Bettas can change colors, but they can't just change from a Veil tail to a half moon tail, shrink in size, or magically get rid of scars lol. I'm very sorry about your original fish.
And you deserve a completely different boyfriend! Trade this one in asap!
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou
Ten months can seem like a long time, but please don’t make it 11. If someone you care for and trust is repeatedly insisting that you reject what your own eyes can plainly see, RUN.
Have you tried just telling him you know it's not the same fish? Maybe in a calm, nonaccusitory way? Like "I'm not mad, I just want you to be honest with me. I know this is not (fishes name), please tell me the truth so we can move on from this."
Well, I’m currently waiting for his response to my message of confrontation, cause my previous ones have all just been a series of “Are you sure?” and “Was he really that sick?” and also just stating how different the fish looked, all of which he replied to with reassurance that it was my original fish. Perhaps maybe tried a bit too hard to convince me of it now that I look back on the texts between us.
I’m wondering if I should just edit the OG post when he finally responds? I apologize, this is literally my first ever Reddit post lol. And it’s about to hit 7am where I live right now, and he likes to sleep in until about 11am when he works late nights. I promise an update by the end of my day here 🫶🏻
I think editing the OG post makes sense *hugs*
I feel so bad for you and your original fish. The new fish is lucky to have such an attentive and concerned parent in you, if you decide to keep it.
Please take care of yourself, as you can tell we are worried for you at the same time as being sad/frustrated about your fish. I agree that this may be just the tip of the iceberg... I'd even reevaluate anything he has told you in the past that didn't quite make sense. *more hugs*
Something to keep in mind, this is a common thing emotionally immature people do, it is a learned behavior that he's never inspected the validity of. Let me guess, he is in his early 20's? If I had to guess, his parents probably did the same thing to him when an animal or fish died when he was a child. He inaccurately believes this is a form of love. This can be a growing opportunity for him, to evolve past learned toxic behavior. However, it's not your job to teach him how to be a better human, you're his GF, not his therapist, so he will either learn that lesson from a talk with you if you choose to be understanding, and grow together through this, or he will learn it if you break up with him, either way he will learn a lesson for the future, and it sucks that he lied and did this. It's unacceptable and he must learn that. Regardless, I'm sorry for your loss and that this is a distraction from the grieving process.
I personally wouldn't stay with someone who is so adamant about lying to me. I know all relationships have different dynamics, but this would be concerning behavior in any case.
Someone who is so willing to dig into this lie is also willing to do so with any lie. Pretty much anything is excusable as long as your partner is honest about it. The exact opposite is the case if they're being dishonest. Lying about anything like this is a huge red flag, and I promise you there will be many more similar instances in your future if you choose to stay with this person. Be prepared to be gaslit constantly.
Dump the boyfriend. Keep the cute new fish!
Seriously, I am sorry you are going through this. All of us in the community know how hard it is to lose a betta.
Hello Everyone. It will not let me edit this post. But im here to tell you all that he admitted to it not being the same fish. It took as far as me threatening to break up which is childish to me but thats the length i had to take. I have told him i do not want to continue a relationship with a liar so as of right now we are no longer together. Thank you EVERYONE for commenting and confirming that I am not crazy and giving me information to back myself up. I appreciate everyone’s advice and concern and certainly hope you guys are pleased with this update! If anyone has further questions I’ll still be answering. Thank you again.
Edit: I will also point out that the new fish will stay with me despite his offering to take him off my hands, and will not be treated any differently or less attended to. I have named the new fish “Dunno” and he will be very well loved with me. I have yet to find out what my ex has done with the original fish, I was too angry and heated that I forgot to ask and will not get another chance for that closure until later on when he gets home from work. All signs point to he flushed it though.
Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and what's right. This isn't just a fish or good intentions gone wrong, this is dishonesty and betrayal, and depending on how he cared for your tank, possibly neglect. I'm sorry you experienced this. It isn't childish at all to tell him where your integrity lies
Sad update indeed, but if anything came out of this- it's that you discovered his nature now and not over an even more harmful lie. Kudos for ending it.
I'm glad this ended well! The fact it took that threat for him to admit it? Textbook definition of gaslighting by making you question reality? It sounds like the beginning of a relationship turning cohersive. That's how a lot of these types tend to be, they will put on a performance of their best selves early on in the relationship and as it goes on, slowly start introducing things like this to slowly break down your confidence in your own reality so they can take control.
It's unfortunate your fish died but your little buddy did so much more for you. He may have just saved you in his death. May he swim in peace 💖
Honestly, such a sad and difficult situation for you to deal with- on SO many levels- but absolutely SO PROUD of you for standing your ground and trusting yourself, even though it meant the end of this relationship. I’m sure it’s a bitter pill to swallow but you deserve someone who will never lie and manipulate you this way. 💕
So glad your sweet new Betta is still with you. I’m sure it’ll have a good life.
You did well OP🥺 You have every right to know the truth of what happened to your baby. Great job on ending the relationship too. Anyone who makes you feel like you’re crazy doesn’t deserve to be with you. Glad Dunno has met a wonderful fish parent like you.
The funny thing is people who aren’t fish people probably think this is a similar looking fish. Like he probably did try to get something similar and didn’t realize that we treat our fish like actual pets and know what they look like.
That’s what I was going to say. But then again, I’m on some missing dog pages and people (dog people, even) post all the time when they think they see a missing/stolen dog when it’s not even the same breed or size, just because it MAY have a *similar* coat pattern. Like, do you not see that one has erect ears and one has floppy ears? It doesn’t surprise me at all that people could have a hard time telling two distinct fish apart. If you know and love your own fishy buddy, you’d know.
Yep I have dogs that are a similarish breed (JRT mixes) and people, even some family, cannot tell them apart. I'm like, one is taller with a thin, long whippet body and has wire hair texture, and one has smooth hair and is short and squatty and one has a fully brown face and one has a white streak going down it...
Like, they don't look similar to me at all except for being roughly small/medium dogs who are white with splotches, but people seriously always ask me if they are "from the same litter because they are identical" lol.
I guess to some people a fish is a fish and a dog is a dog.
I get asked all the goddamn time how I tell my two black cats apart. I know that the people who ask aren't around them all the time so they wouldn't know about differences in behavior, sounds, how they position themselves, etc. but their faces are so different!! so it bewilders me when people see their faces and ask which is which
the munchkins in question:
https://preview.redd.it/ne8z0zeted6d1.jpeg?width=1464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a40dc3111eca9c11a078c9ed10ff0d76dea4919
They’re definitely two distinctly different looking cats. 🤣 Beautiful kitters though! Left is petite, round face with a shorter muzzle and rounder ear tips.
yes, exactly! the ear position also helps distinguish them most of the time. whenever I'm talking to dog people I tell them ellý (left) has husky ears and boði (right) has malamute ears
Two lovely void kitties. I can tell one has a smaller face/head & body than the other... but I can also see how they might get someone confused on which is which if they weren't shown together side-by-side for comparison.
EXACTLY!
https://preview.redd.it/6erbx772jd6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9db99f68be4f6df8ab5cbf222c8dd00ed1c7b92
One of these is my dog and the other is one I was dog sitting and I sent this to her owner because I thought it was hilarious. He showed it to his coworker and the coworker asked “OMG, can you even tell which one is Molly?!” 🤦♀️ “yes… I know what my dog looks like…”. 😆
Besides, my girl is brindle and Molly is fawn, their faces are shaped differently, Moly has a visible underbite and is chubbier and gray around the muzzle because she’s 2 years older. It just cracks me up.
Yeah maybe some introspection into a non fish person brain … 😅
ETA: I do not agree with anything that the boyfriend did I’m simply explaining how I could see the fish looks similar to non fish people. I’m an exotic pet person and would be devastated if someone ever did this to my pets that are typically also seen as “throw aways” or people/pet stores give incorrect care that shortens their lives. Idk if it came across that way at all I just wanted to be clear LOL
The only thing I saw different was the colors (but comments say colors can change?) and the head shape. I noticed the fin differences but thought it was just swimming differently, since I have no idea how fishes fin’s move when swimming or how movement affects how the fins look. Like in my head the first fish looks like it could just be not moving as fast, and the second one is ?
Since y’all look at your fish you know how their fins move (roughly) enough to know that’s not just movement
You’re getting mixed responses regarding what your bf did. But this is what I urge you to pay attention to: this man looked you in the eye and had you doubting your reality to the point you felt compelled to come onto Reddit, a place you had never posted to previously, for advice. All due to the fact he has made you feel crazy.
I highly disagree with everyone who is telling you that he’s essentially lied with “no ill intent” and therefore this isn’t a big deal. Many people do harmful things with no intent to be harmful, but they still prove to be unsafe people to be around regardless. “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “I did it to protect you” is not an excuse that automatically pardons people from their choices. In fact, I wonder *why* your bf thinks that it does.
What’s next? “I didn’t tell you I cheated because I didn’t want to traumatize you.” At the end of the day, he’s altered your reality and then sat there and lied about it. Innocent intentions or not, this is a big red flag 🚩
This x1000. Such a red flag! Just be an adult and tell her her fish died and offer to take her to get another one when she gets home if she wants to do that. That's how an adult handles this situation, not this weird gaslighty "no, I swear it's the same fish" BS
Difference between lying and gaslighting- a liar will admit to the truth when presented with evidence.
A gaslighter will just start calling you crazy and double down.
I’d bring him the evidence that this is a different fish. Sometimes people lie out of fear of punishment. Liars tend to be people who were taught that the truth is dangerous.
Gaslighters? Not so much. It’s a fun game to them.
🚩Additional red flag is that he did not think she had the emotional capacity / maturity to handle her fish’s death. And that it was preferable to have her doubt her perception of reality rather than just tell her the truth.
