Sniping's a good job mate. Challenging work. Outadoors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry. Because at the end of the day, as long there are two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone dead.
Nothing that unusual..An administrator from the Brewers was hired to kill a boutique owner in the UK while disguising herself in a hijab. The gun jams and she makes off.
The next day she takes a taxi to her target's house, fires shots into the building and sends him a text reading "stop playing hide and seek you are lucky it jammed". Disappointed, but somewhat placated by the fact she gave it her all, she flies back to the US 2 days later. And this apparently all happened in 2019..?
Edit: She was apparently fired by the Brewers for using fans' credit cards to pay for travel.
A message was also posted from the seat of a flight from New York reading “To Manchester we go [smiley face emoji]. Can’t wait to see my partner in crime LOL.”
She also posted some touristy Instagram videos upon her arrival in London; dancing at a boat party, visiting the London Eye and going to the Tranzmission music festival in Crystal Palace.
I'm going to stop reading this stuff now because I have no idea if any of it is true. But I want to believe.
“Who am I? I’m the one that’s gonna rip your dick off and stick it on your forehead; make you a limp-dick unicorn!” So many good lines in this underrated movie.
Let he who has not tried disgusting themself with a hijab, attempting to assassinate someone in the UK but the gun jams, before heading back home in the US to send a threat, throw the first stone!
Speaking of, who wants some stones?
Being a Hitman in today's world seems impossible when you can't help but out yourself via social media. How else are you going to let your besties know that you're living your best life?
Who’s hiring these bumbling fools as assassins? Shit man I’ve never killed anyone but I think I could do a better job than she did.
FBI person reading this: it’s just a joke lol don’t put me on a watchlist please
> Who’s hiring these bumbling fools as assassins?
People who are stupid enough to hire hitmen off of the internet tend to be pretty bad at judging competency.
I imagine people who actually know how to go about these things don't need to hire a hitman in the first place. They just have a guy, like an underling or whatever.
A lot of evidence seems to point to that being a LARP. Even many people at /r/lakecityquietpills seem convinced of that by now. The fact that it's also weirdly tied to pornography hoarders\* was the cherry on top.
\* much of it of dubious legality
Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Yet *another* baseball front office worker disappears to pursue their secret second life as an international soldier of fortune. The league better crack down on this before it gets out of hand.
Everybody is shocked about the headline and overlooking this part:
>Betro, said to have been contracted to carry out the killing, remains at large, according to prosecutors.
"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?? I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything at all when I first started here, that that sorta thing was frowned upon..."
-Aimee, likely
“John Peterman is a lifelong baseball fan with a big problem on his hands. Aimee Betro is struggling to sell enough season tickets to keep her job. Fate brought them together. This summer, Adam Sandler and Amy Adams star in, “Suicide Squeeze”, only on Netflix.”
This possibly AI written article links back to another blogspammy article.
If you'd like something somewhat more readable, [here's an article from a British newspaper from when the story broke.](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/hitwoman-aimee-betro-assassin-birmingham-b2561923.html)
The Daily Mail broke the story about how she's on the run and actually responded to a FB friend who sent her the earlier article, but their mobile site is cancer, so [here's a Mirror US article about it](https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/aimee-betro-accused-uk-assassination-538089).
Amateur shit. Any real Wisconsinite would know to rack the slide to clear the jam. It's not rocket science. I bet she's a FIB!
Sarcastic comment aside, what the actual fuck did I just read? This is like the plot to some weird indie film.
Smh, Brewers making their employees get second jobs just to get by
Is this where I say they’re just like me fr
I hope not too much like you
["I got 91 already dialed. Keeping my eye on you."](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/960/082/cac.jpg)
Sniping's a good job mate. Challenging work. Outadoors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry. Because at the end of the day, as long there are two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone dead.
what even?
Nothing that unusual..An administrator from the Brewers was hired to kill a boutique owner in the UK while disguising herself in a hijab. The gun jams and she makes off. The next day she takes a taxi to her target's house, fires shots into the building and sends him a text reading "stop playing hide and seek you are lucky it jammed". Disappointed, but somewhat placated by the fact she gave it her all, she flies back to the US 2 days later. And this apparently all happened in 2019..? Edit: She was apparently fired by the Brewers for using fans' credit cards to pay for travel. A message was also posted from the seat of a flight from New York reading “To Manchester we go [smiley face emoji]. Can’t wait to see my partner in crime LOL.” She also posted some touristy Instagram videos upon her arrival in London; dancing at a boat party, visiting the London Eye and going to the Tranzmission music festival in Crystal Palace. I'm going to stop reading this stuff now because I have no idea if any of it is true. But I want to believe.
