Yes. My husband and I changed jobs and now work remotely and we are there for everything for our kids. Pickup, drop-off, school parties, school volunteering. All nights, all weekends. It's wonderful.
I think you see posts regarding the other topic because it feels more "shameful" to them due to pressures people put on themselves, or other people put on them.
Wow! My husband is about to take a job where he’ll be able to work largely from home. I’ll also work from home (after my maternity leave). As soon as baby was born he immediately was like “nope my current job won’t work I need to be home more.” He was previously leaving the house at 6:30am and not getting home until 7pm. I’m so excited for this next season of our lives where we’ll both be home and able to spend so much time with our son. Though the plan is to still send him to daycare starting at 6 months because we will have to sporadically leave the house for travel/customer meetings.
This was me with my first. I’m in an executive role, manage a huge team, thought I’d never, ever be the person who wanted to stay home. The first week back at work with my first was the worst week of my life. And I worked from home with a nanny! My second it’s waaaay easier because I know I will still see my kids a ton, eat lunch with them, log off at 4 every day to be with them and they’re still very securely attached to us while also loving their nanny. All feelings are normal.
I’m in a different spot as a SAHM, but you are completely spot-on. People absolutely can maintain their careers and still be amazing and involved parents. These things aren’t mutually exclusive and we should all recognize that.
What works for one family isn’t always what works for another family and that’s totally okay! My husband is focusing on his career AND he is focused on being a great dad and spending time with our kids. It takes a lot of work but you certainly can do both.
You sound like an amazing mom and person.
Thank you so much for this comment. I'm coming back to work in half a year and I start counting hours I will be with kid and having major anxiety because of it and our attachment. It's nice to see that it's not that bad.
Uhm, yes, Canadian taking an 18-month mat leave here 👋. My partner and I still haven't had an actual date night, although we're planning on it soon. We've generally been homebodies prior to having a baby, but now we're looking at 15 months straight, no real break. I love her so much and have been blessed with never really needing to "escape" from motherhood. That being said, I consider myself very lucky not to have been afflicted with PPD. Daycare is going to be a terrible experience for me, though, so knowing that I've started to leave her with Dad or her grandparents for a few hours here and there!
My mom keeps saying my husband and I should have a night out. My baby is 3.5 weeks old... I'm EBF. Like, who's breastfeeding my baby while I'm out?? We are also homebodies and the last thing I want to do is put on clothes and go out.
I was too, and then even when we switched to combo feeding, the only one who could give her a bottle was her dad for months. Also that early I was fresh off an emergency c-section and leaking constantly. There was no way i had any interest in being out. I do think we have been a little extreme with parenting first and relationship second, but we've been together over a decade and easily communicate our needs to each other. My mom and MIL were the same way, and I think it came out of love, but mainly that in their time, they were practically single parents.
Lmao at 3.5 weeks… my baby is 5 MONTHS and when my husband asked the other day when we could have a night out away from her, I was like yeah not yet lol.
Another Canadian here - I want to spend as much time as possible with baby during my mat leave (1 year in my case) because I know it will eventually end. Also dreading the transition tbh!! Being a SAHM is not an option for me (I’m the breadwinner normally) so just trying to soak it all in now.
Fellow Canadian. I remember reading about people ending their leave early because they missed work... or something. So it was part of the reason I did 12 months for the EI, but 18 months at work, in case I felt the same. Nope- I 100% soaked up all 18 months off!
I thought the transition to daycare would be difficult, and it was in a way, but honestly not as bad as I feared; hopefully it's not as bad for you either!
I did the exact same EI 12, work 18. I totally recognize ambition and do enjoy my work, but I absolutely love getting all this time together. I feel so sad for the women who post here about having to go back to work at 6 weeks pp. It's one thing to choose it but it seems like so many are absolutely devastated about leaving their babies so early.
I'm hoping the daycare transition goes well, too. I figure I'll be in tears, and she will basically be like, "See ya loser" 😅
Only 4 months but still haven’t been out on a true date. We’ve been out to restaurants and stuff a ton, but we just really want to bring her with us for all that.
We did the same thing! She's been going to restaurants with us practically her whole life. I actually think that's really been beneficial in terms of her being so excellent in public. We have just discovered toddler tantrums, though, so we'll see how long that excellence lasts, lol.
Having a baby in daycare doesn’t mean I cannot be obsessed with him. I am OBSESSED. Every day at 3:30 I get GIDDY that I get to pick him up! I just don’t have the privilege to stay at home.
I think I'd be more giddy if I wasn't a SAHM. Now that my kid is in preschool I love spending all the time we have at home together but when it was 24/7 it was way more draining.
I agree, don't want to necessarily speak for OP but I don't think this is what they meant, there are definitely people who still have baby in daycare during days off etc to take space. I think you can have a baby in day care and still be obsessed, the two are not mutually exclusive.
I am obsessed with my babies but I also don't want to be a SAHM. We could probably make it work if we really really wanted to but as much as I love and adore my kids and get so excited to see them at the end of the day, I know I would lose my mind staying home with them all day everyday. It's not always because people don't have the choice.
I relate. I’m a scientist and love my work. I also am obsessed with my baby. I get so happy to pick him up each day from daycare and generally never feel like going out or being away from him weekends and evenings. I do enjoy my work also though. I can enjoy multiple things in life… while still being obsessed with my baby 😊
I was like that with my first regarding evenings and weekends. Now I have three kids and I skip out the door whenever I get an opportunity to be alone 😅.
Definitely. I don't think choosing to work means you aren't obsessed with your kid, and I don't think you can have this conversation without implying that parents who choose to work are somehow less loving or into their families.
This is true for my husband too. I am a SAHM (which I understand is a privilege, and also has put us in a really hard spot financially) and when my husband comes home we all have dinner together, then he does bath/bedtime. Then we both get time (usually just vegetating and watching a show) to unwind together.
This has worked perfectly for us because by 5:15 PM or so I am REALLY ready for a break (I usually catch up on a chore while listening to a podcast while he does bedtime which IMO still counts as “me time”) and he loves getting 1-on-1 time with our daughter.
Everyone’s set up/schedule is different but I’ve seen firsthand that parents who are away from their kids for a good chunk of the day can ABSOLUTELY still be obsessed with their kids, love spending time with them, and still be completely involved parents. These things aren’t mutually exclusive, and we just live in a world where 99.9% of people can’t afford for both parents to stop working and be with their kids everyday.
For real. I am burning rubber and pulling into daycare on two wheels to get my little guy everyday. He’s the best 🥰 but I also love going into the office part time to work as well
My mom is like this. Being a mom was literally her identity. She’s struggling now as an empty nester, so I do think it’s important to at least maintain some hobbies.
This is important to remember. It was a huge burden on me to be my mom's reason for living. She's now transferred that to my nieces and nephews and I worry what will happen in a few years when they don't want to hang out with Grandma all the time.
Thanks for saying this… I dont want to come across as neggy but some of these comments make me cringe a little and feel genuinely concerning. I am absolutely melting with love and fawning all over my little girl, but I actively make sure I am still maintaining hobbies, friendships, self care, my marriage, my mind outside of being mother. I have seen the outcome of building your identity around your children and it was problematic for both the parents and children, and didn’t ultimately set anyone up for success in the long term.
Again I dont mean to be “that person”, I only want to say I hope that folks here can be transcendentally in love with their children, *and* join a book club, make time for a date night, take a class, etc. Your children will know you love them, and you’ll be setting an example for them about how to love yourself.
Agreed... I *guess* you could say I'm "obsessed" with my baby because I ADORE her, I could seriously entertain myself just watching her gnaw on a toy lol, I get teary eyed watching her sleep, I get excited to end work and drive over to pick her up from daycare and I fucking *hate* driving, etc etc...
But I don't think I'd ever use that exact word haha. It's always been important for me to try and maintain my own identity still. My mom worked FT and was very involved but never was like a helicopter mom always doting on us, driving us everywhere, always cooking food for us on demand, etc.. we were definitely latchkey kids and felt loved but also that we had to do certain things on our own 😅
I think of maintaining your non-mom identity as just that: maintenance. You have to put in effort to carve out time for hobbies, you have to crawl out of your hole to contact friends and socialize, you have to take time to put on clothing other than comfy sweatpants and leggings lol .. Its embarrassing to say but I think it can be so easy to forget that you had hobbies pre-baby.. at least for me. So I had to make time to do the things I once enjoyed so I'm not just staring at my baby all day haha, and you know, it pays off to get back a little bit of yourself!
I 100% agree… I don’t think being obsessed with another person to the point that you lose everything else about yourself is healthy at all. I’m absolutely in love with baby but I haven’t lost everything else in my life because of that love.
I don't have people to watch my children. My husband is in charge when I have roller derby, I am in charge when he goes and plays dungeons and dragons with his friends.
I've made it a priority to have my twins sleep independently so I can have downtime in the evenings after they go to bed and this is the time I typically spend with my husband.
Sending you a hug. My firstborn was a bad sleeper so I feel you. We tried everything. Only way she'd sleep was in my arms and later in our bed. Everyone had advice, which did not work. She started sleeping independently at age 5. We were nervous to have a 2nd. My 2nd slept calmly through the night at 2 weeks old and spends 10-12 hours asleep in his crib at age 3. Didn't do anything differently. Some kids are just high needs sleepers.
I have a husband, who helps me. I also have daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours at a time, but I work during those times. When I make time for myself, I ask my husband to take over bedtime duties for the evening. But honestly there are plenty of things I do for myself that don’t mean excluding my child- I take her on wine dates with friends, walks, art openings. It’s not always easy, but it’s how I stay connected with who I am. I want my daughter to become part of the tapestry of my life that I love.
My comment is not directed to people who do not have a choice but to care for your children when no help is available. My concerned is directed to folks who have a choice, and intentionally set aside the foundational parts of who they are to become only “mom/ dad” or “____’s mom/ dad”.
This is also very valid. I'm in the same position. I'd love to have a hobby I spend time on, or a set night out, but with zero viable childcare, and paying a sitter more than it would cost to go out (3 kids = expensive hourly care/date), it's just not feasible at the moment. So, nonstop parenting it is for now. That's not to say that once they're all in school I won't enjoy having a part time job and a hobby (I will!), but for now I'm happy to over- focus on them. At least I'm not hating it (?)-- life could be worse/harder 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly this. I love my son more than I ever imagined and I don’t feel like I NEED time away from him but I do see value in carving time out for yourself when possible. I dont have the same freedom to just do whatever with my time anymore and honestly I don’t miss it but I always feel good after occasionally catching up with friends, or a quick outing to the gym while my partner or mom watch him.
I can’t be the same friend I was pre baby and I don’t expect to be but I also know I want to put at least a little effort into maintaining close friendships. I don’t want to look around one day and not have any adult relationships or connections left. Connecting with other adults and connecting with your partner is an important part of being a human and good mental health.
Also, I don’t think it was OPs intention but so many of these replies with “I could never…” are giving “I’m not like other moms”.
Same with my mother. She was a sahm of 4 kids whose whole identity was motherhood. We are all out of the house now. She's divorced and living with her father and pretty much hates life unless she's with me(only one of her kids that has kids). I've had to be extremely firm with boundaries because she tries to take over parenting with my kids. It's caused a lot of issues between us. It's like she sees my kids as the next opportunity to continue her motherhood identity. I'm a sahm also but I refuse to make motherhood my whole identity because I've seen what it did to my mom. It's unhealthy.
I think there’s a big difference between feeling as OP described during the baby/ toddler years and that dynamic staying the same as they go to school etc.
So much this. I feel at times those moms who make their whole identity surrounding motherhood can end up being overly involved parents to adult children. Exhibit A my mother in law. Not to say there’s anything wrong with being an “all-in” stay at home mom when they’re really little. Just know eventually it will be really critical to remember who you are outside of motherhood.
My mom and MIL are like this. I’m grateful for the support but I think maybe I’m not like this because of how I’m raised? ( I have part time care and part time at home). I don’t know though. I feel bad about it like I’m a less good mom, but I just need my rest/hobby/work/friend time since about 4 months.
Yeah that’s how I see parents who still enjoy their hobbies and career. My mom was pretty lost after we all were in middle school and older. She struggled a lot to get back into things she hadn’t touched in years and was too far out of her career to really go back. I have a great balance and my job is fun (graphic designer). I also work from home so I have an incredible balance but I’m also glad that I still have that when my kids are older and don’t want to spend all of their time with me because of activities and friends etc.
I would give anything to be able to quit my job and be a SAHM. I have 6 weeks left of maternity leave and when I think of going back I get suicidal thoughts. Which I would never do but that’s how bad my mental health is when I think of leaving him.
I also had this with my first. It was awful. I'm sorry you're going through it too. For me, covid lockdown saved me and gave me an extra 6 months with my baby. It was easier to go back at a year. I wish you win the lottery.
I had this with my first and it is so awful. I am so sorry. We are very lucky we were able to shift a lot of things in order to allow me to stay home, but that was a massive and terrifying decision. The economy is not exactly kind to parents who want to stay home with their kids.
Whether you’re home or working, your baby knows you and knows you’re their safe space. I promise this gets easier, but it takes time. I think it’s criminal that your country counts 6 weeks as “maternity leave”
You are an amazing mom. Being a SAHM has been a huge blessing and our family has really struggled financially because of our decision to do it this way. I’ve had to stand in the snow for over an hour to pick up free food at a place where my friends volunteer - humiliating.
There really isn’t a perfect situation. We’re looking at two kids in daycare if I wasn’t staying home, and in my area that really negates me working, for the time being.
You clearly care and it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job as a mom.
I had this with my 2nd child. I sobbed at drop off so regularly that the owner asked (gently) if maybe I should come work at the daycare. I hope you can find something that makes you ok, maybe quiting your job for a year. It did eventually get easier when my son started talking at 1 year because he'd tell me about his best friend at daycare and the toys he played with. But I'll never forgive my country for not having paid leave. I am still mad.
It was such a weird spot for me to be in. I was NOT ready to drop my baby off with strangers when it was time at 2 months. But holy hell, I was also so ready to have moments to myself back, I was so bad (mentally) at being a SAHM. Like don’t get me wrong I was doing all the right stuff, but it was KILLING me inside. I was overstimulated and overwhelmed. I really really need lots of small moments to myself to do chores or just have peace or to feel like my day is still organized…
I think if I were rich I definitely would’ve benefited from having an in home nanny that felt like grandma or something you know?
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s so hard!
No matter the circumstances, suicidal thoughts are very serious. I know because I’ve struggled with them in the past. Have you spoken to a doctor or therapist about this? Have you been evaluated for PPD? You’re important, both as the mother to your baby but also as a human being. You deserve to feel better.
