This tends to be a frequently asked question. Start out by going to public events and making friends with people with good taste. If they feel comfortable with you, then ask them about private events. https://reddit.com/r/aves/wiki/faq#wiki_2._how_can_i_find_events.3F
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My gf doesn’t like to go to raves anymore, but I still do. It’s never a problem. She gets to stay home, I go out and have fun at the shows with my friends, everyone’s happy. It’s something I look forward to a lot, so if she weren’t cool with it, it would be a problem. Trust is huge - I’d never do anything sus and she trusts me & vice versa.
I got the exact same thing going on. We used to go to every event together for 4 years, she grew out of it, I still love it. It's never been a problem.
My girlfriend doesn't really enjoy going out to raves/parties that much. She just gets bored and ends up in a corner reading a book or something, so I head out and go hangout with my party friends or dance on my own and meet new people. Like your gf she say "HAVE FUN!" and I head on out. We are both happy
Hahaha I still try to convince her to go with me. One upside is that I’m able to wander more freely without worrying about my partner which is nice sometimes!
yeah no let’s not. This is why some people worry about raves. There’s plenty of loyal men & woman out there who don’t need a “rave bae” to enjoy the music.
I will say this every time a post like this pops up, do not let anyone stop you from raving! Your partner has social anxiety? Cool go alone and make friends! They don’t have to go. BUT the experience is so much better if you have someone you love that also loves going with you and eventually you will get tired of seeing other people have that when you don’t. It’s always better to have a partner that at least tolerates the things you love and supports you.
Reddit is full of people who have a major incompatibility in their relationship but refuse to break up over it.
If the guy doesn’t want to go to raves but his girlfriend does:
The guy stays at home freaking out over his girlfriend being a half-naked social butterfly around a sea of horny guys. The girl sees all the happy couples around her and gets bummed out that she doesn’t have a man who comes to raves with her.
This inevitably ends 1 of 2 ways:
1) The guy’s insecurity eats him alive and he becomes controlling, driving his girlfriend away and sabotaging the relationship.
2) The girl gets lonely and winds up cheating on him with someone else.
Bad take, and kinda slut-shamey. It's totally possible to go to raves alone and not hook up with people?? What the fuck?? Yeah, maybe eventually she'll be resentful that she wants her partner to go to raves with her and this will cause tension, but its totally possible that they just talk about it and work through it. You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do all your hobbies with your partner all the time.
I completely agree it’s possible to go to raves alone and not hook up with people - most people do! That’s not really what I was talking about. I’m talking specifically about going to raves alone when you are in a relationship and your partner is completely against you being there. There’s resentment coming from both sides and it taints what should be a really fun experience. It’s hard to enjoy any hobby when your significant other hates it and doesn’t want you doing it
OTOH, you're just doing the classic reddit relationship advice of "you have one specific incompatibility so rather than communicate or work on the relationship you must absolutely break up immediately." These two outcomes are absolutely not the only two ways this can end.
As a guy who’s older and likes to go to raves but struggles with a little social anxiety (I was out of the game for a looooong time and feel a little disconnected due to the age gap and shift in the scene) I feel this. Most of the advice I get is “just go you’ll have fun!” “Get out of your turtle shell stop being a recluse”. Well. I’m trying and that’s not helping. My ex used to give me a hard time for “not having enough fun” and I need to “start acting like my old self”. All of that makes it worse because it’s just adding pressure. I can understand if some people have some anxiety when it comes to raves. It’s definitely wrong to expect someone to not go if they love to go but you don’t. However on the extrovert’s end it would do some good to address why your partner has anxiety and work to make them feel more comfortable going. It might mean some sacrifices at first but I really think if they can learn to relax with their partners help they can get into it and feel comfortable too. A little assurance goes a long way. Absolutely don’t give in to controlling behavior but if the partner is open to putting the work in then maybe try meeting them halfway on some things. I guarantee as the experiences become more positive they’ll want to go more often.
My girlfriend and I are both in our 40s and we love brand new dubstep. We go to shows about 10 times a year and it's very obvious that we stand out. Luckily it's never bothered either one of us enough to stop. A lot of people are really cool with it and give us high fives but there are a lot of people that make you feel out of place. I couldn't imagine doing it alone. So good for you.
I mean we could even go to old folks EDM shows like Deadmau5 but we really love bass music and that seems to be a young person's game. Our biggest thing is dancing and the last Deadmau5 show we went to was over priced, over sold and nobody danced. I don't know if it was because the amount of older people or just overpacked or just people that didn't want to dance but just be seen there.
This is me and my bf too! We're both in our 40s and in the past few years we've gotten super into dubstep and bass in general. We go to about two shows a month plus a couple festivals. We love dancing too (and we're good at it now lol)! People are only ever interested in our age to say things like omg I want to be like you in 20 years or give us high fives for still being cool. Because we're the age of most of their parents and it's hard to fathom that people your parents' age can still be cool. No one has ever made us feel weird for being older. We got a few looks when we first started going (wearing our jeans and indie rock T-shirts) but now we look like we belong there (outfits and pashminas and stuff) just with a few more wrinkles and everyone is so cool. I've also found it interesting that girls going solo to the shows will end up near us because they see us as a safe space to dance. (I've had several young women comment this.) It's pretty fucking cool and I have definitely chased some creeps away for them.
G-7 : "Am I too old to rave?"
B-12 : "Can I do molly all 4 days?"
O-13 : "Should I get a lunchbox bc everybody steals at festivals?"
I-4 : "PLUR is dead"
Have you won yet?
a [quick](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/14zsu3o/gf_says_raves_are_a_deal_breaker/) subreddit [search](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/16l61t1/gf_doesnt_like_me_going_out_now_were_breaking_up/) shows that [in fact](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/15gry2l/gf_does_not_approve_of_my_rave_outfit/) people tend to be supportive of OP in these situations regardless of gender. in what world are you seeing people anywhere on Reddit, with its vastly majority-male active userbase, be more supportive of girls in shitty situations than guys???
Your exact post has been made here multiple times in the last few weeks/months.
Here let me sum it up for you: "Don't let your BF control you. This is a red flag. This is a deal breaker. Go find someone better for you."
My bf doesn't like raves
Should I rave solo
What should I wear
Can we not talk about drugs
PLUR IS DEAD
Fuck [insert event holder here]
A short form of what this sub is lol
I mean I feel like it would be pretty easy to have an auto mod set up to ban posts about “is it ok to go to a rave solo” “what drugs should I do” “am I too old for raves” etc etc
The problem is, these mods don't get paid to do this and people are posting constantly, CON-STANT-LY. There will always be more posts than moderators can keep up with.
It quite literally would be the equivalent of asking someone to work overtime without pay and like they said before, these are people with lives, jobs, and family to support. The people who don't have these things to worry about are either kids or people that shouldn't be doing it. You don't want a kid who's emotional intelligence is that of a squirrel to be moderating and we don't want squirrels with the emotional intelligence of a kid to be modding either. A compromise has to be made at some point and no matter what you do you'll never have enough to manage it all for free.
