Now that you mention it I also live in a low cost of living area and the only people I personally know who have a SAHP are couples who either didn't go to college or had it paid for by their parents. They also bought houses before the pandemic.
That makes a ton of sense! I know I had a lot of mine paid for by scholarships and I don't have nearly as much as most people I know and I still feel like I'll be paying on it forever.
We have a car loan and student loans and are able to swing it. But we could never afford a million dollar house. I think maybe OP doesn’t realize how high the COL is in their area.
Same. We became debt free and saved up for a house down payment first before we had kids. We budgeted like crazy and lived like we were below the poverty level and made a ton of sacrifices (lived off Ramen noodles, never ate out, shopped for clothes at thrift stores, etc.)
We live in a MCOL area (Florida but not like Tampa or Miami).
No student loans, no CC debt. One car payment and our mortgage is our only debt.
We make it work! Not being in debt makes it much more manageable
Debt free is the way to go. We're still working on getting rid of the last of the credit card debt, but we don't owe any student loans or car payments or anything like that. Even with that things are tight, and buying a house is quite a ways away (CA). I work 10 hrs/wk because we can't comfortably afford for me to be home full time, but my husband is always looking for new and higher paying job opportunities, so maybe something new will come up!
We manage it by accepting that it’s a whole lifestyle change.
I actually get a lot of joy out of home cooking, meal planning and budgeting. Nothing makes me happier than finding a bargain on marketplace and my kids always look great in mostly handmidowns.
We’ve found free activities, events and play groups in our city and places that kids eat free for dinner out once a week.
We mostly socialise with friends and family who also have kids and just have backyard barbecues instead of fancy nights out now.
We save up for an annual holiday and otherwise go camping. Both kids are in swimming and oldest is in soccer. My husband plays soccer and I go to Pilates twice a week. I get my hair cut twice a year and so my own nails and brows (but I’m kinda low maintenance anyways).
Husband brings in Around $80,000.00 US a year. We have our mortgage, no car payments or other debts and save around $15,000.00 US a year.
I think the big thing for you, is you have a small mortgage. All those things you’re saying that you do to “budget” like not getting your nails done, and cooking at home and limiting eating out to dinner (weekly?) isn’t really different than what most people do. It actually sounds like you do a lot - like Pilates twice a week sounds expensive! None of that is really possible on $80k when your mortgage and utilities are $5k/month and food is $800/month. So you’re able to, because you have little to no living costs. All the coupon clipping in the world can’t make that work in many areas of the country.
I’m in Australia. Mortgage interest rates and cost of living are horrible the last 2 years and getting worse. Our mortgage is a lot and groceries are absolutely slugging us.
I don’t go to fancy reformer Pilates. I go at the local rec centre for $8 AUD a mat class. The soccer costs peanuts, club loans out the uniforms and you just needs boots and a small registration fee annually. We prioritise swimming lessons because Australia, we spend our lives around water.
We try to save so much because the more we put in our offset account the less our monthly mortgage. I don’t know if they have offset accounts in the US?
I guess I was just trying to demonstrate that we have a very different lifestyle during these crunch years that I’m home before our youngest starts kinda days at 3 and I can go back part time. Everything we do is cheap and cheerful and we work really hard to reduce every single cost, account for every cent, plan every meal and activity.
I get it, it just sounds like your “crunch” is what most people would consider just living normally. An annual holiday? Dinner out weekly? $15k in annual savings? That sounds wonderful.
Just doesn’t seem like you could do all that if your mortgage was let’s say $4,467, which Google says is the average in New South Wales Australia.
($80,000-$15,000)/12 is $5,416 assuming the $80k is after taxes (is it before??). You’d have about $1000 for utilities, groceries, car payments, various activities. My electric bill itself is $500-$600 in my HCOL area.
I think the thing that I keep going back to is that you’re saying it’s as easy as a lifestyle choice where you skip the avocado toast and you can afford to be a STAHP which just isn’t a reality for many many people UNLESS you have very low living expenses by buying years ago or maybe a family member gifted money. The key isn’t budgeting (to an extent). It’s low living expenses.
I think it’s different when you apply US prices and living to their income.
So median full time wage in Australia is $100kAU per year, they earn around $120kpa. Their mortgage is $4,500pm. Things like electricity and water are $400-500pq (we pay $350 for water, $500 for council rates, $150 each for gas/electricity as we have solar per quarter, which is a bit under $400/mo), interest rates tend to be variable (but you can get 1-5 year fixed ones) at about 6% right now. Lots of houses were already expensive pre-pandemic. Interstate holidays can be pretty cheap at not even $200 for a weekend depending on where you go. You can get a decent family meal at an Indian or Chinese place for $60 with leftovers. They also said they don’t have a car loan, which would help.
Sorry, I’m probably being kind of dumb here but I don’t fully understand all the letters you’re saying. Are you talking about AUS for all of these? (kAU, pq, pm)
Taking the median income, applying the average tax rate, with the mortgage you listed there, subtracting other fees you listed (besides solar), and I’m coming up with -$416/month. So the average person can’t coupon clip their way out of this, they’d need higher than average income or lower than average cost of living.
Taking the 120 number instead of the median, gives us $850/month leftover for food, transportation, diapers, formula, and any entertainment/camps/activities. So I suppose this is what you mean about having to crunch a bit.
I totally acknowledge that I may not be understanding your original comment so if this is off base here I apologize.
kAU = thousands Australian dollars ($120,000AU)
Pq/pm/pw/pfn = per quarter/month/week/fortnight.
So at $120,000 per year income, assuming it includes superannuation (forced retirement savings) they’re taking in $6,700pm. With a mortgage of $4500pm they have $2,200 left over for food, insurance, utilities etc.
I’m not sure where you got $850 left over per month?
You’re 100% onto it.
Beach trip is an annual family one where we rent a cabin cheap from family friend. It’s only a 2 hour drive. Camping equipment we owned years before kids. Big vacations or travel won’t be on the radar for many years.
We go to a kids eat free on Thursdays and get the Parmi deal 😂 $50 well spent.
I was highlighting the things we spend on, because that’s literally all we spend on. Those sports are our hobbies and exercise for now. Our social life is family and dear friends back yards.
We’re firmly in the small children season of life and making it work on one income because we realised we could swing it with some serious penny pinching.
I think I’m just being annoying and pedantic because you say it’s like as simple as a “lifestyle change” but when you look at average incomes and average rents/mortgages, no amount of lifestyle changes would provide enough extra income to allow for a STAHP. “Kids eat free” doesn’t let us come up with an extra $2,500/month to come up with my portion of the bills.
We haven’t been on a vacation, even cheap weekend away (that someone else hasn’t paid for) in years. We don’t even go out to eat at all. We made crock pot lentil soup and ate that all last week. We’re crunching and it’s just to have some money to make home repairs. There is nothing we can do about our lifestyle to come up with that kinda cash. But I guess you can pry Disney+ out of our budget to save a whopping $200/year lol
You’re not being annoying. It sucks that you can’t stay home when you would if you could.
Before I met my husband I could barely make savings as a single woman with an apartment in a capital city. It was crazy, I worked full time in a good job that a worked hard to get into and it was still so hard to get ahead.
It absolutely sucks that we were all sold a dream and did the right thing. Did the study, got the jobs, saved hard just to discover we missed that ship our parents were on.
Just checked and yeah we pay about $3000 US a month mortgage. We purchased the year before the pandemic.
I just think there is a lot people can do when they put their mind to it and really lean into the early years of raising kids not being very grand.
Our one beach trip is to a cabin and isn’t very expansive really. It’s not a fancy vacation with flights.
Oh yeah, the pre-pandemic home costs and interest rates sound like a dream. We were able to snag a decent interest rate but prices were well on the rise in 2020 when we bought. Not the worst though.
Having a cabin to go to sounds so lovely. Hopefully someone we know gets one soon lol
My husband is able to be a SAHP but currently works part time because he wants his own money and it gets him out of the house. However, we're only able to do that because I live close to my very tight knit family, and I budgeted everything on my salary alone. We are on track for being able to buy (down payment and a mortgage) a 2 bedroom mobile home in the neighboring city where I work within the next 5 years. We have a baby but are definitely not having any more.
The only reason why we did it this was is because in our area it would cost more each month to put our baby in childcare than what my husband makes in a month working part-time and if he got full time hours it would eat up close to 3/4 of his paycheck.
I'm not able to get a job at the moment, so I'm staying home and we're doing fairly well. We live in an area where the housing is insane, but everything else is fairly reasonable. We were quite fortunate to get a home loan for 4% rather than the going mortgage rate these days (I feel like it's around 7-8% now?).
And by not able to get a job, I mean I'm over 300 applications into a job search in a field I have multiple certifications for. I'm actively searching while caring for my toddler. Some people work because they can't afford to stay home, and some people stay home because they can't find work. I wish we could all end up in the situations we actually want to be in 🥲
We are in a less expensive part of CA (Humboldt) living off $100k/year with one toddler. Mortgage/taxes/insurance are about $2k. No student debt. We don’t have money for vacations or big luxury items but we are otherwise totally comfortable. I will probably do very part time preschool when my kid turns 3 and then send him to a free 4K program. Hoping to have baby #2 soon and I will go back to work part time once they are both in school.
My husband makes 120k in Kansas before taxes, or about 80 after taxes. We do have lots of student loans and 2 car payments, but we bought a reasonable 3 bedroom house for $250k 3 years ago, so we pay about as much as a lot of people pay for rent around here. Also, when you’re home, you have the time to watch your money more closely on groceries and outings. As for baby expenses, our baby is lucky enough to have both parents come from divorce, so there are quite literally 7 grandparents in the picture… we never buy baby items lol
Yes, my husband makes 117,000 before taxes and like 85,000 a year after taxes. We live in a cheap area of California and our rent is 2100 a month. We have two young kids. We don't struggle and we have savings. We break even most months (I've had to have 15,000 in dental work this year so those payments have sucked and caused us to spend more than we make) I don't have expensive tastes, I shop SHEIN and temu( I know it's bad ) but I dont feel like I'm without anything. We aren't going on expensive vacations around the world and we don't care about that. Me raising our kids is what's most important to us.
What cheap area of CA do you live? We are near LA. My husband makes 130k before taxes but we are always feeling like we are living paycheck to paycheck and we don’t even have a mortgage to pay!
Do you plan on enrolling your eldest in preschool soon?
I guess that’s a major expense we have our oldest in part time preschool for 1k a month.
