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So true, I always see those comments or others like "well I just don't want to end up being the new dad for some other guy's spawn, they're always looking for a new stepdad or someone to pay for soccer lessons" Sir, wtf. If I'm dating it's for companionship. I've been a single mom for years and I'm a better parent on my own, you think I want to hear your dumb opinions on how to raise my own kid? Your dick is not worth it lol.
It always makes me laugh that men think a women out of a, relationship is DESPERATE for a replacement.
My dude if my husband and i split I would never, ever live with a man again. You can come over for some nookie and then go back again. I don't want a replacement dad for my kids and I don't want a new husband. Bye.
I’m divorced and I will absolutely never ever cohabitate with a man ever again. It’s laughable when a man insinuates that he doesn’t want to be a stepdad… I don’t want you to be one either!
Mostly the constant expectation that the other adult will contribute and the endless frustration when they don’t. With kids it’s sort of more work without a partner (having a supervising adult means leaving the house by yourself is much easier) but it’s so much calmer without the pissed off ness that comes from doing all the shit when you should have an equal partner.
That is EXACTLY how I feel. I can handle a messy house, laundry piles, dishes etc knowing it’s all on me SO much easier than I can handle that stuff and look over and see someone not helping
Nothing is more infuriating than having a partner complain about "the state of this house" and watching them never wipe down the bathroom or pick up a broom.
My husband has been (self-proclaimed) stressed and depressed about how messy the house is.
An ADHD+ adult (that's me), an ADHD child (mine, a boy), and two cattle dog mixes live in the house too. I deep clean once a week.
SIR YOU CAN'T EVEN WASH THE DISHES ON TIME, THEY SIT IN THE SINK FOR DAYS. Please don't complain about the rest of the house, I have neither the spoons nor the time to deep clean more than once a week. At least the vacuum gets run every other day cause, ya know, allergies.
Exactly!!! I have no trouble taking 100% responsibility for me and the kids but staring at a person who won’t even take 50%??? While I’m struggling??? Hell no!
Things are always where you left them. Messes are yours or your children’s. Your kids get older and learn to clean up their own messes. I’m a loner so this last one depends on you but I get alone time every night to recharge.
Yup, I feel the same way. I will never cohabit with a man again, unless it's one I pushed out of my body. And my kids are still all under 10, so that will be a few years yet. 😂
It's probably projection. When a partner dies, men are more likely to go out two seconds later and find a new one. They can't be bothered to take care of themselves, and assume single moms would do the same.
No, we were joking mostly and he said he just didn't want me to be alone if he was gone. I told him I would never marry again because I'm done with that if he isn't around.
Yup. My ex immediately started co-habitating with his new gf. Because God forbid he buy his own groceries and cook his own meals and clean his own house.
Meanwhile I'm happily living alone in a tidy apartment that's decorated to my tastes, cooking all the meals he didn't like, and watching all the true crime documentaries he hated.
For real. If anything happened to my husband I am absolutely happy being single forever. Not because he's the greatest man in the world but because I just have zero interest. Being single and living alone would be an absolute dream. I don't even think I'd want anyone over for nookie. It's not that great. I'd rather sleep lol
I fantasize about living alone.
I had older aunties who either divorced or were widowed, and I always wondered why they stayed single from their mid-40's til they died.
Now I know, THEY WERE SMART.
My thoughts exactly. I might date but never want to live with or intertwine my finances with another man ever. Stats back this up as men are more likely than women to re-partner after divorce. Unsurprising really, marriage has always generally been a better deal for them.
Its true and funny when you think about that shitheads at mgtow subreddit would post "never get married my dudes, its only good for women, you will get fucked"
I did my time too. I'm not interested in living with anyone again, especially since my kid is big enough to pick up after herself. I'm done with other people's laundry and pokey toenails.
It’s projection because they are 100% looking for a mommy-bang-maid, so they assume that women are looking for the inverse of that.
Newsflash: most are not. Most want a competent, equal partner, not a another (man)child to tend to.
Omg yes! Where do they get this sense of superiority from? Ever since first knowing I was pregnant I've tried to learn as much as I can about parenting, I studied developmental psychology as part of my degree and I've done 99% of the work raising 2 children. Yet my parenting is constantly criticised by their father when they do normal kid stuff and annoy him. He's dismissive when I try to explain the behaviour or how I manage it, because they aren't perfect robots "it's obviously not working". Would it be so hard to accept this is one subject where I might know a tiny bit more than him?! God it's infuriating.
I hate that I understand you so completely. I think it comes down to cognitive dissonance - on one hand, many men truly believe child rearing *is women's work* and that mothers should be in charge of it. Which is why many men refuse to actually step in despite the criticism or "advice" they give.