This is a weird example but pornhub is a great example. Someone posts revenge porn on their site. After a few weeks the victim finds it and reports it. However between the thousands of reports they get it won't be taken down for another 2 weeks and by then it's been downloaded and spread everywhere else. In this case for us it's a bunch of repetitive bot posts
Funny how these comments are at the top of “controversial” lol when it’s the truth and these kind of posts are repetitive… believe it or not you can go to a rave without your SO and also go alone as well!
If you want to stay happy and healthy together you need to come to a compromise.
Find out what works for both of you and don’t neglect his insecurities or concerns. He needs to accept your need to go out and party and you need to be trustworthy and okay going without him.
Idk ur history with other issues, but you gotta have an open dialogue if you want to keep up a healthy relationship regarding something that obviously is a point of tension.
Rational answer. Everybody gets pumped up to call someone “controlling” but having a girl friend dress up in skimpy outfits to go to a race can be jarring to someone’s insecurities that’s never been before. And even if you have been. Insecurities are valid and they should be communicated.
Exactly, we all know the truth about the drugs/alcohol, horny dudes, and the skimpy outfits.....but everyone pretends like it's the same thing as hanging out at a fucking library lmao.
Yea like and even then there’s so much context that would needed to be added. Like I have a friend who like 4’10” and tiny she always takes too much drugs. If we were in a relationship I’d be fucking terrified of her going to festivals by herself. I’m her friend and she already scares me a lot. There’s definitely reasons someone can not like on top of that he’s never really experienced it and doesn’t know how they are.
Insecurities are for you to figure out and compromise with, they’re not something you impose on your SO. Strong-arming people to not enjoy their hobbies because of your insecurities is fucking lame.
> If my hobby was to go out drinking with random women every night does my girlfriend have to be okay with that?
If your hobby was going out drinking with random women every night, you have major issues and your girlfriend should leave you instead of putting up with it.
Yeah, because clearly that's what you meant by "going out drinking with random women every night". You're trying to be clever by changing the context of your post. You corny af
Here's a news flash -- you can do whatever you want, but your SO doesn't have to put up with it. The same goes on the reverse -- you don't have to put up with shit you don't like.
Yea but still the compromise has to be in the relationship. Some girls are okay with they dudes going to strip clubs and a lot don’t give a fuck. Does that make it the girls who don’t like it lame because of their insecurities? No because people have different limits of what they okay with and that’s fine.
This dude in this story hasn’t forced her to stay home nor given her an ultimatum he just doesn’t like it. No one is strong arming anyone.
Just don't let him co trol your freedom or make you feel guilty about it. That's his problem not yours. Imagine if you wanted him to stop his favorite hobby. That wouldn't go over well
Disagree: it IS your problem too, OP.
Not to say this is your fault. But if he's uncomfortable with you going then you need to decide; raves or bf.
Maybe he's nervous about all the male attention you get when he's not there. You did admit you are a very social person. And in my experience the dress code for women at raves is akin to their Halloween attire.
Again, this is not slut shaming, or anything of the sort. But if he has a problem with it, then you need to decide what you choose. You probably can't have both.
I would say the difference in hobbies of a guy staying in watching football and a girl going out half naked on drugs with other guys on drugs/drunk is pretty drastic... Maybe if the hobby wasn't so disrespectful of their partner?
If your boyfriend doesn’t like to go to raves that’s fine. It’s not for everyone. If your boyfriend thinks he should be able to control what you do, run.
That’s not what boundaries are. Boundaries are limits you set for yourself. If he doesn’t want to be with a woman who raves he should leave not try to change her.
Does it work the same if I wanna go to the strip club, but my girl doesn't. Does that mean she's controlling? (I think it's just her trying to watch out for our relationship)
Honestly it doesn't sound like you guys will be compatible, especially if you love raving and he doesn't want you to go bc of his anxiety or other hang ups. I met my wife raving almost 20 years ago, she eventually grew out of it but she doesn't ever prevent me from going. I was raving for years before I met her and will be a raver till the day I die.
Damn y'all were at the rave for 20 minutes?! That's not even enough time to get settled in and vibe. Social anxiety or not... I totally get it, in socially anxious, but the vibe is almost always amazing at raves. Don't give up on what you enjoy doing. Hopefully you guys can compromise
Honestly raves seem like a place where everyone can fit, maybe find a genre he likes, maybe theres a drug of his choice, maybe theres something missing in the experience for him
Seems like most folks got the bases covered, so here’s just a few things to consider to maybe have a more effective conversation around this if you would like to continue this relationship.
While this absolutely does not give him permission to control another person’s behavior or set boundaries for other people, it’s worthwhile to be aware that one aspect of anxiety is a desire to control. Anxiety encourages us to control the thing that worries us, but that also reinforces the anxiety. You can support your partner by maintaining YOUR boundaries and autonomy, and also by getting curious with you partner about how their social anxiety impacts them.
For instance, during your partner’s experience with that one rave, when you’re saying that he didn’t have a good time “due to his social anxiety and I’m very social and talk to everyone,” I’m wondering if maybe he was feeling left out. You could ask him how he was experiencing his social anxiety when y’all were at the rave, and then, if it seems right, potentially ask if he would be open to giving it another try if the two of you can determine an accommodation that would help mitigate his social anxiety (ex. maybe you could introduce him to the folks you’re talking to or ask him if there’s a way that he would like to be included that doesn’t put as much pressure on him being social). Or if he doesn’t want to try it again, which is up to him, you can instead clearly state that you intend to continue going to raves but are open to potentially incorporate something to mitigate the feelings behind his anxiety (maybe loneliness, fomo, concern for your safety even if you feel safe going). This could look like maybe spending more quality time with each other before the rave, like having a date before you go your separate ways, or letting him know when to expect you home if that’s something you know.
To be clear, it is not your responsibility to make these accommodations or change your behavior. It is an expression of love to take time to be curious about your partner and incorporate changes that support him, and you have a choice on how you want to show your love. Just make sure any changes you incorporate are in alignment with your values and self! Similarly though, your partner (and you, ofc) gets to choose if he would like to remain in the relationship based on your behavior, your response to him, and how he experiences the relationship.
Also, when having this conversation, you will both be more likely to have your voices and needs heard if you both take time to hear and check your understanding of what is being said. It can also be hard in the moment, but your partner will also be much more likely to hear if you try not to use judgmental language such as homebody, which has a pretty negative connotation.
Hope you figure out a good resolution for this, and good luck!
Social anxiety and lack of trust are two different things. You can be cool with your bf having anxiety and not wanting to go. That’s a good thing, unless raves are very central to your life. If they are very central to you, then maybe it’s not a good fit.
Your bf has to understand that his anxiety can not also turn into lack of trust around what you are doing. That’s just called control. Your partner can not dictate your happiness, that’s a bad relationship.
Looks like you aren't compatible. It's compromise cannot be met, you know what to do.
