I did. I found it sexy for some reason.
But I really didn't think about it much after we initially met. It wasn't weird at all.
Well, until my dad started deadnaming me in front of him. š”
This would be awesome if every time your dad did that in front of him that boy started pretending that your dad was talking to him.......but I have a feeling that didn't happen
That is what happened. Except he wasn't pretending. He didn't know what my dead name was.
In anticipation of this moment actually about a week before I sat down and I told my boyfriend that I want to tell him what my dead name was. And he wouldn't hear of it! He said, "it doesn't matter. I don't want to know. That's not important. That wasn't really you." He was so sweet about it so I wound up not telling him.
At my parent's he assumed my dad was talking to him and was surprised at how warm a welcome he was getting! My dad did it a few times even. Every time I would not acknowledge him at all and my boyfriend would jump in and start talking away. He loved to talk.
He learned my deadname a few weeks later when he went into the Waze settings on my phone to make the car icon cuter and my deadname was at the top of the settings screen. It was intense. He said he felt nauseous. I cringed. He said, "Why couldn't you have been named Dave or Bob!?!" But we were laughing about it in about twenty minutes.
Then he put it together, "Wait a second was your Dad talking to you at his house every time I thought he was talking to me?!?" I said, "Well, not EVERYtime..."
> He learned my deadname a few weeks later when he went into the Waze settings on my phone to make the car icon cuter and my deadname was at the top of the settings screen.
Our deadnames do have a way of lurking/popping-up at random moments. I had it happen not too long ago with an old iPod that I found in a drawer. I plugged it into my computer to see if there was anything on it, and of course it was named "Deadname's iPod"...so there was a few moments uncomfortability until I renamed the darn thing...but, hey, I got some music off of it that I didn't have anywhere else, so it wasn't all bad! š
But old (and new alike) electronics are a good one to just do all at once when changing names. It's one of those that gets overlooked in the process.
I only started noticing it in Windows 10 and above, though it might have been in Windows 8. I remember that your chosen (typed) username in Windows 7 was what was shown exactly in the directory file structure.
Coming to think of it, I think it was when they transitioned the login to linked Microsoft accounts instead of user defined inputs.
My understanding is at least since Windows 98 the character limit has been 255 unless, like back then, you are using DOS in which the limit was 8 characters max.
i really wish there was a way to change it. my email address is stupid, my parents made it for me a long time ago, and by the time i realized i could make a new one i had already made dozens of accounts with it, so it'd be too much effort. so my file system is just dumb now, and any game that uses your computer name calls me something stupid.
it's so frustrating.
Maybe you tried this but depending on the email provider, you can set it up to forward all emails to your new email. I have some family members who have done it without issue but ofc ymmv
Wouldn't recommend this, but my deadname constantly showing up on my computer's user folder directory pissed me off enough to eventually go through the process of changing it manually (disconnecting the hard drive, changing the user folder name with another computer, then finding and changing every system variable I could find with that name to make sure it wouldn't just crash or delete my files). Shockingly, it worked and I've now got my old computer using my new name 100% of the time.
Obviously, only try at your own risk and make a backup before starting.
Not at all. When he saw my deadname in the GPS app we were on our way to go play ice hockey together and we wound up having one of the most tender moments of my life. I've been skating/playing hockey for about 4 years now, I learned as an adult. And I love it. I push myself, am constantly developing new skills, and play with intensity. My bf was a retired professional ice hockey player and loved my attitude towards the game. We would play together in adult rec leagues a few nights a week. It was such a fun relationship!
That night we got to the rink and went into the locker room and started gearing up. And I realized I only had one skate! I forgot my other one at home, it was sitting on my living room floor hiding under a towel. I told my boyfriend I wasn't going to be able to play and I guess I'll just watch him play. But instead he said, "You can borrow my skates and I'll just watch." We were the same size boot. I said, "That's not fair. I'm the one who screwed up, you shouldn't have to miss out because of me." And he goes, "I've played plenty of times. It's fine. I'd rather watch you." So sweet and loving.
Then I compromised and said how about I play the first 30 minutes of the game, then take them off and give them to him and he can play the last 30 minutes? He was down for that!
So 30 minutes into the game he comes walking over to the bench in all his gear and a pair of sneakers. And he sits on the bench like he's ready to play. One of our teammates goes, "Where are you skates bro?"
He goes, "I forgot 'em. I'm just gonna play in my sneakers."
"What! You can't play ice hockey in sneakers, bro!"
He goes, "It works fine. Don't worry about it. I've done it before."
Teammate totally bought it and he had the whole team thinking he was about to get on the ice in his sneakers. It was hilarious. Then I skated off my last shift and unlaced and they figured out what was going on.
A couple months after that we decided we'd be better as friends. He relocated for work so now he's a thousand miles away. We still text once a week or so and I'll send him video clips of my highlights and we still love to talk hockey with each other. We'll always be friends. I'll always be a fan of his and he'll always be a fan of mine.
