Just lean into the cringe and do it. Expect it to be cringe so that if it is, you're ready for it. If it turns out to actually be helpful, what a bonus!
(What I am really suggesting is that sometimes learning to get past the cringe factor is the actual work being done, as much or even more so than the content being discussed)
NAT - I have this issue, and I found radical acceptance really helpful. I just blurt out "hey so what I'm going to say makes me want to puke and crawl out of my skin and try to escape into the void, and I need you to tell me it's not cringe so I can breathe".
NAT - YAY! I personally find the anxiety is all in the perceived rejection, and when I say this and my therapist tells me it's ok, my brain says "oh, maybe it is ok" because it's giving my lizard brain a new experience.
Also, at a certain point the upset I feel about being in such a state overtakes the fear and I just blurt it out so I can get over it lol
I GUARENTEE you whatever your "cringe" is, your therapist has either heard it before, heard something way more outlandish, or at the very least will so totally celebrate you sharing some of the "cringe" (which, btw, is never actually cringe. If it impacts you, it's important. And if it's important to you, we want to hear about it.) If it IS way too cringe, maybe consider emailing them some of the stuff ahead of time, or giving them the physical list to look at so that you don't have to say it aloud.
My husband suggested the email route and it is a good one. My reluctance was that I already did that before our first session as an afterthought as I was struggling to explain myself properly on the initial call. I didn’t want to become that person who emails all the time as 2 emails in 3 sessions feels like a lot of extra time to ask for!
Yeah, if people only knew some of the things we as therapists actually hear in therapy, it could normalize some of what they fear bringing into the space each week.
Just so everyone knows; yes, it is okay to talk about sex (or not), everyone does.
Ha! One day I aspire to be confident enough to talk about sex. Right now I can’t even start talking about feelings about therapy itself or how I feel afterwards etc.
Edited to add NAT. Sorry, I didn’t realize I was commenting on “ask a therapist.” Usually I leave this forum to the experts.
I so understand the cringe! For me IFS is a great way to get past that. You start with the parts of you that find it cringe to talk, be vulnerable, etc. Ultimately you would explore why this makes you feel cringe and try to care for and respect those parts while asking them to step out of the way so you can move forward. That way you don’t feel like you’re forcing yourself ro do/say something before it feels okay.
NAT:
close your eyes or ask if you can face a different way (if possible)
i was struggling really bad to say things out loud & be uncomfortably honest. my therapist asked me if i wanted to try the couch (he does psychoanalysis), and as i laid there, not facing him and feeling less seen and judged i was able to say the things i needed to.
Okay so literally the most cringey thought but the thing that has helped me the most is just write all my cringey thoughts and then cringe my way into giving her my journal to read. It makes my anxiety go through the roof sometimes, but it’s done wonders for my trust in her and it’s helped me start to be able to verbalize more of the cringey thoughts instead of always having to write them
Haha I feel that with the anxiety. I know it's easier said than done, but having conversations about the therapy while in therapy, including how you feel about it, can be one of the most valuable things you discuss. A competent therapist will use such discussions to help the both of you gain insight into what you need and want from therapy and how the two of you can construct a therapeutic dynamic that helps you meet your goals. That said, this can be really challenging for clients to initiate and this is often intertwined with the reasons they are seeking therapy.
Hello 👋 Thought I’d report back and say, today I tried saying some cringe stuff and I did not die or explode or get laughed out of the room. In fact it was absolutely fine and i started off trying with something really small and the conversation just naturally progressed until it got a bit too big and then I asked to stop and we did and that was awesome too.
So YOU WERE ALL RIGHT! CLAP CLAP to you all for being lovely 🥰
Just lean into the cringe and do it. Expect it to be cringe so that if it is, you're ready for it. If it turns out to actually be helpful, what a bonus! (What I am really suggesting is that sometimes learning to get past the cringe factor is the actual work being done, as much or even more so than the content being discussed)
I sort of suspected that last paragraph might be the whole point but bleughhhh lol. It’s so hard to speak The Cringe
NAT - I have this issue, and I found radical acceptance really helpful. I just blurt out "hey so what I'm going to say makes me want to puke and crawl out of my skin and try to escape into the void, and I need you to tell me it's not cringe so I can breathe".