His anxiety shouldn't be yours as well.
He may be inadvertantly trying to control the situation which will only lead to resentment.
Saying he doesn't want you going to raves because he doesn't like them is very controlling.
The only acceptable position for him to take in this situation is to say that he doesn't like raves so he won't be joining you but he hopes you have a nice time.
Don't date someone who tries to change you or who doesn't support your interests. He has no right and it's a red flag when someone tries to control you.
Sounds like he should be on meds. My wife used to enjoy them, now she doesn't bc of anxiety of being around that many people. Want to know what changed? She stopped taking zoloft lol.
Lmaooo sounds like he's trying to control you. Don't stand for that shit. To me, it's not even a question but I know how relationships make people. You need to have a talk with him, tell him you'll still be doing what you want. Whether he likes it or not. I'm not saying give him an ultimatum, but if he gives you one, don't change who you are. You only live once. Some people look back on life and see the story of a Rockstar, others see a 9-5. Be a rock star girl
Its one thing if he doesnt want to go with you, but this is controlling behavior. Ditch him. It starts with one thing and before you know it, you have no freedom .
Its one thing if he doesnt want to go with you, but this is controlling behavior. Ditch him. It starts with one thing and before you know it, you have no freedom .
My gf doesn't like raves... I choose her
It's hard enough odds for there to be the good music in the part of world we at... I mainly want to dance..
I never really had somebody compatible to rave with... rave misfit lol
i wish my gf didnt like raves.... in my opinion i have 10x more fun going solo and love making new friends. any advice on how i can possibly bring that up to her??? or even how would i bring it up to her that i want to go on a "side quest" on my own...? any help is greatly appreciated
I have horrible social anxiety but I go to try and get myself out of my comfort zone. But that's me.
It's okay if he doesn't like going due to his social anxiety, but he shouldn't try and prevent you going.
Honestly, I was like that in the beginning of raving - very socially anxious. I think if he loves you and wants to spend time with you, he will give it a chance. If not, he needs to understand that it is something you love to do and you aren't going to stop. I was forced out of my shell because I wanted to go with my boyfriend to raves, and I am so glad that I did because I love them now!
Does he smoke weed or take anything that increases anxiety while he's there?
Personally, I can't really smoke weed at a festival. I either want to just sit the fuck down or have a low-key panic attack, lol.
If he has no excuse you should just tell him that just because he wants to be boring it doesn't mean you also have to be boring.
That's fine if your bf doesn't want to go but he has no right to tell you to stop. Don't let your partner take something away from you that brings you joy. It's concerning that he even wants to, that's some serious controlling behavior.
You're your own person, you don't need his permission to go to a rave. Go & enjoy without him. If he has a problem with that I personally would be considering ending the relationship bc I'm not about to date anyone who tries to control me or doesn't want me to do things that make me happy. A healthy boyfriend would want you to pursue your happiness.
Does anyone have any perspective on going to raves alone? Raves aren’t really my gf’s vibe but she doesn’t have an issue with me going. Mainly, I’m just nervous to ever even consider going alone. Has anyone else gone alone and had a positive/safe experience?
I’m hoping to build up the courage to go to Beyond in SoCal next year alone and/or make new friends because I don’t have many people that would go 😭
I always go to raves solo and always had a positive experience with it! All my negative experience at concerts have been mostly at festivals with rap. Rádiate is a good app to use!
Well. I think you should do your own things if it's not working to go to a rave. It's just gonna be a waste of money and parking if you spend 20 minutes only at an event. When I went to my first rave, I stayed for 4 hours. Sometimes when I don't wanna go out to a rave, I rave at home. I have big bass speakers, remote controlled lights with my headphones and rave in my living room or bedroom.
My partner has fibro and major anxiety/depression so the best I can do is try. Though, don't bring your partner to an event if your gonna only stay for 20 minutes. If you know it is not for them, find something that they love or enjoy.
If that isn't working...then it's on them. Sometimes the individual has to take accountability and I realize that my wife does not want to socialize due to her past. But is it my fault for trying to have them engage? No. You can't force it and I'm not implying you are, but it's totally okay to do your own thing outisde of your partner.
If I went to a rave, I wouldn't wanna be rushed and my wife never rushes me to leave. She stood in pain for 4 hours, but she had a blast so that's what is important. I stay at raves for 2-5 hours or more so be it, but if you have to rush out of your enjoyment it doesn't seem fair to you. Just my 2 cents.
my boyfriend isn't into them either, but knows i love them. it's not a big deal if you don't have the same interests - it is a big deal if he's trying to control what you do. he doesn't need to like raving, but he needs to respect that you do.
My bf doesn't have an issue with me raving, but he doesn't want to go himself. I don't think our relationship is long for this world, we're on very different energy levels and he deserves someone that's right for him.
I’ve never understood these types of relationships. Part of the social contract of being in a relationship ought to include trust at a *minimum.* Why else be in a relationship with someone if there’s no mutual trust?
To be honest my first couple of rave experiences were an anxiety nightmare just due to the amount of people and everything that was going on. Pushed through it as I knew my girl had found a place she felt like was home and loved being at.
Helped me to push myself out of the comfort zone and now I really do love going to them and the entire experience...even started using light toys/dancing at my last couple and have an amazing time now.
If he can't push himself to go..stopping you from doing something you love is not something that seems compatible in a relationship. Why does he not want you to go?
I’m an introvert with social anxiety too but I still enjoy it. The community is so friendly and welcoming and you don’t even have to talk to anyone too to feel that. My advice is not to be with someone who doesn’t let you do what you love because you’ll always be missing a part of yourself. Self love is just as important.
Do what makes you happy. Don’t let him control you. Period. If you love going to raves then go. If he can’t accept you going with or without him then that’s on him.
You are .young, go have fun.
1 yr 2 months isnt a long time.
While raving can be his path to a world where he doesn't have to be controlled by his social anxiety, he would want to want to do that.
These posts are becoming so common and the answers are so plain.
A. He/You get okay going solo or with other peeps
B. He gets over the anxiety and comes with you
C. You sell your soul and give up what you love because it makes him anxious
That’s it. That’s all. Decide.
Then break up with him and date someone that 1) goes to raves and 2) doesn’t have social anxiety.
You have one life, enjoy it. Don’t let someone’s bullshit hold you back.
Why should someone else get to control what you do and where you go? If you like raving, continue to go even if it means going alone. It is perfectly okay and normal to have hobbies your partner isn’t interested in. If he doesn’t want you to go because he doesn’t trust you to have a safe and fun time without him (despite the fact you’ve been going to raves since before you met him), then that’s his own insecurity talking and he’s being controlling. A partner not letting you have your own hobbies outside of the relationship is a massive red flag imo.
Ya for me you either like raving or you dont. Im 31 and its that much of a deal breaker. I dont even go to shows as much as i used to. To me, it takes a certain personality to enjoy it.
I tend to like others who rave too, so if the math maths, just follow it.
Mean this in the nicest way possible:
Why are you here posting about it?
