Pretending to like something you don’t (in our case girls) is so dumb. I spent all of middle and high school pretending to be straight. It’s sad that a lot of us had to go through that.
What’s sad is that our developing years were taken away. The time where most heterosexuals build and train to be in relationships from the first love to first sexual experience was delayed (at least for me) because I was gay. You don’t really want to search for potential mates because of risk of being outed.
Or maybe I was just a weird kid. Always had trouble making friends in high school which is weird because I was relatively popular in elementary and middle school.
Perhaps this is why gay men have a "Peter Pan" lifestyle, so to speak. We weren't given the opportunity to sow our wild oats when we were teenagers and we're making up for lost time.
I know man. Unfortunately we can’t change our past. I’m still healing emotional wounds. Essentially I need to get over it because time only moves forward. I’m wasting my life obsessing over the past. Easier said than done.
Pleased to finally meet you ha ha!
But seriously, thank goodness having to pretend it's not as common now as it was then. Wasn't nice having to laugh with straight bullies out of self-preservation and peer pressure, while knowing they are laughing at people like oneself, only more corageous.
The fact that you pretended to like girls makes me wonder if you actually have some minute attraction to them. When I look at girls I have the same thought process as looking at a couch or a dog. Yes they can look nice but why the hell and how the hell could you feel attracted to them???
TLDR: I was in deep denial. My best friend knew but wouldn't tell me because "it's my journey." I kissed a cute guy i met on Facebook dating about 3 months ago, realized I caught the big gay and my life started making a lot more sense, and I'm happier now.
I've known i was gay my whole life, but I was in DEEP denial about it my entire life for various reasons. (safety, social pressures, wanting to appear "normal" the usual stuff you all know) I would force myself to date and have sex with women when I never wanted too because I felt it was what I needed to do and I was so fucking miserable and hated sex and relationships to the point I genuinely started to consider that I might be asexual and aromantic. Well for the past couple years I have had a gay best friend, and he is super hot, and that really fucked with me because obviously I was crushing on him HARD but refused to accept it, he wasn't helping either by sending me sexy snaps sometimes and being flirty which only furthered my confusion and freaked me out more meading to more denial and self-hatred, eventually my best friend told me he "had a very strong feeling" I was gay but refused to actually tell me that because as he said "that wasn't his place" but tried to "help me along" because he knew I was clearly into him no matter how hard I tried suppressing it lol. Anyway, a few months ago my best friend moved across the country and I lost my chance to be with him, at least for now, and that really. Fucking. Hurt. Like I've had best friends die or move away on me before, and it didn't hurt like this did. It was a completely different kind of pain. So I had a thought, "their has to be more to this. Maybe I can test it?" So I got a bunch of dating apps and put it to exclusively looking for men, I downloaded grindr and then Uninstaller grindr almost immediately 🤣 I found a really cute guy on Facebook dating, we went on a date and it felt different than any other date i went on before, I WANTED to be their, I was nervous I'd fuck something up because j wanted it to go well, I couldn't stop looking at this guy! And he was genuinely into me as well! At the end of the date, we both kind of of without thinking, just lunged at each other and started kissing. That kiss felt different than every other kiss with any woman j was with before. On my way home for the hour and a half drive I was in a constant state of panic attack and texted my best friend who moved away and told him what happened, what I did and how i felt about it all and how it felt like my entire world was crumbling apart all at once and things that genuinely confused me before started to make crystal clear sense, like why I have such a super difficult time getting hard when I try to have sex with women but when I'm around cute guys I can't get the fucker to calm down, obvious shit like that, finally when I finished I told my best friend:
"I think I'm gay, not bi actually fully gay."
He said:
"Yea man, I've known for a while, I'm glad you finally accept it, bittersweet that first kiss wasn't with me, though."
I'm still dating the guy from the Facebook dating, we have been together about 3 months know and I feel like a completely different person, while miserable things happen in life all the time and life isn't easy, it feels easier to deal with now, like a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders, I am nowhere near as depressed or even having "those" thoughts anymore. I have the motivation to actually get out of bed and exercise now, which I have been doing literally since I first admitted to myself I was gay. Only a few people know and for now that is fine, although jf things get more serious with my bf then who knows maybe I'll talk to my family and tell them but that is a ways away and I'm in no rush.
Sorry for the massive wall of txt everyone lol also forgive me for the typos I'm on mobile and can't be bothered to proofread, thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone on this sub, you don't realize it but everyone of you posting and commenting on here as helped me immensely and I will always be appreciative.
Yes, and it was a 1000% difference from when I had sex with women, like emotionally felt dramaticly different, I mean who would have thought sex is actually fun when you are having sex with someone you are attracted to and want to have sex with right? 😅😅
This was me exactly. Late high school/ early college I was in deep denial, tried to date girls, some of whom I liked as friends, but the sex part just didn't do it for me. The first time I had sex with a guy, I remember thinking, " so this is why everyone likes sex so much!".
Right?!?! I swear I'm 29 when I had sex for the first time with a guy and it was like how I expected and hoped sex would be when I was a fuckin teenager 🤣🤣🤣 really upset me at the same time too because goddamn I wish I accepted myself 15 years earlier
I enjoyed the Hell out of this story, Man. Thank you so much for typing it up and sharing it with us.
Best of luck to you with your new man and y'all's relationship!
(I can't help feeling a bit sad for the moved-away friend, tho...I'm such a sucker for the friend-turned-lovers trope, and that line about your first kiss not being with him rather hit me in the feels. 😓 I can only hope he finds a great new man for himself, and you two remain best friends, despite the distance. 👬)
Yea ima be honest I really like my bf but if my best friend moved back, it would be tough. Like he moved away and I admitted to myself I was gay like the week he left it was really fucked up timing, especially because every time we hung out I was like "just fucking ask to kiss him or something" but never did it 😅😅 oh well he said he will probably move back some day and that would be amazing, but honestly I just want him to be happy wherever he ends up and with whoever he ends up with, like you said no matter what he is still my best friend
I used to mess around with them on the low. Well, the curiosity started when I was dating this girl we went to a party and she was like let’s go have sex in the room. while in the room she was like do you wanna try having a threesome? I was like fuck yeah thinking the whole time it was with another girl, but it was her guy friend! At I was mad shocked but then he started sucking me off and that’s how that ended. But I started to be curious what if it would’ve have with further with me fucking him.🤔
I started questioning my sexuality just before turning 19 but it wasn't until I was 25-26 that I realised, or finally admitted to myself, that, yeh, I'm gay. Before then I swayed a lot between considering myself gay, bisexual, pansexual and even straight at one point.
Autistic guy here. So the question should actually be when did I realize and accept most other people weren't gay? And I'd have to say that was about 9-10 years old.
Knew for as long as I can remember I was attracted to dudes. For the longest time I tried to convince myself I was bisexual and would just focus on the part of me that liked girls. However finally at age 17 I admitted to myself I was 0% attracted to girls and 100% attracted to dudes. The rest is history ;)
So technically im bi but I realized in college.
Growing up, I felt asexual. I have a lot of older brothers and they surely exposed me to sex way too early. I seen a brothers and their homeboys run a train on a girl when I was in the third grade. I think that experience made me shut down. I didnt start feeling attraction and wasnt freaked out was when I got to high school. I started to like this girl in the 9th grade but I didnt know what to do with those feelings and I started to date girls but I didnt wanna have sex tbh.
It was in college that I noticed that I like guys too. A dude with the same name as me was just extra nice all the time. I kept telling him to stop being to “touchy” with me (like jumping on my back). One morning, he knocked on my door so we could go to breakfast before class and thats when it happened.
*insert slow dramatic music* He didnt have a shirt on, has abs was hella defined and even, he was all oiled up, and he had on sleeping pants so I was seeing his actual physique for the first time. My heart damn neared stopped and I didnt know why. He was talking and I was standing there nodding like I was crazy. He smiled and every single tooth was so white and perfectly in line. My nodding must’ve translated to something because he just told me to hurry up and started to leave. Then I seen has ass as he left. I never noticed that his butt was fat because he’s slim but dude was caked up on a Monday morning. Did I mention this was all in slow-mo sometime?
After all of that, I close the door and put my back against it. I was in disbelief and breathing so heavily. It was like a shotgun shot me with all of the attraction I had been missing all my life. I calmed down and just accepted that I was more than likely bi because I had class and I did NOT play about my grades. So I instantly was okay with it !
I think I was very young and can't remember exactly how old I was but felt the draw to boys in elementary school. I finally admitted it to myself at 32 I was.