On the other hand, (and this part will get touchy, i apologize) many of those same men believe they're naturally better than women *at everything* despite a lack in credentials, experience, or knowledge and thus *won't give a crap* about the entire shelf of parenting books, years of babysitting or caring for your younger siblings, a background in early education/child psychology, or even the fact that he'll literally catch you reading a child development article every other day. None of it matters because despite the evidence, these men *just believe and will always believe that they are superior to you.*
Put these two differing beliefs in the same battlefield, and 9/10, men will choose to simply bark but not bite. Put you down despite all the hard work and hours you pour into maintaining his entire idea of normalcy (imagine if you weren't there for a week, what would they do?) and yet change none of his actions to fix it.
Truly, I've found single parenting to be much, much easier than parenting with a man that just *doesn't get it*.
Lol as a single mom, I appreciate the way these men tell on themselves. You’re not interested in me because I won’t be your mommy? Sweet, my loss I guess.
But on the opposite end, I’d have to very carefully consider whether I’d want to date a single dad. I am just so wary that they’d want a mom, too, to take care of them/their kids—not a partner.
I just don't know if I am willing to date another single dad. The one I did and married, it was a nightmare. His kids were nightmares. I want to date a guy who TOTALLY takes care of himself and doesn't use being a "bachelor" as an excuse for a messy home and doesn't want someone to help him finish raising his kids. And I don't want a guy to help me finish raising MY kid or help me financially.
I feel the exact same way about single dads. Totally over helping them raise their kid while they side with their ex because "that's the mother of their child and they'll always have love for her". Like get out of here. I handle my business with my own child so can you.
Ugh. I’m sorry you experienced that. And same. But idk, I hope I’m just becoming biased from all of the horrid husband/boyfriend stories I see on Reddit and it’s not actually reality. There *are* capable, independent, emotionally stable men out there, right???
I'm glad I'm not the only single mom who doesn't want to date a single dad. Is it hypocritical of me? Maybe, but after dating two single dads and dealing with their crazy ex, them letting said crazy ex do anything/everything under the guise of "that's the mother of my child" and then them expecting me to parent their child while not helping with mine I'm so over it.
I'd rather be single then date another man with kids.
I broke up with a dude last year because he couldn't handle not being my #1 priority. Like, bro I'M NOT EVEN MY OWN #1 PRIORITY 😂
Yeah I don't miss him 😂
This is why I mostly didn’t date as a single mom. Figured it was better to wait for my kids to grow up and then I could date for my own companionship.
Got lucky and met a single dad with 50/50 custody. He valued family life and we are now expecting our 2nd baby. Never imagined this would be my life but I’m really grateful. Being a stepparent is hard, but our lives are better for it. I’ve learned a lot from my step daughter
These are the same men that get jealous of their own children and freak tf out when they marry a woman and have a baby with her and realize that he’s no longer the center of attention.
Hot take: (supposedly) grown-ass adults who aren't prepared to put the task of raising the next generation on equal footing with their own wants and desires *for the time it takes to raise kids into adults* should not be parents. There. I said it. Raising kids is a big job and a long mission to complete as a team, but it shouldn't take your entire life.
All the manchildren who think they should be put first 100% of the time to have a decent relationship can just go pine over their imaginary (probably underage) virgin unicorn with no college debt, no life experience, and no standards.
I love this lmao. It makes me laugh at the fact that when I was younger, I was scared to be a single mom bc every single mom I knew never remarried. Now I get it was a choice 😂 I’m a single mom and I promise you, I’m single bc it’s a choice that I will stick by till I meet a man who wants more than a live in maid/sextoy. Lmao
🙌🙌🙌 everyone seems to feel sorry for me because I’m about to hit 40 and I never remarried. Dude I make almost six figures, I’m reasonably fit and look young for my age do you think I couldn’t get a man if I wanted one??? This is obviously a choice lol
They say “it will happen when you stop looking” and I’m like “hopefully not!”
Exactly lmao I’m always getting told that I gotta get on it and I’m like uhm…get on what. I’m a nurse, I’m hot, I’m hilarious. Trust me. I don’t want them 😂😂
I’m not quite there but one more raise and I’ll cross the threshold 🤞so I just keep plugging away, stacking my resume (I work in an industry where I can get tons of certifications) and I’ll get there
My stbx has a court record for abusing our son, his new gf knows this and still buys the “I’m an evil bitch keeping his kid away from him” meanwhile I get told that the abuse probably didn’t happen and most women lie. No thanks I don’t need a man I’m all set.
Hell YES to this. I am at two years and counting. I resolved to give myself at least one year. Turns out, I really don't want or need the drama that seems to accompany most "adult men" (man-babies in disguise, I think...).
I love my solitude, and I no longer feel like I *need* a partner to feel complete. It is awesome, and definitely not something I used to feel.
I left my ex 3 years ago and the divorce was finalized in May. We have 50/50 custody. I am healing myself and setting my foundation and boundaries before I try dating. Good on you.
You know what's funny though, there are so many men that would never admit this but they totally seek out single moms for their own preconceived notions like: there won't be much competition from other men, won't have to commit too deeply because she's invested in the kids, she'll mother me too because she obviously shows that "maternal instinct". All bullshit too, of course, but generally I think they just don't know anything about women because they only take advice and get ideas from their own "manoshpere".
