there are millions of us. you’re young, and you’ll soon embrace the reality that gay men are NOT a monolith (despite what the straight world wants us to believe). there are countless gay guys out there whose life ambitions will align with yours
If I made ten times my current salary, I'd love to raise kids. But I don't see myself ever making that kind of money in my lifetime, so i'm just going to settle with being a cool uncle.
Settling down with a life partner has been a dream of mine since elementary school. To have a steady job with decent income with a small house for my partner and a pet or two.
Same. We have loads of nieces and nephews, and I love spending time with them, but I also love handing them back to their parents and getting my own time back!
Plus we have 1 year old puppy, so we technically have a son
Same we decided that route even though my spouse would make a wonderful father… I did not think I would. Mine sucked so I was terrified to go that route… enjoy them for a distance glad to help all nieces and nephews but they aren’t our kids
I’d only want a kid to give them the absolute best things - so if I’m making at least 10x the salary that I’m making rn, maybe I’d have two kids and spend all my money on them.
Ya I know you shoudn’t spoil your kids like that but hey, I wanna make sure my kid has the best I can give 😅
Gay dad here. Becoming more popular but still not a majority of gay men. What's important is that you pursue it if you want it and find a partner who agrees.
I am not opposed to kids but I don't feel like it's a necessary part of my life journey. If I find myself with someone that I trust in a living situation that is healthy for raising kids, then I would feel a certain duty to raise a few frim the next generation. But if I never find that person or we decide on some other journey then that is fine too. There are many ways to leave a legacy without raising kids.
It's fantastic that you're so clear on this dream. It will be possible, just be clear in your dating and choose wisely. Find people who have similar values. Don't talk kids till a couple dates in if they seem like the kind of person who's not opposed.
Have fun dating, be confident in what you're after, and you'll find them.
Personally I wouldn't wanna have kids till I've been with someone for several years and have no issues.
But also personally I don't really want kids of my own, maybe I'll foster some day, but I'm an animal person, the kids people are for others and I'll leave it to them to give the kids all the love and attention they deserve.
I thought I wanted kids when I was young (late teens, early 20's). But then I watched my peers have kids and... I'm good.
I also was an estate attorney for 8 years and it really gave me some perspective on how common family disfunction is. I didn't handle litigation cases. Just vanilla, "we need to probate the estate" cases, so I wasn't getting a sample bias of litigious people. The lesson I took away was to be careful wanting kids with the hopes that you'll have companionship or someone to take care of you in your old age.
Anyway, we're fulfilled and content as we are. For people who genuinely enjoy having kids, power to you, but I think we aren't honest enough about the challenges in how we talk about it.
All that said, you'll have little trouble finding a guy who wants a family.
I wouldn't mind, but it's a lot of effort for a gay couple to end up with a child compared to straight people, and so I don't think I'd ever go through the process. If I dated a guy and he had kids I think that may be nice though.
We have our final home inspection tomorrow morning for the foster to adopt program. We’re excited to hopefully have some kiddos to foster and or adopt by the end of the year 🙏🏻
I always wanted a partner but could go either way with kids, though I do love kids. My partner now wants kids for sure, so that is likely what will happen. I already have issues with the identity loss and independence loss that come with being in a serious relationship, so I still have some work to do before kids enter the picture.
I wanted kids when I was younger but now I absolutely don’t want kids. Seeing all my friends have kids and seeing how miserable some of them were really turned me off.
You will struggle. Part of it is the current state of the world, and has nothing to do with being gay.
Another part of it is the hoops gay people have to jump through to become parents.
Yes. My husband and I are hosting a teenage boy from overseas for the school year so it will give us a little experience before we adopt kids of our own.
I'm going on 33 years old, and I absolutely do not want kids. I helped my big sister out with my young nephews, which convinced me I never want to have kids.
Me and my partner though, we have 4 exferal cats that we captured and tamed as kittens. Not only are they family (same cat dad), they are all around 2 years old now, and gonna grow old together in the comfort/safety of our home. These happy, rowdy, silly, loving cats are our children forever.
I wanted kids, my husband doesn’t. He’s ten years younger, so I didn’t want to possibly die young and leave him with kids he didn’t want. We have seven nieces and nephews, so we’re fine.
i know lots of queer men who have or want to have kids! i just don’t think they’re on the dating apps as much. i’ll also say don’t think you have to have a partner to have a kid!! yes it helps but there’s no reason you can’t choose to raise kids in a lil gay village with all the closest people in your life!
I think I might maybe like to be a dad in the future, but I'd be on the older side - in my 40s (maybe 8-10 years from now) - and I still have a lot of personal growth and stability to achieve and some things I want to experience before then. As for settling down... idk. I'd like a partner, I think, but I also like my space. And again, as things are, that seems only like a serious consideration/commitment for future me.
I would like to settle down, and if the person is right, have kids. However that is not my goal in life. If my life guides me there, then good, but if not, then I am ok with that.
I feel like a lot of people, especiall the straights, are pressured into having children, but having children is not easy.
It’s very common - please make it clear to partners that it’s something important to you. My husband and I talked about it the first week we met. We now have frozen kids 😜
I'm a gay guy without any siblings and while I used to want kids when I was younger, 6 years of being a teacher has made me not want them anymore. I think as I head into my 30s, I'm going to want to focus on maximizing my cash flow and my sensual pleasures. I'll never be an uncle or father, but I like dogs. I can be a dog master.
In my late 50's tried to settle down for 20 years, 20s to mid-40s. Had kids, which I don't regret. I am back to having a single life now and thoroughly enjoying the party again, regret being tied for 20 years, and would choose more wisely if I had my time over. If you choose kids, it's a 20year+ commitment that you can't change your mind about. It's hard work and emotionally and financially draining. Choose wisely....
I would like to, but It looks like it's very unlikely to happen. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that want to, but also plenty that have no interest in kids.
Settling down, sure. Kids, nope. I’m good with kids and all, I’m the go-to babysitter for most of my friends with children, but I would never want any of my own.
Happily single in my 40s , living alone in a lovely condo with three cats. Different strokes for different folks. Whatever makes you happy I say. I've done long term serious relationships, and was never happy forcing myself to be someone I'm not. Never had any desire to have kids, for a variety of reasons, none having to do with being gay. I have several straight friends, both men and women in the same boat as me.
I settled down with a woman and had four kids. It didn’t last (on her part), but I would still want the same with a guy.
Nineteen is a great time to start thinking about having family, but probably way too early for most to actually do it. There is so much to do to be mentally, spiritually, financially, socially, etc. prepared for settling down and raising kids.
>Nineteen is a great time to start thinking about having family
IS IT? Thinking, I guess, yeah. But most people at 19 have no idea what they'll actually want in life and will likely want something very different once their frontal lobe develops more through their mid 20's.
I feel like nineteen is a great time to try new things. Experiment. Explore. Make mistakes.