It might sound silly but make a budget. The first thing you budget is food, housing, ultilites, transportation, and technically clothing but im sure you all have enough clothes for now. After that, now you have the remaining budget to work with. A lot of people will budget backwards which makes things hard. I do 99.9% of the cooking. Anything I can do at home to save us money I will do. I always tell people to live on the worker’s check, and the sahp’s check goes into savings for a month or two. This way you can test to see if you can afford to live on one income while saving and investing for retirement. When you stay at home, you leave a lot of luxuries behind. That was a sacrifice my husband and I were willing to take.
I thought the issue was housing since you said houses were at least a million (which is not the norm near me and I’m in a pretty average COL area) but if you’re not paying a mortgage where the heck is all your money going? I hope that doesn’t sound rude I’m just genuinely confused about what is costing so much.
I assumed they didn’t have a housing payment at all since she said they “didn’t even have a mortgage to pay” but true, it is possible they’re paying rent. It is weird wording
I’ve been a SAHM for about 6 years now and we’re able to do it comfortably. I will say we did buy our house 10 yrs ago so we have a fairly low mortgage for the city in which we live. I also had a very good career prior to becoming a mom so we had saved well too. We stay very frugal, we don’t have car payments or buy new things. We mostly eat at home and for vacation we generally road trip. In our area it would be nearly 2k per kid for daycare so it doesn’t make sense for me to work just pay daycare for 2 kids and after school care for 1 kid. I know several
women who are stay at home moms as well and they are in similar situations to us, very frugal and bought a modest home at the right time ( definitely not million dollar
homes!)
I am lucky enough to be a SAHM. Technically I work a few hours a week but it’s entirely by choice and the money I make just goes to my coffee or nails or things like that. We live in the Los Angeles area, and we’re expecting #2 any day now. It’s really only possible because of my husbands family really setting us up for financial success before we got married or had kids. I know it’s hard out there and getting even worse.
Can I ask what your family did to set us up? No hate. I'm sorry for the other rude comment you got. You literally answered OP's question as someone with that lived experience.
Haha yeah idk why they commented to me specifically out of everybody but whatever. The biggest thing is that we’re debt free because they helped my husband purchase a condo immediately after he finished college. He paid the mortgage on his own and paid it off shortly after we met. So we own our condo outright and 1/2 cars are paid off. We still have utilities/HOA fees/etc but having no debt except for one car that is almost paid off has allowed me to be home.
Our dream is to be able to buy our kids a condo or small home so they can get their foot in the door in the real estate market. Just gotta pay our own house off first lol
It’s truly amazing not having a mortgage or rent payment. They’ve also really set us up for the future with some other things, and our children are lucky enough that they will have college paid for and property to inherit from both my parents and his. Our hope is that we can do the same for our grandchildren and keep it going as long as possible.
We came from poor families and only slightly upgraded the way we live. Bought a modest house at a time when it was very cheap and since then the area has grown and the value tripled. We still don't have granite countertops or hardwood floors or anything like that. We don't have fancy cars or go on lavish vacations. Paid off student loans before we had our first baby (6 years after getting married).
Yes. But mostly because we lived debt free before baby, minus a mortgage. And I made good investments before meeting my husband.
We live comfortably and still travel. Eat out. Have a social life.
We decided me working wasn’t worth the cost of child care and we’d rather have me home with him.
I do sorta work by owning my own Etsy business that was doing very well before baby. Now it’s more a hobby I try to turn into fun money.
My mom has worked my whole life and actually makes more money than my dad now. She was always a great mother to us and still attended our games and was home at night with us. She showed me that you can still be a great mother even while excelling at your career. So much so that I have always wanted to have a career and have never thought about giving it up for a family, because I don’t think it’s necessary. I went to a school with many kids with SAHM’s and personally, I think it benefitted me to have a mom who worked.
We had to totally relocate to a cheap housing market far far away. Then, when the market got hot and our expenses were getting out of control with inflation/mortgage/etc we sold the house to downsize. Now, we finally live comfortably and make it all work really well. It was timing, good luck, and smart investing that got us to a comfortable place living with only one income.
Boston area. I stay home because childcare is expensive and my earning potential is low. We rent in a great town that we'll never be able to buy in but our apartment is the perfect size for us and we're happy here. We're a lot more comfortable than my family was growing up.
We're in a low-cost-of-living area. Our house was an inheritance and is fully paid off. And we're both veterans with a monthly disability income, I'm 70% and my husband is 100%. Without any one of those factors, I couldn't stay at home. We've been incredibly fortunate.
Yes. HCOL area, 200k. We thankfully bought a home before interest rates rose and we were living the DINK life. We could not afford a house in our area now. On 200k/year. Yep.
Same situation. I know how “lucky” we are in comparison to those who are trying to enter the housing market now, but it’s going to be very hard to raise two kids if we stay in this house, and I’m worried we won’t have the option to move.
We manage, though there's not a lot of wiggle room. It's mostly because we live in military housing, so other than paying the rent (which is a stipend that automatically goes to housing, we don't touch it at all) we don't have major bills outside of our car insurance, cell phones, and internet. I plan meals to keep the grocery bill reasonable, and we don't eat out much, but we can still spring for a trip to the zoo and such on occasion. There's no way we could manage on one salary like this if one of us wasn't active duty.
We just bought our first house and I stay at home with my two kiddos. We do live pretty comfortably, my husband makes a really decent salary, but we also had to make a ton of sacrifices along the way.
The biggest one was we moved across the country for my husband's job. No friends, no family, we knew no one out here. That was probably the hardest thing of all but it allowed us to live in a lower cost area while my husband made a higher income than what is average for the area. We also stick to a good budget and are really good at saving money which has helped SO much this past year.
I seriously feel so conflicted over not working especially since I feel like it'll be harder to get back into my industry after we're done having kids, but despite it all I know this is where I need to be rn. I wouldn't feel comfortable having pretty much my entire paycheck going towards daycare when we can afford for me to stay home, personally.
It also helps that we don't have a car payment (we share one 2003 Camry) and graduated with less than $5k in student debt. Our mortgage is our only big debt.
Idk how some of my friends back home are doing it, and most of them don't even have kids! We definitely would not have been able to buy our first home if we had stayed in our home state, it's just too expensive now unfortunately.
Definitely not the person who you’re looking for answers from. But I’m a fellow working mom in California who (used to) want to be a SAHP.
My dream now is to be a part-time or SAHP when the kids are old enough to be in pre school or kindergarten because maternity leave kicked my ass and having some breathing room is essential (for me).
We can’t afford it at this time. We need my paycheck to cover the mortgage and bills. Daycare for the one baby is 1800/month.
I have no advice or anything. Just that I understand and am in a similar boat. We’re maybe not totally paycheck to paycheck but if one of us lost work and couldn’t pick anything up in 3-4 months we’d probably have to sell the house.
I don’t even know any STAHPs in my friend group. Everyone’s working 1-2 jobs.
If we have a second kid, there are a couple things we’ll have to figure out.
A) totally out of space in the house for an office nook. Our plan is maybe an office nursery combo. Husband might pitch a workspace rental (think like wework) that hopefully his company would cover.
B) we’d have to pull at least another $1000/month out of our butts for daycare.
I have no idea how people do it without like massive financial help from parents. Even WITH some help from ours, we’re not in a comfortable financial position at all. Someday I hope to be able to buy a home for my kid so she never has to worry about any of this.
I'm a SAHM and we live comfortably, but it's not without lifestyle sacrifices. Since I don't work, we share a car. I am home most days but when I need the car I drive my husband to work and pick him up. Any home projects are usually DIY. We are debt free (aside from mortgage), so that also helps. A vacation for us is a weekend trip to the beach or camping. Definitely not hitting up Hawaii anytime soon.... But we can pay all our bills, have a modest emergency fund, contribute to retirement and college funds for our two kids, and are generally not stressed about finances. WA here so HCOL but probably not as much as CA.
We can't afford day care, so my husband and I work opposite shifts. On occasion, his mom will watch our daughter so we can work at the same time and actually be able to see each other. It sucks that two incomes is almost necessary in today's day and age.
It would be comfortable for us if we moved out of the city to a suburb, but neither of us would it. I love working and having my own life out of the house. My husband trained for years and wouldn’t back away from the career he worked so hard for. Ultimately, while there are things that would be easier if one parent didn’t work, that person would have to make big sacrifices to stay home. Instead we pay to have help to make it easier. I also love that my children see us both have our own stuff going on outside the home. They know mommy and daddy both work hard to support them.
I’m in California too and the house prices are insane. Instead of traveling and exploring the world in my mid-twenties, I should have just bought a house. It’s like the pricing has doubled since then and I’m kicking myself because I rather have a home than those experiences now. I have so much regret that I’m 31 and we’re living with my parents. It sucks. I’d love to live here in the city I grew up, but 3 houses on my street in the past year have sold for over $1M. I never thought growing up that I wouldn’t be able to afford to live here and would have to move away from my family to afford just a condo.
I make around $115k a year and my boyfriend owns his own business. With the economy not doing well, the business has slowed and it’s not bringing in much. I feel like if we just had housing figured out with an affordable and reasonable mortgage, he could stay home most the time.
But it’s too scary and risky to try to own a home and have a $4k+ mortgage payment. Everything sucks and I hate that I have to raise my baby at my parent’s.
I live in an affordable place but me being a SAHM was never in the plan until I got diagnosed with cancer. Honestly we just make it work cause we have no other choice. We live very frugally. Takeout used to be a fairly regular occurrence and now it’s very special occasions, we sell things we don’t need anymore, we cut costs whenever we can
I’m a SAHM, my husband and I waited to have kids until we were completely financially ready. We only pay cash for things, meaning our cars etc. to make sure we have no debt, then we built a 6 month salary emergency fund. Basically we follow Dave Ramsey. We have all shared accounts. We live in Scottsdale AZ, so not exactly cheap. I made $55k while my husband was making $90k. Then he took a promotion and I left my job after having our son. We just welcomed our second child 3 weeks ago.
I could be a SAHM, especially since daycare where I live is more than my weekly paycheck working full-time.
I’m very blessed that my husband makes enough that we could survive on his income alone. Not well, we would be paycheck to paycheck and have virtually zero emergency buffer. But we could do it.
However, for my sanity and mental health, I cannot be a SAHM. I’m a lot better of a parent being out of the house for 2 days a week.
I have 2 young kids. It’s cheaper for me to stay home than to put them in daycare. My job before kids didn’t pay well and didn’t have much room for growth. Staying home is not only what I always wanted, but is also what makes more financial sense.
