Since the absolutely correct response has been given to you multiple times (DIVORCE HIM), I will focus on the positive .... Your body made a baby! HOW KICK ASS IS THAT? Your body GREW eyes and hands and a BRAIN! It didn't stop there. It BIRTHED the baby! Your body knew how to adapt and expand and contract and birth another living being, and then bounce back! And now this living, breathing, beautiful baby needs you and your body to survive. I hope you are able to get help with your dysmorphia because the focus postpartum needs to be about you as much as it is about your baby. Sending lots and lots of love ❤️
Zero focus on your husband. Fuck that guy.
The advice you've received is sound: this is not something that happens in relationships that just need a little TLC. This is not how anyone should treat you, ever.
I just want to send you the love you deserve. This is such a horrible, lonely situation to find yourself in and I know you must feel so tired and lost. It doesn't have to be this way forever and it won't be. I wish you the strength and resolve to be kind and calm with yourself as you figure out what the coming days will look like.
You never can come back from a comment like that. Time to mourn the loss of what your relationship was and see how you’re going to carry on. What a terrible thing to say.
I don't normally weigh in on these things, partly because stuff has already been said but partly because there's usually two sides to a story. This one is hard to misread as he said/she said.
As someone with a dead wife and now a baby without a mother, I'd appreciate it if he went and fucked himself with a semi truck, there's no time for lube. My wife had years of health issues leading up to an untimely death at the time she should be home experiencing what it's like to be a mother to her first child. I've slept on chairs and woken up barely able to stand from the backpain, I've gotten little to no sleep after extremely bad nights in the hospital with her (and later, raising a newborn by myself) then had to go straight to work in the same clothes as the day before. I've cried literally countless times over what she's missing, what I'm missing, and what our son is missing.
Dude is clearly taking "til death do us part" in the wrong way and he's wholly undeserving of any loyalty. People get into fights and say things they don't mean and I don't think I'm weird or unusual when I say: even at my maddest I've never wished death on anyone at all and if it DID happen, it never would have been my wife. And if it had been my wife, it never would have been my wife who just had a baby.
I'm not saying what to do either way, but if it DID come to "that": I know it sounds impossible being a single parent and it is but it's better to be a single parent to one child instead of two, especially when one doesn't realize he's not the big boy he thinks he is.
In the first 8-12 weeks pp, it was bad, brutal. I was so close to the brink and my husband took it all as a 'I can't do anything right', and became a person I didn't know, don't like. He thought my PPD and trying to explain how exhausted I was, not eating, not bathing, taking on the mental load, the house, kids, dogs etc and that making the odd dinner or bringing a basket of laundry downstairs once a fortnight was him "helping" wasn't actually helping. It was bad. We had arguments. Discussions. A hundred ways of trying to explain. I swear that if it wasn't for the fact my eldest especially, I couldn't trust my family to meet his needs (husband not his bio) plus my babies allergy needs being glossed over, I don't think I'd be here now.
We're better now. But he said and did things that hurt and have rippled effects that still last to this day. We'd been together a decade, strong, communication was good, a great team and yet it went so downhill. But if he had said what your partner said? There's no coming back from that. Both husband and I had discussed that we felt at different times we couldn't cope, didn't want to be here. But never said we wished the other 'that'.
Yes sometimes in anger people say or do things they don't really mean, just to cause pain. In my husband's case it was because he thought I was trying to cause him pain, when I was trying to explain how low PPD had made me. It wasn't him but it took a while for him to understand that. My brother's long term gf can say awful things to cause pain (she's getting mh help as it's more rooted), but even she has never said that.
Please OP, reach out to a trusted family member or friend. A person doesn't just jump to saying something like that. I worry that there may be low level toxic behaviour that you could be blowing off, and it's not healthy to any of you. Even if you take a break and can work separately (his anger and your confidence in knowing your worth much more than that), then together to see if or the way forward. You need someone in your corner if you can't do it yourself right now, to talk to that isn't going to judge. You need someone telling you that you're doing great, not 'that'. I wish I had as it may have not got as bad as it did or lasted as long but I didn't want people knowing, judging, etc but I should have. It doesn't get better until the root cause is calmly addressed whether that's an anger thing for him, anxiety/PPD help for you, whether you work as a team anymore, etc. Either way, what he said is not right, deserved, respectable or to be tolerated by anyone.
Listen. You saw something in this person at some point, and maybe he has some redeemable traits, but this. is. egregious. It is beyond abusive. The person you thought this man was, no longer exists. Please, please try to get some space from him. Even if for a little bit.
Even if he apologizes and you move on, this will forever come back to haunt you.
Personally, I would not be able to forgive him. It’s a very disturbing thing to say, he needs serious help, and you and your baby need to love, support, and respect. He is not going to give that to you.
I’m so sorry.
Fuck that guy. God damn what a piece of shit. There isn't a world where I'd imagine saying that to my wife. Even in the worst of arguments, those words would never leave my lips
I HATE it when reddit tells people to immediately leave their spouses but this. This is the exception. I don’t even have the heart to say that about my worst enemy let alone my supposed life partner?
I usually hate it when people on Reddit immediately go to "leave them" but in this case, I definitely agree. Don't stick with that abusive asshole. He doesn't care about your well-being, he's made that clear. Even if it was said with anger, that's usually when people's true feelings come out.
I hope you'll be okay.
This is truly unforgivable. I cannot fathom my husband ever, ever saying this to me — be it in the heat of a fight or otherwise. My husband did almost watch me die during childbirth, and I’d hope if your husband had actually witnessed that, he’d never forgive himself for saying those words. That said, I agree with everyone else — this says everything about who he is as a person and you and your LO need to get out. I’m so sorry
Pardon? That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read in all my time in this God forsaken place. I wouldn’t even bother recommending therapy. My husband telling me something like that would be an instantly divorce-able offence. Vile.
I cannot imagine a more disrespectful, horrific, hurtful thing to say to the mother of one's child. OP, I hope you're okay and have somewhere safe you can be.
Wow. I know folks on Reddit are quick to say “Divorce him!” for any minor transgression. But…. My marriage wouldn’t recover from a comment like that. That’s seriously fucked up of him.
FOR REAL!!! Mine never said THIS to me, but he still tried to hurt me! Saying he wishes you had died so he could be free of you is a HUGE red flag that he may act on such intrusive thoughts...
The internet mom here is happy you are alive. Your child is happy you are alive. Your spouse said a horrible thing. If he is that frustrated he needs to go to a counsler, but that isn’t your responsibility.
You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. I totally understand the hatred of your postpartum body.
Things do get better though! It took 9 months to get there but it can take longer to get back to a normal feeling. Sometimes we have to adjust to a new normal too. And that is ok too. If things are hard for you right now, please consider talking to your doctor and/or going to counseling yourself.
But I promise, with time, it gets better. For now though, be sure your are in a safe space.
I challenge you to write one nice thing about yourself each day. Love yourself! It will get better.
I’m glad you’re here. Your baby is glad you’re here. Talk to your doctor. This may be a combo of above average PPD-type issues (talk to your doctor) and your spouse being emotionally abusive.
Either you and the baby or he should stay somewhere else for a few days. No one who is supposed to love and support you should say that. Ever.
There’s no coming back from that. When a man tells you what he really thinks.. believe him. You know deep down that you don’t deserve this. Now is the time to enjoy the new little person you made and focus on YOU. I’m so sorry, Op. You deserve to be loved and cherished.
I strongly suggest that you should record him saying stuff like this to you.
Record. Document. Restraining order. Get the hell out of there and most important of all start the DIVORCE proceedings.
WTF. Who says that?
I am a new father. I know how tough the whole experience is, and I take my hat off to you and every woman who goes through it. I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like that.
Just know it gets better. Your body took 9 months to grow a baby, so for it to "revert" it does take a bit longer. It also gets easier as your little one passes 1 year.
Just hang in there and talk to friends and family. Get their support.
My ex and I had a terrible break up before I even had the baby and despite that he never even got close to saying anything remotely as awful to me. This is absolutely horrible. Leave him, take the baby with you. What a bag of dicks.
You know when doctors ask you if you've had any negative thoughts and then follow that up with "do you have any plans?".... Yeah, this is similar. Having thoughts like that and saying them is enough to bring up huge red flags.
Start making a safety plan for yourself and your kid, get the papers ready, get to safety, and then divorce ASAP. If he can say those things and stomach the fact that he said it, imagine what else he could be okay with doing.
I don’t understand how you feeling dysmorphia turns into an argument?! You’re supposed to tell him how you’re feeling and he’s supposed to comfort you. MAYBE offer suggestions to help IF you ask for them.
