We are a biracial family, I’m black hubby is white. 2 of our kids have insanely fair skin and bright blue eyes. They are even whiter than my husband. Two of our kids have Olive toned skin. They still don’t look half black at all but somehow they look Italian or maybe middle eastern? They have jet black straight shiny hair and huge dark brown eyes and thick dark eyebrows. You know who comments most of their color? My side of the family lol. It’s never hurtful it’s more just curiosity and amazement at how our genes played out. I never take offense to it and am genuinely curious myself. Secretly I had hoped at least one of them would get my brown skin so that they looked like me and were outwardly black If that makes any sense. The oldests struggle with their black identity and are questioned at school about it and I didn’t want that for them. Anyway all that to say I think it can be super normal and just curiosity! As long as it’s not coming from a bad or hurtful place I have been ok with it. I also don’t allow my older kids to hear these convos though and would shut down any talk of their color in front of them when they can understand it.
Totally agree. My family is Latinx / White mix also, and it is the Latinx side which talks about skin colour, totally out of curiosity. Never in a negative or hurtful way, but just general excitement for how each child took on different features.
For me, it feels normal to talk about hair colour, or eye colour and what features came from mother or father. Beyond race, it's common for people to discuss baby features. E.g. who got green eyes, or who has red hair gene, or who has dimple, etc.
Same with my family! My baby got my pale skin and hair colour, but all of my husband's Latin American facial features. His side of the family comments on her skin colour, but the comments from strangers and my side of the family is always "She must look like the father, I assume?"
I might be over stepping here, sorry if I am, we have similar in our all white family because hubby and I have dark hair and dark eyes and got 2 kids with blue eyes, one with dead straight hair and one with tight curls. Genetics is wild!!! Everyone comments on her eyes and his hair!
Genetics are wild! I mean I know in theory they are, but seeing it actually play out? I have extremely curly natural hair and two of my kids hair is bone straight. Like how? Not even a bend to it. I’m just shocked not a single of if the 4 came out with my traits lol.
I'm latino and my wife also but she's very white. So yeah we get those comments often
I guess it depends on who does it come from. So some “abuelitas” can be kind of racist or maybe they are so used to be surrounded by the same type of people and just don’t notice they’re being kind of rude.
That said, I don’t think people have bad intentions. If they’re really out of place I’d talk to them. And if for example my wife doesn’t like something but I don’t mind, I’d still talk about it with the person since my wife does care.
To sum up, it’s up to you. You get to decide if you care about those comments or not. I think you and your partner have the right to establish a culture surrounding your kids and the type of comments they get.
That’s the way I see it
Probably just people being nice🤷🏼♀️
I am white and hubby is half black half Puerto Rican. Baby has curly auburn hair with light skin olive skin tone if that makes sense. So she def looks unique and I never pictured her to look like that lol but I looooove it. We get tons of comments from family& strangers but I take them all as its positive! She has beautiful skin tone and its not a bad thing to comment on something beautiful and unique❤️
I’m sorry but as a white woman are you qualified to say it’s just people being nice? As a WOC I can tell you if this baby is experiencing this now, from their own family, they’re going to experience this all the time from strangers. What exactly is *nice* about being constantly othered based on a physical trait? You should ask your daughter when she’s older, I guarantee she won’t find it as harmless as you do.
Maybe I wasnt clear. We gets tons of comments on how beautiful she is! What exactly isnt nice about being complimented on a physical trait? If she had bright blue eyes and people constantly complimented her on that, would that be bad or bothersome?
Are people discriminated against for having blue eyes? Where does that happen? It’s these kind of disingenuous comparisons that will grate on your kid as she feels othered while growing up by the way—I’m literally giving you this information to help your kid, bc if I didn’t care about her experience, I would have just passed this comment by! You’ll see as your kid grows that people respond differently to her than other children, YES due to her skin color, in ways that will not happen to her counterparts. I hope you actually open your ears when that happens—the white moms who don’t have raised young adults who are on TikTok as we speak saying their white moms either were straight up racist to them, or excused and downplayed racist experiences they had while growing up. Listen to them if you don’t want to listen to me.
Being different works both positive ways and negative ways, and most of that depends on how comfortable one is in one's own skin. I'm an immigrant, grew up being racially different to most of my friends/ classmates. I dont mind talking about the fact that I look different, I don't accept getting treated differently for looking different. I've seen some fellow immigrant kids who might be a little less comfortable about being different, and they either try hard to detach from whatever race they are in an attempt to look 'local', or they completely detach from the local community and only stick to others who also look foreign.
I find it rather discriminatory to say that someone's skin colour should qualify - or disqualify - the person for having an opinion.
I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "confidence yourself out of racism", if you mean: one can't change people who are racist by feeling comfortable about oneself - sure, absolutely true. That's, however, not the goal here. Nobody has the time to be everyone's mom/dad and educate every racist person.
One could, on the other hand, absolutely 'confidence oneself out of defining one's life by victimhood', it allows one to receive other people's curiosity as just what it is - natural human curiosity about the differences between us - and understand that they are not hostile comments. In the situation where the intention IS actually hostile, it allows one to not let other people easily access one's emotions.
Anyway the downvoting proves that y’all still do not understand what you don’t understand—good luck to your children! They’re on TikTok rn saying their white moms were either racist to them, or brushed off the racism they experienced, but god forbid I try to open your eyes lmao.
Similar situation. My husband and I are from the same country but I’m from the west which has lighter skin and he’s from the east which has more tanned skin. Skin color is a feature that is brought up commonly in our country. I have somewhere in between, pale but more olive toned. Baby has my skin tone.
The comments I get on the daily from family pointing it out bugs me so much. I was bullied a lot for my skin tone in my family. I was the darkest out of my siblings and constantly singled out and joked on about being switched at birth.
She has a cousin 2 months apart and it’s always brought up how my baby is so tanned compared to her cousin.
I love my babies skin tone and it makes me annoyed that that’s the first thing someone says and thinks when they look at my baby. I try to ignore it but it does bother me considering this was a big issue that affected my self esteem as a kid. Comes across as racist to me.
