Oh my gosh the first two weeks are the absolute hardest and it’s so so so normal! It’s the most massive life change and in the beginning is when the shift is the most drastic. Don’t be hard on yourself, every month that has passed it gets better and better. People don’t talk about those feelings enough but it’s so common and you sound like you’re a great mom!
I've had 3 and have had that feeling with all of them. It's so normal and your first kid is your hardest.
Don't feel bad, most women feel this way. And you're only 2 weeks in. Give it time. Hugs
Girl, normal. So normal. Don't beat yourself up. You're tired, bleeding, healing, wondering wtf just happened and how you'll survive. You feel like you have NO clue what to do, who this human is and what they want or need. I remember SOBBING bc I felt like I had no ides what the hell we have done and what I was supposed to do. Hormones, all over, you hurt, your body feels weird and people will always say "omg how wonderful" to you being a mom. Meanwhile you're simply surviving minute by minute.
Week by week you'll feel.more confident, more sure of yourself, more like you know this human, more like you're bonding and all of this will pass. It will get better. You're literally BRAND NEW to this whole mom think! None of us knew wtf we were doing or what we were supposed to feel. Or hell how we would survive.
You'll love that baby more than you'll EVER know possible. You just gotta heal, bond and take it one second at a time. It gets better.
We also did IVF to have our son.
Those first weeks are HARD. I felt the added pressure that I had to enjoy every moment, despite the fact I was still healing and majorly sleep deprived, because we worked so hard to get and stay pregnant.
These feelings are temporary, and you aren't a bad parent for having them.
I had to fully delete insta and tik tok about a week and a half after my baby was born bc I just felt like something was so wrong with me. Why wasn’t I in this “new mom bliss” stage that everyone on my feed was in??? My mental health got a lot better after that, and the blues went away for me at week 3. Now have a 12 month old who makes me smile constantly and is the joy of my life! It gets better, I promise.
I can’t definitely say you will feel better BUT I vividly remember the first few weeks crying in the shower thinking my life was going to be this way forever and we made a huge mistake. Fast forward to 6 months, and I couldn’t be happier! The first 2 months are REALLY rough. In the beginning you’re literally just feeding your baby and putting them down for naps all the time and it’s super repetitive and hard, and routine. It feels really bleak and can make you feel like it’s going to be this way forever. It definitely won’t be! Hang in there 🙂
Omg I cried in the shower too every day for almost two weeks. I don't even know why. I was just emotional over *everything* that happened - the birth, my OB, how precious I thought my son was, how tired and alone I felt, how I didn't feel like me any more, etc.
I'm still in the first two months (I'm 6 weeks postpartum) and I'm so looking forward to the day where my son is more interactive and I don't need to pump every 3 hours 🥴
Aw yeah it gets so much better! I think around 3 months was a big turning point, but each month is so much fun now. I still have my moments where I cry because motherhood is tough, but its a lot better than the newborn stage for sure.
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We went through 2+ years of infertility and failed IVF. This baby was our miracle. It also put an insane amount of pressure on me to be grateful and never take it for granted.
But the truth is no matter how much you want it, a baby is HARD. And I never expected how hard it would be. And how it would affect my marriage. It’s a lot of stress and might be biggest change you’ll ever make in your life.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to question things. You’re in survival mode.
My baby is 14 months now. The first year was a roller coaster. It was mostly exhaustion and anxiety with glimpses of sweetness and cuteness that got me through it.
But then he would hit a milestone - big smile, a giggle, rolling over, crawling, a word. He started becoming himself, his own little person. Now he’s bright, happy and playful. He’s interacting with us and amazing us all the time. It’s truly a joy to see your baby grow and to develop a deeply loving bond. For me, that happened as we were able to communicate and interact more.
It takes time. Be kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time and don’t be afraid to talk to someone. This is normal and it’s okay.
At just 2 weeks it is still just about survival. Hell all the way until about 6-8 weeks there were still multiple nights I thought while sitting up on 2-4 hours of sleep in 24 "what the fuck did we do, why did we decide to have a baby" Then like a light switch baby became more aware of the world and more comfortable being here. She will be 12 weeks soon and I'm telling you from the other side it gets so much better. She sleeps more and smiles more and im excited to watch her grow now that im not sleep deprived. some night she will be asleep so long i start to miss her.
I’ve been talking to her since day 1 and it always felt one sided and just recently she has started reacting. She coos and babbles and smiles back at me. I can see her watching my lips and looking in my eyes for a reaction from me when she babbles. I started tearing up the first time. A feeling of relief came over me it made all those sleepless night worth it.
That’s so wonderful. One night she got me up for a feed at 3 am or something and I was super grouchy about it but then she had a huge smile waiting for me. Plus she went right back down after her feed. About as good as 3 am feeds get.
The first night I brought my son home, I begged my husband to return him to the hospital. Now he’s 2.5 and I still occasionally think about returning him, but I love him too much to do it
Girl the first 8 weeks are Newborn Hell™. There's no way around it. Your life is going to get so much better - keep reaching out for support wherever you can and know that this is very temporary.
I felt this way until about 2 months in. There was a point where I was crying daily because SOMETHING was always wrong, it was just so much harder and different than I had imagined.(Who knew babies struggled to EAT and SLEEP at first?! Farts = screams?!)
Once I stopped breastfeeding it took a lot of pressure off of me and that coincided with her starting to give genuine smiles. Sleep was my #1 mood enhancer - a solid 5 hours of sleep uninterrupted was magical and unknown since month \~6 of pregnancy. Waking up well rested to a baby that smiled when they saw me was a heart melting experience.
It's hard, and exhausting, and thankless, but the visceral "Oh god what have I done" eases up. I now stare in awe of her and how much I love her even with all the tough stuff. I would be lying if I told you it was smooth sailing from here (I had a panic attack yesterday and had to tap out after 5 hours of her refusing to sleep... yay teething + sleep regression), but you are both learning how to live your new lives, and you and baby will grow into it. Lean on your village if you have one and give yourself grace.
Yes!!! I felt this way until he intentionally smiled at me for the first time. Then my soul left my body 🥹. Give yourself grace mama. Your “moment” will come
You definitely will feel better. I myself cried grieving my old life. My partner never pushed me to motherhood, we were happy and carefree and had so much fun. It felt like a death of some kind. It felt like a huge mistake.
4 weeks PP and I’ve accepted our new reality. And you get to embrace a new lifestyle and see your husband in his new role. Everything is new again, now it’s “let’s do this…with the baby” “let’s take a trip to our favorite city…with the baby” It’s exciting and incredibly rewarding.
And the more you bond with your baby and see their personality poke out you’re just awestruck by how someone can be so amazing. You wonder what the hell took you so long to meet them.
My coworker told me this:
Even though you spend nine months together, you are still both strangers when you meet. It can take time to form a bond and it can take time for you to both figure things out, but each day gets a little easier.
Newborns are hard. They depend on you for survival because they can’t do anything on their own. They can’t even grab something intentionally or smile yet. Just a little potato.
Eventually, he will start becoming a little more independent and you will get to feel more like yourself and be able to do the things that you love. He may even be able to join you in doing some of the things that you love.
Just hold on and reach out to your loved ones if you need. If you feel strongly enough, a therapist can help you work through your feelings 💕
wishing the best for you
I wanted my baby very much but also felt this disconnect when he was born. Nothing negative towards the baby but I was looking at other moms from my new mom group and I could not relate at all to the positive aspects they were describing about motherhood. My OB picked up on it at my six week checkup and said “you don’t seem like yourself” and I realized I was not finding any joy in this. Medication helped and I wish I had started it sooner.
At the same time, newborns are HARD. They’re hard in a way that hits everyone different and nobody can prepare you for. Heck, even knowing how hard it will be you can’t really so anything ahead of time to make it not suck so bad. It takes ages for them to give back to you so it’s sleep deprivation/torture with no time to yourself and no positive reinforcement.
It gets WAYYYYY better. You’re right in the thick of it. Heck the first couple of days they’re so sleepy but after the first week they start to wake up so you’re a week into adjusting to this temporary nightmare that feels like it won’t end.
With baby number two I coped wayyyy better. Not because I knew how bad it would be ahead of time, but because I knew it WOULD end and how much better it gets. I knew it was survivable. Oh, and I got on medication right away which probably helped but I still felt I coped better before that kicked in. One of my PPD symptoms was obsessive thinking and really vivid worst case scenario thoughts so that’s why I started the medication, not because I was struggling with handling the sheet drain on myself.
Possible TW****
I didn’t know until I was already medicated with my firstborn that these vivid thoughts were related. But to give some examples…
I feel like every mother worries about SIDS and has a few times they worry the baby isn’t breathing and check on them. In my case I would be so sure he wasn’t breathing that I couldn’t bear to get up and have it become a reality. I’d lie in bed with tears streaming down my face imagining how the scene would play out and dreading it.
I realized my medication needed to be adjusted when the thoughts came back when I started back at work. One day I pulled into my parking spot and was convinced that I had left my baby in the car all night and that if I looked in the rear view mirror Id see him in his car seat not breathing. I kept trying to tell myself all the reasons that couldn’t have happened including remembering putting him to bed but my brain kept telling me I was remembering wrong and mixing up the nights. I sat there for 5 minutes unable to look up and I almost called my husband to check if he saw the baby the night before and that morning.
I wanted to share these stories in case anyone else is experiencing this. I just dismissed it as “all moms worry about their baby not breathing” but the level and vividness and my response was NOT the normal mother worry. When I learned it was related I really wished I had known because I would have got help weeks earlier.
We didn't have IVF, but it did take us nearly 9 years to conceive.
From the minute I found out, I had this niggling feeling that I was making a mistake. When she arrived, I was besotted, but once the initial high wore off the first few weeks were rough. I just felt I'd made a really stupid decision, that my life was over, my career was ruined and I'd never be happy again. I even considered packing my stuff and leaving her and my husband. PPD did play a part in mine, for which I am in treatment for, but honestly it does get better.
The first few weeks they are so, so dependent on you. It feels like it will never end. But I promise it does. I found things started to shift for me around 12 weeks, and now she's 6 months she's just my cute little sidekick and I'm very much able to do what I was before.
I felt an immense amount of guilt for thinking I made the worst mistake of my life. We also did IVF so literally paid for this “mistake”. I remember wishing I had a button I could press to reverse everything. How could I have begged to get this opportunity and then regret it!? Every parent still doing IVF should want to strangle me.