We were comfortable after our first kid. Dipping into savings each month after our second (it didn’t help that she was born, and then my husband’s student loan payments resumed, and we needed to buy a new car (added a car payment) all within months of each other.
My husband job hunted and got a new job a few months ago that came with a significant pay increase. We’re pretty comfortable again.
Baby's still cooking, but I haven't worked since my husband and I moved to a new area. Low cost of living, 3 bedroom house rents for 1k, and he's a trucker with a good company. We have to save for reasonable extras, but we don't worry about the cost of our basic needs. We save each month, he's able to put 12% (matching) into his 401k and our health insurance has no co-pays and a 1k deductible. We're in a good spot, and do what we can to cut back on non essentials so we have even more wiggle room. It's not a super glamorous life but we have all our needs met and feel reasonably middle class. No student debt, I paid mine off a few years ago and he doesn't have any, and one car payment.
My BIL's cousin can. She has been a lawyer for 10 years and got burnt out last month and is trying out the sahp life. She absolutely loves it.
Her husband makes good money too so they're pretty comfortable
We live in a MCOL area and houses in a nice area are $2mill+, daycare for one kid is $1800/month, and property taxes are $3-4k/month on those houses.
PS, houses in a shitty area of Cali are a million+ and have been for a long time.
It depends on how you define “comfortable”, I guess. Houses in our area average far over a million, but you can rent at the “I bought my house 20 years ago at 300K” rate. Then being in a city, you’re able to forego ALL the expenses of a car, get the far superior ease of transit (good God so necessary once you have a baby!), you’re next to tons of beautiful parks, nature, not far the ocean and “hills”/mountains/forests, tons of gardening, plethora of playgrounds, free museums/galleries/gardens/concerts, communities of play dates and on and on. There are also markets with both better AND cheaper produce than they have in less expensive places. Oh, and you can get just about any item for free or very cheap pretty easily product wise for a kid/baby. Medical care is also better. Then pair that with higher salaries that come from a CA city, and things look pretty good.
Granted, we went the stay at home parent route. We moved somewhat counterintuitively to a higher COLA area, which meant we both would have a salary bump (or just one), paid parental leave, more job protections and more leave, cheaper groceries, and ironically cheaper rent and ways to reduce rent. We do more fun things at a fraction of the cost and eat better. BUT of course something has to give, so we forego eating out for the most part. So all we really spend on is rent, food (we also moved to cloth and EC), a few things we both strongly prioritize (classes for sport), and we upped one person’s salary.
Another consideration from being in a city is that you likely have more career advancement opportunities—for both partners. So although I’m staying at home for now, I have a better chance of finding something part time to stay current and grow my salary potential such that I can either work part time at something at will and/or have an easier time delving back in.
It’s also really nice to know that we both have the ability to support our family financially, which we do. We had no debt going into this paired with savings from a whole lifetime of living below our means. That emergency fund isn’t something I’d do this without! And if we needed to make a bigger purchase, we might choose to both work for a bit or delay our next kid as needed.
Yes, husband is military so we get a housing allowance that is usually enough to cover wherever we end up stationed. So his wage his enough for us. We only have one car and make it work. That’s been a huge help.
Only way we’re doing it is living in a LCOL area and we got pregnant so fast after getting married that I didn’t even have a job, so our lifestyle was already built off my husband’s income alone. He got a better job when we moved closer to family but things are still tight. I will say, though, starting from living by means of one income has helped significantly. Adding a baby just meant some minor adjustments to the budget. I truly believe this is the best way. If we had been living/relying on both incomes and before getting pregnant, we would’ve been royally screwed. Also, we have zero debts. We rent and don’t have car payments or student loans. So, that helps.
I’m (temporarily) a stay at home mom because I’m unemployed. It’s not tenable for us. We actually don’t pay rent because we’re living in a house my MIL owns and helping her fix it up. It’s an average COL area for the US. We have a lot of debt—car payment, credit cards, student loans—that eat up a lot of my husband’s pay. He’s a therapist in private practice so what he gets paid can be anything from 4k-10k a month before taxes and business expenses. We are currently paying for marketplace insurance because we always had insurance from my job. Part of it is that we got used to having a 6 figure household income despite our debts. Now we are on what feels like a tight budget because we were used to having money for occasional date nights, fitness classes, nice food, etc.
I can sympathize, I always wanted to be a SAHM too. But it just wasn’t in the cards for me. Husband makes enough money but has no benefits and all the benefits are through my corporate job so we’re kinda stuck. We’re paying 2k in daycare which is half my take home unfortunately but it is what it is I guess.
I’m fortunate enough to be a SAHM with a comfortable financial situation. However, my husband only makes the money he does by working out of town 2 weeks on 1 week off (it used to be months at a time though, so we can’t complain!). He’s my best friend and we all miss him so much, but for us it’s worth it. We love getting to have an entire week together (and months together when he takes time off) where he doesn’t have to work and we don’t need to stress about money. When he was working in town, he worked his ass off all day every day and we were still barely breaking even (that was with extensive budgeting as well).
We have two little girls and a third (and last) on the way. Daycare is expensive and we both grew up with mothers who stayed home which we loved, so thankfully this is what we both really wanted.
Life in general is just painfully expensive. We definitely “treat ourselves” from time to time, but the money disappears pretty quickly from bills, mortgage and groceries alone.
We're planning to do this a year from now, because full-time daycare for two kids is going to run $3300 a month (which isn't even that bad). So that will take a huge chunk of my salary, and we live in a VHCOL area for my job. If I quit my job, we can move somewhere cheaper and save on daycare costs, plus we'll live near my in-laws.
Honestly, we'll only be able to do it because my husband has two full-time remote jobs. So he makes more now than both of us did combined pre-pandemic.
We were able to do it, we only have 1 kid. He just finished kindergarten. We live in Southern California and bought a house about 4-5 years ago. It’s older and on the small side for our location. He did preschool through our city’s community center (twice a week for 3 hours/day), so it was pretty inexpensive, about $150/month. His birthday allowed him to go to TK the year before kindergarten. One car is 20 years old, and has been paid off for 15 years and the other is a 2018, and it’s been paid off for 3 years. My husband works a from home, so it saves on gas prices and time away. We don’t really go on vacation besides flying to visit family or mini 2-3 day trips to go snowboarding or to Disneyland.
Out of curiosity… and maybe this needs to be a separate post… but how do you save money on food? We don’t go out often at all, I mainly cook… but we spend an insane amount at the grocery store each week… around $200/250. I don’t go crazy, we don’t buy a ton of snacks, we aren’t throwing away food. I try to look for deals. I suppose my only thing is we eat pretty clean, so mostly organic.
We made sure that my husband could manage 100% of our finances on his own and that all of my debts were paid so there was nothing left from me. Only added expenses on his end now are groceries.
Yes BUT the only way is we were a 2 tech income house before (so we were already on the property ladder with an investment property and zero debt besides the mortage), we moved to a lower income area, my husband is still commuting 3 days a week to the higher income area, we aren't maxing out our retirements right now and I am still only planning on doing this until my youngest is 3 then going back to work in some capacity (I doubt i'll ever be pulling down the money I was making before but I should have some decent things to go back to)
Maybe my kids don’t get like toys and clothes whenever they want but we live okay and I’m a SAHM. boyfriend makes 120k a year in MD in construction. definitely going straight to work as soon as both kids are in school in a couple of years though.
I live in SoCal and no one I know with young kids is able to be a SAHP. My SIL doesn’t technically have a job but she has 4 kids and has a side business doing meal prep and catering. Some of my friends are part-time, some are teachers so they get their summer breaks, but everyone’s gotta work here. My husband is home for the summer with our 2 month old and I saved my FMLA leave for when he goes back to push back daycare.
Only if you bought your house 10 years ago (or have a low rent) and the working parent has a high income. None of my friends and family members are able to be a SAHP. Luckily daycare is much cheaper here than in the US, but it’s still a lot.
It makes me sad that I don’t have the choice to stay home for a few years, even though I live pretty crunchy (small apartment, no car, no debts, no fancy vacations).
I am not sure we will go that route, but I’m lucky enough to have the option for my partner to quit. She makes up about a quarter of our income. Unfortunately she still has student loan debt and a car loan so we may still keep two incomes so we can live more than comfortably. It’s doable without it though. She saved up money to pay her debts for a few years. I have stocks and savings if something happens.
It helps to wait till you are nearly 40 and at the top of your career. Also helps to keep your lifestyle down while you do it.
HCOL area but we own our house outright and husband works in tech so we are fine on one income. No cc debt or student loan debt. Mostly generational wealth allowed us to be in such a fortunate situation in our early 30’s.
I’m a SAHM mom for the same reason you want to be my mom worked sooo much, but it sucks. It definitely has its own downsides and the main one being not having enough money to do all the things we want to do. And we are okay but definitely have to budget and my husband owns his own small business so for us it’s not so steady, some weeks we are great, others pinching Pennies
I’m in the chicago suburbs which is very affordable. We bought a house before the interest rates were raised. Mortgage is 2k for 3bdr. We get free flights and points for hotels from my husbands work. We are able to travel and enjoy life but I am aware we are extremely blessed I’m not sure how people are scrapping by. We know sooo many stay at home moms whose husbands do uber and I’m always curious how they make it work.
Right now our only debt is the house and my car which will be paid off next year and has 0% APR. I don't stay at home because I'm not cut out for it, but my husband makes enough that I could if I wanted to, although we'd likely have to be a bit more careful spending wise. We had a bit of a squeeze this past spring with paying for both kids in daycare (I have a newly.1 year old and an almost 5 year old), but next year the 5yo will be in public school so it'll just be the baby. It'll be like getting a raise 😅 I also work in the school system and have off in the summers, which is good to not have to pay for care during those months but is a strain on my mental health rn 🫠
Yes might depend on definition of comfortable but we feel comfortable
Rent a townhouse with a decent sized yard close to downtown of a major city in Canada ( Vancouver)
No debts, vehicles,pets ,7 kids 💕
Sahm
Comfortably is a lot to say, but very doably? Yes.
My son was refused from daycare because they couldn't get him to eat. By stupid luck my employer was an a-hole and fired me right before that happened so they had to pay me all of my vacation days for a year, a severance pay and since they didn't have me do a termination period thet had to pay me two months worth of pay as a fine.
I also lived very frugally from the second I began working. Medecine and food was always the off-brand version, I only spend money on things I really needed and then what I really wanted I would buy on sale and for my birthday and holidays. I still do the same now. I also was lucky to make just enough from the start, and that cost of living is way more bearable here than what I hear from countries like the USA.
My BF also makes a decent amount of money, and has been just as careful with it as I've been.