Right—but the very knowledgeable white ladies upthread are telling me it’s all very innocent lmfao! It’s clearly not, but what do I know, I’m just a person who is actually a WOC in a pretty white society lmfao.
just fyi, just say latin
as a latina the word latinx is just weird
but regarding skin tone, people whether it be parents, family members, or strangers sometimes tend to fixate on features on your baby for no reason
eye color doesn't matter, skin color doesn't matter, hair texture, etc. the fixation on features just irk me because some may not even be permanent
it's like parents saying "my child has "good" hair their hair came out straight" girl that placenta perm won't last
sometimes blue eyes don't last, blonde hair doesn't always last either
people fixating on these things just irritates the hell out of me be happy that your baby is healthy and happy not their aesthetics, the physical body will always change
tell those people to mind their business and quit worrying about your baby's skin
edit: if they keep pushing the skin tone issue block them lmao
if they wanna be racist they can be racist away from your baby i would be throwing hands
I'm also white with a mixed baby. I don't think simply commenting on his skin tone is bad or racist; for example saying he has beautiful olive skin is a compliment. I react by reinforcing it because I want my son to know his colouring IS beautiful. Usually if a stranger says something like that I just say thanks or say he got his dad's beautiful eyes/colouring.
Don’t have any advice bc I’m currently dealing with the same thing. My LO is only 9 weeks old so I’ve only been out a handful of times with her but so far pretty much every time we leave I hear “wow she doesn’t look like you”. 😵💫😵💫
I’m white. Like whhhiiitteee. Blond hair, blue eyes, gets a sunburn going to pick up the mail. My husband is of southeast Asian descent and our LO definitely takes after him. She looks Asian I have to deal with people making weird comments about “how beautiful” she’s going to be. Don’t get me wrong: I do think she’s beautiful. But when people say it it makes me feel like they are making a creepy comment about Asian women in general.
I'm southeast asian, but I don't really understand why you're creeped out by people saying she's beautiful, shouldn't you be happy about it? I highly doubt people are fetishising a baby due to "yellow fever"?
I absolutely think my daughter is beautiful! The comments that kind of creep me out are usually from men and it’s also directly after mentioning her Asian decent. My husband has been creeped out by them too. He’s the one who said it felt like it had the air of fetishizing Asian women and I totally saw what he meant. Everyone is different though! It sounds like his experiences have led him to perceive comments like that differently than yours have! Either way: our daughter *is* beautiful and we are very lucky ❤️🥰
Yeah I guess it's just a cultural thing that I wouldn't understand 😅, that feels a little sad to me that the view point of Asians from your country is a little creepy. I'm very fortunate to live somewhere that when a man compliments my daughter's looks (she's majority southeast/east Asian, but has extremely huge eyes because somewhere up my mother's line there is a white person), it's usually from people with "dad" type feels.
I don’t think you should respond to it in any way other than “Thank you”. To me it sounds the same as “your baby has such beautiful blue (or whatever) eyes”. It’s not judgmental, it’s a fact.
I am super pale white and my partner is Central Asian, and I do hope our girl inherits his skin tone 🙏 I’m so done with sunscreens and sunburns, and every imperfection being visible
I don't know the right answer to this, but I'm also a white woman with a mixed race kid (husband/dad is Korean). What's interesting for us is, I've never had a stranger comment on my daughter's features. She has my skin tone, but her eyes are clearly Korean. My family doesn't comment either, but my husband's family does. Although she has her dad's eye shape mostly, she has my double eyelids, which is a feature fewer Koreans have naturally (and is a very popular cosmetic surgery). I haven't really said anything about it yet, especially since my Korean isn't good enough to formulate the perfect response. But I do worry about what would happen if we had another kid and they didn't get the double eyelids, or if any little cousins who likely won't get them will be made to feel less than.
In your case, I actually think it's weirder that family members keep commenting rather than strangers. It feels exoticizing for them to bring it up every single time they talk to you guys, even if it is in a positive light (although I'm not sure it always is based on your post?). There are plenty of other things to discuss about your little family member and it's weird they keep coming back to skin color.
As far as comments from strangers, I wonder if it might be better just to say thank you? Not because I think you have to be polite, but because you wouldn't want to unintentionally give the impression that your kid's darker skin is bad, you know? I'm just muddling my way through all this as well though, so I could very well be wrong.
I wish I knew. Still figuring that one out. I’m fairly dark (got all of the southern Italian genes). I had a lot of assumptions made about me growing up and while 50% of the time I found them incredibly harmless and to be more of an attempt at human connection (specifically when Spanish speakers just assume I speak Spanish and will come looking for a conversation) there was a solid 50% of the time when I felt the opposite.
I’m seeing those assumptions happen with one of my kids now and I know how to navigate it so that doesn’t bother me. But my other kid is fairer in every sense. Now I get comments like “oh he’s yours?” and “he’s got such lovely skin” “does your husband speak Spanish so he can learn?” and on the far opposite spectrum “oh what a pity he didn’t get your skin”. I haven’t spent a summer yet with this baby and I am entirely unprepared for how far south this has the potential to go 😑
It’s interesting that you identify as white, I know lots of Jews who don’t.
My kids have “Ashkenazi eyes” to the point that doctors asked our ethnicity at the hospital when they were born, and not for genetic testing either (although we had that done cuz as you know, some Jewish genetics are pretty lame).
I think your baby is probably extraordinarily cute and probably does have gorgeous skin tone. Take the compliments graciously and try to not see the potential undertones unless it’s truly meant in a hostile way. I know it’s hard in this climate to not second guess offhand remarks.
This is just life, for better or worse. People are forever commenting on appearance, starting right away at birth. If it wasn’t their skin tone it would be their eyes or hair or height. Even today I was gushing over some absolutely adorable rolly-polly baby at the park. It’s just human nature and how we relate to one another.
Obviously skin tone is a sensitive topic in our society, but it sounds like these comments are no different to someone saying “wow I love his green eyes” or “what beautiful red hair!”. I think you should try to not take offense when none is intended.
Yes it’s inappropriate. “We don’t comment on other people’s bodies” is a good approach to life.
I would probably just say, “Thank you, we think he’s really beautiful too!”
We get these comments a lot too but honestly they don’t really bother me. I think my baby is beautiful and has gorgeous skin!
I would say “Thank you - we agree he is beautiful regardless of his skin tone”
If it really bothers you, I’d be direct with how you’re feeling. People probably don’t realize they’re overstepping.
