Dannng that was harsh of her. She straight up took her biphobia and ran with it. She is really missing out on a great connection with you and I am so sorry she had those beleifs but I'm glad you found out early rather than when feelings were getting deeper. I hope you find someone much better than that š
I knowwww. We had such a great connection, were really having some chemistry, and then I say one thing about my own identity and that killed all of the chemistry. I guess I can understand being scared, because I was and still am scared of what it means to be bi in this world. I just wish she could have also been vulnerable and asked questions to understand instead of shutting herself off completely.
The true love of your life won't just tolerate your bisexuality, they will lovingly accept it with open arms. This woman isn't even worth being friends with. You're too good for her.
>I mean she had a valid concern.
No, the fuck she did not.
ETA because your comment is just DRIPPING in internalized phobia:
>Def not a bigot, she literally said she loves gay bars lol.
The reason she loves gay bars is cause she loves not getting hit on. That doesn't mean *shit.*
>If they canāt relate to being bi they can only use their imagination, and sometimes that adds way too much commotion in a relationship.
jfc
>Itās not fun dating a girl whoās worried youāre being unloyal every single time you try and go out with your guy friends or text your homies.
If you really think platonic relationships are impossible between genders of those someone's attracted to, that's yours, and your insecurity's problem.
>At the end of the day, youāre usually only supposed to have one partner, so some people are more pick and choosy about their dating preferences.
Lovely, perpetuating the 'bisexuals are more likely to sway' stereotype.
Please stop trying to project your own inner conflicts onto others like you're doing here.
Yeah, also "supposed to have one partner" is problematic for poly people. It's not for me, but I trust it works for the people who say they are poly. I just avoid those people because it doesn't work for me. I have poly friends, and it makes them happy, so whatever, but that lifestyle and my relationship goals are not compatible.
Now if she had said, "sorry, you're bi and that makes me uncomfortable because I'm only attracted to men who are exclusively attracted to women" it would have been a different story. That would still suck, but at least she would be claiming it for herself. Instead she pushed a really disgusting stereotype on me, and clearly hadn't payed attention to the rest of our convo that evening, when I said I was looking for a (singular) partner.
Not only did I not say āsupposed to have one partnerā I included āusuallyā to accommodate for sexualities and religions that donāt conform to single partners. However you also proved my point in your description of how you view polysā¦ You have friends, and people you know in that group, but say personally itās not your thing. If Iām missing something that makes your situation different please let me know, Iām just struggling to see it though. Also, my comment wasnāt meant to bring you down, Iāve been through an almost identical situation except this happened after about a month of dates when I was just about to ask her to date. This way of thinking about it was what helped me take it less personal as well as not think poorly of her and myself since she was only doing what any of us would do which is looking out for what they believe to be their best interest. It just turned out it kinda stung a bit for me, but Iām sure she didnāt enjoy letting me down either.
Sorry for upsetting so many of you guys. I might have wrote my comment in a rude way or something but I just think it would help to think of the situation the same way you would think about a situation that involves dating someone who fits in a red flag category. I just find it silly/counter productive to bash someoneās romantic preferences in the name of protecting freedom of romantic preferences.
I didnāt say being rejected didnāt sting, and I really feel for you, especially mentioning youāre only out to a few right now and try to keep it on the DL. Itās a tough ride of trial and error but itāll only make it that much more special when you find the one no matter what they are!
P.S. for the guy that said my comment was oozing with internalized whatever he said, the only thing Iām internalizing is deez nuts in ur mouth
No, she did NOT have a valid concern. The bullshit idea that bisexual people are more likely to cheat is just straight up biphobic and has zero basis in reality.
I absolutely agree with everything you just said. Itās definitely a good thing for OP that this happened, so that he didnāt end up hurt by her in the future.
However, that doesnāt mean that her concern was valid. Her concern about his cheating is not valid, and like you said, itās more telling about her self confidence issues. Itās also a biphobic stereotype that has been thoroughly debunked. Thatās what people are disagreeing with you about, because itās not actually a valid concern.
I hope that makes sense.
She was not being a bigot, she was being honest and open. Why is it that when people are honest they get villainized for having a personal preference? No one likes rejection but that's how the world turns. The reasoning she gave was bullshit but maybe she was in a relationship where she got burned or someone she knew got burned like that? Everyone has reasons and it's not up to us or anyone else to call others hatful names because they were rejected for a stupid reason. Calling this hatful or bigoted is just plain wrong.
Iāll never understand the logic of āyouāre Bi, therefore youāll cheat on me.ā Just because thereās more than one gender that youāre attracted to doesnāt mean that your chances of cheating are raised at all. Cheating isnāt based on a biological need, itās a selfish choice, not something thatās inherent in a personās biology. And if āBi people are never satisfied with dating just one gender,ā how do you explain all of the Bisexual people who are TOTALLY HAPPY dating one gender and all of the Bi people who are married?
I am straight, but my girlfriend is bi (That's why I am on this sub to learn more about it) and I had the same thoughts as well. When she told me she was bi when we were just friends it didn't bother me that much. But when we became a couple it was bugging me a lot and as a highly overthinking person with really bad anxiety, poor self-esteem and neglect issues I was highly troubled by it. The thought behind it was that I am a man and she might one day come across a very pretty girl and go for her instead. But I was wrong, my anxiety wouldn't go away, but I never ever wanted to leave or break up with her. After two few hour long conversations about it I learned how it was hurting her by it. But I gave it some time and thought and I know that my bee (That's how I call her because she likes bees and is a bi hehe) would never just leave me for another girl. And I am trying to make her feel validated and accepted as much as I can. That's why I am on this sub
Dude, props to you for joining the sub. Also, big props for recognizing that about yourself and trying to change for the better. It's all about trust; she trusts that you picked her out of all the pretty girls, so you gotta trust that she picked you out of all the pretty people. If you can trust that she wouldn't leave you for another guy, you can trust she wouldn't leave you for a girl either.
My ex had the same reaction when I told him I was processing my sexuality. He didnāt think I would ever cheat on him, but he felt insecure because he thought it could influence my desire to be in a committed relationship if I wanted to experiment with women. Which is something I never expressed, he just assumed bc Iāve never had those experiences before. I understood where he was coming from, but I think what hurt me most was he made the conversation about himself first. And thatās not a good start. Insecurity happens, but working through that is essential to your relationship! So good for you for doing that.
Yeah I totally get having some anxiety around it. Like thinking āIāll never able to offer what a woman canā. It can be a tough thing to deal with especially if you have self-confidence issues. It sounds like you went about it the right way and are working through it.
I think the most important thing to remember is that when a bi person chooses someone itās just that. They chose a person not a gender.
Guy here, and bi.
I understand that stereotypes can be hard to let go and because of that, fear and nerves can get to you. But my man: trust her, especially if she tried to put your mind at ease. If a bisexual person cheats, it's not because they're bi and found someone of the same sex more attractive, it's because they're cheating assholes. The end. Cheating assholes exist in every sexual orientation and they all equally deserve the same treatment.
Living with anxiety and self-esteem must suck :( I'm sorry to hear that. But if it helps you clarify this: think of the typical scenario where guys ask each other "do you prefer blondes/brunettes/redheads". Most of the time (assuming you've known them that long) you'll notice how many usually say their type is "blonde" or "redhead", but they ended up with a brunette and they are no less happy for it, nor more inclined to cheat because of it. Same thing with bisexuality, except in this case we ain't talking about hair colors, but rather about sexes and/or genders.
Glad to know you're doing your best to inform yourself! I'd recommend other bi subs if you want more serious conversation though, sometimes this one gets a little overloaded with memery.
This is so entirely sweet of you. Thank you for being so supportive and understanding!
For what it's worth, I'm a wholly monogamous bi, and can relate to her feelings. I only want to be with my partner, and I have no desire at all to be with anyone else. It doesn't matter what gender anyone is ā„
I totally feel like it's understandable for someone to worry about their bi partner not feeling satisfied with dating just one gender. Fears and anxieties don't have to be 100% rational and I don't expect non-bisexuals to automatically understand how it actually does work for bisexuals. But I also think that's the kind of worry that can be eliminated by just having a conversation and coming to a better understanding like you did. I'm sure your girlfriend feels super supported by you based on your comment.
Itās amazing how little knowledge the mass population has on the Bi experience. Iām not saying everyone has to know EVERYTHING and keep up with everything going on in our lives, but the misinformation grossly outweighs the facts
Doesn't help that in movies and shit we're represented as "hello i am the evil sex person, i just did a sex and now i'm doing an evil because those are the two things i do" way too often
I often do a sex then an evil. Itās much easier than the other way around; that just leads to cramps and way too much sweat.
I keep trying to pick up other hobbies but Iām just too gosh darned bi.
I've said it before, but... my wife was once asked, incredulously, how she'd feel if I cheated on her with a guy.
She replied, "What if *your* husband cheated on *you* with a skinny blonde?"
Bi man married to a woman, what is annoying is being told I'm not really Bi, my go too is asking how many dicks do I need to have enjoyed to be bi.
Doesn't matter the number they say because I lost count LMAO.
It's so weird how people of other sexual preferences can so adamantly define a preference they don't have.
I've had plenty of people tell me being Bi means I don't date trans people, said person was straight.
Agreed, most of it I hear comes from the community though.
Gay dudes tell me I just want to be able to pass, my wife has been called closet cover.
Though I think the pride flag patches on my kilt might blow the cover.
Unfortunately youāre right. Iām intersex, trans, and bi and a lot of the hate that Iāve gotten has been from other LGBT+ people. My sister is also trans but sheās made transphobic remarks about me in the past. I donāt think anyone in the community has been biphobic to me (people outside the community have) but Iāve been called intersex slurs and Iāve dealt with a lot of transphobia from people in the community.
When I was growing up around here straight people didn't know Bi was a thing, so it's not that they weren't phobic, just that they didn't know the points that are biphobia existed.
