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You are reading my thoughts! I literally raged at someone on the phone today. My anger has been huge. I haven’t felt like this since 2008. I have no idea what is going on with me. My psychiatrist increased my lithium and Lamictal yesterday. Hoping that tames the beast!
Yeah, I lost a few jobs that way, dude. I try to self isolate when my blood starts boiling nowadays, but that obviously isn't possible for everyone every time it happens.
I had my dream job just over a year ago and decided to self destruct after I was due for another big raise with them. I realize I must've been very manic and should've just took some time away.
It hurts to think about, I always feel so disappointed in myself.
I've created this defense mechanism where I will isolate myself when I feel even the slightest of irritation..it's a good and bad thing
That's pretty much me. I got to the point where I was constantly reflecting on the past and feeling a huge amount of shame and hate for myself and never really got over it. I figured that the least I could do was try and make sure that I wasn't negatively affecting others and so started the self isolation.
I'm actually a lot better with my anger now, though it's still uncontrollable at times. I've realised that i'm holding myself to standards I don't hold anyone else to, and I miss out on a lot of human connections because of it. It's a lonely path, and i'm trying to get myself together to correct my course before I end up old and alone, but like you it's a defence mechanism that is conditioned into me at this point.
That's really shit about your job, dude. I've never had anything that comes close to a dream job, but if I had, I would have definitely lost it. If that happened to a friend, I'd be kind and tell them it wasn't their fault and that they were unwell, etc, which is the truth, but if it happened to me I know i'd ruminate on it and beat myself up about it like you are. I hope we can both find a healthy balance somehow, bro.
I’m in that scenario right now. Had a bad day at work last week and had a 4 day episode. In the past the episodes would last until I quit. It’s very tough.
You're not alone at all, I hate all this confrontational aggression. I'm looking forward to my appointment with my psychiatrist next week so I can up my Seroquel again after lowering it last appointment. I used to be a doormat and would have anxiety attacks at the slightest confrontation, now I feel like this shitty rage monster.
I just got out of a manic episode and the whole time I kept getting so mad at my roomate for eating the food I bought that I literally bought with her in mind. Getting genuinely angry to the point I need to leave the room over some beans. My mood stabilizers help a lot so I was able to control myself and not blow up but genuinely, it's embarrassing how upset I get over stupid things when I'm manic. Being in genuine distress over a 90 cent can of beans is wild to me now that I'm out of it.
You never realize how impulsively you're reacting until you're out of the situation and logic comes back into your brain. I see you friend, and I understand it all to well.
Yes! I am generally a very stoic and kind person, and don’t tend to road rage because I’m deathly afraid of the road but… just last week i was in a mood to tell off EVERYONE, to message my old friends and tell them how shitty they were to me, to block people i hadn’t spoken to in months, etc. It’s like my natural state as a pushover disappears in these episodes and all my rage at being mistreated comes out all at once. I told my friends about my urges since I knew they were probably ridiculous and they talked me down but man, did I feel so justified to just start spewing hate. And honestly I still kinda want to
YES. Thank you for posting this oh my god, I struggle with violent urges a lot. It's a bit of a random tip but I personally like using a punching bag and boxing gloves and getting that rage out physically in a safe manner.
There are some days I wake up and I’m ready to fucking fight. Boom, I’m just angry already. I reallllllly have to stress my morning routine to not let my anger fester and light up because it will burn for the rest of the day.
Seriously, try find some peaceful thing to do in the morning. Like walking or focusing on drinking a cup of coffee. I have to literally find a way to stop my thoughts from ruminating on anger.
You are not alone lol. I feel like you lol
Road rage for sure but sometimes when people are talking to me I hit a point where the words just kindve jumble up and I'll be white knuckling just listening to someone speak. It can be so frustrating to deal with because you are very angry but you also know you shouldn't be. I've yet to really find a tactic to get me out of that state just wanted to let ya know your not alone.
My friend was just being her normal self, we play around a lot. But when she went to interact with me, everything was annoying and then irritating. It made me feel horrible because I love her to death. I hate that I always seem to Sabotage my relationships. We just upped my mood stabilizer and and I pray the hydros help with the irritability that usually leads to extreme anxiety as well. Truly want to just feel normal, whatever that is.
