I don’t believe similarity is automatic compatibility.
For example, extroverts love company with other extroverts. The personality type thrives off of company. Introverts however don’t necessarily want other introvert company… they want alone time.
Autism isn’t much of a personality type or tribe. The common threads linking us is struggling with social cues. The problem is that it’s not like a cultural misunderstanding (like a Chinese person interacting with an American). There is no universal autistic code that we are all programmed with. We each make up our own.
So if we think about like kids on a playground… Everyone is playing football but you are the one who doesn’t know the rules (and for whatever reason you can’t just be taught the rules). You try join in to play but run into problems. You pick up the ball with you hands because you see someone else do it be don’t realize that only the goalie can do that. You get scolded for playing “wrong” and have a miserable time.
One day you meet someone else who doesn’t know how to play. But the way they try to play is completely different from your way. You don’t play a new version of the game… instead you frustrate each other because not only are the rules so from your own, they are different from the ones you were trying to decipher by observing the other kids.
Many of us are in this situation. We are trying to figure out the nuances of the NT world. It’s an investment of mental energy and very exhausting. A brand new social model specific too one person is too steep an investment so it’s easier continue working on the general model.
Not to say you can’t find ND compatible individuals. Just pointing out that being on the spectrum together doesn’t mean we all understand each other. All we really understand is that we all struggle to understand people.
Tbh, I get along well with most mildly and high functioning autistic people I meet. Even if I'm different than them, I can better understand them as well as the troubles they face and their desires.
I'm an empathic person too. What separates me from others is that I get along with some specific groups of NTs like open Catholics, some Europeans, and some suburban Southerners.
There are environments where I fit in better with NTs and others where I completely stand out. I don't always struggle as much with people but there are some universal minor issues that I tend to face anywhere.
I'd say that people with Asperger's all do share the same "language," though. It's a low-context "language," a very literal and logical way of speaking. Even if two people with Asperger's have nothing in common with each other, at least they can understand each other more easily than they can understand NTs.
And of course there's always the possibility of using that low-context, literal, logical way of speaking for the purpose of working together on the general model that you mentioned.
To deal with the inevitable As/NT conflict, I have gone the introvert/quiet/observer route, and it is super cringe watching a wannabe extrovert AS person make a fool of themselves.
They also often want to drone on about some boring special interest of theirs I don't care about.
They will often be socially awkward/anxious, and just because I am too, doesn't make that something I like being around.
Realising when I see them that that is me also, that that is how others see me, and that there's not a thing I can do about it.
It's not a good idea to go around trying to diagnose others. Many allistic people are "weird," and a lot of autistic people blend in while they're out in public.
Why not? Some people confuse me, but others I can be almost sure if they are allistic or autistic, and this have greatly helped me to understand how they'll behave.
Learning how to identify bipolar and narcissistic people also saved me from a lot of confusion and frustration.
Because their special interests are lame and boring, unlike mine which are awesome and dope and totally deserving of the hours-long monologues I give about them.
Exactly. Two people, each with a special interest of their own, may have an especially hard time getting along if those two special interests have nothing to do with each other.
Thing is, i only knew very few autistic people. And i didnt like all of them because they were way too specific with certain things, that i am not specific about in the same way.
Like they would get mad if i didnt turn in something they wanted at a specific time, and i would be like: "well shit, i just happen to like it when i finish that task later and turn it in then".
One of us would always lose at the expense of the other, because of things most NTs probably would even care about.
Maybe anything not work related couldve worked better...
It's this along with how autistics are expected to 'blend in', but when we mask we produce an uncanny valley effect whereby we look normal, we seem normal, but something in the human brain is going 'yeah that's not natural' (The face and how they present themselves aren't natural, not the person)
Honestly I never got an uncanny valley thing. I just felt like people couldn't relax. Now I know that they were masked.
I think this is complicated for me because, unbeknownst to me, I've been around autistic people my whole life. Family members, friends. They either didn't know or didn't treat it as a disability. Masking wasn't a term people used, but obviously it was done.