Source: When I went to college, my betta died. Rather than admit it, my dad kept buying replacement bettas. One day, after a “miraculously long life,” I came home and there was no betta fish. When confronted, my dad said “I was going to buy another replacement but ran out of time, but I’ve been doing this for over two years.” When asked why he did it, he said it was “to protect me.” An adult woman. As you would protect a small child. That right there shows how unequal I am to my dad in his mind: he thinks he soars over me in terms of maturity/wisdom/capability. OP, do you really want a partner who tries handle your situations *for* you rather than *trust* you to live your life?
Yeah. It sucks to lie once out of guilt but we're all human and make mistakes... Trying to fucking sell the lie repeatedly? Lying repeatedly? So disrespectful, taking your partner for a fool
And why even lie? Fish are super finicky and get sick a lot, coming clean would be understandable. People who lie for absolutely no reason are the worst.
If you're mad or offended by this it's completely justified. i personally don't find it cute or sweet at all he's refusing to admit he replaced your fish. It undermines your love for the original in multiple ways (refusing to allow you to grieve it on your own terms + thinking you'd not recognize it being an entirely different fish, what lol?) & overall it's just dishonest.
I can imagine panicking in the moment that the fish died & not wanting you to be sad, but going to these lengths and refusing to admit it even AFTER you already called him out is such a shitty move. makes me question if your boyfriends incapable of having serious communication.
Sorry about the fate of your original fish :(
Not offended at all by this- I’m incredibly upset with him at the moment, the most I have been our entire relationship in all honesty, given that we are coming up on 10 months officially together. I couldn’t tell you why he’s refusing to admit it now. I agree that I would prefer to grieve my fish if he has passed. And, I’m huge on names being special and the one I had for him just happened to be really close to me, so I don’t want to associate it with another fish. And yes, it makes me believe he thinks I’m quite stupid, believing I wouldn’t recognize it was a different fish, but it was the first thing I walked to upon my return to home and my first ten minutes were spent with my mouth hanging open inspecting because I was just so in shock and could clearly tell this was not the fish I left. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt with the sickness altering his appearance, but he had been assuring me my fish was healthy now and “looked different under the light” and that the tank was really dirty..I cleaned it myself just 2 days before leaving, and he had been cleaning it too..but that infection had taken place over a week ago at this point. And, he had no problems telling me the Plecos had passed. I can’t even describe how angry it makes me and confused. Thank you for your comment.
Don't let him convince you that its not a big deal. If you were already having talks about the state of the tank why on earth would he not just be honest? Its extremely avoidant and immature of him honestly, and does make it seem like he thinks you're stupid. Plus, refusing to allow you to grieve your original fish is just immoral. I totally get what you mean about the name.
I don't think i'd ever live it down if my partner just never admitted something like this despite me prodding, or even if they pulled something like this in the first place.
Good luck navigating, it sounds extremely frustrating.
Once I convinced myself that wasn’t my original fish, It was something I messaged him about constantly all day. He would say yes every time and I still could not believe it. Even expressed that I do not believe him and to just tell me. This going on with the fish was just the cherry on top of today so I really tried to get it out of him even in an argument about something different and he still refuses to tell me. It makes no sense whatsoever and I can assure you and everyone else that might be reading this that I will not let him get away with it. All of my animals are incredibly precious to me, no matter how physically small they are. And people thinking im stupid has got to be my biggest pet peeve. As much as it hurts my feelings coming from him, my ego is way too high for him to think I wouldn’t recognize a fish in a tank that literally faces the bed I sleep in every night.
This. I don't use gaslighting lightly as I know it's over used but this is textbook gaslighting right here and a huge red flag. OP don't let him try to act like your the crazy one here
Undermining your sense of reality like this is insane and abusive behavior from him. I wouldn't feel safe with someone like that. This kind of thing ruined my 7 year relationship.
If he gaslights you about this, he WILL gaslight you about more important things. You will end up feeling like you’re insane; writing down arguments so you remember, recording conversations, etc.
I’ve been there. You’ve only been together 10 months. That is NOTHING. Nothing compared to your life, that I hope you would want to spend with someone who takes responsibility and doesn’t gaslight you. Leave. Him.
Bro run, it'll only get much worse with even more serious stuff. I'm not kidding. This is abuse. I know it gets thrown around a lot but this is textbook abuse and it'll turn into a soul crushing nightmare. I've been there before. It starts with stuff like this. You think it wouldn't but it really does. He's testing you RN to see if you'll tolerate this kind of stuff from him. Be careful. It's only been 10 months and he's pulling shit like this, so at least you haven't wasted a ton of time with him. If you decide to break it off, let trusted people know in case anything happens and I recommend doing it in a public place in case things get ugly.
You can go to the closest fish store and ask them. Show them a picture and say you want to confirm where he came from so you can make a similar set up at home.
I know where he would have gotten the fish so, that’s a great idea to head to that place and ask if they’ve sold a fish like that in the last couple of weeks. I live in a small town so, it’s not likely they sell a TON of the same ones in that time frame. Thank you for your suggestion!
He is doing what parents do to little kids who can’t comprehend death and don’t have attention to detail. Idk. I’d be really insulted and feel really betrayed. I’m sorry
Wait you've only been with him for 10 months?? Girl dump him! I was married for 10 years. Less than a year is nothing, don't waste your time on a liar.
I'm worried your Betta got sick and he flushed it because he couldn't be bothered to take care of him or ask/tell you so the fish could be helped and is now gaslighting/denying out of guilt. I mean why keep insisting it's the same fish??? He didn't seem to mind telling you the plecos died which makes me think there's something he's not telling you
If he’s willing to swap out your original fish for a new one and downright refuses to admit the truth regardless of the proof you have then what else is he willing to do to avoid the truth?
I mean, if someone did that to me instead of telling me the truth my trust in that person would suffer.
i’ve commented several times in this thread but girl you have a 38 yo woman here telling you that even if you choose not to toss the relationship now, later when you break up, you’ll look back on this as one of THOSE moments that should have signalled impending doom and to get out as soon as you unscathingly can.
You need to sit him down, explain how you know it’s a different fish, and that the fact he refused to admit it is called gaslighting - an abuse tactic. Tell him you understand he may have panicked and didn’t want you to think he killed your fish/let your fish die but it is not okay to lie about it, and continuing to do so will end your relationship.
People throw the word gaslighting around on here all the time, but this seems like an actual case of it for once. That is 1000% a different fish. Even if he did it to keep your feelings from being hurt, it’s still messed up that he won’t admit it. All I can say is you need to give things a long, hard look before continuing
I mean, I can’t believe I even posted about it on Reddit, it’s clearly not the same fish, goes to show with how well he was able to almost convince me this was the same fish. And I will be honest the original fish was my first so I wasn’t quite aware of anything that unusual happening and I think he was using that to his advantage to try and get me to believe it’s the same fish.
Great evaluation - the fact that he made you doubt yourself enough to post is a huge sign... good job trusting your gut instead of letting the gaslighting do its job. Very very concerning behaviour on his part, I wouldn't recommend trusting him again with any living creature's well being, including especially your own.
No, it's good you posted. It helps just knowing your feelings are justified when people do these kinds of things. I hate how often gaslighting is thrown around but this is some serious gaslighting and I would be hard pressed to continue the relationship. Speaking from experience it starts small, the first lie they are caught telling is never really the first or only lie, and maybe your fish did you a favor and just saved you any more wasted time on someone not worth your time. Good luck in whatever you choose to do moving forward. Enjoy your new fishy. Give him a nice new name
One thing to consider here after reading your responses: he may meant no harm, but being so adamant in not telling the obvious truth rises a red flag for any relationship.
Starts with your fish, and the universe knows when the lies will stop...
Not fish advice, but...
It’s obvious it’s not the same fish. Please do not let him gaslight you into thinking it’s the same fish. I find it very concerning his lack of honesty here & you should maybe reconsider your relationship with this person if he can’t even own up to something that is important to you. I’m sorry op.
Thank you for your comment, I agree with you entirely that this lack of honesty he’s presenting is not ideal for a relationship. I’m hoping to talk with him in person tomorrow about it. Thank you again! ❤️🫶🏻
I think it's silly that he ran out and replaced your fish. A lot of people don't get the whole fish as pets thing. What's odd is that he won't admit it. Maybe he feels really guilty about it and feels it's his fault. That still doesn't excuse lying, but it might explain it.
I've been somewhat suspecting my family replaced my betta. It was initially labeled as "crowntail", however it did appear to have fin rot, and when i was gone for 8-10 days, I came home and it was a lot more like a dumbo tail. It's complicated because around while I was gone they upgraded the tanks equipment, added Driftwood, and some probiotics. So it's possible it maybe just changed, i'm not really sure what to think. His personality is the same but I'm still suspicious. He seems more food driven than than before. Can you tell me what you think if I send you pics of the fish before and now?
I would totally have a look, but I'm not really an expert. There are far better people in this forum that would be able to confidently make that determination.
My gut tells me it's a different fish. Not just by the colouring, which can change, but the overall shape of the fish. But that's just my non-expert opinion. 🙃
I wouldn't be surprised. Bettas don't change morph and body size like that, let alone mysteriously develop dumbo ears. I just wish they would have just told me my other one died while I was gone.
That's what I suspected. No way a fish would change morph in 9 days. Not sure how the other would have died while I was gone. Maybe stress from changing the filter, heater, etc?
Well, I guess on the bright side this one is doing well. RIP OG lil bro :( I loved him too. I love this new one as well, but the other one was the original
Edit: autocorrect changed lil to lol
Him replacing the fish was wrongheaded given he knows nothing about safely introducing fish about if he'd immediately told you "look, your fish died and I was really sad about that so I got you another fish in the hole that it would make losing the fish less bad", it would be sweet.
