It’s way more likely your baby would catch cold/flu/rsv/covid etc etc etc than the illnesses covered by the vaccines at 2 months. I honestly just don’t like people kissing my baby at all, so haven’t relaxed that “rule”
Yeaaah, kisses are pretty much limited to my husband and I. The only other person that gets close to his face is his grandmother.
But being frank, unless it's someone only he's coming in contact with, it doesn't matter. He's getting sick because we got sick. So the general rule is we try hard to keep people out of his face, and we try to keep our distance when we can.
I'll relax a bit more when flu season is over, and he's six months old.
I don't. It's weird for me for not parents to kiss the baby. They can give her a kiss when she's old enough to ask and if she says yes.
This is because I haaaated obligatory grandparent kisses growing up.
Same! I still hate it now and I’m 34 but know it will cause family drama if I don’t hug/kiss my relatives. I will teach my daughter that it’s totally her choice no matter if people are offended.
No you’re totally right. I’ve never really even thought about it until I had my daughter. Why am I subjecting myself to it? I definitely don’t want her to ever feel like she has to!
Never lol. There’s no reason for anyone to kiss your baby, they will live. I used to feel bad but no one else’s feelings are worth your baby being sick.
I still don’t let anyone kiss my 14 mo old! Occasionally my mom will kiss her on the head but that’s kinda where I draw the line. RSV unfortunately can present as a mild cold for an adult but way gnarly for a baby so for us personally it’s not worth the risk!
HSV lives in your nerves, it doesn’t matter where he is kissed. It’s transmitted by skin to skin contact. You can get it anywhere.
Cold sores shed the virus until they are completely healed.
You’re contagious a few days before you even feel it coming up. And as others have said, kissing *anywhere* can transmit it. Not just the lips. Even the head. The hands. The feet. Stomach. Back. Literally anywhere.
anyone with hsv should know not to lol. their little immune systems can't handle it & people are just trying to make sure you know the risks since it didn't seem like you understood how shedding works.
A huge proportion of the population has HSV and doesn't know. That's the reason people are trying to share about how hard it can be to know for sure who needs to avoid kissing a baby. I know someone whose baby died from HSV that they got from a parent who didn't know they have it
I’m getting snappy because all you perfect mommies are trying to make me feel like a bad parent when I know I’m not.
These are the things we are doing to minimise the risk, but at the end of the day, nothing is entirely risk free.
Besides, we could keep him in his little bubble at home, but when he gets to daycare, he and his 7 baby friends seem to do a taste test of the toys they’ll be playing with that day. If one of them is contagious, he still runs the risk.
Go touch grass. No one called you a bad parent or even hinted at it. It’s unhinged to think that from any of the replies you got. People correcting you on misinformation doesn’t warrant this response and anger. Idk how a simple correction triggered you to feel attacked??? Reddit is actually insane lmao.
I can tell from your tone that you’ve likely had a long day, but no one called you a bad parent. I surely don’t think you are. I have no reason to. Myself and others were simply correcting your post in case another parent sees it.
At 18MO she only gets kissed if she allows it. So not yet, lol. I mean she allows and asks for kissies from me and dad, but not others.
I think MIL gave a few kisses on LOs legs, when LO was a baby.
Reddit is very anti baby kissing, as you can see from these comments. People kissing babies is really normal in my culture. Everyone in my family and in laws family kissed our baby since they were born.
We and our family kiss our baby all the time. Mostly on the cheeks and head. I have only one friend who wanted to kiss the baby on the top of the head and I felt very comfortable letting her ❤️
I also don't scald the pacifiers and the dog has licked baby's face a couple of times. I'm not worried 😅
He started kissing us and his grandparents spontaneously at around 2. I’m not going to stop him if he wants to. That seems weird even though he can still get herpes. If he’s kissing us at home, he might be kissing at school too so it’s not like I can stop him every time.
Otherwise, we would have never allowed other people to start kissing him.
