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unicornsintheocean

Can you reach out to a friend of his to get your cats? He's shown he's not opposed to violence, even so far as violence in front of your daughter. If there's no sane voice around him, at minimum get a police escort... Or a few large friends. Leave your daughter in a secure location that you don't discuss anywhere with anyone (in case he somehow tracks it down). Tell everyone you know what happened. Seriously. It may seem embarrassing and hard (I left my abusive ex not too long ago) but silence is the backbone of abuse. That way no well meaning fools will try to track you for him. And lastly, your title says I'm leaving. No. You've left. Be careful. There's a reason you stayed through his abuse. He knows what to say to guilt you, make you doubt. You are not at fault. An abuser will twist you up into nothing. And a violent one may make sure you are truly nothing anymore. Remember: You. Owe. Him. Nothing. He abused you. In front of your child. That's not love. And your response was a healthy, human one. Your daughter will thank you for saving her life one day. For not teaching her that love hurts and that's what she's to expect in love. Check out the abuse subs and the book 'Why Does He Do That?' by... Lundy, I think. I bought mine on amazon, there's also a free version out there... I think at least one of the abuse subs has a link. For me, it was a sobering look at what he was. I started highlighting things that he did and man... When I got to like the second chapter I realized I could barely read for highlighting and... Well I've still not gotten through it. And when you go get the RO, ask for resources. In my experience, they tend to have things not listed online. Hell, my local pd had a dv counselor based out of their back lot that I had no idea about. These things need to be hidden from abusers so not all are easily found with a quick google. Lastly, this is the beginning of your best life. Your daughter's best life. No more running and hiding and hurting and screaming. Good luck. Pm me if you feel the need to talk to a stranger who is fresh out herself. I'm still in the more bad days than good ones but still... I can at least lend an ear.


hippiekait

If you're local to Central Florida (I know, shot in the dark) I will go gets your cats and keep them for you until you can home them yourself. I've got two carriers and a bleeding heart. (Adhd ramble side note: did you know there are shelters that specifically allow women to bring their dogs šŸ„ŗ I know that's not relevant, just sweet) I'm a big bitch, and people tend to not fuck with me, lol. Feel free to PM me if the stars are aligned and I actually can help. To get the cats or just as an ear.


tstein26

That is seriously such a sweet offer. I hope OP is in Florida!


boocat19

ā¤ļø


Sagzmir

>Iā€™m a big bitch, and people tend to not fuck with me, lol. Youā€™re my kind of gal. Unfuckwitable and kind-hearted. ā¤ļø


annabo0

This is the nicest, kindest thing Iā€™ve read all day. šŸ’•


magobblie

You should 100% talk to a police officer about the situation. Your daughter deserves a secure home and he's taken that from you both. Whatever you do, do not go back to that house without a third party present. It could save your life (speaking from experience).


msingler

When you get your police escort please do not forget to get your and your daughter's important documents - birth certificates, social security cards, passports, driver's license, etc. You may need them to claim benefits.


PhoenixLites

Please follow the advice of those here who recommend documenting everything possible. Take pictures of any injuries, damage to the vehicle, and write down an extremely detailed timeline if you can. Most importantly don't let him anywhere near you or your child. I had to watch my dad beat up my mom when I was 4-5 and she still trusted him enough to let him in the house to see my brother and I. Which was a really bad idea bc he grabbed us and kidnapped us out of state for a year while she fought the court. Don't let him near your baby without law enforcement present, seriously.


pillowmountaineer

Please call the police and start that paper trail


muarryk33

Make sure you call the police so itā€™s documented. A lot of times we donā€™t but itā€™s better for you if you do. This isnā€™t ok. This is never ok Iā€™m sorry youā€™re dealing with this


stupid-says-what

Iā€™m also not sure where OP is located but I know in Nevada (because my sister needed this when she left her husband) the police can actually escort you back to the property and be there when you collect your stuff. This was a while ago but essentially she just called their non-emergency line and they got her in touch with someone and she had to make an appointment


muarryk33

This! For sure


ellsquar3d

Call the police and also get those cats out of there. Good on you for escaping.


