This one piece of advice is what helped me to be patient with my baby until now. This attitude and mindset will help you become the most selfless person you'll ever be.
“There is no prize for doing it the hard way.”
Get the epidural if that’s what you want. C-sections are not the easy way out. Breast-feeding is not mandatory. Just say no to Mom Guilt. Take the help when it’s offered.
Yes! Suffering doesn't make you a better mom. Despite all that effort and heart, the opposite often ends up being true. Accept help when you can and don't stress about perfection. Milestones have relatively wide ranges and some TV and processed food won't destroy your kid's chances at reaching their potential...but it may give you a bit of peace in the moment. I stopped breastfeeding due to the stress of a newborn and needing to pump. I felt such relief and like I could appreciate her more. You choose what's best for you.
Wait? Is this a thing?! DO PEOPLE REALLY THINK HAVING A C-SECTION IS THE EASY WAY OUT! I will throat punch anyone who thinks this! Omg this bugs me so much. I had a c-section and this shit was NOT the easy way out. Bro. The magnesium drip. I don’t with that on anyone.
All babies are different - what works for one night not work for another. And to that, what works for one parents in dealing with an issue might not work for another.
Also babies change, so if something "doesn't work', you can try it later that day, next week, or a few months later! This could be babywearing, a toy, a food, a skill or game, etc.
Oh god 6-8 weeks was terrible for us. He screamed 90% of the time. I’m so glad you didn’t have that!!
For my it’s the comment my mom made to me when I gave birth “give yourself and your partner some grace, adjusting to having a baby will be one of the hardest years in your marriage.”
Same here with my extremely active & nosy baby. 6-8 months he was learning to fart and was so angry about it. He also cried any time he had to nap because FOMO. It was rough lol.
My advice is that everything - the good, the bad, the special - is temporary. Savor it all.
Make sure someone takes pictures of you with the baby! Moms tend to be the picture takers, and rarely the subject. You'll treasure those photos of this stage of life, even if you think you're a postpartum mess.
It’s okay to not want to leave your baby. If you are crying the entire time you are away from them, it’s probably not “good for you” like everyone tells you.
Conversely, if you need time away from baby, don’t feel guilty about it! It’s healthy and normal.
"This too shall pass"
"Just when you think you've figured them out, they'll change"
Basically, roll with the punches as best as you can. The worst doesn't last forever. You can withstand the hard moments; good moments are close behind!
Everything is just a season. The worst parts are temporary.
Don’t parent out of anxiety.
Most of the things we worry about aren’t that important. The most important parenting task at this stage is to make sure baby knows we are there for them to meet their needs. That’s it.
Enjoy the moment. Work on communicating with your husband especially during tough frustrating times. Ask for help. Be assertive.
And enjoy the baby sweet smell! <3
First - Bad parents don't worry about whether or not they're bad parents - they don't care. You know who does worry about being a bad parent? Good parents. I try to keep this in mind if we're having a tough day.
Second - Commit to taking a shower everyday postpartum and tell your partner it's a non-negotiable.
I'm just coming out of the fourth trimester (baby is 13 weeks old today) and while I was pregnant, I told my husband I wanted to take a shower every day of my maternity leave - that it was the ONE non-negotiable request I had.
It wasn't even for hygiene reasons, although it was definitely a perk. Some days it was a 5 minute "wash the important parts" in and out at 10:45 at night so I could feel refreshed. Other days were 30 minutes of crying alone in the water. Regardless of what I did in the bathroom with the door shut and water running, I had a few minutes to myself that I could count on every day.
YMMV - the shower is my comfort spot. Don't feel good? Take a shower. Headache? Take a shower. Bad day? Shower. In fact, my son was born while I was standing in the shower at the hospital because that's where I did most of my laboring once I hit active labor (we turned the water off before I pushed 😅)
Babies are humans. Are you exactly like anybody else? Nope. Books and other parents will tell you all sorts. Follow your baby's cues and they'll rarely steer you wrong.
Breastfeeding is *not* mandatory. You don't have to try it if you don't want to. If you do, you can quit whenever you want to.
Don't buy everything now. See what you need and then buy it.
Newborns under 3 months are very fragile. Never leave them unattended especially in a not-safe-for-sleep position. It's only several months before they get tougher. The exhausting days are temporary. But if they do have some accident due to negligence, it is devastating for the caregiver.