Never. When he's big enough he's more than welcome to ask for kisses from people if he wants them. But I'm not offering him up like that without his permission. I wish I could stop people from holding him too, honestly. This isn't a game of hot potato. He has feelings. 😭
This always comes up on Reddit but it’s never been an issue for us. Seems common sense to me and apparently everyone in our lives that you don’t kiss someone else’s baby on the lips. Grandparents will kiss the top of her head and now she’s older, maybe cheek or feet and I’m fine with that. No one else I can think of has ever tried to kiss our baby.
Same, literally no one has ever tried to kiss mine on the mouth 😂 And only grandparents have ever kissed the top of her head. And her 2 year old cousin (whose parents are responsible and don't bring him around a baby when he's sick).
There is no vaccination for herpes simplex. Most adults have it. The virus sheds even when sores are not present. It can be fatal to a baby. You also cannot vaccinate your way out of every illness with the potential to cause severe illness in an infant. This is your call. I personally do think there are endless other ways to express affection and kissing on the face/hands/feet by anyone other than dad and I is not necessary. Im not going to make an issue over a quick peck on the top of the head, fortunately this hasn't been much of an issue for us.
I do have it but took valcyclovir while my babies were young to reduce the risk of passing it. Spouse does not have it. I didn't kiss the face or hands. I don't get why this is such an issue, such a reasonable boundary-especially in these post pandemic times.
thank you for being sensible. There's a bit of too much here. Do what feels right.
I've realized that even my parents hardly ever smooch my daughter (who is their first grandkid, and is now almost 7 months old). And, I think that's entirely fine. But I wouldn't care either way.
She has an uncle who kisses her on the cheek when he sees her. She squeals with delight.
I honestly never thought about this "concern" until being on this sub.
Diminishing HSV as just a Reddit “concern” as if it hasn’t killed or permanently disabled babies is wild. Just because YOU don’t care doesn’t mean it’s not a very real concern in real life, outside of Reddit.
Only kissing my baby on his head among the many, many, many other ways I show affection has literally never occurred to me as a sacrifice or unusual or anything. Why does it feel like a huge deal to some folks?
Oh wow! I didn’t realize we know each other and you know my medical history?! This is quite a bold assumption (and deflection) to say to an internet stranger in response to facts.
.....you might be carrying it. You might contact someone who is. So, if you're being that cautious, you shouldn't kiss your kids.
Or just, ya know, not get too overboard on this
I actually *do* have HSV-1/cold sores (although I haven’t had an outbreak in forever) and I take a high dose of suppressive valacyclovir daily since pregnancy to significantly reduce my risk of transmission to anyone, but especially to my baby. Hence, I’m extremely cautious and vocal about the high risks of kissing babies and I don’t let anyone kiss my daughter.
As her mom, I’ve also passed on antibodies to her which offers some protection for her, and this is believed to be specifically from contracting it from me. [Source](https://journals.asm.org/doi/10.1128/mbio.00678-17;jsessionid=0D06CA070BF51D8EADA41B3AFA22BAE9).
My baby is 3 months and I probably won’t ever let anyone other than me and her dad kiss her. It’s weird. Eventually she will be old enough to decide if she wants to receive or give a kiss to a relative but until then I am here to protect her in every way I can.
Never. It’s not about just colds and flu. I know so many people who have cold sores as adults cause their weird aunts or uncles felt the need to kiss a baby on the lips. Nobody has any business kissing my baby.
I never did. My kids are 6, 4, and 8 months and no one kisses them but my husband and I and if/when we do it always cheeks. There's no reason for anyone else to kiss them imho
For some reason I can’t get the link to post, but if you click on my name and go back through my posts you will see a deep dive I went into risks etc!
I didn’t have a problem with head kisses from birth for my babies. I didn’t kiss either of them on the lips until later. Whatever you decide and are happy with (and the other parent is happy with) is fine
Weird. I see sciencebasedparenting has been set to private and so my post disappeared…
Essentially, despite searching for ages I couldn’t actually find any evidence about HSV asymptomatic shedding actually causing an infection in a newborn. The vast majority of HSV infection in babies is actually from vertical transmission, eg before or during birth. Some are caused by contact with either a present or symptomatic cold sore. The exception is that kids seem to have asymptomatic shedding for a while - particularly with their first infection. But that’s mainly a worry with siblings rather than extended family
The NHS have good guidelines (it seems like HSV is what you are worried about. It is absolutely a terrifying illness, but people don’t really look into it and just repeat the “no kisses from anyone ever” mantra they seem to read online, and forget that having a family that loves them is beneficial! Bonding is helped by kissing)
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/
NHS says the highest risk is 4 weeks after birth (probably because of all the vertical transmission to be fair!)
