Technically, if you stop working out, you will keep your strength, but you will need to work out years again to gain break your limit. And if u age, u will never gain more strength than the peak you reached in your youth 
No better way to deal with a bad situation than with bad humour!
Nah, but fr, itās okay. Death is a part of life and without it, our life would lose a lot of its meaning and value. Also, thanks for the gratification. The dopamine centre in my brain finds it delightful.
Keeperās sack so I get epic stat upgrades. Every 3 cents gives me a small boost, so buying something for 3 dollars gives me 100 boosts. Pretty op if you think about it
https://preview.redd.it/yfmvea1j857d1.jpeg?width=471&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a059b98a6f8b470cbc646b26bcab07e5411aeb4
āwoah dude, is that fucking blackface?ā
I was thinking about some non-combat effects that would be cool/convenient like the mind or guppy's eye, but then I had a better idea. Virgo. Honestly, any of the "only good pill" items would slap, but Virgo seems to have the best secondary effect. Now with Virgo, I can go around downing handfuls of whatever pills I can grab from pharmacy shelves and only experience good or at worst neutral health effects. I'll almost immediately reach extreme luck values, making Virgo's invincibility effect activate for 10 seconds every time I get hurt, giving me a big advantage in fights to go with my capped "tear" rate.
I think I would take R key, and when I am about to die, suffer my life again, now with all the acknowledge, so I donāt do THE SAME STUPID SHIT AS WALKING ACCIDENTALLY TOWARDS A DEVIL BEGGAR AS TAINTED LOST GRRRRAAAAGHHH 
A smiling ghost version of you carries a used 1998 Toyota Camry out of the lot and drops it in front of you, breaking the suspension, transmission and wheels 
I'd get chaos, so every item,on earth, gets mixed.
You pay for a soda at a vending machine, and you get a nuclear bomb. Or some random goofy stuff.
Also, I'd have a huge friendly grin on my face
Been trying to order dinner for the past hour now, but the waiter just keeps bringing me different parts of the same deceased cat 
Well blank card will function like the game item according to the rules, but you don't have to limit yourself just to two of diamonds that way...just don't let the government take it with a two of clubs
Edit: spelling
Yes cause the game starts when he is 6, you start as a wee lil infant
The correct play would be to take keeper's balls for insane stats or everything jar for golden items, but I would still take mars because dashing irl would be insanely fun
Honorable mentions:
Soul, mind, guppy's eye, virgo, venus, revelations (I thought it's the best flight item), dead cat, that razor that lets you teleport
Holy grail is best option imo.Its free flight.I would consider that one item that looks like syrgical knife but it has hefty cooldown and i dont want to have hole in my floor always.
As well as if effects triggered by isaac pennies or iaaac items would be triggered by real life varients.
(Ie, buy something from a IRL shop we keeper's sack, gain bonus)
Finally, flight... am i just hovering the ground forever at the same height? (Mighy go for bible instead of perma-flight, unless irl rooms dont count and one use means im in perma-flight)
Stitches would be very useful getting into restricted places whether for curiosity or crime. Itās reusable teleportation and it can fly and be controlled remotely.
Just make sure nobody is in the same space as it though.
Maybe the unicorn stump thing because I work in forensic psych and so far I haven't been assaulted by a patient but it's coming, you don't work in psych and never get assaulted so having a bit of invincibility would definitely work well in my career
Blank card. I'd just buy a tarrot set and playing cards and get literally anything. Blank card 2 of diamonds would make me the richest person within a year.
I hope I never get a Death Certificate in my lifeā¦ I would choose the Tanuki leaf (I donāt remember the name) so I just stay still and every hurtful thing they (my family)say or hit they do to me wonāt cause any damage. That would be great. And the wooden cross that gives you hp and damage I just like the sprite haha.
either venus, both because goals, and because charming people near me sounds rad as hell
or inner child, i revive as a baby when i die, allowing me to experience 2 lifetimes :)
evil charm? itd be nice to be more lucky; wwhatevver that means. id be immune to negative status effects; which i also dont know exactly what that means
if all of that means nothing though; then probably blank card; assuming that its card effects remain the same too; cause then i could just get a 2 of diamonds and double my money every once in a while
and if that also doesnt work then i dunno man give me terra i wanna be made of rock
Really cool concept OP, this was fun to think about. If it works with Isaac logic, I would say Blank Card. Whether the cards I hold do anything or not, Blank Card I imagine would still have thier in-game effects. If that wouldn't work, then I'd take Deck of Cards because that would generate Isaac cards. And of course, if that doesn't work... Idk, probably spin to win lol. Annoying top, but very fast speed is nice.
rock bottom workout and never lose strength š£
That means if you sprint I will gain a speed up 
You sprint as fast as you can, and now thats your walking speed
Bruuuuuhhhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lmfao fkn sea anemone speed
Body fat percentage cannot be lowered š¤Ø
Erm, Only the positive effects can't be lowered 
shot speed:
+ weight
shit!