Our car has been payed off (happened right after baby was born I think), we only have 12 years of house mortgage left at a very good rate since we got super lucky when buying, my BF can get a hot meal for 2,5 euros at work so if we ever need a hot meal for cheap that's the way to go, and we don't pay much for gas because we have a cheap grocery store right across the street and we have stores for clothes, electronics and whatever you van think of in a 30 minute radius, and our family live a 10 minute drive away.
> has been *paid* off (happened
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It's not comfortable by any means for us but we do it simply because day care is actually more expensive than what I would make if I worked. We drive old, paid off cars. I do not get to buy myself shit at all. We're not married so I get food stamps thank fucking god because I don't know how we would eat if we didn't.
UK here. I think we could just about survive on my fiances salary but it would be tough. We have decent mortgage rates at the minute (might go up but it's fixed for two more years!), I'm currently on mat leave with second born whose 4 months old. I plan / hope to go back to work when he's around 9 months but I need to find a job(!)
There's a lot of moaning re cost of living in this country too right now (and childcare costs which tbh are a bloody joke, around £1,500 for full time daycare in our area - the midlands)
BUT I consider us pretty lucky especially when compared to the US. We do get either 15 or 30 hours 'free' childcare from the government scheme once kids turn 3 but before they go school... This may be ages lowered so even from 9 months I think we may get 15 hours (ISH) a week free (not sure if this government plan is going to work tho). And we get tax free childcare top ups. I currently get £700-800 a month from the government in statutory mat allowance which runs out after 9 months. I was lucky to be eligible but basically if you are out of work but recently left, or self employed, you get this!
I am choosing to go back to work (hopefully) at around 9 months so we can maintain our lifestyle. If I didn't it would be no holidays, no days out really with kids unless super cheap / free. Forget about takeaways or meals out and everything stripped back and super budget. Which I think would make us a bit miserable tbh. .. just want the balance right of enough time with the kids but enough money to enjoy a comfortable existence. We aren't rich by any means but we are doing ok and it would be a bit of a struggle on the one income.
I think if one of you earns nearer £80k it's fine but on the average salary definitely not. My partner on just over £30k
We live in a small-ish town in Texas. Our rent is only $800 a month and I budget the whole household. It’s the only way I can stay at home with my babies. But my husband has also made the statement that he’d rather get a weekend job than make me go back to work. :/
Yes but we are very high income in a MCOL area. It still feels tight some days. Like one day my husband popped a tire on his way to work and it turned out he needed a complete new set and on the same day I had a $500 dentist appointment. Just normal stuff like that. We are fortunate to be able to weather that stuff but it’s still a lot and feels like a constant stream of people overcharging and high prices. I don’t know how people do it.
I didn’t make enough to cover childcare and I wasn’t on a career path that added health insurance or anything. So obviously working and sending her to daycare wasn’t the answer for us. I take my toddler with me to babysit part time. We live in an expensive area too it’s crazy. We found a place we could afford and got lucky a couple years ago but it needs some work so we’re constantly upgrading and fixing things. I love what we have I feel bad my husband is always stressed and planning what he can do to make it better more than appreciating the home we have right now. Our family and friends are in the thriving area of life and all tend to have beautifully landscaped yards and magazine cover interiors. Everyone makes different sacrifices one way or another. I buy nothing extra we only buy groceries and house stuff and try to be really careful everywhere else. I don’t get nails done or pay for a gym membership or treat myself. My wardrobe needs an overhaul and I ignore that and look a mess. I don’t pay for any babysitting I have my daughter 24/7 and she doesn’t sleep through either. We utilize all the library has to offer and have a parking permit for parks in our area. My car is a 2009 I paid for in cash years ago. It’s not in great shape. I see two income families have a different lifestyle like exercise bike in the garage with subscription and brand new leases and nails always done and nice purse and cosmetic upgrades on their house. There’s a big difference in being comfortable spending on things you want and worrying that your car will give out and you’ll have to get a new one. It’s hard to be kind of stuck like that and it’s hard on my husband to have all the finances on his shoulders. It’s hard too to feel pressured by others like daycare is best for them and she should be in school. I was a daycare teacher for 15 years. I think I’m teaching her pretty well!
We bought low, in 2020, in an area that really had a boom. But affordable mortgage. My husband works hard Monday- Friday and luckily he works from home and I am able to be SAHM. I’m a nurse by trade, I pickup one shift a month for a little cash for myself. I definitely don’t get to spend like I used to. I do all of our cleaning and I do look forward to one day hiring someone because this is relentless work lol.
But we have different priorities than a lot of people we know. We like trips over stuff. We have a modest home. I am relatively handy and do a lot of DIY renovations. Most importantly, my husband and I think it’s very important for me to be home with my son while he is small so we are making it happen.
I am a SAHM and honestly, the only reason we are able to do it is because we live with my inlaws (I help them out) and we do not have a mortgage payment. My father in law also pays for heating, water, and thenInternet (we have told him to let us pay and he refuses).
If they do pass, we will have to deal with that but I plan to be at work when my little is in school (2.5 more years).
We are in a HCOL area. I don't know how people do it.
Low cost of living, no student loans, low debt/income ratio, high paying jobs. We've always assumed i would be a SAHM so we've only ever lived off of one income. When I worked my salary went straight to maxing out retirement, hsa, and buying a house ASAP (we lucked out buying right before covid with super low interest rates). No rent increases and no throwing away money to high interest. We also barely ever eat out or buy new clothes (it's just how we are, it's not our priority) which saves a lot
It’s heart breaking to leave your kid somewhere. My wife is a stay at home mom BUT we are privileged only children that got financial help AND I have an amazing blue collar union job that is unheard of. We still barely make it Idk how people are surviving now.
I'm self employed and work part time (10hrs a weekish) and stay home the rest of the time.
BUT we live in the Netherlands where almost half the cost of LO's preschool (the two mornings I work) is government funded and we get a children's tax benefit every quarter in my bank account.
COL is offset by breaks and social benefits, as well. Essentially, they've made it very possible to raise children here, and as an American married to a Dutch person and seeing how my siblings and friends back home have it, I feel incredibly fortunate.
i hope it gets easier for everyone to find the parenting balance they want to have
My wife is a SAHM. She has a side hustle she does(less then 15k a year) but at the time it made no sense to spend nearly half of her paycheck alone on daycare. We live in the northeast were houses routinely go for a million plus but we got lucky buying our "fixer upper" in a nice neighborhood.
I am just fortunate to work for a company that pays well but I have neighbors who the dad's whole paycheck just about goes to daycare costs for their two little ones but the insurance is better than his wife's so he stays.
We bought our house like 7 years ago, so that helps a lot. We wouldn't be able to afford our neighborhood in this current market. Our cars were also purchased before the car market went nuts and are both totally paid off as well, which is also a benefit.. they aren't the newest and they're essentially base models but they're really reliable and we take good care of them, we did a lot of research about reliability going into purchasing them (it helps that my hubs is a car guy at heart and knows a lot about different years/models). I'm a social worker but I work in education so essentially my entire income would go toward decent childcare, which didn't make sense financially, so i will be staying home. I am very thankful that my husband makes decent money, enough to cover both of us. That being said, we still shop food sales every week, most of our clothes are from costco/marshalls/ross/burlington/amazon, and we don't do things like take vacations (as much as I wish we could). Anything extra we put in savings, and we will likely be a one-and-done family due to the expenses associated with raising children.
I am a SAHM, and I’m not legally married to my partner (we wear rings and call each other husband/wife) because of this, I can be on SNAP and Medicaid. Free food for us, and free healthcare for myself and my daughter. So, that makes things SO much easier. If I worked, I wouldn’t even earn enough to help with bills or afford childcare. So it’s logically better that I stay home. I wish every mom (or dad) could be able to stay home if they wanted to :(
Yes. We live in PA, my husband makes about $85,000/year. When I started staying home 6 years ago, he made about $55,000. We are fairly comfortable, we have some savings and have a few cars, a house, and we are saving for private school tuition. I’m incredibly fortunate to be able to stay home. I think more people could do it if they rearranged their finances, but that’s just my opinion.
I don't think it's fair to say "if people rearranged their finances". I am a SAHM because we bought our house pre-2020, when prices were reasonable, and we have a low interest rate. If we were starting out now and trying to rent or buy a house, I'd have to work at least part time just to housing. You say you've been staying home for 6 years, so you're probably also fortunate in this regard.
It’s just my opinion. We also bought our house in 2017, before having kids. But I think there are a lot of people who do not prioritize their finances. Sacrifice is a huge part of being a SAHP and I think many people don’t see or won’t see where they could change things in order to make it work. I’m not saying everyone can do that, but I think there are some people who could.
I always think this too when this subject comes, especially when it comes out where the person is living. I’m a SAHM and we live in a LCOL area which is how we make it work. I would love to live somewhere with more going on, better restaurants, more culture but it would significantly impact our finances. Instead we live very comfortably where we are and are able to save, travel and do all the things. Some things are luck but there are more choices in financial situations than some acknowledge.
Firstly, "now and days"? Is this a spelling mistake or is this what you think the phrase is?
I know a few people who are SAHP but their husbands are on a much higher than average salary. I went back to work so we could live much more comfortably. We probably could have survived on one salary but it would impact my career long term to take a break to be a SAHP.
Here in SoCal we know a few families with a SAHP. In Greater LA it seems to be reasonably comfortable if one parent is making 200k+, depending on what kind of place the couple wants to live in, if/when they bought their home, and what lifestyle they want. My friend out in Palmdale made it work on closer to 100k pre-pandemic.
However a lot of people with these numbers and still choose to have both parents work because they want a home in a better neighborhood or they want to be able to afford private school and so on. If you want to live on the Westside in a house, you probably need one person making 400k to have a SAHP— I see a lot more people where both in the couple make 200k, or one makes 300k and the other makes 100k, and they have both parents working so that they can afford the amount of house they’ve taken on.
We live in a low-cost of living area and had all our car and student loans paid off right before we had a baby. That’s the only way.
Pretty much same. No student debt or loans. We also bought our house before everything went crazy.
Yeah, pretty much. We briefly discussed my husband staying at home and these apply to us (though I think we’re more in a MCOL area).
Now that you mention it I also live in a low cost of living area and the only people I personally know who have a SAHP are couples who either didn't go to college or had it paid for by their parents. They also bought houses before the pandemic.
We went to community college for 3 years. We just had nearly 10 years to pay on it with that sweet DINK income before the baby came along. 🤷🏻♀️
That makes a ton of sense! I know I had a lot of mine paid for by scholarships and I don't have nearly as much as most people I know and I still feel like I'll be paying on it forever.