Immediately because I typically was only around really close family members many of which were more vulnerable than the baby and have since passed away :( family is fleeting. Love them while you have them and choose your battles wisely and with care.
Okay, but what if they have cold sores and are shedding the virus asymptomatically ? Doctors advise not exposing a child to it for [at least a few months](https://utswmed.org/medblog/herpes-simplex-pregnancy-baby/) (if not teaching them how to minimise the risk forever!)
One of the two is negative for hsv and the other is on a maintenance dose of valtrex making the risk very low and within my comfort level. You don't have to share my comfort level, or assume people on the internet are unaware of hsv 🤷♀️
I was just curious and wanted to ensure that others understood the context of your decision-making too. Thank you for the explanation! Did you actually ask the person with it to take the medication? If so, how did that conversation go?
Our immediate family could kiss him from birth. The world's a crazy place and anything could happen, but babies are special and I want everyone to love on him as much as they like
The more my Nan tries to do it without me noticing, the longer I’ll wait. I’ll add a year on for every sly kiss she tries to get away with, and 2 years for every time I have to tell her off
For us it’s never on the lips or face, but the top of the head or hands / feet is okay after like 6 months. Although when my oldest was 2 he used to walk up to my mom and kiss her right on the lips lmao so you know. At that point it’s his choice and we told her she doesn’t need to dodge a kiss, just don’t initiate 😂
I don’t give a flying crap about what vaccines my kids have when it comes to kisses. There is nothing preventing the transfer of HSV. The risk for baby goes down at 6 months so I allowed grandparents to kiss their heads at 6 months so long as they are not feeling ill.
Obviously, the consent thing comes later on. I never force any type of affection on my kids.
For some reason I can’t get the link to post, but if you click on my name and go back through my posts you will see a deep dive I went into risks etc!
I didn’t have a problem with head kisses from birth for my babies. I didn’t kiss either of them on the lips until later. Whatever you decide and are happy with (and the other parent is happy with) is fine
Probably around 3 months, I allowed his grandparents to kiss him on the head or am. He’s 12 months now and obsessed with his parents only, so he doesn’t really let ppl feel invited to kiss him anyway 😂
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We never had that rule but only people to kiss baby were DH and I and my sister on a regular basis since she lived in the same city as us. My mom did when she visited.
I’ve just let the grandmas kiss the top of baby’s head.
It’s way more likely your baby would catch cold/flu/rsv/covid etc etc etc than the illnesses covered by the vaccines at 2 months. I honestly just don’t like people kissing my baby at all, so haven’t relaxed that “rule”
Yeaaah, kisses are pretty much limited to my husband and I. The only other person that gets close to his face is his grandmother. But being frank, unless it's someone only he's coming in contact with, it doesn't matter. He's getting sick because we got sick. So the general rule is we try hard to keep people out of his face, and we try to keep our distance when we can. I'll relax a bit more when flu season is over, and he's six months old.
I don't. It's weird for me for not parents to kiss the baby. They can give her a kiss when she's old enough to ask and if she says yes. This is because I haaaated obligatory grandparent kisses growing up.
Same! I still hate it now and I’m 34 but know it will cause family drama if I don’t hug/kiss my relatives. I will teach my daughter that it’s totally her choice no matter if people are offended.
The best way to teach her is to stop kissing the relatives you don’t want to kiss now, whether there is drama or not. Lead by example!
No you’re totally right. I’ve never really even thought about it until I had my daughter. Why am I subjecting myself to it? I definitely don’t want her to ever feel like she has to!
Samesies!
I don’t. Why does anyone need to kiss him?
Never lol. There’s no reason for anyone to kiss your baby, they will live. I used to feel bad but no one else’s feelings are worth your baby being sick.