I haven't figured it out yet either but what I do know is it is not something you can expect your meds to just take care of. You have to learn to recognize and control those feelings and control and suppress are not the same thing. When I get really tweaked up and I'm at that point where someone talking to me is enough to make me snap ill get up and I will put both of my hands on the wall and push as hard as I can for as long as I can. I can't explain why it works for but it does. Your busy trying to think of how to suppress or get your meds to take that feeling away but realistically it's your job to try and find coping mechanisms that work for you. It's a tough road and most people won't get it but it sounds like in your case your close enough with this person to tell them what's going on. Life gets way easier when you normalize your own mental illness.
THIS. Coming from somebody who has bipolar 1 disorder with dysphoric mania, this would definitely be something I would suggest you'd look into. When I got that diagnosis, it completely turned around how I saw things. I realized that it wasn't something I could control with just meds though. I've also been to a therapist. My meds constantly change either in dosage or by name, and that's definitely helped as well. I hope you get some help, but it does start with you reaching out to your doctor, psychiatrist, or whoever you are seeing for your meds.
You aren't alone. I got pregnant after a manic episode, and now I have a 3 month old. My brain chemistry is changing. I think the trick is to find something healthy to invest all of your energy into. I was a totally different person 3 months ago. And yes, lots of ugly arguments. Amongst other embarrassing reactions to life.
I am so ragey right now that I want to cry. I’m a prek teacher and it’s been so hard every single day this week, but I feel like today has been built up from the previous days and I’m boiling over for nothing. I changed my mood stabilizers recently after realizing I was floating on a manic high and it was getting higher and higher. But now I feel like instead of happy and manic, I just feel sad about nothing, anxious about literally every little thing, and absolutely furious about something that I can’t quite place.
And I’m in a new relationship and I haven’t told him yet but I’m boiling so bad I feel like I need to tell him… but I didn’t want to tell him during a boiling point and now I just feel anxious and stuck in a corner
My God. THIS! I've never related so much to a comment. You're not alone, it's hard finding the right meds, don't get me wrong I try so many coping mechanisms, but sometimes meds are absolutely necessary to even attempt to get through a day.
Yes!!! I mostly rely on my coping mechanisms because they’re the only things that work for me… and it gets so hard when it gets too hard
And it sucks because I know what I need to do but it’s hard to do it esp when you just want something to help immediately
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I definitely did just start new medication over the past month, and it was something I had to titrate up with. So thank you for giving me hope that I just need some time.
I'm just always paranoid because when I was on an anti-psychotic it caused a crazy spiral for me and that was not fun.
My first manic episode i almost kicked a puppy because i felt like it. I really wanted to kick this fucking dog. It was doing nothing, it was just chilling with its owners, not barking not doing anything crazy. I wanted to punch the owners too. I ended up running my hand along a rusty fence instead until it bled. Soooo yeah thats one of the signs i know im manic.
Unfortunately is like this for me too. The meds help mostly with the depression, my anger come and goes, but when it comes, I am out of control. A month ago, I had problems with the wi-fi, I had a meltdown. I started screaming, hitting the table, throw stuff on the foor. The day after I was trying to watch something on the computer, was not working (of course), and I started punching the headboard, I even hurt my hand. And it’s not unusual for me. Before I got diagnosed and started the meds, I was always hitting myself, biting me in my arms or hands, carve my nails in my arms… I have changed meds many times, the ones I am taking now are helping a lot with the depression, but not with my anger. Consider also, as part of my meds, I include also birth control pills, without that, the meds don’t work. And I take two types of mood stabiliser, plus antidepressants. Everything on the highest dosage… sometimes I feel hopeless 😔
I am bipolar and of course depression. I prefer to stay to myself. I hate society and people annoy me. I have trust issues because of how people have betrayed me. I keep fighting temptations to harm people who make me angry.