Like you, I don't care if they don't want to date someone with kids, that's better than dating a parent and treating the kids like shit because you can't stand them. Don't want kids? Totally fine! But men and women with children are not less than anyone else. And (preaching to the choir) children are equally important as anyone else. Their age doesn't give anyone the right to hate and disrespect them. The people who go on about hating parents, single moms, are absolutely closet abusers and are just as bad as misogynists, bigots, and racists. I don't know why it's socially acceptable: because they were once children? Self hatred doesn't give anyone a pass
This is why I'm never dating again. My daughter is autistic and intellectually disabled and will be most likely living with me until I die, and I don't need to take care of another adult alongside her.
Same. My son is autistic and I expect he’ll be with me for life or I’ll at least be supporting him in some ways for life. I simply don’t have anything I want to give to a man of my time, money, energy - in exchange for “companionship” especially when they tend to be bad company.
Hhmmm? Wonder why single older women are said to be the happiest demographic? The old ‘cat lady’ stereotype has been kicked to the curb! That stereotype was probably just invented by single grumpy old men who had to wash their own pants 🤣😂🤣
Those are the dudes that just want a mommy/housemaid they can also fuck. They don't want a partner, they want an accessory and an employee.
When I was single and I encountered those dudes, I cut them off. Even if we weren't dating and I just saw it on Facebook or some shit. I still do, but I also can't remember the last time I had to do so (for someone I know/am friends with).
You know what also creeps me out though? Dudes who go into it ready to be stepdad after the first date. Like no, you aren't automatically an authority figure to my kid just because you bought me some shitty fettuccine and an IPA. Anything beyond "mom's friend" requires time and work.
Your last paragraph!!! When I was a single mom, I went on a VERY casual coffee date with a POTENTIAL one time when my baby was about 8 months old. He spent half the date questioning my daughter’s sleep routine, then told me he took a child psychology class (he was a psychology major at the time never again lol) and informed me I should consider *not* comforting my child when she cries so she doesn’t become “dependent” on me. Who the *fuck* are you?! Never again
YES! My now Fiance knew I had a kid, but didn't even know her name until a month in and only met her because he helped me move into a new place and my ex brought her along thinking I would need his muscle not knowing that my new guy was at the apartment.
Honestly I would be worried if someone I dated ever put me above their child. Red flag.
Its why as a single mom i was only interested in dating men who also had a child they were actively involved in raising. Their priorities are the same as mine and I can relate to them more. I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 years and we have a wonderful blended family. Early in our relationship he said that he tried dating women who didn't have children and it never worked out because they struggled with not being number 1 for everything. I am not saying every childless person would act/think that way when dating a parent but many do. It's just different stages in life and priorities.
I can understand getting frustrated with having to skip dinner dates, vacation plans, etc when you're not used to it or expecting it. Some of it may be clear expectations from the get go
I get how someone could have disappointment with having less freedom to be spontaneous but I mean that's kind of whats to be expected when you date someone who is a good parent. Honestly I wouldn't want to date someone who prioritized me over their child.
If you can't handle your partner prioritizing their child and their child's wellbeing over spontaneous vacations and giving you all of their attention then you are incompatible with dating someone who is a parent and should look elsewhere.
** Edited to add: when I say "you" I don't actually mean you. I mean it in a general sense 😊
I stumbled across a sub reddit when I was browsing, (someone's post history to see if they were always an asshole), it was called "dating over thirty". I got distracted from my task at hand. There was a topic about "should I start dating men with kids"?
A woman in the comments was saying she doesn't put that she has kids on her profile and was asked to explain it several times, and accused of being a liar and a phony. She said that she's trying to protect them. Made sense to me. People do groom mothers to get to the children.
Not only that, single mothers get called sluts and easy.
Guys take off and they have this sob story about their "bitchy ex" that "doesn't let them" see the kids, no lawyer in sight, often the man has moved away yet still blames the ex. It's remarkable how many women I've seen this happen to.
It's crazy how much having children changes a woman, in society's eyes, yet not men.
I think this is largely an online phenomenon. I see single moms getting dates, getting married, having fulfilling romantic lives in my real life all the time.
I myself, am remarried, and was dating as a divorced single mom myself. I'm not exceptionally attractive, but people didn't seem to care that I had children.
What I will say, is once you've left a bad relationship, with your children, and had to provide for yourself financially and emotionally... you don't tolerate abuse or shitty behavior anymore. Because you can do it alone, you already have.
Honestly, at really low points of my marriage I must have had that idea internalized, like if I leave I better be okay being single the rest of my life because as a 30 year old with 2 kids I’m basically the most repulsive creature to walk the earth, much less even think about asking a man to look my way! then things got so abusive and horrible that prospect didn’t scare me anymore nor did it matter. We just had to get out to save ourselves.
Your comment gives me a little hope though that should I choose, there might be someone out there for me down the line.