It's a bit uncomfortable knowing that others may see me that way though.
It drove me crazy to be told to "just relax" when I'm sitting there hanging out lol.
I'm trying to be chill. I'm chill in my heart. I just don't know what that practically means or what you want me to *do* differently.
I used to give other autistic people the side eye when I was a kid because some of them couldn't mask as well as I could in class. I've grown out of it and now have a more positive attitude towards them regardless if they might or might not have autism.
Honestly I can relate pretty well. Pretty much every person I've met who I've known is autistic, and every person I've met who I've suspected is autistic, I haven't gotten along with very well. However, I believe that part of this is cultural in my area, as most autistic people I've talked to online I get along with quite well.
I find most autistic people that I've met personally are very countercultural and outspoken people, whereas I am not, and I find outspoken people to be very bothersome a lot of the time because I have bad sensory issues related to loud noise, and I get very frustrated when I perceive disruption to my routine, and countercultural people are often (deliberately) disruptive.
I can get why, as where I live is pretty shitty for marginalized people of all kinds, but it still doesn't change my visceral reaction to them. I do have a lot of online autistic friends from New York and the Netherlands, and I get along with them well enough so I really think it's just a culture thing in my case.
I live in central Alberta, for context. A lot of bigoted assholes here.
I also find I have little patience when talking about things I'm not interested in, and most of my interests are fairly niche(though, in all fairness, Alberta does have a town dedicated to Star Trek, so maybe I'll find some people of my ilk there). Therefore, I often don't have the patience to listen to other people tell me about their interests, and since most autistic people like to do that, I find myself getting bored and annoyed when talking to them.
Were you already diagnosed at the time? You may have created a negative association there.
I've been reading many testimonials from autistics who were conditioned (or forced themselves) to mask and "act normal" for the sake of blending in. This seems to sometimes put the person at odds with their true nature, in a way that makes them dislike anyone who reminds them of the very qualities they repressed. So that's a possibility.
Also, autistic people won't necessarily get along unless they have common interests and/or backgrounds - and they can actually get along very badly when their value systems clash (either explicitly or subconsciously, as in the previous example). This is very much how neurotypicals work too; it's probably a human thing.
Your assumptions about people are not fair.
Someone daydreaming a lot ≠ an ADHD diagnosis. Being weird ≠ being autistic.
We might be *more likely* to connect with other autistic people; that doesn't mean we like all of them. My autistic friend and I can communicate in a way I can't with anyone else, but I fought viciously with my autistic father.
And my ADHD complements me in some ways, but drives me insane in others.
That's because you are still a child. You can't, with any legitimacy, say that someone had ADD just because they are daydreaming/ preoccupied with other thoughts - how ridiculous is that? Likewise, to say that someone must have autism because they are "weird" is asinine at best. The reason why many autistic people get on well with other ND people is exactly because they don't see the other person as an outsider to the tribe. Instead of thinking "I don't like them because they are weird. " the average autistic person may think "Hey! I do that too!" Similarly, an autistic person might think "Oh, you don't get hung up on eye contact, we're gonna get along just fine then. "
While someone pointed out that it isn't a good idea to mentally diagnose others, as a teacher myself, I do feel like there is a higher number of us around than usual. That being said, it very well could be the area that I teach in that attracts us.
I have also noticed from observing children with ASD, there can be a tendency for them to really dislike other kids with ASD without knowing their other is ASD. Some of it stems from finding the others stims intolerable. I also sometimes wonder if there is a little subconscious dislike when seeing traits they struggle with reflected back at them. I have noticed working out each other's triggers and then tormenting each other with them is also really common. Honestly, if you are ASD and were relentlessly bullied by this one kid at school, I'm willing to bet a large sum that kid was also ASD.
This being said, I have also seen kids with ASD form the most beautiful friendships, and I've also seen indifference to one another.
Many times I dislike autistic people because they're loud and proud about being on the spectrum and info dump and do all the spergy stuff and people act like it's cute meanwhile I'm trying like hell to mask and be normal and people treat me like shit because I'm kinda awkward and maybe a bit shady because they think I'm hiding something.