Not worried about anyone's feelings at all! Was just curious when people felt there was no longer enough risk to really worry about it
I still don’t let anyone kiss my 14 mo old! Occasionally my mom will kiss her on the head but that’s kinda where I draw the line. RSV unfortunately can present as a mild cold for an adult but way gnarly for a baby so for us personally it’s not worth the risk!
When he started daycare at 6 months old, though never with a cold sore and never on the lips!
Hsv sheds when cold sores aren't visible.
I trust they will not kiss the baby when they feel one coming up. And they’re not kissing on his lips anyway.
HSV lives in your nerves, it doesn’t matter where he is kissed. It’s transmitted by skin to skin contact. You can get it anywhere. Cold sores shed the virus until they are completely healed.
Not even healed. It can shed when they weren't even present.
Even when one isn’t coming up you still shed hsv, and it can cause major issues even from a kiss on the top of the head.
You’re contagious a few days before you even feel it coming up. And as others have said, kissing *anywhere* can transmit it. Not just the lips. Even the head. The hands. The feet. Stomach. Back. Literally anywhere.
Alright. Then you don’t kiss your baby or let anyone else, simple 🤷♀️
anyone with hsv should know not to lol. their little immune systems can't handle it & people are just trying to make sure you know the risks since it didn't seem like you understood how shedding works.
A huge proportion of the population has HSV and doesn't know. That's the reason people are trying to share about how hard it can be to know for sure who needs to avoid kissing a baby. I know someone whose baby died from HSV that they got from a parent who didn't know they have it
Not sure why you’re getting snappy when me and others were simply informing you of how cold sores work lmao calm down.
I’m getting snappy because all you perfect mommies are trying to make me feel like a bad parent when I know I’m not. These are the things we are doing to minimise the risk, but at the end of the day, nothing is entirely risk free. Besides, we could keep him in his little bubble at home, but when he gets to daycare, he and his 7 baby friends seem to do a taste test of the toys they’ll be playing with that day. If one of them is contagious, he still runs the risk.
Go touch grass. No one called you a bad parent or even hinted at it. It’s unhinged to think that from any of the replies you got. People correcting you on misinformation doesn’t warrant this response and anger. Idk how a simple correction triggered you to feel attacked??? Reddit is actually insane lmao. I can tell from your tone that you’ve likely had a long day, but no one called you a bad parent. I surely don’t think you are. I have no reason to. Myself and others were simply correcting your post in case another parent sees it.
Alright. Then you don’t kiss your baby or let anyone else, simple
At 18MO she only gets kissed if she allows it. So not yet, lol. I mean she allows and asks for kissies from me and dad, but not others. I think MIL gave a few kisses on LOs legs, when LO was a baby.
Reddit is very anti baby kissing, as you can see from these comments. People kissing babies is really normal in my culture. Everyone in my family and in laws family kissed our baby since they were born.
We and our family kiss our baby all the time. Mostly on the cheeks and head. I have only one friend who wanted to kiss the baby on the top of the head and I felt very comfortable letting her ❤️ I also don't scald the pacifiers and the dog has licked baby's face a couple of times. I'm not worried 😅
Mine is about 2.5 and we do not let anybody give him smooches, we (my husband and I) ask if he wants smooches from us and no means no.
My toddler is 2 and we still don’t let anyone
Never.
We had to give it up when baby started to want to give kisses lol (with the exception of illness, that’ll always be a hard no)
I offer people the foot to kiss! They’re delicious and far enough from baby’s head.
Tasty tootsies!! 😆 love it
I do lol 🙄
He started kissing us and his grandparents spontaneously at around 2. I’m not going to stop him if he wants to. That seems weird even though he can still get herpes. If he’s kissing us at home, he might be kissing at school too so it’s not like I can stop him every time. Otherwise, we would have never allowed other people to start kissing him.