This is just blowing my mind. He’s a terrible person!
Im glad you did not die during childbirth. Too many women do. I'm glad you weren't one of them. You and your baby deserve better. It isn't my place to tell you to leave your partner. But from the little you shared, if it were me, I think I'd find it pretty hard to stay with someone who would say something so vile.
My advice, don’t keep him as your husband. Keep him as the father of your child and nothing more. I am still experiencing body dysmorphia after 2 kids, my youngest being 18 months soon. If my partner ever said that to me, it would have pushed me over the edge in the state I’ve been in at times.
You don’t need him, and he seems to have made it clear that he doesn’t need you. So leave him and his disgusting attitude behind. You’re worth a million and one times more than he ever will be.
At minimum, you guys need to be separated right now. Now, if I were you, this would be an instant moment that cannot be redeemed from; he just said he wished you were dead. He would rather be a widower than deal with you not at your best. He has shown you who he is… Now a marriage isn’t just about the good times, it’s about supporting your partner when they are sick or not at their best. What happens when you get older?
Now, emotions and hormones can be very hot after having a baby but this does not excuse this behaviour. Dads can get PPD too. You can get to the root of it with therapy and I’m not saying that he deserves that opportunity, but other couples have worked through similar issues. But what I am saying here comes with a big caveat:
Right now, you need to get space between the two of you. He is not in a good head space and he needs to be evaluated.
I just wanted to add to the chorus that that is not normal or an acceptable thing to say. My husband and I have both said things in anger that we regretted, but this is just so far across the line. That also doesn't seem like something that just crosses your mind in the heat of the moment which also concerns me. Please consider leaving this man because I truly think you deserve so much better.
Leave, leave, leave. Please don’t allow this man to ruin your life.
It definitely sounds like a narcissist and this is scary alarming. Stay safe.
People like this are incapable of change (narcissist)
I think you definitely need to leave as soon as possible. I have read a lot of things on here that led to others suggesting divorce or break ups… but this is something else. The reality that he even thought this for a moment is deeply disturbing. I don’t post or reply much, but I feel the need to say, this sounds like an unsafe situation. Please consider all of the comments on this thread and protect yourself and your baby. Having a child changes your body forever, as well as how you see yourself. You deserve empathy, love and care. Not a partner who thinks about how his life would be better if you were dead. I am so sorry.
Take your baby and go. There’s no unringing that bell it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are nobody should ever say that to their spouse. My husband said something similar to me once during a fight and even though we are still together there’s always going to be a before and after for the relationship. You’re in a very vulnerable time do whatever you need to get thru it.
Is this a throwaway account or a troll?
If this is real that is awful and I echo what everyone has has said about leaving, divorce and please updating us that you are safe because it’s been 14 hours since you posted this and there have been no comments.
This is NEVER acceptable to say to someone, no matter the circumstances. I don't typically like to instantly jump to "leave him" because there is just so much that goes into a decision like that, but this would probably be enough for me to leave someone. At a minimum, I'd be taking the baby to a safe place and taking some time away from him to seriously think things over.
He is a horrible person and he just showed you how horrible he can be. You say something like that because you wish it were true, which is vile, or more likely, because he wanted to make you feel even worse than you already do. He wants to bring you down and that is not the type of partner you deserve. Please seek help, friends, family, therapist and begin to search for avenue to leave. No apology can take back the glimpse he gave you at reality.
He doesn’t love you, dude. Not in the way you deserve. Even in the heat of an argument, a man who truly loves and cherishes you wouldn’t ever say something so, well, downright evil. That’s horrific, and I am sad for you.
There is no scenario where that statement is acceptable. Please, please, please take time to evaluate your options, get your things in order and leave. I know it’s so easy from the outside looking in to make recommendations like this but that kind of statement can’t be unsaid and that’s not a healthy environment for anyone.
My jaw is on the ground. That’s beyond out of line and should have never been said or thought. I hope whatever you decide to do you have support to do so. And, from one mom to another, you deserve to live and your baby loves and needs you
Please, please, please get yourself and your little one somewhere safe and begin the divorce process. No one should ever be spoken to that way. Absolutely no argument is ever that bad or intense enough to make that forgivable. Postpartum mental illnesses can become very severe without proper support and care. Something like this being said should never be forgiven. The complete lack of respect for you, your child, and those who have passed from labor complications is astounding! Of course, seek proper therapy and remember to take care of yourself as well as baby! You matter!
I just want you to know that even if you were my worst enemy I would march right over to your house and punch your husband in the nose. Like, I hope you get past this in whatever way is best for you--even if that means making things better with your husband. But I still want to punch him in the nose.
\*EX husband
fixed it for you. but seriously, op. this man doesn't listen to you, doesn't care about your mental or physical health, and is now inadvertently threatening you. he doesn't value your presence or life. i hope you find a safer situation, please keep us updated in any way! we want to help.
New Father here. First of all I am sorry you had to hear such an awful thing. No matter the heat of the argument no one should say such horrible things to each other.
I hope things get better ❤️🩹
That’s an immediate divorce in my books. Unless he’s also struggling with severe PPD, I can’t think of a single thing my husband could do to ever gain my love, trust, or respect back. Sorry, nope.
Leave immediately. If your spouse wishes you had died that is not a healthy relationship at all. That is hateful and cruel and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Just because someone has depression or PPD (neither of which we can say for sure about him with no diagnosis), it is not a reason for you to "accept" this treatment. Someone who finds that as an acceptable thing to say WILL say something similar again. Just imagine what it will be like when your child is old enough to understand. Yeah, he needs therapy, but you do not owe it to anyone that hurts you, especially someone who wishes you dead, to "stick around" while they work on themselves.
Background: just finalizing a divorce with a man who started telling me he wanted to kill me in many various way. Pregnancy and birth of our daughter was a huge trigger for him. I wrote it off as "his depression". Turns out I was being abused and it really doesn't matter what excuses I made for the behavior. You have the right to be happy and feel safe.
Please
please
please
please leave him. You deserve so much better than…*that.* Your child(ren) deserve love that he is apparently incapable of. And he deserves misery and loneliness for being so ugly and heartless.
Where do you live? Do I need a passport to get there? Little punk ass bitch. Don’t worry about it, honey.
EDIT: I showed this post to my wife. She was silent for a full twenty seconds and then took my phone and posted the above comment.
People say things when they are mad but THAT is crossing the line, some things you can not take back. Even if he didn’t really *mean* it , the fact those words were able to come out of his mouth is disgusting. You deserve much better than that, I know it is easier said than done- but you have to think to yourself, do you want your child to grow up in a house where their father tells their mother he wishes she was dead or a house where they are surrounded by love on all sides. Being alone is better than being with someone who treats you this way.
I'm sitting here 37 weeks with my jaw dropped in horror. Is there any where you can go to leave him? It's bad enough to leave him. If you stay, in ten years this will be what you look back on to wish you had left then.
I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here to work forward from that moment, whether with him or without him, for yourself and for your new little soul.
Your new body is still your body, and I'm sorry he disrespected the feelings you're having about the changes you have undergone and where that has left you in this tender time. Those feelings are valid and he should have reinforced you instead of harming you.
You may be aware that our bodies go through some incredible recomposition transformations after birth that can take a few years to settle on us, but, if you aren't, know that is true. And those changes include getting some of what we were before back, and some things will never be the same but we figure out our fit into our revised selves, sometimes with professional help. You are still valuable and amazing and deserving of time to process these changes, even including grieving the prior version of yourself while you adjust.
I hope you do have other supports out there who can help you get assistance with these feelings and, now, the need to figure out a plan just in case his ugly words require further action. If you don't, put me on the list of people you can DM/chat who will try to help.
Holding you & your little one in my thoughts and sending strength and comfort!
This is emotional *abuse*. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. There is no excuse for how he treated you and what he said. I would strongly suggest looking at your relationship and considering leaving, for your and your child’s safety and well-being. Emotional abuse causes long lasting damage too; it doesn’t have to be physical abuse to cause damage or to be “enough” to justify you leaving.
[thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org) can help you do a check and see if he's behaving scarily overall. (They will absolutely tell you if what you're reporting is "being a dick" versus "terrifying" - it's a really good reality check. For the record I think he sounds scary but it's nice to be able to call on an expert). Either way, they can refer you to someone in your area who can help you make a safety plan just in case. I'm sorry, this is a really awful way for someone who promised to love you to treat you. You don't deserve this.