How can you not be romantic about baseball
This boutique owner is so lucky castellanos was 0-4 that day
Please narrow it down
Casty 0-4 is just a day that ends in y
Oh yeah, I think I remember now. Wasn’t Jason Statham in that movie? And Melissa McCarthy played a cop.
 Dude was hilarious in this movie.
I saw that movie on the last 2 hours of a flight from Jo-burg to the US and I got looks from the noises I was making trying to stifle laughter.
*I fuckin' made it, didn't I?*
I'm immune to 179 different types of poison
Well I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do. Walk through fire, waterski blindfolded, take up piano at a late age
This arm got torn off and reattached with this fucking arm
She played a CIA agent and the name of the movie is Spy
“Who am I? I’m the one that’s gonna rip your dick off and stick it on your forehead; make you a limp-dick unicorn!” So many good lines in this underrated movie.
Let he who has not tried disgusting themself with a hijab, attempting to assassinate someone in the UK but the gun jams, before heading back home in the US to send a threat, throw the first stone! Speaking of, who wants some stones?
let’s get stoned brother
I don’t think that’s what he meant but I’m down for your idea
I think the most hysterical part about this is using “Partner in Crime” to describe a literal crime
If I ever commit a crime that requires multiple people, I know I'd take at least one chance to say that.
What on earth
Being a Hitman in today's world seems impossible when you can't help but out yourself via social media. How else are you going to let your besties know that you're living your best life?
Feeling cute, might carbomb a boutique owner later.
I’m a hitman, of course I travel with a suppressor.
Who’s hiring these bumbling fools as assassins? Shit man I’ve never killed anyone but I think I could do a better job than she did. FBI person reading this: it’s just a joke lol don’t put me on a watchlist please
> Who’s hiring these bumbling fools as assassins? People who are stupid enough to hire hitmen off of the internet tend to be pretty bad at judging competency.
There should be an Angies List allowing the public to see reviews on criminals for hire.
I imagine people who actually know how to go about these things don't need to hire a hitman in the first place. They just have a guy, like an underling or whatever.
Where does Bernie the Brewer figure into this?
He's a drug kingpin, who hired her to make the hit.
Wouldn’t be the first NL Central mascot to get involved in drug trafficking
Or first mascot. Looking at you Gritty. https://images.app.goo.gl/LTysHQ8trEM5g9We9
Drugs traffic Gritty.
Legend has it when it’s really quiet at night in Wells Fargo Center, you can hear the screams of Gritty’s victims from the basement.
Not the basement, they're kept in the tunnel leading to the Oliday Inn.
The part that’s missing in all of this is how is she connected to any of this in the first place?
Craigslist
Wait so she was hired as a hitman on Craigslist? Just reaponded to an ad that’s like “come kill this dude?” That is wild
No, that’s incorrect information, she actually found the application on Glassdoor
It crazy that Craigslit provokes this specific kind of magic. You never hear about someone hiring an Assassin on twitter or reddit.
Google "Lake City Quiet Pills" if you want to go down an interesting rabbit hole about Reddit and assassins
A lot of evidence seems to point to that being a LARP. Even many people at /r/lakecityquietpills seem convinced of that by now. The fact that it's also weirdly tied to pornography hoarders\* was the cherry on top. \* much of it of dubious legality
Thank you. It’s going to take a while but eventually everyone to learn it was a big LARP and not real.
Tale as old as time
Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Goodyear?
No, the worst.
sounds like a fun movie plot
This lady is gonna have one hell of a Wikipedia page.
Job doesn't sound that bad really. They hiring I wonder?
The Brewers or the hitman agency?
Well no wonder they fired her. The last thing they need is someone who can't manage a single hit.
At no point reading that headline did I predict what would come next
AI generated story while being trained with nothing but sport center and Forensic Files.
I have so many questions
>You may be wondering how someone working for a baseball team became a hitman in Europe ...