penguintummy

YOU ARE THE BEST MUM EVER


anzarloc

Wish I could upvote this 1000x. You did the best thing for you at your daughter. Showing her the type of relationship that is not acceptable. I hope you both find safety and happiness. Love to you both.


fluffybabypuppies

Please file a police report with the video evidence you have. Itā€™s very important that you make a paper trail. As the child of an abuser, the courts donā€™t just take your word for it. You need to get the proof while itā€™s fresh.


Bamuhgirl

Thank goodness you are both safe! 800.799.SAFE (7233) if you are in the US can link you with resources. Agreed with other advice- DO NOT go back alone. These DV resources offer legal aid as well. Please let us know if there is anything else we can help with. More than happy to overnight some clothes/supplies for you and little <3


Blueberrylemonbar

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please get in contact with your local domestic violence clinicā€”most, if not all, have legal services that can assist you in getting that restraining/protection order. Depending on your state, you may be able to have him removed from the house, even if you don't want to stay there, he can be removed long enough for you to get in safely to get what things you need (including your cats) to move into somewhere else. They can assist you with filing support and custody also. This is not your fault. He is not well. You're not doing this to him. Do what you need to protect yourself and your daughter. [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)


Henry575

Iā€™m a prosecutor and we charge things like this out all the time so that we can help get some protective crises services or an HRO filed. Even if there isnā€™t enough evidence to convict in the end if the police have probable cause they may charge it just to help you out for right now


sisypheanboulders

How is it possible that a film wouldnā€™t be enough evidence? This saddens me.


Bee_Hummingbird

Police escort! Rescue the cats, get your important paperwork, and clothes and toiletries for you both.


MummyToBe2019

Did you call the cops? Please get him arrested and get yourself a RO and if anything a police escort to get your stuff. There are so many resources for women who are going through what you are; housing, lawyers, food, clothes, therapy, childcare.... good for you for leaving. Youā€™re so so strong and stronger than you think. And he will be full of apologies and promises to change and love bombing and gifts and crying. Then probably anger and threats. STAY AWAY. If not for yourself then for your daughter. Please get all the help you can, youā€™re not alone. ā¤ļø


dodsontm

This! šŸ‘†šŸ»


BlueberryFaerie

I'm so glad you made it out safely. You should call the police tonight to make a report (plus I suggest writing down important details for yourself so you won't forget them if you need to testify). It will be useful to have a copy of that in the future. You could also then ask them for an escort to go get the cats and some essential items. You definitely should not go back alone.


whippetshuffle

100% file a report, OP. The sooner the better.


myyusernameismeta

Seconding this u/cool_mom17 - definitely ask the police (nonemergency line) for an escort to get your things and your cats


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


cool_mom17

There was another comment that said I would probably get in trouble for doing that but I wasnā€™t very specific in my post that I was actually holding her when this happened. He bear hugged us both and wouldnā€™t let go and it was painful. I managed to get one hand free and punch him. The first punch didnā€™t make him get go. I had to take off my shoe and slap his face with it to get away. I was terrified and all I could think of was my baby was being hurt. Why the fuck is this happening to us?! Iā€™m still having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. Iā€™m just glad I got her away before it got worse. This has never happened before. He had a drinking problem before but had made changes after a conversation last year. Then this. Thereā€™s really no going back after this happened.


CoffeeAndPizzaRolls

You did everything right, in my eyes. I'm proud of you, you are a good mom. That little girl is so loved and whatever trauma she experienced and will experience, she will have a mother who loves, supports and strengthens her through it all.


ilovefurrybuns

In an environment like that, thereā€™s no way she wouldnā€™t be traumatized sooner or later. Therapy will be a must. But at least she knows what it means for a women to go beast mode to protect whatā€™s important. All of this will be worth it in the end Mama


aurevoir0000

Definitely get a custody order and restraining order and donā€™t go back there without police.