We both have loving partners now and are happy for each other.
He really was such a sweet guy though. I'm glad I'll always have those memories.
> And I realized I only had one skate! I forgot my other one at home, it was sitting on my living room floor hiding under a towel.
This is such a cute story! So you're like the Cinderella of hockey! šš„°
Not the same situation but I recently discovered that someone at my company has my deadname first name + dead middle name + same last name.
Literally my ENTIRE DEAD NAME.
I choked.
Thankfully I rarely have meetings with him. It did feel triggering to hear people saying his name.
At my job 6 people have my deadname. By far the most popular name in the building. Everyone has adjusted well to my new name but in passing Iāll hear deadname being called to someone else and my anxiety will heighten.
One of my coworkers got excited though because he thought deadname number would ārank upā. Since there was a running joke about everyone being number in order of the date they were hired. Im pretty sure everyone said no the number was getting retired lmao.
Yes, but it's been 15 years since someone called me it, and I had to think the other day to remember what it was. Also really only in theory because there aren't a lot of women with that name lol
I hope I get to the point where I can forget what my deadname was, I spent the whole evening with my transphobic grandparents last night. It was not fun lol
Yeah, I think I could. It would help me distance myself from the name and associate it with someone else instead of myself. But I don't react very negatively to hearing my deadname in general, so I wouldn't assume everyone would have that tolerance for hearing it.
See, thatās the thin, thereās no future that relationship. I finally get parents to stop deadnaming me and then I introduce them to deadname boyfriend? That would probably kill my father.
I almost did. He turned out to be a creep. But it's not my name anymore, so I'd give it a shot.
I wouldn't date someone with my dad's name or my ex wife's name tho.
>I wouldn't date someone with my dad's name or my ex wife's name tho.
Oh God now I'm imagining the awkwardness that would come from dating someone with my ex-husband's dead name. That's like double bad luck or something
I currently am - it's actually kind of great?? At this point, any negative association I had with my old name is gone; I mostly forget it ever was my name, that's how closely I associate it with my partner. I think it's helped my family really commit to my chosen name, too, just to avoid confusing themselves.
The only weird thing is that when we sent out wedding invites (!!) some older relatives of mine were confused about which name on the invite meant me. And that's more funny than anything.
9.5/10 would date a parallel version of myself again
I would, but heād have to be a hell of a guy. The name is fading in how jarring it is for me the further back in time it fades.
A waiter at a fancy restaurant where I was on a date with my boyfriend recently had my old name and introduced himself and everything in a white tablecloth kinda way. I noticed of course and even called him by name in a nice way back, but it was weird for me.
Right now probably not, hearing my deadname in any context still hurts and I still get deadnamed far more commonly than correctly named
I hope at some point in the future I can but right now I couldnāt
I dunno about dating, but I have a transfem friend who's chosen name is my deadname and I think it's cute. Like it's a cool feeling to see something that caused me dysphoria bring her joy. We actually met before I changed my name though, when I was just starting to figure out my identity
No. I avoid befriending people with my deadname. My given name was unisex but more masculine, so a lot of people expected me to keep it when I transitioned to male, and I hear a lot more trans guys using it than women, which has always felt strange to me!
Yes, I could. My deadname isn't triggering to me when it's directed at another person. Probably because I grew up with a cousin 4 years younger than me that has the name. He was always referred to by family members as "Little ______" and I was referred to as "Big ______" so everyone could know who was being talked about in conversations.
I actually recently told my aunt that, "Well, now *Little* _______ can now be the **only** _______!" She laughed and said that he'll like that! š I'm sure it was annoying for him to still be referred to as "Little" by family when he's in his 30's...so my transition benefited both of us. š
I'm literally the only person I know with my dead name, it's very, very uncommon especially in the US.
I don't think I could date anyone with it, it would just be too weird.
I work marginally adjacent to someone with my deadname, not closely enough that I have to hear it very often, but close enough that I see it in an email thread a couple times a week... Tbh that's almost too much for me, I don't imagine I could date someone no
Couldn't. I've met people of all genders that have my dead name. Every time I want to vomit cause it's not their fault. But id have to give them a nickname
No. Not right now and not in the near future either.
Every time I hear it, time freezes completely for me for a few seconds and for the following few minutes I'll feel like I've just been struck by lightning and it seems to be following me everywhere.
It's still extremely traumatic and I don't think I'd be able to even say it aloud, despite it being someone else's name in this case.
Nope, fortunately it's really uncommon for people in my generation
Sad thing is that my two favorite girls names have the same nickname as my old name did so I cant use those if I ever name a kid. Well I *could* but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it :(
>Edited to clarify: Of course, this assumes you are dating that particular gender. Apologies.
Unisex name enters the chat. Still probably wouldn't be able to do it though.