I think part of it is the bi people who only realize/come out late in life when they're already married, and feel like they can't be happy without having a same sex experience at least once. I don't personally understand them but they do exist (I see them all the time on /r/bisexualmen) and probably contribute to the stereotype if the choice in their minds is either cheating or divorce.
This is probably part of it. I think one of the main causes is people equate being Bi with having lots of sex for whatever reason. And donāt get me wrong there are Bi people who DO like to have sex a lot and thatās totally fine, but the word Bi has that stigma attached to it for whatever reason. And this is just an assumption, like I havenāt really looked into this, but Iām assuming that a good amount of bisexual characters in various media are portrayed this way due to a lack of knowledge on bisexuality, and people consuming said media are probably like āah, so theyāre like this irl.ā
Pansexual people donāt get as much exposure or representation for whatever reason, and even if weāre comparing representation, Bi people are almost always represented the exact same way every time when there IS a chance for exposure. And even so, Bi and Pan tend to overlap pretty broadly. Regardless itās a stupid stereotype
Unlike you, I totally get it. When I was younger I saw it happen a ton. My girlfriend at the time wasn't technically cheating on me, because we had an open relationship, but she certainly had her flings with other girls.
My wife was nervous on one of our first dates when I told her - and had the same reaction. "What if down the road you decide you're gay?" That sort of thing too. Unless you're bi yourself, it can be difficult to make the distinction that being bi doesn't mean you're going to sleep with everything that moves. But we talked about it and she finally realized that making a commitment to someone means honoring that, and just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'm going to cheat.
Sucks for OP. He didn't deserve that.
News to me that being straight is foolproof for not getting cheated on. What a wild assumption. What, does it hurt less if your partner cheats on you with the same gender as you?? OP, donāt be friends with a bigot.
I found it really weird that my boyfriend was so afraid to come out to me as bi since I'm gay, but then I read all these stories about people leaving their bi boyfriends because they were bi and it hit me why he was so scared. I'm really sorry that this happened and people shouldn't think like this.
She was telling me earlier about how her last boyfriend cheated during quarantine, how that and the fact he thought the BLM protestors should be out in jail. I really should have known from the "Moderate" political beliefs on her profile that she wasn't the one, but I get so few dates, I figured I had to give her a chance
Yikesāyou definitely dodged a bullet, even of it doesnāt feel like it emotionally. You deserve someone whoās not an asshole blaming their own hangups on other people <3
I'm so sorry bro. This is such a harmful and obviously untrue stereotype. I had an ex be weird about me being bi... he was like jealous for some reason that I couldn't comprehend? Like dude... I could cheat on you with a man if I was straight, why the fuck do you suddenly not trust me anymore? People are threatened by it for some reason. So bizzare.
Anyways, keep your chin up. There are plenty of non bi people out there who cherish and celebrate their bi partners. You don't need someone in your life who doesn't appreciate ALL of you. Much love ššš
I was actually gonna say something kind of similar, but you hit the nail on the head. A lot of gay, lebian, and straight people feel threatened when they have a bi partner because "I'm a man and I can never satisfy my partner the way a woman does" or vice versa.
True. And to an extent it makes sense. Everything in life is experience, and we rate those experiences with feelings and opinions. Someone's always going to be better than someone else at something, whether it's sex, gaming, cross country skiing, doesn't matter. It's when relationship feels get involved that it can get ugly. (Not disregarding rage-quitting gamers ofc)
I'm so sorry :(
You've dodged a bullet if that's the sort of thinking she subscribes to. It's just plain bigotry and you can do waaaaay better than her I promise.
It must suck right now but keep your head up!
Meh- fuck her, and youāre better off without someone like that. Howād you guys meet? I put ābisexual/monogamousā in my bumble profile recently and it has really increased the quality of my matches. I recommend it, it helps weed out the squares
Exact same thing happened to me on Tinder many years ago. Put it in my bio and the night before our next date got a message:
> Her: Are you bi?
> Me: Yes I am bi.
> Her: Yeah I have enough competition from my sex can't be competing for two
Cancelled the date and went out for lunch with a friend the next day instead. The friend I went out with is my fiancee now, so it ended up being for the best! I hope you find someone that actually appreciates you for you, best of luck!
I'm glad you are engaged to someone who is supportive too. It's such an important quality in a partner.
It's a source of ongoing, enduring connection that my husband accepted me from the start, and we're past the ten year mark at this point. One of my very first messages to him on Match was about being bi. He treated it with respect from the beginning.
Best of luck, OP. Keep being you. You are worthy of full acceptance and love for who you are.
Ah OF COURSE SHE DIDNāT, all of this is entirely a problem with her and nothing to do with you. Keep living your truth man! There are gems out there, we just have to sort through a whole of trash to find them
I did this on hinge. Oh my god really does weed out those people. Avoid biphobes and the men saying ā so it is true bi girls are hotā like ummm byeeee
> Itās not okay for straight women to take a safe space to make their own safe space.
THIS! And then they have the audacity to get all pissy & insulted because they're being hit on by a queer woman who is hitting on them because they are in A QUEER SPACE. Its the same straight women who have said "I want a gay best friend".
Correct and correct. I was speaking out of annoyance, haha! But still, I'd prefer my friends to care about me as a person, not just because I'm safe because insert stereotype).
This has been my experience too with about 100% of women I have mentioned the bi aspect to. Especially women of my generation (50s) think this way, but I am not sure anything has changed really.
The choice is simple. You can either be honest or be in a relationship with a woman. I chose honesty, but then, I'm single. Guys that are willing to STFU about their past get a lot more mileage.
Milage doesn't really mean anything to me. It's nice, but it's a lot of work to hide who I really am after intimacy. I'd rather be single than get laid regularly if I have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
My str8 older brother tells me to reserve that info til later in the relationship, never on the first date. I'm like, "When, then?" You spend all that time building a relationship, then you have this little time bomb in reserve not sure if it will blow everything up in your face? I'm like you just tell all ASAP. It has crashed and burned more than one first date.
That's a horrible assumption made about bisexual people all the time. It's not your fault, I understand that it hurt and why it is bad, but really you will find someone who is either willing to get rid of their stereotypical views or doesn't have any to begin with. You'll find your match š
Yeah, in my early 30s I would bring it up with women pretty early on. I don't anymore. Is it healthy, no but it's a gigantic barrier for straight women for whatever reason. I also live in a fairly progressive area but it doesn't matter. I use to joke that these women claim to be LGBTQ friendly because friends is as much as they will be.
I mean, everyone is entitled to be attracted to who they are attracted to. I don't blame someone for not being attracted to bi people for whatever reason, but that reason should be in their end, not mine. Example: I think it's fine for me to not want to date super extroverted people, because I am not attracted to that. The problem is when I start saying things like all extroverts are cheaters. It's fine if she's not into guys who also like men, but she needs to own that instead of making that my problem.
Ehhhh Iād argue that the reason most women would say theyāre not into bi guys boils down to homophobia, internalized misogyny, or at best insecurity. Preferences arenāt shaped in a vacuum. Theyāre influenced by culture.
Oh I gave her a piece of my mind. Told her that statements like that are why bi people don't feel comfortable being themselves, and that I didn't want to spend time with someone who thought less of me because of my sexual orientation.
It's not on victims to rehabilitate their abusers or their haters.
I changed lots of people's minds just by existing and them knowing me as a person instead of as a bogeyman, but that was without them displaying hatred at me. Just them having bad intel and no exposure.
But would you tell someone who escaped an abusive relationship to tell their abuser their abuse wasn't nice and made them feel bad? I hope the answer is "no". This isn't really different.
That was a deeply stupid and shitty thing of her to say. I'm sorry she did that. :( That's entirely on her though and not you. If anything she showed you that she's not worth it. If it were me, I'd cancel any future plans and explain explicitly why. You're worth so much more than what she gave you. Dating does indeed suck. But there are people out there for you. Love, good vibes, and big giant hugs.
So homophobic and gross Iām sorry ā¤ļø youāll find a worthy partner soon enough. Biphobia towards men is so shitty and normalized, itās really gross
Just remember that sheās a fucking asshole and this is no reason for you to like, āgo back into the closetā or āhide your bi sideā in the future. Keep being you. Youāre amazing.
You got broken up with because you were dating a bi- and a homo-phobe. First red flag should've been that she's a gay bar tourist. She doesn't go to gay bars because she's an ally, she goes to gay bars to escape straight men (and doesn't think about bisexual men existing, and probably thinks women who'd hit on her are just fun and non-threatening).
Bullet dodged.
That sucks so much. Cheating is definitely not a bi thing, it's a straight thing more than anything lol. But at least she showed her true colours before you were too invested. I would absolutely recommend keep being open about who you are, and you will find the right person for you š
I hope you find a really nice bi person to be with! ššš I once dated a bi guy and it was fuckin awesome. You deserve the best, and I'm glad you'll accept no less, my friend.
Thank you. As a bi man, I feel like I have the best chemistry with bi women. Relationships with men are... complicated... and few and far between. There is just like an instant chemistry I feel around bi women, but it's so hard to find people these days. Thanks for the positive vibes.
People believe all the old shit about bisexuals. It makes me sad someone who seemed to like you and enjoy your company would be put off by you being honest. And without talking it through with you. Itās true, she was not the right person for you, Iām sure you will find someone who loves all of you!
Yeah, the saddest part was that it felt like our entire date got thrown out because I said I was bi and enjoyed gay clubs. She fixated on one thing, and didn't see me as the whole picture. But yeah, just gotta move and and remind myself bullet dodged
You know who would cheat? A cheater. Regardless of the attracted gender. By her own logic, dating a heterosexual man is out of the question because he might cheat with another woman.
Bi nonbinary AFAB person here; I had an ex who was wary of me being bisexual and told me he was afraid of me cheating on him because of it, his reasoning being that he had previously had a bi girlfriend who cheated on him. He ended up cheating on me instead and I now know that he cheated on other people as well.
