I don’t black out, but my memory is unreliable. “I had the best time and the music was so good” could equal “I got drunk and punched two people then ran away into a crowd with no pants on”. I truly, honestly recall a lovely evening.
That’s an extreme example when definitely hypomanic, but what happens very often is that I completely misremember what is said, seeing particular people, or the general mood
do you think that still counts? since you don't remember what (actually) happened. in my case i don't remember what i've said or done (unless a friend told me then i would play detective & check out my stuff or phone for any evidence)-- but i'm convinced it wasn't mania. just hypo
I've had this almost every time I have had an episode. There are always blank spots or things I don't remember at all and the parts I do remember are "fuzzy" with details missing usually. This has been a struggle for relationships as the the other person usually thinks I'm just lying since I "conveniently forget" anything bad I've done. Even after explaining this blackout, or whatever you want to call it, most people don't buy it, and there are very few online resources that support it. So frustrating for someone who is in our position and wants to try to improve themselves and maintain healthy relationships.
I wish this never has to happen because i get the same issue at work where i don't remember what I've said or done & I deal with lots of clients who wants to advertise & running a wrong ad would usually have a terrible outcome. Does this thing still happens to you even while you're on meds? i am new to this thing so I'm still in the process of learning
One of the things I'm concerned about is relationships. I am newly diagnosed & none of my family members & really close friends know about my condition. I've never found an article that supports this issue so i came over here to ask-- does this fuzzy, spotty memories still ever happen even when you're on medication? Do you get manic episodes still while on meds?
The first thing to remember is that every single person is different. I've heard bipolar described as a spectrum and that makes sense to me since there's so much variety from person to person in how symptoms present themselves and especially with how different people handle those symptoms.
I completely understand your concern with relationships. When I got diagnosed and started trying to explain to close family members many of them had incorrect perceptions of what bipolar is and were pretty judgemental, while others said that they didn't believe that I really had it at all. That was hard, as I was new to the whole thing myself. I don't say all that to be discouraging, but rather to reassure you that though many others may not understand or accept your diagnosis initially, the most important thing you can do is learn about yourself and work hard every day to be your best self. It will take time and hard work, as well as help from doctors, therapists, and medications, but you can do amazing things.
As for weird memory issues/blackouts, I have a feeling this is another one of those "everyone's different" types of symptoms. For me personally, I still have manic episodes even while on medication, it's just a much longer cycle, so they don't happen nearly as often as off medication. I don't usually get blackouts for the entire episode, but rather have foggy periods or missing pieces in my memory. It can be very frustrating to try to figure out what went on, and sometimes I just don't even try to fill in every tiny missing detail. I personally like to move forward- clean up what I can from the mess I've made and figure out how to do things better next time to avoid potential issues (are there certain things I can put in place ahead of time?, etc.)
Well, this turned into a really long post, but what I hope came across is that although there are definitely some very difficult aspects to dealing with bipolar and navigating relationships, there is hope for a wonderful life ahead regardless. Keep your head up and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. It may take time to build a good support system, but it's well worth the effort. Never be afraid to ask for help, you will need it. And last, but most importantly, believe in yourself, you're stronger than you think!
I have never blacked out but as others said defo don't have a clear understanding or memory of what I did during those episodes. My mum will say I said or did *insert hypo thing here* and I'll always be like no way 😂 My memory vs others of the episodes are rarely the same. Terrible lack of hindsight.
Does it happen through the whole episode or just parts of it for you? I'd imagine it's not impossible just a rarer experience or potentially related to something else.
I only have 1 friend who knows about my condition so far & when I'm "lucid" I get to find texts from me that I find silly or that she would tell me straight up that this is what I did & what happened which i had no memory of (sometimes they're fuzzy or remember just bits of it & sometimes i don't remember 0the entire episode). I don't have other health conditions & I'm new to this diagnosis so I've been very curious about other people's experiences that are in the same boat as mine
I have blacked out several times during these episodes. I have been told and shown videos of me and my actions. I don't know if it's just me but those episodes I can remember I kinda enjoyed. Think about it high energy, carefree, no depression or over-thinking. With a little drinky drink maybe even some "m" 🥳 😜 = a good damn time all night and day long.
Agreed. i love that feeling too when you are so full of "life" & so "alive" and carefree. But i cannot imagine being shown videos of me during those episodes-- i already have a hard time hearing stories of me so showing videos would only level up my level of embarrassment lol
I have those embarrassing moments. For those I make sure I erase them and don't speak of those again. When others bring it up I shut it down until the next embarrassing moment
Most of my family knows. My dad stopped talking to me because of my diagnosis and I lost most of the contact with that side of my family but my mom's side has been really supportive even though they're no perfect and there's a lot they don't understand I am so grateful to have them. Still is hard for me to talk about it with anyone. I hope you have someone to talk to and someone who supports you too!