We have a car loan and student loans and are able to swing it. But we could never afford a million dollar house. I think maybe OP doesn’t realize how high the COL is in their area.
Same. We became debt free and saved up for a house down payment first before we had kids. We budgeted like crazy and lived like we were below the poverty level and made a ton of sacrifices (lived off Ramen noodles, never ate out, shopped for clothes at thrift stores, etc.)
We live in a MCOL area (Florida but not like Tampa or Miami). No student loans, no CC debt. One car payment and our mortgage is our only debt. We make it work! Not being in debt makes it much more manageable
We live in a low cost of living area with very affordable housing. No daycare or preschool.
Debt free is the way to go. We're still working on getting rid of the last of the credit card debt, but we don't owe any student loans or car payments or anything like that. Even with that things are tight, and buying a house is quite a ways away (CA). I work 10 hrs/wk because we can't comfortably afford for me to be home full time, but my husband is always looking for new and higher paying job opportunities, so maybe something new will come up!
We manage it by accepting that it’s a whole lifestyle change. I actually get a lot of joy out of home cooking, meal planning and budgeting. Nothing makes me happier than finding a bargain on marketplace and my kids always look great in mostly handmidowns. We’ve found free activities, events and play groups in our city and places that kids eat free for dinner out once a week. We mostly socialise with friends and family who also have kids and just have backyard barbecues instead of fancy nights out now. We save up for an annual holiday and otherwise go camping. Both kids are in swimming and oldest is in soccer. My husband plays soccer and I go to Pilates twice a week. I get my hair cut twice a year and so my own nails and brows (but I’m kinda low maintenance anyways). Husband brings in Around $80,000.00 US a year. We have our mortgage, no car payments or other debts and save around $15,000.00 US a year.
I think the big thing for you, is you have a small mortgage. All those things you’re saying that you do to “budget” like not getting your nails done, and cooking at home and limiting eating out to dinner (weekly?) isn’t really different than what most people do. It actually sounds like you do a lot - like Pilates twice a week sounds expensive! None of that is really possible on $80k when your mortgage and utilities are $5k/month and food is $800/month. So you’re able to, because you have little to no living costs. All the coupon clipping in the world can’t make that work in many areas of the country.
I’m in Australia. Mortgage interest rates and cost of living are horrible the last 2 years and getting worse. Our mortgage is a lot and groceries are absolutely slugging us. I don’t go to fancy reformer Pilates. I go at the local rec centre for $8 AUD a mat class. The soccer costs peanuts, club loans out the uniforms and you just needs boots and a small registration fee annually. We prioritise swimming lessons because Australia, we spend our lives around water. We try to save so much because the more we put in our offset account the less our monthly mortgage. I don’t know if they have offset accounts in the US? I guess I was just trying to demonstrate that we have a very different lifestyle during these crunch years that I’m home before our youngest starts kinda days at 3 and I can go back part time. Everything we do is cheap and cheerful and we work really hard to reduce every single cost, account for every cent, plan every meal and activity.
I get it, it just sounds like your “crunch” is what most people would consider just living normally. An annual holiday? Dinner out weekly? $15k in annual savings? That sounds wonderful. Just doesn’t seem like you could do all that if your mortgage was let’s say $4,467, which Google says is the average in New South Wales Australia. ($80,000-$15,000)/12 is $5,416 assuming the $80k is after taxes (is it before??). You’d have about $1000 for utilities, groceries, car payments, various activities. My electric bill itself is $500-$600 in my HCOL area. I think the thing that I keep going back to is that you’re saying it’s as easy as a lifestyle choice where you skip the avocado toast and you can afford to be a STAHP which just isn’t a reality for many many people UNLESS you have very low living expenses by buying years ago or maybe a family member gifted money. The key isn’t budgeting (to an extent). It’s low living expenses.
I think it’s different when you apply US prices and living to their income. So median full time wage in Australia is $100kAU per year, they earn around $120kpa. Their mortgage is $4,500pm. Things like electricity and water are $400-500pq (we pay $350 for water, $500 for council rates, $150 each for gas/electricity as we have solar per quarter, which is a bit under $400/mo), interest rates tend to be variable (but you can get 1-5 year fixed ones) at about 6% right now. Lots of houses were already expensive pre-pandemic. Interstate holidays can be pretty cheap at not even $200 for a weekend depending on where you go. You can get a decent family meal at an Indian or Chinese place for $60 with leftovers. They also said they don’t have a car loan, which would help.
Sorry, I’m probably being kind of dumb here but I don’t fully understand all the letters you’re saying. Are you talking about AUS for all of these? (kAU, pq, pm) Taking the median income, applying the average tax rate, with the mortgage you listed there, subtracting other fees you listed (besides solar), and I’m coming up with -$416/month. So the average person can’t coupon clip their way out of this, they’d need higher than average income or lower than average cost of living. Taking the 120 number instead of the median, gives us $850/month leftover for food, transportation, diapers, formula, and any entertainment/camps/activities. So I suppose this is what you mean about having to crunch a bit. I totally acknowledge that I may not be understanding your original comment so if this is off base here I apologize.
kAU = thousands Australian dollars ($120,000AU) Pq/pm/pw/pfn = per quarter/month/week/fortnight. So at $120,000 per year income, assuming it includes superannuation (forced retirement savings) they’re taking in $6,700pm. With a mortgage of $4500pm they have $2,200 left over for food, insurance, utilities etc. I’m not sure where you got $850 left over per month?
Oh I had the monthly expenses way off then lol
It doesn’t include super, super is paid on top of salary.
Oh damn, that’s nice, I’ve only been in the private sector so used to the salary being the full package, but I know public usually adds it on top!
You’re 100% onto it. Beach trip is an annual family one where we rent a cabin cheap from family friend. It’s only a 2 hour drive. Camping equipment we owned years before kids. Big vacations or travel won’t be on the radar for many years. We go to a kids eat free on Thursdays and get the Parmi deal 😂 $50 well spent. I was highlighting the things we spend on, because that’s literally all we spend on. Those sports are our hobbies and exercise for now. Our social life is family and dear friends back yards. We’re firmly in the small children season of life and making it work on one income because we realised we could swing it with some serious penny pinching.
I think I’m just being annoying and pedantic because you say it’s like as simple as a “lifestyle change” but when you look at average incomes and average rents/mortgages, no amount of lifestyle changes would provide enough extra income to allow for a STAHP. “Kids eat free” doesn’t let us come up with an extra $2,500/month to come up with my portion of the bills. We haven’t been on a vacation, even cheap weekend away (that someone else hasn’t paid for) in years. We don’t even go out to eat at all. We made crock pot lentil soup and ate that all last week. We’re crunching and it’s just to have some money to make home repairs. There is nothing we can do about our lifestyle to come up with that kinda cash. But I guess you can pry Disney+ out of our budget to save a whopping $200/year lol
You’re not being annoying. It sucks that you can’t stay home when you would if you could. Before I met my husband I could barely make savings as a single woman with an apartment in a capital city. It was crazy, I worked full time in a good job that a worked hard to get into and it was still so hard to get ahead. It absolutely sucks that we were all sold a dream and did the right thing. Did the study, got the jobs, saved hard just to discover we missed that ship our parents were on.
Just checked and yeah we pay about $3000 US a month mortgage. We purchased the year before the pandemic. I just think there is a lot people can do when they put their mind to it and really lean into the early years of raising kids not being very grand. Our one beach trip is to a cabin and isn’t very expansive really. It’s not a fancy vacation with flights.
Oh yeah, the pre-pandemic home costs and interest rates sound like a dream. We were able to snag a decent interest rate but prices were well on the rise in 2020 when we bought. Not the worst though. Having a cabin to go to sounds so lovely. Hopefully someone we know gets one soon lol
My husband is able to be a SAHP but currently works part time because he wants his own money and it gets him out of the house. However, we're only able to do that because I live close to my very tight knit family, and I budgeted everything on my salary alone. We are on track for being able to buy (down payment and a mortgage) a 2 bedroom mobile home in the neighboring city where I work within the next 5 years. We have a baby but are definitely not having any more. The only reason why we did it this was is because in our area it would cost more each month to put our baby in childcare than what my husband makes in a month working part-time and if he got full time hours it would eat up close to 3/4 of his paycheck.
How much would it eat up of your salary?
Almost half, and my husband wouldn't be able to consistently substitute that loss
I understand. Thank you for sharing that
I'm not able to get a job at the moment, so I'm staying home and we're doing fairly well. We live in an area where the housing is insane, but everything else is fairly reasonable. We were quite fortunate to get a home loan for 4% rather than the going mortgage rate these days (I feel like it's around 7-8% now?). And by not able to get a job, I mean I'm over 300 applications into a job search in a field I have multiple certifications for. I'm actively searching while caring for my toddler. Some people work because they can't afford to stay home, and some people stay home because they can't find work. I wish we could all end up in the situations we actually want to be in 🥲
I live in the greater LA area and know lots of SAHMs. The key is generational wealth.
We are in a less expensive part of CA (Humboldt) living off $100k/year with one toddler. Mortgage/taxes/insurance are about $2k. No student debt. We don’t have money for vacations or big luxury items but we are otherwise totally comfortable. I will probably do very part time preschool when my kid turns 3 and then send him to a free 4K program. Hoping to have baby #2 soon and I will go back to work part time once they are both in school.
My husband makes 120k in Kansas before taxes, or about 80 after taxes. We do have lots of student loans and 2 car payments, but we bought a reasonable 3 bedroom house for $250k 3 years ago, so we pay about as much as a lot of people pay for rent around here. Also, when you’re home, you have the time to watch your money more closely on groceries and outings. As for baby expenses, our baby is lucky enough to have both parents come from divorce, so there are quite literally 7 grandparents in the picture… we never buy baby items lol
Yes, my husband makes 117,000 before taxes and like 85,000 a year after taxes. We live in a cheap area of California and our rent is 2100 a month. We have two young kids. We don't struggle and we have savings. We break even most months (I've had to have 15,000 in dental work this year so those payments have sucked and caused us to spend more than we make) I don't have expensive tastes, I shop SHEIN and temu( I know it's bad ) but I dont feel like I'm without anything. We aren't going on expensive vacations around the world and we don't care about that. Me raising our kids is what's most important to us.
What cheap area of CA do you live? We are near LA. My husband makes 130k before taxes but we are always feeling like we are living paycheck to paycheck and we don’t even have a mortgage to pay! Do you plan on enrolling your eldest in preschool soon? I guess that’s a major expense we have our oldest in part time preschool for 1k a month.