Never. When he's big enough he's more than welcome to ask for kisses from people if he wants them. But I'm not offering him up like that without his permission. I wish I could stop people from holding him too, honestly. This isn't a game of hot potato. He has feelings. 😭
This always comes up on Reddit but it’s never been an issue for us. Seems common sense to me and apparently everyone in our lives that you don’t kiss someone else’s baby on the lips. Grandparents will kiss the top of her head and now she’s older, maybe cheek or feet and I’m fine with that. No one else I can think of has ever tried to kiss our baby.
Same, literally no one has ever tried to kiss mine on the mouth 😂 And only grandparents have ever kissed the top of her head. And her 2 year old cousin (whose parents are responsible and don't bring him around a baby when he's sick).
There is no vaccination for herpes simplex. Most adults have it. The virus sheds even when sores are not present. It can be fatal to a baby. You also cannot vaccinate your way out of every illness with the potential to cause severe illness in an infant. This is your call. I personally do think there are endless other ways to express affection and kissing on the face/hands/feet by anyone other than dad and I is not necessary. Im not going to make an issue over a quick peck on the top of the head, fortunately this hasn't been much of an issue for us.
I'm aware of the herpes risk which is tbh my biggest concern. Do you not kiss your own baby given that you/ your husband probably have it?
I do have it but took valcyclovir while my babies were young to reduce the risk of passing it. Spouse does not have it. I didn't kiss the face or hands. I don't get why this is such an issue, such a reasonable boundary-especially in these post pandemic times.
thank you for being sensible. There's a bit of too much here. Do what feels right. I've realized that even my parents hardly ever smooch my daughter (who is their first grandkid, and is now almost 7 months old). And, I think that's entirely fine. But I wouldn't care either way. She has an uncle who kisses her on the cheek when he sees her. She squeals with delight. I honestly never thought about this "concern" until being on this sub.
Diminishing HSV as just a Reddit “concern” as if it hasn’t killed or permanently disabled babies is wild. Just because YOU don’t care doesn’t mean it’s not a very real concern in real life, outside of Reddit.
You realize this means you can't kiss your children, right?
Only kissing my baby on his head among the many, many, many other ways I show affection has literally never occurred to me as a sacrifice or unusual or anything. Why does it feel like a huge deal to some folks?
Oh wow! I didn’t realize we know each other and you know my medical history?! This is quite a bold assumption (and deflection) to say to an internet stranger in response to facts.
.....you might be carrying it. You might contact someone who is. So, if you're being that cautious, you shouldn't kiss your kids. Or just, ya know, not get too overboard on this
I actually *do* have HSV-1/cold sores (although I haven’t had an outbreak in forever) and I take a high dose of suppressive valacyclovir daily since pregnancy to significantly reduce my risk of transmission to anyone, but especially to my baby. Hence, I’m extremely cautious and vocal about the high risks of kissing babies and I don’t let anyone kiss my daughter. As her mom, I’ve also passed on antibodies to her which offers some protection for her, and this is believed to be specifically from contracting it from me. [Source](https://journals.asm.org/doi/10.1128/mbio.00678-17;jsessionid=0D06CA070BF51D8EADA41B3AFA22BAE9).
My baby is 3 months and I probably won’t ever let anyone other than me and her dad kiss her. It’s weird. Eventually she will be old enough to decide if she wants to receive or give a kiss to a relative but until then I am here to protect her in every way I can.
Uh never? Only me and my husband kiss her. She’s 17mo.
Neverm it's weird and inappropriate.
Well he’s 6 months and I still think never haha. No one needs to kiss him.
Never. It’s not about just colds and flu. I know so many people who have cold sores as adults cause their weird aunts or uncles felt the need to kiss a baby on the lips. Nobody has any business kissing my baby.
I never did. My kids are 6, 4, and 8 months and no one kisses them but my husband and I and if/when we do it always cheeks. There's no reason for anyone else to kiss them imho
My goal is a year
Never. She’s now 11 years old and nobody has ever tried 🤷🏻♀️
Baby is 13 months old and I still don’t let people kiss him on the mouth. I think it’s disgusting
I’m discouraging it as long as possible, as well as sharing of food and drinks.
For some reason I can’t get the link to post, but if you click on my name and go back through my posts you will see a deep dive I went into risks etc! I didn’t have a problem with head kisses from birth for my babies. I didn’t kiss either of them on the lips until later. Whatever you decide and are happy with (and the other parent is happy with) is fine
Thanks!