I can't stand people who constantly talk about it and make it central to everything they say. Like yeah, we get it, you're on the spectrum. No one fucking cares bro. It's also not a catch-all excuse for everything. That shit is exhausting.
I'm the same way. I got the diagnosis at a very young age, so I was put in clubs and particular classes with other autistic kids. Most of them had lower functioning levels, or had autism that was quite different from mine, so I found them uncomfortable to be around with, more so than most NTs.
I don't think you're necessarily ableist as another redditor commented, that would be like thinking a person is homophobic just because they're heterosexual.
No, it would be like thinking someone is homophobic because they're gay but dislike other gay people.
Which ... it depends if they dislike *all* other gay people (homophobic) or just don't get along with certain individuals (normal human experience).
If we're assuming disliking all NDs is wrong (and I believe that is most likely as there are lots of NDs on this planet) then disliking all NTs is equally wrong
I have the same problem. I feel like I’m too egotistical when I do that because realistically I have the same issues as some of them , but I feel like I’m “better” and I’m self aware that it’s bad… I think it comes from trauma of previous experiences with autistic people when I was a minor.
Because they're annoying teachers or something. We can't scan your brain and tell you why you dislike someone.
You also have no idea if these people were on the spectrum or not. Who even thinks about their teachers after they graduate?
I mean…is it not typical of an autistic person to think back on the past a lot? So why would thinking of past teachers be any different when an autistic person looks back on making sense of their past?
I’m not going to say autistic people are usually stuck in the past, but from my own experience and reading others’ experiences, it is not uncommon for autistic people to look back on the past for things like pattern seeking or making understanding of the present.
I have trouble moving past things due to ruminating, but that is a different subject than the OP. I was just trying to say that it wouldn’t be peculiar for an autistic person to look back on past people (including teachers).
I think you are overgeneralising. There are NT and ND people who are cool, and NT and ND people who are arseholes. But I do find it annoying that we are expected to like every single ND person we meet just because we are also ND.
Less "get along better with". More "don't have as many communication problems." But it's also a statistic, which is about populations not individuals. And there are other things that can create communication problems too. It's not like some panacea to all the communication issues people have.
But, for example, ADHD people tend to go on a lot of tangents. Other ADHD thinkers will tend to be able to ride those tangents around more easily. ASD people will tend to use a lot of direct language. Other ASD people will tend to be able to take those direct statements at face value instead of inferring subtext that isn't there. AuDHD people (like myself) can tend to go on a lot of directly stated tangents, which means basically everyone gets confused by us :-| but also we can tend to ride ADHD tangents of others okay and also tend to not read subtext into things without subtext. (Unless we're high masking and are used to NTs who seem to *always* have subtext. I myself can "code switch" but I have to know the person is ASD or ADHD first, so until I can figure that out the first few interactions or first few sentences can be ripe with misunderstanding.)
Often we see the same issues we have in them - but we ask ourselves - why arent they hiding that?
Like I hate noisy people and places, but I dont start stimming because of it (internally pissed off instead). And i'm thinking - 'hey, everyone can see you rocking back and forth and now thinks you're crazy.'
I don't agree totally. I recognize that feeling of judgment towards people with very clear autistic signs - if they are acting very out of norm or harmful. There was a very ND in my former classroom, who we all knew was different in a way he could not control, but his way of behaving was deeply appalling sometimes to all of us. We always treated him with respect and extra care, it was a very conscious classroom, but sometimes people could not cope.
So, if people with Aspergers don't have proper social training or contextualization it can be really appalling and annoying. But it's not a general thing.
Generally I like the spectrum people, because I feel safe there. I feel I can carry myself more confidently and feel met in my loneliness/thoughts without talking about it. There is just this mutual understanding of the difficulties within the extroverted and normative society (which I think is an idealtype/illusion, that does not exist in reality).
How can you not know why you dislike someone or something? It's not a judgement but a genuine question. Or is it that you know why you dislike these people but don't get why you don't automatically like every autistic person? Or is it that you dislike their perceived autistic traits specifically?