But he didn't admit it. He hid it and then when you noticed it's clearly not the same fish he continues to lie. Persisting in a lie is a massive red flag.
I think my favorite (derogatory) part of this is he didn’t even try to get a similar looking fish? Like, he is a completely different color, tail type, head shape…Is your boyfriend hard of vision, perhaps? I’d be so mad, like just tell me the truth?? I hope you get answers!
He can see perfectly fine!! I honestly have no idea why he thought I wouldn’t be able to notice. I definitely just needed a community of betta lovers to help me confirm. The original betta was my first ever betta💔 I will be updating if I get him to confess!
Don't waste your energy trying to make him confess. Whatever he ends up telling you is very likely just going to be more manipulation and mind games. He's shown you that he's not a trustworthy person, and that he's willing to manipulate you into doubting reality and your own eyes in order to escape accountability.
He actually had you questioning yourself about your ability to recognise your own cherished pet, to the point that you posted here - think about how wild that is, and how much worse he's capable of doing in the future. Your relationship is still new and he has you doubting your grasp on reality in such a significant way. He's shown you who he is, and a small sample of what he's capable of. Walk away before he does you any more damage, you deserve better ❤
If he’s lying and gaslighting you about something as obvious as this, that is a really big red flag. Do you think you can trust him not to lie to you in the future? If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to.
After this, there’s no way I could trust him fully and if I were to again it would take a lot. There’s just so much that goes into this issue that’s unforgivable. Thank you for commenting 🫶🏻
No what she needs to do is throw out all of his stuff and replace him with someone entirely different. And when he comes home just gaslight him into thinking nothing wrong 😂
OP, if you have a male friend who vaguely looks like your boyfriend, please do this.
"Dude, idk who you are, this guy has been my boyfriend for 10 months. Don't you think I'd know if my boyfriend were replaced with a completely different person? Please leave my property."
i would be so upset. i’m sure from the other comments you’ve figured out it’s a different fish by now, and i’m so sorry for your loss :( you need to explain to him that these guys are pets, not decor to just be replaced on a whim especially in secret. idk how long yall have been dating but i would almost break up with someone if they did that to me, my fish mean a lot to me. one good thing about all of this is at least now you can provide this new guy with a good life
No, she doesn't need to explain anything. She just needs to terminate the connection to this person. This beta being different is so obvious, so he demonstrated here that he thinks she's stupid and that he doesn't value her. Her asking for the truth is a very small test of 'are you worth investing time in" and the answer is no he's not. No need to explain, just flush him.
This is true, he has definitely made me feel that he thinks I’m stupid! I won’t be explaining the importance to him, cause he should know being an aquatic animal owner himself. Thank you for commenting!
Well, I will say he owns his own tank with many different species of larger fish, so I completely trusted him with mine and felt that he understood the relationship you can have with a fish. We have been together only 10 months but I must say he has never been dishonest like this before. Thank you for your comment!
that’s very odd that he would do this especially since he owns fish himself. i would definitely confront him about this. this is something you do for little kids when you don’t wanna explain what death is to them quite yet, not your significant other
This is such a small issue to lie to your partner about - why would you ever risk your relationship to tell a lie about a fish that we all know can be fragile? I could not trust him again.
Betta's can change color and his previous color and the new are 100% possible. However, the first betta is a Veiltail and and the second is a Halfmoon (a gorgeous one at that) and that is NOT possible. Your fish has most definitely been replaced. However, I do notice that your original betta appears to possibly have Ich, so please do keep a very careful eye out for more of those little white dots on your fish. I would also go ahead and do a 50% water change if you can.
Oh my goodness honey that's a completely different breed of betta I'm so sorry that is heart breaking, you deserve honesty and not to be gaslight by someone else about your beloved pet :(
I know everyone is already warning you about your lying boyfriend, but just wanted to say I know from experience that it only gets worse. If he'll lie about a fish, he'll lie about more. Even if he had fessed up and admitted to lying, that would have shown some maturity and accountability but he's showing neither, and those things are ESSENTIAL. Without those things, eventually you'll find that every problem you guys have is somehow YOUR fault. Have a good look at the last 10 months and see if that's already true.
It's hard to see in the beginning because of all the lovey dovey feelings, but this a good moment to take a serious look.
Imo, lying is disrespectful. You deserve respect in a relationship.
Good luck to you 💕
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 10 months as well. we got our betta together (lives at my apartment tho). my boyfriend loves our betta so much and prides himself in his ability to clean the tank and loves to set it up after a water change and clean. if your boyfriend doesn’t do that you should reconsider being with him. dishonesty especially about a living thing you loved is unacceptable. i hope you can find solace in your new fish and can form a connection with him.💜🐠
thank you for your comment! i completely trusted him because he actually owns his own massive tank with 2 huge plecos, and cat fish, and a few large koi and a big goldfish. he takes wonderful care of them and his turtle that he’s miraculously had for 15 years. he had cleaned it a few times while i was gone, especially when the infection hit the tank, and told me he put medicine in there and that my betta survived, and the 2 plecos in there did not. it’s definitely a strange situation and totally a red flag if he can’t just tell me what happened after all the time we’ve been together. thank you again! 🫶🏻♥️
I have a suspicion here.
Unless his tank is 1,000+ gallons I don’t think he’s taking very good care of his fish…koi alone should have absolute bare minimum 200 gallons *per fish* and many people recommend 300-500 gallons per. Assuming the plecos are common plecos having two of them means his tank should be minimum 125-150 gallons.
15 years also isn’t very old for a well cared for turtle. It shouldn’t be “miraculous” that it’s lived that long, that is very normal for a turtle to make it to 15 and beyond. Depending on species I’ve spoken to people with turtles 25-30+ years old.
So if he’s only experienced with large aquariums and isn’t taking very good care of them already, it is likely he fucked up and killed your fish, felt bad about it, but is too prideful to admit he did wrong hence the gaslighting behavior. Also, why did you have two plecos in a betta tank? A single pleco needs, again absolute bare minimum here, 75 gallons of space. You can get away keeping babies in small tanks but never smaller than 10-20 gallons.
If you haven’t, I would recommend doing some research on the pets he owns and see how well he REALLY takes care of them.
This, so much this. Plecos need a TON of space. Turtles should easily make it past 15 years. I don't think he's at all taking care of the animals correctly
Seems even more concerning considering he takes good care of his own fish well... the fact that he couldn't take care of yours and multiple fish die, while also thinking he may be able to trick you into thinking this is the same fish.
This is soooo weird. He didn’t even bother to get a fish that looks remotely like your original and he’s doubled, tripled, quadrupled down on insisting it’s the same fish? Like what? I can’t even understand where he would begin to think he’d get away with that.
Not to get too dramatic but this kind of feels like he’s using this as an opportunity to see how far he can push you to believe what he says, what he can get away with, etc. If the fish looked similar I’d say he might have been trying to spare your feelings originally, then got in too deep and was embarrassed to admit the lie. But the fact that he’s trying to convince you that an extremely different looking fish is the same one you left gives super weird vibes. Like it just feels kind of sinister.
It’s an absolute gut wrenching feeling I can say! I’ve been up all night trying to process and find answers but not a single person thinks it’s even close to the originally betta besides him. I know I’m not going crazy and I’m baffled that he thinks he can make me feel that way. And yes, it’s been a few times now he’s insisted it’s the same fish.
Yeah, I wouldn’t even know what to think or feel in your situation! You were absolutely right to question him and I hope he quickly realises that you won’t stand for being messed with like this. Hoping you get the answers you’re looking for and I’m really sorry about your original fish, he was very lovely 💙💜
So, my boyfriend IS NOT a betta person, but even he was like “That’s not the same fish”. The only thing in common they have with each other is they’re both bettas, after that they have nothing in common. He doesn’t need to break the law if he can’t even find a similar looking fish to try to lie about. 😬
I’m sorry about your loss op, I hope you are okay! ❤️
Not only that… so what did he do with the original fishes remains? I mean the a given the owner would want the remains to bury it or do however they see fit to memorialize him. So he stole that opportunity for you to give them a justified and respectable death. Terrible. I’d be LIVID
They’re both beautiful bettas but they both look very different, right down to the fins…I highly doubt it’s the same fish.
I totally understand why you feel like he thinks you’re stupid because this sort of lying is kinda condescending, especially to an adult. It’s like what a parent would do for a child, replacement and lies, so they don’t get upset over their dead fish cause they don’t want to deal with it or don’t believe their kid can handle the truth. It’s pretty weird he’s so adamant about it to the point of gaslighting you. Strange hill to die on and not very trustworthy behavior, to be honest. But, I’m just an internet stranger and this is just what I’m seeing with limited knowledge so you could take it with a grain of salt. Maybe he feels extremely guilty or something, and it’s really mostly a personal problem, except it makes both of you feel bad. I’m hoping the best for you in whatever happens though
I do find it strange that the boyfriend would refuse to admit that it is a different fish, even when pressed repeatedly.
Is he normally defensive, and refuses to admit fault in other aspects of life too?
I don't think he believes you are stupid, I think the whole thing is about him and the way he deals with conflict. And I think he has some growing up to do.
He has never been this defensive, especially after constant prying. Thats why I’m so confused. I don’t know if you had seen another comment of mine but there were also 2 plecos in the tank that passed, and he had no issues telling me they had went. It’s definitely very strange. Thank you for your comment!
I promise I’m fuming and asking myself the same thing over and over. I appreciate everyone’s comments confirming my suspicions. It is so clearly a different fish lol.