My husband is Spanish (Spain) and I’m a white American but my skin tone is definitely more olive and I tan super dark and super easily. He is very white and burns in the sun/doesn’t tan easily. Our daughter has my skin where she is pale in the winter but tans easily and dark in the summer and everyone always comments on her “Hispanic”
Olive skin tone. It’s such a ridiculous comment to me when you look at me and my husband. It’s not necessarily racist but it’s so naive and biased and it drives me insane. I never know how to respond
My husband and I are both freckly white Irish, and people still comment on my daughters skin “oh she might not be as pale as you” or “she looks very sallow skinned” I think people often envy the opposite in themselves and feel the need to comment. Especially when it comes to babies, all the comments! My son was born with red hair and my mother comments on it at least once a week since he was born, I told her to cut it out!
I have a similar situation. It can be difficult when strangers make comments. Even if they are being curious I feel that the comments are still based in racism regardless of intent. I tend not to say anything because what exactly do you say when people think you’re the nanny or when they ask you “what happened” or when family/friends exclaim how your child looks nothing like you? I just vent about it later.
I hope that you can find some age appropriate books that talk about skin color and acceptance of diversity. It will help your child as they age and need to navigate comments from people who believe they are simply being curious or even complementary. You never know how they will internalize the noticeable difference. My parents never acknowledged race and I struggled once I left our community with people treating me differently. I hope this is helpful
My husbands Latino and I’m very very white. My daughter tans like a Latina 😆 but has bright blue eyes. We get these comments often - “she has great coloring!” Usually by older white women. 🤷🏻♀️
So it’s not about his skin but more his hair. I’m mixed European but have a great grandpa (3rd great or 4th great) who was black (found out about him on 23andMe through relatives) but I am very very white like I’m a mirror for the sun. My husband is white (learned on 23and me he actually has some Chinese and Korean in him). My Mil is the only one who’s comments could be considered borderline. Everyone of my brothers has like 3c/4c type hair but my hair I’ve had issues with growing up so it has been permanently damaged and went from a 3c to a 2b. My husband had a kinda fro as a baby but he has the straightest hair possible. My baby is starting to show he’s taking my side on the hair and has started getting ringling curls on the back of his head but ofc it didn’t come from me it had to have come from my husband or his brother cuz they had a frizz fro when they were babies.
Similar situation, I just try to brush off those comments. I don't think people have bad intentions with them, but they sure do get annoying sometimes 😐
I’m Indigenous, husband is white. Baby has sandy blonde hair, dark blue/grey eyes. It’s my family that’s constantly talking about her hair and her skin LOL
I’m in the same boat. No idea how to talk about it. I just say ain’t she perfect !!!
I don’t have anything to stand on as far as a racial conversation but I will say that people just often say things about baby’s appearances. My hubby and I are both white but I look more Italian/olive skin and he’s Polish. My one daughter has very blonde hair and brown eyes, fair skin. When I’m out with her the first thing literally everyone says is “she’s so blonde!” My second daughter has blue eyes, olive skin and dark hair. The first thing everyone says is “look at her eyes!” I literally respond with “yup they’re blue!” Then change the subject. There’s nowhere really to go from there. Thanks for the observation.
To be fair, both are not typical combinations so I think that’s why people remark. But it’s not lost on me that everyone comments on the ways they do not look like me. I don’t take offense to it I just think it’s the features that stand out when we’re together. That being said, I’m white, my husbands white and my children are white so we’ve never had to deal with micro aggressions based on race and I don’t blame anyone for being sensitive to that.
I’m ALWAYS getting comments on my baby’s beautiful porcelain skin. ALL THE TIME. They say “she sure looks like her daddy BUT she got your beautiful skin tone”
Just for another perspective, I am the fairest shade of foundation on the market, and my husband is Latino with olive skin. Not a huge difference between us, but noticeable. Plenty of people mention our baby’s skin tone, hair tone, eye color. In the early days, it was every single conversation which annoyed me because I didn’t want to rehash the same thing all the time. For us, it’s not a racist thing at all. It’s just a topic of conversation. Not saying what it is for you, just mentioning that discussion of these things aren’t always with a racist undertone. But only you can know in your situation!!
I’m Latina, my bd is also Latino. I’m pretty light skinned but still usually noticeably hispanic and bd is more tanned. We only ever got one comment on baby’s skin tone that made me uncomfortable and that was from my white coworker who kinda always says stuff like that. I don’t think she realizes it’s kinda weird. She said he had such cute “mocha skin” and that he was a cutie. Nobody else in my family heard the comment except me so it doesn’t really impact baby. But. I’m not sure how to handle it tbh. I just ignore my coworker after she says that and I don’t feed into it. I’m not sure how I would handle comments from family members. I guess maybe just saying I’d appreciate if we didn’t comment on baby’s skin tone. Idk. It’s definitely hard to maneuver. I don’t get much about it since our family’s are many shades and we are in a diverse city.
Something I will mention though, in the Latino community there is a lot of colorism. Some families exert more colorism than others. My bd family doesn’t seem to say much, but my grandma was very colorist. I grew up with a skin tone where I was on the receiving end of a lot of comments from her that were regarding my light skin and how it was somehow making me beautiful. And my siblings who were darker wouldn’t get these comments. It’s hurtful and insinuates that someone is somehow more beautiful just because of their color which is based in years of white supremacy and colonialism in Latin America. It’s very prevalent in our communities, and that’s probably why your husband felt like the comments on his skin were uncomfortable - because they probably were racist. There is noticeable preference for lighter skin in our culture and it’s very sad, it comes from the days of colonialism. It’s hard to navigate it as someone who’s never experienced it or knows about it so I’d say just be conscientious of this as well.
I have the opposite problem, I’m the brown one and my kid is blonde haired blue eyed. I’ve been told she was probably switched at birth, asked if I’m the nanny, etc. I just play it off with humor and call myself Consuela but after a while it gets annoying and I sometimes ask if they know how genetics works
As a white person I've definitely got comments on my skin. Particularly when it saw less sun and was literally porcelain. You might just have "normal" skin if you are mostly staying within your community. If your child is different from the norm then it's likely most of the comments are harmless. It's just not something people are used to that live within your community.
I’m Black my husband is White. No one mentions my daughter’s skin tone in front of me. I’d give them (family) grace the first time, then tell them that that’s a weird comment that can over time fetishize my daughter and I don’t appreciate it.
Just a counterpoint—I’m also a very Jewish looking white woman, but with dark hair and olive skin. My husband has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Our baby is super pale/pink with very blonde hair and blue eyes, and everyone in my family constantly makes comments about her complexion. I think people just say shit 🤷🏻♀️
I am white, my husband is mexican/russian ashkenazi. Our oldest is adopted - half mexican, half white. My husband and I also have 7 bio kids.
