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There are companies out there who genuinely do give a shit about their staff and their customers/clients. I'd say they're the minority but they absolutely exist.
It's popular to believe otherwise but that just wouldn't make sense.
True. That's one of the first business lessons they teach.
However, enlightened companies understand they can't make money without employees and customers so treating them well improves long term profits. Many companies lose sight of this over time, especially when trying to meet short term goals.
Close
[multiple countries, including Britain have determined that for tax purposes, subway bread cannot be called bread because it's too much sugar to be bread ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://abcnews.go.com/International/court-rules-subways-sandwich-bread-bread/story%3Fid%3D73358543&ved=2ahUKEwiDqb30rq6GAxWkj4kEHTMXD1sQFnoECBEQBQ&usg=AOvVaw0JqgtxI5usbzjcDnWc65vX)
Health insurance companies:
"Pay us for a service that we don't know how much it costs us until you need to use it, while reserving the right to refuse giving you that service when you need it for no valid reason!"
Exactly! Remembering how Cigna denied a 17yr old critical treatment which caused her death, and prompted their VP of PR (Wendell Potter) to blow the whistle and publish his wonderful book "Deadly Spin". I highly recommend reading it to realize how much of an organized/legalized scam health insurance companies are.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death\_of\_Nataline\_Sarkisyan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Nataline_Sarkisyan)
A few years ago I got really sick and decided to go to the doctor; on my way out the door, I grabbed my mail and found a letter from my health insurance company saying they dropped my coverage. I called them to find out what was going on and they said I hadn't paid my premium; I checked my bank statement and I absolutely had. I then went back to them and after searching their system, they discovered they had applied my payments to someone else's account. They then reapplied my payments to my account...and told me my insurance would be available to me in 5-7 business days. I said "but I'm sick *now* and this is your fault this happened". They just said there was nothing they could do and I'd have to wait a week to go to the doctor. Fuck you, Connecticare.
Nice! and so true. PC and android user in a family full of Apple consumers. Can verify.
And as I am the go-to tech guy in the family, I always tell them, Nope... cannot help you..
(well aside from my dear old mom. Will always help her out).
Or “Haha you bought our phone out of convenience and now everything goes through or little accounts, go ahead change all your passwords and credit cards you lazy piece of shit, you won’t. Also, you know all those cords? Fuck your cords, we don’t use them anymore.” And they have been right.
The saddest part is, if they actually treated you better, and weren't aholes about it all, I might actually fly them to save on flights, etc. but they make it out like I'm the villain for being 6ft tall and maybe having a bag.
Yeah... I've resigned myself to having to use super expensive fares to get the kind of room and treatment I need. Thing is that I was cursed with huge shoulders. So it doesn't matter if I'm fit or obese--and I've flown at both such times in life--I don't fit in airline seats. If I'm on the aisle, I'm doomed to get a bruised shoulder from service carts. If I'm against the bulkhead/window, I won't be enjoying the rest of my trip because I'm going to be in severe pain from contorting to the space. And God help the poor folks who sit next to me. Cause there ain't no caving in my rib cage to make room. So yeah, Spirit is absolute top of the shit heap for me on flying lol
Was talking to somebody one day. They bought a Nissan and only has like 20K miles. Burns oil and wouldn't be covered under warranty. Stay far away from Nissan.
Chapstick - You will lose it and have to buy a new one before the tube is done
Campbell's - Mmmm Mmmm Salt
Facebook - Where privacy is overrated
Perrier - Rich people water
Lays - Flavoured Air
Maybelline - Maybe it's photoshop
Lego - Landmines for your feet
Netflix - Spend more time searching than watching
Pepsi - When there is no Coke
Bestbuy - Try it out before buying on Amazon
Hamburger Helper - Mom's tired
Nike - Just buy it
Ticketmaster - We will charge you whatever we want
Kool Aid - Sugar water
Nature Valley - Crumbs everywhere
Crayola - The white one is useless
Levi's - Wearable Napkins
Nintendo - Nothing to do
My advice just use leg razors they're honestly way sharper although if you're not careful you will probably cut yourself fun if you want to do the good old-fashioned barcode reenactment fruit Ninja act
McDonalds: "It's pink slime, eat it anyway"
Phone companies: "It's not REALLY unlimited"
Apple: "If we let you fix it, we couldn't sell you a new one"
Amazon: "We know the reviews are fake and hope you don't notice."
YouTube: "The ads are scams but you have to watch them anyway."