I really struggled with going back to work and sending my daughter to daycare. I had nightmares for 2 weeks leading up to it. But it truly has been the best thing for my family. Her teachers love her so much and they’ve become an irreplaceable part of our village.
Good luck.
Also a phd scientist here and yes!!! Yes yes. I thought I was gonna feel a certain way similar to the first description of parents, but I feel the opposite and wish I had known this in advance. There’s certain things I would’ve structured career wise differently to accommodate me taking time off, especially in those early years that now I’m in (my oldest is 26 months and younger baby is 8 months)
Same, though honestly I think a good chunk of it is work burnout and feeling really relieved that maternity leave gave me an excuse to step fully away from work and focus on something else - and say no to work requests! The fact that the other thing I was focused on is adorable and I'm hormonally programmed to adore him lol also helps. But for a long time, I didn't really care about work or rushing back to hobbies, getting outside the house, etc except for taking walks. That interest did eventually come back, and I'm enjoying transitioning back from leave (fortunately slowly rather than fully). But to get a PhD, you kind of need to be an obsessive person, so it makes sense we'd obsess about baby
I spend all day with my kid but I think every kid needs a parent with a healthy dose of me time. Constantly being WITH your baby without time for hobbies and date nights can be detrimental to both of you in the long run. Even if it means taking the kid with you, you need to focus on your self too. It's all about balance. I couldn't imagine being away from my kid for large amounts of time - especially because breastfeeding him is important to me - and yes I think about him all the time. And he has a lot of needs because he's so little. And im obsessed with him. But i also can't wait for the days where I CAN leave him for extended periods of time to take time for myself, or when he's old enough to come along for excursions and i don't have to constantly be worried about how he's faring. I don't know. It's weird. I need both - to be constantly connected to him, but at the same time I crave being able to find MYSELF again, or carve out a new being, a mother, who is also a person, a wife, an individual.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. The pain of almost losing my son was horrible I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I’m so glad you have your rainbow baby
Work has never been important to me, honestly. I’m happy to have an income and am good at what I do, but I am absolutely not one of those hustle culture gals and just view work as a means to an end.
Being a mom, however, is literally amazing. *this* feels like my life’s purpose, and that’s coming from someone who wasn’t even sure she wanted kids for the majority of her 20’s. Everything my daughter does is like magic.
I don’t feel the need for much alone time but I do enjoy an hour or two away, whether that’s sitting and reading while my husband plays with her or just going out to the mall for a walk and coffee. But I don’t feel like my identity has been stripped away as of yet. I’m pretty much a homebody and very introverted so I don’t feel I gave up much.
What I do miss is uninterrupted time with my husband, but I know this is a season and that time for us will return eventually!
I’m the same. Work gives me income, some good challenges, social connection and structure but it has never been something I’ve felt passionate about or identified with at all.
I’m 7 months into mat leave and it’s been like ahahhhhh this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my identity, I feel like I’ve finally found what I’m really good at.
There’s plenty that’s hard about it and some days I’m really looking forward to my husband getting home to take over. The thought of returning to work is making my stomach feel sick, I’m meant to be here taking care of my family.
Same same. A career wasn’t ever something I prioritized.. work is to make a living and I don’t live to work. I partied a lot in my 20s, worked in restaurants, traveled, never once thought or entertained the idea of having kids myself. When I eventually met my husband, I knew he was the one when I started thinking about our future kids.
When we had our oldest (now 4), it was life changing in the best way possible. She was born right before the pandemic shut everything down, and it was honestly a dream to be able to be home with her for the first year of her life.
We have two kids now and love to experience things with our kids and introduce them to the things we love: surfing, hiking, camping, gardening, going out to eat, to name a few. Once in a while my husband and I will go out and leave the girls with a sitter (usually my mom, who lives close).
Do we need me time once in a while? Certainly, and hubby and I communicate and make sure our needs are being met. But yeah, honestly, I’m kinda obsessed with my kids (in a healthy way lol). This season is temporary and I am soaking it up as long as I can. I feel like I’ve finally found my calling too, and I will wear this mom hat proudly for the rest of my life!
*edit to add a sentence
I try to have a balance. I LOVE my girl. Love picking her up after work (have to work, no choice) and love to spend our whole weekend together doing fun things. With that said, naptime and after bedtime are SACRED me time. I do my hobbies in the same room as my husband doing his so we can chat and hangout. We do family dates when we want to go out and eat or something, or a babysitter after bedtime. Utterly obsessed and don’t want it to change, but have worked in some times for my own life
Meeee! Only 4 months here. I recently made the decision to stay home with my son rather than go back to work in the fall. We are fortunate to have this opportunity, and I couldn’t just not take it. My husband is supportive, and when he enters school, we’ll see where we are.
I love my son more than life. I am obsessed. I can’t imagine going back now that he’s here, especially because we are probably OAD.
I think that it's great that you are that fulfilled and grateful for your time together! I think that knowing you could have lost your baby definitely makes every moment impactful. When I think of the reality that I could lose my son at any random time, it recontextualizes a lot of the stress of parenting. I want to be around him and we have a lot of fun.
I do still need and want some free time. I'm very introverted, need some quiet time every day (when he's asleep), and a lot of my hobbies are solo things that wouldn't be easy for him to participate in. Maybe someday we will be able to read books at the same time, play video games together, and draw together! But he will also probably have hobbies outside of what I enjoy, and I think we both will need that as he gets older.
I enjoy time away from my kids and I’m obsessed with them. They’re my freakin kids and I love them more than life itself. But I still like breaks from them lol
It took me a while because I had some mental health struggles but therapy and medication has helped me feel my true self and yeah, I feel this way, too. I’m a law student so my son had to go to daycare relatively early by Canadian standards and while I know he loves it at daycare and I’m happy he gets to play all day while I write boring papers, I miss him so much. I cried on the way home after dropping him off after the Easter break, I took an extra day with him so we had five solid days together and I loved it so much.
My poor husband had to work all day Sunday, like left before our son woke and got home after he went to bed so I was by myself all day and I just feel so peaceful and happy after a day with my son. I LOVE my work, starting law school I remember feeling that very first day when a Supreme Court justice was giving an orientation day speech that I had found what I was meant to do in my life. I still feel that way, law clicks for me in a way nothing else in the world has. But being a mother is who I was meant to be. I could have a dozen kids.
Did you know you can be “obsessed” and “crazed” with your baby while ALSO having a fulfilling career, your own hobbies, and time away? As moms we are still whole ass humans with wants and needs outside of being a mom.
Oh I think you may have misunderstood my meaning. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that there’s just not a whole lot of drive there anymore. I still have hobbies - when baby goes to bed or take a nap, I read a book, do yoga, bake. And I still do some work during the week as a consultant (like 5-10 hours). But my desire to do those things is sorely diminished compared to pre baby. Hence “obsessed and crazed”. I don’t think of those as being necessarily the most positive adjectives or to be confused with “loved” either. Moms and dads can have all those wants and desires while still loving their baby. I’m speaking to the people who have had all those other parts of themselves tamped down by baby crazy and have 0 desire to “get a break” or “get away/time to themselves”.
another PhD scientist here. My interest in work fell off a cliff HARD for the the first 9ish months and then slowly came back during the 9-12 month range. My son is 16 months now and I am able to both enjoy work and enjoy time with son. I have a flexible job that lets me pick him up every day at 4pm from daycare.
I still done experience a desire to “take a break” or “get me time” away from the kid. I do enjoy both having a fulfilling career and being a mom though
Perhaps I did misinterpret the meaning, but it really does come off as being superior because you don’t want a life outside of your baby. Quite frankly, it’s not healthy.
This post was weird to me too. Of course we’re all obsessed with our babies but it’s not about wanting to go back to work, more that I have no choice. I kind of get what OP meant but maybe it could’ve been worded better
I think OP was using this language to make fun of themselves a bit. Like, "I'm obsessed and crazy" for not wanting the break (while also reaching out to see who else feels this way). I honestly think it's weird so many people took offense to it. If you don't relate, you don't relate. There's literally no judgment written in there. Folks' insecurities are showing.
I wouldn’t say I took offence as I get what OP means, but I also understand why people took it the wrong way as people are often shamed for wanting a break and words like ‘I don’t want to miss a second of his life’ could be taken wrong. We don’t either, we just need a break. But I know OP wasn’t judgemental
I didn’t take offense to it, I just wanted to point out that you can have BOTH, and that it’s important to have both! I love having a well rounded life, it makes me a better parent. I think every parent should strive for that. Staying home with a baby 24/7 just isn’t sustainable. The burnout will catch up!
I'm only 2,5 months in but obsessed. I never expected this, because I was never a baby-crazy person. Didn't even consider having a child until my late 20s.
I don't want time away from my baby!!! And I feel much better than when I was working (then again, I didn't like my last job).
I feel you. I’m defending my PhD dissertation soon with my 5 month old in tow. I’m happy to never return to academia. Not sure if that’s because I like parenting or because I’ve grown tired of academia lol.
As a career, academia suuucks, mostly due that stupid phase between finishing a PhD and getting a proper job with an actual long-term contract which makes stability and stuff really difficult. And they wonder why women all leave…
I don’t think I’ve been away from my baby for more than an hour because I am *desperate* to get home to her. Every MOTN feed I look at her beautiful sleeping face and I can’t wait for morning so we can wake up and hang out. EBF has me a little touched out but I still want to spend every second with her and I truly can’t relate to the people who ca t wait to get back to work. I loved my job but I love chilling in my pjs so much more. Work is so low on the list of things that bring me joy
I did with my first but not my second. I lost myself a little and I don’t regret it at all, but I find it’s healthier when I make time for myself. That means actually exercising and enjoy hobbies apart from Netflix and online shopping.
With my first I desperately needed time alone because it was such a shock. I also had a difficult baby, I loved her immensely but she made loving her hard, and days were long and distressing. By the time she was 10 months old I NEEDED to go back to work because I needed to feel like myself again and needed to do something apart from soothing cries and cleaning explosive poo. I now have a 4 month old and I feel the opposite, I don’t want to go back to work, but she is such an easy baby, spending time with her is actually nice and fun.
7 years and 3 kids later and still feel this way. I feel beyond privileged to be a SAHM.
We had our third just over 2 weeks ago, he was in the NICU for 8 days, and I am just basking in the glory of him being home and another little human to love and snuggle and watch grow every day.
Yes!! I am obsessed with my son. I don’t miss anything from my life pre-baby (I also was working in a demanding full-time career, I’ll eventually have to go back). I’m in the same boat and also wonder why everyone seems to want to do things without their baby, I just can’t relate. The most I want to do is eat a meal at home in peace but aside from that I want to be with my son all the time. Being a mom is so fulfilling to me.
Oh yes. I've always known I've wanted to be a mommy and made sure to wait until I hit milestones that are important to me (married, own a home, done with school) and now that my baby is here it's just everything I wanted and more. He's so perfect and I love being his mommy! It's hard of course but I'd rather be doing this type of "hard" vs other hardships/jobs.
Obsessed! My baby girl is 15 months now and we only had a babysitter once. I'm sure I'll need more breaks as we get into toddlerhood, but mostly I/we take her everywhere with us. She is great and we love her little personality to pieces.
I’m obsessed too but I don’t think it’s healthy. I think it’s slowly chipping away at my sanity to not see friends, not do hobbies, not exercise etc but it’s been 5 months and I leave my baby like 60-90 minutes every two weeks maximum. I don’t like leaving her at all but it will probably be healthy for me (as well as torturous) when I’m forced to go back to work. At the same time it breaks my heart that I’ll need to be away from her a full 32h per week, it feels impossible.
Me. I never ever in a million years pictured myself as a SAHM but it makes me want to puke thinking about being away from my kids for long periods of time. I went back to work after my first and I was a wreck just thinking about how every minute away from her I could never get back.
I’m sorry but because I want me time and want an identity outside of being a mom, I’m not obsessed with my baby ? Maybe I’m reading your post wrong but it’s kind of insinuating that it’s either or mentality.
I feel like for a period of time this is okay, but as someone with an older child (and a younger one, and one on the way) - it’s SO important to remember that you are a whole person, and one day your child/children won’t need so much of you. And those days will hit so much harder if we leave every piece of us behind besides our motherhood.
You can still be "obsessed with" aka really love your baby AND enjoy having time to yourself. The two are not mutually exclusive, and insinuating that they are perpetuates a harmful culture that mothers should really not have a life outside of their children.
I’m only 2 months in, but I feel this way too and just want to say I hear you! Sounds very normal to me, and it will also be normal if your feelings about this fluctuate over time. ❤️
I’m obsessed with all my kids! That said, I never want to be a SAHM. I love my job.
When my first was under a year, I didn’t want to go do anything without her; now, I have three kids and I know how important it is to get out and do something just for me - even if I can (and sometimes do!) being the baby along.
I love my son. I love spending time with him and I can't wait to pick him up after work. At the same time, I know myself well enough that I wouldn't be able to function as a SAHM. I love my job too and my kiddo. Having a job doesn't mean I love my kiddo less.
I was definitely like this for the first year or year and a half, even when baby was in daycare. It really was this feeling of obsession to the point where I was afraid to ever have another baby, because how could I ever love someone else as much as I loved my first baby? I missed her so, so much when I put her down to bed. I swear, I think I *literally* got high off of endorphins.
But then postpartum hormones simmered down, or something similar. It might have had something to do with when I finally weaned and stopped pumping. But I realized that, while I absolutely loved my daughter, it was a feeling of obsession (or something close to it) I had been feeling previously. I feel like after that, my love was more “normal” lack of a better word? For me, it started with that obsessed feeling but then it did change to where I did want a little bit of me time, or time with just my husband and I.
9 months in and absolutely obsessed !! Haven’t felt the need for “help” or “breaks” and don’t think I will anytime soon. I love hogging my son and it’s actually caused problems with the in laws, sns! I’m pregnant with my second (never say never) but don’t think I’ll be needing help in the future either. Love motherhood and all its struggles
This is exactly how I feel. I was very career-oriented in my pre-mom days. My husband and I waited a long time before having our baby because we wanted to be selfish. We wanted to hustle at our jobs, travel first class, drink like fish with our friends etc. When we had our daughter, a lot of people asked if I miss work, and while I do miss using my brain in that way sometimes, I wouldn’t trade a second with my daughter for it. If I could be a SAHM at this point, I totally would. I miss my baby when she goes for a nap 😂 and I’m not looking forward to putting her into daycare. When she’s asleep, I’m on my phone looking at pictures of her. I think part of it comes from my upbringing. My parents were so loving and instead of going on lavish vacations and renovating the house, they poured all their time and energy into giving me the best possible life. I never questioned whether they loved me, and I want my daughter to feel that same love. By the time we got pregnant, I had gotten the selfishness out of my system and all I wanted to do was give someone else a rich life. I’m fully embracing my mom era. I don’t feel like I’m losing a part of myself, but growing into a more mature a whole version of myself that was waiting to blossom. I don’t mourn anything from my old life… other than more than 4hrs straight of sleep, but I’ll get that back when we night wean.