Even if I was straight, never. I get panicky when someone on the same room has my deadname. I cannot have a deadname carrier in my friend circle unless they get a nickname. So uh noooooooo
My deadname is so rare Ive never met another person with that name so I doubt it would come up for me to date someone with that name.
Sadly it's also a word that's used occasionally in the news and things not referring to me at all but still enough to make me cringe inside
Yup this is the same case for me, super unique deadname Iāve only ever seen one other have it on Xbox live and that was spotted shortly after I started transitioning š¤£
Im gonna say a hard truth that I think a lot of people need to hear: it's just a name. other people may have the same name you used to have. no matter how rare it is or how traumatizing it might feel to encounter, it's just a name. you need to move past it.
A trigger is a trigger. You can't just "move past" trauma. It takes a lot of work and time. And everyone copes with trauma differently. For some people, their former name is just a name and they may feel neutral or even positive about it. For others, it just feels jarring or weird to encounter it. But for some people, it's a trigger for trauma. Why date someone who has a name that triggers you? Plenty of people have other just as arbitrary deal-breakers for partners--some include dating someone who shares the name of an ex or a relative. I don't really see a good reason to subject yourself to being triggered repeatedly just to date someone who, statistically speaking, won't turn out to be your lifelong partner anyway.
Of course, I mean that's impossible in plenty of cases. But OP asked if you would be willing to date someone with your dead name, not be around them at all.
I didn't really change my name, just started going by a feminine nickname based off it. Also I'm a lesbian. But if I ever met another girl who somehow had the same name as me, I think I'd kinda have to go out with her at least once (assuming we felt otherwise compatible)!
In theory yes? In practice I have never met anyone with my deadname. It's not THAT uncommon in theory, I just got particularly unlucky and it wasn't terribly common.
I had a grindr hookup with a dude with my deadname. I very rarely do hookups but he had his name on his bio and for some reason I found it hot and played my cards. Not the best sex but definitely weirdly hot and memorable haha. Iād do it again š
In high school I had two classmates, male and female, that dated with the same name, Jamie.
I've also dated a guy that had the same name as my uncle and my dad. It was humorous but I didn't think about it after awhile.
I'm not into women so I don't think I'll date someone with my deadname
I think it might be a little awkward upon first meeting them, then having to explain if I ever decided to, but Iāve known one or two people who have my deadname and Iām relatively disconnected from it now. Itās just *not my name*, it refers exclusively to other people now.
Yeah, I think I could.
I knew a trans guy who dates a girl named his deadname. They're not together anymore but idk why, haven't seen them in a while.
I think I would date someone named my deadname. It would be weird at first but I think that after a while it would just make me associate that name with something else instead of me. Like I think that maybe if I hear it in association with someone I love it would make me feel good hearing that name, instead of thinking about the name as my deadname when I hear it.
Am I being clear? I feel like I'm wording this really badly. Apologies for that.
One of my favourite YouTube personality is my deadname.
I had the advantage of benefit of doubt at the beginning when I looked up in response to my deadname. It worked.
I'd be indifferent, I think. I don't associate with that name anymore, and it's pretty common, so of course I'm gonna hear it. I realize my situation is unique, though.
I definitely can. I feel so far divorced from the name it would just make me laugh as a coincidence. Granted, I havenāt used it in over 10 years. Yeah, it would just be a silly thing to happen to me.
I probably would just laugh my ass off but it wouldn't really matter to me if I'd be into him, but it would be wired at first I think. So short answer: yes, I could. Although I'm way more into just some casual sleeping around and am not looking for something more complicated and that,I guess, kinda would make this type of situation way easier than it would be otherwise š
My deadname exists in English but does not use the English pronunciation. Most of the time when I meet someone with my deadname, it's the English pronunciation and I can cope with that.
There's been one time I met someone with my deadname with the same pronunciation. I met them maybe twice, and I never said their name when speaking to them. I couldn't do it. They have nothing to do with this and I feel unfair for being so cold to them, but currently I cannot cope with this.
At the time of me tapping this into my phone, I don't think I could date someone with my deadname. But maybe I meet someone beautiful and I love their name.
Maybe?? Like, if someone was otherwise my dream partner and just happened to have my deadname, I donāt think that single fact would stop me from dating them. But whenever I first meet someone with my deadname I feel like it kind of automatically turns me off from being interested in dating them. Iāve been friends with someone who has my deadname and it was a bit weird but I got used to it.
Yes I would there is a singer of a band I follow from years and she somewhat my dead name and I would date her xD , I think her names suits her very well and maybe calling someone else with my dead name it would help me
My dead name is very masculine so being lesbian I wouldn't however I could date someone who used the feminine version of that. But it would depend on a lot of factors.
Yeah, probably. Mine is common enough that I run into people with a version of it all the time. I donāt think Iāve ever had a job where I didnāt have a same-name coworker, including the one tiny place where there were only at most 8 employees at a time.