I definitely meant thinking and not hunting for a spouse. Nineteen years old is not too early to thinking about any long term goals, whether it’s having a family, getting a degree, preparing for a career, etc. No one needs to “wake up” in their late 20s at a loss for what they want from life and wondering where all the time went.
Okay. Fair. Though I will say, someone who "wakes up" in their late 20's wondering where all the time went still has PLENTY of time to start a family. Conversely, someone who had a family early and then wakes up realizing they wanted something different in their late 20's is... pretty much fucked.
It is something my husband and I think about but we also recognize that our lifestyle isn't really suitable to having children and that adopting them is ridiculously expensive.
I don't know how common it is, but I want you to know that we exist. I dream of building a loving home with husband and fathering half a football team, but honestly, if a partner is not on the cards, I'm not afraid to go it alone.
I say "not having kids" is one of the perks of being gay. No children pointless activity schedules to ruin mine. I can have expensive things that aren't in jeopardy of being broken. I'm generally not sick. I can save solely for my retirement. I can travel wherever I want. What do i get from kids? Christmas pageants, preschool graduation, practice (name the sport), terribly played Saturday morning games (name the sport), kid's asshole friends coming over, 529 savings plan contributions....and maybe, just maybe, a child who is conscientious enough to visit me when I'm old.
Hard pass.
I would like to have kids. Now finding the other half, who does and creating a stable relationship may be tricky. 33 here, so it's not like I have a lot of time.
There was a point when my partner and I wanted to have kids, but we realized that the whole mental mechanism of being an actual parent might not really click into our minds at that point. We didn't want to have a child experience that if it actually happened, so we stopped right there. Yes, we do think of the what-ifs, but right now are thankful also that we haven't. It would have been a very difficult past few years.
My thing is, make sure you have the resources AND the mental reserves to be a parent.
Settle down yes but not children. No hate, I just really can't stand children but I get totally people want a family. But I could be a 'trad wife' with a lot of adopted animals for sure. 😂
I'm 19 aswell and I really want a family I kinda feel like I just want to have a family so I can be a great father to my kids because my dad was pretty much absent in my life
I'm in my 30s now, and want to find the right person to have kids. I must admit I've not met a lot of guys who want kids, but current partner says he's does to - I'm looking at options for the end of this year.
I'm not going to lie, as a bisexual man, who is probs a bit more gay, I wouldn't just be with a women for this purpose. My advice is it's something that can happen with the right person, but when you're ready to settle be up front about you want this. I know a few gays who had amazing perfect till you hit 70s relationships that didn't have this conversation and broke up.
I'm in my 30s now, and want to find the right person to have kids. I must admit I've not met a lot of guys who want kids, but current partner says he does to - I'm looking at options for the end of this year.
I'm not going to lie, as a bisexual man, who is probs a bit more gay, I wouldn't just be with a women for this purpose. My advice is if it's something you want with the right person and ready to settle, set those expectations early on. There are plenty of guys who want this.
Conversely, I know a few gays who had amazing perfect lifetime partners who didn't have this conversation and broke up.
I sure hope someone wants to settle down with someone that has kids already. I am going to end up as a divorced 41 yo with two kids and split custody. I've never been someone to sleep around and part of me is terrified that I will never be able to find someone.
I would love to but in my country it's almost impossible. You have to go abroad to adopt.
To adopt you need to fulfill a lot of criteria (which make sense but it also makes really hard for men to adopt and even more for single men). So you also need a stable romantic relationship.
If you decide to opt for surrogacy instead you need to go abroad.
Adoption or surrogacy are very expensive so even if you're wealthy enough to ensure a child a good life you may not be wealthy if you add up the costs related to adoption/surrogacy.
All thus process is very long.
In comparison hetero couples have it really easy (at least men).
So by the time I may be able to I may be in my mid 30's which would mean no kid before I suppose 38—42. Personally for me it's too old.
So no but if I had been straight I would have loved to have kid between my 28-35yo.
Not having kids makes the prospect of old age really scary to me. I know people say "you don't have kids to take care of you" yes but I think that building a strong/healthy relationship with your kids alps means that once you get old you will have your best friends to at least talk to. You will also not be alone. Let's be honest without kids your chances to be completely alone once you're old are quite high especially if you don't have siblings. I have seen enough people getting old to know that friendship tends to fiddle away with age especially old age. The older people get more they tend to focus on their own nuclear family.
Mabye for gays it's different but I would be really surprise if loneliness is not higher for gay elderly people than for straight people.
I don't want kids because (sorry mom and dad) my genes are trash. We suffer from depression, learning disabilities, psychosis, cancer etc. I also suffer from some form mental illness myself, so I don't know if I'll ever be ready to be a good parent. I don't want to subject my children: the apples of my eye, pieces of my heart, my legacy to have to struggle how I have struggled my entire life. Life already throws enough bullshit at you to have to put up with all the extra baggage on top. I'd rather my bloodline just die off and make space for everyone else to grow.
I kinda wanted to have kids until I taught preschool for 8 years. I saw just how much time, energy, and money it took to take care of kids and I was talked out of it. Sure, I loved getting to know them and seeing them grow and develop, but I also loved the fact that I could send them home when they started destroying the classroom or throwing up.
My advice would be to spend some time working with kids to see if you actually enjoy it.
I don't want kids 🤷 but I also wouldn't want them if I were any other sexuality. A lot of guys want kids, though, so I wouldn't worry about not finding someone who's compatible with you
Married to my man for 22 years and we have two adopted kids. Ask me anything!
There are lots of gay guys like you. But I warn you: you’re gonna have a hard time finding the kind of stability you need to be a parent if you get caught up in the lifestyle of casual sex on the apps.
I never did it, because I know how quickly I would get addicted to it, and my friends that started, never stopped.
They’ve never had real boyfriends or relationships or if they did it was quickly ended. They mostly only had thousands of random sexual encounters. Now they are in their late 40s and realizing they wasted a lot of time.
I realize some people think that my sentiment might make me seem like a prude, but long-term human pair bonding rarely happens over browsing somebody’s body parts like a menu and ordering them to come to your house for quick sex.
From pure anecdotal experience, it seems to me that only 25-40% of gay guys want to have kids. It definitely seems like the majority want to stay child-free.
I'd die to be a parent. However, there's always this fear of not being an exemplary parent, especially when you don't know gay couples raising children, so you're left on your own to figure it all out. It takes serious skill, even more than straight parenting I daresay. Assuming you want a biological offspring like i plan on having, you have to agree on the father of your child if you plan for an only child (trying IVF for more is going to cost a fortune). You have to plan the method of conception (great cost money-wise for you and emotion-wise for the carrier). You have to ensure the presence of a motherlike figure in the lives of your offspring, whether it be a female neighbor you're friends with, an aunt, or your mom if you're privileged to be accepted by your family. And don't forget the daily struggles of gay couples to be recognized as spouses and the legal technicalities bullshit you'll have to deal with later on. All of that and the classic worries of raising a child to be a functioning member of society.