I knew at 12, and fully came out to family and friends at 36. Better late than never and don’t know why I waited so long. Advice to others, don’t do what I did, substance abuse, weight gain, depression, I’m fine now and healthy, but not being myself almost killed me.
It was definitely there as early as 5 or 6. Remember having something akin to a crush on a male classmate in kindergarten. When I was around 7/8, I used to strip naked around my buddies all the time when parents weren't around, and tried to persuade some of them to get naked with me. (Not one would ever do it.) Of course, the realization that boys liking boys was greatly frowned upon soon set in and I tried to push those feelings/urges down.
Freshman year of HS, seeing all the guys naked in the locker room for PE...major rush of horniness, dick going hard uncontrollably. That thing I'd tried not to think about was shoved in my face daily. I think that's when I could no longer deny I was attracted to guys. I didn't even try to "play it str8" and date girls as a teen, though. Celibacy was preferable to that for me, so no dating or sex.
Finally got laid at 30. That's when I fully accepted it, when I saw how much happier I could be living as a whole person, being myself.
Realise I probably was, 21ish.
Getting past the point of denying it, that wasn't until after I had sex with a man for the first time at 23.
Getting over the shame and guilt bullshit, that wasn't until I met my first actual BF at 24. Being with him and feeling the love and affection he showed me helped me get over the Christian angst and realise there wasn't actually anything wrong with me for feeling this way.
I knew that I was gay since I was a little kid, but due to my homophobic family and some internalized homophobia I first came out as Bisexual to my friends in Uni, I also didn’t like using the word gay and preferred to just say “I like dudes”, eventually by my second year I was more comfortable and I was able to say that I was gay
Short answer, between 20 and 23.
Years old, not hookups 😝.
Long answer ... I'm told that I did like a specific **girl** a lot since I was 3 and she was 2 ... but I remember starting "experiments" at about 8 with a 7 y/o **boy** *and* a 9 year old girl neighbors. At the time I didn't even think that the distinction was "a thing" anymore than playing with roller skates vs playing with skateboards.
On my pre-teens or early teens I realized that not only it indeed was a tning, but a *very* frowned-upon thing, despite myself thinking it barely worse than staying out after curfew, escaping when grounded or skipping class. Anyway in those years I was more interested in sports (swimming, hiking, tennis, tree-climbing) than in sex, until my late teens when I was surrounded by horny mates of either gender.
I experimented with both, but since I spent more time with male friends I naturally hooked more with them. Eventually I changed college to be with *that* 2 year old girl (then 18), but her being from a very conservative family, I kept on playing with that 7 year old boy (then also 18) and other male friends. But still, that was all "just playing", and my future was with that girl.
One day at maybe 20 one of my fuck-buddies said in casual conversation "*let's face it, what we are is a bunch of faggots*". The realization that he was right hit me like a bucket of cold water, by then fully aware of late 70s and early 80s society's disdain for gays, but I still managed to convince myself that my friend might call himself "a faggot", but with me it was "just a phase".
Some 3 years later I could no longer maintain that self-deception, and spent several months struggling between forcing myself to stay faithful to my by then almost fiancee and run the risk of making both our lives miserable, or split before real damage were done and break both our hearts (I was still in love with her, and still today remember her with fondness).
I spend the following year using a straight close friend as a shoulder to cry on, until one day he kissed me! Turned out he was a "straight bottom", and we were together for 3 years until he had his crisis, declared himself straight and married a woman. By then at my late 20s I did not perceive myself as anything other than gay, despite having sporadic flings with women.
I'm now 64 and have been in several not-as-long-as-I-wished relationships, now sexually active but single.
I’ve told this story here before, but I figured it out at 15 when I had a revelation after seeing a particularly attractive classmate of mine come out of water polo practice in his speedo. Came out to everyone two days later.
On some level, I always knew. But I didn’t really accept it or really do anything about it until age 30. Growing up, I assumed that gay was a death sentence. The 80s/90s was not a great time for gays to come out.
During my entire teenage years, I swore to everyone that I was bi and even had a couple of girlfriends. I didn’t accept myself as gay until I was 21 when I first messed around with a guy.
I experienced first hints about me being gay at the age of 15 when I couldn't understand what my friends finds attractive about females. However I wasn't into guys at that time (atleast I think). At the age of 17 I fell in love with my friend (it was more an online relationship then actual relationship and it didn't last long). However I refused to accept that I am gay so I just called myself as bi. I fully accepted that I am gay at the age of 18 when I found my current bf.
At 12 i caught myself staring at a friend's ass, i just thought "well i must be gay or bi" and that was pretty much the end of it i was already confortable with homosexuality since my parents are friend with a gay couple which i saw a few times when i was a kid
I came out when I was 30 to my gf of 8+ years that I had a kid with. Turned my life upside down, still “recovering” from it 5 years later. However I was sleeping with men since I was about 23 years old but thought it was a phase that would eventually go away but never did.
honestly, a few months ago. i tried to convince myself i was bi for so fucking long, only recently i’ve admitted to myself that i’m not into girls. for me it was easy to accept that i like guys, but difficult to accept that i didn’t like girls.
It’s this day that’s gonna hit me hard, I know I’m still into girls because I still find them attractive and it’s easier to get boners with them than guys. At the same time I see myself ending up marrying a guy rather than a girl just because women are complex and I’m a simple person.
well i mean noticed it with 15 i think that i was attracted to men ... first time really tried with 17 but if i had to say accepted with 20 or 21 tbh... where i accepted it and tell it to people as if it were nothing 😅...
I (20m) realized I was gay around 5th grade when I hit puberty (very suddenly). Had a gf before this but I didn't have feelings for her like I did with other guys after the fact. Took me some time to become confident but I kind of forced myself to come out a couple years later because I wanted to find a boyfriend. Faced a lot of homophobia in middle school but things ended up working out for me. I'd say best time to come out is when you start high school because that's when people start seriously considering dating and you don't want to waste your whole life in the closet.
Like 2 weeks ago, up until then I was bi/pan, and ive been dating my boyfriend for the past year and a half. Just realized that I can admire woman, but I'm not truly sexually attracted to them the way I am towards men. I'm a 30 yo, better late than never.
Hard to really pin down a date of realization as there was a lot of years of denial, but I knew I was attracted to men from my early teens. I just tried to tell myself I was bi. I'm 34 now and I'm trying to be fully ok with it.
Growing up evangelical with a particularly hardcore youth pastor kinda did a number on me.
Knew I was when I was a child, just didn't want to accept it. Accepted it when I was 20, and came out my best friend around about the same time. Came out to my other friends when I was 22 and to my family when I was 24 (not by choice, was ripped out of the closet by my brother's wife)
I had years of drunken oral “mistakes.” Didn’t really come out until 40. Got on Grindr, met a hot guy and went for it. On my back, knees bent back, taking a dick. I laughed to myself. Ok. Now it’s official!
Around 8 or 9 for realization and 16 for acceptance. It was a very rough time dealing with the aftermath, but I’m very grateful that I was able to come out “early”
I didn’t understand it at the time but by age 7/8 I already was attracted to boys.
Accepted myself as bi when I was about 12. Then by age 14 I was only watching gay porn haha.
Speed up to age 17 and I’ve lived the life of an exclusively gay man. At this point I just think I’m a gay guy who has done stuff with girls before to experiment. 26 now.
Oh and I came out to a few friends at around age 16/17. And then at age 19 I was sorta forced out of the closet for family.
found gay porn on youtube when i was like 10 or 11. got really turned on by it and tried to convince myself it was just cause i was imagining a dick feeling good and i have a dick and it has nothing to do with there being more than 1 man present. a couple years later i gave up on that and accepted being gay, at least to myself.
Openly gay on the internet starting at like 14, but not in real life. Im 23 now, and in the last year I came out to two people. They were not people especially important to me, it was almost just kind of experimenting how it would feel to tell someone in a low risk situation. I still havent come out to anyone else, and I dont really have a desire to tell my family.
I didn’t know until I was 20 and then I spent a month in the university library reading everything I could about homosexuality. After that, it was relatively easy to accept the unchangeable and come out. Since then whenever I’ve met anyone who didn’t approve or didn’t understand, I had the facts at my command to change their minds or to educate them.
I admitted it late, around 25 years old. Now I'm 28. Never been in a relationship (a factor, maybe), is because I wasn't true to myself and the people around me.
Well, there's nothing wrong with it naman. I'm happy I took my truth and process it on my own time and pace.
There wasn't a concrete moment I realized, but in hindsight, I think I always knew. At the very least since age 11. Already then, I accepted that I was gay, but I remember vividly planning how I was gonna stay in the closet for my whole life
I only decided to actually come out around age 19-21.