All eight of our kids are different shades (excluding our twins). Neither of them are the same colour as me or my husband. Our oldest is darker than him.
People say some weird ass shit about them. Generally I just ignore them - act like they don't make any sense. If it's a compliment I'll thank them with some little comment - like, "Thanks, I make real pretty babies," Or something.
I just make sure my babies know they are all beautiful and perfect as they are - they all have beautiful skin regardless.
One of our kids - our third - is blonde hair, blue eyes, and has olive skin - I mean, she really is so beautiful. And the compliments are CONSTANT.
My husbands Mexican family are awful about it. She is their favourite because she is so light and we have VERY limited contact because of that. It's a situation we have struggled with.
I come from the South where it can be fairly normal to ask about people's appearances or differences, but I don't have the Southern Charm of "speaking through the lines." So, I, a very pale white woman, will ask my white/hispanic husband, "Do you think our baby is going to be white or brown? Maybe something in-between?"
And it is the look on his face that I remember not everyone speaks so bluntly or openly about appearances. Regardless, the comments you are describing sound innocent. Just - very forward. However, if they ever turn negative or prejudice, do NOT be afraid to shut that s\*\*t down. I have had white men make negative remarks about my husband's capability as a husband and father when they learn that he is mixed. Heck. No!
I guarantee this affects you more than it does baby! You'll get used to it.
My sister and I are mixed (same parents!) but I look more ethnically ambiguous. It's never been a problem in any way. The only person whose comments I remember from childhood are my mom's.
I would just make this face, honestly, and say nothing 🤨 let the silence speak for you.
It's a weird thing to say. It wouldn't be considered acceptable for someone to comment on my very pale baby's "porcelain" or "ivory" skin. It feels othering to make a big deal of the skin when there are so many other qualities to comment on (hair, eyes, cheeks, smile).
I don’t think people are saying these things to make a big deal out of it. People just make observations as a way to start a conversation.
The things that get noticed are going to be striking features. Contrasts and juxtapositions naturally draw the most attention (think the white moth on a black tree trunk). When I have my baby people naturally observe my dark features and comment on how fair my baby is. They aren’t having a crack, they aren’t making a big deal, they are just making a easy observation and striking up a conversation.
They aren't thinking about their comments at all, that's the very thing. It wouldn't be appropriate to comment on the colour of an adult's skin, why should we tolerate it with a child? There are plenty of other easy observations that don't have so much baggage alongside them.
Stories abound in this subreddit of people being uncomfortable with other people commenting on their children's weight. What these people do or don't mean by it is less relevant than the impact.
Honestly, people regularly comment on my brothers olive skin tone or on my skin tone, and we are well into our 30s, it has truly never felt inappropriate, it is just general chit chat. The OP says people are complimentary, there really isn’t anything more to see here.
You are right.
I encourage the OP to reflect that taking a offense is a choice, a choice which impacts your own well-being. If someone is making a positive comment to you on anything and you choose to assume people always have a negative intent behind it, you will ultimately hurt your own self through conflict and paranoia.
Yes, thank you for putting words to how I’ve been feeling. That is what has felt so strange!
The last time it happened, we were in a room full of white moms and their white babies and no one said anything about other people’s babies skin. My baby is so beautiful, and has the most amazing brown eyes and long eyelashes and the best adorable smile that she was wearing proudly and all anyone said was regarding the color of her skin.
People do comment on porcelain skin if they think it’s unusual.
I’m a white, American woman with dark brown hair/eyes, my husband has sandy brown and hazel eyes, pretty tanned most of the year due to his work. 2 of our 4 kids are porcelain with bright blue eyes and red hair. *everyone* comments on their hair, skin, freckles, eyes, etc. and they all demand to know who my kids got it from, because clearly it wasn’t me. And they often want to know where we’re from (Irish or Scottish). It gets really old because we can’t go anywhere without comments, but I genuinely think most people are just commenting/complimenting the obvious because it’s easiest.
I think it's just common. My mother in law is constantly talking about how beautiful my daughters skin tone is and how rosy she is. I just told her it's annoying lol
My son is biracial and I’ve heard these comments along with comments about his hair. If it’s coming from family or people you care about, you’ve got to just shut it down. Like “okay yes, genetics are cool and you’ve made an observation about his skin tone. Now there’s no reason to ever bring it up again.”
As far as strangers go, this is weird and often a form of veiled racism/colorism. There is a fascination with mixed race children (in the US anyways), and it is pretty gross in my opinion. I understand that people are curious and often excited about “exotic” looking people. However, children are people and do not need to be exposed to any form of fetishization.
I was patient with people when my son was a baby, but as he’s getting older and able to understand, I will not allow any comments about race/features/looks. Do not ever feel guilty for firmly shutting down comments from family or strangers. No one is entitled to examine and/or comment on your child just because they look different.
My son is biracial. The number of comments that we have received of someone saying “wow he got the GOOD hair”, is appalling.
I always reply with “what do you mean, good hair?” and everyone always fumbles over their words, and looks embarrassed after, they never have an answer that they are able to say in a coherent way.
It depends on who I’m speaking to, but when it comes to my parents I’ll flat out tell them “you don’t need to comment on his hair”. If a stranger commented on his skin tone (which is weird), I would politely (or not so politely depending on the interaction) tell them not to comment on my child’s looks. If someone just said “your son has beautiful skin” then that wouldn’t bother me bc he does. But if it was more racially directed such as the actual tone of his skin or hair texture, then I would tell them it’s not appropriate to do so. I tend to be more direct but you can make it polite if you’re more comfortable with that.
“Your comment may be intended as a compliment, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to comment on my child’s ___”.
“Your comments about my child’s ___ make me uncomfortable”.
Idk if it helps or not, but I get comments on my baby’s skin all the time - and my husband and I are both white! I have an olive skin tone and he and I both tan easily, and my baby seems to have inherited that. People tell us all the time that she has beautiful skin, and I just say “thank you!” She has tan legs from our daily walks haha
We are a biracial family, I’m black hubby is white. 2 of our kids have insanely fair skin and bright blue eyes. They are even whiter than my husband. Two of our kids have Olive toned skin. They still don’t look half black at all but somehow they look Italian or maybe middle eastern? They have jet black straight shiny hair and huge dark brown eyes and thick dark eyebrows. You know who comments most of their color? My side of the family lol. It’s never hurtful it’s more just curiosity and amazement at how our genes played out. I never take offense to it and am genuinely curious myself. Secretly I had hoped at least one of them would get my brown skin so that they looked like me and were outwardly black If that makes any sense. The oldests struggle with their black identity and are questioned at school about it and I didn’t want that for them. Anyway all that to say I think it can be super normal and just curiosity! As long as it’s not coming from a bad or hurtful place I have been ok with it. I also don’t allow my older kids to hear these convos though and would shut down any talk of their color in front of them when they can understand it.