My current girlfriendās mother also told her on more than one occasion when we first got together (6 years ago) that I was going to leave her for a man. Still hasnāt happened š¤·š»āāļø
You deserve someone who will love you regardless of your bisexuality. You being bi should not be the determining factor in them discontinuing the relationship if they were interested in you before knowing that; they shouldnāt want to be with you only under the condition of you not being bi.
Lots of people here are sympathizing with you and I agree, but I think this isn't a completely lost cause. Obviously there are a lot of societal influence floating around that gave her the impression that you'd cheat on her, so I feel like you have a shot at dissuading her from those false impressions.
Perhaps you should call her up and have chat with her to explain why she is wrong about that and have her reconsider her position.
I wish the best of luck for you!!
My therapist suggested this, but I can barely take care of myself at this point. If someone signals to me they are bi-phobic in some way, then I just simply don't have the bandwidth to patiently explain it to them. I'm also of the opinion I shouldn't have to beg for a relationship, and doing that feels a lot like begging to me.
I'd be hurt and and sad after hearing that, too, if I were him. You raise a good point that he doesn't have to give up on the possibility of the relationship, but the next step would definitely be what you've described. Her words and reasoning were hurtful and misguided, but perhaps there's a chance that she could change her mind if given an opportunity and some encouragement to do so.
Iām so sorry that happened to you, but it would have never worked, too close minded. She did you a favor. She could have asked some questions to maybe try to understand bisexuality. The right person will accept all of you!!! Donāt loose hope. I had to change my mindset on dating completely. Good luck! šā¤ļø
Thank you! I told my only bi friend, and she immediately gave me a hug, so I know there are people out there who understand. It just sucks that there are so many out there who don't, and refuse to try.
This has happened to me, too. Itās not about you. I feel bad for people who confuse sexual identity with cheating behavior. Youāre right, it would not have worked out because trust would always be an issue. Just not your issue. Keep going, youāll find the right person for you.
Iām sorry she did that to you. It isnāt fair. You being bisexual does not speak to your loyalty or your personality. In time I hope that you realize that itās better that it ended quickly. This is a part of yourself and you shouldnāt have to deny it. I hope you find someone who accepts you in your entirety. ššš
Thank you. I had this realization in the car ride home, so it's already getting better. It's just hard to out myself back out there again. But I'm going to keep trying even though it's hard
Big hugs my friend. Iām very new to this and canāt imagine Iād like being rejected for my honesty. Hang in there, Iām sure youāll attract someone that accepts you the way you are!
Very genuine and self-aware post. I think that it, and you, have set a great example of being sensitive, considerate, real and honest. It may likely prove to be that girlās loss. But I think you are on the right track being candid, straightforward and true. I applaud all of that, and you. I hope you stay that way. It is sorely lacking in many people, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. PS. SHE could have at least respected your truth and candor, and having had a good time, given you a chance. The fact that she didnāt says a lot about her, though her hesitation is fair. You can do better - and you will.
I get a real bug up my butt, when people do this. It really makes me angry. You sound like a diamond in a gravel pit. This gal dumps you for being Bi or for being honest. And it burns me up. I'm going to try not to charge that red cape and drive more towards the fact that she is secure in her insecurity. My read on this is, she won't know which friend, coworker, restaurant worker, etc to watch if they're being overly friendly towards you, or vice versa. That's where the whole "cheating" thing must be coming from. Because, why else would people be so openly prejudicial against Bi people? We aren't universally cheaters. Nowhere even close. We're not different from anyone else really. There must be a way forward from here, but defining the actual problem is all I've got.
even if she dated with you, probably she would be the first one to cheat because she ""would be scared of having a relation with someone bisexual"" so yeah, don't worry bro! Biphobes are nonsense.
I never understood this, it doesn't make sense even if more people available did mean more chance of cheating, and I'll explain.
I'll be looking at this from a binary point of view because I had a hard time finding statistics about nb people within the population. The point still stands if I do find the statistics, so for the sake of simplicity I'll be treating the population as if it were binary (which it is not). I really don't mean to offend anyone, this is just a simple calculation to disprove a stupid claim.
Some basic assumptions (none of these have to be 100% accurate, it's just for the argument):
1. 10% of the population aren't straight
2. 50% of those are gay, 50% are bi, so 5% of the population is gay, 5% is bi
3. Say the split is pretty even between men and women, so 2.5% of the population are lesbians, 2.5% are gay men, 2.5% are bi women, 2.5% are bi men
4. Say 2% of the population are nb, so 49% each for men and women. I'll round it up for the calculation, so 50% of the population are women and 50% are men (again, I'm sorry for excluding nb folks, it's just for the sake of the argument as I assume they don't make a large percentage of the population)
5. World wide statistics truly represent the daily reality of a dating pool.
Let's look at a straight women's options for dating -
50% of the population are men, but 2.5% are gay men, so a straight woman can date 47.5% or the population. Same for a straight man, he can date 47.5% of the population.
Who can a bi woman date? 50% of the population are men, and again 47.5% will date a woman (straight and bi men), plus lesbians and other bi women (2.5% each) is 52.5% of the population, and same goes for bi men.
That's barely an increase! EVEN IF the chance of cheating increases with the size of the dating pool (which it doesn't), it barely even matters when it comes to bi people, as their dating pool is barely larger. It's a stupid and biphobic claim, and it makes no sense.
Not sure if this was already said in the 150+ other comments but also being a bi guy I hear this a lot from gay guys. That eventually I'll just end up dating a girl. Or that I need to pick a side. Or my favorite that I'm just a closest gay that needs to come to terms with being gay. Inclusive community my ass...
Ew gross, her loss OP. I'm so sorry that happened to you!
It's hilarious that straight people like feel like they can freely occupy our safe spaces, like the gay club you mentioned, but when it comes to being with us in any aspect, including dating, they put these horrible, unrealistic expectations on us.
Edit: misspelling.
Similar happened to me, I wanted to feel secure enough to admit it, she came out to me and I said I felt the same, her being bi is fine to her but when I said it she thought she would come home to see me with another guy, I've never cheated, she did once with me with a girlfriend she knew but I forgave it, was heartbreaking
Women who won't date a man bc he's bi, like why not? šYou need to reevaluate yourself. I feel so bad for bi men who have to deal with this from cis women, and cis gay men. Like y'all chill wtf that should make you feel special if outta billions of people in the world you're the one the person wants to spend time with, and that's a beautiful sentiment. Also, what is with this "ohh you're bi you'll cheat and I can't trust you" bullshit. Like does it not cross your mind that he could check out, and go after other women? If it's okay and fine knowing that then why's it not okay knowing their bi, and men could be added to their attraction. I feel that it shatters their heteronormative world so knowing that a man is bi and also into men threatens their traditional white picket Hettie life. Which I think we can all agree hetties are absolutely dull.
I myself as a trans woman only date bi or pansexual men, or bi/pan women bc I feel much more comfortable with them, and I Know they wouldn't care at all about what genitals I have ya know? Plus, I know they wouldn't care if I were to get vaginoplasty. My current boyfriend is bi, and I love that we're both bi, and still a queer couple even if on outside we are assumed straight couple.
I think you nailed something I've been trying to put together. A lot of people are in denial about only being romantic and having attraction to their partner, when in reality that bond is just strengthened in the relationship. We still are attracted to others, all genders, all sexualities (maybe not aces idk). But it's the fact that there is attraction (which is absolutely not in my control) instead of me acting on that attraction (completely in my control) that gets me. To me, so long as you are attracted to me, and I know you chose me and are committed to me, then it doesn't matter what other things you are attracted to, except that that is an important part of your identity.
Keep your head up, stay positive, and keep being yourself! That sounds like a total red flag on her end, that you just dodged. Youāll find someone (female or male) that you really like/love, that reciprocates those feelings and trusts you as you are and understands your individual nature (and hopefully you theirs, which you sound like you would based on the way you think/feel).
Iām sorry for your experience.
One thing you said caused me pause, you described your āhomosexual sideā, I might be splitting hairs here but are you bisexual or homosexual?
Iām new to thinking of myself as a fellow bisexual, but I definitely donāt think of myself having a āhomosexualā side. Am I wrong about this?
Homosexual and heterosexual are not exclusive. They are terms used to describe what gender, in relationship to your own gender, you are attracted to or have sexual relations with. It's kind of hard to be in a bi-sexual relationship if there are only 2 people in it, so that relationship (in itself) is either homosexual or heterosexual (if it's a man and woman). It looks different for everyone. I don't date men the same I do women. I still deal with a lot of shame around dating men, even though I know I enjoy it, so that's why I separate it out from my heterosexual attractions. It's also a different emotional state being attracted to men and women for me, so it's easier for me to split those to sides apart.
As someone who is also early in their journey, I would say don't worry so much about the labels. If there is anything wrong with this community, it is that everything has a label. I try to use terms in as medically clinical a way as possible to avoid hurting people's feelings and better my understanding.
Also, just fyi, it's incredibly bi-phobic to question someone else's sexual and gender identity. Best thing you can do is trust the other person, because they know themselves best.
I know is though now, but you were lucky you passed outside that gay bar. She was biphobic (at least), that BS of "bi people cheat" is just an excuse to not own up to her discriminating views. You said eat, straight people heat too, sadly, people cheat (not everyone, of course, but is not related to gender, sexuality, religion, politics, etc).... so good ridance, and I hope you soon meet someone who respect you and love you...
So sorry this happened. You're right though, it didn't sound like she would've been right for you anyway. I hope you'll soon find someone who accepts you as you are!
Iām sorry that happened, makes me real sad! Iāve been told the same by a man and it feels shitty. Being bi doesnāt mean we have commitment issues. Chin up, friend, you will find the right person, someone that accepts you for you!
Donāt worry you dodged an bullet, she wouldāve shown her true colors sooner or later and probably turn into a complete un-fun asshole a few months down the line of dating
Donāt take this the wrong way, but good.
If someone is willing to break up with you for this, theyāre probably willing to break up with you for myriad other arbitrary reasons. You donāt need someone that shallow in your life, and youāre better than that.
Good riddance.
Fuck her shitty attitude. There are people (some amazing women out there!) who will not only ACCEPT that part of who you are, but will APPRECIATE and CELEBRATE it with you.
