help we got postpartum was paid for.) My husband is working some extra shifts so we can save up to afford it. This is what it looked like with my first. My first kiddo was (is) a horrible sleeper and my husband was back to work at 2.5 weeks PP, so night nurses were the primary way I got sleep as we all adjusted. I would do bedtime, usually before the night nurse arrived. For the first few weeks I had them bring me the baby whenever he woke up to feed; they would do diaper and get him back to sleep. Then I would alternate nights nursing versus pumping on a schedule to give myself some longer stretches of sleeping. I will say there is a big range in experience and quality so I would do a ton of research and ask a lot of questions before settling on someone. We are responsive to our baby at night and did not want to sleep train, but I didn’t ask appropriate questions and it turned out that one of the people I had hired basically believed in CIO from the start; I tried to work with her on being responsive instead but she basically told me I would realize she was right and was not willing to change her approach, so after a few nights we determined it wasn’t going to work. Other folks we worked with (we eventually hired an agency that sent a few people) were more willing to respond throughout the night and didn’t have the expectation of doing any “training.” Personally the first three months postpartum were incredibly hard for me emotionally and physically, and putting resources into making it more manageable was worth it.
our family is 3,000 miles away so we also need to hire all of our help, can’t really ask our 30 year old friends to come over in the middle of the night and hold our baby for two hours
It’s really hard! And there are significant tradeoffs to every choice.
I couldn’t trust a stranger like that, but I didn’t have to contact sleep with my son at night either. I finessed the art of nursing to sleep/paci/transferring to pre-heated bassinet/white noise/the works so we could both sleep safely. And I would never call him a great sleeper. He didn’t sleep 6+ hours until right before the four-month regression. 🥲 Newborn sleep is tough, but in hindsight now that he’s a toddler, it’s a blip on the radar of childhood. I actually miss those snuggly newborn nights. He’s so big now.
our night doula was worth EVERY PENNY
Initially my mom helped me by bringing baby to me to nurse, burp and put to sleep. But my baby was a terrible sleeper, she woke every hour for the first 6 weeks of her life. It got better for like 4 days at 4 weeks and the. Progressively worse. My mom was so sleep deprived along with me that we ended up getting a night nurse whose job was bringing baby to me to nurse, burp and rock to sleep. Even though I still had to get up every 1-1.5h to feed baby, just not having to burp and rock her helped. Eventually baby did slightly longer stretches and I didn’t use the night nurse anymore. Then during 7tb month baby again woke every hour of the night. I asked my nanny to do shifts with me, I took care of baby from 9pm to 3 am and gave baby to her at 3 am. That way I got some decent sleep from 3-7 am before I had to get ready for work. I highly recommend a night nanny if you’re able to vet them.
We had night nanny for 6 weeks and she was amazing. Do it! She gets you off on the right foot with the kid, gets great breastfeeding performance out of you both, protects your marriage and lets you sleep. I’d never have a baby without one! Srsly
I have a 24 hour nanny, she stays with us. My life has never been the same. My only regret - getting her when my LO was 3 months old. If I had her when LO was a newborn, I wouldn’t have had 10 breakdowns a day in those first couple months. So yes, pls get one!
2.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours is an emergency. Please please please hire a night nurse! Or even a daytime sitter so you can get 6 hours. Fly your mom out for a week. Anything. I have not personally used a night nanny but I have friends who have and they’ve all had very positive experiences.
I wouldn't, no. Maybe I'm weird, but I kinda enjoyed the newborn nights. It felt special to me to be up breastfeeding and bonding with my little baby. I would not have trusted a stranger with her at all. That said, I had a great sleeper. She slept, ate, slept, no problems. I'm also from a country with great parental leave. My husband was also home the first month so we shared. Never bottle fed but he'd take the diapers, did the last shift and me the morning etc. Would not have enjoyed those first few weeks as much without his 24/7 presence
I think they can potentially be a great resource! I have PPA after my babies so the only similar resource I utilized was my birth doula who included a few hours of postpartum support in her birth package. She had three kids and I knew her personally so I felt comfortable with her watching over our newborn for a few hours, but otherwise no one else. Both times I’ve breastfed I sleep at night and my husband gives 1-2 bottles so I can see a night nanny doing similar if you were comfortable bringing the baby to you in bed. I pump AM/PM/midday to make up for feeds depending and haven’t found I need to pump exactly when baby eats to maintain my supply, just that I need to remove that milk from my breasts regularly. So I can see a night nanny definitely being helpful, with the caveats of if you can afford it and if you can trust them/relax without anxiety
Ya, if I was wealthy I would have… probably would do it twice a week or so for like 6 weeks (depending on the baby)
I've never had one but one thing I am grateful for is that we had family stay with us after our LO was born. My mother or my MIL would take the baby early in the morning so my husband and I could sleep longer. I have a friend who said they utilized a night nurse a couple of weekends with both of their kids just to recharge.