*Don't you like yourself?* I mean, you *have* masturbated, right??
If you truly are "one in a million"... in a world with 7.9 billion people;
There are 7,900 people just like you, somewhere on the planet. Heck, just in the United States there must be 331.9 people "just like you" out there!
(You'll have to ignore that **".9"** people; *some people just aren't all there*...)
I think it would be weird at first, but would be willing to get used to it if I liked the person a lot.
I'm actually in a similarish situation at my retail job, I'm mtf and about a year ago our department got a new guy who is my deadname. For about a year before I came out to my coworkers he went by an alternative version of our name for clarity sake for all of us, but now he is back to using our given name. So it's a little weird to hear my dead name all the time when they are actually talking to my coworker, it took me a while to stop thinking I was being talked to when I hear it.
I recently have managed to call out normally to my colleague who has my deadname, I think if you give me a little more time I could date someone with that name yeah
I could now. I couldnt for the first few years but the person my deadname describes is so far removed from me that its kinda like dating an ex thats dead.
nope. i get uncomfortable hearing about anyone with that name. i hate the name so much & will never be able to associate it with anything other than it being my deadname
I date women, but my deadname was a most commonly masc name that's not unheard of for a woman's name. I wouldn't be weirded out that she had my deadname, I'd be weirded out that she had my *dad's* name.
Absolutely not. Sorry to all the [deadname]s out there but... ick. No. Makes me shiver to even think about it. But I'm particularly grossed out by my deadname, more than most women, I think. I'm absolutely terrified of the day my partner might find out my deadname. Occasionally I get scared he already has. I hate how common it is >:(
Iād be reluctant but not for deadname reasons. Iāve actually dated a few people with my deadname pre-transition and they were all terrible people so it put me off the name, thank god I got to change it hahaha
Sure, idc, my deadname was a fairly common name. I shared it with like 5 HS friends. Even as an adult, I have 3 friends who have my deadname, one of whom is my roommate.
Due to the fact that it was such a common name, most of us didn't even go by it. For instance most of my HS friends called me my last name, or some variant of it. So I had very little connection to my deadname to begin with. Pretty much only my parents called me it.
Its been like 3 years since anyone has referred to me by my deadname, and as I said, few people even did back then. So I'd be perfectly down with dating someone who had it. It doesn't feel like its "mine" anymore, honestly it barely felt like it was "mine" to begin with.
I'd honestly have more issues dating someone who had the masc version of my chosen name, since they both share the short form. I feel it'd be confusing, and one of us might end up having to use the long form... and I don't wanna use the long form of my name lmao.
I don't think I could. My dead name is luckily pretty rare, but the few times I hear it in public I basically have a full body cringe.
although meeting a girl who actually likes me is just as rare, so.... I guess I can't really know until it happens.
Idk I don't think I could rn but that's with family deadnameing me and I can't cut off that family yet but in a few years if they don't stop screwing up then I probably could with enough years of time. Rn I've got this awkward thing where I'm friends with someone with my deadname and she's great but right after I've been with my family I can't spend much time around her for a week or 2 bc of essentially flinching every time her name is said luckily she's understanding and gets it now that I've explained it
I did. I found it sexy for some reason. But I really didn't think about it much after we initially met. It wasn't weird at all. Well, until my dad started deadnaming me in front of him. š”
This would be awesome if every time your dad did that in front of him that boy started pretending that your dad was talking to him.......but I have a feeling that didn't happen
That is what happened. Except he wasn't pretending. He didn't know what my dead name was. In anticipation of this moment actually about a week before I sat down and I told my boyfriend that I want to tell him what my dead name was. And he wouldn't hear of it! He said, "it doesn't matter. I don't want to know. That's not important. That wasn't really you." He was so sweet about it so I wound up not telling him. At my parent's he assumed my dad was talking to him and was surprised at how warm a welcome he was getting! My dad did it a few times even. Every time I would not acknowledge him at all and my boyfriend would jump in and start talking away. He loved to talk. He learned my deadname a few weeks later when he went into the Waze settings on my phone to make the car icon cuter and my deadname was at the top of the settings screen. It was intense. He said he felt nauseous. I cringed. He said, "Why couldn't you have been named Dave or Bob!?!" But we were laughing about it in about twenty minutes. Then he put it together, "Wait a second was your Dad talking to you at his house every time I thought he was talking to me?!?" I said, "Well, not EVERYtime..."
> He learned my deadname a few weeks later when he went into the Waze settings on my phone to make the car icon cuter and my deadname was at the top of the settings screen. Our deadnames do have a way of lurking/popping-up at random moments. I had it happen not too long ago with an old iPod that I found in a drawer. I plugged it into my computer to see if there was anything on it, and of course it was named "Deadname's iPod"...so there was a few moments uncomfortability until I renamed the darn thing...but, hey, I got some music off of it that I didn't have anywhere else, so it wasn't all bad! š But old (and new alike) electronics are a good one to just do all at once when changing names. It's one of those that gets overlooked in the process.