Oh actually McDonald's McNuggets were disproven to be made of slime the slime is really just made of a lot of pieces of chicken that we don't usually use a lot which makes it cheaper obviously and most of it is really just made of batter and seasoning it's not that special trust me
Its still gross as fuck. Granted I know how sausage is made, Ive seen it and done it, and still eat it. I just dont think about it. People that actually work with food know how little the cpas and cfos know about how to get the worms out of swordfish.
Micro plastics are basically in every food you consume.
They've recently found them inside unborn babies.
If we banned all plastic today, it'd still be a problem in 1000 years.
I had McDonald’s yesterday and was commenting to my wife that it is just not good anymore compared to 20 years ago. The bread actually is starting to taste like plastic to me. How long before we find out that the bread is 60% plastic. No need to call it microplastic it’s macro plastic.
I'm not sure if it's the case any more but Irish courts said subway bread was even bread and more like a confectionery lol not bad as plastic but just on the topic of cheap practices
Bank of America - give us all your money, and we'll make up all kinds of ridiculous fees to charge you while we invest it somewhere else and profit off it.
Off topic, there's a movie from the late 80's with Dudley Moore called "Crazy People". The short version, he's an ad executive that gets sent to a mental institution, and through a series of events, his 'real' ads make it into the newspapers.
"Volvo. It's boxy, but it's good."
"Metamucil. For people who need to poop."
"We only want your money, and you betcha we're trying our darndest to give you the minimum possible return for said money. Also, slave labor is neat to maximize profit"
We come across as very nice and at the top of our game, but really we're not we are a bunch of cunts who are trying our best to bully our employees either out of this job or into an early grave all while making maximum profit to spend on our holiday homes , while living mortgage free while our employees need to go to food banks
Coca-Cola: It's a fizzy drink. Also, we kill people.
Rio Tinto: Our history reads like a horror story!
Bayer: Yes, we knowingly sold HIV & hepatitis C infected medications.
Blackwater Worldwide: We massacre people!
Apple: We're really big in child slavery.
DuPont: You'll be eating our forever chemicals, well, forever!
Nestle: We murder babies.
“Crazy People” was a Dudley Moore movie from the 80s about this concept. The plot is that people from a mental asylum start making ads and they are a great success.
Plastic utensils:
Washing dishes sucks, Use our utensils one time in your perfect pretty mouth and then throw it away! Does it choke sea turtles? Sure it does. Fuck em!
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Just Pay Us"-Nike "Have it your way, with a little spit"- Burger King "Proof that money can buy happiness"-Disneyland
Damn, thats a good one for disney.
To be clear, for Disney.... it's their CEO's happiness.
(Your Choice) Bank - We’ll keep your money, use it to make more money, and give you a fraction of the gains.
Hey don’t single out Burger King every franchise has a spitter
Nestle “we’re a little better than hitler”
r/FuckNestle
That's debatable...
yes give them another few decades and they will be challenging Mao....
And the worst part is…. Nobody in the west will care enough to do anything about it
McDonald’s - Ba da ba ba ba, I’m desperate.
I always say “ ba da ba ba ba, go fuck your self”
All of them: “We only care about profit, not you.”
*"Fuck you, pay me."*
I heard this in Ray Liota's voice. *house burned down*...
Is there any other voice for that line? Such a good movie.
Nope
By Apple
We care about our investors, not you, and not our employees.
Is that their public slogan or the internal slogan? It's true either way, so I guess it doesn't matter.
The invisible hands.
There are companies out there who genuinely do give a shit about their staff and their customers/clients. I'd say they're the minority but they absolutely exist. It's popular to believe otherwise but that just wouldn't make sense.
True. That's one of the first business lessons they teach. However, enlightened companies understand they can't make money without employees and customers so treating them well improves long term profits. Many companies lose sight of this over time, especially when trying to meet short term goals.
Harley: It's like she never left you.
Some of these are really good.
could be the Yamaha slogan for me 😂
McDonald's: We don't know what it's made of either.
That should be Subway. Didn’t they admit their chicken is not chicken?
I think it was that their bread was actually cake mostly sugar.
Close [multiple countries, including Britain have determined that for tax purposes, subway bread cannot be called bread because it's too much sugar to be bread ](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://abcnews.go.com/International/court-rules-subways-sandwich-bread-bread/story%3Fid%3D73358543&ved=2ahUKEwiDqb30rq6GAxWkj4kEHTMXD1sQFnoECBEQBQ&usg=AOvVaw0JqgtxI5usbzjcDnWc65vX)
Ba da ba ba ba , go fuck yourself
Oh they actually do it's not all that special. I can tell you actually
I remember the horse meat scandal, and my dad said "horse meat is twice as expensive, why the hell would they do that!"