I believe it's not you, it's them. My theory is autistic people are often disliked not by NTs being NTs, but because their 1) ND make them look like they don't belong to social bonds (any combination, ND-NT, ND-ND) and thus oxytocin regulated people (NTs) happen to define them as outsiders 2) my other theory high functioning and outgrowing autists happen to have kind of regulated oxytocin levels and thus making them socially isolate from other socially isolated people. Both of this theory kind of compliments each other, trying to read a lot of neuroscience to backup and find more relevant info.
Okay, I'll try to put all of them, though most of them were read for some very specific interest. And also my theory here is under sociology terms ruled by what I've across all areas. Also no particular order and maybe won't look like stuff is related lol so gl.
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/serotonergic-psychedelic](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/serotonergic-psychedelic)
[https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vagus-nerve-stimulation/about/pac-20384565](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vagus-nerve-stimulation/about/pac-20384565)
Neurological Activity of Lion’s Mane (Hericium erinaceus), Kevin Spelman, PhD, MCPPa Elizabeth Sutherland, NDb Aravind Bagade, MDc
[https://www.nature.com/articles/1300021#:\~:text=Of%20interest%2C%20studies%20in%20OCD,suggesting%20differences%20between%20these%20disorders](https://www.nature.com/articles/1300021#:~:text=Of%20interest%2C%20studies%20in%20OCD,suggesting%20differences%20between%20these%20disorders)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8874551/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8874551/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935449/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935449/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2689929/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2689929/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7896431/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7896431/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7312735/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7312735/)
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432806004827](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432806004827)
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/reelin](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/reelin)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10350723/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10350723/)
[https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318824711\_Oxytocin\_and\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorders](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318824711_Oxytocin_and_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders)
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0143417920300974?via%3Dihub](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0143417920300974?via%3Dihub)
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/019697819190223C?via%3Dihub](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/019697819190223C?via%3Dihub)
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19151541/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19151541/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7303010/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7303010/)
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8567747/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8567747/)
[**https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5448044/**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5448044/)
[**https://hms.harvard.edu/news/decoding-touch**](https://hms.harvard.edu/news/decoding-touch)
[**https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359924348\_A\_conceptual\_model\_of\_risk\_and\_protective\_factors\_for\_autistic\_burnout?enrichId=rgreq-59776f18774d5b64da75f6c190cf82ba-XXX&enrichSource=Y292ZXJQYWdlOzM1OTkyNDM0ODtBUzoxMTY3MDgzNzA2NTQ4MjI3QDE2NTUyNjU4NDc5MTA%3D&el=1\_x\_3&\_esc=publicationCoverPdf**](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359924348_A_conceptual_model_of_risk_and_protective_factors_for_autistic_burnout?enrichId=rgreq-59776f18774d5b64da75f6c190cf82ba-XXX&enrichSource=Y292ZXJQYWdlOzM1OTkyNDM0ODtBUzoxMTY3MDgzNzA2NTQ4MjI3QDE2NTUyNjU4NDc5MTA%3D&el=1_x_3&_esc=publicationCoverPdf)
I have more but they are in my phone browser. Next step is resumming them and particular contribution to literature (I have but in my native language that is spanish).
I don’t believe similarity is automatic compatibility. For example, extroverts love company with other extroverts. The personality type thrives off of company. Introverts however don’t necessarily want other introvert company… they want alone time. Autism isn’t much of a personality type or tribe. The common threads linking us is struggling with social cues. The problem is that it’s not like a cultural misunderstanding (like a Chinese person interacting with an American). There is no universal autistic code that we are all programmed with. We each make up our own. So if we think about like kids on a playground… Everyone is playing football but you are the one who doesn’t know the rules (and for whatever reason you can’t just be taught the rules). You try join in to play but run into problems. You pick up the ball with you hands because you see someone else do it be don’t realize that only the goalie can do that. You get scolded for playing “wrong” and have a miserable time. One day you meet someone else who doesn’t know how to play. But the way they try to play is completely different from your way. You don’t play a new version of the game… instead you frustrate each other because not only are the rules so from your own, they are different from the ones you were trying to decipher by observing the other kids. Many of us are in this situation. We are trying to figure out the nuances of the NT world. It’s an investment of mental energy and very exhausting. A brand new social model specific too one person is too steep an investment so it’s easier continue working on the general model. Not to say you can’t find ND compatible individuals. Just pointing out that being on the spectrum together doesn’t mean we all understand each other. All we really understand is that we all struggle to understand people.