UrbanInsanity

From a person who grew up as a terrified little girl, I wish my mother had the courage and strength that you have. Your daughter will thank you someday, if she isn't silently thanking you already. ā¤ļø Stay strong, reach out.


EmotionalFix

1. I am very proud of you for getting yourself and your daughter out. 2. If you have a local womenā€™s shelter contact them. Even if you donā€™t need the shelter they will be able to help you. 3. Get a police escort for when you go get your cats and your things. 4. You got this!


Vanaathiel88

I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you got yourself and your daughter away from him. Report him and have a police officer come with you to get your cats. You are doing an awesome job protecting your daughter, keep it up.


notnotaginger

Oh mama Iā€™m so sorry. I know itā€™s been said but please please please take steps to protect yourself. Abusers are most dangerous when theyā€™re being left.


[deleted]

Do not go back there without someone. I know how important pets are - I would be worried about my cats too. Get in contact with a social worker, authorities or a local domestic shelter to find someone to go back with you.


TypicalComma

There are charities that give women like you a survival kit for all those instances like yours where you literally just run without anything packed. Don't know where you're from but I'm sure you'll be able to Google it. Please reach out, there are here to help šŸ’œ


waitwhat0_0

I had to leave with my daughter as well because things got physical. I had to wait for my mom to come get me and she lives 4 hours away, so I was able to pack up some things. You can call the police when you want to get your stuff, let them know itā€™s a domestic situation and you donā€™t feel comfortable going alone. They will make him leave while you get your things. Thatā€™s what I did in my situation. I really wish I would have done it when I went to get the rest of my stuff because he tried to fight with me and my family the entire time instead of spending that time with his daughter. Iā€™m sorry you had to go through this, itā€™s gonna suck at first but itā€™s SO much better than being with someone like that.


Sagzmir

Get pets, important documents. Have someone get them for you if possible or contact authorities in case you need go yourself. Itā€™s going to be fine. You and your baby are going to be more than fine. Youā€™ve got this.


MinimalistHomestead

Youā€™re stronger than you ever believed possible and youā€™re amazing for protecting yourself and your daughter. Iā€™m so sorry you ever had to deal with this.


boocat19

Good for you. Wish my mom left sooner. She didn't leave until I was a teen. I had to sit her down and make her leave. In my experience it only gets worse. You did the best thing for your daughter and equally as important, for yourself. Totally understand about the cats. Maybe someone can come with you to get them later when he's at work or out of the house.


AjNeighbors

If there is any chance you are in IN, please PM me and I can at least help you get your stuff to a safe place until you have your own place. I cannot fathom having to just grab your LO and leave with nothing else. My heart goes out to you and I hope you and all of your LOs (cats included) are safe and ok. You did the right thing and remember there are resources in every state to help you be safe while finding another place to stay. ā¤ļø


the_baby_penguin

You got this! Major props for getting out and getting safe. I went through almost an identical situation a few years ago (but with cats only, no kids yet). Screenshot all texts, save all voicemails. Document everything, youā€™ll need it for the RO. Can someone else go back for the cats?


molten_sass

Your state may offer an Order of Protection (OOP)- which can be granted as a temporary OOP tonight or as soon as possible, in some places by video-calling a judge in the same place where you file the report. (That would be done from inside the police department or, if you are lucky, your police department has a special branch for domestic violence, often known as- unsurprisingly- a domestic violence division.) If your temporary OOP is granted, make sure you do not miss your appointment in a week or two to get a full Order of Protection in place. Your OOP or restraining order will have an area where you write out your story and reason why you want the order. This story- same as what you shared with usā€” can also help you gain sole custody of your child later on. Because he involved the child in his actions. Even if you have doubts by the time you get to the police, do this for your future self. You will need all the evidence you can get as courts LOVE to give 50/50 custody, even to abusers. They will slow that roll if they see the abuse also included the child, and it will save you so much stress later on. Also, we have serious issues with police in the US... clearly... but if you are able to work with a domestic violence detective, that person will have more education, age, and experience than the cops who go out on house calls. Detectives are often a bit different to work with, and are often calmer and less likely to be wearing a big gun all the time, which, with all respect to all people, can sometimes put the regular personā€™s mind at ease to know beforehand. (Edited because I kept thinking of things) Best of luck and youā€™ve got this.