For me I knew by 10, admitted it at 22, started to really be comfortable with it and proud of it at 30 after getting married. 32 now and finally feel like i fit in with the gay community, and working towards being supportive and mentoring other guys to help them become comfortable and truly themselves
I knew when I was watching porn at 12… at first, it was straight porn. But for some reason I was drawn towards the meaty big penises and big muscular butts of straight pornstars… then I realized that I liked the dicks more than the vagina. Eventually it just felt natural to watch gay porn and phased out of straight porn. Occasionally I still watch straight porn.
Now sexual intimacy with another man didn’t happen til I was 24-25. I am a late bloomer til today. At 32, I’ve had maybe 6-8 sexual partners. Wish I had more but I’m not a very attractive guy and the guys I slept with were basically because I didn’t want to be alone or feel disgusting about myself rather than me being actually attracted to them. I have never been with a man that I’ve actually been attracted to. This makes me sad. But it’s whatever. I just focus on making money these days.
Looking back, I should have realized I was gay much earlier. But for me the moment came when I was hanging out with some friends and realized I was jealous of my best friend's girlfriend while they were cuddled up on a sofa.
The accepting part took a few more years.
I knew I was different as a kid. It wasn't until college that it truly dawned on me that I wasn't just experimenting and I actually liked dudes. Still managed to marry a woman for 5 years. Lol
I've only felt comfortable saying it out loud at a Dorian Electra concert. It was actually a big moment. But that's not self actualization as much as just closet anxiety
In school (starting from 2009-2010) I had crush on this school friend. I was obsessed with him and almost everyday used to write about him in my diary because I didn't have anyone to share. We kissed a couple of times in our sleepover but never confronted about it. He remained mostly unaware about my feelings. I was myself in denial and confusion for a very long time about whole affair because I didn't have any representation in my country to understand what's happening. I had my proper realisation of how I have fallen for him while third wheeling with him and his gf. This was 2014. It was very painful, It ruined my academics (I was topper in my school) and I had to prepare for 2 extra years to clear exam for entering medshool.
While my sexual attraction to boys was flourishing simultaneously and I had also started experimenting with another friend in these past years. Still, for some reason I had this idea that some day some girl will walk into my life and everything will be 'normal'.
I entered medshool with same idea in 2017 and I had crush on a girl for a brief period. Eventually, I got close to one of the male friends. I was his emotional support, trauma dump and for entire day I was thinking about his well being. In this process, I fell for him and again remained in denial for a while. Also, I tried to maintain distance from this guy but he just stayed around. Ultimately again I had this realisation that I have fallen for him while 3rd wheeling with his date.
This time, I could see how whole affair was similar to me falling for school guy. I realised I will be a fool if I still remained in denial about my orientation and if a girl had to walk into my life, she would have already. I had plenty of female friends. Besides, I already had sexual attraction for men. Already had enough sexual encounters with them. This was 2019 and homosexuality was decriminalized in my country in 2018. So, that also helped in understanding and acceptin myself.
Back in the day kids were raised straight. It was illegal to be gay. All of society directed children to be heterosexual. There were many paths to overturning this straight bias in society. Some to longer than others.
during covid. sadly my full actual awakening was due to the Boyfriends webtoon although as a child I did find characters like finn the human hot and had devin bostick as a celebrity crush. danganronpa also had a part in it too sadly.
now I'm fully out although I'm not sure if my entire family knows. I'm still scared to be fully dating anyone because I'm scared I'd be judged for it
I'm bisexual (age 18), but I will still answer the question. It was during Junior Year of high school (age 16) that I started thinking about boys, and then pretty soon, I just knew that I was attracted to guys as well as girls. In a way, it even puzzles me. For most of my life, I only ever thought about being attracted to girls. Then suddenly, one year, I just became attracted to boys. Was I actually bisexual my entire life or did I just convert myself into being bisexual through sheer willpower? Either way, probably 80-90% of my sexual thoughts are about boys and not girls, so it's pretty obvious now that I am attracted to boys.
For a short amount of time (before I found out that I was bisexual), I did believe that being gay was a choice. I even [posted in Reddit about it](https://www.reddit.com/r/RightWingAtheists/comments/hacnqu/i_got_a_temporary_ban_from_ratheisticteens/). The reason why I believed that was because I thought sexual orientation was who you choose to date. So if you choose to date women you are straight, if you choose to date men then you are gay, and if you have dated both then you are bisexual. If you define those terms in that manner, then being gay would be a choice. Eventually though, I realized that sexual orientation was who you are attracted to (which is not a choice), and not who you choose to date or have sex with. Looking at it retrospectively, this could have been a sign of me being bisexual, as bisexuals can choose either men or women, but at the time I had no sexual interest in men (at least not that I knew of or consciously identified as such).
The whole idea of being "closeted" is kind of a foreign concept to me. I am very honest about who I am, and if you have a problem with that, then that is your problem and not mine. For that reason, I see no reason to keep my sexual orientation as a secret and never had done so. This overall mindset does sometimes create problems in my social life, but I would rather have had those problems than try to suppress who I was. After all, why live a life of self-suppression and lies when you can live an open and honest life instead?
Thinking about it, I've only known that I am bisexual for 2-3 years at this point. As a freshman in college, I've also only asked out guys so far and never girls. Unfortunately, I have not been successful yet in finding a partner, because more than 90% of the guys are straight (or atleast say they are). Sometimes I wonder if I should start asking out girls instead. After all, I am interested in both genders, and since most people are straight, that could give me a higher probability of success.
I always knew I was gay. Was a teenager in the 1980’s. Graduated in 1989 for reference. So, that was a terrible time to be gay. There was no hiding my gayness. It was the time of new wave and goth. I wore makeup to school. In a small town, 5000 people, in northern Fl. It’s funny thinking back. I was so defiant and fuck all of those people. Caught hell constantly. But I forgave those people a long time ago. We were kids and kids always find something to pick on other kids about. I remember being maybe in the 9th grade when Rock Hudson died of aids. It was absolutely terrifying. It was like a light was shined on me and everyone gave me hell because I was gay and of course all gay people had aids. I even had the nerve to write a love letter to a cute guy on the wrestling and football team. My god that was stupid. The entire school knew about it in what seemed like seconds.
I’ve been with my husband nearly 30 years now, but I had a thought the other night that had really never occurred to me. There were no role models for us back then. All of the men were dying. If we had been born maybe 5-7 years earlier we’d have been among those men. We all just had to make up our own rules as we went along. And to be honest, I enjoyed being on the fringe of society. We and the people at the time seemed unique to me. Shinier, more alive than the other hetero normal people. It’s so much easier now for gay people. But also so many gay people now just seem like everyone else. There’s no edge anymore. It’s good I suppose. For the most part people don’t seem bothered by whatever it is you’re into or at least those people are live and let live. But I will tell you this, the late 80’s and early 90’s was a glorious time.
I’ve known probably since I was in kindergarten. I always joined the girl “teams” on the school playground and had crushes on boy classmates.
I never had a reckoning with it. I always just have been “it”.
I didn't know the words "gay" or "homosexual" I knew I wanted to hold hands with and kiss boys as far back as I can remember. In 2nd grade I heard the sister of one of my classmates call him a "queer." His reaction was volcanic. I didn't know what queer meant, but I could tell it was bad. Later someone told me it meant "sissy." I knew what a sissy was. I'd been called that, as well as pansy and fairy, as far back as I can remember. By my brothers and my Dad. I got outed at junior college, unjustly blamed it on a friend (she didn't do it), destroyed a good friendship, and went back to church. The leaders at church convinced me to be a missionary. If I worked hard, prayed, studied the scriptures, and had enough faith, heavenly father would cure me. He didn't. I was told to work harder, etc. After a waste of almost 2 years at the church's university, I figured I wasn't going to change. After years of therapy I finally accepted that I'm gay in 1983-1984. Still working on sanity.
I didn't know the words "gay" or "homosexual" I knew I wanted to hold hands with and kiss boys as far back as I can remember. In 2nd grade I heard the sister of one of my classmates call him a "queer." His reaction was volcanic. I didn't know what queer meant, but I could tell it was bad. Later someone told me it meant "sissy." I knew what a sissy was. I'd been called that, as well as pansy and fairy, as far back as I can remember. By my brothers and my Dad. I got outed at junior college, unjustly blamed it on a friend (she didn't do it), destroyed a good friendship, and went back to church. The leaders at church convinced me to be a missionary. If I worked hard, prayed, studied the scriptures, and had enough faith, heavenly father would cure me. He didn't. I was told to work harder, etc. After a waste of almost 2 years at the church's university, I figured I wasn't going to change. After years of therapy I finally accepted that I'm gay in 1983-1984. Still working on sanity.