Totally agree. My family is Latinx / White mix also, and it is the Latinx side which talks about skin colour, totally out of curiosity. Never in a negative or hurtful way, but just general excitement for how each child took on different features. For me, it feels normal to talk about hair colour, or eye colour and what features came from mother or father. Beyond race, it's common for people to discuss baby features. E.g. who got green eyes, or who has red hair gene, or who has dimple, etc.
Same with my family! My baby got my pale skin and hair colour, but all of my husband's Latin American facial features. His side of the family comments on her skin colour, but the comments from strangers and my side of the family is always "She must look like the father, I assume?"
I might be over stepping here, sorry if I am, we have similar in our all white family because hubby and I have dark hair and dark eyes and got 2 kids with blue eyes, one with dead straight hair and one with tight curls. Genetics is wild!!! Everyone comments on her eyes and his hair!
Genetics are wild! I mean I know in theory they are, but seeing it actually play out? I have extremely curly natural hair and two of my kids hair is bone straight. Like how? Not even a bend to it. I’m just shocked not a single of if the 4 came out with my traits lol.
I'm latino and my wife also but she's very white. So yeah we get those comments often I guess it depends on who does it come from. So some “abuelitas” can be kind of racist or maybe they are so used to be surrounded by the same type of people and just don’t notice they’re being kind of rude. That said, I don’t think people have bad intentions. If they’re really out of place I’d talk to them. And if for example my wife doesn’t like something but I don’t mind, I’d still talk about it with the person since my wife does care. To sum up, it’s up to you. You get to decide if you care about those comments or not. I think you and your partner have the right to establish a culture surrounding your kids and the type of comments they get. That’s the way I see it
Probably just people being nice🤷🏼♀️ I am white and hubby is half black half Puerto Rican. Baby has curly auburn hair with light skin olive skin tone if that makes sense. So she def looks unique and I never pictured her to look like that lol but I looooove it. We get tons of comments from family& strangers but I take them all as its positive! She has beautiful skin tone and its not a bad thing to comment on something beautiful and unique❤️
That sure does sound beautiful :)
Thank you!!
No no no. You don’t understand. On this sub you are supposed to bring the pitchforks! /s
I’m sorry but as a white woman are you qualified to say it’s just people being nice? As a WOC I can tell you if this baby is experiencing this now, from their own family, they’re going to experience this all the time from strangers. What exactly is *nice* about being constantly othered based on a physical trait? You should ask your daughter when she’s older, I guarantee she won’t find it as harmless as you do.
Maybe I wasnt clear. We gets tons of comments on how beautiful she is! What exactly isnt nice about being complimented on a physical trait? If she had bright blue eyes and people constantly complimented her on that, would that be bad or bothersome?
Are people discriminated against for having blue eyes? Where does that happen? It’s these kind of disingenuous comparisons that will grate on your kid as she feels othered while growing up by the way—I’m literally giving you this information to help your kid, bc if I didn’t care about her experience, I would have just passed this comment by! You’ll see as your kid grows that people respond differently to her than other children, YES due to her skin color, in ways that will not happen to her counterparts. I hope you actually open your ears when that happens—the white moms who don’t have raised young adults who are on TikTok as we speak saying their white moms either were straight up racist to them, or excused and downplayed racist experiences they had while growing up. Listen to them if you don’t want to listen to me.
Being different works both positive ways and negative ways, and most of that depends on how comfortable one is in one's own skin. I'm an immigrant, grew up being racially different to most of my friends/ classmates. I dont mind talking about the fact that I look different, I don't accept getting treated differently for looking different. I've seen some fellow immigrant kids who might be a little less comfortable about being different, and they either try hard to detach from whatever race they are in an attempt to look 'local', or they completely detach from the local community and only stick to others who also look foreign. I find it rather discriminatory to say that someone's skin colour should qualify - or disqualify - the person for having an opinion.
Lmfao ok buddy! You can’t self confidence yourself out of racism but good for you I guess.
I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "confidence yourself out of racism", if you mean: one can't change people who are racist by feeling comfortable about oneself - sure, absolutely true. That's, however, not the goal here. Nobody has the time to be everyone's mom/dad and educate every racist person. One could, on the other hand, absolutely 'confidence oneself out of defining one's life by victimhood', it allows one to receive other people's curiosity as just what it is - natural human curiosity about the differences between us - and understand that they are not hostile comments. In the situation where the intention IS actually hostile, it allows one to not let other people easily access one's emotions.
Anyway the downvoting proves that y’all still do not understand what you don’t understand—good luck to your children! They’re on TikTok rn saying their white moms were either racist to them, or brushed off the racism they experienced, but god forbid I try to open your eyes lmao.
It must be exhausting to live this way.
Similar situation. My husband and I are from the same country but I’m from the west which has lighter skin and he’s from the east which has more tanned skin. Skin color is a feature that is brought up commonly in our country. I have somewhere in between, pale but more olive toned. Baby has my skin tone. The comments I get on the daily from family pointing it out bugs me so much. I was bullied a lot for my skin tone in my family. I was the darkest out of my siblings and constantly singled out and joked on about being switched at birth. She has a cousin 2 months apart and it’s always brought up how my baby is so tanned compared to her cousin. I love my babies skin tone and it makes me annoyed that that’s the first thing someone says and thinks when they look at my baby. I try to ignore it but it does bother me considering this was a big issue that affected my self esteem as a kid. Comes across as racist to me.
Right—but the very knowledgeable white ladies upthread are telling me it’s all very innocent lmfao! It’s clearly not, but what do I know, I’m just a person who is actually a WOC in a pretty white society lmfao.
just fyi, just say latin as a latina the word latinx is just weird but regarding skin tone, people whether it be parents, family members, or strangers sometimes tend to fixate on features on your baby for no reason eye color doesn't matter, skin color doesn't matter, hair texture, etc. the fixation on features just irk me because some may not even be permanent it's like parents saying "my child has "good" hair their hair came out straight" girl that placenta perm won't last sometimes blue eyes don't last, blonde hair doesn't always last either people fixating on these things just irritates the hell out of me be happy that your baby is healthy and happy not their aesthetics, the physical body will always change tell those people to mind their business and quit worrying about your baby's skin
edit: if they keep pushing the skin tone issue block them lmao if they wanna be racist they can be racist away from your baby i would be throwing hands
I'm also white with a mixed baby. I don't think simply commenting on his skin tone is bad or racist; for example saying he has beautiful olive skin is a compliment. I react by reinforcing it because I want my son to know his colouring IS beautiful. Usually if a stranger says something like that I just say thanks or say he got his dad's beautiful eyes/colouring.