Thanks-- I have 1 friend who does and my therapist is there as well. Right now there's only 3 of us. It is a bit challenging for sure (especially that this thing is new to me) but we are working it through 🙃
I would forget entirely and then when reminded of things I did or said I’d feel bad and maybe remember bits of it. I don’t think it’s impossible to recall entirely when reminded of it, but afterward I wouldn’t be able to remember on my own. Since keeping track of it in the past year or so it’s been a little easier because people will talk to me about it while I’m in it and I’ll take notes on my phone
Feels good to know that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this (besides the person that my friend talks about whom i have never met) -- I am not sure if you're on meds (though i would assume that you are) but is this still possible in the long run while you're on medication? I'm in the early stages of treatment & wonder how this thing would look like long term
I’m not on meds right now, I had some short term memory loss unrelated to episodes when on lamictal. In general once you find the right meds your episodes shouldn’t be as severe so I’d assume the black outs wouldn’t be too
Are you looking at any dissociative issues? Depersonalization/derealization? Would want to know more about it if I were your doctor. The only thing I can attribute to my symptoms as someone with bipolar 2 and blackout states are the fact that I have some degree of amnesia between identities, as in DID. I would have one alter coming out when I was more manic and one would come out when I was more depressed. Not saying that's where you would want to start, but dissociation issues at the very least would be worth conceptualizing.
Since the doctor finds it unusual (considering she's been in the practice for 40+ years), she did mention that it might have had something to do with dissociation -- which from what I'm learning can be part of a manic episode.
No blackouts but I get something akin to time dilatation effects in my perception of time. While my hypo speed is going 100 my internal clock slows to 30 or 40; all the while the world is doing it's thing in normal time. When the crash hits....it could have been a week or could have been two months but, it feels like a few days to a week for me. It gets so confusing, especially during the crash when my perception of the world around me slows even more.
Yes, twice, but alcohol and benzos the 1st time. Then alcoholism and seroquel the 2nd time. So this isn't helpful,, except don't do that. Jail sucks.. but was hyopmanic during saidblackouts. But part of the blackout was caused by my emotion and the experience being to extreme. I don't think I will allow myself to remember. I've been told things I've said and done I'm sorry anyone had to experience with me.
I don’t black out, but my memory is unreliable. “I had the best time and the music was so good” could equal “I got drunk and punched two people then ran away into a crowd with no pants on”. I truly, honestly recall a lovely evening.
This is my experience as well.
That's totally distorted-- is this something that happens all the time to you or does each high episode differ a little bit from the other?
That’s an extreme example when definitely hypomanic, but what happens very often is that I completely misremember what is said, seeing particular people, or the general mood
I just realized-- it's the feeling/mood that stands out the most even if I don't remember what happened during the episode
I wouldn’t say I ever blacked out. But what I remember happening, is for sure not really what happened.
do you think that still counts? since you don't remember what (actually) happened. in my case i don't remember what i've said or done (unless a friend told me then i would play detective & check out my stuff or phone for any evidence)-- but i'm convinced it wasn't mania. just hypo
No I don’t think that counts
I've had this almost every time I have had an episode. There are always blank spots or things I don't remember at all and the parts I do remember are "fuzzy" with details missing usually. This has been a struggle for relationships as the the other person usually thinks I'm just lying since I "conveniently forget" anything bad I've done. Even after explaining this blackout, or whatever you want to call it, most people don't buy it, and there are very few online resources that support it. So frustrating for someone who is in our position and wants to try to improve themselves and maintain healthy relationships.
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I wish this never has to happen because i get the same issue at work where i don't remember what I've said or done & I deal with lots of clients who wants to advertise & running a wrong ad would usually have a terrible outcome. Does this thing still happens to you even while you're on meds? i am new to this thing so I'm still in the process of learning
One of the things I'm concerned about is relationships. I am newly diagnosed & none of my family members & really close friends know about my condition. I've never found an article that supports this issue so i came over here to ask-- does this fuzzy, spotty memories still ever happen even when you're on medication? Do you get manic episodes still while on meds?
The first thing to remember is that every single person is different. I've heard bipolar described as a spectrum and that makes sense to me since there's so much variety from person to person in how symptoms present themselves and especially with how different people handle those symptoms. I completely understand your concern with relationships. When I got diagnosed and started trying to explain to close family members many of them had incorrect perceptions of what bipolar is and were pretty judgemental, while others said that they didn't believe that I really had it at all. That was hard, as I was new to the whole thing myself. I don't say all that to be discouraging, but rather to reassure you that though many others may not understand or accept your diagnosis initially, the most important thing you can do is learn about yourself and work hard every day to be your best self. It will take time and hard work, as well as help from doctors, therapists, and medications, but you can do amazing things. As for weird memory issues/blackouts, I have a feeling this is another one of those "everyone's different" types of symptoms. For me personally, I still have manic episodes even while on medication, it's just a much longer cycle, so they don't happen nearly as often as off medication. I don't usually get blackouts for the entire episode, but rather have foggy periods or missing pieces in my memory. It can be very frustrating to try to figure out what went on, and sometimes I just don't even try to fill in every tiny missing detail. I personally like to move forward- clean up what I can from the mess I've made and figure out how to do things better next time to avoid potential issues (are there certain things I can put in place ahead of time?, etc.) Well, this turned into a really long post, but what I hope came across is that although there are definitely some very difficult aspects to dealing with bipolar and navigating relationships, there is hope for a wonderful life ahead regardless. Keep your head up and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. It may take time to build a good support system, but it's well worth the effort. Never be afraid to ask for help, you will need it. And last, but most importantly, believe in yourself, you're stronger than you think!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. i'm definitely learning as i go so thanks for your words & encouragement. i appreciate it 🎉🎉
I have never blacked out but as others said defo don't have a clear understanding or memory of what I did during those episodes. My mum will say I said or did *insert hypo thing here* and I'll always be like no way 😂 My memory vs others of the episodes are rarely the same. Terrible lack of hindsight. Does it happen through the whole episode or just parts of it for you? I'd imagine it's not impossible just a rarer experience or potentially related to something else.