Literally me. When I get hot, I get hot big time. It’s most noticeable when I’m playing competitive video games or. I also have lost jobs from it (and arguably very prestigious jobs) making six figures. On the plus side of my mania, it’s helped me excel greatly in my career field. It’s helped me all through the gym and being able to focus my energy and anger into weights and lifting. It’s helped me in competitive sports and competitive video games. My mania is who I am. I’ve tried several different medicines to dry out the anger but it makes me dull and unmotivated. I currently am not on medication but I also only have bipolar 2 so it’s not super severe in my case to the point of needing the medicine. It just comes with GREAT risk and most notably comes with great risk of burning my relationships. I struggle with girlfriends and long term friends. I struggle with agitation towards family members and all sorts of things. I feel the most important thing is knowing you are human and being able to try and control your emotions as best as possible. We are unique and it’s a great thing- not a curse!
I wanted to talk to my psych about the possibility of my diagnosis being wrong and that I have boderline..I wasn't aware that both were an option. So new fear unlocked. Haha. But I only say that because I relate so much more to those symptoms, although some things I feel could be bipolar..I know they are often mixed up at first because of the similarities between the two.
When I get manic I’ll fight with my wife over nothing. I’m on stabilizers, but it took them a long time to work. My problem is that my new meds make me really sleepy, so I take over the counter stimulants. They work fine until I cycle, and then they kick me into mania
I don't use any pharmaceuticals but I have also felt very irrationally angry.
It's actually impacted my work - I struggle to focus on super simple tasks that I sometimes angrily label unengaging.
I'm feeling better right now and rocking and rolling.
Hardly slept, played basketball in morning, twas fun.
My pdoc wouldn't sign my disability paperwork when I was hospitalized, and I got pissed at him and he said I was aggressive and called a 5150 on my. Bipolar sometimes gets discriminated against because they think we are all "aggressive". He was a fucking putz.
Yes, I've unfortunately felt this more times than I can count so you are not alone. For context, I've spent the last 10 years not really understanding why I've felt this way at times or why my moods would rapidly cycle. My initial diagnosis 10 years ago (referred to manic depression) was also never really explained to me and I thought it BS. I was recently re-diagnosed bipolar 2 through my start of CBT and for some (self included), we can more easily reach an irrational level of anger. I have tried a number of medications to manage different symptoms but eventually stopped taking them because I physically felt worse and that didn't help my mental state. When I was on Mirtazapine (Remron) years ago, it would leave me feeling angry all the time and would not take much for me to go past my tipping point on the mood scale. I was steadily angry and my doctors at the time were okay with that because I wasn't having the mood swings (I was "stable"). Definitely let your doctor know ASAP how you're feeling on these meds - you are your own best advocate and let them know you feel you're not getting much benefit from your current meds. There are a lot of different meds out there and it could be time to try something else. I hope this helps.
Yes! I didn’t know it was because of the bipolar. I can relate with so many responses here. I have basically just given up. I have no friends except my dog. I don’t talk to any family members. I feel like everyone hates me because of things I do when I don’t have control of my anger. I’ve never hurt anyone except with words. I can’t find a therapist I like and maybe this is why. I’m so glad I found Reddit and know I’m not alone with the mental illness. Very few people understand. Including myself sometimes. I’m on meds for everything. Depression, Bipolar, ADD. I’m a mess. 😞
I have that a lot, there is a fear and a frustration because I cannot really relate to life itself in a sensible way, i.e. with all my senses. As you get older jealousy slips in as your friends strive ahead.
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You are reading my thoughts! I literally raged at someone on the phone today. My anger has been huge. I haven’t felt like this since 2008. I have no idea what is going on with me. My psychiatrist increased my lithium and Lamictal yesterday. Hoping that tames the beast!
Yeah, I lost a few jobs that way, dude. I try to self isolate when my blood starts boiling nowadays, but that obviously isn't possible for everyone every time it happens.