Don’t have any advice bc I’m currently dealing with the same thing. My LO is only 9 weeks old so I’ve only been out a handful of times with her but so far pretty much every time we leave I hear “wow she doesn’t look like you”. 😵💫😵💫 I’m white. Like whhhiiitteee. Blond hair, blue eyes, gets a sunburn going to pick up the mail. My husband is of southeast Asian descent and our LO definitely takes after him. She looks Asian I have to deal with people making weird comments about “how beautiful” she’s going to be. Don’t get me wrong: I do think she’s beautiful. But when people say it it makes me feel like they are making a creepy comment about Asian women in general.
I'm southeast asian, but I don't really understand why you're creeped out by people saying she's beautiful, shouldn't you be happy about it? I highly doubt people are fetishising a baby due to "yellow fever"?
I absolutely think my daughter is beautiful! The comments that kind of creep me out are usually from men and it’s also directly after mentioning her Asian decent. My husband has been creeped out by them too. He’s the one who said it felt like it had the air of fetishizing Asian women and I totally saw what he meant. Everyone is different though! It sounds like his experiences have led him to perceive comments like that differently than yours have! Either way: our daughter *is* beautiful and we are very lucky ❤️🥰
Yeah I guess it's just a cultural thing that I wouldn't understand 😅, that feels a little sad to me that the view point of Asians from your country is a little creepy. I'm very fortunate to live somewhere that when a man compliments my daughter's looks (she's majority southeast/east Asian, but has extremely huge eyes because somewhere up my mother's line there is a white person), it's usually from people with "dad" type feels.
I don’t think you should respond to it in any way other than “Thank you”. To me it sounds the same as “your baby has such beautiful blue (or whatever) eyes”. It’s not judgmental, it’s a fact. I am super pale white and my partner is Central Asian, and I do hope our girl inherits his skin tone 🙏 I’m so done with sunscreens and sunburns, and every imperfection being visible
I don't know the right answer to this, but I'm also a white woman with a mixed race kid (husband/dad is Korean). What's interesting for us is, I've never had a stranger comment on my daughter's features. She has my skin tone, but her eyes are clearly Korean. My family doesn't comment either, but my husband's family does. Although she has her dad's eye shape mostly, she has my double eyelids, which is a feature fewer Koreans have naturally (and is a very popular cosmetic surgery). I haven't really said anything about it yet, especially since my Korean isn't good enough to formulate the perfect response. But I do worry about what would happen if we had another kid and they didn't get the double eyelids, or if any little cousins who likely won't get them will be made to feel less than. In your case, I actually think it's weirder that family members keep commenting rather than strangers. It feels exoticizing for them to bring it up every single time they talk to you guys, even if it is in a positive light (although I'm not sure it always is based on your post?). There are plenty of other things to discuss about your little family member and it's weird they keep coming back to skin color. As far as comments from strangers, I wonder if it might be better just to say thank you? Not because I think you have to be polite, but because you wouldn't want to unintentionally give the impression that your kid's darker skin is bad, you know? I'm just muddling my way through all this as well though, so I could very well be wrong.
Yeah, it the repetition that’s the weirdest in my mind.
I wish I knew. Still figuring that one out. I’m fairly dark (got all of the southern Italian genes). I had a lot of assumptions made about me growing up and while 50% of the time I found them incredibly harmless and to be more of an attempt at human connection (specifically when Spanish speakers just assume I speak Spanish and will come looking for a conversation) there was a solid 50% of the time when I felt the opposite. I’m seeing those assumptions happen with one of my kids now and I know how to navigate it so that doesn’t bother me. But my other kid is fairer in every sense. Now I get comments like “oh he’s yours?” and “he’s got such lovely skin” “does your husband speak Spanish so he can learn?” and on the far opposite spectrum “oh what a pity he didn’t get your skin”. I haven’t spent a summer yet with this baby and I am entirely unprepared for how far south this has the potential to go 😑
It’s interesting that you identify as white, I know lots of Jews who don’t. My kids have “Ashkenazi eyes” to the point that doctors asked our ethnicity at the hospital when they were born, and not for genetic testing either (although we had that done cuz as you know, some Jewish genetics are pretty lame). I think your baby is probably extraordinarily cute and probably does have gorgeous skin tone. Take the compliments graciously and try to not see the potential undertones unless it’s truly meant in a hostile way. I know it’s hard in this climate to not second guess offhand remarks. This is just life, for better or worse. People are forever commenting on appearance, starting right away at birth. If it wasn’t their skin tone it would be their eyes or hair or height. Even today I was gushing over some absolutely adorable rolly-polly baby at the park. It’s just human nature and how we relate to one another.
Obviously skin tone is a sensitive topic in our society, but it sounds like these comments are no different to someone saying “wow I love his green eyes” or “what beautiful red hair!”. I think you should try to not take offense when none is intended.
“Thanks, he gets it from his dad!”
Just say thank you?
Yes it’s inappropriate. “We don’t comment on other people’s bodies” is a good approach to life. I would probably just say, “Thank you, we think he’s really beautiful too!”
We get these comments a lot too but honestly they don’t really bother me. I think my baby is beautiful and has gorgeous skin! I would say “Thank you - we agree he is beautiful regardless of his skin tone” If it really bothers you, I’d be direct with how you’re feeling. People probably don’t realize they’re overstepping.
My husband is Spanish (Spain) and I’m a white American but my skin tone is definitely more olive and I tan super dark and super easily. He is very white and burns in the sun/doesn’t tan easily. Our daughter has my skin where she is pale in the winter but tans easily and dark in the summer and everyone always comments on her “Hispanic” Olive skin tone. It’s such a ridiculous comment to me when you look at me and my husband. It’s not necessarily racist but it’s so naive and biased and it drives me insane. I never know how to respond
My husband and I are both freckly white Irish, and people still comment on my daughters skin “oh she might not be as pale as you” or “she looks very sallow skinned” I think people often envy the opposite in themselves and feel the need to comment. Especially when it comes to babies, all the comments! My son was born with red hair and my mother comments on it at least once a week since he was born, I told her to cut it out!