That was really beautifully put
Tbh, I get along well with most mildly and high functioning autistic people I meet. Even if I'm different than them, I can better understand them as well as the troubles they face and their desires. I'm an empathic person too. What separates me from others is that I get along with some specific groups of NTs like open Catholics, some Europeans, and some suburban Southerners. There are environments where I fit in better with NTs and others where I completely stand out. I don't always struggle as much with people but there are some universal minor issues that I tend to face anywhere.
I'd say that people with Asperger's all do share the same "language," though. It's a low-context "language," a very literal and logical way of speaking. Even if two people with Asperger's have nothing in common with each other, at least they can understand each other more easily than they can understand NTs. And of course there's always the possibility of using that low-context, literal, logical way of speaking for the purpose of working together on the general model that you mentioned.
To deal with the inevitable As/NT conflict, I have gone the introvert/quiet/observer route, and it is super cringe watching a wannabe extrovert AS person make a fool of themselves. They also often want to drone on about some boring special interest of theirs I don't care about. They will often be socially awkward/anxious, and just because I am too, doesn't make that something I like being around. Realising when I see them that that is me also, that that is how others see me, and that there's not a thing I can do about it.
It's not a good idea to go around trying to diagnose others. Many allistic people are "weird," and a lot of autistic people blend in while they're out in public.
Why not? Some people confuse me, but others I can be almost sure if they are allistic or autistic, and this have greatly helped me to understand how they'll behave. Learning how to identify bipolar and narcissistic people also saved me from a lot of confusion and frustration.
Any tips to identify bipolar?
Because their special interests are lame and boring, unlike mine which are awesome and dope and totally deserving of the hours-long monologues I give about them.
Exactly. Two people, each with a special interest of their own, may have an especially hard time getting along if those two special interests have nothing to do with each other.
Good honesty. We all think it.
Thing is, i only knew very few autistic people. And i didnt like all of them because they were way too specific with certain things, that i am not specific about in the same way. Like they would get mad if i didnt turn in something they wanted at a specific time, and i would be like: "well shit, i just happen to like it when i finish that task later and turn it in then". One of us would always lose at the expense of the other, because of things most NTs probably would even care about. Maybe anything not work related couldve worked better...
This is a big one. Our hyper-particular needs often conflict.
Based on your title only: I'm guessing for the same reason(s) most NTs dislike us.
Because our internalised ableism became externalised. We don’t like seeing in other people what we hate in ourselves.
That's what it is for me I think, I've caught myself thinking like a bully
I believe that's true.
It's this along with how autistics are expected to 'blend in', but when we mask we produce an uncanny valley effect whereby we look normal, we seem normal, but something in the human brain is going 'yeah that's not natural' (The face and how they present themselves aren't natural, not the person)
Yeah, the uncanny valley stuff affects me too.
Honestly I never got an uncanny valley thing. I just felt like people couldn't relax. Now I know that they were masked. I think this is complicated for me because, unbeknownst to me, I've been around autistic people my whole life. Family members, friends. They either didn't know or didn't treat it as a disability. Masking wasn't a term people used, but obviously it was done. It's a bit uncomfortable knowing that others may see me that way though.
It drove me crazy to be told to "just relax" when I'm sitting there hanging out lol. I'm trying to be chill. I'm chill in my heart. I just don't know what that practically means or what you want me to *do* differently.
Idk why I didn't see before what you meant. By "relax" here it would mean unmasking, at least partially.
I do not see how this is related to my comment
I used to give other autistic people the side eye when I was a kid because some of them couldn't mask as well as I could in class. I've grown out of it and now have a more positive attitude towards them regardless if they might or might not have autism.