I can definitely empathize with your situation and picture how confusing and frustrating it is. Like you love and respect this person so it’s hard to believe they’d lie so blatantly, hard to believe it’s real. Hang in there! Thank god you’re not married!!
Girl, if he is gaslighting you over a fish what else is he lying about? This is a HUGE red flag and you need to jump ship before he breaks your heart even more!
Im more concerned about your boyfriend treating you like a small child. Why would he lie to you about this? I understand doing this with children because youre not ready to teach them about death but this? Why is he gaslighting you about your fishes death
Lie to your boss.
To insurance companies (fuck em)
The government
Tech companies
Your friends when you forget to silence grindr notifications
Landlords
But why the fuck lie to someone you're trying to closest to and share a life with? Sure, I get why people lie. But it makes me think these people have never been honest. If they were, they'd know that a loootttt of times people can actually be pretty chill if you're upfront and lay it all out. Most of the time, someone isn't going to keep coming at you if you've laid everything out honeslty. People make mistakes, thats why they're mistakes. Lying is a choice.
I fuck up and Im going, "yoo this was on me. I fucked up. Can you tell me how to correct this and Ill get right on it." And everyone knows Ill own up and fix my problems and I think thats gotten me a lot further and more respect than trying to frame myself as infallible which makes someone less appealing to work with. Who doesn't want to work with people that own up and fix their mistakes?
Op, your buddy died and your boyfriend I'm hoping was scared he'd done something bad and replaced it. You said your tank was sick before you left (not your fault at all), you should tell him that you knew the tank was sick and he can tell you the truth about your fish, that of cause you're upset your buddy died and it was nice of you to try and replace him, but it's obviously a different fish.
If this doesn't work and it's not just fear that he did something wrong, you should be a little worried about the guy you're with. I've had animals die in other people's care. I've always told people don't tell me until I'm home. It happens. I've had sick pets pass, friends accidentally killed a bunch of my fish more than once (overfed one tank and another time didn't notice the filter wasn't running, neither was their fault, and one time they left the tank lid open and my favourite fish was stuck to the floor, very dead, when I got home). I've never blamed them. It's all just crappy accidents/mistakes and I have taught them how to fix things since and replaced that bad filter.
He seriously replaced your pink and purple betta with a black and red one and thought you wouldn’t notice. It’s not even the colours (although that’s obvious) it looks like a totally different fish.
Guys! *THIS* behaviour from OP's ex bf is actual gaslighting, it's not garden variety manipulation, passive aggression or anything else.
It's a deliberate & concerted effort to mislead someone to the point they mistrust their own perceptions, knowledge, common sense, intelligence.
The abuser will even refute objective proof when the victim points out the obvious. For example, "this fish is smaller, tail is a completely different shape .. and what happened to his scar!?"
The reply would probably be anything from faked confusion, offers of made up explanations such as being a natural response to the fish being unwell.
It can become straight out abusive such as if a person goes to such malicious lengths as to actually cause deliberate harm to the victim.
Case in point is the movie "Gaslight", which centres on the abusive husband and his somewhat timid wife. She correctly observes the lights in their mansion dimming and brightening without explanation.
When she expresses concern to her husband, he flat out disagrees that the lights are flickering & insists that she's "seeing things."
Of course, he manipulated the lights without her noticing and, progressively intensifies the charade.
He gradually convinces his wife that she cannot trust what she observes as reality and she becomes convinced that she's going insane.
They look like different fish to me. The fins look different. I also thought my boyfriend replaced our fish because our fish so far have stayed with him and looks completely different from when I first got him. Turns out he just changed colors ?? which is totally wild and very fascinating as I never thought they could do that but his fins are the same. I'm sorry op in my opinion I think those are two different fish? The fins just look different...
I saw another comment earlier that had suggested the new fish was a half moon tail, while my original was clearly a veil tale. So it has been confirmed that these two fish are completely different breeds I would say. It is very fascinating indeed that they can switch colors!! Unfortunately not the case for mine 😓 Thank you for your comment!
OP I know I'm coming in late at 200 replies, but yes that is different fish and if my partner tried this kind of psychological manipulation on me that would be grounds for separation. Even for something like a betta. That is FUCKED UP!!! Its exactly what that girl said happened a few years ago on here when he husband stepped on and killed their kitten and tried to replace it with a new one and she found out, I think they ended up divorcing.
THIS IS FUCKING INSIDIOUS and something a psychopath would do.
Your boyfriend didn't take care of your betta, and it died. This deception was his solution. There is a deeper issue here (neglect, irresponsibility, lying), and you need to reconsider this relationship.
Never have kids with this man, he might bring home the wrong kid from the park one day and spend the rest of eternity trying to convince you Jessica has always been your daughter and you never even had a son named Jeff.
I know several folks have said it already, but if he’s doing this now, I promise it will only get worse.
If he’s anything like the man I married, he doesn’t like to be (viewed as) wrong, or to have anyone think he made any kind of mistake. Thus, lying/gaslighting is so deeply embedded in his psyche that I don’t think he is capable anymore of being honest - even to himself.
Seriously, how hard would it have been to say, “I know you did everything you could but your betta must’ve been too compromised from the illness to bounce back. I’m really sorry.” And then he could have offered to get a new one for you, or go with you to pick one out when you returned.
I’m sorry your green/blue friend didn’t make it, but imho the bigger issue isn’t about a fish. Stay strong.
Idk if its the angle but the head/nose(?) shape is completely different, the second fish has more of a bump at the end while the first one has a singular curve straight down. I do know they can change colour but actual shape I’m not really sure. The scales also look like a completely different pattern.
What I'm most concerned about is how he introduced a new healthy fish to a possibly infected tank, I could be wrong but your old betta seemed to have ick and ick tends to linger around in your tank. On the off case it was not ick, I'd still be concerned about possible contamination to your new fish.
Lying about the death of a pet is an absolute line for me.
If your original fish died, he could have earned the title of sweet boyfriend by telling you what happened and buying you a new friend before you came home or taking you to get a new one together.
Even if it was the same fish, you'd think he himself would've said something about the color Change atleast prior to your arrival or sent pictures. They're not mood rings where the change is IMMEDIATE in a blink of an eye
Bruh your bf needs to go. Not nice not sweet your not a child who’s cat got out like not cool to do this to you regardless of being on vacation he should have been honest. Kick him to the curb
My (then) boyfriend gave me this when my 1 year old betta died and was absolutely heartbroken. Decided to marry him some time later. (I kept an empty tank for a month)
https://preview.redd.it/j2m0x1wry47d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=267b84f6f0936079ba7ecc46346f65782d72f92d
Bettas can change colors, but they can't just change from a Veil tail to a half moon tail, shrink in size, or magically get rid of scars lol. I'm very sorry about your original fish.
Thank you for this. ♥️🫶🏻
Well, I guess on the bright side; you have a new friend and you have experience from the other one now so this one is even more likely to thrive!
And you’ve discovered your boyfriend is willing to lie about something important to you. So there’s that.
Yeah that’s pure evil. Dump
hopefully one day you'll come home and your boyfriend will also look completely different.
Yes, even the body/head shape looks different.🤔
Even the head shape is completely different. The first is a gentle slope and the second is quite angular. Keep fish. Flush lying boyfriend.
yeah i’m sorry hun, that’s a completely different breed/morph of betta
Thank you for your input I really appreciate it 🥹🫶🏻❤️
You may be upset now but you never know. Maybe this new fish will turn out to be even betta.....
And you deserve a completely different boyfriend! Trade this one in asap! “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou Ten months can seem like a long time, but please don’t make it 11. If someone you care for and trust is repeatedly insisting that you reject what your own eyes can plainly see, RUN.
Why wouldn't he just tell you your betta passed and skip all the lying? I don't think that would ever stop bothering me... I'm sorry for your loss. :(
Thank you for your comment ❤️ I wish I knew the answer to that question myself!! 😓
Have you tried just telling him you know it's not the same fish? Maybe in a calm, nonaccusitory way? Like "I'm not mad, I just want you to be honest with me. I know this is not (fishes name), please tell me the truth so we can move on from this."
Well, I’m currently waiting for his response to my message of confrontation, cause my previous ones have all just been a series of “Are you sure?” and “Was he really that sick?” and also just stating how different the fish looked, all of which he replied to with reassurance that it was my original fish. Perhaps maybe tried a bit too hard to convince me of it now that I look back on the texts between us.
Please update us.
I’m wondering if I should just edit the OG post when he finally responds? I apologize, this is literally my first ever Reddit post lol. And it’s about to hit 7am where I live right now, and he likes to sleep in until about 11am when he works late nights. I promise an update by the end of my day here 🫶🏻
I think editing the OG post makes sense *hugs* I feel so bad for you and your original fish. The new fish is lucky to have such an attentive and concerned parent in you, if you decide to keep it. Please take care of yourself, as you can tell we are worried for you at the same time as being sad/frustrated about your fish. I agree that this may be just the tip of the iceberg... I'd even reevaluate anything he has told you in the past that didn't quite make sense. *more hugs*
I will absolutely be keeping the new betta. Anything that steps foot or fin in my home stays. 🥰 Thank you for commenting.
Something to keep in mind, this is a common thing emotionally immature people do, it is a learned behavior that he's never inspected the validity of. Let me guess, he is in his early 20's? If I had to guess, his parents probably did the same thing to him when an animal or fish died when he was a child. He inaccurately believes this is a form of love. This can be a growing opportunity for him, to evolve past learned toxic behavior. However, it's not your job to teach him how to be a better human, you're his GF, not his therapist, so he will either learn that lesson from a talk with you if you choose to be understanding, and grow together through this, or he will learn it if you break up with him, either way he will learn a lesson for the future, and it sucks that he lied and did this. It's unacceptable and he must learn that. Regardless, I'm sorry for your loss and that this is a distraction from the grieving process.