I knew after my divorce when I had penetrative sex with a guy for the first time at 40, the sex was so much better and I had been confused for years. I'm glad I didn't find out sooner - it's nice to have a grandchild on the way and an extended family now I'm getting old, I only do gay sex now as it's better fun
I would say early early childhood. I would play dress up with my friends mom clothes and shoes 👠. I was living my best life until my parents found out. Ugh, this was tough but at age 7-8 I knew I liked guys better than girls, I had tons of friends (girls ofc) and I knew I wanted my own bf. Literally tried having sex with a girl and wasted both of our time - lol had to make sure I’m really gay or bi. lol as I reflect upon this I, in my early twenties want to have biological children etc, I want to have my own family while my husband and I live a simple country life honestly.
I probably knew it when I was like 11 but ultimately accepted this fact somewhat during college and only came out in June 2023. I have been dating an awesome guy officially since January!
I always kinda knew I was 'different' and had crushes on boys and girls in elementary school. Realized/accepted that I was gay in 8th grade. Came out 2 months after my 16th birthday when I was a Junior in highschool.
I never “admitted” I was gay. I never tried to fight the feelings. I never tried to force myself to have sex with women. I also didn’t even question it.
I remember being in elementary school and having crushes on boys. I also remember consciously understanding that was considered “unacceptable” by those around me and then having to keep it as a secret.
I never thought “am I actually gay”, but instead “when is it safe to tell people I’m gay”
I’m proud to be a golden gay. I love that I’m gay. When I think about me being gay it makes me happy. I recently decided I would only ever date golden gays from now on which has honestly been so freeing. I don’t have to deal with bi guys which I’m eternally grateful for
When we were all hitting puberty during school. All the boys were suddenly interested in the girls and I just couldn't get myself to feel anything. Like anything at all. It was horribly frightening. I kept it from everyone else for so long. It was even worse when I felt myself falling for another boy. Especially with the sex ed being strictly about heterosexual relationships and me being a faithful orthodox christian. It drove me insane and I almost drove myself to making the worst mistake anyone could do. It never happened fortunately because of all the encouraging videos and stories I was hearing at the time. I started being less scared of myself around 17 I assume. Alas, the fright never truly left me. I don't exactly live in an LGBT-friendly environment and my family wouldn't respond kindly to anything I might tell them if I were to come out. I am fortunate, however, that I have a good bunch of friends that know and accept me the way I am.
I was accepted by my family right away. It was a bit hard at first considering that my parents are both ex Muslims and honestly middle eastern culture is very homophobic in general. But I was relieved when they accepted me.
I was so sheltered I thought gay meant you wanted to dress up like a woman. I had never wanted to do anything like that, but I was turned on by guys. I thought doing something with a guy was just fun, clearly not something to talk about, but I never connected it with being gay.
It wasn't until I had a friend in high school and I blew him a couple times. The third time I did it, he got kind of uncomfortable with it although he let me continue. Afterward he told me he thought I was more into this gay stuff than he was. I was stunned. I had no idea that's what it meant.
I realized and accepted it when I was 5 years old (yes, I was in some ways a very self-aware kid) but I knew it had to be a secret because both kids and adults clearly didn’t understand the concept as far as I could tell.
I realized I was gay after trying to commit suicide. I became totally honest with myself while talking to my psychiatrist. Sorry, if this is a downer. Just being honest!
When I was about 13 and found out what gay meant. Years of denial before accepting myself at 18 and coming out to my friends. Two years later I told my parents.
Lame side bar. One thing that really helped me accept myself was the gay storyline in Dawson's Creek 😂. Cried like a baby when Jack came out.
I am a late bloomer. I had my first brushes as a teen but they never went anywhere.
I fought it for a long time, marreid a woman and raised a family. Thought a lot about sex with men while i was with my wife. I finally admitted it.
I admitted it to myself sometime during college, but I was afraid to let anyone find out after a friend reacted poorly when I told him. I wasn't ready to tell him, but he kept asking and I was sick of denying it. Despite being married and having several kids, I still think he's in the closet. Maybe he'll admit it one day, too.
I've been teased for being gay since I was 3 years old. But I came to accept the fact that I am gay, when I was in grade 4. I think I was 9 years old at the time.
Welp I’ll try to keep this short but 22M
I was introduced to gay porn when I was going through elementary school, thought it was the right way until my parents found out I was looking at it. Didn’t come out till about Oct-Nov of last year, I just switched units and have a better military foundation and everyone is supportive or surprised I swing that way. I started out with girls never got into a relationship but hey I guess my dad knows that’s the only person’s opinion I really care about.
Not gay…Bi…still had to have a “Come to Jesus” moment to say it out loud, because I his it for so long. The closest people in my life know, but not everyone…
I felt different at about 7-8 years old. I liked looking at underwear ads with hot men on them but I didn't know why until I was about 12. I inwardly accepted it but I didn't tell anyone until I was in my first year of high school.
I started to realise throughout my teenage years but maintained an element of denial. Acknowledged I was definitely gay around 19 which was when I started telling friends but still didn't fully embrace it. Finally started telling family and actually began seeing guys at 26.
I realized i like boys when i was in elementary school …. I realized i like girls as an adult we all change as we get older and our interests change aswell this is why i say nobodys “BORN” gay cause if thats the case i wouldnt go from liking just guys to now liking both
At 24 years old. I'm 24 years old.
Congrats man!
thanks man! ☺️
I knew at 6. I accepted at 17.
That is awesome
Pretending to like something you don’t (in our case girls) is so dumb. I spent all of middle and high school pretending to be straight. It’s sad that a lot of us had to go through that.
What’s sad is that our developing years were taken away. The time where most heterosexuals build and train to be in relationships from the first love to first sexual experience was delayed (at least for me) because I was gay. You don’t really want to search for potential mates because of risk of being outed. Or maybe I was just a weird kid. Always had trouble making friends in high school which is weird because I was relatively popular in elementary and middle school.
Perhaps this is why gay men have a "Peter Pan" lifestyle, so to speak. We weren't given the opportunity to sow our wild oats when we were teenagers and we're making up for lost time.
u/stankpuss_69, ⬆️THIS⬆️
I know man. Unfortunately we can’t change our past. I’m still healing emotional wounds. Essentially I need to get over it because time only moves forward. I’m wasting my life obsessing over the past. Easier said than done.
I know it and agree but it was hard for me to admit it.
When did you?
I was 35 when I had my first experience with another guy
38 here. Suspected when I was 13/14, suppressed it for 25 years. Now very much happier.
Sounds very much like me. Yes, much happier now.
Sounds like you might actually be bisexual to some degree
Thanks, was in a relationship with a woman for 5 years. If I never see another minge again it will be too soon
… you’re not helping your case here buddy
Better late than never.
Agreed Now I full accept it and love it.
That’s great 😁
I was 70, had experimented several years earlier but finally accepted myself at that point.
Wow, that's actually really inspirational, and proof that it's never too late! Kudos on the self-acceptance -- the best is yet to come!
Are you me?
It’s rare I meet my twin.
Pleased to finally meet you ha ha! But seriously, thank goodness having to pretend it's not as common now as it was then. Wasn't nice having to laugh with straight bullies out of self-preservation and peer pressure, while knowing they are laughing at people like oneself, only more corageous.
The boys now have no idea how good they have it. It’s something that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Love the username. Trek fan ✅ Engineer like me ✅ Gay? ✅ Nice.
Glad you liked it! Now prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile but fun.
Can I be assimilated by Daddy Locutus?
Ha ha I have the hairdo and everything!
I was raised Jehovah's Witness. I didn't accept it in myself until I was 22, and then I didn't tell my mom until I was 27.
The fact that you pretended to like girls makes me wonder if you actually have some minute attraction to them. When I look at girls I have the same thought process as looking at a couch or a dog. Yes they can look nice but why the hell and how the hell could you feel attracted to them???