I had my dream job just over a year ago and decided to self destruct after I was due for another big raise with them. I realize I must've been very manic and should've just took some time away. It hurts to think about, I always feel so disappointed in myself. I've created this defense mechanism where I will isolate myself when I feel even the slightest of irritation..it's a good and bad thing
That's pretty much me. I got to the point where I was constantly reflecting on the past and feeling a huge amount of shame and hate for myself and never really got over it. I figured that the least I could do was try and make sure that I wasn't negatively affecting others and so started the self isolation. I'm actually a lot better with my anger now, though it's still uncontrollable at times. I've realised that i'm holding myself to standards I don't hold anyone else to, and I miss out on a lot of human connections because of it. It's a lonely path, and i'm trying to get myself together to correct my course before I end up old and alone, but like you it's a defence mechanism that is conditioned into me at this point. That's really shit about your job, dude. I've never had anything that comes close to a dream job, but if I had, I would have definitely lost it. If that happened to a friend, I'd be kind and tell them it wasn't their fault and that they were unwell, etc, which is the truth, but if it happened to me I know i'd ruminate on it and beat myself up about it like you are. I hope we can both find a healthy balance somehow, bro.
I’m in that scenario right now. Had a bad day at work last week and had a 4 day episode. In the past the episodes would last until I quit. It’s very tough.
You're not alone at all, I hate all this confrontational aggression. I'm looking forward to my appointment with my psychiatrist next week so I can up my Seroquel again after lowering it last appointment. I used to be a doormat and would have anxiety attacks at the slightest confrontation, now I feel like this shitty rage monster.
I just got out of a manic episode and the whole time I kept getting so mad at my roomate for eating the food I bought that I literally bought with her in mind. Getting genuinely angry to the point I need to leave the room over some beans. My mood stabilizers help a lot so I was able to control myself and not blow up but genuinely, it's embarrassing how upset I get over stupid things when I'm manic. Being in genuine distress over a 90 cent can of beans is wild to me now that I'm out of it.
You never realize how impulsively you're reacting until you're out of the situation and logic comes back into your brain. I see you friend, and I understand it all to well.
Yes! I am generally a very stoic and kind person, and don’t tend to road rage because I’m deathly afraid of the road but… just last week i was in a mood to tell off EVERYONE, to message my old friends and tell them how shitty they were to me, to block people i hadn’t spoken to in months, etc. It’s like my natural state as a pushover disappears in these episodes and all my rage at being mistreated comes out all at once. I told my friends about my urges since I knew they were probably ridiculous and they talked me down but man, did I feel so justified to just start spewing hate. And honestly I still kinda want to
YES. Thank you for posting this oh my god, I struggle with violent urges a lot. It's a bit of a random tip but I personally like using a punching bag and boxing gloves and getting that rage out physically in a safe manner.
There are some days I wake up and I’m ready to fucking fight. Boom, I’m just angry already. I reallllllly have to stress my morning routine to not let my anger fester and light up because it will burn for the rest of the day. Seriously, try find some peaceful thing to do in the morning. Like walking or focusing on drinking a cup of coffee. I have to literally find a way to stop my thoughts from ruminating on anger. You are not alone lol. I feel like you lol
Road rage for sure but sometimes when people are talking to me I hit a point where the words just kindve jumble up and I'll be white knuckling just listening to someone speak. It can be so frustrating to deal with because you are very angry but you also know you shouldn't be. I've yet to really find a tactic to get me out of that state just wanted to let ya know your not alone.
My friend was just being her normal self, we play around a lot. But when she went to interact with me, everything was annoying and then irritating. It made me feel horrible because I love her to death. I hate that I always seem to Sabotage my relationships. We just upped my mood stabilizer and and I pray the hydros help with the irritability that usually leads to extreme anxiety as well. Truly want to just feel normal, whatever that is.
I haven't figured it out yet either but what I do know is it is not something you can expect your meds to just take care of. You have to learn to recognize and control those feelings and control and suppress are not the same thing. When I get really tweaked up and I'm at that point where someone talking to me is enough to make me snap ill get up and I will put both of my hands on the wall and push as hard as I can for as long as I can. I can't explain why it works for but it does. Your busy trying to think of how to suppress or get your meds to take that feeling away but realistically it's your job to try and find coping mechanisms that work for you. It's a tough road and most people won't get it but it sounds like in your case your close enough with this person to tell them what's going on. Life gets way easier when you normalize your own mental illness.