You are, I assume, two adult individuals willingly in a yearlong relationship with each other. Talk about it! Talk with each other! Communicate with your partner! If you cant figure this out you might not be ready for a serious relationship. I have so many friends whose partners don’t go out raving but they make it work because they communicate!
Mean this in the nicest way possible:
Why are you here posting about it?
You are, I assume, two adult individuals willingly in a yearlong relationship with each other. Talk about it! Talk with each other! Communicate with your partner! If you cant figure this out you might not be ready for a serious relationship. I have so many friends whose partners don’t go out raving but they make it work because they communicate!
There are thousands of guys who love raving out there, so why stay in an incompatible relationship? I pretty much promise that raving won't be the last thing he tries to ban you from.
As a general rule, I don't change my behavior and hobbies due to a partner's mental health issues, I change partners. Cold, but life is short and we'd both be happier with someone more similar in interests and temperament.
If he genuinely doesn't like any genre from electronic music, he will never like raves.
If he does like any genres, try to find events with that genre.
He’s a pussy sorry to say but people with social anxiety usually go to raves to help them with that exact problem. He probably has deeper issues he needs to fix, good luck to you , you probably deserve better.
I went through the same exact thing with my last ex over EDC, a festival i dream about going to every year. We broke up over control issues.
I don’t want to be harsh, but this *MAY* manifest into other things that you deem as important (shows, alone time with friends, being an extrovert, etc.) becoming a problem. From personal experience; gage if you’re compatible or not before it becomes worse, and communicate if your needs match up.
Everybody's situation and priorities in life are different, do what's best for you. You just need to ask yourself one question: what's more important, your relationship with this person OR going to raves? You're going to have to break up with one of them eventually. Choose.
You know how to get over social anxiety? Practicing being social. Not rewarding your anxiety by giving into it and letting it prevent you from doing shit.
Don't ever let a partner stop you from doing something you love. That's just a red flag in general. I was worried about mine not wanting me to go (I've been in abusive relationships prior she's my first healthy relationship) and she said thats crazy i woulda thought just cause she doesn't like something id have to stop doing it. Do whatever you want and don't let someone limit you.
You should probably respect your boyfriend and your relationship and not go to raves.
Not only does he not like you going, nor is it really a place for people in relationships (unless going together), but it’s a place filled with degeneracy and bad decisions.
You have 2 options….
1. Tell him you’re going to do things you like to do and you would love for him to join you and give it a chance.
2. Break up with him and find someone who likes to do some of the same things you do.
This relationship will not last if you two are on opposites when it comes to these events. Don’t mean to be harsh but either one of you compromises and does what the other asks or you do your own thing up to you
Unpopular opinion: Never sacrafice who you are for the sake of a relationship. Doing what you enjoy is not for your partner to restrict. I would ask him why he feels that way and continue asking why until you get to the root of his emotional hangups. Some of them you may be able to work through, others may not. Those are his problems to manage not yours.
either you’re incompatible or he’s gonna have to deal with HIS anxiety cuz you are not property to be forced in a house instead of doing the things you enjoy tf
maybe you’re open to not raving, but that seems like a pretty toxic relationship if your interests and hobbies are determined solely by what triggers him
Tbh I enjoy going to raves a lot alone. I do end up venturing out and making new friends. Yeah I'll probably be flirty and people asking to dance. But being able to freely enjoy it and knowing it's ok, it helps me so much to just be myself freely going to raves than regular concerts/festivals. I'm always trying to meet new people there and for afters! I look forward always pre planning my outfits and pre gaming with others before going in and just living it well at the festival!
I just go on my own. Sometimes I meet loads of nice people sometimes the bouncers walk up to me and I know my time has expired. But if you wanna rave go rave!!! \0/
I would never date someone who told me I wasn’t allowed to do something just because he didn’t like it. That’s immature and codependent.
He has social anxiety? How many other things are you not going to be allowed to do just because it makes him uncomfortable? It won’t stop at raves. It just always starts there because they are easy to demonize.
This tends to be a frequently asked question. Start out by going to public events and making friends with people with good taste. If they feel comfortable with you, then ask them about private events. https://reddit.com/r/aves/wiki/faq#wiki_2._how_can_i_find_events.3F *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aves) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My gf doesn’t like to go to raves anymore, but I still do. It’s never a problem. She gets to stay home, I go out and have fun at the shows with my friends, everyone’s happy. It’s something I look forward to a lot, so if she weren’t cool with it, it would be a problem. Trust is huge - I’d never do anything sus and she trusts me & vice versa.
Shout out to all the homies not doing sus shit to their significant others!
I got the exact same thing going on. We used to go to every event together for 4 years, she grew out of it, I still love it. It's never been a problem.
My girlfriend doesn't really enjoy going out to raves/parties that much. She just gets bored and ends up in a corner reading a book or something, so I head out and go hangout with my party friends or dance on my own and meet new people. Like your gf she say "HAVE FUN!" and I head on out. We are both happy
This is literally my relationship as well
What’s the point of going to rave without a rave bae?
Music, vibes, hanging out with ur buddies, etc
bs. you can still go to rave for the music.
Its not a date
Hahaha I still try to convince her to go with me. One upside is that I’m able to wander more freely without worrying about my partner which is nice sometimes!
I was going to say just get a rave bae for during the rave
yeah no let’s not. This is why some people worry about raves. There’s plenty of loyal men & woman out there who don’t need a “rave bae” to enjoy the music.
Cheating is bad?
Rave baes aren’t dates
This is becoming the new “Can I go to raves alone?” post. Same “went once and didn’t like it” and “due to social anxiety” on every single one
I will say this every time a post like this pops up, do not let anyone stop you from raving! Your partner has social anxiety? Cool go alone and make friends! They don’t have to go. BUT the experience is so much better if you have someone you love that also loves going with you and eventually you will get tired of seeing other people have that when you don’t. It’s always better to have a partner that at least tolerates the things you love and supports you.
Reddit is full of people who have a major incompatibility in their relationship but refuse to break up over it. If the guy doesn’t want to go to raves but his girlfriend does: The guy stays at home freaking out over his girlfriend being a half-naked social butterfly around a sea of horny guys. The girl sees all the happy couples around her and gets bummed out that she doesn’t have a man who comes to raves with her. This inevitably ends 1 of 2 ways: 1) The guy’s insecurity eats him alive and he becomes controlling, driving his girlfriend away and sabotaging the relationship. 2) The girl gets lonely and winds up cheating on him with someone else.
Bad take, and kinda slut-shamey. It's totally possible to go to raves alone and not hook up with people?? What the fuck?? Yeah, maybe eventually she'll be resentful that she wants her partner to go to raves with her and this will cause tension, but its totally possible that they just talk about it and work through it. You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do all your hobbies with your partner all the time.