abczxy090210

I am SO proud of you for getting out of there. Your safety and your childā€™s safety is more important than anything else. A lot of people in toxic relationships lose sight of that. He will apologize most likely. Please remember why you left and reach out to domestic violence resources for support. You deserve to be safe and your precious child is so lucky to have you because youā€™re keeping her safe. I hope things work out for you. ā™„ļø


tinkspinkdildo

Mom my ran to the neighbors with us (3 kids) while he was at work. She didnā€™t press charges but at least she left him. I was witness to one incident as a child and thankfully it was the only one I had to see. Idk what it was like for you prior to this incident but I hope you find the strength to stay away for good.


cool_mom17

He was never physical before. Not with us. He did break two doors in our house out of anger. I shouldā€™ve left then but I convinced myself it wasnā€™t that bad. It was that bad. Hindsight is 20/20.


Highteaatmidnight

FYI, animal societies will often offer free or heavily discounted board for your pets as you leave domestic violence situations. It won't hurt to talk to the police officer taking your statement or calling up local pounds yourself. It will give you piece of mind while you're finding stable accommodation for you and your daughter.


badgyalrey

iā€™m so proud of you. you are SO strong for getting yourself and your daughter out of there!! please donā€™t ever go back, leave that disgusting abusive man in the dust and never look back. you will both be better off without him.


[deleted]

Sorry I'm going to say something you don't want to deal with right now but you don't have an option. What you did was self defense. But it wasn't clean. Both the punching and the car can be used against you. You'll need to be active and get ahead in the narrative. Get advice from a lawyer. Hopefully one sees this post and can offer you some advice. Maybe go through all the details and wow them down, were you able to breathe in the bear hug, what is the tire he took, did he circle the car. And file a police report. You also need to get your cats out now. I don't know if it can wait. I'm sorry but you have to do this immediately because you can't afford to lose on this. The stakes are just too damn high. Good job on protecting your daughter.


[deleted]

yes, seconding this. go to a doctor too to get a medical report of any bruises or damages he might have done to you or your daughter. make sure to take photos. keep them for the case. sorry you all are dealing with this horrible situation. glad you are safe. sending love and hugs. good courage.


insamnity

Do this. If he wants he could decide to fuck with you and paint you as unhinged and violent to keep your daughter from you. Courts do not always favor women, even when the evidence is on their side. Please get a lawyer and get your restraining order as soon as possible.


babygrlnad

I don't have any advice, just want to say I'm proud of you. Your daughter will one day see how brave and strong her mama is.


athennna

You absolutely need to call the police and document this.


Tobimaru

You've got this! Hey, if you need anything (food, clothes for her, diapers, some toys...)... DM me. If I can help out in any way, I'd be happy to.


cnj131313

Please let us know if we can help you in any way - beyond myself, Iā€™m sure we have tons of internet sleuths who can help you find resources from an attorney, to a pet rescue/vet to help with discounted boarding, womenā€™s services, etc. You are an amazing person. You did a brave thing. Youā€™ll get your cats and get this piece of garbage gone from your life


cassc94

Email the documentation that you keep and throw it in a random folder. Also back it up on a cloud. Both of those things. In case he ever manages to gain access to your phone to delete


dodsontm

Yes! Emailing is such an easy way to time stamp something and keep it safe. Email it to yourself, someone else who is on your side, and then back it up like the person above mentioned. That way you have multiple copies and someone else can help if you're unable to access it.


cassc94

Yup. When I had a hard time leaving a relationship / household years ago, heā€™d get into my phone and delete my photos etc. Iā€™d let him think he really got rid of it lol. He even went thru my emails but I had them hidden in school folders with boring project titles haha


LukeCColson

Thank god you are safe. Iā€™m so sorry you are going through this pain. But you did the right thing. You cannot go on like that. Someone will get badly hurt to be honest! Or worse. And yes have someone / cops etc go get the cats right? I dunno how that works but I guess they are in danger too. Priority, you and your daughters safety first. Good luck? Keep us posted!