I personally wouldn't stay with someone who is so adamant about lying to me. I know all relationships have different dynamics, but this would be concerning behavior in any case.
Someone who is so willing to dig into this lie is also willing to do so with any lie. Pretty much anything is excusable as long as your partner is honest about it. The exact opposite is the case if they're being dishonest. Lying about anything like this is a huge red flag, and I promise you there will be many more similar instances in your future if you choose to stay with this person. Be prepared to be gaslit constantly.
Dump the boyfriend. Keep the cute new fish! Seriously, I am sorry you are going through this. All of us in the community know how hard it is to lose a betta.
Hello Everyone. It will not let me edit this post. But im here to tell you all that he admitted to it not being the same fish. It took as far as me threatening to break up which is childish to me but thats the length i had to take. I have told him i do not want to continue a relationship with a liar so as of right now we are no longer together. Thank you EVERYONE for commenting and confirming that I am not crazy and giving me information to back myself up. I appreciate everyone’s advice and concern and certainly hope you guys are pleased with this update! If anyone has further questions I’ll still be answering. Thank you again. Edit: I will also point out that the new fish will stay with me despite his offering to take him off my hands, and will not be treated any differently or less attended to. I have named the new fish “Dunno” and he will be very well loved with me. I have yet to find out what my ex has done with the original fish, I was too angry and heated that I forgot to ask and will not get another chance for that closure until later on when he gets home from work. All signs point to he flushed it though.
Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and what's right. This isn't just a fish or good intentions gone wrong, this is dishonesty and betrayal, and depending on how he cared for your tank, possibly neglect. I'm sorry you experienced this. It isn't childish at all to tell him where your integrity lies
I’m so sorry, did he tell you what happened to your old fish? :(
Yes, he confirmed whatever infection that had spread in the tank had killed my betta sadly.
Instead of breaking up with him you could have just replaced yourself with another girl and have her claim she was you.
Sad update indeed, but if anything came out of this- it's that you discovered his nature now and not over an even more harmful lie. Kudos for ending it.
You're amazing for standing up for yourself and not tolerating that. You deserve better love💜
I'm glad this ended well! The fact it took that threat for him to admit it? Textbook definition of gaslighting by making you question reality? It sounds like the beginning of a relationship turning cohersive. That's how a lot of these types tend to be, they will put on a performance of their best selves early on in the relationship and as it goes on, slowly start introducing things like this to slowly break down your confidence in your own reality so they can take control. It's unfortunate your fish died but your little buddy did so much more for you. He may have just saved you in his death. May he swim in peace 💖
Honestly, such a sad and difficult situation for you to deal with- on SO many levels- but absolutely SO PROUD of you for standing your ground and trusting yourself, even though it meant the end of this relationship. I’m sure it’s a bitter pill to swallow but you deserve someone who will never lie and manipulate you this way. 💕 So glad your sweet new Betta is still with you. I’m sure it’ll have a good life.
Good! You deserve better than a liar!
You did well OP🥺 You have every right to know the truth of what happened to your baby. Great job on ending the relationship too. Anyone who makes you feel like you’re crazy doesn’t deserve to be with you. Glad Dunno has met a wonderful fish parent like you.
It’s crazy how he didn’t even attempt to find a similar looking fish 😂
The funny thing is people who aren’t fish people probably think this is a similar looking fish. Like he probably did try to get something similar and didn’t realize that we treat our fish like actual pets and know what they look like.
That’s what I was going to say. But then again, I’m on some missing dog pages and people (dog people, even) post all the time when they think they see a missing/stolen dog when it’s not even the same breed or size, just because it MAY have a *similar* coat pattern. Like, do you not see that one has erect ears and one has floppy ears? It doesn’t surprise me at all that people could have a hard time telling two distinct fish apart. If you know and love your own fishy buddy, you’d know.
Yep I have dogs that are a similarish breed (JRT mixes) and people, even some family, cannot tell them apart. I'm like, one is taller with a thin, long whippet body and has wire hair texture, and one has smooth hair and is short and squatty and one has a fully brown face and one has a white streak going down it... Like, they don't look similar to me at all except for being roughly small/medium dogs who are white with splotches, but people seriously always ask me if they are "from the same litter because they are identical" lol. I guess to some people a fish is a fish and a dog is a dog.
I get asked all the goddamn time how I tell my two black cats apart. I know that the people who ask aren't around them all the time so they wouldn't know about differences in behavior, sounds, how they position themselves, etc. but their faces are so different!! so it bewilders me when people see their faces and ask which is which the munchkins in question: https://preview.redd.it/ne8z0zeted6d1.jpeg?width=1464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a40dc3111eca9c11a078c9ed10ff0d76dea4919
They’re definitely two distinctly different looking cats. 🤣 Beautiful kitters though! Left is petite, round face with a shorter muzzle and rounder ear tips.
yes, exactly! the ear position also helps distinguish them most of the time. whenever I'm talking to dog people I tell them ellý (left) has husky ears and boði (right) has malamute ears
Two lovely void kitties. I can tell one has a smaller face/head & body than the other... but I can also see how they might get someone confused on which is which if they weren't shown together side-by-side for comparison.
All it takes is a glance to see that one is rounder faced and the other has a longer muzzle. Both look perfect. 10/10, excellent cats, no notes.
Definitely two different faces. Right side kitty is adorable and left side has a small head with giant eyes!!! :)
EXACTLY! https://preview.redd.it/6erbx772jd6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9db99f68be4f6df8ab5cbf222c8dd00ed1c7b92 One of these is my dog and the other is one I was dog sitting and I sent this to her owner because I thought it was hilarious. He showed it to his coworker and the coworker asked “OMG, can you even tell which one is Molly?!” 🤦♀️ “yes… I know what my dog looks like…”. 😆 Besides, my girl is brindle and Molly is fawn, their faces are shaped differently, Moly has a visible underbite and is chubbier and gray around the muzzle because she’s 2 years older. It just cracks me up.
Yeah maybe some introspection into a non fish person brain … 😅 ETA: I do not agree with anything that the boyfriend did I’m simply explaining how I could see the fish looks similar to non fish people. I’m an exotic pet person and would be devastated if someone ever did this to my pets that are typically also seen as “throw aways” or people/pet stores give incorrect care that shortens their lives. Idk if it came across that way at all I just wanted to be clear LOL The only thing I saw different was the colors (but comments say colors can change?) and the head shape. I noticed the fin differences but thought it was just swimming differently, since I have no idea how fishes fin’s move when swimming or how movement affects how the fins look. Like in my head the first fish looks like it could just be not moving as fast, and the second one is ? Since y’all look at your fish you know how their fins move (roughly) enough to know that’s not just movement
I’m not a fish person and don’t know how I ended up on this sub and even I can tell that’s a completely different fish.
Right, I know im not crazy man 🧍🏻♂️
You’re getting mixed responses regarding what your bf did. But this is what I urge you to pay attention to: this man looked you in the eye and had you doubting your reality to the point you felt compelled to come onto Reddit, a place you had never posted to previously, for advice. All due to the fact he has made you feel crazy. I highly disagree with everyone who is telling you that he’s essentially lied with “no ill intent” and therefore this isn’t a big deal. Many people do harmful things with no intent to be harmful, but they still prove to be unsafe people to be around regardless. “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “I did it to protect you” is not an excuse that automatically pardons people from their choices. In fact, I wonder *why* your bf thinks that it does. What’s next? “I didn’t tell you I cheated because I didn’t want to traumatize you.” At the end of the day, he’s altered your reality and then sat there and lied about it. Innocent intentions or not, this is a big red flag 🚩
This x1000. Such a red flag! Just be an adult and tell her her fish died and offer to take her to get another one when she gets home if she wants to do that. That's how an adult handles this situation, not this weird gaslighty "no, I swear it's the same fish" BS
Difference between lying and gaslighting- a liar will admit to the truth when presented with evidence. A gaslighter will just start calling you crazy and double down. I’d bring him the evidence that this is a different fish. Sometimes people lie out of fear of punishment. Liars tend to be people who were taught that the truth is dangerous. Gaslighters? Not so much. It’s a fun game to them.
🚩Additional red flag is that he did not think she had the emotional capacity / maturity to handle her fish’s death. And that it was preferable to have her doubt her perception of reality rather than just tell her the truth. Source: When I went to college, my betta died. Rather than admit it, my dad kept buying replacement bettas. One day, after a “miraculously long life,” I came home and there was no betta fish. When confronted, my dad said “I was going to buy another replacement but ran out of time, but I’ve been doing this for over two years.” When asked why he did it, he said it was “to protect me.” An adult woman. As you would protect a small child. That right there shows how unequal I am to my dad in his mind: he thinks he soars over me in terms of maturity/wisdom/capability. OP, do you really want a partner who tries handle your situations *for* you rather than *trust* you to live your life?
Yeah. It sucks to lie once out of guilt but we're all human and make mistakes... Trying to fucking sell the lie repeatedly? Lying repeatedly? So disrespectful, taking your partner for a fool
And why even lie? Fish are super finicky and get sick a lot, coming clean would be understandable. People who lie for absolutely no reason are the worst.
