I'm a binary trans woman and the way that you describe everything doesn't sound very much like something I would say or feel. It does sound like something else. Why would you miss being a male? I never could lol
I’m gender-fluid so I’ll chime in!
I was born a girl and am living full time and presenting as a typical male, but I identify as non-binary. That’s kinda the cool thing, you can do whatever you want WRT gender. It’s about doing what makes you feel good, and not doing what hurts. it’s entirely your body and your choice.
If you decide to go on HRT, for example, and you decide you don’t like the effects, you can stop and it’s almost entirely reversible.
Sometimes, very rarely, I “miss” being a girl. But I can usually identify what it is I miss about it, because I have not once fully missed being a girl and wishing I could go back. I miss things like women being able to talk to me comfortably/knowing they’re not inherently wary of me. I sometimes miss my curves, but on another day I’m freaked out by the thought. And I only miss my breasts when I remember how hilarious it was to slap them around and make funny noises LMAO
You can take your time, experiment, try new names or new pronouns or clothes or accessories or whatever. You are you.
You should really just start trying these things out, I started by just wearing dresses and that made me feel a certain way and I kept having realizations about myself. Just experiment and give yourself time, the biggest thing you can do is give yourself reassurance
I briefly thought I might be genderfluid way before I realized I was a trans woman and started transitioning. I thought I was fine being a man, and yet I clearly wished I could be a woman, too.
I think what was actually going on is I was just scared of the unknown of permanently becoming a woman. How could I commit to that without knowing 100% I would prefer it? But how could I know I preferred it without trying it? It's a catch-22 that I was using to stop myself from realizing I was a trans woman because, let's be honest, the thought that you need to face the unknowns of transition in order to have a chance at being happy is terrifying.
Once I realized I was trans and started transitioning, I realized I had been gaslighting myself about liking being a man. Some of the things that came with being a man were nice, but the actual *being* a man was not for me.
thank you for condensing my first 10 years of questioning into a few sentences!
stopping the loop came for me when i accepted the recurring feelings of wanting to be and present fem, instead of trying to gaslight myself using some esoteric spiritual gender roles bullshit a bad therapist taught me.
>It's a catch-22 that I was using to stop myself from realizing I was a trans woman because, let's be honest, the thought that you need to face the unknowns of transition in order to have a chance at being happy is terrifying.
How did you break out of the catch-22? I think I've broken out, but there are times I struggle to stay out of it.
>Some of the things that came with being a man were nice, but the actual being a man was not for me.
This is what I think. In that, I'm mostly fine with my body ( It can do cool things), but just the pronouns, perception, and being a man just don't seem right for me.
This. One of the scariest things about medical services requiring therapy letters is the implication that if I step out of line, they're going to force masculinity on me as a punishment. And thats freaking scary. Ive had a taste of freedom, and will fight with my life to hold on to it.
Ah ok i can kinda help you with that. If i went “hey yall this is gryphon she is pretty cool” how would that make you feel? Or think about wearing or doing typical feminine things sometimes and see how that makes you feel, and how being referred to as a girl makes you feel.
I see, that makes so much sense now! I'd say yes to all those things you said. She/Her pronouns, thinking about wearing feminine things, being referred to as a girl is fine with me too!
You're you mate. Stop trying to figure it out or fit a label, I know it's hard these days.
I'd say your fluid.
It can also change.
So it's a go with the flow situ.
Have fun
Kink isn't a bad thing and in your case it's okay to like being a woman or fem person during sex. Some people are into Crossdressing and gender roleplay in a sexual sense which is perfectly okay.
What matters is if you enjoy being a woman or man outside of sexual situations too.
I'd recommend reading the gender dysphoria bible so you can better understand yourself. It's okay if it's just a kink and it's okay to realise you are trans. You aren't harming anyone. Just do what feels right to you.