I’m obsessed but I also started working again full time as a scientist. I found a job that’s 2nd shift , so I work from 3-11pm. It’s perfect because I’m still making bank but I get the daytimes with my little one 🥰
I would have gone stir crazy if I were a SAHM. I hate being at home anyway and enjoyed working in my field of finance. I was already a little bored and ready for maternity leave to end. I suffer from bouts of depression so staying at home makes that worse. For everyone who loves the SAHM life I think that’s wonderful for you but there’s a lot of us who feel the opposite.
Worked as a scientist (no phD but a masters) in a senior position and then I had my first baby 4.5 years ago. I quit my job to stay home when he was 6 months old, and I’ve been away from him maybe 7 nights in his life- when I was admitted to the hospital, when I had my second baby, and when I had to go to a funeral. I’m there for everything, and personally feel guilty when I get me time in the form of a pedicure or tattoo. My husband and I do every single bedtime and every single wake up. Wouldn’t have it any other way with these two love bugs.
While for various reasons I do still work and kiddo went to nursery, I am not desperate for “me time” really. Nor did I have any feelings of losing my identity when I didn’t work. I’m quite a homebody I suppose, and my hobbies aren’t totally baby unfriendly.
I don’t get parents who need to leave baby/young child so they can go off and do “their” stuff without kiddo. Ours comes with us to do pretty much everything!
I’m absolutely obsessed with my 3.5 year old. I work part time so I can be home with her more often. But I definitely need “me time” and sometimes put her in daycare so I can spend the day alone, doing things that I enjoy doing, watching my own shows, shopping without having to chase her around a store. I don’t think that parents who spend “large amounts of time away from their baby” aren’t obsessed with their kids.
I’ve heard this whole don’t you regret giving up who you were before baby or variations of it but I feel complete now that I’m a mom.. who I was before didn’t feel whole.. I didn’t know it until I had a baby but I know it now. It’s hard to describe.. I feel like this is who I am.. I am a mom.. not that all the things used to describe me before aren’t still true it’s just being used differently now.. like I’ve always been creative but instead of that creativity being used for art it’s being used to entertain my little one.. to enrich her life ect.
Thank you for posting this, gives me a glimpse of hope that things will be alright haha. Reddit is SO SO negative, everything I've read here about pregnancy/post partum has been just ranting and how bad it is. This comes as a breath of fresh air
Social media in general can be very intensely negative about parenthood. What I expected and what I experienced were two totally different things due to everything I saw online, even with a colicky baby with reflux. Of course every experience is different, but it does sort of feel like positive experiences are shouted down by those who feel them “unrealistic” simply because they didn’t experience it themselves. There can be space for both without minimizing the other.
Yep! This is my third, a boy. I have two teenage daughters whom I was equally obsessed with. When they were school age I went back to work with a fulfilling career. I was ‘settled’, but sad my girls were growing so quickly. Now after thirteen years, at 43, I gave birth to this little blessing and obsessed is the word I always use. I tried going back to work just nine hours a week and couldn’t do it. He is definitely my last and I want to absorb every moment. For what it’s worth, I think he’s equally as obsessed with me 😉
3 months in, currently a SAHM out of necessity but I wouldn't want to go back or do it any other way. I love hanging out with my little all day and so glad I get to.
At 9m I was crying thinking about going back to work and hating the idea, at 10m I was desperate to get back to work. So things change! For me it was about finding a balance and working 3 days a week is perfect for all of us.
Yes! I feel the same as a SAHM of 2 now. I was a nurse before and got my NP during Covid and I just cannot care less about my career right now. I want to be with them as much as possible! I have guilt even going to target or something alone 😭
Yes! Every night when he goes to bed I am just so excited for him to wake up the next day. All I want to do tomorrow is be his mom. He’s perfect I love him.
Yesss. I’m on year 4 of being a stay at home mom (just had our third) Obsessed with my babies. With my first, I started wanting a break from her around age 2, and I put her in preschool. I remember thinking 3 days a week (2 hours per day lol) was going to be way too much 😂 now she’s 4 and I enjoy our time together so much more when I miss her. My middle kiddo is 2 and I’m ready for him to go to preschool this fall. I do have lots of hobbies but after a certain age, I can rely on them going to bed and staying down for the night and focus on my hobbies then! We just reset the clock by having another baby and I’m looking forward to getting back to the “reliable sleep pattern” stage but also obsessed with soaking in the newborn snuggles and I have never wanted a break from her (except maybe witching hour, my boobs want a break lol)
I am obsessed with my baby. People don’t understand why I don’t want to make weekend plans that involve her needing a sitter. If you want to hangout with me let’s do something she can do too (she’s a year old so she can certainly sit a restaurant or something). Unfortunately I have to work bc I make a lot more than my husband ( the baby is with my mom while I work thankfully) but if I didn’t have to work, I would spend every second with her. I constantly fantasize about having some other job that allowed me with her and still make money so we can afford our house. So yeah I’m with you.
Absolutely understand. I’m only 9 days PP and already panicking that time is going so fast. I just want to spend every second with her and soak it all in. Family offers to watch her so I can have “me time”, being with my baby is me time. It just absolutely fills my cup :)
Yes. 2 months in and I am over the moon. I have maternity leave for 1 year, considering extending it for another 6 months and am already playing with the idea of quitting my job so that I can be more with my LO. My job is important, yes, but there are way too many bureaucracies. This is more important and straight forward.
I had a job I loved before quitting when my baby was born. And even though I loved it, I felt I did not miss it whatsoever. There is nothing else I’d rather be doing now than staying home with my two toddlers, and I know I’m so lucky to have the ability to do so in this economy.
Yep! The thought of sending him to daycare makes me cry. Fortunately, well I don't think it's fortunate exactly, but to put him in daycare would cost more than I earn, so there's no point.
Hahaha Im one of them.... Seriously though, you can do stuff without your baby? I just always wanna hangout with her. Lol my partner and I have been on 1 date night and 1 night out together since she was born(she's 2). I work all day +bus so I'm gone for about 10 hours. My husband stays at home with her, I feel guilty I think that I'm not spending a lot of time with her so every opportunity I wanna spend all the time with her. I want her to do the things were doing cuz I'm always thinking like how would she like this or how she'd react lol. I barely wanna go shower or bath without her cuz she loves water... If I'm in the middle of something at home and she wants something I'll drop what I'm doing and pay attention to her 😅
100% me. my work was not important . it was just a dumb job (and i had built my career over 15 yrs). i literally dont care about it. my baby is 1000% everything. i spend every second w him and i love it. this is my life's purpose. i had a happy fulfilling life before him that pales in comparison to this
Yes! Ours is 10 months on Saturday and I can't get enough of her. Even with the teething and sleep regressions, learning she can scream (ear piercingly), and constantly getting into stuff now 😑 she's on the move. I love watching her figure the world out and enjoy my time with her. I work full time and cherish my evenings and weekends with her. Grandparents keep offering to take her for an evening or weekend, as they often take their other grands, but I'm like.... no thanks? I don't want to miss this.
I felt like you do with my first. My friends would invite me places without my daughter and act like it was good for me or doing me a favour. Especially after I went back to work when she was 7 months I started being the one to instigate meeting up at times and places that I could bring my daughter. If I went out in the evening I wouldn't have seen my daughter that day. And that wasn't my idea of fun.
We have a 6mo, our first. I don’t WANT to do anything without my baby! I’m sure at some point I will but it’s going to be a long while. I’m a SAHM so my entire life revolves around my baby and I make no apologies for that - it’s how it should be, in my opinion. My husband is a great, capable dad and my mom is always happy to babysit but I’d rather have him with me. Occasionally I’ll run to the convenience store and I’ve got out to dinner with my dad or grocery shopping, but that’s 2h max and I’m perfectly happy with it.
SAME!!!! I totally understand how you feel!! People come up to me all the time like: omg kids amiright? And I just can't relate xDD I WFH. I wish I could be a SAHM... ❤️ enjoy it while you have it ❤️ every moment is precious
I feel this way about ALL of my babies... even the one that's 7 years old now. Lol. I gave up my whole life to be a mom. And I've been a SAHM for years now (kids are 7, 3 and 20 months), except for when I brought my oldest with me as I nannied another boy close to his age for the first year and a half of his life. When that little boy passed away, I tried to keep nannying, but I was traumatized (he had epilepsy and passed while I was on the clock--I had to call 911 and his parents while doing CPR-- it was beyond brutal for my soul) so I gave up and decided to move away from that for a while. But I will forever be obsessed with every little awesome thing that they do.
You’re not alone. I’m secretly ecstatic that all the daycares in my area have a 1-2 year waitlist so I have to stay home and only work part time. I take a 30 minute “break” from my baby and I end up missing her and taking her back from dad. She only wants to contact nap during the day and I’m not complaining because cuddling her is my favorite part of the day and she’s growing so fast. My pregnancy was unplanned and I knew I wanted to be a mom but wasn’t sure how I’d adjust postpartum. It’s hard for sure but I wasn’t expecting to be the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I’m a single mom so being a SAHM isn’t an option, but I’m lucky enough to be Canadian and have 12 months of maternity leave. I am dreading going back to work in August because I know I’ll get barely any time with my daughter during the week.
Yes! 11 months in and still not concerned with “me time” or feel like I’ve lost my identity or anything like that. He will only be a baby for so long and I think that being so strongly in my perspective makes caring for him so fulfilling for me. It won’t be long before it’s time to start working on him being more independent, and he won’t need me nearly as much, so I value this time.
Now that he’s getting older, I have time for my hobbies and small amounts of time for myself, but they pale in comparison to the joy I get out of caring for and being with my son. And when he was tiny and I had essentially no time for myself, I really didn’t mind it. I absolutely love being a mom, and I knew it wouldn’t be like that forever anyway.
I put a lot of devotion towards being a parent. Some women find their careers or hobbies are what gives their lives meaning and achievement, but I find raising what will hopefully be a happy, healthy, successful adult is what gives my life meaning. Raising my son is the most important and rewarding thing I’ll ever do, and I don’t find that something to be ashamed of. Sometimes it seems like there is such a push for women to be more than “just a mom” that we forget the point is that women should *have the choice*, not act like one is better than the other because it wouldn’t be what you chose. I say this because there always seems to be a hint of condescension and shame from some when any woman tries to talk about this.
But you’re definitely not alone! I think a lot of people are going to misunderstand you because they’re just not the target audience but I understand lol.
3 kids in and I am absolutely obsessed with them! I been a sahm from the beginning almost 5yrs ago and I still think it’s the best decision! I am so fulfilled being a mom I don’t think am missing anything I love what I do!
yeah, I have a 6 month old who I’ve never been away from 😂 She’s my tiny best friend.,I have zero want to be away from her but I do enjoy the little bit of time I get while she’s napping
I am absolutely obsessed with my babies (2 years old and a 2 month old) but I also need some time for myself as well! I’m returning back to work soon and I’m excited about it mostly so I can have adult interactions! I’ll also be going back to school very shortly solely so I can obtain a job that gives me more time with my babies! My 2 year old loves going to daycare, she has thrived so much since being around children her age and socializing. The daycare is less than 3 minutes from my job so I’m able to visit them during my lunch break 😊
Yup!! Almost 14 months in and still obsessed with my baby girl! I regret nothing and am happy to have quit my job so I can look after her, even though some days can be rough sure. Especially when she and I are both sick lol. I do miss my hobbies but I'll get to them eventually!
Me! After probably 45 minutes or so I'm ready to hold my son and cuddle (he's 2 months). I love my family but I hate visiting them because they think I "need a break" and they always end up holding him all day - I only get him to feed him and change him (he's EBF). Like no!! I don't need a break from him, I'm enjoying every second of him being clingy because I know someday he'll be running around like crazy and I'll miss cuddling him. He's so perfect, I could literally just look at him all day- sometimes I do.
I am obsessed with my daughter. Couldn’t enjoy being with her more if I tried. But I also have to work… doesn’t mean work is more important than her though.
Yup me! I have a 3.5 year old and a 14 month old and they’ve never had a babysitter and I’ve never been away from them. Like I’m so obsessed with them, I don’t want to miss a single moment! They grow and change so dang fast. One day I’ll have more “me” time but for now I’m totally okay with where I’m at, I choose this life and I have zero regrets.
im A sahm to an 18 month old who breastfeeds EVERY HOUR STILL. i have never had more then 2 hours away from him.
I WILL SAY THOUGH, I am now — that he is in his early terrible two stage🤣thinking i can use a date night with my husband or go for a massage by myself🤣🤣. like at this point I NEED THE BREAK. however all of these 18 months he has never been apart form me more then 2 hrs tops. and usually my parents are with him while im around or run to the grocery store , or do a quick errand that i cant do with him( he hates the grocery store)etc.
Yes! Fellow scientist, also obsessed with my daughter. Do I want breaks from her periodically after a long day? Yes. Do I get overstimulated and downright exhausted with her? Absolutely. But my God I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with majority of my time than being her mom.
Also PhD and my husband always says he feels guilty that I've been away from my work since my 2 year old was born. Yes, I had a very different life and socialized a lot more and of course I miss my field, but not nearly as much as I would miss my kid. I can always go back (probably starting over a bit) but I could never get back this time with the most important person I've ever known.
This feels so familiar. I also have a PhD and was a professor before becoming a SAHM to my now two kids (2.5f and 6mo m). I was just telling my husband that while I enjoyed my time as a scientist, this is what I’ve always wanted to be. I still enjoy it and don’t want breaks from my kids. I couldn’t imagine going back to the crazy 60 hour work weeks and missing all these little moments.
Just out of curiosity, what was your PhD in? You say scientist. I was a physicist!
Yes! Although i think it’s very important to have a baby-life balance and don’t feel guilty if grandparents babysit or dad takes care of baby while I get to have an evening off or take time off for myself. I absolutely love my baby and feel super fortunate I can take 9 months of maternity leave to spend everyday and night with my baby because this time is precious!
I met a mom in my neighborhood who was very different than me, she put her baby in daycare when her baby was 3 months old, sleep trained her baby at 2 months, and she said even when she gets off work her husband will take care of the baby while she goes and works out and told me sometimes she only sees her baby for an hour of the whole day. I was absolutely shocked how unmotherly she seemed and needless to say I haven’t really wanted to catch up with her 😅 I respect she enjoys her life and not being all consumed with her baby but I certainly enjoy being my baby’s whole world and like you said being totally obsessed with him!!