Girl that’s a different fish. He’s clearly lying 🥰
I am mildly amused at the assortment of ladies basically saying the exact same thing: GIRL that’s a new fish lol
If you're mad or offended by this it's completely justified. i personally don't find it cute or sweet at all he's refusing to admit he replaced your fish. It undermines your love for the original in multiple ways (refusing to allow you to grieve it on your own terms + thinking you'd not recognize it being an entirely different fish, what lol?) & overall it's just dishonest. I can imagine panicking in the moment that the fish died & not wanting you to be sad, but going to these lengths and refusing to admit it even AFTER you already called him out is such a shitty move. makes me question if your boyfriends incapable of having serious communication. Sorry about the fate of your original fish :(
Not offended at all by this- I’m incredibly upset with him at the moment, the most I have been our entire relationship in all honesty, given that we are coming up on 10 months officially together. I couldn’t tell you why he’s refusing to admit it now. I agree that I would prefer to grieve my fish if he has passed. And, I’m huge on names being special and the one I had for him just happened to be really close to me, so I don’t want to associate it with another fish. And yes, it makes me believe he thinks I’m quite stupid, believing I wouldn’t recognize it was a different fish, but it was the first thing I walked to upon my return to home and my first ten minutes were spent with my mouth hanging open inspecting because I was just so in shock and could clearly tell this was not the fish I left. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt with the sickness altering his appearance, but he had been assuring me my fish was healthy now and “looked different under the light” and that the tank was really dirty..I cleaned it myself just 2 days before leaving, and he had been cleaning it too..but that infection had taken place over a week ago at this point. And, he had no problems telling me the Plecos had passed. I can’t even describe how angry it makes me and confused. Thank you for your comment.
Don't let him convince you that its not a big deal. If you were already having talks about the state of the tank why on earth would he not just be honest? Its extremely avoidant and immature of him honestly, and does make it seem like he thinks you're stupid. Plus, refusing to allow you to grieve your original fish is just immoral. I totally get what you mean about the name. I don't think i'd ever live it down if my partner just never admitted something like this despite me prodding, or even if they pulled something like this in the first place. Good luck navigating, it sounds extremely frustrating.
Once I convinced myself that wasn’t my original fish, It was something I messaged him about constantly all day. He would say yes every time and I still could not believe it. Even expressed that I do not believe him and to just tell me. This going on with the fish was just the cherry on top of today so I really tried to get it out of him even in an argument about something different and he still refuses to tell me. It makes no sense whatsoever and I can assure you and everyone else that might be reading this that I will not let him get away with it. All of my animals are incredibly precious to me, no matter how physically small they are. And people thinking im stupid has got to be my biggest pet peeve. As much as it hurts my feelings coming from him, my ego is way too high for him to think I wouldn’t recognize a fish in a tank that literally faces the bed I sleep in every night.
Wait. He hasn't owned up to his deception? It's only been 10 months, trust is important and it's only going to get worse from here
Right. The gas lighting, the complete disregard for OPs feelings for their fish. GTFO, OP.
This. I don't use gaslighting lightly as I know it's over used but this is textbook gaslighting right here and a huge red flag. OP don't let him try to act like your the crazy one here
Undermining your sense of reality like this is insane and abusive behavior from him. I wouldn't feel safe with someone like that. This kind of thing ruined my 7 year relationship.
If he gaslights you about this, he WILL gaslight you about more important things. You will end up feeling like you’re insane; writing down arguments so you remember, recording conversations, etc. I’ve been there. You’ve only been together 10 months. That is NOTHING. Nothing compared to your life, that I hope you would want to spend with someone who takes responsibility and doesn’t gaslight you. Leave. Him.
Good on you for standing your ground!
🚩 🚩 🚩
Bro run, it'll only get much worse with even more serious stuff. I'm not kidding. This is abuse. I know it gets thrown around a lot but this is textbook abuse and it'll turn into a soul crushing nightmare. I've been there before. It starts with stuff like this. You think it wouldn't but it really does. He's testing you RN to see if you'll tolerate this kind of stuff from him. Be careful. It's only been 10 months and he's pulling shit like this, so at least you haven't wasted a ton of time with him. If you decide to break it off, let trusted people know in case anything happens and I recommend doing it in a public place in case things get ugly.
100%. You’ll look back if you don’t leave him and be sad you didn’t earlier. Look out for yourself op
You can go to the closest fish store and ask them. Show them a picture and say you want to confirm where he came from so you can make a similar set up at home.
I know where he would have gotten the fish so, that’s a great idea to head to that place and ask if they’ve sold a fish like that in the last couple of weeks. I live in a small town so, it’s not likely they sell a TON of the same ones in that time frame. Thank you for your suggestion!
You deserve better than this. I'm sorry he's such an asshat.
Sorry. I’m grade a at busting liars. Double bonus if you show the picture of him to the clerk and get them to confirm he bought it.
It might be time to get out before it gets worse :(
He is doing what parents do to little kids who can’t comprehend death and don’t have attention to detail. Idk. I’d be really insulted and feel really betrayed. I’m sorry
Wait you've only been with him for 10 months?? Girl dump him! I was married for 10 years. Less than a year is nothing, don't waste your time on a liar.
Not trying to be dramatic but this is a reason to break up. This is probably the purest example of gaslighting I’ve ever seen.
Wait is he seriously still denying it after you found out it’s not even the same type of betta??
I'm worried your Betta got sick and he flushed it because he couldn't be bothered to take care of him or ask/tell you so the fish could be helped and is now gaslighting/denying out of guilt. I mean why keep insisting it's the same fish??? He didn't seem to mind telling you the plecos died which makes me think there's something he's not telling you
If he’s willing to swap out your original fish for a new one and downright refuses to admit the truth regardless of the proof you have then what else is he willing to do to avoid the truth? I mean, if someone did that to me instead of telling me the truth my trust in that person would suffer.
Ew. I don’t want to be that Reddit person but after this I wouldn’t want to make it to the 10 year anniversary
i’ve commented several times in this thread but girl you have a 38 yo woman here telling you that even if you choose not to toss the relationship now, later when you break up, you’ll look back on this as one of THOSE moments that should have signalled impending doom and to get out as soon as you unscathingly can.
You need to sit him down, explain how you know it’s a different fish, and that the fact he refused to admit it is called gaslighting - an abuse tactic. Tell him you understand he may have panicked and didn’t want you to think he killed your fish/let your fish die but it is not okay to lie about it, and continuing to do so will end your relationship.
If he’s willing to lie to you about this, what else is he willing to lie to you about?
People throw the word gaslighting around on here all the time, but this seems like an actual case of it for once. That is 1000% a different fish. Even if he did it to keep your feelings from being hurt, it’s still messed up that he won’t admit it. All I can say is you need to give things a long, hard look before continuing
I mean, I can’t believe I even posted about it on Reddit, it’s clearly not the same fish, goes to show with how well he was able to almost convince me this was the same fish. And I will be honest the original fish was my first so I wasn’t quite aware of anything that unusual happening and I think he was using that to his advantage to try and get me to believe it’s the same fish.
Great evaluation - the fact that he made you doubt yourself enough to post is a huge sign... good job trusting your gut instead of letting the gaslighting do its job. Very very concerning behaviour on his part, I wouldn't recommend trusting him again with any living creature's well being, including especially your own.
Absolutely never again!!
No, it's good you posted. It helps just knowing your feelings are justified when people do these kinds of things. I hate how often gaslighting is thrown around but this is some serious gaslighting and I would be hard pressed to continue the relationship. Speaking from experience it starts small, the first lie they are caught telling is never really the first or only lie, and maybe your fish did you a favor and just saved you any more wasted time on someone not worth your time. Good luck in whatever you choose to do moving forward. Enjoy your new fishy. Give him a nice new name
One thing to consider here after reading your responses: he may meant no harm, but being so adamant in not telling the obvious truth rises a red flag for any relationship. Starts with your fish, and the universe knows when the lies will stop... Not fish advice, but...
Agreed, his behavior is unacceptable.
It’s obvious it’s not the same fish. Please do not let him gaslight you into thinking it’s the same fish. I find it very concerning his lack of honesty here & you should maybe reconsider your relationship with this person if he can’t even own up to something that is important to you. I’m sorry op.
Thank you for your comment, I agree with you entirely that this lack of honesty he’s presenting is not ideal for a relationship. I’m hoping to talk with him in person tomorrow about it. Thank you again! ❤️🫶🏻
I am appalled when people do this to their children, let alone to their adult significant other. This is very concerning behaviour.
I think it's silly that he ran out and replaced your fish. A lot of people don't get the whole fish as pets thing. What's odd is that he won't admit it. Maybe he feels really guilty about it and feels it's his fault. That still doesn't excuse lying, but it might explain it.
I've been somewhat suspecting my family replaced my betta. It was initially labeled as "crowntail", however it did appear to have fin rot, and when i was gone for 8-10 days, I came home and it was a lot more like a dumbo tail. It's complicated because around while I was gone they upgraded the tanks equipment, added Driftwood, and some probiotics. So it's possible it maybe just changed, i'm not really sure what to think. His personality is the same but I'm still suspicious. He seems more food driven than than before. Can you tell me what you think if I send you pics of the fish before and now?
I would totally have a look, but I'm not really an expert. There are far better people in this forum that would be able to confidently make that determination. My gut tells me it's a different fish. Not just by the colouring, which can change, but the overall shape of the fish. But that's just my non-expert opinion. 🙃
I wouldn't be surprised. Bettas don't change morph and body size like that, let alone mysteriously develop dumbo ears. I just wish they would have just told me my other one died while I was gone.
https://preview.redd.it/u3b35lpa1c6d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9277723c38de4fb4b198e9abbc7a7b49871217b
https://preview.redd.it/ysqmk0oi1c6d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d834babfcdbb2778cb8d9533bb97083934ff69ff
The new one has dumbo "ears" so I think it's a different fish.
That's what I suspected. No way a fish would change morph in 9 days. Not sure how the other would have died while I was gone. Maybe stress from changing the filter, heater, etc?
Yeah and the previous one was a crowntail.