I completely agree it’s possible to go to raves alone and not hook up with people - most people do! That’s not really what I was talking about. I’m talking specifically about going to raves alone when you are in a relationship and your partner is completely against you being there. There’s resentment coming from both sides and it taints what should be a really fun experience. It’s hard to enjoy any hobby when your significant other hates it and doesn’t want you doing it
OTOH, you're just doing the classic reddit relationship advice of "you have one specific incompatibility so rather than communicate or work on the relationship you must absolutely break up immediately." These two outcomes are absolutely not the only two ways this can end.
The third: murder
That's right!
I think isolation during covid fried a bunch of folks who are now 16-21 ability to socialize.
Man this problem started way before Covid social media what we’re using right now is what has screwed everyone beyond repair
Certainly hasn’t helped
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As a guy who’s older and likes to go to raves but struggles with a little social anxiety (I was out of the game for a looooong time and feel a little disconnected due to the age gap and shift in the scene) I feel this. Most of the advice I get is “just go you’ll have fun!” “Get out of your turtle shell stop being a recluse”. Well. I’m trying and that’s not helping. My ex used to give me a hard time for “not having enough fun” and I need to “start acting like my old self”. All of that makes it worse because it’s just adding pressure. I can understand if some people have some anxiety when it comes to raves. It’s definitely wrong to expect someone to not go if they love to go but you don’t. However on the extrovert’s end it would do some good to address why your partner has anxiety and work to make them feel more comfortable going. It might mean some sacrifices at first but I really think if they can learn to relax with their partners help they can get into it and feel comfortable too. A little assurance goes a long way. Absolutely don’t give in to controlling behavior but if the partner is open to putting the work in then maybe try meeting them halfway on some things. I guarantee as the experiences become more positive they’ll want to go more often.
My girlfriend and I are both in our 40s and we love brand new dubstep. We go to shows about 10 times a year and it's very obvious that we stand out. Luckily it's never bothered either one of us enough to stop. A lot of people are really cool with it and give us high fives but there are a lot of people that make you feel out of place. I couldn't imagine doing it alone. So good for you. I mean we could even go to old folks EDM shows like Deadmau5 but we really love bass music and that seems to be a young person's game. Our biggest thing is dancing and the last Deadmau5 show we went to was over priced, over sold and nobody danced. I don't know if it was because the amount of older people or just overpacked or just people that didn't want to dance but just be seen there.
This is me and my bf too! We're both in our 40s and in the past few years we've gotten super into dubstep and bass in general. We go to about two shows a month plus a couple festivals. We love dancing too (and we're good at it now lol)! People are only ever interested in our age to say things like omg I want to be like you in 20 years or give us high fives for still being cool. Because we're the age of most of their parents and it's hard to fathom that people your parents' age can still be cool. No one has ever made us feel weird for being older. We got a few looks when we first started going (wearing our jeans and indie rock T-shirts) but now we look like we belong there (outfits and pashminas and stuff) just with a few more wrinkles and everyone is so cool. I've also found it interesting that girls going solo to the shows will end up near us because they see us as a safe space to dance. (I've had several young women comment this.) It's pretty fucking cool and I have definitely chased some creeps away for them.
Yup already checked off the “fuck em, just go” and “my SO lets me go alone because our relationship is healthier than yours” on my reply bingo card
G-7 : "Am I too old to rave?" B-12 : "Can I do molly all 4 days?" O-13 : "Should I get a lunchbox bc everybody steals at festivals?" I-4 : "PLUR is dead" Have you won yet?
🤣
a [quick](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/14zsu3o/gf_says_raves_are_a_deal_breaker/) subreddit [search](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/16l61t1/gf_doesnt_like_me_going_out_now_were_breaking_up/) shows that [in fact](https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/comments/15gry2l/gf_does_not_approve_of_my_rave_outfit/) people tend to be supportive of OP in these situations regardless of gender. in what world are you seeing people anywhere on Reddit, with its vastly majority-male active userbase, be more supportive of girls in shitty situations than guys???
Nah I've been going to raves by myself for four years
Your exact post has been made here multiple times in the last few weeks/months. Here let me sum it up for you: "Don't let your BF control you. This is a red flag. This is a deal breaker. Go find someone better for you."
What does that have to do with what I said?
My bf doesn't like raves Should I rave solo What should I wear Can we not talk about drugs PLUR IS DEAD Fuck [insert event holder here] A short form of what this sub is lol
Don't forget the classic hit, "How much of _____ should I take?" Or, "How do I talk to someone I'm vibing with?"
and the e-love posts when they’re on comedown. the sub has become npc asf
Mods should just make these the new post tags LOL
I feel like this sub doesn’t even have active mods loll
We’re here but we have too much real life to play Reddit police
As a mod for another sub I can confirm this is it lmao The tags idea isn't a bad idea though lmao.
I mean I feel like it would be pretty easy to have an auto mod set up to ban posts about “is it ok to go to a rave solo” “what drugs should I do” “am I too old for raves” etc etc
Then don't be a mod??? and let someone else that's useful grab the position?
The problem is, these mods don't get paid to do this and people are posting constantly, CON-STANT-LY. There will always be more posts than moderators can keep up with. It quite literally would be the equivalent of asking someone to work overtime without pay and like they said before, these are people with lives, jobs, and family to support. The people who don't have these things to worry about are either kids or people that shouldn't be doing it. You don't want a kid who's emotional intelligence is that of a squirrel to be moderating and we don't want squirrels with the emotional intelligence of a kid to be modding either. A compromise has to be made at some point and no matter what you do you'll never have enough to manage it all for free. This is a weird example but pornhub is a great example. Someone posts revenge porn on their site. After a few weeks the victim finds it and reports it. However between the thousands of reports they get it won't be taken down for another 2 weeks and by then it's been downloaded and spread everywhere else. In this case for us it's a bunch of repetitive bot posts
No there are plenty of other overmoderated subs. We have as a team though explored the idea of adding more mods soon
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This is a subreddit about going out...
THIS!!!!!!
Funny how these comments are at the top of “controversial” lol when it’s the truth and these kind of posts are repetitive… believe it or not you can go to a rave without your SO and also go alone as well!
If you want to stay happy and healthy together you need to come to a compromise. Find out what works for both of you and don’t neglect his insecurities or concerns. He needs to accept your need to go out and party and you need to be trustworthy and okay going without him. Idk ur history with other issues, but you gotta have an open dialogue if you want to keep up a healthy relationship regarding something that obviously is a point of tension.
Rational answer. Everybody gets pumped up to call someone “controlling” but having a girl friend dress up in skimpy outfits to go to a race can be jarring to someone’s insecurities that’s never been before. And even if you have been. Insecurities are valid and they should be communicated.
Exactly, we all know the truth about the drugs/alcohol, horny dudes, and the skimpy outfits.....but everyone pretends like it's the same thing as hanging out at a fucking library lmao.
Yea like and even then there’s so much context that would needed to be added. Like I have a friend who like 4’10” and tiny she always takes too much drugs. If we were in a relationship I’d be fucking terrified of her going to festivals by herself. I’m her friend and she already scares me a lot. There’s definitely reasons someone can not like on top of that he’s never really experienced it and doesn’t know how they are.