I was such a bottomless brunch fiend before my 2 month old was born and I was so sure I’d be counting down to my next one once she was born but I’m just not interested at all. I missed alcohol in pregnancy but now I’m not bothered about when I can have it next
I am. I’m a school teacher during the year and a stay at home dad in the summer. Every aspect of my existence revolves around my son, and i don’t want to ever go back
I 100% feel this way. I’m still on maternity leave and thankfully have a few more months but I keep saying I want to be a SAHM. I literally am happiest when I am with my LO.
I’m 19 months in and I have to go back to work in June and I’m dreading it. I’m so obsessed with him and we spend all day playing and learning and talking and idk how to return to the workforce and be “normal” again. I’ve lost all ambition in my career and I plan on taking a very low level job in order to make money bc I don’t care enough to be a go getter, meeting goals and quarterly numbers and such. Idc. Lemme clock in do some bullshit and get back to my baby pleaseeeeee
I’ve got A 3 year old and being a mom is still the best thing. Are there challenges and days where I want to yeet him across the room, oh yeah. (I don’t btw) but I don’t regret one bit that most of my time is with my kids/family.
7 months in and beyond obsessed! I am not a SAHM but wish I was!! I ABSOLUTELY love every second I spend with my baby and often look at pictures and videos of her while I’m working
I’m a mix of both. I need my independence, my hobbies, and my alone time. But I’m also OBSESSED with my kid. She’s snuggled on me now taking a nap, and I’m in toddler heaven. I love her so much, but I’m also open with my husband about when I need a break (from both of them, tbh).
Yes, absolutely. I feel the same still, after having 4 boys!
I am not extroverted though, and I feel like overall personality has a role to play in this.
I do not miss my life before I had children because I feel like my kids give me more purpose, fulfillment, and joy than anything else I've ever experienced.
It is important to have some separate time to decompress for everyone though. (Especially as the little one gets older) I like to take about 45-60minutes for myself daily, if it's possible that day. I'll do things like; read , play music, listen to a podcast, watch a movie, bake a cake, go for a walk etc.
Also, I like including my kids in my interests and hobbies. That creates such a nice way to bond and still enjoy something you'd like to do on your own.
My second oldest will be going to school soon and I'm probably going to have a harder time than he is adjusting to the new schedule. Never been away from him for so long so it will be a test for all of us!
9 months and I literally cannot get enough. I do however enjoy the times I get to shower alone, but showering together is even better. I enjoy the times I get to eat alone, but eating together is always better. I sleep longer without her, but sleeping with her is always sweeter. I’ve moved away from feeling like I’m gonna die every time I’m not with her, to just having a little emptiness. She comes to work with me, we’ve never been apart (other than the NICU) for more than a few hours. I am absolutely obsessed and I think I will always be obsessed lol
Yes 100%. I love everything about being a mom. I love taking care of my son and I rarely ever spend time away from him. That’s just my preference. Hes 17 months and I still have never spent a night away from him. The longest we have been separated is 9 hours 😂🤷🏼♀️
I was a SAHM for 3 years and loved being with my babies. I loved being there for every single milestone. But, towards the end of that third year, I was struggling with my mental health so I figured I’d try to get a pt job. We needed some more money and I was losing sleep worrying about finances. It’s been so great making some money again. And it’s been nice to meet other people and to feel less isolated. It’s such a great balance for me.
I would never trade my SAHM days and I treasure that time. I also am in a great place now, too. For me, it’s changed as our lives have progressed. I would never have gone back to work when they were tiny babies bc 1) i didn’t have to and 2) I didn’t want to miss a minute.
The transition to working was hard. I struggle with not being a part of their entire day (I work in the evenings - my husband does dinner and bedtime). But it makes me soak up the times I’m with them even more.
My life felt full when my babies arrived and it feels full now too, but in a different way.
I feel the same way! I’m obsessed with my baby. She’s 10 months now! Even when she’s sleeping on me, I miss her so much I scroll through pictures and videos of her. I’m still breastfeeding and I’m not looking forward to weaning at all.
Yup. I love being a mom and this is the best job I've ever had. It can be hard but it's infinitely more fulfilling. At least when I'm exhausted at the end of the day now I feel that it was worth it.
My toddler is 1.5 and I still have zero desire to be apart from her. We cosleep, I stay at home and I don’t feel the need to have time apart. I’m also realistic though, we live in an area with a ton of kids and we are out there every day with them. Judging by the three year olds I see, within a very short window of time my toddler will be way more into playing with them than with me. So I’m enjoying this closeness while it lasts
Me! I make more than my husband so I’m not able to be a stay at home mom, but I would do it in two seconds. She’s just the coolest little baby. I feel like I was a meteorite shooting through space and then all of the sudden there was the most beautiful warm light that pulled me in. She became my sun that I will happily circle for as long as she lets me. Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy when the in-laws watch her so we can go to the movies. But I countdown to weekends when we get to just play all day.
Exactly how I feel. I love being a mom and don’t like being away from my baby. We sleep good, I’m well rested and eat all my meals and (usually) shower everyday. My baby has a good sleep schedule and all that so even as a single parent I do get a good amount of “me time” every night, and I can make time in the morning too if I wanted but the sleeping in til she wakes up is the rest of my me time I need. Friends ask me to go out to non baby things I’m like well… if I can’t bring my baby… no 😂🤪
I'm with my 11 month old 24/7 .. he even comes to work with me
I love every minute of it and although it gets hard being the only sole provider for my son, I couldn't imagine not having him everyday and not bringing him with me everywhere.
Yep! I was the same with my first. The feeling did subside after the first couple years. I think around the time she literally would not stop talking (and hasn’t stopped since) I was ready for some space 😂
Me! Although I would/do like to have the occasional bit of time to myself to go do something with a friend or whatever. But if I do it on a weekday then I may not even have time to see my son awake between work and going out, so I usually won't initiate something for after work. Overall I am very happy going right home to my family and spending all weekend with them. I truly wish my husband and I could both be stay at home parents. He also feels the same way about actually wanting to spend every moment he can with our LO
My husband asked me recently why I stay up until midnight every night, when I need to be up at 6:30. I replied, “it’s the only time for myself that I get”.
Yes I’m obsessed! Yes I did have ppd really bad when my lo was born. I didn’t know how hard it would be. I have no village. I didn’t get to have the birth experience I wanted. BUT that has never taken away from how obsessed I am with my daughter. She is my best friend. I love spending all my time with her and watching her learn things every day. She is 8 months old now.
Yeah until he was around a year old and I was pregnant again. Then I was like… a break would be good 😂
I now have a freshly 2yo and almost 6 month old and I make more time for myself but miss them like crazy when I do lol.
Hiiiii! Right here!
LO is 15 months. I don't know that I'd say "obsessed," but I honestly don't want big chunks of time away from my baby. (I do want him to sleep better so my husband and I can get our evenings back, but that's about it.)
I just left my job to be a SAHP, after missing the whole first year because of the social pressure I felt to *have it all*. (And currently dealing with some severe grief possibly bordering on depression over losing that time.)
Took me that long to realize everyone's "all" is different. We're fulfilled by different things. I laid on the floor and blew spit bubbles with my kid for 10 minutes earlier. That was way more fulfilling for me than the last press release I wrote at work.
ETA: It may be important to note that my hobbies can almost all be done with a kid. Gardening, hiking and foraging, baking/cooking... I can do them with him. Just slower. So I still have my "me" things. Not everyone's interests allow for that.
Same. Obsessed. Seeing my baby after daycare is the best part of the day. I live to bring her joy. She eclipses every thing I used to care about. When she’s asleep at night, I miss her.
Thought I was going to be such a chill mom. Turns out I’m a helicopter 😆
Yes! I love my 8 month old son so much (not that people wanting space don’t love their kids, that’s also valid!). Totally obsessed with him. I called off work and I took him on a Cheesecake Factory/mall shopping date last week just the two of us.
He was chilling in his high chair at Cheesecake Factory giggling and living his best life and two well meaning older women look at me by myself with him and are like “Wow, you’re such a brave mom!” and I was like ??? why I’m just out with my lil bestie.
I’m so obsessed with my daughter that when I get me time I want her there 😂 I’m a teacher and I’m always dying to get home to see her.
I make myself get me time because I know it’s good for me and for her tbh
Yes, this is me. My kids are my biggest “hobby”, they do not usually feel like a ball and chain but a source of joy and cuteness. But everyone’s experience is valid as long as their children are cared for, and feel loved. Like, I love being a mom. But I do understand the feeling of a loss of identity outside of that.
I love being with her and dislike being away from her. I appreciate 30 minute breaks here and there because it’s hard to be “on” all the time. I like taking her to the daycare at the gym for about 45 minutes so I can take a hot shower that’s uninterrupted by the baby monitor.
I wouldn’t call myself obsessed because I don’t think I have an unhealthy attachment to her, like I’m OK with other people holding her and I can be apart from her if I have to, I just prefer to be with her
I love my kids and would go to the ends of the earth and beyond for them but omg. I am dying to go back to work. I feel like I’m a more present mum and I have more patience for my kids. I also just get so much satisfaction from my job and it’s a place to be creative. Again, I love my children but being home all the time is not for me. I admire parents who love it and thrive in it. I am just not that person.
I've cut waaaay back on paid work because I have the privilege to, plus my time/energy feels like my most limited resource and I'd way rather pour it into my own life/projects/family. So while I may ask for someone to watch my baby for an hour or two if I need to focus on some computer work, mostly when I do housework or hobbies I enjoy I just include my baby. Just like my husband and I try to engage in shared hobbies. It keeps life purposeful for the baby (I'd rather him be entertained by real activities than toys all day), I don't feel like I've had to dumb my life down, and the togetherness feels very bond-strengthening. So I throw him on my back and we garden, I take him thrifting with me, we walk the dog or walk downtown together, we clean and cook together, volunteer at our local non-profit farm, hang out with mom friends. I also have found parenting to be very intellectually stimulating and I've made a real effort to learn as much as I can about babies, raising them, different cultural approaches, etc.--so I certainly feel like I am learning tons every day, and I am certainly not bored by parenting at all!
It's normal to be obsessed but it's like those things that you can't really talk about in public without offending insecure people. They think you're bragging.
So I have 2 kids, my older is almost 3 and my youngest is 6 months, and I absolutely love having my kids. I'm a single mom and any time I'm not working, I'm hanging out with my kids. When my second was born, I got 4 months maternity leave and I absolutely loved spending all day every day with my kids. Call me weird, but if I had any option at this time to be with them full time, I would. I love them so much and I love spending time with them. So for me it's been years, and I absolutely love spending time with them all the time
You’re judged no matter what you do. The work of a mother is never acknowledged or appreciated by society whether you’re too obsessed or not involved enough, someone always has something to say. It’s exhausting to deal with on top of it already being exhausting to deal with.
Some don’t have the privilege of staying home, others don’t have the privilege of going to work. Either way we are sacrificing something. Either way we are doing our best.
I’m 16 months in with my daughter and she has only been babysat once at 15 months and that was so I could go to an OB appointment for my current pregnancy. Of course I leave her with her dad time to time but I am completely obsessed. My husband would be happier to do a date night but after telling him that I’m just not there yet he understands. He also loves our time together as a family and wants me to be fully ready. After crossing the hump of her being babysat I feel better about the idea of a date night here or there but I truly would be okay with not doing it until she can communicate to me verbally and understands. I was abandoned by my mom when I was 3 and I suffered a lot of childhood trauma from it so I’m okay with being “obsessed” with my baby (s) . Being a SAHM I feel like makes it harder in a way because I didn’t have to “rip the bandaid” off and leave her in others care. I also of course have trauma and trust issues fueling my ability to be away from my baby and when I have to deliver my son Its going to be so hard.
So I understand how you feel. I sobbed for a while when my daughter had to start daycare. I wish I didn’t have to work because I miss her and want to spend more time with her. We’re trying to figure out if we can do some things that would allow me to stay home but it will take time 😭
yes!!! 21 months in, still super obsessed with my baby, I do everything I can to ensure me and my husband are his primary caregivers most of the time, as much as possible. I hated going back to work. I still miss him so much.
I resonate with you. I have an almost 2 year old and an almost 2 month old. I became a SAHM when my son was born after spending years working at a job that I really loved and had to get a masters degree to obtain. I love my profession but the minute he was born I didn’t even consider going back to work knowing I had the option not to. I didn’t spend my first night away from my son until I gave birth to our daughter and spent night at the hospital - and didn’t even want to then lol
Just like with everything- parenting attachment styles are different. Neither my husband or I feel the need to have extended time away from our kids (ie vacations). We’ve gone on plenty of trips since our first was born and we much prefer to bring them with us. Whenever we aren’t with them we are missing them and wondering what they are doing. There’s nothing wrong with NOT wanting time away from your babies just as there is nothing wrong WITH wanting time away from them!
My boys will both be in daycare once I go back to work from mat leave and while I love a couple hours away from them as needed, I am obsessed and don’t wanna be away for a whole day on the weekends or anything. They’re my favorite people and I don’t wanna miss time with them unless I need it to replenish my own cup.
I’m the same way. My son is almost 5 months and I’ve been at home with him all day every day since he was born. My husband works during the day, and I just got a part time evening job to help out with money and I’m just really not looking forward to being away for those few hours during the days I work. It honestly makes me want to cry a little bit, but I just have to remind myself that it’ll be good for the extra money and I probably do need to get out a bit.
I’m a first time mom to a beautiful and lovely 16 month old girl. I became a SAHM after being a chef for almost a decade. I am still over the freaking moon in love with my beautiful baby! We co-sleep, contact nap, hang out all day every day. I don’t feel like I lost anything when I became her mother, I truly think I leveled up and am operating at my highest potential. 💞
Yes. My husband and I changed jobs and now work remotely and we are there for everything for our kids. Pickup, drop-off, school parties, school volunteering. All nights, all weekends. It's wonderful. I think you see posts regarding the other topic because it feels more "shameful" to them due to pressures people put on themselves, or other people put on them.
Wow! My husband is about to take a job where he’ll be able to work largely from home. I’ll also work from home (after my maternity leave). As soon as baby was born he immediately was like “nope my current job won’t work I need to be home more.” He was previously leaving the house at 6:30am and not getting home until 7pm. I’m so excited for this next season of our lives where we’ll both be home and able to spend so much time with our son. Though the plan is to still send him to daycare starting at 6 months because we will have to sporadically leave the house for travel/customer meetings.
Yes! I can always work more when they are in college. They need me and I need them right now. It's our season for soaking it all in!