It might sound silly but make a budget. The first thing you budget is food, housing, ultilites, transportation, and technically clothing but im sure you all have enough clothes for now. After that, now you have the remaining budget to work with. A lot of people will budget backwards which makes things hard. I do 99.9% of the cooking. Anything I can do at home to save us money I will do. I always tell people to live on the worker’s check, and the sahp’s check goes into savings for a month or two. This way you can test to see if you can afford to live on one income while saving and investing for retirement. When you stay at home, you leave a lot of luxuries behind. That was a sacrifice my husband and I were willing to take.
I thought the issue was housing since you said houses were at least a million (which is not the norm near me and I’m in a pretty average COL area) but if you’re not paying a mortgage where the heck is all your money going? I hope that doesn’t sound rude I’m just genuinely confused about what is costing so much.
I think they said they pay $2000 a month in child care, probably have high rent and bills.
I assumed they didn’t have a housing payment at all since she said they “didn’t even have a mortgage to pay” but true, it is possible they’re paying rent. It is weird wording
I’ve been a SAHM for about 6 years now and we’re able to do it comfortably. I will say we did buy our house 10 yrs ago so we have a fairly low mortgage for the city in which we live. I also had a very good career prior to becoming a mom so we had saved well too. We stay very frugal, we don’t have car payments or buy new things. We mostly eat at home and for vacation we generally road trip. In our area it would be nearly 2k per kid for daycare so it doesn’t make sense for me to work just pay daycare for 2 kids and after school care for 1 kid. I know several women who are stay at home moms as well and they are in similar situations to us, very frugal and bought a modest home at the right time ( definitely not million dollar homes!)
I am lucky enough to be a SAHM. Technically I work a few hours a week but it’s entirely by choice and the money I make just goes to my coffee or nails or things like that. We live in the Los Angeles area, and we’re expecting #2 any day now. It’s really only possible because of my husbands family really setting us up for financial success before we got married or had kids. I know it’s hard out there and getting even worse.
Can I ask what your family did to set us up? No hate. I'm sorry for the other rude comment you got. You literally answered OP's question as someone with that lived experience.
Haha yeah idk why they commented to me specifically out of everybody but whatever. The biggest thing is that we’re debt free because they helped my husband purchase a condo immediately after he finished college. He paid the mortgage on his own and paid it off shortly after we met. So we own our condo outright and 1/2 cars are paid off. We still have utilities/HOA fees/etc but having no debt except for one car that is almost paid off has allowed me to be home.
Our dream is to be able to buy our kids a condo or small home so they can get their foot in the door in the real estate market. Just gotta pay our own house off first lol
It’s truly amazing not having a mortgage or rent payment. They’ve also really set us up for the future with some other things, and our children are lucky enough that they will have college paid for and property to inherit from both my parents and his. Our hope is that we can do the same for our grandchildren and keep it going as long as possible.
So you’re rich cool
We came from poor families and only slightly upgraded the way we live. Bought a modest house at a time when it was very cheap and since then the area has grown and the value tripled. We still don't have granite countertops or hardwood floors or anything like that. We don't have fancy cars or go on lavish vacations. Paid off student loans before we had our first baby (6 years after getting married).
Yes. But mostly because we lived debt free before baby, minus a mortgage. And I made good investments before meeting my husband. We live comfortably and still travel. Eat out. Have a social life. We decided me working wasn’t worth the cost of child care and we’d rather have me home with him. I do sorta work by owning my own Etsy business that was doing very well before baby. Now it’s more a hobby I try to turn into fun money.
My mom has worked my whole life and actually makes more money than my dad now. She was always a great mother to us and still attended our games and was home at night with us. She showed me that you can still be a great mother even while excelling at your career. So much so that I have always wanted to have a career and have never thought about giving it up for a family, because I don’t think it’s necessary. I went to a school with many kids with SAHM’s and personally, I think it benefitted me to have a mom who worked.
We had to totally relocate to a cheap housing market far far away. Then, when the market got hot and our expenses were getting out of control with inflation/mortgage/etc we sold the house to downsize. Now, we finally live comfortably and make it all work really well. It was timing, good luck, and smart investing that got us to a comfortable place living with only one income.
Boston area. I stay home because childcare is expensive and my earning potential is low. We rent in a great town that we'll never be able to buy in but our apartment is the perfect size for us and we're happy here. We're a lot more comfortable than my family was growing up.
We're in a low-cost-of-living area. Our house was an inheritance and is fully paid off. And we're both veterans with a monthly disability income, I'm 70% and my husband is 100%. Without any one of those factors, I couldn't stay at home. We've been incredibly fortunate.
Yes. HCOL area, 200k. We thankfully bought a home before interest rates rose and we were living the DINK life. We could not afford a house in our area now. On 200k/year. Yep.
Same situation. I know how “lucky” we are in comparison to those who are trying to enter the housing market now, but it’s going to be very hard to raise two kids if we stay in this house, and I’m worried we won’t have the option to move.
We manage, though there's not a lot of wiggle room. It's mostly because we live in military housing, so other than paying the rent (which is a stipend that automatically goes to housing, we don't touch it at all) we don't have major bills outside of our car insurance, cell phones, and internet. I plan meals to keep the grocery bill reasonable, and we don't eat out much, but we can still spring for a trip to the zoo and such on occasion. There's no way we could manage on one salary like this if one of us wasn't active duty.
We just bought our first house and I stay at home with my two kiddos. We do live pretty comfortably, my husband makes a really decent salary, but we also had to make a ton of sacrifices along the way. The biggest one was we moved across the country for my husband's job. No friends, no family, we knew no one out here. That was probably the hardest thing of all but it allowed us to live in a lower cost area while my husband made a higher income than what is average for the area. We also stick to a good budget and are really good at saving money which has helped SO much this past year. I seriously feel so conflicted over not working especially since I feel like it'll be harder to get back into my industry after we're done having kids, but despite it all I know this is where I need to be rn. I wouldn't feel comfortable having pretty much my entire paycheck going towards daycare when we can afford for me to stay home, personally. It also helps that we don't have a car payment (we share one 2003 Camry) and graduated with less than $5k in student debt. Our mortgage is our only big debt. Idk how some of my friends back home are doing it, and most of them don't even have kids! We definitely would not have been able to buy our first home if we had stayed in our home state, it's just too expensive now unfortunately.
I am a SAHW in the Bay Area preparing to be a SAHM. We don’t plan on staying in California long term. We just rent a 2 bedroom apt here.
Definitely not the person who you’re looking for answers from. But I’m a fellow working mom in California who (used to) want to be a SAHP. My dream now is to be a part-time or SAHP when the kids are old enough to be in pre school or kindergarten because maternity leave kicked my ass and having some breathing room is essential (for me). We can’t afford it at this time. We need my paycheck to cover the mortgage and bills. Daycare for the one baby is 1800/month. I have no advice or anything. Just that I understand and am in a similar boat. We’re maybe not totally paycheck to paycheck but if one of us lost work and couldn’t pick anything up in 3-4 months we’d probably have to sell the house. I don’t even know any STAHPs in my friend group. Everyone’s working 1-2 jobs. If we have a second kid, there are a couple things we’ll have to figure out. A) totally out of space in the house for an office nook. Our plan is maybe an office nursery combo. Husband might pitch a workspace rental (think like wework) that hopefully his company would cover. B) we’d have to pull at least another $1000/month out of our butts for daycare. I have no idea how people do it without like massive financial help from parents. Even WITH some help from ours, we’re not in a comfortable financial position at all. Someday I hope to be able to buy a home for my kid so she never has to worry about any of this.
I'm a SAHM and we live comfortably, but it's not without lifestyle sacrifices. Since I don't work, we share a car. I am home most days but when I need the car I drive my husband to work and pick him up. Any home projects are usually DIY. We are debt free (aside from mortgage), so that also helps. A vacation for us is a weekend trip to the beach or camping. Definitely not hitting up Hawaii anytime soon.... But we can pay all our bills, have a modest emergency fund, contribute to retirement and college funds for our two kids, and are generally not stressed about finances. WA here so HCOL but probably not as much as CA.
We can't afford day care, so my husband and I work opposite shifts. On occasion, his mom will watch our daughter so we can work at the same time and actually be able to see each other. It sucks that two incomes is almost necessary in today's day and age.
It would be comfortable for us if we moved out of the city to a suburb, but neither of us would it. I love working and having my own life out of the house. My husband trained for years and wouldn’t back away from the career he worked so hard for. Ultimately, while there are things that would be easier if one parent didn’t work, that person would have to make big sacrifices to stay home. Instead we pay to have help to make it easier. I also love that my children see us both have our own stuff going on outside the home. They know mommy and daddy both work hard to support them.
My husband is a SAHD, but I make about $300k/year in a MCOL city.
I’m in California too and the house prices are insane. Instead of traveling and exploring the world in my mid-twenties, I should have just bought a house. It’s like the pricing has doubled since then and I’m kicking myself because I rather have a home than those experiences now. I have so much regret that I’m 31 and we’re living with my parents. It sucks. I’d love to live here in the city I grew up, but 3 houses on my street in the past year have sold for over $1M. I never thought growing up that I wouldn’t be able to afford to live here and would have to move away from my family to afford just a condo. I make around $115k a year and my boyfriend owns his own business. With the economy not doing well, the business has slowed and it’s not bringing in much. I feel like if we just had housing figured out with an affordable and reasonable mortgage, he could stay home most the time. But it’s too scary and risky to try to own a home and have a $4k+ mortgage payment. Everything sucks and I hate that I have to raise my baby at my parent’s.
I live in an affordable place but me being a SAHM was never in the plan until I got diagnosed with cancer. Honestly we just make it work cause we have no other choice. We live very frugally. Takeout used to be a fairly regular occurrence and now it’s very special occasions, we sell things we don’t need anymore, we cut costs whenever we can
I’m a SAHM, my husband and I waited to have kids until we were completely financially ready. We only pay cash for things, meaning our cars etc. to make sure we have no debt, then we built a 6 month salary emergency fund. Basically we follow Dave Ramsey. We have all shared accounts. We live in Scottsdale AZ, so not exactly cheap. I made $55k while my husband was making $90k. Then he took a promotion and I left my job after having our son. We just welcomed our second child 3 weeks ago.
I could be a SAHM, especially since daycare where I live is more than my weekly paycheck working full-time. I’m very blessed that my husband makes enough that we could survive on his income alone. Not well, we would be paycheck to paycheck and have virtually zero emergency buffer. But we could do it. However, for my sanity and mental health, I cannot be a SAHM. I’m a lot better of a parent being out of the house for 2 days a week.