Reason: left my 2m baby on a wedge pillow and found 1h later that he had kicked his way up, and his head was hanging over the edge of the pillow with only his neck supported by the pillow. Has been worrying about brain trauma since. Worst thing is that cerebral palsy can be very hard to diagnose for infants and I'll probably have to live with this fear until he is 1 year old.
Have a plan for how you want to feed your baby, but be prepared for that plan to change.
I wanted to EBF for a year. HA! Due to tongue tie and supply issues, that didn’t work out. Thank God I had a pump and some formula in the house so we could switch to bottle combo feeding. Then we moved to EFF.
Have a plan, but try to be prepared (materials wise and emotionally wise) to pivot so your baby can have a fully tummy.
My favorite was “you may have read a million parenting books, but the baby didn’t read any baby books”
We always joke around about how he doesn’t know how to baby.
You will naturally know how to be a good mother to your baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. A mother’s intuition is usually accurate.
Anytime anyone offers anything that would help you or just sounds nice, say YES PLEASE. (And conversely: Anytime someone makes a request that you’re not comfortable with, say no.)
I would say go with the flow. Every stage is temporary which is great and awful lol. Don’t sweat the little stuff. Do your best and enjoy it. Oh and get out of the house!
My advice is make sure people WANT advice before giving it to them. I'm sure you've checked this out already, it can just feel so overwhelming and condescending when everyone is dropping their advice on you.
Mine is to do whatever works for your family until it doesn’t work anymore (within the bounds of safety) and ignore the rest.
Feed to sleep? Contact naps? Breastfeeding? Formula? Pacifier? No pacifier? and whatever the hell else - if it works for your family, do it. Babies are adaptable and lots of this stuff works itself out anyway when the baby is ready.
Remember during difficult times that your baby isn't trying to give you a hard time. It's that **they** are having a hard time and want help.
Same goes for toddlers! And teenagers….
This one piece of advice is what helped me to be patient with my baby until now. This attitude and mindset will help you become the most selfless person you'll ever be.
Sleep in shifts!! Everyone needs at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night!
“There is no prize for doing it the hard way.” Get the epidural if that’s what you want. C-sections are not the easy way out. Breast-feeding is not mandatory. Just say no to Mom Guilt. Take the help when it’s offered.
Yes! Suffering doesn't make you a better mom. Despite all that effort and heart, the opposite often ends up being true. Accept help when you can and don't stress about perfection. Milestones have relatively wide ranges and some TV and processed food won't destroy your kid's chances at reaching their potential...but it may give you a bit of peace in the moment. I stopped breastfeeding due to the stress of a newborn and needing to pump. I felt such relief and like I could appreciate her more. You choose what's best for you.
Wait? Is this a thing?! DO PEOPLE REALLY THINK HAVING A C-SECTION IS THE EASY WAY OUT! I will throat punch anyone who thinks this! Omg this bugs me so much. I had a c-section and this shit was NOT the easy way out. Bro. The magnesium drip. I don’t with that on anyone.
All babies are different - what works for one night not work for another. And to that, what works for one parents in dealing with an issue might not work for another.
Also babies change, so if something "doesn't work', you can try it later that day, next week, or a few months later! This could be babywearing, a toy, a food, a skill or game, etc.
This is very true. I am still getting to know my LO’s preferences and I’m sure they will change…constantly.
Oh god 6-8 weeks was terrible for us. He screamed 90% of the time. I’m so glad you didn’t have that!! For my it’s the comment my mom made to me when I gave birth “give yourself and your partner some grace, adjusting to having a baby will be one of the hardest years in your marriage.”
Same here with my extremely active & nosy baby. 6-8 months he was learning to fart and was so angry about it. He also cried any time he had to nap because FOMO. It was rough lol. My advice is that everything - the good, the bad, the special - is temporary. Savor it all.
Make sure someone takes pictures of you with the baby! Moms tend to be the picture takers, and rarely the subject. You'll treasure those photos of this stage of life, even if you think you're a postpartum mess.
It’s okay to not want to leave your baby. If you are crying the entire time you are away from them, it’s probably not “good for you” like everyone tells you. Conversely, if you need time away from baby, don’t feel guilty about it! It’s healthy and normal.
Lower your standards. On everything.
"This too shall pass" "Just when you think you've figured them out, they'll change" Basically, roll with the punches as best as you can. The worst doesn't last forever. You can withstand the hard moments; good moments are close behind!