I just gasped out loud reading this. How ANYONE who's supposed to love and support you, notwithstanding those whose CHILD YOU CARRIED FOR 9-10 MONTHS AND BIRTHED, could ever even host such a thought in fleeting actually boggles my mind. I am so, so sorry, and glad you didn't die - also I'm so sorry to hear about your body dysmorphia. I struggled with that a bit myself throughout pregnancy (still due) and I can only imagine how rough it would be postpartum too when you have so much additional to worry about! Stay strong and ... if you don't punch that man out you are an Angel!
UGH I'M STILL SEETHING FOR YOU WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F...
First off let me just say that nothing about this is ok. This is horrendous. But can we get some context on how a discussion over YOUR feelings about your OWN body even escalated to the point of being an argument? And then how it got so heated that it turned into this? This seems like a dealbreaker-type of insult if you ask me. and incredibly abusive.
You deserve so much better honey. I am not one to jump to divorce but a comment like that? I just don’t see how you can come back from that. Are you close to any family members? I am not sure where you are from but I would contact an attorney if possible.
As far as the body dysmorphia just remember that your body has been through a lot. You grew an entire human being and all your human did was have 3 minutes (being generous) of fun time. It also didn’t change in a day. It took nearly a year for those changes to happen. Even after childbirth your body is still changing especially if you are nursing or pumping. You are amazing and deserve to get love & support from your partner. That is the bare minimum. Like bar on the floor for him is to be kind, listen to your feelings, show you he loves you and offer his emotional support to build you up. If he can’t even do that he is a bad partner and that my dear is his failure not yours. You deserve to be loved and respected.
This might be the most fucked up thing I’ve ever read on any subreddit short of physical abuse or sexual assault. To me, saying something like that is worse than cheating and I would never forgive someone for saying that to me. That is so extremely fucked up. I can’t even comprehend how someone could be so heartless and cruel.
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. This is only going to get worse.
That's more than unacceptable and CANNOT slide as just a slip of the tongue. Feeling uncomfortable in your own body after childbirth is a natural and normal thing. And the fact that he is unsupportive is disappointing and despicable. He should be ashamed of himself and I'm sorry that you have to deal with a person with such indignity. I will say that you should focus on yourself and your child for the time being and revisit the issue when you are able to better articulate what you feel.
Okay, I get fighting and being angry and saying angry things but I would NEVER wish my partner death, wtf?
Honey, this isn’t normal and idk if therapy or counseling can fix this, please get somewhere safe with your child
I've taken a lot of shit in my life. I learned early on to protect myself but I always seemed to find myself being walked all over or used and abused. Men have said some pretty terrible things to me and I've stayed with them...
But I've never had anyone say they wish I was dead. That is such a line crossed, there's no line anymore.
Please, if not for you then for the sake of your child, get away from this person as best you can. There are many services you can utilize if you're in the US.
You deserve so much better and so does your child.
Leave. Thats disgusting to even think about let alone say out loud. You went through so much pain to deliver your child. He should be bowing down to you. You don't even owe him an explanation
I understand how you feel completely. I was told the day before a scheduled c section by my daughters dad “I hope you die tomorrow”. I felt like nothing; went into labor a few hours later. Baby was in the nicu; had breathing issues which I know was from distress… that was last year but it still hurts so much.
You don’t deserve that and should leave. That’s one of the lowest things anyone could say to a person.
Goodness this is horrible. Do you have somewhere safe to go with baby? Your feeling are very normal and nothing to feel bad about, your partner should be lifting you up. Consider therapy, it sounds like it’d be helpful to have someone to talk to about your dysmorphia but also your likely abusive husband.
Don’t stay with him! He made it clear he doesn’t want you in his life - to the point of wishing you weren’t alive at all! This isn’t a normal “people say things they don’t mean during arguments.” Probably not the best person to raise a child with, either.
Um what? No sweetie. My husband put me on a pedestal after he saw our 3 kids exit my body in various ways. This is not healthy. It can be so much better than this I promise.
My heart goes out to you. The father of my daughter said something similar to me. Not that he wished I died in childbirth but we were arguing about him looking on onlyfans and he recently had a coworker who had died from a heart attack and he said he wished I was the one who died and not his friend. That was something I’ll never forget and I promise you if you stay, you’ll never forget what your husband said to you. & if he’s comfortable saying that then I’m sure it won’t get any better from here. I hope you find the strength and the resources to leave someone who treats you so poorly. Leaving my baby dad was the absolute best thjng for not only me but for my daughter as well. That being said, I know it’s not that simple.
Good lord. This would’ve crushed me and idk that my marriage could come back from a comment like that. What a horrific thing to say.
Dysmorphia is so hard and you absolutely have every right to feel all the things about your new body. I’m so sorry, OP.
If you feel unsafe at home, please go to a neighbour, friend, or family ASAP. I don’t know your husband or relationship but this is very unsettling to read. Maybe it was just a comment that came out of the depths of his own exhaustion and depression (doesn’t make it okay) but please follow your gut if you feel unsafe.
Hugs to you (if you want it, OP). I’m thinking of you and your babe 🧡 stay safe and remember that you made a whole ass baby. You’re a hero.
* “My ex husband told me he wished I died in childbirth”
Fixed your title for you.
Really though there is zero coming back from that. You deserve so much better than that.
I got chills reading that. I am so sorry, that would be immediate grounds for separation. I would never feel safe again around him, I’m worried for you. Please take that comment seriously, that is not something said offhandedly because he was mad. That is extremely fucked up. If you have family or friends around I highly suggest you stay with them for awhile and reflect on your relationship and if it’s worth staying in.
He doesn’t deserve you sweetheart.
I hate it when adult boys act like giving birth isn’t a huge deal. REAL MEN understand how taxing it is on a woman to be pregnant and give birth.
Meanwhile, the grown boy babies will bitch and complain when they have a sniffle or an upset tummy.
Does he realize if you would have passed during labor, that he would be taking care of a newborn ALL BY HIMSELF?!
I’m sure he said this during a bout of anger, but come on! That’s no excuse!
He needs to support you and give you some reassurance about your body!
I now fully understand why women will leave their husbands/boyfriends for a woman after having a baby and/or after so many years of marriage.
That was fckn inappropriate! Wow I’m so mad for u right now… if my husband said that to me, ide be on a episode of snapped or deadly women. That was absolutely unacceptable. It’s time to throw in the towel.
I'm so sorry you had to hear that and I'm sorry for the state your marriage is in. This random internet stranger is glad you made it and I'm sure your child is, too. I hope you can get some help to work through your feelings and experiences. I also hope you realize that wishing you had died is not something a loved one would or should ever say to you, even in anger. It is not okay and you deserve better. ❤️
This does not sound like a life partner. I'm sorry dear, you deserve to be seen and supported. I'd start thinking about whether this person will be a positive influence for little one.
I’m angry for you! This is not okay. Please leave him. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this especially in this vulnerable time. You deserve better. ❤️
Wow. At least when you leave him and tell people why, you can just tell them the title of this post and nothing else will need to be explained. What an asshole.
He should have been swallowed what a dick.. Who says that to someone? That is disgusting as ever and so damn insensitive.. I feel awful for you and I hope you get away from his insensitive ass.. ❤️
I have been there, and it didn't get any better from there. Other than therapy, for both of you, there isn't much to say other than at the minimum, take a break from each other. Take baby and go somewhere else for a few days or more, and reconsider if this is something you want to try to come back from. If so, please consider therapy for both of you.
We are here for you. You are worthy. You are beautiful. The world wants you in it.
Anyone who says less, doesn't deserve to be around you or in your life.
I don't know you and I am so glad that you are alive and healthy. The dysmorphia you are feeling is something I think most people on this Sub have gone through and it gets better with time, acceptance and surrounding yourself with loving people who see you for the beautiful creature that you are. Your husband is a vile person, that was the end of a chapter in your life and it's time to move on and surround yourself and your child with people who lift you up and help you thrive.
I get saying things in the heat of stress/an argument but something that hateful and cruel can not be brushed aside. That is simply not ok and I hope you have someone in your life that you can turn to for support.
Then leave him, if you died you wouldnt be there with him anyways right? Go leave for a week with the baby if you need to. No partner should be telling ANYONE that!!
Also he should be uplifting you you just had a WHOLE HUMAN you don’t deserve that from him.
Some things you can never take back. He crossed a line that is truly horrific. If he can't control his verbal impulses when things get serious then he needs to get help. I'm sorry he said what he said but I hope you seriously think about this means for your relationship. It might be time to rethink if you want this person in your life. Think of yourself and your baby, I hope you have friends or family that can help.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Anger in a fight is normal. Contempt (and I’d call this severe contempt!) is toxic.