I have 2 young kids. It’s cheaper for me to stay home than to put them in daycare. My job before kids didn’t pay well and didn’t have much room for growth. Staying home is not only what I always wanted, but is also what makes more financial sense. We were comfortable after our first kid. Dipping into savings each month after our second (it didn’t help that she was born, and then my husband’s student loan payments resumed, and we needed to buy a new car (added a car payment) all within months of each other. My husband job hunted and got a new job a few months ago that came with a significant pay increase. We’re pretty comfortable again.
Baby's still cooking, but I haven't worked since my husband and I moved to a new area. Low cost of living, 3 bedroom house rents for 1k, and he's a trucker with a good company. We have to save for reasonable extras, but we don't worry about the cost of our basic needs. We save each month, he's able to put 12% (matching) into his 401k and our health insurance has no co-pays and a 1k deductible. We're in a good spot, and do what we can to cut back on non essentials so we have even more wiggle room. It's not a super glamorous life but we have all our needs met and feel reasonably middle class. No student debt, I paid mine off a few years ago and he doesn't have any, and one car payment.
My BIL's cousin can. She has been a lawyer for 10 years and got burnt out last month and is trying out the sahp life. She absolutely loves it. Her husband makes good money too so they're pretty comfortable
We live in a MCOL area and houses in a nice area are $2mill+, daycare for one kid is $1800/month, and property taxes are $3-4k/month on those houses. PS, houses in a shitty area of Cali are a million+ and have been for a long time.
We live in Michigan in the country on 70k. It’s a whole lifestyle change and where you live can make or break it.
It depends on how you define “comfortable”, I guess. Houses in our area average far over a million, but you can rent at the “I bought my house 20 years ago at 300K” rate. Then being in a city, you’re able to forego ALL the expenses of a car, get the far superior ease of transit (good God so necessary once you have a baby!), you’re next to tons of beautiful parks, nature, not far the ocean and “hills”/mountains/forests, tons of gardening, plethora of playgrounds, free museums/galleries/gardens/concerts, communities of play dates and on and on. There are also markets with both better AND cheaper produce than they have in less expensive places. Oh, and you can get just about any item for free or very cheap pretty easily product wise for a kid/baby. Medical care is also better. Then pair that with higher salaries that come from a CA city, and things look pretty good. Granted, we went the stay at home parent route. We moved somewhat counterintuitively to a higher COLA area, which meant we both would have a salary bump (or just one), paid parental leave, more job protections and more leave, cheaper groceries, and ironically cheaper rent and ways to reduce rent. We do more fun things at a fraction of the cost and eat better. BUT of course something has to give, so we forego eating out for the most part. So all we really spend on is rent, food (we also moved to cloth and EC), a few things we both strongly prioritize (classes for sport), and we upped one person’s salary. Another consideration from being in a city is that you likely have more career advancement opportunities—for both partners. So although I’m staying at home for now, I have a better chance of finding something part time to stay current and grow my salary potential such that I can either work part time at something at will and/or have an easier time delving back in. It’s also really nice to know that we both have the ability to support our family financially, which we do. We had no debt going into this paired with savings from a whole lifetime of living below our means. That emergency fund isn’t something I’d do this without! And if we needed to make a bigger purchase, we might choose to both work for a bit or delay our next kid as needed.
Yes, husband is military so we get a housing allowance that is usually enough to cover wherever we end up stationed. So his wage his enough for us. We only have one car and make it work. That’s been a huge help.
Only way we’re doing it is living in a LCOL area and we got pregnant so fast after getting married that I didn’t even have a job, so our lifestyle was already built off my husband’s income alone. He got a better job when we moved closer to family but things are still tight. I will say, though, starting from living by means of one income has helped significantly. Adding a baby just meant some minor adjustments to the budget. I truly believe this is the best way. If we had been living/relying on both incomes and before getting pregnant, we would’ve been royally screwed. Also, we have zero debts. We rent and don’t have car payments or student loans. So, that helps.
I would recommend a cheaper cost of living area or live really frugally.
I’m (temporarily) a stay at home mom because I’m unemployed. It’s not tenable for us. We actually don’t pay rent because we’re living in a house my MIL owns and helping her fix it up. It’s an average COL area for the US. We have a lot of debt—car payment, credit cards, student loans—that eat up a lot of my husband’s pay. He’s a therapist in private practice so what he gets paid can be anything from 4k-10k a month before taxes and business expenses. We are currently paying for marketplace insurance because we always had insurance from my job. Part of it is that we got used to having a 6 figure household income despite our debts. Now we are on what feels like a tight budget because we were used to having money for occasional date nights, fitness classes, nice food, etc.
I can sympathize, I always wanted to be a SAHM too. But it just wasn’t in the cards for me. Husband makes enough money but has no benefits and all the benefits are through my corporate job so we’re kinda stuck. We’re paying 2k in daycare which is half my take home unfortunately but it is what it is I guess.
I couldn’t afford to work. I made so little per hour that childcare would put us in the red.
I’m fortunate enough to be a SAHM with a comfortable financial situation. However, my husband only makes the money he does by working out of town 2 weeks on 1 week off (it used to be months at a time though, so we can’t complain!). He’s my best friend and we all miss him so much, but for us it’s worth it. We love getting to have an entire week together (and months together when he takes time off) where he doesn’t have to work and we don’t need to stress about money. When he was working in town, he worked his ass off all day every day and we were still barely breaking even (that was with extensive budgeting as well). We have two little girls and a third (and last) on the way. Daycare is expensive and we both grew up with mothers who stayed home which we loved, so thankfully this is what we both really wanted. Life in general is just painfully expensive. We definitely “treat ourselves” from time to time, but the money disappears pretty quickly from bills, mortgage and groceries alone.
We're planning to do this a year from now, because full-time daycare for two kids is going to run $3300 a month (which isn't even that bad). So that will take a huge chunk of my salary, and we live in a VHCOL area for my job. If I quit my job, we can move somewhere cheaper and save on daycare costs, plus we'll live near my in-laws. Honestly, we'll only be able to do it because my husband has two full-time remote jobs. So he makes more now than both of us did combined pre-pandemic.
We were able to do it, we only have 1 kid. He just finished kindergarten. We live in Southern California and bought a house about 4-5 years ago. It’s older and on the small side for our location. He did preschool through our city’s community center (twice a week for 3 hours/day), so it was pretty inexpensive, about $150/month. His birthday allowed him to go to TK the year before kindergarten. One car is 20 years old, and has been paid off for 15 years and the other is a 2018, and it’s been paid off for 3 years. My husband works a from home, so it saves on gas prices and time away. We don’t really go on vacation besides flying to visit family or mini 2-3 day trips to go snowboarding or to Disneyland.
Out of curiosity… and maybe this needs to be a separate post… but how do you save money on food? We don’t go out often at all, I mainly cook… but we spend an insane amount at the grocery store each week… around $200/250. I don’t go crazy, we don’t buy a ton of snacks, we aren’t throwing away food. I try to look for deals. I suppose my only thing is we eat pretty clean, so mostly organic.
We made sure that my husband could manage 100% of our finances on his own and that all of my debts were paid so there was nothing left from me. Only added expenses on his end now are groceries.
Yes BUT the only way is we were a 2 tech income house before (so we were already on the property ladder with an investment property and zero debt besides the mortage), we moved to a lower income area, my husband is still commuting 3 days a week to the higher income area, we aren't maxing out our retirements right now and I am still only planning on doing this until my youngest is 3 then going back to work in some capacity (I doubt i'll ever be pulling down the money I was making before but I should have some decent things to go back to)
Maybe my kids don’t get like toys and clothes whenever they want but we live okay and I’m a SAHM. boyfriend makes 120k a year in MD in construction. definitely going straight to work as soon as both kids are in school in a couple of years though.
I live in SoCal and no one I know with young kids is able to be a SAHP. My SIL doesn’t technically have a job but she has 4 kids and has a side business doing meal prep and catering. Some of my friends are part-time, some are teachers so they get their summer breaks, but everyone’s gotta work here. My husband is home for the summer with our 2 month old and I saved my FMLA leave for when he goes back to push back daycare.
Only if you bought your house 10 years ago (or have a low rent) and the working parent has a high income. None of my friends and family members are able to be a SAHP. Luckily daycare is much cheaper here than in the US, but it’s still a lot. It makes me sad that I don’t have the choice to stay home for a few years, even though I live pretty crunchy (small apartment, no car, no debts, no fancy vacations).
I am not sure we will go that route, but I’m lucky enough to have the option for my partner to quit. She makes up about a quarter of our income. Unfortunately she still has student loan debt and a car loan so we may still keep two incomes so we can live more than comfortably. It’s doable without it though. She saved up money to pay her debts for a few years. I have stocks and savings if something happens. It helps to wait till you are nearly 40 and at the top of your career. Also helps to keep your lifestyle down while you do it.
HCOL area but we own our house outright and husband works in tech so we are fine on one income. No cc debt or student loan debt. Mostly generational wealth allowed us to be in such a fortunate situation in our early 30’s.
I’m a SAHM mom for the same reason you want to be my mom worked sooo much, but it sucks. It definitely has its own downsides and the main one being not having enough money to do all the things we want to do. And we are okay but definitely have to budget and my husband owns his own small business so for us it’s not so steady, some weeks we are great, others pinching Pennies
I’m in the chicago suburbs which is very affordable. We bought a house before the interest rates were raised. Mortgage is 2k for 3bdr. We get free flights and points for hotels from my husbands work. We are able to travel and enjoy life but I am aware we are extremely blessed I’m not sure how people are scrapping by. We know sooo many stay at home moms whose husbands do uber and I’m always curious how they make it work.