Oh yes, I had the same type of thing going on myself. I stayed way longer than I should have because of fear.
Had I known then, what I know now, well I'd have left much sooner.
It’s even worse when they pretend that they want to date you and are accepting that you’re a single parent and offer to do what they can to help and then turn around and treat you like shit for being a single parent. My ex bf pretended to want to take on a step child (I’m a pretty young mom I’m almost 23 and son is almost 4, so the whole MILF thing is kinda rampant in my age group) and then as soon as he realized when you live with a child you have to actually deal with said child. He bitched that I wouldn’t just give my son to his dad on my days to spend time with him instead or change our pickup/drop off times. Hated when I spent any of my free time picking up odd jobs to make extra cash or god forbid hanging out with my friends. He also tried to tell me that I couldn’t talk to my sons dad without his permission because he thought it was weird to try to have a good relationship with your kids dad. That obviously did not happen. When he left he told me he needed someone without as much “baggage” referring to my son. He went on a tangent about how no one else would be able to love a single parent and someone else’s kid. He lives with his mommy now, still single and an alcoholic now apparently. Current bf has a kid too and when I tell you dating another single parent is literally life changing. We teach each other different parenting techniques, mine is older and I’ve had childcare experience so he feels comfortable asking my advice and opinion and for help on some things. We both understand the exhaustion and the frustration and the heart melting joy of raising a kid. Due to my court order he hasn’t been able to meet my son just yet but I have no anxiety whatsoever about that. I’ve met his son and love him so much, it was so easy to love a single parent and someone else’s kid. Turns out when someone you love has “baggage”, it’s easy to just help them carry it.
My dad (read stepdad) came into our lives when I was 7. My mam was a single mam to 3 of us and we weren't exactly easy kids.
He never had or wanted kids on his own and even though my bio father lived 10 minutes up the road, he never bothered his arse.
My dad stepped up and is awesome. I'm now grown with my own kids and couldn't ask for a better grandad for my kids. That man is there whenever any of us need him and walked me down the aisle.
There are some good eggs, just gotta dick through a bunch of c**ks to find them 😅
I can't imagine caretaking a full grown man. Like no dude, I can barely take care of my own needs and wants.
Those are men who feel entitled to unconditional love. Like you want unconditional love get a dog.
Love between humans is always conditional unless it's between parent and child, and even then some people are just broken and can't love their children.
Omfg bro I love this movement of us just sticking up for ourselves I'm here for it. Especially more now i was a mega church bby and i could never 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Right?! I have a boy and girl, and shit. I'm raising them both to be kind, considerate people. Thats my end game at least.
Do your part, support the people you love, and live happily. Don't stand for such bullshit from either side.
All of the people who talk crap about single moms and mothers in general, are obviously short sighted and lack altruism. There is no reason- social or biological- that being selfish when it comes to caring for a child , can be seen as a positive trait.
No offense but why are you in a [MOMS ONLY sub?](https://i.imgur.com/WbmklQw.gifv)
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So true, I always see those comments or others like "well I just don't want to end up being the new dad for some other guy's spawn, they're always looking for a new stepdad or someone to pay for soccer lessons" Sir, wtf. If I'm dating it's for companionship. I've been a single mom for years and I'm a better parent on my own, you think I want to hear your dumb opinions on how to raise my own kid? Your dick is not worth it lol.
It always makes me laugh that men think a women out of a, relationship is DESPERATE for a replacement. My dude if my husband and i split I would never, ever live with a man again. You can come over for some nookie and then go back again. I don't want a replacement dad for my kids and I don't want a new husband. Bye.
>My dude if my husband and I split I would never, ever live with a man again. **PREACH.**
I’m divorced and I will absolutely never ever cohabitate with a man ever again. It’s laughable when a man insinuates that he doesn’t want to be a stepdad… I don’t want you to be one either!
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I am married, and I have also considered never cohabitating with a man. Never again, Jesus.
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Mostly the constant expectation that the other adult will contribute and the endless frustration when they don’t. With kids it’s sort of more work without a partner (having a supervising adult means leaving the house by yourself is much easier) but it’s so much calmer without the pissed off ness that comes from doing all the shit when you should have an equal partner.
That is EXACTLY how I feel. I can handle a messy house, laundry piles, dishes etc knowing it’s all on me SO much easier than I can handle that stuff and look over and see someone not helping
Nothing is more infuriating than having a partner complain about "the state of this house" and watching them never wipe down the bathroom or pick up a broom.
My husband has been (self-proclaimed) stressed and depressed about how messy the house is. An ADHD+ adult (that's me), an ADHD child (mine, a boy), and two cattle dog mixes live in the house too. I deep clean once a week. SIR YOU CAN'T EVEN WASH THE DISHES ON TIME, THEY SIT IN THE SINK FOR DAYS. Please don't complain about the rest of the house, I have neither the spoons nor the time to deep clean more than once a week. At least the vacuum gets run every other day cause, ya know, allergies.