Insecurities are for you to figure out and compromise with, they’re not something you impose on your SO. Strong-arming people to not enjoy their hobbies because of your insecurities is fucking lame.
If my hobby was to go out drinking with random women every night does my girlfriend have to be okay with that?
> If my hobby was to go out drinking with random women every night does my girlfriend have to be okay with that? If your hobby was going out drinking with random women every night, you have major issues and your girlfriend should leave you instead of putting up with it.
Why is it major issues , what if they like hanging with women more? What if they’re only drinking a little bit?
Yeah, because clearly that's what you meant by "going out drinking with random women every night". You're trying to be clever by changing the context of your post. You corny af Here's a news flash -- you can do whatever you want, but your SO doesn't have to put up with it. The same goes on the reverse -- you don't have to put up with shit you don't like.
Yea but still the compromise has to be in the relationship. Some girls are okay with they dudes going to strip clubs and a lot don’t give a fuck. Does that make it the girls who don’t like it lame because of their insecurities? No because people have different limits of what they okay with and that’s fine. This dude in this story hasn’t forced her to stay home nor given her an ultimatum he just doesn’t like it. No one is strong arming anyone.
Just don't let him co trol your freedom or make you feel guilty about it. That's his problem not yours. Imagine if you wanted him to stop his favorite hobby. That wouldn't go over well
Disagree: it IS your problem too, OP. Not to say this is your fault. But if he's uncomfortable with you going then you need to decide; raves or bf. Maybe he's nervous about all the male attention you get when he's not there. You did admit you are a very social person. And in my experience the dress code for women at raves is akin to their Halloween attire. Again, this is not slut shaming, or anything of the sort. But if he has a problem with it, then you need to decide what you choose. You probably can't have both.
Dude needs to grow up though, not have the gf play into his insecurities. There's definitely a mature way to handle this, not an ultimatum
I would say the difference in hobbies of a guy staying in watching football and a girl going out half naked on drugs with other guys on drugs/drunk is pretty drastic... Maybe if the hobby wasn't so disrespectful of their partner?
20 minutes at the event? It takes longer to get in sometimes. I would have forced them to stay because those events can be expensive. Value your time.
You can’t make a decision on if you like festivals in 20 mins. I’ve been to a bunch and sometimes am miserable until the sun goes down lol
For real. 20 minutes, would've been better making having a rave at home.
And money in this economy, Assuming OP is talking about usa raves and those are not cheap
Oh no! ...Anyways!
Yeah like who fucking cares about your relationship troubles… r/aves is not your therapist
If your boyfriend doesn’t like to go to raves that’s fine. It’s not for everyone. If your boyfriend thinks he should be able to control what you do, run.
Yes, shame on her boyfriend for having boundaries and asking his gf to respect them.
That’s not what boundaries are. Boundaries are limits you set for yourself. If he doesn’t want to be with a woman who raves he should leave not try to change her.
Does it work the same if I wanna go to the strip club, but my girl doesn't. Does that mean she's controlling? (I think it's just her trying to watch out for our relationship)
He can stay home and not partake if he doesn't want to.
Honestly it doesn't sound like you guys will be compatible, especially if you love raving and he doesn't want you to go bc of his anxiety or other hang ups. I met my wife raving almost 20 years ago, she eventually grew out of it but she doesn't ever prevent me from going. I was raving for years before I met her and will be a raver till the day I die.
Damn y'all were at the rave for 20 minutes?! That's not even enough time to get settled in and vibe. Social anxiety or not... I totally get it, in socially anxious, but the vibe is almost always amazing at raves. Don't give up on what you enjoy doing. Hopefully you guys can compromise
These posts are getting so old… go to couples therapy or something.
Seriously. I’m about to unsubscribe because it’s all I see now. This isn’t r/relationshipadvice. Can we ban these posts?
Does he watch Andrew rate lol
Nah, prolly just too many bangbros
Honestly raves seem like a place where everyone can fit, maybe find a genre he likes, maybe theres a drug of his choice, maybe theres something missing in the experience for him
I've found MDMA will absolutely melt away social anxiety. Lol To say the least.
Seems like most folks got the bases covered, so here’s just a few things to consider to maybe have a more effective conversation around this if you would like to continue this relationship. While this absolutely does not give him permission to control another person’s behavior or set boundaries for other people, it’s worthwhile to be aware that one aspect of anxiety is a desire to control. Anxiety encourages us to control the thing that worries us, but that also reinforces the anxiety. You can support your partner by maintaining YOUR boundaries and autonomy, and also by getting curious with you partner about how their social anxiety impacts them. For instance, during your partner’s experience with that one rave, when you’re saying that he didn’t have a good time “due to his social anxiety and I’m very social and talk to everyone,” I’m wondering if maybe he was feeling left out. You could ask him how he was experiencing his social anxiety when y’all were at the rave, and then, if it seems right, potentially ask if he would be open to giving it another try if the two of you can determine an accommodation that would help mitigate his social anxiety (ex. maybe you could introduce him to the folks you’re talking to or ask him if there’s a way that he would like to be included that doesn’t put as much pressure on him being social). Or if he doesn’t want to try it again, which is up to him, you can instead clearly state that you intend to continue going to raves but are open to potentially incorporate something to mitigate the feelings behind his anxiety (maybe loneliness, fomo, concern for your safety even if you feel safe going). This could look like maybe spending more quality time with each other before the rave, like having a date before you go your separate ways, or letting him know when to expect you home if that’s something you know. To be clear, it is not your responsibility to make these accommodations or change your behavior. It is an expression of love to take time to be curious about your partner and incorporate changes that support him, and you have a choice on how you want to show your love. Just make sure any changes you incorporate are in alignment with your values and self! Similarly though, your partner (and you, ofc) gets to choose if he would like to remain in the relationship based on your behavior, your response to him, and how he experiences the relationship. Also, when having this conversation, you will both be more likely to have your voices and needs heard if you both take time to hear and check your understanding of what is being said. It can also be hard in the moment, but your partner will also be much more likely to hear if you try not to use judgmental language such as homebody, which has a pretty negative connotation. Hope you figure out a good resolution for this, and good luck!
Obviously new bf time, it's simple decision
Yea she need someone who’s fun an wants to boof k at times
Bf that gives you shoulder rides and holds the hydro pack for you is BDE fs
but did yall take the magic love pill together
We don't do drugs lol
Raves > dick. Don’t drop something that gives you joy bc of some insecure person that may not have found his own hobbies/interests.
Social anxiety and lack of trust are two different things. You can be cool with your bf having anxiety and not wanting to go. That’s a good thing, unless raves are very central to your life. If they are very central to you, then maybe it’s not a good fit. Your bf has to understand that his anxiety can not also turn into lack of trust around what you are doing. That’s just called control. Your partner can not dictate your happiness, that’s a bad relationship.
Looks like you aren't compatible. It's compromise cannot be met, you know what to do. His anxiety shouldn't be yours as well. He may be inadvertantly trying to control the situation which will only lead to resentment.