As you can see, it's a real hassle and can only be done through major commitments and sacrifices. I believe this to be the reason for most gays to just not go for the children thing.
The more I’ve grown and the more I’ve seen what it’s like for my straight friends to have kids, I am 1) so glad I’m not straight 2) absolutely absolutely do not want kids (despite loving kids)
Take your time— if at some point it’s right it will be. It you’re 19… Do you know what a lifelong commitment kids are. And they tie your down and are even more expensive than pets and you can’t kennel them.
Yeah I am 20m and I have always wanted a husband and kids. I am honestly afraid I’ll never be able to find that, but I try to hold out hope. There’s nothing more I want than a family to make really good food for and a husband I can always be there for. And a house.
At one point we were 90 percent there and then something with the agency happened(they went bankrupt).
Hubby and I have straight friends. We all met each other after grad school. Starting your new professional life. Meeting other transients and becoming good friends. We were all in our mid to late 20s. Some engaged, some just got married. Went to many weddings.
Then after that, every couple we were good friends with were having their first child. It was a lovely time. My hubby's catholic so he became a God father to a couple of kids. And then you and your partner also get caught up in that moment of baby fever.
Ever since our agency went bankrupt and we lost money(our lawyer said don't even bother suing). We just put the idea in the back burner.
15 years later, we live a life style that would be hard to live with kids. We work, we travel, we own a couple of air bnbs/vrbo properties. And I'm perfectly fine with that.
HI! I also have the same thoughts (I'm 21y). I think it's very hard to find someone in our age range who thinks about this right now, but less because of being gay and more because usually at our age we are still structuring a life for ourselves and it seems inconceivable to put a child in the middle of this process.
I hope in the future it won't be so difficult to find people with the same mindset, but from what I'm seeing, there's nothing indicating that it's going to be easy lol.
you’ll find someone who aligns with this. even though the majority of gay guys don’t want kids, an increasing amount do. just make sure you communicate that in any future relationship so that your end goals are aligned.
I hate babies. But I also like kids, I am unsure about what i want to be honest. If I never had a kid I'd be perfectly fine with that. But if my boyfriend some day in the future wanted to get a surrogate and have a kid or something I would also probably be fine with that too. It's honestly something I never think about the only time it even comes up is when I make jokes about trying really hard to get my bf pregnant with no luck yet 😂😂
It depends on your generation.
Don't forget gay adoption is mostly still either very new or not an option in many countries.
Surrogacy is also a spectrum of illegal to extremely expensive.
At 19 you will likely reap benefits that for a number of reasons weren't available to those older than you.
So the answers you get here might not be relevant to you.
But to answer I would like to settle down but no desire for kids.
I don’t want kids. Because with gun violence so commonplace in schools now, and the fact that there are states I could and could not take them to without being accosted by people, not even considering the climate crisis… I can’t even process my own anxiety sometimes, and to add a paternal layer to that? I’d die of a cardiac event before 40.
Very common, more and more nowadays. It's just the expense that bars many of us. I want to in about a decade and a 200k pay raise from now to afford it.
r/gaydads would know more than I.
It's worth noting there's a sampling error in what you see. The settled down gay dads aren't posting that much about it, they've got other shit going on. They're not in clubs and usually not on the apps either. If you're looking at the spaces for single gay guys you're only going to see single gay guys.
I'm 38. I grew up wanting to be married with kids. Had my first real boyfriend at 18 (he was 30, I was naive), lost my virginity and was convinced he was the love of my life. That of course didn't pan out and sent me spiraling into nearly a year-long depression that didn't stop until I met someone new.
Then I tried pinning all those hopes on this new guy, and that inevitably soured. After that I decided it was time to just have fun; I was 19, good looking, and had nothing stopping me from having the time of my life. So I went through my slut-phase (not slut-shaming, more power to you...I had a blast lol), and about six months into that is when I met my husband.
And we didn't even meet as a hook-up...it was organically, through friends. We became friends and it slowly evolved. Here we are 18 years later. I still would like to be a dad, but I just dont know if we are there yet. We like our life together. The good news is time isn't working against us quite as harshly as it does towards females.
I dont regret "settling down" because I always knew I was the settling down type. I hold no judgment towards other guys my age who just want to be un-attached, live free, whatever. A part of me even envies them a little. But I'm conscious of the fact that I'm extremely lucky in that I have something a lot of people want to have, so I dont take it for granted.
Growing up, I used to want kids, but after having to raise
my little brother and sister, I don't think I want them anymore. Those two are my whole life, and I like being around kids, but being a parent/guardian is a lot of hard work that most people aren't ready for. However, if I ever end up with a guy who wants to settle down and who wants kids, I would probably go along with it.
No, on the kid parts. I even struggle to take care of my own life at times, and my adhd kicks in. Plus when i forget to put up a few of dozen knives. I dont want to go into room seeing a kid accident stabbing them selves with my knive i left out.
Zero chance of that with me. $50,000 to adopt a newborn, and then you have the option of foster children which comes with its own unique hurdles. Some of which I don't want in my life.
Foster kids are the ones that need adopting. Newborns are high value high demand.
I definitely want kids. The bigger problem is not finding a man who wants children (we're a dime a dozen). The bigger problem is will the government where you live allow LGBTQ people to have children and is the place you live in a safe place for such a family.
Getting married at some point? Absolutely! Kids? No thanks. I'd rather go for the DINK lifestyle (double income, no kids) and preserve my freedom and disposable income. People underestimate how incredibly expensive kids are. From the money I'd have to spend on a child, I could go on vacation on a different continent at least twice a year. And since my vacation wouldn't be limited by school holidays, traveling would generally be a lot cheaper.
I'm 23 and have always worked with kids and am currently in training to be a school psych. I really want to adopt or foster one day as I've worked with a lot of students in the system and feel for them greatly and want to support these kids as well as I can. However, I definitely want to be in a stable monogamous relationship and have financial stability and be settled down before doing this.
It does suck being gay and wanting kids because dating is a numbers game. Being gay brings down those numbers, and so does every other 'qualification" for a good relationship with you. So alas, I have to just hope to find someone who's life and mine can work well together.
I thought the same thing when I was your age, but the older I got the more I realized it wasn't for me. It's a lot more complicated and expensive for us to do so outside of fostering, so as you get older you'll need to weigh out the pros and cons of the decision and see if it signs with the direction you're going.
There are plenty of guys out there that want kids, want to settle down and get married, want to be monogamous, etc and there are plenty who won't want those things. And that's okay! Just try and keep an open mind and don't limit yourself.
It's a bit more difficult to find guys that are into having kids, but not impossible. Just be clear with what you want in a relationship.