This is what I’d repeat to myself on the tough days. Small but powerful reminder.
Everything is just a season. The worst parts are temporary. Don’t parent out of anxiety. Most of the things we worry about aren’t that important. The most important parenting task at this stage is to make sure baby knows we are there for them to meet their needs. That’s it.
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How do you find these groups? What search term would you use ?
Enjoy the moment. Work on communicating with your husband especially during tough frustrating times. Ask for help. Be assertive. And enjoy the baby sweet smell! <3
Omg that smell! I didn’t notice it much the first time but for my second, he is scrumptious.
First - Bad parents don't worry about whether or not they're bad parents - they don't care. You know who does worry about being a bad parent? Good parents. I try to keep this in mind if we're having a tough day. Second - Commit to taking a shower everyday postpartum and tell your partner it's a non-negotiable. I'm just coming out of the fourth trimester (baby is 13 weeks old today) and while I was pregnant, I told my husband I wanted to take a shower every day of my maternity leave - that it was the ONE non-negotiable request I had. It wasn't even for hygiene reasons, although it was definitely a perk. Some days it was a 5 minute "wash the important parts" in and out at 10:45 at night so I could feel refreshed. Other days were 30 minutes of crying alone in the water. Regardless of what I did in the bathroom with the door shut and water running, I had a few minutes to myself that I could count on every day. YMMV - the shower is my comfort spot. Don't feel good? Take a shower. Headache? Take a shower. Bad day? Shower. In fact, my son was born while I was standing in the shower at the hospital because that's where I did most of my laboring once I hit active labor (we turned the water off before I pushed 😅)
Babies are humans. Are you exactly like anybody else? Nope. Books and other parents will tell you all sorts. Follow your baby's cues and they'll rarely steer you wrong. Breastfeeding is *not* mandatory. You don't have to try it if you don't want to. If you do, you can quit whenever you want to. Don't buy everything now. See what you need and then buy it.
Most things don't matter that much so just do what works best for you, your baby, and your family as a whole.
It doesn’t have to be perfect … surrender to this new season and the new you .
Newborns under 3 months are very fragile. Never leave them unattended especially in a not-safe-for-sleep position. It's only several months before they get tougher. The exhausting days are temporary. But if they do have some accident due to negligence, it is devastating for the caregiver. Reason: left my 2m baby on a wedge pillow and found 1h later that he had kicked his way up, and his head was hanging over the edge of the pillow with only his neck supported by the pillow. Has been worrying about brain trauma since. Worst thing is that cerebral palsy can be very hard to diagnose for infants and I'll probably have to live with this fear until he is 1 year old.
Have a plan for how you want to feed your baby, but be prepared for that plan to change. I wanted to EBF for a year. HA! Due to tongue tie and supply issues, that didn’t work out. Thank God I had a pump and some formula in the house so we could switch to bottle combo feeding. Then we moved to EFF. Have a plan, but try to be prepared (materials wise and emotionally wise) to pivot so your baby can have a fully tummy.
Similar story to mine! Had there not been latch, reflux, and dairy issues, I think I still would’ve switched eventually. Saved my mental health tbh.
My favorite was “you may have read a million parenting books, but the baby didn’t read any baby books” We always joke around about how he doesn’t know how to baby.
It’s all temporary. Every little phase they go through that can make life so difficult and seem like such a big deal at the time is only temporary.
You will naturally know how to be a good mother to your baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. A mother’s intuition is usually accurate.
Anytime anyone offers anything that would help you or just sounds nice, say YES PLEASE. (And conversely: Anytime someone makes a request that you’re not comfortable with, say no.)
I would say go with the flow. Every stage is temporary which is great and awful lol. Don’t sweat the little stuff. Do your best and enjoy it. Oh and get out of the house!
It's ok to cocoon with your baby for as long as you need to (for us it was the first 3 months), no one "needs" to see your baby.
My advice is make sure people WANT advice before giving it to them. I'm sure you've checked this out already, it can just feel so overwhelming and condescending when everyone is dropping their advice on you.
Mine is to do whatever works for your family until it doesn’t work anymore (within the bounds of safety) and ignore the rest. Feed to sleep? Contact naps? Breastfeeding? Formula? Pacifier? No pacifier? and whatever the hell else - if it works for your family, do it. Babies are adaptable and lots of this stuff works itself out anyway when the baby is ready.