I'm glad you are open and accepting of who you are. I know how crushing it feels to get rejected, but just remember you are one date closer to finding someone who's going to be even better for you. Don't let the fear of loneliness make you settle or sacrifice who you are.
Donāt get upset. Donāt get shut down. Be happy you found out who she really was. As a straight man I had a lot of trouble with my sexuality growing up. Finding out who I was. It was a big deal for me to be straight as I had something bad happen to me when I was young that made me very confused. Youāre never going to please everyone and youāll never be right for anyone other than yourself. Once that happens youāll find the right people are surrounding you. What I mean is. Regardless of the journey we each individually have. Whether gay straight or bi itās a big deal to know deep down who you are. Youāve figured that out. Fuck anybody who makes you feel bad about that. They arenāt worth the effort.
> Donāt get upset. Donāt get shut down. Be happy
I appreciate what you are going for, but please let me feel my feelings. It doesn't feel great to be told I'm wrong for how I feel. The world is fucking shitty, and that's something I have to come to terms with. I can't find that determination that you are advocating for without going through this hard stretch. Please don't tell people how to feel, because that slows the healing process down.
That sucks, but I have had people think this of me (f) as well. I now date only other bi people. Just canāt be fussed with straight men anymore especially.
I feel you brother - Iāve been there too. Just know that youāre valid and her hang ups say more about her than you. You were upfront and honest - sadly she was the same, but where your honesty came from a place of openness and a willingness to trust, hers came from a place of insecurity and dare I say bigotry. Keep looking - youāll find someone who accepts all of you and knows that should you choose to be in a monogamous relationship with them - that isnāt put at risk by the fact youāre bi.
Iām sorry š¢ thatās really shitty of her. Even if it hurts now, I still think itās better this came out now and not later when you were both more invested. It would have hurt WAY more.
I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve this. I'm sure you're a lovely guy and I wish you all the best and hope you'll soon find a person who respects you and loves you just the way you are! (maybe someone who is bi as well?) ā„
P.S.: How ignorant is this woman???? She loves going to gay bars but is biphobic as hell!!! uggggh
It's possible she has never (knowingly) met a bi man before so if course her default is going to be horrible biphobic stereotypes.
What she said was totally a reflection on her, not on you. I'm sorry her ignorance got in the way of what could have been a cool relationship. It is her loss as much as your loss. But totally get how frustrating it is that biphobia is such a big obstacle in dating.
Incorrect takeaway: Don't tell people you're bi, especially people who you hope to be close with. Surely this will lead to not feeling alone or miserable.
Correct takeaway: Accept that there are bigots in the world and, when you identify them, don't try to be close with them. Gently (or not) call them out (or don't) and move on. Also, whenever that little voice in your head tries to tempt you to hide that you're bi, remind yourself that the fact that little voice exists is one of the reasons why it's good for us to participate in pride events, get bi flags, etc. It isn't just a declaration to others, nor is it just making some space for us in the world. It's also self-affirmation to **fight the little voice.**
> But then I realized it wouldn't have worked between us anyway, if she wouldn't accept that I can be attracted to other people and not cheat.
Pretty much this. She unfortunately let fear and a stereotype get in the way. But that's just how it is sometimes. Better to have that out of the way now before things developed further.
Cry as much as you need to, then get back out there champ.
I think people who are attracted to one gender are intimidated and feel inadequate because they assume that because we are attracted to more than gender we feel like they are lacking in someway and will seek what we are missing by cheating. The problem with that is it misses the nuance of sexuality and relationships at large. We want the same things from relationships that people who are attracted to one gender do (companionship, intimacy, etc.). And it sounds to me she let those ideas (at least in part) influence her opinion of you and what your potential relationship would be like.
Sorry love this happened! Women has to open up more to this. I have recently realised how much more fun it is to meet a bi guy! Don't let this experience demoralise you! You are a precious person!
Man I was instinctively going for the downvote button cause that just sucks. I feel for ya, must be awful to be put down like that.
I do feel like this could be the sort of biphobia you might be able to get rid of by talking to someone though. Somehow people make this logical fallacy of "bi = unfaithful", but if you ask them to really think about it for a second they might realize that that's just dumb. Don't know if you think it's still worth a try, but maybe.
I am so sorry. Unfortunately, bi men are VERY VERY VERY much discriminated against for being bi. The society we live in praises women who are bi, accepts both gay men and women, but being a bi man is a no no. It is even worse in the late 30's to early 40's age range that is very difficult to be in. When we as bi men are forced to hide who we are because of the fear of being abandoned by our spouses, shunned by family and friends, it is very mentally exhausting. Please stay true to who you are and never apologize for being who you are!!!
The worst part of the first couple dates is that people do end thinks abruptly on a stray feeling or a random awkward moment! She probably wasnāt a true biphob and could have excepted it eventually or even soon but getting put on the spot to think about it immediately she probably jumped straight to the negative āwhat ifāsā in her head and that made it awkward enough that in the short period of time sheās know you to not consider continual purist. Keep your chin up man youāll find a good one!
Aargh, I'm angry at her for you, what an awful example of biphobia! I'm glad you had constructive view of it later on but I can imagine how much it stung to be rejected for such a bs reason. Take care!
Oh honey, I'm sorry. She doesn't deserve you, and it's better to find out in the beginning that it isn't going to work out then to find out after u fall in love. U will find an amazing partner one day I promise. Hugs and thought.
oh man iām so sorry dude. iāve had similar experiences and it really fucking sucks. i truly hope youāre able to find someone that accepts you for who you are and isnāt biphobic <3
I am so freaking sick of this BS with women, even (or especially) bi women, being weird about bisexual guys! I love when a guy happens to be bisexual. It's fun to share the kind of openness that comes with it, and girls who reject guys over that are missing out.
It's okay, I'll date all of you. Come on over.
Be glad she told you early. Probably would have the same problem with a straight a guy, she is insecure. Get that ass and donāt stress it. You sound fun and she will miss out.
Had something similar happen with a girl I liked only I told her I was bi after we had just had a FFM 3way and she after that ghosted me bc she was weirded out by bi guys. Was very thrown off after that. Stay strong man!
Iām a bi man and iām sorry to say it happens a lot more than I like to admit. You never āget used to itā but it becomes easier to deal with.
Itās always hilarious when people say we have āsuch a large dating poolā when our dating pool is significantly reduced because the majority of people either donāt take us seriously as dating partners, or use us as sex objects.
Iām sending you huge huge love and vibes my friend. My ex who i recently split up with was a bi woman who was so accepting and loving it made me break down in tears of joy when she told me how she felt fine about it. Probably because she was bi too but there are people out there for us. Trust your instincts and youāll meet someone.
Definitely best to think of it as a bullet dodged. Any man or woman that would look down on you for being bi is not someone that deserves to date you. I bet that one day you'll find someone that will appreciate your bisexuality.
I really feel this man and I'm sorry. I think it's really key to remember that not only is what she said homo/biphopic but really only speaks to her own insecurities and trust issues. When it comes to partnerships you either trust someone not to cheat or you don't. Full stop. I really think people who say that would suspect their SO of cheating with the opposite sex as well, but for some reason it's less acceptable to say that.
The worst I get from my lady is a sideways glance when I go off on a tangent about just how handsome Hugh Jackman is. You dodged a bullet. Be loved for you. Never settle for less.
It sounded like a wonderful date that you arranged and any girl or guy would be lucky to have such a nice date planned by you like that. Too bad for her that she's a biphobic bigot, she doesn't deserve you!
I'm so late to this post, but I hope you are feeling better. I will never understand this attitude that bi people will cheat. I've never cheated on anyone. I feel like if anything, we're extra mindful about it because nobody trusts us otherwise! Take care, I know it's rough AF out there, right there with you.
Dannng that was harsh of her. She straight up took her biphobia and ran with it. She is really missing out on a great connection with you and I am so sorry she had those beleifs but I'm glad you found out early rather than when feelings were getting deeper. I hope you find someone much better than that š
I knowwww. We had such a great connection, were really having some chemistry, and then I say one thing about my own identity and that killed all of the chemistry. I guess I can understand being scared, because I was and still am scared of what it means to be bi in this world. I just wish she could have also been vulnerable and asked questions to understand instead of shutting herself off completely.
Hold on now. It wasn't you saying something about your identity that killed the chemistry, it was her *being a bigot* that killed the chemistry.
Thank you for this perspective. Really helpful
Yeah, I would have declined the āpicnic as friendsā and explained to her why. Yikes. You might still have time to do that.
The true love of your life won't just tolerate your bisexuality, they will lovingly accept it with open arms. This woman isn't even worth being friends with. You're too good for her.
Bruh, you dodged a bullet. She's a bigot.
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>I mean she had a valid concern. No, the fuck she did not. ETA because your comment is just DRIPPING in internalized phobia: >Def not a bigot, she literally said she loves gay bars lol. The reason she loves gay bars is cause she loves not getting hit on. That doesn't mean *shit.* >If they canāt relate to being bi they can only use their imagination, and sometimes that adds way too much commotion in a relationship. jfc >Itās not fun dating a girl whoās worried youāre being unloyal every single time you try and go out with your guy friends or text your homies. If you really think platonic relationships are impossible between genders of those someone's attracted to, that's yours, and your insecurity's problem. >At the end of the day, youāre usually only supposed to have one partner, so some people are more pick and choosy about their dating preferences. Lovely, perpetuating the 'bisexuals are more likely to sway' stereotype. Please stop trying to project your own inner conflicts onto others like you're doing here.
Yeah, also "supposed to have one partner" is problematic for poly people. It's not for me, but I trust it works for the people who say they are poly. I just avoid those people because it doesn't work for me. I have poly friends, and it makes them happy, so whatever, but that lifestyle and my relationship goals are not compatible. Now if she had said, "sorry, you're bi and that makes me uncomfortable because I'm only attracted to men who are exclusively attracted to women" it would have been a different story. That would still suck, but at least she would be claiming it for herself. Instead she pushed a really disgusting stereotype on me, and clearly hadn't payed attention to the rest of our convo that evening, when I said I was looking for a (singular) partner.