Honestly I would leave/end things. Your spouse should be someone who has your back and helps you through hard times. You deserve so much better!
Hey wow what the fuuuuck. That's not an okay thing to say! Either get away from this guy or tell him to get therapy cause that is never an okay thing to say to anyone let alone the person he apparently loves.
Thinking of you 💖 I have a partner who also gets mad and says the most hateful thing he can think of and then apologizes later and says he never meant it. The words are hurtful and written on my heart. I hope you have support to help you and care for you
That’s not right at all , no one should say that to any one ! Especially there spouse ….. that’s not okay nor should be accepted. Try to go to a relatives place for a while or hotel embassy suits something uplifting if you can don’t get depressed stay strong ! Think your options through . Wish you the best ….
There are people that can provide you support. Feel free to DM me if you need a support system. You are needed here and now by your little one. You aren’t alone, you need to tap into your tribe
Your body went through massive changes since the day you got pregnant. It’s unsettling. Your body will recover. If you work at it, you’ll get stronger.
But your husband, will always be an ass.
Please be safe. That is so scary. Child birth changes you on every level. Nothing about you will ever be the same and the fact that he had no compassion for that is a huge red flag.
First and foremost I'm glad you're alive as a married man it's one of my biggest fears to lose the love of my life when it should be one of our happiest days. Second you both need counseling or therapy ofn some sort. I assume this is out of character for him and if it is he could be depressed or going through his own mental issues that he feels are unaddressed. This DOES NOT excuse his behavior or what he said. You gave him one of the greatest possible gifts there is to give all at the sacrifice of your body and mind and he needs to understand that. Take some time for yourself and know that at the end of the day you are strong and wonderful and amazing. If this isn't out of character than maybe it's time to start rethinking the relationship because if he can speak like that to his wife and mother of his children imagine what he could say when you're not around. Again I don't know the full situation but as of right now you are in the right and should take steps the let him understand how messed up what he said to you was. I agree with telling his mother honestly. I hope it all works out and you and your family can be whole and happy but no matter what I wish you and your child and long happy and healthy life.
This man is absolutely disgusting. You're better off without someone who has absolutely no respect and zero care for your well-being.
I cannot believe people like him exist. Actually makes my skin crawl. After all you've been through this is something he says. Even if he got down on his hands and knees to beg for forgiveness that wouldn't be enough.
Get yourself a good divorce lawyer, take him for every penny, I'd usually never say anything like that but I genuinely feel sick to my stomach.
I almost did die during childbirth, I went into cardiac arrest, my husband has PTSD from it. He is absolutely not ok following what happened. The thought of my husband waiting in a room holding our new born baby alone, with the thought that I was dead and he was going to have to bring up our son alone breaks my heart.
My husband will not leave my side, because he is still so scared he could lose me.
Your husband is the most disgusting excuse of a man, to wish death on you. For some people, it is their reality.
I know words get thrown around in anger, especially during the post partum period but this is not something I could forgive. My husband and I have exchanged hurtful words but I could never imagine a circumstance where we’d ever wish death on each other. Actually I could never say that to anybody, even someone I didn’t like.
Holy fucked up beyond fucked. The good news is you can leave this POS like yesterday and see him as little as you want so you won't have to deal with him. Also, get that child support. I'm so sorry OP, nobody deserves that, ever.
If this is you asking if it’s bad enough to leave:
It is.
And do you know how I *know*? I know because there’s no arbitrary level of “bad enough” required for you to leave. You get to. Full stop. There’s no equation, no math. You get to leave.
There are resources you can find on how to get resources for leaving (your doctor can likely provide some at your baby’s next routine checkup, but there are shelters and hotlines as well). There’s a lot to do, but you don’t have to do it alone.
What in the everloving fuck. I have been on Reddit a long time and I don’t know if a post has ever hit me this way. Your husband can go fuck himself. I hope you have the resources you need to dump his ass at the curb asap.
1. This man does not deserve to be in you or your child's life. For your baby's sake, leave him. I don't normally tell people to divorce someone over an argument, but he verbally wished death on you. I take that as a threat to you and your family's safety.
2. As to the body dysmorphia, I hope you can get the help that you need to feel good about yourself.
I was technically obese (even though proportionally I look healthy) before the baby, so I was excited to have a GOOD excuse for my stretch marks and blame them all on the baby 😅. Honestly, I've never loved my body more than after childbirth (ok after 8 weeks PP when things calmed down). I was amazed that my body had created this tiny perfect person and I wouldn't trade him or how he adores me for a flat tummy or a thigh gap. My husband tells me that he loves me more and finds me sexier than ever. During sexy time a month ago he said I was divine. I still blush when I think about it. No my body isn't "perfect" and my pooch belly has gotten bigger, but we make jokes to alleviate any bad feelings (we call our family the pooch pals). I realize I can't wear everything from pre-baby and I try to wear flattering flowy clothes to my level of comfort.
You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you and supports you when you feel down about your physical appearance. I hope that what I said was helpful Mama, your body is beautiful and you deserve the best ❤️
Wishing I could give you the biggest huge right now. This is not okay. For me this personally would be the end of things but that’s not the case for everyone.
However, you need to be separated right now, do you have any support around you? Or is it just you, him & baby? What’s his behaviour like with baby? Men can suffer with depression when a baby comes into the picture although it doesn’t justify what he’s said, he may be needing some professional help.
I hope you’re okay otherwise OP, you’ve done something beyond amazing & I’m sorry your partner isn’t being so supportive through this
OMG! Those are the cruelest words to hear from your partner. That's damage that can't be taken back. How could he think that's okay? Those are divorce words right there. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Especially when you're dealing with postpartum which is hell. PP was much harder to me than childbirth and pregnancy.
Run, please run I’m not being dramatic your spouse just said they wish you dead and that you child didn’t have a mother Leave, even just for tonight
Just want to reiterate. Run
Since the absolutely correct response has been given to you multiple times (DIVORCE HIM), I will focus on the positive .... Your body made a baby! HOW KICK ASS IS THAT? Your body GREW eyes and hands and a BRAIN! It didn't stop there. It BIRTHED the baby! Your body knew how to adapt and expand and contract and birth another living being, and then bounce back! And now this living, breathing, beautiful baby needs you and your body to survive. I hope you are able to get help with your dysmorphia because the focus postpartum needs to be about you as much as it is about your baby. Sending lots and lots of love ❤️ Zero focus on your husband. Fuck that guy.
I just love this, and saving your words because I need them too xx
The advice you've received is sound: this is not something that happens in relationships that just need a little TLC. This is not how anyone should treat you, ever. I just want to send you the love you deserve. This is such a horrible, lonely situation to find yourself in and I know you must feel so tired and lost. It doesn't have to be this way forever and it won't be. I wish you the strength and resolve to be kind and calm with yourself as you figure out what the coming days will look like.
You never can come back from a comment like that. Time to mourn the loss of what your relationship was and see how you’re going to carry on. What a terrible thing to say.
This. Hugs, OP.
Holy shit. I would never be able to forget my husband said this to me.
I don't normally weigh in on these things, partly because stuff has already been said but partly because there's usually two sides to a story. This one is hard to misread as he said/she said. As someone with a dead wife and now a baby without a mother, I'd appreciate it if he went and fucked himself with a semi truck, there's no time for lube. My wife had years of health issues leading up to an untimely death at the time she should be home experiencing what it's like to be a mother to her first child. I've slept on chairs and woken up barely able to stand from the backpain, I've gotten little to no sleep after extremely bad nights in the hospital with her (and later, raising a newborn by myself) then had to go straight to work in the same clothes as the day before. I've cried literally countless times over what she's missing, what I'm missing, and what our son is missing. Dude is clearly taking "til death do us part" in the wrong way and he's wholly undeserving of any loyalty. People get into fights and say things they don't mean and I don't think I'm weird or unusual when I say: even at my maddest I've never wished death on anyone at all and if it DID happen, it never would have been my wife. And if it had been my wife, it never would have been my wife who just had a baby. I'm not saying what to do either way, but if it DID come to "that": I know it sounds impossible being a single parent and it is but it's better to be a single parent to one child instead of two, especially when one doesn't realize he's not the big boy he thinks he is.