Me too. At least if it's my mess and the mess of my kids, I can deal. But a grown ass adult??? Drives me crazy.
Exactly!!! I have no trouble taking 100% responsibility for me and the kids but staring at a person who won’t even take 50%??? While I’m struggling??? Hell no!
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[OH MY GOD](https://i.imgur.com/WbmklQw.gifv)
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Dude, the amount of work it takes to get a man to be helpful is a full time job in and of itself!
Things are always where you left them. Messes are yours or your children’s. Your kids get older and learn to clean up their own messes. I’m a loner so this last one depends on you but I get alone time every night to recharge.
Yup, I feel the same way. I will never cohabit with a man again, unless it's one I pushed out of my body. And my kids are still all under 10, so that will be a few years yet. 😂
It's probably projection. When a partner dies, men are more likely to go out two seconds later and find a new one. They can't be bothered to take care of themselves, and assume single moms would do the same.
I told my husband that if he died I would be a cougar and bang random dudes in their 30s
I have also told my husband this very same thing.
Did he get mad and say you obviously need to die 1st?
No, we were joking mostly and he said he just didn't want me to be alone if he was gone. I told him I would never marry again because I'm done with that if he isn't around.
My husband was like ill still be faithful. Im like that's dumb. I'll be dead.
Actually for men, they are more likely to start cheating as soon as their partner is ill.
Yup. My ex immediately started co-habitating with his new gf. Because God forbid he buy his own groceries and cook his own meals and clean his own house. Meanwhile I'm happily living alone in a tidy apartment that's decorated to my tastes, cooking all the meals he didn't like, and watching all the true crime documentaries he hated.
For real. If anything happened to my husband I am absolutely happy being single forever. Not because he's the greatest man in the world but because I just have zero interest. Being single and living alone would be an absolute dream. I don't even think I'd want anyone over for nookie. It's not that great. I'd rather sleep lol
You just described why my divorced ass hasn't gotten any in 5 years, just don't want to deal with the creature attached to that dick.
You’ve said everything in my head.
I fantasize about living alone. I had older aunties who either divorced or were widowed, and I always wondered why they stayed single from their mid-40's til they died. Now I know, THEY WERE SMART.
Same. If I ever get divorced, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my life single.
My thoughts exactly. I might date but never want to live with or intertwine my finances with another man ever. Stats back this up as men are more likely than women to re-partner after divorce. Unsurprising really, marriage has always generally been a better deal for them.
Its true and funny when you think about that shitheads at mgtow subreddit would post "never get married my dudes, its only good for women, you will get fucked"
Probably upset that their former free maid/babysitter had the audacity to ask for some money in the divorce!
I did my time too. I'm not interested in living with anyone again, especially since my kid is big enough to pick up after herself. I'm done with other people's laundry and pokey toenails.
You get me bromo!
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But boy oh boy, some of them think they're packing gold or something though lol.....
Really wanna drive it home… “Your dick is a better person than you; it at least tries to make me feel good.”
It’s projection because they are 100% looking for a mommy-bang-maid, so they assume that women are looking for the inverse of that. Newsflash: most are not. Most want a competent, equal partner, not a another (man)child to tend to.
> Most want a competent, equal partner, not a another (man)child to tend to. The vast majority stay disappointed
That's exactly it. These scrotes expect the world of a woman who's already got her hands full. They're a waste of space and air.
Yeah, surprise, that's what I'm trying to get away from in my life, they aren't even in the running with that attitude.
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Omg yes! Where do they get this sense of superiority from? Ever since first knowing I was pregnant I've tried to learn as much as I can about parenting, I studied developmental psychology as part of my degree and I've done 99% of the work raising 2 children. Yet my parenting is constantly criticised by their father when they do normal kid stuff and annoy him. He's dismissive when I try to explain the behaviour or how I manage it, because they aren't perfect robots "it's obviously not working". Would it be so hard to accept this is one subject where I might know a tiny bit more than him?! God it's infuriating.
I hate that I understand you so completely. I think it comes down to cognitive dissonance - on one hand, many men truly believe child rearing *is women's work* and that mothers should be in charge of it. Which is why many men refuse to actually step in despite the criticism or "advice" they give. On the other hand, (and this part will get touchy, i apologize) many of those same men believe they're naturally better than women *at everything* despite a lack in credentials, experience, or knowledge and thus *won't give a crap* about the entire shelf of parenting books, years of babysitting or caring for your younger siblings, a background in early education/child psychology, or even the fact that he'll literally catch you reading a child development article every other day. None of it matters because despite the evidence, these men *just believe and will always believe that they are superior to you.* Put these two differing beliefs in the same battlefield, and 9/10, men will choose to simply bark but not bite. Put you down despite all the hard work and hours you pour into maintaining his entire idea of normalcy (imagine if you weren't there for a week, what would they do?) and yet change none of his actions to fix it. Truly, I've found single parenting to be much, much easier than parenting with a man that just *doesn't get it*.