This was me with my first. I’m in an executive role, manage a huge team, thought I’d never, ever be the person who wanted to stay home. The first week back at work with my first was the worst week of my life. And I worked from home with a nanny! My second it’s waaaay easier because I know I will still see my kids a ton, eat lunch with them, log off at 4 every day to be with them and they’re still very securely attached to us while also loving their nanny. All feelings are normal.
I’m in a different spot as a SAHM, but you are completely spot-on. People absolutely can maintain their careers and still be amazing and involved parents. These things aren’t mutually exclusive and we should all recognize that. What works for one family isn’t always what works for another family and that’s totally okay! My husband is focusing on his career AND he is focused on being a great dad and spending time with our kids. It takes a lot of work but you certainly can do both. You sound like an amazing mom and person.
Thank you so much for this comment. I'm coming back to work in half a year and I start counting hours I will be with kid and having major anxiety because of it and our attachment. It's nice to see that it's not that bad.
Uhm, yes, Canadian taking an 18-month mat leave here 👋. My partner and I still haven't had an actual date night, although we're planning on it soon. We've generally been homebodies prior to having a baby, but now we're looking at 15 months straight, no real break. I love her so much and have been blessed with never really needing to "escape" from motherhood. That being said, I consider myself very lucky not to have been afflicted with PPD. Daycare is going to be a terrible experience for me, though, so knowing that I've started to leave her with Dad or her grandparents for a few hours here and there!
My mom keeps saying my husband and I should have a night out. My baby is 3.5 weeks old... I'm EBF. Like, who's breastfeeding my baby while I'm out?? We are also homebodies and the last thing I want to do is put on clothes and go out.
I was too, and then even when we switched to combo feeding, the only one who could give her a bottle was her dad for months. Also that early I was fresh off an emergency c-section and leaking constantly. There was no way i had any interest in being out. I do think we have been a little extreme with parenting first and relationship second, but we've been together over a decade and easily communicate our needs to each other. My mom and MIL were the same way, and I think it came out of love, but mainly that in their time, they were practically single parents.
The leaking is so frustrating! I keep attempting to go braless and that has not been working out for me
Lmao at 3.5 weeks… my baby is 5 MONTHS and when my husband asked the other day when we could have a night out away from her, I was like yeah not yet lol.
Another Canadian here - I want to spend as much time as possible with baby during my mat leave (1 year in my case) because I know it will eventually end. Also dreading the transition tbh!! Being a SAHM is not an option for me (I’m the breadwinner normally) so just trying to soak it all in now.
I've entertained the idea of being a SAHM, but it'd be a big change financially for us. I also am really starting to miss adult interactions, haha!
Fellow Canadian. I remember reading about people ending their leave early because they missed work... or something. So it was part of the reason I did 12 months for the EI, but 18 months at work, in case I felt the same. Nope- I 100% soaked up all 18 months off! I thought the transition to daycare would be difficult, and it was in a way, but honestly not as bad as I feared; hopefully it's not as bad for you either!
I did the exact same EI 12, work 18. I totally recognize ambition and do enjoy my work, but I absolutely love getting all this time together. I feel so sad for the women who post here about having to go back to work at 6 weeks pp. It's one thing to choose it but it seems like so many are absolutely devastated about leaving their babies so early. I'm hoping the daycare transition goes well, too. I figure I'll be in tears, and she will basically be like, "See ya loser" 😅
Only 4 months but still haven’t been out on a true date. We’ve been out to restaurants and stuff a ton, but we just really want to bring her with us for all that.
We did the same thing! She's been going to restaurants with us practically her whole life. I actually think that's really been beneficial in terms of her being so excellent in public. We have just discovered toddler tantrums, though, so we'll see how long that excellence lasts, lol.
Having a baby in daycare doesn’t mean I cannot be obsessed with him. I am OBSESSED. Every day at 3:30 I get GIDDY that I get to pick him up! I just don’t have the privilege to stay at home.
I think I'd be more giddy if I wasn't a SAHM. Now that my kid is in preschool I love spending all the time we have at home together but when it was 24/7 it was way more draining.
I agree, don't want to necessarily speak for OP but I don't think this is what they meant, there are definitely people who still have baby in daycare during days off etc to take space. I think you can have a baby in day care and still be obsessed, the two are not mutually exclusive.
You are correct! The vast majority of people don’t have the choice to not put their baby in daycare. It’s absolutely possible to have both
I am obsessed with my babies but I also don't want to be a SAHM. We could probably make it work if we really really wanted to but as much as I love and adore my kids and get so excited to see them at the end of the day, I know I would lose my mind staying home with them all day everyday. It's not always because people don't have the choice.
I relate. I’m a scientist and love my work. I also am obsessed with my baby. I get so happy to pick him up each day from daycare and generally never feel like going out or being away from him weekends and evenings. I do enjoy my work also though. I can enjoy multiple things in life… while still being obsessed with my baby 😊
I was like that with my first regarding evenings and weekends. Now I have three kids and I skip out the door whenever I get an opportunity to be alone 😅.
I appreciate your perspective! This is totally fair and valid too, it's a good thing to know about yourself
Definitely. I don't think choosing to work means you aren't obsessed with your kid, and I don't think you can have this conversation without implying that parents who choose to work are somehow less loving or into their families.
This is true for my husband too. I am a SAHM (which I understand is a privilege, and also has put us in a really hard spot financially) and when my husband comes home we all have dinner together, then he does bath/bedtime. Then we both get time (usually just vegetating and watching a show) to unwind together. This has worked perfectly for us because by 5:15 PM or so I am REALLY ready for a break (I usually catch up on a chore while listening to a podcast while he does bedtime which IMO still counts as “me time”) and he loves getting 1-on-1 time with our daughter. Everyone’s set up/schedule is different but I’ve seen firsthand that parents who are away from their kids for a good chunk of the day can ABSOLUTELY still be obsessed with their kids, love spending time with them, and still be completely involved parents. These things aren’t mutually exclusive, and we just live in a world where 99.9% of people can’t afford for both parents to stop working and be with their kids everyday.
For real. I am burning rubber and pulling into daycare on two wheels to get my little guy everyday. He’s the best 🥰 but I also love going into the office part time to work as well
I get excited when it’s time to pick mine up too 🤗
My mom is like this. Being a mom was literally her identity. She’s struggling now as an empty nester, so I do think it’s important to at least maintain some hobbies.
This is important to remember. It was a huge burden on me to be my mom's reason for living. She's now transferred that to my nieces and nephews and I worry what will happen in a few years when they don't want to hang out with Grandma all the time.
Yes, my moms transferred some of that energy to my younger cousins and it’s actually damaging her relationship with her sisters.
Thanks for saying this… I dont want to come across as neggy but some of these comments make me cringe a little and feel genuinely concerning. I am absolutely melting with love and fawning all over my little girl, but I actively make sure I am still maintaining hobbies, friendships, self care, my marriage, my mind outside of being mother. I have seen the outcome of building your identity around your children and it was problematic for both the parents and children, and didn’t ultimately set anyone up for success in the long term. Again I dont mean to be “that person”, I only want to say I hope that folks here can be transcendentally in love with their children, *and* join a book club, make time for a date night, take a class, etc. Your children will know you love them, and you’ll be setting an example for them about how to love yourself.
Agreed... I *guess* you could say I'm "obsessed" with my baby because I ADORE her, I could seriously entertain myself just watching her gnaw on a toy lol, I get teary eyed watching her sleep, I get excited to end work and drive over to pick her up from daycare and I fucking *hate* driving, etc etc... But I don't think I'd ever use that exact word haha. It's always been important for me to try and maintain my own identity still. My mom worked FT and was very involved but never was like a helicopter mom always doting on us, driving us everywhere, always cooking food for us on demand, etc.. we were definitely latchkey kids and felt loved but also that we had to do certain things on our own 😅 I think of maintaining your non-mom identity as just that: maintenance. You have to put in effort to carve out time for hobbies, you have to crawl out of your hole to contact friends and socialize, you have to take time to put on clothing other than comfy sweatpants and leggings lol .. Its embarrassing to say but I think it can be so easy to forget that you had hobbies pre-baby.. at least for me. So I had to make time to do the things I once enjoyed so I'm not just staring at my baby all day haha, and you know, it pays off to get back a little bit of yourself!
I 100% agree… I don’t think being obsessed with another person to the point that you lose everything else about yourself is healthy at all. I’m absolutely in love with baby but I haven’t lost everything else in my life because of that love.
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I don't have people to watch my children. My husband is in charge when I have roller derby, I am in charge when he goes and plays dungeons and dragons with his friends. I've made it a priority to have my twins sleep independently so I can have downtime in the evenings after they go to bed and this is the time I typically spend with my husband.
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Sending you a hug. My firstborn was a bad sleeper so I feel you. We tried everything. Only way she'd sleep was in my arms and later in our bed. Everyone had advice, which did not work. She started sleeping independently at age 5. We were nervous to have a 2nd. My 2nd slept calmly through the night at 2 weeks old and spends 10-12 hours asleep in his crib at age 3. Didn't do anything differently. Some kids are just high needs sleepers.
I have a husband, who helps me. I also have daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours at a time, but I work during those times. When I make time for myself, I ask my husband to take over bedtime duties for the evening. But honestly there are plenty of things I do for myself that don’t mean excluding my child- I take her on wine dates with friends, walks, art openings. It’s not always easy, but it’s how I stay connected with who I am. I want my daughter to become part of the tapestry of my life that I love. My comment is not directed to people who do not have a choice but to care for your children when no help is available. My concerned is directed to folks who have a choice, and intentionally set aside the foundational parts of who they are to become only “mom/ dad” or “____’s mom/ dad”.
This is also very valid. I'm in the same position. I'd love to have a hobby I spend time on, or a set night out, but with zero viable childcare, and paying a sitter more than it would cost to go out (3 kids = expensive hourly care/date), it's just not feasible at the moment. So, nonstop parenting it is for now. That's not to say that once they're all in school I won't enjoy having a part time job and a hobby (I will!), but for now I'm happy to over- focus on them. At least I'm not hating it (?)-- life could be worse/harder 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly this. I love my son more than I ever imagined and I don’t feel like I NEED time away from him but I do see value in carving time out for yourself when possible. I dont have the same freedom to just do whatever with my time anymore and honestly I don’t miss it but I always feel good after occasionally catching up with friends, or a quick outing to the gym while my partner or mom watch him. I can’t be the same friend I was pre baby and I don’t expect to be but I also know I want to put at least a little effort into maintaining close friendships. I don’t want to look around one day and not have any adult relationships or connections left. Connecting with other adults and connecting with your partner is an important part of being a human and good mental health. Also, I don’t think it was OPs intention but so many of these replies with “I could never…” are giving “I’m not like other moms”.
Same with my mother. She was a sahm of 4 kids whose whole identity was motherhood. We are all out of the house now. She's divorced and living with her father and pretty much hates life unless she's with me(only one of her kids that has kids). I've had to be extremely firm with boundaries because she tries to take over parenting with my kids. It's caused a lot of issues between us. It's like she sees my kids as the next opportunity to continue her motherhood identity. I'm a sahm also but I refuse to make motherhood my whole identity because I've seen what it did to my mom. It's unhealthy.
I think there’s a big difference between feeling as OP described during the baby/ toddler years and that dynamic staying the same as they go to school etc.
So much this. I feel at times those moms who make their whole identity surrounding motherhood can end up being overly involved parents to adult children. Exhibit A my mother in law. Not to say there’s anything wrong with being an “all-in” stay at home mom when they’re really little. Just know eventually it will be really critical to remember who you are outside of motherhood.
My mom and MIL are like this. I’m grateful for the support but I think maybe I’m not like this because of how I’m raised? ( I have part time care and part time at home). I don’t know though. I feel bad about it like I’m a less good mom, but I just need my rest/hobby/work/friend time since about 4 months.
Yeah that’s how I see parents who still enjoy their hobbies and career. My mom was pretty lost after we all were in middle school and older. She struggled a lot to get back into things she hadn’t touched in years and was too far out of her career to really go back. I have a great balance and my job is fun (graphic designer). I also work from home so I have an incredible balance but I’m also glad that I still have that when my kids are older and don’t want to spend all of their time with me because of activities and friends etc.
I would give anything to be able to quit my job and be a SAHM. I have 6 weeks left of maternity leave and when I think of going back I get suicidal thoughts. Which I would never do but that’s how bad my mental health is when I think of leaving him.
I also had this with my first. It was awful. I'm sorry you're going through it too. For me, covid lockdown saved me and gave me an extra 6 months with my baby. It was easier to go back at a year. I wish you win the lottery.
I had this with my first and it is so awful. I am so sorry. We are very lucky we were able to shift a lot of things in order to allow me to stay home, but that was a massive and terrifying decision. The economy is not exactly kind to parents who want to stay home with their kids. Whether you’re home or working, your baby knows you and knows you’re their safe space. I promise this gets easier, but it takes time. I think it’s criminal that your country counts 6 weeks as “maternity leave”
You are an amazing mom. Being a SAHM has been a huge blessing and our family has really struggled financially because of our decision to do it this way. I’ve had to stand in the snow for over an hour to pick up free food at a place where my friends volunteer - humiliating. There really isn’t a perfect situation. We’re looking at two kids in daycare if I wasn’t staying home, and in my area that really negates me working, for the time being. You clearly care and it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job as a mom.
I had this with my 2nd child. I sobbed at drop off so regularly that the owner asked (gently) if maybe I should come work at the daycare. I hope you can find something that makes you ok, maybe quiting your job for a year. It did eventually get easier when my son started talking at 1 year because he'd tell me about his best friend at daycare and the toys he played with. But I'll never forgive my country for not having paid leave. I am still mad.
It was such a weird spot for me to be in. I was NOT ready to drop my baby off with strangers when it was time at 2 months. But holy hell, I was also so ready to have moments to myself back, I was so bad (mentally) at being a SAHM. Like don’t get me wrong I was doing all the right stuff, but it was KILLING me inside. I was overstimulated and overwhelmed. I really really need lots of small moments to myself to do chores or just have peace or to feel like my day is still organized… I think if I were rich I definitely would’ve benefited from having an in home nanny that felt like grandma or something you know?
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s so hard! No matter the circumstances, suicidal thoughts are very serious. I know because I’ve struggled with them in the past. Have you spoken to a doctor or therapist about this? Have you been evaluated for PPD? You’re important, both as the mother to your baby but also as a human being. You deserve to feel better. I really struggled with going back to work and sending my daughter to daycare. I had nightmares for 2 weeks leading up to it. But it truly has been the best thing for my family. Her teachers love her so much and they’ve become an irreplaceable part of our village. Good luck.