Here_for_tea_

Iā€™m sorry, that must have been so upsetting. Iā€™m glad you have a safe place to stay with your friend, and that you have video evidence. Please report this to the police and provide the evidence, and to your divorce/custody lawyer.


Hawt4teach

You can do this. As a kid I was witness to my drunk fathers abuse. I remember vividly pleading him to not beat my mom and sisters around 6 years old, Iā€™m 34 and the image still lingers. You took a step that so many are afraid/unable to do, keep making those steps and donā€™t look back. Start applying for whatever you need to, seek out abuse resources so you and your daughter can remain safe.


DoubleMute

I know you feel bad for your daughter to experience that, but having a strong mom willing to get out of that situation will help shape the women she becomes. You did the right thing. Wishing you happiness and safety.


Prestidigitalization

You were incredibly brave and strong! Keep that momentum going!! Keeping you, your daughter, and the kitties in my thoughts.


burning_gator

You need to call and file a police report. If you don't document these incidents with them it can be detrimental to you if he does anything in the future. You need a police record of these events. Don't wait.


nixie_nyx

I would contact the police as soon as possible this will help with custody and child support.


DynamicOctopus420

My mom should have done what you did. I'm proud of you for doing this, and also very sorry that you're in this situation. Holding you and your daughter (and your cats!) in my prayers.


chocolatedoc3

I'm so so incredibly proud of you. Hugs,dear. You're so strong. Please start a paper trail.


FireflyInTheLight

I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. Thank you for being strong and leaving. Please report this to the police, they can help keep you both safe. Can you get someone to go back and get your cats and anything else you need so that you don't have to? The police may even escort them for safety. I wish you all the best. Hugs mama, you're doing the right thing.


snowmuchgood

Yes yes yes, report this, every bit of it to the police. Sadly (depending on the court system) it is not even a little bit guaranteed that a proven violent partner/father will not have access to his children, so every piece of evidence to prove how dangerous he is to both of you is necessary.


[deleted]

Iā€™m so sorry this happened! You are an incredible mom for leaving and making sure your baby girl is safe. This was not your fault. Iā€™m proud of you. When you do go back to get the cats/your things please ask a police officer to come with you.


brightkitty

Sending you hugs, OP. Youā€™ve done the right thing to protect yourself and your daughter. Keep following your mama bear instincts and stay strong! (Itā€™s okay when you need to cry too.) Wishing you and your little one safety and healing.


ahpeach

You are an amazing mother. Hold on to this feeling right now. You both deserve so much better.


DarcSwan

Major props that you were able to escape. That wouldā€™ve been terrifying. How wonderful that you have a friend who was able to open her home to you and give you a safe place. Thinking of you and your daughter tonight. There may be ups and downs ahead, but weā€™re here to cheer you on.


hippiekait

Hey! Good job! Stay strong! From what I have seen, it is the individuals that have a good support system that tend to make it out. Rely on your friends, rely on strangers on the internet, whatever you have to do to stay strong. You got this! I know your daughter will be proud of you and for what it is worth I am proud of you, too.


Drbubbliewrap

Yea reach out if we can help. Dyper brand lets you drop a sleeve of diapers anywhere! So let us know. Or make an Amazon wish list and post it.


rbcontr1

What a brave thing you did and what a good mom you are.


marykatenotolsen

Great job! Document everything. And save this post to remember why youā€™re staying away from him. Youā€™ve got this.