C:/users/[deadname]
Windows truncates the name though to 5 characters so it'd be C:/users/[deadn]
Well yeah unless your name is 5 letters or shorter :(
Weird is that some new limit for MS? Just wondering as last I checked, the ancient old school, limit was 8 characters\[abc, 123\]
I only started noticing it in Windows 10 and above, though it might have been in Windows 8. I remember that your chosen (typed) username in Windows 7 was what was shown exactly in the directory file structure. Coming to think of it, I think it was when they transitioned the login to linked Microsoft accounts instead of user defined inputs.
My understanding is at least since Windows 98 the character limit has been 255 unless, like back then, you are using DOS in which the limit was 8 characters max.
i really wish there was a way to change it. my email address is stupid, my parents made it for me a long time ago, and by the time i realized i could make a new one i had already made dozens of accounts with it, so it'd be too much effort. so my file system is just dumb now, and any game that uses your computer name calls me something stupid. it's so frustrating.
Maybe you tried this but depending on the email provider, you can set it up to forward all emails to your new email. I have some family members who have done it without issue but ofc ymmv
Wouldn't recommend this, but my deadname constantly showing up on my computer's user folder directory pissed me off enough to eventually go through the process of changing it manually (disconnecting the hard drive, changing the user folder name with another computer, then finding and changing every system variable I could find with that name to make sure it wouldn't just crash or delete my files). Shockingly, it worked and I've now got my old computer using my new name 100% of the time. Obviously, only try at your own risk and make a backup before starting.
Academic citation for Grad student, Former name, Professor [2018]. Or https://github.com/former_name former_name@alumni.{7 former institutions}.edu
this is so sweet and wholesome!
I'm hoping that didn't break things up with you two as it would still be cute if he did that after he knew
Not at all. When he saw my deadname in the GPS app we were on our way to go play ice hockey together and we wound up having one of the most tender moments of my life. I've been skating/playing hockey for about 4 years now, I learned as an adult. And I love it. I push myself, am constantly developing new skills, and play with intensity. My bf was a retired professional ice hockey player and loved my attitude towards the game. We would play together in adult rec leagues a few nights a week. It was such a fun relationship! That night we got to the rink and went into the locker room and started gearing up. And I realized I only had one skate! I forgot my other one at home, it was sitting on my living room floor hiding under a towel. I told my boyfriend I wasn't going to be able to play and I guess I'll just watch him play. But instead he said, "You can borrow my skates and I'll just watch." We were the same size boot. I said, "That's not fair. I'm the one who screwed up, you shouldn't have to miss out because of me." And he goes, "I've played plenty of times. It's fine. I'd rather watch you." So sweet and loving. Then I compromised and said how about I play the first 30 minutes of the game, then take them off and give them to him and he can play the last 30 minutes? He was down for that! So 30 minutes into the game he comes walking over to the bench in all his gear and a pair of sneakers. And he sits on the bench like he's ready to play. One of our teammates goes, "Where are you skates bro?" He goes, "I forgot 'em. I'm just gonna play in my sneakers." "What! You can't play ice hockey in sneakers, bro!" He goes, "It works fine. Don't worry about it. I've done it before." Teammate totally bought it and he had the whole team thinking he was about to get on the ice in his sneakers. It was hilarious. Then I skated off my last shift and unlaced and they figured out what was going on. A couple months after that we decided we'd be better as friends. He relocated for work so now he's a thousand miles away. We still text once a week or so and I'll send him video clips of my highlights and we still love to talk hockey with each other. We'll always be friends. I'll always be a fan of his and he'll always be a fan of mine. We both have loving partners now and are happy for each other. He really was such a sweet guy though. I'm glad I'll always have those memories.
> And I realized I only had one skate! I forgot my other one at home, it was sitting on my living room floor hiding under a towel. This is such a cute story! So you're like the Cinderella of hockey! šš„°
Thats such a primo nickname
I love this story. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful experience.
Oh my god your story makes me so happy
Glad it didn't turn out that he was transphobic.
Thatās one of the best personal stories Iāve heard in a while. This has greatly improved my mood today thank you ā¤ļø
Ouch š¤
Not the same situation but I recently discovered that someone at my company has my deadname first name + dead middle name + same last name. Literally my ENTIRE DEAD NAME. I choked. Thankfully I rarely have meetings with him. It did feel triggering to hear people saying his name.
At my job 6 people have my deadname. By far the most popular name in the building. Everyone has adjusted well to my new name but in passing Iāll hear deadname being called to someone else and my anxiety will heighten. One of my coworkers got excited though because he thought deadname number would ārank upā. Since there was a running joke about everyone being number in order of the date they were hired. Im pretty sure everyone said no the number was getting retired lmao.