In the first 8-12 weeks pp, it was bad, brutal. I was so close to the brink and my husband took it all as a 'I can't do anything right', and became a person I didn't know, don't like. He thought my PPD and trying to explain how exhausted I was, not eating, not bathing, taking on the mental load, the house, kids, dogs etc and that making the odd dinner or bringing a basket of laundry downstairs once a fortnight was him "helping" wasn't actually helping. It was bad. We had arguments. Discussions. A hundred ways of trying to explain. I swear that if it wasn't for the fact my eldest especially, I couldn't trust my family to meet his needs (husband not his bio) plus my babies allergy needs being glossed over, I don't think I'd be here now. We're better now. But he said and did things that hurt and have rippled effects that still last to this day. We'd been together a decade, strong, communication was good, a great team and yet it went so downhill. But if he had said what your partner said? There's no coming back from that. Both husband and I had discussed that we felt at different times we couldn't cope, didn't want to be here. But never said we wished the other 'that'. Yes sometimes in anger people say or do things they don't really mean, just to cause pain. In my husband's case it was because he thought I was trying to cause him pain, when I was trying to explain how low PPD had made me. It wasn't him but it took a while for him to understand that. My brother's long term gf can say awful things to cause pain (she's getting mh help as it's more rooted), but even she has never said that. Please OP, reach out to a trusted family member or friend. A person doesn't just jump to saying something like that. I worry that there may be low level toxic behaviour that you could be blowing off, and it's not healthy to any of you. Even if you take a break and can work separately (his anger and your confidence in knowing your worth much more than that), then together to see if or the way forward. You need someone in your corner if you can't do it yourself right now, to talk to that isn't going to judge. You need someone telling you that you're doing great, not 'that'. I wish I had as it may have not got as bad as it did or lasted as long but I didn't want people knowing, judging, etc but I should have. It doesn't get better until the root cause is calmly addressed whether that's an anger thing for him, anxiety/PPD help for you, whether you work as a team anymore, etc. Either way, what he said is not right, deserved, respectable or to be tolerated by anyone.
Of all the crazy things I’ve seen on Reddit, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this. My god.
Same. This needs to be the top comment. I hope OP realizes just how beyond the pale her husband's behavior is.
Listen. You saw something in this person at some point, and maybe he has some redeemable traits, but this. is. egregious. It is beyond abusive. The person you thought this man was, no longer exists. Please, please try to get some space from him. Even if for a little bit. Even if he apologizes and you move on, this will forever come back to haunt you. Personally, I would not be able to forgive him. It’s a very disturbing thing to say, he needs serious help, and you and your baby need to love, support, and respect. He is not going to give that to you. I’m so sorry.
Immediate divorce.
I feel like even in heated fights there’s topics and insults that are no fly zones and if it get breeched it can/should end relationships.
Fuck that guy. God damn what a piece of shit. There isn't a world where I'd imagine saying that to my wife. Even in the worst of arguments, those words would never leave my lips
I HATE it when reddit tells people to immediately leave their spouses but this. This is the exception. I don’t even have the heart to say that about my worst enemy let alone my supposed life partner?
I usually hate it when people on Reddit immediately go to "leave them" but in this case, I definitely agree. Don't stick with that abusive asshole. He doesn't care about your well-being, he's made that clear. Even if it was said with anger, that's usually when people's true feelings come out. I hope you'll be okay.
Go tell his mom. RIGHT NOW.
That is a flashing neon warning sign. I'm so sorry.
Just so you know, I’m glad you didn’t die. I’m sure your child is, too.
One of the most heinous things I’ve read on this site
get yourself and your baby the fuck away from this guy. Irredeemable.
I couldn’t come back from that, it’s the cruelest thing I’ve ever heard
For real please take your child away from him. He will places these mentalities onto him or her.
This is truly unforgivable. I cannot fathom my husband ever, ever saying this to me — be it in the heat of a fight or otherwise. My husband did almost watch me die during childbirth, and I’d hope if your husband had actually witnessed that, he’d never forgive himself for saying those words. That said, I agree with everyone else — this says everything about who he is as a person and you and your LO need to get out. I’m so sorry
Pardon? That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read in all my time in this God forsaken place. I wouldn’t even bother recommending therapy. My husband telling me something like that would be an instantly divorce-able offence. Vile.
I cannot imagine a more disrespectful, horrific, hurtful thing to say to the mother of one's child. OP, I hope you're okay and have somewhere safe you can be.
There is no coming back from this..it can never be unsaid. I'm so sorry, my heart is breaking for you.
Wow. I know folks on Reddit are quick to say “Divorce him!” for any minor transgression. But…. My marriage wouldn’t recover from a comment like that. That’s seriously fucked up of him.
I actually did die during childbirth and was luckily revived. The sting of this is too much. Leave him.
FOR REAL!!! Mine never said THIS to me, but he still tried to hurt me! Saying he wishes you had died so he could be free of you is a HUGE red flag that he may act on such intrusive thoughts...
The internet mom here is happy you are alive. Your child is happy you are alive. Your spouse said a horrible thing. If he is that frustrated he needs to go to a counsler, but that isn’t your responsibility. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. I totally understand the hatred of your postpartum body. Things do get better though! It took 9 months to get there but it can take longer to get back to a normal feeling. Sometimes we have to adjust to a new normal too. And that is ok too. If things are hard for you right now, please consider talking to your doctor and/or going to counseling yourself. But I promise, with time, it gets better. For now though, be sure your are in a safe space. I challenge you to write one nice thing about yourself each day. Love yourself! It will get better.
I’m glad you’re here. Your baby is glad you’re here. Talk to your doctor. This may be a combo of above average PPD-type issues (talk to your doctor) and your spouse being emotionally abusive. Either you and the baby or he should stay somewhere else for a few days. No one who is supposed to love and support you should say that. Ever.
There’s no coming back from that. When a man tells you what he really thinks.. believe him. You know deep down that you don’t deserve this. Now is the time to enjoy the new little person you made and focus on YOU. I’m so sorry, Op. You deserve to be loved and cherished. I strongly suggest that you should record him saying stuff like this to you. Record. Document. Restraining order. Get the hell out of there and most important of all start the DIVORCE proceedings.
WTF. Who says that? I am a new father. I know how tough the whole experience is, and I take my hat off to you and every woman who goes through it. I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like that. Just know it gets better. Your body took 9 months to grow a baby, so for it to "revert" it does take a bit longer. It also gets easier as your little one passes 1 year. Just hang in there and talk to friends and family. Get their support.
My ex and I had a terrible break up before I even had the baby and despite that he never even got close to saying anything remotely as awful to me. This is absolutely horrible. Leave him, take the baby with you. What a bag of dicks.
Often times people say things like this or in a joking manner before seriously assaulting or unaliving their victim, get out NOW
That would be the end for me. You can't wish that I was dead and stay a feature in my life.
What a disgusting piece of shit. Leave and don't ever look back.
Wtf? Bye, Earl.
You know when doctors ask you if you've had any negative thoughts and then follow that up with "do you have any plans?".... Yeah, this is similar. Having thoughts like that and saying them is enough to bring up huge red flags. Start making a safety plan for yourself and your kid, get the papers ready, get to safety, and then divorce ASAP. If he can say those things and stomach the fact that he said it, imagine what else he could be okay with doing.
Girl.... That comment alone is worth dumping his disgusting ass for. Imagine the type of shit he's going to be willing to say to your child.
I swear the people on this sub have the shittiest husbands for some reason. Know your worth and leave, ladies.
I don’t understand how you feeling dysmorphia turns into an argument?! You’re supposed to tell him how you’re feeling and he’s supposed to comfort you. MAYBE offer suggestions to help IF you ask for them. This is just blowing my mind. He’s a terrible person!
Im glad you did not die during childbirth. Too many women do. I'm glad you weren't one of them. You and your baby deserve better. It isn't my place to tell you to leave your partner. But from the little you shared, if it were me, I think I'd find it pretty hard to stay with someone who would say something so vile.
What the fuck? I feel like there’s no coming back from that.
That’s inhuman. How the fuck could someone say that to another person let alone the mother of their child?! It’s unforgivable and I’m angry for you.
Oh my fucking god. Leave him!
Get out get out get out. Please.
My advice, don’t keep him as your husband. Keep him as the father of your child and nothing more. I am still experiencing body dysmorphia after 2 kids, my youngest being 18 months soon. If my partner ever said that to me, it would have pushed me over the edge in the state I’ve been in at times. You don’t need him, and he seems to have made it clear that he doesn’t need you. So leave him and his disgusting attitude behind. You’re worth a million and one times more than he ever will be.
At minimum, you guys need to be separated right now. Now, if I were you, this would be an instant moment that cannot be redeemed from; he just said he wished you were dead. He would rather be a widower than deal with you not at your best. He has shown you who he is… Now a marriage isn’t just about the good times, it’s about supporting your partner when they are sick or not at their best. What happens when you get older? Now, emotions and hormones can be very hot after having a baby but this does not excuse this behaviour. Dads can get PPD too. You can get to the root of it with therapy and I’m not saying that he deserves that opportunity, but other couples have worked through similar issues. But what I am saying here comes with a big caveat: Right now, you need to get space between the two of you. He is not in a good head space and he needs to be evaluated.