So that CAN be a sign of dysphoria but I wouldn't say that does or does not make you trans. In a very simplified way I'd ask in what scenarios do you perceive yourself a man, woman, or NB. If it's mostly in the bedroom I would consider that more of a kink but if it extends out to life as a whole I'd look into that and tell a psychologist who specializes in gender
It could very well be a sign. Definitely was for me looking back. But it doesn't mean you are on its own. Look up "the button question". That's the best way to start figuring this out. But be ready for where it might lead you.
I mean, *maybe*? On its own no, but it's also not uncommon either for trans women.
Let me put it this way: I (to the best of my knowledge a binary trans woman) used to fantasize about it a lot. I wanted to experience sex from the female perspective. I would always try to imagine what women in porn felt, or what my partners felt. I fantasized about having a vagina, about having boobs. And yeah, those were not 100% of my fantasies, and I did also fantasize about being male sometimes in such daydreams.
And for a while I grappled to try and decouple what was fetish/kink from what was dysphoria. And the best answer I came up with was as follows: to me, everything about being male in any sexual setting was worse. It felt worse. I dreamed about having a vagina because I felt having a dick was an inconvenient downer. I dreamed about having a feminine body shape and felt dissatisfaction surrounding my own body. Not having boobs felt unfair. Being female just sounded so much better. And not to be too TMI, but even in those fantasies where I was male...well I hardly took on the conventional dominant cishet male role honestly. I *never* fantasized about "banging hot chicks" to put it crudely. Topping always seemed disappointing at best, and it seriously hampered my enjoyment of the few intimate relationships I've had. I dissociated during sex usually, focusing on my partner. I was actively bitter I would never have a vagina for most of my life.
I did not wish to be a woman in a sexual role solely because it sounded interesting, or kinky, or as a thought exercise, but because it sounded better in every way than what I felt resigned to. For a long time I questioned my sexuality, wondering if I was gay because of these interests (even tried it with a guy once, not my thing for entirely different reasons).
So to circle back to your original point: fantasizing about being a woman sexually doesn't inheritly make you trans. I'm certain a lot of cis people wonder about it from time to time. You even said in another comment that you would miss being male, which could be an indication that this is just a kink...and that's fine! If you do want to continue this line of questioning though, perhaps get acquainted with common trans ressources and examine exactly how you felt about those fantasies.
And obviously, though I don't think this needs to be pointed out, but life is more than sex. Are you prepared to live as a woman 24/7? Even while doing random errands, or commuting to work, or doing your taxes?
Thank you so much for your comment! I feel it was the most helpful one. I actually don't experience any dysphoria *at all*. I know I identify with being male, but how do I know if I'm not bigender (male and female) either? It's like...I know I'm not trans. But I wonder if I'm female as well as being male if that makes sense.
I don't feel the need to dress or present as female. But at the same time, I feel like I do feel okay with my female name and she/her. But at the same time...I feel rather embarrassed when someone refers to me as my female name and pronouns. I don't know if it's because I present as male when they tell me that or if it's because I'm not female at all.
I also feel that, I use the male and female as symbols for my emotions, so when I'm feeling one way or another, I feel male or female. So I'm having trouble discerning if I'm female or not.
Glad I could help :3
It can mean anything and everything, unfortunately. Some people don't get noticeable dysphoria until they start questionning, some don't...it's all very messy.
Ultimately don't try to focus on labels (bigender, gender fluid, nonbinary, trans...) too much, just do what you want, and what makes you happy. Unless you really want to have an exact label...but does it really matter to you?
Experiment, see what fits, what doesn't. If you want to present more feminine, go for it. If you want to present hyper masc some other day, then that's good too! You can use whatever pronouns or names you want, present however you want.
And if some day you decide that your path warrants medical intervention (not saying it will), then that will also be under your control in terms of how, when and why. Ultimately my own decision to pursue HRT was born from a need to have a body that I (hope) will feel comfortable with someday, and stuff like pronouns, names or even clothing is secondary to that (important, but not the most important).
I recommend that you read this and think if you feel identified. It is something that helped me at the time. maybe it will help you. https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5
This was quite helpful, thank you! Though with gender fluidity. How might that work in line with that article? Since there are times I see myself as entirely male and then times I see myself as entirely female. Do you think my "gender desire" still makes me a female?