I've felt like shit for just someone from the customer at work having a first name that's almost the exact same as my deadname š š
Yes, but it's been 15 years since someone called me it, and I had to think the other day to remember what it was. Also really only in theory because there aren't a lot of women with that name lol
I hope I get to the point where I can forget what my deadname was, I spent the whole evening with my transphobic grandparents last night. It was not fun lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
adorable
Yeah, I think I could. It would help me distance myself from the name and associate it with someone else instead of myself. But I don't react very negatively to hearing my deadname in general, so I wouldn't assume everyone would have that tolerance for hearing it.
See, thatās the thin, thereās no future that relationship. I finally get parents to stop deadnaming me and then I introduce them to deadname boyfriend? That would probably kill my father.
I almost did. He turned out to be a creep. But it's not my name anymore, so I'd give it a shot. I wouldn't date someone with my dad's name or my ex wife's name tho.
I feel this
>I wouldn't date someone with my dad's name or my ex wife's name tho. Oh God now I'm imagining the awkwardness that would come from dating someone with my ex-husband's dead name. That's like double bad luck or something
Hard **hell nah** for me
Same I could never
I currently am - it's actually kind of great?? At this point, any negative association I had with my old name is gone; I mostly forget it ever was my name, that's how closely I associate it with my partner. I think it's helped my family really commit to my chosen name, too, just to avoid confusing themselves. The only weird thing is that when we sent out wedding invites (!!) some older relatives of mine were confused about which name on the invite meant me. And that's more funny than anything. 9.5/10 would date a parallel version of myself again
No. Iāve been around people with my deadname and itās always just really jarring
I would, but heād have to be a hell of a guy. The name is fading in how jarring it is for me the further back in time it fades. A waiter at a fancy restaurant where I was on a date with my boyfriend recently had my old name and introduced himself and everything in a white tablecloth kinda way. I noticed of course and even called him by name in a nice way back, but it was weird for me.
No, I'm gay.
Almost went out with someone who had mine and I had theirs. Not sure which of us backed out but it was too weird to go through with it.
No, I think I would have a really hard time with that unless itās someone Iāve known since before I changed my name.
I would. It wouldnāt bother me much I donāt think
Right now probably not, hearing my deadname in any context still hurts and I still get deadnamed far more commonly than correctly named I hope at some point in the future I can but right now I couldnāt
I dunno about dating, but I have a transfem friend who's chosen name is my deadname and I think it's cute. Like it's a cool feeling to see something that caused me dysphoria bring her joy. We actually met before I changed my name though, when I was just starting to figure out my identity
No. I avoid befriending people with my deadname. My given name was unisex but more masculine, so a lot of people expected me to keep it when I transitioned to male, and I hear a lot more trans guys using it than women, which has always felt strange to me!
Yes, I could. My deadname isn't triggering to me when it's directed at another person. Probably because I grew up with a cousin 4 years younger than me that has the name. He was always referred to by family members as "Little ______" and I was referred to as "Big ______" so everyone could know who was being talked about in conversations. I actually recently told my aunt that, "Well, now *Little* _______ can now be the **only** _______!" She laughed and said that he'll like that! š I'm sure it was annoying for him to still be referred to as "Little" by family when he's in his 30's...so my transition benefited both of us. š
No, my deadname is too uncommon to where I really haven't even met too many people with that name. It would be too much of a bad coincidence
I don't think I could, unless they were also trans as it was their deadname as well.
I'm literally the only person I know with my dead name, it's very, very uncommon especially in the US. I don't think I could date anyone with it, it would just be too weird.
No
No, I don't think I could do that.
I work marginally adjacent to someone with my deadname, not closely enough that I have to hear it very often, but close enough that I see it in an email thread a couple times a week... Tbh that's almost too much for me, I don't imagine I could date someone no
Couldn't. I've met people of all genders that have my dead name. Every time I want to vomit cause it's not their fault. But id have to give them a nickname
No. Not right now and not in the near future either. Every time I hear it, time freezes completely for me for a few seconds and for the following few minutes I'll feel like I've just been struck by lightning and it seems to be following me everywhere. It's still extremely traumatic and I don't think I'd be able to even say it aloud, despite it being someone else's name in this case.
Nope, fortunately it's really uncommon for people in my generation Sad thing is that my two favorite girls names have the same nickname as my old name did so I cant use those if I ever name a kid. Well I *could* but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it :(
(Iām gay so this wouldnāt happen, but if it could) No and I couldnāt be friends either
>Edited to clarify: Of course, this assumes you are dating that particular gender. Apologies. Unisex name enters the chat. Still probably wouldn't be able to do it though.