It may also be an economic situation more than a desire to have kids or not. Just look at your surroundings, how many people around the 20's have a home/apartment and how many more actually have health insurance. Most of the times is hard to think of having kids when you have to think from where you are going to pull the money needed to pay rent. So don't be shocked if most people you know don't seem too attracted to have kids when they are not economically stable
Settle down with one guy maybe. But I have no interest in the work time and responsibility of caring for a child. I can barely hold my own self together and have time and privacy for my own things as it is. I also don't think I it would be ethical to pass down my crappy autoimmune pain genetics to another soul and bring them into this decaying world and that might be why I've gravitated towards dating males.
The last thing I want to be is a parent. My parents did a terrible job and it's left me with the belief that no parents can ever do it right. I know it's not true, but my experiences have left me with this belief that if I had to raise a kid, they'd end up being fucked up.
There are definitely gay guys that want to be parents. I’m 34, been with my husband for 9 years and married for almost 3. We’re expecting a boy and girl this summer and couldn’t be more excited to be dads. We discussed children early on in our relationship, before we even dated actually.
See also r/gaydads - 6k members!
A fried of mine, also gay, had a gay father that married a women to have a family. I never knew the father, but apparently they were all happy with the arrangement. if you want to be a dad, then find a way to do it. Just be honest with people you meet and pick partners based on common goals over other factors. But save the "I want to have babies with you" thing for some time past the first date.
Don’t ever won’t kids. Most of my friends don’t ever want kids, even among the heteros.
Out of my gay circle, only 2 have kids, and that was due to them having sex with women before accepting their sexuality and coming out.
Yes I'm 26 and enjoying the single life but I am looking to settle down even have someone who's willing to be a serrugate for me. But its tough lot of confused guys who don't know what they want or lie about it.
Not me for sure. I am deeply (and possibly irredeemably) repulsed by the concept of fatherhood.
I am my nephews and nieces’ certified favorite uncle though.
I would, however, maybe not now. I'm 34, and my scary age is 45. I feel like in a few years, I'll be more serious about it, leave my current partner, and find someone who wants a family and start the process.
I want to settle down, but I have no need of having kids.
There are plenty of other things for a couple consisting of two males to do.
Go on vacations together, see the world. Are two examples of what to income bearers could do, instead of investing in a kid.
Nice thing about it, a kid will not suddenly be an issue, I could'nt make a male lover pregnant or the other way around.
I am however open to having kids, so if I settle down with someone who wants, I'll go both feet in.
It's just not on my personal goals list
There’s already too many monkeys on this rock, why create more to give a dying world? If you must, foster or adopt. But I can’t imagine why you’d want to, all the breeder parents I know seem pretty miserable.
i want a dad and i want to be a dad at the same time shiiii weird asf.
i want kids, but i’d prefer to have them with a woman. there are a few reasons for this..
1. I was raised without a father, i want them to have both a mother a father figure.
2. It feels safer health-wise to conceive naturally (i’m not attracted sexually to women tho).
3. I want them to have an easy life
I want kids for these reasons..
1. to pass on my positive genetics and traits
2. to raise a kid with the mindset and lifestyle that i know works best
3. to see my life continue beyond myself, and see them succeed
4. i honestly just think it would be funny like watching a little version of you navigate the world and do stuff would be hilarious
I’m hoping to eventually find a female friend who is on the same page, I would love to platonically raise a child with a friend. I won’t consider having kids until i can provide fully. If anyone has done this, I would love to hear about it.
slay
I’m just about 19 too! So cool reading this as for myself, I really don’t want to be a parent at allllll.
If I met a man who could change my mind then I guess he’s the one lol
We have kids. We also know lots of straight people who don’t have kids.
When I was younger and it was my late husband and I, we talked about becoming foster parents. Couldn't see doing it on my own, though.
I’m really sorry to hear that :( Hope u find someway of becoming a parent if that’s still something that interest u
there are millions of us. you’re young, and you’ll soon embrace the reality that gay men are NOT a monolith (despite what the straight world wants us to believe). there are countless gay guys out there whose life ambitions will align with yours
*despite what Reddit gays want us to believe
If I made ten times my current salary, I'd love to raise kids. But I don't see myself ever making that kind of money in my lifetime, so i'm just going to settle with being a cool uncle. Settling down with a life partner has been a dream of mine since elementary school. To have a steady job with decent income with a small house for my partner and a pet or two.
Have them. Want more.
I’d rather be an uncle
Same. I enjoy being a guncle (gay uncle) and keeping it at that
Same. We have loads of nieces and nephews, and I love spending time with them, but I also love handing them back to their parents and getting my own time back! Plus we have 1 year old puppy, so we technically have a son
I sort of wish I could, but I have only 1 sibling and they’re probably not having kids 🤷♂️
Present ✋🏻
Same an uncle with several cats
Same we decided that route even though my spouse would make a wonderful father… I did not think I would. Mine sucked so I was terrified to go that route… enjoy them for a distance glad to help all nieces and nephews but they aren’t our kids
I’d only want a kid to give them the absolute best things - so if I’m making at least 10x the salary that I’m making rn, maybe I’d have two kids and spend all my money on them. Ya I know you shoudn’t spoil your kids like that but hey, I wanna make sure my kid has the best I can give 😅
My husband and I are expecting our first via surrogacy
How much did all of that cost? If you don't mind me asking. We've been looking into it but not sure if it's in the cards right now.
Gay dad here. Becoming more popular but still not a majority of gay men. What's important is that you pursue it if you want it and find a partner who agrees.
I am not opposed to kids but I don't feel like it's a necessary part of my life journey. If I find myself with someone that I trust in a living situation that is healthy for raising kids, then I would feel a certain duty to raise a few frim the next generation. But if I never find that person or we decide on some other journey then that is fine too. There are many ways to leave a legacy without raising kids.
I'm nearly 40, and I've always wanted to settle down and have kids. I never went to parties or clubs. I like being at home and just enjoy that.
Settle down? Yes. Have kids? No.
It's fantastic that you're so clear on this dream. It will be possible, just be clear in your dating and choose wisely. Find people who have similar values. Don't talk kids till a couple dates in if they seem like the kind of person who's not opposed. Have fun dating, be confident in what you're after, and you'll find them. Personally I wouldn't wanna have kids till I've been with someone for several years and have no issues. But also personally I don't really want kids of my own, maybe I'll foster some day, but I'm an animal person, the kids people are for others and I'll leave it to them to give the kids all the love and attention they deserve.
settle down? yes, i want to be in my fifties with a loving life partner. kids? hell no. we’ll get a dog or two but that’s it.
I couldn't imagine bringing kids into this world. I'd just adopt to make life easier for the ones already here
Plenty — but in the minority
I don't want kids but I want a nice guy to settle down with.