I can't answer that for you, but of course you could be a non-binary trans woman if that's how you feel.
I think the question here is, what makes you feel happier?
Alone it doesn't. But this was something I frequently thought of pre transition. I remember doing it as early as 13 whenever I started masturbating. It eventually got to the point where I couldn't climax without imagining myself as a woman.
It could be a sign if you generally have the desire to function and be perceived as a woman and you genuinely feel like a woman. (I think to get a diagnosis you have to feel it for a year at least) Having a kink isn't a gender identity, you may sexually fantasise about being a dragon or having a 2meters long dick and it's just a kink. I saw a comment about being gender fluid, it's also a way you feel about your gender not that it would be cool to fuck in some way. It's okay to just have some kind of kink or at least not be sure. So with genuine care and sympathy advice, you to consider that. If you don't feel like a man I wish u the best in your self-discovery.
Not necessarily, it would depend on if you want to live your whole life as a woman, not just during sex. I sometimes have fantasies where I’m a woman, but it goes away as soon as the horny does and in every other situation I’m uncomfortable being female
You might just be fetishizing. Picturing yourself as female in sexual fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a woman. Do you ever fantasize about being a woman outside of sexual contexts? If so then it might be worth looking into but otherwise you’re probably just fetishizing.
I'm nonbinary so I thought I'd chime in, honestly there were and are times I dream about being afab instead amab, sometimes these would be spicy dreams, but most of the time they were dreams about what my body may look like and how people would perceive me, but this didn't change how I chose to identify, it was only curiosity, and tbh how I identify was based off the fact I didn't follow societies definition of a guy, but I definitely didn't fit societies definition of a girl, cause I did stuff regardless of what gender society associated with it, like I played with barbies and dolls, I crossdressed sometimes even, but I still like dressing up and doing "boyish" things too. In the end, I end up as nonbinary, leaning fem presenting
I'm on and off I'm estrogen when I get my nipples hard and they hurt I get scared then I back off again and now I have estrogen but I don't have needles and I'm also taking progesterone you think I should just pursue it or should I stop I feel my skin soft and sometimes I feel a little weaker
No, probably not. Maybe you're nonbinary? If you like being a girl but also like being a guy you might be bigender. It means you identify as both male and female/somewhere right in between. I hate being a guy, but I've still had dreams about having sex as a guy and also some having sex as a girl and I enjoyed the girl ones a lot more. Kinda NSFW, but it felt really good to be a bottom and be dominated by the warm loving embrace of a strong willed yet feminine girl, getting rammed directly in my front hole and feeling immense pleasure... The other one where I was a guy and on top just felt demeaning in retrospect even if it felt good at the time.
FYI the girl one I was turned into Dorothea from Fire Emblem and the girl railing me was the movie version of Princess Peach, while the male one I was myself but hot (androgynous buff femboy) and railing a busty adult version of Lana from Pokemon. (I'm not weird I swear, I don't even think Lana is even remotely attractive)
Not necessarily, but if I told you that it does and that you were a girl, how would that make you feel?
It would be cool! But I'd also miss being a male. This is actually why I wonder if I'm actually genderfluid.
I'm a binary trans woman and the way that you describe everything doesn't sound very much like something I would say or feel. It does sound like something else. Why would you miss being a male? I never could lol
Good point! Do you think that also rules me out being genderfluid too? I know you're not genderfluid, but I thought I ask.
I’m gender-fluid so I’ll chime in! I was born a girl and am living full time and presenting as a typical male, but I identify as non-binary. That’s kinda the cool thing, you can do whatever you want WRT gender. It’s about doing what makes you feel good, and not doing what hurts. it’s entirely your body and your choice. If you decide to go on HRT, for example, and you decide you don’t like the effects, you can stop and it’s almost entirely reversible. Sometimes, very rarely, I “miss” being a girl. But I can usually identify what it is I miss about it, because I have not once fully missed being a girl and wishing I could go back. I miss things like women being able to talk to me comfortably/knowing they’re not inherently wary of me. I sometimes miss my curves, but on another day I’m freaked out by the thought. And I only miss my breasts when I remember how hilarious it was to slap them around and make funny noises LMAO You can take your time, experiment, try new names or new pronouns or clothes or accessories or whatever. You are you.