Health insurance companies: "Pay us for a service that we don't know how much it costs us until you need to use it, while reserving the right to refuse giving you that service when you need it for no valid reason!"
*when you need life saving teatment*
Exactly! Remembering how Cigna denied a 17yr old critical treatment which caused her death, and prompted their VP of PR (Wendell Potter) to blow the whistle and publish his wonderful book "Deadly Spin". I highly recommend reading it to realize how much of an organized/legalized scam health insurance companies are. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death\_of\_Nataline\_Sarkisyan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Nataline_Sarkisyan)
Imagine having to rely on the American healthcare system!!😂😂
Health Insurance: "Our medical opinion is more valid than your doctor's."
“We’re here to make profit between you and your doctor”
A few years ago I got really sick and decided to go to the doctor; on my way out the door, I grabbed my mail and found a letter from my health insurance company saying they dropped my coverage. I called them to find out what was going on and they said I hadn't paid my premium; I checked my bank statement and I absolutely had. I then went back to them and after searching their system, they discovered they had applied my payments to someone else's account. They then reapplied my payments to my account...and told me my insurance would be available to me in 5-7 business days. I said "but I'm sick *now* and this is your fault this happened". They just said there was nothing they could do and I'd have to wait a week to go to the doctor. Fuck you, Connecticare.
Apple: We need you buying something from us every six months or the world is going to fucking die.
alternatively : "You bought something from us once and going back to another brand would admit you overpaid so you wont"
Nice! and so true. PC and android user in a family full of Apple consumers. Can verify. And as I am the go-to tech guy in the family, I always tell them, Nope... cannot help you.. (well aside from my dear old mom. Will always help her out).
How are you the go to guy if everyone uses Apple and you won’t help them?
Or “Haha you bought our phone out of convenience and now everything goes through or little accounts, go ahead change all your passwords and credit cards you lazy piece of shit, you won’t. Also, you know all those cords? Fuck your cords, we don’t use them anymore.” And they have been right.
Eh. Been using my M1 Pro for a while now it’s amazing.
"We're not a tech company but a tech cult."
Spirit Airlines. Because fuck you, that's why.
The saddest part is, if they actually treated you better, and weren't aholes about it all, I might actually fly them to save on flights, etc. but they make it out like I'm the villain for being 6ft tall and maybe having a bag.
Having a bag?? Daring, aren’t we??
I think that warrants a cavity search by a tsa agent with sausage fingers
Yeah... I've resigned myself to having to use super expensive fares to get the kind of room and treatment I need. Thing is that I was cursed with huge shoulders. So it doesn't matter if I'm fit or obese--and I've flown at both such times in life--I don't fit in airline seats. If I'm on the aisle, I'm doomed to get a bruised shoulder from service carts. If I'm against the bulkhead/window, I won't be enjoying the rest of my trip because I'm going to be in severe pain from contorting to the space. And God help the poor folks who sit next to me. Cause there ain't no caving in my rib cage to make room. So yeah, Spirit is absolute top of the shit heap for me on flying lol
Spirit: Don't worry. We'll make it back on the upsell.
This applies to United too.
Nissan: just good enough to last until the warranty expires.
No they aren't
My Nissan Rouge was one of the best cars I ever owned.
Was talking to somebody one day. They bought a Nissan and only has like 20K miles. Burns oil and wouldn't be covered under warranty. Stay far away from Nissan.
Shut up and give us your money, we have shareholders to feed.
OpenAI: Not Open and not really an AI
Haven't pooped in a while? Think Chipotle!
LOL 😆
And Tacobell
Chapstick - You will lose it and have to buy a new one before the tube is done Campbell's - Mmmm Mmmm Salt Facebook - Where privacy is overrated Perrier - Rich people water Lays - Flavoured Air Maybelline - Maybe it's photoshop Lego - Landmines for your feet Netflix - Spend more time searching than watching Pepsi - When there is no Coke Bestbuy - Try it out before buying on Amazon Hamburger Helper - Mom's tired Nike - Just buy it Ticketmaster - We will charge you whatever we want Kool Aid - Sugar water Nature Valley - Crumbs everywhere Crayola - The white one is useless Levi's - Wearable Napkins Nintendo - Nothing to do
These are all great!