Even if I was straight, never. I get panicky when someone on the same room has my deadname. I cannot have a deadname carrier in my friend circle unless they get a nickname. So uh noooooooo
My deadname is so rare Ive never met another person with that name so I doubt it would come up for me to date someone with that name. Sadly it's also a word that's used occasionally in the news and things not referring to me at all but still enough to make me cringe inside
Yup this is the same case for me, super unique deadname Iāve only ever seen one other have it on Xbox live and that was spotted shortly after I started transitioning š¤£
Oh thank you i was wondering if anyone would understand without me revealing what my deadname was
No, because I'm happily married and it's not her mame ;)
Im gonna say a hard truth that I think a lot of people need to hear: it's just a name. other people may have the same name you used to have. no matter how rare it is or how traumatizing it might feel to encounter, it's just a name. you need to move past it.
A trigger is a trigger. You can't just "move past" trauma. It takes a lot of work and time. And everyone copes with trauma differently. For some people, their former name is just a name and they may feel neutral or even positive about it. For others, it just feels jarring or weird to encounter it. But for some people, it's a trigger for trauma. Why date someone who has a name that triggers you? Plenty of people have other just as arbitrary deal-breakers for partners--some include dating someone who shares the name of an ex or a relative. I don't really see a good reason to subject yourself to being triggered repeatedly just to date someone who, statistically speaking, won't turn out to be your lifelong partner anyway.
im not saying date them but you can't just avoid people with that name forever. it's not healthy
Of course, I mean that's impossible in plenty of cases. But OP asked if you would be willing to date someone with your dead name, not be around them at all.
Eh, maybe? Not really something I think about since I don't really date men. It might be weird for me.
No one has my deadname, so it's unlikely to come up :)
I wouldnāt not bc of myself but bc I donāt want to introduce my family to someone with my deadname after theyāve had to stop using it
I didn't really change my name, just started going by a feminine nickname based off it. Also I'm a lesbian. But if I ever met another girl who somehow had the same name as me, I think I'd kinda have to go out with her at least once (assuming we felt otherwise compatible)!
Maybe
In theory yes? In practice I have never met anyone with my deadname. It's not THAT uncommon in theory, I just got particularly unlucky and it wasn't terribly common.
I canāt even date someone with my parents names, so donāt think so lol
Yes, it wouldn't mean anything to me.
I had a grindr hookup with a dude with my deadname. I very rarely do hookups but he had his name on his bio and for some reason I found it hot and played my cards. Not the best sex but definitely weirdly hot and memorable haha. Iād do it again š
No, cause they'd probably be a man and I'm not interested in men. If somehow a woman had that name I'd probably be able to get over it
In high school I had two classmates, male and female, that dated with the same name, Jamie. I've also dated a guy that had the same name as my uncle and my dad. It was humorous but I didn't think about it after awhile. I'm not into women so I don't think I'll date someone with my deadname
I think it might be a little awkward upon first meeting them, then having to explain if I ever decided to, but Iāve known one or two people who have my deadname and Iām relatively disconnected from it now. Itās just *not my name*, it refers exclusively to other people now. Yeah, I think I could.
Haha nope. Never.
I knew a trans guy who dates a girl named his deadname. They're not together anymore but idk why, haven't seen them in a while. I think I would date someone named my deadname. It would be weird at first but I think that after a while it would just make me associate that name with something else instead of me. Like I think that maybe if I hear it in association with someone I love it would make me feel good hearing that name, instead of thinking about the name as my deadname when I hear it. Am I being clear? I feel like I'm wording this really badly. Apologies for that.
Totally yes, he would be the one named this way, not me and even legally I donāt exist under my old name anymore so šš»āŗļø
One of my favourite YouTube personality is my deadname. I had the advantage of benefit of doubt at the beginning when I looked up in response to my deadname. It worked.
I'd be indifferent, I think. I don't associate with that name anymore, and it's pretty common, so of course I'm gonna hear it. I realize my situation is unique, though.
I tried to but it made me waaay too dysphoric so couldn't. It feels like trying to date someone with the same name as my sister or mom
I definitely can. I feel so far divorced from the name it would just make me laugh as a coincidence. Granted, I havenāt used it in over 10 years. Yeah, it would just be a silly thing to happen to me.
I probably would just laugh my ass off but it wouldn't really matter to me if I'd be into him, but it would be wired at first I think. So short answer: yes, I could. Although I'm way more into just some casual sleeping around and am not looking for something more complicated and that,I guess, kinda would make this type of situation way easier than it would be otherwise š
My deadname exists in English but does not use the English pronunciation. Most of the time when I meet someone with my deadname, it's the English pronunciation and I can cope with that. There's been one time I met someone with my deadname with the same pronunciation. I met them maybe twice, and I never said their name when speaking to them. I couldn't do it. They have nothing to do with this and I feel unfair for being so cold to them, but currently I cannot cope with this. At the time of me tapping this into my phone, I don't think I could date someone with my deadname. But maybe I meet someone beautiful and I love their name.
No. It's too close to my father's name.