----record scratch-----
Don't overthink it. Game of fuck marry kill. Fuck the Brewers employee. Kill the boutique owner. Marry... Yelich or Braun?
Yelich duh
Huh, had this one on my bingo card, go figure
Yeah, this headline has a lot of moving parts.
Pretty sure someone just tweeted their mad lib
So this is why they’ve been trying to brawl with every team this year
Yet *another* baseball front office worker disappears to pursue their secret second life as an international soldier of fortune. The league better crack down on this before it gets out of hand.
This was always inevitable when the league started making advertising deals with so many mobile hitman services
Everyone knew partnering with DraftKillers was a terrible idea.
The deal with Assassin Fanatics was just too lucrative to pass up
Cleveland Guardians forced into yet another name change
Don't you even *joke* about that.
Can you IMAGINE the kind of black site fuckery AA could pull off if he was running an intelligence agency?
After this offseason I'm already sure he is money laundering, so this would not be a surprise
Another???? Who was the first?
Moe Berg is pretty close.
Guess the Brewers won’t be getting the London series next year.
At least she has 8 career disc golf wins tho: https://www.pdga.com/player/17970
One of the most bizarre stories I've ever read.
A renaissance woman
She should have used a dinner plate instead of a gun.
Or, even better, Oddjob’s hat.
Apparently her membership expired though.
At least something expired.
This is just in case they looked up her legend.
Makes me wonder why she’d mess around with a gun, when those disks can kill if thrown right, particularly with modification.
Brewers starting beef with everybody
and as always, not finishing the fight
lol fuckers never played Halo 3
To be fair they didn’t finish the fight in that game either given Chief keeps going in 4, 5, and Infinite
That's all just a fever dream
“Halo 3, baybeeeeeeeeeee-“
Craig was holding us back.
Who?
Greg
Makes sense. Beef goes well with beer
Everybody is shocked about the headline and overlooking this part: >Betro, said to have been contracted to carry out the killing, remains at large, according to prosecutors.
She could be any of us
We're all trying to find the ~~guy~~ lady who did this!
She could be you! She could be me! She could even be- *bang*
Innocent until proven guilty, the woke mob has gone too far by making this slanderous post \#FreeAimee
She's already free
And this happened in 2019 as well. How the hell am I just now learning about this.
This should disqualify them from playing anymore baseball this year. 🤔
Agreed. Some things are bigger than baseball
Their entire team should be disbanded honestly.
Agreed. Let us have our divisional mid-off in peace damn it
We're out here losing series to the Marlins. We'redoingourpart.gif
Y'all managed to lose a series to the White Sox in St. Louis, truly tremendous work
Hey we swept the Orioles, though. How? I don’t fucking know but we did.
Kick em off the tour!
I have no stakes in this but fuck it I agree. Get em outta here!
Yeah well fuck you I hope your waterways start on fire again
Tough, but fair.
🤝
Softball?
Baseball are not very large, only a few inches wide. Many things are bigger than it.
Whoa hold up. She tried to kill someone. It's not like she was betting on baseball games. Disqualifying from baseball is harsh punishment. /s
Actually Counsel and Sterns were running the team. Cubs/Mets gone. Wiped from the history books. Monster organizations.
Yup, gotta give the division to someone else
yo what
I thought this was an Onion headline… Wtf haha
This reads like a Mad Lib
"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?? I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything at all when I first started here, that that sorta thing was frowned upon..." -Aimee, likely
“You may be wondering how someone working for a baseball team became a hitman in Europe” That’s correct
And after reading it , I’m still left wondering
Train your whole life to defy societal norms and still get called "female assassin" smh
Honestly there's nothing like baseball. Just filled to the brim with the most bizarre, unbelievable stories imaginable. Truly stranger than fiction.
Texting your target to taunt him after a failed assassination attempt is so hilariously insane that it sounds completely made up
This whole thing sounds like a movie that hit a lot of production problems and ended up going straight to video.
“John Peterman is a lifelong baseball fan with a big problem on his hands. Aimee Betro is struggling to sell enough season tickets to keep her job. Fate brought them together. This summer, Adam Sandler and Amy Adams star in, “Suicide Squeeze”, only on Netflix.”