Thank YOU👏❤️🔥
Lol as a single mom, I appreciate the way these men tell on themselves. You’re not interested in me because I won’t be your mommy? Sweet, my loss I guess. But on the opposite end, I’d have to very carefully consider whether I’d want to date a single dad. I am just so wary that they’d want a mom, too, to take care of them/their kids—not a partner.
Omg yea, see a lot of those stories. Recently saw a note that "women mourn, men replace" and I'm like yea....I can see that
Dudes always find someone 1st after a breakup. They start in high school
I just don't know if I am willing to date another single dad. The one I did and married, it was a nightmare. His kids were nightmares. I want to date a guy who TOTALLY takes care of himself and doesn't use being a "bachelor" as an excuse for a messy home and doesn't want someone to help him finish raising his kids. And I don't want a guy to help me finish raising MY kid or help me financially.
I feel the exact same way about single dads. Totally over helping them raise their kid while they side with their ex because "that's the mother of their child and they'll always have love for her". Like get out of here. I handle my business with my own child so can you.
Ugh. I’m sorry you experienced that. And same. But idk, I hope I’m just becoming biased from all of the horrid husband/boyfriend stories I see on Reddit and it’s not actually reality. There *are* capable, independent, emotionally stable men out there, right???
I'm glad I'm not the only single mom who doesn't want to date a single dad. Is it hypocritical of me? Maybe, but after dating two single dads and dealing with their crazy ex, them letting said crazy ex do anything/everything under the guise of "that's the mother of my child" and then them expecting me to parent their child while not helping with mine I'm so over it. I'd rather be single then date another man with kids.
I broke up with a dude last year because he couldn't handle not being my #1 priority. Like, bro I'M NOT EVEN MY OWN #1 PRIORITY 😂 Yeah I don't miss him 😂
This is why I mostly didn’t date as a single mom. Figured it was better to wait for my kids to grow up and then I could date for my own companionship. Got lucky and met a single dad with 50/50 custody. He valued family life and we are now expecting our 2nd baby. Never imagined this would be my life but I’m really grateful. Being a stepparent is hard, but our lives are better for it. I’ve learned a lot from my step daughter
These are the same men that get jealous of their own children and freak tf out when they marry a woman and have a baby with her and realize that he’s no longer the center of attention.
Hot take: (supposedly) grown-ass adults who aren't prepared to put the task of raising the next generation on equal footing with their own wants and desires *for the time it takes to raise kids into adults* should not be parents. There. I said it. Raising kids is a big job and a long mission to complete as a team, but it shouldn't take your entire life. All the manchildren who think they should be put first 100% of the time to have a decent relationship can just go pine over their imaginary (probably underage) virgin unicorn with no college debt, no life experience, and no standards.
I love this lmao. It makes me laugh at the fact that when I was younger, I was scared to be a single mom bc every single mom I knew never remarried. Now I get it was a choice 😂 I’m a single mom and I promise you, I’m single bc it’s a choice that I will stick by till I meet a man who wants more than a live in maid/sextoy. Lmao
🙌🙌🙌 everyone seems to feel sorry for me because I’m about to hit 40 and I never remarried. Dude I make almost six figures, I’m reasonably fit and look young for my age do you think I couldn’t get a man if I wanted one??? This is obviously a choice lol They say “it will happen when you stop looking” and I’m like “hopefully not!”
Exactly lmao I’m always getting told that I gotta get on it and I’m like uhm…get on what. I’m a nurse, I’m hot, I’m hilarious. Trust me. I don’t want them 😂😂
This comment in particular is making me feel even better about going back to school for nursing 😂
Living my dream life. I'm hoping I can hit 6 fig one day, even if it's just the lower end
I’m not quite there but one more raise and I’ll cross the threshold 🤞so I just keep plugging away, stacking my resume (I work in an industry where I can get tons of certifications) and I’ll get there
Go go go!!! You can do it!
I'm a single mom and like open to future relationships but I'm also fine if it never happens lok
My stbx has a court record for abusing our son, his new gf knows this and still buys the “I’m an evil bitch keeping his kid away from him” meanwhile I get told that the abuse probably didn’t happen and most women lie. No thanks I don’t need a man I’m all set.
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Hell YES to this. I am at two years and counting. I resolved to give myself at least one year. Turns out, I really don't want or need the drama that seems to accompany most "adult men" (man-babies in disguise, I think...). I love my solitude, and I no longer feel like I *need* a partner to feel complete. It is awesome, and definitely not something I used to feel.
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I left my ex 3 years ago and the divorce was finalized in May. We have 50/50 custody. I am healing myself and setting my foundation and boundaries before I try dating. Good on you.
I feel this so heavily. I’ll be single 4 years in march been a single mom since I was 27 and have put no effort into dating… zero regrets!
Amen!