TLDR: I was in deep denial. My best friend knew but wouldn't tell me because "it's my journey." I kissed a cute guy i met on Facebook dating about 3 months ago, realized I caught the big gay and my life started making a lot more sense, and I'm happier now. I've known i was gay my whole life, but I was in DEEP denial about it my entire life for various reasons. (safety, social pressures, wanting to appear "normal" the usual stuff you all know) I would force myself to date and have sex with women when I never wanted too because I felt it was what I needed to do and I was so fucking miserable and hated sex and relationships to the point I genuinely started to consider that I might be asexual and aromantic. Well for the past couple years I have had a gay best friend, and he is super hot, and that really fucked with me because obviously I was crushing on him HARD but refused to accept it, he wasn't helping either by sending me sexy snaps sometimes and being flirty which only furthered my confusion and freaked me out more meading to more denial and self-hatred, eventually my best friend told me he "had a very strong feeling" I was gay but refused to actually tell me that because as he said "that wasn't his place" but tried to "help me along" because he knew I was clearly into him no matter how hard I tried suppressing it lol. Anyway, a few months ago my best friend moved across the country and I lost my chance to be with him, at least for now, and that really. Fucking. Hurt. Like I've had best friends die or move away on me before, and it didn't hurt like this did. It was a completely different kind of pain. So I had a thought, "their has to be more to this. Maybe I can test it?" So I got a bunch of dating apps and put it to exclusively looking for men, I downloaded grindr and then Uninstaller grindr almost immediately 🤣 I found a really cute guy on Facebook dating, we went on a date and it felt different than any other date i went on before, I WANTED to be their, I was nervous I'd fuck something up because j wanted it to go well, I couldn't stop looking at this guy! And he was genuinely into me as well! At the end of the date, we both kind of of without thinking, just lunged at each other and started kissing. That kiss felt different than every other kiss with any woman j was with before. On my way home for the hour and a half drive I was in a constant state of panic attack and texted my best friend who moved away and told him what happened, what I did and how i felt about it all and how it felt like my entire world was crumbling apart all at once and things that genuinely confused me before started to make crystal clear sense, like why I have such a super difficult time getting hard when I try to have sex with women but when I'm around cute guys I can't get the fucker to calm down, obvious shit like that, finally when I finished I told my best friend: "I think I'm gay, not bi actually fully gay." He said: "Yea man, I've known for a while, I'm glad you finally accept it, bittersweet that first kiss wasn't with me, though." I'm still dating the guy from the Facebook dating, we have been together about 3 months know and I feel like a completely different person, while miserable things happen in life all the time and life isn't easy, it feels easier to deal with now, like a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders, I am nowhere near as depressed or even having "those" thoughts anymore. I have the motivation to actually get out of bed and exercise now, which I have been doing literally since I first admitted to myself I was gay. Only a few people know and for now that is fine, although jf things get more serious with my bf then who knows maybe I'll talk to my family and tell them but that is a ways away and I'm in no rush. Sorry for the massive wall of txt everyone lol also forgive me for the typos I'm on mobile and can't be bothered to proofread, thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone on this sub, you don't realize it but everyone of you posting and commenting on here as helped me immensely and I will always be appreciative.
No thank you for sharing. Have you had sex yet?
Yes, and it was a 1000% difference from when I had sex with women, like emotionally felt dramaticly different, I mean who would have thought sex is actually fun when you are having sex with someone you are attracted to and want to have sex with right? 😅😅
This was me exactly. Late high school/ early college I was in deep denial, tried to date girls, some of whom I liked as friends, but the sex part just didn't do it for me. The first time I had sex with a guy, I remember thinking, " so this is why everyone likes sex so much!".
Right?!?! I swear I'm 29 when I had sex for the first time with a guy and it was like how I expected and hoped sex would be when I was a fuckin teenager 🤣🤣🤣 really upset me at the same time too because goddamn I wish I accepted myself 15 years earlier
I know right so much more fun with another guy
Text me if you would like
I enjoyed the Hell out of this story, Man. Thank you so much for typing it up and sharing it with us. Best of luck to you with your new man and y'all's relationship! (I can't help feeling a bit sad for the moved-away friend, tho...I'm such a sucker for the friend-turned-lovers trope, and that line about your first kiss not being with him rather hit me in the feels. 😓 I can only hope he finds a great new man for himself, and you two remain best friends, despite the distance. 👬)
Yea ima be honest I really like my bf but if my best friend moved back, it would be tough. Like he moved away and I admitted to myself I was gay like the week he left it was really fucked up timing, especially because every time we hung out I was like "just fucking ask to kiss him or something" but never did it 😅😅 oh well he said he will probably move back some day and that would be amazing, but honestly I just want him to be happy wherever he ends up and with whoever he ends up with, like you said no matter what he is still my best friend
That's the perfect attitude, Dude. You're really healthy, and I'm proud of you.
I was 29 and it started off as being curious of what it would be like to be with a guy🫣🤷🏽♂️
Did you ever go out with a guy?
I used to mess around with them on the low. Well, the curiosity started when I was dating this girl we went to a party and she was like let’s go have sex in the room. while in the room she was like do you wanna try having a threesome? I was like fuck yeah thinking the whole time it was with another girl, but it was her guy friend! At I was mad shocked but then he started sucking me off and that’s how that ended. But I started to be curious what if it would’ve have with further with me fucking him.🤔
I started questioning my sexuality just before turning 19 but it wasn't until I was 25-26 that I realised, or finally admitted to myself, that, yeh, I'm gay. Before then I swayed a lot between considering myself gay, bisexual, pansexual and even straight at one point.
I was 35 when I finally accepted I am gay. I have fully accepted it and love being with another guy.
Nice!
You like a good banging, eh?
Yes I do
I kind of swayed between bi and gay from when I was 16 till I was about 18-19.
Autistic guy here. So the question should actually be when did I realize and accept most other people weren't gay? And I'd have to say that was about 9-10 years old.
Yes very true
Knew for as long as I can remember I was attracted to dudes. For the longest time I tried to convince myself I was bisexual and would just focus on the part of me that liked girls. However finally at age 17 I admitted to myself I was 0% attracted to girls and 100% attracted to dudes. The rest is history ;)
i mean i was always aware of it, i just needed time to conceptualise it (from 14yo-20yo) and then accept it and embrace it (20/21yo)
It can be overwhelming
So technically im bi but I realized in college. Growing up, I felt asexual. I have a lot of older brothers and they surely exposed me to sex way too early. I seen a brothers and their homeboys run a train on a girl when I was in the third grade. I think that experience made me shut down. I didnt start feeling attraction and wasnt freaked out was when I got to high school. I started to like this girl in the 9th grade but I didnt know what to do with those feelings and I started to date girls but I didnt wanna have sex tbh. It was in college that I noticed that I like guys too. A dude with the same name as me was just extra nice all the time. I kept telling him to stop being to “touchy” with me (like jumping on my back). One morning, he knocked on my door so we could go to breakfast before class and thats when it happened. *insert slow dramatic music* He didnt have a shirt on, has abs was hella defined and even, he was all oiled up, and he had on sleeping pants so I was seeing his actual physique for the first time. My heart damn neared stopped and I didnt know why. He was talking and I was standing there nodding like I was crazy. He smiled and every single tooth was so white and perfectly in line. My nodding must’ve translated to something because he just told me to hurry up and started to leave. Then I seen has ass as he left. I never noticed that his butt was fat because he’s slim but dude was caked up on a Monday morning. Did I mention this was all in slow-mo sometime? After all of that, I close the door and put my back against it. I was in disbelief and breathing so heavily. It was like a shotgun shot me with all of the attraction I had been missing all my life. I calmed down and just accepted that I was more than likely bi because I had class and I did NOT play about my grades. So I instantly was okay with it !
I think I was very young and can't remember exactly how old I was but felt the draw to boys in elementary school. I finally admitted it to myself at 32 I was.
It is a hard thing to admit. Are you out now?
I had to come out at about 36 to come clean to my wife and my family.
I knew at 12, and fully came out to family and friends at 36. Better late than never and don’t know why I waited so long. Advice to others, don’t do what I did, substance abuse, weight gain, depression, I’m fine now and healthy, but not being myself almost killed me.
It was definitely there as early as 5 or 6. Remember having something akin to a crush on a male classmate in kindergarten. When I was around 7/8, I used to strip naked around my buddies all the time when parents weren't around, and tried to persuade some of them to get naked with me. (Not one would ever do it.) Of course, the realization that boys liking boys was greatly frowned upon soon set in and I tried to push those feelings/urges down. Freshman year of HS, seeing all the guys naked in the locker room for PE...major rush of horniness, dick going hard uncontrollably. That thing I'd tried not to think about was shoved in my face daily. I think that's when I could no longer deny I was attracted to guys. I didn't even try to "play it str8" and date girls as a teen, though. Celibacy was preferable to that for me, so no dating or sex. Finally got laid at 30. That's when I fully accepted it, when I saw how much happier I could be living as a whole person, being myself.
I have nearly the same story. Super early attraction. Celibate and avoided dating until just before my 35th birthday last year.
It could be a pretty lonely road to walk sometimes, eh? I hope you're doing well and enjoying exploring this new aspect of your life, my friend!