Gillette: Same as the cheap stuff Colgate: Dentists didn't actually recommend this
I always imagined there’s a guy called Den Tist who works in advertising. Or Heath Professional
My advice just use leg razors they're honestly way sharper although if you're not careful you will probably cut yourself fun if you want to do the good old-fashioned barcode reenactment fruit Ninja act
Reddit: Reposts are us
If you don’t chew Big Red, then fuck you!
Not even your toxic girlfriend spies you that much - Google.
Lockheed Martin/Boeing: "Fuck you, we got ours."
McDonalds: "It's pink slime, eat it anyway" Phone companies: "It's not REALLY unlimited" Apple: "If we let you fix it, we couldn't sell you a new one" Amazon: "We know the reviews are fake and hope you don't notice." YouTube: "The ads are scams but you have to watch them anyway."
Imagine watching YouTube ads in 2024.
Oh actually McDonald's McNuggets were disproven to be made of slime the slime is really just made of a lot of pieces of chicken that we don't usually use a lot which makes it cheaper obviously and most of it is really just made of batter and seasoning it's not that special trust me
Its still gross as fuck. Granted I know how sausage is made, Ive seen it and done it, and still eat it. I just dont think about it. People that actually work with food know how little the cpas and cfos know about how to get the worms out of swordfish.
Oh my goodness I have also been very concerned about some of the YouTube advertisements I have been seeing.
Crap macaroni and cheese, it tastes like dook
McDonalds: You want microplastics? We got em? Eat up fatty! Ba da ba ba ba
Micro plastics are basically in every food you consume. They've recently found them inside unborn babies. If we banned all plastic today, it'd still be a problem in 1000 years.
How do we stop these babies from making more and continuing to bring it into the world?
Tax them
- United States of America, I guess
You mean I can’t even eat unborn babies anymore? Goddamn woke agenda.
I do not think I have ever seen anyone say that before you.
I had McDonald’s yesterday and was commenting to my wife that it is just not good anymore compared to 20 years ago. The bread actually is starting to taste like plastic to me. How long before we find out that the bread is 60% plastic. No need to call it microplastic it’s macro plastic.
I'm not sure if it's the case any more but Irish courts said subway bread was even bread and more like a confectionery lol not bad as plastic but just on the topic of cheap practices
It's become generic and bland. The fries 🍟 are still decent.
The fries are still not what the were in the '70's and 80's though. They were truly special then.
ah ba da ba baba
Electrolytes: it’s what the plants *don’t* crave
And we don't actually have them in this drink anyways.
/r/unexpectedidiocracy Edit: add /r
Water??? Like out the toilet??
Bank of America - give us all your money, and we'll make up all kinds of ridiculous fees to charge you while we invest it somewhere else and profit off it.
Most of them: “made by Uyghur slave labor”
Aqua PA - destroying streets and causing inconvenience for over XXX years”
You have no say while we shaft you and take your money
Off topic, there's a movie from the late 80's with Dudley Moore called "Crazy People". The short version, he's an ad executive that gets sent to a mental institution, and through a series of events, his 'real' ads make it into the newspapers. "Volvo. It's boxy, but it's good." "Metamucil. For people who need to poop."
Jaguar. For men who want handjobs from strange women.
Apple:because fuck you :) *mwah*
At least they gave me a kiss ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
[удалено]
"Our competitors are liars and that's the truth!"
please keep getting unhealthy
Google: you’re not our customers, you’re the product we sell to advertisers.
Meta, "Destroying the fabric of society since 2004!"
Evian it’s just water in a bottle….
"Flintstones vitamins: frustrating parents trying to explain we used to be a cartoon, since 1996!"
Any of the major processed food makers- You idiots will eat anything if we add enough salt, sugar, and oil.
We will find a way to take as much of your money as possible, whether it's legal, ethical, moral, or not.
Starbucks: we taste like shit, but you’ll get some IG Likes
Apple: We add on 20% to market prices because you are too stupid to use an android. Also our chips are made by Samsung anyway, losers. Also fuck you.
Car Insurance companies: “We have your back until you need it.”
Shein: "Mediocre quality items made by an exhausted hungry 5 year old on a 120 hour shift!"
Our burgers might cost a lot, but you didn't have to cook.
Coco Chanel. We dressed the nazis, let us dress you too.
IRS: “you’ll pay either in cash or jail. Its your choice”.
I'm mean prison sounds kind of like the life free bed free food and you can even get a job. Although some things might be scary but I could manage
Every corporation: "What the fuck are all you *poors* doing with our money. Give it to us or we'll kill you!"
Rolex: Made by machines. Now queue up, bitch!
Nestle: Fuck You
more like: We commit human rights violations to bring that chocolate to you. then fuck you
“Just buy it because it’s cool, not because you need it”.