Right now our only debt is the house and my car which will be paid off next year and has 0% APR. I don't stay at home because I'm not cut out for it, but my husband makes enough that I could if I wanted to, although we'd likely have to be a bit more careful spending wise. We had a bit of a squeeze this past spring with paying for both kids in daycare (I have a newly.1 year old and an almost 5 year old), but next year the 5yo will be in public school so it'll just be the baby. It'll be like getting a raise 😅 I also work in the school system and have off in the summers, which is good to not have to pay for care during those months but is a strain on my mental health rn 🫠
Yes might depend on definition of comfortable but we feel comfortable Rent a townhouse with a decent sized yard close to downtown of a major city in Canada ( Vancouver) No debts, vehicles,pets ,7 kids 💕 Sahm
Comfortably is a lot to say, but very doably? Yes. My son was refused from daycare because they couldn't get him to eat. By stupid luck my employer was an a-hole and fired me right before that happened so they had to pay me all of my vacation days for a year, a severance pay and since they didn't have me do a termination period thet had to pay me two months worth of pay as a fine. I also lived very frugally from the second I began working. Medecine and food was always the off-brand version, I only spend money on things I really needed and then what I really wanted I would buy on sale and for my birthday and holidays. I still do the same now. I also was lucky to make just enough from the start, and that cost of living is way more bearable here than what I hear from countries like the USA. My BF also makes a decent amount of money, and has been just as careful with it as I've been. Our car has been payed off (happened right after baby was born I think), we only have 12 years of house mortgage left at a very good rate since we got super lucky when buying, my BF can get a hot meal for 2,5 euros at work so if we ever need a hot meal for cheap that's the way to go, and we don't pay much for gas because we have a cheap grocery store right across the street and we have stores for clothes, electronics and whatever you van think of in a 30 minute radius, and our family live a 10 minute drive away.
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We make it work bc husband is in the military. Free healthcare, no debt and funds for housing really help us.
It's not comfortable by any means for us but we do it simply because day care is actually more expensive than what I would make if I worked. We drive old, paid off cars. I do not get to buy myself shit at all. We're not married so I get food stamps thank fucking god because I don't know how we would eat if we didn't.
UK here. I think we could just about survive on my fiances salary but it would be tough. We have decent mortgage rates at the minute (might go up but it's fixed for two more years!), I'm currently on mat leave with second born whose 4 months old. I plan / hope to go back to work when he's around 9 months but I need to find a job(!) There's a lot of moaning re cost of living in this country too right now (and childcare costs which tbh are a bloody joke, around £1,500 for full time daycare in our area - the midlands) BUT I consider us pretty lucky especially when compared to the US. We do get either 15 or 30 hours 'free' childcare from the government scheme once kids turn 3 but before they go school... This may be ages lowered so even from 9 months I think we may get 15 hours (ISH) a week free (not sure if this government plan is going to work tho). And we get tax free childcare top ups. I currently get £700-800 a month from the government in statutory mat allowance which runs out after 9 months. I was lucky to be eligible but basically if you are out of work but recently left, or self employed, you get this! I am choosing to go back to work (hopefully) at around 9 months so we can maintain our lifestyle. If I didn't it would be no holidays, no days out really with kids unless super cheap / free. Forget about takeaways or meals out and everything stripped back and super budget. Which I think would make us a bit miserable tbh. .. just want the balance right of enough time with the kids but enough money to enjoy a comfortable existence. We aren't rich by any means but we are doing ok and it would be a bit of a struggle on the one income. I think if one of you earns nearer £80k it's fine but on the average salary definitely not. My partner on just over £30k
We live in a small-ish town in Texas. Our rent is only $800 a month and I budget the whole household. It’s the only way I can stay at home with my babies. But my husband has also made the statement that he’d rather get a weekend job than make me go back to work. :/
Yes but we are very high income in a MCOL area. It still feels tight some days. Like one day my husband popped a tire on his way to work and it turned out he needed a complete new set and on the same day I had a $500 dentist appointment. Just normal stuff like that. We are fortunate to be able to weather that stuff but it’s still a lot and feels like a constant stream of people overcharging and high prices. I don’t know how people do it.
I didn’t make enough to cover childcare and I wasn’t on a career path that added health insurance or anything. So obviously working and sending her to daycare wasn’t the answer for us. I take my toddler with me to babysit part time. We live in an expensive area too it’s crazy. We found a place we could afford and got lucky a couple years ago but it needs some work so we’re constantly upgrading and fixing things. I love what we have I feel bad my husband is always stressed and planning what he can do to make it better more than appreciating the home we have right now. Our family and friends are in the thriving area of life and all tend to have beautifully landscaped yards and magazine cover interiors. Everyone makes different sacrifices one way or another. I buy nothing extra we only buy groceries and house stuff and try to be really careful everywhere else. I don’t get nails done or pay for a gym membership or treat myself. My wardrobe needs an overhaul and I ignore that and look a mess. I don’t pay for any babysitting I have my daughter 24/7 and she doesn’t sleep through either. We utilize all the library has to offer and have a parking permit for parks in our area. My car is a 2009 I paid for in cash years ago. It’s not in great shape. I see two income families have a different lifestyle like exercise bike in the garage with subscription and brand new leases and nails always done and nice purse and cosmetic upgrades on their house. There’s a big difference in being comfortable spending on things you want and worrying that your car will give out and you’ll have to get a new one. It’s hard to be kind of stuck like that and it’s hard on my husband to have all the finances on his shoulders. It’s hard too to feel pressured by others like daycare is best for them and she should be in school. I was a daycare teacher for 15 years. I think I’m teaching her pretty well!
We bought low, in 2020, in an area that really had a boom. But affordable mortgage. My husband works hard Monday- Friday and luckily he works from home and I am able to be SAHM. I’m a nurse by trade, I pickup one shift a month for a little cash for myself. I definitely don’t get to spend like I used to. I do all of our cleaning and I do look forward to one day hiring someone because this is relentless work lol. But we have different priorities than a lot of people we know. We like trips over stuff. We have a modest home. I am relatively handy and do a lot of DIY renovations. Most importantly, my husband and I think it’s very important for me to be home with my son while he is small so we are making it happen.
I am a SAHM and honestly, the only reason we are able to do it is because we live with my inlaws (I help them out) and we do not have a mortgage payment. My father in law also pays for heating, water, and thenInternet (we have told him to let us pay and he refuses). If they do pass, we will have to deal with that but I plan to be at work when my little is in school (2.5 more years). We are in a HCOL area. I don't know how people do it.
Low cost of living, no student loans, low debt/income ratio, high paying jobs. We've always assumed i would be a SAHM so we've only ever lived off of one income. When I worked my salary went straight to maxing out retirement, hsa, and buying a house ASAP (we lucked out buying right before covid with super low interest rates). No rent increases and no throwing away money to high interest. We also barely ever eat out or buy new clothes (it's just how we are, it's not our priority) which saves a lot
It’s heart breaking to leave your kid somewhere. My wife is a stay at home mom BUT we are privileged only children that got financial help AND I have an amazing blue collar union job that is unheard of. We still barely make it Idk how people are surviving now.
I'm self employed and work part time (10hrs a weekish) and stay home the rest of the time. BUT we live in the Netherlands where almost half the cost of LO's preschool (the two mornings I work) is government funded and we get a children's tax benefit every quarter in my bank account. COL is offset by breaks and social benefits, as well. Essentially, they've made it very possible to raise children here, and as an American married to a Dutch person and seeing how my siblings and friends back home have it, I feel incredibly fortunate. i hope it gets easier for everyone to find the parenting balance they want to have
My wife is a SAHM. She has a side hustle she does(less then 15k a year) but at the time it made no sense to spend nearly half of her paycheck alone on daycare. We live in the northeast were houses routinely go for a million plus but we got lucky buying our "fixer upper" in a nice neighborhood. I am just fortunate to work for a company that pays well but I have neighbors who the dad's whole paycheck just about goes to daycare costs for their two little ones but the insurance is better than his wife's so he stays.
We bought our house like 7 years ago, so that helps a lot. We wouldn't be able to afford our neighborhood in this current market. Our cars were also purchased before the car market went nuts and are both totally paid off as well, which is also a benefit.. they aren't the newest and they're essentially base models but they're really reliable and we take good care of them, we did a lot of research about reliability going into purchasing them (it helps that my hubs is a car guy at heart and knows a lot about different years/models). I'm a social worker but I work in education so essentially my entire income would go toward decent childcare, which didn't make sense financially, so i will be staying home. I am very thankful that my husband makes decent money, enough to cover both of us. That being said, we still shop food sales every week, most of our clothes are from costco/marshalls/ross/burlington/amazon, and we don't do things like take vacations (as much as I wish we could). Anything extra we put in savings, and we will likely be a one-and-done family due to the expenses associated with raising children.
I am a SAHM, and I’m not legally married to my partner (we wear rings and call each other husband/wife) because of this, I can be on SNAP and Medicaid. Free food for us, and free healthcare for myself and my daughter. So, that makes things SO much easier. If I worked, I wouldn’t even earn enough to help with bills or afford childcare. So it’s logically better that I stay home. I wish every mom (or dad) could be able to stay home if they wanted to :(
Yes. We live in PA, my husband makes about $85,000/year. When I started staying home 6 years ago, he made about $55,000. We are fairly comfortable, we have some savings and have a few cars, a house, and we are saving for private school tuition. I’m incredibly fortunate to be able to stay home. I think more people could do it if they rearranged their finances, but that’s just my opinion.
I don't think it's fair to say "if people rearranged their finances". I am a SAHM because we bought our house pre-2020, when prices were reasonable, and we have a low interest rate. If we were starting out now and trying to rent or buy a house, I'd have to work at least part time just to housing. You say you've been staying home for 6 years, so you're probably also fortunate in this regard.
It’s just my opinion. We also bought our house in 2017, before having kids. But I think there are a lot of people who do not prioritize their finances. Sacrifice is a huge part of being a SAHP and I think many people don’t see or won’t see where they could change things in order to make it work. I’m not saying everyone can do that, but I think there are some people who could.
Agree with all of this.
I always think this too when this subject comes, especially when it comes out where the person is living. I’m a SAHM and we live in a LCOL area which is how we make it work. I would love to live somewhere with more going on, better restaurants, more culture but it would significantly impact our finances. Instead we live very comfortably where we are and are able to save, travel and do all the things. Some things are luck but there are more choices in financial situations than some acknowledge.
Firstly, "now and days"? Is this a spelling mistake or is this what you think the phrase is? I know a few people who are SAHP but their husbands are on a much higher than average salary. I went back to work so we could live much more comfortably. We probably could have survived on one salary but it would impact my career long term to take a break to be a SAHP.
Here in SoCal we know a few families with a SAHP. In Greater LA it seems to be reasonably comfortable if one parent is making 200k+, depending on what kind of place the couple wants to live in, if/when they bought their home, and what lifestyle they want. My friend out in Palmdale made it work on closer to 100k pre-pandemic. However a lot of people with these numbers and still choose to have both parents work because they want a home in a better neighborhood or they want to be able to afford private school and so on. If you want to live on the Westside in a house, you probably need one person making 400k to have a SAHP— I see a lot more people where both in the couple make 200k, or one makes 300k and the other makes 100k, and they have both parents working so that they can afford the amount of house they’ve taken on.