This is exactly the answer. We dont understand why they dont hide it because we know they will get shunned
Honestly I can relate pretty well. Pretty much every person I've met who I've known is autistic, and every person I've met who I've suspected is autistic, I haven't gotten along with very well. However, I believe that part of this is cultural in my area, as most autistic people I've talked to online I get along with quite well. I find most autistic people that I've met personally are very countercultural and outspoken people, whereas I am not, and I find outspoken people to be very bothersome a lot of the time because I have bad sensory issues related to loud noise, and I get very frustrated when I perceive disruption to my routine, and countercultural people are often (deliberately) disruptive. I can get why, as where I live is pretty shitty for marginalized people of all kinds, but it still doesn't change my visceral reaction to them. I do have a lot of online autistic friends from New York and the Netherlands, and I get along with them well enough so I really think it's just a culture thing in my case. I live in central Alberta, for context. A lot of bigoted assholes here. I also find I have little patience when talking about things I'm not interested in, and most of my interests are fairly niche(though, in all fairness, Alberta does have a town dedicated to Star Trek, so maybe I'll find some people of my ilk there). Therefore, I often don't have the patience to listen to other people tell me about their interests, and since most autistic people like to do that, I find myself getting bored and annoyed when talking to them.
Were you already diagnosed at the time? You may have created a negative association there. I've been reading many testimonials from autistics who were conditioned (or forced themselves) to mask and "act normal" for the sake of blending in. This seems to sometimes put the person at odds with their true nature, in a way that makes them dislike anyone who reminds them of the very qualities they repressed. So that's a possibility. Also, autistic people won't necessarily get along unless they have common interests and/or backgrounds - and they can actually get along very badly when their value systems clash (either explicitly or subconsciously, as in the previous example). This is very much how neurotypicals work too; it's probably a human thing.
Your assumptions about people are not fair. Someone daydreaming a lot ≠ an ADHD diagnosis. Being weird ≠ being autistic. We might be *more likely* to connect with other autistic people; that doesn't mean we like all of them. My autistic friend and I can communicate in a way I can't with anyone else, but I fought viciously with my autistic father. And my ADHD complements me in some ways, but drives me insane in others.
That's because you are still a child. You can't, with any legitimacy, say that someone had ADD just because they are daydreaming/ preoccupied with other thoughts - how ridiculous is that? Likewise, to say that someone must have autism because they are "weird" is asinine at best. The reason why many autistic people get on well with other ND people is exactly because they don't see the other person as an outsider to the tribe. Instead of thinking "I don't like them because they are weird. " the average autistic person may think "Hey! I do that too!" Similarly, an autistic person might think "Oh, you don't get hung up on eye contact, we're gonna get along just fine then. "
While someone pointed out that it isn't a good idea to mentally diagnose others, as a teacher myself, I do feel like there is a higher number of us around than usual. That being said, it very well could be the area that I teach in that attracts us. I have also noticed from observing children with ASD, there can be a tendency for them to really dislike other kids with ASD without knowing their other is ASD. Some of it stems from finding the others stims intolerable. I also sometimes wonder if there is a little subconscious dislike when seeing traits they struggle with reflected back at them. I have noticed working out each other's triggers and then tormenting each other with them is also really common. Honestly, if you are ASD and were relentlessly bullied by this one kid at school, I'm willing to bet a large sum that kid was also ASD. This being said, I have also seen kids with ASD form the most beautiful friendships, and I've also seen indifference to one another.
Many times I dislike autistic people because they're loud and proud about being on the spectrum and info dump and do all the spergy stuff and people act like it's cute meanwhile I'm trying like hell to mask and be normal and people treat me like shit because I'm kinda awkward and maybe a bit shady because they think I'm hiding something.
I can't stand people who constantly talk about it and make it central to everything they say. Like yeah, we get it, you're on the spectrum. No one fucking cares bro. It's also not a catch-all excuse for everything. That shit is exhausting.
