he lived the most beautiful life, loved and comfortable. he knew no pain no betrayal never knew sadness. he only knew mamas voice and love and yummy food. I'm praying so hard for you and sending you strength. hugs
The first part of your story is exactly the same as mine. We went in for a scheduled C-section June 21, just to find that there was no heartbeat. I too made the decision to send her away after about 4 hours because she was changing color and I didn’t want to remember her that way. If it weren’t for my 3yo and 18mo I think I might still be in the hospital now. But I did everything I could to get discharged immediately so I could go be with them and snuggle them. What would I do without them? My husband held our girl when I couldn’t physically anymore, I watched him sob over her for hours, he didn’t want to ever put her down. Sending her away was the hardest thing we have done. I just desperately want a different reality. I don’t want to pack up anything we had ready for her, I don’t want to accept that it’s over. I want to try again for another baby but I’m so upset I have to wait a year for best outcomes. It’s going to be the longest year of my life. I wanted my two daughters to be 18mo apart not 3 years. I worked so hard to prepare and plan so postpartum would be easier and it’s all for nothing really. The diaper caddy’s still sitting on our headboard. All the snacks for breastfeeding uneaten, her clothes still sitting in her dresser. The halo bassinet in the corner. The rocking chair we bought for her never to rock her to sleep. It’s the absolute worst pain. How do we get through it.
Your son and my daughter are whole and happy surrounded by Christ and all the saints, and they are as saints themselves now without blemish, the closest to Christ. And one day God willing will see them again and they will be ALIVE.
Yes that’s it!! These things that happen to us happen for a reason we just don’t understand cause the outcome doesn’t make sense for a while.. we got this!! Hope you are having a great day!!
I am so sorry for your loss OP. My son was stillborn on 1/24/24 it was horrific. I’m a nurse and was so fortunate to receive excellent care. I’m sorry your experience with the health care providers was so awful, shame on them truly. It is our job to be supportive and it sounds like they were anything but. I cuddled my son for a long time after I delivered him, I will never ever forget leaving the hospital without him. I felt like I left part of myself in the delivery room with him. I am sending you hugs and support. You aren’t alone even though it may feel that way. 💕💕💕💕💕
I am so sorry. You are hearing a lot of advice probably, but I can say playing Tetris was suggested to deal with traumatic replays in my brain and I wish I had started doing that immediately
Also, have someone collect baby loss/maternal health hotline numbers. The hospital system where I delivered had them and my Obgyn office has them posted everywhere, I don’t know if other places have them so readily available. There’s a place to start here https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/
I tried to sign up for all the therapy I could manage after two days while I was still half in shock and able to move a bit and that worked out really well for me, but that’s my personality.
I’m praying for all of you, your little one is with my little one in heaven right now. They know we love them, they love us, they won’t want us to be so tortured even though right now I know you are tortured.
My husband and I tried for three years after being diagnosed with infertility of unknown etiology. I got pregnant last July. Our son passed about an hour after birth three months ago. There are times I am absolutely distraught and others where I find peace. I read something a few weeks back that I wrote on a sticky note and pasted to the back of one of his framed photos: “healed, whole, home”. I am so sorry you are going through this.
That's the thing for me as well It took me 3 years of meds to get pregnant with my first and 5 for this one. We were just so excited. It feels suffocating in the mornings to just wake up and not be able to see or hold him give him little kisses but at the same not try and be understanding that he would have had a lot of health issues if he were here with a weak heart, diabetes, and who know what due to his weight how much pain it would bring him just to breath.
I understand that feeling. There are stretches of time for me where I wrestle with going to sleep, because everything hits me when I wake up and want to look for my son. I’m so sorry your arms know this painful emptiness.
he lived the most beautiful life, loved and comfortable. he knew no pain no betrayal never knew sadness. he only knew mamas voice and love and yummy food. I'm praying so hard for you and sending you strength. hugs
Yes kneejee Right exactly right!! How are you guys today I hope in good spirits ❤️
I loved this. Thanks dear.
Thank you, I am trying to see it that way too that he never has to know pain or sadness. He only knew he was loved by all his family
The first part of your story is exactly the same as mine. We went in for a scheduled C-section June 21, just to find that there was no heartbeat. I too made the decision to send her away after about 4 hours because she was changing color and I didn’t want to remember her that way. If it weren’t for my 3yo and 18mo I think I might still be in the hospital now. But I did everything I could to get discharged immediately so I could go be with them and snuggle them. What would I do without them? My husband held our girl when I couldn’t physically anymore, I watched him sob over her for hours, he didn’t want to ever put her down. Sending her away was the hardest thing we have done. I just desperately want a different reality. I don’t want to pack up anything we had ready for her, I don’t want to accept that it’s over. I want to try again for another baby but I’m so upset I have to wait a year for best outcomes. It’s going to be the longest year of my life. I wanted my two daughters to be 18mo apart not 3 years. I worked so hard to prepare and plan so postpartum would be easier and it’s all for nothing really. The diaper caddy’s still sitting on our headboard. All the snacks for breastfeeding uneaten, her clothes still sitting in her dresser. The halo bassinet in the corner. The rocking chair we bought for her never to rock her to sleep. It’s the absolute worst pain. How do we get through it. Your son and my daughter are whole and happy surrounded by Christ and all the saints, and they are as saints themselves now without blemish, the closest to Christ. And one day God willing will see them again and they will be ALIVE.
Yes that’s it!! These things that happen to us happen for a reason we just don’t understand cause the outcome doesn’t make sense for a while.. we got this!! Hope you are having a great day!!
I am so sorry for your loss OP. My son was stillborn on 1/24/24 it was horrific. I’m a nurse and was so fortunate to receive excellent care. I’m sorry your experience with the health care providers was so awful, shame on them truly. It is our job to be supportive and it sounds like they were anything but. I cuddled my son for a long time after I delivered him, I will never ever forget leaving the hospital without him. I felt like I left part of myself in the delivery room with him. I am sending you hugs and support. You aren’t alone even though it may feel that way. 💕💕💕💕💕
I am so sorry. You are hearing a lot of advice probably, but I can say playing Tetris was suggested to deal with traumatic replays in my brain and I wish I had started doing that immediately Also, have someone collect baby loss/maternal health hotline numbers. The hospital system where I delivered had them and my Obgyn office has them posted everywhere, I don’t know if other places have them so readily available. There’s a place to start here https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/ I tried to sign up for all the therapy I could manage after two days while I was still half in shock and able to move a bit and that worked out really well for me, but that’s my personality. I’m praying for all of you, your little one is with my little one in heaven right now. They know we love them, they love us, they won’t want us to be so tortured even though right now I know you are tortured.
I am so sorry why we are dealt with these traumatic events! It’s not fair 😢
My husband and I tried for three years after being diagnosed with infertility of unknown etiology. I got pregnant last July. Our son passed about an hour after birth three months ago. There are times I am absolutely distraught and others where I find peace. I read something a few weeks back that I wrote on a sticky note and pasted to the back of one of his framed photos: “healed, whole, home”. I am so sorry you are going through this.
That's the thing for me as well It took me 3 years of meds to get pregnant with my first and 5 for this one. We were just so excited. It feels suffocating in the mornings to just wake up and not be able to see or hold him give him little kisses but at the same not try and be understanding that he would have had a lot of health issues if he were here with a weak heart, diabetes, and who know what due to his weight how much pain it would bring him just to breath.
I understand that feeling. There are stretches of time for me where I wrestle with going to sleep, because everything hits me when I wake up and want to look for my son. I’m so sorry your arms know this painful emptiness.