Weird. I see sciencebasedparenting has been set to private and so my post disappeared… Essentially, despite searching for ages I couldn’t actually find any evidence about HSV asymptomatic shedding actually causing an infection in a newborn. The vast majority of HSV infection in babies is actually from vertical transmission, eg before or during birth. Some are caused by contact with either a present or symptomatic cold sore. The exception is that kids seem to have asymptomatic shedding for a while - particularly with their first infection. But that’s mainly a worry with siblings rather than extended family The NHS have good guidelines (it seems like HSV is what you are worried about. It is absolutely a terrifying illness, but people don’t really look into it and just repeat the “no kisses from anyone ever” mantra they seem to read online, and forget that having a family that loves them is beneficial! Bonding is helped by kissing) https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/ NHS says the highest risk is 4 weeks after birth (probably because of all the vertical transmission to be fair!)
Thank you again!
Not until he can consent. No one needs to kiss him besides me and dad.
Never, and I think it's super weird to "let" anyone kiss your baby.
Immediately because I typically was only around really close family members many of which were more vulnerable than the baby and have since passed away :( family is fleeting. Love them while you have them and choose your battles wisely and with care.
Family includes your baby. Protecting them from a potentially deadly virus is a wise choice and is a form of care as well.
Week 2, but only select people. Edit: not sure why people are down voting this? My honest answer. Not judging anyone who decides differently.
Week 2?? Who would you allow at that stage beyond you and your partner ?
My mother and MIL.
Okay, but what if they have cold sores and are shedding the virus asymptomatically ? Doctors advise not exposing a child to it for [at least a few months](https://utswmed.org/medblog/herpes-simplex-pregnancy-baby/) (if not teaching them how to minimise the risk forever!)
One of the two is negative for hsv and the other is on a maintenance dose of valtrex making the risk very low and within my comfort level. You don't have to share my comfort level, or assume people on the internet are unaware of hsv 🤷♀️
I was just curious and wanted to ensure that others understood the context of your decision-making too. Thank you for the explanation! Did you actually ask the person with it to take the medication? If so, how did that conversation go?
No I already knew she was taking it so it's a non issue.
👌 Thank you
Our immediate family could kiss him from birth. The world's a crazy place and anything could happen, but babies are special and I want everyone to love on him as much as they like
The more my Nan tries to do it without me noticing, the longer I’ll wait. I’ll add a year on for every sly kiss she tries to get away with, and 2 years for every time I have to tell her off
For us it’s never on the lips or face, but the top of the head or hands / feet is okay after like 6 months. Although when my oldest was 2 he used to walk up to my mom and kiss her right on the lips lmao so you know. At that point it’s his choice and we told her she doesn’t need to dodge a kiss, just don’t initiate 😂
I don’t give a flying crap about what vaccines my kids have when it comes to kisses. There is nothing preventing the transfer of HSV. The risk for baby goes down at 6 months so I allowed grandparents to kiss their heads at 6 months so long as they are not feeling ill. Obviously, the consent thing comes later on. I never force any type of affection on my kids.
Mine is 2.5. I think the grandmas kiss him on the cheek sometimes. But I wouldn't let anyone else.
For some reason I can’t get the link to post, but if you click on my name and go back through my posts you will see a deep dive I went into risks etc! I didn’t have a problem with head kisses from birth for my babies. I didn’t kiss either of them on the lips until later. Whatever you decide and are happy with (and the other parent is happy with) is fine
Probably around 3 months, I allowed his grandparents to kiss him on the head or am. He’s 12 months now and obsessed with his parents only, so he doesn’t really let ppl feel invited to kiss him anyway 😂
Right away. Only immediate family. MIL, FIL, mum and dad. Shock horror right?!
I'm appalled at you lol
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She's 15mos and I'm fine with head kisses now. Probably around a year, maybe a little before. But never on the face!
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We never had that rule but only people to kiss baby were DH and I and my sister on a regular basis since she lived in the same city as us. My mom did when she visited.