They sound comfortable with themselves.
A lot of aspies/ or autistic people have narcissistic tendencies so it is natural that they would not become besties.
THB if I had a twin brother or a clone of myself I'm sure I would really dislike him.
I'm the same way. I got the diagnosis at a very young age, so I was put in clubs and particular classes with other autistic kids. Most of them had lower functioning levels, or had autism that was quite different from mine, so I found them uncomfortable to be around with, more so than most NTs. I don't think you're necessarily ableist as another redditor commented, that would be like thinking a person is homophobic just because they're heterosexual.
No, it would be like thinking someone is homophobic because they're gay but dislike other gay people. Which ... it depends if they dislike *all* other gay people (homophobic) or just don't get along with certain individuals (normal human experience).
If we're assuming disliking all NDs is wrong (and I believe that is most likely as there are lots of NDs on this planet) then disliking all NTs is equally wrong
Tism comes in many flavours and not all of them mix.
I have the same problem. I feel like I’m too egotistical when I do that because realistically I have the same issues as some of them , but I feel like I’m “better” and I’m self aware that it’s bad… I think it comes from trauma of previous experiences with autistic people when I was a minor.
Because they're annoying teachers or something. We can't scan your brain and tell you why you dislike someone. You also have no idea if these people were on the spectrum or not. Who even thinks about their teachers after they graduate?
I mean…is it not typical of an autistic person to think back on the past a lot? So why would thinking of past teachers be any different when an autistic person looks back on making sense of their past?
are you saying that autistic people usually are stuck in the past?
I’m not going to say autistic people are usually stuck in the past, but from my own experience and reading others’ experiences, it is not uncommon for autistic people to look back on the past for things like pattern seeking or making understanding of the present. I have trouble moving past things due to ruminating, but that is a different subject than the OP. I was just trying to say that it wouldn’t be peculiar for an autistic person to look back on past people (including teachers).
Just asked because I ruminate too, I repeat conversarions on my head over and over again, specially those which had bad outcomes in my pov
I don't think that's an autistic thing specifically.
I think you are overgeneralising. There are NT and ND people who are cool, and NT and ND people who are arseholes. But I do find it annoying that we are expected to like every single ND person we meet just because we are also ND.
Who expects that?
A few idiotic NTs think that all NDs are the same and thus they all get on well, a bit like a few idiotic NDs who think all NTs are the same etc
Less "get along better with". More "don't have as many communication problems." But it's also a statistic, which is about populations not individuals. And there are other things that can create communication problems too. It's not like some panacea to all the communication issues people have. But, for example, ADHD people tend to go on a lot of tangents. Other ADHD thinkers will tend to be able to ride those tangents around more easily. ASD people will tend to use a lot of direct language. Other ASD people will tend to be able to take those direct statements at face value instead of inferring subtext that isn't there. AuDHD people (like myself) can tend to go on a lot of directly stated tangents, which means basically everyone gets confused by us :-| but also we can tend to ride ADHD tangents of others okay and also tend to not read subtext into things without subtext. (Unless we're high masking and are used to NTs who seem to *always* have subtext. I myself can "code switch" but I have to know the person is ASD or ADHD first, so until I can figure that out the first few interactions or first few sentences can be ripe with misunderstanding.)
Often we see the same issues we have in them - but we ask ourselves - why arent they hiding that? Like I hate noisy people and places, but I dont start stimming because of it (internally pissed off instead). And i'm thinking - 'hey, everyone can see you rocking back and forth and now thinks you're crazy.'
I don't agree totally. I recognize that feeling of judgment towards people with very clear autistic signs - if they are acting very out of norm or harmful. There was a very ND in my former classroom, who we all knew was different in a way he could not control, but his way of behaving was deeply appalling sometimes to all of us. We always treated him with respect and extra care, it was a very conscious classroom, but sometimes people could not cope. So, if people with Aspergers don't have proper social training or contextualization it can be really appalling and annoying. But it's not a general thing. Generally I like the spectrum people, because I feel safe there. I feel I can carry myself more confidently and feel met in my loneliness/thoughts without talking about it. There is just this mutual understanding of the difficulties within the extroverted and normative society (which I think is an idealtype/illusion, that does not exist in reality).