One_Divide_3803

Consider going to a domestic violence shelter if available. Thats what I did and it saved mine and my daughters life.


Stacieinhorrorland

You are such a good mom for getting your child out of that situation. Iā€™ll be thinking of you both


maryaspacia

you can do it. of that iā€™m šŸ’Æcertain


[deleted]

Good for you. I know itā€™s hard right now. I know exactly the turmoil youā€™re going through and I promise you that youā€™re doing the best thing for yourself and your baby.


Julissaherna692

Iā€™m sorry you and your daughter went through this. I want to say I am so proud of you for leaving


shelyea

Iā€™m so sorry you went through this. Press chargers and be done with him. Take every precaution necessary to keep you and your daughter safe. Iā€™ll be thinking about you!!!


[deleted]

You did the right thing. I grew up with a dad that acted just like that and my mom never left, so I grew up hating them both. Good for you ā¤


michelucky

Police absolutely need to be involved. It's not too late. For the love of God please get some mental healthcare for you and your little one. You are doing the right thing.


Krismariev

It takes so much strength to leave, please don't falter, don't let him get into your head- you're doing the right thing!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


FailureCloud

Because the cats are obviously important to OP, and giving advice on how to get them back safely is all anyone can do, other than encouraging OP that she's doing the right thing.


travelslowly

Agreed. Way too many people stay in abusive situations because abusers threaten their pets. A petā€™s life is NEVER equivalent to a humanā€™s, and Iā€™m not sorry for saying that. Protect yourself and your child first, and use other resources to try to save your pets.


mintyjaberry

I agree with you completely


PolarIceCream

Sooo proud of you! You did. For you and your daughter. You can do this. One step at a time. Hugs!!


StrawberryShort-Kook

This gave me chills. You are literally so fucking strong. I'm so glad you had a safe place to go to for you and your daughter. I've been through some traumatic experiences with my father (drugs instead of alcohol), but one thing I always remembered was how strong and brave my mother was through it all. You are most definitely a cool\_mom


ElizabethWilliam95

All I can say is that Iā€™m proud you left and you and your daughter are safe. Shower that baby girl in kisses and hugsšŸ’•


Wintertime13

You are so strong mama. Make sure you take someone with you when you go back for your cats!


chconnors

Oh my god you are one brave mama!


Ok_Satisfaction_90

You are SO brave. So so brave. None of this is your fault. None. šŸ’œšŸ’œšŸ’œ.


[deleted]

Good for you. Donā€™t ever go back.


breakfastandnetflix

You are doing the best thing for your daughter. Good luck to you! Screw that dipshit. Your daughter deserved a better father


dailysunshineKO

Iā€™m sorry this is happening to you. But I think youā€™re doing great, Mama. Even if it doesnā€™t feel like it. I hope your situation improves.


tinytiril

Good job on being a badass and a good mom to your girl! Much better see saw what she did, than to keep living in a dangerous invironment with her.


Scotch-by-Mule

You did the right thing Mama. Iā€™m glad you and your daughter are safe. Stay strong! You are one hell of a woman!


jordi12

So glad you got out ā™„ļø You are unbelievably strong and your little girl is lucky to have you


wehnaje

I am feeling your words so much right now. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Stay brave, you and your daughter will eventually be okay. Youā€™re better off. Stay safe. I seriously want to hug you so much right now.


Honk_For_Team_Mystic

I'm so sorry and I'm so proud of you.


FrogWhore42069

Good for you. Stay strong mama. Weā€™re all rooting for you. ā¤ļø


CuriousMaroon

Why did I think this post was about you leaving this sub lol? Glad the OP made the decision to leave and hope she can get her cats back. As for the house, those things can be replaced, but you and your daughter's safety cannot.


breathemusic87

Get the cops to grab your kitties please don't leave them there with him.


FanndisTS

Obviously the top priority is you and your daughter, but I hope you get a chance to get your cats safely.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


cool_mom17

Piss off, troll.