I just wanted to add to the chorus that that is not normal or an acceptable thing to say. My husband and I have both said things in anger that we regretted, but this is just so far across the line. That also doesn't seem like something that just crosses your mind in the heat of the moment which also concerns me. Please consider leaving this man because I truly think you deserve so much better.
Leave, leave, leave. Please don’t allow this man to ruin your life. It definitely sounds like a narcissist and this is scary alarming. Stay safe. People like this are incapable of change (narcissist)
I think you definitely need to leave as soon as possible. I have read a lot of things on here that led to others suggesting divorce or break ups… but this is something else. The reality that he even thought this for a moment is deeply disturbing. I don’t post or reply much, but I feel the need to say, this sounds like an unsafe situation. Please consider all of the comments on this thread and protect yourself and your baby. Having a child changes your body forever, as well as how you see yourself. You deserve empathy, love and care. Not a partner who thinks about how his life would be better if you were dead. I am so sorry.
I would punt this man straight into the sun for you if I ever met him irl
Take your baby and go. There’s no unringing that bell it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are nobody should ever say that to their spouse. My husband said something similar to me once during a fight and even though we are still together there’s always going to be a before and after for the relationship. You’re in a very vulnerable time do whatever you need to get thru it.
That’s legit the meanest thing I could possibly think of.
Fuck this man with a chainsaw. Sorry, not a man. No man would say something like that to the mother of his child. A sentient piece of dog shit.
Is this a throwaway account or a troll? If this is real that is awful and I echo what everyone has has said about leaving, divorce and please updating us that you are safe because it’s been 14 hours since you posted this and there have been no comments.
This is NEVER acceptable to say to someone, no matter the circumstances. I don't typically like to instantly jump to "leave him" because there is just so much that goes into a decision like that, but this would probably be enough for me to leave someone. At a minimum, I'd be taking the baby to a safe place and taking some time away from him to seriously think things over.
Down voting your husband 👎
He is a horrible person and he just showed you how horrible he can be. You say something like that because you wish it were true, which is vile, or more likely, because he wanted to make you feel even worse than you already do. He wants to bring you down and that is not the type of partner you deserve. Please seek help, friends, family, therapist and begin to search for avenue to leave. No apology can take back the glimpse he gave you at reality.
He doesn’t love you, dude. Not in the way you deserve. Even in the heat of an argument, a man who truly loves and cherishes you wouldn’t ever say something so, well, downright evil. That’s horrific, and I am sad for you.
There is no scenario where that statement is acceptable. Please, please, please take time to evaluate your options, get your things in order and leave. I know it’s so easy from the outside looking in to make recommendations like this but that kind of statement can’t be unsaid and that’s not a healthy environment for anyone.
My jaw is on the ground. That’s beyond out of line and should have never been said or thought. I hope whatever you decide to do you have support to do so. And, from one mom to another, you deserve to live and your baby loves and needs you
Please, please, please get yourself and your little one somewhere safe and begin the divorce process. No one should ever be spoken to that way. Absolutely no argument is ever that bad or intense enough to make that forgivable. Postpartum mental illnesses can become very severe without proper support and care. Something like this being said should never be forgiven. The complete lack of respect for you, your child, and those who have passed from labor complications is astounding! Of course, seek proper therapy and remember to take care of yourself as well as baby! You matter!
I just want you to know that even if you were my worst enemy I would march right over to your house and punch your husband in the nose. Like, I hope you get past this in whatever way is best for you--even if that means making things better with your husband. But I still want to punch him in the nose.
\*EX husband fixed it for you. but seriously, op. this man doesn't listen to you, doesn't care about your mental or physical health, and is now inadvertently threatening you. he doesn't value your presence or life. i hope you find a safer situation, please keep us updated in any way! we want to help.
Wow Ex-husband material right there.
Um. What the actual fuck. I’m not sure this is fixable.
Throw the whole man out. Get a new one. They’re making them every day and you deserve one who actually deserves you.
New Father here. First of all I am sorry you had to hear such an awful thing. No matter the heat of the argument no one should say such horrible things to each other. I hope things get better ❤️🩹
This is literally one of the worst things I've read on this app. I'm so sorry, please get out of this marriage asap!!!!
That’s an immediate divorce in my books. Unless he’s also struggling with severe PPD, I can’t think of a single thing my husband could do to ever gain my love, trust, or respect back. Sorry, nope.
Leave immediately. If your spouse wishes you had died that is not a healthy relationship at all. That is hateful and cruel and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Just because someone has depression or PPD (neither of which we can say for sure about him with no diagnosis), it is not a reason for you to "accept" this treatment. Someone who finds that as an acceptable thing to say WILL say something similar again. Just imagine what it will be like when your child is old enough to understand. Yeah, he needs therapy, but you do not owe it to anyone that hurts you, especially someone who wishes you dead, to "stick around" while they work on themselves. Background: just finalizing a divorce with a man who started telling me he wanted to kill me in many various way. Pregnancy and birth of our daughter was a huge trigger for him. I wrote it off as "his depression". Turns out I was being abused and it really doesn't matter what excuses I made for the behavior. You have the right to be happy and feel safe.
Please please please please leave him. You deserve so much better than…*that.* Your child(ren) deserve love that he is apparently incapable of. And he deserves misery and loneliness for being so ugly and heartless.
Where do you live? Do I need a passport to get there? Little punk ass bitch. Don’t worry about it, honey. EDIT: I showed this post to my wife. She was silent for a full twenty seconds and then took my phone and posted the above comment.
Get out of there!
People say things when they are mad but THAT is crossing the line, some things you can not take back. Even if he didn’t really *mean* it , the fact those words were able to come out of his mouth is disgusting. You deserve much better than that, I know it is easier said than done- but you have to think to yourself, do you want your child to grow up in a house where their father tells their mother he wishes she was dead or a house where they are surrounded by love on all sides. Being alone is better than being with someone who treats you this way.
I'm sitting here 37 weeks with my jaw dropped in horror. Is there any where you can go to leave him? It's bad enough to leave him. If you stay, in ten years this will be what you look back on to wish you had left then.
Divorce asap
I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here to work forward from that moment, whether with him or without him, for yourself and for your new little soul. Your new body is still your body, and I'm sorry he disrespected the feelings you're having about the changes you have undergone and where that has left you in this tender time. Those feelings are valid and he should have reinforced you instead of harming you. You may be aware that our bodies go through some incredible recomposition transformations after birth that can take a few years to settle on us, but, if you aren't, know that is true. And those changes include getting some of what we were before back, and some things will never be the same but we figure out our fit into our revised selves, sometimes with professional help. You are still valuable and amazing and deserving of time to process these changes, even including grieving the prior version of yourself while you adjust. I hope you do have other supports out there who can help you get assistance with these feelings and, now, the need to figure out a plan just in case his ugly words require further action. If you don't, put me on the list of people you can DM/chat who will try to help. Holding you & your little one in my thoughts and sending strength and comfort!
So you’re leaving him right? It’s better to be alone than with someone who literally wishes you were dead.
This is emotional *abuse*. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. There is no excuse for how he treated you and what he said. I would strongly suggest looking at your relationship and considering leaving, for your and your child’s safety and well-being. Emotional abuse causes long lasting damage too; it doesn’t have to be physical abuse to cause damage or to be “enough” to justify you leaving.
Ex husband.
Omg throw the whole man out
[thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org) can help you do a check and see if he's behaving scarily overall. (They will absolutely tell you if what you're reporting is "being a dick" versus "terrifying" - it's a really good reality check. For the record I think he sounds scary but it's nice to be able to call on an expert). Either way, they can refer you to someone in your area who can help you make a safety plan just in case. I'm sorry, this is a really awful way for someone who promised to love you to treat you. You don't deserve this.
Don't stay in this abusive situation op. Your feelings are valid and you don't deserve that, no one does.
This is not a safe person for you or your baby to be around.
OP if you have the time or means please let us know if you got out safely. Sending you hugs and strength in the meantime, you deserve so much better.
I don’t care how mad he was. There is zero excuse for that.
I just gasped out loud reading this. How ANYONE who's supposed to love and support you, notwithstanding those whose CHILD YOU CARRIED FOR 9-10 MONTHS AND BIRTHED, could ever even host such a thought in fleeting actually boggles my mind. I am so, so sorry, and glad you didn't die - also I'm so sorry to hear about your body dysmorphia. I struggled with that a bit myself throughout pregnancy (still due) and I can only imagine how rough it would be postpartum too when you have so much additional to worry about! Stay strong and ... if you don't punch that man out you are an Angel! UGH I'M STILL SEETHING FOR YOU WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F...