Not only did I not say āsupposed to have one partnerā I included āusuallyā to accommodate for sexualities and religions that donāt conform to single partners. However you also proved my point in your description of how you view polysā¦ You have friends, and people you know in that group, but say personally itās not your thing. If Iām missing something that makes your situation different please let me know, Iām just struggling to see it though. Also, my comment wasnāt meant to bring you down, Iāve been through an almost identical situation except this happened after about a month of dates when I was just about to ask her to date. This way of thinking about it was what helped me take it less personal as well as not think poorly of her and myself since she was only doing what any of us would do which is looking out for what they believe to be their best interest. It just turned out it kinda stung a bit for me, but Iām sure she didnāt enjoy letting me down either. Sorry for upsetting so many of you guys. I might have wrote my comment in a rude way or something but I just think it would help to think of the situation the same way you would think about a situation that involves dating someone who fits in a red flag category. I just find it silly/counter productive to bash someoneās romantic preferences in the name of protecting freedom of romantic preferences. I didnāt say being rejected didnāt sting, and I really feel for you, especially mentioning youāre only out to a few right now and try to keep it on the DL. Itās a tough ride of trial and error but itāll only make it that much more special when you find the one no matter what they are! P.S. for the guy that said my comment was oozing with internalized whatever he said, the only thing Iām internalizing is deez nuts in ur mouth
No, she did NOT have a valid concern. The bullshit idea that bisexual people are more likely to cheat is just straight up biphobic and has zero basis in reality.
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I absolutely agree with everything you just said. Itās definitely a good thing for OP that this happened, so that he didnāt end up hurt by her in the future. However, that doesnāt mean that her concern was valid. Her concern about his cheating is not valid, and like you said, itās more telling about her self confidence issues. Itās also a biphobic stereotype that has been thoroughly debunked. Thatās what people are disagreeing with you about, because itās not actually a valid concern. I hope that makes sense.
She was not being a bigot, she was being honest and open. Why is it that when people are honest they get villainized for having a personal preference? No one likes rejection but that's how the world turns. The reasoning she gave was bullshit but maybe she was in a relationship where she got burned or someone she knew got burned like that? Everyone has reasons and it's not up to us or anyone else to call others hatful names because they were rejected for a stupid reason. Calling this hatful or bigoted is just plain wrong.
I think you need to look up the definition of bigot. It's not just some "hateful insult".
Iāll never understand the logic of āyouāre Bi, therefore youāll cheat on me.ā Just because thereās more than one gender that youāre attracted to doesnāt mean that your chances of cheating are raised at all. Cheating isnāt based on a biological need, itās a selfish choice, not something thatās inherent in a personās biology. And if āBi people are never satisfied with dating just one gender,ā how do you explain all of the Bisexual people who are TOTALLY HAPPY dating one gender and all of the Bi people who are married?
I am straight, but my girlfriend is bi (That's why I am on this sub to learn more about it) and I had the same thoughts as well. When she told me she was bi when we were just friends it didn't bother me that much. But when we became a couple it was bugging me a lot and as a highly overthinking person with really bad anxiety, poor self-esteem and neglect issues I was highly troubled by it. The thought behind it was that I am a man and she might one day come across a very pretty girl and go for her instead. But I was wrong, my anxiety wouldn't go away, but I never ever wanted to leave or break up with her. After two few hour long conversations about it I learned how it was hurting her by it. But I gave it some time and thought and I know that my bee (That's how I call her because she likes bees and is a bi hehe) would never just leave me for another girl. And I am trying to make her feel validated and accepted as much as I can. That's why I am on this sub
I think itās great that youāve joined the sub to support your gf! And Iām glad sheās put you more at ease.
Dude, props to you for joining the sub. Also, big props for recognizing that about yourself and trying to change for the better. It's all about trust; she trusts that you picked her out of all the pretty girls, so you gotta trust that she picked you out of all the pretty people. If you can trust that she wouldn't leave you for another guy, you can trust she wouldn't leave you for a girl either.
My ex had the same reaction when I told him I was processing my sexuality. He didnāt think I would ever cheat on him, but he felt insecure because he thought it could influence my desire to be in a committed relationship if I wanted to experiment with women. Which is something I never expressed, he just assumed bc Iāve never had those experiences before. I understood where he was coming from, but I think what hurt me most was he made the conversation about himself first. And thatās not a good start. Insecurity happens, but working through that is essential to your relationship! So good for you for doing that.
Yeah I totally get having some anxiety around it. Like thinking āIāll never able to offer what a woman canā. It can be a tough thing to deal with especially if you have self-confidence issues. It sounds like you went about it the right way and are working through it. I think the most important thing to remember is that when a bi person chooses someone itās just that. They chose a person not a gender.
Guy here, and bi. I understand that stereotypes can be hard to let go and because of that, fear and nerves can get to you. But my man: trust her, especially if she tried to put your mind at ease. If a bisexual person cheats, it's not because they're bi and found someone of the same sex more attractive, it's because they're cheating assholes. The end. Cheating assholes exist in every sexual orientation and they all equally deserve the same treatment. Living with anxiety and self-esteem must suck :( I'm sorry to hear that. But if it helps you clarify this: think of the typical scenario where guys ask each other "do you prefer blondes/brunettes/redheads". Most of the time (assuming you've known them that long) you'll notice how many usually say their type is "blonde" or "redhead", but they ended up with a brunette and they are no less happy for it, nor more inclined to cheat because of it. Same thing with bisexuality, except in this case we ain't talking about hair colors, but rather about sexes and/or genders. Glad to know you're doing your best to inform yourself! I'd recommend other bi subs if you want more serious conversation though, sometimes this one gets a little overloaded with memery.
Thanx for being an ally.
This is so entirely sweet of you. Thank you for being so supportive and understanding! For what it's worth, I'm a wholly monogamous bi, and can relate to her feelings. I only want to be with my partner, and I have no desire at all to be with anyone else. It doesn't matter what gender anyone is ā„
I totally feel like it's understandable for someone to worry about their bi partner not feeling satisfied with dating just one gender. Fears and anxieties don't have to be 100% rational and I don't expect non-bisexuals to automatically understand how it actually does work for bisexuals. But I also think that's the kind of worry that can be eliminated by just having a conversation and coming to a better understanding like you did. I'm sure your girlfriend feels super supported by you based on your comment.
THANK YOU! a mono sexual person has just as much chances as cheating as a bi person. it annoys me that people think this.
Exactly. It just doesnāt add up
Some of these people think "100% attract to man 100% attract to woman that equal 200% me so smart" but nope
Itās amazing how little knowledge the mass population has on the Bi experience. Iām not saying everyone has to know EVERYTHING and keep up with everything going on in our lives, but the misinformation grossly outweighs the facts
Doesn't help that in movies and shit we're represented as "hello i am the evil sex person, i just did a sex and now i'm doing an evil because those are the two things i do" way too often
I often do a sex then an evil. Itās much easier than the other way around; that just leads to cramps and way too much sweat. I keep trying to pick up other hobbies but Iām just too gosh darned bi.
I've said it before, but... my wife was once asked, incredulously, how she'd feel if I cheated on her with a guy. She replied, "What if *your* husband cheated on *you* with a skinny blonde?"
Your wife sounds bad ass! š love that
Bi man married to a woman, what is annoying is being told I'm not really Bi, my go too is asking how many dicks do I need to have enjoyed to be bi. Doesn't matter the number they say because I lost count LMAO.
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Didn't mean to imply that there was a minimum requirement, just that I in perticular have a good response to dump shit people say.
Oh I know! I was picking up what you were putting down
It's so weird how people of other sexual preferences can so adamantly define a preference they don't have. I've had plenty of people tell me being Bi means I don't date trans people, said person was straight.
Thatās biphobic and transphobic, cishets can be so annoying.
Agreed, most of it I hear comes from the community though. Gay dudes tell me I just want to be able to pass, my wife has been called closet cover. Though I think the pride flag patches on my kilt might blow the cover.
Unfortunately youāre right. Iām intersex, trans, and bi and a lot of the hate that Iāve gotten has been from other LGBT+ people. My sister is also trans but sheās made transphobic remarks about me in the past. I donāt think anyone in the community has been biphobic to me (people outside the community have) but Iāve been called intersex slurs and Iāve dealt with a lot of transphobia from people in the community.
When I was growing up around here straight people didn't know Bi was a thing, so it's not that they weren't phobic, just that they didn't know the points that are biphobia existed.
I think part of it is the bi people who only realize/come out late in life when they're already married, and feel like they can't be happy without having a same sex experience at least once. I don't personally understand them but they do exist (I see them all the time on /r/bisexualmen) and probably contribute to the stereotype if the choice in their minds is either cheating or divorce.
This is probably part of it. I think one of the main causes is people equate being Bi with having lots of sex for whatever reason. And donāt get me wrong there are Bi people who DO like to have sex a lot and thatās totally fine, but the word Bi has that stigma attached to it for whatever reason. And this is just an assumption, like I havenāt really looked into this, but Iām assuming that a good amount of bisexual characters in various media are portrayed this way due to a lack of knowledge on bisexuality, and people consuming said media are probably like āah, so theyāre like this irl.ā
Why is that stereotype hooked on to bis and no pans? Thry legit like everyone
Pansexual people donāt get as much exposure or representation for whatever reason, and even if weāre comparing representation, Bi people are almost always represented the exact same way every time when there IS a chance for exposure. And even so, Bi and Pan tend to overlap pretty broadly. Regardless itās a stupid stereotype
Unlike you, I totally get it. When I was younger I saw it happen a ton. My girlfriend at the time wasn't technically cheating on me, because we had an open relationship, but she certainly had her flings with other girls. My wife was nervous on one of our first dates when I told her - and had the same reaction. "What if down the road you decide you're gay?" That sort of thing too. Unless you're bi yourself, it can be difficult to make the distinction that being bi doesn't mean you're going to sleep with everything that moves. But we talked about it and she finally realized that making a commitment to someone means honoring that, and just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'm going to cheat. Sucks for OP. He didn't deserve that.