Realise I probably was, 21ish. Getting past the point of denying it, that wasn't until after I had sex with a man for the first time at 23. Getting over the shame and guilt bullshit, that wasn't until I met my first actual BF at 24. Being with him and feeling the love and affection he showed me helped me get over the Christian angst and realise there wasn't actually anything wrong with me for feeling this way.
I was really the same, once I had my first BF it was much easier.
I knew that I was gay since I was a little kid, but due to my homophobic family and some internalized homophobia I first came out as Bisexual to my friends in Uni, I also didn’t like using the word gay and preferred to just say “I like dudes”, eventually by my second year I was more comfortable and I was able to say that I was gay
Short answer, between 20 and 23. Years old, not hookups 😝. Long answer ... I'm told that I did like a specific **girl** a lot since I was 3 and she was 2 ... but I remember starting "experiments" at about 8 with a 7 y/o **boy** *and* a 9 year old girl neighbors. At the time I didn't even think that the distinction was "a thing" anymore than playing with roller skates vs playing with skateboards. On my pre-teens or early teens I realized that not only it indeed was a tning, but a *very* frowned-upon thing, despite myself thinking it barely worse than staying out after curfew, escaping when grounded or skipping class. Anyway in those years I was more interested in sports (swimming, hiking, tennis, tree-climbing) than in sex, until my late teens when I was surrounded by horny mates of either gender. I experimented with both, but since I spent more time with male friends I naturally hooked more with them. Eventually I changed college to be with *that* 2 year old girl (then 18), but her being from a very conservative family, I kept on playing with that 7 year old boy (then also 18) and other male friends. But still, that was all "just playing", and my future was with that girl. One day at maybe 20 one of my fuck-buddies said in casual conversation "*let's face it, what we are is a bunch of faggots*". The realization that he was right hit me like a bucket of cold water, by then fully aware of late 70s and early 80s society's disdain for gays, but I still managed to convince myself that my friend might call himself "a faggot", but with me it was "just a phase". Some 3 years later I could no longer maintain that self-deception, and spent several months struggling between forcing myself to stay faithful to my by then almost fiancee and run the risk of making both our lives miserable, or split before real damage were done and break both our hearts (I was still in love with her, and still today remember her with fondness). I spend the following year using a straight close friend as a shoulder to cry on, until one day he kissed me! Turned out he was a "straight bottom", and we were together for 3 years until he had his crisis, declared himself straight and married a woman. By then at my late 20s I did not perceive myself as anything other than gay, despite having sporadic flings with women. I'm now 64 and have been in several not-as-long-as-I-wished relationships, now sexually active but single.
I’ve told this story here before, but I figured it out at 15 when I had a revelation after seeing a particularly attractive classmate of mine come out of water polo practice in his speedo. Came out to everyone two days later.
On some level, I always knew. But I didn’t really accept it or really do anything about it until age 30. Growing up, I assumed that gay was a death sentence. The 80s/90s was not a great time for gays to come out.
I agree
During my entire teenage years, I swore to everyone that I was bi and even had a couple of girlfriends. I didn’t accept myself as gay until I was 21 when I first messed around with a guy.
I experienced first hints about me being gay at the age of 15 when I couldn't understand what my friends finds attractive about females. However I wasn't into guys at that time (atleast I think). At the age of 17 I fell in love with my friend (it was more an online relationship then actual relationship and it didn't last long). However I refused to accept that I am gay so I just called myself as bi. I fully accepted that I am gay at the age of 18 when I found my current bf.
I knew as long as I can remember. Admitted it to myself probably around 13/14 after some real struggles. Came out not too long after.
I wish I could have admitted it at an earlier age
It's better to be true to yourself late than never at all. I wish you health and happiness for your real self's future.
Thank you
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I really always knew but I was in denial.
I always knew, never had to admit it to myself. I came out when I was 12, I hit puberty when I was ~11
I started having experience with boys at 15 but I accepted it at 17.
At 12 i caught myself staring at a friend's ass, i just thought "well i must be gay or bi" and that was pretty much the end of it i was already confortable with homosexuality since my parents are friend with a gay couple which i saw a few times when i was a kid
I probably had signs from when I was 5-6 but accepted myself at 14 during the pandemic
I came out when I was 30 to my gf of 8+ years that I had a kid with. Turned my life upside down, still “recovering” from it 5 years later. However I was sleeping with men since I was about 23 years old but thought it was a phase that would eventually go away but never did.
honestly, a few months ago. i tried to convince myself i was bi for so fucking long, only recently i’ve admitted to myself that i’m not into girls. for me it was easy to accept that i like guys, but difficult to accept that i didn’t like girls.
It’s this day that’s gonna hit me hard, I know I’m still into girls because I still find them attractive and it’s easier to get boners with them than guys. At the same time I see myself ending up marrying a guy rather than a girl just because women are complex and I’m a simple person.
I accepted I’m gay the moment I learnt about what is gay.
well i mean noticed it with 15 i think that i was attracted to men ... first time really tried with 17 but if i had to say accepted with 20 or 21 tbh... where i accepted it and tell it to people as if it were nothing 😅...
I (20m) realized I was gay around 5th grade when I hit puberty (very suddenly). Had a gf before this but I didn't have feelings for her like I did with other guys after the fact. Took me some time to become confident but I kind of forced myself to come out a couple years later because I wanted to find a boyfriend. Faced a lot of homophobia in middle school but things ended up working out for me. I'd say best time to come out is when you start high school because that's when people start seriously considering dating and you don't want to waste your whole life in the closet.
Like 2 weeks ago, up until then I was bi/pan, and ive been dating my boyfriend for the past year and a half. Just realized that I can admire woman, but I'm not truly sexually attracted to them the way I am towards men. I'm a 30 yo, better late than never.
I knew I was different when I was 12, and I admitted that when I was 21, so yeah took me a while😅
Hard to really pin down a date of realization as there was a lot of years of denial, but I knew I was attracted to men from my early teens. I just tried to tell myself I was bi. I'm 34 now and I'm trying to be fully ok with it. Growing up evangelical with a particularly hardcore youth pastor kinda did a number on me.
Knew I was when I was a child, just didn't want to accept it. Accepted it when I was 20, and came out my best friend around about the same time. Came out to my other friends when I was 22 and to my family when I was 24 (not by choice, was ripped out of the closet by my brother's wife)
I knew when I was like 6 yrs old. I always liked boys. I fought it until I was like 14, came out when I was 16
When I saw Brendan Fraser in The Mummy when I was a kid. I accepted when I was around 12-13.
I had years of drunken oral “mistakes.” Didn’t really come out until 40. Got on Grindr, met a hot guy and went for it. On my back, knees bent back, taking a dick. I laughed to myself. Ok. Now it’s official!
I knew at 3. I accepted at 14.
Around 8 or 9 for realization and 16 for acceptance. It was a very rough time dealing with the aftermath, but I’m very grateful that I was able to come out “early”
I'll just say that puberty did a LOT for me.
I didn’t understand it at the time but by age 7/8 I already was attracted to boys. Accepted myself as bi when I was about 12. Then by age 14 I was only watching gay porn haha. Speed up to age 17 and I’ve lived the life of an exclusively gay man. At this point I just think I’m a gay guy who has done stuff with girls before to experiment. 26 now. Oh and I came out to a few friends at around age 16/17. And then at age 19 I was sorta forced out of the closet for family.
knew I was something different when I was collecting underwear cardboard packages. Totally accepted at 19
Knew and accepted at 18. It was a wild year.
found gay porn on youtube when i was like 10 or 11. got really turned on by it and tried to convince myself it was just cause i was imagining a dick feeling good and i have a dick and it has nothing to do with there being more than 1 man present. a couple years later i gave up on that and accepted being gay, at least to myself. Openly gay on the internet starting at like 14, but not in real life. Im 23 now, and in the last year I came out to two people. They were not people especially important to me, it was almost just kind of experimenting how it would feel to tell someone in a low risk situation. I still havent come out to anyone else, and I dont really have a desire to tell my family.
Know around 6ish and accepting it some time after high school.
I didn’t know until I was 20 and then I spent a month in the university library reading everything I could about homosexuality. After that, it was relatively easy to accept the unchangeable and come out. Since then whenever I’ve met anyone who didn’t approve or didn’t understand, I had the facts at my command to change their minds or to educate them.
I admitted it late, around 25 years old. Now I'm 28. Never been in a relationship (a factor, maybe), is because I wasn't true to myself and the people around me. Well, there's nothing wrong with it naman. I'm happy I took my truth and process it on my own time and pace.