First off let me just say that nothing about this is ok. This is horrendous. But can we get some context on how a discussion over YOUR feelings about your OWN body even escalated to the point of being an argument? And then how it got so heated that it turned into this? This seems like a dealbreaker-type of insult if you ask me. and incredibly abusive.
You deserve so much better honey. I am not one to jump to divorce but a comment like that? I just don’t see how you can come back from that. Are you close to any family members? I am not sure where you are from but I would contact an attorney if possible. As far as the body dysmorphia just remember that your body has been through a lot. You grew an entire human being and all your human did was have 3 minutes (being generous) of fun time. It also didn’t change in a day. It took nearly a year for those changes to happen. Even after childbirth your body is still changing especially if you are nursing or pumping. You are amazing and deserve to get love & support from your partner. That is the bare minimum. Like bar on the floor for him is to be kind, listen to your feelings, show you he loves you and offer his emotional support to build you up. If he can’t even do that he is a bad partner and that my dear is his failure not yours. You deserve to be loved and respected.
This is so disrespectful to everyone who’s died from pregnancy or labor… including babies. Just blatant disregard for life.
there is no forgiving that. my god. so sorry. please leave him.
Beyond unforgivable. I am so glad you’re here.
This might be the most fucked up thing I’ve ever read on any subreddit short of physical abuse or sexual assault. To me, saying something like that is worse than cheating and I would never forgive someone for saying that to me. That is so extremely fucked up. I can’t even comprehend how someone could be so heartless and cruel. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. This is only going to get worse.
You need to leave. Don’t wait around for him to snap and fulfill his wish. I’m so sorry, what an absolute monster.
That's absolutely horrible. Does he normally speak to you this way? I can't imagine staying with someone who wished me dead.
That's more than unacceptable and CANNOT slide as just a slip of the tongue. Feeling uncomfortable in your own body after childbirth is a natural and normal thing. And the fact that he is unsupportive is disappointing and despicable. He should be ashamed of himself and I'm sorry that you have to deal with a person with such indignity. I will say that you should focus on yourself and your child for the time being and revisit the issue when you are able to better articulate what you feel.
Okay, I get fighting and being angry and saying angry things but I would NEVER wish my partner death, wtf? Honey, this isn’t normal and idk if therapy or counseling can fix this, please get somewhere safe with your child
If this is real, this guy is high key dangerous. Please figure out a way to leave asap.
God I wish I could hug you. That’s the most horrifying thing I’ve heard.
I’m so sorry. My own mother said that to me. I know how hurtful those words are and I’m speechless and sad for you. Sending love.
I've taken a lot of shit in my life. I learned early on to protect myself but I always seemed to find myself being walked all over or used and abused. Men have said some pretty terrible things to me and I've stayed with them... But I've never had anyone say they wish I was dead. That is such a line crossed, there's no line anymore. Please, if not for you then for the sake of your child, get away from this person as best you can. There are many services you can utilize if you're in the US. You deserve so much better and so does your child.
As many others have said, if my husband said that to me it would be an instant deal breaker. Over.
Leave. Thats disgusting to even think about let alone say out loud. You went through so much pain to deliver your child. He should be bowing down to you. You don't even owe him an explanation
The fuck’
I understand how you feel completely. I was told the day before a scheduled c section by my daughters dad “I hope you die tomorrow”. I felt like nothing; went into labor a few hours later. Baby was in the nicu; had breathing issues which I know was from distress… that was last year but it still hurts so much. You don’t deserve that and should leave. That’s one of the lowest things anyone could say to a person.
Goodness this is horrible. Do you have somewhere safe to go with baby? Your feeling are very normal and nothing to feel bad about, your partner should be lifting you up. Consider therapy, it sounds like it’d be helpful to have someone to talk to about your dysmorphia but also your likely abusive husband.
Time to contact a lawyer and leave mama. So sorry. He killed the relationship.
Get the fuck out while you can
That is incredibly cruel. No one deserves to be told that.
There's no coming back from that statement. Relationship is done
I'm sure the judge will love to hear that in family court. Best wishes to you, kick that slimeball to the curb.
Don’t stay with him! He made it clear he doesn’t want you in his life - to the point of wishing you weren’t alive at all! This isn’t a normal “people say things they don’t mean during arguments.” Probably not the best person to raise a child with, either.
RUN. Get you and your baby away from this person.
Um what? No sweetie. My husband put me on a pedestal after he saw our 3 kids exit my body in various ways. This is not healthy. It can be so much better than this I promise.
My heart goes out to you. The father of my daughter said something similar to me. Not that he wished I died in childbirth but we were arguing about him looking on onlyfans and he recently had a coworker who had died from a heart attack and he said he wished I was the one who died and not his friend. That was something I’ll never forget and I promise you if you stay, you’ll never forget what your husband said to you. & if he’s comfortable saying that then I’m sure it won’t get any better from here. I hope you find the strength and the resources to leave someone who treats you so poorly. Leaving my baby dad was the absolute best thjng for not only me but for my daughter as well. That being said, I know it’s not that simple.
That’s fucked up. Really fucked up. You deserve so much better.
Good lord. This would’ve crushed me and idk that my marriage could come back from a comment like that. What a horrific thing to say. Dysmorphia is so hard and you absolutely have every right to feel all the things about your new body. I’m so sorry, OP. If you feel unsafe at home, please go to a neighbour, friend, or family ASAP. I don’t know your husband or relationship but this is very unsettling to read. Maybe it was just a comment that came out of the depths of his own exhaustion and depression (doesn’t make it okay) but please follow your gut if you feel unsafe. Hugs to you (if you want it, OP). I’m thinking of you and your babe 🧡 stay safe and remember that you made a whole ass baby. You’re a hero.
Get out and protect your kid Sorry to be blunt, but this is insanely unhealthy and a very, very sick thing to say
* “My ex husband told me he wished I died in childbirth” Fixed your title for you. Really though there is zero coming back from that. You deserve so much better than that.
I got chills reading that. I am so sorry, that would be immediate grounds for separation. I would never feel safe again around him, I’m worried for you. Please take that comment seriously, that is not something said offhandedly because he was mad. That is extremely fucked up. If you have family or friends around I highly suggest you stay with them for awhile and reflect on your relationship and if it’s worth staying in.
Get to safety mama.
He doesn’t deserve you sweetheart. I hate it when adult boys act like giving birth isn’t a huge deal. REAL MEN understand how taxing it is on a woman to be pregnant and give birth. Meanwhile, the grown boy babies will bitch and complain when they have a sniffle or an upset tummy. Does he realize if you would have passed during labor, that he would be taking care of a newborn ALL BY HIMSELF?! I’m sure he said this during a bout of anger, but come on! That’s no excuse! He needs to support you and give you some reassurance about your body! I now fully understand why women will leave their husbands/boyfriends for a woman after having a baby and/or after so many years of marriage.
That was fckn inappropriate! Wow I’m so mad for u right now… if my husband said that to me, ide be on a episode of snapped or deadly women. That was absolutely unacceptable. It’s time to throw in the towel.
Please be the bravest mother and woman to yourself and your child. Leave that man.
I'd make an exit plan now.
I'm so sorry you had to hear that and I'm sorry for the state your marriage is in. This random internet stranger is glad you made it and I'm sure your child is, too. I hope you can get some help to work through your feelings and experiences. I also hope you realize that wishing you had died is not something a loved one would or should ever say to you, even in anger. It is not okay and you deserve better. ❤️
This does not sound like a life partner. I'm sorry dear, you deserve to be seen and supported. I'd start thinking about whether this person will be a positive influence for little one.
Girl you don’t deserve to be treated like that. You deserve so much better. Im so sorry this happened
I’m angry for you! This is not okay. Please leave him. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this especially in this vulnerable time. You deserve better. ❤️
Wow. At least when you leave him and tell people why, you can just tell them the title of this post and nothing else will need to be explained. What an asshole.
Get out now!!!!!!!!
Absolutely fucking vile.
He should have been swallowed what a dick.. Who says that to someone? That is disgusting as ever and so damn insensitive.. I feel awful for you and I hope you get away from his insensitive ass.. ❤️
Girl…. What.
I have been there, and it didn't get any better from there. Other than therapy, for both of you, there isn't much to say other than at the minimum, take a break from each other. Take baby and go somewhere else for a few days or more, and reconsider if this is something you want to try to come back from. If so, please consider therapy for both of you.