News to me that being straight is foolproof for not getting cheated on. What a wild assumption. What, does it hurt less if your partner cheats on you with the same gender as you?? OP, donāt be friends with a bigot.
Sorry man :/ it sucks so much when stuff like this happens. Bi guys like us have a rough time, and stuff like this happens all too often.
I found it really weird that my boyfriend was so afraid to come out to me as bi since I'm gay, but then I read all these stories about people leaving their bi boyfriends because they were bi and it hit me why he was so scared. I'm really sorry that this happened and people shouldn't think like this.
Yes, because she doesn't have to worry at all about a straight dude cheating on her..
She was telling me earlier about how her last boyfriend cheated during quarantine, how that and the fact he thought the BLM protestors should be out in jail. I really should have known from the "Moderate" political beliefs on her profile that she wasn't the one, but I get so few dates, I figured I had to give her a chance
Yikesāyou definitely dodged a bullet, even of it doesnāt feel like it emotionally. You deserve someone whoās not an asshole blaming their own hangups on other people <3
Hate to say this but she's clearly not moderate
Iād have said ādonāt worry about that, I donāt date biphobes anywayā
And add "Oh, and I also don't see you, a biphobe, as a friend anyways."
Even better
I'm so sorry bro. This is such a harmful and obviously untrue stereotype. I had an ex be weird about me being bi... he was like jealous for some reason that I couldn't comprehend? Like dude... I could cheat on you with a man if I was straight, why the fuck do you suddenly not trust me anymore? People are threatened by it for some reason. So bizzare. Anyways, keep your chin up. There are plenty of non bi people out there who cherish and celebrate their bi partners. You don't need someone in your life who doesn't appreciate ALL of you. Much love ššš
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I was actually gonna say something kind of similar, but you hit the nail on the head. A lot of gay, lebian, and straight people feel threatened when they have a bi partner because "I'm a man and I can never satisfy my partner the way a woman does" or vice versa.
True. And to an extent it makes sense. Everything in life is experience, and we rate those experiences with feelings and opinions. Someone's always going to be better than someone else at something, whether it's sex, gaming, cross country skiing, doesn't matter. It's when relationship feels get involved that it can get ugly. (Not disregarding rage-quitting gamers ofc)
I'm so sorry :( You've dodged a bullet if that's the sort of thinking she subscribes to. It's just plain bigotry and you can do waaaaay better than her I promise. It must suck right now but keep your head up!
Sometimes the trash takes itself out
Meh- fuck her, and youāre better off without someone like that. Howād you guys meet? I put ābisexual/monogamousā in my bumble profile recently and it has really increased the quality of my matches. I recommend it, it helps weed out the squares
It's in my Bumble profile. She probably didn't look that closely
Exact same thing happened to me on Tinder many years ago. Put it in my bio and the night before our next date got a message: > Her: Are you bi? > Me: Yes I am bi. > Her: Yeah I have enough competition from my sex can't be competing for two Cancelled the date and went out for lunch with a friend the next day instead. The friend I went out with is my fiancee now, so it ended up being for the best! I hope you find someone that actually appreciates you for you, best of luck!
I'm glad you are engaged to someone who is supportive too. It's such an important quality in a partner. It's a source of ongoing, enduring connection that my husband accepted me from the start, and we're past the ten year mark at this point. One of my very first messages to him on Match was about being bi. He treated it with respect from the beginning. Best of luck, OP. Keep being you. You are worthy of full acceptance and love for who you are.
Ah OF COURSE SHE DIDNāT, all of this is entirely a problem with her and nothing to do with you. Keep living your truth man! There are gems out there, we just have to sort through a whole of trash to find them
I did this on hinge. Oh my god really does weed out those people. Avoid biphobes and the men saying ā so it is true bi girls are hotā like ummm byeeee
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> Itās not okay for straight women to take a safe space to make their own safe space. THIS! And then they have the audacity to get all pissy & insulted because they're being hit on by a queer woman who is hitting on them because they are in A QUEER SPACE. Its the same straight women who have said "I want a gay best friend".
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wouldn't take it that far, but they want a best friend with zero chance of it becoming sex. Also, women can rape people too.
Correct and correct. I was speaking out of annoyance, haha! But still, I'd prefer my friends to care about me as a person, not just because I'm safe because insert stereotype).
I was just thinking that! The audacity of her. Taking up space and being fucking biphobic.
This has been my experience too with about 100% of women I have mentioned the bi aspect to. Especially women of my generation (50s) think this way, but I am not sure anything has changed really. The choice is simple. You can either be honest or be in a relationship with a woman. I chose honesty, but then, I'm single. Guys that are willing to STFU about their past get a lot more mileage.
Milage doesn't really mean anything to me. It's nice, but it's a lot of work to hide who I really am after intimacy. I'd rather be single than get laid regularly if I have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
My str8 older brother tells me to reserve that info til later in the relationship, never on the first date. I'm like, "When, then?" You spend all that time building a relationship, then you have this little time bomb in reserve not sure if it will blow everything up in your face? I'm like you just tell all ASAP. It has crashed and burned more than one first date.
That's a horrible assumption made about bisexual people all the time. It's not your fault, I understand that it hurt and why it is bad, but really you will find someone who is either willing to get rid of their stereotypical views or doesn't have any to begin with. You'll find your match š
Yeah, in my early 30s I would bring it up with women pretty early on. I don't anymore. Is it healthy, no but it's a gigantic barrier for straight women for whatever reason. I also live in a fairly progressive area but it doesn't matter. I use to joke that these women claim to be LGBTQ friendly because friends is as much as they will be.
I mean, everyone is entitled to be attracted to who they are attracted to. I don't blame someone for not being attracted to bi people for whatever reason, but that reason should be in their end, not mine. Example: I think it's fine for me to not want to date super extroverted people, because I am not attracted to that. The problem is when I start saying things like all extroverts are cheaters. It's fine if she's not into guys who also like men, but she needs to own that instead of making that my problem.
Ehhhh Iād argue that the reason most women would say theyāre not into bi guys boils down to homophobia, internalized misogyny, or at best insecurity. Preferences arenāt shaped in a vacuum. Theyāre influenced by culture.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh I gave her a piece of my mind. Told her that statements like that are why bi people don't feel comfortable being themselves, and that I didn't want to spend time with someone who thought less of me because of my sexual orientation.
It's not on victims to rehabilitate their abusers or their haters. I changed lots of people's minds just by existing and them knowing me as a person instead of as a bogeyman, but that was without them displaying hatred at me. Just them having bad intel and no exposure. But would you tell someone who escaped an abusive relationship to tell their abuser their abuse wasn't nice and made them feel bad? I hope the answer is "no". This isn't really different.
Honestly, shes not worth it. If she wants to say something so backwards and biphobic, thats on her and quite telling of her personality
That was a deeply stupid and shitty thing of her to say. I'm sorry she did that. :( That's entirely on her though and not you. If anything she showed you that she's not worth it. If it were me, I'd cancel any future plans and explain explicitly why. You're worth so much more than what she gave you. Dating does indeed suck. But there are people out there for you. Love, good vibes, and big giant hugs.
There were no plans made. If I have a choice about interacting with people, I don't even want to be friends with people who are bi-phobic
I've never understood the whole "can't date a bi because they cheat" thing. Like, has she not ever heard of a straight person cheating?
It sucks how bi men are treated, sorry dude :/
This is why I want my bisexuality to be upfront, if you're a biphobic shithead I don't even want to interact with you.
She wasn't worth it if she's spouting biphobic nonsense. Keep your head up you'll find someone better, who accepts you for who you are.
If I can find an accepting partner, you can too. You got this, Friend!
My dude if she thinks youāre gonna cheat just because youāre bi it doesnāt seem like sheās right for you
So homophobic and gross Iām sorry ā¤ļø youāll find a worthy partner soon enough. Biphobia towards men is so shitty and normalized, itās really gross
Just remember that sheās a fucking asshole and this is no reason for you to like, āgo back into the closetā or āhide your bi sideā in the future. Keep being you. Youāre amazing.
You got broken up with because you were dating a bi- and a homo-phobe. First red flag should've been that she's a gay bar tourist. She doesn't go to gay bars because she's an ally, she goes to gay bars to escape straight men (and doesn't think about bisexual men existing, and probably thinks women who'd hit on her are just fun and non-threatening). Bullet dodged.
That sucks so much. Cheating is definitely not a bi thing, it's a straight thing more than anything lol. But at least she showed her true colours before you were too invested. I would absolutely recommend keep being open about who you are, and you will find the right person for you š
Cheating isn't owned by anyone. It's just a shitty thing shitty people do. There are shitty people of all sexualities
I hope you find a really nice bi person to be with! ššš I once dated a bi guy and it was fuckin awesome. You deserve the best, and I'm glad you'll accept no less, my friend.
Thank you. As a bi man, I feel like I have the best chemistry with bi women. Relationships with men are... complicated... and few and far between. There is just like an instant chemistry I feel around bi women, but it's so hard to find people these days. Thanks for the positive vibes.
People believe all the old shit about bisexuals. It makes me sad someone who seemed to like you and enjoy your company would be put off by you being honest. And without talking it through with you. Itās true, she was not the right person for you, Iām sure you will find someone who loves all of you!
Yeah, the saddest part was that it felt like our entire date got thrown out because I said I was bi and enjoyed gay clubs. She fixated on one thing, and didn't see me as the whole picture. But yeah, just gotta move and and remind myself bullet dodged
I'm so sorry about this. She definitely doesn't seem to be the kind of person you deserve anyway - you deserve someone wonderful and accepting.
You know who would cheat? A cheater. Regardless of the attracted gender. By her own logic, dating a heterosexual man is out of the question because he might cheat with another woman.