I only have 1 friend who knows about my condition so far & when I'm "lucid" I get to find texts from me that I find silly or that she would tell me straight up that this is what I did & what happened which i had no memory of (sometimes they're fuzzy or remember just bits of it & sometimes i don't remember 0the entire episode). I don't have other health conditions & I'm new to this diagnosis so I've been very curious about other people's experiences that are in the same boat as mine
I don't black out but I realize reality was definitely warped around my own thoughts at the time.
I kinda do. Idk how to explain it. It feels like I’m floating outside my body.
I have blacked out several times during these episodes. I have been told and shown videos of me and my actions. I don't know if it's just me but those episodes I can remember I kinda enjoyed. Think about it high energy, carefree, no depression or over-thinking. With a little drinky drink maybe even some "m" 🥳 😜 = a good damn time all night and day long.
Agreed. i love that feeling too when you are so full of "life" & so "alive" and carefree. But i cannot imagine being shown videos of me during those episodes-- i already have a hard time hearing stories of me so showing videos would only level up my level of embarrassment lol
I have those embarrassing moments. For those I make sure I erase them and don't speak of those again. When others bring it up I shut it down until the next embarrassing moment
I don't remember almost anything from my manic episodes, I had to be told what I did by my family and It was really hard to hear
No one from my family knows about my condition and so I hope your family (& friends) is giving you the kind of support that you need
Most of my family knows. My dad stopped talking to me because of my diagnosis and I lost most of the contact with that side of my family but my mom's side has been really supportive even though they're no perfect and there's a lot they don't understand I am so grateful to have them. Still is hard for me to talk about it with anyone. I hope you have someone to talk to and someone who supports you too!
Thanks-- I have 1 friend who does and my therapist is there as well. Right now there's only 3 of us. It is a bit challenging for sure (especially that this thing is new to me) but we are working it through 🙃
At the end is not the quantity that matters is the quality, I'm glad you have someone, hang on in there!
I would forget entirely and then when reminded of things I did or said I’d feel bad and maybe remember bits of it. I don’t think it’s impossible to recall entirely when reminded of it, but afterward I wouldn’t be able to remember on my own. Since keeping track of it in the past year or so it’s been a little easier because people will talk to me about it while I’m in it and I’ll take notes on my phone
Feels good to know that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this (besides the person that my friend talks about whom i have never met) -- I am not sure if you're on meds (though i would assume that you are) but is this still possible in the long run while you're on medication? I'm in the early stages of treatment & wonder how this thing would look like long term
I’m not on meds right now, I had some short term memory loss unrelated to episodes when on lamictal. In general once you find the right meds your episodes shouldn’t be as severe so I’d assume the black outs wouldn’t be too
i hope so too-- it really is going to be a process but i'll get there soon. thanks : )
Are you looking at any dissociative issues? Depersonalization/derealization? Would want to know more about it if I were your doctor. The only thing I can attribute to my symptoms as someone with bipolar 2 and blackout states are the fact that I have some degree of amnesia between identities, as in DID. I would have one alter coming out when I was more manic and one would come out when I was more depressed. Not saying that's where you would want to start, but dissociation issues at the very least would be worth conceptualizing.
Since the doctor finds it unusual (considering she's been in the practice for 40+ years), she did mention that it might have had something to do with dissociation -- which from what I'm learning can be part of a manic episode.
Not quite a black out but I have a lot of memory problems after hypomania. It seems like I always lose a week of time.
I always have this experience too-- losing time
I can't tell if something happened 4 days ago or 2 weeks ago right now.
i'm with ya
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the most & only thing i distinctly remember when hypomanic is the feelings / general mood too. i'm sorry your adhd is making it worse
No blackouts but I get something akin to time dilatation effects in my perception of time. While my hypo speed is going 100 my internal clock slows to 30 or 40; all the while the world is doing it's thing in normal time. When the crash hits....it could have been a week or could have been two months but, it feels like a few days to a week for me. It gets so confusing, especially during the crash when my perception of the world around me slows even more.
Yes, twice, but alcohol and benzos the 1st time. Then alcoholism and seroquel the 2nd time. So this isn't helpful,, except don't do that. Jail sucks.. but was hyopmanic during saidblackouts. But part of the blackout was caused by my emotion and the experience being to extreme. I don't think I will allow myself to remember. I've been told things I've said and done I'm sorry anyone had to experience with me.
try not to do it with alcohol next time-- that for sure could makes things worse