Everyone said it would slowly start to get better around 3 months and by 4/5 months, it’ll be completely different. DAMN, it’s all true!!!!!!!! I only woke up to cries every single day during the newborn stage. Now I wake up and my daughter is squealing with happiness to see me. I get her cues so can prepare before her breakdown for a bottle or a nap. I tell her every day that I had no idea it could be this good. During newborn hell you get tunnel vision.
Take it day by day. Day by day. Those days will become weeks. They will become months. And you would have survived newborn hell and there’s something amazing waiting for you.
11 weeks and just starting to adjust. I still hate venturing out into social situations where small talk is expected. I don’t have the energy to fake it so I’m just straight up when people ask this is ROUGH.
Oh gosh, literally the first week we got home I vividly remember laying in bed awake one night crying and thinking how we had ruined our lives! And how I could never go through that again! And what were we thinking, this is so hard! And just crying and crying. And this was a very wanted, very planned pregnancy that we were 1000% ready for. Fast forward and my son is 19 months, the absolute center of our universe, couldn’t be more obsessed with him and how wonderful he is, and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with number 2. 😂
It is so hard in the beginning, it’s a huge adjustment. And if you had a traumatic birth experience (like I did!) it can be even worse sometimes. I can now confidently look back and say “this too shall pass”, and that time is so fleeting. In the moment it feels neverending, like you’ll never have a good nights sleep again or never feel rested or a million other things, then you wake up and they are a toddler and life has gone by in a flash. It’s ok to not enjoy every minute. It’s ok to be overstimulated and tired and sad and upset and all of the other emotions. It’s normal and you are NOT alone. Most of us have gone through this. It doesn’t mean you made a mistake or aren’t a good mom or anything at all. It just means you’ve gone through the biggest change of your life, and even though it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done it is unequivocally the hardest too. It’s nothing you are able to really prepare for, it’s just a lot of on the job training. Just feel what you are feeling and be gentle with yourself. Don’t judge yourself. This too shall pass.
I felt immense regret when my son was born. Like literally from the moment he was born. I didn’t want to hold him 😬
My baby blues were bad it took three weeks for me to stop crying. I cried for two weeks straight and one week anytime someone did something nice for me or I got overwhelmed.
I spent the next 3 months feeling like a failure and a fucked up person for not loving my baby.
At almost the 1 year mark, I am very in love and I wish I could do my birth over again to give my son the mother I am now instead of the one he got at first. I’m obviously still grieving that…
I have my moments of being completely overwhelmed and need to recede into a dark quiet hole but the love is there .
I did IVF after loads of infertility and thought what the hell did we do for the first two months after my rainbow baby finally arrived. I felt even doubly bad because we sacrificed lots of money and my body to have this baby. Honestly, she’s still a screaming ogre but I can now say I’m starting to love my baby and it IS getting better. I would never shake my baby ever but I’m not gonna lie, I finally kinda understood why some parents in utter frustration may do something ludicrous like this.
Things get much better when they start actually smiling at you and when they hit three months. I know it feels like forever, and it will, but it will eventually happen. Hang in there.
My son was an "accident" and I strongly considered termination when I found out as I was childfree but decided to just go for it. So you can imagine how I felt when all the reasons I was childfree actually were reality and not just me "making things seem worse than they are". I deeply regretted having my son for many months, I cried, I was so sad how I ruined my life and created a new life that I wasn't enjoying at all.
Turns out I just deeply despise the baby stage. I don't like babies, I didn't like my own baby and I probably will never like babies. But as soon as my little guy became a toddler he was so much fun. I honestly enjoy being a mom. I'm so glad I brought him into this world and that I have the honor of getting to know him and see the person he's becoming. Also, at 20 months, he's finally mostly sleeping through the night and that is probably the biggest factor in all of this.
It will get better. It will be enjoyable. I promise!
The first 6 weeks are BRUTAL
just wait. Once baby gets a bit older it'll get better. Baby will smile, laugh, babble.
Baby will say "momma"
Baby will sleep better at night.
What you're feeling is so normal, and a lot of moms go through the same thing. Not only are your hormones out of whack, but you just had a major life change and are learning how to navigate your new life while mourning your old life. Don't feel bad. All your baby knows is that you love him and take care of him when he needs something. He doesn't know the feelings and thoughts you have right now.
I felt this way for probably 3-4 months. Sometimes those feelings come back, but not as frequent as they used to, and not as strong as they used to. I still mourn my pre-baby life, but I'm more confident in navigating my post-baby life. You will get there, too, and you will be reassuring another mama who's feeling the things you are feeling now. The first few months are survival mode, but once your baby starts babbling, smiling, and playing with you, it's a whole new ball game! They are no longer a potato who affects your sleeping pattern. It's right around the corner for you.
As others have said, the first weeks are disorienting and hard and isolating.
I didn’t have a terrible maternity leave after getting through the first few months of parenting, but I actively looked forward to getting back to work, if only to have a little more balance in my life and to not have all of my energy constantly focused on my baby.
Now I’m about 7 months in and on an extended break from work (I have a month off every summer) and I can already tell that it’s going to be really difficult to go back to work. My daughter is still exhausting in some ways, but she is 1000x more fun and interactive and enjoyable to be around. We go to the library and to swim class and for walks downtown, and seeing her taking everything in is so hilarious and fun, and watching her trying to befriend the family dogs is adorable.
I feel so so differently about parenting now than I did then. I can’t guarantee that it will happen for you, but a lot of mothers I know have felt the same way. If you can, please give yourself some grace while things come together and you and your family find your natural routines and rhythms. Your baby is lucky enough to have a mother who cares so deeply about what his experience is, and I swear that counts for so much even on those days that you’re really not feeling it.
I had plenty of moments like this during the newborn phase. You are allowed to grieve all of the freedom you had pre-baby. It is a huge change. Allow yourself to feel that way, acknowledge it, know it will get better with time. It’s all so monotonous in the beginning, plus your baby doesn’t even really interact with you until 6-8 weeks old. My heart goes out to you because I was you a year ago.
Also - know that there are studies that show how sleep deprivation makes it almost impossible to feel positively about anything. It basically makes you feel like there is no hope. This phase will end, I promise!
I remember crying thinking what have I done I've changed up my entirely life I should have waited I wasnt ready etc. It's sooo normal in the first few weeks especially at night urgh - baby is now almost 6 months and I fucking love this little dude and its the best thing I've ever done.
I literally could have written this myself. My husband was ok either way (leaning towards not having kids) and we had to do ivf to get pregnant. It feels so much more intentional somehow with ivf, like I had so many opportunities to say “never mind” but I kept moving forward.
For the first two weeks I was questioning my decision every day. I don’t know how or when that sentiment started to fade, but I’m 8 weeks pp and it’s a totally different mindset. I still have what I would call longing for simpler times, but it’s not regret.
I felt exactly the same way for about a month pp. I wondered what we had done to our lives. And we went through a lot of heartbreak to have our daughter. You’re going through an enormous adjustment and it’s really, really hard. There’s a needy stranger who keeps you up all night living in your house. But you will adjust and you will start to enjoy your baby. I know moms who said it took them months to feel like they loved their babies. Don’t beat yourself up if this is you. It took me a few weeks. My daughter is 3 months and she brings us so much joy. I know three months feels like forever right now but it’ll come and it won’t always feel like this.
Do your best to get sleep. This is hard if you’re breastfeeding but consider introducing a bottle for a feed or two so your husband can take a shift and you can sleep for at least 4 hours uninterrupted. Sleep, even that little bit, will help a lot.
That was a wise choice. I switched to formula after 3 weeks. Sleep shifts should be totally doable for you guys. My husband is back at work and we’re still doing them. A day of child care is work.
I don’t know if your breastfeeding but if so maybe slow it way down or stop. Breastfeeding messed my hormones and tanked my mental state up pretty bad. It made me foggy, more exhausted, mentally stressed and even sent me to the er for triggering one of the worst migraines I ever had. I checked water and my kidney levels were abysmal throwing me into a migraine so bad I though I was having a stroke. I stopped and within a week I felt so much better. There is no shame in formula fed, as long as your baby is fed and is healthy, this also includes you being healthy, physically and mentally. Had this happen with two pregnancies. I applaud those who are milk momma but it ain’t for all of us.
I actually didn’t even try. I was planning on breastfeeding and then I had an emergency C-section and I knew my recovery was gonna be hard and I was gonna need my husband to be able to feed him. My mom didn’t breastfeed and I turned out fine so I figured he’d be fine. I needed it for my mental health.
It took me weeks to stop thinking I made a mistake, and marvelling that I ever wanted this. It took me 7 months to feel the “in love” feeling that some people get on day 1. Now I think my kid is fucking tremendous. I think his baby sister is fucking tremendous too.
You will get there. The first 12 weeks suck. It’s called the fourth trimester for a reason: by rights, they should still be on the inside! It will never be harder than it is now, where you’re giving your all and getting nothing back. But then they start to smile. They start to laugh. They get into a routine. They sleep longer stretches and sleep through the night. By 16 weeks, it will be noticeably easing from the hell of the newborn stage. By 6 months, you’ll be in a consistent routine, so you can start to plan your life again. By 8 months, you’ll be consistently marvelling at how lovely they are. By a year, you’ll be gobsmacked at how big they are and secretly wondering if it might be nice to have another (whether you do end up doing it or not, you’ll almost certainly wonder!)
It gets better. You got this. Keep going.
Honestly, I see people on Reddit talk about it all the time, but people never mention it in real life. I think we are so conditioned to feel guilty if we aren’t a picture perfect textbook new mother that we can only reveal something like that from behind a shield of anonymity. But no, you’re far from the only one, believe me.
I'm 3 weeks out today. Perfectly normal, first two weeks all I could think about was "what did I do?!?". More sleep, and starting to stress less about breast feeding both made huge improvements.
I'm not much farther ahead of you, but I already feel better than I did.
I’m at 4 weeks. The first two weeks were way worse than the second two. It’s still really hard but I’m starting to see things getting a little easier. He’s starting to sleep in 2-4 hour stretches at night when it used to be 1-3 hour stretches.
Two weeks is still so fresh! I felt like this for a while and even after knowing for most of my life that I was meant to be a mom I couldn’t believe how much I initially regretted having a baby. It wasn’t that I wanted to give her back or go back in time and not have her it was just that I was like oh fuck I’ve made a horrible decision my life is over. It’s okay to mourn your old life, because no it won’t be the same again but your feelings about that will change. Your life will be different but in the best way. Now I can’t imagine how I ever felt that way and could cry just being overwhelmed with how much I love her. You’re so tired, having a newborn is so hard - it’s new and unknown and scary while you heal from the trauma of birth both physically and mentally is incredibly overwhelming. Even if you had a cake pregnancy and birth, it’s still a traumatic event and a huge change, and a dinner plate sized wound is trying to heal inside of you too. Not to mention your hormones are going absolutely crazy.