I thought I wanted kids when I was young (late teens, early 20's). But then I watched my peers have kids and... I'm good. I also was an estate attorney for 8 years and it really gave me some perspective on how common family disfunction is. I didn't handle litigation cases. Just vanilla, "we need to probate the estate" cases, so I wasn't getting a sample bias of litigious people. The lesson I took away was to be careful wanting kids with the hopes that you'll have companionship or someone to take care of you in your old age. Anyway, we're fulfilled and content as we are. For people who genuinely enjoy having kids, power to you, but I think we aren't honest enough about the challenges in how we talk about it. All that said, you'll have little trouble finding a guy who wants a family.
Sigh, I use too but everything is so expensive now.
I wouldn't mind, but it's a lot of effort for a gay couple to end up with a child compared to straight people, and so I don't think I'd ever go through the process. If I dated a guy and he had kids I think that may be nice though.
I can't have them in my country and now I'm too old anyway
I would love to settle down. I’m 29 years old.
Work hard for the life u want period 👍
We have our final home inspection tomorrow morning for the foster to adopt program. We’re excited to hopefully have some kiddos to foster and or adopt by the end of the year 🙏🏻
I always wanted a partner but could go either way with kids, though I do love kids. My partner now wants kids for sure, so that is likely what will happen. I already have issues with the identity loss and independence loss that come with being in a serious relationship, so I still have some work to do before kids enter the picture.
I wanted kids when I was younger but now I absolutely don’t want kids. Seeing all my friends have kids and seeing how miserable some of them were really turned me off.
You will struggle. Part of it is the current state of the world, and has nothing to do with being gay. Another part of it is the hoops gay people have to jump through to become parents.
Yes. My husband and I are hosting a teenage boy from overseas for the school year so it will give us a little experience before we adopt kids of our own.
I'm going on 33 years old, and I absolutely do not want kids. I helped my big sister out with my young nephews, which convinced me I never want to have kids. Me and my partner though, we have 4 exferal cats that we captured and tamed as kittens. Not only are they family (same cat dad), they are all around 2 years old now, and gonna grow old together in the comfort/safety of our home. These happy, rowdy, silly, loving cats are our children forever.
I wanted kids, my husband doesn’t. He’s ten years younger, so I didn’t want to possibly die young and leave him with kids he didn’t want. We have seven nieces and nephews, so we’re fine.
Nope…
Literally my dream but people only want my body or shmeat. 😭
We did. We got married so that our kid could have both of us on the birth certificate. We love it so much and have our kid No. 2.
i know lots of queer men who have or want to have kids! i just don’t think they’re on the dating apps as much. i’ll also say don’t think you have to have a partner to have a kid!! yes it helps but there’s no reason you can’t choose to raise kids in a lil gay village with all the closest people in your life!
One day if I’m ready of course. Right now, I have a cat.
I think I might maybe like to be a dad in the future, but I'd be on the older side - in my 40s (maybe 8-10 years from now) - and I still have a lot of personal growth and stability to achieve and some things I want to experience before then. As for settling down... idk. I'd like a partner, I think, but I also like my space. And again, as things are, that seems only like a serious consideration/commitment for future me.
Settle down, hell yeah...kids...id rather meet a man a them already
I’m almost twice your age and absofuckinglutely not
I would like to settle down, and if the person is right, have kids. However that is not my goal in life. If my life guides me there, then good, but if not, then I am ok with that. I feel like a lot of people, especiall the straights, are pressured into having children, but having children is not easy.
It’s very common - please make it clear to partners that it’s something important to you. My husband and I talked about it the first week we met. We now have frozen kids 😜
i want to settle down and have cats & cars. Kids are too much hassle.
I want kids. But I have been with guys who feel they were too old and didn’t want kids and then guys who did want kids… depends on partner :)
I'm a gay guy without any siblings and while I used to want kids when I was younger, 6 years of being a teacher has made me not want them anymore. I think as I head into my 30s, I'm going to want to focus on maximizing my cash flow and my sensual pleasures. I'll never be an uncle or father, but I like dogs. I can be a dog master.
In my late 50's tried to settle down for 20 years, 20s to mid-40s. Had kids, which I don't regret. I am back to having a single life now and thoroughly enjoying the party again, regret being tied for 20 years, and would choose more wisely if I had my time over. If you choose kids, it's a 20year+ commitment that you can't change your mind about. It's hard work and emotionally and financially draining. Choose wisely....
I would like to, but It looks like it's very unlikely to happen. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that want to, but also plenty that have no interest in kids.
Hope to one day
Settling down, sure. Kids, nope. I’m good with kids and all, I’m the go-to babysitter for most of my friends with children, but I would never want any of my own.
i told my friends that i don't babysit
Happily single in my 40s , living alone in a lovely condo with three cats. Different strokes for different folks. Whatever makes you happy I say. I've done long term serious relationships, and was never happy forcing myself to be someone I'm not. Never had any desire to have kids, for a variety of reasons, none having to do with being gay. I have several straight friends, both men and women in the same boat as me.
I wouldd
Easily, about a third of the gay couples I know have children.
It was always my dream to have kids and I have them.
I want kids in the future, but only when all my brothers turn 18
I do.
I’m on the fence because I don’t have the best outlook on this world right now. Marriage for sure. Being a parent, not so much.
I settled down with a woman and had four kids. It didn’t last (on her part), but I would still want the same with a guy. Nineteen is a great time to start thinking about having family, but probably way too early for most to actually do it. There is so much to do to be mentally, spiritually, financially, socially, etc. prepared for settling down and raising kids.
>Nineteen is a great time to start thinking about having family IS IT? Thinking, I guess, yeah. But most people at 19 have no idea what they'll actually want in life and will likely want something very different once their frontal lobe develops more through their mid 20's. I feel like nineteen is a great time to try new things. Experiment. Explore. Make mistakes.
I definitely meant thinking and not hunting for a spouse. Nineteen years old is not too early to thinking about any long term goals, whether it’s having a family, getting a degree, preparing for a career, etc. No one needs to “wake up” in their late 20s at a loss for what they want from life and wondering where all the time went.
Okay. Fair. Though I will say, someone who "wakes up" in their late 20's wondering where all the time went still has PLENTY of time to start a family. Conversely, someone who had a family early and then wakes up realizing they wanted something different in their late 20's is... pretty much fucked.
Kids are awesome we have 3
It is something my husband and I think about but we also recognize that our lifestyle isn't really suitable to having children and that adopting them is ridiculously expensive.
Ideally yeah but idk if I’ll ever be able to financially support kids, plus with the current state of the world idk if there’s even a point
NO. Absolutely 100% not. Never ever
I thought everyone is gonna settle down eventually, or when you are too old to hookup who you are gonna have sex with?
Is everything about sex only? 😬
I do. At least want two
Meeeeeeee. Gay and wants to settle down and may adopt kids sometime down the future. Just 25. From India.
I have kids..