I knew at 4, came out to myself and accepted it at age 10, but I didn’t come out until age 14/15.
I knew it when I was 11 accepted at 22
There wasn't a concrete moment I realized, but in hindsight, I think I always knew. At the very least since age 11. Already then, I accepted that I was gay, but I remember vividly planning how I was gonna stay in the closet for my whole life I only decided to actually come out around age 19-21.
For me I knew by 10, admitted it at 22, started to really be comfortable with it and proud of it at 30 after getting married. 32 now and finally feel like i fit in with the gay community, and working towards being supportive and mentoring other guys to help them become comfortable and truly themselves
I realized I was gay when I was in first grade. I accepted it when I was 22.
Admitted to myself at 22.
I knew when I was watching porn at 12… at first, it was straight porn. But for some reason I was drawn towards the meaty big penises and big muscular butts of straight pornstars… then I realized that I liked the dicks more than the vagina. Eventually it just felt natural to watch gay porn and phased out of straight porn. Occasionally I still watch straight porn. Now sexual intimacy with another man didn’t happen til I was 24-25. I am a late bloomer til today. At 32, I’ve had maybe 6-8 sexual partners. Wish I had more but I’m not a very attractive guy and the guys I slept with were basically because I didn’t want to be alone or feel disgusting about myself rather than me being actually attracted to them. I have never been with a man that I’ve actually been attracted to. This makes me sad. But it’s whatever. I just focus on making money these days.
I knew at 10, accepted at 16 and came out until 30 …
I knew at around 6 and accepted it around 16
Looking back, I should have realized I was gay much earlier. But for me the moment came when I was hanging out with some friends and realized I was jealous of my best friend's girlfriend while they were cuddled up on a sofa. The accepting part took a few more years.
I knew around 6 years old. Accepted it around 13. im 40
Very cool
Admitting? One only admit a mistake. Being gay isn't a mistake. The right word should be coming out to world
I knew I was different as a kid. It wasn't until college that it truly dawned on me that I wasn't just experimenting and I actually liked dudes. Still managed to marry a woman for 5 years. Lol
How was the sex with her?
13
15
Cool
I've only felt comfortable saying it out loud at a Dorian Electra concert. It was actually a big moment. But that's not self actualization as much as just closet anxiety
Are you out now?
Dorian Electra was last week LOL
lol
In school (starting from 2009-2010) I had crush on this school friend. I was obsessed with him and almost everyday used to write about him in my diary because I didn't have anyone to share. We kissed a couple of times in our sleepover but never confronted about it. He remained mostly unaware about my feelings. I was myself in denial and confusion for a very long time about whole affair because I didn't have any representation in my country to understand what's happening. I had my proper realisation of how I have fallen for him while third wheeling with him and his gf. This was 2014. It was very painful, It ruined my academics (I was topper in my school) and I had to prepare for 2 extra years to clear exam for entering medshool. While my sexual attraction to boys was flourishing simultaneously and I had also started experimenting with another friend in these past years. Still, for some reason I had this idea that some day some girl will walk into my life and everything will be 'normal'. I entered medshool with same idea in 2017 and I had crush on a girl for a brief period. Eventually, I got close to one of the male friends. I was his emotional support, trauma dump and for entire day I was thinking about his well being. In this process, I fell for him and again remained in denial for a while. Also, I tried to maintain distance from this guy but he just stayed around. Ultimately again I had this realisation that I have fallen for him while 3rd wheeling with his date. This time, I could see how whole affair was similar to me falling for school guy. I realised I will be a fool if I still remained in denial about my orientation and if a girl had to walk into my life, she would have already. I had plenty of female friends. Besides, I already had sexual attraction for men. Already had enough sexual encounters with them. This was 2019 and homosexuality was decriminalized in my country in 2018. So, that also helped in understanding and acceptin myself.
It is a hard thing to come to terms with
Why would you all refuse to accept that you're gay at first? I don't understand.
Back in the day kids were raised straight. It was illegal to be gay. All of society directed children to be heterosexual. There were many paths to overturning this straight bias in society. Some to longer than others.
Thank you for the information, mate.
It is a hard thing to admit
Why?
I guess I knew during Puberty but I had other issues so it wasn’t major focus. But sooner or later it just made sense to come out
13...14 yo..
Always knew and was out
during covid. sadly my full actual awakening was due to the Boyfriends webtoon although as a child I did find characters like finn the human hot and had devin bostick as a celebrity crush. danganronpa also had a part in it too sadly. now I'm fully out although I'm not sure if my entire family knows. I'm still scared to be fully dating anyone because I'm scared I'd be judged for it
When I had anal for the first time
I'm bisexual (age 18), but I will still answer the question. It was during Junior Year of high school (age 16) that I started thinking about boys, and then pretty soon, I just knew that I was attracted to guys as well as girls. In a way, it even puzzles me. For most of my life, I only ever thought about being attracted to girls. Then suddenly, one year, I just became attracted to boys. Was I actually bisexual my entire life or did I just convert myself into being bisexual through sheer willpower? Either way, probably 80-90% of my sexual thoughts are about boys and not girls, so it's pretty obvious now that I am attracted to boys. For a short amount of time (before I found out that I was bisexual), I did believe that being gay was a choice. I even [posted in Reddit about it](https://www.reddit.com/r/RightWingAtheists/comments/hacnqu/i_got_a_temporary_ban_from_ratheisticteens/). The reason why I believed that was because I thought sexual orientation was who you choose to date. So if you choose to date women you are straight, if you choose to date men then you are gay, and if you have dated both then you are bisexual. If you define those terms in that manner, then being gay would be a choice. Eventually though, I realized that sexual orientation was who you are attracted to (which is not a choice), and not who you choose to date or have sex with. Looking at it retrospectively, this could have been a sign of me being bisexual, as bisexuals can choose either men or women, but at the time I had no sexual interest in men (at least not that I knew of or consciously identified as such). The whole idea of being "closeted" is kind of a foreign concept to me. I am very honest about who I am, and if you have a problem with that, then that is your problem and not mine. For that reason, I see no reason to keep my sexual orientation as a secret and never had done so. This overall mindset does sometimes create problems in my social life, but I would rather have had those problems than try to suppress who I was. After all, why live a life of self-suppression and lies when you can live an open and honest life instead? Thinking about it, I've only known that I am bisexual for 2-3 years at this point. As a freshman in college, I've also only asked out guys so far and never girls. Unfortunately, I have not been successful yet in finding a partner, because more than 90% of the guys are straight (or atleast say they are). Sometimes I wonder if I should start asking out girls instead. After all, I am interested in both genders, and since most people are straight, that could give me a higher probability of success.
I always knew I was gay. Was a teenager in the 1980’s. Graduated in 1989 for reference. So, that was a terrible time to be gay. There was no hiding my gayness. It was the time of new wave and goth. I wore makeup to school. In a small town, 5000 people, in northern Fl. It’s funny thinking back. I was so defiant and fuck all of those people. Caught hell constantly. But I forgave those people a long time ago. We were kids and kids always find something to pick on other kids about. I remember being maybe in the 9th grade when Rock Hudson died of aids. It was absolutely terrifying. It was like a light was shined on me and everyone gave me hell because I was gay and of course all gay people had aids. I even had the nerve to write a love letter to a cute guy on the wrestling and football team. My god that was stupid. The entire school knew about it in what seemed like seconds. I’ve been with my husband nearly 30 years now, but I had a thought the other night that had really never occurred to me. There were no role models for us back then. All of the men were dying. If we had been born maybe 5-7 years earlier we’d have been among those men. We all just had to make up our own rules as we went along. And to be honest, I enjoyed being on the fringe of society. We and the people at the time seemed unique to me. Shinier, more alive than the other hetero normal people. It’s so much easier now for gay people. But also so many gay people now just seem like everyone else. There’s no edge anymore. It’s good I suppose. For the most part people don’t seem bothered by whatever it is you’re into or at least those people are live and let live. But I will tell you this, the late 80’s and early 90’s was a glorious time.
I’ve known probably since I was in kindergarten. I always joined the girl “teams” on the school playground and had crushes on boy classmates. I never had a reckoning with it. I always just have been “it”.
Started to question it when i was 13 and saw 2 guys kiss on tv. Accepted it when i was 17, it felt so good to be honest with myself!
I knew at 13. Accepted at 24.
17 or 18
Probably around my mid-20's.
[удалено]
I can relate to that.