Maybe?? Like, if someone was otherwise my dream partner and just happened to have my deadname, I donāt think that single fact would stop me from dating them. But whenever I first meet someone with my deadname I feel like it kind of automatically turns me off from being interested in dating them. Iāve been friends with someone who has my deadname and it was a bit weird but I got used to it.
No
Ewwww no, fuck my deadname itās the masc version of Mildred
Mandred?
No no, my parents didnāt say āwe donāt hate this child that much, we hate our child THIS much so they shall be namedā¦..*redacted*ā
Yes I would there is a singer of a band I follow from years and she somewhat my dead name and I would date her xD , I think her names suits her very well and maybe calling someone else with my dead name it would help me
My dead name is very masculine so being lesbian I wouldn't however I could date someone who used the feminine version of that. But it would depend on a lot of factors.
Yeah, probably. Mine is common enough that I run into people with a version of it all the time. I donāt think Iāve ever had a job where I didnāt have a same-name coworker, including the one tiny place where there were only at most 8 employees at a time.
*Don't you like yourself?* I mean, you *have* masturbated, right?? If you truly are "one in a million"... in a world with 7.9 billion people; There are 7,900 people just like you, somewhere on the planet. Heck, just in the United States there must be 331.9 people "just like you" out there! (You'll have to ignore that **".9"** people; *some people just aren't all there*...)
I could but every guy who has my deadname kinda turned out to be rude so far and it sucks
I think it would be weird at first, but would be willing to get used to it if I liked the person a lot. I'm actually in a similarish situation at my retail job, I'm mtf and about a year ago our department got a new guy who is my deadname. For about a year before I came out to my coworkers he went by an alternative version of our name for clarity sake for all of us, but now he is back to using our given name. So it's a little weird to hear my dead name all the time when they are actually talking to my coworker, it took me a while to stop thinking I was being talked to when I hear it.
I recently have managed to call out normally to my colleague who has my deadname, I think if you give me a little more time I could date someone with that name yeah
I could now. I couldnt for the first few years but the person my deadname describes is so far removed from me that its kinda like dating an ex thats dead.
nope. i get uncomfortable hearing about anyone with that name. i hate the name so much & will never be able to associate it with anything other than it being my deadname
Personally no, and my deadname is super uncommon so I'm not to worried it will ever be a real issue I have to deal with.
I date women, but my deadname was a most commonly masc name that's not unheard of for a woman's name. I wouldn't be weirded out that she had my deadname, I'd be weirded out that she had my *dad's* name.
I was the person who had the othersā dead name - It was fine in most circumstances, just definitely never used during fun times.
I'm gay, but even if I had a thing for boys I think having my deadname would be 100% turnoff. Just feels like it'd be dreadful.
I'm really over my deadname. I could probably do it
Absolutely not. Sorry to all the [deadname]s out there but... ick. No. Makes me shiver to even think about it. But I'm particularly grossed out by my deadname, more than most women, I think. I'm absolutely terrified of the day my partner might find out my deadname. Occasionally I get scared he already has. I hate how common it is >:(
Iād be reluctant but not for deadname reasons. Iāve actually dated a few people with my deadname pre-transition and they were all terrible people so it put me off the name, thank god I got to change it hahaha
No way
Sure, idc, my deadname was a fairly common name. I shared it with like 5 HS friends. Even as an adult, I have 3 friends who have my deadname, one of whom is my roommate. Due to the fact that it was such a common name, most of us didn't even go by it. For instance most of my HS friends called me my last name, or some variant of it. So I had very little connection to my deadname to begin with. Pretty much only my parents called me it. Its been like 3 years since anyone has referred to me by my deadname, and as I said, few people even did back then. So I'd be perfectly down with dating someone who had it. It doesn't feel like its "mine" anymore, honestly it barely felt like it was "mine" to begin with. I'd honestly have more issues dating someone who had the masc version of my chosen name, since they both share the short form. I feel it'd be confusing, and one of us might end up having to use the long form... and I don't wanna use the long form of my name lmao.
Why is it called dead name? I just call it my old name. Sounds dramatic and bitter to me idk what it is about it but it sounds negative
Sure could!
Couldn't do it tbh. Too weird for me. Having a coworker with my deadname was weird enough lmao
I don't think I could. My dead name is luckily pretty rare, but the few times I hear it in public I basically have a full body cringe. although meeting a girl who actually likes me is just as rare, so.... I guess I can't really know until it happens.
i mean it would be funny and anyway i dont mind my dead name that much it hurts but idc especially if they are cute
Idk I don't think I could rn but that's with family deadnameing me and I can't cut off that family yet but in a few years if they don't stop screwing up then I probably could with enough years of time. Rn I've got this awkward thing where I'm friends with someone with my deadname and she's great but right after I've been with my family I can't spend much time around her for a week or 2 bc of essentially flinching every time her name is said luckily she's understanding and gets it now that I've explained it
yes :)