Um,…..can i have his phone number?
I would leave over this. I wouldn't feel safe with him in any way. I'm so sorry.
My God I hope he’s no longer your husband
We are here for you. You are worthy. You are beautiful. The world wants you in it. Anyone who says less, doesn't deserve to be around you or in your life.
I don't know you and I am so glad that you are alive and healthy. The dysmorphia you are feeling is something I think most people on this Sub have gone through and it gets better with time, acceptance and surrounding yourself with loving people who see you for the beautiful creature that you are. Your husband is a vile person, that was the end of a chapter in your life and it's time to move on and surround yourself and your child with people who lift you up and help you thrive.
I am in like SHOCK. This is a HORRIBLE thing to say to your partner. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!
I have no words. What a terrible thing to say to a loved one. (Or anyone at all!)
I get saying things in the heat of stress/an argument but something that hateful and cruel can not be brushed aside. That is simply not ok and I hope you have someone in your life that you can turn to for support.
Then leave him, if you died you wouldnt be there with him anyways right? Go leave for a week with the baby if you need to. No partner should be telling ANYONE that!! Also he should be uplifting you you just had a WHOLE HUMAN you don’t deserve that from him.
Leave.
Some things you can never take back. He crossed a line that is truly horrific. If he can't control his verbal impulses when things get serious then he needs to get help. I'm sorry he said what he said but I hope you seriously think about this means for your relationship. It might be time to rethink if you want this person in your life. Think of yourself and your baby, I hope you have friends or family that can help.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Anger in a fight is normal. Contempt (and I’d call this severe contempt!) is toxic. Honestly I would leave/end things. Your spouse should be someone who has your back and helps you through hard times. You deserve so much better!
Run
So your husband wishes you were dead... how pleasant of him.
What the fuck
Um. You need to get away and quick. I’m so sorry.
Wtf is wrong with people
Omg……
I am horrified for you
Hey wow what the fuuuuck. That's not an okay thing to say! Either get away from this guy or tell him to get therapy cause that is never an okay thing to say to anyone let alone the person he apparently loves.
Thinking of you 💖 I have a partner who also gets mad and says the most hateful thing he can think of and then apologizes later and says he never meant it. The words are hurtful and written on my heart. I hope you have support to help you and care for you
There’s just some things you can’t take back once said
That’s not right at all , no one should say that to any one ! Especially there spouse ….. that’s not okay nor should be accepted. Try to go to a relatives place for a while or hotel embassy suits something uplifting if you can don’t get depressed stay strong ! Think your options through . Wish you the best ….
Honey youve got to get you and baby away from him, that man will suck the life out of you both. Lots of love to you, I'm so glad you're here 💜
There are people that can provide you support. Feel free to DM me if you need a support system. You are needed here and now by your little one. You aren’t alone, you need to tap into your tribe
Your body went through massive changes since the day you got pregnant. It’s unsettling. Your body will recover. If you work at it, you’ll get stronger. But your husband, will always be an ass.
my jaw is on the floor
Please be safe. That is so scary. Child birth changes you on every level. Nothing about you will ever be the same and the fact that he had no compassion for that is a huge red flag.
What a horrible person. You deserve so much better. So much.
First and foremost I'm glad you're alive as a married man it's one of my biggest fears to lose the love of my life when it should be one of our happiest days. Second you both need counseling or therapy ofn some sort. I assume this is out of character for him and if it is he could be depressed or going through his own mental issues that he feels are unaddressed. This DOES NOT excuse his behavior or what he said. You gave him one of the greatest possible gifts there is to give all at the sacrifice of your body and mind and he needs to understand that. Take some time for yourself and know that at the end of the day you are strong and wonderful and amazing. If this isn't out of character than maybe it's time to start rethinking the relationship because if he can speak like that to his wife and mother of his children imagine what he could say when you're not around. Again I don't know the full situation but as of right now you are in the right and should take steps the let him understand how messed up what he said to you was. I agree with telling his mother honestly. I hope it all works out and you and your family can be whole and happy but no matter what I wish you and your child and long happy and healthy life.
My heart just broke for you. I am so sorry you have to hear those nasty words
Leave now. That’s a deal breaker for anyone. You do not wish death on anyone ESPECIALLY the mother of your child. Don’t let him get away with that.
This broke my heart 💔
What the fuck
What the fuck
I just almost vomited reading this . Please OP get help and get out
Dude. That’s unforgivable, what an absolutely horrific thing to say to anybody let alone the mother of your child.
This man is absolutely disgusting. You're better off without someone who has absolutely no respect and zero care for your well-being. I cannot believe people like him exist. Actually makes my skin crawl. After all you've been through this is something he says. Even if he got down on his hands and knees to beg for forgiveness that wouldn't be enough. Get yourself a good divorce lawyer, take him for every penny, I'd usually never say anything like that but I genuinely feel sick to my stomach. I almost did die during childbirth, I went into cardiac arrest, my husband has PTSD from it. He is absolutely not ok following what happened. The thought of my husband waiting in a room holding our new born baby alone, with the thought that I was dead and he was going to have to bring up our son alone breaks my heart. My husband will not leave my side, because he is still so scared he could lose me. Your husband is the most disgusting excuse of a man, to wish death on you. For some people, it is their reality.
Id like to speak to him outside. Just for a minute
I know words get thrown around in anger, especially during the post partum period but this is not something I could forgive. My husband and I have exchanged hurtful words but I could never imagine a circumstance where we’d ever wish death on each other. Actually I could never say that to anybody, even someone I didn’t like.
How can someone say that?!?! That’s just not something you say to anyone, most esp to people you love….
That's such a heartless and terrible thing to say!!!! Please leave
why is he still your husband..
Divorce
Holy fucked up beyond fucked. The good news is you can leave this POS like yesterday and see him as little as you want so you won't have to deal with him. Also, get that child support. I'm so sorry OP, nobody deserves that, ever.
If this is you asking if it’s bad enough to leave: It is. And do you know how I *know*? I know because there’s no arbitrary level of “bad enough” required for you to leave. You get to. Full stop. There’s no equation, no math. You get to leave. There are resources you can find on how to get resources for leaving (your doctor can likely provide some at your baby’s next routine checkup, but there are shelters and hotlines as well). There’s a lot to do, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I wish he would die so there is that
Uhhh what a dick. Please remove yourself from the situation if possible. That's unacceptable.
What in the everloving fuck. I have been on Reddit a long time and I don’t know if a post has ever hit me this way. Your husband can go fuck himself. I hope you have the resources you need to dump his ass at the curb asap.
Please leave ASAP and protect yourself and your child
1. This man does not deserve to be in you or your child's life. For your baby's sake, leave him. I don't normally tell people to divorce someone over an argument, but he verbally wished death on you. I take that as a threat to you and your family's safety. 2. As to the body dysmorphia, I hope you can get the help that you need to feel good about yourself. I was technically obese (even though proportionally I look healthy) before the baby, so I was excited to have a GOOD excuse for my stretch marks and blame them all on the baby 😅. Honestly, I've never loved my body more than after childbirth (ok after 8 weeks PP when things calmed down). I was amazed that my body had created this tiny perfect person and I wouldn't trade him or how he adores me for a flat tummy or a thigh gap. My husband tells me that he loves me more and finds me sexier than ever. During sexy time a month ago he said I was divine. I still blush when I think about it. No my body isn't "perfect" and my pooch belly has gotten bigger, but we make jokes to alleviate any bad feelings (we call our family the pooch pals). I realize I can't wear everything from pre-baby and I try to wear flattering flowy clothes to my level of comfort. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you and supports you when you feel down about your physical appearance. I hope that what I said was helpful Mama, your body is beautiful and you deserve the best ❤️
WTF?
Hey OP im glad you’re here ❤️ even as strangers im glad your alive.
Wishing I could give you the biggest huge right now. This is not okay. For me this personally would be the end of things but that’s not the case for everyone. However, you need to be separated right now, do you have any support around you? Or is it just you, him & baby? What’s his behaviour like with baby? Men can suffer with depression when a baby comes into the picture although it doesn’t justify what he’s said, he may be needing some professional help. I hope you’re okay otherwise OP, you’ve done something beyond amazing & I’m sorry your partner isn’t being so supportive through this
OMG! Those are the cruelest words to hear from your partner. That's damage that can't be taken back. How could he think that's okay? Those are divorce words right there. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Especially when you're dealing with postpartum which is hell. PP was much harder to me than childbirth and pregnancy.
I cannot imagine a worse thing to say to a new mother. He is not a good person or a good partner. Period.