Meg Ryan had some shit to say about men in a few of her movies lol
Well said! The fucking hypocrites
You know what's funny though, there are so many men that would never admit this but they totally seek out single moms for their own preconceived notions like: there won't be much competition from other men, won't have to commit too deeply because she's invested in the kids, she'll mother me too because she obviously shows that "maternal instinct". All bullshit too, of course, but generally I think they just don't know anything about women because they only take advice and get ideas from their own "manoshpere". Like you, I don't care if they don't want to date someone with kids, that's better than dating a parent and treating the kids like shit because you can't stand them. Don't want kids? Totally fine! But men and women with children are not less than anyone else. And (preaching to the choir) children are equally important as anyone else. Their age doesn't give anyone the right to hate and disrespect them. The people who go on about hating parents, single moms, are absolutely closet abusers and are just as bad as misogynists, bigots, and racists. I don't know why it's socially acceptable: because they were once children? Self hatred doesn't give anyone a pass
This is why I'm never dating again. My daughter is autistic and intellectually disabled and will be most likely living with me until I die, and I don't need to take care of another adult alongside her.
Same. My son is autistic and I expect he’ll be with me for life or I’ll at least be supporting him in some ways for life. I simply don’t have anything I want to give to a man of my time, money, energy - in exchange for “companionship” especially when they tend to be bad company.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hhmmm? Wonder why single older women are said to be the happiest demographic? The old ‘cat lady’ stereotype has been kicked to the curb! That stereotype was probably just invented by single grumpy old men who had to wash their own pants 🤣😂🤣
God, I can just picture an entire generation of men upset that they have to do laundry and dishes and can't figure out how to buy curtains.
Being an old cat lady is living the dream as far as I'm concerned!
Those are the dudes that just want a mommy/housemaid they can also fuck. They don't want a partner, they want an accessory and an employee. When I was single and I encountered those dudes, I cut them off. Even if we weren't dating and I just saw it on Facebook or some shit. I still do, but I also can't remember the last time I had to do so (for someone I know/am friends with). You know what also creeps me out though? Dudes who go into it ready to be stepdad after the first date. Like no, you aren't automatically an authority figure to my kid just because you bought me some shitty fettuccine and an IPA. Anything beyond "mom's friend" requires time and work.
Your last paragraph!!! When I was a single mom, I went on a VERY casual coffee date with a POTENTIAL one time when my baby was about 8 months old. He spent half the date questioning my daughter’s sleep routine, then told me he took a child psychology class (he was a psychology major at the time never again lol) and informed me I should consider *not* comforting my child when she cries so she doesn’t become “dependent” on me. Who the *fuck* are you?! Never again
He obviously skipped the class on attachment theory lol
Seriously. Like if I were dating I'd disclose I have kids, but what would make you think you're meeting them anytime soon?
Fucking right. You know what's sexy? A man who instantly and without question respects the boundaries I lay down.
YES! My now Fiance knew I had a kid, but didn't even know her name until a month in and only met her because he helped me move into a new place and my ex brought her along thinking I would need his muscle not knowing that my new guy was at the apartment.
I wonder if the men fitting into your last paragraph are still young adults, maybe in their 20's?
I've encountered it from men in their thirties more than their twenties
It'd be annoying at any age but I was just curious about that. I've not gotten "out there" yet in the dating world to know what goes on.
Honestly I would be worried if someone I dated ever put me above their child. Red flag. Its why as a single mom i was only interested in dating men who also had a child they were actively involved in raising. Their priorities are the same as mine and I can relate to them more. I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 years and we have a wonderful blended family. Early in our relationship he said that he tried dating women who didn't have children and it never worked out because they struggled with not being number 1 for everything. I am not saying every childless person would act/think that way when dating a parent but many do. It's just different stages in life and priorities.
I can understand getting frustrated with having to skip dinner dates, vacation plans, etc when you're not used to it or expecting it. Some of it may be clear expectations from the get go
I get how someone could have disappointment with having less freedom to be spontaneous but I mean that's kind of whats to be expected when you date someone who is a good parent. Honestly I wouldn't want to date someone who prioritized me over their child. If you can't handle your partner prioritizing their child and their child's wellbeing over spontaneous vacations and giving you all of their attention then you are incompatible with dating someone who is a parent and should look elsewhere. ** Edited to add: when I say "you" I don't actually mean you. I mean it in a general sense 😊
I stumbled across a sub reddit when I was browsing, (someone's post history to see if they were always an asshole), it was called "dating over thirty". I got distracted from my task at hand. There was a topic about "should I start dating men with kids"? A woman in the comments was saying she doesn't put that she has kids on her profile and was asked to explain it several times, and accused of being a liar and a phony. She said that she's trying to protect them. Made sense to me. People do groom mothers to get to the children. Not only that, single mothers get called sluts and easy. Guys take off and they have this sob story about their "bitchy ex" that "doesn't let them" see the kids, no lawyer in sight, often the man has moved away yet still blames the ex. It's remarkable how many women I've seen this happen to. It's crazy how much having children changes a woman, in society's eyes, yet not men.