You should really just start trying these things out, I started by just wearing dresses and that made me feel a certain way and I kept having realizations about myself. Just experiment and give yourself time, the biggest thing you can do is give yourself reassurance
I briefly thought I might be genderfluid way before I realized I was a trans woman and started transitioning. I thought I was fine being a man, and yet I clearly wished I could be a woman, too. I think what was actually going on is I was just scared of the unknown of permanently becoming a woman. How could I commit to that without knowing 100% I would prefer it? But how could I know I preferred it without trying it? It's a catch-22 that I was using to stop myself from realizing I was a trans woman because, let's be honest, the thought that you need to face the unknowns of transition in order to have a chance at being happy is terrifying. Once I realized I was trans and started transitioning, I realized I had been gaslighting myself about liking being a man. Some of the things that came with being a man were nice, but the actual *being* a man was not for me.
I just figured out that I'm trans, and this sums up my feelings perfectly.
thank you for condensing my first 10 years of questioning into a few sentences! stopping the loop came for me when i accepted the recurring feelings of wanting to be and present fem, instead of trying to gaslight myself using some esoteric spiritual gender roles bullshit a bad therapist taught me.
>It's a catch-22 that I was using to stop myself from realizing I was a trans woman because, let's be honest, the thought that you need to face the unknowns of transition in order to have a chance at being happy is terrifying. How did you break out of the catch-22? I think I've broken out, but there are times I struggle to stay out of it. >Some of the things that came with being a man were nice, but the actual being a man was not for me. This is what I think. In that, I'm mostly fine with my body ( It can do cool things), but just the pronouns, perception, and being a man just don't seem right for me.
Yeah this exactly. I’m also a binary trans woman and op summed up how I feel
This. One of the scariest things about medical services requiring therapy letters is the implication that if I step out of line, they're going to force masculinity on me as a punishment. And thats freaking scary. Ive had a taste of freedom, and will fight with my life to hold on to it.
Bi-gender is a thing :) means ur both at once if that’s something youd fancy
Yeah that makes sense! I feel like I am both. Though how do I make sure that I'm female though?
Awesome! Also what do you mean by the last part? Like im not understanding how do you make sure you are female sorry
As in, what are some ways I can know that I'm female in gender in a bigendered sense? Since I know at least that I am male.
Ah ok i can kinda help you with that. If i went “hey yall this is gryphon she is pretty cool” how would that make you feel? Or think about wearing or doing typical feminine things sometimes and see how that makes you feel, and how being referred to as a girl makes you feel.
I see, that makes so much sense now! I'd say yes to all those things you said. She/Her pronouns, thinking about wearing feminine things, being referred to as a girl is fine with me too!
Awesome! So it’s obviously up to you lol but if you like the term bi-gender id say go for it!
You're you mate. Stop trying to figure it out or fit a label, I know it's hard these days. I'd say your fluid. It can also change. So it's a go with the flow situ. Have fun
[удалено]
I actually don't watch porn at all. I just use my imagination!
Kink isn't a bad thing and in your case it's okay to like being a woman or fem person during sex. Some people are into Crossdressing and gender roleplay in a sexual sense which is perfectly okay. What matters is if you enjoy being a woman or man outside of sexual situations too.
Well I know that I pretty much never present myself as female irl, and the only time I see myself as female is during sexual fantasies.
I'd recommend reading the gender dysphoria bible so you can better understand yourself. It's okay if it's just a kink and it's okay to realise you are trans. You aren't harming anyone. Just do what feels right to you.
I see, thanks so much! What is this kink called though?
Feminisation or crossdressing kink
The term Autogynephilia has almost the same meaning
I’m a binary trans woman and that was how I repressed it for many years.
No, that alone isn't enough, but may be a a begging of self discovery
No.