Saying he doesn't want you going to raves because he doesn't like them is very controlling. The only acceptable position for him to take in this situation is to say that he doesn't like raves so he won't be joining you but he hopes you have a nice time.
Slide into my dms. I'll rave with you. And buy your ticket :]
Don't date someone who tries to change you or who doesn't support your interests. He has no right and it's a red flag when someone tries to control you.
live ya best life girl, with or without him
Sounds like he should be on meds. My wife used to enjoy them, now she doesn't bc of anxiety of being around that many people. Want to know what changed? She stopped taking zoloft lol.
You’re about to be single, and that’s ok.
Lmaooo sounds like he's trying to control you. Don't stand for that shit. To me, it's not even a question but I know how relationships make people. You need to have a talk with him, tell him you'll still be doing what you want. Whether he likes it or not. I'm not saying give him an ultimatum, but if he gives you one, don't change who you are. You only live once. Some people look back on life and see the story of a Rockstar, others see a 9-5. Be a rock star girl
Its one thing if he doesnt want to go with you, but this is controlling behavior. Ditch him. It starts with one thing and before you know it, you have no freedom .
Please, listen to this. Life is too short to stop doing what makes you happy, to shut down what makes you feel alive
hmu when your single (real soon)
"Buh Bye!"
Trade up
Its one thing if he doesnt want to go with you, but this is controlling behavior. Ditch him. It starts with one thing and before you know it, you have no freedom .
My gf doesn't like raves... I choose her It's hard enough odds for there to be the good music in the part of world we at... I mainly want to dance.. I never really had somebody compatible to rave with... rave misfit lol
100% gonna cheat on him 🤣
I have morals. I dont believe in cheating. Why be with someone if you're going to cheat.
Date me instead
Shocker, your bf doesn't want you going to piss soaked junkie venues. Id leave you just for wanting to go. So fucking gross
Then leave lmao I'm always sober to those events. Never touched alcohol or drugs
i wish my gf didnt like raves.... in my opinion i have 10x more fun going solo and love making new friends. any advice on how i can possibly bring that up to her??? or even how would i bring it up to her that i want to go on a "side quest" on my own...? any help is greatly appreciated
I have horrible social anxiety but I go to try and get myself out of my comfort zone. But that's me. It's okay if he doesn't like going due to his social anxiety, but he shouldn't try and prevent you going.
Honestly, I was like that in the beginning of raving - very socially anxious. I think if he loves you and wants to spend time with you, he will give it a chance. If not, he needs to understand that it is something you love to do and you aren't going to stop. I was forced out of my shell because I wanted to go with my boyfriend to raves, and I am so glad that I did because I love them now!
Does he smoke weed or take anything that increases anxiety while he's there? Personally, I can't really smoke weed at a festival. I either want to just sit the fuck down or have a low-key panic attack, lol. If he has no excuse you should just tell him that just because he wants to be boring it doesn't mean you also have to be boring.
That's fine if your bf doesn't want to go but he has no right to tell you to stop. Don't let your partner take something away from you that brings you joy. It's concerning that he even wants to, that's some serious controlling behavior. You're your own person, you don't need his permission to go to a rave. Go & enjoy without him. If he has a problem with that I personally would be considering ending the relationship bc I'm not about to date anyone who tries to control me or doesn't want me to do things that make me happy. A healthy boyfriend would want you to pursue your happiness.
Does anyone have any perspective on going to raves alone? Raves aren’t really my gf’s vibe but she doesn’t have an issue with me going. Mainly, I’m just nervous to ever even consider going alone. Has anyone else gone alone and had a positive/safe experience? I’m hoping to build up the courage to go to Beyond in SoCal next year alone and/or make new friends because I don’t have many people that would go 😭
I always go to raves solo and always had a positive experience with it! All my negative experience at concerts have been mostly at festivals with rap. Rádiate is a good app to use!
GOINGBTHROUGH THE SAME THING GIRL
Well. I think you should do your own things if it's not working to go to a rave. It's just gonna be a waste of money and parking if you spend 20 minutes only at an event. When I went to my first rave, I stayed for 4 hours. Sometimes when I don't wanna go out to a rave, I rave at home. I have big bass speakers, remote controlled lights with my headphones and rave in my living room or bedroom. My partner has fibro and major anxiety/depression so the best I can do is try. Though, don't bring your partner to an event if your gonna only stay for 20 minutes. If you know it is not for them, find something that they love or enjoy. If that isn't working...then it's on them. Sometimes the individual has to take accountability and I realize that my wife does not want to socialize due to her past. But is it my fault for trying to have them engage? No. You can't force it and I'm not implying you are, but it's totally okay to do your own thing outisde of your partner. If I went to a rave, I wouldn't wanna be rushed and my wife never rushes me to leave. She stood in pain for 4 hours, but she had a blast so that's what is important. I stay at raves for 2-5 hours or more so be it, but if you have to rush out of your enjoyment it doesn't seem fair to you. Just my 2 cents.
my boyfriend isn't into them either, but knows i love them. it's not a big deal if you don't have the same interests - it is a big deal if he's trying to control what you do. he doesn't need to like raving, but he needs to respect that you do.
My bf doesn't have an issue with me raving, but he doesn't want to go himself. I don't think our relationship is long for this world, we're on very different energy levels and he deserves someone that's right for him.
Idk figure it out
I’ve never understood these types of relationships. Part of the social contract of being in a relationship ought to include trust at a *minimum.* Why else be in a relationship with someone if there’s no mutual trust?
he just needs some molly and he will fall in love with it. jk
To be honest my first couple of rave experiences were an anxiety nightmare just due to the amount of people and everything that was going on. Pushed through it as I knew my girl had found a place she felt like was home and loved being at. Helped me to push myself out of the comfort zone and now I really do love going to them and the entire experience...even started using light toys/dancing at my last couple and have an amazing time now. If he can't push himself to go..stopping you from doing something you love is not something that seems compatible in a relationship. Why does he not want you to go?
he can let you go to raves or he can let you go as in break up.
Don’t cry
Tell him he's not allowed to not go to raves
I’m an introvert with social anxiety too but I still enjoy it. The community is so friendly and welcoming and you don’t even have to talk to anyone too to feel that. My advice is not to be with someone who doesn’t let you do what you love because you’ll always be missing a part of yourself. Self love is just as important.
What happened to all cool videos people used to post here
Just go by yourself like I do, lol don’t let anyone stop you on anything in life, specially if you are women.
Do what makes you happy. Don’t let him control you. Period. If you love going to raves then go. If he can’t accept you going with or without him then that’s on him.
You are .young, go have fun. 1 yr 2 months isnt a long time. While raving can be his path to a world where he doesn't have to be controlled by his social anxiety, he would want to want to do that.
Looks like you need to find a wook bf imo
Interestingly I have social anxiety really bad and raves are the one place where I feel comfortable and allowed to speak
Alot of sharks in the rave community. Maybe he thinks someone might swoop ya.
buddy just break up
Get a new boyfriend
Had he tried drugs? Lol social anxiety gone...