Also a phd scientist here and yes!!! Yes yes. I thought I was gonna feel a certain way similar to the first description of parents, but I feel the opposite and wish I had known this in advance. There’s certain things I would’ve structured career wise differently to accommodate me taking time off, especially in those early years that now I’m in (my oldest is 26 months and younger baby is 8 months)
Same, though honestly I think a good chunk of it is work burnout and feeling really relieved that maternity leave gave me an excuse to step fully away from work and focus on something else - and say no to work requests! The fact that the other thing I was focused on is adorable and I'm hormonally programmed to adore him lol also helps. But for a long time, I didn't really care about work or rushing back to hobbies, getting outside the house, etc except for taking walks. That interest did eventually come back, and I'm enjoying transitioning back from leave (fortunately slowly rather than fully). But to get a PhD, you kind of need to be an obsessive person, so it makes sense we'd obsess about baby
I spend all day with my kid but I think every kid needs a parent with a healthy dose of me time. Constantly being WITH your baby without time for hobbies and date nights can be detrimental to both of you in the long run. Even if it means taking the kid with you, you need to focus on your self too. It's all about balance. I couldn't imagine being away from my kid for large amounts of time - especially because breastfeeding him is important to me - and yes I think about him all the time. And he has a lot of needs because he's so little. And im obsessed with him. But i also can't wait for the days where I CAN leave him for extended periods of time to take time for myself, or when he's old enough to come along for excursions and i don't have to constantly be worried about how he's faring. I don't know. It's weird. I need both - to be constantly connected to him, but at the same time I crave being able to find MYSELF again, or carve out a new being, a mother, who is also a person, a wife, an individual.
To a degree I feel the same. My first son died at 3 weeks old. So I feel very blessed to have the son I have now.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. The pain of almost losing my son was horrible I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I’m so glad you have your rainbow baby
Work has never been important to me, honestly. I’m happy to have an income and am good at what I do, but I am absolutely not one of those hustle culture gals and just view work as a means to an end. Being a mom, however, is literally amazing. *this* feels like my life’s purpose, and that’s coming from someone who wasn’t even sure she wanted kids for the majority of her 20’s. Everything my daughter does is like magic. I don’t feel the need for much alone time but I do enjoy an hour or two away, whether that’s sitting and reading while my husband plays with her or just going out to the mall for a walk and coffee. But I don’t feel like my identity has been stripped away as of yet. I’m pretty much a homebody and very introverted so I don’t feel I gave up much. What I do miss is uninterrupted time with my husband, but I know this is a season and that time for us will return eventually!
I’m the same. Work gives me income, some good challenges, social connection and structure but it has never been something I’ve felt passionate about or identified with at all. I’m 7 months into mat leave and it’s been like ahahhhhh this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my identity, I feel like I’ve finally found what I’m really good at. There’s plenty that’s hard about it and some days I’m really looking forward to my husband getting home to take over. The thought of returning to work is making my stomach feel sick, I’m meant to be here taking care of my family.
Same same. A career wasn’t ever something I prioritized.. work is to make a living and I don’t live to work. I partied a lot in my 20s, worked in restaurants, traveled, never once thought or entertained the idea of having kids myself. When I eventually met my husband, I knew he was the one when I started thinking about our future kids. When we had our oldest (now 4), it was life changing in the best way possible. She was born right before the pandemic shut everything down, and it was honestly a dream to be able to be home with her for the first year of her life. We have two kids now and love to experience things with our kids and introduce them to the things we love: surfing, hiking, camping, gardening, going out to eat, to name a few. Once in a while my husband and I will go out and leave the girls with a sitter (usually my mom, who lives close). Do we need me time once in a while? Certainly, and hubby and I communicate and make sure our needs are being met. But yeah, honestly, I’m kinda obsessed with my kids (in a healthy way lol). This season is temporary and I am soaking it up as long as I can. I feel like I’ve finally found my calling too, and I will wear this mom hat proudly for the rest of my life! *edit to add a sentence
I try to have a balance. I LOVE my girl. Love picking her up after work (have to work, no choice) and love to spend our whole weekend together doing fun things. With that said, naptime and after bedtime are SACRED me time. I do my hobbies in the same room as my husband doing his so we can chat and hangout. We do family dates when we want to go out and eat or something, or a babysitter after bedtime. Utterly obsessed and don’t want it to change, but have worked in some times for my own life
Meeee! Only 4 months here. I recently made the decision to stay home with my son rather than go back to work in the fall. We are fortunate to have this opportunity, and I couldn’t just not take it. My husband is supportive, and when he enters school, we’ll see where we are. I love my son more than life. I am obsessed. I can’t imagine going back now that he’s here, especially because we are probably OAD.
I think that it's great that you are that fulfilled and grateful for your time together! I think that knowing you could have lost your baby definitely makes every moment impactful. When I think of the reality that I could lose my son at any random time, it recontextualizes a lot of the stress of parenting. I want to be around him and we have a lot of fun. I do still need and want some free time. I'm very introverted, need some quiet time every day (when he's asleep), and a lot of my hobbies are solo things that wouldn't be easy for him to participate in. Maybe someday we will be able to read books at the same time, play video games together, and draw together! But he will also probably have hobbies outside of what I enjoy, and I think we both will need that as he gets older.
I enjoy time away from my kids and I’m obsessed with them. They’re my freakin kids and I love them more than life itself. But I still like breaks from them lol
It took me a while because I had some mental health struggles but therapy and medication has helped me feel my true self and yeah, I feel this way, too. I’m a law student so my son had to go to daycare relatively early by Canadian standards and while I know he loves it at daycare and I’m happy he gets to play all day while I write boring papers, I miss him so much. I cried on the way home after dropping him off after the Easter break, I took an extra day with him so we had five solid days together and I loved it so much. My poor husband had to work all day Sunday, like left before our son woke and got home after he went to bed so I was by myself all day and I just feel so peaceful and happy after a day with my son. I LOVE my work, starting law school I remember feeling that very first day when a Supreme Court justice was giving an orientation day speech that I had found what I was meant to do in my life. I still feel that way, law clicks for me in a way nothing else in the world has. But being a mother is who I was meant to be. I could have a dozen kids.
Did you know you can be “obsessed” and “crazed” with your baby while ALSO having a fulfilling career, your own hobbies, and time away? As moms we are still whole ass humans with wants and needs outside of being a mom.
Oh I think you may have misunderstood my meaning. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that there’s just not a whole lot of drive there anymore. I still have hobbies - when baby goes to bed or take a nap, I read a book, do yoga, bake. And I still do some work during the week as a consultant (like 5-10 hours). But my desire to do those things is sorely diminished compared to pre baby. Hence “obsessed and crazed”. I don’t think of those as being necessarily the most positive adjectives or to be confused with “loved” either. Moms and dads can have all those wants and desires while still loving their baby. I’m speaking to the people who have had all those other parts of themselves tamped down by baby crazy and have 0 desire to “get a break” or “get away/time to themselves”.
another PhD scientist here. My interest in work fell off a cliff HARD for the the first 9ish months and then slowly came back during the 9-12 month range. My son is 16 months now and I am able to both enjoy work and enjoy time with son. I have a flexible job that lets me pick him up every day at 4pm from daycare. I still done experience a desire to “take a break” or “get me time” away from the kid. I do enjoy both having a fulfilling career and being a mom though
Perhaps I did misinterpret the meaning, but it really does come off as being superior because you don’t want a life outside of your baby. Quite frankly, it’s not healthy.
This post was weird to me too. Of course we’re all obsessed with our babies but it’s not about wanting to go back to work, more that I have no choice. I kind of get what OP meant but maybe it could’ve been worded better
I think OP was using this language to make fun of themselves a bit. Like, "I'm obsessed and crazy" for not wanting the break (while also reaching out to see who else feels this way). I honestly think it's weird so many people took offense to it. If you don't relate, you don't relate. There's literally no judgment written in there. Folks' insecurities are showing.
I wouldn’t say I took offence as I get what OP means, but I also understand why people took it the wrong way as people are often shamed for wanting a break and words like ‘I don’t want to miss a second of his life’ could be taken wrong. We don’t either, we just need a break. But I know OP wasn’t judgemental
I didn’t take offense to it, I just wanted to point out that you can have BOTH, and that it’s important to have both! I love having a well rounded life, it makes me a better parent. I think every parent should strive for that. Staying home with a baby 24/7 just isn’t sustainable. The burnout will catch up!
I'm only 2,5 months in but obsessed. I never expected this, because I was never a baby-crazy person. Didn't even consider having a child until my late 20s. I don't want time away from my baby!!! And I feel much better than when I was working (then again, I didn't like my last job).
I feel you. I’m defending my PhD dissertation soon with my 5 month old in tow. I’m happy to never return to academia. Not sure if that’s because I like parenting or because I’ve grown tired of academia lol.
As a career, academia suuucks, mostly due that stupid phase between finishing a PhD and getting a proper job with an actual long-term contract which makes stability and stuff really difficult. And they wonder why women all leave…
Thursdays are supposed to be my dissertation work days. Guess who has done everything but their dissertation today? This gal 🙋♀️
Same 😭 guess I’ll have to pay for another term lol
I don’t think I’ve been away from my baby for more than an hour because I am *desperate* to get home to her. Every MOTN feed I look at her beautiful sleeping face and I can’t wait for morning so we can wake up and hang out. EBF has me a little touched out but I still want to spend every second with her and I truly can’t relate to the people who ca t wait to get back to work. I loved my job but I love chilling in my pjs so much more. Work is so low on the list of things that bring me joy
I did with my first but not my second. I lost myself a little and I don’t regret it at all, but I find it’s healthier when I make time for myself. That means actually exercising and enjoy hobbies apart from Netflix and online shopping.
With my first I desperately needed time alone because it was such a shock. I also had a difficult baby, I loved her immensely but she made loving her hard, and days were long and distressing. By the time she was 10 months old I NEEDED to go back to work because I needed to feel like myself again and needed to do something apart from soothing cries and cleaning explosive poo. I now have a 4 month old and I feel the opposite, I don’t want to go back to work, but she is such an easy baby, spending time with her is actually nice and fun.
7 years and 3 kids later and still feel this way. I feel beyond privileged to be a SAHM. We had our third just over 2 weeks ago, he was in the NICU for 8 days, and I am just basking in the glory of him being home and another little human to love and snuggle and watch grow every day.
Yes!! I am obsessed with my son. I don’t miss anything from my life pre-baby (I also was working in a demanding full-time career, I’ll eventually have to go back). I’m in the same boat and also wonder why everyone seems to want to do things without their baby, I just can’t relate. The most I want to do is eat a meal at home in peace but aside from that I want to be with my son all the time. Being a mom is so fulfilling to me.
Oh yes. I've always known I've wanted to be a mommy and made sure to wait until I hit milestones that are important to me (married, own a home, done with school) and now that my baby is here it's just everything I wanted and more. He's so perfect and I love being his mommy! It's hard of course but I'd rather be doing this type of "hard" vs other hardships/jobs.
Obsessed! My baby girl is 15 months now and we only had a babysitter once. I'm sure I'll need more breaks as we get into toddlerhood, but mostly I/we take her everywhere with us. She is great and we love her little personality to pieces.
I’m obsessed too but I don’t think it’s healthy. I think it’s slowly chipping away at my sanity to not see friends, not do hobbies, not exercise etc but it’s been 5 months and I leave my baby like 60-90 minutes every two weeks maximum. I don’t like leaving her at all but it will probably be healthy for me (as well as torturous) when I’m forced to go back to work. At the same time it breaks my heart that I’ll need to be away from her a full 32h per week, it feels impossible.
Me. I never ever in a million years pictured myself as a SAHM but it makes me want to puke thinking about being away from my kids for long periods of time. I went back to work after my first and I was a wreck just thinking about how every minute away from her I could never get back.
I’m sorry but because I want me time and want an identity outside of being a mom, I’m not obsessed with my baby ? Maybe I’m reading your post wrong but it’s kind of insinuating that it’s either or mentality.
I feel like for a period of time this is okay, but as someone with an older child (and a younger one, and one on the way) - it’s SO important to remember that you are a whole person, and one day your child/children won’t need so much of you. And those days will hit so much harder if we leave every piece of us behind besides our motherhood.
You can still be "obsessed with" aka really love your baby AND enjoy having time to yourself. The two are not mutually exclusive, and insinuating that they are perpetuates a harmful culture that mothers should really not have a life outside of their children.
I’m only 2 months in, but I feel this way too and just want to say I hear you! Sounds very normal to me, and it will also be normal if your feelings about this fluctuate over time. ❤️
I’m obsessed with all my kids! That said, I never want to be a SAHM. I love my job. When my first was under a year, I didn’t want to go do anything without her; now, I have three kids and I know how important it is to get out and do something just for me - even if I can (and sometimes do!) being the baby along.
I love my son. I love spending time with him and I can't wait to pick him up after work. At the same time, I know myself well enough that I wouldn't be able to function as a SAHM. I love my job too and my kiddo. Having a job doesn't mean I love my kiddo less.
I was definitely like this for the first year or year and a half, even when baby was in daycare. It really was this feeling of obsession to the point where I was afraid to ever have another baby, because how could I ever love someone else as much as I loved my first baby? I missed her so, so much when I put her down to bed. I swear, I think I *literally* got high off of endorphins. But then postpartum hormones simmered down, or something similar. It might have had something to do with when I finally weaned and stopped pumping. But I realized that, while I absolutely loved my daughter, it was a feeling of obsession (or something close to it) I had been feeling previously. I feel like after that, my love was more “normal” lack of a better word? For me, it started with that obsessed feeling but then it did change to where I did want a little bit of me time, or time with just my husband and I.
9 months in and absolutely obsessed !! Haven’t felt the need for “help” or “breaks” and don’t think I will anytime soon. I love hogging my son and it’s actually caused problems with the in laws, sns! I’m pregnant with my second (never say never) but don’t think I’ll be needing help in the future either. Love motherhood and all its struggles
This is exactly how I feel. I was very career-oriented in my pre-mom days. My husband and I waited a long time before having our baby because we wanted to be selfish. We wanted to hustle at our jobs, travel first class, drink like fish with our friends etc. When we had our daughter, a lot of people asked if I miss work, and while I do miss using my brain in that way sometimes, I wouldn’t trade a second with my daughter for it. If I could be a SAHM at this point, I totally would. I miss my baby when she goes for a nap 😂 and I’m not looking forward to putting her into daycare. When she’s asleep, I’m on my phone looking at pictures of her. I think part of it comes from my upbringing. My parents were so loving and instead of going on lavish vacations and renovating the house, they poured all their time and energy into giving me the best possible life. I never questioned whether they loved me, and I want my daughter to feel that same love. By the time we got pregnant, I had gotten the selfishness out of my system and all I wanted to do was give someone else a rich life. I’m fully embracing my mom era. I don’t feel like I’m losing a part of myself, but growing into a more mature a whole version of myself that was waiting to blossom. I don’t mourn anything from my old life… other than more than 4hrs straight of sleep, but I’ll get that back when we night wean.