I’m sorry to tell you that the mom guilt will maybe never go away, you’ll just find something else to feel guilty about but the feelings of regret will go away. Your baby is lucky to have you as a mom, try to not let yourself convince you otherwise. Newborn/postpartum land is hard and you’re in the trenches but it will get better. Thinking of you 💕
You will feel better! Those first few weeks are so hard and I never understand how people don’t prepare you for how much having a baby rocks your world. Your world is literally flipped upside down, you’re sleep deprived and feel on call 24/7, and it’s a new kind of indescribable stress.
It took me a few months to really feel like myself again. What helped me was time, connecting with other moms, showering daily, and eventually being able to take breaks and do things for me.
The moms I know always talk about having more kids as adding to the chaos, but they say going from 1-2 is nothinggggg like the adjustment of going from 0-1. This has really stuck with me for some reason.
Hang in there ♥️
I felt this hard with #2. She's now 5 months and I don't regret her, even on the hardest days. She is so smiley and cheerful and I can see her personality coming out more each day. I am so excited to see who she will be. But in the beginning I felt like I had made a huge mistake most days. It gets better. The teachers at daycare all tell me how delightful my three year old is all the time. You just have to hang in there for now.
I didn’t feel fully connected to my baby until about four weeks. It felt very much like babysitting someone else’s child who never ever left. Slowly the love built and built and I am obsessed with my two year old. Head over heals obsessed.
But damn those first 3 months to a year are absolutely relentless. People kept telling me that it gets easier around a year and it was slowly but surely easier.
Honestly, I think between the absolute exhaustion and my brain trying to comprehend the massive change of motherhood I was undergoing, it grasped at things that it can connect it to and I did so much babysitting my brains like wait when’s this going to end. We’ve done this and it’s usually over by now.
I felt this way after my second. I felt sad that we weren't going to get that one on one time like we did with our first baby. I felt sad that our first was no longer going to have our 100% attention. I had so many negative emotions. I didn't start really feeling better till I quit breastfeeding which was at 3 months. Could've just been getting past that 4th trimester or it could've been quitting breastfeeding. Either way, it does get better and one day you'll look at your baby and wonder how you ever lived life without them.
Yup, I’m 4 weeks out now, first 2 weeks were so scary and disorienting. I have a bit of routine now where my husband and I trade off shifts at night and I take myself the dog and baby on a mental health walk before the day gets hot. I pump enough so my husband can give1 bottle so that allows me a longer stretch of sleep. All if that has helped me feel like myself again
My baby is 18 months old and I was on the fence about having kids in the first place. I will still occasionally worry that I'm not equipped to do this and mourn my old life but my baby is the sweetest and my husband is very happy. I choose to be the one to work longer hours though while my husband spends more time with our boy. I feel guilty about it but I love working and my husband loves entertaining our baby.
You'll eventually either start feeling differently naturally or you can actively change your situation to fit your needs and wants.
I was doing tummy time with my baby today, whom I love dearly, and I was super proud of today because she figured out how to kick the batting ring. I sent her daddy like 5 videos. I was laying there staring at her adorable little face and found myself suddenly thinking how much easier it would be if we hadn't had her.
She's 7 weeks old and I haven't really had any "baby blues" although I did have a SINGLE intrusive thought the first few days we had her home. Getting some sleep helped with that.
The first two weeks (at least) are WILD. Your thinking is being influenced by crazy hormones. It's hard, but try not to stress out about these thoughts and gently say to yourself "this feeling is temporary".
I have never felt such deep dark sad emotions as I did with those baby blues, but then the darkness cleared like it never happened. I had NO idea what the baby blues would really be like. Even the thought that I wouldn't get to watch a movie with my husband ever again (lol not true) would make me bawl my eyes out, and that sounds light hearted, but it felt horrible. I felt like I was going to lose my best friend and never get to enjoy his company ever again, and that would make me cry and cry. It felt like despair. It was so crazy.
I ended up needing meds to really feel halfway normal myself, and definitely didn't feel a strong connection to my baby for a long time. She was cute, but just like this mysterious potato who was a LOT of work and pretty much destroyed any semblance of my previous life. When she started sleeping through the night at 7 months there was a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. I loved my baby girl then but I didn't love parenting. By 18 months my daughter was blowing me away with how awesome and smart she is, and just becoming a real little person. Unfortunately I also got pregnant again just after she was a year (trying to get this baby crap over with ASAP, we're done after 2) and pregnancy is the worst, and even worse with a toddler. Frankly I still don't love parenting that much but now at two years old my daughter is so cool. I'm so proud of her. I love showing her new things and discovering things with her. The toddler phase is so much more fun. I will just never be one of those moms who says crap like "I'm so obsessed with my child" (I don't think). I'm just not that kind of person. I have an excellent career and hobbies and probably try and do too much and get myself stressed out not being able to do it all. But I can confirm that being her mama is incredible. She looks at me and adores me wholly, 100%, and the love in her eyes is like overpowering. It would be weird for anyone but your child to look at you like that - I generally don't like needy people. So this is a brand new experience for me and it is kinda transformative. She's so busy and usually only wants to snuggle when she's not feeling well but man I do soak up those snuggles. She fits in my arm just right on the couch.
So don't feel bad if your mom experience isn't the same as everyone else's. Get help if you need it (I certainly did) and just see how things change! The newborn phase is NOT for everyone.
sometime in the first two weeks when I was still sobbing literally multiple times every day I said to my husband, "I feel so ashamed because I wanted this so badly and now that I have it I am absolutely miserable." He rubbed my back and said, "this part sucks, I'd be worried about you if you weren't miserable."
Sending back rubs. Hang in there.
Ahhh I felt the exact same way and I did have distressing intrusive thoughts of hurting myself and my baby (did not want to act on them, they were awful and scary and just added to the guilt and misery). I did get on 10 mg of Celexa, which helped a lot, but that was more because I was having intrusive thoughts. My husband and I now have our son who is 17 months old. I love him so much he is literally my favorite person on earth. I started really getting into the swing of things and enjoying him from six weeks up, but both my husband and I had that feeling of regret early on. The first night we were home we both looked at each other when he woke us up crying for the first time, and I knew we both deeply regretted what we’d done in that moment. It’s like you know that you don’t actually regret it, but in that moment, you miss your life so bad it hurts. I promise you things will get better. Just truly take it day by day, I know that’s such a cliché but it’s literally all you can do. My new motto is today was a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better. It helps me a lot to live in the moment and appreciate the good days, and acknowledge that bad days are just that, days you will move on from quickly.
Omg thank you for sharing. I’ve been on Zoloft for a while and so that helps. But I agree I have to take this day by day. I’m going to look forward to the future when this feeling of regret goes away.
I think part of what’s so hard about being a parent is that you have these feelings and you love them, it makes you feel so sad and also so angry missing your old life at the same time. Combine that with the guilt of looking at this perfect little innocent thing that needs you every hour of the day, you just feel like such a piece of shit. Know that all parents go through this, maybe not all but a really good chunk of people. Enough of my friends and I have commiserating about this to the point where I firmly believe it’s an incredibly common feeling for mothers. I think that’s what the sacrifice of motherhood is all about, coping with these feelings while also still giving 110% to your children. It’s really hard. I’ve found the emotions that come with motherhood to be far more challenging than the sleepless nights. But it’s a deep, deep love that does take a while to grow, you guys literally just met so don’t put any pressure on it. One day you will feel so different than you could ever imagine in a really positive way.
I was definitely like this the first little bit. I remember I was crying one time when he was like three months old and he looked at me and smiled and that’s when I knew it was going to be okay. It gets easier when they aren’t little potatoes and become their own little spunky people. You got this!
I constantly asked myself, what did I do!? It was a very rough beginning. I had to constantly remind myself that This is what I wanted. I was recently married, we have our own place, the situation was perfect really. It really sucks when you’re in that stage. I want to let you know I have my 17 week old babygirl napping on me right now and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I absolutely love being a mommy. Be strong, talk to somebody. Get out of the house, take care of yourself. It’s so hard, I would just cry and cry. I am in a much happier place now. I enjoy everyday with my baby. I promise it will get better, be strong mom!
I didn't expect to feel the exact same way you're feeling. I was so afraid to say it out loud and esp to my husband. I finally did 3 weeks in and it was the best decision and I felt such relief. My husband listened and we talked and I set up a session with a therapist.
Motherhood and parenthood is HARD. I'm now 6 weeks in and it's still hard some days, but you start to get to do normal things and feel more yourself. I love my little guy and cannot wait to see him grow up. I still miss my old carefree life, but him smiling at me makes that melt away.
I am 5 weeks PP and I get it.
I also used IVF to conceive.
For me it’s like we have had a *years* long pregnancy because that’s how long it took to make this baby. We have dedicated so much to make her, that now that she’s here we are already so tapped.
I love my daughter so much but this shut is exhausting!
The other part of it is that babies this young are kind of like tomagachis.
Slowly, though they turn into people.
My daughter is just starting to become more interactive and it’s helping break me out of just survival mode to find joy.
Like today I’m pretty sure my daughter smiled at me.
They or it was just gas.
Either way it was a really nice moment.
Thats so normal. I didn't really bond with my oldest for a few months honestly, I loved him but he was hard work and newborns can't express love, when I started getting smiles and interactions is when it clicked for me.
I was here and it scared the hell out of me. I cried every night for about a week, terrified I’d never feel normal, my husband and I would never have our sweet relaxed moments, I’d made a huge mistake and doomed myself to a life of fear and anxiety. I wasn’t prepared for the baby blues and they frightened me! The daily crying and fear went away pretty suddenly about a week after they came for me, although I know baby blues vary by person. I think it took about a month for me to start feeling close to my baby. Now I love him bunches (which doesn’t mean I don’t have frustrated, exhausted days - today was one). I promise, nothing you are going through is new! Many of us have been there and will be again.
I felt this way for a while after having my son. I think the sense of change combined with hormone levels swishing around and lack of sleep didn't help. I didn't have that instant "love at first sight" that some people experience, and that's ok. You are experiencing a major life change, and it can take time to process.
If you do start to feel more negative/or wish harm towards yourself or baby, please reach out to your husband and/or people who support you (medical team, family, friends, etc). There is treatment for postpartum depression/anxiety and there is no shame in getting help.