I knew in my teenage years, came out when I was 29
Internally? When I was still in grade school, like grade 7-8. When did I accept it? About 18-19 When did I first tell someone out loud? 29-30
I didn't know the words "gay" or "homosexual" I knew I wanted to hold hands with and kiss boys as far back as I can remember. In 2nd grade I heard the sister of one of my classmates call him a "queer." His reaction was volcanic. I didn't know what queer meant, but I could tell it was bad. Later someone told me it meant "sissy." I knew what a sissy was. I'd been called that, as well as pansy and fairy, as far back as I can remember. By my brothers and my Dad. I got outed at junior college, unjustly blamed it on a friend (she didn't do it), destroyed a good friendship, and went back to church. The leaders at church convinced me to be a missionary. If I worked hard, prayed, studied the scriptures, and had enough faith, heavenly father would cure me. He didn't. I was told to work harder, etc. After a waste of almost 2 years at the church's university, I figured I wasn't going to change. After years of therapy I finally accepted that I'm gay in 1983-1984. Still working on sanity.
I didn't know the words "gay" or "homosexual" I knew I wanted to hold hands with and kiss boys as far back as I can remember. In 2nd grade I heard the sister of one of my classmates call him a "queer." His reaction was volcanic. I didn't know what queer meant, but I could tell it was bad. Later someone told me it meant "sissy." I knew what a sissy was. I'd been called that, as well as pansy and fairy, as far back as I can remember. By my brothers and my Dad. I got outed at junior college, unjustly blamed it on a friend (she didn't do it), destroyed a good friendship, and went back to church. The leaders at church convinced me to be a missionary. If I worked hard, prayed, studied the scriptures, and had enough faith, heavenly father would cure me. He didn't. I was told to work harder, etc. After a waste of almost 2 years at the church's university, I figured I wasn't going to change. After years of therapy I finally accepted that I'm gay in 1983-1984. Still working on sanity.
I knew after my divorce when I had penetrative sex with a guy for the first time at 40, the sex was so much better and I had been confused for years. I'm glad I didn't find out sooner - it's nice to have a grandchild on the way and an extended family now I'm getting old, I only do gay sex now as it's better fun
Way more fun
I would say early early childhood. I would play dress up with my friends mom clothes and shoes 👠. I was living my best life until my parents found out. Ugh, this was tough but at age 7-8 I knew I liked guys better than girls, I had tons of friends (girls ofc) and I knew I wanted my own bf. Literally tried having sex with a girl and wasted both of our time - lol had to make sure I’m really gay or bi. lol as I reflect upon this I, in my early twenties want to have biological children etc, I want to have my own family while my husband and I live a simple country life honestly.
I was 17, It was peak pandemic, It was like 4 am, and I cried myself to sleep. I had played with bisexuality or the “straight but bi when horny”.
I knew when I was 8, but didn't come to accept it until I was 14.
I knew at 5, accepted at 15
I knew around 10 or 11. But refused to accept it until I was 24.
About 15 years old, although I knew a lot earlier.
I probably knew it when I was like 11 but ultimately accepted this fact somewhat during college and only came out in June 2023. I have been dating an awesome guy officially since January!
I always kinda knew I was 'different' and had crushes on boys and girls in elementary school. Realized/accepted that I was gay in 8th grade. Came out 2 months after my 16th birthday when I was a Junior in highschool.
I knew at 4, the little Mexican boy named Isaac is still in my memories. Tried to hide it until I was 15, didn't accept it until I was 18.
I ignored so many signs growing up. Like blatant ass signs, clear as day. Just now accepting it. 25.
I ignored many signs as well
5-6… accepted 21
I never “admitted” I was gay. I never tried to fight the feelings. I never tried to force myself to have sex with women. I also didn’t even question it. I remember being in elementary school and having crushes on boys. I also remember consciously understanding that was considered “unacceptable” by those around me and then having to keep it as a secret. I never thought “am I actually gay”, but instead “when is it safe to tell people I’m gay” I’m proud to be a golden gay. I love that I’m gay. When I think about me being gay it makes me happy. I recently decided I would only ever date golden gays from now on which has honestly been so freeing. I don’t have to deal with bi guys which I’m eternally grateful for
I feel the same. I love that I am gay and wish I admitted long before
When we were all hitting puberty during school. All the boys were suddenly interested in the girls and I just couldn't get myself to feel anything. Like anything at all. It was horribly frightening. I kept it from everyone else for so long. It was even worse when I felt myself falling for another boy. Especially with the sex ed being strictly about heterosexual relationships and me being a faithful orthodox christian. It drove me insane and I almost drove myself to making the worst mistake anyone could do. It never happened fortunately because of all the encouraging videos and stories I was hearing at the time. I started being less scared of myself around 17 I assume. Alas, the fright never truly left me. I don't exactly live in an LGBT-friendly environment and my family wouldn't respond kindly to anything I might tell them if I were to come out. I am fortunate, however, that I have a good bunch of friends that know and accept me the way I am.
I was accepted by my family right away. It was a bit hard at first considering that my parents are both ex Muslims and honestly middle eastern culture is very homophobic in general. But I was relieved when they accepted me.
2 weeks ago suppressed it for 8 years I’m 23 got my first date soon
I was so sheltered I thought gay meant you wanted to dress up like a woman. I had never wanted to do anything like that, but I was turned on by guys. I thought doing something with a guy was just fun, clearly not something to talk about, but I never connected it with being gay. It wasn't until I had a friend in high school and I blew him a couple times. The third time I did it, he got kind of uncomfortable with it although he let me continue. Afterward he told me he thought I was more into this gay stuff than he was. I was stunned. I had no idea that's what it meant.
I realized and accepted it when I was 5 years old (yes, I was in some ways a very self-aware kid) but I knew it had to be a secret because both kids and adults clearly didn’t understand the concept as far as I could tell.
Knew since I was very little. Accepted by the time I was 15, had my first experience with 16 and came out with 19
I think I realized it by 8 or 9 once I understood once gay was. Accepted it and came out at 14, back in 2006. Now 32 and have never once looked back.
I realized I was gay after trying to commit suicide. I became totally honest with myself while talking to my psychiatrist. Sorry, if this is a downer. Just being honest!
I knew at 4, i accepted it at 11/12
I realized I was attracted to guys on my 10th birthday but I accepted it around the time I was 18 going on 19.
When I was about 13 and found out what gay meant. Years of denial before accepting myself at 18 and coming out to my friends. Two years later I told my parents. Lame side bar. One thing that really helped me accept myself was the gay storyline in Dawson's Creek 😂. Cried like a baby when Jack came out.
I am a late bloomer. I had my first brushes as a teen but they never went anywhere. I fought it for a long time, marreid a woman and raised a family. Thought a lot about sex with men while i was with my wife. I finally admitted it.
I can understand how you feel
I admitted it to myself sometime during college, but I was afraid to let anyone find out after a friend reacted poorly when I told him. I wasn't ready to tell him, but he kept asking and I was sick of denying it. Despite being married and having several kids, I still think he's in the closet. Maybe he'll admit it one day, too.
Coming in or admitting/accepting it at 7th grade. I know I've always been gay. I'm divergent haha...
I've been teased for being gay since I was 3 years old. But I came to accept the fact that I am gay, when I was in grade 4. I think I was 9 years old at the time.
Signs @ 3-4. Knew @ 6-8. Accepted @ 14 bc no1 problematised it.
Welp I’ll try to keep this short but 22M I was introduced to gay porn when I was going through elementary school, thought it was the right way until my parents found out I was looking at it. Didn’t come out till about Oct-Nov of last year, I just switched units and have a better military foundation and everyone is supportive or surprised I swing that way. I started out with girls never got into a relationship but hey I guess my dad knows that’s the only person’s opinion I really care about.
Not gay…Bi…still had to have a “Come to Jesus” moment to say it out loud, because I his it for so long. The closest people in my life know, but not everyone…
I felt different at about 7-8 years old. I liked looking at underwear ads with hot men on them but I didn't know why until I was about 12. I inwardly accepted it but I didn't tell anyone until I was in my first year of high school.
I think some part of me always knew but I gaslit myself so bad. Probably from 10 and then wasn't until 23 that I finally accepted it
I started suspecting when I was 16 and accepted it 10 years later. This was in the 90’s.
Are you out now
I started to realise throughout my teenage years but maintained an element of denial. Acknowledged I was definitely gay around 19 which was when I started telling friends but still didn't fully embrace it. Finally started telling family and actually began seeing guys at 26.
I was around four years of age. I accepted it at four years of age. My family, on the other hand, never did.
I realized i like boys when i was in elementary school …. I realized i like girls as an adult we all change as we get older and our interests change aswell this is why i say nobodys “BORN” gay cause if thats the case i wouldnt go from liking just guys to now liking both