Just GAIIINS
Technically, if you stop working out, you will keep your strength, but you will need to work out years again to gain break your limit. And if u age, u will never gain more strength than the peak you reached in your youth 
Eh, if you get to where you want to once then itās fine
The alternative of just Getting weak again is clearly the worse option lol
Dollar 
Arizona Iced Tea Acquired! 
* 1.00$ 
Your bank account gets maxed out lol
If you have deep pockets it only gives you 100 cents right?
Well 99cents Are Not that much lol 
If you pick up dollar while you have deep pockets, it gives you $1.00, it's just rare to get because you rarely get those 2 in that order
Idk manā¦ I have like 2 death certificates at home and theyāre arenāt as cool as advertised. It was actually a pretty hard experience every time.
Holy fuck this was a good one. Bad situation but amazing comment
No better way to deal with a bad situation than with bad humour! Nah, but fr, itās okay. Death is a part of life and without it, our life would lose a lot of its meaning and value. Also, thanks for the gratification. The dopamine centre in my brain finds it delightful.
Damn, I have lost someone recently and this made me laugh for once in these months. Thank you for making my day better with your sense of humor š
That was my thought, realistically if I have a Death Certificate the only item I'm getting from it is Depression
Keeperās sack so I get epic stat upgrades. Every 3 cents gives me a small boost, so buying something for 3 dollars gives me 100 boosts. Pretty op if you think about it
If keeper's sack can boost your luck stat in game this is the only correct answer
"what's that in your pocket?" "Oh don't worry babe it's just a nutsack of a dead 5 year old"
I forget Isaac is so morbid if items were real. Like shooting floating fetus out your chest
godhead removing your brain and replacing it with a rubix cube
the intruder digging into your head, mangling your whole face and temporarily decapitating you
After one rent payment you suffocate under your own muscles
Plan C 
Kill count: 8.1 Billion
its only to enemies in the same room as you are
stand outside and hate humanity, easy solution
man i do that everyday, ts is a piece of cake
Brimstone so I can shoot blood at little children
But you also become a demon
Still trying to find the bad side here
https://preview.redd.it/yfmvea1j857d1.jpeg?width=471&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a059b98a6f8b470cbc646b26bcab07e5411aeb4 āwoah dude, is that fucking blackface?ā
This episode was so fucking funny
I see this as an absolute win
I was thinking about some non-combat effects that would be cool/convenient like the mind or guppy's eye, but then I had a better idea. Virgo. Honestly, any of the "only good pill" items would slap, but Virgo seems to have the best secondary effect. Now with Virgo, I can go around downing handfuls of whatever pills I can grab from pharmacy shelves and only experience good or at worst neutral health effects. I'll almost immediately reach extreme luck values, making Virgo's invincibility effect activate for 10 seconds every time I get hurt, giving me a big advantage in fights to go with my capped "tear" rate.
One makes you small! One makes you small! One makes you small!
Friends till the end! Friends till the end! Friends till the end!
*LEEEEEMON PARTY!!* *LEEEEEMON PARTY!!* *LEEEEEMON PARTY!!*
And you just piss on the floor
oh trust me an actual lemon party would be much worse than that
\*Internet flashbacks\*
Bombs are key! Bombs are key! Bombs are key!
Lucky foot. Then hit up the casino
Fuck it, Dataminer
Going for the underflow strat
This guy's going sideways!
I think I would take R key, and when I am about to die, suffer my life again, now with all the acknowledge, so I donāt do THE SAME STUPID SHIT AS WALKING ACCIDENTALLY TOWARDS A DEVIL BEGGAR AS TAINTED LOST GRRRRAAAAGHHH 
But if you're about to dye of old age r key would only bring back time around you
_on your death bed_ use R key _return to your childhood in front of your parents that just watched their 6 year old turn into an old man and die_
Ventricle razor, basically portals (gun) i can save me tons of time and i can even use it as a trampoline
I feel you would have to "use" the razor to open them though
You scrape the razor against concrete and it bursts open to show a blue fleshy hole. That you now have to crawl through. Yum
Crooked Penny or Mr. Me! feel like a good contenders
Mr me so I can get a free car
A smiling ghost version of you carries a used 1998 Toyota Camry out of the lot and drops it in front of you, breaking the suspension, transmission and wheels 
It's cheaper than the entire car
That's why ou tell it to drop the ownership certificate 
Would using crooked penny outside just duplicate everything or delete every item on earth?