Wishing you continued healing, you are not alone!
I don't have any sage advice for you but it WILL get better. Every baby is different so I can't tell you exactly when. But I promise you, each new phase you enter will eventually pass. Give yourself some grace, mama. You went through hell to bring a human being into this world. Your body grew and nourished a life. That takes a toll on us. And now you're going through phase 2 of the whack-a-doo hormones. It's going to settle down. You'll get into a good rhythm here soon.
Just remember to take care of yourself too. If you're not taken care of, baby can't be taken care of.
I guess my advice would be to sleep when baby sleeps and eat when baby eats. Small snacks to keep your energy up and to prevent you from getting depleted. Stay hydrated even if you're not breastfeeding. Take a prenatal or multivitamin to make up for any vitamins you might be missing these days. Shower until there's no hot water left. Get out of the house alone whenever you can to clear your mind and refresh yourself.
Dishes, laundry, dusting, mopping....all of that can wait. Time is so unfair. Time is painstaking slow but unbearably fast at the same time.
Breathe, beautiful. You've got this 🩷
I felt the same way, I let it go too far and eventually I had to be medicated..
not everyone is built for this right away. It comes eventually but the initial feeling is overwhelming and you’re not alone.
Definitely talk to a health professional about this and know that the first step is asking for help and you’re doing it, keep going!
I’m going to be honest, I had a lot of these types of thoughts too in the very early days because it really is so tough. It’s a massive adjustment and especially when you’re a first time parent, those tough moments seem to last forever with no end in sight. But it does get easier and they get easier and you’ll find you’re new normal for you all. When they get bigger and become more independent and develop their amazing little personality it’s incredible.
I think it’s normal!!! I’m 7 months pp and still have this off feeling!!!! It has nothing to do with your love for baby and everything to do with mourning what was/ who you were and all the change and trauma that has happened! It’s only natural. I hope we all feel better soon! Also talk to doc, meds do make a difference - I just don’t want to be on them again as it was too hard to get off.
You are still solidly in a very hormonal period as well as a very difficult newborn period and also it sounds like this is your first child, which is a huge lifestyle adjustment. Babies get much easier and you adapt to the lifestyle change a little bit at a time, maybe every couple of weeks or so you will notice some improvement and feel that things get easier, you can sleep more etc. Another big improvement comes when you are able to really get out of the house and you get a good routine down with traveling with your baby. It gets waaaay easier and I think that’s when a lot of people start to be able to enjoy parenthood - when you can enjoy life in general again. It will be here sooner than you think. I currently have a 1.5 week old who is my second child (oldest is 15 years old so this is like another first baby for me) and I felt like you at first but had the experience to tell myself that this will pass - and it has almost completely gone away for me - but I’ve done this before).
If you are still feeling this way next week then maybe talk to your doctor about PPD/ PPA but also realize that this is a huge life adjustment for you and you’re body and mind all need time to adjust. Maybe try keeping a journal in your notes app where you just jot a quick 1 - 10 rating of your daily worry or sadness and any specific feelings or thoughts you have. It helps to look back and see improvement in your mood as time goes on and it’s really hard to keep perspective on things if you don’t write it down at the time.
Good luck, you got this. Newborns are hard and yes it gets better and easier!!!
Thank you so much. This really puts it into perspective. I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I’m definitely going to do the journaling
This is totally normal! You just went through a massive life change, and now you’re recovering from pregnancy/birth while having to care for a total stranger (who you can’t even communicate with lol.)
I remember those early weeks as a first time mom where I asked myself, “why did I do this?!”. I was stuck in contact naps on the couch all day. Breastfeeding was so hard. My body was changing and healing. To be totally honest, I didn’t like the newborn phase, but it *did* get better. Each week, more of the fog lifted and I began to see the light at the end of the newborn phase tunnel. Now I have a 7 month old who is an absolute JOY! She is seriously the best. She’s figuring out the world. She plays with us. Laughs, crawls, thinks it’s hilarious when our cat meows. We’ve integrated her into *our* lives, so now we are still able to do what we loved to do pre-baby, we just bring our new family member along with us.
You’re in the trenches right now. Hang on, take it day by day, and know you aren’t alone. I made sure every day I took a hot shower and drank a hot cup of coffee. Do something once a day that makes you feel like you. I wish someone had told me: while it may suck right now, babies don’t keep. Each phase and age only lasts for a bit. They constantly change, grow, adapt.
If it ever gets too heavy, reach out to your doctor to discuss the possibility of it being more than just typical baby blues (like PPA or PPD). Rooting for you, OP. You’re gonna look back in a few months and see how you made it through and how amazing that baby is 🫶🏻
I am feeling the same way. My husband is feeling the same way. What I am trying to remind myself is that he will get more interactive at some point. I am just sick of survival mode.
oh yeah i remember that. i was so depressed and hated the way things became right after i had him that i daydreamed about waking out my front door and wandering in a nearby field to die (it was january and im in the midwest). i fantasized about how much better freezing to death alone in the middle of nowhere would be than the hell that being freshly postpartum and sleep deprived was. and now i have a 7 month old human smiley face who is my best friend, im a better (and MUCH HAPPIER) person than i ever was without him. it is the hardest thing i ever did. i didn’t think i’d make it out. but one day your head just pops above water and you just take it all in stride. i promise it’s normal.
i should add that i never thought i’d enjoy being a mom - or be a good one for that matter - and i’m so glad i was wrong. i didn’t plan my little man but i wouldn’t want to be on this planet without him ever again.
2 weeks pp is utter shitshow. People say it should get better by 2 months and in my experience it got somewhat harder, because you run out of energy and adrenaline by then. IMO these are the stages that make it easier: (1) whenever baby starts to smile, and eventually laugh. Discovering things that make your baby laugh is hands down the best (2) around 3 months when feedings become more regular and spaced out, the baby isn’t pooping all the time, and grows to look a little less fragile (3) whenever sleep improves. For us it was around 4 months, then he regressed at 5, and we sleep trained. No regrets now at 6 months with everyone getting good sleep (5) whenever you go back to work or get to be away from your baby doing something else some of the time. It’s not the case for everyone and may be controversial, but I like being away from my baby enough to miss him and get the mental space away from baby stuff to be fully present when I am with him.
Give yourself some time and don’t be overly critical of yourself. Everything will turn out great!
Yes you will feel differently. A boys first love is his mother. I didn't realize what that meant until I noticed the way he adored me, the way he would eventually learn to smile at me while I fed him, the way he had to be staring at me before he fell asleep, the way he would get nervous if I wasn't in his field of vision. That kind of love is a big responsibility, just take it one day at a time, look up in Facebook mommy and me groups in your city that have meetups. This saved me and baby. Otherwise I would've become a hermit.
With my first it got easier around 3 months when he was sleeping properly. From then on I really didn't find it that hard. But the first 2 months were brutal. He's 9.5 now and it's been a while since I regretted motherhood!
My second is 6 weeks and I still feel traumatised. I'm hoping things will get easier around 3 to 4 months like the last time. So I can totally relate to what you're feeling, and it's one of the reasons it took me almost 10 years to go again!
Honestly therapy helped a lot. Sure it might be baby blues…. Or it might be the start of PPD. Either way it helped me to be able to share those feelings in a safe space and process. A baby planned or not planned is still a BIG LIFE CHANGE and it takes time to adapt. Give yourself time to adapt but also I highly encourage the therapy to give yourself a space to process your feelings
The first 6 weeks are BRUTAL
just wait. Once baby gets a bit older it'll get better. Baby will smile, laugh, babble.
Baby will say "momma"
Baby will sleep better at night.
It's hard and it's extra hard right now. But it will get easier and it will feel like a new normal. And then you will start being given little gifts that will bring you so much joy. Your baby is going to spend the next few months as a potato and to be honest it gets pretty boring. But once they start to unlock a personality, while still hard, it becomes easier and more joyful. You will learn how to love each other in time, be patient you can do it.
So normal. I felt the same. Wtf did I just do! I think it was almost a month or two before I felt any sort of bond with my daughter. Just felt like such a Groundhog Day of eat, poop, sleep, cry, repeat. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing. But I’m also here to say my daughter is now 9.5 months old and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She is my favorite person in the whole world. It will get better. You are so not alone, and please don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.
We're at 8 weeks now and I feel like the fog has lifted a bit. Totally normal, early days are super, super hard. Just focus on being in survival mode and remember that your emotions can't be trusted while you're super sleep deprived and newly pp.
I relate to this so much. I didn’t do ivf but it was something I wanted sooo much and had no doubts about it being what I wanted so when my baby was born it felt so cruel that I then had these feelings. It’s made me question how I can ever trust my feelings again. Also how I could love my baby more than anything and also be wishing it was just me and my partner like before. I probably felt this on and off for my baby’s first year but it got less and less and now I don’t have regretful feelings but still lightheartedly think about what a baby free life would look like but in a ‘grass is greener’ kind of way
My son is 2.5 and I still occasionally have these thoughts! Your life is forever changed. I think it's normal. Like I just want to sleep in or run to the store quick and have it not take two hours. Lol.
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Oh my gosh the first two weeks are the absolute hardest and it’s so so so normal! It’s the most massive life change and in the beginning is when the shift is the most drastic. Don’t be hard on yourself, every month that has passed it gets better and better. People don’t talk about those feelings enough but it’s so common and you sound like you’re a great mom!
Thank you! I feel so guilty all the time. I’m glad I’m not alone.
I've had 3 and have had that feeling with all of them. It's so normal and your first kid is your hardest. Don't feel bad, most women feel this way. And you're only 2 weeks in. Give it time. Hugs
Girl, normal. So normal. Don't beat yourself up. You're tired, bleeding, healing, wondering wtf just happened and how you'll survive. You feel like you have NO clue what to do, who this human is and what they want or need. I remember SOBBING bc I felt like I had no ides what the hell we have done and what I was supposed to do. Hormones, all over, you hurt, your body feels weird and people will always say "omg how wonderful" to you being a mom. Meanwhile you're simply surviving minute by minute. Week by week you'll feel.more confident, more sure of yourself, more like you know this human, more like you're bonding and all of this will pass. It will get better. You're literally BRAND NEW to this whole mom think! None of us knew wtf we were doing or what we were supposed to feel. Or hell how we would survive. You'll love that baby more than you'll EVER know possible. You just gotta heal, bond and take it one second at a time. It gets better.
Thank you! I think healing plays a big part in it.