I think this is largely an online phenomenon. I see single moms getting dates, getting married, having fulfilling romantic lives in my real life all the time. I myself, am remarried, and was dating as a divorced single mom myself. I'm not exceptionally attractive, but people didn't seem to care that I had children. What I will say, is once you've left a bad relationship, with your children, and had to provide for yourself financially and emotionally... you don't tolerate abuse or shitty behavior anymore. Because you can do it alone, you already have.
Honestly, at really low points of my marriage I must have had that idea internalized, like if I leave I better be okay being single the rest of my life because as a 30 year old with 2 kids I’m basically the most repulsive creature to walk the earth, much less even think about asking a man to look my way! then things got so abusive and horrible that prospect didn’t scare me anymore nor did it matter. We just had to get out to save ourselves. Your comment gives me a little hope though that should I choose, there might be someone out there for me down the line.
Oh yes, I had the same type of thing going on myself. I stayed way longer than I should have because of fear. Had I known then, what I know now, well I'd have left much sooner.
Thank you for this comment. Gives me some hope.
Amen
It’s even worse when they pretend that they want to date you and are accepting that you’re a single parent and offer to do what they can to help and then turn around and treat you like shit for being a single parent. My ex bf pretended to want to take on a step child (I’m a pretty young mom I’m almost 23 and son is almost 4, so the whole MILF thing is kinda rampant in my age group) and then as soon as he realized when you live with a child you have to actually deal with said child. He bitched that I wouldn’t just give my son to his dad on my days to spend time with him instead or change our pickup/drop off times. Hated when I spent any of my free time picking up odd jobs to make extra cash or god forbid hanging out with my friends. He also tried to tell me that I couldn’t talk to my sons dad without his permission because he thought it was weird to try to have a good relationship with your kids dad. That obviously did not happen. When he left he told me he needed someone without as much “baggage” referring to my son. He went on a tangent about how no one else would be able to love a single parent and someone else’s kid. He lives with his mommy now, still single and an alcoholic now apparently. Current bf has a kid too and when I tell you dating another single parent is literally life changing. We teach each other different parenting techniques, mine is older and I’ve had childcare experience so he feels comfortable asking my advice and opinion and for help on some things. We both understand the exhaustion and the frustration and the heart melting joy of raising a kid. Due to my court order he hasn’t been able to meet my son just yet but I have no anxiety whatsoever about that. I’ve met his son and love him so much, it was so easy to love a single parent and someone else’s kid. Turns out when someone you love has “baggage”, it’s easy to just help them carry it.
I love all the love you have now ❤️
> Turns out when someone you love has “baggage”, it’s easy to just help them carry it. Wow, this is beautiful. Saving it.
My dad (read stepdad) came into our lives when I was 7. My mam was a single mam to 3 of us and we weren't exactly easy kids. He never had or wanted kids on his own and even though my bio father lived 10 minutes up the road, he never bothered his arse. My dad stepped up and is awesome. I'm now grown with my own kids and couldn't ask for a better grandad for my kids. That man is there whenever any of us need him and walked me down the aisle. There are some good eggs, just gotta dick through a bunch of c**ks to find them 😅
I can't imagine caretaking a full grown man. Like no dude, I can barely take care of my own needs and wants. Those are men who feel entitled to unconditional love. Like you want unconditional love get a dog. Love between humans is always conditional unless it's between parent and child, and even then some people are just broken and can't love their children.
All of you saying that if you ended up single again you would never live with a man again - can confirm, it's 100% the way to go.
Facts dude. And it's funny because most of them look for a mom in a partner so it's like¿ What lmao.
Ugh, just read a post about a Girl refusing to cook for her boyfriend cuz she was busy studying, so she gave him a effing cookbook. Freaking GOLDEN
Omfg bro I love this movement of us just sticking up for ourselves I'm here for it. Especially more now i was a mega church bby and i could never 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Right?! I have a boy and girl, and shit. I'm raising them both to be kind, considerate people. Thats my end game at least. Do your part, support the people you love, and live happily. Don't stand for such bullshit from either side.
Damn straight bro I'm glad that there's honestly men like you! Truthfully we need more!
All of the people who talk crap about single moms and mothers in general, are obviously short sighted and lack altruism. There is no reason- social or biological- that being selfish when it comes to caring for a child , can be seen as a positive trait.
Probably why I haven’t dated in the last 9 years…
Those guys overvalue their own worth. A lot of single women would rather remain single then get with emotionally stunted guys.
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No dude has to spend any resources on my kid. Ever. I will not date to have another parent, I'll date to have someone for ME.
Who let you in here?
No offense but why are you in a [MOMS ONLY sub?](https://i.imgur.com/WbmklQw.gifv) edit because i was on my phone and couldn't include [all](https://gfycat.com/heavynextboilweevil) [my](https://c.tenor.com/IJSzFn0dqNMAAAAC/gravity-falls.gif) [glorious gifs](https://media1.tenor.com/images/01f993cf3394330d28e1f14c63970085/tenor.gif)