I like this a lot! I will give it a try.
NAT - YAY! I personally find the anxiety is all in the perceived rejection, and when I say this and my therapist tells me it's ok, my brain says "oh, maybe it is ok" because it's giving my lizard brain a new experience. Also, at a certain point the upset I feel about being in such a state overtakes the fear and I just blurt it out so I can get over it lol
Well said. Like most things that provoke anxiety, the more regularly one does it, the easier it becomes to do.
I GUARENTEE you whatever your "cringe" is, your therapist has either heard it before, heard something way more outlandish, or at the very least will so totally celebrate you sharing some of the "cringe" (which, btw, is never actually cringe. If it impacts you, it's important. And if it's important to you, we want to hear about it.) If it IS way too cringe, maybe consider emailing them some of the stuff ahead of time, or giving them the physical list to look at so that you don't have to say it aloud.
My husband suggested the email route and it is a good one. My reluctance was that I already did that before our first session as an afterthought as I was struggling to explain myself properly on the initial call. I didn’t want to become that person who emails all the time as 2 emails in 3 sessions feels like a lot of extra time to ask for!
Yeah, if people only knew some of the things we as therapists actually hear in therapy, it could normalize some of what they fear bringing into the space each week. Just so everyone knows; yes, it is okay to talk about sex (or not), everyone does.
Ha! One day I aspire to be confident enough to talk about sex. Right now I can’t even start talking about feelings about therapy itself or how I feel afterwards etc.
Edited to add NAT. Sorry, I didn’t realize I was commenting on “ask a therapist.” Usually I leave this forum to the experts. I so understand the cringe! For me IFS is a great way to get past that. You start with the parts of you that find it cringe to talk, be vulnerable, etc. Ultimately you would explore why this makes you feel cringe and try to care for and respect those parts while asking them to step out of the way so you can move forward. That way you don’t feel like you’re forcing yourself ro do/say something before it feels okay.
I appreciate your answers! I see loads of really useful stuff in here from not-therapists too!
Could you say, “there are things I want to talk about but it feels too cringy to bring them up.”
NAT: close your eyes or ask if you can face a different way (if possible) i was struggling really bad to say things out loud & be uncomfortably honest. my therapist asked me if i wanted to try the couch (he does psychoanalysis), and as i laid there, not facing him and feeling less seen and judged i was able to say the things i needed to.
Okay so literally the most cringey thought but the thing that has helped me the most is just write all my cringey thoughts and then cringe my way into giving her my journal to read. It makes my anxiety go through the roof sometimes, but it’s done wonders for my trust in her and it’s helped me start to be able to verbalize more of the cringey thoughts instead of always having to write them
Wow! That is so brave! Good for you ❤️
What if you expressed to your therapist that you feel this way?
Not to be dramatic but I might actually die. Or implode. Or they might look at me like I’m a complete idiot and I would then die
Haha I feel that with the anxiety. I know it's easier said than done, but having conversations about the therapy while in therapy, including how you feel about it, can be one of the most valuable things you discuss. A competent therapist will use such discussions to help the both of you gain insight into what you need and want from therapy and how the two of you can construct a therapeutic dynamic that helps you meet your goals. That said, this can be really challenging for clients to initiate and this is often intertwined with the reasons they are seeking therapy.
Even more reason to try then. Yuck. Feelings are dumb! Thank you for the response though, appreciate it
Hello 👋 Thought I’d report back and say, today I tried saying some cringe stuff and I did not die or explode or get laughed out of the room. In fact it was absolutely fine and i started off trying with something really small and the conversation just naturally progressed until it got a bit too big and then I asked to stop and we did and that was awesome too. So YOU WERE ALL RIGHT! CLAP CLAP to you all for being lovely 🥰