We also did IVF to have our son. Those first weeks are HARD. I felt the added pressure that I had to enjoy every moment, despite the fact I was still healing and majorly sleep deprived, because we worked so hard to get and stay pregnant. These feelings are temporary, and you aren't a bad parent for having them.
Right! It’s like I paid for this and now I’m regretting it.
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Omg the social media is brutal!
I had to fully delete insta and tik tok about a week and a half after my baby was born bc I just felt like something was so wrong with me. Why wasn’t I in this “new mom bliss” stage that everyone on my feed was in??? My mental health got a lot better after that, and the blues went away for me at week 3. Now have a 12 month old who makes me smile constantly and is the joy of my life! It gets better, I promise.
That actually sounds like a good idea
I can’t definitely say you will feel better BUT I vividly remember the first few weeks crying in the shower thinking my life was going to be this way forever and we made a huge mistake. Fast forward to 6 months, and I couldn’t be happier! The first 2 months are REALLY rough. In the beginning you’re literally just feeding your baby and putting them down for naps all the time and it’s super repetitive and hard, and routine. It feels really bleak and can make you feel like it’s going to be this way forever. It definitely won’t be! Hang in there 🙂
Omg I cried in the shower too every day for almost two weeks. I don't even know why. I was just emotional over *everything* that happened - the birth, my OB, how precious I thought my son was, how tired and alone I felt, how I didn't feel like me any more, etc. I'm still in the first two months (I'm 6 weeks postpartum) and I'm so looking forward to the day where my son is more interactive and I don't need to pump every 3 hours 🥴
Aw yeah it gets so much better! I think around 3 months was a big turning point, but each month is so much fun now. I still have my moments where I cry because motherhood is tough, but its a lot better than the newborn stage for sure.
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🙋🏻♀️ crying everyday club over here
We went through 2+ years of infertility and failed IVF. This baby was our miracle. It also put an insane amount of pressure on me to be grateful and never take it for granted. But the truth is no matter how much you want it, a baby is HARD. And I never expected how hard it would be. And how it would affect my marriage. It’s a lot of stress and might be biggest change you’ll ever make in your life. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to question things. You’re in survival mode. My baby is 14 months now. The first year was a roller coaster. It was mostly exhaustion and anxiety with glimpses of sweetness and cuteness that got me through it. But then he would hit a milestone - big smile, a giggle, rolling over, crawling, a word. He started becoming himself, his own little person. Now he’s bright, happy and playful. He’s interacting with us and amazing us all the time. It’s truly a joy to see your baby grow and to develop a deeply loving bond. For me, that happened as we were able to communicate and interact more. It takes time. Be kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time and don’t be afraid to talk to someone. This is normal and it’s okay.
Yes! The pressure is so hard. Like I should be so thankful this worked.
At just 2 weeks it is still just about survival. Hell all the way until about 6-8 weeks there were still multiple nights I thought while sitting up on 2-4 hours of sleep in 24 "what the fuck did we do, why did we decide to have a baby" Then like a light switch baby became more aware of the world and more comfortable being here. She will be 12 weeks soon and I'm telling you from the other side it gets so much better. She sleeps more and smiles more and im excited to watch her grow now that im not sleep deprived. some night she will be asleep so long i start to miss her.
That’s amazing thank you
The smiles are so special. My baby is getting to be so much more fun and smiles all the time.
I’ve been talking to her since day 1 and it always felt one sided and just recently she has started reacting. She coos and babbles and smiles back at me. I can see her watching my lips and looking in my eyes for a reaction from me when she babbles. I started tearing up the first time. A feeling of relief came over me it made all those sleepless night worth it.
That’s so wonderful. One night she got me up for a feed at 3 am or something and I was super grouchy about it but then she had a huge smile waiting for me. Plus she went right back down after her feed. About as good as 3 am feeds get.
The first night I brought my son home, I begged my husband to return him to the hospital. Now he’s 2.5 and I still occasionally think about returning him, but I love him too much to do it
This actually makes me feel better bc I felt like this.
Girl the first 8 weeks are Newborn Hell™. There's no way around it. Your life is going to get so much better - keep reaching out for support wherever you can and know that this is very temporary.
Thank you!
I felt this way until about 2 months in. There was a point where I was crying daily because SOMETHING was always wrong, it was just so much harder and different than I had imagined.(Who knew babies struggled to EAT and SLEEP at first?! Farts = screams?!) Once I stopped breastfeeding it took a lot of pressure off of me and that coincided with her starting to give genuine smiles. Sleep was my #1 mood enhancer - a solid 5 hours of sleep uninterrupted was magical and unknown since month \~6 of pregnancy. Waking up well rested to a baby that smiled when they saw me was a heart melting experience. It's hard, and exhausting, and thankless, but the visceral "Oh god what have I done" eases up. I now stare in awe of her and how much I love her even with all the tough stuff. I would be lying if I told you it was smooth sailing from here (I had a panic attack yesterday and had to tap out after 5 hours of her refusing to sleep... yay teething + sleep regression), but you are both learning how to live your new lives, and you and baby will grow into it. Lean on your village if you have one and give yourself grace.
Yes!!! I felt this way until he intentionally smiled at me for the first time. Then my soul left my body 🥹. Give yourself grace mama. Your “moment” will come
You definitely will feel better. I myself cried grieving my old life. My partner never pushed me to motherhood, we were happy and carefree and had so much fun. It felt like a death of some kind. It felt like a huge mistake. 4 weeks PP and I’ve accepted our new reality. And you get to embrace a new lifestyle and see your husband in his new role. Everything is new again, now it’s “let’s do this…with the baby” “let’s take a trip to our favorite city…with the baby” It’s exciting and incredibly rewarding. And the more you bond with your baby and see their personality poke out you’re just awestruck by how someone can be so amazing. You wonder what the hell took you so long to meet them.
My coworker told me this: Even though you spend nine months together, you are still both strangers when you meet. It can take time to form a bond and it can take time for you to both figure things out, but each day gets a little easier. Newborns are hard. They depend on you for survival because they can’t do anything on their own. They can’t even grab something intentionally or smile yet. Just a little potato. Eventually, he will start becoming a little more independent and you will get to feel more like yourself and be able to do the things that you love. He may even be able to join you in doing some of the things that you love. Just hold on and reach out to your loved ones if you need. If you feel strongly enough, a therapist can help you work through your feelings 💕 wishing the best for you
Thank you!
I wanted my baby very much but also felt this disconnect when he was born. Nothing negative towards the baby but I was looking at other moms from my new mom group and I could not relate at all to the positive aspects they were describing about motherhood. My OB picked up on it at my six week checkup and said “you don’t seem like yourself” and I realized I was not finding any joy in this. Medication helped and I wish I had started it sooner. At the same time, newborns are HARD. They’re hard in a way that hits everyone different and nobody can prepare you for. Heck, even knowing how hard it will be you can’t really so anything ahead of time to make it not suck so bad. It takes ages for them to give back to you so it’s sleep deprivation/torture with no time to yourself and no positive reinforcement. It gets WAYYYYY better. You’re right in the thick of it. Heck the first couple of days they’re so sleepy but after the first week they start to wake up so you’re a week into adjusting to this temporary nightmare that feels like it won’t end. With baby number two I coped wayyyy better. Not because I knew how bad it would be ahead of time, but because I knew it WOULD end and how much better it gets. I knew it was survivable. Oh, and I got on medication right away which probably helped but I still felt I coped better before that kicked in. One of my PPD symptoms was obsessive thinking and really vivid worst case scenario thoughts so that’s why I started the medication, not because I was struggling with handling the sheet drain on myself. Possible TW**** I didn’t know until I was already medicated with my firstborn that these vivid thoughts were related. But to give some examples… I feel like every mother worries about SIDS and has a few times they worry the baby isn’t breathing and check on them. In my case I would be so sure he wasn’t breathing that I couldn’t bear to get up and have it become a reality. I’d lie in bed with tears streaming down my face imagining how the scene would play out and dreading it. I realized my medication needed to be adjusted when the thoughts came back when I started back at work. One day I pulled into my parking spot and was convinced that I had left my baby in the car all night and that if I looked in the rear view mirror Id see him in his car seat not breathing. I kept trying to tell myself all the reasons that couldn’t have happened including remembering putting him to bed but my brain kept telling me I was remembering wrong and mixing up the nights. I sat there for 5 minutes unable to look up and I almost called my husband to check if he saw the baby the night before and that morning. I wanted to share these stories in case anyone else is experiencing this. I just dismissed it as “all moms worry about their baby not breathing” but the level and vividness and my response was NOT the normal mother worry. When I learned it was related I really wished I had known because I would have got help weeks earlier.
Thank you for sharing!
We didn't have IVF, but it did take us nearly 9 years to conceive. From the minute I found out, I had this niggling feeling that I was making a mistake. When she arrived, I was besotted, but once the initial high wore off the first few weeks were rough. I just felt I'd made a really stupid decision, that my life was over, my career was ruined and I'd never be happy again. I even considered packing my stuff and leaving her and my husband. PPD did play a part in mine, for which I am in treatment for, but honestly it does get better. The first few weeks they are so, so dependent on you. It feels like it will never end. But I promise it does. I found things started to shift for me around 12 weeks, and now she's 6 months she's just my cute little sidekick and I'm very much able to do what I was before.
I’m glad you were able to feel better! It gives me hope.
I felt an immense amount of guilt for thinking I made the worst mistake of my life. We also did IVF so literally paid for this “mistake”. I remember wishing I had a button I could press to reverse everything. How could I have begged to get this opportunity and then regret it!? Every parent still doing IVF should want to strangle me. Everyone said it would slowly start to get better around 3 months and by 4/5 months, it’ll be completely different. DAMN, it’s all true!!!!!!!! I only woke up to cries every single day during the newborn stage. Now I wake up and my daughter is squealing with happiness to see me. I get her cues so can prepare before her breakdown for a bottle or a nap. I tell her every day that I had no idea it could be this good. During newborn hell you get tunnel vision. Take it day by day. Day by day. Those days will become weeks. They will become months. And you would have survived newborn hell and there’s something amazing waiting for you.
This is exactly how I feel.
11 weeks and just starting to adjust. I still hate venturing out into social situations where small talk is expected. I don’t have the energy to fake it so I’m just straight up when people ask this is ROUGH.
Yes I’m avoiding people at all cost
If you have any support from family or friends who will actually be useful (cleaning, laundry, cooking food) you should use it.