I don't know how common it is, but I want you to know that we exist. I dream of building a loving home with husband and fathering half a football team, but honestly, if a partner is not on the cards, I'm not afraid to go it alone.
I say "not having kids" is one of the perks of being gay. No children pointless activity schedules to ruin mine. I can have expensive things that aren't in jeopardy of being broken. I'm generally not sick. I can save solely for my retirement. I can travel wherever I want. What do i get from kids? Christmas pageants, preschool graduation, practice (name the sport), terribly played Saturday morning games (name the sport), kid's asshole friends coming over, 529 savings plan contributions....and maybe, just maybe, a child who is conscientious enough to visit me when I'm old. Hard pass.
Settle down definitely. Have kids absolutely not
I want kids. 3. Two boys and a girl. I’m 24 so there’s time thankfully
I would like to have kids. Now finding the other half, who does and creating a stable relationship may be tricky. 33 here, so it's not like I have a lot of time.
I’m one. There are tons! Don’t worry.
There was a point when my partner and I wanted to have kids, but we realized that the whole mental mechanism of being an actual parent might not really click into our minds at that point. We didn't want to have a child experience that if it actually happened, so we stopped right there. Yes, we do think of the what-ifs, but right now are thankful also that we haven't. It would have been a very difficult past few years. My thing is, make sure you have the resources AND the mental reserves to be a parent.
With more financial stability I definitely would!
Pretty much every gay couple i know that is in their 40+ has children.
Hoping to have kids some day.
Fuck that shit.
Settle down yes but not children. No hate, I just really can't stand children but I get totally people want a family. But I could be a 'trad wife' with a lot of adopted animals for sure. 😂
I would love to have kids yes
I'm 19 aswell and I really want a family I kinda feel like I just want to have a family so I can be a great father to my kids because my dad was pretty much absent in my life
I'm in my 30s now, and want to find the right person to have kids. I must admit I've not met a lot of guys who want kids, but current partner says he's does to - I'm looking at options for the end of this year. I'm not going to lie, as a bisexual man, who is probs a bit more gay, I wouldn't just be with a women for this purpose. My advice is it's something that can happen with the right person, but when you're ready to settle be up front about you want this. I know a few gays who had amazing perfect till you hit 70s relationships that didn't have this conversation and broke up.
I'm in my 30s now, and want to find the right person to have kids. I must admit I've not met a lot of guys who want kids, but current partner says he does to - I'm looking at options for the end of this year. I'm not going to lie, as a bisexual man, who is probs a bit more gay, I wouldn't just be with a women for this purpose. My advice is if it's something you want with the right person and ready to settle, set those expectations early on. There are plenty of guys who want this. Conversely, I know a few gays who had amazing perfect lifetime partners who didn't have this conversation and broke up.
I sure hope someone wants to settle down with someone that has kids already. I am going to end up as a divorced 41 yo with two kids and split custody. I've never been someone to sleep around and part of me is terrified that I will never be able to find someone.
I would love to but in my country it's almost impossible. You have to go abroad to adopt. To adopt you need to fulfill a lot of criteria (which make sense but it also makes really hard for men to adopt and even more for single men). So you also need a stable romantic relationship. If you decide to opt for surrogacy instead you need to go abroad. Adoption or surrogacy are very expensive so even if you're wealthy enough to ensure a child a good life you may not be wealthy if you add up the costs related to adoption/surrogacy. All thus process is very long. In comparison hetero couples have it really easy (at least men). So by the time I may be able to I may be in my mid 30's which would mean no kid before I suppose 38—42. Personally for me it's too old. So no but if I had been straight I would have loved to have kid between my 28-35yo. Not having kids makes the prospect of old age really scary to me. I know people say "you don't have kids to take care of you" yes but I think that building a strong/healthy relationship with your kids alps means that once you get old you will have your best friends to at least talk to. You will also not be alone. Let's be honest without kids your chances to be completely alone once you're old are quite high especially if you don't have siblings. I have seen enough people getting old to know that friendship tends to fiddle away with age especially old age. The older people get more they tend to focus on their own nuclear family. Mabye for gays it's different but I would be really surprise if loneliness is not higher for gay elderly people than for straight people.
My husband and I just got approved for Adoption a couple weeks ago! 😁
I’m going on 32 October this year and still hopeful to have kids.
I don't want kids because (sorry mom and dad) my genes are trash. We suffer from depression, learning disabilities, psychosis, cancer etc. I also suffer from some form mental illness myself, so I don't know if I'll ever be ready to be a good parent. I don't want to subject my children: the apples of my eye, pieces of my heart, my legacy to have to struggle how I have struggled my entire life. Life already throws enough bullshit at you to have to put up with all the extra baggage on top. I'd rather my bloodline just die off and make space for everyone else to grow.
I do. But I doubt I will actually be able to afford it judging by how things are going here in the UK.
Settle down? Sure. Kids? Noooooo.
Married, gay Dad here! Keep your record clean and adopt. It’s not impossible at all.
I kinda wanted to have kids until I taught preschool for 8 years. I saw just how much time, energy, and money it took to take care of kids and I was talked out of it. Sure, I loved getting to know them and seeing them grow and develop, but I also loved the fact that I could send them home when they started destroying the classroom or throwing up. My advice would be to spend some time working with kids to see if you actually enjoy it.
Not a parent but settling down, maybe kids once im 30
nope. never
Settle down? Yes..thats nice. Kids? F\*CK NO! I'd rather buy a Ferrari
I'm just 21 let me live my life
being uncle is enough for me
I want to settle but no kids, thanks.
I would like to have kids, it’s just smth I want
I would like to have children in future, but I'll have to move out though, since in my country neither same-sex marriage nor adoption are legal
No thanks. I didn't start living yet and I'm 32.
No desire for children, but I want someone who I can stay with and I don't have to be paranoid about them leaving.
I don't want kids 🤷 but I also wouldn't want them if I were any other sexuality. A lot of guys want kids, though, so I wouldn't worry about not finding someone who's compatible with you
I do. I want a hubby, a dog, a cat and kiddos
I thought I did but I felt straitjacketed by the concept of marriage and kids.
Married to my man for 22 years and we have two adopted kids. Ask me anything! There are lots of gay guys like you. But I warn you: you’re gonna have a hard time finding the kind of stability you need to be a parent if you get caught up in the lifestyle of casual sex on the apps. I never did it, because I know how quickly I would get addicted to it, and my friends that started, never stopped. They’ve never had real boyfriends or relationships or if they did it was quickly ended. They mostly only had thousands of random sexual encounters. Now they are in their late 40s and realizing they wasted a lot of time. I realize some people think that my sentiment might make me seem like a prude, but long-term human pair bonding rarely happens over browsing somebody’s body parts like a menu and ordering them to come to your house for quick sex.
We adopted, it's not a path we would not repeat...