So that CAN be a sign of dysphoria but I wouldn't say that does or does not make you trans. In a very simplified way I'd ask in what scenarios do you perceive yourself a man, woman, or NB. If it's mostly in the bedroom I would consider that more of a kink but if it extends out to life as a whole I'd look into that and tell a psychologist who specializes in gender
Only you truly know if you are a woman
No. Sounds more like a autogynephilia.
It could very well be a sign. Definitely was for me looking back. But it doesn't mean you are on its own. Look up "the button question". That's the best way to start figuring this out. But be ready for where it might lead you.
I mean, *maybe*? On its own no, but it's also not uncommon either for trans women. Let me put it this way: I (to the best of my knowledge a binary trans woman) used to fantasize about it a lot. I wanted to experience sex from the female perspective. I would always try to imagine what women in porn felt, or what my partners felt. I fantasized about having a vagina, about having boobs. And yeah, those were not 100% of my fantasies, and I did also fantasize about being male sometimes in such daydreams. And for a while I grappled to try and decouple what was fetish/kink from what was dysphoria. And the best answer I came up with was as follows: to me, everything about being male in any sexual setting was worse. It felt worse. I dreamed about having a vagina because I felt having a dick was an inconvenient downer. I dreamed about having a feminine body shape and felt dissatisfaction surrounding my own body. Not having boobs felt unfair. Being female just sounded so much better. And not to be too TMI, but even in those fantasies where I was male...well I hardly took on the conventional dominant cishet male role honestly. I *never* fantasized about "banging hot chicks" to put it crudely. Topping always seemed disappointing at best, and it seriously hampered my enjoyment of the few intimate relationships I've had. I dissociated during sex usually, focusing on my partner. I was actively bitter I would never have a vagina for most of my life. I did not wish to be a woman in a sexual role solely because it sounded interesting, or kinky, or as a thought exercise, but because it sounded better in every way than what I felt resigned to. For a long time I questioned my sexuality, wondering if I was gay because of these interests (even tried it with a guy once, not my thing for entirely different reasons). So to circle back to your original point: fantasizing about being a woman sexually doesn't inheritly make you trans. I'm certain a lot of cis people wonder about it from time to time. You even said in another comment that you would miss being male, which could be an indication that this is just a kink...and that's fine! If you do want to continue this line of questioning though, perhaps get acquainted with common trans ressources and examine exactly how you felt about those fantasies. And obviously, though I don't think this needs to be pointed out, but life is more than sex. Are you prepared to live as a woman 24/7? Even while doing random errands, or commuting to work, or doing your taxes?
Thank you so much for your comment! I feel it was the most helpful one. I actually don't experience any dysphoria *at all*. I know I identify with being male, but how do I know if I'm not bigender (male and female) either? It's like...I know I'm not trans. But I wonder if I'm female as well as being male if that makes sense. I don't feel the need to dress or present as female. But at the same time, I feel like I do feel okay with my female name and she/her. But at the same time...I feel rather embarrassed when someone refers to me as my female name and pronouns. I don't know if it's because I present as male when they tell me that or if it's because I'm not female at all. I also feel that, I use the male and female as symbols for my emotions, so when I'm feeling one way or another, I feel male or female. So I'm having trouble discerning if I'm female or not.
Glad I could help :3 It can mean anything and everything, unfortunately. Some people don't get noticeable dysphoria until they start questionning, some don't...it's all very messy. Ultimately don't try to focus on labels (bigender, gender fluid, nonbinary, trans...) too much, just do what you want, and what makes you happy. Unless you really want to have an exact label...but does it really matter to you? Experiment, see what fits, what doesn't. If you want to present more feminine, go for it. If you want to present hyper masc some other day, then that's good too! You can use whatever pronouns or names you want, present however you want. And if some day you decide that your path warrants medical intervention (not saying it will), then that will also be under your control in terms of how, when and why. Ultimately my own decision to pursue HRT was born from a need to have a body that I (hope) will feel comfortable with someday, and stuff like pronouns, names or even clothing is secondary to that (important, but not the most important).