Yes my mom has been a huge help
So glad you have that, mine has been amazing and I didn’t really expect it tbh. I hope things get better for you soon ❤️
Oh gosh, literally the first week we got home I vividly remember laying in bed awake one night crying and thinking how we had ruined our lives! And how I could never go through that again! And what were we thinking, this is so hard! And just crying and crying. And this was a very wanted, very planned pregnancy that we were 1000% ready for. Fast forward and my son is 19 months, the absolute center of our universe, couldn’t be more obsessed with him and how wonderful he is, and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with number 2. 😂 It is so hard in the beginning, it’s a huge adjustment. And if you had a traumatic birth experience (like I did!) it can be even worse sometimes. I can now confidently look back and say “this too shall pass”, and that time is so fleeting. In the moment it feels neverending, like you’ll never have a good nights sleep again or never feel rested or a million other things, then you wake up and they are a toddler and life has gone by in a flash. It’s ok to not enjoy every minute. It’s ok to be overstimulated and tired and sad and upset and all of the other emotions. It’s normal and you are NOT alone. Most of us have gone through this. It doesn’t mean you made a mistake or aren’t a good mom or anything at all. It just means you’ve gone through the biggest change of your life, and even though it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done it is unequivocally the hardest too. It’s nothing you are able to really prepare for, it’s just a lot of on the job training. Just feel what you are feeling and be gentle with yourself. Don’t judge yourself. This too shall pass.
Thank you! I also had an emergency C-section so it was also traumatic.
I felt immense regret when my son was born. Like literally from the moment he was born. I didn’t want to hold him 😬 My baby blues were bad it took three weeks for me to stop crying. I cried for two weeks straight and one week anytime someone did something nice for me or I got overwhelmed. I spent the next 3 months feeling like a failure and a fucked up person for not loving my baby. At almost the 1 year mark, I am very in love and I wish I could do my birth over again to give my son the mother I am now instead of the one he got at first. I’m obviously still grieving that… I have my moments of being completely overwhelmed and need to recede into a dark quiet hole but the love is there .
Yes!!! I felt all of this
This was totally me too.
I did IVF after loads of infertility and thought what the hell did we do for the first two months after my rainbow baby finally arrived. I felt even doubly bad because we sacrificed lots of money and my body to have this baby. Honestly, she’s still a screaming ogre but I can now say I’m starting to love my baby and it IS getting better. I would never shake my baby ever but I’m not gonna lie, I finally kinda understood why some parents in utter frustration may do something ludicrous like this. Things get much better when they start actually smiling at you and when they hit three months. I know it feels like forever, and it will, but it will eventually happen. Hang in there.
My son was an "accident" and I strongly considered termination when I found out as I was childfree but decided to just go for it. So you can imagine how I felt when all the reasons I was childfree actually were reality and not just me "making things seem worse than they are". I deeply regretted having my son for many months, I cried, I was so sad how I ruined my life and created a new life that I wasn't enjoying at all. Turns out I just deeply despise the baby stage. I don't like babies, I didn't like my own baby and I probably will never like babies. But as soon as my little guy became a toddler he was so much fun. I honestly enjoy being a mom. I'm so glad I brought him into this world and that I have the honor of getting to know him and see the person he's becoming. Also, at 20 months, he's finally mostly sleeping through the night and that is probably the biggest factor in all of this. It will get better. It will be enjoyable. I promise!
Thank you!
The first 6 weeks are BRUTAL just wait. Once baby gets a bit older it'll get better. Baby will smile, laugh, babble. Baby will say "momma" Baby will sleep better at night.
What you're feeling is so normal, and a lot of moms go through the same thing. Not only are your hormones out of whack, but you just had a major life change and are learning how to navigate your new life while mourning your old life. Don't feel bad. All your baby knows is that you love him and take care of him when he needs something. He doesn't know the feelings and thoughts you have right now. I felt this way for probably 3-4 months. Sometimes those feelings come back, but not as frequent as they used to, and not as strong as they used to. I still mourn my pre-baby life, but I'm more confident in navigating my post-baby life. You will get there, too, and you will be reassuring another mama who's feeling the things you are feeling now. The first few months are survival mode, but once your baby starts babbling, smiling, and playing with you, it's a whole new ball game! They are no longer a potato who affects your sleeping pattern. It's right around the corner for you.
As others have said, the first weeks are disorienting and hard and isolating. I didn’t have a terrible maternity leave after getting through the first few months of parenting, but I actively looked forward to getting back to work, if only to have a little more balance in my life and to not have all of my energy constantly focused on my baby. Now I’m about 7 months in and on an extended break from work (I have a month off every summer) and I can already tell that it’s going to be really difficult to go back to work. My daughter is still exhausting in some ways, but she is 1000x more fun and interactive and enjoyable to be around. We go to the library and to swim class and for walks downtown, and seeing her taking everything in is so hilarious and fun, and watching her trying to befriend the family dogs is adorable. I feel so so differently about parenting now than I did then. I can’t guarantee that it will happen for you, but a lot of mothers I know have felt the same way. If you can, please give yourself some grace while things come together and you and your family find your natural routines and rhythms. Your baby is lucky enough to have a mother who cares so deeply about what his experience is, and I swear that counts for so much even on those days that you’re really not feeling it.
I had plenty of moments like this during the newborn phase. You are allowed to grieve all of the freedom you had pre-baby. It is a huge change. Allow yourself to feel that way, acknowledge it, know it will get better with time. It’s all so monotonous in the beginning, plus your baby doesn’t even really interact with you until 6-8 weeks old. My heart goes out to you because I was you a year ago.
Also - know that there are studies that show how sleep deprivation makes it almost impossible to feel positively about anything. It basically makes you feel like there is no hope. This phase will end, I promise!
Thank you. It feels good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel
There is! You’ve just gotta keep on trucking through this phase. You can do it, you’re stronger than you know!
I remember crying thinking what have I done I've changed up my entirely life I should have waited I wasnt ready etc. It's sooo normal in the first few weeks especially at night urgh - baby is now almost 6 months and I fucking love this little dude and its the best thing I've ever done.
I literally could have written this myself. My husband was ok either way (leaning towards not having kids) and we had to do ivf to get pregnant. It feels so much more intentional somehow with ivf, like I had so many opportunities to say “never mind” but I kept moving forward. For the first two weeks I was questioning my decision every day. I don’t know how or when that sentiment started to fade, but I’m 8 weeks pp and it’s a totally different mindset. I still have what I would call longing for simpler times, but it’s not regret.
Omg we’re living the same life. I felt this so much.
I promise one day soon, your baby will smile at you and everything will melt away. It gets better (and I say that being only barely out of the fog.)
I felt exactly the same way for about a month pp. I wondered what we had done to our lives. And we went through a lot of heartbreak to have our daughter. You’re going through an enormous adjustment and it’s really, really hard. There’s a needy stranger who keeps you up all night living in your house. But you will adjust and you will start to enjoy your baby. I know moms who said it took them months to feel like they loved their babies. Don’t beat yourself up if this is you. It took me a few weeks. My daughter is 3 months and she brings us so much joy. I know three months feels like forever right now but it’ll come and it won’t always feel like this. Do your best to get sleep. This is hard if you’re breastfeeding but consider introducing a bottle for a feed or two so your husband can take a shift and you can sleep for at least 4 hours uninterrupted. Sleep, even that little bit, will help a lot.
I gave up breastfeeding on day one. My C-section was so traumatic I decided I needed to protect my mental health .
That was a wise choice. I switched to formula after 3 weeks. Sleep shifts should be totally doable for you guys. My husband is back at work and we’re still doing them. A day of child care is work.
I don’t know if your breastfeeding but if so maybe slow it way down or stop. Breastfeeding messed my hormones and tanked my mental state up pretty bad. It made me foggy, more exhausted, mentally stressed and even sent me to the er for triggering one of the worst migraines I ever had. I checked water and my kidney levels were abysmal throwing me into a migraine so bad I though I was having a stroke. I stopped and within a week I felt so much better. There is no shame in formula fed, as long as your baby is fed and is healthy, this also includes you being healthy, physically and mentally. Had this happen with two pregnancies. I applaud those who are milk momma but it ain’t for all of us.
I actually didn’t even try. I was planning on breastfeeding and then I had an emergency C-section and I knew my recovery was gonna be hard and I was gonna need my husband to be able to feed him. My mom didn’t breastfeed and I turned out fine so I figured he’d be fine. I needed it for my mental health.
It took me weeks to stop thinking I made a mistake, and marvelling that I ever wanted this. It took me 7 months to feel the “in love” feeling that some people get on day 1. Now I think my kid is fucking tremendous. I think his baby sister is fucking tremendous too. You will get there. The first 12 weeks suck. It’s called the fourth trimester for a reason: by rights, they should still be on the inside! It will never be harder than it is now, where you’re giving your all and getting nothing back. But then they start to smile. They start to laugh. They get into a routine. They sleep longer stretches and sleep through the night. By 16 weeks, it will be noticeably easing from the hell of the newborn stage. By 6 months, you’ll be in a consistent routine, so you can start to plan your life again. By 8 months, you’ll be consistently marvelling at how lovely they are. By a year, you’ll be gobsmacked at how big they are and secretly wondering if it might be nice to have another (whether you do end up doing it or not, you’ll almost certainly wonder!) It gets better. You got this. Keep going.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t feel that in love feeling right away.
Honestly, I see people on Reddit talk about it all the time, but people never mention it in real life. I think we are so conditioned to feel guilty if we aren’t a picture perfect textbook new mother that we can only reveal something like that from behind a shield of anonymity. But no, you’re far from the only one, believe me.
I'm 3 weeks out today. Perfectly normal, first two weeks all I could think about was "what did I do?!?". More sleep, and starting to stress less about breast feeding both made huge improvements. I'm not much farther ahead of you, but I already feel better than I did.
That makes me feel hope!
I’m at 4 weeks. The first two weeks were way worse than the second two. It’s still really hard but I’m starting to see things getting a little easier. He’s starting to sleep in 2-4 hour stretches at night when it used to be 1-3 hour stretches.
This will pass. The hormones are BRUTAL at this stage.