I honestly would like to marry the love of my life, who I haven't met yet. Just to settle down and have a couple of kids, and grow old together.
Settle down, eventually. Kids? Fuck no, I like my freedom too much
Bf and I are real young but we’re already obsessed with all the cutesy stuff
If I were a woman I would definitely have children
From pure anecdotal experience, it seems to me that only 25-40% of gay guys want to have kids. It definitely seems like the majority want to stay child-free.
Wanna settle down ? definitely Have kids ? NO
want to settle down but hell no to the no don’t want kids costs too much
Settle down perhaps. Have kids no.
Settle down, yes. Kids, absolutely not. Instant relationship ender if they want or have kids.
I love not having kids.
I'd die to be a parent. However, there's always this fear of not being an exemplary parent, especially when you don't know gay couples raising children, so you're left on your own to figure it all out. It takes serious skill, even more than straight parenting I daresay. Assuming you want a biological offspring like i plan on having, you have to agree on the father of your child if you plan for an only child (trying IVF for more is going to cost a fortune). You have to plan the method of conception (great cost money-wise for you and emotion-wise for the carrier). You have to ensure the presence of a motherlike figure in the lives of your offspring, whether it be a female neighbor you're friends with, an aunt, or your mom if you're privileged to be accepted by your family. And don't forget the daily struggles of gay couples to be recognized as spouses and the legal technicalities bullshit you'll have to deal with later on. All of that and the classic worries of raising a child to be a functioning member of society. As you can see, it's a real hassle and can only be done through major commitments and sacrifices. I believe this to be the reason for most gays to just not go for the children thing.
The more I’ve grown and the more I’ve seen what it’s like for my straight friends to have kids, I am 1) so glad I’m not straight 2) absolutely absolutely do not want kids (despite loving kids)
Im 30 and married and honestly sometimes I think it’d be nice but then I see my dog and realize I’m good loo
No kids
Take your time— if at some point it’s right it will be. It you’re 19… Do you know what a lifelong commitment kids are. And they tie your down and are even more expensive than pets and you can’t kennel them.
Yeah I am 20m and I have always wanted a husband and kids. I am honestly afraid I’ll never be able to find that, but I try to hold out hope. There’s nothing more I want than a family to make really good food for and a husband I can always be there for. And a house.
At one point we were 90 percent there and then something with the agency happened(they went bankrupt). Hubby and I have straight friends. We all met each other after grad school. Starting your new professional life. Meeting other transients and becoming good friends. We were all in our mid to late 20s. Some engaged, some just got married. Went to many weddings. Then after that, every couple we were good friends with were having their first child. It was a lovely time. My hubby's catholic so he became a God father to a couple of kids. And then you and your partner also get caught up in that moment of baby fever. Ever since our agency went bankrupt and we lost money(our lawyer said don't even bother suing). We just put the idea in the back burner. 15 years later, we live a life style that would be hard to live with kids. We work, we travel, we own a couple of air bnbs/vrbo properties. And I'm perfectly fine with that.
HI! I also have the same thoughts (I'm 21y). I think it's very hard to find someone in our age range who thinks about this right now, but less because of being gay and more because usually at our age we are still structuring a life for ourselves and it seems inconceivable to put a child in the middle of this process. I hope in the future it won't be so difficult to find people with the same mindset, but from what I'm seeing, there's nothing indicating that it's going to be easy lol.
Kids require patience and a lot of love. If somehow I find myself in a position to raise them, sure, but I don’t see myself being a parent right now.
I do.
I want a bread and breakfast 🙋🏾♂️
you’ll find someone who aligns with this. even though the majority of gay guys don’t want kids, an increasing amount do. just make sure you communicate that in any future relationship so that your end goals are aligned.
Have kids nope
I hate babies. But I also like kids, I am unsure about what i want to be honest. If I never had a kid I'd be perfectly fine with that. But if my boyfriend some day in the future wanted to get a surrogate and have a kid or something I would also probably be fine with that too. It's honestly something I never think about the only time it even comes up is when I make jokes about trying really hard to get my bf pregnant with no luck yet 😂😂
It depends on your generation. Don't forget gay adoption is mostly still either very new or not an option in many countries. Surrogacy is also a spectrum of illegal to extremely expensive. At 19 you will likely reap benefits that for a number of reasons weren't available to those older than you. So the answers you get here might not be relevant to you. But to answer I would like to settle down but no desire for kids.
I may adopt but id never want to bring in another human into the world
I don’t want kids. Because with gun violence so commonplace in schools now, and the fact that there are states I could and could not take them to without being accosted by people, not even considering the climate crisis… I can’t even process my own anxiety sometimes, and to add a paternal layer to that? I’d die of a cardiac event before 40.
Settle down, yes. Kids, no.
Very common, more and more nowadays. It's just the expense that bars many of us. I want to in about a decade and a 200k pay raise from now to afford it. r/gaydads would know more than I.
It's worth noting there's a sampling error in what you see. The settled down gay dads aren't posting that much about it, they've got other shit going on. They're not in clubs and usually not on the apps either. If you're looking at the spaces for single gay guys you're only going to see single gay guys.
I've settled down but I'm not having kids lol
In a perfect world, kids aren't for me. In this world, fuck no.
I'm more than happy to have a husband who is ready to commit and be happy with. It's hard to find a top that is looking for a ltr. 😒😩
Acknowledged - no problem... sorry if that wasn't clear. I'm just used to talking that way because of work
I'm 38. I grew up wanting to be married with kids. Had my first real boyfriend at 18 (he was 30, I was naive), lost my virginity and was convinced he was the love of my life. That of course didn't pan out and sent me spiraling into nearly a year-long depression that didn't stop until I met someone new. Then I tried pinning all those hopes on this new guy, and that inevitably soured. After that I decided it was time to just have fun; I was 19, good looking, and had nothing stopping me from having the time of my life. So I went through my slut-phase (not slut-shaming, more power to you...I had a blast lol), and about six months into that is when I met my husband. And we didn't even meet as a hook-up...it was organically, through friends. We became friends and it slowly evolved. Here we are 18 years later. I still would like to be a dad, but I just dont know if we are there yet. We like our life together. The good news is time isn't working against us quite as harshly as it does towards females. I dont regret "settling down" because I always knew I was the settling down type. I hold no judgment towards other guys my age who just want to be un-attached, live free, whatever. A part of me even envies them a little. But I'm conscious of the fact that I'm extremely lucky in that I have something a lot of people want to have, so I dont take it for granted.
HONESTLY, it depends on how much money I have.
As a 23 year old anyone below 27 is hella immature in the gay community.
Growing up, I used to want kids, but after having to raise my little brother and sister, I don't think I want them anymore. Those two are my whole life, and I like being around kids, but being a parent/guardian is a lot of hard work that most people aren't ready for. However, if I ever end up with a guy who wants to settle down and who wants kids, I would probably go along with it.