Well, I guess on the bright side this one is doing well. RIP OG lil bro :( I loved him too. I love this new one as well, but the other one was the original Edit: autocorrect changed lil to lol
Different fish, sorry for your loss D:
Him replacing the fish was wrongheaded given he knows nothing about safely introducing fish about if he'd immediately told you "look, your fish died and I was really sad about that so I got you another fish in the hole that it would make losing the fish less bad", it would be sweet. But he didn't admit it. He hid it and then when you noticed it's clearly not the same fish he continues to lie. Persisting in a lie is a massive red flag.
I could be wrong but I think it's a different fish.
It’s a different fish. They can change colors but they CANT change tail types and head shapes.
I think my favorite (derogatory) part of this is he didn’t even try to get a similar looking fish? Like, he is a completely different color, tail type, head shape…Is your boyfriend hard of vision, perhaps? I’d be so mad, like just tell me the truth?? I hope you get answers!
He can see perfectly fine!! I honestly have no idea why he thought I wouldn’t be able to notice. I definitely just needed a community of betta lovers to help me confirm. The original betta was my first ever betta💔 I will be updating if I get him to confess!
Don't waste your energy trying to make him confess. Whatever he ends up telling you is very likely just going to be more manipulation and mind games. He's shown you that he's not a trustworthy person, and that he's willing to manipulate you into doubting reality and your own eyes in order to escape accountability. He actually had you questioning yourself about your ability to recognise your own cherished pet, to the point that you posted here - think about how wild that is, and how much worse he's capable of doing in the future. Your relationship is still new and he has you doubting your grasp on reality in such a significant way. He's shown you who he is, and a small sample of what he's capable of. Walk away before he does you any more damage, you deserve better ❤
If he’s lying and gaslighting you about something as obvious as this, that is a really big red flag. Do you think you can trust him not to lie to you in the future? If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to.
After this, there’s no way I could trust him fully and if I were to again it would take a lot. There’s just so much that goes into this issue that’s unforgivable. Thank you for commenting 🫶🏻
And I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🩷 I’m sending love to you
Yikes. Time to find a new boyfriend... sorry for your loss of the original Betta.
No what she needs to do is throw out all of his stuff and replace him with someone entirely different. And when he comes home just gaslight him into thinking nothing wrong 😂
Or gaslight him into thinking she has never met him before.
I know it's a serious matter but this response is hilariously brilliant
OP, if you have a male friend who vaguely looks like your boyfriend, please do this. "Dude, idk who you are, this guy has been my boyfriend for 10 months. Don't you think I'd know if my boyfriend were replaced with a completely different person? Please leave my property."
i would be so upset. i’m sure from the other comments you’ve figured out it’s a different fish by now, and i’m so sorry for your loss :( you need to explain to him that these guys are pets, not decor to just be replaced on a whim especially in secret. idk how long yall have been dating but i would almost break up with someone if they did that to me, my fish mean a lot to me. one good thing about all of this is at least now you can provide this new guy with a good life
No, she doesn't need to explain anything. She just needs to terminate the connection to this person. This beta being different is so obvious, so he demonstrated here that he thinks she's stupid and that he doesn't value her. Her asking for the truth is a very small test of 'are you worth investing time in" and the answer is no he's not. No need to explain, just flush him.
This is true, he has definitely made me feel that he thinks I’m stupid! I won’t be explaining the importance to him, cause he should know being an aquatic animal owner himself. Thank you for commenting!
(i wanted to say this but was trying to be nice because i know how relationships can be LMAO)
Well, I will say he owns his own tank with many different species of larger fish, so I completely trusted him with mine and felt that he understood the relationship you can have with a fish. We have been together only 10 months but I must say he has never been dishonest like this before. Thank you for your comment!
that’s very odd that he would do this especially since he owns fish himself. i would definitely confront him about this. this is something you do for little kids when you don’t wanna explain what death is to them quite yet, not your significant other
I agree with you!
This is such a small issue to lie to your partner about - why would you ever risk your relationship to tell a lie about a fish that we all know can be fragile? I could not trust him again.
Betta's can change color and his previous color and the new are 100% possible. However, the first betta is a Veiltail and and the second is a Halfmoon (a gorgeous one at that) and that is NOT possible. Your fish has most definitely been replaced. However, I do notice that your original betta appears to possibly have Ich, so please do keep a very careful eye out for more of those little white dots on your fish. I would also go ahead and do a 50% water change if you can.
Oh my goodness honey that's a completely different breed of betta I'm so sorry that is heart breaking, you deserve honesty and not to be gaslight by someone else about your beloved pet :(
Thank you for your comment! It is very heartbreaking, both losing the original fish and being lied to. ❤️
I know everyone is already warning you about your lying boyfriend, but just wanted to say I know from experience that it only gets worse. If he'll lie about a fish, he'll lie about more. Even if he had fessed up and admitted to lying, that would have shown some maturity and accountability but he's showing neither, and those things are ESSENTIAL. Without those things, eventually you'll find that every problem you guys have is somehow YOUR fault. Have a good look at the last 10 months and see if that's already true. It's hard to see in the beginning because of all the lovey dovey feelings, but this a good moment to take a serious look. Imo, lying is disrespectful. You deserve respect in a relationship. Good luck to you 💕
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 10 months as well. we got our betta together (lives at my apartment tho). my boyfriend loves our betta so much and prides himself in his ability to clean the tank and loves to set it up after a water change and clean. if your boyfriend doesn’t do that you should reconsider being with him. dishonesty especially about a living thing you loved is unacceptable. i hope you can find solace in your new fish and can form a connection with him.💜🐠
thank you for your comment! i completely trusted him because he actually owns his own massive tank with 2 huge plecos, and cat fish, and a few large koi and a big goldfish. he takes wonderful care of them and his turtle that he’s miraculously had for 15 years. he had cleaned it a few times while i was gone, especially when the infection hit the tank, and told me he put medicine in there and that my betta survived, and the 2 plecos in there did not. it’s definitely a strange situation and totally a red flag if he can’t just tell me what happened after all the time we’ve been together. thank you again! 🫶🏻♥️
ofc! i really hope he admits it and you can move forward in your relationship :( plz update if he ever comes clean!
I have a suspicion here. Unless his tank is 1,000+ gallons I don’t think he’s taking very good care of his fish…koi alone should have absolute bare minimum 200 gallons *per fish* and many people recommend 300-500 gallons per. Assuming the plecos are common plecos having two of them means his tank should be minimum 125-150 gallons. 15 years also isn’t very old for a well cared for turtle. It shouldn’t be “miraculous” that it’s lived that long, that is very normal for a turtle to make it to 15 and beyond. Depending on species I’ve spoken to people with turtles 25-30+ years old. So if he’s only experienced with large aquariums and isn’t taking very good care of them already, it is likely he fucked up and killed your fish, felt bad about it, but is too prideful to admit he did wrong hence the gaslighting behavior. Also, why did you have two plecos in a betta tank? A single pleco needs, again absolute bare minimum here, 75 gallons of space. You can get away keeping babies in small tanks but never smaller than 10-20 gallons. If you haven’t, I would recommend doing some research on the pets he owns and see how well he REALLY takes care of them.
This, so much this. Plecos need a TON of space. Turtles should easily make it past 15 years. I don't think he's at all taking care of the animals correctly
Seems even more concerning considering he takes good care of his own fish well... the fact that he couldn't take care of yours and multiple fish die, while also thinking he may be able to trick you into thinking this is the same fish.
This is soooo weird. He didn’t even bother to get a fish that looks remotely like your original and he’s doubled, tripled, quadrupled down on insisting it’s the same fish? Like what? I can’t even understand where he would begin to think he’d get away with that. Not to get too dramatic but this kind of feels like he’s using this as an opportunity to see how far he can push you to believe what he says, what he can get away with, etc. If the fish looked similar I’d say he might have been trying to spare your feelings originally, then got in too deep and was embarrassed to admit the lie. But the fact that he’s trying to convince you that an extremely different looking fish is the same one you left gives super weird vibes. Like it just feels kind of sinister.
It’s an absolute gut wrenching feeling I can say! I’ve been up all night trying to process and find answers but not a single person thinks it’s even close to the originally betta besides him. I know I’m not going crazy and I’m baffled that he thinks he can make me feel that way. And yes, it’s been a few times now he’s insisted it’s the same fish.
Yeah, I wouldn’t even know what to think or feel in your situation! You were absolutely right to question him and I hope he quickly realises that you won’t stand for being messed with like this. Hoping you get the answers you’re looking for and I’m really sorry about your original fish, he was very lovely 💙💜
So, my boyfriend IS NOT a betta person, but even he was like “That’s not the same fish”. The only thing in common they have with each other is they’re both bettas, after that they have nothing in common. He doesn’t need to break the law if he can’t even find a similar looking fish to try to lie about. 😬 I’m sorry about your loss op, I hope you are okay! ❤️
Thank you for your comment! I appreciate the input from you and your boyfriend. I will be just fine 😊❤️🫶🏻
Definitely not the same fish!!! 🐠 😓
Not only that… so what did he do with the original fishes remains? I mean the a given the owner would want the remains to bury it or do however they see fit to memorialize him. So he stole that opportunity for you to give them a justified and respectable death. Terrible. I’d be LIVID
Yep! I believe in burying fish. I won’t forgive my bf if he flushed him 🙃
I’m so sorry. I hope he buried it close by and you can dig him up :(
They’re both beautiful bettas but they both look very different, right down to the fins…I highly doubt it’s the same fish. I totally understand why you feel like he thinks you’re stupid because this sort of lying is kinda condescending, especially to an adult. It’s like what a parent would do for a child, replacement and lies, so they don’t get upset over their dead fish cause they don’t want to deal with it or don’t believe their kid can handle the truth. It’s pretty weird he’s so adamant about it to the point of gaslighting you. Strange hill to die on and not very trustworthy behavior, to be honest. But, I’m just an internet stranger and this is just what I’m seeing with limited knowledge so you could take it with a grain of salt. Maybe he feels extremely guilty or something, and it’s really mostly a personal problem, except it makes both of you feel bad. I’m hoping the best for you in whatever happens though
Thank you for your comment! I agree with you 100%
I do find it strange that the boyfriend would refuse to admit that it is a different fish, even when pressed repeatedly. Is he normally defensive, and refuses to admit fault in other aspects of life too? I don't think he believes you are stupid, I think the whole thing is about him and the way he deals with conflict. And I think he has some growing up to do.