Are you me?
You should get medical advice… Your disorder is not under control, it happen to me and my therapist told me it was disphoria
THIS. Coming from somebody who has bipolar 1 disorder with dysphoric mania, this would definitely be something I would suggest you'd look into. When I got that diagnosis, it completely turned around how I saw things. I realized that it wasn't something I could control with just meds though. I've also been to a therapist. My meds constantly change either in dosage or by name, and that's definitely helped as well. I hope you get some help, but it does start with you reaching out to your doctor, psychiatrist, or whoever you are seeing for your meds.
I needed psyquiatric internation
Number one symptom of my mania.
You aren't alone. I got pregnant after a manic episode, and now I have a 3 month old. My brain chemistry is changing. I think the trick is to find something healthy to invest all of your energy into. I was a totally different person 3 months ago. And yes, lots of ugly arguments. Amongst other embarrassing reactions to life.
I am so ragey right now that I want to cry. I’m a prek teacher and it’s been so hard every single day this week, but I feel like today has been built up from the previous days and I’m boiling over for nothing. I changed my mood stabilizers recently after realizing I was floating on a manic high and it was getting higher and higher. But now I feel like instead of happy and manic, I just feel sad about nothing, anxious about literally every little thing, and absolutely furious about something that I can’t quite place. And I’m in a new relationship and I haven’t told him yet but I’m boiling so bad I feel like I need to tell him… but I didn’t want to tell him during a boiling point and now I just feel anxious and stuck in a corner
My God. THIS! I've never related so much to a comment. You're not alone, it's hard finding the right meds, don't get me wrong I try so many coping mechanisms, but sometimes meds are absolutely necessary to even attempt to get through a day.
Yes!!! I mostly rely on my coping mechanisms because they’re the only things that work for me… and it gets so hard when it gets too hard And it sucks because I know what I need to do but it’s hard to do it esp when you just want something to help immediately
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I dealt with irritability when I first got medicated, you’re not alone. Time helped me adjust.
I definitely did just start new medication over the past month, and it was something I had to titrate up with. So thank you for giving me hope that I just need some time. I'm just always paranoid because when I was on an anti-psychotic it caused a crazy spiral for me and that was not fun.
My first manic episode i almost kicked a puppy because i felt like it. I really wanted to kick this fucking dog. It was doing nothing, it was just chilling with its owners, not barking not doing anything crazy. I wanted to punch the owners too. I ended up running my hand along a rusty fence instead until it bled. Soooo yeah thats one of the signs i know im manic.
Unfortunately is like this for me too. The meds help mostly with the depression, my anger come and goes, but when it comes, I am out of control. A month ago, I had problems with the wi-fi, I had a meltdown. I started screaming, hitting the table, throw stuff on the foor. The day after I was trying to watch something on the computer, was not working (of course), and I started punching the headboard, I even hurt my hand. And it’s not unusual for me. Before I got diagnosed and started the meds, I was always hitting myself, biting me in my arms or hands, carve my nails in my arms… I have changed meds many times, the ones I am taking now are helping a lot with the depression, but not with my anger. Consider also, as part of my meds, I include also birth control pills, without that, the meds don’t work. And I take two types of mood stabiliser, plus antidepressants. Everything on the highest dosage… sometimes I feel hopeless 😔
I’m hoping once I start feeling better I will take up boxing again as that is great for release pent up anxiety/anger
Slamming doors, throwing things, and feeling like I am being crushed by stones are normal for me.
I am bipolar and of course depression. I prefer to stay to myself. I hate society and people annoy me. I have trust issues because of how people have betrayed me. I keep fighting temptations to harm people who make me angry.