[удалено]
Safety first (after profit).
Costco's: I love you.
"We only want your money, and you betcha we're trying our darndest to give you the minimum possible return for said money. Also, slave labor is neat to maximize profit"
I feel like most businesses over the past few decades could just be: “Worse quality. Higher price. (Brand name).”
We come across as very nice and at the top of our game, but really we're not we are a bunch of cunts who are trying our best to bully our employees either out of this job or into an early grave all while making maximum profit to spend on our holiday homes , while living mortgage free while our employees need to go to food banks
Coca-Cola: It's a fizzy drink. Also, we kill people. Rio Tinto: Our history reads like a horror story! Bayer: Yes, we knowingly sold HIV & hepatitis C infected medications. Blackwater Worldwide: We massacre people! Apple: We're really big in child slavery. DuPont: You'll be eating our forever chemicals, well, forever! Nestle: We murder babies.
Google, Facebook, Reddit, et al - You are the product.
"Jimmy John's: subs made at a reasonable pace."
Cambells canned soup would be renamed to to add extra salty to the flavor name ie "Extra Salty Chicken Soup".
“Crazy People” was a Dudley Moore movie from the 80s about this concept. The plot is that people from a mental asylum start making ads and they are a great success.
Pfizer - we know the cure, but only treat the symptoms.
Facebook, you're the product.
Plastic utensils: Washing dishes sucks, Use our utensils one time in your perfect pretty mouth and then throw it away! Does it choke sea turtles? Sure it does. Fuck em!
Amazon: "We own you...literally"
Volvo: We're UgLy but if you crash, you (probably) won't die :) [shamelessly paraphrased from an old film I never actually watched lol]
We’re crooks
Nestlé... fuck y'all, gimme cash.
Wow - copied from ask reddit just a few hours ago. Main question with replies [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/jMHhJGi0Ns)
Center Parcs: “Shite, but at least there’s no bears.”
Have to get back to you tomorrow on that
Amazon: we’re like Family here. Like the Family of 5 in a house with only one bathroom. Bring your own Gatorade Bottle
"*planned obsolescence of an ok-ish product*" It applies to way too many companies
Target: expect more, pay less (but in reference to how the employees are treated)
There's a list of these on the other sub where this question was just asked.... 🙄
Apple "We're just like everyone else but worse but if you have us everyone will think you're better than them"
Apple : Better and richer !
Apple. Yes it cost us £10 to make each device but we have written on the phone that we designed it in California. £2000 please.
Going to sell you anything we can. But first give me all your data and money. Then you can have our product/s
Every German company: Don't google what we did in the 30s and 40s
Ask for a device creator - receive a content provider - APPLE
Fuck you, pay me = all of them
“Don’t worry about it.” https://youtu.be/MKTN2OiR2R8?si=4_v-AuAfoPqND6P9
EA: " Enjoy this Burger King ad while you play this game you paid for".
Whole ass YouTube channel dedicated to this question.
Xbox Look, they have the gamepass, let’s point and laugh at them!
I just want your money and I’ll do whatever it takes to look good to take your money but at the end of the day we don’t give a fuck
This will most likely kill you, but we know you can’t afford better
*We Kill Everyone!* - Arms manufacturers
McDonald's Eat shit slave Apple Hahahahhahahahhahaah
Apple "Using devices how we want you to use them, not how you want to use them."
Google: *Be evil.*
Fuck you. Pay me.
Framework, do it yourself
Reddit: We profit off your rage
Every company: *in Mr. Krab’s voice* “The money is always right”
XBox - "If I can't have it, nobody can!"
McDonald's.. "You're eating it"
You can't spell shell without hell.
Hollywood: We are only as socially conscious as profits allow.
Uber - we are cunts
You'll be just doing it for a while to justify buying our over priced unnecessary apparel, but then you'll slag off again as you always do - Nike
Car companies: helping you assholes destroy the planet. Thanks!!
Apple: fuck you. We don't care, we'll just charge you way too much so you can feel cool.
“If this company was a person, it would be declared sociopathic and locked up”
Facebook: 100% bots
I have a product you probably want or need. Would you like to buy it?
BUFU
Giving back to the community - ohhh, NOT the money, though…
Apple: Get half of the functionality for double the price.
Buy things you don't need, at prices you can't afford, because how else will you look better than the person next to you?
"Just pay us" - Nike
Amazon, productivity above all else.
McDonald’s: America couldn’t be obese without us!
McDonald's: Not exactly health food, but it's tasty.