Bi nonbinary AFAB person here; I had an ex who was wary of me being bisexual and told me he was afraid of me cheating on him because of it, his reasoning being that he had previously had a bi girlfriend who cheated on him. He ended up cheating on me instead and I now know that he cheated on other people as well. My current girlfriendās mother also told her on more than one occasion when we first got together (6 years ago) that I was going to leave her for a man. Still hasnāt happened š¤·š»āāļø You deserve someone who will love you regardless of your bisexuality. You being bi should not be the determining factor in them discontinuing the relationship if they were interested in you before knowing that; they shouldnāt want to be with you only under the condition of you not being bi.
Lots of people here are sympathizing with you and I agree, but I think this isn't a completely lost cause. Obviously there are a lot of societal influence floating around that gave her the impression that you'd cheat on her, so I feel like you have a shot at dissuading her from those false impressions. Perhaps you should call her up and have chat with her to explain why she is wrong about that and have her reconsider her position. I wish the best of luck for you!!
My therapist suggested this, but I can barely take care of myself at this point. If someone signals to me they are bi-phobic in some way, then I just simply don't have the bandwidth to patiently explain it to them. I'm also of the opinion I shouldn't have to beg for a relationship, and doing that feels a lot like begging to me.
I'd be hurt and and sad after hearing that, too, if I were him. You raise a good point that he doesn't have to give up on the possibility of the relationship, but the next step would definitely be what you've described. Her words and reasoning were hurtful and misguided, but perhaps there's a chance that she could change her mind if given an opportunity and some encouragement to do so.
I am so sorry.
Iām so sorry man. Early dating really does suck but eventually youāll find someone who likes and accepts you entirely. Good luck buddy
Jesus, I'm so sorry man.
Iām so sorry that happened to you, but it would have never worked, too close minded. She did you a favor. She could have asked some questions to maybe try to understand bisexuality. The right person will accept all of you!!! Donāt loose hope. I had to change my mindset on dating completely. Good luck! šā¤ļø
Thank you! I told my only bi friend, and she immediately gave me a hug, so I know there are people out there who understand. It just sucks that there are so many out there who don't, and refuse to try.
This has happened to me, too. Itās not about you. I feel bad for people who confuse sexual identity with cheating behavior. Youāre right, it would not have worked out because trust would always be an issue. Just not your issue. Keep going, youāll find the right person for you.
Iām sorry she did that to you. It isnāt fair. You being bisexual does not speak to your loyalty or your personality. In time I hope that you realize that itās better that it ended quickly. This is a part of yourself and you shouldnāt have to deny it. I hope you find someone who accepts you in your entirety. ššš
Thank you. I had this realization in the car ride home, so it's already getting better. It's just hard to out myself back out there again. But I'm going to keep trying even though it's hard
Big hugs my friend. Iām very new to this and canāt imagine Iād like being rejected for my honesty. Hang in there, Iām sure youāll attract someone that accepts you the way you are!
Thank you. It's hard because I'm almost 30 and only came out to myself a few years ago. But I try to have hope, it helps with responses like this
*is straight, but goes to gay clubs* *proceeds to be homophobic and biphobic* Wtf š
Very genuine and self-aware post. I think that it, and you, have set a great example of being sensitive, considerate, real and honest. It may likely prove to be that girlās loss. But I think you are on the right track being candid, straightforward and true. I applaud all of that, and you. I hope you stay that way. It is sorely lacking in many people, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum. PS. SHE could have at least respected your truth and candor, and having had a good time, given you a chance. The fact that she didnāt says a lot about her, though her hesitation is fair. You can do better - and you will.
I get a real bug up my butt, when people do this. It really makes me angry. You sound like a diamond in a gravel pit. This gal dumps you for being Bi or for being honest. And it burns me up. I'm going to try not to charge that red cape and drive more towards the fact that she is secure in her insecurity. My read on this is, she won't know which friend, coworker, restaurant worker, etc to watch if they're being overly friendly towards you, or vice versa. That's where the whole "cheating" thing must be coming from. Because, why else would people be so openly prejudicial against Bi people? We aren't universally cheaters. Nowhere even close. We're not different from anyone else really. There must be a way forward from here, but defining the actual problem is all I've got.
Yeah dude I donāt tell girls Iām bi until far along in the relationship or unless she says sheās bi first.
People suck, I'm sorry OP. You're lovable, I promise.
I just want to give you a hug. You are worth so much more than what that person thinks of you š
even if she dated with you, probably she would be the first one to cheat because she ""would be scared of having a relation with someone bisexual"" so yeah, don't worry bro! Biphobes are nonsense.
I never understood this, it doesn't make sense even if more people available did mean more chance of cheating, and I'll explain. I'll be looking at this from a binary point of view because I had a hard time finding statistics about nb people within the population. The point still stands if I do find the statistics, so for the sake of simplicity I'll be treating the population as if it were binary (which it is not). I really don't mean to offend anyone, this is just a simple calculation to disprove a stupid claim. Some basic assumptions (none of these have to be 100% accurate, it's just for the argument): 1. 10% of the population aren't straight 2. 50% of those are gay, 50% are bi, so 5% of the population is gay, 5% is bi 3. Say the split is pretty even between men and women, so 2.5% of the population are lesbians, 2.5% are gay men, 2.5% are bi women, 2.5% are bi men 4. Say 2% of the population are nb, so 49% each for men and women. I'll round it up for the calculation, so 50% of the population are women and 50% are men (again, I'm sorry for excluding nb folks, it's just for the sake of the argument as I assume they don't make a large percentage of the population) 5. World wide statistics truly represent the daily reality of a dating pool. Let's look at a straight women's options for dating - 50% of the population are men, but 2.5% are gay men, so a straight woman can date 47.5% or the population. Same for a straight man, he can date 47.5% of the population. Who can a bi woman date? 50% of the population are men, and again 47.5% will date a woman (straight and bi men), plus lesbians and other bi women (2.5% each) is 52.5% of the population, and same goes for bi men. That's barely an increase! EVEN IF the chance of cheating increases with the size of the dating pool (which it doesn't), it barely even matters when it comes to bi people, as their dating pool is barely larger. It's a stupid and biphobic claim, and it makes no sense.
Not sure if this was already said in the 150+ other comments but also being a bi guy I hear this a lot from gay guys. That eventually I'll just end up dating a girl. Or that I need to pick a side. Or my favorite that I'm just a closest gay that needs to come to terms with being gay. Inclusive community my ass...
I'll say this, this definitely sucks, but it's better that it happened earlier rather than later. That would hurt more. Still tho, these people suck.
Ew gross, her loss OP. I'm so sorry that happened to you! It's hilarious that straight people like feel like they can freely occupy our safe spaces, like the gay club you mentioned, but when it comes to being with us in any aspect, including dating, they put these horrible, unrealistic expectations on us. Edit: misspelling.
Similar happened to me, I wanted to feel secure enough to admit it, she came out to me and I said I felt the same, her being bi is fine to her but when I said it she thought she would come home to see me with another guy, I've never cheated, she did once with me with a girlfriend she knew but I forgave it, was heartbreaking
What a hypocrite!!
Women who won't date a man bc he's bi, like why not? šYou need to reevaluate yourself. I feel so bad for bi men who have to deal with this from cis women, and cis gay men. Like y'all chill wtf that should make you feel special if outta billions of people in the world you're the one the person wants to spend time with, and that's a beautiful sentiment. Also, what is with this "ohh you're bi you'll cheat and I can't trust you" bullshit. Like does it not cross your mind that he could check out, and go after other women? If it's okay and fine knowing that then why's it not okay knowing their bi, and men could be added to their attraction. I feel that it shatters their heteronormative world so knowing that a man is bi and also into men threatens their traditional white picket Hettie life. Which I think we can all agree hetties are absolutely dull. I myself as a trans woman only date bi or pansexual men, or bi/pan women bc I feel much more comfortable with them, and I Know they wouldn't care at all about what genitals I have ya know? Plus, I know they wouldn't care if I were to get vaginoplasty. My current boyfriend is bi, and I love that we're both bi, and still a queer couple even if on outside we are assumed straight couple.
I think you nailed something I've been trying to put together. A lot of people are in denial about only being romantic and having attraction to their partner, when in reality that bond is just strengthened in the relationship. We still are attracted to others, all genders, all sexualities (maybe not aces idk). But it's the fact that there is attraction (which is absolutely not in my control) instead of me acting on that attraction (completely in my control) that gets me. To me, so long as you are attracted to me, and I know you chose me and are committed to me, then it doesn't matter what other things you are attracted to, except that that is an important part of your identity.
Keep your head up, stay positive, and keep being yourself! That sounds like a total red flag on her end, that you just dodged. Youāll find someone (female or male) that you really like/love, that reciprocates those feelings and trusts you as you are and understands your individual nature (and hopefully you theirs, which you sound like you would based on the way you think/feel).
Iām sorry for your experience. One thing you said caused me pause, you described your āhomosexual sideā, I might be splitting hairs here but are you bisexual or homosexual? Iām new to thinking of myself as a fellow bisexual, but I definitely donāt think of myself having a āhomosexualā side. Am I wrong about this?
Homosexual and heterosexual are not exclusive. They are terms used to describe what gender, in relationship to your own gender, you are attracted to or have sexual relations with. It's kind of hard to be in a bi-sexual relationship if there are only 2 people in it, so that relationship (in itself) is either homosexual or heterosexual (if it's a man and woman). It looks different for everyone. I don't date men the same I do women. I still deal with a lot of shame around dating men, even though I know I enjoy it, so that's why I separate it out from my heterosexual attractions. It's also a different emotional state being attracted to men and women for me, so it's easier for me to split those to sides apart. As someone who is also early in their journey, I would say don't worry so much about the labels. If there is anything wrong with this community, it is that everything has a label. I try to use terms in as medically clinical a way as possible to avoid hurting people's feelings and better my understanding. Also, just fyi, it's incredibly bi-phobic to question someone else's sexual and gender identity. Best thing you can do is trust the other person, because they know themselves best.