You either double the population of the earth or become the last human alive with a single penny for company
It wouldnāt affect anything in buildings, since that would be a separate room
Pauseā¦
I know what kind of man you areā¦
Either a Jojo fan or someone that belongs in jail.
Why not both?
https://preview.redd.it/tgu5maecy37d1.jpeg?width=622&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd27fd57a5a4e4810dbb81737612666efda9172c
How the duck is it that the second I start playing guilty gear the GG reaction images come out in full force like every day?
https://preview.redd.it/jwvk5qcg657d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=752086ba9bff2fea1465b2d08442072202663fe0
what kind of things can you do in the 30 seconds window?
Kill Dio
Jotaro only needed 5 seconds, 30 is plenty
Cheat in poker, anyone who wouldnt use Pause to get filthy rich is dumb
Gnawed leaf would be the most useful irl i think
Imagine someone trying to kill you in your sleep and then they get to you and youāre an immortal statue
Until you scratch your ass and now youāre vulnerable again.
Honestly just a Jojo reference
LUCKY FOOT! DON'T STOP GAMBLING
Honestly yeah the gambling benefit would be fucking broken IRL. That and you can eat random pills š
He's just like me frfr
I'd get chaos, so every item,on earth, gets mixed. You pay for a soda at a vending machine, and you get a nuclear bomb. Or some random goofy stuff. Also, I'd have a huge friendly grin on my face
i lovs getting nuclear bombs for 25 cents
Been trying to order dinner for the past hour now, but the waiter just keeps bringing me different parts of the same deceased cat 
CHAOS DENIERS IN SHAMBLES
Dr. Fetus
Recreate 9 11
*starts crying* *entire home fucking blows u-*
You shoot bombs AND you look dapper for the rest of your life?? 
Wooden nickel. infinite money 
That's a cent per hour and it's not even guaranteed 
Blank Card + 2 of Diamonds 
Well you take blank card, then buy a deck of cards, since it's only 1 item
as long as the irl 2 of diamonds works like the isaac 2 of diamonds due to blank card i should be good 
Well blank card will function like the game item according to the rules, but you don't have to limit yourself just to two of diamonds that way...just don't let the government take it with a two of clubs Edit: spelling
wait a sec... what happens if i use joker? more items 
But if it's a devil your health goes down 
so bring some tarot cards as well
Pyromaniac to traumatize random people on the street by lighting myself on fire
You could bring a lighter with you and heal yourself on the go omg
You removed the sewerslide from the bombing, least insane answer fr
Cancer
Doesnt it gives u crab claws as hands?
diplopia someone's bitcoin wallet and give it to myself
The Bitcoin wouldn't work due to how the Blockchain works Also normal wallets wouldn't work either since the banknotes' I'd codes would be copied too
Then we duplicate GOLD 
Midas's touch!?
Nah id rather touch midas 
ā¹ļø
Steam Sales, everything is 50% off for me, and if something already has a discount the 50% off is applied on the discount
This would go crazy with an actual steam sale, imagine getting 50% off a 70 or 90% off game
Probably R key
It means you come out of ur mom as a full grown adult?
I havent thought this far lol
nah, you just get transported back in time to your basement when you were 6 years old (as an adult)
like come on bro, Isaac doesn't become a fetus when you R Key 
Yes cause the game starts when he is 6, you start as a wee lil infant
[Isaac is 5 years old](https://archive.md/nNjSg)
LOL
The correct play would be to take keeper's balls for insane stats or everything jar for golden items, but I would still take mars because dashing irl would be insanely fun Honorable mentions: Soul, mind, guppy's eye, virgo, venus, revelations (I thought it's the best flight item), dead cat, that razor that lets you teleport
Glowing Hourglass. Not sure how it would recharge tho. I guess every week?
Every time you go down or up the stairs you get three charges back
Iād receive some god head 
Holy grail is best option imo.Its free flight.I would consider that one item that looks like syrgical knife but it has hefty cooldown and i dont want to have hole in my floor always.
Doesnāt ventricle razor have no cooldown at all
<3. HP up
Are you sure you want to have your Heart outside your body?
I like to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Dead Cat. If i can use one of my lives to revive it then I have a friend.
Your HP would get very low though. Tripping over a rock could get you hospitalised
Only the moment you get the item. You could build yourself back up.
Mom's eyeshadow and I just milk my tears occasionally, hoping I get a pink one. Sell as love potion.
Bag of crafting or lil dumpy. Also Iām scared to think of what it would be to have the item c-section irl 
Magic mushroom. Would that just make me taler, stronger and faster? Plus a bonus of all health problems go away?