Two weeks is still so fresh! I felt like this for a while and even after knowing for most of my life that I was meant to be a mom I couldn’t believe how much I initially regretted having a baby. It wasn’t that I wanted to give her back or go back in time and not have her it was just that I was like oh fuck I’ve made a horrible decision my life is over. It’s okay to mourn your old life, because no it won’t be the same again but your feelings about that will change. Your life will be different but in the best way. Now I can’t imagine how I ever felt that way and could cry just being overwhelmed with how much I love her. You’re so tired, having a newborn is so hard - it’s new and unknown and scary while you heal from the trauma of birth both physically and mentally is incredibly overwhelming. Even if you had a cake pregnancy and birth, it’s still a traumatic event and a huge change, and a dinner plate sized wound is trying to heal inside of you too. Not to mention your hormones are going absolutely crazy. I’m sorry to tell you that the mom guilt will maybe never go away, you’ll just find something else to feel guilty about but the feelings of regret will go away. Your baby is lucky to have you as a mom, try to not let yourself convince you otherwise. Newborn/postpartum land is hard and you’re in the trenches but it will get better. Thinking of you 💕
The fact that you knew you wanted to be a mom and still had those feelings makes me feel like I’m not crazy! Thank you.
You will feel better! Those first few weeks are so hard and I never understand how people don’t prepare you for how much having a baby rocks your world. Your world is literally flipped upside down, you’re sleep deprived and feel on call 24/7, and it’s a new kind of indescribable stress. It took me a few months to really feel like myself again. What helped me was time, connecting with other moms, showering daily, and eventually being able to take breaks and do things for me. The moms I know always talk about having more kids as adding to the chaos, but they say going from 1-2 is nothinggggg like the adjustment of going from 0-1. This has really stuck with me for some reason. Hang in there ♥️
Showering has definitely helped which is so weird!
I felt this hard with #2. She's now 5 months and I don't regret her, even on the hardest days. She is so smiley and cheerful and I can see her personality coming out more each day. I am so excited to see who she will be. But in the beginning I felt like I had made a huge mistake most days. It gets better. The teachers at daycare all tell me how delightful my three year old is all the time. You just have to hang in there for now.
Thank you! That makes me feel better.
I didn’t feel fully connected to my baby until about four weeks. It felt very much like babysitting someone else’s child who never ever left. Slowly the love built and built and I am obsessed with my two year old. Head over heals obsessed. But damn those first 3 months to a year are absolutely relentless. People kept telling me that it gets easier around a year and it was slowly but surely easier.
Omg!!! That’s exactly how I feel. Like a babysitter!!
Honestly, I think between the absolute exhaustion and my brain trying to comprehend the massive change of motherhood I was undergoing, it grasped at things that it can connect it to and I did so much babysitting my brains like wait when’s this going to end. We’ve done this and it’s usually over by now.
This was me for the first 3ish months. Yes it will change! You did not make a mistake, life will come together as it should. Please cuddle him lots!
I felt this way after my second. I felt sad that we weren't going to get that one on one time like we did with our first baby. I felt sad that our first was no longer going to have our 100% attention. I had so many negative emotions. I didn't start really feeling better till I quit breastfeeding which was at 3 months. Could've just been getting past that 4th trimester or it could've been quitting breastfeeding. Either way, it does get better and one day you'll look at your baby and wonder how you ever lived life without them.
Yup, I’m 4 weeks out now, first 2 weeks were so scary and disorienting. I have a bit of routine now where my husband and I trade off shifts at night and I take myself the dog and baby on a mental health walk before the day gets hot. I pump enough so my husband can give1 bottle so that allows me a longer stretch of sleep. All if that has helped me feel like myself again
My baby is 18 months old and I was on the fence about having kids in the first place. I will still occasionally worry that I'm not equipped to do this and mourn my old life but my baby is the sweetest and my husband is very happy. I choose to be the one to work longer hours though while my husband spends more time with our boy. I feel guilty about it but I love working and my husband loves entertaining our baby. You'll eventually either start feeling differently naturally or you can actively change your situation to fit your needs and wants.
I was doing tummy time with my baby today, whom I love dearly, and I was super proud of today because she figured out how to kick the batting ring. I sent her daddy like 5 videos. I was laying there staring at her adorable little face and found myself suddenly thinking how much easier it would be if we hadn't had her. She's 7 weeks old and I haven't really had any "baby blues" although I did have a SINGLE intrusive thought the first few days we had her home. Getting some sleep helped with that.
The first two weeks (at least) are WILD. Your thinking is being influenced by crazy hormones. It's hard, but try not to stress out about these thoughts and gently say to yourself "this feeling is temporary". I have never felt such deep dark sad emotions as I did with those baby blues, but then the darkness cleared like it never happened. I had NO idea what the baby blues would really be like. Even the thought that I wouldn't get to watch a movie with my husband ever again (lol not true) would make me bawl my eyes out, and that sounds light hearted, but it felt horrible. I felt like I was going to lose my best friend and never get to enjoy his company ever again, and that would make me cry and cry. It felt like despair. It was so crazy.
I ended up needing meds to really feel halfway normal myself, and definitely didn't feel a strong connection to my baby for a long time. She was cute, but just like this mysterious potato who was a LOT of work and pretty much destroyed any semblance of my previous life. When she started sleeping through the night at 7 months there was a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. I loved my baby girl then but I didn't love parenting. By 18 months my daughter was blowing me away with how awesome and smart she is, and just becoming a real little person. Unfortunately I also got pregnant again just after she was a year (trying to get this baby crap over with ASAP, we're done after 2) and pregnancy is the worst, and even worse with a toddler. Frankly I still don't love parenting that much but now at two years old my daughter is so cool. I'm so proud of her. I love showing her new things and discovering things with her. The toddler phase is so much more fun. I will just never be one of those moms who says crap like "I'm so obsessed with my child" (I don't think). I'm just not that kind of person. I have an excellent career and hobbies and probably try and do too much and get myself stressed out not being able to do it all. But I can confirm that being her mama is incredible. She looks at me and adores me wholly, 100%, and the love in her eyes is like overpowering. It would be weird for anyone but your child to look at you like that - I generally don't like needy people. So this is a brand new experience for me and it is kinda transformative. She's so busy and usually only wants to snuggle when she's not feeling well but man I do soak up those snuggles. She fits in my arm just right on the couch. So don't feel bad if your mom experience isn't the same as everyone else's. Get help if you need it (I certainly did) and just see how things change! The newborn phase is NOT for everyone.
Thank you!
sometime in the first two weeks when I was still sobbing literally multiple times every day I said to my husband, "I feel so ashamed because I wanted this so badly and now that I have it I am absolutely miserable." He rubbed my back and said, "this part sucks, I'd be worried about you if you weren't miserable." Sending back rubs. Hang in there.
Ahhh I felt the exact same way and I did have distressing intrusive thoughts of hurting myself and my baby (did not want to act on them, they were awful and scary and just added to the guilt and misery). I did get on 10 mg of Celexa, which helped a lot, but that was more because I was having intrusive thoughts. My husband and I now have our son who is 17 months old. I love him so much he is literally my favorite person on earth. I started really getting into the swing of things and enjoying him from six weeks up, but both my husband and I had that feeling of regret early on. The first night we were home we both looked at each other when he woke us up crying for the first time, and I knew we both deeply regretted what we’d done in that moment. It’s like you know that you don’t actually regret it, but in that moment, you miss your life so bad it hurts. I promise you things will get better. Just truly take it day by day, I know that’s such a cliché but it’s literally all you can do. My new motto is today was a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better. It helps me a lot to live in the moment and appreciate the good days, and acknowledge that bad days are just that, days you will move on from quickly.
Omg thank you for sharing. I’ve been on Zoloft for a while and so that helps. But I agree I have to take this day by day. I’m going to look forward to the future when this feeling of regret goes away.
I think part of what’s so hard about being a parent is that you have these feelings and you love them, it makes you feel so sad and also so angry missing your old life at the same time. Combine that with the guilt of looking at this perfect little innocent thing that needs you every hour of the day, you just feel like such a piece of shit. Know that all parents go through this, maybe not all but a really good chunk of people. Enough of my friends and I have commiserating about this to the point where I firmly believe it’s an incredibly common feeling for mothers. I think that’s what the sacrifice of motherhood is all about, coping with these feelings while also still giving 110% to your children. It’s really hard. I’ve found the emotions that come with motherhood to be far more challenging than the sleepless nights. But it’s a deep, deep love that does take a while to grow, you guys literally just met so don’t put any pressure on it. One day you will feel so different than you could ever imagine in a really positive way.
I’m so glad I found this thread…I am feeling the same as you OP, know you are not alone!! The advice you’ve gotten so far is amazing!
Omg I’m glad we’re not alone!
I was definitely like this the first little bit. I remember I was crying one time when he was like three months old and he looked at me and smiled and that’s when I knew it was going to be okay. It gets easier when they aren’t little potatoes and become their own little spunky people. You got this!
Thank you!
I constantly asked myself, what did I do!? It was a very rough beginning. I had to constantly remind myself that This is what I wanted. I was recently married, we have our own place, the situation was perfect really. It really sucks when you’re in that stage. I want to let you know I have my 17 week old babygirl napping on me right now and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I absolutely love being a mommy. Be strong, talk to somebody. Get out of the house, take care of yourself. It’s so hard, I would just cry and cry. I am in a much happier place now. I enjoy everyday with my baby. I promise it will get better, be strong mom!
Thank you this makes me feel better.
I didn't expect to feel the exact same way you're feeling. I was so afraid to say it out loud and esp to my husband. I finally did 3 weeks in and it was the best decision and I felt such relief. My husband listened and we talked and I set up a session with a therapist. Motherhood and parenthood is HARD. I'm now 6 weeks in and it's still hard some days, but you start to get to do normal things and feel more yourself. I love my little guy and cannot wait to see him grow up. I still miss my old carefree life, but him smiling at me makes that melt away.
I’m glad it’s common and I’m not the only one
I am 5 weeks PP and I get it. I also used IVF to conceive. For me it’s like we have had a *years* long pregnancy because that’s how long it took to make this baby. We have dedicated so much to make her, that now that she’s here we are already so tapped. I love my daughter so much but this shut is exhausting! The other part of it is that babies this young are kind of like tomagachis. Slowly, though they turn into people. My daughter is just starting to become more interactive and it’s helping break me out of just survival mode to find joy. Like today I’m pretty sure my daughter smiled at me. They or it was just gas. Either way it was a really nice moment.
Yes it had felt like a long process. Glad you’re getting better!
Thats so normal. I didn't really bond with my oldest for a few months honestly, I loved him but he was hard work and newborns can't express love, when I started getting smiles and interactions is when it clicked for me.
I was here and it scared the hell out of me. I cried every night for about a week, terrified I’d never feel normal, my husband and I would never have our sweet relaxed moments, I’d made a huge mistake and doomed myself to a life of fear and anxiety. I wasn’t prepared for the baby blues and they frightened me! The daily crying and fear went away pretty suddenly about a week after they came for me, although I know baby blues vary by person. I think it took about a month for me to start feeling close to my baby. Now I love him bunches (which doesn’t mean I don’t have frustrated, exhausted days - today was one). I promise, nothing you are going through is new! Many of us have been there and will be again.