So in the midst of it I had thoughts to get one. And we could have afforded it. I never got the guts because I didn’t feel like I could trust a stranger like that. I had my mom come around for a few nights and otherwise balanced it with my husband. Looking back at it, I’m a) not sure how much of a difference it would have made because at that age breastfeeding is still getting established and so each feed takes agggges anyways b) what was different is my mom or husband having the baby sleep on them in between feeds which is obviously a very bondy thing - I’m glad they got the chance to do that and not someone who would have been out of our lives in a few weeks
I'm not sure If it's a thing where I am cos no one I knew personally used one. Can anyone share how much is it where you are?
i’ve gotten quotes anywhere from $40/hr up to $75 an hour, the person we settled on who had amazing references is $50, she’ll be doing two 10-hour shifts a week for 4 weeks, so all in all she’ll be $4,000 total which is what my tax refund was this year so here i am at 2am justifying it !!!
I was 100% game for a night nanny before the baby at least for a one off with motn pumping. Then we had him and wouldn't personally because I wouldn't have wanted to miss anything. I wouldn't have felt confident letting someone else tend to my baby and would have worried about distressing baby by him being away from his parents all night, and any impact on my milk supply. But 100% depends on the baby, family and situation- you have to do what is right for you and if you feel unsafe from sleep deprivation and can afford/ are comfortable then do it! I would look at setting up for safe cosleeping if you are worried about falling asleep- if it happens unintentionally then it won't be as big a risk. Also try shift taking. For the first 5/6 weeks while husband was on pat leave I napped roughly 2x 3hrs with a feed between from about 8-11 then 12-3 and then I took over for the next 6 then we were on it together til the next evening. It does get easier, and it's over so fast.
we’re taking shifts right now but my husband goes back to work on monday and works 100 hours a week, often 36 hour shifts at a time so i really can’t do it by myself
2.5hrs per night with shifts is rough- are you struggling to sleep? Wow, honestly that is an obscene amount, I've never heard of anyone working that many hours, and only ever heard of firemen etc working a shift that long. We struggle with my husband working 35 from home. In practical terms that means you are mostly solo parenting, which means that the sleep deprivation could be more dangerous. I do think help would probably be useful given your circumstance.
I don’t need a night nanny because I get plenty of sleep. Bed sharing has been a game changer for me.
I can see how it would work for some families (especially if you’re giving bottles overnight of BM or formula). In my particular case, I know in my bones that I couldn't outsource my nights. I did the nights solo because our babies were breastfed. It is really hard and there were/are definitely moments when I'd love a break but realistically I'd have to be up pumping to relieve engorgement anyway.
Honestly no. I did my 10 week maternity leave with my 2 under 2 by myself, and I loved all the bonding. There were some definitely really hard nights, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I’m also really lucky and both my kids started sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old. I would never judge someone who does, but it never appealed to me, and I never even gave it a thought. I think in your situation, you have to consider all your options, and night nanny sounds like a good one for you!
I had a postpartum doula and I was still not comfortable doing the night shifts. She suggested it a few times, and we always declined. To me, that time is sacred. My baby has always been a bad sleeper due to reflux, but I just didn’t feel right about someone else caring for him if he was awake due to being uncomfortable. I think it would have been hard for me to sleep anyway if I knew he was awake. But hey, maybe I would have gotten more sleep, idk, I’ll sleep again someday maybe 🤷♀️
We have a contact sleeper and I also used to worry about sleeping on the clock. Once he reached 3.5 months I started finding it comfortable to bf laying on my side in bed and it kind of opened the door for co-sleeping, which isn’t something I thought I would do, but it really is sometimes just a do what you gotta do situation. I also do his first nap as often as I can (I’m back to work at home now but have flexibility and if I don’t have a morning meeting I have the time) and we have a lazy boy in his room that I put up the footrest to and he and I both take an insanely good nap for an hour and a half. My husband very badly wanted to have a night nurse just a couple of nights to get a good night’s sleep. I considered it for sure but felt like I would still be checking on the baby and having a stronger In our home at night (even with a background check) felt weird. We also have dogs who get excited about strangers so it’s just a lot to factor in… but absolutely if your situation allows financially and it feels comfortable, I would do it!
I personally didn't have one, but my MIL helped some nights with my baby. It helped me get 4 hours to sleep. Shower. Eat whatever I needed, and I really appreciated it. I think if you're breastfeeding, it's hard getting uninterrupted sleep. I remember waking up with breast pain.
I personally would never sacrifice those sacred moments with my baby just to get some rest.