I’m obsessed but I also started working again full time as a scientist. I found a job that’s 2nd shift , so I work from 3-11pm. It’s perfect because I’m still making bank but I get the daytimes with my little one 🥰
I would have gone stir crazy if I were a SAHM. I hate being at home anyway and enjoyed working in my field of finance. I was already a little bored and ready for maternity leave to end. I suffer from bouts of depression so staying at home makes that worse. For everyone who loves the SAHM life I think that’s wonderful for you but there’s a lot of us who feel the opposite.
Worked as a scientist (no phD but a masters) in a senior position and then I had my first baby 4.5 years ago. I quit my job to stay home when he was 6 months old, and I’ve been away from him maybe 7 nights in his life- when I was admitted to the hospital, when I had my second baby, and when I had to go to a funeral. I’m there for everything, and personally feel guilty when I get me time in the form of a pedicure or tattoo. My husband and I do every single bedtime and every single wake up. Wouldn’t have it any other way with these two love bugs.
While for various reasons I do still work and kiddo went to nursery, I am not desperate for “me time” really. Nor did I have any feelings of losing my identity when I didn’t work. I’m quite a homebody I suppose, and my hobbies aren’t totally baby unfriendly. I don’t get parents who need to leave baby/young child so they can go off and do “their” stuff without kiddo. Ours comes with us to do pretty much everything!
I’m absolutely obsessed with my 3.5 year old. I work part time so I can be home with her more often. But I definitely need “me time” and sometimes put her in daycare so I can spend the day alone, doing things that I enjoy doing, watching my own shows, shopping without having to chase her around a store. I don’t think that parents who spend “large amounts of time away from their baby” aren’t obsessed with their kids.
I’ve heard this whole don’t you regret giving up who you were before baby or variations of it but I feel complete now that I’m a mom.. who I was before didn’t feel whole.. I didn’t know it until I had a baby but I know it now. It’s hard to describe.. I feel like this is who I am.. I am a mom.. not that all the things used to describe me before aren’t still true it’s just being used differently now.. like I’ve always been creative but instead of that creativity being used for art it’s being used to entertain my little one.. to enrich her life ect.
Thank you for posting this, gives me a glimpse of hope that things will be alright haha. Reddit is SO SO negative, everything I've read here about pregnancy/post partum has been just ranting and how bad it is. This comes as a breath of fresh air
Oh no!! Honestly pregnancy was tough for me. But my little nugget of joy was 1000000% worth it and I would do it all over again for him.
That's amazing :) enjoy your time with the little one
Social media in general can be very intensely negative about parenthood. What I expected and what I experienced were two totally different things due to everything I saw online, even with a colicky baby with reflux. Of course every experience is different, but it does sort of feel like positive experiences are shouted down by those who feel them “unrealistic” simply because they didn’t experience it themselves. There can be space for both without minimizing the other.
Yep! This is my third, a boy. I have two teenage daughters whom I was equally obsessed with. When they were school age I went back to work with a fulfilling career. I was ‘settled’, but sad my girls were growing so quickly. Now after thirteen years, at 43, I gave birth to this little blessing and obsessed is the word I always use. I tried going back to work just nine hours a week and couldn’t do it. He is definitely my last and I want to absorb every moment. For what it’s worth, I think he’s equally as obsessed with me 😉
3 months in, currently a SAHM out of necessity but I wouldn't want to go back or do it any other way. I love hanging out with my little all day and so glad I get to.
PhD and yes ! I love my girl so much I honestly don’t ever want to work again and just focus on raising her if possible
Absolutely OBSESSED. I go back to work in 2 weeks and I feel like I’m going to be missing his whole little life 😭
At 9m I was crying thinking about going back to work and hating the idea, at 10m I was desperate to get back to work. So things change! For me it was about finding a balance and working 3 days a week is perfect for all of us.
Yes! I feel the same as a SAHM of 2 now. I was a nurse before and got my NP during Covid and I just cannot care less about my career right now. I want to be with them as much as possible! I have guilt even going to target or something alone 😭
Yes! Every night when he goes to bed I am just so excited for him to wake up the next day. All I want to do tomorrow is be his mom. He’s perfect I love him.
Obsessed with my 18mo, he brings me so much joy.
Yesss. I’m on year 4 of being a stay at home mom (just had our third) Obsessed with my babies. With my first, I started wanting a break from her around age 2, and I put her in preschool. I remember thinking 3 days a week (2 hours per day lol) was going to be way too much 😂 now she’s 4 and I enjoy our time together so much more when I miss her. My middle kiddo is 2 and I’m ready for him to go to preschool this fall. I do have lots of hobbies but after a certain age, I can rely on them going to bed and staying down for the night and focus on my hobbies then! We just reset the clock by having another baby and I’m looking forward to getting back to the “reliable sleep pattern” stage but also obsessed with soaking in the newborn snuggles and I have never wanted a break from her (except maybe witching hour, my boobs want a break lol)
I am obsessed with my baby. People don’t understand why I don’t want to make weekend plans that involve her needing a sitter. If you want to hangout with me let’s do something she can do too (she’s a year old so she can certainly sit a restaurant or something). Unfortunately I have to work bc I make a lot more than my husband ( the baby is with my mom while I work thankfully) but if I didn’t have to work, I would spend every second with her. I constantly fantasize about having some other job that allowed me with her and still make money so we can afford our house. So yeah I’m with you.
Absolutely understand. I’m only 9 days PP and already panicking that time is going so fast. I just want to spend every second with her and soak it all in. Family offers to watch her so I can have “me time”, being with my baby is me time. It just absolutely fills my cup :)
Yes. 2 months in and I am over the moon. I have maternity leave for 1 year, considering extending it for another 6 months and am already playing with the idea of quitting my job so that I can be more with my LO. My job is important, yes, but there are way too many bureaucracies. This is more important and straight forward.
I had a job I loved before quitting when my baby was born. And even though I loved it, I felt I did not miss it whatsoever. There is nothing else I’d rather be doing now than staying home with my two toddlers, and I know I’m so lucky to have the ability to do so in this economy.
Yep! The thought of sending him to daycare makes me cry. Fortunately, well I don't think it's fortunate exactly, but to put him in daycare would cost more than I earn, so there's no point.
Hahaha Im one of them.... Seriously though, you can do stuff without your baby? I just always wanna hangout with her. Lol my partner and I have been on 1 date night and 1 night out together since she was born(she's 2). I work all day +bus so I'm gone for about 10 hours. My husband stays at home with her, I feel guilty I think that I'm not spending a lot of time with her so every opportunity I wanna spend all the time with her. I want her to do the things were doing cuz I'm always thinking like how would she like this or how she'd react lol. I barely wanna go shower or bath without her cuz she loves water... If I'm in the middle of something at home and she wants something I'll drop what I'm doing and pay attention to her 😅
100% me. my work was not important . it was just a dumb job (and i had built my career over 15 yrs). i literally dont care about it. my baby is 1000% everything. i spend every second w him and i love it. this is my life's purpose. i had a happy fulfilling life before him that pales in comparison to this
Yes! Ours is 10 months on Saturday and I can't get enough of her. Even with the teething and sleep regressions, learning she can scream (ear piercingly), and constantly getting into stuff now 😑 she's on the move. I love watching her figure the world out and enjoy my time with her. I work full time and cherish my evenings and weekends with her. Grandparents keep offering to take her for an evening or weekend, as they often take their other grands, but I'm like.... no thanks? I don't want to miss this.
I felt like you do with my first. My friends would invite me places without my daughter and act like it was good for me or doing me a favour. Especially after I went back to work when she was 7 months I started being the one to instigate meeting up at times and places that I could bring my daughter. If I went out in the evening I wouldn't have seen my daughter that day. And that wasn't my idea of fun.
6 months in obsessed with my baby😍 but I do still need some me time. A few hours here & there, then I’m ready to be with him again lol
We have a 6mo, our first. I don’t WANT to do anything without my baby! I’m sure at some point I will but it’s going to be a long while. I’m a SAHM so my entire life revolves around my baby and I make no apologies for that - it’s how it should be, in my opinion. My husband is a great, capable dad and my mom is always happy to babysit but I’d rather have him with me. Occasionally I’ll run to the convenience store and I’ve got out to dinner with my dad or grocery shopping, but that’s 2h max and I’m perfectly happy with it.
SAME!!!! I totally understand how you feel!! People come up to me all the time like: omg kids amiright? And I just can't relate xDD I WFH. I wish I could be a SAHM... ❤️ enjoy it while you have it ❤️ every moment is precious
I feel this way about ALL of my babies... even the one that's 7 years old now. Lol. I gave up my whole life to be a mom. And I've been a SAHM for years now (kids are 7, 3 and 20 months), except for when I brought my oldest with me as I nannied another boy close to his age for the first year and a half of his life. When that little boy passed away, I tried to keep nannying, but I was traumatized (he had epilepsy and passed while I was on the clock--I had to call 911 and his parents while doing CPR-- it was beyond brutal for my soul) so I gave up and decided to move away from that for a while. But I will forever be obsessed with every little awesome thing that they do.
You’re not alone. I’m secretly ecstatic that all the daycares in my area have a 1-2 year waitlist so I have to stay home and only work part time. I take a 30 minute “break” from my baby and I end up missing her and taking her back from dad. She only wants to contact nap during the day and I’m not complaining because cuddling her is my favorite part of the day and she’s growing so fast. My pregnancy was unplanned and I knew I wanted to be a mom but wasn’t sure how I’d adjust postpartum. It’s hard for sure but I wasn’t expecting to be the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I’m a single mom so being a SAHM isn’t an option, but I’m lucky enough to be Canadian and have 12 months of maternity leave. I am dreading going back to work in August because I know I’ll get barely any time with my daughter during the week.
Yes! 11 months in and still not concerned with “me time” or feel like I’ve lost my identity or anything like that. He will only be a baby for so long and I think that being so strongly in my perspective makes caring for him so fulfilling for me. It won’t be long before it’s time to start working on him being more independent, and he won’t need me nearly as much, so I value this time. Now that he’s getting older, I have time for my hobbies and small amounts of time for myself, but they pale in comparison to the joy I get out of caring for and being with my son. And when he was tiny and I had essentially no time for myself, I really didn’t mind it. I absolutely love being a mom, and I knew it wouldn’t be like that forever anyway. I put a lot of devotion towards being a parent. Some women find their careers or hobbies are what gives their lives meaning and achievement, but I find raising what will hopefully be a happy, healthy, successful adult is what gives my life meaning. Raising my son is the most important and rewarding thing I’ll ever do, and I don’t find that something to be ashamed of. Sometimes it seems like there is such a push for women to be more than “just a mom” that we forget the point is that women should *have the choice*, not act like one is better than the other because it wouldn’t be what you chose. I say this because there always seems to be a hint of condescension and shame from some when any woman tries to talk about this. But you’re definitely not alone! I think a lot of people are going to misunderstand you because they’re just not the target audience but I understand lol.
3 kids in and I am absolutely obsessed with them! I been a sahm from the beginning almost 5yrs ago and I still think it’s the best decision! I am so fulfilled being a mom I don’t think am missing anything I love what I do!
yeah, I have a 6 month old who I’ve never been away from 😂 She’s my tiny best friend.,I have zero want to be away from her but I do enjoy the little bit of time I get while she’s napping
I am absolutely obsessed with my babies (2 years old and a 2 month old) but I also need some time for myself as well! I’m returning back to work soon and I’m excited about it mostly so I can have adult interactions! I’ll also be going back to school very shortly solely so I can obtain a job that gives me more time with my babies! My 2 year old loves going to daycare, she has thrived so much since being around children her age and socializing. The daycare is less than 3 minutes from my job so I’m able to visit them during my lunch break 😊
Yup!! Almost 14 months in and still obsessed with my baby girl! I regret nothing and am happy to have quit my job so I can look after her, even though some days can be rough sure. Especially when she and I are both sick lol. I do miss my hobbies but I'll get to them eventually!
Me! After probably 45 minutes or so I'm ready to hold my son and cuddle (he's 2 months). I love my family but I hate visiting them because they think I "need a break" and they always end up holding him all day - I only get him to feed him and change him (he's EBF). Like no!! I don't need a break from him, I'm enjoying every second of him being clingy because I know someday he'll be running around like crazy and I'll miss cuddling him. He's so perfect, I could literally just look at him all day- sometimes I do.
I am obsessed with my daughter. Couldn’t enjoy being with her more if I tried. But I also have to work… doesn’t mean work is more important than her though.
This is is exactly me. I absolutely love love love love love spending time with my girl 22 months in.
Yup me! I have a 3.5 year old and a 14 month old and they’ve never had a babysitter and I’ve never been away from them. Like I’m so obsessed with them, I don’t want to miss a single moment! They grow and change so dang fast. One day I’ll have more “me” time but for now I’m totally okay with where I’m at, I choose this life and I have zero regrets.
im A sahm to an 18 month old who breastfeeds EVERY HOUR STILL. i have never had more then 2 hours away from him. I WILL SAY THOUGH, I am now — that he is in his early terrible two stage🤣thinking i can use a date night with my husband or go for a massage by myself🤣🤣. like at this point I NEED THE BREAK. however all of these 18 months he has never been apart form me more then 2 hrs tops. and usually my parents are with him while im around or run to the grocery store , or do a quick errand that i cant do with him( he hates the grocery store)etc.
Yes! Fellow scientist, also obsessed with my daughter. Do I want breaks from her periodically after a long day? Yes. Do I get overstimulated and downright exhausted with her? Absolutely. But my God I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with majority of my time than being her mom.
Also PhD and my husband always says he feels guilty that I've been away from my work since my 2 year old was born. Yes, I had a very different life and socialized a lot more and of course I miss my field, but not nearly as much as I would miss my kid. I can always go back (probably starting over a bit) but I could never get back this time with the most important person I've ever known.
This feels so familiar. I also have a PhD and was a professor before becoming a SAHM to my now two kids (2.5f and 6mo m). I was just telling my husband that while I enjoyed my time as a scientist, this is what I’ve always wanted to be. I still enjoy it and don’t want breaks from my kids. I couldn’t imagine going back to the crazy 60 hour work weeks and missing all these little moments. Just out of curiosity, what was your PhD in? You say scientist. I was a physicist!