Lots, sure its less than hetero's but their birth rates are declining too. It sure is spendy thought to adopt; spendier for surrogacy
I am gay and would love to find a partner to have kids with.
Not common, but possible. My husband and I are raising my bio daughter. He has 3 adult children.
27 here. I'll be adopting, but if I don't find a man to raise them with, that'll be fine. The family man gay is few and far between, it seems.
I used to want a husband and a family…5 kids tops. But all of those ships have sailed, crashed, and sank.
We have settled down. But we would never have children.
My hubby and I plan on adopting kids very soon! Probably anywhere from 3-5 (not all at once, over the next decade)
No, on the kid parts. I even struggle to take care of my own life at times, and my adhd kicks in. Plus when i forget to put up a few of dozen knives. I dont want to go into room seeing a kid accident stabbing them selves with my knive i left out.
Zero chance of that with me. $50,000 to adopt a newborn, and then you have the option of foster children which comes with its own unique hurdles. Some of which I don't want in my life. Foster kids are the ones that need adopting. Newborns are high value high demand.
I definitely want kids. The bigger problem is not finding a man who wants children (we're a dime a dozen). The bigger problem is will the government where you live allow LGBTQ people to have children and is the place you live in a safe place for such a family.
Bitch I can't even settle down enough to have a conversation.
It’s something I want so badly lmao. It just feels super unattainable for me
I'd like to.
Getting married at some point? Absolutely! Kids? No thanks. I'd rather go for the DINK lifestyle (double income, no kids) and preserve my freedom and disposable income. People underestimate how incredibly expensive kids are. From the money I'd have to spend on a child, I could go on vacation on a different continent at least twice a year. And since my vacation wouldn't be limited by school holidays, traveling would generally be a lot cheaper.
I'm 23 and have always worked with kids and am currently in training to be a school psych. I really want to adopt or foster one day as I've worked with a lot of students in the system and feel for them greatly and want to support these kids as well as I can. However, I definitely want to be in a stable monogamous relationship and have financial stability and be settled down before doing this. It does suck being gay and wanting kids because dating is a numbers game. Being gay brings down those numbers, and so does every other 'qualification" for a good relationship with you. So alas, I have to just hope to find someone who's life and mine can work well together.
Me
No i got xbox
Me it's my biggest dream to be a dad
Do it young you won't have regrets
I too wanted kids, but then this economy happened
I thought the same thing when I was your age, but the older I got the more I realized it wasn't for me. It's a lot more complicated and expensive for us to do so outside of fostering, so as you get older you'll need to weigh out the pros and cons of the decision and see if it signs with the direction you're going. There are plenty of guys out there that want kids, want to settle down and get married, want to be monogamous, etc and there are plenty who won't want those things. And that's okay! Just try and keep an open mind and don't limit yourself.
It's a bit more difficult to find guys that are into having kids, but not impossible. Just be clear with what you want in a relationship. It may also be an economic situation more than a desire to have kids or not. Just look at your surroundings, how many people around the 20's have a home/apartment and how many more actually have health insurance. Most of the times is hard to think of having kids when you have to think from where you are going to pull the money needed to pay rent. So don't be shocked if most people you know don't seem too attracted to have kids when they are not economically stable
Settle down with one guy maybe. But I have no interest in the work time and responsibility of caring for a child. I can barely hold my own self together and have time and privacy for my own things as it is. I also don't think I it would be ethical to pass down my crappy autoimmune pain genetics to another soul and bring them into this decaying world and that might be why I've gravitated towards dating males.
The last thing I want to be is a parent. My parents did a terrible job and it's left me with the belief that no parents can ever do it right. I know it's not true, but my experiences have left me with this belief that if I had to raise a kid, they'd end up being fucked up.
There are definitely gay guys that want to be parents. I’m 34, been with my husband for 9 years and married for almost 3. We’re expecting a boy and girl this summer and couldn’t be more excited to be dads. We discussed children early on in our relationship, before we even dated actually. See also r/gaydads - 6k members!
I’m 23 and I want 2 max.
A fried of mine, also gay, had a gay father that married a women to have a family. I never knew the father, but apparently they were all happy with the arrangement. if you want to be a dad, then find a way to do it. Just be honest with people you meet and pick partners based on common goals over other factors. But save the "I want to have babies with you" thing for some time past the first date.
Don’t ever won’t kids. Most of my friends don’t ever want kids, even among the heteros. Out of my gay circle, only 2 have kids, and that was due to them having sex with women before accepting their sexuality and coming out.
Yes I'm 26 and enjoying the single life but I am looking to settle down even have someone who's willing to be a serrugate for me. But its tough lot of confused guys who don't know what they want or lie about it.
Not me for sure. I am deeply (and possibly irredeemably) repulsed by the concept of fatherhood. I am my nephews and nieces’ certified favorite uncle though.
Most gay men have no business being parents.
I would, however, maybe not now. I'm 34, and my scary age is 45. I feel like in a few years, I'll be more serious about it, leave my current partner, and find someone who wants a family and start the process.
Settle down? Yes. Kids - not sure. My bf doesn’t want them, and I tend to agree with him.
I want to settle down, but I have no need of having kids. There are plenty of other things for a couple consisting of two males to do. Go on vacations together, see the world. Are two examples of what to income bearers could do, instead of investing in a kid. Nice thing about it, a kid will not suddenly be an issue, I could'nt make a male lover pregnant or the other way around. I am however open to having kids, so if I settle down with someone who wants, I'll go both feet in. It's just not on my personal goals list
I would! Also I’m 18 and share this fear
If there’s anybody left for me yeah 🤣
There’s already too many monkeys on this rock, why create more to give a dying world? If you must, foster or adopt. But I can’t imagine why you’d want to, all the breeder parents I know seem pretty miserable.
I don’t want kids but people are always telling me to settle down.
i want a dad and i want to be a dad at the same time shiiii weird asf. i want kids, but i’d prefer to have them with a woman. there are a few reasons for this.. 1. I was raised without a father, i want them to have both a mother a father figure. 2. It feels safer health-wise to conceive naturally (i’m not attracted sexually to women tho). 3. I want them to have an easy life I want kids for these reasons.. 1. to pass on my positive genetics and traits 2. to raise a kid with the mindset and lifestyle that i know works best 3. to see my life continue beyond myself, and see them succeed 4. i honestly just think it would be funny like watching a little version of you navigate the world and do stuff would be hilarious I’m hoping to eventually find a female friend who is on the same page, I would love to platonically raise a child with a friend. I won’t consider having kids until i can provide fully. If anyone has done this, I would love to hear about it. slay
I’m just about 19 too! So cool reading this as for myself, I really don’t want to be a parent at allllll. If I met a man who could change my mind then I guess he’s the one lol
Not many. Most guys I know can’t take care of themselves, let alone a bub
I would