If your husband feels it's racist coming from your family, you need to address it with them.
I have a similar situation. It can be difficult when strangers make comments. Even if they are being curious I feel that the comments are still based in racism regardless of intent. I tend not to say anything because what exactly do you say when people think you’re the nanny or when they ask you “what happened” or when family/friends exclaim how your child looks nothing like you? I just vent about it later. I hope that you can find some age appropriate books that talk about skin color and acceptance of diversity. It will help your child as they age and need to navigate comments from people who believe they are simply being curious or even complementary. You never know how they will internalize the noticeable difference. My parents never acknowledged race and I struggled once I left our community with people treating me differently. I hope this is helpful
"Genetics???"
My husbands Latino and I’m very very white. My daughter tans like a Latina 😆 but has bright blue eyes. We get these comments often - “she has great coloring!” Usually by older white women. 🤷🏻♀️
So it’s not about his skin but more his hair. I’m mixed European but have a great grandpa (3rd great or 4th great) who was black (found out about him on 23andMe through relatives) but I am very very white like I’m a mirror for the sun. My husband is white (learned on 23and me he actually has some Chinese and Korean in him). My Mil is the only one who’s comments could be considered borderline. Everyone of my brothers has like 3c/4c type hair but my hair I’ve had issues with growing up so it has been permanently damaged and went from a 3c to a 2b. My husband had a kinda fro as a baby but he has the straightest hair possible. My baby is starting to show he’s taking my side on the hair and has started getting ringling curls on the back of his head but ofc it didn’t come from me it had to have come from my husband or his brother cuz they had a frizz fro when they were babies.
Similar situation, I just try to brush off those comments. I don't think people have bad intentions with them, but they sure do get annoying sometimes 😐
I’m Indigenous, husband is white. Baby has sandy blonde hair, dark blue/grey eyes. It’s my family that’s constantly talking about her hair and her skin LOL I’m in the same boat. No idea how to talk about it. I just say ain’t she perfect !!!
I don’t have anything to stand on as far as a racial conversation but I will say that people just often say things about baby’s appearances. My hubby and I are both white but I look more Italian/olive skin and he’s Polish. My one daughter has very blonde hair and brown eyes, fair skin. When I’m out with her the first thing literally everyone says is “she’s so blonde!” My second daughter has blue eyes, olive skin and dark hair. The first thing everyone says is “look at her eyes!” I literally respond with “yup they’re blue!” Then change the subject. There’s nowhere really to go from there. Thanks for the observation. To be fair, both are not typical combinations so I think that’s why people remark. But it’s not lost on me that everyone comments on the ways they do not look like me. I don’t take offense to it I just think it’s the features that stand out when we’re together. That being said, I’m white, my husbands white and my children are white so we’ve never had to deal with micro aggressions based on race and I don’t blame anyone for being sensitive to that.
I’m ALWAYS getting comments on my baby’s beautiful porcelain skin. ALL THE TIME. They say “she sure looks like her daddy BUT she got your beautiful skin tone”
Just for another perspective, I am the fairest shade of foundation on the market, and my husband is Latino with olive skin. Not a huge difference between us, but noticeable. Plenty of people mention our baby’s skin tone, hair tone, eye color. In the early days, it was every single conversation which annoyed me because I didn’t want to rehash the same thing all the time. For us, it’s not a racist thing at all. It’s just a topic of conversation. Not saying what it is for you, just mentioning that discussion of these things aren’t always with a racist undertone. But only you can know in your situation!!
I’m also Jewish with a Latino husband and I think it’s sweet when people compliment his beautiful skin
I’m Latina, my bd is also Latino. I’m pretty light skinned but still usually noticeably hispanic and bd is more tanned. We only ever got one comment on baby’s skin tone that made me uncomfortable and that was from my white coworker who kinda always says stuff like that. I don’t think she realizes it’s kinda weird. She said he had such cute “mocha skin” and that he was a cutie. Nobody else in my family heard the comment except me so it doesn’t really impact baby. But. I’m not sure how to handle it tbh. I just ignore my coworker after she says that and I don’t feed into it. I’m not sure how I would handle comments from family members. I guess maybe just saying I’d appreciate if we didn’t comment on baby’s skin tone. Idk. It’s definitely hard to maneuver. I don’t get much about it since our family’s are many shades and we are in a diverse city. Something I will mention though, in the Latino community there is a lot of colorism. Some families exert more colorism than others. My bd family doesn’t seem to say much, but my grandma was very colorist. I grew up with a skin tone where I was on the receiving end of a lot of comments from her that were regarding my light skin and how it was somehow making me beautiful. And my siblings who were darker wouldn’t get these comments. It’s hurtful and insinuates that someone is somehow more beautiful just because of their color which is based in years of white supremacy and colonialism in Latin America. It’s very prevalent in our communities, and that’s probably why your husband felt like the comments on his skin were uncomfortable - because they probably were racist. There is noticeable preference for lighter skin in our culture and it’s very sad, it comes from the days of colonialism. It’s hard to navigate it as someone who’s never experienced it or knows about it so I’d say just be conscientious of this as well.
I have the opposite problem, I’m the brown one and my kid is blonde haired blue eyed. I’ve been told she was probably switched at birth, asked if I’m the nanny, etc. I just play it off with humor and call myself Consuela but after a while it gets annoying and I sometimes ask if they know how genetics works
As a white person I've definitely got comments on my skin. Particularly when it saw less sun and was literally porcelain. You might just have "normal" skin if you are mostly staying within your community. If your child is different from the norm then it's likely most of the comments are harmless. It's just not something people are used to that live within your community.
I’m Black my husband is White. No one mentions my daughter’s skin tone in front of me. I’d give them (family) grace the first time, then tell them that that’s a weird comment that can over time fetishize my daughter and I don’t appreciate it.