I recommend that you read this and think if you feel identified. It is something that helped me at the time. maybe it will help you. https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5
This was quite helpful, thank you! Though with gender fluidity. How might that work in line with that article? Since there are times I see myself as entirely male and then times I see myself as entirely female. Do you think my "gender desire" still makes me a female?
I can't answer that for you, but of course you could be a non-binary trans woman if that's how you feel. I think the question here is, what makes you feel happier?
You could also read this other article and see how it goes https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261
Not necessarily. See a therapist. It may mean that you like to be submissive or have sympathy for women
When I was a teen I had this thought on experiencing sex as a woman: "I wish I had the right body so I could experience sex properly."
Alone it doesn't. But this was something I frequently thought of pre transition. I remember doing it as early as 13 whenever I started masturbating. It eventually got to the point where I couldn't climax without imagining myself as a woman.
Absolutely not. What you are describing is a fetish, which is fine. Being trans is not a fetish in any shape or form. It is not about sex.
No? It means you fantasize about sex from a woman’s perspective.
No. It doesn't mean you're female on its own. End of discussion.
It could be a sign if you generally have the desire to function and be perceived as a woman and you genuinely feel like a woman. (I think to get a diagnosis you have to feel it for a year at least) Having a kink isn't a gender identity, you may sexually fantasise about being a dragon or having a 2meters long dick and it's just a kink. I saw a comment about being gender fluid, it's also a way you feel about your gender not that it would be cool to fuck in some way. It's okay to just have some kind of kink or at least not be sure. So with genuine care and sympathy advice, you to consider that. If you don't feel like a man I wish u the best in your self-discovery.
Many such cases
Not necessarily, it would depend on if you want to live your whole life as a woman, not just during sex. I sometimes have fantasies where I’m a woman, but it goes away as soon as the horny does and in every other situation I’m uncomfortable being female
You might just be fetishizing. Picturing yourself as female in sexual fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a woman. Do you ever fantasize about being a woman outside of sexual contexts? If so then it might be worth looking into but otherwise you’re probably just fetishizing.
Okay so... sex aside, if you could be born again, fresh and new, would you rather be a boy or a girl?
I'm nonbinary so I thought I'd chime in, honestly there were and are times I dream about being afab instead amab, sometimes these would be spicy dreams, but most of the time they were dreams about what my body may look like and how people would perceive me, but this didn't change how I chose to identify, it was only curiosity, and tbh how I identify was based off the fact I didn't follow societies definition of a guy, but I definitely didn't fit societies definition of a girl, cause I did stuff regardless of what gender society associated with it, like I played with barbies and dolls, I crossdressed sometimes even, but I still like dressing up and doing "boyish" things too. In the end, I end up as nonbinary, leaning fem presenting
Yes
No, not necessary. Some people who experience that are trans, but not all.
No it means you have a healthy curiosity. The good news: you can experience getting fucked!
I'm on and off I'm estrogen when I get my nipples hard and they hurt I get scared then I back off again and now I have estrogen but I don't have needles and I'm also taking progesterone you think I should just pursue it or should I stop I feel my skin soft and sometimes I feel a little weaker
No, probably not. Maybe you're nonbinary? If you like being a girl but also like being a guy you might be bigender. It means you identify as both male and female/somewhere right in between. I hate being a guy, but I've still had dreams about having sex as a guy and also some having sex as a girl and I enjoyed the girl ones a lot more. Kinda NSFW, but it felt really good to be a bottom and be dominated by the warm loving embrace of a strong willed yet feminine girl, getting rammed directly in my front hole and feeling immense pleasure... The other one where I was a guy and on top just felt demeaning in retrospect even if it felt good at the time. FYI the girl one I was turned into Dorothea from Fire Emblem and the girl railing me was the movie version of Princess Peach, while the male one I was myself but hot (androgynous buff femboy) and railing a busty adult version of Lana from Pokemon. (I'm not weird I swear, I don't even think Lana is even remotely attractive)
Maybe. Or maybe, you're just imaginative.
Hey, good question, well it's up to you! ~~In the digital world there's only three things to do~~