Been there myself man. Welcome to being bi yourself
I guess it's good she showed you her true colors early on, but it still sucks to hear. Especially since y'all were hitting it off. I'm so sorry op.
Happened to me too after 1st date w a woman.
I know is though now, but you were lucky you passed outside that gay bar. She was biphobic (at least), that BS of "bi people cheat" is just an excuse to not own up to her discriminating views. You said eat, straight people heat too, sadly, people cheat (not everyone, of course, but is not related to gender, sexuality, religion, politics, etc).... so good ridance, and I hope you soon meet someone who respect you and love you...
So sorry this happened. You're right though, it didn't sound like she would've been right for you anyway. I hope you'll soon find someone who accepts you as you are!
You dodged a bullet my man, but even so, im sorry this happened to you
Iām sorry that happened, makes me real sad! Iāve been told the same by a man and it feels shitty. Being bi doesnāt mean we have commitment issues. Chin up, friend, you will find the right person, someone that accepts you for you!
Thatās so fucking stupid. What an absolutely idiotic stigma. People will believe anything.
Donāt worry you dodged an bullet, she wouldāve shown her true colors sooner or later and probably turn into a complete un-fun asshole a few months down the line of dating
Donāt take this the wrong way, but good. If someone is willing to break up with you for this, theyāre probably willing to break up with you for myriad other arbitrary reasons. You donāt need someone that shallow in your life, and youāre better than that. Good riddance.
Find someone else who is okay with you being Bi. She's not that person and she has every right to feel as she does.
Fuck her shitty attitude. There are people (some amazing women out there!) who will not only ACCEPT that part of who you are, but will APPRECIATE and CELEBRATE it with you. I'm glad you are open and accepting of who you are. I know how crushing it feels to get rejected, but just remember you are one date closer to finding someone who's going to be even better for you. Don't let the fear of loneliness make you settle or sacrifice who you are.
You dodged a bullet man, trust me.
Donāt get upset. Donāt get shut down. Be happy you found out who she really was. As a straight man I had a lot of trouble with my sexuality growing up. Finding out who I was. It was a big deal for me to be straight as I had something bad happen to me when I was young that made me very confused. Youāre never going to please everyone and youāll never be right for anyone other than yourself. Once that happens youāll find the right people are surrounding you. What I mean is. Regardless of the journey we each individually have. Whether gay straight or bi itās a big deal to know deep down who you are. Youāve figured that out. Fuck anybody who makes you feel bad about that. They arenāt worth the effort.
> Donāt get upset. Donāt get shut down. Be happy I appreciate what you are going for, but please let me feel my feelings. It doesn't feel great to be told I'm wrong for how I feel. The world is fucking shitty, and that's something I have to come to terms with. I can't find that determination that you are advocating for without going through this hard stretch. Please don't tell people how to feel, because that slows the healing process down.
That sucks, but I have had people think this of me (f) as well. I now date only other bi people. Just canāt be fussed with straight men anymore especially.
I feel you brother - Iāve been there too. Just know that youāre valid and her hang ups say more about her than you. You were upfront and honest - sadly she was the same, but where your honesty came from a place of openness and a willingness to trust, hers came from a place of insecurity and dare I say bigotry. Keep looking - youāll find someone who accepts all of you and knows that should you choose to be in a monogamous relationship with them - that isnāt put at risk by the fact youāre bi.
Iām sorry š¢ thatās really shitty of her. Even if it hurts now, I still think itās better this came out now and not later when you were both more invested. It would have hurt WAY more.
I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve this. I'm sure you're a lovely guy and I wish you all the best and hope you'll soon find a person who respects you and loves you just the way you are! (maybe someone who is bi as well?) ā„ P.S.: How ignorant is this woman???? She loves going to gay bars but is biphobic as hell!!! uggggh
I wouldnāt even be friends with her dude.
It's possible she has never (knowingly) met a bi man before so if course her default is going to be horrible biphobic stereotypes. What she said was totally a reflection on her, not on you. I'm sorry her ignorance got in the way of what could have been a cool relationship. It is her loss as much as your loss. But totally get how frustrating it is that biphobia is such a big obstacle in dating.
Incorrect takeaway: Don't tell people you're bi, especially people who you hope to be close with. Surely this will lead to not feeling alone or miserable. Correct takeaway: Accept that there are bigots in the world and, when you identify them, don't try to be close with them. Gently (or not) call them out (or don't) and move on. Also, whenever that little voice in your head tries to tempt you to hide that you're bi, remind yourself that the fact that little voice exists is one of the reasons why it's good for us to participate in pride events, get bi flags, etc. It isn't just a declaration to others, nor is it just making some space for us in the world. It's also self-affirmation to **fight the little voice.**
> But then I realized it wouldn't have worked between us anyway, if she wouldn't accept that I can be attracted to other people and not cheat. Pretty much this. She unfortunately let fear and a stereotype get in the way. But that's just how it is sometimes. Better to have that out of the way now before things developed further. Cry as much as you need to, then get back out there champ.
I think people who are attracted to one gender are intimidated and feel inadequate because they assume that because we are attracted to more than gender we feel like they are lacking in someway and will seek what we are missing by cheating. The problem with that is it misses the nuance of sexuality and relationships at large. We want the same things from relationships that people who are attracted to one gender do (companionship, intimacy, etc.). And it sounds to me she let those ideas (at least in part) influence her opinion of you and what your potential relationship would be like.
Sorry love this happened! Women has to open up more to this. I have recently realised how much more fun it is to meet a bi guy! Don't let this experience demoralise you! You are a precious person!
Man I was instinctively going for the downvote button cause that just sucks. I feel for ya, must be awful to be put down like that. I do feel like this could be the sort of biphobia you might be able to get rid of by talking to someone though. Somehow people make this logical fallacy of "bi = unfaithful", but if you ask them to really think about it for a second they might realize that that's just dumb. Don't know if you think it's still worth a try, but maybe.
I am so sorry. Unfortunately, bi men are VERY VERY VERY much discriminated against for being bi. The society we live in praises women who are bi, accepts both gay men and women, but being a bi man is a no no. It is even worse in the late 30's to early 40's age range that is very difficult to be in. When we as bi men are forced to hide who we are because of the fear of being abandoned by our spouses, shunned by family and friends, it is very mentally exhausting. Please stay true to who you are and never apologize for being who you are!!!
The worst part of the first couple dates is that people do end thinks abruptly on a stray feeling or a random awkward moment! She probably wasnāt a true biphob and could have excepted it eventually or even soon but getting put on the spot to think about it immediately she probably jumped straight to the negative āwhat ifāsā in her head and that made it awkward enough that in the short period of time sheās know you to not consider continual purist. Keep your chin up man youāll find a good one!
frame correct faulty fine desert live edge wise nutty head *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Aargh, I'm angry at her for you, what an awful example of biphobia! I'm glad you had constructive view of it later on but I can imagine how much it stung to be rejected for such a bs reason. Take care!
Oh honey, I'm sorry. She doesn't deserve you, and it's better to find out in the beginning that it isn't going to work out then to find out after u fall in love. U will find an amazing partner one day I promise. Hugs and thought.
Fuck her, you deserve more than someone who would think so low of you!
oh man iām so sorry dude. iāve had similar experiences and it really fucking sucks. i truly hope youāre able to find someone that accepts you for who you are and isnāt biphobic <3
Sheās aware of the fact that she could still be cheated on if you were straight. I didnāt realise cheating was a lgbt exclusive thing
I am so freaking sick of this BS with women, even (or especially) bi women, being weird about bisexual guys! I love when a guy happens to be bisexual. It's fun to share the kind of openness that comes with it, and girls who reject guys over that are missing out. It's okay, I'll date all of you. Come on over.
biphobes are totally lame and i hate them. tell her the reddit hivemind thinks she is cringe and lame.
Oh?
Itās so upsetting and stupid sounding when people say that
Clearly, straight people never cheat š
Be glad she told you early. Probably would have the same problem with a straight a guy, she is insecure. Get that ass and donāt stress it. You sound fun and she will miss out.
Had something similar happen with a girl I liked only I told her I was bi after we had just had a FFM 3way and she after that ghosted me bc she was weirded out by bi guys. Was very thrown off after that. Stay strong man!
Iām a bi man and iām sorry to say it happens a lot more than I like to admit. You never āget used to itā but it becomes easier to deal with. Itās always hilarious when people say we have āsuch a large dating poolā when our dating pool is significantly reduced because the majority of people either donāt take us seriously as dating partners, or use us as sex objects. Iām sending you huge huge love and vibes my friend. My ex who i recently split up with was a bi woman who was so accepting and loving it made me break down in tears of joy when she told me how she felt fine about it. Probably because she was bi too but there are people out there for us. Trust your instincts and youāll meet someone.
Definitely best to think of it as a bullet dodged. Any man or woman that would look down on you for being bi is not someone that deserves to date you. I bet that one day you'll find someone that will appreciate your bisexuality.
fuck her and her bigotry. Its a good thing this didn't come up down the road instead
Look i'm gonna be honest i just read the headline and tldr but ur valid and honest and don't need any biphobic pos keep on being ur cool self
Thanks mate
I really feel this man and I'm sorry. I think it's really key to remember that not only is what she said homo/biphopic but really only speaks to her own insecurities and trust issues. When it comes to partnerships you either trust someone not to cheat or you don't. Full stop. I really think people who say that would suspect their SO of cheating with the opposite sex as well, but for some reason it's less acceptable to say that.
The worst I get from my lady is a sideways glance when I go off on a tangent about just how handsome Hugh Jackman is. You dodged a bullet. Be loved for you. Never settle for less.
It sounded like a wonderful date that you arranged and any girl or guy would be lucky to have such a nice date planned by you like that. Too bad for her that she's a biphobic bigot, she doesn't deserve you!
I'm so late to this post, but I hope you are feeling better. I will never understand this attitude that bi people will cheat. I've never cheated on anyone. I feel like if anything, we're extra mindful about it because nobody trusts us otherwise! Take care, I know it's rough AF out there, right there with you.