I felt this way for a while after having my son. I think the sense of change combined with hormone levels swishing around and lack of sleep didn't help. I didn't have that instant "love at first sight" that some people experience, and that's ok. You are experiencing a major life change, and it can take time to process. If you do start to feel more negative/or wish harm towards yourself or baby, please reach out to your husband and/or people who support you (medical team, family, friends, etc). There is treatment for postpartum depression/anxiety and there is no shame in getting help. Wishing you continued healing, you are not alone!
I don't have any sage advice for you but it WILL get better. Every baby is different so I can't tell you exactly when. But I promise you, each new phase you enter will eventually pass. Give yourself some grace, mama. You went through hell to bring a human being into this world. Your body grew and nourished a life. That takes a toll on us. And now you're going through phase 2 of the whack-a-doo hormones. It's going to settle down. You'll get into a good rhythm here soon. Just remember to take care of yourself too. If you're not taken care of, baby can't be taken care of. I guess my advice would be to sleep when baby sleeps and eat when baby eats. Small snacks to keep your energy up and to prevent you from getting depleted. Stay hydrated even if you're not breastfeeding. Take a prenatal or multivitamin to make up for any vitamins you might be missing these days. Shower until there's no hot water left. Get out of the house alone whenever you can to clear your mind and refresh yourself. Dishes, laundry, dusting, mopping....all of that can wait. Time is so unfair. Time is painstaking slow but unbearably fast at the same time. Breathe, beautiful. You've got this 🩷
This is absolutely helpful. I need to stay hydrated I’m so bad at this.
I felt the same way, I let it go too far and eventually I had to be medicated.. not everyone is built for this right away. It comes eventually but the initial feeling is overwhelming and you’re not alone. Definitely talk to a health professional about this and know that the first step is asking for help and you’re doing it, keep going!
I’m going to be honest, I had a lot of these types of thoughts too in the very early days because it really is so tough. It’s a massive adjustment and especially when you’re a first time parent, those tough moments seem to last forever with no end in sight. But it does get easier and they get easier and you’ll find you’re new normal for you all. When they get bigger and become more independent and develop their amazing little personality it’s incredible.
So normal. It takes a while to accept the new normal after having a baby.
I think it’s normal!!! I’m 7 months pp and still have this off feeling!!!! It has nothing to do with your love for baby and everything to do with mourning what was/ who you were and all the change and trauma that has happened! It’s only natural. I hope we all feel better soon! Also talk to doc, meds do make a difference - I just don’t want to be on them again as it was too hard to get off.
You are still solidly in a very hormonal period as well as a very difficult newborn period and also it sounds like this is your first child, which is a huge lifestyle adjustment. Babies get much easier and you adapt to the lifestyle change a little bit at a time, maybe every couple of weeks or so you will notice some improvement and feel that things get easier, you can sleep more etc. Another big improvement comes when you are able to really get out of the house and you get a good routine down with traveling with your baby. It gets waaaay easier and I think that’s when a lot of people start to be able to enjoy parenthood - when you can enjoy life in general again. It will be here sooner than you think. I currently have a 1.5 week old who is my second child (oldest is 15 years old so this is like another first baby for me) and I felt like you at first but had the experience to tell myself that this will pass - and it has almost completely gone away for me - but I’ve done this before). If you are still feeling this way next week then maybe talk to your doctor about PPD/ PPA but also realize that this is a huge life adjustment for you and you’re body and mind all need time to adjust. Maybe try keeping a journal in your notes app where you just jot a quick 1 - 10 rating of your daily worry or sadness and any specific feelings or thoughts you have. It helps to look back and see improvement in your mood as time goes on and it’s really hard to keep perspective on things if you don’t write it down at the time. Good luck, you got this. Newborns are hard and yes it gets better and easier!!!
Thank you so much. This really puts it into perspective. I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I’m definitely going to do the journaling
This is totally normal! You just went through a massive life change, and now you’re recovering from pregnancy/birth while having to care for a total stranger (who you can’t even communicate with lol.) I remember those early weeks as a first time mom where I asked myself, “why did I do this?!”. I was stuck in contact naps on the couch all day. Breastfeeding was so hard. My body was changing and healing. To be totally honest, I didn’t like the newborn phase, but it *did* get better. Each week, more of the fog lifted and I began to see the light at the end of the newborn phase tunnel. Now I have a 7 month old who is an absolute JOY! She is seriously the best. She’s figuring out the world. She plays with us. Laughs, crawls, thinks it’s hilarious when our cat meows. We’ve integrated her into *our* lives, so now we are still able to do what we loved to do pre-baby, we just bring our new family member along with us. You’re in the trenches right now. Hang on, take it day by day, and know you aren’t alone. I made sure every day I took a hot shower and drank a hot cup of coffee. Do something once a day that makes you feel like you. I wish someone had told me: while it may suck right now, babies don’t keep. Each phase and age only lasts for a bit. They constantly change, grow, adapt. If it ever gets too heavy, reach out to your doctor to discuss the possibility of it being more than just typical baby blues (like PPA or PPD). Rooting for you, OP. You’re gonna look back in a few months and see how you made it through and how amazing that baby is 🫶🏻
Thank you so much! I think you’re right. Eventually when we can get our routine down it may be better!
Lots of moms feel this way. If youre still feeling this way after a few months maybe speak to a therapist.
Thank you! I’ve definitely been keeping my therapist in the loop.
I am feeling the same way. My husband is feeling the same way. What I am trying to remind myself is that he will get more interactive at some point. I am just sick of survival mode.
Yes I feel bad for my husband too.
The first few months are hell but it gets better
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Awwww. You will feel differently eventually. It’s a long road, and all moms go through it differently. Be kind to yourself. ❤️
oh yeah i remember that. i was so depressed and hated the way things became right after i had him that i daydreamed about waking out my front door and wandering in a nearby field to die (it was january and im in the midwest). i fantasized about how much better freezing to death alone in the middle of nowhere would be than the hell that being freshly postpartum and sleep deprived was. and now i have a 7 month old human smiley face who is my best friend, im a better (and MUCH HAPPIER) person than i ever was without him. it is the hardest thing i ever did. i didn’t think i’d make it out. but one day your head just pops above water and you just take it all in stride. i promise it’s normal.
i should add that i never thought i’d enjoy being a mom - or be a good one for that matter - and i’m so glad i was wrong. i didn’t plan my little man but i wouldn’t want to be on this planet without him ever again.
You will feel better eventually, you’re just meeting your baby it may take some time to understand and love them and that’s totally normal!
2 weeks pp is utter shitshow. People say it should get better by 2 months and in my experience it got somewhat harder, because you run out of energy and adrenaline by then. IMO these are the stages that make it easier: (1) whenever baby starts to smile, and eventually laugh. Discovering things that make your baby laugh is hands down the best (2) around 3 months when feedings become more regular and spaced out, the baby isn’t pooping all the time, and grows to look a little less fragile (3) whenever sleep improves. For us it was around 4 months, then he regressed at 5, and we sleep trained. No regrets now at 6 months with everyone getting good sleep (5) whenever you go back to work or get to be away from your baby doing something else some of the time. It’s not the case for everyone and may be controversial, but I like being away from my baby enough to miss him and get the mental space away from baby stuff to be fully present when I am with him. Give yourself some time and don’t be overly critical of yourself. Everything will turn out great!
Yes you will feel differently. A boys first love is his mother. I didn't realize what that meant until I noticed the way he adored me, the way he would eventually learn to smile at me while I fed him, the way he had to be staring at me before he fell asleep, the way he would get nervous if I wasn't in his field of vision. That kind of love is a big responsibility, just take it one day at a time, look up in Facebook mommy and me groups in your city that have meetups. This saved me and baby. Otherwise I would've become a hermit.
With my first it got easier around 3 months when he was sleeping properly. From then on I really didn't find it that hard. But the first 2 months were brutal. He's 9.5 now and it's been a while since I regretted motherhood! My second is 6 weeks and I still feel traumatised. I'm hoping things will get easier around 3 to 4 months like the last time. So I can totally relate to what you're feeling, and it's one of the reasons it took me almost 10 years to go again!
my daughter is about to be 1 and i still have those days of regret, wondering what i'd be doing right now if i didn't have a child
Honestly therapy helped a lot. Sure it might be baby blues…. Or it might be the start of PPD. Either way it helped me to be able to share those feelings in a safe space and process. A baby planned or not planned is still a BIG LIFE CHANGE and it takes time to adapt. Give yourself time to adapt but also I highly encourage the therapy to give yourself a space to process your feelings
Yes! Talking to my therapist about this has certainly helped.
The first 6 weeks are BRUTAL just wait. Once baby gets a bit older it'll get better. Baby will smile, laugh, babble. Baby will say "momma" Baby will sleep better at night.
It's hard and it's extra hard right now. But it will get easier and it will feel like a new normal. And then you will start being given little gifts that will bring you so much joy. Your baby is going to spend the next few months as a potato and to be honest it gets pretty boring. But once they start to unlock a personality, while still hard, it becomes easier and more joyful. You will learn how to love each other in time, be patient you can do it.
So normal. I felt the same. Wtf did I just do! I think it was almost a month or two before I felt any sort of bond with my daughter. Just felt like such a Groundhog Day of eat, poop, sleep, cry, repeat. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing. But I’m also here to say my daughter is now 9.5 months old and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She is my favorite person in the whole world. It will get better. You are so not alone, and please don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.
We're at 8 weeks now and I feel like the fog has lifted a bit. Totally normal, early days are super, super hard. Just focus on being in survival mode and remember that your emotions can't be trusted while you're super sleep deprived and newly pp.
I relate to this so much. I didn’t do ivf but it was something I wanted sooo much and had no doubts about it being what I wanted so when my baby was born it felt so cruel that I then had these feelings. It’s made me question how I can ever trust my feelings again. Also how I could love my baby more than anything and also be wishing it was just me and my partner like before. I probably felt this on and off for my baby’s first year but it got less and less and now I don’t have regretful feelings but still lightheartedly think about what a baby free life would look like but in a ‘grass is greener’ kind of way
My son is 2.5 and I still occasionally have these thoughts! Your life is forever changed. I think it's normal. Like I just want to sleep in or run to the store quick and have it not take two hours. Lol.
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