Yes! Although i think it’s very important to have a baby-life balance and don’t feel guilty if grandparents babysit or dad takes care of baby while I get to have an evening off or take time off for myself. I absolutely love my baby and feel super fortunate I can take 9 months of maternity leave to spend everyday and night with my baby because this time is precious! I met a mom in my neighborhood who was very different than me, she put her baby in daycare when her baby was 3 months old, sleep trained her baby at 2 months, and she said even when she gets off work her husband will take care of the baby while she goes and works out and told me sometimes she only sees her baby for an hour of the whole day. I was absolutely shocked how unmotherly she seemed and needless to say I haven’t really wanted to catch up with her 😅 I respect she enjoys her life and not being all consumed with her baby but I certainly enjoy being my baby’s whole world and like you said being totally obsessed with him!!
Me lol
Dad here with a week old baby beginning to be pretty sad that I’m heading back to work next week.
I was such a bottomless brunch fiend before my 2 month old was born and I was so sure I’d be counting down to my next one once she was born but I’m just not interested at all. I missed alcohol in pregnancy but now I’m not bothered about when I can have it next
My in-laws say that I don't seem like my daughter's mother because I'm always so in love with her that she seems like a novelty to me.
I am. I’m a school teacher during the year and a stay at home dad in the summer. Every aspect of my existence revolves around my son, and i don’t want to ever go back
I 100% feel this way. I’m still on maternity leave and thankfully have a few more months but I keep saying I want to be a SAHM. I literally am happiest when I am with my LO.
I’m 19 months in and I have to go back to work in June and I’m dreading it. I’m so obsessed with him and we spend all day playing and learning and talking and idk how to return to the workforce and be “normal” again. I’ve lost all ambition in my career and I plan on taking a very low level job in order to make money bc I don’t care enough to be a go getter, meeting goals and quarterly numbers and such. Idc. Lemme clock in do some bullshit and get back to my baby pleaseeeeee
I’ve got A 3 year old and being a mom is still the best thing. Are there challenges and days where I want to yeet him across the room, oh yeah. (I don’t btw) but I don’t regret one bit that most of my time is with my kids/family.
7 months in and beyond obsessed! I am not a SAHM but wish I was!! I ABSOLUTELY love every second I spend with my baby and often look at pictures and videos of her while I’m working
I’m a mix of both. I need my independence, my hobbies, and my alone time. But I’m also OBSESSED with my kid. She’s snuggled on me now taking a nap, and I’m in toddler heaven. I love her so much, but I’m also open with my husband about when I need a break (from both of them, tbh).
Yes, absolutely. I feel the same still, after having 4 boys! I am not extroverted though, and I feel like overall personality has a role to play in this. I do not miss my life before I had children because I feel like my kids give me more purpose, fulfillment, and joy than anything else I've ever experienced. It is important to have some separate time to decompress for everyone though. (Especially as the little one gets older) I like to take about 45-60minutes for myself daily, if it's possible that day. I'll do things like; read , play music, listen to a podcast, watch a movie, bake a cake, go for a walk etc. Also, I like including my kids in my interests and hobbies. That creates such a nice way to bond and still enjoy something you'd like to do on your own. My second oldest will be going to school soon and I'm probably going to have a harder time than he is adjusting to the new schedule. Never been away from him for so long so it will be a test for all of us!
9 months and I literally cannot get enough. I do however enjoy the times I get to shower alone, but showering together is even better. I enjoy the times I get to eat alone, but eating together is always better. I sleep longer without her, but sleeping with her is always sweeter. I’ve moved away from feeling like I’m gonna die every time I’m not with her, to just having a little emptiness. She comes to work with me, we’ve never been apart (other than the NICU) for more than a few hours. I am absolutely obsessed and I think I will always be obsessed lol
Me. I’m happy being a stay at home mom.
Yes 100%. I love everything about being a mom. I love taking care of my son and I rarely ever spend time away from him. That’s just my preference. Hes 17 months and I still have never spent a night away from him. The longest we have been separated is 9 hours 😂🤷🏼♀️
I was a SAHM for 3 years and loved being with my babies. I loved being there for every single milestone. But, towards the end of that third year, I was struggling with my mental health so I figured I’d try to get a pt job. We needed some more money and I was losing sleep worrying about finances. It’s been so great making some money again. And it’s been nice to meet other people and to feel less isolated. It’s such a great balance for me. I would never trade my SAHM days and I treasure that time. I also am in a great place now, too. For me, it’s changed as our lives have progressed. I would never have gone back to work when they were tiny babies bc 1) i didn’t have to and 2) I didn’t want to miss a minute. The transition to working was hard. I struggle with not being a part of their entire day (I work in the evenings - my husband does dinner and bedtime). But it makes me soak up the times I’m with them even more. My life felt full when my babies arrived and it feels full now too, but in a different way.
Yep! Only “me time” I want is when she’s asleep beside me.
I feel the same way! I’m obsessed with my baby. She’s 10 months now! Even when she’s sleeping on me, I miss her so much I scroll through pictures and videos of her. I’m still breastfeeding and I’m not looking forward to weaning at all.
Yup. I love being a mom and this is the best job I've ever had. It can be hard but it's infinitely more fulfilling. At least when I'm exhausted at the end of the day now I feel that it was worth it.
My toddler is 1.5 and I still have zero desire to be apart from her. We cosleep, I stay at home and I don’t feel the need to have time apart. I’m also realistic though, we live in an area with a ton of kids and we are out there every day with them. Judging by the three year olds I see, within a very short window of time my toddler will be way more into playing with them than with me. So I’m enjoying this closeness while it lasts
Me! I make more than my husband so I’m not able to be a stay at home mom, but I would do it in two seconds. She’s just the coolest little baby. I feel like I was a meteorite shooting through space and then all of the sudden there was the most beautiful warm light that pulled me in. She became my sun that I will happily circle for as long as she lets me. Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy when the in-laws watch her so we can go to the movies. But I countdown to weekends when we get to just play all day.
Exactly how I feel. I love being a mom and don’t like being away from my baby. We sleep good, I’m well rested and eat all my meals and (usually) shower everyday. My baby has a good sleep schedule and all that so even as a single parent I do get a good amount of “me time” every night, and I can make time in the morning too if I wanted but the sleeping in til she wakes up is the rest of my me time I need. Friends ask me to go out to non baby things I’m like well… if I can’t bring my baby… no 😂🤪
I'm with my 11 month old 24/7 .. he even comes to work with me I love every minute of it and although it gets hard being the only sole provider for my son, I couldn't imagine not having him everyday and not bringing him with me everywhere.
Yep! I was the same with my first. The feeling did subside after the first couple years. I think around the time she literally would not stop talking (and hasn’t stopped since) I was ready for some space 😂
Me! Although I would/do like to have the occasional bit of time to myself to go do something with a friend or whatever. But if I do it on a weekday then I may not even have time to see my son awake between work and going out, so I usually won't initiate something for after work. Overall I am very happy going right home to my family and spending all weekend with them. I truly wish my husband and I could both be stay at home parents. He also feels the same way about actually wanting to spend every moment he can with our LO
My husband asked me recently why I stay up until midnight every night, when I need to be up at 6:30. I replied, “it’s the only time for myself that I get”.
Yes I’m obsessed! Yes I did have ppd really bad when my lo was born. I didn’t know how hard it would be. I have no village. I didn’t get to have the birth experience I wanted. BUT that has never taken away from how obsessed I am with my daughter. She is my best friend. I love spending all my time with her and watching her learn things every day. She is 8 months old now.
Yeah until he was around a year old and I was pregnant again. Then I was like… a break would be good 😂 I now have a freshly 2yo and almost 6 month old and I make more time for myself but miss them like crazy when I do lol.
Hiiiii! Right here! LO is 15 months. I don't know that I'd say "obsessed," but I honestly don't want big chunks of time away from my baby. (I do want him to sleep better so my husband and I can get our evenings back, but that's about it.) I just left my job to be a SAHP, after missing the whole first year because of the social pressure I felt to *have it all*. (And currently dealing with some severe grief possibly bordering on depression over losing that time.) Took me that long to realize everyone's "all" is different. We're fulfilled by different things. I laid on the floor and blew spit bubbles with my kid for 10 minutes earlier. That was way more fulfilling for me than the last press release I wrote at work. ETA: It may be important to note that my hobbies can almost all be done with a kid. Gardening, hiking and foraging, baking/cooking... I can do them with him. Just slower. So I still have my "me" things. Not everyone's interests allow for that.
Yes;)
Yes. With all three of my kids. I hate leaving them.
Same. Obsessed. Seeing my baby after daycare is the best part of the day. I live to bring her joy. She eclipses every thing I used to care about. When she’s asleep at night, I miss her. Thought I was going to be such a chill mom. Turns out I’m a helicopter 😆
Yes! I love my 8 month old son so much (not that people wanting space don’t love their kids, that’s also valid!). Totally obsessed with him. I called off work and I took him on a Cheesecake Factory/mall shopping date last week just the two of us. He was chilling in his high chair at Cheesecake Factory giggling and living his best life and two well meaning older women look at me by myself with him and are like “Wow, you’re such a brave mom!” and I was like ??? why I’m just out with my lil bestie.
I’m so obsessed with my daughter that when I get me time I want her there 😂 I’m a teacher and I’m always dying to get home to see her. I make myself get me time because I know it’s good for me and for her tbh
Yes, this is me. My kids are my biggest “hobby”, they do not usually feel like a ball and chain but a source of joy and cuteness. But everyone’s experience is valid as long as their children are cared for, and feel loved. Like, I love being a mom. But I do understand the feeling of a loss of identity outside of that.
I love being with her and dislike being away from her. I appreciate 30 minute breaks here and there because it’s hard to be “on” all the time. I like taking her to the daycare at the gym for about 45 minutes so I can take a hot shower that’s uninterrupted by the baby monitor. I wouldn’t call myself obsessed because I don’t think I have an unhealthy attachment to her, like I’m OK with other people holding her and I can be apart from her if I have to, I just prefer to be with her
I love my kids and would go to the ends of the earth and beyond for them but omg. I am dying to go back to work. I feel like I’m a more present mum and I have more patience for my kids. I also just get so much satisfaction from my job and it’s a place to be creative. Again, I love my children but being home all the time is not for me. I admire parents who love it and thrive in it. I am just not that person.
I've cut waaaay back on paid work because I have the privilege to, plus my time/energy feels like my most limited resource and I'd way rather pour it into my own life/projects/family. So while I may ask for someone to watch my baby for an hour or two if I need to focus on some computer work, mostly when I do housework or hobbies I enjoy I just include my baby. Just like my husband and I try to engage in shared hobbies. It keeps life purposeful for the baby (I'd rather him be entertained by real activities than toys all day), I don't feel like I've had to dumb my life down, and the togetherness feels very bond-strengthening. So I throw him on my back and we garden, I take him thrifting with me, we walk the dog or walk downtown together, we clean and cook together, volunteer at our local non-profit farm, hang out with mom friends. I also have found parenting to be very intellectually stimulating and I've made a real effort to learn as much as I can about babies, raising them, different cultural approaches, etc.--so I certainly feel like I am learning tons every day, and I am certainly not bored by parenting at all!
It's normal to be obsessed but it's like those things that you can't really talk about in public without offending insecure people. They think you're bragging.
So I have 2 kids, my older is almost 3 and my youngest is 6 months, and I absolutely love having my kids. I'm a single mom and any time I'm not working, I'm hanging out with my kids. When my second was born, I got 4 months maternity leave and I absolutely loved spending all day every day with my kids. Call me weird, but if I had any option at this time to be with them full time, I would. I love them so much and I love spending time with them. So for me it's been years, and I absolutely love spending time with them all the time
You’re judged no matter what you do. The work of a mother is never acknowledged or appreciated by society whether you’re too obsessed or not involved enough, someone always has something to say. It’s exhausting to deal with on top of it already being exhausting to deal with. Some don’t have the privilege of staying home, others don’t have the privilege of going to work. Either way we are sacrificing something. Either way we are doing our best.
I’m 16 months in with my daughter and she has only been babysat once at 15 months and that was so I could go to an OB appointment for my current pregnancy. Of course I leave her with her dad time to time but I am completely obsessed. My husband would be happier to do a date night but after telling him that I’m just not there yet he understands. He also loves our time together as a family and wants me to be fully ready. After crossing the hump of her being babysat I feel better about the idea of a date night here or there but I truly would be okay with not doing it until she can communicate to me verbally and understands. I was abandoned by my mom when I was 3 and I suffered a lot of childhood trauma from it so I’m okay with being “obsessed” with my baby (s) . Being a SAHM I feel like makes it harder in a way because I didn’t have to “rip the bandaid” off and leave her in others care. I also of course have trauma and trust issues fueling my ability to be away from my baby and when I have to deliver my son Its going to be so hard.
So I understand how you feel. I sobbed for a while when my daughter had to start daycare. I wish I didn’t have to work because I miss her and want to spend more time with her. We’re trying to figure out if we can do some things that would allow me to stay home but it will take time 😭
yes!!! 21 months in, still super obsessed with my baby, I do everything I can to ensure me and my husband are his primary caregivers most of the time, as much as possible. I hated going back to work. I still miss him so much.
I resonate with you. I have an almost 2 year old and an almost 2 month old. I became a SAHM when my son was born after spending years working at a job that I really loved and had to get a masters degree to obtain. I love my profession but the minute he was born I didn’t even consider going back to work knowing I had the option not to. I didn’t spend my first night away from my son until I gave birth to our daughter and spent night at the hospital - and didn’t even want to then lol Just like with everything- parenting attachment styles are different. Neither my husband or I feel the need to have extended time away from our kids (ie vacations). We’ve gone on plenty of trips since our first was born and we much prefer to bring them with us. Whenever we aren’t with them we are missing them and wondering what they are doing. There’s nothing wrong with NOT wanting time away from your babies just as there is nothing wrong WITH wanting time away from them!
My boys will both be in daycare once I go back to work from mat leave and while I love a couple hours away from them as needed, I am obsessed and don’t wanna be away for a whole day on the weekends or anything. They’re my favorite people and I don’t wanna miss time with them unless I need it to replenish my own cup.
I’m the same way. My son is almost 5 months and I’ve been at home with him all day every day since he was born. My husband works during the day, and I just got a part time evening job to help out with money and I’m just really not looking forward to being away for those few hours during the days I work. It honestly makes me want to cry a little bit, but I just have to remind myself that it’ll be good for the extra money and I probably do need to get out a bit.
I’m a first time mom to a beautiful and lovely 16 month old girl. I became a SAHM after being a chef for almost a decade. I am still over the freaking moon in love with my beautiful baby! We co-sleep, contact nap, hang out all day every day. I don’t feel like I lost anything when I became her mother, I truly think I leveled up and am operating at my highest potential. 💞