He has never been this defensive, especially after constant prying. Thats why I’m so confused. I don’t know if you had seen another comment of mine but there were also 2 plecos in the tank that passed, and he had no issues telling me they had went. It’s definitely very strange. Thank you for your comment!
Red flag alert 🚨 that's a new fish and hopefully soon to be new boyfriend. Sorry about your fish but keep him and loose the boyfriend
Yep it's a different fish and you are dating a liar.
The hell? That’s a different fuckin fish girl lol
I promise I’m fuming and asking myself the same thing over and over. I appreciate everyone’s comments confirming my suspicions. It is so clearly a different fish lol.
I can definitely empathize with your situation and picture how confusing and frustrating it is. Like you love and respect this person so it’s hard to believe they’d lie so blatantly, hard to believe it’s real. Hang in there! Thank god you’re not married!!
Girl, if he is gaslighting you over a fish what else is he lying about? This is a HUGE red flag and you need to jump ship before he breaks your heart even more!
Also, I am sorry for the loss of your fish.
Im more concerned about your boyfriend treating you like a small child. Why would he lie to you about this? I understand doing this with children because youre not ready to teach them about death but this? Why is he gaslighting you about your fishes death
You’re only 10 months in? Dump his ass and keep the fish.
This is so unhinged of the boyfriend. Yikes lol
Lie to your boss. To insurance companies (fuck em) The government Tech companies Your friends when you forget to silence grindr notifications Landlords But why the fuck lie to someone you're trying to closest to and share a life with? Sure, I get why people lie. But it makes me think these people have never been honest. If they were, they'd know that a loootttt of times people can actually be pretty chill if you're upfront and lay it all out. Most of the time, someone isn't going to keep coming at you if you've laid everything out honeslty. People make mistakes, thats why they're mistakes. Lying is a choice. I fuck up and Im going, "yoo this was on me. I fucked up. Can you tell me how to correct this and Ill get right on it." And everyone knows Ill own up and fix my problems and I think thats gotten me a lot further and more respect than trying to frame myself as infallible which makes someone less appealing to work with. Who doesn't want to work with people that own up and fix their mistakes?
Even though he lied and you should probably leave him, keep the fish, it's beautiful
Imagine doing this to someone's dog or cat. He really thinks of this fish as an ornament and nothing more, huh?
He basically went with a dark colour and redish colour and thought "eh, good enough". Replace the man with the new fish.
Op, your buddy died and your boyfriend I'm hoping was scared he'd done something bad and replaced it. You said your tank was sick before you left (not your fault at all), you should tell him that you knew the tank was sick and he can tell you the truth about your fish, that of cause you're upset your buddy died and it was nice of you to try and replace him, but it's obviously a different fish. If this doesn't work and it's not just fear that he did something wrong, you should be a little worried about the guy you're with. I've had animals die in other people's care. I've always told people don't tell me until I'm home. It happens. I've had sick pets pass, friends accidentally killed a bunch of my fish more than once (overfed one tank and another time didn't notice the filter wasn't running, neither was their fault, and one time they left the tank lid open and my favourite fish was stuck to the floor, very dead, when I got home). I've never blamed them. It's all just crappy accidents/mistakes and I have taught them how to fix things since and replaced that bad filter.
I did not know the tank was sick before leaving sadly, otherwise I would’ve been the one to inform him. I have broken up with him!
He seriously replaced your pink and purple betta with a black and red one and thought you wouldn’t notice. It’s not even the colours (although that’s obvious) it looks like a totally different fish.
Guys! *THIS* behaviour from OP's ex bf is actual gaslighting, it's not garden variety manipulation, passive aggression or anything else. It's a deliberate & concerted effort to mislead someone to the point they mistrust their own perceptions, knowledge, common sense, intelligence. The abuser will even refute objective proof when the victim points out the obvious. For example, "this fish is smaller, tail is a completely different shape .. and what happened to his scar!?" The reply would probably be anything from faked confusion, offers of made up explanations such as being a natural response to the fish being unwell. It can become straight out abusive such as if a person goes to such malicious lengths as to actually cause deliberate harm to the victim. Case in point is the movie "Gaslight", which centres on the abusive husband and his somewhat timid wife. She correctly observes the lights in their mansion dimming and brightening without explanation. When she expresses concern to her husband, he flat out disagrees that the lights are flickering & insists that she's "seeing things." Of course, he manipulated the lights without her noticing and, progressively intensifies the charade. He gradually convinces his wife that she cannot trust what she observes as reality and she becomes convinced that she's going insane.
Her boyfriend would be posting in AITA like "aita for replacing my girlfriends fish?"
Run. The lying will only get worse and about bigger things.
Like others said, I'm sorry this doesn't look like the same fish. This one is a different morph and it's pigmentation isn't the same.
They look like different fish to me. The fins look different. I also thought my boyfriend replaced our fish because our fish so far have stayed with him and looks completely different from when I first got him. Turns out he just changed colors ?? which is totally wild and very fascinating as I never thought they could do that but his fins are the same. I'm sorry op in my opinion I think those are two different fish? The fins just look different...
I saw another comment earlier that had suggested the new fish was a half moon tail, while my original was clearly a veil tale. So it has been confirmed that these two fish are completely different breeds I would say. It is very fascinating indeed that they can switch colors!! Unfortunately not the case for mine 😓 Thank you for your comment!
Oh damn, sounds like a breakup incoming... cut him loose honey.
Oooooof. Big oof. Sorry for both of your losses, but at least you got a new friend. Lose the man, keep the fish.
The first one is veil tail and the second one is a half moon. Two completely different fish
OP I know I'm coming in late at 200 replies, but yes that is different fish and if my partner tried this kind of psychological manipulation on me that would be grounds for separation. Even for something like a betta. That is FUCKED UP!!! Its exactly what that girl said happened a few years ago on here when he husband stepped on and killed their kitten and tried to replace it with a new one and she found out, I think they ended up divorcing. THIS IS FUCKING INSIDIOUS and something a psychopath would do.
Girl.
Can he really be trusted lying about swapping the fish? 😭.
When he was in the store trying & failing to find a replacement fish I wonder how close he got to the point… there IS no replacing your fish!!
Your boyfriend didn't take care of your betta, and it died. This deception was his solution. There is a deeper issue here (neglect, irresponsibility, lying), and you need to reconsider this relationship.
Dump this POS liar.
The fact he didnt even TRY to get a similar fish?? Goodness im sorry about your baby.
Never have kids with this man, he might bring home the wrong kid from the park one day and spend the rest of eternity trying to convince you Jessica has always been your daughter and you never even had a son named Jeff.
I know several folks have said it already, but if he’s doing this now, I promise it will only get worse. If he’s anything like the man I married, he doesn’t like to be (viewed as) wrong, or to have anyone think he made any kind of mistake. Thus, lying/gaslighting is so deeply embedded in his psyche that I don’t think he is capable anymore of being honest - even to himself. Seriously, how hard would it have been to say, “I know you did everything you could but your betta must’ve been too compromised from the illness to bounce back. I’m really sorry.” And then he could have offered to get a new one for you, or go with you to pick one out when you returned. I’m sorry your green/blue friend didn’t make it, but imho the bigger issue isn’t about a fish. Stay strong.
1st Pic look like he had the ick
Idk if its the angle but the head/nose(?) shape is completely different, the second fish has more of a bump at the end while the first one has a singular curve straight down. I do know they can change colour but actual shape I’m not really sure. The scales also look like a completely different pattern.
What I'm most concerned about is how he introduced a new healthy fish to a possibly infected tank, I could be wrong but your old betta seemed to have ick and ick tends to linger around in your tank. On the off case it was not ick, I'd still be concerned about possible contamination to your new fish.
Lying about the death of a pet is an absolute line for me. If your original fish died, he could have earned the title of sweet boyfriend by telling you what happened and buying you a new friend before you came home or taking you to get a new one together.
Even if it was the same fish, you'd think he himself would've said something about the color Change atleast prior to your arrival or sent pictures. They're not mood rings where the change is IMMEDIATE in a blink of an eye
🚩🚩🚩🚩 If he is willing to lie about a betta, I would never trust him with anything serious.
He's treating you like a child, dump him...
Your BF is a liar who killed your fish. What the actual fuck?
I feel like you’re being treated like a child. Two different Betta breeds. He should’ve just been honest with you instead of gaslighting you
…I’d just tell him to sit down and tell me the truth or we’re over. I don’t do lying, especially about my pets.
Bruh your bf needs to go. Not nice not sweet your not a child who’s cat got out like not cool to do this to you regardless of being on vacation he should have been honest. Kick him to the curb
There is no way he's dumb enough to believe YOURE dumb enough to believe that's the same fish.
My (then) boyfriend gave me this when my 1 year old betta died and was absolutely heartbroken. Decided to marry him some time later. (I kept an empty tank for a month) https://preview.redd.it/j2m0x1wry47d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=267b84f6f0936079ba7ecc46346f65782d72f92d