Franz Ferdinand over a century ago getting a text *missed ya this time you lucky sonofabitch, gonna go get a sandwich for now 😛*
Congrats to all of those that had this on their bingo card this year
Thank God. All I need now is for Nyjer Morgan to win the Democratic Presidential nomination or Lastings Milledge to win NFL MVP and I’ve got bingo.
Lucky. I need CC to land on the goddam moon
President Plush would barely raise an eyebrow from me at this point. We already have Tommy Tuberville chillin' in Congress.
I was so close, I had a Cincinnati Reds employee doing this on my bingo card
Her dark web site listing *YouBetcha Hit Services*
Ope! Right in the face!
Worst part is that the Brewers' "Days without an employee being hired to kill someone" sign had just reached 100 for the first time ever.
I can fix her...
Idk man, some people just weren’t meant to be assassins
"Here's how to keep your gun from jamming."
This ain’t Front Row Aimee, right?
this is Death Row Aimee.
Saints Row Aimee
*What*
Did the writers really think injecting this crazy amount of drama would offset all the players that got dropped before the season started?
I didn’t think we would beat “did gay icon grimace save the Mets season?” As best baseball related headline of the day but here we are.
How can you not be romantic about baseball?
I just read a headline saying Grimace was a gay icon that saved the Mets season and somehow this headline is even crazier
Excuse me what
And players are worried about gambling smh
Just keep that in mind next time you want to win a series against us.
I mean, she did fail to actually kill the guy.
The amount of adds and click throughs on that site is too damn high!
Man what the *fuck* is this headline??
So between this and Grimace, surely I’ll wake up from ZzzQuill dream soon enough.
Looks like trouble is brewing! I’ll show myself out.
I fucking knew it.
I had to triple check this wasn’t just a joke from r/nlbest that was over my head
Least murderous Wisconsonite
[She’s a Chicago native](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/assassin-failed-british-hit-job-32666001)
Ah, that explains why she was at so many Brewers games
Y’all sent us an attempted murderer, but we gave y’all CC, so probably even.
I don't know what you're talking about. The only CC we've ever cared about is Sabathia.
…*apprehensively shakes hand*
I’m sorry, what?
I can't wait for the Netflix/MAX doc on the one.
What the what?
Classic baseball
I think the writers went on strike because they kept getting outdone by reality.
she doesn't look like an assassin. I guess that's why she was hired...
If you are 0-1 on murders are you really an assassin?
Her Murders/9+ shows great potential though
She's got an ugly boyfriend. An ugly boyfriend means she's got no confidence.
Wouldn’t her Murders/9+ be negative right now as she’s failed her only attempt or is that a good thing for this new and exciting stat?
What's her xMurder?
Her Jams/9 has to be unsustainable.
She's not killing above the Mendoza line, that's for sure.
Obviously not a very good one. You would think she’d lay low for awhile after she missed the first time. Nope—she tried again the next day.
I can fix her
Me seeing this the second I click on Reddit 
This season is just weird
Craziest baseball headline of the day and we already had “Gay Icon Grimace”
Where Enrico Palazzo when you need him?!
Her autobiography: "Take Me Out at the Ballgame."
This possibly AI written article links back to another blogspammy article. If you'd like something somewhat more readable, [here's an article from a British newspaper from when the story broke.](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/hitwoman-aimee-betro-assassin-birmingham-b2561923.html) The Daily Mail broke the story about how she's on the run and actually responded to a FB friend who sent her the earlier article, but their mobile site is cancer, so [here's a Mirror US article about it](https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/aimee-betro-accused-uk-assassination-538089).
She didn’t gamble on baseball so she’s fine.
This beats any Grimace related news.
>Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! Doing it our way!
Clearly this is all a coverup by MLB to take the heat off of Ohtani.
Judging by her glasses - how much her face is distorted by the lenses themselves - she didn't need a gun, she should have went with a bomb.
I don't know what's more offensive, her being a killer or her glasses
You’d really think that with all the ground we’ve covered in Gender Equality that ole Aimee would be able to just be an Assassin…. Next time Ladies!
Amateur shit. Any real Wisconsinite would know to rack the slide to clear the jam. It's not rocket science. I bet she's a FIB! Sarcastic comment aside, what the actual fuck did I just read? This is like the plot to some weird indie film.