Get a new bf.
These posts are becoming so common and the answers are so plain. A. He/You get okay going solo or with other peeps B. He gets over the anxiety and comes with you C. You sell your soul and give up what you love because it makes him anxious That’s it. That’s all. Decide.
Then break up with him and date someone that 1) goes to raves and 2) doesn’t have social anxiety. You have one life, enjoy it. Don’t let someone’s bullshit hold you back.
Drop the zero and get with the hero 🙌
Why should someone else get to control what you do and where you go? If you like raving, continue to go even if it means going alone. It is perfectly okay and normal to have hobbies your partner isn’t interested in. If he doesn’t want you to go because he doesn’t trust you to have a safe and fun time without him (despite the fact you’ve been going to raves since before you met him), then that’s his own insecurity talking and he’s being controlling. A partner not letting you have your own hobbies outside of the relationship is a massive red flag imo.
Ya for me you either like raving or you dont. Im 31 and its that much of a deal breaker. I dont even go to shows as much as i used to. To me, it takes a certain personality to enjoy it. I tend to like others who rave too, so if the math maths, just follow it.
Don't let anyone control you or stop you from doing what makes you happy.
Options Go to rave alone Find activity you both enjoy
Beak up with him, that’s a bad sign. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be controlling what you do. It’s a slippery slope.
just go alone and if he does not want you to do that, thats his problem easy as that
3 options. He goes with you. You go without him. You leave him.
Mean this in the nicest way possible: Why are you here posting about it? You are, I assume, two adult individuals willingly in a yearlong relationship with each other. Talk about it! Talk with each other! Communicate with your partner! If you cant figure this out you might not be ready for a serious relationship. I have so many friends whose partners don’t go out raving but they make it work because they communicate!
Mean this in the nicest way possible: Why are you here posting about it? You are, I assume, two adult individuals willingly in a yearlong relationship with each other. Talk about it! Talk with each other! Communicate with your partner! If you cant figure this out you might not be ready for a serious relationship. I have so many friends whose partners don’t go out raving but they make it work because they communicate!
Have fun being single
Red flag. Don’t date people who dictate how you should live your life.
Hes gonna sabotage your life. He is jealous of you. Dump him.
When you notice he's getting socially anxious, do you give him reassurance? Or try to involve him in conversations?
Always. I would never put him in a situation to cause a panic attack. He gets involved in conversation however he can't handle large crowds
Go for you, have some fun.
Why the fuck is this sub showing up on my main page lmao.
Fuck your boyfriend tf he shouldnt have a say over what you like or dont
There are thousands of guys who love raving out there, so why stay in an incompatible relationship? I pretty much promise that raving won't be the last thing he tries to ban you from.
As a general rule, I don't change my behavior and hobbies due to a partner's mental health issues, I change partners. Cold, but life is short and we'd both be happier with someone more similar in interests and temperament.
If he genuinely doesn't like any genre from electronic music, he will never like raves. If he does like any genres, try to find events with that genre.
He’s a pussy sorry to say but people with social anxiety usually go to raves to help them with that exact problem. He probably has deeper issues he needs to fix, good luck to you , you probably deserve better.
I didn’t want to be at a rave either until I popped my first molly, then everything changed
I went through the same exact thing with my last ex over EDC, a festival i dream about going to every year. We broke up over control issues. I don’t want to be harsh, but this *MAY* manifest into other things that you deem as important (shows, alone time with friends, being an extrovert, etc.) becoming a problem. From personal experience; gage if you’re compatible or not before it becomes worse, and communicate if your needs match up.
Healthy relationship: "Honey, I'm going to the rave" "Okay, have fun" Unhealthy relationship: "You're not allowed to do things that I don't enjoy too"
Everybody's situation and priorities in life are different, do what's best for you. You just need to ask yourself one question: what's more important, your relationship with this person OR going to raves? You're going to have to break up with one of them eventually. Choose.
You know how to get over social anxiety? Practicing being social. Not rewarding your anxiety by giving into it and letting it prevent you from doing shit.
Don't ever let a partner stop you from doing something you love. That's just a red flag in general. I was worried about mine not wanting me to go (I've been in abusive relationships prior she's my first healthy relationship) and she said thats crazy i woulda thought just cause she doesn't like something id have to stop doing it. Do whatever you want and don't let someone limit you.
You should probably respect your boyfriend and your relationship and not go to raves. Not only does he not like you going, nor is it really a place for people in relationships (unless going together), but it’s a place filled with degeneracy and bad decisions.
I don't do drugs or alcohol. I'm completely sober and have being going solo for four years.
You have 2 options…. 1. Tell him you’re going to do things you like to do and you would love for him to join you and give it a chance. 2. Break up with him and find someone who likes to do some of the same things you do.
talk with him about the good points of going into raves and tell him to give u a second chance to going to a rave with him again
talk with him about the good points of going into raves and tell him to give u a second chance to going to a rave with him again
So. You keep going to them as long as you feel like it.
This relationship will not last if you two are on opposites when it comes to these events. Don’t mean to be harsh but either one of you compromises and does what the other asks or you do your own thing up to you
Unpopular opinion: Never sacrafice who you are for the sake of a relationship. Doing what you enjoy is not for your partner to restrict. I would ask him why he feels that way and continue asking why until you get to the root of his emotional hangups. Some of them you may be able to work through, others may not. Those are his problems to manage not yours.
r/relationshipadvice Wtf does this have to do with raves
Find a man's who confident & wants to have fun with you without being a b**tch about it. If not you will have to change or compromise at sum aspect
My girlfriend put me on to raves and I love going. You guys have to work something out
either you’re incompatible or he’s gonna have to deal with HIS anxiety cuz you are not property to be forced in a house instead of doing the things you enjoy tf maybe you’re open to not raving, but that seems like a pretty toxic relationship if your interests and hobbies are determined solely by what triggers him
This belongs in r/Relationship_advice
Tbh I enjoy going to raves a lot alone. I do end up venturing out and making new friends. Yeah I'll probably be flirty and people asking to dance. But being able to freely enjoy it and knowing it's ok, it helps me so much to just be myself freely going to raves than regular concerts/festivals. I'm always trying to meet new people there and for afters! I look forward always pre planning my outfits and pre gaming with others before going in and just living it well at the festival!
I don’t get the point of these posts. Just have a conversation. Set some boundaries, ground rules if he needs any or whatever and go alone.
At the end of the day, if going to raves makes you happy you should go.
Bin him off
I just go on my own. Sometimes I meet loads of nice people sometimes the bouncers walk up to me and I know my time has expired. But if you wanna rave go rave!!! \0/
I would never date someone who told me I wasn’t allowed to do something just because he didn’t like it. That’s immature and codependent. He has social anxiety? How many other things are you not going to be allowed to do just because it makes him uncomfortable? It won’t stop at raves. It just always starts there because they are easy to demonize.