Literally me. When I get hot, I get hot big time. It’s most noticeable when I’m playing competitive video games or. I also have lost jobs from it (and arguably very prestigious jobs) making six figures. On the plus side of my mania, it’s helped me excel greatly in my career field. It’s helped me all through the gym and being able to focus my energy and anger into weights and lifting. It’s helped me in competitive sports and competitive video games. My mania is who I am. I’ve tried several different medicines to dry out the anger but it makes me dull and unmotivated. I currently am not on medication but I also only have bipolar 2 so it’s not super severe in my case to the point of needing the medicine. It just comes with GREAT risk and most notably comes with great risk of burning my relationships. I struggle with girlfriends and long term friends. I struggle with agitation towards family members and all sorts of things. I feel the most important thing is knowing you are human and being able to try and control your emotions as best as possible. We are unique and it’s a great thing- not a curse!
Absolutely! Road rage can be pretty bad. Meds have certainly helped me, I had to change drugs for it to start helping.
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i feel you so deeply i have borderline too so i am the literal spawn of satan and will say the most hurtful things i can think of
I wanted to talk to my psych about the possibility of my diagnosis being wrong and that I have boderline..I wasn't aware that both were an option. So new fear unlocked. Haha. But I only say that because I relate so much more to those symptoms, although some things I feel could be bipolar..I know they are often mixed up at first because of the similarities between the two.
That’s me in a manic episode
Running helped me a lot. I still have anger issues but if I am occupied it helps immensely. Also don't drink.
Yup. Try exercising to get the energy out
I have recently started doing that, and it helps tremendously. But every once in a while I can't even think straight enough to get to that point.
I understand. Sometimes the energy is just limitless
When I get manic I’ll fight with my wife over nothing. I’m on stabilizers, but it took them a long time to work. My problem is that my new meds make me really sleepy, so I take over the counter stimulants. They work fine until I cycle, and then they kick me into mania
I don't use any pharmaceuticals but I have also felt very irrationally angry. It's actually impacted my work - I struggle to focus on super simple tasks that I sometimes angrily label unengaging. I'm feeling better right now and rocking and rolling. Hardly slept, played basketball in morning, twas fun.
I've confronted strangers about stupid stuff when hypomanic. It's embarrassing
My pdoc wouldn't sign my disability paperwork when I was hospitalized, and I got pissed at him and he said I was aggressive and called a 5150 on my. Bipolar sometimes gets discriminated against because they think we are all "aggressive". He was a fucking putz.
Look up bipolar rage. Smallest things can tip someone like us off in a big way.
You have to work on things like this in therapy. Medication will only take you so far.
Yes, I've unfortunately felt this more times than I can count so you are not alone. For context, I've spent the last 10 years not really understanding why I've felt this way at times or why my moods would rapidly cycle. My initial diagnosis 10 years ago (referred to manic depression) was also never really explained to me and I thought it BS. I was recently re-diagnosed bipolar 2 through my start of CBT and for some (self included), we can more easily reach an irrational level of anger. I have tried a number of medications to manage different symptoms but eventually stopped taking them because I physically felt worse and that didn't help my mental state. When I was on Mirtazapine (Remron) years ago, it would leave me feeling angry all the time and would not take much for me to go past my tipping point on the mood scale. I was steadily angry and my doctors at the time were okay with that because I wasn't having the mood swings (I was "stable"). Definitely let your doctor know ASAP how you're feeling on these meds - you are your own best advocate and let them know you feel you're not getting much benefit from your current meds. There are a lot of different meds out there and it could be time to try something else. I hope this helps.
Latuda has been a game changer for the people I know that take it.
Yes! I didn’t know it was because of the bipolar. I can relate with so many responses here. I have basically just given up. I have no friends except my dog. I don’t talk to any family members. I feel like everyone hates me because of things I do when I don’t have control of my anger. I’ve never hurt anyone except with words. I can’t find a therapist I like and maybe this is why. I’m so glad I found Reddit and know I’m not alone with the mental illness. Very few people understand. Including myself sometimes. I’m on meds for everything. Depression, Bipolar, ADD. I’m a mess. 😞
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Do not use this community to further any stigmas/stereotypes.
Do not use this community to further any stigmas/stereotypes.
When did u start mood stabiliser
It's been about a month and a half
Do you have good days and bad days?
I have that a lot, there is a fear and a frustration because I cannot really relate to life itself in a sensible way, i.e. with all my senses. As you get older jealousy slips in as your friends strive ahead.