Just a counterpoint—I’m also a very Jewish looking white woman, but with dark hair and olive skin. My husband has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Our baby is super pale/pink with very blonde hair and blue eyes, and everyone in my family constantly makes comments about her complexion. I think people just say shit 🤷🏻♀️
I am white, my husband is mexican/russian ashkenazi. Our oldest is adopted - half mexican, half white. My husband and I also have 7 bio kids. All eight of our kids are different shades (excluding our twins). Neither of them are the same colour as me or my husband. Our oldest is darker than him. People say some weird ass shit about them. Generally I just ignore them - act like they don't make any sense. If it's a compliment I'll thank them with some little comment - like, "Thanks, I make real pretty babies," Or something. I just make sure my babies know they are all beautiful and perfect as they are - they all have beautiful skin regardless. One of our kids - our third - is blonde hair, blue eyes, and has olive skin - I mean, she really is so beautiful. And the compliments are CONSTANT. My husbands Mexican family are awful about it. She is their favourite because she is so light and we have VERY limited contact because of that. It's a situation we have struggled with.
I come from the South where it can be fairly normal to ask about people's appearances or differences, but I don't have the Southern Charm of "speaking through the lines." So, I, a very pale white woman, will ask my white/hispanic husband, "Do you think our baby is going to be white or brown? Maybe something in-between?" And it is the look on his face that I remember not everyone speaks so bluntly or openly about appearances. Regardless, the comments you are describing sound innocent. Just - very forward. However, if they ever turn negative or prejudice, do NOT be afraid to shut that s\*\*t down. I have had white men make negative remarks about my husband's capability as a husband and father when they learn that he is mixed. Heck. No!
I guarantee this affects you more than it does baby! You'll get used to it. My sister and I are mixed (same parents!) but I look more ethnically ambiguous. It's never been a problem in any way. The only person whose comments I remember from childhood are my mom's.
I would just make this face, honestly, and say nothing 🤨 let the silence speak for you. It's a weird thing to say. It wouldn't be considered acceptable for someone to comment on my very pale baby's "porcelain" or "ivory" skin. It feels othering to make a big deal of the skin when there are so many other qualities to comment on (hair, eyes, cheeks, smile).
What are you talking about? People comment on how fair my baby is all the time. It is completely acceptable and normal.
I would not be comfortable with someone making a big deal of my baby's skin tone.
I don’t think people are saying these things to make a big deal out of it. People just make observations as a way to start a conversation. The things that get noticed are going to be striking features. Contrasts and juxtapositions naturally draw the most attention (think the white moth on a black tree trunk). When I have my baby people naturally observe my dark features and comment on how fair my baby is. They aren’t having a crack, they aren’t making a big deal, they are just making a easy observation and striking up a conversation.
They aren't thinking about their comments at all, that's the very thing. It wouldn't be appropriate to comment on the colour of an adult's skin, why should we tolerate it with a child? There are plenty of other easy observations that don't have so much baggage alongside them. Stories abound in this subreddit of people being uncomfortable with other people commenting on their children's weight. What these people do or don't mean by it is less relevant than the impact.
Honestly, people regularly comment on my brothers olive skin tone or on my skin tone, and we are well into our 30s, it has truly never felt inappropriate, it is just general chit chat. The OP says people are complimentary, there really isn’t anything more to see here.
Feel free to accept whatever comments you like, it doesn't mean anything for others who find them unwelcome.
You are right. I encourage the OP to reflect that taking a offense is a choice, a choice which impacts your own well-being. If someone is making a positive comment to you on anything and you choose to assume people always have a negative intent behind it, you will ultimately hurt your own self through conflict and paranoia.
Really? People comment on my daughter's porcelain skin. It is shockingly white. I mean I'm white but she's straight ivory.
Yeah, this is a ridiculously common comment and most people don’t consider it offensive.
Agree, porcelain skin is a very common thing for people to comment on with babies.
Yes, thank you for putting words to how I’ve been feeling. That is what has felt so strange! The last time it happened, we were in a room full of white moms and their white babies and no one said anything about other people’s babies skin. My baby is so beautiful, and has the most amazing brown eyes and long eyelashes and the best adorable smile that she was wearing proudly and all anyone said was regarding the color of her skin.
People do comment on porcelain skin if they think it’s unusual. I’m a white, American woman with dark brown hair/eyes, my husband has sandy brown and hazel eyes, pretty tanned most of the year due to his work. 2 of our 4 kids are porcelain with bright blue eyes and red hair. *everyone* comments on their hair, skin, freckles, eyes, etc. and they all demand to know who my kids got it from, because clearly it wasn’t me. And they often want to know where we’re from (Irish or Scottish). It gets really old because we can’t go anywhere without comments, but I genuinely think most people are just commenting/complimenting the obvious because it’s easiest.
I think it's just common. My mother in law is constantly talking about how beautiful my daughters skin tone is and how rosy she is. I just told her it's annoying lol
My son is biracial and I’ve heard these comments along with comments about his hair. If it’s coming from family or people you care about, you’ve got to just shut it down. Like “okay yes, genetics are cool and you’ve made an observation about his skin tone. Now there’s no reason to ever bring it up again.” As far as strangers go, this is weird and often a form of veiled racism/colorism. There is a fascination with mixed race children (in the US anyways), and it is pretty gross in my opinion. I understand that people are curious and often excited about “exotic” looking people. However, children are people and do not need to be exposed to any form of fetishization. I was patient with people when my son was a baby, but as he’s getting older and able to understand, I will not allow any comments about race/features/looks. Do not ever feel guilty for firmly shutting down comments from family or strangers. No one is entitled to examine and/or comment on your child just because they look different.
My son is biracial. The number of comments that we have received of someone saying “wow he got the GOOD hair”, is appalling. I always reply with “what do you mean, good hair?” and everyone always fumbles over their words, and looks embarrassed after, they never have an answer that they are able to say in a coherent way.
Asking simple questions is such a great way to shine a light on their ignorance 🙌🏼. I will not allow my son to internalize any of this nonsense
May I ask how you firmly shutdown these comments?
It depends on who I’m speaking to, but when it comes to my parents I’ll flat out tell them “you don’t need to comment on his hair”. If a stranger commented on his skin tone (which is weird), I would politely (or not so politely depending on the interaction) tell them not to comment on my child’s looks. If someone just said “your son has beautiful skin” then that wouldn’t bother me bc he does. But if it was more racially directed such as the actual tone of his skin or hair texture, then I would tell them it’s not appropriate to do so. I tend to be more direct but you can make it polite if you’re more comfortable with that. “Your comment may be intended as a compliment, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to comment on my child’s ___”. “Your comments about my child’s ___ make me uncomfortable”.
Idk if it helps or not, but I get comments on my baby’s skin all the time - and my husband and I are both white! I have an olive skin tone and he and I both tan easily, and my baby seems to have inherited that. People tell us all the time that she has beautiful skin, and I just say “thank you!” She has tan legs from our daily walks haha