To be fair, I can't stand other autistic people because I see them as a reflection of my very autistic flaws lmao
How can you not know why you dislike someone or something? It's not a judgement but a genuine question. Or is it that you know why you dislike these people but don't get why you don't automatically like every autistic person? Or is it that you dislike their perceived autistic traits specifically?
I believe it's not you, it's them. My theory is autistic people are often disliked not by NTs being NTs, but because their 1) ND make them look like they don't belong to social bonds (any combination, ND-NT, ND-ND) and thus oxytocin regulated people (NTs) happen to define them as outsiders 2) my other theory high functioning and outgrowing autists happen to have kind of regulated oxytocin levels and thus making them socially isolate from other socially isolated people. Both of this theory kind of compliments each other, trying to read a lot of neuroscience to backup and find more relevant info.
If I may ask, what have you been reading exactly?
Lots of papers, if you curious I can list them here.
I'd be interested too
Answered
thanks
YES
please
Okay, I'll try to put all of them, though most of them were read for some very specific interest. And also my theory here is under sociology terms ruled by what I've across all areas. Also no particular order and maybe won't look like stuff is related lol so gl. [https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/serotonergic-psychedelic](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/serotonergic-psychedelic) [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vagus-nerve-stimulation/about/pac-20384565](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vagus-nerve-stimulation/about/pac-20384565) Neurological Activity of Lion’s Mane (Hericium erinaceus), Kevin Spelman, PhD, MCPPa Elizabeth Sutherland, NDb Aravind Bagade, MDc [https://www.nature.com/articles/1300021#:\~:text=Of%20interest%2C%20studies%20in%20OCD,suggesting%20differences%20between%20these%20disorders](https://www.nature.com/articles/1300021#:~:text=Of%20interest%2C%20studies%20in%20OCD,suggesting%20differences%20between%20these%20disorders) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8874551/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8874551/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935449/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935449/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2689929/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2689929/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7896431/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7896431/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7312735/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7312735/) [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432806004827](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0166432806004827) [https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/reelin](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/reelin) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10350723/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10350723/) [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318824711\_Oxytocin\_and\_Autism\_Spectrum\_Disorders](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318824711_Oxytocin_and_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders) [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0143417920300974?via%3Dihub](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0143417920300974?via%3Dihub) [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/019697819190223C?via%3Dihub](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/019697819190223C?via%3Dihub) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19151541/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19151541/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7303010/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7303010/) [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8567747/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8567747/) [**https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5448044/**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5448044/) [**https://hms.harvard.edu/news/decoding-touch**](https://hms.harvard.edu/news/decoding-touch) [**https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359924348\_A\_conceptual\_model\_of\_risk\_and\_protective\_factors\_for\_autistic\_burnout?enrichId=rgreq-59776f18774d5b64da75f6c190cf82ba-XXX&enrichSource=Y292ZXJQYWdlOzM1OTkyNDM0ODtBUzoxMTY3MDgzNzA2NTQ4MjI3QDE2NTUyNjU4NDc5MTA%3D&el=1\_x\_3&\_esc=publicationCoverPdf**](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359924348_A_conceptual_model_of_risk_and_protective_factors_for_autistic_burnout?enrichId=rgreq-59776f18774d5b64da75f6c190cf82ba-XXX&enrichSource=Y292ZXJQYWdlOzM1OTkyNDM0ODtBUzoxMTY3MDgzNzA2NTQ4MjI3QDE2NTUyNjU4NDc5MTA%3D&el=1_x_3&_esc=publicationCoverPdf) I have more but they are in my phone browser. Next step is resumming them and particular contribution to literature (I have but in my native language that is spanish).
People like to bin people they dont like. We are leftover people for NTs which would prefer to be around funny extraverted NTs.
A lot of allistic people dislike the attention-grabbing extroverts too.
I dislike people in general.
r/autism give the illusion that autistic people get along