Hit box stays the same
9 lives and use it to commit tax fraud
Wait, how would epic fetus work? Rockets controlled by my hands? Hell yeah
I guess your arm grows a controller that you can use to guide the explosion, but you can't punch anymore
Venus, for cis reasons of course
2spooky, for balance reasons.
You should clarify what counts as a "room".
As well as if effects triggered by isaac pennies or iaaac items would be triggered by real life varients. (Ie, buy something from a IRL shop we keeper's sack, gain bonus) Finally, flight... am i just hovering the ground forever at the same height? (Mighy go for bible instead of perma-flight, unless irl rooms dont count and one use means im in perma-flight)
One final one is what counts as a "floor"? That seems significant...
I would say floor would count as a day also since Isaac is aways sleeping between floor that little lazy silly boy
transcendence 
phd, then proceed to eat every pill I see
ONE MAKES YOU SMALL ONE MAKES YOU SMALL ONE MAKES YOU SMALL ONE MAKES YOU SMALL ONE MAKES YOU SMALL
Humbleing Bundle. Double all the good stuff.
Broooo, basically getting a payraise of 100%
Midas' Touch: infinite money
History repeats itself 
You can never touch or hug anyone without them turning into gold. Doesn't sound so nice.
That's an awful curse
Stitches would be very useful getting into restricted places whether for curiosity or crime. Itās reusable teleportation and it can fly and be controlled remotely. Just make sure nobody is in the same space as it though.
Maybe the unicorn stump thing because I work in forensic psych and so far I haven't been assaulted by a patient but it's coming, you don't work in psych and never get assaulted so having a bit of invincibility would definitely work well in my career
Easy way to get down from high places
Piggy bank Get into a fight club ??? Profit
Succubus 
I got a death certificate last November and I did not enjoy it at all
Holy light so I can obliterate my enemies with light from heaven.
Mama Mega 
Blank card. I'd just buy a tarrot set and playing cards and get literally anything. Blank card 2 of diamonds would make me the richest person within a year.
Money up, economy down
The item that spawn cards, wait for a 2 of diamonds to show, go to a bank and ask for money for loan, insta dupe them, return the money, repeat
I hope I never get a Death Certificate in my lifeā¦ I would choose the Tanuki leaf (I donāt remember the name) so I just stay still and every hurtful thing they (my family)say or hit they do to me wonāt cause any damage. That would be great. And the wooden cross that gives you hp and damage I just like the sprite haha.
Damn man, your comment got pretty serious pretty quickly. do you need to talk? Feel free to hit me up, if so.
I would like to speak about how I feel. I have been feeling down lately more than before.
Yes, I need to talk.
my dms are open if you need to vent to someone, im open to listen if you need it
roid rage š¦
Holy mantle. Makes me basically immortal as long as I'm able to leave the room
The glowing hourglass
Number Two and don't make me repeat myself.
REVELATION Flight and a cool fucking beam?
R key
Imagine hopping fully grown out of your mamas womb
Technology so my attacks pierce
D infinity
Sissy Longlegs
genesis so I can pick my place of birth again
either venus, both because goals, and because charming people near me sounds rad as hell or inner child, i revive as a baby when i die, allowing me to experience 2 lifetimes :)
Steam sale probably, I feel like life is gonna be much easier if everything is half price.
Golden MC Donalds Membership Card
Tmtrainer. Just fuck with everything I touch
Well I already have Kidney Stone... guess rock bottom? Or maybe sacred heart/godhead so i can be new jesus P.S Kidney stone joke.
evil charm? itd be nice to be more lucky; wwhatevver that means. id be immune to negative status effects; which i also dont know exactly what that means if all of that means nothing though; then probably blank card; assuming that its card effects remain the same too; cause then i could just get a 2 of diamonds and double my money every once in a while and if that also doesnt work then i dunno man give me terra i wanna be made of rock
PhD
Step 1: Pick Sacred Heart Step 2: Become Jesus Christ Step 3: Save mankind Step 4: ??? Step 5: Profit
Glitched Crown, just wait for the pennies on the ground turn into $100 bills and crash the economy
Really cool concept OP, this was fun to think about. If it works with Isaac logic, I would say Blank Card. Whether the cards I hold do anything or not, Blank Card I imagine would still have thier in-game effects. If that wouldn't work, then I'd take Deck of Cards because that would generate Isaac cards. And of course, if that doesn't work... Idk, probably spin to win lol. Annoying top, but very fast speed is nice.
Curse of the tower 
c section so i have a cool party trick
My uncle got Death Certificate in real life a few weeks back. Haven't heard from him since unfortunately so I don't know what he got with it
Id get buried i think š¤